With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Twelve)

Ganurath · May 25, 2016

Silverias said:
You get literally 1000+ words a day. What more do you want, you vampire!

For context, the average chapter in a novel is roughly 5k words, and normal novels have roughly 20 chapters. So, in a world where Zoat writes roughly 1k words a day, he's writing a novel every 100 days. In this world, he writes somewhere in the ballpark of 1.5k on average, so... a novel every other month?

Zoat, you badass.

Silverias · May 25, 2016

Ganurath said:
For context, the average chapter in a novel is roughly 5k words, and normal novels have roughly 20 chapters. So, in a world where Zoat writes roughly 1k words a day, he's writing a novel every 100 days. In this world, he writes somewhere in the ballpark of 1.5k on average, so... a novel every other month?

I wasn't saying he wrote 1000-ish words a day, I was saying he wrote at MINIMUM 1000 words a day.

Sojiko · May 25, 2016

Mr Zoat said:
"Ah, that is good! I was worried that we might have to stop you!"

I think he meant "I was worried that we might have to try to stop you!"

Also I wonder if they really weren't aware that OL already got the OK to pass through there, or if it was just an excuse to show off their power armors.

Silverias · May 25, 2016

Sojiko said:
I think he meant "I was worried that we might have to try to stop you!"

Also I wonder if they really weren't aware that OL already got the OK to pass through there, or if it was just an excuse to show off their power armors.

Probably just the obligatory show of force.

"Hey, we know you're there. We know, if it came to a fight, you'd roflstomp us, but we have to make the effort."

Vaermina · May 25, 2016

Mr Zoat said:
She doesn't say anything for a few moments. Then she nods to herself. "Last time I was drunk, I could make the flames go further but I couldn't control where they were going. Tora had to stop me burning our apartment down."

So she's subconsciously limiting herself for some reason, interesting.

Wonder if a Telepath could help her get over that subconscious block that's keeping her from being able to fully utilize her powers?

Ganurath · May 25, 2016

Vaermina said:
So she's subconsciously limiting herself for some reason, interesting.

Wonder if a Telepath could help her get over that subconscious block that's keeping her from being able to fully utilize her powers?

Given the context, I suspect that there's a negative correlation between the power behind her flames and her control of them.

Mr Zoat · May 25, 2016

Empiricist2 said:
Affect

Thank you, corrected.

Vaermina said:
So she's subconsciously limiting herself for some reason, interesting.

Only in the same sense that Taylor Herbert was before she became Khempri.

Wonder if a Telepath could help her get over that subconscious block that's keeping her from being able to fully utilize her powers?

Yeeeeess, but see above for the advisability.

Silverias · May 25, 2016

Mr Zoat said:
Thank you, corrected.

Only in the same sense that Taylor Herbert was before she became Khempri.

Yeeeeess, but see above for the advisability.

Khepri >_>

And Hebert

Ganurath · May 25, 2016

Mr Zoat said:
Only in the same sense that Taylor Herbert was before she became Khempri.

Hebert and Khepri.

Mr Zoat · May 25, 2016

Really? Because I've been calling her 'Herbert' in my head the whole time. How is He-Bert pronounced?

Mizu · May 25, 2016

Mr Zoat said:
in the air around them don't seen to affect them at all.

don't seem to

Mr Zoat said:
looking for. The place it the Himalayas where the remaining League officers were

place in the

Mr Zoat said:
You ever had a male gynaecologists?

gynaecologist?

I pronounce it he-bert. Or her-bert when I forget.

jcw3 · May 25, 2016

Mr Zoat said:
Really? Because I've been calling her 'Herbert' in my head the whole time. How is He-Bert pronounced?

According to the sponsored audiobook, and somewhere, a Word of Wildbow, hee-burt. Not sure where the emphasis goes, though.

EDIT: Yep. It's why she sort of freaks out when that Nazi calls her a heeb (a slur for Jews). She thinks the Nazi knows her real name.

Chaoswind · May 25, 2016

Empiricist2 said:
And Martian Manhunter. However much that means to anyone.

Affect

FTFY

"Requests". Heavy on the air quotes.

You are ill informed about the time frames in with you are allowed to respond to a multi warhead ICBM in its final stage.

There is a reason people think interception is only possible in the first stages... This is not a silly cruise missile and even those are hard enough.

KronusGear · May 25, 2016

Chaoswind said:
There is a reason people think interception is only possible in the first stages... This is not a silly cruise missile and even those are hard enough.

Paul has access to one of the most advanced sensors on the planet, has the ability to accelerate his perception to absurd levels and can use multiple forms of faster than light travel. The likelihood of and earth based missile hitting him is pretty low.

ANTIcarrot · May 25, 2016

Mr Zoat said:
I remove the constructs as they come in, gravity repulsors on their legs stabilising them in the air just over the edge of the rim. There are three, the one at the front possessing a Major's two lines containing a single star. "Orange Lantern. You are moving uncomfortably close to Russian waters."

"I made a deal with your government. I'll be recommending to the Justice League that they consider offering your colleague Dmitri Pushkin a spot.
I was told that would be enough that they wouldn't bother me about coming south."

"Ah, that is good! I was worried that we might have to stop you!"

"Yes, that would have been awkward. Do you intend to escort me the whole way?"

"No, the air force can handle that." He begins floating backwards. "Just remember not to go too close to the shoreline. This is still a restricted area."

"I'll be certain to keep that in mind."

Um... I think there maybe something missing here. It feels like you have normal conversation, and then go to two characters talking at each other, then back to normal conversation.

I would have been tempted to add something like
"Your orders are a little out of date. I have..." / "A deal has been made with..." - For the polite diplomat route.
or
Huh. Do they want to be here? No, they really don't. I'll throw them a bone. "I have made a deal...

The Bushranger · May 25, 2016

Chaoswind said:
You are ill informed about the time frames in with you are allowed to respond to a multi warhead ICBM in its final stage.

There is a reason people think interception is only possible in the first stages...

The key word being "think".
Which is a ridiculously erroneous belief.
We could do skin-to-skin kills, in OTL with OTL tech, on reentry vehicles in 1958.

For a guy with a power ring, stopping incoming nukes is Tuesday. For the Fortress' automated defenses, it's a little harder, but still in the "wait, was that supposed to be difficult?" category.

Even if the Ice Fortress was absolutely stationary AND its position was accurately triangulated before launch. Once it's been launched, if the Fortress moves, 'intercepting the inbound' is only a case of 'preventing collateral damage when the warheads land somewhere thataway'.

Tactical Tunic · May 25, 2016

Chaoswind said:
You are ill informed about the time frames in with you are allowed to respond to a multi warhead ICBM in its final stage.

There is a reason people think interception is only possible in the first stages... This is not a silly cruise missile and even those are hard enough.

Look at this alien xenotech super computer he wears on his finger. And the one on his other hand with a database of tech from highly advanced FTL capable species. Technologies he put on his physics defying ICE FORTESS. With forcefields, and a teleporter.

Vaermina · May 25, 2016

Ganurath said:
Given the context, I suspect that there's a negative correlation between the power behind her flames and her control of them.

She was drunk, the correlation is likely an illusion brought on by the lowered level of mental acuity available to drunk people.

Mr Zoat said:
Only in the same sense that Taylor Herbert was before she became Khempri.

Yeeeeess, but see above for the advisability.

So she will change her name and be unwilling to listen to anyone but herself?

Ganurath · May 25, 2016

Vaermina said:
So she will change her name and be unwilling to listen to anyone but herself?

I think Zoat was aiming for "will suffer brain damage that would require a plot device to fix, plus additional support" rather than emphasizing the name change part.

Twilight666 · May 25, 2016

@Mr Zoat, considering that the last update is chronologically before the Renegade parts, I think you should change the Threadmark order to reflect that.

Also, I don't know exactly what are the options for threadmarks are, but considering the number of snips and the fact that they are organised by episode, have you considered using something like this format from @Strypgia's Advice and Trust

Masked Thespian · May 25, 2016

Mr Zoat said:
"Okay… Now try both hands? "

Probably the most finicky of corrections I've had to suggest to you: there's a space between 'hands?' and the speech mark at the end that needs deleting.

Mr Zoat · May 25, 2016

Mizu said:
don't seem to
place in the
gynaecologist?

Thank you, corrected.

ANTIcarrot said:
Um... I think there maybe something missing here. It feels like you have normal conversation, and then go to two characters talking at each other, then back to normal conversation.

The SI doesn't know if the Major knows there was a deal (he does) and he hasn't told them that he's going to do it.

Chris6666 said:
@Mr Zoat, considering that the last update is chronologically before the Renegade parts, I think you should change the Threadmark order to reflect that.

Yeah, I probably should. I mean, it doesn't matter as the most recent one doesn't effect the Reneagde bits but I'll have a go.

Also, I don't know exactly what are the options for threadmarks are, but considering the number of snips and the fact that they are organised by episode, have you considered using something like this format from @Strypgia's Advice and Trust

I already have a contents list in the first post.

Masked Thespian said:
Probably the most finicky of corrections I've had to suggest to you: there's a space between 'hands?' and the speech mark at the end that needs deleting.

Thank you, corrected.

perfectgeneral · May 25, 2016

Sojiko said:
I think he meant "I was worried that we might have to try to stop you!"

Also I wonder if they really weren't aware that OL already got the OK to pass through there, or if it was just an excuse to show off their power armors.

Definitely column B. Wars are not started by border guards on the fly. They were yanking his chain, just to make it clear that they were allowing him through, not that they couldn't (try to) stop him.

I should add that I've been leisurely reading through this and it is well phrased, plotted and constructed. Bravo sir, madam or significant other. A tour de force with breadth, whit and depth. I've stuck to the main plot line rather than the alternative "renegade" tales. Thankyou.

NemoMarx · May 25, 2016

Vaermina said:
So she will change her name and be unwilling to listen to anyone but herself?

Combine that with fire everywhere, though. I imagine that's the sort of power up in comics that leads to like, Phoenix-tier shenanigans, or at least cackling while everything burns around you?

frozenchicken · May 25, 2016

Empiricist2 said:
"Requests". Heavy on the air quotes.

No, some of us were actually asking for more of her. She's an enjoyably cynical balloon-popper.

With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Twelve)

Literal Enthusiast

Seeing is Believing

Seeing is Believing

Literal Enthusiast

Dedicated ragequitter

Seeing is Believing

Literal Enthusiast

Dedicated ragequitter

Software Developer

Lord of nonsense

In the Danger Zone

Glorious Burgerman of Eagleland

Literal Enthusiast

Dedicated ragequitter

Backalley Watchdog

Does not have a custom title.