You feel a monumental urge to sigh, and don't bother suppressing it.
....actually, do you have any cigarettes left? ....none on your person, it would seem, and walking off to look for them would just be a little too insensitive at the moment.
A split-second later, before you can even blink, and a carton of your favorite brand of cigarettes is suddenly in your hand. As you're working to process that, you find a lighter in your other. ....either you're hallucinating, or your Stand might've acted on your subconscious thoughts and fetched those items without your realizing it. In which case, yet another reminder that you need to continue meditating and get more control over it.
Still, might as well light up while you can....
"Kurumu..."
The bluenette doesn't move at all, so you reach down and poke her forehead. "If you're really so worried about those two, then get it through your head now that your self-recriminating attitude is what'll really fuck everything up. If you let it."
Kurumu starts to glower at you, thoughtlessly moving from depression to anger at being called out, but she can take her temper and shove it. Just like Moka the other night, Kurumu's had her chance to rant, and now you're going to get yours in.
"For someone who claims to be so good at reading relationships, you don't have a fucking clue about the people closest to you, do you? Moka damn near broke my hand bitching about 'being the one who's ruining yours and Tsukune's happiness' and acted like she hates herself for daring to feel jealous of you, and Tsukune was blaming himself for being indecisive and not knowing how to make either of you happy without hurting the other. I'm starting to get sick of the 'all my fault' train, so get over yourself and talk it out with the others."
"'...get over myself?'" she echoes.
Everything was supposed to feel perfect with Tsukune, so why don't I feel satisfied with that?!
Kurumu slowly rises to her feet again, glaring at you through her bangs. "That's easy for you to say, Mr. 'I enjoy a semi-stable, half-healthy relationship with one person that basically fell into my lap'!"
Even though being with Tsukune makes me happy, why does it feel like there's still a hole inside me?!
You fail to see what, if anything, that has to do with the actual problem at hand.
Even with everything I've said and done, is destiny against me after all?!
"What he meant," Mizore says while stepping in to physically separate you from Kurumu, "is that if you want to own all the drama going on, then you have to step up and fix it."
Kurumu turns her gaze on your girlfriend, now, her anger having cooled into confusion. "...what?"
"Confront both Moka and Tsukune," you explain since it somehow isn't obvious, "and talk out your feelings with them. This whole..." with Kurumu's volatile mood, you hesitate to say 'emotional clusterfuck' "...situation is tearing all three of you up inside."
"And because of that," Mizore continues, "it's going to take all three of you to deal with it, and that starts with everyone being honest -- with themselves, and with each other."
Kurumu seems to deflate at that. She's still agitated, but that seems directed inward, now, and you hope it's in a positive manner. "Right," she distractedly mutters, "thanks."
As she heads for the door, you catch her muttering. "Honest with myself...?"
As the succubus shuts the door behind her, you turn to Mizore. "Not going to walk her back to the girls' dorm?"
Mizore, for her part, just shrugs. "As long as the rosary seal's on, Kurumu's tougher than Moka. I almost pity the bastard that tries to mess with her right now."
Fair enough. You didn't make the offer yourself because frankly, you know that Kurumu was -- for whatever reasons -- the wrong kind of upset, and she'd probably just blow you off anyway.
"But on the subject of being honest with our feelings and ourselves...."
There's a certain edge in Mizore's tone as she says that. If you weren't paying her your full attention before, you certainly are now. "Yeah?"
The Snow Woman turns away from you, stepping back and hugging herself against the wall. "You're.... always on my mind. Every second of every day, even if I'm not with you or stalking you."
....you think of Mizore often as well, but you won't lie that it's a little unsettling to hear her claim that she's never not thinking about you in some capacity. "I'm listening."
Mizore... doesn't quite seem like she knows how to respond to that -- or rather, you're pretty sure that wasn't quite the answer she was looking for, but it seems she's willing to take it. "As a Snow Woman, you know that I'm under a lot of pressure to have kids. It isn't just my parents wanting grandkids, it's a cultural thing."
You were a little anxious of this topic coming up... but since it's come up, it does deserve to be addressed. "Right, because of.... what happens later."
Referring, of course, to the way that Snow Women almost universally become infertile by their mid-20s, as a consequence of their supernaturally cold physiology freezing and destroying their own eggs. You.... really doubt there's a sensitive or tactful way to discuss it, but for Mizore's sake, you're trying.
Mizore nods, frowning. "Yeah, 'what happens later'."
The following silence is awkward, almost bordering on unbearable. You feel like you're expected to say something, but whether it's your own psychological exhaustion or the nature of the previously-untouched topic, you don't really know what Mizore's fishing for.
"It... it's hard," she admits a moment later. "Because at this point in my life cycle, every passing hour that I'm not trying to do that feels like I'm letting down my entire species, like I'm a failure for not trying hard enough to do my part. And make no mistake," she says while finally making eye contact, a faint dusting of red on her pale cheeks. "I want to have your kids -- yours, and only yours. But against every fiber of my being, I'm forcing myself to hold back until I graduate, because I know you're not nearly as comfortable with the idea as I am... and because I love you enough that I'm willing to wait until you're ready."
....and you appreciate her understanding. Because as much as you feel for Mizore, you just... on what planet could you be a suitable father for Mizore's children? For most of your life that you can remember, your mother raised you entirely on her own -- you don't have any idea what a father's supposed to be like, other than around.
"Mizore... what kind of answer are you looking for?"
Your girlfriend watches you for a moment. "I... want you to be honest. Talk about your feelings with me, just like we've been telling those three to do. If you put it in words and say them out loud, that makes them more real. It gives them meaning."
You've always been of the opinion that you don't need to say anything, because your feelings are quite obviously displayed on your face. But if Mizore wants you to put them in words and say them out loud, then.... for her, you're willing to go to the trouble.
Of course, even as you struggle to bat aside thoughts about the way trouble seems to keep finding its way to you, your doubts of your ability to be a parent when Holly's the only example you have to go on, along with the implied time limit of only two or three years to get your mental and emotional shit together and be fully prepared before Mizore's graduation..... that just begs the question: what, exactly, do you say?
[](write-in; subject to QM veto at any point)
