Given's everyone accepted Superbia looks like Jordan Peterson in human form, his close association with trees and my recent read of Omicron's Final Fantasy V playthrough means I now keep picturing him as Exdeath while in demonic form. He does have the requisite horns and slit eyes (visor in his case), though no wings unless they're under that cape somewhere.
...Huh, now I'm wondering which Sin FF's Gilgamesh would correspond to, as Greed and Envy are already taken? Ira Asura, perhaps?
Given's everyone accepted Superbia looks like Jordan Peterson in human form, his close association with trees and my recent read of Omicron's Final Fantasy V playthrough means I now keep picturing him as Exdeath while in demonic form.
First, I think the phrasing of this sentence implies that Jordan Peterson isn't already in human form. I just woke up, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think that's pretty funny.
Second, I think people mostly accept that Superbia's rhetoric feels like Jordan Peterson's. Which in a literal sense, it doesn't. Peterson rambles a lot more, he uses more metaphors, and his stated beliefs clash with Superbia's in plenty of details.
But both of them claim to hold hyper-individualist ideologies; both of them feel like they're meant to support the hierarchical, authoritarian parts of the status quo whole delegitimizing the parts striving for egalitarianism; and both feel like they're trying to argue their way to the top of that hierarchy. (Though Superbia obviously goes a step farther—as far as I know, Jordan Peterson is not secretly funding any supernatural villains to achieve his goals.)
Also, remember that omake I wrote earlier? Well, I've now tweaked, revised, and updated it for my SV Underdogs Summerfest Event, largely doing some fixes to how I characterised Avaritia and Temperance. You can find it posted here:
(Does contains some spoilers for A Little Vice by @Shadell though I try to not reveal too much) Crossover Special! Wrath of the Daleks The Angelic Saints, Castitas, Diligentia, and now Temperentia, were three young maidens chosen by the angels to be the champions of Virtue against the forces...
forums.sufficientvelocity.com
Edit: Also, little bit of extra info about that Omake. I was originally gonna use the Cybermen rather than the Daleks since I thought a key trait of theirs being emotionlessness would make them work better as Magical Girl villains, and would make a good contrast to Virtue and Vice especially by rejecting both. Changed my mind as I thought a Dalek nearly getting made the Beast of Wrath was just too fun an opportunity to pass on
That's interesting. Michael probably thought attacking the enemy base was dangerous, but also she seems to avoid acting, after all, did she really not notice Chiro's spiral into beasthood? How much did she see when she looked at Chiro? If she saw and kept to herself, that just makes her like Temperance. She really is basically her mom.
Superbia still sees Invidia as Charleton, and in this AU she didn't stand up to him and get deemed "it". So Superbia sees the Green-Eyed Beast as a guy, so I used male pronouns when describing his proposal for dealing with "him".
It would be so from his perspective. Outside of it, you use the correct pronouns. You were describing the hypothetical scenario as a third person omniscient narrator, right?
Edit: I mean, you weren't quoting what Superbia would say or think, so I think "she/her" would've been correct.
Chiros' envy will never truly be satisfied until she accepts that she needs to be kind to herself - Not because she's better than she thinks she is. She doesn't believe that. Instead, she needs realise that she can become better than she thinks she is. She doesn't need to learn that it's okay to be saved, or that she should accept the kindness of others. She needs to learn that even if she really thinks she's such a terrible person, that she can allow herself the chance to change herself. No longer hiding behind a mask or in the shadows, instead finally and truly the best possible version of herself.
I'm a bit sleep deprived to think well on Chiro's arc, but I don't think those are that different? By accepting kindness, I was including thinking she deserves kindness. She needed kindness, a house that is safe for her, parental figures to provide for her, people who won't belittle her while she recovers from all that happened. Otherwise, loving herself and improving becomes harder.
It would be so from his perspective. Outside of it, you use the correct pronouns. You were describing the hypothetical scenario as a third person omniscient narrator, right?
Yeah. And the "prompting Superbia to attempt to convince Michael and the Saints to team up to defeat him" clause was describing the part of the scenario where Superbia talks to Michael and the Saints about the Green-Eyed Monster, so in that context, she was described the way Superbia would describe her.
I'm a bit sleep deprived to think well on Chiro's arc, but I don't think those are that different? By accepting kindness, I was including thinking she deserves kindness. She needed kindness, a house that is safe for her, parental figures to provide for her, people who won't belittle her while she recovers from all that happened. Otherwise, loving herself and improving becomes harder.
The specific phrasing I was responding to was the idea that the central arc is that of Chiro accepting help, or the kindness of others depending on how you want to phrase it.
And the thing is, I don't think that the central transformative moment - provided this story is not a tradgedy - will come from her having to accept someone reaching out for her. Because people have been trying that all story. It wont work, because even in this chapter, Chiro twists all possible kindnesses into something that either beats her down further or become transactional, which in this situation just digs her hole further and makes her feel more irredeemable because she feels indebted to Avaritia and can't go back even if a big part of her feels it would be the right thing (in addition to the Seed and her euphoria).
This is similar to other instances of offered kindness in the story, like the time Chiro stays at the Brandts household and then the next day thinks about leaving and even returning to her abusive dad because she thinks they'll eventually get sick of her, or she'll get sick of feeling like a burden. Hell, I think that one epitomises the problem best - Chiro cannot accept kindness without feeling like she becomes a burden on others.
And I think that lines up with why I think that the very first steps need to be taken by Chiro instead of being from someone offering a hand to her - because Chiro would see herself as only weighing them down, as needing to be saved, yet again. She doesn't want to be the useless burden who only inconveniences people and adds nothing of value to the world. No amount of reaching out can fully break that because the fact that you need help in the first place it in and of itself a condemnation.
The first person who Chiro needs to truly accept kindness from is Chiro, because Chiro is the only person who can do that and not be seemingly hurt or inconvenienced by Chiro.
Edit: I feel that I should clarify that I'm okay if someone else is the one to remind or otherwise push Chiro into choosing what she actually wants, but I feel that it should be something that they're only a spectator in instead of trying to get her to choose a specific outcome. Kind of like a more sentimental Iroh moment - Who is Chiro, and what does she want? I don't know, I'm drunk as I'm writing this edit.
And the thing is, I don't think that the central transformative moment - provided this story is not a tradgedy - will come from her having to accept someone reaching out for her. Because people have been trying that all story. It wont work, because even in this chapter, Chiro twists all possible kindnesses into something that either beats her down further or become transactional, which in this situation just digs her hole further and makes her feel more irredeemable because she feels indebted to Avaritia and can't go back even if a big part of her feels it would be the right thing (in addition to the Seed and her euphoria).
The problem with this is that it's a catch-22. Chiro needs help. I mean no offense to her mental fortitude because almost no one gets out of this kind of situation entirely on their own.
She needs to either be managed by whoever's helping her in a way that lets her trick herself into taking the help without feeling indebted, or she needs to figure out how to get over the feeling of being a burden enough to accept the help and keep accepting it long enough to get herself into a position she can start making unassisted advancements from.
If you believe that Chiro will never be able to accept help under any circumstances, then you believe this story will be a tragedy because if she cannot either learn to accept help she will never be able to pull herself out of this alone. It pretty much just doesn't happen.
Maybe my pet theory of Avaritia and Invidia bailing together would be a good environment for that? Avaritia can't make it alone (ey shut down any arguments Invidia makes to the contrart); for em, helping Invidia is really just em helping emself, so it's not really accepting help and is instead a roundabout way of helping Avaritia. And once Invidia gets used to that, maybe reaching out to others becomes easier. She's not really accepting help from Inessa, she's indirectly helping Avaritia. A change in perspective like that might be the kick Invidia's metaphorical engine needs to get started.
First, I think the phrasing of this sentence implies that Jordan Peterson isn't already in human form. I just woke up, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think that's pretty funny.
Second, I think people mostly accept that Superbia's rhetoric feels like Jordan Peterson's. Which in a literal sense, it doesn't. Peterson rambles a lot more, he uses more metaphors, and his stated beliefs clash with Superbia's in plenty of details.
But both of them claim to hold hyper-individualist ideologies; both of them feel like they're meant to support the hierarchical, authoritarian parts of the status quo whole delegitimizing the parts striving for egalitarianism; and both feel like they're trying to argue their way to the top of that hierarchy. (Though Superbia obviously goes a step farther—as far as I know, Jordan Peterson is not secretly funding any supernatural villains to achieve his goals.)
The rambling, the excess use of metaphors- Superbia might say, perhaps, that he resembles Jordan Peterson in the sense that a sharp knife blade resembles a dull one- scrape away the useless excrescences and clutter that make the whole less effective at its own ultimate purpose, and you get someone who can get to the point.
Of course, Superbia is never not high on his own supply.
Maybe my pet theory of Avaritia and Invidia bailing together would be a good environment for that? Avaritia can't make it alone (ey shut down any arguments Invidia makes to the contrart); for em, helping Invidia is really just em helping emself, so it's not really accepting help and is instead a roundabout way of helping Avaritia. And once Invidia gets used to that, maybe reaching out to others becomes easier. She's not really accepting help from Inessa, she's indirectly helping Avaritia. A change in perspective like that might be the kick Invidia's metaphorical engine needs to get started.
I think that'll be part of it, the problem right now is that Avaritia is tacitly supporting Superbia (who I'm pretty sure is a transphobe) and is hella toxic by proxy as a result on top of also having drunk the Abyssal Forest Koolaid and being toxic by that dint in turn. So Avaritia has eir own stuff they need to get over along the way as well if we want this to work out anything resembling well.
I was thinking that Shining Virtue Angelic Heart is set in the US, yet having a 00s cartoon outright be about Sin and with extensive Biblical references feels like it'd fly more smoothly in Japan than in the West (unless of course we're 'watching' an Americanised dub*).
...Until I remembered that Garth Nix's Keys to the Kingdom was a 00s YA series all about Sin, albeit as an Australian book series rather than an American TV show it had fewer eyes on it. Was interesting to note how it handled Lust given its demographic, having its representative be more about stealing people's emotions.
Plus, Superbia's at least already done more than Lord Sunday ever did
*Hmm, makes me wonder what the cast of a theoretical Pikapika Bitoku Tenshi no Kokoro (er, preemptive apology for that translation) were originally named?
Edit: If Garth Nix sounds familiar, he's probably best known for Sabriel
The problem with this is that it's a catch-22. Chiro needs help. I mean no offense to her mental fortitude because almost no one gets out of this kind of situation entirely on their own.
She needs to either be managed by whoever's helping her in a way that lets her trick herself into taking the help without feeling indebted, or she needs to figure out how to get over the feeling of being a burden enough to accept the help and keep accepting it long enough to get herself into a position she can start making unassisted advancements from.
If you believe that Chiro will never be able to accept help under any circumstances, then you believe this story will be a tragedy because if she cannot either learn to accept help she will never be able to pull herself out of this alone. It pretty much just doesn't happen.
Alright, I think I'm phrasing this badly. Also turns out writing an argument and constantly rewriting it over the course of 4 hours leads to it becoming an incoherent piece of shit that you end up despising.
It is not that Chiro will never accept help under any circumstances, its that the circumstances under which Chiro will accept help will be the ones that align with her pre-existing worldview, and thus will not fully shake it.
Things can get better for her, but it's ultimately treating the symptoms and not being the actual cure. It will make her coming to that realisation easier, but it cannot be the sole method by which she does so.
The cure is actually challenging her warped worldview directly. Force her into a position where she actually has to think critically about those intrusive thoughts to the point that she realises that they're just an incoherent mass of self hate lashing out at any percieved failure instead of an actual reasoned argument for her own existence being wrong. And a healthier environment does make doing so easier, though it isn't enough on its own.
But once you've done that... I think you kind of just need to trust her. Ask her what she wants, without those blinders of self loathing making her say "I can't". Don't offer her a hand that she might then interpret as being an expectation she doesn't want to let down. Just... let her be selfish about something for the first time in her life, and know she's choosing it because she wants it.
I dunno, this is probably as incoherent as what I said earlier. I just think that for all that it's right that people need help, feeling like you can only improve because of other people often feels terrible.
Alright, I think I'm phrasing this badly. Also turns out writing an argument and constantly rewriting it over the course of 4 hours leads to it becoming an incoherent piece of shit that you end up despising.
But once you've done that... I think you kind of just need to trust her. Ask her what she wants, without those blinders of self loathing making her say "I can't". Don't offer her a hand that she might then interpret as being an expectation she doesn't want to let down. Just... let her be selfish about something for the first time in her life, and know she's choosing it because she wants it.
That's pretty tough advice to act on, since she's a fictional character and we aren't.
Snark aside, this feels less like a discussion about how a fictional character's arc is likely to go and more like advice for helping a depressed friend IRL. Which isn't a bad thing, it's just...hard to figure out how the things you're saying apply to a discussion about how a fictional character's arc is likely to go.
Like, okay. You say Invidia needs to think critically about her intrusive thoughts and recognize them as pure self-hate; how? What do you think it would take for her to do that, and what circumstances do you think would lead her there?
And the bit about just asking what she wants without the self-loathing blinders is nice, but it kinda relies on her friends realizing that the self-loathing blinders are down and actually asking before dragging her to the mall or something. That wouldn't be too remarkable if Invidia was still hanging around with the Saints, but her only friend right now is Avaritia, who is a bit of a manic imp nightmare enby who forces Invidia to do stuff on the assumption that she secretly wants to do it (and that forcing people to indulge in their selfish impulses is good for them).
Snark aside, this feels less like a discussion about how a fictional character's arc is likely to go and more like advice for helping a depressed friend IRL.
The thing is, a lot of Chiro's type of self loathing reminds me of myself. I've been in that position of feeling like a terrible person who everyone else has to drag across the finish line, who will inevitably just fucking die whenever they're left on their own because they're so incapable. People said that I was kind or intelligent, and it just never felt true - I didn't feel smart, I just knew a lot of facts, and I didn't feel kind, I just didn't enjoy hurting people.
The closest thing I got to help that was actually effective at breaking this was unintentional, people noticing and commenting on the ways I'd improved in controlling my emotions and being able to deal with stress, things that when I reflected on them, whilst I might have thought it wasn't as much improvement as they did, it wasn't something I could deny. Things that were my own achievements that I just hadn't noticed, and thus counter evidence that my own self disgust couldn't cover up or ignore. Since then, whilst it's still not perfect - that kind of loathing doesn't just completely die out, and there are still dark days - I'm at least able to recognise it for what it is, and feel like I don't need to let it define me.
Also, part of the reason I'm kind of vague about this is I'm not entirely sure how this is going to play out, and am writing more in terms of vibes than I am specific events. Will try to change that for this post
Like, okay. You say Invidia needs to think critically about her intrusive thoughts and recognize them as pure self-hate; how? What do you think it would take for her to do that, and what circumstances do you think would lead her there?
...Ah. And there's my ADHD kicking in and somehow missing an assumption.
Because when everyone was saying help, I keep imagining a lot more offered hands and soft kindness and gentle hugs instead of what I think Chiro needs.
Which is the verbal equivalent of Kamina decking Simon in the face while saying "Lemme see you grit those teeth!" to break him out of his funk long enough to actually get through to him.
Someone - Temperance is the best suited IMO due to a combination of having failed to protect Chiro from Superbia, having gone through the same kind of dysphoric feelings, having been Gula, and so on - Needs to demand to know why Chiro is a bad person. And when she gives her reasons, they need to ask her why those reasons are so bad, or where the evidence is. And when she tries to justify those, they need to point out how that reasoning is flawed. And on, and on, and on, constantly pressuring her and ripping apart every argument she thinks is so airtight.
And importantly forcing Chiro into having to argue as though her being a terrible person isn't the null hypothesis, and is instead a major claim that demands major evidence.
Something which she won't actually be able to do because this kind of self-loathing isn't logical, and instead masquerading as a well reasoned argument, or something that tries to help keep you on the straight and narrow. It might not work in getting her to stop in that specific battle - but it's the kind of thing that would mean her falling into those old patterns afterwards becomes a lot harder due to all the holes poked into them.
And the bit about just asking what she wants without the self-loathing blinders is nice, but it kinda relies on her friends realizing that the self-loathing blinders are down and actually asking before dragging her to the mall or something. That wouldn't be too remarkable if Invidia was still hanging around with the Saints, but her only friend right now is Avaritia, who is a bit of a manic imp nightmare enby who forces Invidia to do stuff on the assumption that she secretly wants to do it (and that forcing people to indulge in their selfish impulses is good for them).
Part of the reason I think it's possible is, well, For all her posturing, Chiro's villain monologue has her talk about what such a weak person she is, followed by her saying she doesn't deserve kindness, and then her standing around awkwardly for like, 10 seconds. All whilst entirely oblivious of her gender issues, which were on full display to everyone not named Chiro.
Which is why I'm expecting the verbal beatdown. And for that to be enough to crack her self image for her to be in a position to choose.
As to how it plays out? I don't know. Maybe Avaritia demands she be selfish for once, whether that's staying with em or joining the saints, ey don't care anymore so long as it makes her happy. Maybe Temperance admits to some of her own doubts about joining the saints she had way earlier, and that she'll join and help Chiro regardless of what she chooses, even if it means returning to being Gula, but it needs to be what she actually wants. Or maybe it's someone else, or noone else. The context of it just needs to be that whatever Chiro chooses will be considered the correct choice, so long as it will make her happy.
So I've been out of here for a hot sec and a lot of things have been happening in the thread (which apparently includes a Doctor Who crossover omake???), but for the time being, I'll focus on the fishtank ghosts.
I gave them a mocking curtsy, before dropping into a fighting stance, wings flared behind me, claws ready to strike. I had wings! I had claws! I was vaguely sure that I could scream and do something vaguely dangerous and probably bat themed! I had boobs! I wasn't quite sure why I'd done that last one to myself, but it felt all nice and thematic to sink into the dark mirror so I couldn't be too upset about it.
And yet, I wasn't supposed to be happy. Dad was… I'd betrayed Inessa and company. I was supposed to be miserable. Minutes ago I had sunk deep into the kind of chronic misery that just casts a gray fog and makes feeling anything at all seem so tiresome and yet here I was giggling, giggling evilly, and unable to get over how cathartic this all was. I was the worst and even admitting that couldn't bring me down.
This is gonna be a Whole load of manic depression, but I can't get over. "I wasn't quite sure why I'd done that last one to myself" WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING THAT WHEN YOU'RE SIMULTANEOUSLY KINNING THREE WOMEN.
"Do we have to fight?" Inessa's voice trembled. She needed this to be fake, needed to prop up the good boy image of C she'd built in her head. "Can't we just talk this out? We'll help you C, you don't need this to change! Just, let us help?"
"What does being a girl have to do with anything?" I asked, then shook my head. That wasn't important here. "I've told you Inessa, that dear little C isn't such a nice person. He—I didn't do this because I had a bad dad and no one saved me. I wasn't born in the wrong body or anything sympathetic like that. What I was was weak, too weak to act, too weak to grow or change with those around me and too weak to find peace with that."
Inessa reached out wordlessly to take my hand. Reflexively, I batted her hand away, leaving a thin trail of red on the offending appendage. I forced myself to stare silently for a moment as I made sure I wouldn't apologize or admit it had been an accident. Then I laughed.
"At the end of the day, I'd rather be a villain than stay waiting in the wings forever. I'm happy like this, happier than I'd have ever been with your help; happier than I'd be if dad was a good person or nothing was wrong with me in the first place. I don't deserve kindness. I don't need pity."
Temperance's eyebrow twitched as she stared at me. From the impassive girl, that might as well have been a scream. It wasn't her fault, she'd tried hard to help me; she just had it all wrong from the start. I wasn't the kind of person she could reach like that.
I stood there awkwardly for a few moments, trying to decide how to finish this conversation. The Saints seemed in no rush to attack, and, okay, sure I'd declared myself their enemy and I was absolutely going to fight them. I could sense my newfound power driving me against them. Invidia's sprout had needs and I knew intuitively that running from the things it needed to grow would only see it cut me off.
The seconds dragged on, a cold detente waiting for someone to give the signal for them to transform. No wait, this was bad! There were three of them and I barely had any idea how to use my powers. Besides, Inessa mostly just won, and okay, sure I was a new me, but I was still me inside the lies and… Just because I'd decided to betray everything I admired just to shine for a moment didn't mean my heart was ready to fight them right away.
The silence dragged, and dragged. I… I couldn't just walk away awkwardly after that whole speech and the Saints weren't willing to leave even though none of them seemed to know what to say. Avaritia would probably have had some cool way of vanishing into the void dramatically and, thinking about it, I could do that but what if I messed up!?
Finally, when I could take it no more, I launched myself barely accidentally into a second story ledge and bounced off gaining more air, my wings snapped open and I hung there for a moment before teetering into a nearby wall, which I promptly kicked off, ascending higher until I managed to perch mostly intentionally on a ledge.
"T-This time I'll let you go Saints! But next time we meet I won't be so nice!"
And then I was away, leaping across the rooftops, reveling in how fast and strong this new body was how that awkwardness almost immediately gave way to grace as I let all the copied mastery guide my feet. I… didn't know where to go. I knew I should probably do something evil or something. I could feel the sin soaking through my bones. I knew, somehow, that I needed to embody my sin and to serve the cause If I wanted to keep these blessings; but I had no idea how that worked and I couldn't just go to the Forest and ask for help when he was there.
This was terrible! I'd already missed so much from monsters and then, sure tomorrow was a holiday but how was I supposed to be there on Tuesday?! What if my grades dropped? M-maybe no one would notice. No one had noticed Lupin was Avaritia and the giant bat wings weren't that visible if I squinted really hard. Sure I was a lot shorter and also looked nothing like I had an hour ago, but maybe a big hoodie would work if Inessa didn't just incinerate me the second she saw the wings…
Bro Inessa would literally not incinerate you. She would probably do exactly what Temperance did to Lupin (which was nothing), just with more puppy dog eye staring.
But also.
Just.
Why are you LIKE THIS.
I don't think ALV's writing has ever been this powerful Shadell.
No, I could do this! It would be hellishly awkward to walk back into class after that dramatic exit, but my grades depended on it. I just had to detransform; the knowledge was there as easily as I'd known to blossom into my new self in the first place. I could go back to being that miserable ugly useless boy for a bit. Then I could go home and…
But I couldn't really go home, could I? I stumbled on someone's rooftop garden, barely avoiding a carefully arrayed trellis. Right, dad had done that. I couldn't go back. Inessa's family would… I couldn't go back there either.
Surprisingly, turning into a magical bat girl had not actually solved any of my problems.
First thing's first, it was agony to contemplate, but I could barely think straight with all the power and beauty and sheer freedom of being Invidia. C could walk around town without problems and, hopefully, find actual food and shelter. C could parse all things he'd done to destroy his life without all the everything distracting him too much from that.
I took a deep breath and set about trying to be C again.
This all fucking gets to me like. Didn't even get Avaritia swooping in. C's just fucking off and trying to cope.
Wait a second.
I could sense my newfound power driving me against them. Invidia's sprout had needs and I knew intuitively that running from the things it needed to grow would only see it cut me off.
Invidia's seed had taken root inside of me and bore a beautiful fruit. That was me now and if I kept saying it, I might even forget it was a lie. Even so, I knew, in the same way I knew how to work my new wings, that I could take off the mask and bottle up all that miasma inside of me until it was needed. The power responded to my desires, to my vices and my needs. I knew I could bottle that all away and transform back.
I sat on the rooftop, slowing my breathing and focusing. I needed to go back to being that waste of space, to condense all my stolen beauty into the faintest glimmer of a want in the deepest reaches of my heart and lock it away.
I opened my eyes and surveyed my work. I still had boobs. My skirt still swished distractedly when I hopped to my feet. I still had an amazing pair of bat wings wrapped around me.
Well, it wasn't like anyone would want to stop being this magnificent and go back to being a… wait. I assumed I was beautiful. I'd copied the Saints and they were great looking. But, what if I was hideous? No, that would defeat the entire point. I just… i wanted to see my face.
I blushed, "D-do you have a mirror? I umm," I couldn't really admit that the need to make sure my face looked sufficiently magical girlish had completely distracted me from all my existential dread, could I? I was a guy! Sure, I was a magical girl right now, but, "I was, uh, trying to change back into my boy mode and I wasn't having much luck, so I was thinking maybe if I could see what I looked like now, that would help me, umm…"
I didn't need to ask how Avaritia had found me. Eir presence, now that I was aware of it, practically filled the space next to me. It wasn't a noise, but I couldn't perceive it as anything but; a percussive clash of metal on metal, ringing brightly and clearly, spreading and enveloping everything around it. My own sound was a pitiful whistle by comparison.
You know I didn't expect Avaritia to be like. Expecting C to just go back to the way things were after fully becoming a Beast, but it honestly does fit eir deal a lot.
"Yeah people go back to their abusive situations and sit in places that leave them hurt and unhappy all the time, even though I'm ready to offer them a world they can be free" (Zero irony as Superbia Dragon looms in the background).
"They, umm, may have seen me turn into this…" I laughed awkwardly, "I, umm, was staying with Inessa so, uh…"
Avaritia grinned, "Wow! Showing off right in front of your natural enemy and her best friends!" she pretended to nod sagely, "kids these days have a lot of gumption!"
"It's…" I didn't know what to say. Inessa had been everything to me, my only real tie to the world for so long and now that was… what? Did I resent her? Obviously. She had everything I'd ever wanted, an idol I couldn't hope to match; she was simply better than me on every level, and I was… an object in her story, a nice little NPC to hand out advice every now and then with no real chance to participate, a useless boy she could look good saving. Had we ever been as close as I assumed we were? I wasn't sure.
"Sorry," Avaritia grimaced, "that's probably not a fun thing for you. Annnyyywaaay, we can totally get you a room in the Abyssal forest! And then we can go shopping and get you all the girl things you haven't been allowed to have to fill it up!"
I shuddered at that. Could I live in a room permeated with the scent of cinnamon like that? Maybe it would be different. Mr. Noir had never tried to hit me.
Avaritia you're rapidly going into a negative score as you try to push C's transition faster than it's actually capable of going and also trying to provide a home with a WHOLE NEW abusive parental figure.
"Thanks," I said awkwardly as Avaritia's confident smile "But right now I just need to go back to normal. I can't wander around town with bat wings, can I?"
Ey glanced me over, "right! Mirror. Here, will this work?" I couldn't tell from where, but ey managed to produce a small, if rather pricey looking, compact.
I held it for a moment, nervous. What if I looked strange? What if I was hideous? I shook my head and popped open the compact. The mirror was curved to magnify my features, so it was hard to see, but…
"I'm…" I stared at the girl reflected there deeply. Her hair was tied back into a long ponytail that fell to the small of her back. It, and her eyes, shared a swamp green color with the ribbons decorating her top and the trim on her skirt. Inessa's face had always been adorable, with a button nose and wide innocent-looking eyes, but it was so much nicer now that I wore it, for all I was missing the freckles. A pair of bat ears stuck out the side of her head, but the overall effect was more cute than menacing. She was smiling uncontrollably for some reason, and I could see that she'd gained a pair of positively vampiric fangs where her canines had once been.
"I look like a real magical girl," I said at last.
"You are a real magical girl," Avaritia corrected, ruffling my hair. I blushed, then sniffled. Hearing em say that I was real, that I was really a part of this, for all I'd done something awful to get there, hit home in an incomprehensible way.
"A-anyway, I need to go back to C mode!" I closed my eyes and tried to focus; but all I saw inside my head was the new me.
"You know," my partner said, feigning a casual tone, "It's not like you need to go back to being him. You could just… stay a girl and go human. It's not like you're actually turning back. You're just… hiding in a human shell for a bit. Wouldn't you prefer," Avaritia's voice sounded like temptation itself, "to just stay as her even if you have to hide the wings."
[Punches wall] I KNOW THIS IS THE GENRE CONCEITS AT PLAY BUT ALL I SEE IS AN ENTRAPPED TEEN ENTRAPPING ANOTHER TEEN IN A MAGICAL GIRL VILLAIN PYRAMID SCHEME.
Actually hang on does Avaritia do this to be Lupin? Did Temperance do that as Gula?
...Can Temperance STILL do that as an Angelic Saint?
It was too easy to picture it; a green-haired girl who could have been Inessa's cuter twin. She was pretty and normal and her parents probably didn't hate her. She didn't hate herself or the world or feel so desperate to change that she'd sell her soul. It would be easy, to pull the power in, to let myself be her. Except, she wasn't a magical girl; she wasn't the object of my jealousy. It would be weird to stay a girl without that wouldn't it?
"There's no real point to it? I need to stay as Charlie to go to class or ," I offered lamely.
"Wow, you got that quick," Avaritia responded.
"I what?"
"Going back to a normal person!" Ey clarified brightly, "one second full vampire bat and the next, poof, cute schoolgirl!"
I absently adjusted my sleeves, then did a quick double-take as I realized I had traded in my uniform for a jacket and jeans again, but they were suddenly far too big for me. The sleeve practically covered my hands, and my jacket threatened to slip off one shoulder.
"W-what!?"
"Awwww," Avaritia smiled toothily. "It's not super obvious when you're all batty because the wings really add a lot of volume, and you were all smokey and shifty before so it was hard to tell, but you're really just adorable, you know."
Lupin stepped toward me and I realized ey was right; I was used to people being my size at most or mostly shorter and now ey practically towered over me. It was intimidating in an oddly pleasant way. Well, who'd like being so pointlessly big? Tripping over things, taking up space, everyone expecting you to be strong and tough because you're tall and broad shouldered and why was Avaritia so close!?
Ey shook eir head, and gently traced a finger along the line of my jaw, "I mean literally anyone could have seen this coming, but wow you came out adorable."
I couldn't think, couldn't process. I retreated, practically standing at the edge of the building.
Avaritia shook her head, "No, no. Ignoring that it's Sunday and setting aside the fact it's really obvious you can't just walk into school until we get some kind of new identity set up, the line isn't that it's 'my what big teeth you have'!"
I hesitated. Of course I was being dumb. I couldn't just walk into school as a girl no matter how that would feel, and I couldn't go back there as C either. My problems hadn't gone away. They were worse. I was a monster and I should have been angry and dead inside. I'd been all those things an hour ago.
I looked at Avaritia as she slowly licked eir lips, eir tail swishing furiously. Ey presented a lot more masculine as Avaritia than Lupin. The chaos and whimsy and aggressive energy didn't change, but ey traded in the skirts and tight shirts for an outfit that mixed frills with more casual boyish elements; shorts instead of a skirt. Avaritia was gorgeous either way of course, but this amplified eir impishness and…
"My," I started, stammering furiously as I tried to get the line out. Ey was cool and powerful and dangerous and, while I still didn't know much about the deal I could feel I'd accepted, ey truly seemed to believe in the cause and somehow, ey wanted me, of all people, to stand at eir side.
"What big…" I trailed off suggestively, or did my best attempt to do so. Why me? I was, well, I was pretty good looking now too for once in my life so it made sense. Who wouldn't like the face I'd stolen from Inessa? I guess it made perfect sense from that perspective that Avaritia would start flirting with me. Ey and Castitas definitely had a whole tension thing going and…
I reached out toward Lupin and flicked em on the nose, "a big bad dog! Down!"
Ey stared at me, looking a little chagrined but mostly baffled for several long seconds before dissolving into hysterical laughter.
I don't think Avaritia is gonna survive the winter.
Okay I'm starting to see the core arc here very much is "MC steals best friend's crush by transitioning into her twin" which is. A lot of things. A lot of weird things.
"Sorry," ey managed, "I shouldn't have come on so strong so fast when you're still all euphoric and confused and everything, you were just even more adorable this way and the look on your face when I started joking and…." whatever else ey said was garbled by another wave of laughter.
I tried to resist, but found myself joining in after a few seconds. We probably would have stayed there for a long time drunk on the moment, but the sound of loud footsteps and someone tinkering with the rooftop door, drove Avaritia to cut a panicked gap into the void and drag me through that terrifying non-space.
Except, even that wasn't so bad anymore. Perhaps I wasn't as miserable going in, or I had enough power to resist whatever that was, but I barely felt dizzy when we landed in the baroque halls of the Abyss.
And, the pillars and dark light didn't feel the least bit intimidating either. If anything it felt welcoming and warm like the cocoa Mr. Brandt had made for me on Tuesday morning.
Avaritia glanced at me, biting eir lower lip to hold back laughter. I looked back, holding eir gaze as best I could before we both dissolved into helpless giggles again.
"So," I wiped a tear out of my eye as the storm abated, "what have I actually signed up for anyway? I was… I couldn't really process much before, like I thought all of the Invidia stuff was just a strange dream I kept having and… Why do you just hand out power like this to…"
I needed this power, to be someone and to hold my own against everything that kept happening.
"People need it," Avaritia said, trading humor for an undercurrent of passion, "the light, living a good modest hard-working life where you never get angry, never depend so much on pride to keep you going that you abandon everything else isn't wrong?" ey shrugged, "It's like I said at the mall, I don't hate them, but, it's not wrong to feel something. Murder, sure, that's bad. Theft, okay, I'm for it, but that's fine to judge. But, feelings? You shouldn't try to ban feelings, and a lot of us use them to flourish even when they hurt."
"There's nothing wrong with having feelings" but you turn them into actions is the thing. Giant monster rampage actions.
It keeps being the case that Avaritia talks a good game, except in all concrete context it's being a goon for a TERF who wants you to mind control people into being saturday morning cartoon enemies.
Honestly I feel like my review style gets in the way of the narrative's intent to draw you into Avaritia's perspective, getting lost in eir good points and contemplating whether their worldview might be onto something, only to get abruptly shocked out of it when something reminds you that actually this is a straightforward magical girl show and the villains are actually doing things that are wrong (like when Superbia drops in within a few paragraphs probably), but like, I DO see that this is what the story is doing, I think it's done well, so don't take the constant "This is BULLSHIT" as criticism.
Lupin began walking, gesturing for me and leaned against a pillar, "Like, take you. You tried hard to be a good boy, but that obviously wasn't going to work for you. Envy was the mirror you needed to be yourself and like, I've only been around you for a few minutes and you're actually smiling now instead of making those sad little fake smiles so people think you're okay."
I hesitated. I didn't think I'd done anything noble or valuable honestly. A better person would have kept living as I had, instead I'd betrayed everyone for my own selfish need to join them on stage. But, well, it was tempting to find something of value in the decision I'd made. I should have gone back. I should have let Inessa and the others help me, and it was only a fit of pique that had stopped me.
"It's less the philosophical defense of sin and more the whole, umm, turning people into monsters and making them rampage thing. How do we justify that?" I clarified.
Lupin nodded, "Right, people are repressed. They hold themselves back, bundling everything in deeper and deeper and live like zombies. The powerful do whatever they want, while normal people fear doing something 'immoral' and breaking the dumb rules someone in charge set up to try and make people think like him."
Ey took a deep breath and shook eir head.
"The Abyssal Seeds feed on these buried emotions and let people face the things they're hiding, and then we get stronger and we can do it better, to build a world of sin past all hypocrisy, where people can finally claim the tools to help themselves without any of the pretense that gets in the way."
"We'll get more power and do it better!" Yeah cool I'm sure raw power will justify and refine your methods your worldview is just as thoroughly interrogated and nuanced in its humanity as this guy's was:
I hesitated. There was something tempting about Avaritia's words, but it was hard to see myself in eir story. I'd envied the beautiful guardians of justice for their agency, their ability to simply be and do everything and stand for justice in high heels and skirts without any need for shame or fear. It was hard to find much moral in such naked desire for power that I'd literally stolen Inessa's face.
Avaritia pushed away from the pillar and approached me, "you get it, right partner?"
It was hard to meet eir gaze, "I-I guess, I just don't want anyone to get hurt."
There's a lot to say about how this stuff is continually framed around C going "Well a lot of this makes me feel bad but I'm not really comfortable talking about the actual reasons why", which is. DEFINITELY suggesting optimistic things about the truthfulness of Avaritia's spiel.
Ey smiled, "Well! That's where you come in right?"
"I, what?" I responded intelligently.
"Well," ey offered, "if you're there fighting, you can help make sure civilians don't get hurt and if we start winning more, we can harvest more energy and finish revolutionizing both our worlds even faster!"
"I guess…." in a way ey was very much Inessa's mirror, someone with enough faith and beauty to claim eir own identity and ideology against the world. It was enough to make me faintly jealous, but I suppose that was simply my nature.
"I'm selfish," Avaritia added sadly, "I'm pretty awesome I mean, but, well, at the end of the day, party line aside, I'm not doing this for the world. I'm doing it because I think there are people like you, like Gula, like me who need it right now and, like, ultimately, I'd let the world burn if my important people get to be happy."
"I, uh, yours?"
"Well, obviously. I mean, the seduction is a work in progress, but you're adorable and we'll get there," no no, a part of me wanted to beg Lupin to stop teasing me, "The point being I need you. You're the type to think about things in the big picture, just like Gula was. I'm jumpy and fast and have all the great instincts to win, but I'm not the kind of person who can watch everyone around me! You're just what I need; a partner who can handle the small things because she's a genuinely caring girl who really wants to do the right thing."
Avaritia is forwarding the burden of thinking about collateral damage to C.
Like ey did with Temperance.
AMAZING.
Avaritia: Okay bestest buddy, I need you to do all the hard thinking about the humane concerns on our path to a glorious future!
Gula: Alright. So I've done some thinking about all that. And it's come to my attention we're not actually helping anything and this job is basically worthless for our end goal–
Temperance: –So I'm becoming an Angelic Saint.
Avaritia:
Avaritia: JK?
Temperance: No JK.
EY HAD A GUY FOR THIS AND SHE LITERALLY QUIT. BUFFOON BEHAVIOR.
"I'm selfish," Avaritia added sadly, "I'm pretty awesome I mean, but, well, at the end of the day, party line aside, I'm not doing this for the world. I'm doing it because I think there are people like you, like Gula, like me who need it right now and, like, ultimately, I'd let the world burn if my important people get to be happy."
Oh, spouting a byline for the masses you don't actually care about benefiting, political science 101 king.
I can't get over this. Not just the "Hey I'm forwarding all the onus of thinking about the morality of our actions to you, because you're a nice girl" "I'm walking out on all this brokeass villain shit" "Hahahahaha this definitely doesn't say anything against my job being worthwhile!" but like–
Avaritia needed me. It was hard to believe, but I could feel eir sin, the absolute magnetic pull of eir greed, pressing down on me, biting with no intention of ever letting go. It was all but impossible to deny ey meant it.
"That's not fair," I muttered. How could I say no to being needed? Not as some vague presence or moral support or advice that never really amounted to much, but to stand on stage as a partner and guard eir back.
"Is that right C? Are you fine just hiding behind Inessa? Do you think you'll bloom into something beautiful if you just stand in the background of someone else's story like a good little virtuous friend spouting advice whenever she needs it and waiting for someone else to tell you how to want without sin?"
"Well, obviously. I mean, the seduction is a work in progress, but you're adorable and we'll get there," no no, a part of me wanted to beg Lupin to stop teasing me, "The point being I need you. You're the type to think about things in the big picture, just like Gula was. I'm jumpy and fast and have all the great instincts to win, but I'm not the kind of person who can watch everyone around me! You're just what I need; a partner who can handle the small things because she's a genuinely caring girl who really wants to do the right thing."
EY IS LITERALLY DOING EVERYTHING EY MOCKED ABOUT YOU AND INESSA'S RELATIONSHIP.
I can't believe.
Lupin you motherfucker.
See this is why the comments of "Avaritia is doing right by C, unlike the Saints" never makes sense to me, because ey are LITERALLY just doing the exact same things Inessa Temperance and Ida are, the same affirmations of the validity of C's emotions, the same apologies for trespassing C's boundaries when that becomes apparent, it's just that, the Saints have been abiding by C's will and waiting for C to make C's own decisions, while Avaritia pressured C into changing without informed consent (and also entrapped C in a world domination cult), and, is that the difference you want the Saints to correct about their behavior? Slipping in estrogen pills during lunch without C noticing?
I'm at a point with the story where I'm not quite where it'll all end up, and the writing is compelling enough that I'm sure it'll be a good surprise, which is why I'm equally certain A Little Vice won't conclude with "Avaritia was right and C will be happy being Invidia Bat all the way to the end," because like.
"Of course not, I'm a greedy greedy wolf. So, now that you've blossomed for real, partners?"
I shouldn't have; I really shouldn't. But, being valued for my power, even if it was just a twisted stolen reflection of Inessa's light was more than I could take.
"Okay, partner," the words burned in my mouth with a sweetness that I'd gladly let burn me to ash.
Ey pulled me into a right hug, then hopped away and spun dramatically, dipping into a bow at the end.
"Well partner, I'm Avaritia Wolf, any pronouns, but I am getting warmer and warmer on spivak, nice to meet you."
I grinned stupidly and offered a curtsy in return, "Invidia Bat and, umm, he/him I guess. It's not like I have a choice about it though."
Avaritia stared at me in stunned silence for several seconds before slowly burying their face in one palm. "What?" ey asked as if I had just punched them in the nose.
I shrugged, "Well, you know, I look like this but that's just because I'm copying Inessa and the others. I wouldn't want to, I dunno, appropriate transgender identity or anything."
"That's… no, no, let's just…" Avaritia stared at me intensely as ey thought for several long minutes. "Okay, Invidia! You copied Inessa's face, right?"
I nodded, where were ey going with this?
"So, obviously, well, being a beacon of envy it's only right to steal her pronouns too! It's a way of feeding your sin, right?"
"That makes sense," I admitted, tempted. "But, I wouldn't want to pretend to be something I'm not.
They laughed and patted me on the head, "No worries. I said any so I mean any and that means she is fine. I mean, honestly, I've been liking the idea of trying out Spivak a lot lately" I had no clue what that word meant, "But, well, Superbia's himself and you gotta be careful how you talk to him. And coming out as an enbie would be hard while, you know, just saying that 'oooh, look at me I am soooo greedy. I have to have alllllll the pronouns all to myself, how strange the nature of sin' is pretty easy, and he will absolutely roll with basically anything you justify like that."
"That's awful," I winced, wondering what it would be like to be unable to tell your closest companions who you really were. If Gula was gone (I wasn't going to think about what that might mean just now) I could see why Avaritia craved a friend so badly. Her only remaining companionship was a superior who bossed her around and yelled at him all the time and didn't even accept them for themself.
"Nah, it works out in the end, he's totally chill with basically anything you can justify under feeding your sin. Like, with you, when you turn into a girl, we'll just lie and say you were so overcome by the inertia to fit in that you turned into one of them as completely as possible, and need to use she/her pronouns to affirm your sin or something. He'll get confused and have a boomer moment and then shrug and go along with it."
"Well," Avaritia continued, gaining confidence, "if you look like that and go by he/him, people will think you're a trans guy and we can all agree that that's never going to be an appropriate label for you so really you'd only be appropriating a trans identity if you tried that."
"I guess," I said reluctantly, "I can use she/her for the moment."
"You're as bad at this as Superbia" ey said with a feeling of deep pain, "but I guess it's kind of adorable when you do it. We can take our time with working through all that, partner."
I froze at the name. Avaritia flinched at my reaction.
"What do we do about him?" I couldn't face him, to face someone who was so much like dad in so many little ways aside from the ones where they'd both messed me up. I had nowhere else to go. I had no one else who could take me in as Invidia besides Avaritia. And what if I left? Would he blame em for failing to recruit me?
I looked into Avaritia's nervous eyes and feigned the confidence that had suddenly deserted me. "I guess we need to talk to him then?"
Grinning, Avaritia took my hand and dragged me toward the throne room I'd visited last time.
I would have wondered if he would even be there, being as there would be little reason to pose dramatically in a throne room with no one around, but I could sense Superbia inside, It was impossible to escape his presence entirely of course, a single exceedingly bright clear note of incredible domineering authority that easily crushed mine and Avaritia's sounds.
Without waiting or giving me a week or two to prepare for this reunion, Avaritia boldly kicked open the doors and dragged me inside.
"Hiya boss," ey said with a confidence I couldn't understand. Superbia demanded respect. Superbia could obviously crush us for failing to respect him. Superbia was sitting in his chair talking quietly to a reedy figure in a gray robe that left literally everything about its occupant to the imagination.
"What is the meaning of this interruption?" Superbia demanded, even as his eyes focused on me for all my efforts to hide behind Avaritia. He snorted.
"Ah," the robed figure said. "So the fourth has finally awoken. With your leave, I will allow you to attend to this, we can discuss the fruit later." Their voice had a lyrical tilt to it, and a strange ethereal quality that felt familiar in a strange way. Where Superbia made a constant show of authority, the cloaked person managed to sound like they were above everything while miming deference.
Okay, I don't even need to check to know people have been debating whether this is Michael or someone else in the 10 days this is been out, but I'm thinking. Why IS Archangel Michael a plushie, actually?
Superbia waved a hand and, without a word to either Avaritia or me, the cloak collapsed in on itself, vanishing like it had never been there.
Avaritia wasted no time in dropping to one knee. Awkwardly, I followed. His scent was in the air. His voice was here and somehow all the worse for existing outside my memories. And yet, his raw presence dwarfed even that in a way that made me marvel at how blind I'd been to think I could ever escape him.
It was easier to kneel. It was easier to avoid looking at him, to avoid letting him see my expression. I knew that if I let myself growl or lunge at him or run or faint or anything I would rather do than have this conversation that I, and probably Avaritia, would die.
"This," he said at length with the air of a manager trying to figure out how exactly his employees had done something profoundly incomprehensible, "Is not at all what I was expecting. Explain yourself Avaritia."
"Her sin," Avaritia grinned, "Is envy. She envies the Saints so much for their might, their heroism, their everything, that her power turned her into their mirror when she awoke. She's been changing for weeks now as she's been half-formed, and her awakening catalyzed the transformation. Treating her as she looks is the best way to help strengthen her sin."
"I… see," Superbia said, in the tone of someone who was pretending to understand the plot. "So, this is Charleton after all. I'll admit, this is not quite the worthy protegee I was anticipating."
"My name," I found myself saying, wondering why I had to say it when the words might mean my end, or at least all sorts of agony, "Is Invidia Bat."
Neither spoke for a moment, and I worried that even the oblique defiance would be too much for Superbia to tolerate.
Finally he chuckled, "Perhaps it has some potential after all. Well Invidia, can you speak for yourself, or are you going to cower behind my wolf all day?"
"I," I didn't know what to say. I had to humor him; I would never tell him about that strange fluttering joy that his manipulations had brought me to, he didn't get that. "I am just glad for the opportunity to embrace my sins." I said awkwardly instead of anything real.
He nodded. "Avaritia will answer your questions about the Forest. Leave us for now." There was a hint of disgust in his tone as he waved me away so that he could speak more with Avaritia, as if he found the act of seeing me to lessen him in some way. I bristled, then all but ran out the door and didn't stop.
My feet dragged me through the labyrinth that was the Abyssal Forest. The way Superbia called me an it had fatally crushed any feelings of euphoria or novelty and brought me solidly back to myself. What was I doing? Why on Earth had I thought that this was a possibility at all? Was this what I'd betrayed Inessa for, why I'd stolen her face and pretended that I could almost believe it was mine?
I was wrong and sick and broken. I'd traded my soul for what? A chance to get the monster of the week plot from the other side of things before Inessa burned me to ash like I deserved?
INESSA DOESN'T EVEN BURN THE MONSTERS OF THE WEEK TO ASH.
THEY JUST POP OUT LIKE NORMAL GUYS.
WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO BELIEVE YOU'RE UNIQUELY MEANT TO BE OBLITERATED C.
Anyway. Yeah.
Avaritia's not gonna win this fight between "I'm your goth wolf bifriend and think your hot" and "I'm your all-powerful dragon boss and I think everything you love about yourself is worthless."
Somehow I found myself standing in front of an open door. The nearly empty room inside was familiar; with a four poster bed and not much else. This was where I'd been stored the last time I'd been kidnapped, the time when my friends—my former friends—had risked their lives to save me so I could do what? Give in and come back on my own.
At least now they wouldn't waste the effort. And sure, this way I wouldn't be a strain on Inessa's family, I wouldn't poison them this way. But how would they react? They'd taken me in when I had nowhere else to go but there or…
They'd done that and I'd run away like this. Inessa could hardly tell them I was evil now, so they'd be sick with worry. I'd done that to them. I'd burned every bridge except for the lonely wolf desperate enough to settle for me as eir partner and I'd probably ruin that too in this whole whatever it was.
I laughed once. At least I wouldn't have to worry about messing things up with Superbia. There was one bridge I wouldn't regret burning. "It" he'd called me. That's what I was now. A monster wearing a mask to pretend I had any of the qualities I admired in Inessa. Invidia hadn't changed me really. Envy would never change me, lest the face in the mirror lose its dual meanings of offer and taunt.
Avaritia found me pressed up into a corner of the room hugging a pillow to death. I glanced up as ey sat down on the floor a few feet away from me and proceeded to file eir nails.
"Hey," ey said. "Sorry about Superbia. Want to," ey hesitated momentarily. "If you need to leave or go that's…"
"I think I've burned every other option," I admitted at length between the sniffling.
Some of the tension fled Avaritia's spine even as eir worry grew. "You shouldn't stay just for that."
I hesitated. Every instinct screamed at me to say something nice about why I was really here or find something to reassure em somehow. And yet, dad had still thrown a bottle at my head; I'd still stabbed Inessa, Temperance and Ida in the back no matter how much I tried to keep that all up.
"I don't know if I believe in any of this." I said eventually, "I just had to embrace sin; not for any big good reason; I just needed to pretend I could change to keep holding on at all and I can't go back, so…"
And there it was. The truth, the simple fact that I wasn't a good person; I wasn't here to do the right thing, just because I'd set one foot in front of the other and this ended up happening and now Avaritia could acknowledge that and I could end up as alone as I deserved.
"Invidia," Avaritia said seriously, "can I hug you?"
I mumbled a confused 'what' which somehow managed to sound enough like a yes that Avaritia scooched over and gently wrapped an arm around me, pushing my head onto eir shoulder. I didn't protest.
"It doesn't matter, you know? There's no point in making a space for sin if we're only making a space for people who think the exact same way I do? You're here because you needed your vices, because no amount of trying to be the right kind of person would break you out of that frame they'd stuck you in and something had to give and that's why you belong here as long as you want to, partner."
Ey froze for a moment and eir voice was much less soothing as they hastily tried to clarify. "Umm, not that, if you're having second thoughts about the way we've been teaming up and all that's okay. I know you're close to them and I don't want to force you to fight anyone or anything, but just, umm, you're my partner like in a more abstract way that's umm, well not like that, either but…"
Despite myself I giggled.
"If," I hesitated. My sin wanted me to fight the Saints. Avaritia's kindness was far too heavy to go without giving something back.
"If you can make sure I don't have to work with Superbia too much." Once again I'd been given some chance to walk it a little back, to go tell the Saints that actually the whole transformation and big speech had totally been brainwashing and I was fixed now so could they help me get rid of the extremely gorgeous wings and the new far better face. "I'm in."
Avaritia brought me a new phone and a new laptop that evening, along with some of the worst take-out pizza I'd ever had. Ey was gentle, careful not to push, to let me get my feet under me and to run interference between me and Superbia.
I really can't believe this. Avaritia said "Let's take you out of your piece of shit dad's house" immediately after C left said piece of shit dad's house already to bring C to a whole new abusive household.
The castle was empty save for Avaritia, myself, and Superbia Dragon. Even the cloaked figure that had been with Superbia when we first arrived was nowhere to be seen. It was a strange liminal place, a hodgepodge of cultural artifacts that somehow got cell phone reception despite being in another dimension. Finding your way around was more an art than a science and my initial wanderings frequently ended in Avaritia escorting me back to my room once ey got worried at how long I'd been missing.
At least ey had managed to find me a phone and a laptop somehow, so I could always call if I got really lost. It was easier not to think of the how Avaritia had likely acquired those things.
Besides wandering through my new home, the next few days dissolved into anxious waiting. Avaritia seemed to take the initiative to talk to Superbia on my behalf, and while I hated the loss of agency, it wasn't hard to see that neither of us wanted to have anything to do with the other. Besides, Superbia wasn't a big 'taking suggestions' type of leader or a 'listening to other people' type of leader either as far as I could tell. So I doubt I really missed much hiding in my room or soaring around town at night.
C: I hate not having agency. I'm gonna become a supervillain!
Invidia Bat, sitting out of board meetings to avoid the boss's transphobia: This isn't any better.
Not, of course, that I wasn't busy. Avaritia suspected others with the potential to become Abyssal Beasts might lurk in our school, so, while eir father had abandoned the location after finding me, ey wanted me to infiltrate. And that meant practicing to the point that I could pass as a normal girl.
And that brought us to the present moment: the first of what Avaritia insisted was going to be a series of shopping trips to help me rebuild an appropriate wardrobe for a normal girl. I couldn't pretend to be a real girl if I couldn't look the part and obviously I needed practice at pretending to be her in public. The mall had reopened today, and Avaritia had insisted we return. Which was fine, except practicing being a girl meant going out in public pretending to be a girl. And, much like my animal inspiration, I really had no business whatsoever being around people or loud noises or out in daylight where anyone could see the fake girl and realize what a fraud she was and then they could…
"It'll be fine," Avaritia said with a confidence I couldn't bring myself to trust.
"I'm not," I started, trying to compact my body as much as possible in the vain hope of reducing my visibility.
"Anyway," ey ignored my panic, "Before we get going, you really should pick a new name."
"Invidia!" I snapped back easily. I'd thrown away everything for that title. I could think of nothing else.
Avaritia sighed, then shook eir head. "No, no, like, of course your real identity is Invidia, but if you're going to sneak in to school and 'pretend' to be a girl, you can't exactly go around telling the saints who you are can you?"
Ey had a point; that would be ruinously awkward among other things.
"Just pick something; whatever works," I shrugged. It wouldn't be my name.
Avaritia gave me a look. "Nope! You have to do it. It's your name after all."
Actually it was a fake name. But, Avaritia was immovable on the oddest issues. I tried to imagine her; the girl I'd pretend to be. She was cute of course. I'd stolen Inessa's face and people had to like her for that. But, she couldn't talk about her family, she couldn't know much about girly things or anything like that. She was a little shy, a little nervous around people. She liked bats, I decided somewhat arbitrarily. That was only reasonable after all. Bats, as I'd been learning, were pretty awesome.
"Umm," I knew what name I wanted, but I couldn't say it.
"Oh come on, out with it!" Avaritia grinned as ey pulled me toward the mall. "I named myself Lupin you know, so you can hardly do worse than that."
That was fair--not that Lupin wasn't a great name, but even I could admit it was almost as on the nose as Temperance. On the other hand, we could match.
I stuttered the first few times I tried to say it, an endeavor made not at all easier by the fact that Avaritia had spun around and was practically panting with anticipation as ey waited for the name.
"Chiroptera," Avaritia muttered to eirself, drawing out the last sound like the name was a chew toy, "Chiroptera, Chiroptera, Chiro, Chiro!"
"W-why are you doing that!" I managed, blushing brightly. We were standing just inside the mall's main entrance after all.
"You make the cutest little squeaking sounds every time you hear your name and that just makes me want to say it more, Miss Chiroptera!"
"S-stop that!" I glared, stamping my foot on the ground, "Besides my name," I dropped my voice to a whisper, "is Invidia. Chiro's just an identity we made up; a fake girl who doesn't exist!"
Something about the name sounded like a wish. Chiro was a nice girl, a good girl, an earnest girl whose parents may have been strict but didn't hate her and who was capable of managing the day to days of life. She would help how she could and she'd be happy doing the right thing; not so desperate to matter that she let her envy devour her alive. It wasn't my name, it wouldn't ever be my name, but the way Avaritia said it like that made me love it all the same.
"Right," Avaritia sighed, "though honestly I have no idea how anyone was supposed to think you were at all a boy in the first place."
"You thought I was an incel when we met," I riposted triumphantly.
"Aww, are you still holding that against me, partner?" The line was delivered with mock sarcasm, but I could hear the hint of guilt buried in eir voice.
"No," I admitted reluctantly.
"Then it doesn't count! Even I make mistakes on rare occasions," Avaritia stuck eir tongue out at me.
"Anyway, you don't need to be nervous. Just, have fun with it! Even if you can't believe you're a beautiful girl just yet; you know the face you're wearing, right? Trust in the power that gave you that body. And, if you legitimately can't take it, just say the word and we'll leave."
Right, no matter how much some part of me expected my first outing in public to end up with everyone staring and laughing at the weird boy in the dress; my body right now was one I'd stolen from, mostly, Inessa. And that meant my body was beautiful right now. My sin had granted me that much.
You're making this REALLY WEIRD though, you're making this REALLY WEIRD with the 'well I look like Inessa, I must be hot.'
Like Avaritia I really think you're setting yourself up for failure by giving Chiro all these compliments with the Inessa Kinning on, it's just gonna get absorbed by Chiro's massive obsession with Inessa's image rather than like. Registering as a personal affirmation all the way.
I do really wonder if Chiro's gonna keep the Inessa face once this is all through, because, like sure, that would be a way to bring all the sibling stuff to a decisive conclusion, but that's still, idealizing Inessa over liking self? It's complicated.
"Besides," Avaritia flexed eir bicep, "I'm right here; your big bad wolf ready to tear up anyone that looks at his cute little bat the wrong way."
I couldn't help it; I reached out and patted Avaritia on the head, "good dog," I muttered much more quietly than intended. Still, I barely stumbled over the words and I could count that as a win for my self-confidence.
Ey didn't react. Lupin just stood there in stunned silence, slowly turning bright red.
"Such a good guard dog," I cooed again with something almost resembling confidence.
"T-that's not fair!" ey managed at last, "when I'm not even allowed to do anything serious back or anything!"
I giggled. Despite our exchanges, we'd attracted no unusual attention. Why would we? We were just a pair of high schoolers goofing off on a weekend afternoon. I could almost believe that enough to bury the anxiety.
"Thanks," I whispered.
"T-that's cheating!" Avaritia responded, "G-going from that to that kind of sincerity like that; what kind of monstrous partner am I raising here?"
I grinned back, "A terrifying bat that's almost brave enough to actually go look at clothes."
Avaritia grabbed me by the hand and dragged me toward the mall, "that's the spirit! But you're doing a lot more than looking after that trick Ms. Chiroptera."
"Hah ha, nice joke," I grinned. Avaritia returned the gesture, but eir smile was practically bloodthirsty.
"Please say it's a joke?" I repeated, suddenly right back where we'd started. "You're joking! L-look, browsing is one thing and buying is maybe a yes, but my heart isn't ready for that kind of ordeal!"
I stared at the thing in Lupin's hands. It was a single piece of purple and green plaid fabric; it had pleats.
"Lupin," I said with all the force I could muster, "I can't. N-not that! That's, like, people will think I'm some weirdo with a schoolgirl thing! It's lewd! It's inappropriate! It's too far!"
Lupin stared at me with cold uncompromising eyes. "Chiro," ey said with all the finality of Saint Peter announcing someone's fate, "it's a midi."
"I," I said, retreating to the perfect defense, "have no clue what that word means."
"Chiro you are so dumb sometimes," Lupin said, staring at me with a deep-seated affection. "The store's practically empty, no one's using the changing rooms and even if they were; you're a cute girl. No one's going to judge you or stare at you for any reason besides that. It's okay Chiro, you got this girl." Ey shoved the skirt into my hands and gave me a gentle shove on the back.
"I-it's not fair when you just use that name like that!" I whispered angrily as I marched to the changing room in defeat.
The skirt, despite destroying me, seemed cute and it spun with me when I twirled; but Lupin wouldn't let me get it even after ey forced me to parade around in the thing. Instead Lupin forced me to try on a dozen different offerings across half as many stores, nodding to emself again and again.
Finally, whatever fragile string had held my psyche together for the duration of our trip started to fray.
"Lupin, I can't do any more, please."
Ey surveyed me up and down. I was wearing a frilly green blouse with all sorts of ribbons built into it and a pair of black leggings.
"You can steal things from people! Like appearances and magic," Lupin said thoughtfully, "So just copy my confidence in my looks for a bit and we can go on for a little more!"
"I what?!" I offered in rebuttal.
"Come on, you're envious of it a little right?" Lupin grinned at me toothily.
"M-maybe, but.." I couldn't believe ey was seriously suggesting this.
"I'm not going to do that. It's," I hesitated, unable to voice how off that felt and suddenly gripped by a feeling of intense unease, as if the winds that kept my fragile soul inflated was about to scour away this new face, "I need to sit down."
"It's okay," Lupin pulled me to one of many chairs in the changing room, "you shouldn't go against your sin like that you know, but it'll pass soon."
"So," I managed, struggling to distract myself from the horrible scouring sensation, "because I felt envy of you, but I wasn't willing to let it reign and imitate…"
I'd known, intellectually, that it could happen, but there was horror in seeing how easy it would be to lose everything I'd traded my life for.
"Probably," Lupin admitted awkwardly, "Sorry about that."
Oh so the Seed DIRECTLY spiritually tazzes you for stepping out of line, that's wonderful, magical, a beautiful thing that doesn't make me want to maul trees like a mountain lion right this instant.
Ey wasn't transformed, so eir tail was only metaphorically between eir legs.
"It's fine," I managed eventually, "it's probably better to feel that now than in battle or sometime important or something."
Lupin gave me a thumbs up, "Thatta girl! It can be helpful too sometimes; I'm not just saying that to get out of responsibility! The better we understand how we relate to our sins, the more we can draw on them."
I wondered about that. What was envy really? I admired Inessa, Ida and Temperance; and Lupin. That went without saying. But admiration wasn't a sin. Or at least, it didn't feel sinny. Envy's power was imitation, well and inexplicably, bat wings and, I somehow knew, sonic blasts; but mostly imitation. So what was the difference between aspiring to be like someone and envying them?
"It's okay if you don't know; better actually," Lupin's momentary guilt had immediately given way to suave confidence. "Sit with it for a while, let it come to you and see what your sin likes and what it doesn't. You'll figure out more eventually."
...Man it is, really something, that Chiro has to walk this tightrope with a power Chiro doesn't understand that gets Opinions arbitrarily and threatens to take everything away with a snap.
...Huh. Is this what being a Saint is like?
Or rather. Like the Angelic Saints use bangles that are worn rather than the power constantly inhabiting them, so even in that way it can't be 24/7 vigilance like a Beast has to deal with, but in the sense that it's easy to lose the power if you don't have the right mindset immediately.
Is THAT why Michael refused to induct C? Because anything less than unyielding compatibility could instantly cut the cord in an incredibly traumatic way?
"Can you tell me more about, well, us? I know you've said why you want to work with me, why we're doing what we do; but, where does this power come from? What are we and how are we doing this?"
Ey grimaced, "I guess you'll need to know. But, it's kind of a long story. How about we grab lunch to go? Then we can talk back at the Forest?"
I nodded, "that sounds good."
Carefully I stood, surprised to find the pain of defying my sin had faded nearly as fast as it had come. Slowly I marched to the changing room and, with only momentary regret, abandoned fancy ribbons in favor of the simple t-shirt I'd arrived in. For all it threatened to give me a heart attack every moment and for all I'd probably need to go hide under my blankets for a day or two to recuperate, it had still been a daydream I wouldn't forget.
We sat on my bed poking at our take out lo mein with mixed enthusiasm. I wasn't a big fan of eating on the bed, but my room at the forest had no furnishings beyond the bed, a threadbare carpet, and a vanity Lupin had somehow added as a housewarming gift the day after I'd arrived.
"So," ey said, surprisingly hesitant, "I guess I should start at the beginning. How much do you know about the Saints?"
"Not much," I admitted. "They were opening up a little bit, but I don't think they wanted me too involved in things even at the end and, well, I got the whole making Resinners thing, but I don't know the why or what it's supposed to do."
Avaritia took a moment to gather emself.
"Okay," ey hesitated. "So, this is what they told me growing up, you know, and I don't trust it anymore, not all of it, but…"
Oh, so Avaritia (Lupin, actually? The way ey talked about Chiro's new name, it seems much more definite that ey actually prefer Lupin for real) is scared of getting into the Deep Lore for how it relates to. Whatever the fuck ey were raised as.
Ey set down eir chopsticks and sighed and, after gathering emself for a few more moments, began to speak.
"Long ago, people were weak and powerless, and the forest in which we all lived was dark and scary and full of monsters. The children of the forest hid and ran and tried to survive and eventually they found themselves seeking shelter under a tall ancient tree."
"The First Tree?" I asked, wondering where ey could have possibly heard the story.
Avaritia nodded, "The First Tree was kind and wise and decided to shelter the fragile children of the forest who knew nothing. And the Children grew safe and venerated the First Tree in return. But," Avaritia shrugged, "you can't really live just around a single tree. The children grew curious about the dark forest around them, so the First Tree sent a messenger to give them a single fruit, that contained all its knowledge, to help them understand the forest, to let them find the power in themselves to stand in the darkness and thrive."
Ey hesitated, "The rest is a bit different from what they made you learn in school, but Superbia's like old old and he was there for a lot of it, so I trust his version."
I made a note to inquire about the version Avaritia had learned first some other time; it sounded more credible.
"But only a few people could use the fruit, those who were willing to dive into their own desires, who were willing to try to grow and change and be more, to become beasts that could survive in the forest."
"The fruit is where those seeds we used came from?" I wondered out loud.
Avaritia poked me in the ribs, "Yes, but don't interrupt. Anyway, the other children of the forest were worried about those who started to explore. They decided that it was bad to use the Tree's gifts, that the Beasts were monsters who needed to be stopped, that the First Tree was wrong to let them become Beasts in the first place; so they stole a branch from the First Tree and carved it into weapons that they could use to get rid of the Beasts."
Avaritia paused dramatically and looked to me, expectations clear in eir eyes.
"The Saints' powers?" I asked obligingly.
Ey nodded, then poked me again, "Yes, but I said not to interrupt!"
I debated fighting them over the obvious provocation, but settled for sullenly eating my noodles as I waited for them to finish.
Like, cool lore, but definitely not even pretending not to be broadcasting Some Shit.
You know I really didn't expect Lupin's version of the story to be 'Yeah the First Tree was cool and stuff it was the nonbelievers who did wrong.'
Like way less rebellion against god itself.
But yeah definitely "Oh yeah the Virtuous Ones didn't think the Beasts should live like that, so they created weapons to hunt them" and Beasts empowered by Sin definitely never hurt anyone at all. Sure.
Hm. Okay maybe that line of thought is too immediately judgemental, but I am still. Questioning.
And then there was the Messenger...When Angel means Messenger...
"And well, both sides agree that the Beasts lost. The Saints back then won and banished sin from the heart of the Forest and started to teach everyone to be virtuous and good and…" ey glowered.
"It'd have killed Gula," ey said at last. "It was killing her to be the kind of boy they'd do anything to force her to be, because mandatory virtue is just something you use to hurt people until they can do the same."
Lupin grinned, "And sure virtue sounds nice. Let's make everyone be good and all. Except, well, if you're someone who wants things or needs things or doesn't quite fit in the right way; people can be 'generous' with correcting your behavior; they can hurt you out of kindness to teach you humility, you know, and even if you're someone who can make it through all that, it still breaks you a little inside, right? We need to want, to crave, to rage!"
"Oh," I wondered idly, what I would choose if I could have opted to have all my envy and its attendant wants stolen from me entirely. It seemed instinctively better than just living with it unsatisfied. It wasn't any less horrifying than the way I'd dealt with my sins, not really.
Lupin I uh. Think you're missing how much your personal dystopia gets "Oh yeah I could live with that. It's equal to this" from Chiro.
When you see Lupin is just a hurt young person who learned all the wroooooong things from it, and is now teaching these lessons to Chiro, who's learning NEW wrong things from it!
"Any questions?" Avaritia asked after ey'd settled down and resumed messily getting eir lo mein all over my bedspread.
"So, you're," I hesitated. It didn't really change anything, but it was strange to realize how foreign Avaritia really was, "You're one of the Children of the Forest?"
Ey shook eir head. "Nope! Avaritia Wolf is a Beast of the Abyssal Forest. But," ey gave up trying to force a grin, "yeah, that's what we used to be."
"And Superbia?" I pushed aside the familiar sensations his name caused.
Lupin shrugged, "The same. Gula decided to run and, well, I couldn't let her do that alone, could I? And, you know, recent choices aside, she's basically always right when she actually makes up her mind. It was… close," ey shuddered, and I wondered how old they had been when they decided it was better to risk a dark forest only Beasts could survive than stay in their hometown.
"But, we found Superbia sealed away in the Forest from all the way back when that first war happened, and we let him out and he gave the seeds that let us turn into Beasts so we could join him against the tyranny of virtue."
That put a spin on Superbia's power. How much longer had he been doing this than any of us?
OH. SO IT WAS TEMPERANCE AND LUPIN WHO STARTED ALL THIS.
. Wait. How long has this been. They talk about the Children of the Forest stuff like it's the beginning of humanity, but like...
...Okay, there are clearly still people sitting beneath the First Tree, but, if that's the case, then how does the humanity on Earth figure in?
.
.
.
Is. Is it that the rest of humanity are the ones who left with the Abyssal Beasts? Those who went beyond and left the Forest entirely?
Is THAT what this conflict is about, Superbia trying to drag the rest of humanity into a war they left behind, while Michael brought back the Saints to defend Earth's freedom from this conflict (or win it for Virtue if she's the hidden schemer, maybe? Lupin's story from how "the messenger", not anything about angels as a whole, so the role any kind of "Heaven" plays into this is...), and the Children of the Forest are still back beneath the First Tree trying to law and order their way into ending the temptation of Sin in their hearts?
Wild.
What the FUCK is Superbia Dragon though. Just a Child gone old?
"And Michael and that robed guy with Superbia?" I asked. Lupin already knew Inessa was Castitas somehow or other. So naming the Saints' mascot seemed like it was only a small betrayal on top of everything else.
"No clue who Michael is and," Avaritia frowned, "No real clue who the robed guy is either to be honest."
There were so many questions I wanted to ask. Nothing about this idea that the Forest had a civilization or people just living there matched with any of what little exposition I'd managed to wrangle from Michael or the Saints. And, I couldn't believe that Inessa of all people was the vanguard of some kind of dystopian society.
"I'm getting to it, okay! This isn't easy to talk about!" Lupin glared at me.
"Sorry, sorry," I took a large bite of lo mein and waited for Lupin to get back to eir story.
"Superbia knew we'd lose if we fought, and he found a way to a world outside the forest entirely. So, we figured we could come here and empower our seeds and recruit new allies like you! People that need their darker emotions; that crave something more than they can have being all nice and kind and doing what society wants them to do."
I wasn't sure how to square my own envy with that; but any way to pretend that I wasn't a monster who'd sold myself out to team evil just so I could stand on the stage instead of just being a powerless bystander posed obvious temptations.
"And making Resinners?"
"The more monsters we make, the more power of sin we spread, the stronger we can get and then we can go back and show everyone they were wrong. Superbia has it all figured out."
And that was the problem. I trusted Lupin; despite every sane part of me telling me I probably shouldn't. I couldn't bring myself to think anything but the worst of our former guidance counselor. He was too much like dad in so many little ways to feel otherwise.
The next morning, Lupin brought me bags upon bags of clothing from the mall.
Thank GOD for "I can't trust Superbia and Lupin can't make me even by association", that's the only way Chiro is gonna survive this.
Man though. It REALLY is "Superbia decided to make this a whole new world's problem and Lupin is trying to win an ideological debate on a society that ey've only ever spent time with in front of a TV screen."
Of COURSE Lupin's arguments about what Sin and Virtue does have been bullshit in the context of how civilization works, ey's STRAIGHT up taking eir baggage on how eir home culture works out on a place it only kinda applies to.
It really is like. If Michael doesn't end up being directly responsible for the Abyssal Beasts arriving, it really is just that she armed the Saints to let their homes stay out of a whole alien war the enemy's trying to drag them into, which is WACK dude.
So, I found myself modeling an ever growing wardrobe. Lupin, I was sure, could have, and — when I was watching enough to guilt em into it — did, pay for things, but as the beast of greed, ey never seemed to get caught stealing anything and did so almost compulsively. I didn't have any money and it seemed silly to sell my soul to an evil empire and draw the line at shoplifting.
Which brought us to our current predicament.
"I think," I said, bitterly as I stared at my face in the mirror, "that this is an instrument of torture sent from the heavens to punish us."
Seeing myself in this body, embarrassingly, still sent a tiny jolt of electricity coursing down my back, as if I needed the constant reminder that this was me now, someone powerful and magical in her own right. That did not actually make my current task any easier.
"Ah," Lupin—who was in eir human form today—quirked an eyebrow at me, "Inessa does this every day you know."
It didn't matter that Avaritia's ploy was agonizingly transparent.
"Then," I sighed theatrically, "As the better twin, I suppose there is no choice if I am to be a worthy partner to you."
"I'm glad you understand, partner; now get back to practicing your eyeliner. Good may be able to show up to school in a sweatshirt she bought at Old Navy, but sin has standards."
I giggled, and accidentally traced a line diagonally across the entirety of my eyelid. The panicked attempt to get the eyeliner away from my eye before it did any more damage somehow ended up with smudges on my nose… and my cheek… and a mark on my hand that ended up mostly ending up on my neck in short order.
I cursed as Avaritia plucked the dangerous implement from my hands and replaced it with a makeup wipe. I should have let that get me down, a failure to acclimate, proof I'd never infiltrate successfully. Instead, something about seeing Avaritia failing to suppress a smirk just made me giggle instead.
"Don't worry everyone does, well, something almost like that more or less." ey said confidently, "No one's born knowing how to draw a perfect wingtip."
I sighed. "You're saying I'm basically like a twelve year old girl."
Avaritia gave me a thumbs up. "Well, I have seen your taste in TV you know."
"Hey!" I stomped my foot and pouted at her, probably proving her point more than anything else I'd done.
Then I sighed and asked the question again. "You're sure we don't have to hurt them?"
Avaritia shook eir head. "We don't want a world without virtue, just one that has a place for sin."
Ey gently tapped the side of the pen against my eyelid, expertly tracing thin lines above each eye, "Hold still now and let me show you how it's done."
I did my best to listen, but I couldn't really see em work. Still, I couldn't help but enjoy something about the moment.
"Sure they'll get a little roughed up, for as long as they position themselves as the guardians of the status quo, but they're tough and, in the end, they'll see we're right."
I stared at myself in the mirror, admiring the perfect cat's eyes Lupin had given me, "if you say so," I hesitated for a moment, "I guess I should get going."
Lupin grinned, "You'll be fine Chiro, I have faith in you and I want to hear all about it when you get back!"
I transformed, drawing out a tiny cloud from the miasma sealed inside my heart. Then I inhaled deeply and screamed, shattering the world in front of me like a pane of glass. This was it. My first day in school as Chiro. Despite all my desensitization training at the mall; I remained inexplicably terrified.
Inessa takes advantage of the odd break from monster attacks to work through her feelings on Invidia. Meanwhile a mysterious new girl transfers into school. Michael detects something odd about her, but, before the girls can investigate, Invidia and Avaritia turn the chemistry teacher into a resinner and set him running amok around the school.
Tune in for Episode 23: The Fourth Saint?! A Mysterious Transfer Student Arrives!
"The Fourth Saint" I don't think we're immediately gonna swerve into "Chiro actually does get an Angelic Saint bangle and becomes some kind of aberrant nephilim magical girl" but it would be. Something.
Otherwise. Oh wow. Lupin, you spent SEVEN episodes working to grab your new partner Invidia Bat, but here's the very next preview saying "Lmao. Guess what."
It doesn't even have to happen immediately, it's still a perilous burn.
And here we go! Chiro finds that actually it turns out that selling out all your morals and friends to turn into a cool goth girl does not solve all life's problems.
Lupin shrugged, "The same. Gula decided to run and, well, I couldn't let her do that alone, could I? And, you know, recent choices aside, she's basically always right when she actually makes up her mind. It was… close," ey shuddered, and I wondered how old they had been when they decided it was better to risk a dark forest only Beasts could survive than stay in their hometown.
"But, we found Superbia sealed away in the Forest from all the way back when that first war happened, and we let him out and he gave the seeds that let us turn into Beasts so we could join him against the tyranny of virtue."
"Maybe you can't explain how you could have it, so you think about it, but you can't bring yourself to admit you want what you want and legitimize yourself and I could just tell you but then you'd just growl and resist and bite me and then go all guilty and be all 'woe is me' for a month and shut down and refuse to think about anything. Gula did that back in the day before we got her sorted out! Anyway, that's what the seed will help with! It'll feed on your sins, those nasty dark longings you can't deal with and then it'll use that power to give you what you need even if you're still scared to want it!"
Oh, since I mentioned the Keys to the Kingdom books before, one interesting parallel I forgot about was that its Gluttony representative (Wednesday) was also the nicest and most cooperative with the heroes. Given Shadell hasn't mentioned that series, I take it is just a neat coincidence.
Edit: Ooh, and she's also a sea creature on top of that
Oh so the Seed DIRECTLY spiritually tazzes you for stepping out of line, that's wonderful, magical, a beautiful thing that doesn't make me want to maul trees like a mountain lion right this instant.
It keeps being the case that Avaritia talks a good game, except in all concrete context it's being a goon for a TERF who wants you to mind control people into being saturday morning cartoon enemies.
Okay, I don't even need to check to know people have been debating whether this is Michael or someone else in the 10 days this is been out, but I'm thinking. Why IS Archangel Michael a plushie, actually?
MIchael could be someone gone rogue, or just from a different faction. Anyway, it makes sense. Like how many priests preached virtue while secretly engaging in vice. The rich call the poor lazy and barely do anything. Sin has always been part of the system. Joining the other side merely reaffirms the dichotomy and the current system.
It really is like. If Michael doesn't end up being directly responsible for the Abyssal Beasts arriving, it really is just that she armed the Saints to let their homes stay out of a whole alien war the enemy's trying to drag them into, which is WACK dude.
"The Fourth Saint" I don't think we're immediately gonna swerve into "Chiro actually does get an Angelic Saint bangle and becomes some kind of aberrant nephilim magical girl" but it would be. Something.
Well, they had been looking at a Patientia candidate in another preview. An art prodigy that volunteers at schools. I would find it funny if she had been rejected by Michael for repressing her anger too much.
"Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you wanna go apeshit?"
Oh so the Seed DIRECTLY spiritually tazzes you for stepping out of line, that's wonderful, magical, a beautiful thing that doesn't make me want to maul trees like a mountain lion right this instant.
It's almost like the guy who had to be tricked into thinking Avaritia was only nonbinary because "she" wanted all the pronouns isn't running a trans-friendly workplace!
I mean, the fact that Invidia is semi-forced to "pretend" to be a girl for a while is probably a net positive. If only it wasn't tied so directly to the Superb Snake, who is just an unmitigated negative on so many levels.
"Funny story, I just burned down every bridge I have" "Wow, go girl!"
You CONTINUE to disrespect C and Inessa's friendship you motherfucker.
Avaritia sees Inessa as the enemy, and it's hard to respect her friendship with C without respecting C at least a little.
Honestly I feel like my review style gets in the way of the narrative's intent to draw you into Avaritia's perspective, getting lost in eir good points and contemplating whether their worldview might be onto something, only to get abruptly shocked out of it when something reminds you that actually this is a straightforward magical girl show and the villains are actually doing things that are wrong (like when Superbia drops in within a few paragraphs probably), but like, I DO see that this is what the story is doing, I think it's done well, so don't take the constant "This is BULLSHIT" as criticism.
Take it as criticism of the fans who think Avaritia is right and not just well-meaning.
See this is why the comments of "Avaritia is doing right by C, unlike the Saints" never makes sense to me, because ey are LITERALLY just doing the exact same things Inessa Temperance and Ida are, the same affirmations of the validity of C's emotions, the same apologies for trespassing C's boundaries when that becomes apparent, it's just that, the Saints have been abiding by C's will and waiting for C to make C's own decisions, while Avaritia pressured C into changing without informed consent (and also entrapped C in a world domination cult), and, is that the difference you want the Saints to correct about their behavior? Slipping in estrogen pills during lunch without C noticing?
I'm getting "This sounds like a good idea and I will not question why" vibes from Invidia falling for that trick.
Avaritia's not gonna win this fight between "I'm your goth wolf bifriend and think your hot" and "I'm your all-powerful dragon boss and I think everything you love about yourself is worthless."
I've been rooting hard for Avaritia to realize that ey can't win that fight, and that losing that fight is gonna be bad for Invidia, and oh fuck that's probably why Temperance left*, and run away with eir trans friend again.
*Well, she had other reasons, but Avaritia doesn't realize that yet.
It would be a lot less funny if it affected Avaritia's treatment of "him" for more than, like, a paragraph. Though on second thought, considering how very un-incel C acted, Avaritia not noticing would itself be kinda funny...
...Huh. Is this what being a Saint is like?
Or rather. Like the Angelic Saints use bangles that are worn rather than the power constantly inhabiting them, so even in that way it can't be 24/7 vigilance like a Beast has to deal with, but in the sense that it's easy to lose the power if you don't have the right mindset immediately.
Is THAT why Michael refused to induct C? Because anything less than unyielding compatibility could instantly cut the cord in an incredibly traumatic way?
Who knows?
All we know for sure is that it's less bad than whatever the Beasts have. Temperance feasts during study time, Ida is encouraged to take breaks, Inessa doesn't think having a GF would ruin her magic, so they clearly have some leeway. We just don't know whether that's "all the leeway" or a "cheat day" sort of thing.
Invidia: How can I indulge my self-loathing if nobody treats me like a monster?
Avaritia: I treat you like a monster!
Invidia: That doesn't count, you think that's a good thing!
School was where C hung out with friends and didn't have to worry about his dad.
Soon, it'll be where Invidia can "infiltrate" her old friend group without worrying about her boss.
Bro Inessa would literally not incinerate you. She would probably do exactly what Temperance did to Lupin (which was nothing), just with more puppy dog eye staring.
In fairness, Avaritia thinks that's a good place to go when you're feeling unstable. She's not manipulative or deceptive, just brainwashedanother victim dumb.
Avaritia is forwarding the burden of thinking about collateral damage to C.
[...]
EY HAD A GUY FOR THIS AND SHE LITERALLY QUIT. BUFFOON BEHAVIOR.
Avaritia thinks Superbia's red flags are just the Abyssal Forest's national banner.
It really is like. If Michael doesn't end up being directly responsible for the Abyssal Beasts arriving, it really is just that she armed the Saints to let their homes stay out of a whole alien war the enemy's trying to drag them into, which is WACK dude.
I do really wonder if Chiro's gonna keep the Inessa face once this is all through, because, like sure, that would be a way to bring all the sibling stuff to a decisive conclusion, but that's still, idealizing Inessa over liking self? It's complicated.
Well, the seed wanted Chiro to start changing her appearance again. It seems she's keeping the Inessa appearance not out of just envy, but also out of the bond the two have. So it seems like this represents her bond with Inessa is one of the things keeping her out of fully falling into the sin sauce, though she might change into her own Brandt-like appearance.
So I've been out of here for a hot sec and a lot of things have been happening in the thread (which apparently includes a Doctor Who crossover omake???), but for the time being, I'll focus on the fishtank ghosts.
By the way, since you said 'for the time being', I take it this means you're actually gonna go over my omake? Because I'd sure be looking forward to reading that~
Mr. Noir had become a demon. Still thin and reedy, he was even taller now, with his hands and feet replaced by scaled claws and a set of large golden curved horns on his head. A massive pair of batlike wings tipped in spikes of protruding bone adorned his back. His eyes were slit like a snake's, but there was something wrong in them; like they held something that was not at all known to life. Those eyes were eerily familiar.
