Chapter 32 - G-8 Pt 1
Xomniac
Clockwork Purveyor of Prose and Originality
Xomniac AN: And now it's time for CHAPTER 32!
Cross-Brain AN: Surprise! As an additional manner of compensation for not updating for so long, here's the next chapter already! Enjoy! Oh, yes, and the significance of the transceiver number? In letters, it's "HEART BROB."
"Cross, I'm willing to admit that as infuriating as it was, not telling us about that drop at Cloud's End was harmless. On the other hand, NOT TELLING US THAT WE'D LAND IN FUCKING NAVARONE IS ANYTHING BUT HARMLESS!" Sanji roared over the connection.
"You had better have a damn good reason why you didn't warn us about this," Nami snarled.
"Alright, lay off the third degree, would you!?" I demanded indignantly. "Trust me, if I'd known that this was going to happen, I'd have said something! My knowledge is divided into two categories: things that will happen, and things that may happen. This was in the second category, and I expected that the fact that we didn't belly flop down and instead floated down gently from top to bottom would be enough to make sure that we didn't land here. But clearly, I was wrong."
"The best laid plans…" Robin said dryly.
"Ah, I'm sorry for interrupting, but…" Conis cut in slowly, and very queasily. "Cross, did you just say you had knowledge of the future!?"
"Trust me, sister, you learn not to question the crazy things he says very fast," Raphey deadpanned.
"It will all be made clear soon enough, don't worry," I absently reassured them before grinning as I tried desperately to put a positive spin on things. "But, but! Getting back on topic and before anyone gets too pissed off at me, look on the bright side! There's one massive benefit to the fact that we've landed here."
"Really? And what, pray tell, would that be, Mister Jeremiah?" Vivi asked sourly.
"The Marine in charge of this base, Vice Admiral Jonathan, is a prime candidate for joining MI4, along with the vast majority of the Marines present in this base, if not all of them."
"…Well, that does put everything in a new perspective," Nami admitted in a neutral tone.
"Glad to hear it!"
The exact moment that I had stated where we were, I had tossed Soundbite to Isaiah and told the rest of the crew to scatter. Every man, woman, and animal for themselves, sans Carue staying with Vivi and Su with Conis. For my part, I somehow wound up closer to the base's central spire than I expected… actually, I'll be honest: I somehow wound up on top of the spire. Don't ask me how, because everything after I told everyone to scatter is bit of a blur. All I knew for certain was that the blood on the forearms of my bandages was not mine, and thankfully not enough to be blatantly lethal either.
Either way, Isaiah joined me shortly after I'd managed to find a place to hunker down, though Soundbite remained in his clutches for the moment, not willing to touch me while I was covered in salt water, and had promptly connected everyone in the crew together. Fortunately, the entirety of the fortress was within Soundbite's hearing range, even if we weren't right in the middle.
Currently, everyone was at different parts of the fortress; some, in the case of the Dugongs, were in the water, albeit floating on the surface in the shadows so that Soundbite could reliably communicate with them, while others were in the woods on the base's outer ring, and others yet in the base itself. Basically, anywhere and everywhere except the Merry. The only ones who stayed onboard the ship were Terry, who was busy acting as an easily-overlooked lookout for us, and Lassoo, who was blending in with the rest of the arsenal in his full gun form. And though the quickly awakening fortress was swarming with Marines, the vast majority of them were, fortunately, focused more upon the ship than anything else, giving us all the time we needed to get away.
All things considered, things were going about as smoothly as one might expect.
"Ugh… I don't feel good at all…"
Well, almost; our resident angel seemed to be coping poorly with the sudden shock that had hit as soon as we reached the blue sea. I could only wince in response to the thought of those pamphlets of Chopper's. Speaking of our doctor…
"Soundbite, can you lead me to Conis?" the reindeer asked.
"Mmph… head along the SHORELINE—NO, the other way—YEAH, JUST KEEP GOING THAT WAY. No Marines in your WAY RIGHT NOW, but hurry!" Soundbite said.
"Got it."
"So, what are we going to do now, Cross? You're the tactician here," Zoro grumbled.
"Well, I won't lie," I said, shaking out my clothes in an effort to dislodge the traces of sea water that seemed determined to stick to me. "I only remember a few details about this place. It's an enclosed base, so the only way to the ocean is using their Sea Gate. And in any case, we won't be able to leave until the Merry is in a better position for us to either sneak or storm back on."
"And how long will that take, Cross?" Usopp asked.
"We'll need to hide out until the sun comes up, at least. After that… I can point out a few places where we can blend in, and Soundbite's eavesdropping should make it easy enough for the rest of us to steer clear of trouble. In the meantime—"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SILLY-LOOKING?!"
I jumped as Terry's voice bellowed out of Soundbite.
"Ow! OW! Alright, I'm sorry—OUCH!"
Then came a voice that I was reasonably sure was Jonathan's, and I couldn't help but snicker.
"YOU SHOULD BE SORRY! ONLY A COMPLETE IDIOT WOULD FAIL TO RECOGNIZE THE SHEER POWER OF A MEMBER OF THE BEAR GLOVE TRIBE!"
"ALRIGHT—OW!—JUST STOP PECKING—AGH!"
"…should we just let Terry chase everyone away?" Nami asked, half-serious.
"Heh, no. As funny as this is, anyone who's attained the rank of Vice Admiral isn't someone to take lightly; a prerequisite for the position is being able to use Haki," I said. "And besides that, Jonathan is a master tactician; with how much he knows about us from the SBS, we're going to have to be very careful not to get—"
I cut myself off as, walking along the edge of the spire, I recognized a very specific balcony below me. I couldn't suppress a snicker as my mind leapt to a specific plan of action. "On the other hand, that works too. Brace yourselves, everyone, I'm about to do something stupid."
"Oh, dear," Robin said, apparently unsure whether to laugh or groan in dread at what I was doing.
"Care to clue us in, Cross?" Nami asked blandly.
"I'm about to risk my life to check on the loose gold from Nola's stomach they've no doubt already moved off the Merry," I deadpanned.
"No further questions, your honor."
"I thought not," I chuckled before glancing at my partner in crime. "Now, then, Soundbite? Follow Jonathan."
"The color and smell of the coffee, the rather temperamental South Bird, and the ancient gold… it would appear that the SBS was accurate. The Straw Hat Pirates went to Jaya recently," stated the red-haired Vice Admiral.
"Commander, you're saying that it isn't really a—?" posed a blonde-haired Marine.
Vice Admiral Jonathan waved his hand with a scoff. "Please, Henrick. I know the circumstances are suspicious, but we all heard the SBS on the way down. I don't know where the crew is, but I know that they're in the base and that that's no ghost ship."
A sunglasses-wearing Marine spoke next. "I don't understand, Commander. Weren't you just calling it a ghost ship earlier in front of the rest of the men?"
"Frankly, our men are a little too green to deal with a situation like this; as decent as they've portrayed themselves on the SBS, the fact remains that the Straw Hat Pirates have earned those bounties of theirs. If we tell everyone that they've infiltrated our ranks, it'll cause panic and confusion that will no doubt aid the pirates in whatever purpose they have here. So for now, we continue calling it a ghost ship, understood?"
"With all due respect, Commander, I'd like to raise a concern," stated Jonathan's right hand, a brown-haired Lieutenant Commander named Drake.
"Yes, Drake?"
"As powerful as Straw Hat and his crew are, I think that the biggest threat among them is that of Jeremiah Cross and his snail. From what the Marines have pieced together, Soundbite is able to hear anything in a one-mile radius, as well as make anyone in that range hear anything. And the fact that that psychotic bird actually spoke proved that the snail was close enough to us that it could translate what he was saying."
Drake folded his arms. "If they weren't exaggerating, then it's possible that they could hijack our own communications to throw the whole base into chaos. It's even possible that they could be eavesdropping on us right now!"
"Well, it's good to see that Jonathan has some intelligent men under his command."
The five of them immediately stopped walking as the unmistakable voice of Jeremiah Cross echoed around them.
The sunglasses-wearing Marine grimaced. "Apparently, he is. And he's as annoying as we expected, too."
"HEY! I'M the annoying one!" came Soundbite's signature medley of voices.
"And I'm the crazy one. Allow me to demonstrate: Vice Admiral Jonathan, would you be willing to speak for negotiations? I'm currently in the process of ensuring that our navigator will not rip my head off for finding that any of our gold is missing from what you confiscated. Seriously, if all 500 million isn't right here like I promised, she will burn this place to the ground."
Vice Admiral Jonathan seemed stunned for a minute. Then he threw back his head and laughed.
"What is it, sir?" Drake asked.
Jonathan sighed as he got his laughter under control, smirking as he spoke again. "You've painted yourself as quite the brazen individual, Mister Cross, but I have to admit I'm surprised that of all the places you could have gone, you picked my personal office."
"HE WHAT?!" chorused all four of the Marines with Jonathan.
"HE picked HIS personal office. Do you have a HEARING PROBLEM?"
"With you around? The default answer to that question is a resounding yes… or at minimum, a maybe depending on your mood and your opinion of the individuals in question."
"Fair point."
"Now, then, getting back on topic… are you willing to talk, Vice Admiral Jonathan? Mind you, if you choose not to attend this little meeting, that's fine as well. I'll just have a conversation with your wife Jessica instead. The topic of discussion… your eating habits, maybe?"
"…And as impossibly well-informed as he painted himself, too," the blonde Marine ground out as Jonathan paled dramatically.
"I have not even begun to demonstrate that, gentlemen, and really, I got that last bit from inspecting his bin. Seriously, for a genius, that's kind of low-brow."
"…I'm on my way, Mister Cross," Jonathan finally said.
Commander Drake promptly started to sign orders to a nearby soldier, and jumped when a loud buzzer blasted through the air.
"YOUR SLEEVES are rubbing together, dipshit."
"I won't even deign to try and guess what you were signing, it's so obvious. And for the record, if anyone except for Jonathan shows up, they'll be talking in chicken clucks or flatulence until we leave. You have been warned, people."
"… Well, now I'm tempted to bring some of my subordinates with me just to see what you'll come up with," Jonathan said wryly.
"COMMANDER JONATHAN!" chorused four indignant voices, prompting both Jonathan and their two eavesdroppers to laugh anew.
"Heh… alright. In all seriousness, Henrick, go and reinforce security at the coast as well as around the Sea Gate," Jonathan said to the blonde-haired Marine, who saluted and departed.
"Cormac, I also want the brig, the ammunition store, and all major passageways secured. You'll have expanded authority to manage all related personnel," he added to the sunglasses-wearing Marine. He too saluted and departed.
"Chief Petty Officer Holger, gather a small force of men to keep perpetual guard around the Straw Hat Pirates' ship. If there are any issues, send someone to report to me in person, don't use a Transponder Snail." Following his orders, Holger bustled off, leaving only Drake and Jonathan.
"Drake… I'm going to meet with Cross alone. Go the mess hall and tell Jessica the situation—only Jessica—and then report to me for further orders. Understood?"
Drake nodded with perfect understanding before running as fast as his legs could carry him. As soon as he was out of sight, Jonathan sighed and continued in the direction he had been going. Only two minutes later, he opened the door to his office, and his eyes immediately fell on the figure that could only be Jeremiah Cross, sitting right in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk, which had been turned so that he could sit at it while facing the door. He was a young man, with short, dirty blonde hair and mischievous yet lazy eyes, dressed in dark and gray clothing. A grinning Transponder Snail was perched on his shoulder, and what little of his arms could be seen due to them being crossed behind his head were covered in bandages from the elbows down.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan. It's a pleasure to meet you," he said with a smirk.
"I must admit to returning the sentiment, Mister Cross," Jonathan replied.
"Really, now? I wouldn't expect to hear that from someone who had earned the favor of Admiral Akainu."
Jonathan flinched, his face darkening before he could stop it in response to the man's name.
"Well, well, well," Cross cocked his eyebrow in surprise. "There's a very particular and unusual reaction. Care to come in and talk about it?"
Jonathan was silent for a moment before chuckling ruefully and stepping into the office, closing the door behind him in the process. "Once again, Mister Cross, I have to admit I'm surprised. Your reputation precedes you, but your actions to date have barely managed to do you justice."
Cross returned the grin eagerly. "Well, really, in situations like this, it's either that or breaking down and panicking, and Nami, Usopp, Carue, and Vivi already have that covered."
"I HEARD THAT!"
The pirate jumped, presumably at the volume blaring in his ear, before pinning the cackling snail on his shoulder with a glare, and Jonathan chuckled. "And his reputation as an incurable prankster seems to be accurate also."
"Thank you, thank you very much," Soundbite purred.
"Took you long enough to use that one," Cross muttered before looking back at Jonathan with a solemn expression. "So, Vice Admiral, we appear to be in a delicate situation here. If you're a fan of my show, you know my stance on pirates and Marines. I happen to believe that you're one of those who follows his morals, rather than his orders… but the fact that you're one of Akainu's favorite students makes me doubtful."
Jonathan's grimace at the last line was not missed, prompting Cross to grin. "There it is again. So, you don't like the guy after all?"
Jonathan carefully schooled his expression, and crossed his arms. "What business do the Straw Hat Pirates have with Navarone? Why did you infiltrate our base?" he asked, clearly trying to change the subject.
"Hey, you heard the SBS," Cross shrugged dismissively. "The balloon octopus we used to get down from the Sky Island we visited didn't leave us any way of steering." He grinned hopefully. "I cut the connection before the sirens sounded. Marineford won't know that we're here unless someone tells them. If you open the gates, we'll gladly leave without any conflict."
"And you expect me to trust you?" Jonathan asked, then shook his head with a smirk. "I say that, but honestly, I'm prepared to believe you."
Cross's expression promptly dropped into a contemplative frown, and he swung his feet off the desk, gaze dropping down to stare at the Vice Admiral. "You're nothing like Akainu. How the hell did you ever make him favor you?"
The grimace returned, but he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Cross, but despite your reputation, you're still a pirate, and I'm still the commander of this base. I'm not about to let you escape."
Cross shrugged, spreading his arms in a helpless manner. "Yes, I didn't expect it to be that easy, but you don't really care that much about capturing us. You care a lot more about enforcing morale in this base."
Jonathan's jaw dropped briefly before he continued scrutinizing the pirate. "I knew you know a lot of things that you shouldn't, but this is ridiculous. How did you find that out?"
"Easy: you just told me," Cross drawled in an overly innocent tone of voice.
"THEY KEEP THE old book of tricks AROUND BECAUSE THEY STILL WORK, dontcha know!" Soundbite cackled.
Jonathan rolled his eyes before giving the pirate a contemplative look. "Would you care for a game of chess, Cross?"
Cross grimaced and waved his hand dismissively. "No thanks, I'm no good at the game."
"Ah, what a pity," Jonathan sighed. "Nobody in the base who actually knows how to play accepts my invitation because they know my skill, and outsiders rarely have the time or desire."
Cross chuckled. "Well, I think one of our crew could give you a run for your money, but I don't think that they would be willing to reveal their identity."
"Sorry, Vice Admiral," came a somewhat familiar distorted voice from mid-air, which actually did sound somewhat apologetic.
"Are all of them listening?"
"Of course they are," Cross scoffed as though it were the most obvious fact in the world. "After all, they're my crew, and I wouldn't want them to miss out on this. Anyway, if you're not willing to just let us go… then how about we make this into a game?"
Jonathan's eyebrows rose. "You have my attention."
Cross leaned back in his seat, clearly at ease. "While we try to get out of here, we of the Straw Hat Pirates will stress-test Navarone, help to demonstrate how stable of a fortress it is, and help to reinvigorate the soldiers. In short, we help to prove just how much of an asset this place is to the Marine Corps. And in return…" Cross's gaze both sharpened and became slightly fearful. "You don't use your Haki to completely decimate us, so we actually have a fighting chance of escaping." His smile returned. "I'll even throw in dealing with your… shall we say, 'administrative difficulties' that are due to arrive tomorrow morning?"
Jonathan did not reply.
"Come on," Cross waved his hand lackadaisically. "You can easily explain away not calling us in to HQ by saying you wanted to handle us yourself. That's totally something somebody taught by Akainu… would…" The pirate slowly trailed off as a look of realization and awe came over him. "Of course. That's it, isn't it? You conned him."
Jonathan kept his expression decidedly neutral. "I'm sure I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
The Vice Admiral's stomach dropped as a smile slowly spread across Cross's face. "Nooooononono, you cannot fool me! Now it all makes sense! The only way someone like you would agree with that arrogant blowhard of a volcano would be if you were talking out of your ass! You never agreed with Akainu's stupid stance of 'Absolute Justice,' you were just smart enough to know that if you disagreed once he showed interest in you, that'd be the end of you one way or another! You took advantage of that son of a bitch for the sake of the doors his reputation would open for you!"
Jonathan had no doubt, judging from Cross' even wider grin, that his face had betrayed him. Of all the people to find out his secret, it had to be the pirate with the biggest mouth of the century.
"Ohohoh maaan…" Cross chuckled as he sank back in the Vice Admiral's seat, crossing his arms behind his head. "I know some people who are just going to love to hear this, let me tell you…" He promptly sobered up in a panic when he noticed Jonathan's entire demeanor shift. "IIIII should have worded that better, huh?"
"YA THINK!?" Soundbite demanded incredulously.
"Mister Cross… allow me to issue a condition for the game that you've proposed," Jonathan stated firmly in a tone that had Cross quivering in terror. "If you fail to escape from Navarone in twenty-four hours, you will be caught in moments and be subsequently submitted to an interrogation so thorough that I will know memories of yours so deep and repressed that not even you remember them. Please take into consideration that while you're right in that I neither like nor respect Admiral Akainu, and while I did not learn the spirit of his lessons…" The man's gaze sharpened viciously. "That does not change the fact that I was an excellent student."
Cross processed that, and then frowned in contemplation. "…Wait to start those twenty-four hours until sunrise, and I'll accept that. But allow me this condition: if we do manage to escape, I'm going to let you in on one of my most well-guarded secrets, one that neither I nor my crew will ever expose on the SBS. Hell, even Soundbite knows better than to blurt it, just like this secret in particular, right, Soundbite?" The last sentence was finished with a pointed glare at the snail.
"YEAH, whatever," Soundbite rolled his eyes casually, until Cross grabbed his eyestalks and started pulling. "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, MUM'S THE word! …JERK…"
"Now, as I was saying… when you learn that secret, you're going to find yourself faced with what can only be defined as an ultimatum, and the decision is both effortless and excruciating. My condition is that you give it all the consideration that it deserves. Because I assure you, while nobody is going to hear your secret from my crew or myself, when you make that choice, one way or the other, it won't be a secret anymore."
"…That is very cryptic," Jonathan stated with a frown.
"Have you even been listening to my show? But in all fairness, it'll be the first thing you understand when the game is over. So, then…" Cross spread his hands invitingly. "Do we have a deal?"
Jonathan closed his eyes. Ultimately, Cross was right about everything he had said, including what he hoped to get out of their infiltration. And in the end, if they were actively trying to help him, then no matter how this turned out, he would ultimately win. He opened his eyes.
"I accept your challenge, Cross. But I warn you, you're not going to win."
Cross scoffed. "That's what they all say."
Jonathan smirked. "That's fair, I suppose. But you do realize that considering that you're here, I wouldn't be violating the rules of the game to arrest you here and now, right?"
"Of course. But considering this is me we're talking about… Hey, Soundbite, what's the appropriate thing to say in this case?" Cross replied, smirking back as he reached to one side, and separated the curtains. Jonathan blinked as he saw a rope reaching out of the window… and down to Cross. His smile faded even as Cross' grew.
"I think it would be… 'SO LONG, SUCKERS!'"
"Damn straight!" Cross cackled as he yanked on a ripcord attached to the side of his belt. Before the Vice Admiral could react, Cross was yanked backwards and up out of the room.
"…damn it," Jonathan sighed wearily as he pinched the bridge of his nose, but smirked nonetheless. "Well played, Cross. Well played."
A moment later, the door to the office burst open, allowing Drake and a full squad of Marines to burst into the office.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan, sir! Are you alright?" the Commander demanded as he moved to secure the room.
Jonathan gave his second a flat look. "Drake, allow me to remind you that we are currently in Paradise and that the Strawhats, strong as they are, are a rookie crew, and that Cross isn't a frontline fighter besides. Do you think I'm alright?"
"Ah…" Drake hesitated uncomfortably as he considered that.
Jonathan shrugged as he walked over to his window and looked upwards. "Put the base on high alert and gather the senior staff in five… ten minutes. I need time to devise a proper strategy."
"Sir?"
"Oh, you weren't aware? I thought you'd have realized it by now…" Jonathan turned back to Drake with an honest and eager smile. "The games have begun."
"THAT WAS PITIFUL!"
"Indeed!"
Drake and Jonathan paled in terror. "Not them…" they chorused.
"IT'S US!" Terry roared as he and Isaiah flapped through the window and landed on the Marine's shoulders. "WE WOULD HAVE STAYED INCOGNITO DURING THIS WHOLE THING!"
"But our pride as not just South Birds but as men refused to allow us to remain silent!" Isaiah huffed with a shake of his beak. "Such a weak and clichéd line… it made even my most luxuriant of beaks turn up in disgust!"
"WE'VE AGREED TO SET ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES AND WORK TOGETHER, UNTIL BOTH OF YOUR PERSONALITIES ARE BURSTING WITH POWAAAAAAAH!" Terry proclaimed as he flexed his avian pecs furiously.
"As well as the cool, calm and collected suaveness needed to strike blind any woman who lays eyes upon you." Isaiah swept his wing out with a flourish, light glinting off the feathers.
"…I'm married?" Jonathan tried uneasily.
"I accept your wife's thanks in advance," the bird smoothly agreed.
The officers exchanged panicked glances as their thoughts synchronized in a single word: "Shit."
I sighed in relief as I clambered up onto the top of the rock. Damn, epic as that exit had been, that belt taxed almost every single muscle I had. Still, there was work to be done, no rest for the wicked, the weary, or the weary wicked!
"So, I take it that everyone heard that?"
"A master tactician bold enough to con Akainu for the purpose of bolstering his reputation… I think we may have found the Marines' equivalent of Cross," Robin's voice said.
"Except that this guy actually has a whole brain," one of the male dugongs—Leo, I think—snarked.
"Boss, discipline your student."
"Nah, I think I'll let this one pass."
"Sweet!"
"Tsk…" I growled darkly before turning my attention to Soundbite. "By the way, I noticed something weird in there…"
"The cowards' chorus, I'M GUESSING?" he questioned. "Alright, look, IT'S SIMPLE: ever since the SBS started, I'VE BEEN ALTERING EVERYONE'S VOICES except YOURS and VIVI'S because we need people to trust you. BETTER for everyone else not to be immediately IDENTIFIABLE. But don't worry! IF THEY ALREADY KNOW YOUR VOICE, people can ID you, so your families know who's who."
I was promptly struck dumb at Soundbite's foresight. "Ah…"
"HOW BLATANTLY stupid do you think I am?!"
"You don't want that question answered," a chorus of voices responded.
"SCREW YOU PEOPLE!"
"Alright, Soundbite's impressive show of planning ahead aside, let me lay things out. There are only two ways for us to get out of here, and considering that leaving the way we came involves hurting Merry more, I say we focus on the plainer of them: leaving through the Sea Gate. Obviously, before that, we need to regroup on Merry and steal back the supplies and gold that they confiscated from us."
"Yes, yes, we do, because I swear to high heaven if we lose twenty-five percent of my—!"
"Our," Vivi cut in.
"WHOEVER'S GOLD!… then I will make up for the difference in bounties. Starting with everyone on this crew. GOT IT?"
"GOT IT!" everyone chorused.
"Nami is scary," Su whimpered.
"You're only just figuring this out?" I muttered. "Anyway… when the sun comes up, there's going to be a group of damaged battleships coming in. Onboard those ships are a pair of arrogant would-be chefs and a stupidly arrogant inspector from Marine Headquarters. These three need to be dealt with ASAP before they catch wind of our presence and call Marineford. Sanji, Robin, Luffy, that'll be up to you."
"Huh?" Soundbite provided Sanji's confused expression. "Luffy? I understand myself and Robin-schwan, but why Luffy!?"
"Because…" I trailed off hesitantly for a second before sighing. "Because, believe it or not, Luffy's actually pretty damn good at the whole stealthy-ninja thing when he wants to be."
"Shishishi! Years of practice playing hide-and-seek from my Grandpa!"
"'Hide-and-seek' my ass…"
"Eh? What was that?"
"Nothing, nothing. Anyway, also onboard those damaged battleships are going to be a ton of soldiers in need of critical treatment. And currently, the only doctor on base is a hemophobic pediatrician. Chopper, you're going to be responsible both for curing her hemophobia and helping her save all of those patients. You shouldn't need to boost your intelligence for either of those things."
"What? Why not? Sure, surgeries won't be any problem without boosting, but curing fear of blood? How am I supposed to do that so fast?"
"… Tell her the story of the thief and the sakura," I said carefully. A small intake of breath came from the other end, and Chopper seemed to tear up a bit.
"A-Alright," Chopper nodded firmly.
"Nami, I'd recommend that you join Chopper as a nurse, but if you think of a better cover, feel free to use it. Usopp, once they've relocated the Merry, disguise yourself as a grunt, and Soundbite will lead you there and help you fend off any questioners. And the rest of you…" I let a grin split my face. "Well, our end of the deal is to pressure-test the base. So, starting at dawn, we're going to give this place the most unforgettable day of their lives."
"Sounds good, Cross, but I've got one question," Usopp cut in. "Do we know where they took our stuff? We can replace the food and cannonballs anywhere, but the gold? And, just as importantly, Conis' arsenal and the Dials?"
"Well, for starters, I just checked on our loose gold." I instinctively jabbed my thumb over my shoulder at the edge of the spire. "Jonathan's got all of that stashed in his office, which is technically the safest place on the whole base. It's all there, and chances are he'll keep it there even though I know it's there because of how hard it'll be to get it out from under his nose."
"Well, at least that bit won't be boring…" Zoro muttered.
"And as for the rest of our stuff… Lassoo?"
"Yeah, they haven't touched the weapons yet," the dog-gun subtly huffed out.
"Right. Considering how big this base is, they probably don't think we'll be able to find her once they tow her away. And Jonathan has a group standing guard over the ship, with explicit orders not to report in via Transponder Snail. That makes things at once easier and harder for us; I should be able to come up with some way to use that to our advantage, but it'll take a while before I can risk it. On the bright side, as long as Lassoo is onboard, finding the Merry will be easy."
Suddenly, Soundbite's eyestalks snapped to attention and swiveled in the direction of the roof-access I'd identified. I growled in aggravation as I followed his line of sight. "They're coming up here, aren't they?"
"WINNER WINNER, hope you like JAIL DINNERS!"
"Not if I can help it!" I snapped my Flash Dial out of my bag and started clicking it out over the water. "Luffy, please tell me you can see the light!"
"I thought you guys always told me never to go towards it?"
I winced as the sound of a door being kicked open echoed out, prompting me to click faster. "Wrong light, now hurry the hell up and—!"
"Oh! Yeah, I can see you! Buuut I don't think I can reach that far…"
I made a hasty guesstimate of the distance. "Think you can reach halfway?"
"Oh, yeah, easy!"
"Then grab the rope!" I grabbed a ripcord at my side…
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"
Right as an authoritative voice and a chorus of cocking guns rang out.
I very slowly turned my head around and caught sight of who I assumed to be Commander Drake standing behind a firing squad of soldiers.
"Jeremiah Cross," the Commander growled acridly. "You are under arrest for piracy, divulging state secrets, disturbing the peace, terrorism—"
"If that's in any way related to my bullshit bounty, you had better pray that I don't find you," Vivi's voice snapped viciously.
Drake and his men shivered in terror before the Commander coughed into his fist. "W-We'll put a pin in that one." He then shook his head and got back to it. "Anyways… Arson, collaboration with criminal elements, assault with a deadly snail—"
"Did you really just say that?" I asked.
"—and finally, South Birds are an endangered species native to Jaya, so that's importation of illegal animals." Drake crossed his arms and his face narrowed into a hot glower. "My men and I have orders to incapacitate you by any means necessary, and we've already cleaned out all of the base's wax stockpiles to block out that snail. Come quietly, or I will order that you be shot in the leg."
I stared at him silently for a moment before allowing myself a cocky grin that obviously set him and his men on edge. "Two things. First, that is by far the worst impression of Commodore Smoker that I have ever seen." I revelled in the number of veins that comment made pop up on the officer's forehead before continuing. "And second?" I yanked on my belt's ripcord, causing the grappling rope to be launched out over the bay where it started to fall midway across… before being grabbed and yanked taut by a stretched out rubbery arm.
I shot the now-infuriated Marine a mocking salute. "Catch me if you can, copper!"
"FIRE!" Drake roared.
Thankfully, I was yanked out of the line of fire and through the void by the belt strapped around my pelvis. And for a few moments, I enjoyed the sensation of flying through the air. But then I remembered exactly how careful Luffy was with his crewmates when he did this. That is to say, not.
"WoahwoahwoahWATCH I—!" I started to belt out—
CRASH!
Before I slammed face-first into a tree. "Why does this feel so familiar…" I slurred.
"George, George, George of the Jungle!"
"Oh, yeah…" I groaned out as I peeled out of the tree and landed on my back. I lay there for all of ten seconds before a hand grabbed my collar and yanked me up through several trees to be brought face to face with a very familiar, very stupidly grinning face.
"Hey, Cross!" Luffy waved innocently.
I returned the grin with a decidedly bland look. "Captain… if it weren't liable to get me dropped three dozen feet… I just want you to know… I would punch you."
Luffy tilted his head in confusion. "Eh? But you already did that last night when I knocked that barrel of beer on you, and your hand was more hurt than I was."
"Yeah, but it made me feel better," I scoffed.
"Us too!" over half the crew concurred.
"Now, put me on a branch before my jacket tears, or so help me, I'll charge you for a new one… with interest rates that would make Nami proud." Luffy promptly plopped me onto a branch, allowing me to readjust my hoodie's collar with a huff. "Damn last one being burnt clean through, freaking swear this place is tearing through my wardrobe for shits and giggles…"
"What the hell do you have to complain about? Have you seen how many shirts Zoro goes through? His wardrobe made up almost a clean thirty percent of his debt!" Nami scoffed.
"Excuse me for being one of the so-called 'Monster Trio.' Would you have preferred fighting Ohm or Mr. 1?" Zoro shot back.
"Not to mention at least half of those shirts are destroyed in training," Robin pointed out. "And he generally doesn't stop to put on a new one."
"… That is pretty nice," Nami and Vivi admitted practically simultaneously.
I silently debated what to say to that before deciding to shove that into a locked box somewhere in my subconscious. "Alright, can we forego that argument for the moment in favor of trying to nail down a solid location for everyone?" I glanced around contemplatively. "I'll start off. Currently, Terry and Isaiah are with Jonathan, most likely pestering him beyond all belief, Lassoo is onboard the Merry, and Luffy, Soundbite and I are situated in the forest on top of the base's outer ring."
"My students and I are all in the water nearest the Merry, beside the outer ring," Boss said.
"Conis, Su, and I are just outside the forest, by the shore where the base starts. I can't see the Merry from where I am—ARGH!" Chopper said before cutting himself off with a yelp.
"And I would jusht like you all to know—hic!—that I love you all very musch!" Conis added dizzily. "Eshpecially Chopper… sho fluffy…"
"She's… crushing… me…" Chopper wheezed out miserably.
"Yeaaah, Conis isn't handling the oxygen levels that well," Su noted blandly.
"Why aren't you drunk off your ass, then?" Mikey (I think) asked.
"Because I've spent every other weekend clambering through the roots of Upper Yard since I was… eh, three, I think? Seriously, with trees that big, you get used to oxygen fast," the cloud fox said, her shrug borderline audible.
"Mmph—GAH! HEAVY POINT! Huff… Huff… Geeze, I almost died… Alright, I think I'm going to take my chances and look for the medical room ASAP," Chopper panted. "I left my bag on the Merry, and Conis needs treatment badly."
"Ugh… fair enough, but try not to be seen. Soundbite—"
"You DON'T HAVE TO tell me, Cross," the snail said, his face screwed up in concentration.
"Alright, then… moving on?"
"Robin and I are in the forest, too, though judging by those muzzle flashes I saw, we're on the other side from you and Luffy," Usopp said.
"I'm on a small beach, just got out of the water," Zoro grumbled, the sound of wringing out clothes and water dripping coming over the background. "I can still see the Merry from where I am, too, but I'm too likely to be seen where I am."
"I managed to ride my Waver up the outer ring. I'm hiding out in some tall grass at the edge of some cliffs. I've got a clear view of the rock spire, but I can barely see the Merry," Nami said.
"I'm in the forest, too, and I'm guessing I'm pretty close to you, Cross; I saw Luffy's arm stretch out from where I was," Sanji said.
A pause as I counted that out… during which I noticed Soundbite with an odd expression on his face, somewhere between gobsmacked and 'about to burst out laughing'. "Uh, Vivi and Carue? Where are you?"
"We… well, see, this… this is kind of awkward," Vivi ground out.
"How so?"
"Well…" Vivi rubbed the back of her head uncomfortably as she looked around the bunk she was laying in. "See, I'm currently inside the base, hiding in one of the barracks…" She paused as she noticed some movement in her peripheral vision, then smiled as she accepted a glass from the flustered soldier standing next to her. "Thank you!…and I just accepted a drink from one of the Marines who's helping Carue and I hide here." She punctuated the silence that followed with a looong drain from her drink's straw.
"… What," Cross finally said.
"WHAT," concurred the vast majority of the rest of the crew.
Vivi swallowed with a contented sigh before eyeing her glass contemplatively. "I'll be honest, the service I've received thus far beats some of the spas back in Alubarna, and those are legitimately royal-class establishments."
"She's got dat wight!" Carue sighed as another soldier brushed his feathers. "Wittle moa to da wight… wittle moa… ahhh, dat's da spot…"
"T-t-thank you very much, your highness!" the soldier who'd served Vivi stammered bashfully. "I-If there's anything else you need, feel free to ask!"
"Alright, we just fell out of the freaking sky and I just escaped being shot at, I utterly refuse to believe that what I'm hearing isn't the result of some adrenaline-fueled stroke-induced hallucination!" Cross protested.
"Three words, Cross: Great. Octopus. Shogunate. We have seen weirder, and I'm willing to bet a million beris that you know we haven't seen the weirdest of all yet," Nami growled.
"…Noooo, no, we have not. Ugh… well, on the bright side, it looks like we might have just found a much less risky way to help Conis. Vivi, think you can ask those Marines if they'd be willing to help a genuine angel?"
Vivi shot a brief glance up at the soldiers before plastering a desperate smile on her face. "One second," she hissed beneath her breath before raising her voice. "Oh, boys! Would the two of you mind fetching Carue and I an assorted vegetable platter please?"
"With a bucket a' wanch dwessing!" Carue piped up, smiling sheepishly at the glare Vivi sent him. "What? Ah'm hungwy!"
"Right away, ma'am!" the soldiers snapped off a salute before marching out of the bunkroom.
Vivi waited until the door was shut before collapsing on the bunk with an exasperated sigh. "Sweet guys. Stupid, but sweet. Anyway, here's the basics of my current situation: I'm in the care of a couple of Marines who seem to be a cross between Sanji and those braindead bounty hunters we met with Wyvern. They believe what I said on the SBS, they're willing to help me… but only me. I asked them at first if they were willing to help the rest of you, and they refused. And when I asked if they would be willing to just help the females, well… they seemed torn on Conis, Raphey isn't human, they don't know Robin's gender, and Nami… is just too scary."
"…I can live with that," Nami finally decided.
"Ditto," Raphey concurred.
"So, the bottom line is, I could probably convince them to take in Conis, and probably Su along with her, but Chopper wouldn't be able to come along, so…" She scratched the back of her head uncomfortably.
"Yeah, that would kind of defeat the purpose, wouldn't it…" Chopper grumbled before sighing despondently. "Alright, back to Plan A."
"Sneaking an oxygen-drunk blonde with wings through the halls of an enemy base on High Alert," Su summarized with a grin obvious in her voice. "Ten minutes with you guys and my life's already more exciting than it's been in the past six years!"
"YOU AIN'T seen nuthin' yet!" Soundbite chortled.
"But anyways," Cross spoke up. "For now, Vivi, it sounds like you're in a good enough situation. Just sit tight and wait for further developments."
Before the princess could say anything further, the door to the room opened and the soldiers from earlier entered and proffered her a very delicious-looking assortment of vegetables.
"I think I can handle that," she conceded as she laid back and took a bite from a stalk of celery.
Carue punctuated the point by gleefully burying his beak in the ranch bucket.
"Alright, with that done… Boss, if anything goes wrong, you and your students should be able to get there fastest, so be ready to move."
"Roger loud and clear, Cross. We're ready to go in hard at a moment's notice."
"Say 'that's what she said' and I will twist your head around a full 360 degrees," Raphey blandly added, which was followed up by a nervous gulp.
"And the rest of you…" I heaved out a jaw-cracking yawn as I settled against the trunk of the tree I was in. "Try to lay low until morning. We'll need more information before I can form a good escape plan. So for now… g'night."
A chorus of goodnights rang out before silence finally reigned, and I allowed myself to driiiift off to sleep.
Jonathan sat in his office, looking over his chessboard as he considered the Straw Hat Pirates. He had little doubt that all of the crew would be following the deal that he had made with Cross, but considering said deal, it appeared that today was going to be stressful. After all, to show how strong the base was while at the same time maximizing their chances of escape, he had no doubt that they would be hitting Navarone's weak spots. That being the case, he would need to attempt to strike theirs as well.
He had gathered together the highest ranking members of the base, and called to mind what they could about the Straw Hat Pirates.
"Altogether, we have ten humans and nine animals to worry about."
"Wouldn't it technically be nine humans and ten animals, sir? I mean, their doctor…" Holger asked.
"Devil Fruit priorities, Chief Petty Officer," Cormac interrupted. "He's a human-reindeer, so he counts as human."
Jonathan nodded absentmindedly in agreement. "In any event, of those animals, the five dugongs are likely to be the most problematic. I have no doubt that they're somewhere in the water; they'll be difficult to fight off on the land, and that's if we manage to get them out of the water. The dog-weapon couldn't have swum off of their ship, but it's not unreasonable to assume that someone could have carried him."
"Shall we investigate the Straw Hat Pirates' arsenal more closely to see if it's there?" Holger asked.
"Hmm… not immediately. Have a couple of men poke around in there, maybe take a few things. If the dog is there, he should alert Cross, and that will solicit some sort of reaction. It won't be able to use explosives in such close quarters, so we'll be able to apprehend it with relative ease. And if nothing happens, then nothing happens, and we'll have to watch out for dogs in the base."
Holger and the rest of the officers nodded.
"Now, moving on… the Supersonic Duck will almost certainly be with Princess Vivi, and while I'm not sure how dangerous of a fighter he'll be, it's clear that he has formidable endurance. I should expect nothing less from what's essentially a royal bodyguard. Soundbite is an obvious threat; I trust that the earplugs have already been distributed?"
"Yes, sir," Drake said. "All units have been warned and are at minimum carrying artillery-grade ear protectors."
"Good. And as for the fox… from what I've heard, I don't think she'll be any more dangerous than these South Birds are…" The Vice Admiral grimaced miserably. "Though they're bad enough on their own."
"SIT UP STRAIGHT! A TRUE MAN'S POSTURE IS FILLED WITH POOOWAAAAH!" Terry roared in the Vice Admiral's ears.
"For once I agree with my companion," Isaiah added in his usual baritone. "Proper posture, and the discipline that comes from cultivating it, is a necessity for true manliness." He then proceeded to cuff the back of Drake's head. "That means you too, Lieutenant Commander."
The officer ground his teeth viciously with murder blazing in his eyes. "Remind me why we haven't shot, eaten and mounted these colorful turkeys yet?" he demanded indignantly.
"Because neither of us has two million Beri to burn in fines and I promised to take Jessica to San Faldo for our anniversary, and if either of us jeopardizes that, she will serve us to the whole base for dinner," Jonathan deadpanned.
Everyone in the room froze as a wave of existential dread washed over them, which Drake punctuated by swallowing heavily. "Withdrawn…"
"Moving along…" Jonathan rubbed his chin in thought. "Of the remaining crewmates, if the last thing they said on the SBS was any indication, their new gunner is likely to be suffering from oxygen poisoning right now, meaning that their doctor will most likely be with her. I think they'll find their way to the medical wing before long."
"Should we send guards to intercept them, sir?" Henrick asked.
"Mmmm…" the Vice Admiral hummed contemplatively before shaking his head. "No. Not yet, let him perform the necessary treatment first. After all, we're not trying to make them suffer, merely to capture them. And I'd rather not risk their doctor… boosting, I believe it was. He's no doubt formidable enough without referencing Mr. Stevenson. No, we'll leave the medical wing alone for now; if they start causing trouble there, then we'll do whatever we must, though as it stands I don't think there's anything to worry about."
He waited for his staff to nod before continuing. "Now, moving on. Their chef is likely to infiltrate the kitchen. Jessica did admit that the suggestions he gave on the SBS have drastically improved the quality of our meals, so it should be easy enough to spot him going off of his skills… but on the other hand, the Marley brothers are due to arrive today."
As he said that, he recalled Cross' words about dealing with their 'administrative difficulties'. If he remembered right, there was an inspector due to arrive today as well. If Cross knew that, he was likely to know about the chefs as well. "Drake, once we're done here, warn Jessica to be on her toes; the Straw Hats may attempt to impersonate the Marley brothers."
"Yes, sir." The Commander snapped into a salute.
"Well, those are the easy ones," Jonathan sighed. "The rest are… less obvious. Cross is most likely going to keep his head down for the time being, keeping everyone connected. That leaves Straw Hat Luffy, Roronoa Zoro, Nefertari Vivi, their navigator, their sniper, and their unknown crewmate. The former three are likely going to stay as out of sight as they can, as we know their faces, but we can safely assume that the latter three are going to attempt to blend in."
He removed a piece of paper from his desk with specific instructions and gave it to Drake. "Here, I want you to pass these directions down through the ranks, make sure it remains written but not spoken. And should you come across anyone who seems suspicious, be certain to remember that the passcode is Marineford Tango Enies. Understood?"
Drake scanned the paper for a moment before passing it along to the rest of the officers and snapping his superior a salute. "Completely and utterly, sir."
"Good." Jonathan nodded firmly, before allowing a serious expression to come over him and spread to the rest of his men. "Now, make note here: I'm giving the Straw Hats a fighting chance, if only because it will be beneficial for our troops to get some exercise. However…"
Jonathan stood up and walked over to the window, observing the colors of a sunrise painted across the sky. "If they're still running free in this base by sunrise tomorrow, I will personally make sure that every last one of them ends up in the brig." He turned his head enough to give his subordinates a chilling look. "And I sincerely hope that it doesn't come to that."
The tone of voice he used made Drake, Holger, Henrick, and Cormac break into a cold sweat. As easygoing as their leader normally was, the fact remained that Cross had implored for him not to get involved for a reason that they all knew: nobody obtained the rank of Vice Admiral unless they were singlehandedly capable of matching their entire squad in power, much less somebody favored by the 'Mad Dog' of the Marines. And they held no illusions that the base's recent stretch of inactivity had in any way diminished that strength, either.
"We will ensure that they are captured, sir!" the four of them chorused. Jonathan nodded, the seriousness on his face melting away with a tired sigh.
"At ease. Drake… ask Jessica to include the strongest brew on base with my breakfast, then assemble a force to seek out the Straw Hats. The rest of you, to your assigned stations. Send all transmissions in person or in writing; do not use Transponder Snails unless the situation is dire. Dismissed."
Jonathan didn't turn to watch as his men filtered out of his office. Rather, he continued to scan the skyline of his base, his home, waiting, waiting, waiting… until finally, the first rays of a new day broke through the darkness.
Slowly and patiently, without so much as a hint of worry, Jonathan turned around and inched a pawn forward on the board.
"Let the games begin."
All Terry had to say about that was a nervous gulp.
My first thought as I woke up, which I had as I leaned up and stretched my arms in a yawn, was that my hammock wasn't supposed to be this hard and uncomfortable and wood-like.
My second thought, which came much faster as I tried to roll to the side and was promptly forced to catch myself in a sloth-grip, was the realization that I was sleeping against wood, as well as the recollection that my captain and animal sidekick were currently hiding out in the middle of a Marine base.
My third thought… wasn't so much a thought as a realization. More specifically, I realized that we weren't alone when a branch snapped abo—below me.
This realization was confirmed when I looked DOWN and caught sight of a pair of dumbstruck Marines staring UP at me.
We stared at each other for a scant few seconds before I adopted a bland expression. "You two do realize that the fact that you've managed to find us is not a good thing, right?"
The soldiers nodded miserably in agreement.
We stayed frozen for a few moments longer until Soundbite decided to add in his own two cents by emerging from his shell and giving the Marines a toothy smile. "You boys gon' DIE."
That snapped the soldiers into action, one running off through the trees while the other—fumbled with a baby Transponder Snail? OH, HELL NO!
I promptly let go of the branch and twisted my body around, falling on the hapless Marine with a bellowing cry of "BODYSLAM!"
I crashed down on the soldier and we promptly fell into a down-and-dirty no-holds-barred brawl… for all of fifteen seconds until I managed to grab the back of the poor bastard's head—
THWACK!
And ram his face right into my goddamn knee ARGH! "SON OF A BITCH!" I yowled as I managed to leap to my feet and start hopping around, clutching my burning joint in agony. "GODDAMN MONKEY MANGO SACK ASS PINEAPPLE WHISKEY TANGO TURKEYS TROTTING TO FUCKING WATER! RIGHT ON THE MOTHERFUCKING BORDERLINE BETWEEN HEALTHY AND CRISPY OOOOOW!"
"HEY!" Soundbite roared in my ear. "Less agonizing, more hustling! THE OTHER ONE'S GETTING AWAY!"
I snapped my head up and glared daggers at the back of the running soldier. "Like hell he is!"
I promptly started hopping after him—
"GUM GUM!"
Before pausing and looking up at my captain in—why was he puffed up in Gum Gum Balloon form and why was he holding his pipe to his—?"
"BLOWGUN!"
CRACK!
I reeled in shock as a noise as loud and sharp as a pistol blasted out of the end of Luffy's pipe. I barely had enough time to snap my head around to stare at the fleeing Marine… just as he snapped a hand to the back of his skull and collapsed into a boneless heap.
I gaped in shock for a second or two before blinking in realization. "Was that an acorn?" I called up to Luffy.
"Yup!" Luffy grinned as he shot me a thumbs-up. "Pretty cool, huh?"
I started to nod before freezing in panic as a horrifying thought struck me. "That guy's still alive, right?"
"YEP!"
"Oh-thank-God…" I wheezed as I clutched my chest in relief. "I don't know how Jonathan would kill us using a fishing rod, but I am positive that that's how he would do it if we killed one of his men."
"Personally, Cross, I think you should be more concerned with the fate worse than death that awaits you if the Vice Admiral gets his hands on you."
"GAH!" I jumped in terror before spinning around to glare at our suddenly-present cook. "Don't do that, damn it!"
Sanji ignored me as he lit up a cigarette and took a drag before giving me a flat look. "Hence," he continued as though I hadn't interrupted him. "You should really be thanking me for saving your hide from that guy over there." He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder.
I tilted my head slightly in confusion. "Uh…?"
"I'm pointing at the third soldier that was with these two morons and who was about to call in your shit-hiding spot when I gave him a concussion," Sanji explained dryly.
I promptly plastered a desperate smile on my face. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love the fact that you're one-third secret agent?"
I didn't take the time to puzzle over why Sanji suddenly inhaled the rest of his cigarette and started choking, instead calling up to Luffy. "Hey Captain, mind gathering up these mooks so that we can strip them for their uniforms and then tie 'em up?"
"Sure, just gimme a sec!" Luffy promptly swung off, moving in a way that was way too natural for a human being.
I stared after him in awe for a second before giving Sanji a wary glance. "I'm not the only one who wonders about just how 'human' Luffy is, right?"
"That's rich, coming from you," the cook snickered.
"Har har, very funny…" I scoffed. "Alright, that aside, once we've got these guys taken care of, you two will need to head into the base and find a pair of cooks from HQ known as the Marley brothers; the battleships they'll be on haven't arrived yet, but I doubt it'll be long. Once you find them, nab their clothes and pretend to be them so that you can infiltrate the base's kitchen."
"… Infiltrate the kitchens… with Luffy."
"Just keep him on a leash." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, while you're doing that, I'll stay here and watch over the Marines and keeping everyone connected."
Luffy chose that point to make his return, three KO'd Marines in one hand. I gave them a quick onceover before nodding. "Alright, pick a uniform, get dressed, and get going."
"Right!" Luffy nodded as he started divesting the soldiers.
Soon enough, the Marines were clad in only their skivvies and left hanging from the branches of the trees, thoroughly gagged and bound with no chances of escape.
I watched my newly disguised comrades leave for a few seconds before leaning back into the trunk of the tree I was settled in and looking at Soundbite. "So, now that that particular instance of madness is over and done with, the next most pressing issue among our crew is Conis. Chopper, how is she?"
"Ah… well, she's certainly alive… though beyond that—GRK!"
"Fluuufffyyy…" Conis giggled as she buried her face in the scruff of the flailing doctor's neck.
"I honestly think her current condition is very much a matter of perspective and opinion…" the reindeer said with a tone of forced calm.
"Shouldn't you be doing your little dance and blatantly lying about how compliments don't make you happy?"
"First off, those compliments really don't make me happy!" Chopper snapped as he tried to wriggle his way out of Conis' stupidly strong grip. "And second, she's not complimenting my medical prowess, she's complimenting my fur. Totally different!"
"Riiiight. You know, next time we meet Ace, I think I'll ask him to keep an eye out for an opportunity to throw a fireball at your shorts."
"Oh, shut up!"
"Heh… Anyway, how long do you think it'll take for her to get over this?"
"Ergh, it's hard to—Hey, don't pull on—OWOWOW!"
"Heeheehee—GRK!" Conis continued to giggle blearily as she yanked on Chopper's antlers before suddenly jerking up ramrod straight for a second, and then collapsing forwards into a snoring heap, revealing Su perched on her back with her paw on a syringe sticking out of the Angel's shoulder.
"Sedative," she explained blandly. "Sorry, but that was starting to get old."
"I appreciate that, Su," Chopper groaned, massaging his head at the base of his antlers before switching to his Heavy Point and picking up Conis. "Now, we need to get her a controlled flow of air so that she can adapt, or she'll be just as… incoherent when she wakes up again. Now, where's an air tank we can use…"
"Oh! Excuse me, I thought all of the other doctors were gone."
Chopper froze and Su bolted under a nearby table like a flash of greased lightning when a feminine voice came from behind them. Its owner turned out to be a purple-haired young woman with glasses and a white coat.
"Don't panic," Cross said, directly in their ears. "That's most likely the hemophobe I told you about, Dr. Kobato. She's a good physician, but she's also something of a ditz. Act natural, and she won't notice anything's wrong. Worst comes to worst, you can flash some blood, and she'll be out like a light."
"Uh… you're Doctor Kobato?" Chopper asked hesitantly.
"Yes, that's me," the woman replied calmly. "And you?"
"Uh… H-Hiriluk, my name is Doctor Hiriluk," the reindeer hastily answered, drawing himself upright in an effort to project an air of authority. "It's a good thing you're here, I need your help. This young woman is suffering from oxygen poisoning; I was forced to sedate her as her delirium became dangerous. Where do you keep your oxygen tanks?"
A hint of steel came into Kobato's eyes as she took in the unconscious Conis, but her smile never faltered as she walked over to one of the cots. "We have one here, Doctor. Just lay her down and I'll help you get her set up."
Chopper nodded, carefully taking Conis into his arms before laying her on the bed, making sure to tuck the blankets in such a way that her wings were hidden. Kobato didn't notice this, fortunately, too busy with placing the mask over Conis' face. "What was the cause of this, Doctor?"
"Uhh…"
"Repeat after me, Chopper," Cross hissed. The doctor nodded automatically as he spoke the words that came into his ears.
"Oh, it was a sudden decrease in altitude, I think she tried jumping off the top of a Marine base. How she got out of that without a scratch, I don't know, but she's been incoherent since we arrived here."
"J-jumped off the top of a Marine base?" Kobato said incredulously.
"She's sort of a thrill seeker," Chopper shrugged.
"Oh. Well, that makes sense."
'She actually bought that?' Su thought incredulously.
'She actually bought that…' Chopper thought in resignation.
"Well, thankfully she looks to be fine…" The Marine doctor tilted her head contemplatively as she looked Conis over. "Still," Chopper felt his heart skip a beat when she started to run her hands over his crewmate in a sickeningly familiar manner. "Just to be sure, I'll give her a routine physical."
"Ah-ah-ah—!" Chopper sputtered frantically as he flailed his arms in a panic behind her back. "T-t-t-there's really no need for that, I-I already gave her a onceover myself, s-she's fine!"
"Oh, no, it's no trouble at all," Kobato waved him off absentmindedly without taking her attention off of Conis. "I trust your prognoses but I just feel like it would be prudent to double-check is all. It always pays to have a second opinion, you know?"
"Aheh… yeah, right…" Chopper trailed off uncomfortably. He then proceeded to snap into his Brain Point and start desperately rummaging through his pack, the hardier medical instruments flung out in succession.
Kobato, meanwhile continued patting Conis down while entirely oblivious to her 'colleague's' panic. "Alright, limbs and neck seem fine, moving on to the spinal column…" She reached under the covers and paused in confusion as she felt feathers of all things brush her fingers. "Well, that's odd, I could have sworn that this mattress was in perfect condition a few hours ago." She continued feeling around for a bit before sighing in relief. "Oh, never mind, it's fine, these feathers are merely attached to the patient's wi—" She paused as she ran that thought through her head a few times before recoiling in shock. "The patient's wings!?"
"Ah-ah…" Chopper fumbled for an answer for a second before chancing upon an idea. "Of course she has wings!" he blurted in a forced 'no duh' tone of voice. "S-She's from a Sky Island, they all have wings up there! W-Were you not aware of this?"
Kobato's shock evaporated into confusion as she mulled that statement over before she finally chuckled and slapped her forehead. "Ha, of course! Now I remember! My apologies, I'm known as something of a ditz around the base, you see."
Chopper and Su breathed simultaneous sighs of relief.
Meanwhile, the Marine continued chuckling as she continued examining Conis. "But still, you can't exactly fault me for my ignorance. After all, I only learned that Sky Island existed a few days ago by listening to the SBS."
Both Chopper and Su tensed as they prepared for the worst, only to relax when Kobato didn't elaborate.
Finally satisfied, the doctor withdrew her hands and walked over to a countertop where she picked up a clipboard. "Alright, everything seems perfectly normal, I'll begin filling out her chart. What's the patient's name?"
"Conis, no last name," Chopper answered instinctively before slapping his hooves over his mouth in horror. Said horror intensified when Kobato stopped writing.
"C-O-N-I-S?" she asked in confirmation.
"N-no, K…" Chopper corrected fearfully.
"Oh, alright then!" Kobato nodded with a smile. "I just ask because her name sounded like Conis. You know, the Strawhats' latest recruit? She's from a Sky Island too, so I imagine that there'll be some confusion in her future."
"…yeah, I imagine so…" Chopper slowly nodded in agreement.
"Alright…" Kobato moved on to another line. "And does she have any family I should be aware of?"
"Just her father back on Skypiea." Chopper rolled his eyes in exasperation as he turned to the room's medical cabinets and started fiddling around with their contents. 'After all,' he reasoned with himself. 'You never know when you might need to restock.'
Kobato nodded again as she continued writing. "Got it, father in Skypiea. Just… like…" Ice shot through Chopper and Su's veins when the doctor slowly stopped writing and trailed, the blood drained from her face in horror as she slowly looked at Conis' face. "C-Conis with a C…"
The room was paralyzed for a moment until the Zoan in the room thumped his head against the nearest available shelf. "I don't suppose there's any chance that you'd do us the favor of not screaming?" Chopper groaned in resignation.
Kobato's response was to open her mouth—
"Oh, come on!"
And promptly gag when a bundle of white fur was stuffed into it.
"Out of all the slip-ups—OW!—that's when you finally connect the dots!?" Su snarled as she held on to the doctor's shoulder for dear life, her tail firmly wedged in the doctor's mouth. She then snapped her head over to Chopper. "Hurry the hell up, sawbones!"
Kobato reeled and scrabbled with Su for a moment…
THWACK! "MMPH!" "YEOW!"
Before biting down hard on the tail when she felt something thin and hard plunge into her shoulder, which in turn elicited a yowl of vulpine pain from Su.
However, the doctor's pain lasted only a moment before oblivion invaded her mind and she slumped over on Conis' bed, dead to the world save for her snores.
Su whimpered miserably as she held her bitten tail before her face. "That… was unpleasant…" She proceeded to snap a glare at Chopper. "And what took you so long, hm!?"
"Forgive me for not thinking I'd need to stock up on syringes of all things…" Chopper panted as he slowly lowered his arm from the post-throw position it had been in. He then sighed despondently as he changed to his Heavy Point and gingerly extracted a now-empty needle from Kobato's shoulder. "I am getting way too much experience with this."
Su spared a moment from licking her own tail to snicker at him. "Yeah, you're right. After all, there are better ways to get girls then pumping them full of chemicals, don't you know? Tseeheehee—!"
The human-reindeer held up the syringe, light glinting menacingly off the needle. "I can refill this with the appropriate dosage in seconds."
"Shutting up now," Su said quickly.
"Mmph… well, there's the proof of how much of a ditz she is. I honestly forgot that she was that bad," Cross said. "Anyway, once she's awake, you should have enough of an opportunity to talk her into helping the patients that will arrive soon. She'll be outright on our side once you've cured her hemophobia."
"Hooray," Su and Chopper chorused unenthusiastically.
"Oh, perk up, her dad's a shipwright who'll look after the Merry and help Usopp patch her up once we get them together. Anyway, moving on…"
"Robin, how are things going with your mission?"
"Perfectly, Cross," Robin replied, striding down the hallway in her stolen outfit without so much as a care in the world. "The ship from HQ has just arrived and they are unloading men now. I've already dealt with the good inspector and am touring the facilities as we speak. On that note, I took the liberty of incapacitating the Marley brothers while I was at it. Soundbite, if you'd be so kind as to direct Mr. Cook and the captain to them?"
"Roger roger."
"We've got them. Thank you, my darling!"
"Nice work, Robin!"
"What the monkey said. So… at the risk of losing my appetite now and forever, what happened to Condo—er, I mean, Shepherd?"
"Well…" Robin said with a smirk.
A Marine grunt stared, jaw dropped, at the sight that awaited him in the supply closet where he had gone to fetch a mop.
A man with short black hair in a widow's peak who was wearing a magenta undershirt and purple pants was bound and gagged in the room. While that was odd in and of itself, the part of the ensemble that drew his attention most was the note pinned to said man's undershirt, which clearly read 'I'm a stuck-up ass from HQ looking to shut this base down for the glory of it!' Hesitantly, the man reached out to un-gag the squirming man, who spat for a few seconds before barking at him.
"You incompetent buffoon! What made you hesitate to help me? I'll have you court-martia—MMPH?!"
The grunt promptly replaced the gag, grabbed the mop he had come for, and closed the door in the man's face.
"Hey, you were in there awhile," the grunt's friend noted in surprise. "Anything wrong?"
"Nope," the grunt said, marching away from the closet without so much as missing a beat. "Not a thing."
"PFFHAHAHAHAHA! Robin, in case you happened to miss the memo any time in the past few years, you are a genius."
"Trust me, I'm aware," she purred cheekily.
"Well, anyway, be careful when you meet with the Vice Admiral. Jonathan's the kind of guy who's taken the time to find out what an aged-up version of your bounty picture would look like. Easy money says that he'll recognize you when he sees you, but with any luck he'll be too intrigued or amused to do anything about it. No guarantees, though."
Robin's eyebrow twitched minutely in irritation, though she didn't break her stride. "And you didn't think to mention this sooner?"
"Hey, my knowledge is spotty at best, alright? I'm mostly playing this by the ear. Just… hope for the best."
The ex-assassin flexed her fingers. "I am starting to see the appeal of using you as a punching bag, Mister Jeremiah."
"Har har, very funny. Anyway, moving on. Nami, how you holding up?"
"Ah…" their navigator grit out uncomfortably. "See, the answer to that question's kind of… complicated."
"Oh, come now, Miss Navigator," Robin chided as she brought her fist to her mouth in order to hide a chuckle. "How bad could it possibly—?"
Robin's words died in her throat when she reached an intersection and was brought face to face with the subject of discussion in question.
The archaeologist stared in shock for several seconds before slowly raising her sunglasses onto her forehead in order to get a better view. "… Well now. Dare I even ask?"
Nami groaned miserably as she clawed a hand down her face. "I wound up in the laundry room looking for something to wear, some Marines walked in on me while I was holding this coat, one lie led to another and suddenly I'm masquerading using my mother's name and rank!"
"…Please tell me I'm misremembering seeing a picture of your mother wearing a coat only Captains or higher wear," Cross deadpanned.
"No, Cross," Robin shook her head slowly as she took in the ornate coat Nami was wearing. "No, you are most certainly not."
"Ugh… well, depending on how good Nami's espionage skills are, this could either be a windfall or a calamity. Nami, I know you did a lot of masquerading as a pirate for the last few years, but how good are you at impersonating a Marine?"
Before Nami could respond, she was interrupted by a Marine walking around a blind corner and almost running into her. "Ah—! S-Sorry about that ma'am, I wasn't looking where I was going and—!"
"HOW DARE YOU!" Robin watched with bemusement as the crew's navigator grabbed the hapless soldier's collar and drew him in close so that she was roaring directly in his face. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA JUST HOW MUCH THIS COAT COSTS? I COULD TAKE EVERY BERI YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC FAMILY HAS MADE IN THE LAST TEN GENERATIONS AND IT STILL WOULDN'T EVEN BE ENOUGH TO GET IT DRYCLEANED, YOU UTTER IGNORAMUS!"
"I-I'm so sorry, p-please forgive me, Captain, I-I-I won't do it again!" the Marine sobbed miserably, tears fountaining down his cheeks.
"You want my forgiveness?" Nami spat. "Then go to this base's godforsaken kitchen and order me a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with a twist of aged tangerine, three and a half cubes of ice, and a green umbrella IN NO LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES!" She then proceeded to all but throw the soldier down the hallway he'd come out of, yelling after his retreating back. "AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL IF YOU GET SO MUCH AS ONE ELEMENT OF THAT DRINK WRONG, BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL WON'T!"
The incognito pirates watched him run like the hounds of hell were on his heels before Nami turned to Robin with a beatific smile. "So, you'll be the good Marine and I'll be the bad Marine, then?"
"I would say so, Miss Navigator," Robin chuckled in agreement.
"Daaaaaamn…" Cross breathed in awe. "You've been holding out on us, haven't you?"
"Are you kidding?" Nami scoffed as she and Robin started walking down the hallway again. "I've got almost ten years of suppressed fury pounding around inside of me. You haven't seen anything yet."
"Hmph, I imagine so," Robin laughed into her hand before pausing and humming thoughtfully. "Ah yes, and before I forget, Mister Doctor? I should warn you that you should hasten to rouse Dr. Kobato and make her an ally before the patients arrive."
"Ugh, alright, I was expecting this. How long have I got?"
"Five minutes at most," Robin replied cheerfully.
There was a pause. And following that was a solid thirty seconds of invective that left even Soundbite silent.
"… I believe you've been spending too much time with Soundbite," Robin said at last.
"AND YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH CROSS, YOU JERK!" Chopper snapped. "AND ONE WORD OUT OF YOU, SANJI, AND I SWEAR THAT I WILL GIVE YOU A VASECTOMY IN YOUR SLEEP!"
"…I am now officially unsure who's scarier: Nami or Chopper," Usopp muttered in the ensuing silence.
"Careful, Long-nose, I work hard to maintain my reputation," Nami muttered beneath her breath. "You do not want me pulling double-duty."
"RIGHT! MOVING ON!" Cross barked. "You two sound like you've got it handled, good luck to the both of you. Usopp, what are you up to right now?"
"Eh, not much, thankfully."
"Or at least, not right now. It hasn't been boring," Usopp said, looking over the small collection of trussed-up grunts near him. "One weakness to point out to Jonathan: the patrols aren't very big. If it's only two or three people, it leaves them open to be sniped down before they even notice. I've taken care of a few grunts who aren't going to make that mistake again; their weapons are in the bay, and I've already got one of their uniforms. So, if they've finished moving the Merry, now would be the time to lead me to it."
"Nice work. Soundbite, do you have a location?"
"Having a bit OF A TIME MAPPING OUT THE CORRIDORS, but I think so."
"Good, lead him to her. Oh, and Usopp, when you get there, take note of an old shipwright named Mekao. I mentioned him earlier; odds are that if you tell him about the Klabautermann, we'll have another ally."
"Got it," Usopp said, securing his Marine cap before heading off.
"Next up… Boss, you and your students doing alright?"
"That depends on how you define 'alright,' Cross," Boss said in a voice of forced calm.
"Personally, I wouldn't define it as 'being chased through the water by a net of sea prism stone that's TRAWLING THE BAY!'" the dugong roared as he and his students floated on the surface of the bay hidden behind the corner of the base's central spire, staring in terror as a massive net that spanned from the spire to the outer ring with no gaps between it and the rockface was slowly dragged through the waters of the bay by being passed from opening to opening high above them.
"Wha—a ne—!? Ohhhh… riiight."
"You had better not be about to tell us that you saw this coming, Cross!" Leo said furiously.
"No, of course not! Forgetting about potentially life-threatening things is Vivi's job."
"I heard that," the princess said waspishly.
"You can pwotest when it's not twue, but fo' now, you can't weawwy deny it," Carue snickered.
"Tsk…" Vivi grumbled darkly.
"Anyway," Cross spoke up. "What I just remembered is the fact that Jonathan's a freaking genius. It'd be more shocking if he didn't have some kind of contingency plan in place for fishmen. Looks like this is it."
"Yeah, well, this contingency's about to scoop me and my boys up!" Boss snarled. "Any bright ideas, Jerry-boy!?"
"…If you ever call me that again, Boss, I'll tell the world how Kung Fu Dugongs happened. And trust me, your poker faces suck," Cross said frigidly.
All five dugongs were caught between the urge to blush in both rage and embarrassment and pale. "…Duly noted," Boss finally conceded.
"Now get us out of here!" Mikey flailed his limbs in a panic.
"Alright, look, it's easy alright? Just employ the Invulnerable Door fallacy."
"Uh…?" Four of the five Dugongs tilted their heads in confusion.
Donny, meanwhile, slapped his fin to his forehead with a groan. "I'm an idiot."
"Eh?" His compatriots looked at him in askance.
The purple-bandanna wearer gave them a flat look. "Even if a door is utterly impenetrable," he rapped his flipper against the rock face they were hiding against. "There's a good chance that the wall around it is less so."
"Ohhh," chorused Raphey, Leo, and Mikey. Boss, for his part, simply nodded.
"Alright, boys, you heard them." He snapped a flipper out so that it was pointing downwards. "Let's all get digging!"
The students glanced at each other in concern before giving their teacher an uncomfortable look. "Uh…" Raphey slowly raised her flipper. "Can't Leo just carve out a hole big enough for us all?"
"No way!" Boss crossed his flippers in denial. "Leo earned his skills, now it's your turn." He grit his teeth confidently. "Dig or get caught, brats!" He made to dive before pausing and snapping a glare up at Leo. "Oh, and your hole better be several meters deep, or else I'll toss you to the goons myself." Then he dived.
The students remained floating for a bit longer before exchanging flat looks.
"Remind me why we followed him into the pirate life again?" Raphey groused.
"Because somehow the rest of our species is even crazier than he is," Leo sighed wearily.
"Come on, guys, you all know that he loves u—WAGH!" Mikey's words were cut off when he was suddenly yanked underwater.
"GET YOUR TAILS DOWN HERE RIGHT GODDAMN NOW!"
"YESSIR!" The apprentices hastily complied.
"… Well, that shit just happened. Alright, moving on for the sake of sanity. Zoro, I dread to ask, but any idea where you are now?"
"Yeah, it's actually really weird."
"Did you know that they've got another ship here that looks just like the Merry?" Zoro asked, observing the very distinct ship from behind a giant gear.
"…I MUST have heard you WRONG, Cross. I thought you said 'for the sake of sanity,'" Soundbite said weakly.
"Yes, shame on me. I'd ask how this is possible, especially considering how the place is set up as a damn ambush… buuuuut I'm pretty sure that answer ends with my brains oozing out of my ears. For now, just stay where you are."
"Eh, sure thing," Zoro turned around and started walking away, gravel crunching under his boots.
"WHY THE EVER-LOVING FUCK ARE YOU MOVING!?"
"Calm down, snail, I'm just going to find a drink, I'll be right back."
"…I honestly don't know what I expected. Moving on, Vivi, how are things on your end?"
Sanji snapped his head up, foregoing his progress towards the kitchen and concentrating intently on the answer.
"Yes, we're now receiving the royal treatment from a full squadron of Marines. Honestly, I'm tempted to find a balcony and work on my tan."
"Please don't."
"I BEG TO—!"
"Volume control, idiot!" Su cut in.
Sanji coughed uncomfortably into his fist as he noticed the confused glances the other Marines were sending him, then continued on at a much lower volume. "I humbly beg to differ, darling princess."
"…Soundbite, unless Sanji gets on track very soon, do us all the favor of muting him," Nami said in irritation.
"Heck, do us all a favor and do it anyways."
"Watch it, mosshead!…but fine," Sanji ultimately sighed, glancing around cautiously as he continued walking. "Our status… on our way to the kitchen. I think we're heading in the right direction, if foot traffic and Luffy's nose are anything to go by."
"Huh. Fast moving. Alright, if I remember right, everyone there should welcome you with open arms as soon as you show off your skills, but if they've caught anything from your cooking lessons on the SBS, they may be suspicious at first. The Marley brothers are complete jokes, they can't even peel potatoes, but their reputation should provide the cushion you need to blend in. Just watch your step, especially when Jonathan shows up for lunch. So long as Luffy doesn't deliver it, or eat everything you guys make for that matter, you'll be able to blend in for a while longer."
"Got it," Sanji nodded. "And if reputations aren't all they're cracked up to be, I could use that to explain away Luffy's behavior."
"Nice one. Alright, that just leaves… Lassoo, everything alright on the Merry?"
"Well, a squad of Marines are onboard, and a few have been poking around here," the dog-gun muttered quietly. "A couple of grunts came in here earlier and took a few Dials… and I'm pretty sure that that black one Conis had was one of them."
"WHAT?! Soundbite, connect me to Jonathan, NOW!"
"You just don't understand, do you?" Isaiah sighed in his usual baritone. "Manliness is not something you show. It's something you are. Displays such as yours are not only pointless, they imply a deep insecurity that is not manly in the slightest."
"AND YOU'RE TOO DAMN COLD!" Terry shot back. "A REAL MAN NEEDS TO KNOW WHEN TO HAVE FIRE IN HIS VEINS AS WELL AS ICE! YOU'RE JUST ALL ICE, ALL THE TIME!"
Jonathan groaned, cradling his head in his hands. The two South Birds had promised to be an annoyance from the first time he heard them, but he'd had no idea they could be this bad. They'd been going back and forth pretty much since midnight, and only strong coffee and plenty of experience with all-nighters was keeping him alert. Of course, if he didn't get some sort of break soon, he'd probably go mad.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan!"
The Marine in question looked up from his chessboard as Cross' voice sounded around him. That worked. "Mister Cross?"
"Something I should warn you about, and that you should warn your soldiers about, too: stay out of our arsenal. In particular, there are a few Dials we have that could VAPORIZE your men if they touch them wrong. For the sake of getting them all back, I won't tell you which ones. But I'm just giving you a fair warning; we have no problem fighting our way out of here, but we are trying not to kill anyone."
"Mmhmm, I see…" Jonathan nodded slowly in agreement, the South Birds mercifully silent, before pushing one of the black knights on the board. "Just one moment, please. Drake, could you come in here?"
His second-in-command promptly entered the office with a salute. "Sir?"
"Have the men search the Strawhat's ship's arsenal, it seems that the weapon with the Zoan fruit is hiding in there after all."
"…shit," Cross's disembodied voice flatly summarized.
"OH, NOOOOOOOO!" Terry threw in.
"DAMN IT, CROSS!" a furious voice yowled before howling out "CANI-SCREEN!"
Jonathan sighed as the sounds of hacking coughs from various Marines filled the line. "Now you're just gloating."
"I give you a piece of advice to try to keep your men safe from an actual hazard, and you respond like this? Not only ignoring me, but doing what I just told you not to do? Oh, no, this doesn't qualify as gloating. I'll show you gloating later."
And then the office fell silent, the two South Birds both smugly grinning.
"Well, that's not ominous at all," Drake cheerfully stated.
"Lieutenant Commander."
"Right, catch the dog!" Drake blurted as he wheeled around and all but ran out of the room.
Jonathan stared at the door for a second before directing a glare at the chessboard before him. "They are making it very hard to apply this game in real life…" he grumbled.
"Alright, I need to think about what we've got so far. Soundbite is still listening, so just say his name if you need to talk. I'll let you guys know once I've got some kind of plan."
"Take your time, Cross," Chopper ground out as the transmission faded, looking back at the pediatrician, who seemed terrified. "Alright… Dr. Kobato, there's soon going to be a large number of Marines arriving here from the battleships that have docked on base. Many of them are going to need treatment, and fast. I'm going to help you, but as this base's doctor, you need to be able to do the surgeries necessary to save their lives."
Kobato's eyes widened even more. "B-B-But I… I specialize in children's medicine, I'm no good at surgeries! I'm barely able to deliver a shot! I'm sorry, but I don't think I can help, I just can't stand the thought of hurting people."
Chopper folded his arms with a weary sigh. "Kobato, let me tell you a story from the man who was my teacher and father…"
Three minutes later, the nurses and the patients arrived, and a determined Kobato stood alongside Chopper as they began the necessary treatments. She barely acknowledged the fact that he was a pirate as they worked.
And considering the amount of work they had to do, neither of them noticed that in the middle of it all, a specific patient and her pet had managed to wander out of the infirmary.
"…In other words, you would presume to tell me what real cooking is, right?" Sanji asked the obviously skilled and passionate head chef.
"No, I'm not trying to say anything quite as dramatic as that," Jessica replied coolly. "I just want you and your brother to show that pride you talk so much about. I'll give anyone a chance to prove themselves, no matter how pretentious they might be. However, there will be trouble if I think you lack anything in skill or attitude." The rest of the cooks looked on sourly while Jessica finished her speech. "Let me make this clear: unless you satisfy me, you will never be able to call yourselves cooks in Navarone."
"I see. That sounds like a challenge. But let me ask you this," Sanji continued, blowing out some smoke. "You clearly know the importance of food. But speaking from experience, the head chef's skill isn't the best way to determine how good his or her employees are. So, what do you say to going one-on-one?"
The chefs' indignation at the apparent insult promptly melted in favor of smugness. "Challenging Jessica? He's toast." "Burnt toast." "Thousand Beri says he starts crying in ten minutes." "Two thousand on twenty." The murmurs continued in the same vein until Jessica raised a hand and extinguished them like a candle, though her expression was no less smug.
"It has been a long time since I've had the opportunity to demonstrate why I'm the head chef here," she mused. "So be it. You and I will prepare the same dish. My husband, Commander Jonathan, will determine the winner through a blind taste test."
Sanji's smile froze, and he twitched ever so slightly as he fought to maintain his composure. "A-An excellent idea, milady. So…" Sanji glanced around warily. "Where is he, exactly?"
Jessica's smugness faltered. "…Well, this is a bit awkward. Lunch is meant to be delivered to him in half an hour or so."
"Well, then, in the meantime, how about I show some of my other recipes? After all, I heard from more than one Marine on my way down here that it's just about mealtime. Oh, and—" He grabbed Luffy's head and slammed his face into a convenient griddle before he could successfully reach the plate he'd been leaning towards, pointedly ignoring the sizzling sounds that came up. "—I should warn you, this guy has only ever been a taste-tester, and a gluttonous one, at that. How people got the idea that we were both good cooks, I have no idea."
Jessica cocked an eyebrow as she watched Luffy struggle beneath his own cook's grip. "He's resilient, too."
"I have to take drastic measures to keep his mouth under control," Sanji explained as he jerked Luffy's charred face up.
"JERK! Now everything's gonna taste all smoky!" Luffy pouted with his tongue lolling out of his mouth.
"…Whatever the heck I was expecting, it sure wasn't this," said one of the many, many sweatdropping chefs.
"You mean the fact that only one's actually good at cooking or the fact that that the boss hasn't broken that one like a stalk of celery yet?"
"Yes."
"BACK TO WORK BEFORE I START USING DISCIPLINARY PRACTICES FROM HQ!" Jessica roared, which kicked her staff into high gear. Satisfied, she made to grab a bottle before pausing as she took notice of the weight. "Tsk. Jacob, if you've got the time, could you go and grab some cooking sherry from the fridge? I'm starting to run low."
"Gladly, madam," Sanji responded, making a beeline for the refrigerator. With nobody nearby, he opened the door. And then every muscle in his body locked up in shock.
Zoro stared back, nonchalantly continuing to drain a bottle of sake as he sat in the stupidly smooth hole in the back of the walk-in freezer.
"HOW THE HELL!? I stopped paying attention for TEN SECONDS!" shrieked Soundbite from nowhere.
Zoro finished off the bottle he was holding with a sigh before cocking an eyebrow. "So? What of it?"
"YOU CROSSED HALF THE BASE! YOU WEREN'T EVEN IN THE SPIRE!"
"…" Zoro was silent as he glanced out the hole he'd carved before shrugging and tearing the cork out of a new bottle with his teeth. "I don't follow you."
"…screw it. That way lies madness."
"You say that as if we didn't all crack long ago," Lassoo wheezed from somewhere.
"That explains so much…" Su muttered.
Sanji, meanwhile, plastered a deliberately neutral expression on his face as he grabbed three bottles of sherry, left the fridge, and returned to Jessica. "I think you may have a rat problem," he deadpanned as he set two bottles down and poured himself a glass of another. Grimacing at that, Jessica walked off towards the fridge. Forty seconds later, she was back with an identical expression, accepting the bottle Sanji was offering to her without hesitation.
"I think you may be right," she said flatly before knocking the bottle back.
Once they had both recovered from the respectively disturbing assaults on their sanity, Sanji submitted a few specific recipes to Jessica, who passed them on to her chefs. Upon seeing how phenomenal the resulting meal was, Jessica saw the opportunity to test him.
"Well, your skills seem to be all that you've advertised them as…" She gave the newcomer a sharp glance. "Sanji."
Sanji didn't so much as flinch. "Hmm? Who?" He slowly pointed at himself. "Are you referring to me, by any chance?"
Jessica stared at him for a few seconds before waving dismissively. "Sorry, sorry, my mistake." She glanced up at the kitchen's clock before grinning eagerly. "Ah, now that's better. We have ten minutes until it's time for Jonathan's meal. Is that enough time for you, Jacob?"
"Easily. So, what will be the dish we prepare?"
"Lamb chop in gravy, with steamed carrots and broccoli, as well as mixed peas and heirloom beans. I call it the Shepherd's Repast."
"So, your husband is a vegetable lover?" Sanji posed, moving to the pantry along with Jessica while producing a headband and tying it around his head in such a way that his eyebrow was hidden; after all, he knew that that nickname of Zoro's had made it onto the SBS more than once.
"Well, they're good for him," Jessica said with a smile. "And what's with that headband?"
"Oh, just a mark of seriousness for competition," Sanji replied, suppressing the bitterness of the fact that he was imitating Zoro. He hoped the mosshead never found out.
Jessica shrugged, and so it went from there. Both gathered the same basic ingredients, but chose different accents for the plate. Side-by-side they stood at identical cooking stations, fires flaring as the pair of them both demonstrated their skills. Both moved with well-practiced grace that left the other chefs staring in awe. Steam here, smoke there, and no shortage of delicious smells. They even plated identically, but in the end, it seemed that a few different spice jars and a bit of cheese, juice, and honey made all the difference; while Jessica's steamed beautifully, Sanji's dish practically shone. The difference was plain, and Jessica's eye was twitching as she took in both that and the awestruck looks of the cooks, their murmuring now reversed from earlier.
"It's actually better-looking than Jessica's." "The smell is better, too." "It's the difference between an expert and a master."
"SILENCE!" Jessica yelled, locking eyes with Sanji. "Take your dish and follow me," she said shortly, covering the tray and quickly walking out of the kitchen.
Sanji hesitated for the briefest of moments before shooting Luffy a hasty grin. "Why don't you stay here and…" The cook had to fight to keep from spitting up blood as he spoke the next lines. "Taste all the dishes, brother."
The width of Luffy's grin was matched by every other face in the kitchen going white. "Sure thing! Sounds like fun!" And before they could stop him, the rubber-man blurred towards the array of already finished dishes.
Sanji silently offered a few apologies to food in general before rushing to catch up with the base's head chef. The two walked in silence for a minute or two before finally reaching the doors of their destination.
He entered alongside Jessica, and took in the sight of Jonathan: white outfit, short red hair and beard, and large eyebrows and moustache that were so dark red that they were almost black. He had a relaxed look about him.
"BEAR GLOVE!"
"Is that the only thing you can say?"
He also had the two South Birds on his shoulders, and looking a little more closely, that relaxed air was notably brittle.
"Ah, Jessica, what's this? Two meals?"
"Mister Marley here challenged me, matching his cooking skills against mine. You will be determining the winner as you taste the dish," Jessica replied, fully calm; after all, as long as her husband liked her food better, she couldn't be upset. She and Sanji placed the covered dishes onto the desk, and removed the covers.
"The Shepherd's Repast for your enjoyment, Commander Jonathan," Sanji said smoothly.
The Vice Admiral's eyebrows rose as he took in the dishes before him. One looked as unappetizing as ever, but the other… despite the fact that the ingredients were the same, it actually looked appetizing. Then he realized the issue in his current situation. It was glaringly obvious who made which dish, meaning he was either going to choose the one that was obviously better, or the one that was obviously his wife's. At least the damnable South Birds were silent.
In an effort to fend off that choice, he gathered a generous spoonful of Jessica's dish, including the broccoli. As he put it into his mouth, it took every bit of control he had to suppress his gag reflex. He loved his wife and he adored her cooking, he really did, but it just seemed like whatever vegetables she touched gained an almost supernatural hatred for his palate. Nevertheless, he managed to swallow painfully and continue on to the rest of the thankfully edible meal.
He directed an only semi-forced grin at his wife. "Delicious as always, dear."
Jessica shot her nose up at Sanji with a contented sniff, which elicited a somewhat conflicted sigh from the disguised pirate. Processing that, Jonathan turned to the more visually appetizing meal. Hiding a grimace, he spooned up another generous helping of vegetables and put it into his mouth. His eyes widened; it was undoubtedly broccoli and carrots that he was eating. But the steaming on them was different, and the spices and bits of cheese on it made it more much more palatable. In fact, it was delicious. He forced down the urge to get another spoonful, turning his utensil towards the meat instead. The vegetables were obviously better, but surely Jessica couldn't be outdone on her lamb chop?
Surely she could, he reflected, as the meat melted in his mouth like filet mignon. Jessica's had been wonderful, but this… this was perfect. Jonathan swallowed, now legitimately nervous.
The two cooks analyzed the Vice Admiral intently, eagerly gauging his facial expressions.
"Well?" Jessica asked with absolute confidence. "Who's better?"
It took every bit of willpower Jonathan had to freeze his facial muscles, so that he had the time he needed to ponder what answer he would give. On the one hand, he could just take the easy road and say that Jessica was the better cook. An obvious solution that would save him a lot of trouble in the future… but on the other hand, it would also be a lie. To lie like that would be a dire insult to the possible Marley brother standing before him, and the fact that he had just tasted broccoli that he wanted to eat again was a strong point in favor of him telling the truth, so he wouldn't suffer again.
'I have to choose between good food and Jessica not being mad. Whether this man is a pirate or not, it would be wonderful to have this dish… but then again, I have to live with Jessica. It seems that I'll simply have to—'
Without even a hint of warning whatsoever, the doors to the office were busted down, allowing one salivating Monkey D. Luffy to enter the room. "Hey Sanji, they ran out of dishes to taste in the kitchen! Can I have the great stuff I'm smelling in here?"
After a moment's pause, Jonathan responded by slowly pushing both plates forward. "All yours, Captain Luffy."
"Thanks!" Luffy nodded his thanks before rushing forwards and starting to pig out on the dishes.
For a few seconds, the only noise that could be heard was the sound of Luffy chowing down at speeds that put buzzsaws to shame, until finally a disembodied sigh wafted through the air. "I tried. I really, really, really tried."
"Don't even worry about it, Cross…" Sanji sighed out a cloud of smoke as he weathered the infernal glare Jessica was trying to melt his brains with. "This isn't even remotely your fault."
"Huh? What's wrong, guys?" Luffy asked, still chowing down on the contents of the two plates.
"Allow me to introduce myself: I am Vice Admiral Jonathan, base commander of Navarone," Jonathan said with a small smile.
"Oh, cool," Luffy said.
"… Three, two, one…"
Luffy's eyes suddenly widened to comical levels, and his mouth dropped open. "You're the guy in charge? The guy that Cross is so scared of?"
"Luffy? Consider the last person you met who had the rank of 'Vice Admiral' and tell me that I shouldn't be scared," Cross said dryly.
"Oh?" Jonathan blinked in surprise. "He's met a Vice Admiral before? Who?"
"Think very hard about his family name."
Jonathan needed only to think for a moment before opening his mouth in an 'ah' of understanding.
The pirate and Marine stared at each other in silence for a few seconds…
Until Jonathan grinned and broke the silence with a "Boo."
Luffy's reaction was actually… underwhelming, as he merely chuckled and continued eating. "I screwed up, huh? Sorry, guys!"
Several loud thuds that, judging from Jessica and Sanji's reactions, signified face-faults echoed across the connection.
"YOU THINK THAT FIXES ANYTHING!?" a chorus of enraged voices roared.
"How is this utter moron the captain?" Jessica wondered.
"I can't honestly say I'm surprised considering what Cross said," Jonathan chuckled before slowly starting to stand up. "Now then, if you'd kindly finish eating…"
"Uh, uh, uh…" Cross stammered uncontrollably as he fumbled for something, anything to say before finally coming to a panicked conclusion. "Uh, HEY! B-before we move to the inevitable fight, d-don't you still have a decision to make, Jonathan?"
"Oh, I'm sure that can wait until these two are in the brig," the Vice Admiral said smoothly.
"Actually, dear, I do think putting them away can wait long enough for you to say which dish you liked better," Jessica replied coolly.
Silence for a few moments, and then Cross chuckled.
"A lover's spat, hmm?" Something in the pirate's words made Jonathan's blood run cold. A feeling that only intensified at what he said next. "Say, Jessica, quick question, what's the meal that you made for this contest?"
"The Shepherd's Repast, or put simply, lamb chop and mixed vegetables. Why?" Jessica questioned without ever taking her eyes off of the pirates.
"Well, then, everyone, I'd say that that's positive proof that Sanji is the better chef. After all, I saw that same dish in Jonathan's garbage bin last night."
It was as though the room had been hit by a blizzard with how still and cold the atmosphere became. Then the two most skilled chefs on base slowly turned, glaring daggers at a paling Jonathan.
"You threw away the meal I made for you?" Jessica asked quietly.
"You dare to not only waste food, but food that this wonderful lady made for you, pouring her heart and soul into it?" Sanji growled, his fists steaming.
Jonathan began to sweat, his hands held in front of him. "N-Now, now, let's not be hasty—"
"Sanji, we'll have to continue this later. Right now, I need to kill my husband," Jessica said, giving the pirate chef a beatific smile.
"Oh, believe me, I understand, Lady Jessica," Sanji replied smoothly. "But may I suggest making him empty his bin and finish your lovely meal first? After all, we both know that you can't waste food."
"No, you certainly can't. Excellent suggestion."
"…Well played, Cross…" Jonathan mumbled.
"Jonathan, remember what I said earlier? Well, this is gloating. No, actually, this is gloating. Hey, Jessica, did you also know that he has a tendency to give the meals you spend so much time preparing to anyone who comes by to get out of eating them, and then order them to tell you that it was delicious?"
Jonathan was now white as a ghost, which was all the confirmation the listeners needed. Jessica's resulting tone was as calm as a hurricane's eye. "Thank you for telling me that, Cross. Anything else to say?"
"Why, hello, miss," Isaiah smoothly interrupted as he landed in front of her, his wings spread wide. "Look to your man. Back at me. Now back to your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but with a good workover with, say," Isaiah held one of his talons out, which was carrying a hefty looking frying pan, "a Nine Cast Iron, he could be honest like me."
Jessica blinked in surprise before smiling beatifically and accepting the cooking utensil. "Another excellent suggestion, thank you." She then directed her gaze at Jonathan, and her smiling face morphed into something straight out of a nightmare.
"Yes, Isaiah, thank you, that's perfect. Take note, Jonathan, of weak spot number one: lying to your wife. I trust you'll never make that mistake again. Now, Luffy, Sanji? As our crew's tactician, I'd say that now is the appropriate time for what we in the business call a 'strategic withdrawal'. Or, to put it simply… BOOK IT!"
"Kick him a few times for me, Lady Jessica," Sanji requested before, dragging Luffy behind him, he hightailed it out of the room. A crowd of angry-looking chefs met him outside.
"Jessica just found out that Jonathan threw away a meal she made for him!" Sanji shouted in a convincingly panicked tone. Every Marine in earshot paled in utter terror for all of three seconds. After that, the kitchen, dining room, and hallway went from crowded to 100% abandoned.
"Shishishi! Man, these guys are fast!" Luffy chuckled.
Sanji, for his part, was snapping his head left and right frantically. "Which way, Cross?"
"This way!"
"Right!" Luffy promptly started running down a corridor.
"HOW STUPID ARE YOU!?"
"Whoops, sorry!" the captain said as he pulled a 180.
Sanji groaned miserably as he ran to keep up with his captain. "Why, oh, why does someone with that thick of a skull have to be that charismatic!?"
"Would we really follow him if he wasn't Luffy?"
The resultant silence and the smiles implied therein were answer enough. The moment didn't last long, however.
"Uh, Cross? Are you there?"
"Wha—Conis? Are you—what's going on? Are you still in the infirmary?"
"No, I'm not," she grunted in response, cursing under her breath as her uncooperative legs banged into another bucket. "I'm currently in a broom closet… somewhere."
"Third corridor, fifth subsection, Gamma Quadrant."
Conis and Su exchanged looks of surprise. "Damn, slimeball," the cloud fox whistled.
"I have been listening to more CHATTER THAN I CARE TO REMEMBER. I THINK I KNOW THIS PLACE BETTER THAN most of the soldiers who live here!"
"Which is going to come in handy for getting out of here. But that aside, why did you wander off and what are you doing?"
"Staying on a cot in the medical wing seemed like a good way to get caught. I'm currently trying to change into a Marine uniform… and trying to get used to what the land is like down here."
"She's acting like even more of a klutz now than Pagaya," Su chuckled.
"Su—AGH!"
CRASH!
Conis waited for cleaning products to stop falling around her before lifting the edge of the bucket that was on her head with a sigh. "…Alright, I'll admit that I can't argue with that."
"What do you mean you're trying to get used to the land?" Usopp asked curiously.
The Skypiean rapped her knuckles on the ground with a huff. "It appears that the Blue Sea's islands are a lot more stationary than those of the White-White Sea."
"Wha—? What do you mean, the islands up there stay still too, don't they?" Nami asked.
"Of course they don't," Conis waved a hand casually as she started pulling herself to her feet using the nearby shelves. "They don't drift, no, but they're still floating on the Cumuloregalis. I didn't have any problems on the Merry because all Skypieans get used to dealing with the minute swaying as they grow up; at this point, my sea legs are making my sense of balance over-compensate for an imbalance that's no longer present."
"Ugh… well, at least you're not drunk on oxygen anymore. So, what are you planning right now?"
Conis slowly staggered her way over to a nearby coat hanger and took a Marine cap off of it, replacing her beret with the headwear and situating it in such a manner that her hair-antennae were hidden. "For now, I'm going to try my luck blending in as a janitor. Maybe walking on slick surfaces will help me keep my balance better."
"Plus I imagine a mop can double as an excusable crutch, huh?" Cross questioned.
"That too," Conis nodded in acknowledgement as she slid on the rest of the janitor's uniform. "And I have to say, I like the way this uniform feels, very different from the outfits on Angel Island. Now, where—ah, that'll work. Su, you'll need to hide in here." The cloud fox looked at the duffle bag Conis was holding, and then looked at her erstwhile master, a look that Conis returned.
"Su, they know that I have a Cloud Fox with me and they know we're in the base, so," she started raising her hand towards a metal can on a shelf. "Unless you'd prefer to adopt a more locally traditional look—"
One blur of white later and the bag was zipped shut. "Knock my head against anything and there'll be hell to pay," came Su's muffled voice.
"I'll be as careful as I can be, Su," Conis assured her, picking up a bucket and mop before walking out the door. Two steps later, she was groaning facedown into the floor.
"Somehow, that doesn't reassure me," Su moaned.
The atmosphere in the Vice Admiral's office was… uncomfortable. Jonathan was eating a platter of vegetables, mostly broccoli, which had been liberated from his bin and cleaned, while nursing some large lumps on his skull. Meanwhile, his wife stood behind him with a very calm look on her face, and a large skillet in her hands. A bemused Drake, Henrick, and Cormac looked on as Jonathan finished his meal down to the last morsel on the plate before looking up at Jessica. And, of course, the two South Birds were back to being smug.
"I'm sorry, Jessica. The truth is that I really do love your cooking, but I've never been able to stomach the broccoli," Jonathan said apologetically. Jessica's lips tightened, as did her grip on the skillet, before she sighed.
"…Upsetting though that is, the fact that you never said anything is even worse," she said, emphasizing the last bit. "I was aware that you were less than partial to the broccoli and vegetables in general, but had you made it known that you disliked them to the extent that you would prefer throwing them away, I would have been willing to put in the necessary effort to change that. Did you think I couldn't take criticism on my food from someone who knows what they're talking about?"
Jonathan sighed. "Well, you do tend to be rather… sensitive about your cooking."
Jessica scoffed. "I'm not denying that I would have been upset, but preparing food to satisfy the clientele is my job. Just be more honest in the future, and I'll do whatever I have to so that your meals are both healthy and palatable."
Jonathan nodded appreciatively. "I won't let it happen again, Jessica. Complete honesty from now on."
"I do so love when a couple makes up like this," Terry said at a normal volume.
"As do I," Isaiah agreed.
"Good. Then you can start now: which dish did you like better?"
Jonathan stiffened briefly, but shook his head. "Sanji's. I had to resist the urge to take another bite of the broccoli, and that lamb chop was so tender and delicious…"
"Hmph," Jessica glowered before storming to the door. "Well, it seems I need to improve on my skills, then. I'll start by attempting to duplicate his dish. Meanwhile, I'll leave you to your meeting."
She opened the door and walked out of the office before looking back.
"Oh, and Jonathan? I think your posture has improved today."
As Jessica closed the door, the three officers in the room couldn't suppress snickers, while the two South Birds both posed even more smugly. That lasted all of ten seconds before Jonathan leveled a glare at them.
"If you're quite finished… what is the progress on apprehending the Straw Hat Pirates?"
"N-none yet, sir," Henrick replied.
Jonathan tapped his fingers together. "Gentlemen, I like to think that I am usually a thoroughly reasonable man. Slow to anger, quick with a joke. However…" The Vice Admiral tapped a finger against a rather impressive goose-egg that was growing on his temple. "After being set upon by my own wife, I find that a large percentage of my patience has been exhausted." The glare intensified, causing all three of his subordinates to flinch. "Locate and apprehend them before I lose the rest of it."
"SIR, YES, SIR!" the Marines snapped into a salute.
"Dismissed."
The Vice Admiral was silent as he watched his men file out of his office before heaving a weary sigh. "You are proving to be a most… unique adversary, Mister Cross." He picked up a bishop from the chessboard on his desk and looked it over. "Are you sure I couldn't tempt you to play a game or two?"
"Sorry," Cross's clearly grinning voice apologized. "But I only know the absolute basics and I've never won a game. You'd stomp me in ten moves or less."
"Hmph." Jonathan set the piece down on a new square. "What a shame…" He stared at the board impassively for a few seconds before leaning forward and tenting his fingers on his desk. "So, tell me. What are your thoughts on Navarone?"
"Well, weak spot number two is one we've found out rather personally: those patrols you send out? The fact that some of the weakest members of our crew have managed to disable more than we can count is proof that they're more ambush bait than anything. Either you up the quality or up the quantity, but right now they're not that effective, even if their routes are."
"Hmm, a fair point," Jonathan conceded with a sigh. "So, what is their current status?"
"Thoroughly humiliated but fine," Cross replied. "Like I said, we're not trying to kill anyone. Besides that, the only immediate issue that comes to mind is already resolved. I'm honestly surprised that you didn't have more faith in your wife."
"Clearly, Cross, you've never had to deal with an angry significant other. But you're correct, that was…" Jonathan winced as a throb of pain echoed through his skull. "A mistake on my part."
"Heh. So, yeah, not finding all that many weaknesses so far… but then again, this is the quiet stage of the game."
"Well, we'll have to see if the game progresses beyond that. Out of curiosity, however, what happened to the real Marley brothers?"
"Suffice to say that they're… indisposed, not far from the docks," said the mystery crewmate.
"But feel free to let them free and lead them to the kitchen. After all, Jessica could use the excuse to blow off some steam on a pair of men so incompetent in the kitchen that peeling potatoes results in a bucket of scraps."
That made Jonathan grin. "Thank you for that advice, Cross."
"My pleasure. Now, for the next stage, a key part of showing how strong the base is will come from showing how strong the brig is. After all, succeeding in pulling off a jailbreak would be… uh, Boss, you wanna finish that?"
"Gladly, Cross," a voice that Jonathan could only assume to be one of the dugong's piped in. "Ahem… to exfiltrate one's allies from unjust imprisonment in a nigh inescapable detention facility… is that not a truly bold Man's Romance!?"
"GO, BOSS, GO!" a quartet of eager voices concurred.
"Oh, and before I forget, Vice Admiral," Boss continued in a more even tone. "If you want that net trick to work, see about shoring up the bottom of the bay itself. It's way too easy to dig through."
"'Easy', he says, psh…"
The Vice Admiral couldn't help but chuckle at the enthusiasm. "My, my, it sounds like you have quite the characters on your crew."
"Vice Admiral, allow me to be completely and utterly frank with you," Cross said with the utmost seriousness. "Compared to a lot of other crews out there in the world? I guarantee you that we are tame and sane."
"Before I attempt to contradict that statement, you do realize that in order to to break someone out of the brig, someone has to be in the brig first, right?"
Jonathan allowed himself a contented grin at the beautiful silence that followed.
"… Hold that thought, Jonathan."
"OK, so I've got two preferred choices here," I said, tapping my fingers together sheepishly. "I think our best options would be either Zoro or Usopp. What say you guys, either of you game?"
"Denied," chorused two flat voices.
"That's what I was afraid you'd say…" I hung my head with a weary sigh.
"I regret to say that Miss Navigator and I are both undercover, so we're unavailable for that," Robin said smugly.
"Regret nothing, sucks to be you guys!" Nami cackled.
"Witch."
"WATCH YOUR BLASPHEMOUS MOUTH, MARIMO!"
"You can kick his ass later, Sanji!" I snapped. "Right now, we need to prioritize figuring out who gets captured, someway, somehow, right goddamn now!"
"Oh, oh, I'LL DO IT!" Soundbite waved his eyestalks eagerly. "Am-stram-gram-gr—WHAT THE HELL!?"
"Huh?" I looked at the snail when he suddenly barked in panic. "What's u—?"
I was promptly cut off by Vivi's voice.
"Hello. Lieutenant Commander Drake, I presume?"
"Who—?" the Marine started to ask as he turned around before tensing as he identified the individual who'd tapped his shoulder.
Vivi smiled beatifically and waved. "Hello, I'm Princess Nefertari Vivi, a.k.a. 'Corsair Princess' Nefertari Vivi, negotiator of the Straw Hat Pirates, wanted for the price of ฿55 Million. I believe you've been looking for me?"
"Ah…" Drake hesitated as he tried to get his mind's gears to grind properly.
"Oh!" Vivi snapped her fingers in realization. "I almost forgot!"
THWACK!
"GYERGH!"
The princess retracted her knee from between the Lieutenant Commander's legs, allowing him to collapse in agony.
Vivi knelt down over him, smile still in place. "That was for accusing one of my dearest friends for having anything to do with the bastards who tried to rip my nation apart." She then clapped her hands and stood up with a bright smile. "Now, then!" She held her wrists out to the shell-shocked soldiers who'd been accompanying the Commander, causing them to flinch back in terror. "If one of you fine gentlemen would be so kind as to take me into custody, I'd very much appreciate it."
I gaped at Soundbite in awe as I tried to process what the hell had just happened. "Well… that's one way to do it."
"Pacifist my fluffy tail!" Su snorted.
"I blame you animals for the corruption of my sweet princess!" Sanji moaned.
"Said da' cook who can bweak ian with his feet…" Carue muttered.
"Iron? Oh, no, that's not right. Sure, he can dent iron, but breaking it? That honor belongs to the swordsmen," said one of the dugongs, almost certainly Leo.
"Ah, shadd—WA-AA-AA-AGH!" Carue's muttering suddenly swapped to an avian squawk of panic.
"Do not resist arrest, duck," Drake said sternly… before groaning. "Arresting a giant duck… why did it have to be the Straw Hats?"
I couldn't help but laugh at that. And a few panicked squawks and reassurances from Vivi later, the two of them were being quietly escorted to the brig. "Alright, everyone, once Vivi's in place, we can organize the jailbreak pla—"
"PRIORITY ONE!" Soundbite suddenly squawked before adopting a calm visage and a calm smile.
"Excuse me, I'm Marine Inspector Major Shepherd, and this is my escort. I believe that Jonathan is expecting me?" came Robin's voice.
"Wha—A-ah, of course, ma'am," Drake's voice said. "I'll lead you to Jonathan's office. Men, escort these two to the brig."
I winced slightly. "You two had better play your cards right, or you'll be joining Vivi."
"That sounds reasonable, thank you," Robin said.
"Ah, Marine Inspector Major Shepherd, I've been expecting you. And who is this?" Jonathan asked calmly.
"Captain Bellemere, sir," Nami said tightly. "I'm here as the Inspector's escort."
"Oh?" Jonathan blinked in surprise as he looked Nami over. "I was unaware that the Inspector even had an escort."
"I prefer to keep my participation in these inspections as incognito as possible," Nami explained, keeping her voice cool and neutral all the while. "It gives shoddy bases less time to prepare so that we get the honest image from the get-go."
"Are you accusing G-8 of being incompetent?!" Drake demanded.
"She never said that," Robin replied with a raised hand. "Though I'm afraid that that doesn't change the facts of this investigation. The general sentiment at HQ is that, due to the lack of activity in the waters surrounding this base, the budget for the maintenance of Navarone is considered, quite frankly, to be something of a boondoggle."
Nami raised her eyebrows quizzically at the choice of words, but shrugged it off as Jonathan replied.
"I am aware of that, Inspector, but I think you'll find that a lack of action does not represent a lack of preparedness." He stood up and moved towards a corner of the room. "In fact, I've recently acquired enough liquid capital to ensure that Navarone will remain up and running for the next decade."
Nami and Robin followed his gaze, and the instant that the shimmering treasure caught her eye—
"THERE'S NO CHANCE IN HELL THAT YOU'RE DOING THAT WITH MY TREASURE!"
Silence greeted that shout for a second before Nami's mouth clicked shut in a pained grimace.
"I thought so. After all, you may have Bellemere's attitude, but I'd recognize that woman anywhere, and you're not her," Jonathan remarked, catching Nami off guard.
"You… you knew my mother?" Nami asked quietly.
Jonathan looked back at her in honest shock. "Your mother? Interesting. Yes, she was quite the strong Marine. Never took nonsense from anyone, always did things her own way, but she was nonetheless extremely formidable. We trained together, she was a good friend of mine, but then she led her squad on a dangerous mission in the East Blue against a criminal group. We were under the impression that there were no survivors," Jonathan finished solemnly.
Nami bowed her head. "Bellemere… she was close to death, but she found my older sister and I on the battlefield. She took us in and raised us as her daughters. We were poor, but we were a family…" Rage and sorrow mixed on her face. "Until Arlong came. She fought hard, she even had him dead to rights, but… in the end…" Nami hugged herself tightly. "She sacrificed herself to save us."
Jonathan bowed his head respectfully. "A hero to the very end. I'm sorry for your loss."
"I, for one, am disappointed." Drake crossed his arms with a scowl. "For someone with a retired Marine as a parent to wind up a pirate… you should be ashamed for so flagrantly dishonoring her memory."
It was a credit to the man's courage that he didn't even so much as flinch in response to the face-melting glare Nami pinned him with.
"Lieutenant Commander Drake."
But no amount of courage could prevent him from snapping to attention when Jonathan's harsh tone cracked the air like a whip.
Cold sweat ran down the officer's face as he felt the Vice Admiral's glare bore into him. "The only person in this room who should be ashamed is you, Drake. Apologize to the young lady."
"But, sir—!"
"Now."
Drake swallowed heavily before bending into a bow. "P-Please accept my apologies for my earlier rudeness, ma'am, I spoke without thinking."
Nami maintained her glare on Drake before letting out a harsh scoff. "Don't let it happen again." She then glanced back at Jonathan for a second before sighing. "Well, this is the definition of ironic. I meet a Marine that actually knew my mother, and it's in a situation where I was supposed to keep a low profile. This could have gone so much better, in more ways than one."
"The first step is admitting that you have a problem," Cross stated innocently.
"I will let Chopper give me therapy when you agree to do the same for your addiction to adrenaline," Nami said, crossing her arms.
"NEVER!"
"Then it would seem that we are at an impasse."
Jonathan chuckled at the exchange before coughing and readopting his half-bored, half-serious expression. "I regret this as well, Nami. Under better circumstances, I wouldn't mind sharing a few stories about Bellemere over drinks. I do hope you understand, this is simply business."
Nami frowned, but nodded nonetheless. "Yes, I do understand that." She paused, a malevolent smile coming over her face. "And on that note, there is a significant bright side to you figuring it out…"
"Um, what are you—?" Jonathan asked nervously.
"You see, respectable Marine though you've proven that you are, you're still the man that invaded my private space and stole my precious treasure," she said, reminding Jonathan so much of an angry Jessica that he found himself instinctively freezing up as she approached him. "I had to restrain myself from hurting you to keep my cover intact, you understand that, right? But now that you know the truth, I'm perfectly free to do THIS!"
CRUNCH!
The few Marines gathered winced in sympathy, except for Drake. He, along with Robin, was smirking.
"Ow…" Jonathan winced as he fiddled with his broken nose. "Alright… I'm man enough to admit that I had that coming."
"You think that's all I'm going to do to you?"
Jonathan paled in terror when Nami jerked him by his collar so that he was staring straight into her positively evil grin.
"Let me assure you, Mister Vice Admiral… we've only just begun."
"Ah, D-Drake?"
"… Honestly, sir? It's my professional opinion that we can hold off on arresting her until she's finished," Drake mused. "For the safety of our men, you understand."
"Drake, you traitor," Jonathan whimpered.
"It's nothing personal, sir, I assure you." Drake slowly let a predatory grin slip across his face. "Actually… it really is. Consider this catharsis for all the years of smartassery you've subjected me to."
"Besides," Isaiah cut in. "You know what they say about women scorned. Your subordinate is showing very good sense in not getting in her way." He paused in thought. "In fact, perhaps we should leave and not expose our manly visages to such… cruelty."
"GOODBYE!" Terry yelled in agreement, flapping outside of the office alongside his companion and positioning themselves so that the didn't have to look into the office.
"Thank you very much, Lieutenant Commander Drake, Isaiah, Terry," Nami purred before snapping a leer at the Vice Admiral. "Now then, Jonathan, if you would kindly?" The navigator swung her fist back. "Grit your teeth."
All activity in the kitchen slowly came to a halt as the unmistakable sound of their commander being assaulted echoed around them. Jessica wasn't even able to reprimand them, caught up as she was in listening to it.
"I WORKED MY FINGERS TO THE BONE TO INTOXICATE THAT SNAKE SO I COULD SALVAGE ALL OF THAT GOLD, AFTER WATCHING AN AMOUNT AS BIG AS THIS FORTRESS LITERALLY FLY AWAY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL IT FROM ME?!"
"… Well, I suppose I don't need to be angry at him anymore. This is punishment enough," Jessica mused.
On the surface of the base's bay, five dugongs were cringing in sympathy and horror in response to the beatdown they heard.
"…Boys? I've decided that I don't need to raise my disciplinary measures, as I have absolutely no chance of being as good at punishment as she is."
The four younger dugongs all sighed in relief.
"So, I'll just have to make sure that if any of you do something too stupid, she takes care of the discipline."
The martial artist amphibian cocked an eyebrow as his students flopped onto their backs, foam bubbling from their mouths.
"Note to self: focus on training their wills from now on."
"Urp… oh—hurk—I'm sorry about this—blugh—Doctor Chopper," moaned Kobato around the bile with which she was filling the infirmary's toilet.
"Don't worry about it, Doctor Kobato," Chopper sighed in resignation, the audio of Nami's rage echoing in both of their ears as he held Kobato steady. "Believe me, this is an entirely normal reaction to hearing this."
"Oh, that's—ough—good to hear."
Elsewhere in the base, two of the Straw Hats were doing a very good job at epitomizing the crew's standard insanity. How? Because in response to Nami's rage, the chef was having mood swings—
"NAMI-SWAN IS SO GORGEOUS WHEN SHE'S ANGRY—but this time, I think the rage is just too much—BUT SHE'S SO WONDERFULLY BRUTAL—but is it too much? I'm scared—BUT IT'S STILL NAMI-SWAN!"
—and Luffy was rolling on the ground laughing his rubber head off in response to Sanji's antics. No Marines were around, but if they were, odds were that they would be far too bemused to do anything about them.
"The witch really has been holding out on us," Zoro muttered, currently in the middle of a large metal slab with the G-8 logo embedded in it, on one side of which was a large stone spire and the other was what appeared to be the open ocean.
"Huh. Looks like the lake here is bigger than I thought," he remarked before walking on.
Jonathan was a Vice Admiral, renowned for being extremely formidable in battle, capable of taking down an army singlehandedly.
Jonathan was a genius, capable of outsmarting one of the most ruthless, powerful, and fanatical Marines in the Corps and treated any challenge as though it were a simple game of chess.
Jonathan was currently nursing enough injuries from a rookie pirate—who wasn't even the captain!—that nobody was likely to believe either of those.
And meanwhile, Nami was standing over him, huffing and puffing at him with an expression that was just now ceasing to be demonic. "Now, with that done… MY GOLD!"
The non-Marine shed her coat and sped over to the pile of gold in the room, hugging and kissing it as if it were her lost child.
"Oh, my dearly beloved gold! Did the mean Marines damage you at all? Don't worry, Mommy's here now, I'll take good—"
THWACK!
"Ugh…" Nami moaned as a chop to her neck knocked her out, laying her out flat at the feet of a grimacing Inspector.
"That was very quickly becoming disturbing. Please get her out of here," Robin said sourly.
Drake shivered slightly at the inspector's expression before nodding in agreement. "Understood." He popped a salute off at Jonathan. "By your leave, sir!" And with that, he foisted Nami onto his shoulder and marched out of the office.
Once the door was shut, Jonathan gave 'Inspector Shepherd' a bland look. "Well, now, that was certainly harsh. To your own crewmate, no less?"
Robin sighed fondly as she slid her glasses off and graced the Vice Admiral with a light smile. "Miss…" Robin paused for a moment before her smile became more… natural. "Nami is like a little sister to me, and while her antics and habits can be amusing at times, there are also moments when she needs to be restrained to a certain degree, if only for the sake of her own dignity."
"Heh, I believe I might know the sentiment," Jonathan nodded in agreement. "I respect and care for my men like none other, but they do so love to make fools of themselves at times. I can only imagine where they'd be without me."
"I do believe that I know how you feel, Mister Vice Admiral."
"Hey, I resent those implications!" Cross protested.
"Don't you MEAN RESEMBLE?" Soundbite cackled.
"Ah, shut it. But, ah… moving on… Jonathan, if you've already made Robin, then why isn't she in seastone cuffs? Not that I'm complaining… much…"
"And I thought we were getting along so well…" Robin mock-pouted.
"You almost let me get dissected within 24 hours of you joining the crew."
"And here I thought that time was supposed to heal all wounds."
"For the sake of my marriage, I hope it does…" Jonathan muttered before raising his voice. "And to answer your question, Cross, while you might be willing to cheat without mercy—"
"Pi~rate~!"
"I am still a man of my word. While I myself might have managed to identify Nico Robin, none of my subordinates did, and there are still several hours to go before I can directly accelerate your captures. Until then, her identity is safe with me. But out of morbid curiosity… what happened to the real Shepherd?"
When Cross told him, Jonathan laughed. When Soundbite told him how many grunts had discovered the inspector, Jonathan fell off his chair.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, I needed that," Jonathan chuckled as he wiped a tear from his eye. "Well, I suppose you should be going, but before you do, if I might make one request?"
"Oh?" Robin gave the Vice Admiral a curious look. "And that would be?"
Jonathan slid his chessboard to the middle of his desk with a pleading look. "One game? Please?"
Robin paused contemplatively. "Well…"
"Oh, go on and enjoy yourself," Cross prompted in a careless tone. "I'll need time to plan this out anyways and get everyone in place, so you've got time to spare. Oh, and Jonathan? If it's not clear already, allow me to point out weak spot number three. I mean, it's perfectly understandable, but freezing up when confronted with angry women is not conducive to long-term survival, not least because of how many female pirate captains there are out there."
"Noted, Cross," Jonathan said dryly, though he actually did note something down on a piece of paper at his desk before concentrating on the board. "Now then, white to you, Miss Robin."
Robin grinned, a hint of competitive menace entering her expression as she began to play. "The middle of a life-or-death situation, and I find myself playing a friendly game of chess with the person responsible for every bit of danger in that situation." She slowly shook her head in awe. "I can't deny it anymore. I love being a Straw Hat Pirate."
"…You actually spoke to her?" Mekao breathed, too taken with the pirate's story to consider anything in the vein of apprehending him.
"Yeah," Usopp confirmed quietly, running a longing hand over Merry's neck brace. "She talked about how much she wanted to stay with us, and we plan to do everything we can to make sure that it happens. But…" He let out a rueful—and slightly miserable—chuckle. "She gave me a real attitude check, too. I can only imagine how I would have reacted if I found out I had to let go without her telling me to." He shuddered in horror. "And I'm not really sure I want to either, for that matter…" The sniper was somber for a moment before hastily rallying and making an attempt to smirk. "But I have to admit, I think what surprised me most was how colorful her vocabulary is."
"HA!" Mekao cackled. "The legends of Klabautermanns never touched much on that, focusing more on the fact that any ship that went to that much trouble was showing nothing but love and gratitude." The monkey-like shipwright grinned wryly. "But I will admit there have been the odd whispers here and there, usually dismissed because of how beautiful the story is, about other sailors hearing somebody cussing them out whenever they screw up in a particularly spectacular manner. Though then again, I suppose it only makes sense, doesn't it?" He looked around the Merry with a smile. "Like sailor, like ship. It's just that simple."
Usopp chuckled ruefully. "Yeah, I guess I was expecting her to be a lot more like her old mistress, but really, she's still just as kind and wonderful as I was expecting."
Mekao's grin only grew wider. "As I said, kid. I honestly think that you and yours only have yourselves to thank for that. You're no shipwright, that much is obvious…" He knocked his knuckles against the metal plates bolted onto the caravel. "But the love you've shown to this vessel is more than most people who are shipwrights ever give to a dinghy, including most everyone in this base. If that Klabautermann ever manifests again, do me a favor and put her on the SBS to talk about that."
Usopp matched Mekao's grin tooth for tooth. "Can do, old man."
"That's him, Lieutenant Cormac."
Both men turned to see a man with dark hair in a style much like Usopp's leading the sunglasses-wearing Marine towards the ship, a dozen or two grunts following him. Usopp's curiosity quickly turned to nervousness when the dark-haired Marine pointed to him.
"Thank you, Chief Petty Officer," Cormac said before looking at the old man. "I see you have a new friend, Mekao. One who I don't recognize. Care to… introduce him?"
"Eh?" Mekao practically shouted, one hand held up to cup his ear. "What was that?"
Cormac frowned. "I said," he repeated, slightly louder. "Who is your new friend, Mekao?"
"Whose yurt is it?" Mekao shouted, glancing around in exaggerated confusion. "I don't see any yurt."
Cormac's eyebrow twitched. "You pulled that same trick a week ago when I tried to talk to you about the shipwright's budget, pull the other one."
Mekao blinked, then gave an exaggerated twitch as he clutched his hip. "Oh, my hip!" he howled, sinking to his knees. "I think it's broken!"
"And you used that one last month when I tried to talk to you about your hiring practices."
Usopp watched the display in confusion for a bit before noticing Mekao's finger jabbing at the air behind his back. It took him a second, but soon enough he grinned and slowly attempted to creep away, thanking his lucky stars for the old man's creativity.
He'd almost made it to the other edge of the Merry too…
"Going somewhere?"
"ACK!"
When he practically jumped out of his skin on account of one Chief Petty Officer Holger grabbing his shoulder.
"—and that one was used three days ago when—Oh, good job, Holger."
Mekao's fake wince became genuine as he saw that their attention had turned to Usopp, whose twitching and sweating were making his attempts to look inconspicuous fail miserably.
"I-I-Is anything wrong—?" Usopp's brain stalled as he tried to conjure what rank the man's uniform could possibly denote.
Thankfully, where his memory failed, Soundbite came through. "Lieutenant Cormac."
"L-Lieutenant?" the sniper stammered while barely missing a beat.
Cormac looked Usopp up and down. "I've never seen you on base before, soldier. What's your name and squad?"
"Use one of the Usopp Pirates' names!" Cross said hastily.
"Division 18, SUPPLY SQUAD," Soundbite added. "Snipers are too REGULATED, SUPPLIES LESS SO."
Usopp swallowed heavily before straightening up into a salute. "S-Seaman Apprentice Pepper, D-Division 18. I-I was just curious about the pirates' arsenal, and Mekao here was telling me some incredible legends about ships," he said, growing more confident as he went on.
"Division 18? Isn't that the sniper division?" Cormac asked.
"H-Heh, I wish, I am something of a marksman," Usopp chuckled sheepishly as he scratched a finger beneath his nose. "N-No, it's just the supply division, not nearly as exciting… and not nearly as easy to stand out, either."
"Hmm…" Cormac started to hum, exchanging glances with Henrick.
Feeling the pressure start to come off him, Usopp slowly started straightening up and allowed himself to grin—
"Usopp, if you're starting to feel like you're in the clear, don't."
Before freezing as Cross hissed in his ear.
"That's your primary tell, Usopp. You can make lies up on the fly easy, sure, but whenever you think someone's bought them, you start acting cocky and high and mighty. In case you've forgotten, you're supposed to be a soldier suspected of being a pirate. Scared shitless is the very appropriate emotion; you start acting like you've gotten away with it, you will be made!"
That particular bit of information guaranteed that Usopp didn't have to fake the nervousness that he redisplayed in place of his grin, his trembling redoubling as he maintained his salute, then re-tripling when Cormac stepped up before him.
"My apologies, Seaman Apprentice, it seems I was mistaken," Cormac said with an apologetic grin. "If you'll just state the password that you should have received from Lieutenant Commander Drake, you can go."
"P-P-Password? I… oh, yeah, o-of course!" Usopp scratched the back of his head with a chuckle. "Sorry, it's just that no one's asked me about it in awhile, just lemme, ah…"
"Marineford TANGO EN… IES… wait a second…"
"Uhh… o-oh, now I remember it!" Usopp stuck his finger up eagerly.
"NO, WAIT! IT'S A—!"
"Marine Tango Enies… right?" Usopp grinned hopefully.
"…trap," Soundbite finished lamely for all the dock to hear as Cormac and Holger grinned triumphantly, prompting Usopp to break into a cold sweat. "DAMN IT."
"W-W-What are you—!?" Usopp started to stammer out.
"Soundbite, what are you saying!?" Cross finished for him.
The sound of grinding teeth filled the air. "I didn't notice until USOPP SAID IT, but NO ONE has been using that PASSWORD! SHOULDA FIGURED it was too easy. JONATHAN PLAYED US!"
"Give the snail a prize," Cormac said smugly. "The real password was that there was no password. If you'd expressed ignorance of its existence, I might have even let you go free."
"As it is, however," Holger unfastened a pair of handcuffs from his belt and held them open. "You'll be coming with us. And don't try resisting, we all know it wouldn't do any good."
Usopp swallowed heavily and shakily started to raise his wrists in defeat…
"WAIT!"
When Soundbite's voice cracked through the air.
"Son of a—what?" Cormac snapped irritably.
"A quick question FOR HOLGER!" Soundbite pleaded. "Any chance you might BE FROM A TOWN IN the East Blue called SYRUP VILLAGE?"
Holger blinked in confusion while Usopp gaped at the air in horror and outrage. "Wha—No, I'm from the South Blue. Why, what does that have to do with anything?"
"OH, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING," Soundbite scoffed, his tone screaming of a shit-eating grin. "I just needed to distract you dipshits FOR THE TEN SECONDS BOSS NEEDED TO GET THERE! NOW!"
A loud splash sounded from beside the Merry as Boss leapt out of the water, snapping his weapon out and lashing the rope around Usopp's waist.
Looking back, the Marines couldn't be sure whether the sniper had attempted to run towards them or away from them. As it was, however, they only had an instant to observe the scene before the dugong spun in the air, winding in the rope and reeling in Usopp before disappearing back beneath the water.
I sighed in relief as I heard that Usopp had managed to get away, and indignant though he was, better for us to have as many people outside of the brig to deal with the jailbreak.
"So, let's see…" I said, scanning over the base from the treetops. "Sixteen crewmates outside the brig. Conis, Su, Chopper, and Robin are all in disguises that nobody who'll expose them have seen through. The Dugongs and Usopp are hiding out in the moat, Sanji and Luffy are in the forest, Lassoo and Zoro are somewhere in the base, and of course, the communications officers are communicating from right here."
"Actually, Lassoo found his way over to me," Conis said. "I've got him hidden in the supply closet for now, but I'm ready to get him as soon as you say the word."
"And Zoro is RIGHT BEHIND SANJI," Soundbite added.
"WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL, SWIRLYBROW/MOSSHEAD!?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose as yet another fight began. "Alright… Usopp, what's your current status?"
"…Honestly better than I expected," Usopp said in mild surprise. "I guess I've just got too many bad memories of Luffy's reach to be upset when it actually went well this time. But, uh, besides that, we're at the outer ring of the base, and I'm climbing up back into the forest, right near that giant bridge that they've got."
"Ah right, the brid—" I cut myself off with a smirk. "… Guys? I just figured out weak spot number four, and showing it off to Jonathan will be spectacular."
"I like the sound of that. So, what's the plan?" Vivi asked.
"For now, we wait until Robin's done playing chess with Jonathan. At that point… everyone be ready to move. Sorry, Vivi, that means you're going to have to wait a while."
"Don't worry, Cross, they didn't even bind my hands. I can handle being in a cell," Vivi said calmly.
"Soundbite, you are one of my dearest friends and most of the time I find your antics to be quite amusing…" Vivi grit out as she dragged her nails down the side of her head before throwing her head back and screaming furiously. "BUT SO HELP ME ANUBIS, IF YOU DON'T STOP PLAYING THE FUCKING HARMONICA, I WILL RIP THE EYESTALKS FROM YOUR SCRAWNY BODY AND FEED THEM TO YOU!"
The very repetitive melody promptly ceased, and Vivi stood tall for a few seconds in order to assure that the music was indeed gone before allowing herself to slump forwards with a sigh of relief, trudging over to lean against Carue's snoring mass.
Nami rolled her eyes and started counting down in her head as glorious silence stretched on, stuffing her fingers in her ears. "And in three, two, one…"
Vivi, for her part, allowed her eyes to slowly drift shut…
Before snapping them open in all their vein-filled fury when an electric guitar started strumming.
"The warden threw a party in the county jail! The prison band was there and they began to wail!"
"Called it," Nami hung her head with a sigh.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Lieutenant Commander Drake and every single Marine that had been assigned to guard duty over the brig were giving their sole occupied cage a very, very wide berth. Ostensibly, they were assembled for an ambush. In reality, it was in no small part because they wanted to be as far away as humanly possible from the Straw Hats' demonic navigator and furious princess.
"I guess she couldn't handle being in a cell after all," muttered one Marine.
"QUIET!" hissed several others.
"Hey, she's locked up, what can she do about it?"
"It's not her we're worried about," Drake said, checking for the umpteenth time that his ear protectors were secure. "Remember, men: the only reason we have her in custody was because she surrendered herself for the express purpose of allowing the opportunity for a jailbreak in the first place. And considering what we've seen so far, we can expect the Strawhats to know that we're ready to ambush them, so keep your eyes peeled for any signs of subterfuge they might try and employ."
Drake acknowledged the nods of his men and prepared to settle in for a wait…
"Actually…"
When a familiar voice prompted him to whip around. He then paled in terror when he came face-to-face with none other than Straw Hat Luffy, who was grinning as he knocked his knuckles together, Pirate Hunter Zoro, who was tying a bandanna around his forehead, and a blonde-haired man who he could only assume was their chef, Sanji.
Said chef lit a cigarette and took a drag before sighing out a cloud of smoke. "Cross decided that in this particular instance, a hammer would be just as effective a tool as a scalpel." Sanji smirked sadistically. "Sucks to be you, huh?"
"…Why did it have to be the Straw Hats?" Drake moaned again.
The Marines tried to stop them. They really did. But without the sea prism stone bazookas, they had no way of combating the Monster Trio effectively in such close quarters. It was less than five minutes before the Marines, one and all, were unconscious.
"People falling left and right, it's a slaughter, not a fight!" Soundbite cheered.
"Good work, you three. Drake should have the keys to the cage," Vivi said.
"AH, MY DEAR SWEET VIVI! DID YOU SEE HOW I FOUGHT FOR YOU?"
"Yes, Sanji, we both did. We also got a decent bit of blowback from it," Nami grumbled as she picked a tooth from her hair. "Now, can you please get us out of here?"
"Not the easy way. Looks like the keys took a direct hit from Luffy or the cook," Zoro deadpanned, holding up a twisted mass of metal.
"Oh, just from us, hm?" Sanji deadpanned as he held up two halves of what were once a whole key.
"Shishishi, you two are idiots," Luffy chuckled from atop the pile of KO'd bodies he was perched on.
"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!"
Luffy just laughed more, and Nami ground her palm into her face. "Zoro, cut the cage open so I can strangle him."
Zoro rolled his eyes at the order, but nonetheless stepped up, sheathing two of his swords and leaving only the Wado Ichimonji. The two girls and Carue stepped back to give Zoro room, and the swordsman closed his eyes, concentrated… and slashed out.
The bars remained intact, and the swordsman grimaced. "Damn it, are these things made of diamond or something?" he groused.
"Close, Zoro," came Cross' voice. "They're made of sea prism stone, which is supposed to be just as hard."
"And you didn't tell him that first because…?" Nami demanded.
"Because I hoped that if he didn't know he couldn't do it, he might be able to do it," Cross admitted.
"… That's either brilliant or stupid," Sanji remarked. "Which means that the mosshead should have been able to do it either way."
"Oh, oh, I've got something!" Luffy piped up before a fight could start. Looking back at him revealed that he was wearing a steel gauntlet on his right arm. "Usopp passed on Cross' new Impact Gauntlet earlier, and told me to fill it up and test it out. So I hit it with, uh… ten Bazookas? Maybe twenty?"
"That much power concentrated in a shock wave? Hmm… well, it should work on the hinges, if nothing else."
Grinning, Luffy, moved over to the door, prompting the three inhabitants of the cage to move to the opposite end of it. Luffy placed the gauntlet at the edge of the door…
"Aaand IMPACT!"
The good news was that that much force compressed into an Impact Dial struck at the weak spot was indeed enough to blow the door off of its hinges. And the bad news?
"Owww, that really stings!" Luffy whined as he waved his arm out, the shattered pieces of the gauntlet flying off in the process. Vivi, Carue, and a nonplussed Nami exited.
"Geez, I knew the blowback from Impact Dials hurt, but I thought Luffy would be able to take it, for his rubber body if not his strength," the navigator observed.
"That makes two of us," snarled Cross. "Freaking hell, Usopp, you were going to let me use that thing?! If it could hurt Luffy, it would have blown my arm clean off!"
"T-That wasn't the final product, that was just a prototype!" Usopp desperately protested. "That's why I gave it to Luffy, to see if there were any bugs!"
"Well, I'd say there are a few left, wouldn't you!? Tsk…" Cross could be heard grinding his teeth before sighing heavily. "We will talk about this later. For now, here's the plan; until everyone else gets in position, the rescue team needs to stay in the central spire. Keep running around, break down any obstacles in your way, living or not; until I give the word to head for the bridge, just keep raising chaos. Once I do, however, make tracks for it like there's no tomorrow. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take full advantage of how much Soundbite likes to prank Usopp by planning out some… call it karma."
The subtle static in the air faded, and the rest of the crew exchanged glances.
"Should we worry about Cross killing Usopp?" Zoro wondered idly.
"I suppose I'll have to ask Chopper if it's possible to die of fright," Sanji mused. "Anyway, in the meantime, Mosshead and Luffy should enjoy this part of the plan."
"Heh. I'm not even insulted this time, dartboard, this is going to be fun," the swordsman said, grinning ferally.
"Alright! Let's go!" Luffy cheered.
Seaman James Hyde gripped his rifle a little tighter, marching in the center of a tight ball of Marines as they followed Ensign Henrick towards where they were pretty sure the Straw Hat Pirates were. The rest of his fellows seemed to believe they would just sweep away the Straw Hats by sheer force of numbers, but he knew better. A bunch of grunts with rifles seemed just… pitifully inadequate.
The ad-hoc battalion turned a corner, only to nearly collide with a Marine running the other way.
"Identify yourself, Marine!" Ensign Henrick barked.
"Screw that!" the Marine spat. "I'm getting out of here! The Straw Hats are bustin' through the walls!" And with that, he continued his flight, running around the reinforcements.
Ensign Henrick stared for a second, then shook his head and swung his hand forward, indicating that they should continue onward. They barely made it two steps before spotting another three Marines sprinting headlong in their direction.
"Soldiers, report! Where are the Straw Hats?" Ensign Henrick barked again.
Hyde couldn't help but notice that all three were shaking like leaves in a hurricane as they halted. Considering that, their answers were surprisingly coherent.
"They're demolishing the cell blocks!"
"No, no, they're heading for the Vice Admiral's office!"
"Nah, I heard Straw Hat Luffy himself say they needed to go to the mess!"
If still singularly unhelpful.
Hyde could see Ensign Henrick frown, and open his mouth—and then all three Marines started looking around, their heads practically on swivels.
"T-They're coming," one of them stammered. "THEY'RE COMING!"
Screaming, the three Marines returned to their flight. And while most of the battalion started muttering to themselves, Hyde noticed a slight cracking sound. A sound coming from above them. Slowly, and with great trepidation, he looked up, to where a spiderweb of cracks was spreading across the ceiling.
"Above!" he shouted, just in time for the ceiling to… basically announce that it identified more as a dust cloud rather than any sort of solid object. The massive burst of dust and rubble sent the battalion into a fit of coughing and stumbling, even Ensign Henrick. As such, none were prepared when two razor-sharp attacks left as many Marines bleeding on the floor.
Hyde gulped as Pirate Hunter Zoro and Corsair Princess Vivi stepped out of the cloud, their weapons clutched in their hands. The Pirate Hunter's eyes gazed out from underneath his bandanna, piercing through all they fell on. And the Corsair Princess… well, she wasn't glaring at anyone, but the cold impassiveness of her expression was still somehow just as scary.
"You sure are being ruthless for someone who hates hurting people," Zoro grunted.
The princess sighed as she stepped through the Marines, idly spinning her Cutter at her side. "I think I demonstrated when I met you that I was willing to do whatever I had to if it meant keeping harm from coming to my home. And considering my current state in regards to Alabasta, my home is with our crew." She shook her head with a sigh. "I hope I'll never start enjoying fighting, but I won't deny that I'm growing more comfortable with doing what needs to be done."
"Hn."
Quaking, Hyde raised his musket to fire at the two. He had to do something, after all. His pride as a Marine demanded it! He pulled the trigger, the musket fired—and then a black mass got in the way, fire blazing in its eyes.
"DENIED!"
One black limb lashed out, and then the Marine knew no more.
Both Vivi and Zoro sweatdropped as Sanji tore through the Marines like a combine harvester through a wheat field.
"I'm not the only one who thinks this is a bit of an overreaction, right?" Vivi wondered, idly kicking her leg back. The action was shortly followed by the loud thump of a body hitting the floor.
"This? Oh, no, you didn't see him when the Ordeal of Iron tagged Conis," Cross said from nowhere. "That made him so angry that he both spontaneously combusted and learned how to fly for the express purpose of helping him try and reduce that bastard Ohm to a pile of ash."
The two blade-wielders exchanged looks, shrugged, and proceeded after Sanji.
"Monsters," Nami droned, peeking out from behind a corner alongside Carue. "They're all monsters."
"Said da wightning-fwinging navigatah to dah supah-sonic man-sized tawking duck," said duck deadpanned.
Suddenly, every single one of the Straw Hats present stiffened as they realized something.
"Wait, where's Luffy?!"
"About two floors above you and ten metres ahead," Soundbite snickered, grinning from ear to ear. "HE'S PULLING the same stunt he used BACK IN ALABASTA with CROSS! HUMAN FLAIL!"
Despite my… mixed feelings about that particular memory, I couldn't help but snicker. "Alright, so they're doing good at raising pandemonium. Let's check back in with Jonathan and confirm just how many reinforcements we've got on the way, shall we?"
"ROGER!" Soundbite concentrated for a second before suddenly turning bright red.
"What the—?" I jumped in shock.
"HOOOOOT!" the snail yowled, flailing miserably as a cloud of steam rocketed from his mouth.
"WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE AND YA BETTER FEAR IT!" came a drill sergeant-like voice.
"WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE AND YA BETTER FEAR IT!" echoed a chorus of masculine voices.
"OR YOU'RE GONNA TASTE OUR FIERY SPIRIT!"
"OR YOU'RE GONNA TASTE OUR FIERY SPIRIT!"
"Oh, right, these lunatics," I coughed as I tried to wave the steam out of my face. Freaking hell, what were they trying to do, smoke us to death!?
"Hmph. Aye-aye, sir. Subdue the pirates. Are you sure you wouldn't like to change the orders to shoot on sight?"
"WE'LL SMASH YOUR BAGS AND EAT YOUR GUNS!"
"WE'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE—!"
"Y-Yes, I'm sure. Well, good luck!" came Jonathan's voice, sounding rather perturbed, followed closely by the click of a Transponder Snail's receiver.
Soundbite promptly sagged, wheezing miserably as he let his tongue loll out. "YOU… fight… DIRTY…"
"I believe that there's been some mention of Marines bending the rules on the SBS in the pursuit of Justice, no?" Jonathan shot back casually. "And really, if we were scoring based upon cheating, you would have won long before now by grace of the slaughter rule. Consider this simply… evening the playing field."
I exhaled before carefully climbing down the tree and ultimately jumping off once I was low enough. As soon as my feet touched the earth, I started moving towards the massive bridge that was easily visible. "Well, then, I suppose we'll have to do the same, won't we? May the best cheaters win!"
Inside the spire, Nami was panting and leaning against a wall as she tried to catch her breath. "This… pace… is… insane…" she bit out before glaring up at the air. "And I'm pretty sure we've got half of the base's roster in here to boot! Can we please get out of here now?"
Before Cross could answer, Luffy did the honors by running back around the corner he'd turned on his own, waving his arms eagerly. "Hey, guys, I found a way out to this cool bridge with a buncha funny guys standing on it! Wanna check it out?"
"…eh, screw it. Everyone's in position; if it's not happening now, then it's not happening period! Alright, team, break for the bridge!"
"WOOHOO!" Luffy whooped, heading back the way he came.
Nami rolled her eyes before jogging after him. "Should we be worried about the 'funny guys' Luffy saw?"
"Maybe, if it weren't for a nasty surprise that I've arranged for them that they're going to find out shortly," Cross chuckled maliciously.
"Well, if you say so…" Nami muttered as she followed the rest of the crew, and promptly froze in wide-eyed horror when she came in sight of the bridge and its occupants.
Its huge, pumped up, supremely sweaty occupants. One, who looked particularly red, stepped up to the front and cleared his throat.
"Please allow us to introduce ourselves," he said gruffly. "We're the legendary unit 55, and no pirates will ever cross this bridge on our watch!"
"Do you realize how many times we've crossed this bridge since we got here?" Nami deadpanned.
"Apparently, they were off the clock at the time!"
Attention was diverted to the other end of the bridge, where Cross was fast-roping down the cliff-face before unlatching from the rope once he was a few feet above the ground.
"Long live the action-movie ENTRY!" Soundbite cackled.
"Either way," Cross continued with a careless grin. "It doesn't really matter. They can't stop us."
The red-faced Marine honestly took that better than expected. "I'm gonna make you eat those words, pirate!" he shouted, hunching over and flexing every muscle in his arms. "WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE, AND YA—GRK!"
While the other Marines looked on in horror, the watching Straw Hats slowly matched Cross' grin as they took in the sight of what made the Marine stop speaking: an arm blooming around his neck, and putting him in a chokehold. Despite how formidable the man appeared, he went down in only a few seconds.
"As expected." The other Marines' horrified gazes snapped away from their comrade when a smug feminine voice sounded from somewhere among the Squad. "Maintaining their hot-bloodedness takes so much oxygen that they can't handle being cut off for more than a few seconds. A rather glaring weak spot, don't you think?"
"M-Major Shepherd?" asked one Marine pleadingly.
"Sorry, boys, but I have to get back to my crew now," Robin purred as she slid her sunglasses off and tossed away her jacket, causing the Marines to tense in panic. "It's been a pleasure tricking you, gentlemen. As they say in the North Blue…" Robin crossed her arms, causing phantom limbs to sprout from the shoulders of the on-looking shoulders, much to their horror. "Do svidoniya."
And without further ado, arms encircled the necks of half the soldiers present, dropping them in moments.
The deed done, Robin spread her arms invitingly. "If you'd all be so kind as to handle the rest?"
Luffy eagerly slammed his fists together. "Heck yeah!"
What happened next was undoubtedly the most humiliating two minutes of Squad 55's existence. The Straw Hats' strength alone was enough to take down each man with one shot, and though 55 started with an advantage in numbers, Robin stepped in a couple of times with a few dozen more chokeholds to remedy that. It was overkill, really.
"Send them flying in that direction, guys," Cross requested, jabbing his thumb at the spire before grinning at Robin. "And good work, Robin."
She chuckled somewhat maliciously. "Believe me, after spending the last hour with those overheated apes, it was wonderful to finally get rid of them."
"GUM-GUM BAZOOKA!" Luffy called out, slamming his hands forward and sending the unconscious Marines flying back to the spire, some falling into the water below as well.
With that done, the rest of the crew started streaming over to where we stood. The range of emotions was interesting—from Vivi's carefully blank expression to Usopp's naked relief—but all seemed to sense that this was something we all needed to hear, and so kept quiet.
"Alright, we're all together again. What's next, Cross?" Chopper asked once we were all together.
My answering smile was telling. "Next, we're going to show Jonathan what a mistake it was to challenge us to a cheating contest. Lassoo, Chopper, Conis, Boss, you see this bridge?"
"Yeah?" Boss asked.
"It's the only solid passageway between the outer and inner parts of the fortress." I stuck out a thumbs up and slowly inverted it. "Eviscerate it."
Lassoo, Boss, and the Dugongs gained bloodthirsty grins, while Conis and Chopper merely nodded in understanding, the former grabbing the scruff of Lassoo's neck and hoisting him onto her shoulder as he swapped to his weapon form and the latter digging out a number of vials from his pack. The Dugongs set to work immediately, cutting the cables and denting the metal wherever it was most vulnerable. Then, once the bridge's stability was sufficiently precarious, Conis and Chopper moved in, launching enough bombs and explosives to fill up a small house. I slid on my ear protectors, and a few seconds later…
KER-BLOOEY!
"London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down! London bridge is falling down, my dear JONNY," Soundbite sang eagerly as the once-mighty structure collapsed under its own weight.
Jonathan couldn't help but gape as he saw what had minutes before been a masterpiece of engineering come crashing down onto the stone path beneath it. Where once there was a pair of perfectly safe and stable pathways from the central spire to the outer ring, there was now merely a mountain of wreckage that nobody was likely to get through anytime in the near future.
"Weak spot number four, Jonathan: having only one passageway from the inside to the outside," Cross cheekily informed him.
"…You destroyed the Straw Bridge. Why would you destroy the Straw Bridge? Do you know much it cost to build that in the first place?" Jonathan sank into his seat with a moan.
"Consider it payback for infringing on our crew's copyright. Oh, and believe me, Jonathan, you don't have time to dwell on that. And I think you're about to find that out."
The exact instant that the subtle static around him faded, the Transponder Snail at his desk began ringing.
"Commander Jonathan, this is Chief Petty Officer Holger," came the unmistakable voice of the person in question, sounding panicked.
"I told you not to communicate by snail—"
"I KNOW, sir, but I've already sent three men to you and we haven't received a response yet, so I can only assume that they're being intercepted! Every time I do a headcount, someone else is missing! I think that the Straw Hats are picking us off, but we can't find them! WE NEED REINFORCEMENTS, PLEASE!"
Jonathan's eyebrows rose as he heard that before nodding. "Very well, I'll send notice to Henrick to gather a group and join you at the ship."
"Thank you, Commander!"
The line disconnected, and as Jonathan left his office to give the orders to the nearest Marine, he reasoned that that distress call had to be genuine. After all, it seemed that there could be no benefit for Cross to pose as Holger and make him send more troops to guard their ship.
"Cross, would you care to tell me the benefit for you to pose as Holger and make me send more troops to guard your ship?" Jonathan asked flatly, his eye twitching as he watched the pirate ship sail out of sight from his balcony. "You already knew where the Going Merry was, all you accomplished was having there be more troops present when you tore through them!"
"And that is exactly why I did it, Jonathan, both because you now have less manpower at your disposal, if only a small amount compared to G-8's population, and because if we'd taken the easy way, it just wouldn't have been anywhere near as much fun."
THUNK!
Jonathan groaned as he raised his forehead from the balcony's railing. "'Fun,' he says…"
"Soundbite, if you'd be so kind as to quote the grrreat Captain Jack Sparrow, who I wouldn't be surprised if Jonathan didn't recognize?" Cross requested, rolling the 'r' on 'great'.
"Ooh, GOODY! AHEM… a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for. Because you can never predict when they're gonna do something incredibly… stupid."
"Thus, weak spot number five: expecting pirates to be logical," Cross said smugly.
"Beaten by my wife, beaten by a pirate, the Straw Bridge is destroyed, and between you and those birds my sanity is starting to crack." Jonathan ground his fingers into his temple. "Why, oh, why did I ever agree to this game?"
"Because like it or not, the truth is that no pirate is stupid enough to come anywhere close to Navarone, so all that you and yours do is sit on your asses and twiddle your thumbs all day, so you needed someone to spice up your hum-drum routine?"
"Oh, right…"
Jonathan massaged his temples for a minute or so before searching for something less exasperating to remark on. Then he remembered the brief report he had received in the failed attempt to capture one of the Straw Hats at their ship.
"You Straw Hats are certainly charismatic," he remarked casually.
"Huh? What makes you say that? I mean, I'm definitely not denying that our captain has a freakish ability to make people like him, but—"
"I'm referring to the fact that you've managed to sway a handful of your enemies in this fortress to actually aiding you in your escape," Jonathan said, a slight smile coming over his face. "Mekao the shipwright, his daughter Doctor Kobato, and to a lesser extent, even Jessica. Even the new recruits in this fortress take a week or so to develop a strong sense of loyalty to G-8, and yet, you managed to change their mindsets enough that they were willing to hide Princess Vivi from the rest of my troops. Care to explain?"
"…well, I suppose it's more a matter of common interests than anything else," Cross said, his shrug practically audible. "Jessica appreciated Sanji's talent with food, Kobato was taken enough with Chopper's passion for medicine that she got over her hemophobia, and Mekao… well, that's more of a private matter, but suffice to say that he was glad to see a ship that was visibly loved by its crew. And let me remind you that we're not the stereotypical pirates; every fight we've ever been in, every enemy we've ever beaten has either been them attacking us or us counterattacking them. With shared interests like that, it seemed reasonable that they'd be willing to put prejudice aside, and it looks like it was."
"Fair points, I suppose. But what of the new recruits?"
"If you didn't listen to my first broadcast, you must have heard about it from someone who did," Cross said more seriously. "She shouldn't have set sail with us against her will. She should be back home in an Alabasta that hasn't seceded, that isn't at war once again, preparing to one day rule over her people in a peace they would have more than earned. Tell me, Jonathan… what would you have done if it was just Vivi that came here, and not any of the rest of us? Because I trust that you're smart enough to know what it means when HQ wants anybody alive, for any reason."
Jonathan's smile faded.
"I didn't start this show for shits and giggles, Jonathan. I started it because those bastards pushed the buck too far. I started doing this because I knew the chaos it would cause, the madness, the dissent, the doubt. I did all of this… purely because I wanted to see the World Government bleed and burn."
"In short, your goals are the same as Dragon and the Revolutionary Army," Jonathan stated neutrally. "I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised if you know the truth about slavery and the five levels of Impel Down—"
"Six."
Jonathan froze. "…Pardon?"
"Impel Down has six levels, Jonathan, not five. I'm not surprised you don't know that, the whole point of it is that it's secret from all but the highest levels. But that's one of the rare cases where I agree with the World Government: the Eternal Hell's existence is better left unknown to the general public. If there's any good in this world, Crocodile's lifeless dust will one day decorate the cells… and, sadly, the next monster who sits in them, because we both know there'll always be someone else to fill that cell."
Jonathan gaped, left speechless at Cross' claim, and to his mounting horror, he actually found that he was fully prepared to believe that the pirate was telling the truth.
"Well, I'm sure I've given you a lot to think about, Jonathan. But as it stands, the clock is still running. So, if you'll excuse me, our crew has some more blasting to do. I hope you have an emergency fund ready."
"BYE, NOW!" Soundbite barked, upon which the transmission faded and explosions echoed from the other side of the base. Slowly, Jonathan moved back to his desk, taking in the sight of his chessboard, still set as it was at the conclusion of his game against Nico Robin. Then he reset the board and moved a pawn before spinning the board around and moving yet another. He needed to think, he needed to think hard.
"Alright, what's the damage report?" Jonathan asked his four officers, all of them gathered in his office and nursing their injuries from their personal meetings with the Straw Hat Pirates.
"Well, I think we all know about the bridge," Drake ground out, aching pain obvious in his voice. "Between that, their little rampage through the spire, taking back their ship, and various odds and ends, about 25% of the Marines on base are combat ineffective."
"And the material damage isn't anything to sneeze at, either," Cormac groaned. "Thank God the Spire is built so tough, because we've got enough holes in the walls that most structures would have collapsed around our ears."
"A large portion of the floor and ceiling of Dock 88 has been demolished; one of the soldiers took a black seashell from their ship, and the pirates yelled at him to drop it as soon as they saw it. When he did… it blasted a shockwave up that caused a small cave-in, and the ground beneath it crumbled into a crater six feet wide," Holger said weakly.
Jonathan blew out a weary breath. "And therein lies the primary issue when dealing with the Strawhats' Third Mate: differentiating when he's being serious and when he's talking out of his ass… what else?"
"Aside from the fact that they've got their ship back and are heading for the Sea Gate? Nothing presently," Henrick deadpanned. "Shall we deploy the inner base's battleships and have them gather in formation at the Gate to intercept them?"
"Not yet. Based off of the Straw Hats' determination to defy logical expectations, I'm going to assume that they plan on leaving the same way that they came in: flying. How they'll pull it off, I have no idea, but I'm beyond the point where I'd be surprised if they did it. But first things first: send word to all units to begin clearing away the wreckage of the Straw Bridge. Once the natural bridge beneath it becomes traversable again, see to it that all cannons are manned, starting with the ones at the highest altitudes."
"Understood, sir. We'll see to it that the ships are prepared for towing and transporting rubble," Henrick stated.
"Very good. You're dismissed."
There was a minute that was filled with footsteps, and then…
"You have a little over twelve hours left, Strawhats, and I am counting every second of them. Spend them wisely, or prepare to spend the rest of your lives in Impel Down."
Soundbite and I exchanged eager grins I jerked my hand across my throat and we turned our attention towards a certain old man.
"Thanks for showing us here, Mekao. This should give us all the time we need to finish our breakout," I said.
"Cheeky kids," the shipwright said, shaking his head while at the same time matching my grin. "Jonathan's going to be tearing his moustache out before you're done, isn't he?"
"We can hope!" Soundbite chirped. The old shipwright laughed before heading back into the fortress. I waited until Soundbite nodded to me, and then turned back to our assembled crew and ship, hidden in one of the abandoned docks and decidedly not sailing towards the Sea Gate.
"Well, then, now that we're all together, and with Robin's confiscated map…" I held up the rolled up scroll in question and shook it as I grinned malevolently. "How about I lay out my plan on how we're getting out of here?"
Everyone's equally eager grins were answer enough.
"Alright, then, in that case…" I spread the map out on a barrel, allowing everyone to gather around. Soundbite chose that moment to start humming a tune that was very appropriate.
"Here's how we're gonna play this."
Cross-Brain AN: Next chapter, we finish G-8. We'll update again at the usual time, so hang in there!
Chapter 32
Cross-Brain AN: Surprise! As an additional manner of compensation for not updating for so long, here's the next chapter already! Enjoy! Oh, yes, and the significance of the transceiver number? In letters, it's "HEART BROB."
"Cross, I'm willing to admit that as infuriating as it was, not telling us about that drop at Cloud's End was harmless. On the other hand, NOT TELLING US THAT WE'D LAND IN FUCKING NAVARONE IS ANYTHING BUT HARMLESS!" Sanji roared over the connection.
"You had better have a damn good reason why you didn't warn us about this," Nami snarled.
"Alright, lay off the third degree, would you!?" I demanded indignantly. "Trust me, if I'd known that this was going to happen, I'd have said something! My knowledge is divided into two categories: things that will happen, and things that may happen. This was in the second category, and I expected that the fact that we didn't belly flop down and instead floated down gently from top to bottom would be enough to make sure that we didn't land here. But clearly, I was wrong."
"The best laid plans…" Robin said dryly.
"Ah, I'm sorry for interrupting, but…" Conis cut in slowly, and very queasily. "Cross, did you just say you had knowledge of the future!?"
"Trust me, sister, you learn not to question the crazy things he says very fast," Raphey deadpanned.
"It will all be made clear soon enough, don't worry," I absently reassured them before grinning as I tried desperately to put a positive spin on things. "But, but! Getting back on topic and before anyone gets too pissed off at me, look on the bright side! There's one massive benefit to the fact that we've landed here."
"Really? And what, pray tell, would that be, Mister Jeremiah?" Vivi asked sourly.
"The Marine in charge of this base, Vice Admiral Jonathan, is a prime candidate for joining MI4, along with the vast majority of the Marines present in this base, if not all of them."
"…Well, that does put everything in a new perspective," Nami admitted in a neutral tone.
"Glad to hear it!"
The exact moment that I had stated where we were, I had tossed Soundbite to Isaiah and told the rest of the crew to scatter. Every man, woman, and animal for themselves, sans Carue staying with Vivi and Su with Conis. For my part, I somehow wound up closer to the base's central spire than I expected… actually, I'll be honest: I somehow wound up on top of the spire. Don't ask me how, because everything after I told everyone to scatter is bit of a blur. All I knew for certain was that the blood on the forearms of my bandages was not mine, and thankfully not enough to be blatantly lethal either.
Either way, Isaiah joined me shortly after I'd managed to find a place to hunker down, though Soundbite remained in his clutches for the moment, not willing to touch me while I was covered in salt water, and had promptly connected everyone in the crew together. Fortunately, the entirety of the fortress was within Soundbite's hearing range, even if we weren't right in the middle.
Currently, everyone was at different parts of the fortress; some, in the case of the Dugongs, were in the water, albeit floating on the surface in the shadows so that Soundbite could reliably communicate with them, while others were in the woods on the base's outer ring, and others yet in the base itself. Basically, anywhere and everywhere except the Merry. The only ones who stayed onboard the ship were Terry, who was busy acting as an easily-overlooked lookout for us, and Lassoo, who was blending in with the rest of the arsenal in his full gun form. And though the quickly awakening fortress was swarming with Marines, the vast majority of them were, fortunately, focused more upon the ship than anything else, giving us all the time we needed to get away.
All things considered, things were going about as smoothly as one might expect.
"Ugh… I don't feel good at all…"
Well, almost; our resident angel seemed to be coping poorly with the sudden shock that had hit as soon as we reached the blue sea. I could only wince in response to the thought of those pamphlets of Chopper's. Speaking of our doctor…
"Soundbite, can you lead me to Conis?" the reindeer asked.
"Mmph… head along the SHORELINE—NO, the other way—YEAH, JUST KEEP GOING THAT WAY. No Marines in your WAY RIGHT NOW, but hurry!" Soundbite said.
"Got it."
"So, what are we going to do now, Cross? You're the tactician here," Zoro grumbled.
"Well, I won't lie," I said, shaking out my clothes in an effort to dislodge the traces of sea water that seemed determined to stick to me. "I only remember a few details about this place. It's an enclosed base, so the only way to the ocean is using their Sea Gate. And in any case, we won't be able to leave until the Merry is in a better position for us to either sneak or storm back on."
"And how long will that take, Cross?" Usopp asked.
"We'll need to hide out until the sun comes up, at least. After that… I can point out a few places where we can blend in, and Soundbite's eavesdropping should make it easy enough for the rest of us to steer clear of trouble. In the meantime—"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SILLY-LOOKING?!"
I jumped as Terry's voice bellowed out of Soundbite.
"Ow! OW! Alright, I'm sorry—OUCH!"
Then came a voice that I was reasonably sure was Jonathan's, and I couldn't help but snicker.
"YOU SHOULD BE SORRY! ONLY A COMPLETE IDIOT WOULD FAIL TO RECOGNIZE THE SHEER POWER OF A MEMBER OF THE BEAR GLOVE TRIBE!"
"ALRIGHT—OW!—JUST STOP PECKING—AGH!"
"…should we just let Terry chase everyone away?" Nami asked, half-serious.
"Heh, no. As funny as this is, anyone who's attained the rank of Vice Admiral isn't someone to take lightly; a prerequisite for the position is being able to use Haki," I said. "And besides that, Jonathan is a master tactician; with how much he knows about us from the SBS, we're going to have to be very careful not to get—"
I cut myself off as, walking along the edge of the spire, I recognized a very specific balcony below me. I couldn't suppress a snicker as my mind leapt to a specific plan of action. "On the other hand, that works too. Brace yourselves, everyone, I'm about to do something stupid."
"Oh, dear," Robin said, apparently unsure whether to laugh or groan in dread at what I was doing.
"Care to clue us in, Cross?" Nami asked blandly.
"I'm about to risk my life to check on the loose gold from Nola's stomach they've no doubt already moved off the Merry," I deadpanned.
"No further questions, your honor."
"I thought not," I chuckled before glancing at my partner in crime. "Now, then, Soundbite? Follow Jonathan."
-o-
"The color and smell of the coffee, the rather temperamental South Bird, and the ancient gold… it would appear that the SBS was accurate. The Straw Hat Pirates went to Jaya recently," stated the red-haired Vice Admiral.
"Commander, you're saying that it isn't really a—?" posed a blonde-haired Marine.
Vice Admiral Jonathan waved his hand with a scoff. "Please, Henrick. I know the circumstances are suspicious, but we all heard the SBS on the way down. I don't know where the crew is, but I know that they're in the base and that that's no ghost ship."
A sunglasses-wearing Marine spoke next. "I don't understand, Commander. Weren't you just calling it a ghost ship earlier in front of the rest of the men?"
"Frankly, our men are a little too green to deal with a situation like this; as decent as they've portrayed themselves on the SBS, the fact remains that the Straw Hat Pirates have earned those bounties of theirs. If we tell everyone that they've infiltrated our ranks, it'll cause panic and confusion that will no doubt aid the pirates in whatever purpose they have here. So for now, we continue calling it a ghost ship, understood?"
"With all due respect, Commander, I'd like to raise a concern," stated Jonathan's right hand, a brown-haired Lieutenant Commander named Drake.
"Yes, Drake?"
"As powerful as Straw Hat and his crew are, I think that the biggest threat among them is that of Jeremiah Cross and his snail. From what the Marines have pieced together, Soundbite is able to hear anything in a one-mile radius, as well as make anyone in that range hear anything. And the fact that that psychotic bird actually spoke proved that the snail was close enough to us that it could translate what he was saying."
Drake folded his arms. "If they weren't exaggerating, then it's possible that they could hijack our own communications to throw the whole base into chaos. It's even possible that they could be eavesdropping on us right now!"
"Well, it's good to see that Jonathan has some intelligent men under his command."
The five of them immediately stopped walking as the unmistakable voice of Jeremiah Cross echoed around them.
The sunglasses-wearing Marine grimaced. "Apparently, he is. And he's as annoying as we expected, too."
"HEY! I'M the annoying one!" came Soundbite's signature medley of voices.
"And I'm the crazy one. Allow me to demonstrate: Vice Admiral Jonathan, would you be willing to speak for negotiations? I'm currently in the process of ensuring that our navigator will not rip my head off for finding that any of our gold is missing from what you confiscated. Seriously, if all 500 million isn't right here like I promised, she will burn this place to the ground."
Vice Admiral Jonathan seemed stunned for a minute. Then he threw back his head and laughed.
"What is it, sir?" Drake asked.
Jonathan sighed as he got his laughter under control, smirking as he spoke again. "You've painted yourself as quite the brazen individual, Mister Cross, but I have to admit I'm surprised that of all the places you could have gone, you picked my personal office."
"HE WHAT?!" chorused all four of the Marines with Jonathan.
"HE picked HIS personal office. Do you have a HEARING PROBLEM?"
"With you around? The default answer to that question is a resounding yes… or at minimum, a maybe depending on your mood and your opinion of the individuals in question."
"Fair point."
"Now, then, getting back on topic… are you willing to talk, Vice Admiral Jonathan? Mind you, if you choose not to attend this little meeting, that's fine as well. I'll just have a conversation with your wife Jessica instead. The topic of discussion… your eating habits, maybe?"
"…And as impossibly well-informed as he painted himself, too," the blonde Marine ground out as Jonathan paled dramatically.
"I have not even begun to demonstrate that, gentlemen, and really, I got that last bit from inspecting his bin. Seriously, for a genius, that's kind of low-brow."
"…I'm on my way, Mister Cross," Jonathan finally said.
Commander Drake promptly started to sign orders to a nearby soldier, and jumped when a loud buzzer blasted through the air.
"YOUR SLEEVES are rubbing together, dipshit."
"I won't even deign to try and guess what you were signing, it's so obvious. And for the record, if anyone except for Jonathan shows up, they'll be talking in chicken clucks or flatulence until we leave. You have been warned, people."
"… Well, now I'm tempted to bring some of my subordinates with me just to see what you'll come up with," Jonathan said wryly.
"COMMANDER JONATHAN!" chorused four indignant voices, prompting both Jonathan and their two eavesdroppers to laugh anew.
"Heh… alright. In all seriousness, Henrick, go and reinforce security at the coast as well as around the Sea Gate," Jonathan said to the blonde-haired Marine, who saluted and departed.
"Cormac, I also want the brig, the ammunition store, and all major passageways secured. You'll have expanded authority to manage all related personnel," he added to the sunglasses-wearing Marine. He too saluted and departed.
"Chief Petty Officer Holger, gather a small force of men to keep perpetual guard around the Straw Hat Pirates' ship. If there are any issues, send someone to report to me in person, don't use a Transponder Snail." Following his orders, Holger bustled off, leaving only Drake and Jonathan.
"Drake… I'm going to meet with Cross alone. Go the mess hall and tell Jessica the situation—only Jessica—and then report to me for further orders. Understood?"
Drake nodded with perfect understanding before running as fast as his legs could carry him. As soon as he was out of sight, Jonathan sighed and continued in the direction he had been going. Only two minutes later, he opened the door to his office, and his eyes immediately fell on the figure that could only be Jeremiah Cross, sitting right in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk, which had been turned so that he could sit at it while facing the door. He was a young man, with short, dirty blonde hair and mischievous yet lazy eyes, dressed in dark and gray clothing. A grinning Transponder Snail was perched on his shoulder, and what little of his arms could be seen due to them being crossed behind his head were covered in bandages from the elbows down.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan. It's a pleasure to meet you," he said with a smirk.
"I must admit to returning the sentiment, Mister Cross," Jonathan replied.
"Really, now? I wouldn't expect to hear that from someone who had earned the favor of Admiral Akainu."
Jonathan flinched, his face darkening before he could stop it in response to the man's name.
"Well, well, well," Cross cocked his eyebrow in surprise. "There's a very particular and unusual reaction. Care to come in and talk about it?"
Jonathan was silent for a moment before chuckling ruefully and stepping into the office, closing the door behind him in the process. "Once again, Mister Cross, I have to admit I'm surprised. Your reputation precedes you, but your actions to date have barely managed to do you justice."
Cross returned the grin eagerly. "Well, really, in situations like this, it's either that or breaking down and panicking, and Nami, Usopp, Carue, and Vivi already have that covered."
"I HEARD THAT!"
The pirate jumped, presumably at the volume blaring in his ear, before pinning the cackling snail on his shoulder with a glare, and Jonathan chuckled. "And his reputation as an incurable prankster seems to be accurate also."
"Thank you, thank you very much," Soundbite purred.
"Took you long enough to use that one," Cross muttered before looking back at Jonathan with a solemn expression. "So, Vice Admiral, we appear to be in a delicate situation here. If you're a fan of my show, you know my stance on pirates and Marines. I happen to believe that you're one of those who follows his morals, rather than his orders… but the fact that you're one of Akainu's favorite students makes me doubtful."
Jonathan's grimace at the last line was not missed, prompting Cross to grin. "There it is again. So, you don't like the guy after all?"
Jonathan carefully schooled his expression, and crossed his arms. "What business do the Straw Hat Pirates have with Navarone? Why did you infiltrate our base?" he asked, clearly trying to change the subject.
"Hey, you heard the SBS," Cross shrugged dismissively. "The balloon octopus we used to get down from the Sky Island we visited didn't leave us any way of steering." He grinned hopefully. "I cut the connection before the sirens sounded. Marineford won't know that we're here unless someone tells them. If you open the gates, we'll gladly leave without any conflict."
"And you expect me to trust you?" Jonathan asked, then shook his head with a smirk. "I say that, but honestly, I'm prepared to believe you."
Cross's expression promptly dropped into a contemplative frown, and he swung his feet off the desk, gaze dropping down to stare at the Vice Admiral. "You're nothing like Akainu. How the hell did you ever make him favor you?"
The grimace returned, but he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Cross, but despite your reputation, you're still a pirate, and I'm still the commander of this base. I'm not about to let you escape."
Cross shrugged, spreading his arms in a helpless manner. "Yes, I didn't expect it to be that easy, but you don't really care that much about capturing us. You care a lot more about enforcing morale in this base."
Jonathan's jaw dropped briefly before he continued scrutinizing the pirate. "I knew you know a lot of things that you shouldn't, but this is ridiculous. How did you find that out?"
"Easy: you just told me," Cross drawled in an overly innocent tone of voice.
"THEY KEEP THE old book of tricks AROUND BECAUSE THEY STILL WORK, dontcha know!" Soundbite cackled.
Jonathan rolled his eyes before giving the pirate a contemplative look. "Would you care for a game of chess, Cross?"
Cross grimaced and waved his hand dismissively. "No thanks, I'm no good at the game."
"Ah, what a pity," Jonathan sighed. "Nobody in the base who actually knows how to play accepts my invitation because they know my skill, and outsiders rarely have the time or desire."
Cross chuckled. "Well, I think one of our crew could give you a run for your money, but I don't think that they would be willing to reveal their identity."
"Sorry, Vice Admiral," came a somewhat familiar distorted voice from mid-air, which actually did sound somewhat apologetic.
"Are all of them listening?"
"Of course they are," Cross scoffed as though it were the most obvious fact in the world. "After all, they're my crew, and I wouldn't want them to miss out on this. Anyway, if you're not willing to just let us go… then how about we make this into a game?"
Jonathan's eyebrows rose. "You have my attention."
Cross leaned back in his seat, clearly at ease. "While we try to get out of here, we of the Straw Hat Pirates will stress-test Navarone, help to demonstrate how stable of a fortress it is, and help to reinvigorate the soldiers. In short, we help to prove just how much of an asset this place is to the Marine Corps. And in return…" Cross's gaze both sharpened and became slightly fearful. "You don't use your Haki to completely decimate us, so we actually have a fighting chance of escaping." His smile returned. "I'll even throw in dealing with your… shall we say, 'administrative difficulties' that are due to arrive tomorrow morning?"
Jonathan did not reply.
"Come on," Cross waved his hand lackadaisically. "You can easily explain away not calling us in to HQ by saying you wanted to handle us yourself. That's totally something somebody taught by Akainu… would…" The pirate slowly trailed off as a look of realization and awe came over him. "Of course. That's it, isn't it? You conned him."
Jonathan kept his expression decidedly neutral. "I'm sure I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
The Vice Admiral's stomach dropped as a smile slowly spread across Cross's face. "Nooooononono, you cannot fool me! Now it all makes sense! The only way someone like you would agree with that arrogant blowhard of a volcano would be if you were talking out of your ass! You never agreed with Akainu's stupid stance of 'Absolute Justice,' you were just smart enough to know that if you disagreed once he showed interest in you, that'd be the end of you one way or another! You took advantage of that son of a bitch for the sake of the doors his reputation would open for you!"
Jonathan had no doubt, judging from Cross' even wider grin, that his face had betrayed him. Of all the people to find out his secret, it had to be the pirate with the biggest mouth of the century.
"Ohohoh maaan…" Cross chuckled as he sank back in the Vice Admiral's seat, crossing his arms behind his head. "I know some people who are just going to love to hear this, let me tell you…" He promptly sobered up in a panic when he noticed Jonathan's entire demeanor shift. "IIIII should have worded that better, huh?"
"YA THINK!?" Soundbite demanded incredulously.
"Mister Cross… allow me to issue a condition for the game that you've proposed," Jonathan stated firmly in a tone that had Cross quivering in terror. "If you fail to escape from Navarone in twenty-four hours, you will be caught in moments and be subsequently submitted to an interrogation so thorough that I will know memories of yours so deep and repressed that not even you remember them. Please take into consideration that while you're right in that I neither like nor respect Admiral Akainu, and while I did not learn the spirit of his lessons…" The man's gaze sharpened viciously. "That does not change the fact that I was an excellent student."
Cross processed that, and then frowned in contemplation. "…Wait to start those twenty-four hours until sunrise, and I'll accept that. But allow me this condition: if we do manage to escape, I'm going to let you in on one of my most well-guarded secrets, one that neither I nor my crew will ever expose on the SBS. Hell, even Soundbite knows better than to blurt it, just like this secret in particular, right, Soundbite?" The last sentence was finished with a pointed glare at the snail.
"YEAH, whatever," Soundbite rolled his eyes casually, until Cross grabbed his eyestalks and started pulling. "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, MUM'S THE word! …JERK…"
"Now, as I was saying… when you learn that secret, you're going to find yourself faced with what can only be defined as an ultimatum, and the decision is both effortless and excruciating. My condition is that you give it all the consideration that it deserves. Because I assure you, while nobody is going to hear your secret from my crew or myself, when you make that choice, one way or the other, it won't be a secret anymore."
"…That is very cryptic," Jonathan stated with a frown.
"Have you even been listening to my show? But in all fairness, it'll be the first thing you understand when the game is over. So, then…" Cross spread his hands invitingly. "Do we have a deal?"
Jonathan closed his eyes. Ultimately, Cross was right about everything he had said, including what he hoped to get out of their infiltration. And in the end, if they were actively trying to help him, then no matter how this turned out, he would ultimately win. He opened his eyes.
"I accept your challenge, Cross. But I warn you, you're not going to win."
Cross scoffed. "That's what they all say."
Jonathan smirked. "That's fair, I suppose. But you do realize that considering that you're here, I wouldn't be violating the rules of the game to arrest you here and now, right?"
"Of course. But considering this is me we're talking about… Hey, Soundbite, what's the appropriate thing to say in this case?" Cross replied, smirking back as he reached to one side, and separated the curtains. Jonathan blinked as he saw a rope reaching out of the window… and down to Cross. His smile faded even as Cross' grew.
"I think it would be… 'SO LONG, SUCKERS!'"
"Damn straight!" Cross cackled as he yanked on a ripcord attached to the side of his belt. Before the Vice Admiral could react, Cross was yanked backwards and up out of the room.
"…damn it," Jonathan sighed wearily as he pinched the bridge of his nose, but smirked nonetheless. "Well played, Cross. Well played."
A moment later, the door to the office burst open, allowing Drake and a full squad of Marines to burst into the office.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan, sir! Are you alright?" the Commander demanded as he moved to secure the room.
Jonathan gave his second a flat look. "Drake, allow me to remind you that we are currently in Paradise and that the Strawhats, strong as they are, are a rookie crew, and that Cross isn't a frontline fighter besides. Do you think I'm alright?"
"Ah…" Drake hesitated uncomfortably as he considered that.
Jonathan shrugged as he walked over to his window and looked upwards. "Put the base on high alert and gather the senior staff in five… ten minutes. I need time to devise a proper strategy."
"Sir?"
"Oh, you weren't aware? I thought you'd have realized it by now…" Jonathan turned back to Drake with an honest and eager smile. "The games have begun."
"THAT WAS PITIFUL!"
"Indeed!"
Drake and Jonathan paled in terror. "Not them…" they chorused.
"IT'S US!" Terry roared as he and Isaiah flapped through the window and landed on the Marine's shoulders. "WE WOULD HAVE STAYED INCOGNITO DURING THIS WHOLE THING!"
"But our pride as not just South Birds but as men refused to allow us to remain silent!" Isaiah huffed with a shake of his beak. "Such a weak and clichéd line… it made even my most luxuriant of beaks turn up in disgust!"
"WE'VE AGREED TO SET ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES AND WORK TOGETHER, UNTIL BOTH OF YOUR PERSONALITIES ARE BURSTING WITH POWAAAAAAAH!" Terry proclaimed as he flexed his avian pecs furiously.
"As well as the cool, calm and collected suaveness needed to strike blind any woman who lays eyes upon you." Isaiah swept his wing out with a flourish, light glinting off the feathers.
"…I'm married?" Jonathan tried uneasily.
"I accept your wife's thanks in advance," the bird smoothly agreed.
The officers exchanged panicked glances as their thoughts synchronized in a single word: "Shit."
-o-
I sighed in relief as I clambered up onto the top of the rock. Damn, epic as that exit had been, that belt taxed almost every single muscle I had. Still, there was work to be done, no rest for the wicked, the weary, or the weary wicked!
"So, I take it that everyone heard that?"
"A master tactician bold enough to con Akainu for the purpose of bolstering his reputation… I think we may have found the Marines' equivalent of Cross," Robin's voice said.
"Except that this guy actually has a whole brain," one of the male dugongs—Leo, I think—snarked.
"Boss, discipline your student."
"Nah, I think I'll let this one pass."
"Sweet!"
"Tsk…" I growled darkly before turning my attention to Soundbite. "By the way, I noticed something weird in there…"
"The cowards' chorus, I'M GUESSING?" he questioned. "Alright, look, IT'S SIMPLE: ever since the SBS started, I'VE BEEN ALTERING EVERYONE'S VOICES except YOURS and VIVI'S because we need people to trust you. BETTER for everyone else not to be immediately IDENTIFIABLE. But don't worry! IF THEY ALREADY KNOW YOUR VOICE, people can ID you, so your families know who's who."
I was promptly struck dumb at Soundbite's foresight. "Ah…"
"HOW BLATANTLY stupid do you think I am?!"
"You don't want that question answered," a chorus of voices responded.
"SCREW YOU PEOPLE!"
"Alright, Soundbite's impressive show of planning ahead aside, let me lay things out. There are only two ways for us to get out of here, and considering that leaving the way we came involves hurting Merry more, I say we focus on the plainer of them: leaving through the Sea Gate. Obviously, before that, we need to regroup on Merry and steal back the supplies and gold that they confiscated from us."
"Yes, yes, we do, because I swear to high heaven if we lose twenty-five percent of my—!"
"Our," Vivi cut in.
"WHOEVER'S GOLD!… then I will make up for the difference in bounties. Starting with everyone on this crew. GOT IT?"
"GOT IT!" everyone chorused.
"Nami is scary," Su whimpered.
"You're only just figuring this out?" I muttered. "Anyway… when the sun comes up, there's going to be a group of damaged battleships coming in. Onboard those ships are a pair of arrogant would-be chefs and a stupidly arrogant inspector from Marine Headquarters. These three need to be dealt with ASAP before they catch wind of our presence and call Marineford. Sanji, Robin, Luffy, that'll be up to you."
"Huh?" Soundbite provided Sanji's confused expression. "Luffy? I understand myself and Robin-schwan, but why Luffy!?"
"Because…" I trailed off hesitantly for a second before sighing. "Because, believe it or not, Luffy's actually pretty damn good at the whole stealthy-ninja thing when he wants to be."
"Shishishi! Years of practice playing hide-and-seek from my Grandpa!"
"'Hide-and-seek' my ass…"
"Eh? What was that?"
"Nothing, nothing. Anyway, also onboard those damaged battleships are going to be a ton of soldiers in need of critical treatment. And currently, the only doctor on base is a hemophobic pediatrician. Chopper, you're going to be responsible both for curing her hemophobia and helping her save all of those patients. You shouldn't need to boost your intelligence for either of those things."
"What? Why not? Sure, surgeries won't be any problem without boosting, but curing fear of blood? How am I supposed to do that so fast?"
"… Tell her the story of the thief and the sakura," I said carefully. A small intake of breath came from the other end, and Chopper seemed to tear up a bit.
"A-Alright," Chopper nodded firmly.
"Nami, I'd recommend that you join Chopper as a nurse, but if you think of a better cover, feel free to use it. Usopp, once they've relocated the Merry, disguise yourself as a grunt, and Soundbite will lead you there and help you fend off any questioners. And the rest of you…" I let a grin split my face. "Well, our end of the deal is to pressure-test the base. So, starting at dawn, we're going to give this place the most unforgettable day of their lives."
"Sounds good, Cross, but I've got one question," Usopp cut in. "Do we know where they took our stuff? We can replace the food and cannonballs anywhere, but the gold? And, just as importantly, Conis' arsenal and the Dials?"
"Well, for starters, I just checked on our loose gold." I instinctively jabbed my thumb over my shoulder at the edge of the spire. "Jonathan's got all of that stashed in his office, which is technically the safest place on the whole base. It's all there, and chances are he'll keep it there even though I know it's there because of how hard it'll be to get it out from under his nose."
"Well, at least that bit won't be boring…" Zoro muttered.
"And as for the rest of our stuff… Lassoo?"
"Yeah, they haven't touched the weapons yet," the dog-gun subtly huffed out.
"Right. Considering how big this base is, they probably don't think we'll be able to find her once they tow her away. And Jonathan has a group standing guard over the ship, with explicit orders not to report in via Transponder Snail. That makes things at once easier and harder for us; I should be able to come up with some way to use that to our advantage, but it'll take a while before I can risk it. On the bright side, as long as Lassoo is onboard, finding the Merry will be easy."
Suddenly, Soundbite's eyestalks snapped to attention and swiveled in the direction of the roof-access I'd identified. I growled in aggravation as I followed his line of sight. "They're coming up here, aren't they?"
"WINNER WINNER, hope you like JAIL DINNERS!"
"Not if I can help it!" I snapped my Flash Dial out of my bag and started clicking it out over the water. "Luffy, please tell me you can see the light!"
"I thought you guys always told me never to go towards it?"
I winced as the sound of a door being kicked open echoed out, prompting me to click faster. "Wrong light, now hurry the hell up and—!"
"Oh! Yeah, I can see you! Buuut I don't think I can reach that far…"
I made a hasty guesstimate of the distance. "Think you can reach halfway?"
"Oh, yeah, easy!"
"Then grab the rope!" I grabbed a ripcord at my side…
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"
Right as an authoritative voice and a chorus of cocking guns rang out.
I very slowly turned my head around and caught sight of who I assumed to be Commander Drake standing behind a firing squad of soldiers.
"Jeremiah Cross," the Commander growled acridly. "You are under arrest for piracy, divulging state secrets, disturbing the peace, terrorism—"
"If that's in any way related to my bullshit bounty, you had better pray that I don't find you," Vivi's voice snapped viciously.
Drake and his men shivered in terror before the Commander coughed into his fist. "W-We'll put a pin in that one." He then shook his head and got back to it. "Anyways… Arson, collaboration with criminal elements, assault with a deadly snail—"
"Did you really just say that?" I asked.
"—and finally, South Birds are an endangered species native to Jaya, so that's importation of illegal animals." Drake crossed his arms and his face narrowed into a hot glower. "My men and I have orders to incapacitate you by any means necessary, and we've already cleaned out all of the base's wax stockpiles to block out that snail. Come quietly, or I will order that you be shot in the leg."
I stared at him silently for a moment before allowing myself a cocky grin that obviously set him and his men on edge. "Two things. First, that is by far the worst impression of Commodore Smoker that I have ever seen." I revelled in the number of veins that comment made pop up on the officer's forehead before continuing. "And second?" I yanked on my belt's ripcord, causing the grappling rope to be launched out over the bay where it started to fall midway across… before being grabbed and yanked taut by a stretched out rubbery arm.
I shot the now-infuriated Marine a mocking salute. "Catch me if you can, copper!"
"FIRE!" Drake roared.
Thankfully, I was yanked out of the line of fire and through the void by the belt strapped around my pelvis. And for a few moments, I enjoyed the sensation of flying through the air. But then I remembered exactly how careful Luffy was with his crewmates when he did this. That is to say, not.
"WoahwoahwoahWATCH I—!" I started to belt out—
CRASH!
Before I slammed face-first into a tree. "Why does this feel so familiar…" I slurred.
"George, George, George of the Jungle!"
"Oh, yeah…" I groaned out as I peeled out of the tree and landed on my back. I lay there for all of ten seconds before a hand grabbed my collar and yanked me up through several trees to be brought face to face with a very familiar, very stupidly grinning face.
"Hey, Cross!" Luffy waved innocently.
I returned the grin with a decidedly bland look. "Captain… if it weren't liable to get me dropped three dozen feet… I just want you to know… I would punch you."
Luffy tilted his head in confusion. "Eh? But you already did that last night when I knocked that barrel of beer on you, and your hand was more hurt than I was."
"Yeah, but it made me feel better," I scoffed.
"Us too!" over half the crew concurred.
"Now, put me on a branch before my jacket tears, or so help me, I'll charge you for a new one… with interest rates that would make Nami proud." Luffy promptly plopped me onto a branch, allowing me to readjust my hoodie's collar with a huff. "Damn last one being burnt clean through, freaking swear this place is tearing through my wardrobe for shits and giggles…"
"What the hell do you have to complain about? Have you seen how many shirts Zoro goes through? His wardrobe made up almost a clean thirty percent of his debt!" Nami scoffed.
"Excuse me for being one of the so-called 'Monster Trio.' Would you have preferred fighting Ohm or Mr. 1?" Zoro shot back.
"Not to mention at least half of those shirts are destroyed in training," Robin pointed out. "And he generally doesn't stop to put on a new one."
"… That is pretty nice," Nami and Vivi admitted practically simultaneously.
I silently debated what to say to that before deciding to shove that into a locked box somewhere in my subconscious. "Alright, can we forego that argument for the moment in favor of trying to nail down a solid location for everyone?" I glanced around contemplatively. "I'll start off. Currently, Terry and Isaiah are with Jonathan, most likely pestering him beyond all belief, Lassoo is onboard the Merry, and Luffy, Soundbite and I are situated in the forest on top of the base's outer ring."
"My students and I are all in the water nearest the Merry, beside the outer ring," Boss said.
"Conis, Su, and I are just outside the forest, by the shore where the base starts. I can't see the Merry from where I am—ARGH!" Chopper said before cutting himself off with a yelp.
"And I would jusht like you all to know—hic!—that I love you all very musch!" Conis added dizzily. "Eshpecially Chopper… sho fluffy…"
"She's… crushing… me…" Chopper wheezed out miserably.
"Yeaaah, Conis isn't handling the oxygen levels that well," Su noted blandly.
"Why aren't you drunk off your ass, then?" Mikey (I think) asked.
"Because I've spent every other weekend clambering through the roots of Upper Yard since I was… eh, three, I think? Seriously, with trees that big, you get used to oxygen fast," the cloud fox said, her shrug borderline audible.
"Mmph—GAH! HEAVY POINT! Huff… Huff… Geeze, I almost died… Alright, I think I'm going to take my chances and look for the medical room ASAP," Chopper panted. "I left my bag on the Merry, and Conis needs treatment badly."
"Ugh… fair enough, but try not to be seen. Soundbite—"
"You DON'T HAVE TO tell me, Cross," the snail said, his face screwed up in concentration.
"Alright, then… moving on?"
"Robin and I are in the forest, too, though judging by those muzzle flashes I saw, we're on the other side from you and Luffy," Usopp said.
"I'm on a small beach, just got out of the water," Zoro grumbled, the sound of wringing out clothes and water dripping coming over the background. "I can still see the Merry from where I am, too, but I'm too likely to be seen where I am."
"I managed to ride my Waver up the outer ring. I'm hiding out in some tall grass at the edge of some cliffs. I've got a clear view of the rock spire, but I can barely see the Merry," Nami said.
"I'm in the forest, too, and I'm guessing I'm pretty close to you, Cross; I saw Luffy's arm stretch out from where I was," Sanji said.
A pause as I counted that out… during which I noticed Soundbite with an odd expression on his face, somewhere between gobsmacked and 'about to burst out laughing'. "Uh, Vivi and Carue? Where are you?"
"We… well, see, this… this is kind of awkward," Vivi ground out.
"How so?"
-o-
"Well…" Vivi rubbed the back of her head uncomfortably as she looked around the bunk she was laying in. "See, I'm currently inside the base, hiding in one of the barracks…" She paused as she noticed some movement in her peripheral vision, then smiled as she accepted a glass from the flustered soldier standing next to her. "Thank you!…and I just accepted a drink from one of the Marines who's helping Carue and I hide here." She punctuated the silence that followed with a looong drain from her drink's straw.
"… What," Cross finally said.
"WHAT," concurred the vast majority of the rest of the crew.
Vivi swallowed with a contented sigh before eyeing her glass contemplatively. "I'll be honest, the service I've received thus far beats some of the spas back in Alubarna, and those are legitimately royal-class establishments."
"She's got dat wight!" Carue sighed as another soldier brushed his feathers. "Wittle moa to da wight… wittle moa… ahhh, dat's da spot…"
"T-t-thank you very much, your highness!" the soldier who'd served Vivi stammered bashfully. "I-If there's anything else you need, feel free to ask!"
"Alright, we just fell out of the freaking sky and I just escaped being shot at, I utterly refuse to believe that what I'm hearing isn't the result of some adrenaline-fueled stroke-induced hallucination!" Cross protested.
"Three words, Cross: Great. Octopus. Shogunate. We have seen weirder, and I'm willing to bet a million beris that you know we haven't seen the weirdest of all yet," Nami growled.
"…Noooo, no, we have not. Ugh… well, on the bright side, it looks like we might have just found a much less risky way to help Conis. Vivi, think you can ask those Marines if they'd be willing to help a genuine angel?"
Vivi shot a brief glance up at the soldiers before plastering a desperate smile on her face. "One second," she hissed beneath her breath before raising her voice. "Oh, boys! Would the two of you mind fetching Carue and I an assorted vegetable platter please?"
"With a bucket a' wanch dwessing!" Carue piped up, smiling sheepishly at the glare Vivi sent him. "What? Ah'm hungwy!"
"Right away, ma'am!" the soldiers snapped off a salute before marching out of the bunkroom.
Vivi waited until the door was shut before collapsing on the bunk with an exasperated sigh. "Sweet guys. Stupid, but sweet. Anyway, here's the basics of my current situation: I'm in the care of a couple of Marines who seem to be a cross between Sanji and those braindead bounty hunters we met with Wyvern. They believe what I said on the SBS, they're willing to help me… but only me. I asked them at first if they were willing to help the rest of you, and they refused. And when I asked if they would be willing to just help the females, well… they seemed torn on Conis, Raphey isn't human, they don't know Robin's gender, and Nami… is just too scary."
"…I can live with that," Nami finally decided.
"Ditto," Raphey concurred.
"So, the bottom line is, I could probably convince them to take in Conis, and probably Su along with her, but Chopper wouldn't be able to come along, so…" She scratched the back of her head uncomfortably.
"Yeah, that would kind of defeat the purpose, wouldn't it…" Chopper grumbled before sighing despondently. "Alright, back to Plan A."
"Sneaking an oxygen-drunk blonde with wings through the halls of an enemy base on High Alert," Su summarized with a grin obvious in her voice. "Ten minutes with you guys and my life's already more exciting than it's been in the past six years!"
"YOU AIN'T seen nuthin' yet!" Soundbite chortled.
"But anyways," Cross spoke up. "For now, Vivi, it sounds like you're in a good enough situation. Just sit tight and wait for further developments."
Before the princess could say anything further, the door to the room opened and the soldiers from earlier entered and proffered her a very delicious-looking assortment of vegetables.
"I think I can handle that," she conceded as she laid back and took a bite from a stalk of celery.
Carue punctuated the point by gleefully burying his beak in the ranch bucket.
-o-
"Alright, with that done… Boss, if anything goes wrong, you and your students should be able to get there fastest, so be ready to move."
"Roger loud and clear, Cross. We're ready to go in hard at a moment's notice."
"Say 'that's what she said' and I will twist your head around a full 360 degrees," Raphey blandly added, which was followed up by a nervous gulp.
"And the rest of you…" I heaved out a jaw-cracking yawn as I settled against the trunk of the tree I was in. "Try to lay low until morning. We'll need more information before I can form a good escape plan. So for now… g'night."
A chorus of goodnights rang out before silence finally reigned, and I allowed myself to driiiift off to sleep.
-o-
Jonathan sat in his office, looking over his chessboard as he considered the Straw Hat Pirates. He had little doubt that all of the crew would be following the deal that he had made with Cross, but considering said deal, it appeared that today was going to be stressful. After all, to show how strong the base was while at the same time maximizing their chances of escape, he had no doubt that they would be hitting Navarone's weak spots. That being the case, he would need to attempt to strike theirs as well.
He had gathered together the highest ranking members of the base, and called to mind what they could about the Straw Hat Pirates.
"Altogether, we have ten humans and nine animals to worry about."
"Wouldn't it technically be nine humans and ten animals, sir? I mean, their doctor…" Holger asked.
"Devil Fruit priorities, Chief Petty Officer," Cormac interrupted. "He's a human-reindeer, so he counts as human."
Jonathan nodded absentmindedly in agreement. "In any event, of those animals, the five dugongs are likely to be the most problematic. I have no doubt that they're somewhere in the water; they'll be difficult to fight off on the land, and that's if we manage to get them out of the water. The dog-weapon couldn't have swum off of their ship, but it's not unreasonable to assume that someone could have carried him."
"Shall we investigate the Straw Hat Pirates' arsenal more closely to see if it's there?" Holger asked.
"Hmm… not immediately. Have a couple of men poke around in there, maybe take a few things. If the dog is there, he should alert Cross, and that will solicit some sort of reaction. It won't be able to use explosives in such close quarters, so we'll be able to apprehend it with relative ease. And if nothing happens, then nothing happens, and we'll have to watch out for dogs in the base."
Holger and the rest of the officers nodded.
"Now, moving on… the Supersonic Duck will almost certainly be with Princess Vivi, and while I'm not sure how dangerous of a fighter he'll be, it's clear that he has formidable endurance. I should expect nothing less from what's essentially a royal bodyguard. Soundbite is an obvious threat; I trust that the earplugs have already been distributed?"
"Yes, sir," Drake said. "All units have been warned and are at minimum carrying artillery-grade ear protectors."
"Good. And as for the fox… from what I've heard, I don't think she'll be any more dangerous than these South Birds are…" The Vice Admiral grimaced miserably. "Though they're bad enough on their own."
"SIT UP STRAIGHT! A TRUE MAN'S POSTURE IS FILLED WITH POOOWAAAAH!" Terry roared in the Vice Admiral's ears.
"For once I agree with my companion," Isaiah added in his usual baritone. "Proper posture, and the discipline that comes from cultivating it, is a necessity for true manliness." He then proceeded to cuff the back of Drake's head. "That means you too, Lieutenant Commander."
The officer ground his teeth viciously with murder blazing in his eyes. "Remind me why we haven't shot, eaten and mounted these colorful turkeys yet?" he demanded indignantly.
"Because neither of us has two million Beri to burn in fines and I promised to take Jessica to San Faldo for our anniversary, and if either of us jeopardizes that, she will serve us to the whole base for dinner," Jonathan deadpanned.
Everyone in the room froze as a wave of existential dread washed over them, which Drake punctuated by swallowing heavily. "Withdrawn…"
"Moving along…" Jonathan rubbed his chin in thought. "Of the remaining crewmates, if the last thing they said on the SBS was any indication, their new gunner is likely to be suffering from oxygen poisoning right now, meaning that their doctor will most likely be with her. I think they'll find their way to the medical wing before long."
"Should we send guards to intercept them, sir?" Henrick asked.
"Mmmm…" the Vice Admiral hummed contemplatively before shaking his head. "No. Not yet, let him perform the necessary treatment first. After all, we're not trying to make them suffer, merely to capture them. And I'd rather not risk their doctor… boosting, I believe it was. He's no doubt formidable enough without referencing Mr. Stevenson. No, we'll leave the medical wing alone for now; if they start causing trouble there, then we'll do whatever we must, though as it stands I don't think there's anything to worry about."
He waited for his staff to nod before continuing. "Now, moving on. Their chef is likely to infiltrate the kitchen. Jessica did admit that the suggestions he gave on the SBS have drastically improved the quality of our meals, so it should be easy enough to spot him going off of his skills… but on the other hand, the Marley brothers are due to arrive today."
As he said that, he recalled Cross' words about dealing with their 'administrative difficulties'. If he remembered right, there was an inspector due to arrive today as well. If Cross knew that, he was likely to know about the chefs as well. "Drake, once we're done here, warn Jessica to be on her toes; the Straw Hats may attempt to impersonate the Marley brothers."
"Yes, sir." The Commander snapped into a salute.
"Well, those are the easy ones," Jonathan sighed. "The rest are… less obvious. Cross is most likely going to keep his head down for the time being, keeping everyone connected. That leaves Straw Hat Luffy, Roronoa Zoro, Nefertari Vivi, their navigator, their sniper, and their unknown crewmate. The former three are likely going to stay as out of sight as they can, as we know their faces, but we can safely assume that the latter three are going to attempt to blend in."
He removed a piece of paper from his desk with specific instructions and gave it to Drake. "Here, I want you to pass these directions down through the ranks, make sure it remains written but not spoken. And should you come across anyone who seems suspicious, be certain to remember that the passcode is Marineford Tango Enies. Understood?"
Drake scanned the paper for a moment before passing it along to the rest of the officers and snapping his superior a salute. "Completely and utterly, sir."
"Good." Jonathan nodded firmly, before allowing a serious expression to come over him and spread to the rest of his men. "Now, make note here: I'm giving the Straw Hats a fighting chance, if only because it will be beneficial for our troops to get some exercise. However…"
Jonathan stood up and walked over to the window, observing the colors of a sunrise painted across the sky. "If they're still running free in this base by sunrise tomorrow, I will personally make sure that every last one of them ends up in the brig." He turned his head enough to give his subordinates a chilling look. "And I sincerely hope that it doesn't come to that."
The tone of voice he used made Drake, Holger, Henrick, and Cormac break into a cold sweat. As easygoing as their leader normally was, the fact remained that Cross had implored for him not to get involved for a reason that they all knew: nobody obtained the rank of Vice Admiral unless they were singlehandedly capable of matching their entire squad in power, much less somebody favored by the 'Mad Dog' of the Marines. And they held no illusions that the base's recent stretch of inactivity had in any way diminished that strength, either.
"We will ensure that they are captured, sir!" the four of them chorused. Jonathan nodded, the seriousness on his face melting away with a tired sigh.
"At ease. Drake… ask Jessica to include the strongest brew on base with my breakfast, then assemble a force to seek out the Straw Hats. The rest of you, to your assigned stations. Send all transmissions in person or in writing; do not use Transponder Snails unless the situation is dire. Dismissed."
Jonathan didn't turn to watch as his men filtered out of his office. Rather, he continued to scan the skyline of his base, his home, waiting, waiting, waiting… until finally, the first rays of a new day broke through the darkness.
Slowly and patiently, without so much as a hint of worry, Jonathan turned around and inched a pawn forward on the board.
"Let the games begin."
All Terry had to say about that was a nervous gulp.
MORNING
-24 Hours Remain-
-24 Hours Remain-
My first thought as I woke up, which I had as I leaned up and stretched my arms in a yawn, was that my hammock wasn't supposed to be this hard and uncomfortable and wood-like.
My second thought, which came much faster as I tried to roll to the side and was promptly forced to catch myself in a sloth-grip, was the realization that I was sleeping against wood, as well as the recollection that my captain and animal sidekick were currently hiding out in the middle of a Marine base.
My third thought… wasn't so much a thought as a realization. More specifically, I realized that we weren't alone when a branch snapped abo—below me.
This realization was confirmed when I looked DOWN and caught sight of a pair of dumbstruck Marines staring UP at me.
We stared at each other for a scant few seconds before I adopted a bland expression. "You two do realize that the fact that you've managed to find us is not a good thing, right?"
The soldiers nodded miserably in agreement.
We stayed frozen for a few moments longer until Soundbite decided to add in his own two cents by emerging from his shell and giving the Marines a toothy smile. "You boys gon' DIE."
That snapped the soldiers into action, one running off through the trees while the other—fumbled with a baby Transponder Snail? OH, HELL NO!
I promptly let go of the branch and twisted my body around, falling on the hapless Marine with a bellowing cry of "BODYSLAM!"
I crashed down on the soldier and we promptly fell into a down-and-dirty no-holds-barred brawl… for all of fifteen seconds until I managed to grab the back of the poor bastard's head—
THWACK!
And ram his face right into my goddamn knee ARGH! "SON OF A BITCH!" I yowled as I managed to leap to my feet and start hopping around, clutching my burning joint in agony. "GODDAMN MONKEY MANGO SACK ASS PINEAPPLE WHISKEY TANGO TURKEYS TROTTING TO FUCKING WATER! RIGHT ON THE MOTHERFUCKING BORDERLINE BETWEEN HEALTHY AND CRISPY OOOOOW!"
"HEY!" Soundbite roared in my ear. "Less agonizing, more hustling! THE OTHER ONE'S GETTING AWAY!"
I snapped my head up and glared daggers at the back of the running soldier. "Like hell he is!"
I promptly started hopping after him—
"GUM GUM!"
Before pausing and looking up at my captain in—why was he puffed up in Gum Gum Balloon form and why was he holding his pipe to his—?"
"BLOWGUN!"
CRACK!
I reeled in shock as a noise as loud and sharp as a pistol blasted out of the end of Luffy's pipe. I barely had enough time to snap my head around to stare at the fleeing Marine… just as he snapped a hand to the back of his skull and collapsed into a boneless heap.
I gaped in shock for a second or two before blinking in realization. "Was that an acorn?" I called up to Luffy.
"Yup!" Luffy grinned as he shot me a thumbs-up. "Pretty cool, huh?"
I started to nod before freezing in panic as a horrifying thought struck me. "That guy's still alive, right?"
"YEP!"
"Oh-thank-God…" I wheezed as I clutched my chest in relief. "I don't know how Jonathan would kill us using a fishing rod, but I am positive that that's how he would do it if we killed one of his men."
"Personally, Cross, I think you should be more concerned with the fate worse than death that awaits you if the Vice Admiral gets his hands on you."
"GAH!" I jumped in terror before spinning around to glare at our suddenly-present cook. "Don't do that, damn it!"
Sanji ignored me as he lit up a cigarette and took a drag before giving me a flat look. "Hence," he continued as though I hadn't interrupted him. "You should really be thanking me for saving your hide from that guy over there." He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder.
I tilted my head slightly in confusion. "Uh…?"
"I'm pointing at the third soldier that was with these two morons and who was about to call in your shit-hiding spot when I gave him a concussion," Sanji explained dryly.
I promptly plastered a desperate smile on my face. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love the fact that you're one-third secret agent?"
I didn't take the time to puzzle over why Sanji suddenly inhaled the rest of his cigarette and started choking, instead calling up to Luffy. "Hey Captain, mind gathering up these mooks so that we can strip them for their uniforms and then tie 'em up?"
"Sure, just gimme a sec!" Luffy promptly swung off, moving in a way that was way too natural for a human being.
I stared after him in awe for a second before giving Sanji a wary glance. "I'm not the only one who wonders about just how 'human' Luffy is, right?"
"That's rich, coming from you," the cook snickered.
"Har har, very funny…" I scoffed. "Alright, that aside, once we've got these guys taken care of, you two will need to head into the base and find a pair of cooks from HQ known as the Marley brothers; the battleships they'll be on haven't arrived yet, but I doubt it'll be long. Once you find them, nab their clothes and pretend to be them so that you can infiltrate the base's kitchen."
"… Infiltrate the kitchens… with Luffy."
"Just keep him on a leash." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, while you're doing that, I'll stay here and watch over the Marines and keeping everyone connected."
Luffy chose that point to make his return, three KO'd Marines in one hand. I gave them a quick onceover before nodding. "Alright, pick a uniform, get dressed, and get going."
"Right!" Luffy nodded as he started divesting the soldiers.
Soon enough, the Marines were clad in only their skivvies and left hanging from the branches of the trees, thoroughly gagged and bound with no chances of escape.
I watched my newly disguised comrades leave for a few seconds before leaning back into the trunk of the tree I was settled in and looking at Soundbite. "So, now that that particular instance of madness is over and done with, the next most pressing issue among our crew is Conis. Chopper, how is she?"
"Ah… well, she's certainly alive… though beyond that—GRK!"
-o-
"Fluuufffyyy…" Conis giggled as she buried her face in the scruff of the flailing doctor's neck.
"I honestly think her current condition is very much a matter of perspective and opinion…" the reindeer said with a tone of forced calm.
"Shouldn't you be doing your little dance and blatantly lying about how compliments don't make you happy?"
"First off, those compliments really don't make me happy!" Chopper snapped as he tried to wriggle his way out of Conis' stupidly strong grip. "And second, she's not complimenting my medical prowess, she's complimenting my fur. Totally different!"
"Riiiight. You know, next time we meet Ace, I think I'll ask him to keep an eye out for an opportunity to throw a fireball at your shorts."
"Oh, shut up!"
"Heh… Anyway, how long do you think it'll take for her to get over this?"
"Ergh, it's hard to—Hey, don't pull on—OWOWOW!"
"Heeheehee—GRK!" Conis continued to giggle blearily as she yanked on Chopper's antlers before suddenly jerking up ramrod straight for a second, and then collapsing forwards into a snoring heap, revealing Su perched on her back with her paw on a syringe sticking out of the Angel's shoulder.
"Sedative," she explained blandly. "Sorry, but that was starting to get old."
"I appreciate that, Su," Chopper groaned, massaging his head at the base of his antlers before switching to his Heavy Point and picking up Conis. "Now, we need to get her a controlled flow of air so that she can adapt, or she'll be just as… incoherent when she wakes up again. Now, where's an air tank we can use…"
"Oh! Excuse me, I thought all of the other doctors were gone."
Chopper froze and Su bolted under a nearby table like a flash of greased lightning when a feminine voice came from behind them. Its owner turned out to be a purple-haired young woman with glasses and a white coat.
"Don't panic," Cross said, directly in their ears. "That's most likely the hemophobe I told you about, Dr. Kobato. She's a good physician, but she's also something of a ditz. Act natural, and she won't notice anything's wrong. Worst comes to worst, you can flash some blood, and she'll be out like a light."
"Uh… you're Doctor Kobato?" Chopper asked hesitantly.
"Yes, that's me," the woman replied calmly. "And you?"
"Uh… H-Hiriluk, my name is Doctor Hiriluk," the reindeer hastily answered, drawing himself upright in an effort to project an air of authority. "It's a good thing you're here, I need your help. This young woman is suffering from oxygen poisoning; I was forced to sedate her as her delirium became dangerous. Where do you keep your oxygen tanks?"
A hint of steel came into Kobato's eyes as she took in the unconscious Conis, but her smile never faltered as she walked over to one of the cots. "We have one here, Doctor. Just lay her down and I'll help you get her set up."
Chopper nodded, carefully taking Conis into his arms before laying her on the bed, making sure to tuck the blankets in such a way that her wings were hidden. Kobato didn't notice this, fortunately, too busy with placing the mask over Conis' face. "What was the cause of this, Doctor?"
"Uhh…"
"Repeat after me, Chopper," Cross hissed. The doctor nodded automatically as he spoke the words that came into his ears.
"Oh, it was a sudden decrease in altitude, I think she tried jumping off the top of a Marine base. How she got out of that without a scratch, I don't know, but she's been incoherent since we arrived here."
"J-jumped off the top of a Marine base?" Kobato said incredulously.
"She's sort of a thrill seeker," Chopper shrugged.
"Oh. Well, that makes sense."
'She actually bought that?' Su thought incredulously.
'She actually bought that…' Chopper thought in resignation.
"Well, thankfully she looks to be fine…" The Marine doctor tilted her head contemplatively as she looked Conis over. "Still," Chopper felt his heart skip a beat when she started to run her hands over his crewmate in a sickeningly familiar manner. "Just to be sure, I'll give her a routine physical."
"Ah-ah-ah—!" Chopper sputtered frantically as he flailed his arms in a panic behind her back. "T-t-t-there's really no need for that, I-I already gave her a onceover myself, s-she's fine!"
"Oh, no, it's no trouble at all," Kobato waved him off absentmindedly without taking her attention off of Conis. "I trust your prognoses but I just feel like it would be prudent to double-check is all. It always pays to have a second opinion, you know?"
"Aheh… yeah, right…" Chopper trailed off uncomfortably. He then proceeded to snap into his Brain Point and start desperately rummaging through his pack, the hardier medical instruments flung out in succession.
Kobato, meanwhile continued patting Conis down while entirely oblivious to her 'colleague's' panic. "Alright, limbs and neck seem fine, moving on to the spinal column…" She reached under the covers and paused in confusion as she felt feathers of all things brush her fingers. "Well, that's odd, I could have sworn that this mattress was in perfect condition a few hours ago." She continued feeling around for a bit before sighing in relief. "Oh, never mind, it's fine, these feathers are merely attached to the patient's wi—" She paused as she ran that thought through her head a few times before recoiling in shock. "The patient's wings!?"
"Ah-ah…" Chopper fumbled for an answer for a second before chancing upon an idea. "Of course she has wings!" he blurted in a forced 'no duh' tone of voice. "S-She's from a Sky Island, they all have wings up there! W-Were you not aware of this?"
Kobato's shock evaporated into confusion as she mulled that statement over before she finally chuckled and slapped her forehead. "Ha, of course! Now I remember! My apologies, I'm known as something of a ditz around the base, you see."
Chopper and Su breathed simultaneous sighs of relief.
Meanwhile, the Marine continued chuckling as she continued examining Conis. "But still, you can't exactly fault me for my ignorance. After all, I only learned that Sky Island existed a few days ago by listening to the SBS."
Both Chopper and Su tensed as they prepared for the worst, only to relax when Kobato didn't elaborate.
Finally satisfied, the doctor withdrew her hands and walked over to a countertop where she picked up a clipboard. "Alright, everything seems perfectly normal, I'll begin filling out her chart. What's the patient's name?"
"Conis, no last name," Chopper answered instinctively before slapping his hooves over his mouth in horror. Said horror intensified when Kobato stopped writing.
"C-O-N-I-S?" she asked in confirmation.
"N-no, K…" Chopper corrected fearfully.
"Oh, alright then!" Kobato nodded with a smile. "I just ask because her name sounded like Conis. You know, the Strawhats' latest recruit? She's from a Sky Island too, so I imagine that there'll be some confusion in her future."
"…yeah, I imagine so…" Chopper slowly nodded in agreement.
"Alright…" Kobato moved on to another line. "And does she have any family I should be aware of?"
"Just her father back on Skypiea." Chopper rolled his eyes in exasperation as he turned to the room's medical cabinets and started fiddling around with their contents. 'After all,' he reasoned with himself. 'You never know when you might need to restock.'
Kobato nodded again as she continued writing. "Got it, father in Skypiea. Just… like…" Ice shot through Chopper and Su's veins when the doctor slowly stopped writing and trailed, the blood drained from her face in horror as she slowly looked at Conis' face. "C-Conis with a C…"
The room was paralyzed for a moment until the Zoan in the room thumped his head against the nearest available shelf. "I don't suppose there's any chance that you'd do us the favor of not screaming?" Chopper groaned in resignation.
Kobato's response was to open her mouth—
"Oh, come on!"
And promptly gag when a bundle of white fur was stuffed into it.
"Out of all the slip-ups—OW!—that's when you finally connect the dots!?" Su snarled as she held on to the doctor's shoulder for dear life, her tail firmly wedged in the doctor's mouth. She then snapped her head over to Chopper. "Hurry the hell up, sawbones!"
Kobato reeled and scrabbled with Su for a moment…
THWACK! "MMPH!" "YEOW!"
Before biting down hard on the tail when she felt something thin and hard plunge into her shoulder, which in turn elicited a yowl of vulpine pain from Su.
However, the doctor's pain lasted only a moment before oblivion invaded her mind and she slumped over on Conis' bed, dead to the world save for her snores.
Su whimpered miserably as she held her bitten tail before her face. "That… was unpleasant…" She proceeded to snap a glare at Chopper. "And what took you so long, hm!?"
"Forgive me for not thinking I'd need to stock up on syringes of all things…" Chopper panted as he slowly lowered his arm from the post-throw position it had been in. He then sighed despondently as he changed to his Heavy Point and gingerly extracted a now-empty needle from Kobato's shoulder. "I am getting way too much experience with this."
Su spared a moment from licking her own tail to snicker at him. "Yeah, you're right. After all, there are better ways to get girls then pumping them full of chemicals, don't you know? Tseeheehee—!"
The human-reindeer held up the syringe, light glinting menacingly off the needle. "I can refill this with the appropriate dosage in seconds."
"Shutting up now," Su said quickly.
"Mmph… well, there's the proof of how much of a ditz she is. I honestly forgot that she was that bad," Cross said. "Anyway, once she's awake, you should have enough of an opportunity to talk her into helping the patients that will arrive soon. She'll be outright on our side once you've cured her hemophobia."
"Hooray," Su and Chopper chorused unenthusiastically.
"Oh, perk up, her dad's a shipwright who'll look after the Merry and help Usopp patch her up once we get them together. Anyway, moving on…"
-o-
"Robin, how are things going with your mission?"
"Perfectly, Cross," Robin replied, striding down the hallway in her stolen outfit without so much as a care in the world. "The ship from HQ has just arrived and they are unloading men now. I've already dealt with the good inspector and am touring the facilities as we speak. On that note, I took the liberty of incapacitating the Marley brothers while I was at it. Soundbite, if you'd be so kind as to direct Mr. Cook and the captain to them?"
"Roger roger."
"We've got them. Thank you, my darling!"
"Nice work, Robin!"
"What the monkey said. So… at the risk of losing my appetite now and forever, what happened to Condo—er, I mean, Shepherd?"
"Well…" Robin said with a smirk.
-o-
A Marine grunt stared, jaw dropped, at the sight that awaited him in the supply closet where he had gone to fetch a mop.
A man with short black hair in a widow's peak who was wearing a magenta undershirt and purple pants was bound and gagged in the room. While that was odd in and of itself, the part of the ensemble that drew his attention most was the note pinned to said man's undershirt, which clearly read 'I'm a stuck-up ass from HQ looking to shut this base down for the glory of it!' Hesitantly, the man reached out to un-gag the squirming man, who spat for a few seconds before barking at him.
"You incompetent buffoon! What made you hesitate to help me? I'll have you court-martia—MMPH?!"
The grunt promptly replaced the gag, grabbed the mop he had come for, and closed the door in the man's face.
"Hey, you were in there awhile," the grunt's friend noted in surprise. "Anything wrong?"
"Nope," the grunt said, marching away from the closet without so much as missing a beat. "Not a thing."
-o-
"PFFHAHAHAHAHA! Robin, in case you happened to miss the memo any time in the past few years, you are a genius."
"Trust me, I'm aware," she purred cheekily.
"Well, anyway, be careful when you meet with the Vice Admiral. Jonathan's the kind of guy who's taken the time to find out what an aged-up version of your bounty picture would look like. Easy money says that he'll recognize you when he sees you, but with any luck he'll be too intrigued or amused to do anything about it. No guarantees, though."
Robin's eyebrow twitched minutely in irritation, though she didn't break her stride. "And you didn't think to mention this sooner?"
"Hey, my knowledge is spotty at best, alright? I'm mostly playing this by the ear. Just… hope for the best."
The ex-assassin flexed her fingers. "I am starting to see the appeal of using you as a punching bag, Mister Jeremiah."
"Har har, very funny. Anyway, moving on. Nami, how you holding up?"
"Ah…" their navigator grit out uncomfortably. "See, the answer to that question's kind of… complicated."
"Oh, come now, Miss Navigator," Robin chided as she brought her fist to her mouth in order to hide a chuckle. "How bad could it possibly—?"
Robin's words died in her throat when she reached an intersection and was brought face to face with the subject of discussion in question.
The archaeologist stared in shock for several seconds before slowly raising her sunglasses onto her forehead in order to get a better view. "… Well now. Dare I even ask?"
Nami groaned miserably as she clawed a hand down her face. "I wound up in the laundry room looking for something to wear, some Marines walked in on me while I was holding this coat, one lie led to another and suddenly I'm masquerading using my mother's name and rank!"
"…Please tell me I'm misremembering seeing a picture of your mother wearing a coat only Captains or higher wear," Cross deadpanned.
"No, Cross," Robin shook her head slowly as she took in the ornate coat Nami was wearing. "No, you are most certainly not."
"Ugh… well, depending on how good Nami's espionage skills are, this could either be a windfall or a calamity. Nami, I know you did a lot of masquerading as a pirate for the last few years, but how good are you at impersonating a Marine?"
Before Nami could respond, she was interrupted by a Marine walking around a blind corner and almost running into her. "Ah—! S-Sorry about that ma'am, I wasn't looking where I was going and—!"
"HOW DARE YOU!" Robin watched with bemusement as the crew's navigator grabbed the hapless soldier's collar and drew him in close so that she was roaring directly in his face. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA JUST HOW MUCH THIS COAT COSTS? I COULD TAKE EVERY BERI YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC FAMILY HAS MADE IN THE LAST TEN GENERATIONS AND IT STILL WOULDN'T EVEN BE ENOUGH TO GET IT DRYCLEANED, YOU UTTER IGNORAMUS!"
"I-I'm so sorry, p-please forgive me, Captain, I-I-I won't do it again!" the Marine sobbed miserably, tears fountaining down his cheeks.
"You want my forgiveness?" Nami spat. "Then go to this base's godforsaken kitchen and order me a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with a twist of aged tangerine, three and a half cubes of ice, and a green umbrella IN NO LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES!" She then proceeded to all but throw the soldier down the hallway he'd come out of, yelling after his retreating back. "AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL IF YOU GET SO MUCH AS ONE ELEMENT OF THAT DRINK WRONG, BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL WON'T!"
The incognito pirates watched him run like the hounds of hell were on his heels before Nami turned to Robin with a beatific smile. "So, you'll be the good Marine and I'll be the bad Marine, then?"
"I would say so, Miss Navigator," Robin chuckled in agreement.
"Daaaaaamn…" Cross breathed in awe. "You've been holding out on us, haven't you?"
"Are you kidding?" Nami scoffed as she and Robin started walking down the hallway again. "I've got almost ten years of suppressed fury pounding around inside of me. You haven't seen anything yet."
"Hmph, I imagine so," Robin laughed into her hand before pausing and humming thoughtfully. "Ah yes, and before I forget, Mister Doctor? I should warn you that you should hasten to rouse Dr. Kobato and make her an ally before the patients arrive."
"Ugh, alright, I was expecting this. How long have I got?"
"Five minutes at most," Robin replied cheerfully.
There was a pause. And following that was a solid thirty seconds of invective that left even Soundbite silent.
"… I believe you've been spending too much time with Soundbite," Robin said at last.
"AND YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH CROSS, YOU JERK!" Chopper snapped. "AND ONE WORD OUT OF YOU, SANJI, AND I SWEAR THAT I WILL GIVE YOU A VASECTOMY IN YOUR SLEEP!"
"…I am now officially unsure who's scarier: Nami or Chopper," Usopp muttered in the ensuing silence.
"Careful, Long-nose, I work hard to maintain my reputation," Nami muttered beneath her breath. "You do not want me pulling double-duty."
"RIGHT! MOVING ON!" Cross barked. "You two sound like you've got it handled, good luck to the both of you. Usopp, what are you up to right now?"
"Eh, not much, thankfully."
-o-
"Or at least, not right now. It hasn't been boring," Usopp said, looking over the small collection of trussed-up grunts near him. "One weakness to point out to Jonathan: the patrols aren't very big. If it's only two or three people, it leaves them open to be sniped down before they even notice. I've taken care of a few grunts who aren't going to make that mistake again; their weapons are in the bay, and I've already got one of their uniforms. So, if they've finished moving the Merry, now would be the time to lead me to it."
"Nice work. Soundbite, do you have a location?"
"Having a bit OF A TIME MAPPING OUT THE CORRIDORS, but I think so."
"Good, lead him to her. Oh, and Usopp, when you get there, take note of an old shipwright named Mekao. I mentioned him earlier; odds are that if you tell him about the Klabautermann, we'll have another ally."
"Got it," Usopp said, securing his Marine cap before heading off.
"Next up… Boss, you and your students doing alright?"
"That depends on how you define 'alright,' Cross," Boss said in a voice of forced calm.
-o-
"Personally, I wouldn't define it as 'being chased through the water by a net of sea prism stone that's TRAWLING THE BAY!'" the dugong roared as he and his students floated on the surface of the bay hidden behind the corner of the base's central spire, staring in terror as a massive net that spanned from the spire to the outer ring with no gaps between it and the rockface was slowly dragged through the waters of the bay by being passed from opening to opening high above them.
"Wha—a ne—!? Ohhhh… riiight."
"You had better not be about to tell us that you saw this coming, Cross!" Leo said furiously.
"No, of course not! Forgetting about potentially life-threatening things is Vivi's job."
"I heard that," the princess said waspishly.
"You can pwotest when it's not twue, but fo' now, you can't weawwy deny it," Carue snickered.
"Tsk…" Vivi grumbled darkly.
"Anyway," Cross spoke up. "What I just remembered is the fact that Jonathan's a freaking genius. It'd be more shocking if he didn't have some kind of contingency plan in place for fishmen. Looks like this is it."
"Yeah, well, this contingency's about to scoop me and my boys up!" Boss snarled. "Any bright ideas, Jerry-boy!?"
"…If you ever call me that again, Boss, I'll tell the world how Kung Fu Dugongs happened. And trust me, your poker faces suck," Cross said frigidly.
All five dugongs were caught between the urge to blush in both rage and embarrassment and pale. "…Duly noted," Boss finally conceded.
"Now get us out of here!" Mikey flailed his limbs in a panic.
"Alright, look, it's easy alright? Just employ the Invulnerable Door fallacy."
"Uh…?" Four of the five Dugongs tilted their heads in confusion.
Donny, meanwhile, slapped his fin to his forehead with a groan. "I'm an idiot."
"Eh?" His compatriots looked at him in askance.
The purple-bandanna wearer gave them a flat look. "Even if a door is utterly impenetrable," he rapped his flipper against the rock face they were hiding against. "There's a good chance that the wall around it is less so."
"Ohhh," chorused Raphey, Leo, and Mikey. Boss, for his part, simply nodded.
"Alright, boys, you heard them." He snapped a flipper out so that it was pointing downwards. "Let's all get digging!"
The students glanced at each other in concern before giving their teacher an uncomfortable look. "Uh…" Raphey slowly raised her flipper. "Can't Leo just carve out a hole big enough for us all?"
"No way!" Boss crossed his flippers in denial. "Leo earned his skills, now it's your turn." He grit his teeth confidently. "Dig or get caught, brats!" He made to dive before pausing and snapping a glare up at Leo. "Oh, and your hole better be several meters deep, or else I'll toss you to the goons myself." Then he dived.
The students remained floating for a bit longer before exchanging flat looks.
"Remind me why we followed him into the pirate life again?" Raphey groused.
"Because somehow the rest of our species is even crazier than he is," Leo sighed wearily.
"Come on, guys, you all know that he loves u—WAGH!" Mikey's words were cut off when he was suddenly yanked underwater.
"GET YOUR TAILS DOWN HERE RIGHT GODDAMN NOW!"
"YESSIR!" The apprentices hastily complied.
"… Well, that shit just happened. Alright, moving on for the sake of sanity. Zoro, I dread to ask, but any idea where you are now?"
"Yeah, it's actually really weird."
-o-
"Did you know that they've got another ship here that looks just like the Merry?" Zoro asked, observing the very distinct ship from behind a giant gear.
"…I MUST have heard you WRONG, Cross. I thought you said 'for the sake of sanity,'" Soundbite said weakly.
"Yes, shame on me. I'd ask how this is possible, especially considering how the place is set up as a damn ambush… buuuuut I'm pretty sure that answer ends with my brains oozing out of my ears. For now, just stay where you are."
"Eh, sure thing," Zoro turned around and started walking away, gravel crunching under his boots.
"WHY THE EVER-LOVING FUCK ARE YOU MOVING!?"
"Calm down, snail, I'm just going to find a drink, I'll be right back."
"…I honestly don't know what I expected. Moving on, Vivi, how are things on your end?"
-o-
Sanji snapped his head up, foregoing his progress towards the kitchen and concentrating intently on the answer.
"Yes, we're now receiving the royal treatment from a full squadron of Marines. Honestly, I'm tempted to find a balcony and work on my tan."
"Please don't."
"I BEG TO—!"
"Volume control, idiot!" Su cut in.
Sanji coughed uncomfortably into his fist as he noticed the confused glances the other Marines were sending him, then continued on at a much lower volume. "I humbly beg to differ, darling princess."
"…Soundbite, unless Sanji gets on track very soon, do us all the favor of muting him," Nami said in irritation.
"Heck, do us all a favor and do it anyways."
"Watch it, mosshead!…but fine," Sanji ultimately sighed, glancing around cautiously as he continued walking. "Our status… on our way to the kitchen. I think we're heading in the right direction, if foot traffic and Luffy's nose are anything to go by."
"Huh. Fast moving. Alright, if I remember right, everyone there should welcome you with open arms as soon as you show off your skills, but if they've caught anything from your cooking lessons on the SBS, they may be suspicious at first. The Marley brothers are complete jokes, they can't even peel potatoes, but their reputation should provide the cushion you need to blend in. Just watch your step, especially when Jonathan shows up for lunch. So long as Luffy doesn't deliver it, or eat everything you guys make for that matter, you'll be able to blend in for a while longer."
"Got it," Sanji nodded. "And if reputations aren't all they're cracked up to be, I could use that to explain away Luffy's behavior."
"Nice one. Alright, that just leaves… Lassoo, everything alright on the Merry?"
"Well, a squad of Marines are onboard, and a few have been poking around here," the dog-gun muttered quietly. "A couple of grunts came in here earlier and took a few Dials… and I'm pretty sure that that black one Conis had was one of them."
"WHAT?! Soundbite, connect me to Jonathan, NOW!"
-o-
"You just don't understand, do you?" Isaiah sighed in his usual baritone. "Manliness is not something you show. It's something you are. Displays such as yours are not only pointless, they imply a deep insecurity that is not manly in the slightest."
"AND YOU'RE TOO DAMN COLD!" Terry shot back. "A REAL MAN NEEDS TO KNOW WHEN TO HAVE FIRE IN HIS VEINS AS WELL AS ICE! YOU'RE JUST ALL ICE, ALL THE TIME!"
Jonathan groaned, cradling his head in his hands. The two South Birds had promised to be an annoyance from the first time he heard them, but he'd had no idea they could be this bad. They'd been going back and forth pretty much since midnight, and only strong coffee and plenty of experience with all-nighters was keeping him alert. Of course, if he didn't get some sort of break soon, he'd probably go mad.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan!"
The Marine in question looked up from his chessboard as Cross' voice sounded around him. That worked. "Mister Cross?"
"Something I should warn you about, and that you should warn your soldiers about, too: stay out of our arsenal. In particular, there are a few Dials we have that could VAPORIZE your men if they touch them wrong. For the sake of getting them all back, I won't tell you which ones. But I'm just giving you a fair warning; we have no problem fighting our way out of here, but we are trying not to kill anyone."
"Mmhmm, I see…" Jonathan nodded slowly in agreement, the South Birds mercifully silent, before pushing one of the black knights on the board. "Just one moment, please. Drake, could you come in here?"
His second-in-command promptly entered the office with a salute. "Sir?"
"Have the men search the Strawhat's ship's arsenal, it seems that the weapon with the Zoan fruit is hiding in there after all."
"…shit," Cross's disembodied voice flatly summarized.
"OH, NOOOOOOOO!" Terry threw in.
"DAMN IT, CROSS!" a furious voice yowled before howling out "CANI-SCREEN!"
Jonathan sighed as the sounds of hacking coughs from various Marines filled the line. "Now you're just gloating."
"I give you a piece of advice to try to keep your men safe from an actual hazard, and you respond like this? Not only ignoring me, but doing what I just told you not to do? Oh, no, this doesn't qualify as gloating. I'll show you gloating later."
And then the office fell silent, the two South Birds both smugly grinning.
"Well, that's not ominous at all," Drake cheerfully stated.
"Lieutenant Commander."
"Right, catch the dog!" Drake blurted as he wheeled around and all but ran out of the room.
Jonathan stared at the door for a second before directing a glare at the chessboard before him. "They are making it very hard to apply this game in real life…" he grumbled.
-o-
"Alright, I need to think about what we've got so far. Soundbite is still listening, so just say his name if you need to talk. I'll let you guys know once I've got some kind of plan."
"Take your time, Cross," Chopper ground out as the transmission faded, looking back at the pediatrician, who seemed terrified. "Alright… Dr. Kobato, there's soon going to be a large number of Marines arriving here from the battleships that have docked on base. Many of them are going to need treatment, and fast. I'm going to help you, but as this base's doctor, you need to be able to do the surgeries necessary to save their lives."
Kobato's eyes widened even more. "B-B-But I… I specialize in children's medicine, I'm no good at surgeries! I'm barely able to deliver a shot! I'm sorry, but I don't think I can help, I just can't stand the thought of hurting people."
Chopper folded his arms with a weary sigh. "Kobato, let me tell you a story from the man who was my teacher and father…"
Three minutes later, the nurses and the patients arrived, and a determined Kobato stood alongside Chopper as they began the necessary treatments. She barely acknowledged the fact that he was a pirate as they worked.
And considering the amount of work they had to do, neither of them noticed that in the middle of it all, a specific patient and her pet had managed to wander out of the infirmary.
-o-
"…In other words, you would presume to tell me what real cooking is, right?" Sanji asked the obviously skilled and passionate head chef.
"No, I'm not trying to say anything quite as dramatic as that," Jessica replied coolly. "I just want you and your brother to show that pride you talk so much about. I'll give anyone a chance to prove themselves, no matter how pretentious they might be. However, there will be trouble if I think you lack anything in skill or attitude." The rest of the cooks looked on sourly while Jessica finished her speech. "Let me make this clear: unless you satisfy me, you will never be able to call yourselves cooks in Navarone."
"I see. That sounds like a challenge. But let me ask you this," Sanji continued, blowing out some smoke. "You clearly know the importance of food. But speaking from experience, the head chef's skill isn't the best way to determine how good his or her employees are. So, what do you say to going one-on-one?"
The chefs' indignation at the apparent insult promptly melted in favor of smugness. "Challenging Jessica? He's toast." "Burnt toast." "Thousand Beri says he starts crying in ten minutes." "Two thousand on twenty." The murmurs continued in the same vein until Jessica raised a hand and extinguished them like a candle, though her expression was no less smug.
"It has been a long time since I've had the opportunity to demonstrate why I'm the head chef here," she mused. "So be it. You and I will prepare the same dish. My husband, Commander Jonathan, will determine the winner through a blind taste test."
Sanji's smile froze, and he twitched ever so slightly as he fought to maintain his composure. "A-An excellent idea, milady. So…" Sanji glanced around warily. "Where is he, exactly?"
Jessica's smugness faltered. "…Well, this is a bit awkward. Lunch is meant to be delivered to him in half an hour or so."
"Well, then, in the meantime, how about I show some of my other recipes? After all, I heard from more than one Marine on my way down here that it's just about mealtime. Oh, and—" He grabbed Luffy's head and slammed his face into a convenient griddle before he could successfully reach the plate he'd been leaning towards, pointedly ignoring the sizzling sounds that came up. "—I should warn you, this guy has only ever been a taste-tester, and a gluttonous one, at that. How people got the idea that we were both good cooks, I have no idea."
Jessica cocked an eyebrow as she watched Luffy struggle beneath his own cook's grip. "He's resilient, too."
"I have to take drastic measures to keep his mouth under control," Sanji explained as he jerked Luffy's charred face up.
"JERK! Now everything's gonna taste all smoky!" Luffy pouted with his tongue lolling out of his mouth.
"…Whatever the heck I was expecting, it sure wasn't this," said one of the many, many sweatdropping chefs.
"You mean the fact that only one's actually good at cooking or the fact that that the boss hasn't broken that one like a stalk of celery yet?"
"Yes."
"BACK TO WORK BEFORE I START USING DISCIPLINARY PRACTICES FROM HQ!" Jessica roared, which kicked her staff into high gear. Satisfied, she made to grab a bottle before pausing as she took notice of the weight. "Tsk. Jacob, if you've got the time, could you go and grab some cooking sherry from the fridge? I'm starting to run low."
"Gladly, madam," Sanji responded, making a beeline for the refrigerator. With nobody nearby, he opened the door. And then every muscle in his body locked up in shock.
Zoro stared back, nonchalantly continuing to drain a bottle of sake as he sat in the stupidly smooth hole in the back of the walk-in freezer.
"HOW THE HELL!? I stopped paying attention for TEN SECONDS!" shrieked Soundbite from nowhere.
Zoro finished off the bottle he was holding with a sigh before cocking an eyebrow. "So? What of it?"
"YOU CROSSED HALF THE BASE! YOU WEREN'T EVEN IN THE SPIRE!"
"…" Zoro was silent as he glanced out the hole he'd carved before shrugging and tearing the cork out of a new bottle with his teeth. "I don't follow you."
"…screw it. That way lies madness."
"You say that as if we didn't all crack long ago," Lassoo wheezed from somewhere.
"That explains so much…" Su muttered.
Sanji, meanwhile, plastered a deliberately neutral expression on his face as he grabbed three bottles of sherry, left the fridge, and returned to Jessica. "I think you may have a rat problem," he deadpanned as he set two bottles down and poured himself a glass of another. Grimacing at that, Jessica walked off towards the fridge. Forty seconds later, she was back with an identical expression, accepting the bottle Sanji was offering to her without hesitation.
"I think you may be right," she said flatly before knocking the bottle back.
Once they had both recovered from the respectively disturbing assaults on their sanity, Sanji submitted a few specific recipes to Jessica, who passed them on to her chefs. Upon seeing how phenomenal the resulting meal was, Jessica saw the opportunity to test him.
"Well, your skills seem to be all that you've advertised them as…" She gave the newcomer a sharp glance. "Sanji."
Sanji didn't so much as flinch. "Hmm? Who?" He slowly pointed at himself. "Are you referring to me, by any chance?"
Jessica stared at him for a few seconds before waving dismissively. "Sorry, sorry, my mistake." She glanced up at the kitchen's clock before grinning eagerly. "Ah, now that's better. We have ten minutes until it's time for Jonathan's meal. Is that enough time for you, Jacob?"
"Easily. So, what will be the dish we prepare?"
"Lamb chop in gravy, with steamed carrots and broccoli, as well as mixed peas and heirloom beans. I call it the Shepherd's Repast."
"So, your husband is a vegetable lover?" Sanji posed, moving to the pantry along with Jessica while producing a headband and tying it around his head in such a way that his eyebrow was hidden; after all, he knew that that nickname of Zoro's had made it onto the SBS more than once.
"Well, they're good for him," Jessica said with a smile. "And what's with that headband?"
"Oh, just a mark of seriousness for competition," Sanji replied, suppressing the bitterness of the fact that he was imitating Zoro. He hoped the mosshead never found out.
Jessica shrugged, and so it went from there. Both gathered the same basic ingredients, but chose different accents for the plate. Side-by-side they stood at identical cooking stations, fires flaring as the pair of them both demonstrated their skills. Both moved with well-practiced grace that left the other chefs staring in awe. Steam here, smoke there, and no shortage of delicious smells. They even plated identically, but in the end, it seemed that a few different spice jars and a bit of cheese, juice, and honey made all the difference; while Jessica's steamed beautifully, Sanji's dish practically shone. The difference was plain, and Jessica's eye was twitching as she took in both that and the awestruck looks of the cooks, their murmuring now reversed from earlier.
"It's actually better-looking than Jessica's." "The smell is better, too." "It's the difference between an expert and a master."
"SILENCE!" Jessica yelled, locking eyes with Sanji. "Take your dish and follow me," she said shortly, covering the tray and quickly walking out of the kitchen.
Sanji hesitated for the briefest of moments before shooting Luffy a hasty grin. "Why don't you stay here and…" The cook had to fight to keep from spitting up blood as he spoke the next lines. "Taste all the dishes, brother."
The width of Luffy's grin was matched by every other face in the kitchen going white. "Sure thing! Sounds like fun!" And before they could stop him, the rubber-man blurred towards the array of already finished dishes.
Sanji silently offered a few apologies to food in general before rushing to catch up with the base's head chef. The two walked in silence for a minute or two before finally reaching the doors of their destination.
He entered alongside Jessica, and took in the sight of Jonathan: white outfit, short red hair and beard, and large eyebrows and moustache that were so dark red that they were almost black. He had a relaxed look about him.
"BEAR GLOVE!"
"Is that the only thing you can say?"
He also had the two South Birds on his shoulders, and looking a little more closely, that relaxed air was notably brittle.
"Ah, Jessica, what's this? Two meals?"
"Mister Marley here challenged me, matching his cooking skills against mine. You will be determining the winner as you taste the dish," Jessica replied, fully calm; after all, as long as her husband liked her food better, she couldn't be upset. She and Sanji placed the covered dishes onto the desk, and removed the covers.
"The Shepherd's Repast for your enjoyment, Commander Jonathan," Sanji said smoothly.
The Vice Admiral's eyebrows rose as he took in the dishes before him. One looked as unappetizing as ever, but the other… despite the fact that the ingredients were the same, it actually looked appetizing. Then he realized the issue in his current situation. It was glaringly obvious who made which dish, meaning he was either going to choose the one that was obviously better, or the one that was obviously his wife's. At least the damnable South Birds were silent.
In an effort to fend off that choice, he gathered a generous spoonful of Jessica's dish, including the broccoli. As he put it into his mouth, it took every bit of control he had to suppress his gag reflex. He loved his wife and he adored her cooking, he really did, but it just seemed like whatever vegetables she touched gained an almost supernatural hatred for his palate. Nevertheless, he managed to swallow painfully and continue on to the rest of the thankfully edible meal.
He directed an only semi-forced grin at his wife. "Delicious as always, dear."
Jessica shot her nose up at Sanji with a contented sniff, which elicited a somewhat conflicted sigh from the disguised pirate. Processing that, Jonathan turned to the more visually appetizing meal. Hiding a grimace, he spooned up another generous helping of vegetables and put it into his mouth. His eyes widened; it was undoubtedly broccoli and carrots that he was eating. But the steaming on them was different, and the spices and bits of cheese on it made it more much more palatable. In fact, it was delicious. He forced down the urge to get another spoonful, turning his utensil towards the meat instead. The vegetables were obviously better, but surely Jessica couldn't be outdone on her lamb chop?
Surely she could, he reflected, as the meat melted in his mouth like filet mignon. Jessica's had been wonderful, but this… this was perfect. Jonathan swallowed, now legitimately nervous.
The two cooks analyzed the Vice Admiral intently, eagerly gauging his facial expressions.
"Well?" Jessica asked with absolute confidence. "Who's better?"
It took every bit of willpower Jonathan had to freeze his facial muscles, so that he had the time he needed to ponder what answer he would give. On the one hand, he could just take the easy road and say that Jessica was the better cook. An obvious solution that would save him a lot of trouble in the future… but on the other hand, it would also be a lie. To lie like that would be a dire insult to the possible Marley brother standing before him, and the fact that he had just tasted broccoli that he wanted to eat again was a strong point in favor of him telling the truth, so he wouldn't suffer again.
'I have to choose between good food and Jessica not being mad. Whether this man is a pirate or not, it would be wonderful to have this dish… but then again, I have to live with Jessica. It seems that I'll simply have to—'
Without even a hint of warning whatsoever, the doors to the office were busted down, allowing one salivating Monkey D. Luffy to enter the room. "Hey Sanji, they ran out of dishes to taste in the kitchen! Can I have the great stuff I'm smelling in here?"
After a moment's pause, Jonathan responded by slowly pushing both plates forward. "All yours, Captain Luffy."
"Thanks!" Luffy nodded his thanks before rushing forwards and starting to pig out on the dishes.
For a few seconds, the only noise that could be heard was the sound of Luffy chowing down at speeds that put buzzsaws to shame, until finally a disembodied sigh wafted through the air. "I tried. I really, really, really tried."
"Don't even worry about it, Cross…" Sanji sighed out a cloud of smoke as he weathered the infernal glare Jessica was trying to melt his brains with. "This isn't even remotely your fault."
"Huh? What's wrong, guys?" Luffy asked, still chowing down on the contents of the two plates.
"Allow me to introduce myself: I am Vice Admiral Jonathan, base commander of Navarone," Jonathan said with a small smile.
"Oh, cool," Luffy said.
"… Three, two, one…"
Luffy's eyes suddenly widened to comical levels, and his mouth dropped open. "You're the guy in charge? The guy that Cross is so scared of?"
"Luffy? Consider the last person you met who had the rank of 'Vice Admiral' and tell me that I shouldn't be scared," Cross said dryly.
"Oh?" Jonathan blinked in surprise. "He's met a Vice Admiral before? Who?"
"Think very hard about his family name."
Jonathan needed only to think for a moment before opening his mouth in an 'ah' of understanding.
The pirate and Marine stared at each other in silence for a few seconds…
Until Jonathan grinned and broke the silence with a "Boo."
Luffy's reaction was actually… underwhelming, as he merely chuckled and continued eating. "I screwed up, huh? Sorry, guys!"
Several loud thuds that, judging from Jessica and Sanji's reactions, signified face-faults echoed across the connection.
"YOU THINK THAT FIXES ANYTHING!?" a chorus of enraged voices roared.
"How is this utter moron the captain?" Jessica wondered.
"I can't honestly say I'm surprised considering what Cross said," Jonathan chuckled before slowly starting to stand up. "Now then, if you'd kindly finish eating…"
"Uh, uh, uh…" Cross stammered uncontrollably as he fumbled for something, anything to say before finally coming to a panicked conclusion. "Uh, HEY! B-before we move to the inevitable fight, d-don't you still have a decision to make, Jonathan?"
"Oh, I'm sure that can wait until these two are in the brig," the Vice Admiral said smoothly.
"Actually, dear, I do think putting them away can wait long enough for you to say which dish you liked better," Jessica replied coolly.
Silence for a few moments, and then Cross chuckled.
"A lover's spat, hmm?" Something in the pirate's words made Jonathan's blood run cold. A feeling that only intensified at what he said next. "Say, Jessica, quick question, what's the meal that you made for this contest?"
"The Shepherd's Repast, or put simply, lamb chop and mixed vegetables. Why?" Jessica questioned without ever taking her eyes off of the pirates.
"Well, then, everyone, I'd say that that's positive proof that Sanji is the better chef. After all, I saw that same dish in Jonathan's garbage bin last night."
It was as though the room had been hit by a blizzard with how still and cold the atmosphere became. Then the two most skilled chefs on base slowly turned, glaring daggers at a paling Jonathan.
"You threw away the meal I made for you?" Jessica asked quietly.
"You dare to not only waste food, but food that this wonderful lady made for you, pouring her heart and soul into it?" Sanji growled, his fists steaming.
Jonathan began to sweat, his hands held in front of him. "N-Now, now, let's not be hasty—"
"Sanji, we'll have to continue this later. Right now, I need to kill my husband," Jessica said, giving the pirate chef a beatific smile.
"Oh, believe me, I understand, Lady Jessica," Sanji replied smoothly. "But may I suggest making him empty his bin and finish your lovely meal first? After all, we both know that you can't waste food."
"No, you certainly can't. Excellent suggestion."
"…Well played, Cross…" Jonathan mumbled.
"Jonathan, remember what I said earlier? Well, this is gloating. No, actually, this is gloating. Hey, Jessica, did you also know that he has a tendency to give the meals you spend so much time preparing to anyone who comes by to get out of eating them, and then order them to tell you that it was delicious?"
Jonathan was now white as a ghost, which was all the confirmation the listeners needed. Jessica's resulting tone was as calm as a hurricane's eye. "Thank you for telling me that, Cross. Anything else to say?"
"Why, hello, miss," Isaiah smoothly interrupted as he landed in front of her, his wings spread wide. "Look to your man. Back at me. Now back to your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but with a good workover with, say," Isaiah held one of his talons out, which was carrying a hefty looking frying pan, "a Nine Cast Iron, he could be honest like me."
Jessica blinked in surprise before smiling beatifically and accepting the cooking utensil. "Another excellent suggestion, thank you." She then directed her gaze at Jonathan, and her smiling face morphed into something straight out of a nightmare.
"Yes, Isaiah, thank you, that's perfect. Take note, Jonathan, of weak spot number one: lying to your wife. I trust you'll never make that mistake again. Now, Luffy, Sanji? As our crew's tactician, I'd say that now is the appropriate time for what we in the business call a 'strategic withdrawal'. Or, to put it simply… BOOK IT!"
"Kick him a few times for me, Lady Jessica," Sanji requested before, dragging Luffy behind him, he hightailed it out of the room. A crowd of angry-looking chefs met him outside.
"Jessica just found out that Jonathan threw away a meal she made for him!" Sanji shouted in a convincingly panicked tone. Every Marine in earshot paled in utter terror for all of three seconds. After that, the kitchen, dining room, and hallway went from crowded to 100% abandoned.
"Shishishi! Man, these guys are fast!" Luffy chuckled.
Sanji, for his part, was snapping his head left and right frantically. "Which way, Cross?"
"This way!"
"Right!" Luffy promptly started running down a corridor.
"HOW STUPID ARE YOU!?"
"Whoops, sorry!" the captain said as he pulled a 180.
Sanji groaned miserably as he ran to keep up with his captain. "Why, oh, why does someone with that thick of a skull have to be that charismatic!?"
"Would we really follow him if he wasn't Luffy?"
The resultant silence and the smiles implied therein were answer enough. The moment didn't last long, however.
"Uh, Cross? Are you there?"
"Wha—Conis? Are you—what's going on? Are you still in the infirmary?"
-o-
"No, I'm not," she grunted in response, cursing under her breath as her uncooperative legs banged into another bucket. "I'm currently in a broom closet… somewhere."
"Third corridor, fifth subsection, Gamma Quadrant."
Conis and Su exchanged looks of surprise. "Damn, slimeball," the cloud fox whistled.
"I have been listening to more CHATTER THAN I CARE TO REMEMBER. I THINK I KNOW THIS PLACE BETTER THAN most of the soldiers who live here!"
"Which is going to come in handy for getting out of here. But that aside, why did you wander off and what are you doing?"
"Staying on a cot in the medical wing seemed like a good way to get caught. I'm currently trying to change into a Marine uniform… and trying to get used to what the land is like down here."
"She's acting like even more of a klutz now than Pagaya," Su chuckled.
"Su—AGH!"
CRASH!
Conis waited for cleaning products to stop falling around her before lifting the edge of the bucket that was on her head with a sigh. "…Alright, I'll admit that I can't argue with that."
"What do you mean you're trying to get used to the land?" Usopp asked curiously.
The Skypiean rapped her knuckles on the ground with a huff. "It appears that the Blue Sea's islands are a lot more stationary than those of the White-White Sea."
"Wha—? What do you mean, the islands up there stay still too, don't they?" Nami asked.
"Of course they don't," Conis waved a hand casually as she started pulling herself to her feet using the nearby shelves. "They don't drift, no, but they're still floating on the Cumuloregalis. I didn't have any problems on the Merry because all Skypieans get used to dealing with the minute swaying as they grow up; at this point, my sea legs are making my sense of balance over-compensate for an imbalance that's no longer present."
"Ugh… well, at least you're not drunk on oxygen anymore. So, what are you planning right now?"
Conis slowly staggered her way over to a nearby coat hanger and took a Marine cap off of it, replacing her beret with the headwear and situating it in such a manner that her hair-antennae were hidden. "For now, I'm going to try my luck blending in as a janitor. Maybe walking on slick surfaces will help me keep my balance better."
"Plus I imagine a mop can double as an excusable crutch, huh?" Cross questioned.
"That too," Conis nodded in acknowledgement as she slid on the rest of the janitor's uniform. "And I have to say, I like the way this uniform feels, very different from the outfits on Angel Island. Now, where—ah, that'll work. Su, you'll need to hide in here." The cloud fox looked at the duffle bag Conis was holding, and then looked at her erstwhile master, a look that Conis returned.
"Su, they know that I have a Cloud Fox with me and they know we're in the base, so," she started raising her hand towards a metal can on a shelf. "Unless you'd prefer to adopt a more locally traditional look—"
One blur of white later and the bag was zipped shut. "Knock my head against anything and there'll be hell to pay," came Su's muffled voice.
"I'll be as careful as I can be, Su," Conis assured her, picking up a bucket and mop before walking out the door. Two steps later, she was groaning facedown into the floor.
"Somehow, that doesn't reassure me," Su moaned.
-o-
The atmosphere in the Vice Admiral's office was… uncomfortable. Jonathan was eating a platter of vegetables, mostly broccoli, which had been liberated from his bin and cleaned, while nursing some large lumps on his skull. Meanwhile, his wife stood behind him with a very calm look on her face, and a large skillet in her hands. A bemused Drake, Henrick, and Cormac looked on as Jonathan finished his meal down to the last morsel on the plate before looking up at Jessica. And, of course, the two South Birds were back to being smug.
"I'm sorry, Jessica. The truth is that I really do love your cooking, but I've never been able to stomach the broccoli," Jonathan said apologetically. Jessica's lips tightened, as did her grip on the skillet, before she sighed.
"…Upsetting though that is, the fact that you never said anything is even worse," she said, emphasizing the last bit. "I was aware that you were less than partial to the broccoli and vegetables in general, but had you made it known that you disliked them to the extent that you would prefer throwing them away, I would have been willing to put in the necessary effort to change that. Did you think I couldn't take criticism on my food from someone who knows what they're talking about?"
Jonathan sighed. "Well, you do tend to be rather… sensitive about your cooking."
Jessica scoffed. "I'm not denying that I would have been upset, but preparing food to satisfy the clientele is my job. Just be more honest in the future, and I'll do whatever I have to so that your meals are both healthy and palatable."
Jonathan nodded appreciatively. "I won't let it happen again, Jessica. Complete honesty from now on."
"I do so love when a couple makes up like this," Terry said at a normal volume.
"As do I," Isaiah agreed.
"Good. Then you can start now: which dish did you like better?"
Jonathan stiffened briefly, but shook his head. "Sanji's. I had to resist the urge to take another bite of the broccoli, and that lamb chop was so tender and delicious…"
"Hmph," Jessica glowered before storming to the door. "Well, it seems I need to improve on my skills, then. I'll start by attempting to duplicate his dish. Meanwhile, I'll leave you to your meeting."
She opened the door and walked out of the office before looking back.
"Oh, and Jonathan? I think your posture has improved today."
As Jessica closed the door, the three officers in the room couldn't suppress snickers, while the two South Birds both posed even more smugly. That lasted all of ten seconds before Jonathan leveled a glare at them.
"If you're quite finished… what is the progress on apprehending the Straw Hat Pirates?"
"N-none yet, sir," Henrick replied.
Jonathan tapped his fingers together. "Gentlemen, I like to think that I am usually a thoroughly reasonable man. Slow to anger, quick with a joke. However…" The Vice Admiral tapped a finger against a rather impressive goose-egg that was growing on his temple. "After being set upon by my own wife, I find that a large percentage of my patience has been exhausted." The glare intensified, causing all three of his subordinates to flinch. "Locate and apprehend them before I lose the rest of it."
"SIR, YES, SIR!" the Marines snapped into a salute.
"Dismissed."
The Vice Admiral was silent as he watched his men file out of his office before heaving a weary sigh. "You are proving to be a most… unique adversary, Mister Cross." He picked up a bishop from the chessboard on his desk and looked it over. "Are you sure I couldn't tempt you to play a game or two?"
"Sorry," Cross's clearly grinning voice apologized. "But I only know the absolute basics and I've never won a game. You'd stomp me in ten moves or less."
"Hmph." Jonathan set the piece down on a new square. "What a shame…" He stared at the board impassively for a few seconds before leaning forward and tenting his fingers on his desk. "So, tell me. What are your thoughts on Navarone?"
"Well, weak spot number two is one we've found out rather personally: those patrols you send out? The fact that some of the weakest members of our crew have managed to disable more than we can count is proof that they're more ambush bait than anything. Either you up the quality or up the quantity, but right now they're not that effective, even if their routes are."
"Hmm, a fair point," Jonathan conceded with a sigh. "So, what is their current status?"
"Thoroughly humiliated but fine," Cross replied. "Like I said, we're not trying to kill anyone. Besides that, the only immediate issue that comes to mind is already resolved. I'm honestly surprised that you didn't have more faith in your wife."
"Clearly, Cross, you've never had to deal with an angry significant other. But you're correct, that was…" Jonathan winced as a throb of pain echoed through his skull. "A mistake on my part."
"Heh. So, yeah, not finding all that many weaknesses so far… but then again, this is the quiet stage of the game."
"Well, we'll have to see if the game progresses beyond that. Out of curiosity, however, what happened to the real Marley brothers?"
"Suffice to say that they're… indisposed, not far from the docks," said the mystery crewmate.
"But feel free to let them free and lead them to the kitchen. After all, Jessica could use the excuse to blow off some steam on a pair of men so incompetent in the kitchen that peeling potatoes results in a bucket of scraps."
That made Jonathan grin. "Thank you for that advice, Cross."
"My pleasure. Now, for the next stage, a key part of showing how strong the base is will come from showing how strong the brig is. After all, succeeding in pulling off a jailbreak would be… uh, Boss, you wanna finish that?"
"Gladly, Cross," a voice that Jonathan could only assume to be one of the dugong's piped in. "Ahem… to exfiltrate one's allies from unjust imprisonment in a nigh inescapable detention facility… is that not a truly bold Man's Romance!?"
"GO, BOSS, GO!" a quartet of eager voices concurred.
"Oh, and before I forget, Vice Admiral," Boss continued in a more even tone. "If you want that net trick to work, see about shoring up the bottom of the bay itself. It's way too easy to dig through."
"'Easy', he says, psh…"
The Vice Admiral couldn't help but chuckle at the enthusiasm. "My, my, it sounds like you have quite the characters on your crew."
"Vice Admiral, allow me to be completely and utterly frank with you," Cross said with the utmost seriousness. "Compared to a lot of other crews out there in the world? I guarantee you that we are tame and sane."
"Before I attempt to contradict that statement, you do realize that in order to to break someone out of the brig, someone has to be in the brig first, right?"
Jonathan allowed himself a contented grin at the beautiful silence that followed.
"… Hold that thought, Jonathan."
-o-
"OK, so I've got two preferred choices here," I said, tapping my fingers together sheepishly. "I think our best options would be either Zoro or Usopp. What say you guys, either of you game?"
"Denied," chorused two flat voices.
"That's what I was afraid you'd say…" I hung my head with a weary sigh.
"I regret to say that Miss Navigator and I are both undercover, so we're unavailable for that," Robin said smugly.
"Regret nothing, sucks to be you guys!" Nami cackled.
"Witch."
"WATCH YOUR BLASPHEMOUS MOUTH, MARIMO!"
"You can kick his ass later, Sanji!" I snapped. "Right now, we need to prioritize figuring out who gets captured, someway, somehow, right goddamn now!"
"Oh, oh, I'LL DO IT!" Soundbite waved his eyestalks eagerly. "Am-stram-gram-gr—WHAT THE HELL!?"
"Huh?" I looked at the snail when he suddenly barked in panic. "What's u—?"
I was promptly cut off by Vivi's voice.
"Hello. Lieutenant Commander Drake, I presume?"
-o-
"Who—?" the Marine started to ask as he turned around before tensing as he identified the individual who'd tapped his shoulder.
Vivi smiled beatifically and waved. "Hello, I'm Princess Nefertari Vivi, a.k.a. 'Corsair Princess' Nefertari Vivi, negotiator of the Straw Hat Pirates, wanted for the price of ฿55 Million. I believe you've been looking for me?"
"Ah…" Drake hesitated as he tried to get his mind's gears to grind properly.
"Oh!" Vivi snapped her fingers in realization. "I almost forgot!"
THWACK!
"GYERGH!"
The princess retracted her knee from between the Lieutenant Commander's legs, allowing him to collapse in agony.
Vivi knelt down over him, smile still in place. "That was for accusing one of my dearest friends for having anything to do with the bastards who tried to rip my nation apart." She then clapped her hands and stood up with a bright smile. "Now, then!" She held her wrists out to the shell-shocked soldiers who'd been accompanying the Commander, causing them to flinch back in terror. "If one of you fine gentlemen would be so kind as to take me into custody, I'd very much appreciate it."
-o-
I gaped at Soundbite in awe as I tried to process what the hell had just happened. "Well… that's one way to do it."
"Pacifist my fluffy tail!" Su snorted.
"I blame you animals for the corruption of my sweet princess!" Sanji moaned.
"Said da' cook who can bweak ian with his feet…" Carue muttered.
"Iron? Oh, no, that's not right. Sure, he can dent iron, but breaking it? That honor belongs to the swordsmen," said one of the dugongs, almost certainly Leo.
"Ah, shadd—WA-AA-AA-AGH!" Carue's muttering suddenly swapped to an avian squawk of panic.
"Do not resist arrest, duck," Drake said sternly… before groaning. "Arresting a giant duck… why did it have to be the Straw Hats?"
I couldn't help but laugh at that. And a few panicked squawks and reassurances from Vivi later, the two of them were being quietly escorted to the brig. "Alright, everyone, once Vivi's in place, we can organize the jailbreak pla—"
"PRIORITY ONE!" Soundbite suddenly squawked before adopting a calm visage and a calm smile.
"Excuse me, I'm Marine Inspector Major Shepherd, and this is my escort. I believe that Jonathan is expecting me?" came Robin's voice.
"Wha—A-ah, of course, ma'am," Drake's voice said. "I'll lead you to Jonathan's office. Men, escort these two to the brig."
I winced slightly. "You two had better play your cards right, or you'll be joining Vivi."
"That sounds reasonable, thank you," Robin said.
-o-
"Ah, Marine Inspector Major Shepherd, I've been expecting you. And who is this?" Jonathan asked calmly.
"Captain Bellemere, sir," Nami said tightly. "I'm here as the Inspector's escort."
"Oh?" Jonathan blinked in surprise as he looked Nami over. "I was unaware that the Inspector even had an escort."
"I prefer to keep my participation in these inspections as incognito as possible," Nami explained, keeping her voice cool and neutral all the while. "It gives shoddy bases less time to prepare so that we get the honest image from the get-go."
"Are you accusing G-8 of being incompetent?!" Drake demanded.
"She never said that," Robin replied with a raised hand. "Though I'm afraid that that doesn't change the facts of this investigation. The general sentiment at HQ is that, due to the lack of activity in the waters surrounding this base, the budget for the maintenance of Navarone is considered, quite frankly, to be something of a boondoggle."
Nami raised her eyebrows quizzically at the choice of words, but shrugged it off as Jonathan replied.
"I am aware of that, Inspector, but I think you'll find that a lack of action does not represent a lack of preparedness." He stood up and moved towards a corner of the room. "In fact, I've recently acquired enough liquid capital to ensure that Navarone will remain up and running for the next decade."
Nami and Robin followed his gaze, and the instant that the shimmering treasure caught her eye—
"THERE'S NO CHANCE IN HELL THAT YOU'RE DOING THAT WITH MY TREASURE!"
Silence greeted that shout for a second before Nami's mouth clicked shut in a pained grimace.
"I thought so. After all, you may have Bellemere's attitude, but I'd recognize that woman anywhere, and you're not her," Jonathan remarked, catching Nami off guard.
"You… you knew my mother?" Nami asked quietly.
Jonathan looked back at her in honest shock. "Your mother? Interesting. Yes, she was quite the strong Marine. Never took nonsense from anyone, always did things her own way, but she was nonetheless extremely formidable. We trained together, she was a good friend of mine, but then she led her squad on a dangerous mission in the East Blue against a criminal group. We were under the impression that there were no survivors," Jonathan finished solemnly.
Nami bowed her head. "Bellemere… she was close to death, but she found my older sister and I on the battlefield. She took us in and raised us as her daughters. We were poor, but we were a family…" Rage and sorrow mixed on her face. "Until Arlong came. She fought hard, she even had him dead to rights, but… in the end…" Nami hugged herself tightly. "She sacrificed herself to save us."
Jonathan bowed his head respectfully. "A hero to the very end. I'm sorry for your loss."
"I, for one, am disappointed." Drake crossed his arms with a scowl. "For someone with a retired Marine as a parent to wind up a pirate… you should be ashamed for so flagrantly dishonoring her memory."
It was a credit to the man's courage that he didn't even so much as flinch in response to the face-melting glare Nami pinned him with.
"Lieutenant Commander Drake."
But no amount of courage could prevent him from snapping to attention when Jonathan's harsh tone cracked the air like a whip.
Cold sweat ran down the officer's face as he felt the Vice Admiral's glare bore into him. "The only person in this room who should be ashamed is you, Drake. Apologize to the young lady."
"But, sir—!"
"Now."
Drake swallowed heavily before bending into a bow. "P-Please accept my apologies for my earlier rudeness, ma'am, I spoke without thinking."
Nami maintained her glare on Drake before letting out a harsh scoff. "Don't let it happen again." She then glanced back at Jonathan for a second before sighing. "Well, this is the definition of ironic. I meet a Marine that actually knew my mother, and it's in a situation where I was supposed to keep a low profile. This could have gone so much better, in more ways than one."
"The first step is admitting that you have a problem," Cross stated innocently.
"I will let Chopper give me therapy when you agree to do the same for your addiction to adrenaline," Nami said, crossing her arms.
"NEVER!"
"Then it would seem that we are at an impasse."
Jonathan chuckled at the exchange before coughing and readopting his half-bored, half-serious expression. "I regret this as well, Nami. Under better circumstances, I wouldn't mind sharing a few stories about Bellemere over drinks. I do hope you understand, this is simply business."
Nami frowned, but nodded nonetheless. "Yes, I do understand that." She paused, a malevolent smile coming over her face. "And on that note, there is a significant bright side to you figuring it out…"
"Um, what are you—?" Jonathan asked nervously.
"You see, respectable Marine though you've proven that you are, you're still the man that invaded my private space and stole my precious treasure," she said, reminding Jonathan so much of an angry Jessica that he found himself instinctively freezing up as she approached him. "I had to restrain myself from hurting you to keep my cover intact, you understand that, right? But now that you know the truth, I'm perfectly free to do THIS!"
CRUNCH!
The few Marines gathered winced in sympathy, except for Drake. He, along with Robin, was smirking.
"Ow…" Jonathan winced as he fiddled with his broken nose. "Alright… I'm man enough to admit that I had that coming."
"You think that's all I'm going to do to you?"
Jonathan paled in terror when Nami jerked him by his collar so that he was staring straight into her positively evil grin.
"Let me assure you, Mister Vice Admiral… we've only just begun."
"Ah, D-Drake?"
"… Honestly, sir? It's my professional opinion that we can hold off on arresting her until she's finished," Drake mused. "For the safety of our men, you understand."
"Drake, you traitor," Jonathan whimpered.
"It's nothing personal, sir, I assure you." Drake slowly let a predatory grin slip across his face. "Actually… it really is. Consider this catharsis for all the years of smartassery you've subjected me to."
"Besides," Isaiah cut in. "You know what they say about women scorned. Your subordinate is showing very good sense in not getting in her way." He paused in thought. "In fact, perhaps we should leave and not expose our manly visages to such… cruelty."
"GOODBYE!" Terry yelled in agreement, flapping outside of the office alongside his companion and positioning themselves so that the didn't have to look into the office.
"Thank you very much, Lieutenant Commander Drake, Isaiah, Terry," Nami purred before snapping a leer at the Vice Admiral. "Now then, Jonathan, if you would kindly?" The navigator swung her fist back. "Grit your teeth."
-o-
All activity in the kitchen slowly came to a halt as the unmistakable sound of their commander being assaulted echoed around them. Jessica wasn't even able to reprimand them, caught up as she was in listening to it.
"I WORKED MY FINGERS TO THE BONE TO INTOXICATE THAT SNAKE SO I COULD SALVAGE ALL OF THAT GOLD, AFTER WATCHING AN AMOUNT AS BIG AS THIS FORTRESS LITERALLY FLY AWAY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL IT FROM ME?!"
"… Well, I suppose I don't need to be angry at him anymore. This is punishment enough," Jessica mused.
-o-
On the surface of the base's bay, five dugongs were cringing in sympathy and horror in response to the beatdown they heard.
"…Boys? I've decided that I don't need to raise my disciplinary measures, as I have absolutely no chance of being as good at punishment as she is."
The four younger dugongs all sighed in relief.
"So, I'll just have to make sure that if any of you do something too stupid, she takes care of the discipline."
The martial artist amphibian cocked an eyebrow as his students flopped onto their backs, foam bubbling from their mouths.
"Note to self: focus on training their wills from now on."
-o-
"Urp… oh—hurk—I'm sorry about this—blugh—Doctor Chopper," moaned Kobato around the bile with which she was filling the infirmary's toilet.
"Don't worry about it, Doctor Kobato," Chopper sighed in resignation, the audio of Nami's rage echoing in both of their ears as he held Kobato steady. "Believe me, this is an entirely normal reaction to hearing this."
"Oh, that's—ough—good to hear."
-o-
Elsewhere in the base, two of the Straw Hats were doing a very good job at epitomizing the crew's standard insanity. How? Because in response to Nami's rage, the chef was having mood swings—
"NAMI-SWAN IS SO GORGEOUS WHEN SHE'S ANGRY—but this time, I think the rage is just too much—BUT SHE'S SO WONDERFULLY BRUTAL—but is it too much? I'm scared—BUT IT'S STILL NAMI-SWAN!"
—and Luffy was rolling on the ground laughing his rubber head off in response to Sanji's antics. No Marines were around, but if they were, odds were that they would be far too bemused to do anything about them.
-o-
"The witch really has been holding out on us," Zoro muttered, currently in the middle of a large metal slab with the G-8 logo embedded in it, on one side of which was a large stone spire and the other was what appeared to be the open ocean.
"Huh. Looks like the lake here is bigger than I thought," he remarked before walking on.
-o-
Jonathan was a Vice Admiral, renowned for being extremely formidable in battle, capable of taking down an army singlehandedly.
Jonathan was a genius, capable of outsmarting one of the most ruthless, powerful, and fanatical Marines in the Corps and treated any challenge as though it were a simple game of chess.
Jonathan was currently nursing enough injuries from a rookie pirate—who wasn't even the captain!—that nobody was likely to believe either of those.
And meanwhile, Nami was standing over him, huffing and puffing at him with an expression that was just now ceasing to be demonic. "Now, with that done… MY GOLD!"
The non-Marine shed her coat and sped over to the pile of gold in the room, hugging and kissing it as if it were her lost child.
"Oh, my dearly beloved gold! Did the mean Marines damage you at all? Don't worry, Mommy's here now, I'll take good—"
THWACK!
"Ugh…" Nami moaned as a chop to her neck knocked her out, laying her out flat at the feet of a grimacing Inspector.
"That was very quickly becoming disturbing. Please get her out of here," Robin said sourly.
Drake shivered slightly at the inspector's expression before nodding in agreement. "Understood." He popped a salute off at Jonathan. "By your leave, sir!" And with that, he foisted Nami onto his shoulder and marched out of the office.
Once the door was shut, Jonathan gave 'Inspector Shepherd' a bland look. "Well, now, that was certainly harsh. To your own crewmate, no less?"
Robin sighed fondly as she slid her glasses off and graced the Vice Admiral with a light smile. "Miss…" Robin paused for a moment before her smile became more… natural. "Nami is like a little sister to me, and while her antics and habits can be amusing at times, there are also moments when she needs to be restrained to a certain degree, if only for the sake of her own dignity."
"Heh, I believe I might know the sentiment," Jonathan nodded in agreement. "I respect and care for my men like none other, but they do so love to make fools of themselves at times. I can only imagine where they'd be without me."
"I do believe that I know how you feel, Mister Vice Admiral."
"Hey, I resent those implications!" Cross protested.
"Don't you MEAN RESEMBLE?" Soundbite cackled.
"Ah, shut it. But, ah… moving on… Jonathan, if you've already made Robin, then why isn't she in seastone cuffs? Not that I'm complaining… much…"
"And I thought we were getting along so well…" Robin mock-pouted.
"You almost let me get dissected within 24 hours of you joining the crew."
"And here I thought that time was supposed to heal all wounds."
"For the sake of my marriage, I hope it does…" Jonathan muttered before raising his voice. "And to answer your question, Cross, while you might be willing to cheat without mercy—"
"Pi~rate~!"
"I am still a man of my word. While I myself might have managed to identify Nico Robin, none of my subordinates did, and there are still several hours to go before I can directly accelerate your captures. Until then, her identity is safe with me. But out of morbid curiosity… what happened to the real Shepherd?"
When Cross told him, Jonathan laughed. When Soundbite told him how many grunts had discovered the inspector, Jonathan fell off his chair.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, I needed that," Jonathan chuckled as he wiped a tear from his eye. "Well, I suppose you should be going, but before you do, if I might make one request?"
"Oh?" Robin gave the Vice Admiral a curious look. "And that would be?"
Jonathan slid his chessboard to the middle of his desk with a pleading look. "One game? Please?"
Robin paused contemplatively. "Well…"
"Oh, go on and enjoy yourself," Cross prompted in a careless tone. "I'll need time to plan this out anyways and get everyone in place, so you've got time to spare. Oh, and Jonathan? If it's not clear already, allow me to point out weak spot number three. I mean, it's perfectly understandable, but freezing up when confronted with angry women is not conducive to long-term survival, not least because of how many female pirate captains there are out there."
"Noted, Cross," Jonathan said dryly, though he actually did note something down on a piece of paper at his desk before concentrating on the board. "Now then, white to you, Miss Robin."
Robin grinned, a hint of competitive menace entering her expression as she began to play. "The middle of a life-or-death situation, and I find myself playing a friendly game of chess with the person responsible for every bit of danger in that situation." She slowly shook her head in awe. "I can't deny it anymore. I love being a Straw Hat Pirate."
-o-
"…You actually spoke to her?" Mekao breathed, too taken with the pirate's story to consider anything in the vein of apprehending him.
"Yeah," Usopp confirmed quietly, running a longing hand over Merry's neck brace. "She talked about how much she wanted to stay with us, and we plan to do everything we can to make sure that it happens. But…" He let out a rueful—and slightly miserable—chuckle. "She gave me a real attitude check, too. I can only imagine how I would have reacted if I found out I had to let go without her telling me to." He shuddered in horror. "And I'm not really sure I want to either, for that matter…" The sniper was somber for a moment before hastily rallying and making an attempt to smirk. "But I have to admit, I think what surprised me most was how colorful her vocabulary is."
"HA!" Mekao cackled. "The legends of Klabautermanns never touched much on that, focusing more on the fact that any ship that went to that much trouble was showing nothing but love and gratitude." The monkey-like shipwright grinned wryly. "But I will admit there have been the odd whispers here and there, usually dismissed because of how beautiful the story is, about other sailors hearing somebody cussing them out whenever they screw up in a particularly spectacular manner. Though then again, I suppose it only makes sense, doesn't it?" He looked around the Merry with a smile. "Like sailor, like ship. It's just that simple."
Usopp chuckled ruefully. "Yeah, I guess I was expecting her to be a lot more like her old mistress, but really, she's still just as kind and wonderful as I was expecting."
Mekao's grin only grew wider. "As I said, kid. I honestly think that you and yours only have yourselves to thank for that. You're no shipwright, that much is obvious…" He knocked his knuckles against the metal plates bolted onto the caravel. "But the love you've shown to this vessel is more than most people who are shipwrights ever give to a dinghy, including most everyone in this base. If that Klabautermann ever manifests again, do me a favor and put her on the SBS to talk about that."
Usopp matched Mekao's grin tooth for tooth. "Can do, old man."
"That's him, Lieutenant Cormac."
Both men turned to see a man with dark hair in a style much like Usopp's leading the sunglasses-wearing Marine towards the ship, a dozen or two grunts following him. Usopp's curiosity quickly turned to nervousness when the dark-haired Marine pointed to him.
"Thank you, Chief Petty Officer," Cormac said before looking at the old man. "I see you have a new friend, Mekao. One who I don't recognize. Care to… introduce him?"
"Eh?" Mekao practically shouted, one hand held up to cup his ear. "What was that?"
Cormac frowned. "I said," he repeated, slightly louder. "Who is your new friend, Mekao?"
"Whose yurt is it?" Mekao shouted, glancing around in exaggerated confusion. "I don't see any yurt."
Cormac's eyebrow twitched. "You pulled that same trick a week ago when I tried to talk to you about the shipwright's budget, pull the other one."
Mekao blinked, then gave an exaggerated twitch as he clutched his hip. "Oh, my hip!" he howled, sinking to his knees. "I think it's broken!"
"And you used that one last month when I tried to talk to you about your hiring practices."
Usopp watched the display in confusion for a bit before noticing Mekao's finger jabbing at the air behind his back. It took him a second, but soon enough he grinned and slowly attempted to creep away, thanking his lucky stars for the old man's creativity.
He'd almost made it to the other edge of the Merry too…
"Going somewhere?"
"ACK!"
When he practically jumped out of his skin on account of one Chief Petty Officer Holger grabbing his shoulder.
"—and that one was used three days ago when—Oh, good job, Holger."
Mekao's fake wince became genuine as he saw that their attention had turned to Usopp, whose twitching and sweating were making his attempts to look inconspicuous fail miserably.
"I-I-Is anything wrong—?" Usopp's brain stalled as he tried to conjure what rank the man's uniform could possibly denote.
Thankfully, where his memory failed, Soundbite came through. "Lieutenant Cormac."
"L-Lieutenant?" the sniper stammered while barely missing a beat.
Cormac looked Usopp up and down. "I've never seen you on base before, soldier. What's your name and squad?"
"Use one of the Usopp Pirates' names!" Cross said hastily.
"Division 18, SUPPLY SQUAD," Soundbite added. "Snipers are too REGULATED, SUPPLIES LESS SO."
Usopp swallowed heavily before straightening up into a salute. "S-Seaman Apprentice Pepper, D-Division 18. I-I was just curious about the pirates' arsenal, and Mekao here was telling me some incredible legends about ships," he said, growing more confident as he went on.
"Division 18? Isn't that the sniper division?" Cormac asked.
"H-Heh, I wish, I am something of a marksman," Usopp chuckled sheepishly as he scratched a finger beneath his nose. "N-No, it's just the supply division, not nearly as exciting… and not nearly as easy to stand out, either."
"Hmm…" Cormac started to hum, exchanging glances with Henrick.
Feeling the pressure start to come off him, Usopp slowly started straightening up and allowed himself to grin—
"Usopp, if you're starting to feel like you're in the clear, don't."
Before freezing as Cross hissed in his ear.
"That's your primary tell, Usopp. You can make lies up on the fly easy, sure, but whenever you think someone's bought them, you start acting cocky and high and mighty. In case you've forgotten, you're supposed to be a soldier suspected of being a pirate. Scared shitless is the very appropriate emotion; you start acting like you've gotten away with it, you will be made!"
That particular bit of information guaranteed that Usopp didn't have to fake the nervousness that he redisplayed in place of his grin, his trembling redoubling as he maintained his salute, then re-tripling when Cormac stepped up before him.
"My apologies, Seaman Apprentice, it seems I was mistaken," Cormac said with an apologetic grin. "If you'll just state the password that you should have received from Lieutenant Commander Drake, you can go."
"P-P-Password? I… oh, yeah, o-of course!" Usopp scratched the back of his head with a chuckle. "Sorry, it's just that no one's asked me about it in awhile, just lemme, ah…"
"Marineford TANGO EN… IES… wait a second…"
"Uhh… o-oh, now I remember it!" Usopp stuck his finger up eagerly.
"NO, WAIT! IT'S A—!"
"Marine Tango Enies… right?" Usopp grinned hopefully.
"…trap," Soundbite finished lamely for all the dock to hear as Cormac and Holger grinned triumphantly, prompting Usopp to break into a cold sweat. "DAMN IT."
"W-W-What are you—!?" Usopp started to stammer out.
"Soundbite, what are you saying!?" Cross finished for him.
The sound of grinding teeth filled the air. "I didn't notice until USOPP SAID IT, but NO ONE has been using that PASSWORD! SHOULDA FIGURED it was too easy. JONATHAN PLAYED US!"
"Give the snail a prize," Cormac said smugly. "The real password was that there was no password. If you'd expressed ignorance of its existence, I might have even let you go free."
"As it is, however," Holger unfastened a pair of handcuffs from his belt and held them open. "You'll be coming with us. And don't try resisting, we all know it wouldn't do any good."
Usopp swallowed heavily and shakily started to raise his wrists in defeat…
"WAIT!"
When Soundbite's voice cracked through the air.
"Son of a—what?" Cormac snapped irritably.
"A quick question FOR HOLGER!" Soundbite pleaded. "Any chance you might BE FROM A TOWN IN the East Blue called SYRUP VILLAGE?"
Holger blinked in confusion while Usopp gaped at the air in horror and outrage. "Wha—No, I'm from the South Blue. Why, what does that have to do with anything?"
"OH, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING," Soundbite scoffed, his tone screaming of a shit-eating grin. "I just needed to distract you dipshits FOR THE TEN SECONDS BOSS NEEDED TO GET THERE! NOW!"
A loud splash sounded from beside the Merry as Boss leapt out of the water, snapping his weapon out and lashing the rope around Usopp's waist.
Looking back, the Marines couldn't be sure whether the sniper had attempted to run towards them or away from them. As it was, however, they only had an instant to observe the scene before the dugong spun in the air, winding in the rope and reeling in Usopp before disappearing back beneath the water.
-o-
I sighed in relief as I heard that Usopp had managed to get away, and indignant though he was, better for us to have as many people outside of the brig to deal with the jailbreak.
"So, let's see…" I said, scanning over the base from the treetops. "Sixteen crewmates outside the brig. Conis, Su, Chopper, and Robin are all in disguises that nobody who'll expose them have seen through. The Dugongs and Usopp are hiding out in the moat, Sanji and Luffy are in the forest, Lassoo and Zoro are somewhere in the base, and of course, the communications officers are communicating from right here."
"Actually, Lassoo found his way over to me," Conis said. "I've got him hidden in the supply closet for now, but I'm ready to get him as soon as you say the word."
"And Zoro is RIGHT BEHIND SANJI," Soundbite added.
"WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL, SWIRLYBROW/MOSSHEAD!?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose as yet another fight began. "Alright… Usopp, what's your current status?"
"…Honestly better than I expected," Usopp said in mild surprise. "I guess I've just got too many bad memories of Luffy's reach to be upset when it actually went well this time. But, uh, besides that, we're at the outer ring of the base, and I'm climbing up back into the forest, right near that giant bridge that they've got."
"Ah right, the brid—" I cut myself off with a smirk. "… Guys? I just figured out weak spot number four, and showing it off to Jonathan will be spectacular."
"I like the sound of that. So, what's the plan?" Vivi asked.
"For now, we wait until Robin's done playing chess with Jonathan. At that point… everyone be ready to move. Sorry, Vivi, that means you're going to have to wait a while."
"Don't worry, Cross, they didn't even bind my hands. I can handle being in a cell," Vivi said calmly.
AFTERNOON
-18 Hours Remain-
Vivi and Nami both twitched irately as they glared bloody murder at nothing.-18 Hours Remain-
"Soundbite, you are one of my dearest friends and most of the time I find your antics to be quite amusing…" Vivi grit out as she dragged her nails down the side of her head before throwing her head back and screaming furiously. "BUT SO HELP ME ANUBIS, IF YOU DON'T STOP PLAYING THE FUCKING HARMONICA, I WILL RIP THE EYESTALKS FROM YOUR SCRAWNY BODY AND FEED THEM TO YOU!"
The very repetitive melody promptly ceased, and Vivi stood tall for a few seconds in order to assure that the music was indeed gone before allowing herself to slump forwards with a sigh of relief, trudging over to lean against Carue's snoring mass.
Nami rolled her eyes and started counting down in her head as glorious silence stretched on, stuffing her fingers in her ears. "And in three, two, one…"
Vivi, for her part, allowed her eyes to slowly drift shut…
Before snapping them open in all their vein-filled fury when an electric guitar started strumming.
"The warden threw a party in the county jail! The prison band was there and they began to wail!"
"Called it," Nami hung her head with a sigh.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Lieutenant Commander Drake and every single Marine that had been assigned to guard duty over the brig were giving their sole occupied cage a very, very wide berth. Ostensibly, they were assembled for an ambush. In reality, it was in no small part because they wanted to be as far away as humanly possible from the Straw Hats' demonic navigator and furious princess.
"I guess she couldn't handle being in a cell after all," muttered one Marine.
"QUIET!" hissed several others.
"Hey, she's locked up, what can she do about it?"
"It's not her we're worried about," Drake said, checking for the umpteenth time that his ear protectors were secure. "Remember, men: the only reason we have her in custody was because she surrendered herself for the express purpose of allowing the opportunity for a jailbreak in the first place. And considering what we've seen so far, we can expect the Strawhats to know that we're ready to ambush them, so keep your eyes peeled for any signs of subterfuge they might try and employ."
Drake acknowledged the nods of his men and prepared to settle in for a wait…
"Actually…"
When a familiar voice prompted him to whip around. He then paled in terror when he came face-to-face with none other than Straw Hat Luffy, who was grinning as he knocked his knuckles together, Pirate Hunter Zoro, who was tying a bandanna around his forehead, and a blonde-haired man who he could only assume was their chef, Sanji.
Said chef lit a cigarette and took a drag before sighing out a cloud of smoke. "Cross decided that in this particular instance, a hammer would be just as effective a tool as a scalpel." Sanji smirked sadistically. "Sucks to be you, huh?"
"…Why did it have to be the Straw Hats?" Drake moaned again.
The Marines tried to stop them. They really did. But without the sea prism stone bazookas, they had no way of combating the Monster Trio effectively in such close quarters. It was less than five minutes before the Marines, one and all, were unconscious.
"People falling left and right, it's a slaughter, not a fight!" Soundbite cheered.
"Good work, you three. Drake should have the keys to the cage," Vivi said.
"AH, MY DEAR SWEET VIVI! DID YOU SEE HOW I FOUGHT FOR YOU?"
"Yes, Sanji, we both did. We also got a decent bit of blowback from it," Nami grumbled as she picked a tooth from her hair. "Now, can you please get us out of here?"
"Not the easy way. Looks like the keys took a direct hit from Luffy or the cook," Zoro deadpanned, holding up a twisted mass of metal.
"Oh, just from us, hm?" Sanji deadpanned as he held up two halves of what were once a whole key.
"Shishishi, you two are idiots," Luffy chuckled from atop the pile of KO'd bodies he was perched on.
"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!"
Luffy just laughed more, and Nami ground her palm into her face. "Zoro, cut the cage open so I can strangle him."
Zoro rolled his eyes at the order, but nonetheless stepped up, sheathing two of his swords and leaving only the Wado Ichimonji. The two girls and Carue stepped back to give Zoro room, and the swordsman closed his eyes, concentrated… and slashed out.
The bars remained intact, and the swordsman grimaced. "Damn it, are these things made of diamond or something?" he groused.
"Close, Zoro," came Cross' voice. "They're made of sea prism stone, which is supposed to be just as hard."
"And you didn't tell him that first because…?" Nami demanded.
"Because I hoped that if he didn't know he couldn't do it, he might be able to do it," Cross admitted.
"… That's either brilliant or stupid," Sanji remarked. "Which means that the mosshead should have been able to do it either way."
"Oh, oh, I've got something!" Luffy piped up before a fight could start. Looking back at him revealed that he was wearing a steel gauntlet on his right arm. "Usopp passed on Cross' new Impact Gauntlet earlier, and told me to fill it up and test it out. So I hit it with, uh… ten Bazookas? Maybe twenty?"
"That much power concentrated in a shock wave? Hmm… well, it should work on the hinges, if nothing else."
Grinning, Luffy, moved over to the door, prompting the three inhabitants of the cage to move to the opposite end of it. Luffy placed the gauntlet at the edge of the door…
"Aaand IMPACT!"
The good news was that that much force compressed into an Impact Dial struck at the weak spot was indeed enough to blow the door off of its hinges. And the bad news?
"Owww, that really stings!" Luffy whined as he waved his arm out, the shattered pieces of the gauntlet flying off in the process. Vivi, Carue, and a nonplussed Nami exited.
"Geez, I knew the blowback from Impact Dials hurt, but I thought Luffy would be able to take it, for his rubber body if not his strength," the navigator observed.
"That makes two of us," snarled Cross. "Freaking hell, Usopp, you were going to let me use that thing?! If it could hurt Luffy, it would have blown my arm clean off!"
"T-That wasn't the final product, that was just a prototype!" Usopp desperately protested. "That's why I gave it to Luffy, to see if there were any bugs!"
"Well, I'd say there are a few left, wouldn't you!? Tsk…" Cross could be heard grinding his teeth before sighing heavily. "We will talk about this later. For now, here's the plan; until everyone else gets in position, the rescue team needs to stay in the central spire. Keep running around, break down any obstacles in your way, living or not; until I give the word to head for the bridge, just keep raising chaos. Once I do, however, make tracks for it like there's no tomorrow. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take full advantage of how much Soundbite likes to prank Usopp by planning out some… call it karma."
The subtle static in the air faded, and the rest of the crew exchanged glances.
"Should we worry about Cross killing Usopp?" Zoro wondered idly.
"I suppose I'll have to ask Chopper if it's possible to die of fright," Sanji mused. "Anyway, in the meantime, Mosshead and Luffy should enjoy this part of the plan."
"Heh. I'm not even insulted this time, dartboard, this is going to be fun," the swordsman said, grinning ferally.
"Alright! Let's go!" Luffy cheered.
-o-
Seaman James Hyde gripped his rifle a little tighter, marching in the center of a tight ball of Marines as they followed Ensign Henrick towards where they were pretty sure the Straw Hat Pirates were. The rest of his fellows seemed to believe they would just sweep away the Straw Hats by sheer force of numbers, but he knew better. A bunch of grunts with rifles seemed just… pitifully inadequate.
The ad-hoc battalion turned a corner, only to nearly collide with a Marine running the other way.
"Identify yourself, Marine!" Ensign Henrick barked.
"Screw that!" the Marine spat. "I'm getting out of here! The Straw Hats are bustin' through the walls!" And with that, he continued his flight, running around the reinforcements.
Ensign Henrick stared for a second, then shook his head and swung his hand forward, indicating that they should continue onward. They barely made it two steps before spotting another three Marines sprinting headlong in their direction.
"Soldiers, report! Where are the Straw Hats?" Ensign Henrick barked again.
Hyde couldn't help but notice that all three were shaking like leaves in a hurricane as they halted. Considering that, their answers were surprisingly coherent.
"They're demolishing the cell blocks!"
"No, no, they're heading for the Vice Admiral's office!"
"Nah, I heard Straw Hat Luffy himself say they needed to go to the mess!"
If still singularly unhelpful.
Hyde could see Ensign Henrick frown, and open his mouth—and then all three Marines started looking around, their heads practically on swivels.
"T-They're coming," one of them stammered. "THEY'RE COMING!"
Screaming, the three Marines returned to their flight. And while most of the battalion started muttering to themselves, Hyde noticed a slight cracking sound. A sound coming from above them. Slowly, and with great trepidation, he looked up, to where a spiderweb of cracks was spreading across the ceiling.
"Above!" he shouted, just in time for the ceiling to… basically announce that it identified more as a dust cloud rather than any sort of solid object. The massive burst of dust and rubble sent the battalion into a fit of coughing and stumbling, even Ensign Henrick. As such, none were prepared when two razor-sharp attacks left as many Marines bleeding on the floor.
Hyde gulped as Pirate Hunter Zoro and Corsair Princess Vivi stepped out of the cloud, their weapons clutched in their hands. The Pirate Hunter's eyes gazed out from underneath his bandanna, piercing through all they fell on. And the Corsair Princess… well, she wasn't glaring at anyone, but the cold impassiveness of her expression was still somehow just as scary.
-o-
"You sure are being ruthless for someone who hates hurting people," Zoro grunted.
The princess sighed as she stepped through the Marines, idly spinning her Cutter at her side. "I think I demonstrated when I met you that I was willing to do whatever I had to if it meant keeping harm from coming to my home. And considering my current state in regards to Alabasta, my home is with our crew." She shook her head with a sigh. "I hope I'll never start enjoying fighting, but I won't deny that I'm growing more comfortable with doing what needs to be done."
"Hn."
-o-
Quaking, Hyde raised his musket to fire at the two. He had to do something, after all. His pride as a Marine demanded it! He pulled the trigger, the musket fired—and then a black mass got in the way, fire blazing in its eyes.
"DENIED!"
One black limb lashed out, and then the Marine knew no more.
-o-
Both Vivi and Zoro sweatdropped as Sanji tore through the Marines like a combine harvester through a wheat field.
"I'm not the only one who thinks this is a bit of an overreaction, right?" Vivi wondered, idly kicking her leg back. The action was shortly followed by the loud thump of a body hitting the floor.
"This? Oh, no, you didn't see him when the Ordeal of Iron tagged Conis," Cross said from nowhere. "That made him so angry that he both spontaneously combusted and learned how to fly for the express purpose of helping him try and reduce that bastard Ohm to a pile of ash."
The two blade-wielders exchanged looks, shrugged, and proceeded after Sanji.
"Monsters," Nami droned, peeking out from behind a corner alongside Carue. "They're all monsters."
"Said da wightning-fwinging navigatah to dah supah-sonic man-sized tawking duck," said duck deadpanned.
Suddenly, every single one of the Straw Hats present stiffened as they realized something.
"Wait, where's Luffy?!"
-o-
"About two floors above you and ten metres ahead," Soundbite snickered, grinning from ear to ear. "HE'S PULLING the same stunt he used BACK IN ALABASTA with CROSS! HUMAN FLAIL!"
Despite my… mixed feelings about that particular memory, I couldn't help but snicker. "Alright, so they're doing good at raising pandemonium. Let's check back in with Jonathan and confirm just how many reinforcements we've got on the way, shall we?"
"ROGER!" Soundbite concentrated for a second before suddenly turning bright red.
"What the—?" I jumped in shock.
"HOOOOOT!" the snail yowled, flailing miserably as a cloud of steam rocketed from his mouth.
"WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE AND YA BETTER FEAR IT!" came a drill sergeant-like voice.
"WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE AND YA BETTER FEAR IT!" echoed a chorus of masculine voices.
"OR YOU'RE GONNA TASTE OUR FIERY SPIRIT!"
"OR YOU'RE GONNA TASTE OUR FIERY SPIRIT!"
"Oh, right, these lunatics," I coughed as I tried to wave the steam out of my face. Freaking hell, what were they trying to do, smoke us to death!?
"Hmph. Aye-aye, sir. Subdue the pirates. Are you sure you wouldn't like to change the orders to shoot on sight?"
"WE'LL SMASH YOUR BAGS AND EAT YOUR GUNS!"
"WE'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE—!"
"Y-Yes, I'm sure. Well, good luck!" came Jonathan's voice, sounding rather perturbed, followed closely by the click of a Transponder Snail's receiver.
Soundbite promptly sagged, wheezing miserably as he let his tongue loll out. "YOU… fight… DIRTY…"
"I believe that there's been some mention of Marines bending the rules on the SBS in the pursuit of Justice, no?" Jonathan shot back casually. "And really, if we were scoring based upon cheating, you would have won long before now by grace of the slaughter rule. Consider this simply… evening the playing field."
I exhaled before carefully climbing down the tree and ultimately jumping off once I was low enough. As soon as my feet touched the earth, I started moving towards the massive bridge that was easily visible. "Well, then, I suppose we'll have to do the same, won't we? May the best cheaters win!"
-o-
Inside the spire, Nami was panting and leaning against a wall as she tried to catch her breath. "This… pace… is… insane…" she bit out before glaring up at the air. "And I'm pretty sure we've got half of the base's roster in here to boot! Can we please get out of here now?"
Before Cross could answer, Luffy did the honors by running back around the corner he'd turned on his own, waving his arms eagerly. "Hey, guys, I found a way out to this cool bridge with a buncha funny guys standing on it! Wanna check it out?"
"…eh, screw it. Everyone's in position; if it's not happening now, then it's not happening period! Alright, team, break for the bridge!"
"WOOHOO!" Luffy whooped, heading back the way he came.
Nami rolled her eyes before jogging after him. "Should we be worried about the 'funny guys' Luffy saw?"
"Maybe, if it weren't for a nasty surprise that I've arranged for them that they're going to find out shortly," Cross chuckled maliciously.
"Well, if you say so…" Nami muttered as she followed the rest of the crew, and promptly froze in wide-eyed horror when she came in sight of the bridge and its occupants.
Its huge, pumped up, supremely sweaty occupants. One, who looked particularly red, stepped up to the front and cleared his throat.
"Please allow us to introduce ourselves," he said gruffly. "We're the legendary unit 55, and no pirates will ever cross this bridge on our watch!"
"Do you realize how many times we've crossed this bridge since we got here?" Nami deadpanned.
"Apparently, they were off the clock at the time!"
Attention was diverted to the other end of the bridge, where Cross was fast-roping down the cliff-face before unlatching from the rope once he was a few feet above the ground.
"Long live the action-movie ENTRY!" Soundbite cackled.
"Either way," Cross continued with a careless grin. "It doesn't really matter. They can't stop us."
The red-faced Marine honestly took that better than expected. "I'm gonna make you eat those words, pirate!" he shouted, hunching over and flexing every muscle in his arms. "WE'RE FIFTY-FIVE, AND YA—GRK!"
While the other Marines looked on in horror, the watching Straw Hats slowly matched Cross' grin as they took in the sight of what made the Marine stop speaking: an arm blooming around his neck, and putting him in a chokehold. Despite how formidable the man appeared, he went down in only a few seconds.
"As expected." The other Marines' horrified gazes snapped away from their comrade when a smug feminine voice sounded from somewhere among the Squad. "Maintaining their hot-bloodedness takes so much oxygen that they can't handle being cut off for more than a few seconds. A rather glaring weak spot, don't you think?"
"M-Major Shepherd?" asked one Marine pleadingly.
"Sorry, boys, but I have to get back to my crew now," Robin purred as she slid her sunglasses off and tossed away her jacket, causing the Marines to tense in panic. "It's been a pleasure tricking you, gentlemen. As they say in the North Blue…" Robin crossed her arms, causing phantom limbs to sprout from the shoulders of the on-looking shoulders, much to their horror. "Do svidoniya."
And without further ado, arms encircled the necks of half the soldiers present, dropping them in moments.
The deed done, Robin spread her arms invitingly. "If you'd all be so kind as to handle the rest?"
Luffy eagerly slammed his fists together. "Heck yeah!"
What happened next was undoubtedly the most humiliating two minutes of Squad 55's existence. The Straw Hats' strength alone was enough to take down each man with one shot, and though 55 started with an advantage in numbers, Robin stepped in a couple of times with a few dozen more chokeholds to remedy that. It was overkill, really.
"Send them flying in that direction, guys," Cross requested, jabbing his thumb at the spire before grinning at Robin. "And good work, Robin."
She chuckled somewhat maliciously. "Believe me, after spending the last hour with those overheated apes, it was wonderful to finally get rid of them."
"GUM-GUM BAZOOKA!" Luffy called out, slamming his hands forward and sending the unconscious Marines flying back to the spire, some falling into the water below as well.
With that done, the rest of the crew started streaming over to where we stood. The range of emotions was interesting—from Vivi's carefully blank expression to Usopp's naked relief—but all seemed to sense that this was something we all needed to hear, and so kept quiet.
"Alright, we're all together again. What's next, Cross?" Chopper asked once we were all together.
My answering smile was telling. "Next, we're going to show Jonathan what a mistake it was to challenge us to a cheating contest. Lassoo, Chopper, Conis, Boss, you see this bridge?"
"Yeah?" Boss asked.
"It's the only solid passageway between the outer and inner parts of the fortress." I stuck out a thumbs up and slowly inverted it. "Eviscerate it."
Lassoo, Boss, and the Dugongs gained bloodthirsty grins, while Conis and Chopper merely nodded in understanding, the former grabbing the scruff of Lassoo's neck and hoisting him onto her shoulder as he swapped to his weapon form and the latter digging out a number of vials from his pack. The Dugongs set to work immediately, cutting the cables and denting the metal wherever it was most vulnerable. Then, once the bridge's stability was sufficiently precarious, Conis and Chopper moved in, launching enough bombs and explosives to fill up a small house. I slid on my ear protectors, and a few seconds later…
KER-BLOOEY!
"London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down! London bridge is falling down, my dear JONNY," Soundbite sang eagerly as the once-mighty structure collapsed under its own weight.
-o-
Jonathan couldn't help but gape as he saw what had minutes before been a masterpiece of engineering come crashing down onto the stone path beneath it. Where once there was a pair of perfectly safe and stable pathways from the central spire to the outer ring, there was now merely a mountain of wreckage that nobody was likely to get through anytime in the near future.
"Weak spot number four, Jonathan: having only one passageway from the inside to the outside," Cross cheekily informed him.
"…You destroyed the Straw Bridge. Why would you destroy the Straw Bridge? Do you know much it cost to build that in the first place?" Jonathan sank into his seat with a moan.
"Consider it payback for infringing on our crew's copyright. Oh, and believe me, Jonathan, you don't have time to dwell on that. And I think you're about to find that out."
The exact instant that the subtle static around him faded, the Transponder Snail at his desk began ringing.
"Commander Jonathan, this is Chief Petty Officer Holger," came the unmistakable voice of the person in question, sounding panicked.
"I told you not to communicate by snail—"
"I KNOW, sir, but I've already sent three men to you and we haven't received a response yet, so I can only assume that they're being intercepted! Every time I do a headcount, someone else is missing! I think that the Straw Hats are picking us off, but we can't find them! WE NEED REINFORCEMENTS, PLEASE!"
Jonathan's eyebrows rose as he heard that before nodding. "Very well, I'll send notice to Henrick to gather a group and join you at the ship."
"Thank you, Commander!"
The line disconnected, and as Jonathan left his office to give the orders to the nearest Marine, he reasoned that that distress call had to be genuine. After all, it seemed that there could be no benefit for Cross to pose as Holger and make him send more troops to guard their ship.
-o-
"Cross, would you care to tell me the benefit for you to pose as Holger and make me send more troops to guard your ship?" Jonathan asked flatly, his eye twitching as he watched the pirate ship sail out of sight from his balcony. "You already knew where the Going Merry was, all you accomplished was having there be more troops present when you tore through them!"
"And that is exactly why I did it, Jonathan, both because you now have less manpower at your disposal, if only a small amount compared to G-8's population, and because if we'd taken the easy way, it just wouldn't have been anywhere near as much fun."
THUNK!
Jonathan groaned as he raised his forehead from the balcony's railing. "'Fun,' he says…"
"Soundbite, if you'd be so kind as to quote the grrreat Captain Jack Sparrow, who I wouldn't be surprised if Jonathan didn't recognize?" Cross requested, rolling the 'r' on 'great'.
"Ooh, GOODY! AHEM… a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for. Because you can never predict when they're gonna do something incredibly… stupid."
"Thus, weak spot number five: expecting pirates to be logical," Cross said smugly.
"Beaten by my wife, beaten by a pirate, the Straw Bridge is destroyed, and between you and those birds my sanity is starting to crack." Jonathan ground his fingers into his temple. "Why, oh, why did I ever agree to this game?"
"Because like it or not, the truth is that no pirate is stupid enough to come anywhere close to Navarone, so all that you and yours do is sit on your asses and twiddle your thumbs all day, so you needed someone to spice up your hum-drum routine?"
"Oh, right…"
Jonathan massaged his temples for a minute or so before searching for something less exasperating to remark on. Then he remembered the brief report he had received in the failed attempt to capture one of the Straw Hats at their ship.
"You Straw Hats are certainly charismatic," he remarked casually.
"Huh? What makes you say that? I mean, I'm definitely not denying that our captain has a freakish ability to make people like him, but—"
"I'm referring to the fact that you've managed to sway a handful of your enemies in this fortress to actually aiding you in your escape," Jonathan said, a slight smile coming over his face. "Mekao the shipwright, his daughter Doctor Kobato, and to a lesser extent, even Jessica. Even the new recruits in this fortress take a week or so to develop a strong sense of loyalty to G-8, and yet, you managed to change their mindsets enough that they were willing to hide Princess Vivi from the rest of my troops. Care to explain?"
"…well, I suppose it's more a matter of common interests than anything else," Cross said, his shrug practically audible. "Jessica appreciated Sanji's talent with food, Kobato was taken enough with Chopper's passion for medicine that she got over her hemophobia, and Mekao… well, that's more of a private matter, but suffice to say that he was glad to see a ship that was visibly loved by its crew. And let me remind you that we're not the stereotypical pirates; every fight we've ever been in, every enemy we've ever beaten has either been them attacking us or us counterattacking them. With shared interests like that, it seemed reasonable that they'd be willing to put prejudice aside, and it looks like it was."
"Fair points, I suppose. But what of the new recruits?"
"If you didn't listen to my first broadcast, you must have heard about it from someone who did," Cross said more seriously. "She shouldn't have set sail with us against her will. She should be back home in an Alabasta that hasn't seceded, that isn't at war once again, preparing to one day rule over her people in a peace they would have more than earned. Tell me, Jonathan… what would you have done if it was just Vivi that came here, and not any of the rest of us? Because I trust that you're smart enough to know what it means when HQ wants anybody alive, for any reason."
Jonathan's smile faded.
"I didn't start this show for shits and giggles, Jonathan. I started it because those bastards pushed the buck too far. I started doing this because I knew the chaos it would cause, the madness, the dissent, the doubt. I did all of this… purely because I wanted to see the World Government bleed and burn."
"In short, your goals are the same as Dragon and the Revolutionary Army," Jonathan stated neutrally. "I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised if you know the truth about slavery and the five levels of Impel Down—"
"Six."
Jonathan froze. "…Pardon?"
"Impel Down has six levels, Jonathan, not five. I'm not surprised you don't know that, the whole point of it is that it's secret from all but the highest levels. But that's one of the rare cases where I agree with the World Government: the Eternal Hell's existence is better left unknown to the general public. If there's any good in this world, Crocodile's lifeless dust will one day decorate the cells… and, sadly, the next monster who sits in them, because we both know there'll always be someone else to fill that cell."
Jonathan gaped, left speechless at Cross' claim, and to his mounting horror, he actually found that he was fully prepared to believe that the pirate was telling the truth.
"Well, I'm sure I've given you a lot to think about, Jonathan. But as it stands, the clock is still running. So, if you'll excuse me, our crew has some more blasting to do. I hope you have an emergency fund ready."
"BYE, NOW!" Soundbite barked, upon which the transmission faded and explosions echoed from the other side of the base. Slowly, Jonathan moved back to his desk, taking in the sight of his chessboard, still set as it was at the conclusion of his game against Nico Robin. Then he reset the board and moved a pawn before spinning the board around and moving yet another. He needed to think, he needed to think hard.
-o-
"Alright, what's the damage report?" Jonathan asked his four officers, all of them gathered in his office and nursing their injuries from their personal meetings with the Straw Hat Pirates.
"Well, I think we all know about the bridge," Drake ground out, aching pain obvious in his voice. "Between that, their little rampage through the spire, taking back their ship, and various odds and ends, about 25% of the Marines on base are combat ineffective."
"And the material damage isn't anything to sneeze at, either," Cormac groaned. "Thank God the Spire is built so tough, because we've got enough holes in the walls that most structures would have collapsed around our ears."
"A large portion of the floor and ceiling of Dock 88 has been demolished; one of the soldiers took a black seashell from their ship, and the pirates yelled at him to drop it as soon as they saw it. When he did… it blasted a shockwave up that caused a small cave-in, and the ground beneath it crumbled into a crater six feet wide," Holger said weakly.
Jonathan blew out a weary breath. "And therein lies the primary issue when dealing with the Strawhats' Third Mate: differentiating when he's being serious and when he's talking out of his ass… what else?"
"Aside from the fact that they've got their ship back and are heading for the Sea Gate? Nothing presently," Henrick deadpanned. "Shall we deploy the inner base's battleships and have them gather in formation at the Gate to intercept them?"
"Not yet. Based off of the Straw Hats' determination to defy logical expectations, I'm going to assume that they plan on leaving the same way that they came in: flying. How they'll pull it off, I have no idea, but I'm beyond the point where I'd be surprised if they did it. But first things first: send word to all units to begin clearing away the wreckage of the Straw Bridge. Once the natural bridge beneath it becomes traversable again, see to it that all cannons are manned, starting with the ones at the highest altitudes."
"Understood, sir. We'll see to it that the ships are prepared for towing and transporting rubble," Henrick stated.
"Very good. You're dismissed."
There was a minute that was filled with footsteps, and then…
"You have a little over twelve hours left, Strawhats, and I am counting every second of them. Spend them wisely, or prepare to spend the rest of your lives in Impel Down."
Soundbite and I exchanged eager grins I jerked my hand across my throat and we turned our attention towards a certain old man.
"Thanks for showing us here, Mekao. This should give us all the time we need to finish our breakout," I said.
"Cheeky kids," the shipwright said, shaking his head while at the same time matching my grin. "Jonathan's going to be tearing his moustache out before you're done, isn't he?"
"We can hope!" Soundbite chirped. The old shipwright laughed before heading back into the fortress. I waited until Soundbite nodded to me, and then turned back to our assembled crew and ship, hidden in one of the abandoned docks and decidedly not sailing towards the Sea Gate.
"Well, then, now that we're all together, and with Robin's confiscated map…" I held up the rolled up scroll in question and shook it as I grinned malevolently. "How about I lay out my plan on how we're getting out of here?"
Everyone's equally eager grins were answer enough.
"Alright, then, in that case…" I spread the map out on a barrel, allowing everyone to gather around. Soundbite chose that moment to start humming a tune that was very appropriate.
"Here's how we're gonna play this."
NIGHT
-12 Hours Remain-
-12 Hours Remain-
Cross-Brain AN: Next chapter, we finish G-8. We'll update again at the usual time, so hang in there!
