Within My Grasp
He could feel her presence on the other side of the door. The light of her soul was bloody radiating even through the haze of miasma that was prevalent throughout this Emperor forsaken mansion. He looked frantically and found a patch of innocuous looking moss. His hand went to touch it and for a very brief moment felt an overwhelming sense of emotions coming from the other side of it.
Ridcully could also feel the dangers emitting from the bloody door itself. He knew if he touched even a single centimeter of that profane and filthy surface, he might very lose his hand, arm, and probably his entire body. He didn't care though. He thought of nothing but getting to the other side and taking that radiance out of this
disgusting miasma soaked hellhole. The thought of leaving it behind was just as revolting as it was being inside this bloated parody of a home.
With practically no hesitation, he grabbed the door and channeled all his power, all his being, and all his will into destroying this blighted obstacle. He felt his fingers start to burn, then his arm start to melt, and the bones itself turn to fire. The pain blinded even his preternatural second sight and he felt true misery as he tried in vain to reach what was on the other side, to
save it.
So close and yet so very far. But still he pressed on…he couldn't fail at such a critical moment, he'd rather
die than suffer the consequences of letting such a pure light be kept in this nightmare of a realm.
And as the plague obliterated his very being, he felt only defiance as he once again pressed against the door.
Again and again and again until there would be nothing left of him.
In the end, he failed all the same.
---
Back in the Black Library, inside its Healing Sanctuary to be exact, Ridcully slept and then began to slightly convulse. The Blind Seer was placed inside a bed made of a unique wraithbone, designed to monitor his lifesigns and his spiritual health. He had been placed in it after several violent episodes nearly left in a debilitated state, such as what was occurring in this moment.
However the Eldar were closely monitoring Ridcully and the Healing Sanctuary allowed for their best healers to aid in his recovery. As such, a trio of Spirit Healers, resting in meditation nearby the Blind Seers bed, instantly stirred and stood up. Their vigil had been interrupted as they felt the spirit of Munstrum Ridcully begin to
rot and he began to be in pain.
The three of them began to channel the warp in their own way, each aiding a process that required the skill of a biomancer, telepath, and one of the very rare animancers. These three were able to heal the body, spirit, and soul from the corruption of the Lord of Rot.
However the process to stop such a thing would take a toll on Ridcully. As the sensation soon brought him into a violent awakening. He began to thrash and scream as the still present corruption in his soul once again tried to burn away his very being. The three Spirit Healers began to work in tandem with one another and soon enough a cascade of warp energies swarmed around the Blind Seer body, calming and healing him.
The convulsions soon stopped and Ridcully, who was now aware of what was happening controlled his breathing and tried to relax. This had become a common occurrence over the last few weeks, which was worrying to both him and the Spirit Healers.
Something had to be done about this. When the Spirit Healers attempted to figure what might have been causing this situation, Ridcully didn't seem to really have an answer for him. He seemed to hesitate when asked into regards that maybe something might have happened when he encountered Mother Isha. Whatever was happening was something that the Blind Seer either couldn't or wouldn't tell the Spirit Healers. It only got worse as others arrived and attempted to "aggressively" inquire into what he saw, including emissaries from both Ynnead and Cegorach. Ridcully was becoming quite fed up and finally remarked that once he remembered exactly what happened, he will bloody well tell the Eldar.
However it was becoming an issue. In the end, the Superior in charge of the Healer Sanctuary decided to ask for help from a rather unlikely source.
---
It might come to a shock for many, but Eldrad Ulthran was a very busy Eldar. When he wasn't engaged in psychic duals that could very well change the fate of the galaxy…he generally had to deal with many mundane aspects. The recent reveal of the Scroll from Isha and the promise of children had caused another avalanche of paperwork for him to deal with. He could only delegate so much of it to his underlings.
Naturally when he was requested to come back to the Healing Sanctuary, it was a combination of relief and dread that motivated his decision to arrive. For one, he just needed a small distraction from the day to day. Granted the announcement of the Trust asking for a Warhost to aid in their current war was certainly going to be a long and tedious affair to get in order.
The second was the matter of the message, as it had to deal with the Blind Seer and his current state of health. It was a true and honest concern, as Eldrad did not want his favorite human to die. Especially after all that Ridcully had done for the Eldar people. So with those two motivations in mind, he arrived back at the Healing Sanctuary and met with Superior Arakeza of the Spirit Healers.
Unlike human doctors, Spirit Healers didn't wall themselves off from their patients or staff in closed offices. The Superior was waiting in what could be considered a working lounge, having the creature comforts of a high class resort mixed with a series of devices that gave her information on her patients in real time and a desk that was covered in scrolls and books related to the art of healing. No doubt related to one patient in particular.
They exchange the necessary pleasantries and what not. Arakeza asked about how the people were responding to the Scrolls information and the hope it brought with it for the Eldar. Eldrad responded before simply cutting through to the crux of the matter.
"Is there something wrong with the Blind Seer?" Eldrad asked with his usual casual and cool demeanor. Inside he was of course nervous about what he was going to hear. However the body language of Arakeza didn't seem like she was bracing herself to deliver bad news.
"He is recovering as we expected. It is still some time off, especially due to human physiology being weaker than our own. However the Blind Seer will be back to full health within the timeframe we set after the initial prognosis."
Inwardly, Eldrad felt relief. That was good to hear and also meant that he didn't have to worry about explaining to the Trust why their Seer seemed to have not been cured of Nurlge's corruption.
He nodded at the good news, "Excellent. Then I imagine we are done here?" He got up to leave but Arakeza remained seated. She grimaced and Eldrad didn't have to ask that there was something else. He sighed and sat back down. "Very well, what else is there to report?"
The Spirit Healer grabbed a small scroll and handed it to Eldrad. The Scroll wasn't made of paper, as it was made from an advance material that became psychically active when held in the hands of psykers. The "scroll" displayed a host of lights, sounds, and even images for Eldrad to read. It was another prognosis report from the trio of Spirit Healers monitoring Ridcully.
As Eldrad quickly reviewed the scrolls contents, Arakeza began to sum up what was inside, "His brainwave patterns and warp signature are going into a spiral of activity when he is asleep. All three of my Healers are reporting that this is why he is experiencing small relapses of the rot in his soul. Something internally is happening that is causing him to actually strengthen the rot."
"It's likely something that he is despairing about. No doubt related to what happened when he met Mother Isha." Eldrad grimaces at what Ridcully had seen when he encountered Isha. He had yet to truly recall what happened inside the Mansion to anyone. Eldrad was concerned that if the gods asked for details and Ridcully didn't have the answers…well Ynnead and Cegorach both had investment in knowing what happened to Isha.
"Whatever that memory is, it's causing him to suffer greatly." Arakeza looked tired and Eldrad imagined she was trying to work out some solution to this whole situation.
Eldrad was now wondering about something, "What about the blessing that the Mother left behind? Shouldn't that be helping?"
Arakeza nodded but didn't look happy all the same. "The Blind One is unconsciously suppressing it in his sleep…we don't know why or how he's doing that. We are still trying to figure out how he is getting such powerful visions from these unknown sources. However that is another issue altogether. This current trend is the most worrying and this recent episode with one of the worst."
This was certainly not what Eldrad was expecting. More than that, the Spirit Healers were also unable to find a solution. "I could attempt to get the other members of the Council to send some aid?"
Surprisingly Arakeza shook her head, "No, we don't want to cause a bigger uproar. Especially if the Gods start wanting to get involved. While I don't mean to imply that we should withhold from them information…"
"It's better to not have them start interacting with a his soul. I agree, Arakeza." Eldrad folded the scroll and placed it back on her work desk. "Now then, what do you propose we do about this situation?"
"Simple…I need you to talk to the Blind One."
Eldrad was a little confused and waited for the next step that did not arrive, "That is it? I…assumed you had more in mind."
Arakeza shook her head before speaking, "This isn't something that can be solved with medicine or warp healing. At least not without truly invasive methods. The Blind One needs to speak about what he saw, he needs to effectively open up about what happened in the Mansion."
The Grand-Seer of Ulthwé looked like he wanted to argue that suggestion, "Arakeza, I don't think he would be willingly to 'open up' about what happened in there, especially to me."
She shook her head, "The Blind One trusts you, Lord Ulthran. He doesn't trust anyone else in here but you. He told me that."
"He said that?" Eldrad could feel a sense of surprise at that particular revaluation. It was…rare for anyone to actually trust him, especially after all he had done to ensure that the Eldar would survive. He was sure there were plenty of people, in humanity and in his own kind, which would see him burn for every deed that he committed or orchestrated for that end goal.
He honestly thought Ridcully was so much smarter than that, not trusting someone like him. True, Eldrad had no intention of betraying him, Avernus, or his Imperial Trust. However it was still dangerous to trust outside forces in such dangerous times. Still, Eldrad thought it was also a kind gesture, a sign of positive change between humanity and eldarkind. On a personal level, it was also touching. Eldrad didn't think he actually deserve such a thing as trust these days.
Arakeza looked at him and nodded, "Lord Ulthran…I've been helping heal our people for a very long time and in that time I've learned that one of the best methods of healing someone, is getting them to talk to someone else about their situation. Even if it is terminal in nature there is some healing and closure in talking about it. The Blind Seer needs to talk about what he saw and you are the best person for this task."
Eldrad looked conflicted…this wasn't really something he was experienced in doing. Farseers are always so distant from their fellow craftworlders. Even among the Council, his peers sometimes stayed clear of him. For a brief moment, he couldn't recall the last time he spoke with someone on his level as not only an equal, but as a friend.
He wasn't sure if he actually considered Ridcully a friend…but the human evidently thought Eldrad as one. It would be another cruel act in such a terrible galaxy to scorn another person's attempt at bridging friendships among a pair of civilization with such a violent and turbulent history against one another.
Finally Eldrad made his decision, "Well…I suppose I can stay a bit longer and talk to him."
---
Munstrum Ridcully was not a happy camper at this point. He was stuck in bed, probably for the foreseeable future. The Spirit Healers continued to pester him from time to time, but they at least gave him privacy. That left him with nothing much else to do but read whatever he could get his hands on.
The Black Library didn't have a "relaxed" or "casual" reading section. This was the repository of massive amount of information that had either been lost to time or so dangerous in its twisted nature that it had to remain behind the closed and guarded doors of the Black Library.
That said, Ridcully was able to find a tomes of lore that weren't madness inducing. While he couldn't have access to the very revealing tomes, he found ancient Eldar poems, stories, and lores that detailed the very early history of the Eldar people. His grasp of the Eldar language had gotten quite spectacular, idly wondering if that was another boon from Isha, albeit a very minor one. At the moment though it proved to be his salvation from boredom as read a few stories in
Arnanid Chronicles.
For the most part, it was a sufficiently entertaining and enlightening book. He truly enjoyed the very dirty and vulgar quips that the Eldar once employed against one another in duels, scuffles, and even matters of state. He made sure to memorize a few of the "raunchier" poems. He figured the others would get a kick out of them. Thinking about Fredrick, Jane, Jacob, Xavier, Tamia, and the others made him hope that they were doing alright. The war against Turoq was likely underway, but the Eldar were preparing a warhost to aid the Trust against that cowardly traitor. Still, he prayed to the Emperor for their safety and victory against the forces of Chaos.
As he continued to look over one particular story of an Eldar Prince and a, what he assumed was their version of a knight, he idly heard someone walk into his section of the Sanctuary. He didn't pay much attention till he heard a familiar voice.
"The
Arnanid Chronicles? Not my first choice for reading while recovering, but the stories are entertaining enough to pass the time." Eldrad spoke up as he approached Ridcully bed.
Ridcully looked as surprised as he could, without having any eyes to help express it, but he showed enough on his face to convey it. "Eldrad? I thought you were back with the Twilight Council?"
Eldrad nodded and grabbed a nearby chair, "I had an arranged meeting here. I figured that I would also see how you were doing." The two sat in silence for half a minute before Eldrad spoke up again, "Well, how are you doing?"
Ridcully seemed confused still, but slowly nodded his head all the same. "I am doing alright. These Spirit Healers of yours are quite impressive. You know, I know someone on Avernus that could learn a thing or two from these ladies."
"That I am afraid is not going to happen anytime soon. It takes centuries for someone to become just an initiate of the Spirit Healers and even longer to just become a basic practitioner. Your people wouldn't be able to handle the stress of it." Eldrad explained with cool certainty.
The Blind Seer was more confused than insulted, "That long just to become an initiate?"
"It requires skills in all manner of medical and spiritual aid…as you are likely well aware now." Eldrad allowed for that comment to hang, but Ridcully didn't pick it up.
Ridcully instead scoffed at the comment, "Well…that is unfortunate I suppose. I'd still think Tamia and her cohorts could figure some things out." Eldrad resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He decided to change the topic, to ensure the atmosphere remained pleasant and polite.
"I'm interested in hearing about the Songweaving Choirs she helped create…that is if you want to talk about it." Eldrad leaned forward slightly, giving the impression that he was interested in the conversation. He was
somewhat interested in the properties of the Songweaving, but honestly more from a theoretical standpoint.
This was evidently the right thing to say as Ridcully was suddenly all smiles, "Heh, I have nothing but time at the moment. Besides, I'd like to hear your thoughts on a few other things."
Eldrad didn't smile or smirk, but he did feel his mouth twitch slightly into what could be considered a very small grin. "Heh, very well."
---
They started to talk. They talked about psychic powers, their applications, and the dangers surrounding them. They then started to talk about the current war, the state of galaxy, and possible next steps. It soon lead to Ridcully asking Eldrad about his craftworld and Eldrad asking a little more about Avernus. They complained, complimented, and argued in regards to all manner of things, important and the mundane. The hours suddenly passed by and the two of them just continued to talk.
Eldrad, being the skilled diplomatic and cunning seer that he is, finally brought their discussion back around to the most recent mission. He finally was able to get Ridcully relaxed enough that Eldrad could start talking about a particular event.
He had just finished listening to Ridcully speak about what he saw in the inside of the Mansion. All the rot, corruption, and twisted parodies of a mortals living space and finally he got to when Ridcully mentioned finding Isha. He was ready to ask Ridcully a very poignant and blunt question; what exactly happened, what did she do, what did he do, and what did he feel when he was in the presence of a Goddess.
Instead, Eldrad did something that was rather unexpected even for him.
"I just realized that I never thanked you." Eldrad spoke up before Ridcully could start talking about the situation with Isha.
Ridcully was surprised to hear that, "I'm sorry?"
"For finding Mother Isha. I never personally thanked you…so thank you." Eldrad sounded absolutely casual about the whole thing.
The Blind Seer looked slightly uncomfortable, "Yes, finding Isha…I suppose I succeeded in doing that at least."
Eldrad was very confused when he heard the bitterness in Ridcully's tone. "At least? Munstrum you did something incredible, and I don't say that lightly."
"Hmm, I was able to bring that scroll and just that." The Blind Seer didn't look as happy from saying that. Eldrad could feel the apprehension, the bitterness, and a general sense of what he thought was self-loathing. A very odd thing for the normally flippant and lackadaisical attitude of the human in front of him.
"You don't consider that a triumph? My people do. You saw that yourself even. How many stories have you heard of any Eldar practically wanting to
bow before a human of all things? You had women asking to be blessed by you from what I heard?"
That was an exaggerated rumor. Eldrad knew many people were happy to see Ridcully…but no one was looking to get a blessing from him in any serious fashion.
Ridcully shifted in his bed, "It doesn't feel like one. Not when I had the chance to do more."
That got Eldrads attention…was there something he didn't mention when he encountered Mother Isha? He couldn't be intentionally withhold such information, there was no reason for that. Perhaps the plagues caused some memory loss and he was now getting it back?
"What do you mean you had the chance to do more?" Eldrad was now close to unleashing his own telepathy, to see if he could pick up any visuals from broadcasted thoughts…though he doubted Ridcully would allow for even one such as Eldrad to intrude in his thoughts so casually.
"I think I could've attempted to save her…I think, it was difficult to tell what I could and couldn't do in that moment. But I didn't try to anything. She gave me the scroll and that was it. I left her." Ridcully looked disgusted as he said that part. "However…I know I couldn't protect her if I got her out. I mean, I don't even know if I could've survived trying to just destroying the door that was keeping her inside."
He looked intently at Eldrad, "I was this close to a light so pure, so brilliant, so
beautiful…and I didn't even attempt to save it. I would have died to bring Isha back to your people. Because she wanted to go back home and see you. She was defiant and held out hope, I didn't lie when I described as that. But I could sense the longing and pain and loneliness through it all."
Ridcully just shook his head, "I can logic out why I left. I couldn't protect her, I'd have died before she could've saved me, and all that would've accomplished is no one getting the scroll and her getting punished for trying to escape. I know this to be true. But I can't shake the feeling that I abandoned someone that truly deserved to be rescued. Even at the cost of my life, even knowing the potential for failure. I just had to do something, and yet I didn't."
Eldrad waited patiently for Ridcully to finish getting these thoughts and feelings out in the open. He was, for all intents and purposes, feeling guilt over what he perceived to be a botched rescue attempt. Humans were, for all their flaws, creatures that always wanted the best out of any outcome they were part of. The idea of receiving sub-standard rewards was distasteful to them. The Eldar empathized to a certain extent, but they also played for any minor victories they could achieve in their long struggle to survive.
The scroll though, was one of the greatest successes in Empires fight against their foes and the threats to their very survival as a species. That said, he understand why Ridcully might be feeling some personal guilt or a desire to have saved Isha.
"Munstrum, I understand where you are coming from. I would've tried to rescue the Mother as well, given the chance. If perhaps Nurgle hadn't confronted me, we both could've attempted to save her together. But you have to understand, that either of us dying in a potential folly of a rescue attempt would've only sadden Mother Isha even more than a failure to rescue her."
Ridcully didn't look convinced. "I feel as if it would've been worth it in the end."
Eldrad simply shook his head, "You are only looking at a perceived failure. The original mission called for us to simply sneak in and investigate. The fact that we came back with something as monumental as that Scroll…it's nothing short of a miracle from Isha herself. One that
you carried out for her, to bring to my people."
"I know that…I just can't seem to get over it." Ridcully looked so tired now as the conflicting thoughts and emotions running through his mind and soul. "It feels as if every night I relieve that moment and I can't help but think 'this time I'll save her', even as I feel myself die every time I try. I keep telling myself 'it's within my grasp!'"
Eldrad sighed as he finally identified what was causing this whole situation, "That is likely from Nurlge plagues still in your systems. It's feeding off the subconscious despair and guilt you feel from what you perceive as a failure." Damn that foul creature and his plagues, they feed on negative emotions and like a parasite tried to further increase despair in creatures. They were just as big a torment on Eldar as they were any other race, but humans suppressed so many of their emotions without any discipline to go along with it.
Ridcully looked slightly apprehensive but ultimately asked a rather important question. "How do I stop feeling this way? I don't…I don't want to lose the sense of urgency, that feeling of wanting to help save Isha. But I can't let this keep happening and controlling me in some ways."
The Eldar Seer nodded at that request, "Good. You do not want this to remain for much longer, it will only prolong your time spent recovering."
"Then how do we stop it?" Ridcully asked as he leaned back into a more comfortable spot. He was paying attention to whatever words of wisdom that Eldrad would throw his way.
"First you must accept what happened wasn't a failure or your fault. Recognize that what we did was a success that will help change the fate of both our races for the better. That we
will return to save Mother Isha one day. Perhaps not by either of us, but through others that will follow our example.
Acceptance. Perseverance. Hope. You know of these, now you must be use them to beat whatever turmoil is inside of you. Don't let it drag you down."
Ridcully nodded slowly, "Confronting you fears? Very mundane tactic all things considered."
The Grand-Seer of Ulthwé gave a very human shrug, "Well whatever helps you sleep at night." Eldrad remember hearing that saying a long time ago and figured it was applicable at this very moment.
Ridcully stared as he realized that Eldrad Ulthran just made a very human sounding quip. "That was…particularly awful."
Eldrad gave another small grin, "Humor helps with healing, especially with Nurgle plagues." He sounded sure about that, but Ridcully wondered if craftworld Eldar were even capable of humor.
The Grand-Seer stood up from his seat and looked content from the direction this conversation had gone. "Now then, I do believe I've overstayed my welcome here. Not only that, I probably need to get back to work."
"Ahh, so even the Great Eldrad Ulthran has to deal with paperwork? I will be ensure to inform my governor of this revelation." Ridcully half-joked at Eldrads expense.
"Speaking of that, I'll be sure to give you a written summary of the war once I learn more about the outcome of it." Eldrad had promised to give him one after Ridcully expressed some concerns over not knowing the possible outcome of the assault.
"Thank you." He nodded to Eldrad who nodded back and swiftly turn to leave. "Eldrad…I was right to place my trust in you." Ridcully explained as he was leaving. "I've heard the stories and legends. But you are good person contrary to what people say."
The Grand Seer paused briefly in his stride and he briefly considered either acknowledging or denying such a claim. Instead all he could say was a simple, "Perhaps…"
Ridcully seem satisfied all the same and simply went back to reading the
Arnanid Chronicles but his mind soon focused on the conversation the two just shared.
Eldrad himself spent the rest of the night wondering how far he'd have gone to save Isha if he was in Ridcullys position. He tried in vain to not think about it. He didn't want to consider at what cost he'd have gone for such an achievement. The Grand Seer couldn't help but think that Ridcully was misplacing his trust in someone that didn't really deserve it.
---
It took a few more nights before Ridcully had the dream again.
He could feel her presence on the other side of the door. The light of her soul was bloody radiating even through the haze of miasma that was prevalent through this Emperor forsaken mansion. There was a sense of urgency, a sense of desire, and he felt like he was back on Avernus during one of their seemingly annual attacks by the wildlife.
Ridcully felt the light call to him and his hand reached out towards the corrupted door. He had to save the light on the other side. Had to save Isha. He had to do something…he had to…
"Don't let it drag you down." He heard the words and Ridcullys hand paused as it neared the door. He was breathing heavily and he could feel the pain well up inside him. Was this the right choice? Did he know that he could save her?
Ridcully couldn't leave her behind in this hell. But he can't save her…he couldn't save her. Not now at least.
"We will return to save Mother Isha one day." Yes, that was right. This wasn't over, they could try again. He knew the secret of her prison, he just had to be better next time. He and Eldrad and whoever would follow them
would succeed next time.
His hand lowered. He could still feel the light trapped on the other side. He accepted that he couldn't save it. Someday though, someday they would release from this nightmare. It gave him hope and he started to feel the pain inside him burn away.
Somehow, the light on the other side started to shine brighter than before. A part of Ridcully realized that he had the right decision in that very moment back in the Mansion. Now he just had to survive long enough for a second attempt someday.
The dream faded and Ridcully felt
relaxed for the first time in several months.
---
@Durin Alright I made a few corrections and got rid of some stuff. Anyway, I'm hoping this succeeds at looking into the budding friendship between Eldrad and Ridcully. This is also my interpretation of what someone would feel upon finding and interacting with a Goddess of Pure Good and having to come to the decision to leave them behind.