A Little Vice (Trans Magical Girl fic)

SoulCaptain · Jun 9, 2023

That chapter made me so sad. C...

At the same time, it ended on a plot beat that was dramatically cathartic - some really important things are out in the open now and the tension build up of some plot relevant secrets has been relieved.

I think that was a very clever choice from a narrative point of view because, whilst it doesn't detract from the really sad bits of C's life earlier in the chapter and feels like a natural progession of them, it also works to relieve some of the reader's tension.

Thus, the chapter ends on a note that makes people for invested for what happens next; gives a reader something in counterpoint to the angst of most of the chapter (which on a meta level helps make the serious topics and themes feel like they have been handled appropriately whilst also making sure that the chapter doesn't feel overwhelming in its sadness); and, at the same time, the dramatic catharsis along with C's in world complicated state of catharsis provides a thematic contrast against the rest of the chapter which just highlights the numb bleakness of what came before.

Awesome work.

LampWitch · Jun 9, 2023

Shadell said:
All I had to do was avoid naming my sin, avoid claiming it, and it couldn't be real.

More stuff about naming! Now we've seen the Beast mindset. It's rebellion, yes, but also acceptance of the view you and what you do is bad. Inessa is indeed wrong for not listening enough and treating C as powerless, but the team has been honestly offering help while C is insistent they're dishonest. It's a mutual stubbornness to see people and situations in specific ways.

Mizu said:
I can't help but find it amusing that the good guys are fine with torrenting media illegally. Probably. Nice way to show there's depth to actions and how wrong something is.

Haha. I thought it was torrent in the meaning of "strong stream"->"a lot of content flowing"->"they watched a lot".

CrystalPylon said:
What kind of bat is C now tho
Is she a vampire? A fruit bat?

Well, she bites people for power. So vampire. Oh dear, she might be hitting Temperance with the vampire appeal. Invidia's gonna be weirded out when she realizes Temperantia keeps trying to get bitten. Though C as a fruit bat is kinda cute. Also, I wonder if C as a saint would be a sort of medic, due to the whole blood thing.

I know things won't be solved so easily, as C is fully in the sauce of hurting her friends, but it would be funny if
Invidia, covered in dark winds:
Foolishly I left the darkness creeping
In this restless ruin my soul is bleeding
I confess to you the dark has
Taken me prisoner
I am corrupt beyond any rescue
I've forsaken my vow to protect you...
Castitas: Don't worry, I got this. *does a stunt and breaks her leg*
Invidia, losing the dramatic effects: No! Let me call an ambulance!... Temperantia, why are you on the ground?
Temperantia, struggling to raise her head: ...C...deficiency...
Invidia: ...The vitamin? Fine, I'll make sure you eat fruits.

Also, a recommendation: The Harem Protagonist Was Turned Into A Girl!! And Doesn't Want To Change Back!!!?? Or HaProTGirl.
Featuring two trans girls: the protagonist, Svetlana and her gamer friend who decides to name herself Cartridge.

Edit: Also, I realize Lupin never transformed before C until that moment and still thought she knew. Though, ey also didn't realize C didn't know about Invidia. Was eir process of becoming a Beast different?

CaesriusPolybius · Jun 9, 2023

GreatWyrmGold said:
In fairness, if I was Inessa and my best friend told me he had figured out all the magical girls' secret identities, I would have probably also assumed he figured out Temperance was Gula.

I'll be honest, part of me was absolutely expecting Inessa to react with just even more utter confusion that they didn't Because, like, C punched through nearly every other identity, and Temperance has hardly been subtle about it.

SoulCaptain · Jun 9, 2023

LampWitch said:
Invidia: No! Let me call an ambulance!... Temperantia, why are you on the ground?
Temperantia: ...C...deficiency...

I ugly cackled irl. Well played.

AlephNull · Jun 9, 2023

Aranfan said:
I wonder how Invidia will react if Temperance just like... congratulates her on her transition.

Temperance: Oh my god, it makes so much sense now, why you look like Inessa!
Invidia: (Yes, I am a horrible creature deserving of scorn, only able to fake the virtues of others, hate me now that you see the depth of my depravity... etc. etc.)
Temperance: You're sisters!
Invidia: *dies instantly probably*

CaesriusPolybius · Jun 9, 2023

AlephNull said:
Temperance: Oh my god, it makes so much sense now, why you look like Inessa!
Invidia: (Yes, I am a horrible creature deserving of scorn, only able to fake the virtues of others, hate me now that you see the depth of my depravity... etc. etc.)
Temperance: You're sisters!
Invidia: *dies instantly probably*

I don't know whether to rate this hugs or funny, so I rated it funny and am now giving you a discount hug rating: 💙

Darth Locutus · Jun 9, 2023

Self-awareness: get.

Transformation: get.

Hype: get.

Spectral Waltz · Jun 9, 2023

We're in the home stretch now I think, since the mid season big point was the kidnapping arc...

The Laurent · Jun 9, 2023

I'm not sure of that. I think that Invidia Bat needs some time to cook.

Who's to say that we won't end this cour with Invidia still out there, and dealing with that will be Next Cour's problem?

Since wrapping up Invidia in three episodes would be a little much, after how Guel took a full Cour as a main villain before she turned.

Icipall · Jun 9, 2023

Shadell said:
"Dad was a little upset about missing school after all."

Inessa winced, her eyes repeating the question her mouth didn't want to.

"Well, I'm just grounded and he took my phone. It's really not that bad!" I grabbed Inessa's arm and pulled her off the stoop before her parents could notice anything odd and get involved in the inquisition.

"And honestly," I cut in before Inessa could leap to the wrong conclusion, "it's not like he's wrong. Like, he warned me I'd be in trouble if I skipped again any time soon and, well," The truth was dad gave a lot of warnings. Usually he didn't pay enough attention to remember them.

Shadell said:
Inessa blinked, then shook her head furiously, "N-no, I mean, it's awful I… I've been misgendering em this whole time! Ey probably hate me now and even if ey turns good ey'll never want to date me and…"

You didn't know, you did nothing wrong.

Shadell said:
She paused, clamping one hand over her mouth, "I-I'm a lesbian, is it transphobic that I have a crush on em?!"

...No.

Shadell said:
I struggled to pay attention. Temperance had known?! She'd known that Avaritia was reaching out to me, befriending me, that ey'd started that right after ey'd kidnapped me for reasons I could no longer trick myself into thinking were entirely innocuous. And Temperance hadn't done anything to keep us apart or warn me or..

Ok, when you put it like that it does sound really bad.

Shadell said:
"Oops," Inessa winced.

And that was it really. "Oops." It just wasn't important enough to make sure I knew that my friend had hurt me in the past and, okay, she'd been Temperance for ages before I officially knew any of the magical girl stuff, as much of a bystander as I was. But this only served to cut apart that sweet little lie that I would ever be a part of the group.

"I uhhh," she said eventually, "I thought she'd already brought it up."

I nearly tripped, trying to ignore my own heartbeat, trying to ignore the cloying scent of cinnamon that I was sure I couldn't actually smell. Temperance had been Gula; she'd known about Lupin. Had she known about Mr. Noir when he was tearing through my chest to pick apart my heart?

Oh, this is not good.

Shadell said:
I struggled not to bristle.

"You'll never understand Lupin," the words were mumbled quietly enough that Inessa couldn't possibly have heard them, and enough of a nonsequitur that she'd never guess. And yet, some wicked little part of me wanted to throw that in her face.

Shadell said:
Inessa had never really risked disappointing her family until they stopped loving her. She'd never, not really, had to look at herself and know how awful she was; while here, I—Avaritia might stand to lose everything if ey gave up on sin. Inessa was vibrant and bright and beautiful as soon as she'd decided to blossom, she couldn't understand what it meant to have nothing in your heart that deserved to be spoken in the light of day. And that didn't make it fair or right or okay to do evil; but, it made Inessa's shallow efforts to cross that gap sting. She'd had everything she needed to push her darkness away. How was she to understand those who found some solace in theirs?

You so jealous of what they are and putting them on so high pedestal that you cannot even fathom that you could actually be like them

Shadell said:
He snorted and struggled to his feet. My dad, large enough that he was used to being imposing by default, loomed over me with an air of barely restrained anger. The beer belly he'd spent the past few years working on did nothing to lessen the menace he could exude.

I glanced past him to the row of empty beer bottles on the living room table next to a crumpled tie. Work had gotten out early then, and he'd come home and started drinking. It must not have been a good day.

And a bad day meant that the best thing to do was bite my tongue as he spoke about respect and obedience and try my best to listen and apologize where appropriate.

"I'm sorry," I said for the dozenth time. "Inessa was missing from the end of school and I was worried, so I stuck around to—" I didn't get a chance to finish. Excuses were bad. His mood was worse. Today those trumped his usual approval of my connection with Inessa.

What a mockery of a father.

Shadell said:
I tried to keep a neutral tone of voice, but something of my anger leaked through.

The fact that you can get angry, especially in regards to him, is a good sign.

Shadell said:
Something flew past my head, missing me by a few feet and shattering against a wall. I stared at it in confusion, slowly realizing that it was the remnant of a beer bottle. Dumbly, I turned to stare. He'd yelled, he'd knocked things over, but he'd never thrown anything, not like that. I'd told myself he wasn't a violent man a hundred times.

Maybe if I'd left then, I'd have talked myself out of understanding what had happened. But I turned to look first, and I saw the confusion and horror in his eyes, the way he stared at his own hands lost. And I knew it. He hadn't thrown the bottle to make me pay attention. He'd meant to hit me and missed.

Oh shit!

Shadell said:
So, I wiped a few freezing tears out of my eyes and started walking. A boy shouldn't have been crying to start with of course, but that was his rule, so it didn't matter.

It is a small step, C, but it is a step.

Shadell said:
A part of me wanted to tell Inessa exactly how hollow all her optimism felt. It wasn't worth the energy.

Oh no, C is hitting their emo phase!

Shadell said:
"They're almost as bright as your eyes," Inessa noted, feigning comprehension. I found myself unable to breathe as we looked at each other and slowly realized what that meant. My eyes were not supposed to be a bright green.

"C," Inessa's voice went from fake reassurance to very real worry. I thought of a green haired girl in all the mirrors in my dreams. I tried not to hope. Even after all this, I wasn't allowed to hope it was real. "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

Lupin had picked out the earrings, specifically for me. Lupin had called me eir partner, eir 'bestie' overnight, right after Avaritia had failed to make me into an ally, right after my dreams had started.

They couldn't be real. They weren't allowed to be real. If they were real, I could be beautiful and strong enough to matter. If they were real, I had hurt my friends again and again because deep down I….

OMG, here comes the plot progression we've so eagerly awaited!

Shadell said:
I could tell them, I realized. That was the right thing to do. I could refuse that dark little emotion at my core and let the saints exorcize me and clear the world of one Beast. That's what a good person would have done.

And you won't.

Shadell said:
"Oh," I rubbed the back of my head. "Umm," on reflection, telling your friends that you, an ordinary boy, happen to have been the evil monster masquerading as a clone of your best friend from childhood who was a girl was awkward for more reasons than the whole part about beating them up a bunch.

"I think I'm, umm, that mystery beast," I scratched the back of my head.

Ok, I stand corrected.

Shadell said:
Then I took a step toward Inessa and, gently as I could, shoved her away from me. "It's enough to let me pretend to be as strong and as beautiful as any of you."

But it is your jealousy that is keeping you from it.

Shadell said:
"With a jealous scream to shatter the night, Invidia Bat has arrived!" I let my hand fall to my side, dipping low into a curtsy and wrapping myself in my wings.

View: https://youtu.be/QbJ3sbzbNW8?t=50

Shadell said:
"Nice to meet you."

Spectral Waltz · Jun 9, 2023

The Laurent said:
I'm not sure of that. I think that Invidia Bat needs some time to cook.

Who's to say that we won't end this cour with Invidia still out there, and dealing with that will be Next Cour's problem?

Since wrapping up Invidia in three episodes would be a little much, after how Guel took a full Cour as a main villain before she turned.

From the perspective of the audience though, Invidia Bat has been around for a while and this is just the climax where her identity is revealed. I'm thinking this is going to be wrapped up in 3 chapters, but I would probably expect an epilogue afterwards.

I'm certainly not going to complain if it goes longer~ but that's my prediction.

Solsticegelan · Jun 9, 2023

CaesriusPolybius said:
I'll be honest, part of me was absolutely expecting Inessa to react with just even more utter confusion that they didn't Because, like, C punched through nearly every other identity, and Temperance has hardly been subtle about it.

Something Something refuge in audacity.

The Laurent · Jun 9, 2023

I want Invidia to become a suspiciously named "transfer student."

LampWitch · Jun 9, 2023

The Laurent said:
I want Invidia to become a suspiciously named "transfer student."

Invidia trying to build a rivalry with the Saints but Temperance just keeps flirting.

GreatWyrmGold · Jun 9, 2023

The Laurent said:
I'm not sure of that. I think that Invidia Bat needs some time to cook.

Who's to say that we won't end this cour with Invidia still out there, and dealing with that will be Next Cour's problem?

Since wrapping up Invidia in three episodes would be a little much, after how Guel took a full Cour as a main villain before she turned.

Gula. Guel is the guy from the new Gundam.

More relevantly: I'm torn. On one hand, from a parallel-universe-magical-girl-release schedule perspective, it makes sense that Invidia would take a cour to cook before being fully resolved. On the other hand, having another dozen chapters of C as Invidia sounds kinda weird from a pacing-this-fic perspective. I feel like either the typical magical girl plot structure or the one-chapter-per-episode thing would need to be dropped to make this work.

Icipall said:
You didn't know, you did nothing wrong.

...No.

Considering how quickly Inessa dropped the misgendering angst, I'm like 90% sure she was joking.

Oh no, C is hitting their emo phase!

As a nascent magical girl villain, it was inevitable.

The Laurent said:
I want Invidia to become a suspiciously named "transfer student."

If Avariia's magic HRT wears off when C isn't transformed, she'll probably end up with her old name. And eventually a new one if she convinces the faculty to change her records.

Otherwise...well, everyone calls her C, so she has to keep her initial. Unfortunately, Charity is Lupin's future virtue, so nothing Charity-adjacent is available.

LampWitch · Jun 9, 2023

GreatWyrmGold said:
having another dozen chapters of C as Invidia sounds kinda weird from a pacing-this-fic perspective

Well, we already aren't seeing the story from the in-universe watchers' perspective. Skipping episodes for the story's pacing seems fine.

The Laurent · Jun 9, 2023

LampWitch said:
Well, we already aren't seeing the story from the in-universe watchers' perspective. Skipping episodes for the story's pacing seems fine.

Shifting towards something broader could also emphasize the ways in which she is now on the outside looking in for REAL. No longer is she basically sorta-kinda involved in every one-episode interpersonal crisis that MGs are required to have.

Darth Locutus · Jun 9, 2023

So you know what I just noticed? C knows how to curtsey, which heavily implies practice because doing it correctly without stumbling or wobbling is harder than it seems. Now is this another selective memory, or merely magical girl hax?

NemoMarx · Jun 9, 2023

Shadell said:
So what if I was too big and clumsy? I could just imitate Ida's grace. I could borrow Temperance's stature and poise. So what if I was weak? I could mimic Inessa's power and beauty. So what if I was pathetic; I could steal the bearing of a Saint.

The transformation is kinda direct about what Envy can do. It wouldn't really be proper for mimicry to only take magical powers and not at least some of the technique and flair that you need with them, right?

E: Of course, Invidia might also have been curtseying and flourishing in her earlier dream appearances.

Cloak&Dagger · Jun 9, 2023

LampWitch said:
Also, a recommendation: The Harem Protagonist Was Turned Into A Girl!! And Doesn't Want To Change Back!!!?? Or HaProTGirl.
Featuring two trans girls: the protagonist, Svetlana and her gamer friend who decides to name herself Cartridge.

What a minute, I thought this thread was a one-off! Is there a whole genre of 'stories in a generic fiction setting where we pretend it's part of a series but that series doesn't actually exist'?

Is there a whole trans main character version of that?!

GreatWyrmGold · Jun 9, 2023

I wouldn't call it a genre, but it's certainly a common premise across multiple genre. It's a solid way to lean on and play with established tropes, it makes a fun framing device, and if you were already planning to use the tropes associated with that kind of fiction, the opportunity cost is pretty low.

LampWitch · Jun 9, 2023

The next step in fanfiction is discarding the need for an existing work and just making fanfic of the genre itself.
Huh, I had wondered today why call this story fanfcition when there's no original, got my answer.

NemoMarx · Jun 9, 2023

Anyway, not that this is canon, but the vibes and aesthetic I've been kinda imagining for Invidia Bat! The hair is the wrong color, and honestly Parsee is often drawn as more mean spirited or seething with jealousy than C usually would be, but it feels right. And it's a cute song with a little elegant piano and stuff which seems right?

View: https://youtu.be/v9kqr5yLTsM

starlitecho · Jun 9, 2023

some of y'all don't support trans wrongs and it really shows

SoulCaptain · Jun 9, 2023

I've seen people mention the phrase "cour" a few times when talking about timeline but I have no idea what it means with regards to anime/magical girl conventions (somehow I don't think the French for courtyard or court of law is the correct answer). If someone could explain what it means to me I'd be very grateful

A Little Vice (Trans Magical Girl fic)

Worldgate Mechanic

Chase the Sun

Worldgate Mechanic

Scatterbrained Writer

Don't worry, we can fanfix that!

Scatterbrained Writer

Backalley Watchdog

Definitely Insane

Backalley Watchdog