Finally! Looks like Temperance was frustrated enough to finally be direct about it. She doesn't succeed though. She does back off after Chiro pushes back, which is a good thing but I was definitely as frustrated as Temperance at times reading this.
But there was no use in imagining happier pasts. At the end of the day my envy was a part of me, whether I liked it or not. I was hardly the only one to feel that way. And perhaps the only way out was through. In naming it, in acknowledging the distorted way I looked at my sister, I could render it transparent enough to start looking beyond myself. I still idolized her of course, still took her as a lodestar in a way that even I could admit probably put a terrible kind of pressure ona girl who had too many weights to bear.
A Healthy mindset, something that felt impossible at the start but Chiro has come really far.
Dear Shadell, thank you for making this wonderful story. It is my favorite for a lot of reasons, only the biggest of which is just how much I've related to Chiro at times.
I spared a glance at Temperance, who seemed to be looking at Ida with something like dawning horror as the latter girl tapped her finger against her lips.
"Huh," Ida said in a tone of voice I'd never heard from the usually confident Saint. "That's, huh. Well, the more you know." And then she laughed and rubbed the back of her head and returned to her lunch with gusto.
Slowly, Inessa turned to face Temperance, communicating something inscrutable but horrified in the private language only possessed by real girls, or maybe just real lesbians?
"No," Temperance announced firmly. "We can unpack that after we finish breaking Chiro."
"Look Temperance," Ida cut in, just as I thought I was free. "I guess I'm the token cisgender heterosexual on the team and I don't really get this stuff. But, like, you'd just know if you were gay or trans or anything, right? LIke, people just have an internal sense of that kind of thing."
"Look Temperance," Ida cut in, just as I thought I was free. "I guess I'm the token cisgender heterosexual on the team and I don't really get this stuff. But, like, you'd just know if you were gay or trans or anything, right? LIke, people just have an internal sense of that kind of thing."
"Exactly!" I agreed, puzzled by the unexpected support, but willing to accept it even if it meant my efforts to avoid the topic were failing.
"No," Inessa preempted Ida. "At least, it's like, it's complicated, I just thought girls were, you know… There were, umm," I wondered whether mortified or amused was the better reaction to seeing my sister squirm. Secondhand embarrassment felt about right. "You know, thoughts about women. But, it's not like I had a 'lesbian' label floating over my head or anything."
I spared a glance at Temperance, who seemed to be looking at Ida with something like dawning horror as the latter girl tapped her finger against her lips.
"Huh," Ida said in a tone of voice I'd never heard from the usually confident Saint. "That's, huh. Well, the more you know." And then she laughed and rubbed the back of her head and returned to her lunch with gusto.
Slowly, Inessa turned to face Temperance, communicating something inscrutable but horrified in the private language only possessed by real girls, or maybe just real lesbians?
"No," Temperance announced firmly. "We can unpack that after we finish breaking Chiro."
Well damn. This was a fucking journey, and a very very well written work. I really hope Chiro is still getting some amount of magic HRT, either still from the seed or from the Branch, because otherwise I'd seriously suggest the Envymaxxing approach Avaritia suggested. Seriously, go fuck yourself Shadell I don't want to feel these emotions right now, this story is too good!
What an adorable epilogue. The perfect combination of "the adventures continue" while also providing closure and resolution for Chiro's personal story arc.
Chiro finally did it! She transed her gender, and got to be the girl she always should have been! Thanks for the great story, hope to see you around later!
This was a really, really nice epilogue. It's all just so, kind. The Brandts adopting Chiro, adjusting to her circumstances, not flawlessly but with determination, and helping her to adjust to them as well. And those last few lines, they're the perfect close to a perfect closing chapter. In the finale we get the arrival of Angelic Saint Humanitas, and the scene in the cafeteria is just as powerful. Chiro hearing that envious song, acknowleding it as familiar, just like her own and wanting to help them. As Chiro. With a little kindness.
Congrats on finishing this, Shadell, it was an absolutely fantastic read, from start to finish.
Thank you, Shadell, it's been a real trip. I'm honestly so proud of Chiro, she's come such a long way (even if I share Temperance's exasperation at her continued impostor syndrome). I'm also delighted to see that I was right that there's no way Ida could be cishet, what with being a magical girl and all. Regardless, I very much look forward to whatever you create next, be it a continuation of some form or another, or something else entirely.
Now, regarding the preorder, I was holding out for that possibility of a print version (I want to be able to put A Little Vice on my shelf, storm it all!), but then I thought, hey, it's only four bucks, and even with Dread Pirate Bezos taking his pound of flesh, sending a bit more cash Shadell's way sounds like a good thing.
Thank you, Shadell, it's been a real trip. I'm honestly so proud of Chiro, she's come such a long way (even if I share Temperance's exasperation at her continued impostor syndrome). I'm also delighted to see that I was right that there's no way Ida could be cishet, what with being a magical girl and all. Regardless, I very much look forward to whatever you create next, be it a continuation of some form or another, or something else entirely.
To be fair though, imposter syndrome is the universal experience that unites all trans people, even the "I've known since I was 3" ones still sometimes feel that they aren't "really trans", though Chiro is still testing Temperance's patience even then. Also bi the way confirming Ida isn't straight like that was pretty funny, not going to lie.
Now, regarding the preorder, I was holding out for that possibility of a print version (I want to be able to put A Little Vice on my shelf, storm it all!), but then I thought, hey, it's only four bucks, and even with Dread Pirate Bezos taking his pound of flesh, sending a bit more cash Shadell's way sounds like a good thing.
I was going to refer to him as a Dreadlord, but then I found out that, back in 2011, someone called him "Dread Pirate Bezos" as part of a rant about how terrible of an employer Amazon is. Also, it's not like Wesley was the first Dread Pirate Roberts. Also xkcd #549.
The end result was that I'd assembled a pretty impressive history of being manhandled, getting thrown at things, turned into an object, held hostage; charmed and, naturally, of being rescued by magical girls.
Where Castitas exuded a fiery charisma, the second Saint had a sturdiness and stoicism to her that lent her a knightly mein. She was also, to Castitas' frequent consternation, a great deal taller.
But it was already working on my chest, leaving a giant ribbon to accentuate what I could barely admit was there and a beautiful green skirt that must have looked awful on me for all it felt like it gave me actual hips.
If I were Lupin, I'd say that the Abyssal Beasts' transformations give them what they actually want, while the Saints' transformations only make them feel less bad about what they have. If I were me, I'd try to say something similar that doesn't frame the Saints' costumes as an inferior substitute for the Abyss, before creating an elaborate framing device for my thoughts.
Also: Luxuria Fox would have been tall. Maybe Sarasa Watanabe tall.
LITERALLY HER FIRST WORDS IN THE STORY! (aside from her magical girl catchphrase)
"I've just ended up getting wrapped up in a lot of these monster attacks."
Mr. Noir paused at that for a moment, staring at me deeply, as if really looking at me for the first time, before breaking into a wide grin. He didn't say anything else until just before I reached the point where I could no longer endure his silent judgment.
"Fascinating." he cut me off just before I said something dumb, "Getting wrapped up in all of that business, I mean. And how does that make you feel?"
I hesitated, "Well, it's not like I can really control it, right? And, barely anyone really gets hurt, what with the Angelic Saints saving us all the time and all."
Mr Noir adjusted his glasses, "Yes, yes, but surely you must be angry? Always getting pulled into their fights, forced to take part in business that disrupts your life? It must be upsetting?"
In retrospect, it's so obvious that he was shopping around for a new Abyssal Beast. Did he focus on "Charleton" because of his pre-existing connection with the Saints, or was he trying to get every student who visited the guidance counselor to confess to sinful urges that have absolutely no relation to their actual repressed vices?
Also: This bit does summarize Superbia's management style pretty well. Make assumptions, talk about them, hope your target agrees with you and pretend you always knew the truth once you randomly guess it.
"And they're powerful and beautiful and amazing and here I am and I can't even keep away from a monster for longer than three days at a time."
He perked up at that, "Ah! I see. beautiful, yes, that makes sense. Luxuria then, after all this searching."
What an absolute tool. Not only does he ignore 96% of the words C's saying, he draws a wild conclusion from the single word he pays attention to. "This boy noticed that the pretty magical girls are pretty? He must be overcome with lust!!"
In retrospect, this story is very good at establishing character moments. Figure out the most them thing for them to say or do, and arrange the narrative so that's the first thing we see them say and do.
"A problem I frequently see with 'well-behaved' boys your age," he said paternalistically, "is that they don't want to admit their own needs. Oh, they try to be 'good,' and the world rewards them for being nice little diligent drones."
"And that's bad?" I asked, worriedly.
"Oh yes," his smile showed his teeth, "hiding your darker emotions helps no one in the end. You can run from adolescent desire as long as you want, run until you can't even remember what you're running from if you want. But the primal need will catch you and it will be all the more empowered for your attempts to confine it."
...
"For now, it's enough to understand that suppressing all this need won't help you. Try to think on it, to feel it. If we want to overcome your problems, you'll need to be able to vocalize what it is you crave."
Between the faux-leather jacket, the spiked collar around her neck, the neon purple highlights in her raven-black hair and the faint hint of an unplaceable accent, Lupin had no shortage of aesthetic. Allegedly, she was also the school's resident rumormonger, and a girl who always got what she wanted.
1. Foreshadowing about Lupin's otherworldly origins, or a joke at the expense of the Shining Virtue Angelic Heart dub?
2. Oh. Because of the greed. I see.s
"Got a crush? Is it Inessa, inquiring minds would pay good money for this info!"
I winced, "No, that's just gross. Inessa's like a sister to me..."
"Seriously though Charlie. I just wanted to check in? I'm sorry about how you seem to keep getting caught up in the middle of all of this stuff going on. It's really not fair to you."
I shrugged, "The Saints seem to get caught up in a lot more than me, and besides, it's not like it's your fault I seem to be natural monster bait."
"Right, obviously it's absolutely not my fault at all!"
I was mildly surprised that Ida, the tall, dark and athletic superstar of the volleyball, basketball and lacrosse teams, joined happily. If I was busy juggling the county level basketball tournament with the start of lacrosse practice, I would not have had the energy to spend a day out with people. This would have been triply true if I was also a superhero juggling a class-load almost as bad as mine. But I wasn't a magical girl literally named after her diligence. Ida would not have struggled to lift my small burdens.
The details we hear about these background Resinners are so wild. I don't think this tops "we had a bad experience with someone named Fidget Spinner," but it's still a crazy thing to just casually drop into the dialogue.
I assume Winter Rose was just one of the quintuple-timed girls, but a five-person Resinner would be...I assume it would be tough.
"See, C is just bad at being a boy, not even trying to two time anyone," Temperance attempted to distract me with more of her usual harassment. "I stand by the assertion he'd be better as one of the girls," she nodded expertly. "Just get in the skirt C."
"Hey, don't be mean to her… to him like that!" Inessa said, blushing brightly at the Freudian slip.
He was too moody and self-consumed to pay attention to his "son," and that's a good thing.
Remember what I said about establishing character moments? Ida is arguably an exception, but C's dad is not. He's a pretty straightforward character, and this tells us all we need to know about him.
He was also probably drunk, but that wasn't any of my business. Either way I didn't have to lie or deal with the warring blame and guilt that fought across his face whenever he looked at me. It hadn't always been this bad; but, recent events had left us both a lot worse at hiding our worst selves. Of course, he also stayed home all Sunday and had plenty of time to tell me exactly what he thought of me being such a disappointing waste of space who'd never be a real man.
Cloying condescension. Ugh.
Thank goodness real guidance counselors and therapists and such never condescend to their charges until they conform to expectations, right?
"These magical girls are beautiful and charming. It's perfectly normal to want them; healthy even."
[...]
"I dream of fighting together with them, the Angelic Saints, as a member. I'm not a victim. I can give something back to them for everything they've done for me and do something that matters."
Mr. Noir shook his head and I winced. I couldn't tell him everything. What weird boy dreams about being a magical girl? My recalcitrance must have disappointed him.
"To give back? To do something that matters? No, no one really cares about such pretensions. Admit it, you want to win their respect, but not for some silly altruistic notion."
What an absolute clod. Even if we pretend it's reasonable for Superbia to ignore and forget 96% of the sentence that made him pin "lust" on Charleton's back, he has to keep ignoring most of what C says to fit those statements into the mold he's assigned C.
Thank goodness real guidance counselors and—
Unfortunately, rule one of dealing with Inessa is absolutely that if someone runs away, she will chase them.
If someone runs away, she'll chase them.
If someone tries to escape, she'll catch them.
If someone tries to die, she'll save them.
Still it was less deeply uncomfortable to imagine dating Temperance than Inessa. I allowed myself to imagine us. I would grab the tip of her chin and lift it up even as I bent over and brushed the hair out of her face. Tentatively our lips might brush against each others'. Honestly I had to fight the impulse to start giggling like a maniac then and there. The thought wasn't bad or gross to imagine.
"It's not just me. Everyone wants to help: Ida, Temperance, my family. We all care about you a lot. But if you don't tell us what's wrong, we can't fix anything for you."
"I don't need anyone to fix me," I snapped at her, with a degree of confidence in that statement I did not feel.
Inessa winced, "that's not what I meant C; you know that."
No, but you absolutely said it, triggering C's non-gender-related issues. Oops.
"And I'm just a dumb useless boy who can't do anything for himself, who doesn't have parents who care enough to help him figure out college if he can't get a scholarship he doesn't have the grades for."
Magical girl? HOW did she say this and NOT realize Temperance had a point?!?
Is that part of the same magic that made him decide someone as obviously villainous as Mr. Noir was the most trustworthy adult in his life?
He was tall, in a kind of reedy way that made it seem like there was more suit than man there, with sickly gray skin and a smile that didn't quite reach his sunken eyes.
Mr Noir adjusted his glasses, "Yes, yes, but surely you must be angry?"
He perked up at that, "Ah! I see. beautiful, yes, that makes sense. Luxuria then, after all this searching."
"Oh, they try to be 'good,' and the world rewards them for being nice little diligent drones."
"Boys should be boys."
---
She shook her head, "Nah, my uncle can sometimes be a lot and I've been waiting out here for ages. Wanted to make sure that you weren't too overwhelmed or anything."
"Nope, just that he's usually got most of what he needs from a student after a single meeting."
"I'm really not sure the Saints are girls only," she offered, stumbling a little of her words, "I'm sure they'd take boys, if the right one came along."
"That's not," that did nothing to fill the emptiness, "that's not the point Inessa."
It feels unfair to compare Inessa to C's dad, but...yeah, C's treating her arguments with them the same.
"None of that now," something dangerous lurked under his tone, an undercurrent of authority looking to lash out at the slightest disobedience. I'd heard that tone enough from dad that I understood the meaning.
He stared at me seriously, "No beast survives a zoo Charleton. Take the mightiest alpha wolf, the deadliest tiger, and confine it to a cage for lesser beings to come and gawk and it will die as surely as if you tore out its heart."
"Animals trapped behind bars at the zoo need to run rampant and free!"
"Indulge yourself. Howl at the moon and run rampant. Reject this safe little zoo we call civilization and return to the forest where the wild things are. Face yourself as a true beast and satisfy all of your desires!"
I actually wonder if that's supposed to be a hint about his pride thing - the worst future Superbia can imagine is being mocked or imprisoned but kept safe, unable to go out on his terms or fight back or exercise any of that pride. So he conjures the alpha wolf stuff about it?
Damn, it's really over huh.
I really had to drop in here at the end to say just how much I love this story. Like, it's been a while since I've felt the simultaneous impulse to both hug and smack some sense into a character to this degree.
It's a funny bit of serendipity; I'd actually just started working on a story with some similar elements before finding this and it really inspired me to get serious about writing it. So all my lack of sleep is your fault if you think about it.
Thank you so much for making this. I look forward to whatever you do next.
I'm so happy with this story. I'm a little sad it's concluded but I firmly believe a writer should conclude a story at what they feel is a good ending point. But in the context of the show where Inessa is the protagonist I can see her and Temperance realizing Ida isn't straight. And them being horrified that Ida can't see she's in a closet.
As for Chiro she's like 3 weeks from admitting she's a girl but I am sad that she didn't get to keep her Fabulous Outfits®. However it seems like she'll be doted on as she deserves. But also the fact that she can't see she's pretty hits... pretty close to home.
But like, personally, I want there to be a date arc in the anime, While Chiro and Lupin are having secret dates, Inessa and Ida are coming to terms with their feelings for each other.
But in the context of the show where Inessa is the protagonist I can see her and Temperance realizing Ida isn't straight. And them being horrified that Ida can't see she's in a closet.
It's a magical girl yuri crime to leave Chiro out of this subplot, denying her a chance to by hypocritically frustrated at Ida's obliviousness to her own LGBTQIA+ identity.
The magical girl yuri police have been dispatched to your last known location. You'll recognize them because their uniforms include unreasonably frilly skirts.
so I decided I wanted to make Chiro a ranger form as if she was a Sentai or Power Ranger her design itself take some inspiration from tensou sentai goseiger/Mega force because it's Angel themed
so I decided I wanted to make Chiro a ranger form as if she was a Sentai or Power Ranger his design itself take some inspiration from tensou sentai goseiger/Mega force because it's Angel themed
You, uh, switch from using 'she' for Chiro at the start of the sentence to 'his' later on. From the context of the other grammar issues in the sentence I'm guessing it's an English-as-second-language issue, but I feel like it's important this specific one be pointed out given the context of, well, the story itself.
