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Pound the Table | An X-Men Self-Insert

Voted best in category in the Users' Choice awards.
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Epsilon Rose said:
I wasn't even talking about changing things at that level. Just being able to write a script that can go through a collection of documents, in a folder, and turn it into something more manageable.
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These days, there are legal tech algorithms that are more efficient, more accurate, and take less time than trying to code it yourself.

That talk you heard may have been accurate a few years ago, but the tech has already improved fast enough -- and most importantly, it has become more affordable -- that any lawyers coding their own stuff would be wasting billable hours doing so.

October Daye said:
… when I was doing clinic work in law school I broke the billing software.

And the e-discovery software.

I will not be taking questions at this time.
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Prosecution rests, Your Honor!
 
…
Well, I'm just glad that this seems to be a comic-book style Marvel universe at the moment, where things just happen to advance plot or provide backstory, and not a movie-style Marvel universe (or, worse, a Worm crossover) where everything is connected and bad things are always ultimately the heroes' fault.

Since, otherwise, we'd probably be due to find out that the Parker home invasion was *checks coincidenciometer* Flint Marko, having been hired by Norman Osborne to break in and rob the house (so that he would have an excuse to tell Harry that it was unsafe to visit), and that Aunt May was only unexpectedly home — at a time when she would normally be out shopping — because (pre-"Responsibility"-talk) Peter-as-Spiderman was showing off in the streets, and accidentally got the tram she was going to take to the grocery store cancelled…
 
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Chronocidal said:
…
Well, I'm just glad that this seems to be a comic-book style Marvel universe at the moment, where things just happen to advance plot or provide backstory, and not a movie-style Marvel universe (or, worse, a Worm crossover) where everything is connected and bad things are always ultimately the heroes' fault.

Since, otherwise, we'd probably be due to find out that the Parker home invasion was *checks coincidenciometer* Flint Marko, having been hired by Norman Osborne to break in and rob the house (so that he would have an excuse to tell Harry that it was unsafe to visit), and that Aunt May was only unexpectedly home — at a time when she would normally be out shopping — because (pre-"Responsibility"-talk) Peter-as-Spiderman was showing off in the streets, and accidentally got the tram she was going to take to the grocery store cancelled…
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No, don't worry.

The home invasion was a random-ass thug. The home invasion happened at 11:30pm at night on a weekend, when Peter was still out and about, and the elder Parkers had gone to bed already, knowing Peter would get home and not wake them. (which is how they knew it was a problem when the home invader woke them — Peter knows how not to)

But yeah. This is comicbooklandia.

Things just HAPPEN. It's literally impossible for it to all be interconnected.

The only parts that ARE interconnected are with city- and street-level stuff.

Like Daredevil, Kingpin, etcetera.

… and, obviously, some of the mutant-centric stuff.
 
Look, all I am saying is that there isn't at least one scene of Noa Schaefer trying to use a computer and failing, and then her blatantly lying that her mutant powers break computers to cover it up, then I'm gonna declare this a 0/10 fic @October Daye

(jk please keep writing it I love it)
 
Some cool other prompts this calls to mind would be...

"What if Noa Schafer was a lawyer in Krakoa?"
Following what's happening in Sabretooth right now, her being the defense counsel for, say, Third Eye or Madison Jeffries would be great. Also, I really want to see her work with Nighcrawler's Legionnaries and reacting to a nation with all of three laws and functional immortality.

"What if Noa Schafer was a lawyer in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney?"
Noa as a contemporaty to Apollo, maybe seeing them on opposites sides of the bench, on a case as ridiculous as only the AA cases can be and Noa suffering due to Apollo's famous inside voice. Oh, maybe as Miles' protegé...
 
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Atlasofremembran said:
"What if Noa Schafer was a lawyer in Krakoa?"
Following what's happening in Sabretooth right now, her being the defense counsel for, say, Third Eye or Madison Jeffries would be great. Also, I really want to see her work with Nighcrawler's Legionnaries and reacting to a nation with all of three laws and functional immortality.
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The author isn't very keen on Krakoa.
 
October Daye said:
Posted it on SpaceBattles. TL;DR, I dislike the retcons and the disrespect it shows to so many characters I like.

And moreover, the only reason Magneto would willingly work alongside an ACTUAL FACTUAL NAZI is if he was planning and plotting the world's most painful death.
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Yeah making Magneto and a Nazi work together would be like making a Jew who lived through the Shoah and a nazi work togethe… uh, wait a second…
 
October Daye said:
Posted it on SpaceBattles. TL;DR, I dislike the retcons and the disrespect it shows to so many characters I like.

And moreover, the only reason Magneto would willingly work alongside an ACTUAL FACTUAL NAZI is if he was planning and plotting the world's most painful death.
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Yeah. I read House of X because I was told it had a really good transhumanist take on things but I found all of it really disapointing. From the sound of it, it's only gotten worse.
 
Joelseph14 said:
I think this is a beautiful addition that also needs a mention

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34CZjsEI1yU
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I do enjoy that one, but you can't not mention their second version:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnBvEddq7nw&ab

October Daye said:
And the e-discovery software.

I will not be taking questions at this time.
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I'm actually kinda curious about which e-discovery software you broke.

Fernandel said:
These days, there are legal tech algorithms that are more efficient, more accurate, and take less time than trying to code it yourself.

That talk you heard may have been accurate a few years ago, but the tech has already improved fast enough -- and most importantly, it has become more affordable -- that any lawyers coding their own stuff would be wasting billable hours doing so.
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There is also a whole field of legal outsourcing out there full of people who will cheerfully take lawfirm money to handle that kind of thing for them.

Pawn Lelouch said:
I-

How???

I've done work with that kind of software. Its not easy to break.
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I dunno, I've made several things choke on stuff. Admittedly, if my opinion was asked I could have told people that what they wanted us to do was a bad idea, but still.
 
Dmol8 said:
On the one hand Peter Parker is behaving in a way that he hasn't since before the whole with great power comes great responsibility thing in comic
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How do you mean?

Norgarth said:
which strongly indicates that Noa's a SI. Ben raising Peter after May dies warns that her old Marvel knowledge (what she remembers) is not 100% accurate
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There's also the fact that the title explicitly says Self Insert.

October Daye said:
Okay. For the love of—

Please let this work.
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Seems it's working for most people. Not everyone, it won't let me vote, but most.
 
Anaja said:
How do you mean?
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Peter was a cowardly little shit who went right into blood sports when he first got his power because he both wanted to feel powerful and to earn money to help his family. He got cheated out of the money, didn't stop a robber who robbed the place as he was leaving and the robber killed his uncle while doing a second crime later. And then Peter took exactly the wrong message from the incident after he tracked the robber down and realized his own culpability in his uncle's death while also figuring out the whole with great power comes great responsibility thing and becoming a hero.

One could argue that Spider-man in canon is a terror stricken man trying to stop crime because he is terrified if he doesn't it will come back to his family again until the Night Gwen Stacy Died happened and Spider-man's motivations as a character became a lot more complex, but one thing that never changes regardless of the incarnation is that Peter Parker never learned how to protect people from himself and more importantly himself from himself.
 
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“What If…?” vol.2 Vote Results
  • Voting
    • So uh, this was supposed to go up yesterday. But I got back from Manhattan at 11:37pm.

    And then today, my aunt taught me "great grandma Lily from Ukraine"s recipe for matzah ball soup. Which turned out amazing, let me tell you, my God. And the secret ingredient was the key.

    (Schmaltz. The secret ingredient is using schmaltz in the matzah balls.)

    Anyway, where was I?

    … right, right! Vote results!

    Anyways! So first off, a lesson learned: don't use strawpoll. Just use Google Forms. And lesson two: in the future, provide a small 3-4 paragraph blurb as a reader to help people decide.

    As a recap, your options were:

    1) the Worm AU. Which, despite everybody's hopes… would not have touched the Canary case with a 90 foot pole. Another Matter for Lawyers already did it. Go read that.
    2) the My Hero Academia AU.
    3) the Star Wars AU.
    4) AU branching off from the verdict in the first major case of the fic (State v. S.J. Allerdyce)
    5) AU where oh hey, Noa is STRONK.

    I received 1224 responses. Which is a way larger number than I anticipated! The distribution is as follows:

    —In fifth place, we have the Star Wars AU. To which I say: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

    —In fourth place, we have St. John being found not guilty. Which is fair —people can read between the lines and know it's eventually going to happen anyways in this fic. And yeah, the What If…? would have ended up somewhat spoiling things from the larger overarching [REDACTED] arc. (hint: it's the one where She-Hulk makes a guest appearance)

    —In third place, we have the HeroAca AU. Boo, people. Let me take a sledgehammer to the canon, the fanon, the shark jumping tank, and more.

    Now, clearly this means there were two options left: power fantasy Noa, and Worm!Noa. And I think we can all see the writing on the wall here. We know where we are. The winner of this vote was…

    … NOT the Worm AU!

    Oh my God! I'm so proud! Mazel Tov, everyone, you beat expectations!

    Yes, the winner is:

    What If…? Noa Schaefer was actually a rather powerful mutant?

    The next chapter will be continuing the current arc. But after that, we get our sidestory.

    and maybe QQ will finally get its first exclusive if I can get my brain back into horny jail instead of letting the ghost of the creator of graham crackers think they served their initial intended purpose, note to self, maybe try using something other than a graham cracker crust next time I make a NY style cheesecake I plead the Fifth.
     
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  • Voting
    • KillingYouNicely said:
    I'm shocked my abundance of faith was not upheld by my peers, Star Wars was an awesome idea with so much potential.
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    And this is why the next vote, it'll be coming back, and with small 3-4 paragraph blurbs.

    Because I'm pretty sure the quote "I would like to file a motion for protection against Jedi Master Pong Krell" would have won no small amount of votes.
     
    October Daye said:
    In fifth place, we have the Star Wars AU. To which I say: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
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    KillingYouNicely said:
    I'm shocked my abundance of faith was not upheld by my peers, Star Wars was an awesome idea with so much potential.
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    As someone trying to get a Star Wars Quest back into gear, I can attest to the franchise's fan community being more niche on SV than SB or other websites.

    Mostly because determining whether one plays Empire at War exclusively for Star Destroyers or wants to muck around on Clone Wars adventures, the content creators are old enough to remember Dark Empire/Heir To The Empire when it first came out.
    October Daye said:
    Because I'm pretty sure the quote "I would like to file a motion for protection against Jedi Master Pong Krell" would have won no small amount of votes.
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    "Clone Wars War Crimes" memes or legit interest aside, being attached to the 501st as part of the support staff/military justice system sounds like a quick way to stress-induced heart problems. Like, you want to get stuck ground side on Umbara? You want to find yourself staring down General Grievous as he's growling for Kenobi to come face him or he starts killing unarmed hostages? Or maybe you're along for the ride when Anakin decides to use his ship as a KKV?

    Being sucked into the protagonists' adventures is not always fun.
    October Daye said:
    In third place, we have the HeroAca AU. Boo, people. Let me take a sledgehammer to the canon, the fanon, the shark jumping tank, and more.
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    MHA is even more niche than Star Wars around here too. Shounen Of The Month/Year has always been a FF/AO3 wheelhouse, but we do have a few content creators for them.
     
    October Daye said:
    "I would like to file a motion for protection against Jedi Master Pong Krell"
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    So one too many mind trick attempts to make Noa 'stay out of matters that don't concern her' or the Jedi attempting to take kids that really didn't want to go to the Temple?
    October Daye said:
    Noa Schaefer was actually a rather powerful mutant?
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    My predictions: She's still a lawyer and holding down a normal job as a civilian etc, with the only difference being that Magneto and Xavier are being very persistent/annoying in their attempts to make her join their teams.
    To which Noa disagrees for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that she hates the spandex/leather 'uniforms' required (whichever fabric the various mutants are using in this setting).

    That and she's constantly getting caught up in super fights which she has to blast her way through in order not to be late to court.
     
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    Hey, I voted for Star Wars. Let the record show that it's all your fault that we get to learn who Noa Schafer truly is. "Nearly all men can withstand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power," and all that.

    October Daye said:
    (Schmaltz. The secret ingredient is using schmaltz in the matzah balls.)
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    Yesss, give me your secrets.

    October Daye said:
    and maybe QQ will finally get its first exclusive if I can get my brain back into horny jail instead of letting the ghost of the creator of graham crackers think they served their initial intended purpose, note to self, maybe try using something other than a graham cracker crust next time I make a NY style cheesecake I plead the Fifth.
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    Wait, wait, not all of your secrets!
     
    October Daye said:
    —In third place, we have the HeroAca AU. Boo, people. Let me take a sledgehammer to the canon, the fanon, the shark jumping tank, and more.
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    ... I mean you could do it anyways. You know you want to and sledgehammering cannon is always fun. 😝
    October Daye said:
    And this is why the next vote, it'll be coming back, and with small 3-4 paragraph blurbs.

    Because I'm pretty sure the quote "I would like to file a motion for protection against Jedi Master Pong Krell" would have won no small amount of votes.
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    It's might also be interesting to try using Smith//Score or another Condorcet style for the vote.
     
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