Interludium I: A Journey home
- Location
- Hamburg, Germany
Hamburg-Altona, June 5th 1944
It was just six o'clock in the morning when Maria Adomeit walked through her apartment door and closed it behind her. Driving her rollator with the handy handbag at the front to the elevator the old woman made her way down to the front doors of her apartment complex. When she arrived downstairs Maria could hear voices agitatedly discussing with each other, yet as she reached the door, the only thing Maria saw was her neighbour Jessica Schröder with her baby on her arms. In front of her stood an empty baby transporter, behind the woman her Audi car with its doors still open. In the distance Maria recognized two police officers walking away, both wearing 'down time' uniform.
"Hello, Frau Schröder," Maria greeted the other woman pleasantly. Then – because it was only polite to do so – she asked: "Are you alright, my dear?"
"Oh, hello, Frau Adomeit," Jessica greeted back. "I´m fine." Clearly this wasn´t the case, Maria mused inwardly as she took in the obvious signs of distress she saw on Jessica. How tightly she clutched her baby as if she was defending it from something, the exhaustion in her eyes and the grim look on her face. No, clearly Jessica wasn´t fine and Maria conveyed her thoughts with one single sharp gaze at the other woman.
"Well," Jessica carved in. "As you probably heard, I had a discussion with the police officers."
"Were they racist?" Maria inquired. After all she had heard about the problems occurring after the Event, especially incidents between DT Germans and persons of colour.
"Yes…No…," Jessica sighed. "No, they weren't. I had this problem before…"
"It´s because of Mäxchen…" It was more a statement than a fact.
"Yes, again. I don´t even know why people…" Jessica stopped herself and took a deep breath. "Look, my father came from Senegal and his skin was of black colour. My skin colour is of a lighter brown, but my baby is white with blue eyes and blonde hair. I even looked it up: Something like that happens to 17 percent of children born from mixed parents. But I still have to prove that I´m the mother of my own child and not his nanny!"
"At least he inherited your and your father´s hair," Maria commented. Well, right now the hairs were few and far between, but the signs were already there.
"Yes, indeed," Jessica agreed. "I guess he´ll hate it, though." She shrugged.
"Hmm, perhaps." Maria paused for a moment. "Did you hear from your father?" She knew that Jessica´s father lived in the USA.
"No," Jessica shock her head. "I haven´t. We came back just the day before The Event. I fear he´s gone like everyone else outside of Germany." Another reason why Jessica was so tense these last few days, Maria thought. Hopefully Jessica´s husband Ralf would help his wife getting over her father´s disappearance.
"What are you doing here, though, Frau Adomeit?" Jessica asked, not willing to delve further into this topic.
"I just wanted to take a small journey," Maria answered and winked conspiratorially. "I think I´ll be back again tomorrow."
"Does your son know about that?" Jessica inquired with raised eyebrows.
"Of course!" Hell no, he´d never agree to that! "What are you doing outside at such an early time?" Better to change the topic as fast as possible.
"Max and Ralf fell ill," Jessica replied. "Only a cold, I assume, yet Ralf is behaving like he´s dying." She rolled her eyes and both woman – quite familiar with ill men and their antics – sniggered.
"And you are sure that he´s a physician?" Maria asked in jest; after all she knew that Jessica´s husband was working at Asklepsios Clinic Altona.
"Yes, he is," Jessica said. "He even filled out this prescription for me, so that I can get some drugs for him. I was just on my way, so if you want I could take you to the station?"
"Oh, that would be so nice!" Maria replied delighted.
"It´s no problem," Jessica said and smiled.
***
Purchasing a ticket for the ICE to Berlin had been no problem for Maria and now she was sitting in one which made its way to Berlin. Within her pocket she could feel her mobile. She may already be 90 years old, but unlike many of her peers, she was able to operate one without difficulties. But it wouldn't stay that way: Maria had Glaucoma – incurable as she was too old for an operation – and soon she wouldn't be able to read books or watch TV anymore. To make matters even worse her arthritis was acting up again.
It surely wasn't a pleasure to grow old, Maria thought drily as she took a look at her watch. It was already 8:30. Maria was sitting in a 1st class cabin and looked out of the window, watching the landscape passing by. In contrast to Hamburg Maria didn't recognize many changes around here.
Well, not that many, she corrected herself as she saw a steam locomotive. Johannes always drank too much coffee, Maria thought. That couldn't be good for his heart. And as a medicine professor he should know better.
Born on November 1st 1945 Johannes was her only child due to exceptional circumstances. Together with his wife Angelika he had three children: Petra, Thomas and Michael. The two boys had already married and had two children each. Thomas' Alexander was 16 and Sophie nine while Michael´s twins Christian and Sebastian were twelve. Petra, her oldest grandchild, was divorced.
Such a pity, Maria thought, Jürgen had been such a nice man. She sighed. But as professional soldier he had to move often and somehow the things between him and Petra went sour. Maria didn't know more about the reasons for their divorce, though. Sabine, their only child, 19 and studying Law in Passau, was her darling, even though Maria knew she shouldn't have any favourites.
Thinking about her family made Maria´s thoughts turn back to her Johannes again. She was so glad that they had a stable relationship with each other. Johannes worried strongly about her, though, and he would be strictly against the plan she had come up with. But he would never know until Maria had pulled it through.
Maria sighed again. For nearly her whole life – since 1949 – she had been living in the very same apartment in Altona. Johannes had wanted to move her many times, even going so far as suggesting that she would move into his villa. But Maria had declined every time. She didn't want to live off her son´s money, even though her pension wasn't that much.
Johannes may think himself very sneaky, but Maria knew for a very long time that he had bought the very apartment complex she was living in. It had been refurbished a few years ago and many inhabitants had had to move as they couldn't afford the rent anymore. Not hers, though, which had remained stable.
But that would change soon. In a few weeks Maria would have had to move into a nursing home; a top residence, but still a nursing home. Deep down Maria knew that she had to, not only because of her glaucoma and the arthritis, but also because her doctor had discovered some irregularities with her heart. Maria could read the signs on the wall: She didn't have much longer anymore, thus making this journey now and not later.
Maria was startled when her phone suddenly began ranging. With trepidation she took it out of her pocket. She was afraid that it could be Johannes. Maria couldn't be found out now! She let out a breath of relief when the ID on the screen showed that it wasn't her son but Sabine who was calling her.
"Hello, Bine," Maria greeted her great-granddaughter after she took the call.
"Hi, Granny," Sabine greeted back. "How are you?"
"I´m fine, thanks," Maria replied.
"Where are you? I tried at your home, but you didn't pick up the phone," Sabine inquired, sounding a little bit reproachful. Well, that was definitely odd.
"Oh, I´m on the train to the city in order to do some shopping," Maria lied.
"Okay," was Sabine´s only reply. Now Maria knew that something was definitely up.
"Is there something wrong?" she asked.
"Ehm, can I call you back?" Sabine tried to deflect, but Maria would have none of it.
"Sabine, what´s wrong? Are you alright?" Now Maria was definitely worried.
"I´m fine, Granny, But I…" Sabine stopped talking.
"Come on, Marjell, you know that you can tell me everything, don´t you?" Maria encouraged carefully.
"I know, I know," Sabine sighed. "I´m…I´m pregnant." For a short moment Maria was speechless. That certainly wasn't something she had expected to be told. She must have gaped like a fish, but she composed herself as fast as possible. Sabine needed her right now. She could hyperventilate later.
"That´s amazing!" Maria exclaimed happily. "Who is the father? Another student?"
"Yes," was Sabine´s monosyllabically answer.
"Did he leave you?" Maria asked, already getting angry.
"No!" Sabine denied vehemently. "Sven even asked me to marry him after I told him."
"So you plan to keep the baby?" Maria wanted to know.
"Of course!" Sabine exclaimed. "It is mom who is the problem. She always wanted me to study in Hamburg and she really doesn't like Sven. When she hears it, she´ll explode! Dad will be more understanding, but…I need some help…"
"To explain it to your mother," Maria finished her great-granddaughter´s sentence. "I understand and I´ll help you soothing the waves, but you need to talk to her. Better with your dad and grandfather in attendance as well. You can talk to her next weekend, how does that sound?"
"Sorry, but I have tests that week that I need to study for, so I can´t come," was Sabine´s reply.
"I see," Maria said and rubbed her temples. "I´ll do something."
"Thanks, Granny." Maria could hear Sabine´s relief even through the phone.
"I have to end the call," Maria said as the train was moving into Berlin
Ostbahnhof. She didn't want her great-granddaughter to hear any suspicious sounds.
"Okay," Sabine replied. "Bye, Granny."
***
Although the distance between "new" Ostbahnhof and the "old" Schlesischer Bahnhof was only about 100 metres it felt like a lot more to Maria´s old bones. As she looked around she saw many soldiers walking through the stations, some wearing Bundeswehr and other Wehrmacht uniforms. At the Reichsbahn counter she got quite a shock, though.
"We´re sorry, ma'am, but the train to Königsberg is full," the clerk behind the counter said apologetic. "I can offer you a seat on tomorrow´s train, though."
"Thanks, but there´s no need for that." Full of disappointment Maria walked way. She had tried to get a ticket for the train to Königsberg beforehand, but the analogue phones of the Reichsbahn weren´t connected with the digital ones. That was planned to be amended soon, but it hadn't been soon enough for her. And now the train was full, partly with "tourists", partly with business men and then some unsavoury characters from whom Maria wouldn't even buy a single nail.
But just as Maria was about to resign a familiar voice called from behind her.
"Maria! What are you doing here?" Maria turned around to see a man in a brigadier general uniform of the Bundeswehr standing there. It was Jürgen, Petra´s ex-husband whom Maria had always liked.
"Jürgen, what a surprise!" she exclaimed. "Where are they sending you to now?"
"I was ordered to Wolfsschanze as reinforcement for Manstein´s staff," was Jürgen´s reply. "And you?"
"Oh, I just wanted to make a small trip to Königsberg," Maria answered. Jürgen just raised an eyebrow at her.
"Does Johannes know about that?" he asked.
Damn, not another one. "Of course he does!"
"But it seems like I won´t be making that trip anyway," Maria added ruefully. "There are no more tickets." Jürgen seemed to think about something for a while.
"I can give you my seat," he offered after a while. "I won´t need it anyway as I´ll be busy elsewhere during the train ride. You would need to take a short distance train from Rastenburg to Königsberg, though."
"Thank you so much, Jürgen," Maria beamed at the younger man. "That will be no problem. I´ll pay you the expenses, of course." After all she didn't want Jürgen to get in trouble just because he had given her his seat.
***
A few minutes later Maria was sitting in one of the train´s cabin as the train left the station. As they made their journey through Brandenburg she was reminded of the last time she had been in Königsberg.
Maria was torn out of her reverie when her phone started to ring. Without bothering to look at the display she took the call. "Maria Adomeit."
"Mother, where are you?" came the slightly panicked voice pf her son. Oh dear, she had completely forgotten that he had planned to visit her today in order to prepare everything for her move to the nursing home.
"Hello, Johannes," Maria greeted as she frantically thought of a way out of this situation. "Don´t worry, I´m completely fine. I´m on the train, doing some shopping." Maybe he would believe her. Maria could hope.
"Train? Shopping?" Johannes exclaimed exasperated. "I´d have done the shopping for you! And since when do you take the train to go to the stores? Mother, what are you doing?" His voice became louder the more he spoke, tinted with anger and worry. Meanwhile the train ratted over the Oder Bridge at Küstrin.
"Like I said, don´t worry," Maria assuaged her son. "I´ll be back soon. Look, I think I won´t have any reception soon. I love you, bye…"
"Mother, what…" Before Johannes could finish the mobile went dead. Maria sighed and pocketed her phone again. She felt bad for lying to her son and for making him worry unnecessarily, but she couldn't turn back now.
It was at exactly this moment that Jürgen entered the compartment.
"Everything alright?" he asked.
"Yes, everything´s fine," Maria answered. Then her eyes widened as an idea sprung into her mind. "Do you have five minutes? It´s about Petra."
"Well, we don't have much contact anymore since she left me," Jürgen said awkwardly.
"It´s not only about Petra, but more about Sabine," Maria amended her previous statement.
"Does she have any problems?" Jürgen asked forcefully, the protective father shining through his usually stoic demeanour.
"Erm, yes – and no," Maria made a small pause. "She´s pregnant."
"Pregnant!?!" Jürgen shouted as he visibly paled. "Oh dear! And I interrupted her this morning when we talked on the phone. I didn't know…Who´s the father?"
"It´s a fellow student named Sven," Maria answered. "And apparently Bine has some reservation when it comes to talking to Petra about it. Why´s that?"
"From what Bine told me, Petra underwent some changes over the course of the last year," Jürgen explained. "Do you know she´s working for 'Emma'?"
"That magazine for old women, with stories about celebrities that nobody knows?" Maria asked.
Jürgen had to laugh when she said that. "No, not that," he said. "It´s a feminist magazine published by Alice Schwarzer."
"That´s still being published?" Maria exclaimed astonished. "I thought it was already history. But please, don´t mention that stupid Dobermann. I know what it means when you can´t study because you´re a woman! But she…"
"Yes, I totally agree," Jürgen assuaged her. "Sven did have a long discussion with Petra about that particular topic, resulting in Petra completely disliking him because of his opinions. At least that´s what Bine told me."
"I think I should have a long talk with Petra when I´m back," Maria murmured. "But what about Bine?"
"I´m rather overwhelmed," Jürgen admitted. "I´m really happy, you know? I always wanted to be a grandfather, but now Bine has so much to juggle: she has to study and take care of her baby. That certainly won´t be easy." He sighed. "But thanks for telling me."
"Are you angry at Bine?" Maria asked. She had to know.
"No!" Jürgen shouted indignantly. "Never!" He paused for a moment.
"However, I´m worried." He looked on his watch. "Damn! I have to go. Is there still something you need?"
"No, nothing," Maria answered. "Bye." Jürgen nodded at her and left the compartment.
***
Maria looked out of the window and saw small villages, fields full of grain or cows passing by. Watching the familiar landscape passing by she was forcefully reminded of the horrors that had happened to her 70 years ago.
Back to one night in August 1944 when the RAF bombed Königsberg, subsequently destroying the historical parts of the city. Maria remembered running towards the bunker. She remembered that her ten-years-old brother Wilhelm had already reached its entrance when the air mine detonated behind her. She felt like Münchhausen riding on a cannon ball. How the pressure wave of the explosion had taken her from behind and had hurtled her forwards. When Maria looked back she had seen her mother lying there – motionless, scorched and her empty eyes staring into nothingness – and had wanted to run back to her, but then the next bombs were falling and she continued onwards. Maria was the last one to reach the bunker alive.
The next memory was from April 9th 1945. Another day of terror. Her father, owner of a small bookshop, was now part of the Volkssturm as a commander of a whole unit and that despite the fact that he didn't have full use of one of his legs; a remnant of the Battle at the Somme in which he had partaken. Since the death of their mother he had become a shell of his former self, but now that the rest of his family was in mortal danger life rekindled in his eyes again.
He had kneeled in front of Maria and had pressed his pistol in her hands. Her father knew that the fight was in vain – that they couldn't hope to win – and yet he made dozens of apologies to his oldest daughter, for never allowing her to study, and for letting the chance to escape West pass by. He hid both Maria and her brother in a small room underneath the roof from which they could climb onto the neighbouring houses and escape west where there was still territory held by Germans.
What Maria´s father failed to consider was the fact that from up there she and her brother could see everything occurring down on the streets. They both had to watch their father´s last stand in the destroyed streets of Königsberg. How he and his man managed to destroy three T-34 tanks and killed dozens of enemy soldiers. Yet the Soviets outnumbered them and so Maria had to watch her father die, riddled with what looked like hundreds of bullets.
But what came afterwards was even worse: Methodically the Soviet soldiers went through every house and dragged its occupants out on the street. Woman were raped, men were shot and babies thrown into the air and fired upon. It was horrible and the imagines of those monstrous acts burned themselves into Maria´s, so that she wouldn't forget them until the day she´d die. This was the day that Maria lost her faith. How could there be a God so cruel as to watch those things happen while he sat there in Heaven and had the power to stop everything? Maria cried until she had no more tears to shed and till today she could not cry anymore.
When night descended upon them she and her brother slowly made their way through the city. Many of the enemy soldiers were drunk and didn't know the city and its small passages as well as the both of them did, so they were able to evade them. But their luck did not hold: Exactly when Maria thought that they had escaped a lone Soviet sentry discovered them.
Before they had a chance to comprehend what was going on the soldier backhanded Wilhelm so hard that the boy was flung backwards, lying immobile on the ground. Maria screamed and wanted to run to her brother, but the other man held her back in iron grip. And then…and then…he had raped her. Maria still couldn't think of that without feeling like throwing up. Even after 70 years she still felt tainted and broken, but also so full of hatred and loathing, when she recalled the soldier´s face, cruelty gleaming in his eyes and his expression distorted in some sick kind of pleasure. She had thought she would die here and now when she felt something cold and metal against her fingers. Wilhelm wasn´t dead and he had given her their father´s gun.
Without thinking Maria pointed the gun at her rapist and pulled the trigger. A loud bang and the soldier atop her slumped forward, half of his head blown away by the bullet´s force. Disgusted Maria pushed the corpse away and stood up, ready to continue the escape with her brother. But then another sentry appeared, a boy who didn't look older like 16 years old. Completely stunned he looked at the soldier´s corpse, at the blood spattered over Maria and her dishevelled appearance. Then he pointed into the direction they should go.
"Why do you help us?" Maria wanted to know as she scooped up her brother.
"You…not…soldier," the boy answered. "Just…girl. I…not…hurt…girl."
"Thank you…"
"Iwan." Not bothering to say anything else Maria just took her brother´s hand and simply ran, never looking back.
---
They managed to reach the German lines near Metgethen and were nearly shot upon by their own people. Luck was on their side, though, as shortly after they reached the relative safety behind the German troops, the first Soviet vanguards battled against the Germans.
Maria and Wilhelm managed to get a place on a barge, which transported them to Lübeck from where they continued traveling to Hamburg. Here – nine months after they arrived – Maria gave birth to a healthy boy. She decided against employing the service of an "Engelmacherin" for no child should be burdened with the sins of his father. And even though she hated the Russians with passion Maria named the child after the Russian soldier who had saved them, for Johannes was the German version of Iwan, meaning 'God is full of mercy'.
It made Maria think back to the child she had lost before she had to flee Königsberg. The father to whom she had been married to had been stationed on the Tirpitz where he had found his death. Hearing that her love would never come back had distressed Maria so much that she miscarried, something she never told anyone. And now there she had another child, born out of rape, but Maria vowed to herself that she would love him with all of her heart nevertheless.
Starting a new life in Hamburg wasn't easy by any means. She worked as cleaning lady and did other mini jobs as well. It was hard work, but she managed to raise both her child and her own brother. Wilhelm, though, had suffered a severe emotional trauma from which he never recovered. After two marriages and two divorces he died when he was 45 as a result of his excessive alcohol consumption.
Maria was torn out of her reverie when the train slowed down and entered the station in Rastenburg. From here she would be able to take a train to Königsberg.
Maria had nearly reached her destination and yet she felt tired like she never had before. She took out her phone and started to dictate three messages. One to her son, one to Petra – and one to her younger self. The others in the train stared at her, but Maria resolutely ignored all of them.
***
It was around 5pm when the train arrived at Königsberg Central Station. Maria needed help to get out of the train and many people stared at her – or rather her rollator – as she made her way through the station until she was out of the building and on the Reichsplatz. It was here that a small boy, whom she knew from many decades ago, approached her with wide eyes.
"What´s that thing?" he asked her curiously and pointed at her rollator.
"It´s called a rollator," Maria answered in the East Prussian dialect she hadn't spoken since she had fled her old home. "It helps me to walk, Fritz." The boy´s eyes widened in shock and scared as he was he just ran away.
Maria sighed. She had known Fritz as one of Wilhelm´s friends when they had still lived here. His whole family had died of starvation after the Soviets had conquered the city. Of the 150.000 inhabitants only 20.000 had been deported, the rest had died.
Maria continued her journey over Kruegerstraße, Posener Straße into the Vorstädtische Langgasse. Just as she was about to continue, a sharp pain tore through her heart and Maria´s hand shot to her chest. She gritted her teeth. No, she had come so far, she wouldn't stop now! Gathering her strength she walked over the Grüne Brücke over the Pregel river and crossed the bridge to the Kneiphof, one of the three original cities of Königsberg. Maria turned right into the Magisterstraße and soon reached the Königsberg Cathedral.
Maria crossed the Domplatz and entered the cathedral. Slowly she made her way towards the first row where she sat down.
"Lord, thank you," she said reverently with tears in her eyes. "For seeing my home once again. I apologize for not believing in you." Now the tears were falling freely.
"We´re closing in five minutes..." Maria heard a voice from behind. She turned around. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, I´m fine," Maria said, recognizing the man as Walter Strazim, one of the two priests that had always held the church service when she had been younger.
"Maria Adomeit?!? Is that really you?" Walter asked in confusion, clearly recognizing her. "How…ah, I see, the Event." He paused for a moment then took in her teary expression. "Can I help you?"
Another shot of pain through her heart. "You may call an ambulance." She searched for the pills she was supposed to take.
"Yes, at once," Walter replied, having seen her shaking hands and her expression of distress. "I´ll be back as soon as possible."
"I won´t run away," Maria said drily and sat down again, the pain slowly becoming worse and worse.
---
When Walter Strazim would come back five minutes later he would find Maria Adomait dead, her expression full of joy and peace.
---
Two days later Johannes and his family arrived at Königsberg and for the first time since many years a family reunion took place, albeit a very subdued one. The three messages on Maria´s phone were found and given to their respective recipient.
Maria was laid to rest in Königsberg, the home she had once been forced to flee many decades ago. Her younger counterpart would start studying medicine, paid for by Johannes, a dream that the old Maria never saw being fulfilled. Seeing as both Maria and Bine were nearly the same age and pregnant they formed a close bond as Maria didn't register as grandmother in Bine´s mind.
The only person that disrupted the family idyll was Petra who blamed Johannes, and partly Jürgen as well, for not preventing her grandmother from making the journey to Königsberg. Even the messages from Maria herself in which she clearly stated that it had been her desire and that Johannes could have done nothing to dissuade her, didn't change Petra´s mind. A shouting match between Petra and Johannes ensued after which Petra left the city. Any attempts made by Sabine to stop her failed spectacularly. In the end Petra stopped any communication with the rest of her family. The last thing they heard from her, was that Petra had moved to Cologne and had married her girlfriend there.
It was just six o'clock in the morning when Maria Adomeit walked through her apartment door and closed it behind her. Driving her rollator with the handy handbag at the front to the elevator the old woman made her way down to the front doors of her apartment complex. When she arrived downstairs Maria could hear voices agitatedly discussing with each other, yet as she reached the door, the only thing Maria saw was her neighbour Jessica Schröder with her baby on her arms. In front of her stood an empty baby transporter, behind the woman her Audi car with its doors still open. In the distance Maria recognized two police officers walking away, both wearing 'down time' uniform.
"Hello, Frau Schröder," Maria greeted the other woman pleasantly. Then – because it was only polite to do so – she asked: "Are you alright, my dear?"
"Oh, hello, Frau Adomeit," Jessica greeted back. "I´m fine." Clearly this wasn´t the case, Maria mused inwardly as she took in the obvious signs of distress she saw on Jessica. How tightly she clutched her baby as if she was defending it from something, the exhaustion in her eyes and the grim look on her face. No, clearly Jessica wasn´t fine and Maria conveyed her thoughts with one single sharp gaze at the other woman.
"Well," Jessica carved in. "As you probably heard, I had a discussion with the police officers."
"Were they racist?" Maria inquired. After all she had heard about the problems occurring after the Event, especially incidents between DT Germans and persons of colour.
"Yes…No…," Jessica sighed. "No, they weren't. I had this problem before…"
"It´s because of Mäxchen…" It was more a statement than a fact.
"Yes, again. I don´t even know why people…" Jessica stopped herself and took a deep breath. "Look, my father came from Senegal and his skin was of black colour. My skin colour is of a lighter brown, but my baby is white with blue eyes and blonde hair. I even looked it up: Something like that happens to 17 percent of children born from mixed parents. But I still have to prove that I´m the mother of my own child and not his nanny!"
"At least he inherited your and your father´s hair," Maria commented. Well, right now the hairs were few and far between, but the signs were already there.
"Yes, indeed," Jessica agreed. "I guess he´ll hate it, though." She shrugged.
"Hmm, perhaps." Maria paused for a moment. "Did you hear from your father?" She knew that Jessica´s father lived in the USA.
"No," Jessica shock her head. "I haven´t. We came back just the day before The Event. I fear he´s gone like everyone else outside of Germany." Another reason why Jessica was so tense these last few days, Maria thought. Hopefully Jessica´s husband Ralf would help his wife getting over her father´s disappearance.
"What are you doing here, though, Frau Adomeit?" Jessica asked, not willing to delve further into this topic.
"I just wanted to take a small journey," Maria answered and winked conspiratorially. "I think I´ll be back again tomorrow."
"Does your son know about that?" Jessica inquired with raised eyebrows.
"Of course!" Hell no, he´d never agree to that! "What are you doing outside at such an early time?" Better to change the topic as fast as possible.
"Max and Ralf fell ill," Jessica replied. "Only a cold, I assume, yet Ralf is behaving like he´s dying." She rolled her eyes and both woman – quite familiar with ill men and their antics – sniggered.
"And you are sure that he´s a physician?" Maria asked in jest; after all she knew that Jessica´s husband was working at Asklepsios Clinic Altona.
"Yes, he is," Jessica said. "He even filled out this prescription for me, so that I can get some drugs for him. I was just on my way, so if you want I could take you to the station?"
"Oh, that would be so nice!" Maria replied delighted.
"It´s no problem," Jessica said and smiled.
***
Purchasing a ticket for the ICE to Berlin had been no problem for Maria and now she was sitting in one which made its way to Berlin. Within her pocket she could feel her mobile. She may already be 90 years old, but unlike many of her peers, she was able to operate one without difficulties. But it wouldn't stay that way: Maria had Glaucoma – incurable as she was too old for an operation – and soon she wouldn't be able to read books or watch TV anymore. To make matters even worse her arthritis was acting up again.
It surely wasn't a pleasure to grow old, Maria thought drily as she took a look at her watch. It was already 8:30. Maria was sitting in a 1st class cabin and looked out of the window, watching the landscape passing by. In contrast to Hamburg Maria didn't recognize many changes around here.
Well, not that many, she corrected herself as she saw a steam locomotive. Johannes always drank too much coffee, Maria thought. That couldn't be good for his heart. And as a medicine professor he should know better.
Born on November 1st 1945 Johannes was her only child due to exceptional circumstances. Together with his wife Angelika he had three children: Petra, Thomas and Michael. The two boys had already married and had two children each. Thomas' Alexander was 16 and Sophie nine while Michael´s twins Christian and Sebastian were twelve. Petra, her oldest grandchild, was divorced.
Such a pity, Maria thought, Jürgen had been such a nice man. She sighed. But as professional soldier he had to move often and somehow the things between him and Petra went sour. Maria didn't know more about the reasons for their divorce, though. Sabine, their only child, 19 and studying Law in Passau, was her darling, even though Maria knew she shouldn't have any favourites.
Thinking about her family made Maria´s thoughts turn back to her Johannes again. She was so glad that they had a stable relationship with each other. Johannes worried strongly about her, though, and he would be strictly against the plan she had come up with. But he would never know until Maria had pulled it through.
Maria sighed again. For nearly her whole life – since 1949 – she had been living in the very same apartment in Altona. Johannes had wanted to move her many times, even going so far as suggesting that she would move into his villa. But Maria had declined every time. She didn't want to live off her son´s money, even though her pension wasn't that much.
Johannes may think himself very sneaky, but Maria knew for a very long time that he had bought the very apartment complex she was living in. It had been refurbished a few years ago and many inhabitants had had to move as they couldn't afford the rent anymore. Not hers, though, which had remained stable.
But that would change soon. In a few weeks Maria would have had to move into a nursing home; a top residence, but still a nursing home. Deep down Maria knew that she had to, not only because of her glaucoma and the arthritis, but also because her doctor had discovered some irregularities with her heart. Maria could read the signs on the wall: She didn't have much longer anymore, thus making this journey now and not later.
Maria was startled when her phone suddenly began ranging. With trepidation she took it out of her pocket. She was afraid that it could be Johannes. Maria couldn't be found out now! She let out a breath of relief when the ID on the screen showed that it wasn't her son but Sabine who was calling her.
"Hello, Bine," Maria greeted her great-granddaughter after she took the call.
"Hi, Granny," Sabine greeted back. "How are you?"
"I´m fine, thanks," Maria replied.
"Where are you? I tried at your home, but you didn't pick up the phone," Sabine inquired, sounding a little bit reproachful. Well, that was definitely odd.
"Oh, I´m on the train to the city in order to do some shopping," Maria lied.
"Okay," was Sabine´s only reply. Now Maria knew that something was definitely up.
"Is there something wrong?" she asked.
"Ehm, can I call you back?" Sabine tried to deflect, but Maria would have none of it.
"Sabine, what´s wrong? Are you alright?" Now Maria was definitely worried.
"I´m fine, Granny, But I…" Sabine stopped talking.
"Come on, Marjell, you know that you can tell me everything, don´t you?" Maria encouraged carefully.
"I know, I know," Sabine sighed. "I´m…I´m pregnant." For a short moment Maria was speechless. That certainly wasn't something she had expected to be told. She must have gaped like a fish, but she composed herself as fast as possible. Sabine needed her right now. She could hyperventilate later.
"That´s amazing!" Maria exclaimed happily. "Who is the father? Another student?"
"Yes," was Sabine´s monosyllabically answer.
"Did he leave you?" Maria asked, already getting angry.
"No!" Sabine denied vehemently. "Sven even asked me to marry him after I told him."
"So you plan to keep the baby?" Maria wanted to know.
"Of course!" Sabine exclaimed. "It is mom who is the problem. She always wanted me to study in Hamburg and she really doesn't like Sven. When she hears it, she´ll explode! Dad will be more understanding, but…I need some help…"
"To explain it to your mother," Maria finished her great-granddaughter´s sentence. "I understand and I´ll help you soothing the waves, but you need to talk to her. Better with your dad and grandfather in attendance as well. You can talk to her next weekend, how does that sound?"
"Sorry, but I have tests that week that I need to study for, so I can´t come," was Sabine´s reply.
"I see," Maria said and rubbed her temples. "I´ll do something."
"Thanks, Granny." Maria could hear Sabine´s relief even through the phone.
"I have to end the call," Maria said as the train was moving into Berlin
Ostbahnhof. She didn't want her great-granddaughter to hear any suspicious sounds.
"Okay," Sabine replied. "Bye, Granny."
***
Although the distance between "new" Ostbahnhof and the "old" Schlesischer Bahnhof was only about 100 metres it felt like a lot more to Maria´s old bones. As she looked around she saw many soldiers walking through the stations, some wearing Bundeswehr and other Wehrmacht uniforms. At the Reichsbahn counter she got quite a shock, though.
"We´re sorry, ma'am, but the train to Königsberg is full," the clerk behind the counter said apologetic. "I can offer you a seat on tomorrow´s train, though."
"Thanks, but there´s no need for that." Full of disappointment Maria walked way. She had tried to get a ticket for the train to Königsberg beforehand, but the analogue phones of the Reichsbahn weren´t connected with the digital ones. That was planned to be amended soon, but it hadn't been soon enough for her. And now the train was full, partly with "tourists", partly with business men and then some unsavoury characters from whom Maria wouldn't even buy a single nail.
But just as Maria was about to resign a familiar voice called from behind her.
"Maria! What are you doing here?" Maria turned around to see a man in a brigadier general uniform of the Bundeswehr standing there. It was Jürgen, Petra´s ex-husband whom Maria had always liked.
"Jürgen, what a surprise!" she exclaimed. "Where are they sending you to now?"
"I was ordered to Wolfsschanze as reinforcement for Manstein´s staff," was Jürgen´s reply. "And you?"
"Oh, I just wanted to make a small trip to Königsberg," Maria answered. Jürgen just raised an eyebrow at her.
"Does Johannes know about that?" he asked.
Damn, not another one. "Of course he does!"
"But it seems like I won´t be making that trip anyway," Maria added ruefully. "There are no more tickets." Jürgen seemed to think about something for a while.
"I can give you my seat," he offered after a while. "I won´t need it anyway as I´ll be busy elsewhere during the train ride. You would need to take a short distance train from Rastenburg to Königsberg, though."
"Thank you so much, Jürgen," Maria beamed at the younger man. "That will be no problem. I´ll pay you the expenses, of course." After all she didn't want Jürgen to get in trouble just because he had given her his seat.
***
A few minutes later Maria was sitting in one of the train´s cabin as the train left the station. As they made their journey through Brandenburg she was reminded of the last time she had been in Königsberg.
Maria was torn out of her reverie when her phone started to ring. Without bothering to look at the display she took the call. "Maria Adomeit."
"Mother, where are you?" came the slightly panicked voice pf her son. Oh dear, she had completely forgotten that he had planned to visit her today in order to prepare everything for her move to the nursing home.
"Hello, Johannes," Maria greeted as she frantically thought of a way out of this situation. "Don´t worry, I´m completely fine. I´m on the train, doing some shopping." Maybe he would believe her. Maria could hope.
"Train? Shopping?" Johannes exclaimed exasperated. "I´d have done the shopping for you! And since when do you take the train to go to the stores? Mother, what are you doing?" His voice became louder the more he spoke, tinted with anger and worry. Meanwhile the train ratted over the Oder Bridge at Küstrin.
"Like I said, don´t worry," Maria assuaged her son. "I´ll be back soon. Look, I think I won´t have any reception soon. I love you, bye…"
"Mother, what…" Before Johannes could finish the mobile went dead. Maria sighed and pocketed her phone again. She felt bad for lying to her son and for making him worry unnecessarily, but she couldn't turn back now.
It was at exactly this moment that Jürgen entered the compartment.
"Everything alright?" he asked.
"Yes, everything´s fine," Maria answered. Then her eyes widened as an idea sprung into her mind. "Do you have five minutes? It´s about Petra."
"Well, we don't have much contact anymore since she left me," Jürgen said awkwardly.
"It´s not only about Petra, but more about Sabine," Maria amended her previous statement.
"Does she have any problems?" Jürgen asked forcefully, the protective father shining through his usually stoic demeanour.
"Erm, yes – and no," Maria made a small pause. "She´s pregnant."
"Pregnant!?!" Jürgen shouted as he visibly paled. "Oh dear! And I interrupted her this morning when we talked on the phone. I didn't know…Who´s the father?"
"It´s a fellow student named Sven," Maria answered. "And apparently Bine has some reservation when it comes to talking to Petra about it. Why´s that?"
"From what Bine told me, Petra underwent some changes over the course of the last year," Jürgen explained. "Do you know she´s working for 'Emma'?"
"That magazine for old women, with stories about celebrities that nobody knows?" Maria asked.
Jürgen had to laugh when she said that. "No, not that," he said. "It´s a feminist magazine published by Alice Schwarzer."
"That´s still being published?" Maria exclaimed astonished. "I thought it was already history. But please, don´t mention that stupid Dobermann. I know what it means when you can´t study because you´re a woman! But she…"
"Yes, I totally agree," Jürgen assuaged her. "Sven did have a long discussion with Petra about that particular topic, resulting in Petra completely disliking him because of his opinions. At least that´s what Bine told me."
"I think I should have a long talk with Petra when I´m back," Maria murmured. "But what about Bine?"
"I´m rather overwhelmed," Jürgen admitted. "I´m really happy, you know? I always wanted to be a grandfather, but now Bine has so much to juggle: she has to study and take care of her baby. That certainly won´t be easy." He sighed. "But thanks for telling me."
"Are you angry at Bine?" Maria asked. She had to know.
"No!" Jürgen shouted indignantly. "Never!" He paused for a moment.
"However, I´m worried." He looked on his watch. "Damn! I have to go. Is there still something you need?"
"No, nothing," Maria answered. "Bye." Jürgen nodded at her and left the compartment.
***
Maria looked out of the window and saw small villages, fields full of grain or cows passing by. Watching the familiar landscape passing by she was forcefully reminded of the horrors that had happened to her 70 years ago.
Back to one night in August 1944 when the RAF bombed Königsberg, subsequently destroying the historical parts of the city. Maria remembered running towards the bunker. She remembered that her ten-years-old brother Wilhelm had already reached its entrance when the air mine detonated behind her. She felt like Münchhausen riding on a cannon ball. How the pressure wave of the explosion had taken her from behind and had hurtled her forwards. When Maria looked back she had seen her mother lying there – motionless, scorched and her empty eyes staring into nothingness – and had wanted to run back to her, but then the next bombs were falling and she continued onwards. Maria was the last one to reach the bunker alive.
The next memory was from April 9th 1945. Another day of terror. Her father, owner of a small bookshop, was now part of the Volkssturm as a commander of a whole unit and that despite the fact that he didn't have full use of one of his legs; a remnant of the Battle at the Somme in which he had partaken. Since the death of their mother he had become a shell of his former self, but now that the rest of his family was in mortal danger life rekindled in his eyes again.
He had kneeled in front of Maria and had pressed his pistol in her hands. Her father knew that the fight was in vain – that they couldn't hope to win – and yet he made dozens of apologies to his oldest daughter, for never allowing her to study, and for letting the chance to escape West pass by. He hid both Maria and her brother in a small room underneath the roof from which they could climb onto the neighbouring houses and escape west where there was still territory held by Germans.
What Maria´s father failed to consider was the fact that from up there she and her brother could see everything occurring down on the streets. They both had to watch their father´s last stand in the destroyed streets of Königsberg. How he and his man managed to destroy three T-34 tanks and killed dozens of enemy soldiers. Yet the Soviets outnumbered them and so Maria had to watch her father die, riddled with what looked like hundreds of bullets.
But what came afterwards was even worse: Methodically the Soviet soldiers went through every house and dragged its occupants out on the street. Woman were raped, men were shot and babies thrown into the air and fired upon. It was horrible and the imagines of those monstrous acts burned themselves into Maria´s, so that she wouldn't forget them until the day she´d die. This was the day that Maria lost her faith. How could there be a God so cruel as to watch those things happen while he sat there in Heaven and had the power to stop everything? Maria cried until she had no more tears to shed and till today she could not cry anymore.
When night descended upon them she and her brother slowly made their way through the city. Many of the enemy soldiers were drunk and didn't know the city and its small passages as well as the both of them did, so they were able to evade them. But their luck did not hold: Exactly when Maria thought that they had escaped a lone Soviet sentry discovered them.
Before they had a chance to comprehend what was going on the soldier backhanded Wilhelm so hard that the boy was flung backwards, lying immobile on the ground. Maria screamed and wanted to run to her brother, but the other man held her back in iron grip. And then…and then…he had raped her. Maria still couldn't think of that without feeling like throwing up. Even after 70 years she still felt tainted and broken, but also so full of hatred and loathing, when she recalled the soldier´s face, cruelty gleaming in his eyes and his expression distorted in some sick kind of pleasure. She had thought she would die here and now when she felt something cold and metal against her fingers. Wilhelm wasn´t dead and he had given her their father´s gun.
Without thinking Maria pointed the gun at her rapist and pulled the trigger. A loud bang and the soldier atop her slumped forward, half of his head blown away by the bullet´s force. Disgusted Maria pushed the corpse away and stood up, ready to continue the escape with her brother. But then another sentry appeared, a boy who didn't look older like 16 years old. Completely stunned he looked at the soldier´s corpse, at the blood spattered over Maria and her dishevelled appearance. Then he pointed into the direction they should go.
"Why do you help us?" Maria wanted to know as she scooped up her brother.
"You…not…soldier," the boy answered. "Just…girl. I…not…hurt…girl."
"Thank you…"
"Iwan." Not bothering to say anything else Maria just took her brother´s hand and simply ran, never looking back.
---
They managed to reach the German lines near Metgethen and were nearly shot upon by their own people. Luck was on their side, though, as shortly after they reached the relative safety behind the German troops, the first Soviet vanguards battled against the Germans.
Maria and Wilhelm managed to get a place on a barge, which transported them to Lübeck from where they continued traveling to Hamburg. Here – nine months after they arrived – Maria gave birth to a healthy boy. She decided against employing the service of an "Engelmacherin" for no child should be burdened with the sins of his father. And even though she hated the Russians with passion Maria named the child after the Russian soldier who had saved them, for Johannes was the German version of Iwan, meaning 'God is full of mercy'.
It made Maria think back to the child she had lost before she had to flee Königsberg. The father to whom she had been married to had been stationed on the Tirpitz where he had found his death. Hearing that her love would never come back had distressed Maria so much that she miscarried, something she never told anyone. And now there she had another child, born out of rape, but Maria vowed to herself that she would love him with all of her heart nevertheless.
Starting a new life in Hamburg wasn't easy by any means. She worked as cleaning lady and did other mini jobs as well. It was hard work, but she managed to raise both her child and her own brother. Wilhelm, though, had suffered a severe emotional trauma from which he never recovered. After two marriages and two divorces he died when he was 45 as a result of his excessive alcohol consumption.
Maria was torn out of her reverie when the train slowed down and entered the station in Rastenburg. From here she would be able to take a train to Königsberg.
Maria had nearly reached her destination and yet she felt tired like she never had before. She took out her phone and started to dictate three messages. One to her son, one to Petra – and one to her younger self. The others in the train stared at her, but Maria resolutely ignored all of them.
***
It was around 5pm when the train arrived at Königsberg Central Station. Maria needed help to get out of the train and many people stared at her – or rather her rollator – as she made her way through the station until she was out of the building and on the Reichsplatz. It was here that a small boy, whom she knew from many decades ago, approached her with wide eyes.
"What´s that thing?" he asked her curiously and pointed at her rollator.
"It´s called a rollator," Maria answered in the East Prussian dialect she hadn't spoken since she had fled her old home. "It helps me to walk, Fritz." The boy´s eyes widened in shock and scared as he was he just ran away.
Maria sighed. She had known Fritz as one of Wilhelm´s friends when they had still lived here. His whole family had died of starvation after the Soviets had conquered the city. Of the 150.000 inhabitants only 20.000 had been deported, the rest had died.
Maria continued her journey over Kruegerstraße, Posener Straße into the Vorstädtische Langgasse. Just as she was about to continue, a sharp pain tore through her heart and Maria´s hand shot to her chest. She gritted her teeth. No, she had come so far, she wouldn't stop now! Gathering her strength she walked over the Grüne Brücke over the Pregel river and crossed the bridge to the Kneiphof, one of the three original cities of Königsberg. Maria turned right into the Magisterstraße and soon reached the Königsberg Cathedral.
Maria crossed the Domplatz and entered the cathedral. Slowly she made her way towards the first row where she sat down.
"Lord, thank you," she said reverently with tears in her eyes. "For seeing my home once again. I apologize for not believing in you." Now the tears were falling freely.
"We´re closing in five minutes..." Maria heard a voice from behind. She turned around. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, I´m fine," Maria said, recognizing the man as Walter Strazim, one of the two priests that had always held the church service when she had been younger.
"Maria Adomeit?!? Is that really you?" Walter asked in confusion, clearly recognizing her. "How…ah, I see, the Event." He paused for a moment then took in her teary expression. "Can I help you?"
Another shot of pain through her heart. "You may call an ambulance." She searched for the pills she was supposed to take.
"Yes, at once," Walter replied, having seen her shaking hands and her expression of distress. "I´ll be back as soon as possible."
"I won´t run away," Maria said drily and sat down again, the pain slowly becoming worse and worse.
---
When Walter Strazim would come back five minutes later he would find Maria Adomait dead, her expression full of joy and peace.
---
Two days later Johannes and his family arrived at Königsberg and for the first time since many years a family reunion took place, albeit a very subdued one. The three messages on Maria´s phone were found and given to their respective recipient.
Maria was laid to rest in Königsberg, the home she had once been forced to flee many decades ago. Her younger counterpart would start studying medicine, paid for by Johannes, a dream that the old Maria never saw being fulfilled. Seeing as both Maria and Bine were nearly the same age and pregnant they formed a close bond as Maria didn't register as grandmother in Bine´s mind.
The only person that disrupted the family idyll was Petra who blamed Johannes, and partly Jürgen as well, for not preventing her grandmother from making the journey to Königsberg. Even the messages from Maria herself in which she clearly stated that it had been her desire and that Johannes could have done nothing to dissuade her, didn't change Petra´s mind. A shouting match between Petra and Johannes ensued after which Petra left the city. Any attempts made by Sabine to stop her failed spectacularly. In the end Petra stopped any communication with the rest of her family. The last thing they heard from her, was that Petra had moved to Cologne and had married her girlfriend there.
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