Chapter 130 - Timeless Affection
The atmosphere around the table has turned unpleasantly grim. The darkness of the Floor of Philosophy, previously soft and gentle, feels somehow deeper and more oppressive. Like there's something hiding in the shadows that wasn't there before.
Madoka stares off into space, lost in thought. This is all far more than any child should have to deal with. More than that, it's too much to ask of somebody so young. While you don't think it's a stretch to claim that prioritizing others over oneself is a more moral choice than selfishness, it still feels wrong to demand that of somebody else. Maybe Madoka should risk herself to save others, but then shouldn't you also do your best to prevent her from even needing to?
And then there's Homura to consider. She has begrudgingly accepted that Madoka can't become less involved than she already is, but the idea that she would accept Madoka actively going into combat feels difficult to imagine to you. At best, she would be overprotective. At worst, your entire alliance with her might fall apart.
Of course, none of those reactions are part of a healthy part of Homura's personality. She doesn't have the right to decide what Madoka chooses to do with her life, even if you more or less agree with her. Madoka's decision will probably be affected by what Homura wants regardless because she's just that kind of person, but it still needs to be her choice.
If it were you in Madoka's position, you know what you'd decide. You have accepted your death once already. You'll do it again if necessary, not happily but without hesitation. It might as well be an obligation to you to spend your life helping others. To give your life helping others, if that's what it comes to.
Whether she knows it or not right now, Madoka's no different. You've seen Homura's memories, and through them you've seen Madoka sacrifice herself for friends or innocents more than once. She'll make the right choice even if it kills her.
It's Binah who end the looming silence. "X, please retrieve our other wayward child if you would. It appears that this conversation has reached its point of terminus."
You narrow your eyes. This is a fairly transparent excuse to allow Binah more time to speak with Madoka alone. Even so, you don't see any reason to refuse her. Binah's already had plenty of time alone with Madoka, so if she had anything nefarious planned she would've done it by now. It might be a sneaky way to do it, but that's just how Binah is.
"I'll be off, then. Madoka, finish your tea before I get back. Binah makes a good cup." you say as you sit up from the table. Madoka startles, pulled out of her thoughts by the sudden address.
"O-Oh! Right!"
Binah doesn't stop smiling as you take your leave.
—————————
"If we are to understand each other, then there is one thing I must know. How long have you been following behind this person?"
"I don't remember clearly. It has been longer than ten years for some time, at least." Homura answers promptly. Hokma nods in acknowledgment. The girl responded without asking any specification to his relatively vague question. Such a concise, willing answer would be exactly what he asked of a subordinate. The man who once headed the Records Department has always fond of such efficiency.
It is disappointing to see in a child who is no older than fourteen, no matter how many cycles they walk.
"A rather long time, certainly. And yet you appear no older than your peers." he observes. Not just physically, but psychologically. Hokma certainly aged in more ways than one during his extended time in the Facility. The purpose of the Records department necessitated constant oversight by a single individual, and being reset like the Manager or the other Sephirot would interfere with it.
"Magical Girls can prevent themselves from aging through self-healing. It would have been noticeable if I were older." Homura says. Hokma merely hums in response. It isn't quite what he was referring to, but remains a telling answer nonetheless.
A moment of silence passes, the pair staring across space at one another in the sterile white hall.
"I was not expecting guests so soon, so it will take a moment to procure a place to rest. Forgive me for having lost track of time." Hokma admits. Immediately, Homura shakes her head mechanically.
"You don't need to do that. I'm fine standing."
But before she can even finish speaking, a slate-grey table and pair of chairs have appeared filling the space between Homura and the Patron Librarian.
"Be that as it may," Hokma says, "I would prefer we remain seated for this conversation. It would do the atmosphere no good for us both to remain standing."
Hokma takes a seat, and Homura follows without protesting. Inwardly, Hokma frowns. He can see the problem rather clearly, as it stands, though the nuances still escape him.
"Now," the weathered man begins, "I have heard some stories of you from Angela and from my assistants, but as this is our first time properly greeting I shall introduce myself. I am Hokma, Patrol Librarian of the Floor of Religion, former Sephirah of the Records Department of Lobotomy Corporation, and something of a relative to the woman serving as your guardian. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"X isn't my guardian. We are simply allies." Homura corrects. Hokma tilts his head, noting the way her response was ever so slightly delayed and then sped up, indicating she had hesitated to answer and then "rushed" to cover it up, for as much as somebody like her could rush through something.
"She is not?" He repeats. "You have suggested as much with your actions so far. You came here to speak with me entirely on her recommendation, did you not? And not only that, but you have left the object of your focus unattended for this conversation. It strikes me as odd."
"She's trustworthy, and has no reason to endanger Madoka senselessly. If X claims this is the best course of action, I see no reason to refuse." Homura replies, and for the second time Hokma hears a hint of emotion break through the girl's robotic monotone. She sounds offended, defensive even.
"You hold much faith in my old manager. No, that was not a criticism." Hokma amends when Homura continues to stare at him. "It is entirely natural to place your faith in something you see as reliable. All people must place their faith somewhere, lest they remain unmoored and without guidance in life. As far as choices go, you have not given your devotion to one who is undeserving." Hokma compliments. He certainly would not have endured as long as he did without Sir Ayin's will to guide him forward. X is not Sir Ayin, but perhaps that is a good thing. Devoted as Hokma is, he is not blind to the flaws of the man he chose to walk behind. X has her own flaws, of course, scars left behind by the nature of her making, but what will befall because of them remains to be seen. No, it is not where Homura does place her faith that has piqued Hokma's interest.
"It is curious to me, however, that you have given such trust to an outsider, a newcomer, instead of to the beacon which has shown you your path up until this moment."
It is where she does not.
Homura cocks her head to one side, a faint metallic clicking following the brief motion. At that, Hokma frowns more to himself than anyone else. With how readily Homura had been acting, he'd nearly forgotten that she was not actually familiar with him or his place in things.
"You are familiar with your guardian's life, and the place of their creation, I trust?" Hokma begins, continuing only when the expressionless girl nods. She didn't correct him this time. "Then you are also aware of the existence of the TT2 Protocol and of the Sephirot?" Another nod, identical to the last. "Then I need not repeat what is already known. While I was among the Sephirot's number, myself and one other were placed at the lowest depths of the Facility. Our roles were unique, demanding that our memories remained untarnished and whole. We were among the few who experienced the ten thousand years of the Facility's existence in its total continuity. Not unlike you, I was primarily motivated by dedication to a single individual."
"Who?" Homura asks. There's no inflection, no emotion in her voice, but that does nothing to disguise her curiosity.
Hokma smiles as he continues his story. "Sir Ayin, your guardian's father. He was a man with profound vision and talent for whom there was no challenge that could not be overcome. His determination was what built the path I followed, and my faith in his plans was the anchor with which I weathered the storm of years."
"X has not spoken highly of her parents." Homura deadpans. Her usual emotionless drone sounds oddly sarcastic paired with those words. While a younger him might have been offended, Hokma merely laughs.
"Indeed, Sir Ayin was a man of many talents, but not a flawless one. He failed to recognize his children and suffered dearly for it. But that is not what we are here to discuss. No, we are speaking of you." he admits.
"What do you have to say?" Homura asks blankly. There it is again, that promptness. Well, Hokma has been stalling on his point. It would be for the best to continue moving towards a conclusion.
"Though I have my suspicions, I must ask another question of you to clarify. Tell me," Hokma asks, "about Madoka Kaname."
There's a notable pause, a moment where Homura's unmoving stance feels more rigid and frozen than it did the moment before.
"Madoka is the most important person to me. Everything I do is to protect her."
"That is not a exactly a description, is it?" Hokma points out. Homura falls silent, and he can practically see the gears turning in her head. He can literally hear them, a grinding harmony marking the child's thought process intensifying.
"She's kind. There is nobody else who cares more about other people, no matter who they are. She has always shown me kindness, whether I deserve it or not. But Madoka is too kind for her own good. She always throws herself into danger for others. That's why I have to save her. She's too determined to ever stop, no matter how overwhelming the problem she throws herself at." Homura concludes. Contrasting her impassioned words, Hokma can't hear a hint of emotion in her voice alongside her praise. It's more like she's describing something mundane and obvious, as plain as the color of the sky. In spite of himself, Hokma feels a weight settle into his chest. How tragic indeed.
"You are rather worried about this girl. I imagine you wish that she would more readily accept safety?" Hokma asks. Without hesitation, Homura nods. At that, the old man can only frown.
"I see."
Homura tilts her head to one side, confused by the old man's apparent disapproval. "All I want is for Madoka to be safe." she says. "And yet she won't ever choose to save herself. Without exception, she always lets herself be hurt for people who don't deserve it. I can only do so much to protect her if she keeps willingly walking into danger."
Hokma's frown deepens. It's not an expression of anger, but more of disappointment. His voice sounds tired and worn as he speaks. "It is little wonder that she cannot give this to you. What you are asking is far too much."
"I don't want anything from Madoka except her safety. I can't have her love, her care, or her attention, and I've accepted that. Everything I do is for her sake." Homura says, perplexed. Again, Hokma shakes his head.
"What you have may appear selfless, but in truth there is nothing more selfish than demanding another person change who they are." Hokma replies. There's a cold, crisp edge to his voice that wasn't there before. "We may help them grow and guide them along the path, but to decide the future of another without their will is no doubt a sin."
"It's for her own good. What does it matter as long she is alive?" Homura retorts.
"If she were to change as you desire, would you have ever come to love her as you do in the first place?" Hokma answers sharply. Homura flinches, staring down at the grey wooden table that sits between her and the old man.
"You cannot protect her, not by placing her outside of harm's reach." Hokma continues, voice softening. "Have you considered that she could defend herself if allowed to grow? Do you have faith in her strength to go that far?"
"I used to. It never worked. Even together, we weren't strong enough." Homura says. Her voice is still flat and emotionless, but she's grown a bit quieter. "No matter what I do, it's never enough. So I became this, so I can be strong enough for both of us." The old man hums.
"And yet you still must confront her desire to act. I see how it is." Hokma takes a deep breath, and for just a second Homura can see his age. She can imagine that this man standing in front of her truly has seen thousands of years pass by, truly has outlived civilizations. It's not the same radiant, commanding confidence that X gives off, but a quieter, more solid assurance. "All I can advise is to have faith. Once upon a time, I too could not accept the path that the man I followed had chosen. I wished to guard him, to shelter him, to keep him somewhere safe. In doing so, we were both locked away and unable to move forward."
Of course, Hokma had gone along with Sir Ayin's plans up until the man disappeared. It was only after he was already gone that Hokma had begun clutching to him. Still, there is no point in thinking back to those times. His words would have fallen on deaf ears as always, and Madoka Kaname is not Sir Ayin.
"Move forward together. Protect and be protected. That is all I can advise you."
Homura looks down at herself. She can hear the mechanical ticking of her insides, a false heartbeat marking the clockwork organs that replaced her frail body. She wasn't human before. She hadn't been human for a long time, longer than she could really remember.
She hadn't thought of it like that at first. Even knowing how dangerous it would be, even after seeing Madoka die for the first time, Homura had made her Contract full of hope. Believing that she and Madoka would be able to live on together, that her wish would come true. What exactly had she wished for, all those years ago? As much as Homura tries, she can't recall. The thought should be sad, to have forgotten something so important. And yet, Homura doesn't feel anything. Nothing at all but a perfect, sublime emptiness. Better for focusing, she had thought.
She reaches down into a pocket of her uniform, rifling through the space until her hand closes around a small rectangular object. Slowly, Homura pulls out a small ID card.
These cards, these Gifts, are marks of employment. Homura, Mami, and Sayaka are all soldiers, warring against a world filled with things that hurt them. But Madoka was a Magical Girl, was a fighter, before Homura ever was. Will she end up with one of these badges someday soon?
…it would be nice to fight side by side again, Homura thinks to herself.
Homura returns the card to her pocket. What will happen will happen regardless. All that she can do is protect Madoka from whatever dangers arise. If that means Madoka must defend herself as well, then so be it.
The sound of footsteps draws Homura's and Hokma's attention to the woman ascending the last few steps. X walks quietly into the Floor of Religion, smiling as she observes the pair sitting together.
"Hey. We finished downstairs, so I'm back to pick Homura up. Did you to say everything you needed to?" she asks.
"Yes. We did."
———————————————
Before you go…
[] Catch up with some of your agents
[] Watch the end of Sayaka's practice
-[] Bring somebody to come see?
[] Talk with an Abnormality
-[] Which?
[] Write-in
———————————————
Der Freischütz's Sapling - Observation Level 2/3
Porccubus' Sapling - Observation Level 2/3
Schadenfreude's Sapling - Observation Level 1/3
CENSORED's Sapling - Observation Level EXPUNGED/REDACTED
Whew. Writing this one felt a lot longer than it actually is.
Next stop, Witches!
)
