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Pound the Table | An X-Men Self-Insert

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Cyanblackstone said:
The US Postal Police and US Postal Inspection Service are the hardest motherfuckers around. The only people that should be putting anything in any box other than the "output" boxes are people they've authorized in the USPS or a third-party contractor, and they take that very seriously since unapproved mail deliveries are how you can slip things like bombs, illegal drugs, cash, or bioweapons (remember the anthrax mail attacks?) to people in a way that people don't suspect.

The ability of someone to open any envelope in the mail or pick up any flyer without being targeted for a scam or potentially getting exploded or intentionally made ill is something the USPS takes great pride in and is only possible because of centuries of rigorous enforcement.
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Oh right, the anthrax attacks forgot about that for second and yeah that's great, that will put me and the rest of us at ease.

And also I hope some of you guys can discuss or speculate how in the DC comics omake of this fanfic how would Noa in this universe would deal with the shenanigans in gotham. Now that she has a reformed harvey dent as an associate in her law firm, like amanda waller herself and the suicide squad (she might want noa's services in the legal) or the doom patrol and their weirdness, or even the events like the death of superman, final crisis or event crisis on infinite earths.
 
Spector29 said:
I wonder which one between Jean and Scott is the one with 'prejudicial opinions'. My money is on Scott, considering Jean immediately went to go get Logan.

(Why did she? Is Wolverine gay?)
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Wolverine if memory serves had many hats at the School and one of them was Guidance Counselor(it was either him or Storm)...as in he was the adult you went to talk to if you needed to get your head screwed on straight.
 
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AU Reader Omake — '97-verse: Under New Management
  • Apocrypha
    • This is my first try of a non-canon omake in form of a crossover between Pound the Table and X-Men '97.

    Hope you like it.


    Under New Management​

    "Magneto?! What are you doing in our home?!"

    An upset Scott Summers, a.k.a. Cyclops, demanded when he and his fellow X-Men barged into the Xavier Institute to confront two intruders who were inside the vacant office of the recently departed Professor X. The said intruders had somehow bypassed the X-Mansion's advanced security systems to enter without tipping off the alarm until they chose to reveal themselves.

    They saw Erik Lehnsherr making himself at home. He was reading a book while casually using his power of magnetism to clean up the mess in the room, rearranging the discarded picture of the Charles Xavier and the first iteration of X-Men back to its proper place.

    As for the other intruder who was with Magneto and was standing on the left side of The Professor's office, none of the X-Men had recognized her. The blonde woman was a mutant with draconic traits such as her horns, scales and a tail. And she wore a professional attorney's suit with a hair bun and a pair of sharp looking glasses, albeit the skirt was customized with a hole in the back for her tail.

    She seemed to be harmless and cordial but the X-Men knew better than that as appearances can be deceiving despite her short height.

    Wolverine understood that lesson all too well when he underestimated Nimrod in their first encounter. Especially the fact she is with Magneto and in the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, there were several mutants with formidable abilities and unique skills in their own right under his wing after all.

    The blonde woman was no exception, especially when Jean Grey* had sensed something really strange from her and couldn't shake that feeling.

    Regardless, the X-Men must remain in constant vigilance and prepare for a possible fight to break out within the X-Mansion with the two intruders.

    "Your home? I beg to differ, Cyclops.", said the former leader of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants as he levitated the book towards Cyclops who took it and saw the title. "The Last Will and Testament of Charles Francis Xavier. As you all will see, his fortune, his school, everything he built, everything he fought for.... Now belongs to me. My X-Men."

    It was a shocker of a revelation to Scott Summers and his comrades that The Professor would bequeath all what he had possessed to Magneto of all people instead of the X-Men. He knew that the two men were close despite their differences of ideology and methods, which led to a conflict with each other, but it still stung.

    In fact, he was tempted to vaporize the book he held in his hands with one shot of his optic blasts just to rebuke the Master of Magnetism out of spite.

    However, Magneto seemed to beat him to the punch instead as he revealed more. "Not only that, several copies of Charles' last will and testament have been made and they are placed in safekeeping. Just in case if the original was destroyed or if someone deliberately tries to get rid of it. Thanks to an old friend of mine* here."

    The X-Men turned their direction to the short female mutant when Magneto then gestured to her as she stepped herself forward.

    "This is Atty. Noa Schaefer, the most brilliant lawyer Charles and I know of. She agreed to help as our legal representative. To fight for the rights of our mutant brethren and her expertise with a law is not to be trifled with.", he introduced with a compliment.

    Breaking her silence, Noa spoke to them with a smile, "Greetings, X-Men. I look forward to work with you. Since everyone here have codenames, you may call me White Dragon."*

    *I know what really happened in Episode 3 of X-Men '97.

    *I'm invoking the "Remember the New Guy?" trope. Just like how it applied to Polaris and Iceman who were introduced as former members of the X-Men who've just never been mentioned before in X-Men The Animated Series.

    *Better than her teasing nickname, Lawzilla.
     
  • Apocrypha
    • inukai44 said:
    You should delete that. Policy for omakes on this thread (even if non-canon iirc) is ask the author before you do so.
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    Ahem.

    Are you me? No? Then shush.

    I'm the one who has the determination here.


    My determination is it's... fine. Look, your technical writing needs a bit of work (but that's what practice is for! It takes time! Don't be discouraged, keep going!), that is definitely not the "code name" Noa would've gone with ("... look, if you really need something that isn't my name, job title, or professional suffix, just go with 'Talmud', okay?"), and she would've made a crack about Xavier being so incredibly extra as to get copies of his will bound into a hardcover book binding.

    But you know what? It's a valiant effort.

    Which means it gets a threadmark.

    THAT. BEING. SAID. @inukai44 did have the right of it when saying I preferred to get first drafts tossed my way before posting. Just... keep that in mind for the future, okay?
     
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    October Daye said:
    My determination is it's... fine. Look, your technical writing needs a bit of work (but that's what practice is for! It takes time! Don't be discouraged, keep going!), that is definitely not the "code name" Noa would've gone with ("... look, if you really need something that isn't my name, job title, or professional suffix, just go with 'Talmud', okay?"), and she would've made a crack about Xavier being so incredibly extra as to get copies of his will bound into a hardcover book binding.

    But you know what? It's a valiant effort.

    Which means it gets a threadmark.

    THAT. BEING. SAID. @inukai44 did have the right of it when saying I preferred to get first drafts tossed my way before posting. Just... keep that in mind for the future, okay?
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    Thank you. I will keep going and try improve my writing.

    I just couldn't get the crossover scene out of my head when I watched the first episode of X-Men '97 and wanted to write it down here.

    And yes, I will keep that in mind to privately message you to tell you about the drafts I will make before posting them here.
     
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    That gives me an idea...
    SHE was a mild-mannered attorney - and a low-level mutant. When hit with Macguffin*, she becomes...LAWZILLA, the 100-Foot Scaled Attorney! What will happen to her? Will she turn evil? How can she make court dates when she can't fit in the building? Tune in!

    (If there's one city where a 100 foot tall woman wouldn't make people bat an eye, it's NYC. Particularly Marvel's NYC. If there hasn't been a lockdown/army called in/multiple superheroes zapping things up, there is no need for concern.)

    *Is there some kind of in-universe thing that affects mutant powers? They can be suppressed, but what might make them increase or, uh, mutate? High Evolutionary shenanigans? Radiation? Level-Upper? Plotdevicium?
     
    Cobalt-60 said:
    SHE was a mild-mannered attorney - and a low-level mutant. When hit with Macguffin*, she becomes...LAWZILLA, the 100-Foot Scaled Attorney! What will happen to her? Will she turn evil? How can she make court dates when she can't fit in the building? Tune in!
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    Noa would be the "Walk Softly and Carry A Big Stick" kind, being able to negotiate peacefully but also having strength in case things go wrong, as well as being the case of "Beware The Nice Ones".

    On the other hand, she can ask help from Hank Pym (EMH Hank is the best iteration alongside EMH Janet van Dyne and I miss that show lasting 2 seasons) with his Pym Particles to shrink her down to normal size and totally not short height.
     
    Warmachine375 said:
    Noa would be the "Walk Softly and Carry A Big Stick" kind, being able to negotiate peacefully but also having strength in case things go wrong, as well as being the case of "Beware The Nice Ones".

    On the other hand, she can ask help from Hank Pym (EMH Hank is the best iteration alongside EMH Janet van Dyne and I miss that show lasting 2 seasons) with his Pym Particles to shrink her down to normal size and totally not short height.
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    Noa: "I am asking them to fix this!" (The mcguffin that launched her to great heights was modified pym particles that people were planning on using for anti-mutant activity)
     
    Cobalt-60 said:
    That gives me an idea...
    SHE was a mild-mannered attorney - and a low-level mutant. When hit with Macguffin*, she becomes...LAWZILLA, the 100-Foot Scaled Attorney! What will happen to her? Will she turn evil? How can she make court dates when she can't fit in the building? Tune in!

    (If there's one city where a 100 foot tall woman wouldn't make people bat an eye, it's NYC. Particularly Marvel's NYC. If there hasn't been a lockdown/army called in/multiple superheroes zapping things up, there is no need for concern.)

    *Is there some kind of in-universe thing that affects mutant powers? They can be suppressed, but what might make them increase or, uh, mutate? High Evolutionary shenanigans? Radiation? Level-Upper? Plotdevicium?
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    I bet that "Godzilla defends the world from Mechagodzilla... in court!" would actually do numbers as a crack fic. Literally Godzilla, radioactive breath and all.
     
    Vebyast said:
    I bet that "Godzilla defends the world from Mechagodzilla... in court!" would actually do numbers as a crack fic. Literally Godzilla, radioactive breath and all.
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    Ok, now I want Noa and She-Hulk do a Marvel version of 'Law and Order' together, maybe with Matthew "Matt" Murdock as a regular character and cameos of all main Marvel characters. Some of the plots include:
    • Hulk sued for destruction of private property, reckless endangerment and 'malicious slander' of atomic energy industry.
    • Mutant citizen rights become hitched with the Civil Rights Movement - 'mutant is the new black'.
    • Daily Bugle lawsuit against Spider-Man starts national debate on underage superheroes.
    • Super Human Registration Act shoot down as 'the most severe violation of all Civil Rights' since Watergate.
    • Does the Second Amendment cover people's own superpowers?
     
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