Life in the Dallon household had gotten… a bit odd, lately.
AND IT'S THE DALLONS. By now, the kitten has them all under his dewclaw.
Or at least that was the excuse last month, before the PRT had apparently decided to take off (or maybe put on) the kid's gloves and declare Shenanigans against the E88.
Sunny: *beams proudly*
Mom getting a kitten had been a bit of the bolt from the blue, literally just accepting the puffball from a door-to-door kitten peddler, from the sound of it.
*snicker* I just... like the image of a door-to-door kitten salesman. It's almost as good as a dude selling shady kittens from the trunk of a running car in a seedy parking lot. ("Yeah, these are authentic! I get 'em from... a guy. Hey! You ain't a cop, are ya?!")
Thus, Chekov Dallon was born.
*facepalm* For the record... the name is spelled differently, so we are NOT hanging him on the wall. ...I said NOT. GET HIM DOWN FROM THERE, THAT'S THE GOOD CHINA-nevermind. Just... just get the broom.
nowhere the kitten's little jellybean toes touched was left unaffected.
His little jellybean toes... right next to the goddamn razorblades he has for in place of claws! (Seriously, how are kitten's claws so SHARP?!)
Intangible things were something Victoria liked to keep track of. They were always the most useful to know.
I'm gonna snip the rest of this part, but... seriously, I think this is the first time I've seen this particular shading of Victoria and I really, really like it. Someone who can see that not everything is great, but she's TRYING to make it better however she can and really, really cares about her family.
I... really appreciate that.
Smile, and the world smiles with you.
I somehow feel like this is the only Worm story out there right now where this line wouldn't immediately devolve into people screaming about Victoria's aura... and that makes me happy.
But Chekov had a gravitational pull of his own, and it seemed like in no time, even Victoria was getting caught in it.
What? He has his own gravity?! He's a Cape! The kitten is a Cape! What is that, Breaker? Shaker? ...or maybe just D'Aaaaaawwww? (If it's that last, it's at LEAST a 10.)
Mark Dallon made a face, and said, "Cat got me up, wanting to be fed. Carol's already off to work, so he put his nose right into my ear and just squeaked until I surrendered."
Hey. It's better than the other options. I've had things like "biting the toes" or "sit on your chest three inches from your face" (always fun with a fifteen pound cat) or "just sit next to the head of the bed and purr LOUDLY and ACCUSINGLY" or-
"Two days ago he climbed up the side of my bed and patted my face until a claw got hooked in my lip.
-YES, THAT. That's the fifteen pound cat, again. Just start smacking me in the face, making increasingly upset noises until I wake up and FEED HER. (Seriously, I have fed the cats IN MY SLEEP to get her to stop making those damn noises. There was VIDEO.)
Now I know how fish feel. Speaking of, we should totally get an aquarium, it'll be hilarious."
Yeah... until the cat falls in. Then it's STILL hilarious, but you vaguely feel like you should feel bad for laughing? Like the time my cat fell in the toilet and managed to pull the lid down on top of her. (The sounds she made. Dear lord, the SOUNDS.)
Chekov got startled by his shadow, puffed up, and accidentally walked backwards off the desk.
Chekov: "I MEANT TO DO THAT!"
"Oh-- girls, help me look for Chekov. I keep hearing him meow, but I can't find him anywhere."
I spent three hours once trying to find a cat the size of a small dog. I could HEAR HER... but I couldn't find her for the life of me. ...suitcase in the closet. She'd gotten into it, knocked it over, and could no longer get out.
Carol Dallon's voice was calm enough, but a tense frown had taken over her expression.
"Carol, are you coming back to work today?"
"I'd love to, but I CAN'T FIND MY KITTY."
(And that's how Carol's boss actually spent a good twenty seconds trying to decide if he needed to get his firm's most famous partner an "Our Body, Ourselves" book....)
Cats climbed things, didn't they? Things more dangerous than bedspreads and curtains, anyway.
Yes! Yes, they do! Things like LEGS and ARMS and oh god I have so many scars!
Seriously, how can cats manage to be so weird and remain cute?
Mind control rays. It's true! Wrap your entire head in tinfoil! I promise you, you won't be thinking about how cute cats are anymore.
Ames flipped through her phone's photos, and Victoria watched her mom move slightly closer to look over the girl's shoulder.
Sunny: *bark* ("Better mother-daughter relationship in the side pocket....")
Even Chessman, though Emily was reasonably certain he'd remained sober-- he just looked wrung-out from stress. She couldn't really blame him for it.
Yes, you can! This would have been solved a while ago if he'd just TALKED TO HIS DAUGHTER.
Battery at least earned a slight twinge of pity. Despite her relationship with Assault, the heroine wasn't a frequent drinker,
That was a hard-earned lesson. She'd gotten drunk with him ONCE before this... and that Incident is why she's no longer allowed into Mexico, Chile, certain parts of Europe, and has a restraining order keeping her 200 yards from any cheesemaker.
if Dragon's claims about the BAC she'd registered from Armsmaster were any indication, she was probably still feeling wrecked.
...why does Dragon have a BAC reading from Armsmaster? Wouldn't that mean she has some way of monitoring his biofunctions remotely? WHY would she have that? ...it's so she can spy on him, isn't it. Yeah, it is.
("His heartrate went up when he looked at that blonde woman on the motorcycle in the tight leathers. Does he like blondes better? Can I change my avatar's hair without it being too obvious? Maybe it's the leather? Is it... oh, it's the motorcycle. Of course. ...can I make a motorcycle suit? Would... would it be too forward to give it to him?")
It wasn't enough pity to keep Piggot from turning the lights up bright before the meeting started, but it was there.
Oh, that's just MEAN. ...well done!
"Several things, actually." Dragon's avatar piped up. The Canadian Tinker's display was on the opposite end of the table from Director Piggot, on a monitor bolted to the conference table.
Director Piggot had spent several minutes with a technician ensuring the speakers had a subtle high-pitched whine that, she was assured, would carve into a hungover person's brain like a flaming chainsaw through butter.
"We've managed to get a cohesive theory on Brushstroke and Good Dog's Master ability, and they've been assigned a provisional rating of 3+. From the different encounters with the pair and surveillance of the shrine, Protectorate Thinkers have concluded that they most likely exhibit a Master/Stranger effect in a similar vein to August Prince. Only, instead of preventing hostile action against themselves, we're thinking it's an area-of-effect relaxation and inclination towards nonviolence."
They... don't know about the lightning bolt, do they. That's gonna be a fun conversation.
"Useful comparison, if uncomfortable." Triumph muttered, from the sane side of the table.
Um. Sane-ish. -ISH. They still dress up in wacky outfits and hit people while insisting everyone call them by special names.
That reminds me of something, but I can't quite put my
riding crop finger on it....
PRT M/S teams did some focus testing on areas of The Sidewalk, and test members showed no impediment to expressions of anger or the occasional sucker-punch.
I FEEL LIKE THOSE TWO ARE RELATED. ...in fact, I'm almost certain they are. ("Test three: Sucker punch." "Wha-OOOF! *wheeze*" "Test four: Anger expression. Are you upset about being sucker pu-HOOGH!" "YOU TELL ME!")
"You can say 'hot spring,' Armsy. It's okay." Assault grinned. Battery gave him a weak tap on the side of the head-- definitely still wrecked. Nearby, Chessman took a harsh breath and held it.
Danny has, to his INTENSE discomfort, looked up what a "hot springs episode" usually consists of. Also, the traditional (non-)garments for partaking in them. He is DESPERATELY trying not to put those items and his DAUGHTER into the same thought processes.
Piggot stared at Armsmaster for a second, who had yet to sit down, then turned her attention to the printed images. The first looked like a fairly normal MRI scan of a large canine, but the rest…
"This is… the outline of a dog. Where's the rest of it?" When the Tinker didn't answer she flipped to the next one. "And this is a drawing of a dog!"
"That is correct."
"It appears to be done in crayon, Armsmaster."
"That was my conclusion as well."
*hopeless laughter* Oh, Sunny... you fluffy, trolling bitch. I love you so much right now.
"Yes. It is my conclusion that Good Dog is, indeed, a projection. There is no such creature."
Ah. Armsmaster is an atheist, then. ...adogeist? I... I'm not sure what word to use here.
Good Dog being a projection meant there wasn't a predator latched onto his daughter, after all. Excepting the ABB, anyway.
And, really, that's more of a... symbiotic relationship, at this point. As much as Lung would and will wish otherwise. Desperately, desperately wish otherwise.
"Well," Piggot said, "I guess you'll have something in common you can talk about, then." Chessman shot her a look of pure betrayal,
"How did YOUR day go, honey?"
"G-good.... Dad?"
"Yes, dear?"
"Why is there a large woman with a bad blonde dye-job and a terrible haircut glaring at you through the kitchen window?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA-No, there isn't!"
"She's making the 'I'm watching you' gesture and holding a rolled up newspaper."
"...anyways, it turns out I have a lot of vacation time from work that I have to use now!"
Assault slung one arm over Chessman's shoulder. "Chessman, I take back all those terrible things I said behind your back. She is truly your daughter."
Assault and his newly-broken nose lost Sane Table privileges for the rest of the year.
....
I
I....
I've read this four times and I am still helpless laughing at it. Just the image of Danny punching Assault in the face before his actual thinky bits even had a chance to get involved. 'cause I feel like that's how it went down. Assault didn't even have a chance to realize how stupid and shitty a comment that was before he was eating a knuckle sandwich. (Later, he agreed that he HAD totally deserved it, though.)
Members from all stations were there, from the toughs and the pushers, to the sympathizers, to even the whores.
Hey! "Ladies of VERY negotiable virtue" if you please!
The firelight gleamed off of Lung's mask and the scattered scales that twitched and crept around his shoulders.
...that's odd. Usually, he only changes in response to a fight or situation with danger, right? I wonder why he's getting all scaly now?
"I am Lung!" He roared, pacing before the crowd in a suspiciously uneven line. "I am the dragon!"
...good lord, he's still drunk. *facepalm* Lung, Lung, Lung. NEVER make huge announcements or decisions until AFTER you sober up! History is RIFE with examples of this! (June 1812: "Oh, how hard can it be to invade Russia?", April 1846: "I'm not wasting all that space on food!", April 1912: "Fuck it, they'll never need ALL those lifeboats!", May 1937: "Pffft, no one would be stupid enough to smoke on a zeppelin!", and June 1941: "Ve invaded VHAT?!")
The next morning, at the PRT HQ...
Danny: "HE DID
WHAT?!"
Piggot: "Lung said, and I quote: 'This is Union territory, and only Union workers are allowed.' And then proceeded to chase our PRT squads out until they returned with the proper hardhats, steel-toed shoes, and hi-viz vests. Also, he took over your old office."
Danny: *starts frothing*