Crossing the Rainbow Mist
Cross-Brain AN: The following tale takes place after the Ice Hunter arc but before Thriller Bark.
I'll always remember this particular day. No matter how crazy things got, how close we came to dying, how much I got hurt, how much my actions affected things… quite simply,
nothing this half of the Red Line could be more memorable than this day.
As per usual with the most extraordinary of our adventures, the day started off unusual, but not too remarkable: I woke up earlier than I normally did, early enough that only the earliest of early birds were awake. Even Soundbite was still asleep. I had taken the opportunity to slip down to the kitchen and fix myself a hot cup of cocoa, and then moved to the roof of my radio room to watch the sunrise.
Everything seemed to be perfectly calm, and one of the better mornings I'd had so far. A comfortable perch on the roof, a nice mug of cocoa, a perfect, beautiful view of the sun rising on the morning mists, painting it every color of the—!
PFFFFT!
"FRACK!" I howled in horror the moment I'd finished spewing my drink, dropping inside my room and running to my desk.
"
Mmm, wha…?" Soundbite's eyestalks blearily poked out of his shell as I wrenched the master-board open. "
Wha's goin—?!" His question was stifled as I wrenched my transceiver out of its slot and triggered every pipe on the ship. "
SONNUVA—!"
BWAAAAAAAAAH!
Whatever my snail was about to say, it was cut off by my blaring my foghorn throughout every square
inch of the Thousand Sunny - which, going by the sudden roaring of Sunny's framework, not even
he appreciated.
Soundbite remained in post-flinch tension a few seconds longer before cracking his eye open and letting his eyestalks sag in relief. "
Oooooh thank Goda it worked. It's official: I LOVE MY AWAKENED ABILITIES!"
"
WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN!" the crew roared right back.
"
Did I miss the memo? Is it my birthday?" came Usopp's grouchy voice. "
Because if it is, I don't find this very damn funny!"
"
Ooooh, I don't know," Merry snarled. "
Personally, I think I'm gonna be howling
with laughter once I start bouncing our third mate's head OFF THE—!"
"CRAM IT, THE FUCKING LOT OF YOU! WE'VE GOT BIGGER FUCKING PROBLEMS THAN YOUR FUCKING BEAUTY SLEEP!"
A stunned silence fell over the ship, which I filled with my desperate panting and wheezing.
"
Cross, what's wrong?" Nami asked, both concern and urgency tinging her voice.
Pulling my thoughts together, I swallowed my panic and mustered up what little wits I had left. "Bogey off the port bow," I grit out.
"
Alright, let's see what's… eh?" Boss' voice trailed off into confusion. "
The heck? Cross, what's wrong with a little morning mist? Heck, I'd say the colors are beautiful… aheh, ya know, in a manly way."
"
Wait… oh, God, y-you don't mean… the Rainbow Mist?!" Vivi choked in horror, suddenly sounding
very awake.
"The one and only," I confirmed "And for those of you who don't know it, lemme give the cliff's notes: what's coming down on us is an eldritch temporal
clusterfuck, and if we sail into that thing we're liable to wind up on the wrong side of either the last century
or the next one. In short…" I drew a deep breath before bellowing at the top of my lungs, "ALL HANDS ON DECK!
NOW, DAMN IT, NOW!"
When the sounds of rapid movement came across the connection, I knew that I didn't need to say more. Stashing the transceiver in its bag and putting it and Soundbite over and on my shoulders respectively, I left my room and rode down to the deck, where everyone was rushing into place, Merry even going so far as to hitch a ride on Carue to get to the helm as fast as possible and Nami looking at the sky and muttering to herself. As the last of our crew filed onto the deck, Nami's… surprisingly calm shout rang out.
"There's an island off the port bow, Merry. Turn the ship ninety degrees south and head for land."
"Aye-aye, turning the ship ninety degrees south and heading for land! Aiming for the cove in the shoreline!" Merry parroted, and Sunny rumbled in agreement as he shifted about. Nami took the opportunity to give me a flat look.
"Cross, were you really in too much of a panic to see that there was an island right there? You could have handled steering Sunny yourself, couldn't you?"
I winced a bit at the reprimand, but I was just as quick to bounce back with a scowl and a jab of my thumb towards the encroaching fog, which I didn't even have to
look at to know what it was doing. "Yes, but I'm not sure I could have handled being
chased."
"
What!?" Nami barked, darting over to the railing and leaning over the edge.
I followed her at a more sedate pace, and grimaced as I watched the Mist hang on tight to our ship's tail. "I'm not just worried about this thing because of the time-space fuckery it's got going on, Nami," I solemnly informed her. "I'm worried I'm almost convinced that that thing is
alive, on some level
. This isn't a Paradise menace; this is something that's clawed its way clean across the Red Line."
Nami swallowed fearfully, casting a doubtful glance at the sandbanks of the island's cove as we sailed past them. "B-But… if that thing's alive and chasing us, then how the hell are we supposed to escape it!?"
I grinned as Merry drew in Sunny's sails. "By taking advantage of one of the few ironclad rules of the Grand Line. What happens at sea…"
My grin widened as the Rainbow Mist drifted to a lazy halt at the cove's borderline, curling and swirling maddeningly but advancing no further.
"
Stays at sea," I nodded in confirmation. "The Rainbow Mist is a purely
maritime menace that preys upon vessels at large, and it can even come into port, but it
does not make landfall." I shot a victorious smirk at Nami. "Good thing the crew had enough forewarning to get us to safety in time, huh?"
"
RESPECT!" Soundbite barked.
Nami sighed in defeat, casting a wary glance at the hostile case of crypto-meteorology that was lurking behind us. "Fine, your excuse of it being an emergency stands for using that stupid horn to wake us all up. So!" She clapped her hands together, drawing attention from the whole crew to me. "Any idea how long we'll have to wait here before that damn stuff shoves off?"
"Yeah!" Mikey piped up in agreement. "We had a Sea King hunt planned for noon!"
"I wanna bust some scale-skulls!" Raphey nodded alongside him.
"Eh…" I frowned as I tried to recall an arc I hadn't been a big fan of in the first place. "From what I remember… well, as I said: on some level, the Mist is alive. Chances are it'll only shove off when it's good and ready to. One time it was only in an island's port for about an hour, but… anywhere from an hour to a day."
"Awww!" Luffy groaned, leaning his head back. "C'mooon! That fog stuff's pretty and all, but I wanna get back to sailing! Can't we just go through it? What's the big deal?"
"You did hear the words '
eldritch temporal clusterfuck', right!?" Usopp demanded incredulously.
"Er… well, besides the fact that I doubt Luffy knows what those first two words mean—" Conis interjected.
"I don't!" Luffy cheerfully confirmed.
"—I'm a bit curious myself of what the danger is," our gunner continued with a helpless shrug. "I mean… getting lost in time? How does that work?"
"I'm not clear on the mechanics of that place myself," Robin answered, her head bowed and her chin in her hand. "But I do know some of the lore of the Mist, thanks to the existence of a series of books concerning it. According to the books, the Rainbow Mist is meant to act as a gateway of some sorts, transporting to a mythical 'Land of the Gods' known only as Ape's Concert."
"'Land of the Gods'," Su repeated in equal parts eagerness and fear.
"'Land of the Gods'!" Merry giggled ecstatically, all but vibrating in place.
"'Land of the Gods'?" Franky asked doubtfully.
"Land of the Goooods!" Luffy squeed, a massive grin stretching across his face.
"'Davy Jones' Locker', more like," I snorted grimly. "Don't get your hopes up, people: Ape's Concert is nothing more than a dimensionally lost roach motel of a ship's graveyard. That place is a complete and utter—!"
"
GOLD MIIIINE!"
"
Sonnuvabitch!"/"GAH!" Soundbite and I both yelped when Nami suddenly
squealed at earshattering levels and sprouted a
very luminous pair of beri-eyes.
"Countless derelict ships from all across time, gathered in one spot,
with their cargos intact!" Nami cackled ecstatically, a not-insubstantial line of drool escaping the corner of her lip as she gazed upon the Mist. "Sooooo much gold! Jewels! Pure
treasuuure! I-I-It must be in the millions! The hundreds of millions!
The billi—"
"
Snap out of it!"
SLAP! "YEOW!" Nami flinched as her own palm slammed into her cheek before shooting a grateful look at our resident princess. "Thanks for that."
"Ooooh, don't thank me yet, because I'm not done saving us from your greed yet!" Vivi huffed, grasping our navigator's shoulders and staring her dead in the eyes. "Nami, I actually
met the author of the Rainbow Mist books, and he told me about his experiences in that place! The reason why you don't hear more about the 'Land of the Gods' is that it's a
trap! Anyone who enters the place becomes unable to leave it because of space itself keeping them from exiting! Time loses all meaning, because people within the Mist neither age nor grow hungry! The timeless years drive people mad, and they either escape through sheer luck like the author, or they
kill themselves! Trust me, Nami, when I say that there is
no reliable way to emerge from Ape's Concert in one piece!"
I bit the inside of my cheek at that. My reaction was on account of the image of a certain tower all but harpooning the Mist coming to mind, but there was no way in hell I was gonna tell—!
"Cross just flinched," Su blithely stated as she examined her paw.
"YOU FURRY LITTLE BI—!" I
tried to jump at the fleabag so that I could wring her neck…
"Cross."
"—GAH!"
Buuuut that dream was put on hold by my leg getting snatched out of midair, and our resident witch using an iron cloud hand to plant me in front of her, a neutral expression on her face.
"Given how much treasure is at stake here, I'll make this easy for you: tell us what you know, and I'll stop compounding the interest on your debt."
"I—w-wait, what was that?" I choked as I processed what she had said.
"I'm not going to decrease it, but I'll stop increasing it from now on if you tell us how we can get in, get the treasure, and get out safely," she repeated.
The crew all looked surprised to varying degrees, but I hardly noticed as I considered it. If there was a cap on the debt, then I actually had a chance of paying it off before I started to sport liver spots. Still… was that worth the risk of whatever could be waiting for us in that fog?
"Just for the record, here's where you currently stand," Nami added, handing me a piece of paper. I took one look at the bottom line before crushing the page in my hands.
"RIGHT! LET'S RAID US A TEMPORAL HELLMOUTH!" I barked, spinning to look at Merry. "We need an anchor to the outside to get back. In the story, a villain used a huge tower to bridge our world with Ape's Concert. But seeing how close the Mist is to the shore, we can probably pull it off with Sunny's anchor chain."
"Wonderful!" Nami said sweetly, turning towards the fox. "Su, you'll get a full percent of whatever we find in there."
"Yes!" Su pumped her paw triumphantly.
"I should've known you didn't do that out of the goodness of your heart," Conis sighed.
"Yeah… you want half of my cut?"
"As I was saying, I love you
very much, my darling Su!" Conis squealed as she swept her pet up in a hug.
"Hang on just a second," I piped up.
"Cross, the deal is off if you talk us out of this," Nami warned.
"That depends entirely on how much
you're willing to risk, Nami," I said seriously. "Even if we have a way out, the place is
still more warped than Kizaru's sense of justice! If we're not careful, we could wind up having brunch with our great-grand-descendants! And yes, I
know that none of us have kids,
that's the degree to which this place is whacked out of its non-existent mind!"
There was a pause.
"WORTH IT!"
I was not surprised in the least when Nami confirmed our choice. Well, if things still went crazy, they couldn't say I didn't warn them.
And so, with that final decision having been made, we started to ready ourselves to delve into the spacio-temporal abyss that was the Rainbow Mist. I could only hope that things wouldn't get
too—!
…aaaaah
shit. That's it, I'm doing that seminar on tempting fate, come hell, high water, or every Sea King in the Calm Belt! If only so
I don't keep getting mixed up in these situations!
-o-
Mist rose around me in every direction, thick as cotton balls. It made keeping my footing difficult; the wood was wet and slippery. Sounds were muted, when there were any to be heard at all. The impaired visibility didn't help things either. Claws dug into my shoulders; Ruatha was
not pleased that I kept skidding and sliding across the wrecks. I flicked him on the snout.
"You could always get down and walk by yourself, you know."
"Roh." The claws loosened, although they were replaced by a tail tightening around my arm. I sighed. The dragonet seemed determined to inflict bodily injury upon me; had ever since we'd come to this eerie place.
"Or better yet, you could've stayed on the ship. I don't need your help for this; Ghin would've been more useful, or even Johnny or Yosaku. I mean, what can you do if I fall in? Whine at me?"
"Vii!" My questions were answered by a wing-slap to the face and a pair of sad blue eyes. I spat out a mouthful of scales- Ruatha must be molting or something, because he'd been shedding worse than a longhaired cat heading into summer lately.
Actually, in hindsight, a Devil Fruit user going out alone into what appeared to be a mess of shipwrecks was probably a bad idea. But the mist had risen up so quickly, too thick for Nami to find a way through the oceanic graveyard… We needed boots on the ground. Or water, as it were. So half the crew had split up and was wandering around in search of a path through the derelict hulks, while the other half stayed with
Merry. We'd rolled my dice to see who was in which group; this resulted in possibly the worst available combination, as Luffy, Zoro, and I were all on the away team. But Luffy took off before Nami could demand that we reroll, or even that the explorers be in pairs- which meant that Zoro was now lost and we had two fruit users with no one to rescue us if we fell.
Not that I was going to fall in, bad footing or no.
With Ruatha now pouting and silent, the sound of my footsteps was the only thing to be heard, the hollow thudding of sneakers on wood. And even that was muffled. There was something…
off about these mists; the deadened sound was only part of it. Then my hand met my forehead as I remembered- eerie mist, collection of shipwrecks… Ape's Concert.
Tabarnak. Great, just great. Not only did we have to find a physical path through the wrecks, we had to figure out how to get back to our own
time as well. How were we supposed to do that without a DeLorean?
Plus, weren't we supposed to encounter the Mists
after Alabasta, if at all? I groaned and turned my middle finger in the direction of the Fourth Wall. Damn writers and their meddl-!
More footsteps, not mine- I wasn't alone. Heavy and metallic, like someone wearing armour. And they were moving fast. What at first looked like yet another broken figurehead approached through the mist, resolving itself into a young man in dark clothes, much taller than me. I caught a glimpse of blond hair as he raced past. Blinking slowly, I followed him with my gaze until he disappeared into an open door on one of the other wrecks. Huh. Wonder where he was going in such a hurry.
Well, to each his own. I shrugged and got back to figuring out where I was and how to get back to the
Merry. Or at least, I tried. Not thirty seconds after Blondie scrambled out of sight, there was a tremendous crashing, splintering noise from the same direction he'd come from. It was followed by a great sucking splash. A shadow fell over the wreck I was standing on.
A wall of silver-blue scales rose above me, a massive body tipped in an angular head. Teeth the size of swords dripped salt water as dark eyes scanned the shipwrecks. Barracuda sea king.
Merde. My stomach decided to vacate my body via my knees- right at the same moment the sea king saw me. And decided to go all
Finding Nemo prologue on my ass.
"Osti d'épais de marde!" I jumped out of the way as that huge head crashed down where I'd been standing. Getting far enough away used most of the charge I had left from sparring with Ghin last night- not that I could hope to fight something like this alone regardless. Okay, maybe Blondie had the right idea.
"Hold on, Ruatha! We're using the Sir Robin maneuver."
"Scra?"
As much as I hated running from a fight, it was the only thing to do. This wasn't a
real fight anyway; I was
prey, not a combatant. I spun on the ball of my foot and took off in the same direction as Blondie had gone. Hopefully there would be somewhere over there to hide, or a cannon or something. And until I found something like that, discretion was—in this case—the better part of valour.
I didn't expect to see Blondie again; with his longer legs and head start, he should've been well ahead of me, even in the unlikely event that I
did end up going in the exact same direction. So you can imagine my surprise when I found him paused on the deck of half a barge. And he must've heard me coming, since he was facing me when I skidded to a stop.
"Nice weather we're having, ain't it? Neverending fog, just gotta
love it."
I stared at Blondie, trying to figure out if he was serious. And my crewmates thought
I was insane. At least I acknowledged the presence of danger, even if I did end up thumbing my nose at it and jumping in anyway most of the time. "Um… Hello? Earth to tall person? Is the thin air up there shorting out your brain? What in the Nine Hells is a bloody barracuda sea king doing in this part of the Grand Line?"
Blondie's expression mirrored Luffy's 'Are you an idiot?' look with
astounding precision. "Hello right back, this is the
Grand Line, lady. You know, the stretch of ocean sandwiched between their breeding grounds and packed to the gills with their favorite snack? You can skip a stone and nine times out of ten you'll hit one of them!"
"
The tenth just means you missed them!" the snail on his shoulder cackled.
Wait… his snail was… talking? Well, yes, it was a Den-Den Mushi and they were supposed to talk, but that weird voice mashup sure didn't sound like any call
I'd ever heard. I stared at the mollusk. Well, there was only one logical explanation for that. I almost winced at the realization that I now automatically put those supreme avatars of BS in the category of
logical explanation. Almost. "…I'm guessing the inverte ate a Devil Fruit?"
Both snail and Blondie rolled their eyes. "Finally! Somebody gets it!" Was it just me, or was Blondie somehow expressing both relief and exasperation at the same time?
Well, that aside… "Alright, back to the original question, and let me rephrase it. What's a Sea King doing in this part of the Grand Line
chasing you?!"
Blondie pointed at his snail, which tilted its eyestalks in his direction. "
It's his fault!" They then glared at one another. "
My fault!? Are you nuts?!"
"
YOU JUMPED ON ITS HEAD!"
"That was an honest mistake, I thought it was a rock!
You're the shitstain that chose to comment on its
body odor when it glared at us!"
"
It's a fish, it's smells fishy! THAT'S JUST A FACT!"
"But you don't say that to its face!"
"WHAT THE HELL'S WITH
the double-standard here!? I've taunted these bastards A THOUSAND TIMES IN THE PAST and you've never complained before!"
"Those times we were near someone who could kill it dead in a single hit, or at the
least we had our partners nearby, you slimy bastard! Learn some timing!"
"
THIS FROM YOU!? THAT'S FUCKING RICH, ASSHOLE!"
This bickering… And a talking snail… This seemed familiar. But I could worry about that later. I used the absolute last of the force I had charged up in a stomp that shook the floor. "Guys, focus! Giant man-eating fish monster trying to eat us; blame later, solution now."
Great, now the tall guy
and the snail were looking at me like I was an idiot. "Excuse you, this is a coping mechanism!"
"
Yeah! Snark takes the edge off THE IMPENDING DOOM! Helps us function better under pressure!"
"Observe!" Blondie beamed victoriously as he pointed to the side at a… derelict Marine galleon!? "White-hat warship at 3-o-clock! Those things were built to last, so it's better footing than these wrecks! See, progress!"
"
NOW STOP DISTRACTING US AND FREAKING RUN FASTER!"
Normally I wouldn't have taken orders from a snail, but this one had a point. And a galleon… Very stable and relatively lightly armed, usually with demi-culverins and demi-cannon. I doubted an eight-pound demi-culverin shot would do much to the monster following us, but a demi-cannon shot thirty-two pounds; that should do the trick. I scrambled after Blondie and his mouthy passenger. Ruatha's claws dug into my shoulders as I vaulted and climbed. Still…
A tilted mast from another ship made a decent way up, though the angle made it more of a ladder than a bridge. It still beat trying to clamber up the side of the ship by hand with our hanger-on chasing after us, though. Plus, it even gave us access to an open port in the galleon's gun deck, so not only did we not have to waste time finding our way through the ship's corridors, but I could
also spin on my heel and pin Blondie and his pet with a glare.
"Forgive me for being a little concerned,
Monsieur Escargot!" I growled. "From my perspective, being lost in a place like this with a sea king on my ass is a pretty serious problem. So my being unhappy that the only other people I can find are
joking about the impending doom is quite understandable!"
Blondie gave me a
way too bemused look as he dropped in alongside me before smirking condescendingly. "Your rookieness on the Grand Line is showing quite clearly."
"And look at all the fucks I give." I made a zero with one hand as I swung my head around and searched for gunpowder and ammo. "My crew may be rookies, but we can handle ourselves well enough. Better than that, even: Captain's gonna be king of the pirates someday. Now… We're gonna need eighteen pounds of black powder for every shot. I hope it's still dry enough to use."
The galleon shook; the sea king was ramming it. Every time I passed a portal or gun port, all I could see was silver-blue scales. It didn't take long to find ammunition at least, even if black powder was still in short supply. I supposed if worst came to worst, I could ask Blondie to beat me up and then use the force to smash the Sea King's face. That might work.
Might. I had little confidence in the idea.
"Right. If we don't find any black powder soon, I need you to—!"
After I said that, things got a bit weird because we both spoke at the same time.
"Punch me in the face. The harder, the better."/"Quick, punch my palm, and fast!"
"…eh? Your
face? What are you—? Bah, not questioning it, I'm sure you have your reasons, but look, rookie, this is no ordinary gauntlet: I've got a special shell in it known as—!"
"An Impact Dial? Yeah, I know what those do; I basically
am an Impact Dial. Among other things." Yep, Blondie was
definitely familiar. Where had I heard about a guy with a snail partner and an Impact Dial in his gauntlet? Eh, worry about that later.
There were a few barrels of powder wedged in a corner behind one of the demi-culverins. I yanked one open, but it was wet; practically mud, in fact. Stupid mist… How long had this stuff been here? Opening the other barrels yielded similar results. Merde…
I stared up at Blondie, trying to get a sense of him as a fighter. Tall, kinda skinny… Not a STR build. Probably INT/CHA from the way he acted. Ladies and gentleman, we have a bard. Still, shouldn't judge based on appearances alone. Luffy was even smaller, after all. "So… It comes down to a question of who can punch harder. What kinda training you got?"
Blondie gave me
another flat look—which I was really starting to want to slap off his face—before holding his palm up. "Would I be using this thing if I could hit harder than it could? Hurry the hell up and hit me!"
"
COME ON AND SLAM!" His snail crowed, before flinching fearfully as the ship was suddenly rammed head on by our pursuant. "
BEFORE WE ALL GET JAMMED!"
I rolled my eyes. "As you wish." Deep breath. Ten punches, hard and fast; kiai on ten. "TAI!" Follow up with a snap kick, turn forty-five degrees for a round kick, then finish with a spinning back kick. I landed back in fighting stance.
"Think that'll be enough? Or should I keep going?" The ship rocked to punctuate my words. Teeth like swords ripped the cover off a nearby gunport.
Blondie shot a fearful glance at the teeth, waved his arm out, and nodded firmly. "Compounded with what I'd taken the time to accumulate since the last time I discharged, I'd say so. Though, ah…" I did
not like the way cold sweat started forming on the jackass's brow. "I just realized a flaw with this plan that would have come up no matter
who had the energy."
"Flaw…?" How could there be a flaw in the plan- punch each other, smash thing in face, very straightforward. "What kind of flaw? All you need to do is blast that thing in its fugly mug!"
"Yeeeaaah…" Blondie nodded slowly.
WHAM!
Before flinching and scowling as we were rammed again. "And either you or I am supposed to get close enough to
touch that ugly face without getting up close and personal with those fangs,
how, exactly!?"
I felt the blood drain from my face. "That's… a very good point," I gurgled. "Suggestions before we both get up close and personal with Uncle Davy instead?"
"Uh…" Blondie's eyes scanned over the room desperately, uncertainty obvious as he came up with nothing, nothing, nothi—oh, now
that wasn't a look you got when you had nothing.
KEE-RACK!
To reiterate, I
seriously hope he didn't have nothing!
"What?" I demanded. "Whatever the hell idea you just got, I don't care how dumb it is!
What are you thinking?"
Blondie spared me a hesitant glance before nodding with determination and darting across the deck, where he started clawing at the top of an overturned crate. "I'm gonna answer your question with two of my own," he grunted. "Are you familiar with Garp the Hero…"
CLUNK!
He grinned viciously as the crate's lid came off, and a slew of cannonballs rolled across the wood. "And do you know," he intoned menacingly. "Exactly which law of physics relates to the transfer of energy?"
It took me a second to connect the dots, but once they did? I
really couldn't keep my jaw from dropping because holy hell that was
smart. "Newton's Second and you're a genius."
"Don't sound so surprised!" Blondie barked with laughter.
"Sorry. Not used to anyone else around here having high school science." Note to self, bash head on something for being an idiot. Later.
"Heh, tell me about it," Blondie started to chuckle.
KRAAAACK!
Before flinching as our footing shuddered from a titanic impact. "On second thought, tell me later! For now," He hefted a cannonball off the ground and tossed it to me. "Enough chatting."
"
LET'S GET SLAMMING!" his snail cackled.
I nodded as I caught the sphere of metal in my hand. "Agreed." I held the cannonball out and away from my shoulder, like an Italian waiter with a pizza tray. "Assume the position."
"Anything for the lovely lady," the smile-happy pirate smirked in agreement, positioning himself next to me, his palm outstretched and hovering next to the munitions. "Now, for maximum impact, the best place to hit would be the innards…"
"
Don't fire until you smell the reek of its breath!"
I froze up as I processed both parts of that. "Two things: first, call me a lady again and I'm kicking you in the face, danger or no danger," I glared at him frigidly, before turning a hesitant gaze towards our attacker. "And second, big problem with that plan is that—!"
WHAM!
I flinched as the wall of white cracked clean through the
actual wooden wall. "That thing is the
one Sea King in the world that's not
actually opening its mouth to attack! Got one more bright idea?"
"Uhhh…?" That did
not fill me with confidence, but before I could
actually start to worry?
"
HEY, BIG GROSS AND SLIMY!"
For
once I was semi-relieved by my comrade-in-struggle's shoulder-bound parasite opening its mouth, seeing as it
somehow made our assailant pause in the middle of winding up for its next run.
"
Your mama was a barnacle, AND YOUR PAPA WAS A HALF-ROTTED
TROUT!"
This really was a day of firsts, because it was
also the first time in my life I was grateful for a Sea King's veins suddenly pulsing with outrage. Although… Did Sea Kings feel rage the same way mammals did? Too bad trying to find out would get me killed. How would you find out, anyway? Was there such a thing as Sea King therapy? I'd have to ask one of the mermaids when I met them, or, well, one mermaid in particu—
"HRRAAAAAAAAAH!"
—
gotta learn to prioritize better.
Well, Sea Kings seemed to understand English, at any rate. Enormous jaws split open, drool running down each sword-length fang. Cable-like tendons tensed all over the aquatic titan's body as it prepared to leap—!
"
IMPACT, YOU SLIMY SON OF A—!"
BLAM!
—only it never actually got the chance
to leap, on account of my back-up ramming his palm into the cannonball and essentially
slapping it down the Sea King's gut…
KA-BLAM!
Where it detonated in a plume of fire and smoke. The Sea King's head snapped back; it let out a roar of surprise. Eyes the size of rowboats spun. Silver scales shining, the great beast twisted around and circled out, preparing for another ramming run. A tiny trickle of blood dripped from the corner of its mouth.
Tabarnak. If it came at us again, there was no time for either of us to charge up more force. What could we—? Time to roll an intimidate check. I snatched up another cannonball and started tossing it from hand to hand, a mad grin lighting up my face. "Sesehihihihihi!
Fooooolish Sea King! You are truly willing to risk our wrath a
second time? You shall pay dearly for your transgressions!"
"Indeed!" Going by Blondie's ear-to-ear grin and the way he was holding his palm out towards the not-so-wee beastie, he'd gotten the gist of my idea and was playing along to the hilt. "We have
dozens of cannonballs here with us, each ready to give you another world-class case of heartburn-from-hell. So unless you wanna learn what it's like to get fried from the inside out, I suggest that you turn your fishy tail around and swim away
right damn now."
The great beast paused, uncertain.
"
Basically?" the Transponder Snail bared his teeth in the most menacing expression I'd ever seen a snail make - and then the air
rumbled. "
RUN."
That proved to be too much for the Sea King. It turned tail and fled, battered ships rocking in its wake. The turning of said tail also happened to whip up some lovely spray that got me full in the face. I dropped the cannonball and took off my glasses to wipe them clean, sagging back against a wall as I did so. Man, could that Sea King move
fast.
There was a tense moment of silence as we waited to make sure the damn kaiju was actually
gone. And then…
"Just to confirm, we were both
totally speaking out of our asses, yes?" Blondie breathed nervously.
"Straight from the large intestine," I agreed.
"Ah, right. Juuust checking. 'Cause honestly?"
A thud sounded beside me. When I put my glasses back on, Blondie and his snail were on the floor. While the mollusk was—for once—silent, Blondie himself seemed to be shaking with some sort of nervous laughter. Or at least, I thought it was laughter. He ran a hand through his hair as he brought himself back under control.
"Pffffhahahahaha! Oh man, that was a close one! We would've been so
screwed!"
"Yeah…" My voice went quiet as I checked to make sure Ruatha was alright. Of course, the little guy hadn't had to
do anything but hold onto my shoulder, so he was having a blast. I don't know why I worried. Maybe because this was the third thing in the past week that had tried to eat us? Or maybe higher, if individual velociraptors counted rather than the pack…
Although… At least I'd been able to
fight them. The Sea King left me jittery, frustrated. I had half a mind to ask Blondie to spar with me, but considering that scarecrow build of his, I doubted he'd accept. Needed to do
something though. As soon as I was sure Ruatha hadn't been injured, I stood up and started pacing. The dragonet rested his chin on my head and hummed a soothing rhythm.
Eye stalks followed me back and forth. "
Barnacle-breath's gone,
you know.
Someone NEEDS TO CHILL OUT!"
"
Forgive me for being a
little on edge when that
thing was just trying to
eat us." Deep breaths; I needed to calm down. I imitated Blondie's earlier actions, taking my hat off to run a hand through my hair. It helped; I still wanted to fight something, but the desire was manageable now. Replacing my hat, I sighed. "Sorry about that. Being away from my crew in a place like this… It leaves me on edge. You know what I'm saying, eh?"
"Nnnnnope."
I shot a dry look at the bastard, who was now grinning unabashedly as he remained prone. "Come again?"
"You heard me," Blondie chuckled without remorse. "I'm confident in the fact that the vast majority of my crew can whoop major ass with three out of four limbs tied behind their backs, so I've got no reason to worry about them. And as for me, I'm a confident, combat-seasoned, badass-asskicking—!"
"BULL-
SHIIIIT~!" the snail cut him off in a singsong voice.
"Blow it out your nonexistent ass~!" Blondie sang right back, without even missing a beat. "Anyways, yeah, no, I'm good. This place is a bit freaky, but apart from that…"
I hummed. "Gonna side with the French food there—"
"
Kiss my shell, Indiana Nobody."
"—I've marked enough English papers to know bullshit when I hear it. And that sounded like prime bull
moose shit. If you're a front line fighter, I'm a Hufflepuff. And it's not that I'm
worried about my crew, exactly. They can handle themselves. I just… Something about this place gives me the heebie-jeebies." Plus I didn't like being alone in strange places at the best of times.
For some reason, Blondie stared at me in confusion for a moment before shrugging and jerking his way up into a sitting position, glancing to the side with a grimace as he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, alright, I guess you've got a point on that last one. If it weren't for this damn fog, I'd have been able to call for help."
"BUT WITH THE MERRY HELL
this shit's pulling on my senses?" The snail stuck its tongue out in disgust. "
No dice, sistah!"
"Damn. So there's no reception, eh?" I patted absentmindedly at the pocket where Samsung lived before fixing my companion's mouthy mollusk with a flat stare. Seriously,
where had I heard about this guy before? Something about his Den-Den was
really familiar. "And it's
Jones, actually. Go ahead and laugh."
"
MY PLEAS—GRK!" The snail's ear-to-ear grin was interrupted by his owner grabbing his tongue with what looked to be
way too much practice.
My dragonet squawked, indignant at being forgotten. I reached up to scratch his mane. "Oh, yeah. This little ball of scales is my dragon, Ruatha. Although he's more of a baby than a fire-breathing terror."
Ruatha started to preen and ruffle his scales proudly…
BZRRRRT!
"GAH!" Before a klaxon suddenly blared
right behind me and caused me to jump in shock and Ruatha to take a flying leap off my shoulder.
"HOOHOOHOO
heeheehee!" the mucus-ridden menace cackled unabashedly, even as his owner rolled his eyes in bemusement. "
DON'T TRY TO BOGGLE US, you overgrown lizard!"
"Bit harsh, but he does have a point," Blondie sighed with a 'what can you do' shrug. "This is the Grand Line. The lookout for one of our allies has one of you too, and hers is
bigger."
I grabbed my dragon as he went to leap up and maul Blondie- or the snail; I wasn't sure which was his first target. "Down, boy. And at the risk of one of my crewmates appearing out of nowhere and braining me- it isn't size that counts, it's what you do with it." Cue a reflexive flinch and nervous stare, just to make sure Nami wasn't nearby. "For example… Ruatha, if you really care that much- Spit!"
"Chee!" A glob of sticky dragon saliva shot at the snarky snail. Of course, as soon as I gave the command, it occurred to me that this could be a bad idea, but too late. The mollusk started it anyways.
Uuuunfortunately, the effect was entirely nullified by the spineless stain cackling even harder. "
I'm a snail, dipshit, I'M SLIMY 24/7! YOU MIGHT AS WELL HOCK
SLOP AT A PIG!"
"In a way, he just
did," Blondie muttered acridly before shaking his head and pasting an ear-to-ear grin on his face. "Aaaanyways… I dunno how the heck you haven't recognized me by my voice yet, but I might as well introduce myself anyways. 'Voice of Anarchy' Jeremiah Cross, bane of the World Government."
He then reached up to his shoulder, plucked his snail off and held it out to me. "And this is my partner in crime, the
other 'Voice of Anarchy' and bane of… pretty much anyone with common decency, Soundbite."
"AKA
DA GOD A NOIZE!" the snail hollered, emphasizing his point with an air-rending guitar riff - after which he promptly adopted a grimace. "
That was not SMART."
Error 404: Brain not found. My mind froze, processing everything that had seemed familiar over the last few minutes. With no one at the controls, my hand automatically reached out to pat the snail- because damn, he may have been a loud, annoying little ball of snark, but he was still above all else a
little ball, which thereby made him
adorable. And hey, Samsung liked pats, so slimey snail-ness was nothing new to me.
"Gah, nononono, wait,
don't—!" Sorry Cross, my brain doesn't have enough available RAM to understand words right now.
CHOMP!
"…put your fingers… near his mouth, dammit…" Cross groaned, dragging his hand down his face.
I
was, however, capable of understanding the fact that a surprisingly sharp set of teeth was suddenly clamped onto my hand. Unfortunately, I didn't register what they were connected to in time, so before I knew what I was doing, I reflexively jerked my hand back to free it… aaaand sent the mouthy mollusk flying as a result. Well, with any luck he'd stick on the ceiling… which had a hole in it…
tabarnak.
"YOU STUPID LITTLE SLIMESTAIN!" Cross roared as he shot to his feet and started dancing back and forth below the hole, arms spread wide. Thankfully, when physics reasserted itself and the invert that went up came back down, Cross was able to make a successful dive forwards and nab him before he could hit the deck.
The so-called 'Voice of Anarchy' sighed in relief as he stood back up and replaced his snail before pinning his companion with a blistering glare. "Soundbite? One of these days, you're going to need to learn how to weigh the risks and benefits of biting someone a hundred times bigger and stronger than you.
Especially when we're on footing patchier than Frankenstein's monster!"
"BITE ME," Soundbite rolled his eyes with a scoff, before leering as he tilted his eyes downwards. "
Better yet…"
And with that, the snail hopped backwards as much as he could…
CHOMP!
"YEEEEEAAAAARGH!" And
I was treated to the sight of Cross running in circles like his ass was on fire… which I imagine was what it
felt like considering how hard Soundbite was gnawing on him.
And then everything snapped into place. I facepalmed so hard, I actually got a bit of a charge from it. "This Bites…" I whispered.
Osti d'épais de marde…
"
THAT'S MY FUCKING LINE!" Cross roared as he tugged at his partner's shell to no great effect.
"I know… Bloody fu- excuse me, one moment." I spun away from Cross in my as-usual-fruitless search for the Fourth Wall. Up went my middle finger, combined with a bras d'honneur so as to properly express how I felt about this shenanigan. "A
crossover? Really?"
Then… "Sesehihihihihihi! Gods above and below! A
Crossover… Okay, this is a good one. That pun is worth a crap-tonne of shenanigans." I turned back to Cross and his snail, who'd both paused mid-run and mid-gnaw, respectively, so that they could look at me like- well, like I was crazy. Eh, I was used to that by now.
"So… Hypothetically speaking, if I told you that you were a character in a
One Piece SI fanfic, and I was a character in a
One Piece SI fanfic, and our writers were apparently getting together for multiverse-warping shenanigans, how would you react?"
Cross and Soundbite both blinked at me in confusion for a moment before Cross
calmly yanked his partner from his ass, replaced him on his shoulder… and then turned his eyes skyward and spread his arms wide. "A
crossover!? Are you out of your—!? Oh who the hell am I kidding, of
course you are… well, just know that this shit
never works! If we weren't bombing before by dint of being a self-insert in One Piece, we're sure as shit hittin' rock bottom now,
jackass!"
…Okay, Johnny and Yosaku were right. Seeing it from this side
was freaky. Still, might as well snap him out of it. "Actually—!"
BANG!
Something whizzed through the air, cutting between me and Cross. The noise was followed immediately by the splintering thud of a bullet punching a hole through wood.
Cross summarized the situation best.
-o-
"SNIPER, GET DOWN!" I barked with all the tried and true practice of a gamer as I slammed my back into the nearest wall opposite the bullet hole, my heartbeat going through the roof as I processed
what the fuck had just happened.
Not far away, Jones dove behind a cannon and hit the dirt. "Of all the—! Why does it have to be
ranged?" She pulled a pistol from somewhere along her belt, but made a face at it rather than actually doing anything.
"I don't suppose you're as good with that thing as your namesake?" I called over tentatively.
"Um…" I did
not like the way she was glancing upwards. "Let's just put it this way- I am to guns as Zoro is to a GPS. My specialty is
unarmed combat."
"
Shoot thatta way, MAYBE WE'LL GET LUCKY!" Soundbite snorted as he jerked his eyestalks in the direction of the bullet hole.
"Oh, like you two are much better without your
mutt!?"
Soundbite and I exchanged bemused looks and conceded the point with a shrug. "Fair 'nuff…" I mused, before sobering up as I inched towards the cannon's porthole. "Anyway, if you know who I am, you know my position, so if'n you don't mind, I'll be taking point here. And first point of order is to find just
where we're being shot at from. Soundbite?"
"READY!" he nodded firmly.
"Alright, then…" I grit my teeth as I clenched and unclenched my fingers in preparation. "This is gonna
suuuuck…" And without giving myself enough time to build up any doubt, I swung my arm up—
BANG! SKRANG!
"GAH, SON OF A
BITCH!" And
roared as I snapped my arm back and clutched my hand to my chest, which, besides ringing like a bell, was absolutely
killing me. What calibre was that asshat using, 'fuck-you' millimetres!?
Jones shot me a sympathetic wince. "Need me to get another shot out of them?" she hissed.
"
No need, twice was enough," Soundbite informed her darkly. "SHE'S—AND IT IS A SHE—
about thirty, thirty-five feet that way… AND GOING BY HOW SHE'S ALMOST FIFTY FEET HIGH, I'D SAY SHE'S MADE A CROW'S NEST INTO A SNIPER'S NEST."
"Oh,
did she?" A disturbing grin grew across Jones' face. "We'll see about that." So saying, the small blonde
made to bolt out of the portal—
"
BWAAAAAH!" "GAH, TABARNAK!"
Until I snapped my fingers and Soundbite forced her to stay in place with a point-blank blare.
"Owowowow…" she massaged her ears, wincing mightily, before glaring at me. "The hell was that for!?"
I responded with a decidedly
flat glare. "Jones, clear this up for me: your Devil Fruit has something to do with kinetic energy, obviously, and yet you're hiding from our sniper, whose bullets are only lethal
because of kinetic energy. So! Are you or are you not legitimately and confidently Luffy-levels of immune to firearms?"
I got an uncomfortable feeling of deja-vu from the way she grinned and rammed her knuckles together. "No idea; never tried it before. But there's gotta be a first time for everything, and I'm still in the mood for a
fight."
I took a brief moment to glance heavenwards in exasperation. Someone help me, now I knew how my
crewmates felt whenever I did something braindead. "So, you decided to test that little application of your abilities against a
sharpshooter who has pinpoint, split-second accuracy and is aiming to
kill?"
"Umm…" Jones expression crumbled into a sheepish and somewhat ashen look. "Okay, admittedly not my best idea. You got one better?"
"Yeah," I grunted, turning myself around so that I was facing our enemy, even as I readied my
other hand. "You get ready to run, while
I get ready for round two." So saying, I jabbed my hand out, just like last time. But
un-like last time, this go-around…
"
GASTRO-FLASH!" "
WHA-BAM!"
I flexed my palm and my partner and I proceeded to blind our assailant's senses. Effectively, too, going by how another shot went off but the actual impact wasn't anywhere
near us.
"GET 'EM!" I roared, darting out from behind my cover and running towards the enemy.
Within a few steps, something small and purple shot past me. Huh. Shorty was pretty fast when she wanted to be. And she seemed to be- pounding her fists together as she ran?
"Newton's Second!"
CRACK! Wood splintered; there was an ominous creaking noise as the mast began to fall- towards me
ohshitshitshit—!
I hastily skidded to a halt and flung my arms up before my face,
just as the pillar of timber slammed down on the decks of several ships next to me.
Sadly, life wasn't so convenient as to deposit our shooter at my feet, but the crow's nest
did land naught more than a half dozen meters away, so I made the snap decision to leap onto the mast and run along it to the nest. With any luck, our shooter would still be stunned from the—!
CLICK!
—fall
sonnuvabitch! I froze on the edge of the crow's nest and snapped my hands up. I briefly considered trying to work out any details concerning our assailant that I could, but my attention was a
wee bit distracted by the
gun being pointed in my face!
Alright-alright-alright, I just needed to be smart about this, just needed to find an opening, just needed… to… why was the air starting to screech and howl like a pack of baboo—?
I leapt at the sniper the
second they hunched over due to inner-ear-induced nausea and, with only a split second to choose, planted my boot in their face with
extreme prejudice. The sound of their nose's cartilage snapping was
uncomfortably welcome, as was the sound of the back of their skull
smashing against the somewhat rotted wood of the ship.
After 'nudging' the sniper's downed form (read, delivering a hefty, ire-ridden kick to their ribs) to confirm that they were well and truly K.O., I proceeded to do what any sane person in my greaves would do.
"WOO!" I laughed, shooting my fists in the air.
Which, of course, was
celebrate.
"Who's a badass?" I whooped as I pointed at Soundbite.
"
WE DA BADASS!" Soundbite preened with a flourish.
"
And don't you forget it! BOOYAH!" we whooped as we exchanged a high-eye.
"Osti d'épais de marde!" Jones stomped up the mast towards me, rubbing her ears and scowling in a half-decent impression of an angry Zoro. "That was bloody
loud. Is everyone still alive over—
GYRHK?"
I blinked in confusion as
something made her freeze and choke at the sight of the unconscious sniper, and I hastily stepped back as she darted past me to our assailant. Her hat shadowed her face as she crouched down for a better look. Then she spoke again, her voice low. "Um… Cross? I think we have a problem. Does this particular sharpshooter look familiar to you?"
"Jones, all I saw when I got to them was
gun." I crossed my arms flatly. "Why, do you recognize them?"
"
Yes. And unless your memory sucks arse, you will too." She shot me a flat look before standing up and stepping off to the side.
I took one look… aaaaand promptly froze in the
utmost of horror.
"…Soundbite?" I whispered numbly. "Can you connect to Robin?"
"
Have you not been—waaaait, wait a second…" Soundbite cut his indignant rebuttal off partway through, a contemplative look coming over his face before he grinned triumphantly. "HA, GOT BRAIN!
AND THROUGH HIM… What is it, Cross?" Smugness was swapped for smugness as Robin's voice cut in.
I swallowed heavily, glancing back and forth and rubbing my neck. "…say, Robin," I finally managed to get out. "Hypothetical question for you: say I suddenly came under sniper fire and I managed to KO the sniper before getting a good look at them." I glanced skyward miserably, begging for mercy in light of what I was about to say next. "Then say that said now-KO'd sniper was your mother."
I felt a bolt of utter
terror shoot through me at how flat Soundbite's face became. "…
my mother. My mother who's been dead since I was a child and whose absence I feel every day like a white-hot knife. That
mother."
I tugged on my collar, trying to alleviate the suddenly stifling pressure in whatever way I could. "Let's… say she were present thanks to the fact that time is more twisted than a pretzel here?" I prayed to hell Robin hadn't pegged onto what I was talking about.
"
Hypothetically, of course," Robin reiterated dryly.
Fuck. Well, in for a beri…
"Of course…" I whimpered weakly.
There was a
pointed silence for a full minute before Robin finally deigned to speak, her voice staying perfectly level the entire time. "
Well, in that case, hypothetically speaking
, I would be hurt, outraged, and on top of twisting you into a Gordian Knot, I most likely wouldn't speak with you for a straight month."
I restrained a tortured moan as I dragged my clawed hands down my face. "…love these hypotheticals, keeps the brain active!" I said, my voice doing its best impression of Pica's.
"…
Mister Jeremiah."
I was frozen for a bit before slapping my hand over my eyes in defeat. "Yes, Robin?" I groaned.
"
Did you knock out my mother?"
"Weeeeeell…" I cracked my fingers open and stared miserably at the woman I'd assaulted in pure self-defense.
More specifically… I watched blandly as while Jones checked her condition, her pet chewed on her hairdo.
Or rather… on her
mohawk.
"Not
your mother."
-o-
"No, Ruatha, bad." I slapped my dragon on the muzzle when I caught him nibbling on Bellemere's hair. "Nami's mom is not for eating."
Oh, Rainbow Mists- if you weren't inspired by
Star Trek: Generations, I'd eat my hat. Not far away, Cross was pacing and…
"Oh-God-oh-God-oh-God-oh-Goooooood I'm gonna
diiiiiiiie!"
Was essentially all but pissing his tighty-whiteys with how bad he was flipping out, and going by the way the shell on his shoulder was shivering, his partner in noise wasn't far behind.
Unfortunately, warranted as his apparent terror was, it was equal parts distracting and confusing. Aside from a broken nose and being unconscious, Bellemere seemed to be fine. Although she'd probably have a… concussion. Ooooh… alright, let's end this.
I glanced up at the alt-Straw Hat and snapped my fingers. "Cross," I spoke up, trying to grab his attention.
Going by how he snapped his around to stare at me with wide, twitching eyes, I'd succeeded.
I rolled my eyes in exasperation, but still I put on the best air of serenity I could. "I realize you're scared, Cross," I spoke, slowly and methodically. "But please be serious. Nami is not
that bad."
Cross scowled at me accusingly. "You are
lying," he shot back just as firmly.
"Come on, Cross!" I flung my arms wide in exasperation. "You're overreacting! What's the
worst she could do to you?!"
Aaaaand there was the 'are you stupid/crazy' look again. "You're
kidding, right?" he demanded incredulously.
"It's
Nami," I reasserted firmly. Sure, she was a little too liberal with the staff-to-the-head thing sometimes, but not dangerous.
"Yeah,
my Nami!" Cross emphasized frantically.
I raised a finger and opened my mouth to reply… aaaaaand then I thought about what he'd just said, and I slowly lowered my finger with a sympathetic wince as I got what he was getting at. "Oooooh… yeeeaaah, you're fucked." Note to self, keep my Nami
far away from any and all rare Dials.
"
Ooooooh…" Great, now the poor bastard actually sounded like a wounded
animal. …ah fuck it, this was going to suck, but I couldn't just leave him to his fate. No matter how much said fate scared the shit out of me.
So saying—or thinking or… narrating, whichever—I tried to reach out and pat Cross on the shoulder to comfort him, but my hand fell halfway. Nope, couldn't do it. "Well, look on the bright side." I tried to make up for it by sounding as chipper as possible. "At least we're fucked
together, right?"
That snapped him out of his panic in favor of pure confusion. Heck, even
Soundbite poked his eyestalks out in surprise. "
Come again?"
"Weeeell," I waved my hands in a so-so manner. "I
did drop the mast she was hiding in, right? And, I mean," I gestured at Bellemere's face helplessly. "Just look at the poor woman! Her face is so beat up, it's impossible to tell if she got hit by one person or, say… two?"
Cross gaped at me as though I were an angel come down to earth. "I would very much like to hug you right now," he breathed reverentially, starting to step towards
oh hell no.
"If you touch me, I will track down that Sea King, chop you up,
and feed you to him as chum," I promised him in a solemn whisper.
"Fair 'nuff," Cross transitioned smoothly, stepping past me and walking around to Bellemere's head. "Alright, enough dilly-dallying. Come on, Soundbite's got a bead on the Sunny and I'd rather follow the rotten-wood road while we have the chance."
I glanced down at Bellemere's ankles uncomfortably before shooting my counterpart a pleading look. "You…
sure you can't do it on your own?"
Really starting to hate that 'idiot' look. "Me and what muscle tone?" he demanded.
I… really couldn't argue with that, could I?
Tabarnak this was going to suck. I crouched down and began the awkward process of getting Bellemere up onto my back. Ruatha was
not happy about this, as it meant someone else had his place on my shoulder, but he could walk. "I don't have enough hands. Help me get her arms around my shoulders so I can get a decent grip on her legs without her falling over backwards."
"On it," Cross nodded, circling around behind me and heaving Bellemere's torso into position before loosely putting her arms around my neck. This was so much easier with conscious people who could hold on under their own power. At least the Marine wasn't
that heavy.
"Alright, let's go," I grunted, starting to trudge forwards as I tried to convince myself that I was carrying a sack of potatoes rather than something that would
definitely trigger a panic attack.
Keeping pace with Cross as we made our way across the broken ships wasn't exactly the easiest feat to pull off. Stupid tall people and their stupid long legs and
doubly stupid uneven and unstable footing. Either way, between my…
ahem, 'conservative' stature and my endeavoring to remain upright, I spent a lot of time looking at his back. His very stiff, tense back. Guess he was still worried about Nami's reaction, not that I could rightly blame him.
…screw it, his tenseness was making
me tense. Coming to a decision, I jogged for a moment so I could try to comfort him face to face, forcing a small smile into place. "Still freaking out about Nami, eh?"
"Absolutely not in the slightest," Cross ground out around the armored thumb he was gnawing on.
"THANK GOD OUR SHOW
is audio only," Soundbite deadpanned, though the fact that he was sweating like a pig didn't really give his words much weight.
"Tell me about it…" I mused for a moment before tilting my head to the side thoughtfully. "Eh, try not to worry, it only makes you suffer twice over. And… if it helps? Look on the bright side."
"We are hauling the concussed body of my volatile, lightning-slinging crewmate's
mother," Cross deadpanned. "What
possible bright side is there to this situation?"
I made my expression as flat as his. "You only have to deal with one of her as opposed to two at once."
"And just like that, I'm bouncing back!" Cross perked up instantly, his smile radiating hope and positivity.
-o-
Meanwhile, back on the Thousand Sunny, Merry, who was standing on the forecastle with Franky, was staring down a spyglass at something off the port quarter. Something that, in hindsight, they really should have seen coming.
"Y'know, I'm getting the distinct impression that Cross was absolutely correct when he said that this place is a temporal clusterfuck," she remarked, her voice pointedly calm.
One bright blue eyebrow arched over Franky's sunglasses. "What makes you say that, sis?" he queried.
Sliding her spyglass shut with a distinct 'snap!', Merry indicated in the direction she'd been looking, a
very clear twitch in her jaw. "Because
I am sailing right towards us, and there's someone
very familiar on my forecastle."
Flicking his sunglasses up and out of the way, Franky followed her gaze towards the horizon, where a familiar sheep-headed caravel was slowly tacking towards them, an equally familiar shock of orange hair visible standing right next to said sheep's-head.
"Huh," Franky slowly blinked in surprise. "So you are."
-o-
Funny, I actually did feel better about that. And hey, even if she was and would ever be Nami, she was still my friend and she had notably mellowed out quite a bit since Enies. Hell, who knows, I might just be able to fast-talk my way out of this yet!
…alright, most likely I was just bullshitting myself and we'd still both be crapping thunder for a few hours, but at least a man can dream!
Still, the feeling cleared away the last of the panic and let me think clearly again, and the first thing I noticed was that Jones' shoulders were hunched up. And looking closely, she just seemed tense in general. No idea why though; even if she was willing to stand alongside me against Nami, chances were I'd catch a load more flak than her. So why did she flinch just- aaaah, and considering the sheer level of pissed at my hug offer earlier…
"You sure you don't want me to try and carry her, Jones?" I offered. "Because you look, well…"
"LIKE SHE'S ABOUT TO HOCK
everything from the stomach down?"
"I was trying to be subtle, but…" I shrugged helplessly. "Soundbite can be a blunt ass, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's always wrong."
She winced uncomfortably, but set her jaw and didn't even pause in marching onwards. "It's fine… alright, that's a lie, but don't worry about it. I just… I don't like being touched. But I can handle this." Jones' expression of discomfort turned into- yeaaaaah, that was one of the fakest smiles I'd ever seen. Alright, change the conversation, change the conversation… that'll do it.
"So, 'Newton's Second', eh?" I queried with an inquisitive look. "Lemme guess… Dyna-Dyna Fruit?"
Now Jones visibly perked up, life re-entering her countenance. "Force-Force, actually, but yours is clever. Still, mine's more accurate because it's only
physical energy I can deal with. See, I absorb, reflect, and manipulate force- although if I absorb too much, or too quickly, I tend to just sort of 'explode' without control. The force of impact is easiest, but I've started having some success with friction too. I'd demonstrate, but…" She shrugged, jostling Bellemere lightly.
"Oooh, neat!" I grinned eagerly. "Now
that is a brilliant and highly exploitable ability! What're your highest and lowest moments with it?"
"HIGHEST FOR ME WAS BLASTING
Lucci's feather-rat with mah BASS CANNON!" Soundbite cackled… before grimacing to the side. "
Lowest was when I let a prototype of Phony slap me UPSIDE MY SHELL."
It took a long moment of thought before Jones answered. "Hmmm… Lowest would be blowing myself backwards off a cliff while fighting Eric… the Scythe-bastard?" she clarified at my confused expression. "Back before I knew what my fruit
did."
I couldn't help the cheeky grin that spread across my face. "You thought it was—!"
"Yeah yeah, I thought it was
Star Wars, get off my ass, I was desperate!" she waved me off with a scowl. "Anyways, highest… Probably blowing up a T-Rex's head when it tried to eat me. Although I don't remember that one very well; you'd have to ask Vivi. I kind of lost consciousness right after."
"Nice!" I barked enthusiastically. "Escaping, surviving, killing and riding a T-Rex are the coolest actions you can perform concerning those things! I only managed one, but you got two at once! Seriously impressive!"
"
OH, OH, IDEA!" Soundbite waved his eyestalk eagerly before dropping his voice into a guttural growl. "
Once, a T-Rex bit Jones. And in a blood-filled, gore-soaked instant… it was dead."
"Sesehihihihihi!" Jones jerked forward as she giggled ecstatically. "D-Don't make me laugh! Nami really
will kill us if I give Bellemere a second lump!"
"Chuck Norris jokes? Really?" I deadpanned as Soundbite and Jones revelled together. "Whatever…" I contemplated what else we could talk about that didn't involve a done-to-death (if admittedly epic) meme. "So… any good movies come out recently?"
"Eh, Disney and Dreamworks have done alright, but that's not really important- although there was a new
Star Wars movie supposed to come out about a month after I… left." Jones shot me a curious look. "Really, though? You ask about movies, not how your own story's going? Aren't you the least bit curious?"
I shrugged with a dismissive scoff. "Why ask about the obvious? Good SIs are a once-in-a-blue-moon deal, and the One Piece fanfiction community is both comparatively minuscule
and polarized, with fics being either amazing or awful. And the combination of both? The lowest of both sides, bar none. Face facts, we both suck… er, in a literary way, I mean. No offense."
"None taken, and you're a bit off the mark," Jones deadpanned. "Last I saw?
This Bites! was pretty popular."
"Oh, yeah?" I shrugged without a care. "Eh, I guess that's nice, then. How many faves does it have? A hundred? Two?"
"Try over two
thousand."
I nearly snapped my
spine I spun around so fast, but hell if I could give half a damn about that! "Ex-
squeeze me!?" I choked out.
Jones shrugged carelessly and rolled her eyes. "You heard me, Jar-Jar. When I left, you were on the front page in terms of reviews, follows
and favorites. Undeniably the most popular SI in the fandom- although I'll agree, that's not necessarily saying much on its own- aaaand eighth most popular fic overall in terms of favorites. Might be higher by now. Basically?" She freed a hand to give me a thumbs-up. "Congrats, friend, you're officially what's known as an e-celebrity."
I—? But that—! How—?
What the fu—!?
has encountered a fatal error and has to shut down.
Reboot? Y/N
Y
Reboot accepted. Formulating appropriate response.
"
WHAT?!"
Any further responses were cut off by a loud thump on the deck behind us.
-o-
My first inkling that something was wrong was how hard and ungiving my bed seemed to be. I like a firm mattress as much as the next guy, but to my sleep-addled subconscious it felt more like a hardwood floor. Not comfy.
My second inkling was that I was asleep in the first place, though my brain was decidedly unhelpful in telling me
why that was a problem.
The third and most important was a finger jabbing into my ribs.
With the ease of long practice, I pried my eyes open and sat up, locking my gaze with Robin's brown orbs for a brief second, long enough for the worry in her expression to dim somewhat. It also served to reassure me; the last thing I remembered was seeing
Enrico-fucking-Pucci out and about on the street and then… and then… yeah, that blank spot in my memory was all kinds of worrying.
I slowly turned my head around, a sinking pit opening up in my stomach as I took in the derelict ship—a
wooden one at that, and massive too—we were on, as well as the multitude of others that were surrounding our perch, and the rainbow-colored mist we were enshrouded in, which was nigglingly familiar. And I dealt with that the way I usually do.
"Well, this definitely isn't Louisiana," I remarked. Unfortunately, that didn't get even a snort out of Robin, which was worrying, since she usually laughs at even my worst jokes.
"No, it's not," she agreed, glancing around. "A-Are we in the Bermuda Triangle?"
"I doubt it. Contrary to popular belief, the Triangle isn't any more dangerous than the rest of the ocean. Believe me, we've checked," I replied as I stood up, my jeans crackling. Ugh. Salt water. "Unless some rogue Stand user has set up shop there since we last checked." I frowned as I realized that in addition to not knowing where we were, I also had no idea how we'd gotten here. "How did we get here, anyway? I remember seeing Pucci on the street…"
I glanced over to Robin for answers to see her shuffling back and forth on her feet, looking away. Aw, hell, I knew what that expression meant. "I lost it and attacked him, didn't I?" I sighed, rubbing my forehead.
"Yeah, you didn't even use The Catalyst's abilities," Robin replied, her tone readily relaying what she thought about
that decision. "And then this fat slob in glasses stepped out of an alley and touched you and you vanished. I almost didn't grab him—he stank, seriously!—but I used my arms to try and lock him and then I blacked out and woke up on this ship a few minutes before you did."
"Ugh, that damn priest must have been there to recruit Stand users. And got one," I groaned, moving my hand away so I could look around again. "Alright, now, where are we—"
I froze as the memory that had been tickling me since I saw that fucking rainbow mist hit me like a thunderbolt. And as someone who's actually been
hit by lightning (long story), let me tell you, that was pretty hard.
"Rainbow mist…" I breathed. "Son of a gun…"
"You know where we are, then?" Robin asked hopefully.
"Yeah, I know where we are. We're in your old world."
Those words got the reaction I expected: anger and fear flitting over her face, her fists clenching at her sides, and her Stand, Pompeii, springing into sight, glaring at me. Thankfully, I knew the remedy for this sort of thing.
I pulled her into a hug.
"Don't worry," I said, stroking her hair, feeling her tense muscles under my other hand. "If I remember correctly, that ice bas—guy's nowhere nearby. More importantly, you're not the same as you were back then. It's okay, we're safe…"
I made soothing noises, continuing my stroking, and slowly I felt the tension ebb out of her. Finally, I felt her push against me, which was the usual signal that she'd had enough.
"Feel better?" I asked as we separated.
"Yeah…" she said softly, brushing at her eyes. "So, now what?"
I grimaced. My rather hazy memories of this arc—thank you… X-Chick, I think it was—indicated there was supposed to be an island here. But all I was seeing were dead ships, as far as the eye could reach.
"I don't know," I answered, frustration leaking into my voice. "What I remember of this part of One Piece is both super hazy and clearly wrong. I simply don't know enough about the Rainbow Mist to know what to do."
Robin nodded grimly. "Then we should probably find somebody and see if they know more."
"Heh," I chuckled. "We'll make a Stand warrior out of you yet. That's exactly what I was thinking." I glanced up at the mast rising above the deck, and pressed a hand to it, The Catalyst manifesting and overlaying its own arm. "And the first step towards that is to find a mast that hasn't been rotted through with seawater."
Stepping up, Robin gave the mast a hearty poke, and then stepped back. After a brief second, the mast creaked and began to fall over, making that classic cartoon falling tree sound before crashing onto a neighboring wreck.
"Yeah, probably a good idea," she drawled.
Getting to other ships was a simple matter of having our Stands pick us up and ferry us over. Navigating the ships themselves was trickier. Salt water and the creatures within it did nasty things to ships, steel, wood, or otherwise, but it was still surprising how bad off many of the wrecks were. I didn't want to think about how long some of these wrecks must have been here to get that bad. After the first time Robin nearly fell through a rotten patch of planking I had The Catalyst out constantly to keep an eye on the chemical composition of the wood.
And that was how, after landing on one of the more intact ships, I sensed something very important.
"Wait," I ordered, stopping Robin in her inspection of this ship's mast. I began to pace over the deck, trying to pinpoint a chemical that was in decidedly short supply around here.
"What did you find?" Robin asked, before glancing up. "And can I climb up the mast?"
"In order, I think I found fresh water, and yes, but be careful," I replied, stopping on a particular piece of deck. I could've used The Catalyst's ability to rot away the wood, but I was on the mood for something a little more visceral.
"
Oyoi!"
My Stand's fist crashed into the deck, smashing apart the planking, and I hopped down onto the gun deck below. Another "
Oyoi!" brought me down to the hold, which had so far avoided being flooded, my senses pointing me to several barrels.
Picking the nearest one, I pried it open, and in it was water. Water that, once I tasted it, proved to be fresh, if a bit brackish.
"Perfect…" I muttered as I replaced the lid.
"Did you find something?" I heard Robin call down.
"Yeah, we've got water now!" I called back up. "Give me a minute!"
Getting up again was a bit tricky, but there were plenty of footholds. The only problem was when I was trying to climb out of the gun deck. As it turned out, trying to climb off of a slick iron cannon was a bad idea if you didn't want bruised shins.
"Ratchafraszin'…" I muttered as I got back up on the main deck. I glanced up at the mast, seeing Robin staring off into the distance. "You see anything?"
"Yeah, I see a ship that isn't beat to shit!"
"Language!" I halfheartedly shouted up. "Now, let's get you down before something-"
SNAP!
"Yaaaaahhh!"
"Breaks!" I yelped, shifting onto the balls of my feet so I could dive in any direction. I shouldn't have worried, though; a glance up showed her hanging off the mast by the many arms sprouting from it.
"I'm okay!" she reported.
"Yeah, you seem to… have things in hand," I said, grinning.
"Snrk… That was terrible, Lee!" Steadily dropping herself down, she tapped her foot on top of my head before landing. "Terrible!"
"My great sense of humor aside—"
"Ha!"
"—you said you saw an intact ship, right?" I continued.
"Yup," Robin confirmed, dropping to the deck. "Well, mostly intact. The masts are kinda broken."
"We'll go there, then," I decided. "We have water here, but I want to find food, too. That's a lot harder to die from, but also harder to recover from, as well."
"Good," Robin said, sniffing and haughtily raising her nose. "When we are there, you shall cook me the most exquisite banquet you can!"
I stared at her for a few seconds, then shook my head and began chuckling. Oh, this was going to be good. Makes me wish my phone hadn't apparently gotten dunked in saltwater.
Robin, who had just started walking towards the ship, turned around at that, worry creasing her features. "Why are you chuckling?" she asked, her voice wavering.
"You'll see," I said cryptically, waving her forward. "Let's keep moving, okay?"
"Okay…" she said dubiously. We continued on, Robin in the lead, and she kept on glancing behind herself at me. Ah, I love it when I get to do this. And I love it even more when it's due to something that I didn't actually do! Does that make me an asshole?
Hm…
Nah, everyone enjoys a good bit of schadenfreude here and there. And not everyone's an asshole.
Secure in my logic, I went silent and focused on keeping an eye on the rotten decks. Thanks to our Stands carrying us over gaps and Pompeii temporarily patching up a few rotten spots, we made good time, and soon I could see the beached ship Robin had pointed out looming on the fog-shrouded horizon.
Still, we'd need to stop soon and take a break; Robin was beginning to flag. She hid it well, but the little quivers in her legs, particularly her calves, and the sweat running down her neck were obvious tells. We just needed to find a good, solid deck to stop on.
I was still debating where to do that when a loud squawk of "WHAT?!" echoed out over the graveyard, very loud and very close.
"Stay here!" I barked, noting in my peripheral vision Robin slumping to the deck as I dashed over to the side. Whatever this situation, throwing an internationally wanted young girl into the mix was unlikely to be a good thing, and honestly, she seemed relieved to get the rest.
The damn fog, naturally, was still obscuring things as I reached and peered over the side of the ship, but I could make out a pair of silhouettes, one person-shaped and one an amorphous blob that I recognized as one person carrying another. The Catalyst helpfully informed me a second later that the person being carried had a lot of black powder and residue on her person. Interesting.
Unfortunately, that was all the information I could get from here, and I still didn't know who these people were. I'd have to do this the hard way.
Jumping off the deck, I let the Catalyst float me down most of the way before dropping me the last few feet. My arrival was heralded by an audible thunk, and I was treated to two pairs of eyes shooting my way.
My mind quickly ran through the scene. On the right, young blond man, wearing a black cap, jacket, and pants; somewhat tanned, but still obviously of North European descent; bandage over his nose; armor over his forearms and shins; and a checkerboarded… Den-Den Mushi, I think they were called, on his shoulder. He also looked vaguely familiar, even though I'm pretty sure he wasn't anyone I'd ever seen before. On the left, young…
My eyes narrowed as I tried to make out the other figure's gender. Looked vaguely feminine… I'd go with female, until she indicated otherwise. Shorter than Blondie, same taste in dark clothing (black and dark purple), though with a fedora instead of a cap and a splash of red at her neck. Dirty blonde hair, olive skin that looked natural instead of tanned… and a utility belt jammed to the gills with
stuff. I counted at least eight pouches, as well as a flintlock pistol and a sai practically touching.
Neither of them looked particularly threatening; both had rather slim builds and only one was even armed. Still, in both JoJo and One Piece, appearance was often a
terrible indicator of threat level, so I didn't drop my guard.
That, and there was a third person in what I'm pretty sure was a Marine uniform being carried on Fedora's shoulders, unmoving and limp. The woman—at least, I'm pretty sure it was a woman—had dark
orange hair trimmed down to a buzz cut on the sides, and it was tickling my memory. That hairstyle, and the Marine uniform…
Ah. Bellemere, I'm pretty sure. I guess my memory about time fuckery is accurate.
For whatever reason—whether surprise, my close scrutiny, or something else—neither of them reacted for several seconds. Well, that wouldn't do. These people were our best ticket out of here.
Standing from the crouch I'd been in, I indicated the unconscious woman. "Friend of yours?"
"…Uh, friend of a friend?" Blondie posed.
"Close enough," Fedora nodded.
I hummed thoughtfully. "And is there any reason she's covered in enough gunpowder and gunpowder residue that I can smell it?"
"
She's a sniper who just tried to give us EXTRA HOLES IN OUR bodies," the snail scoffed, its voice swapping in pitch, tone and even gender. "
NO DOI SHE REEKS LIKE A ONE-WOMAN ARMY."
I narrowed my eyes at the checkerboarded Den-Den Mushi, which appeared to be talking on its own in some weird radio patchwork. Could they do that? And that sense of familiarity was back and stronger than ever…
"That makes sense," I said slowly, nodding. I plastered a grin on my face, and I clapped my hands together. "So! Since it seems you're both stuck here, too, do either of you know any way to get out of here? We've got some time-sensitive stuff to take care of."
Fedora snorted. "Time-sensitive.
Here. Please, tell another one." Her words were accompanied by amused chattering from an overgrown lizard—with
wings—scrambling around her ankles. Right, dragons are a thing around here. I mentally raised her threat level a notch.
"Heheh, that's a nice one, Soundbite, rewind his last sentence," Blondie transitioned from laughing to dead serious in a second as he suddenly pointed at me.
There was a brief rewinding noise from the snail before it started to speak in my voice. Okay, seriously, I knew this guy. I swear, it's on the tip of my tongue… "
We've got some time-sensitive stuff to take care of."
Blondie tensed up and started to clench and unclench his fists. "You heard what I heard, right?" he asked his companion tersely.
"Yep." Fedora turned to scowl at me. "Tabarnak… I like a good fight as much as the next crazy person, but not when I'm carrying precious cargo."
"
Walk 'em out OR ELSE I GET THEM CHUCKIN' EVERYTHING THEY'VE eaten in the last week!" the Den-Den Mushi snarled grimly. "
And for the record? I'm not fuckin' exaggerating."
I resisted the urge to sigh. Man, I suck at negotiating. But then, I already knew that. Call in Koichi for diplomacy, call me if you want someone dead. Hell, even Jotaro's better at negotiating than me, and he has all the emotive capacity of a brick wall!
Anyway, I could probably take them, but I'd rather not kill our only ticket out of here, or piss off the companions they inevitably had. And I still didn't remember who Blondie was despite that nagging recognition. I
hate it when that happens!
"Woah, okay, let's not go crazy here," I said, raising my hands in placation. "I don't want to fight, and I wasn't planning on ambushing you guys."
Yet.
"But if it'll make you all feel better… Hey, Robin!"
"Yeah?" Robin called down from the ship above, both Blondie and Fedora exchanging glances, likely at the youth of her voice.
"Come on down, they want to meet you!"
"Aye-aye!"
There was a moment of silence, and then a mast crashed down to the deck several yards away from us, shattering into chunks of rotten wood. Then the wood crumbled into ash, swirling into a vaguely mast-shaped mass, which promptly snapped together into a pristine new mast. Robin skipped down a few seconds later, a happy grin on her face.
"Hi, my name's Robin Fung!" she said in greeting, waving her hand. Behind her, the mast collapsed back into shattered, rotten wood. "Weird name, huh? Blame this guy." That last was accompanied by a thumb jabbed my way.
Fedora's scowl morphed into what could only be called a puzzled glare, her mouth falling open with a hiss. "Son of a—!"
Blondie's reaction, however, was leagues more extreme… and rather amusing, too. Seriously, I didn't even
know jaws could go so low, or that a person could survive without a drop of blood in his face.
"R-
Robin?" he choked out incredulously.
Aaaaand just like that this wasn't funny anymore. I could see Robin's eyes widening slightly in my peripheral vision, though it was more out of surprise than fear. "Uh… have we met?" she asked.
"Or have you just seen the
wanted poster that's been floating around these waters?" I added, barely keeping from snarling. The Catalyst, as it's wont to do when my emotions run high, sprang into view behind me, looming ominously.
Robin opened her mouth, presumably to ask about that, but I raised my hand and she closed it. I wanted to see how they reacted to my words. I tried to watch their eyes, but that was a bit difficult, because they were looking over my… aaaah, shit, the Mist was making my Stand visible, wasn't it?
"Did I pull an all-nighter without noticing it?" Fedora wondered aloud, reaching one hand under her glasses to rub her eyes. "Because I think I'm hallucinating a modernized version of Red Skull."
…Scratch that, they can
fucking see it. What the hell?! Do these two have Observation Haki? Oh, that would be bad news if they did.
"You… have a Stand…" Blondie choked out. Then his expression turned downright sickly as he snapped his attention back to Robin. "Wait… Stands and—!? Oh, frack me,
Bohemian Rhapsody!?"
"How do you know that name?!" I snapped almost before he'd finished speaking, the Catalyst flashing out to grab Blondie by the throat and slam him against the nearest hard surface; the deck-edge railing, in this case.
As he gurgled, my mind was awhirl. How did this guy know about Stands, let alone one as specific and short-lived as Bohemian Rhapsody? And—
Wait.
The blond hair. The armored arms and legs, the Den-Den Mushi. Someone who's read JoJo, in a world where that didn't exist.
"—Lee? Lee!"
I blinked, seeing Robin tugging at my arm, looking angry. Then I glanced out, seeing the person I finally recognized starting to turn an unhealthy shade of blue, and Fedora in a fighting stance looking ready to jump into the fray. At a command, the Catalyst released him, letting him drop to the deck, hacking and coughing and clutching a clearly bruised throat.
"Xomniac?"
-o-
"Gagh, I, wha—
WHAT!?" I managed to bite out as I got my throat working again. "Sonnuva, how the hell do
you know
that name!?…wait…" I glanced skyward miserably. "Oh, come on,
another self-insert? Dunno how the hell you jiggered things so that we don't suck back home, but I'm still serious about a crossover being a shit gimmick!"
The grizzly-looking mofo who'd just
nearly ripped my spine out snorted at that, getting an exasperated sigh from tiny Robin (still trying not to freak out about that), and he took a deep breath, seeming to collect himself.
"I dunno, you didn't seem to think that when you dumped Priscilla and… what's his name, that ice dragon guy from… Dark Souls, was it? Anyway, when you dumped those two in Resuscitatio. And don't even get me started on Franken Fran."
"I WAS ON A SUCCESS HIGH, I ALREADY ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I FUCKED UP!" I roared indignantly at the impudent son of a bitch. Damn it, how long was he going to hold that shitfest over my head, it'd been weeks since we'd even… talked about…
…wait a second.
"
CV!?" I squawked, my eyes nearly popping out of my sockets.
Jones looked from me to CV and back again. "So… You know this guy? Do we have to fight him or not? I'm confused."
"You and me both," Robin muttered. "And just so you know, he could totally kick both your asses!"
"In the flesh," fucking
CV12Hornet said. He then proceeded to poke Robin in the back of the head. "Also, Robin? Please don't write checks that I have to cash."
My brain stalled and jarred as I tried and failed to to process just what the hell I was seeing. CV. CV12Hornet. An extremely skilled writer, my best editor. One of my best friends in the whole—
WHY THE HELL AM I STILL SITTING!?
"DUDE!" I laughed elatedly, shooting to my feet and spreading my arms wide. I was promptly knocked off my feet by the man wrapping me up in a hug, strong arms squeezing the air out of me.
"You're alive, you crazy bastard!" CV crowed. "I told you going into a 'verse with superhuman baseline durability was a bad idea!"
"And you have a fucking
Stand!" I laughed back as I rammed my hands down on his back. "You went into JoJo and you crawled out the other end
in one fucking piece! Holy
shit dude, you—!… you…" I trailed off slowly before leaning back to give my old pal a bemused look. "Yooou've pulled a Joseph. Eesh, dude."
"What are you—?" CV began, before scowling. "I'm forty-six, dammit! And I like to think I look good for my age!"
"SORRY TO TELL YOU,
bub, but you look like you're pushing SIXTY!" Soundbite cackled.
"And I think you need to get your eyes checked, Squashy!" Robin interjected, adding a stomp on the deck for emphasis. "He doesn't look a day over forty-five!"
"Thanks…" CV grumbled.
"
YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE, shortstack!?" Soundbite snapped his jaws menacingly.
"Oh, lordy…" I slapped a hand to my face with a groan. "I see where this is going… bah, while they're ripping each other's heads off—"
Beside us, Robin glared at Soundbite and drew herself to her full 5'5" height. "Yeah, I do! Your mother was a slug and your father was a hermit crab!"
"—wanna catch up?"
"
Ohoh, you wanna dance? Bring it, cause I'm soooo scared of that knife in your face! OH WAIT, THAT'S YOUR NOSE!"
CV eyed the insult-fest between Soundbite and Robin for a second before shrugging and nodding. "Sure. D'you want to start, or…?"
"Dude, I've been on these seas for six months, you've been in JoJo for the majority of your
life," I deadpanned. "Who the hell do you
think has the more interesting story?"
"Still you," he replied with a smug grin. "
I haven't been hanging around a protagonist the whole time. Just some of the time."
"…fair 'nuff!" I grinned cockily as I started fiddling with my gauntlets. "And if I'm going first, let me cut off any 'comparing scars' nonsense early, because nothing you've got can top what I've got."
"I
seriously dooouoookay, nevermind…"
I revelled in the way my friend recoiled from my unbandaged arm, the vindictive joy pushing me through the sting of salt on my exposed nerves. "Yeaaaah, like a limb of molten mozzarella! Gooey and solid in all the wrong places! Touch it."
"How about
no? The last time I saw burns that bad, it was on a
corpse!"
"C'moooon, touch it!"
"Xom, get that thing away from me!"
"Touch it touch it touch it!"
"I will
melt the rest of you from the lungs out, so help me God!"
-o-
I laughed as Cross started chasing his friend around the deck waving… not the
most badly scarred hand I'd ever seen, since I used to work for a surgeon, but certainly up there. To be able to meet someone you knew in a place like this, so far from home… Although, this CV person seemed a lot older than I would've expected of someone Cross hung out with on Earth. Maybe he aged differently on his alternate timeline thingy? Oh, the joys of time-warp shenanigans.
Wait… Time-warp shenanigans—I'd come to
One Piece about a
year after Cross had, if not a little longer. The manga had progressed so much… Should I warn him about Sanji's family?…wait, warn—? Oh, holy hell,
Ace. He still thought he was free and clear on that front, he had
no idea about the shitstorm waiting for him! Screw it, I know I would've wanted
him to warn
me, if our situations had been reversed. The more information you had, the better it was for making plans. That was something I'd managed to learn from
him.
Something flashed across my peripheral vision as I opened my mouth to speak. No one else noticed, still engaged in their banter. Suspicious, I turned to find whatever-it-was. Were we under attack? But no, all I saw was a ratty scrap of sail that had fallen from a nearby wreck. It had something written on it though. The dripping red text piqued my curiosity; I moved closer to read it.
Go ahead and tell him.
Halfway through reading the note, something
flashed across my skin, and I was forced to lean over with a hiss when my forearms began to sting and burn. I almost dropped Bellemere in surprise. Twelve glowing lines of pain, almost as bad as when they'd been fresh. When I looked back, there was a sheet of impossibly sturdy paper lodged in the wood. One edge was lined in red; I was able to read three words before the pervasive moisture caused it to begin crumbling into pulp.
I dare you.
Tabarnak. This was that B.R.O.B. thing, wasn't it? Didn't want me messing with Cross' fate. …tch, fine, message received, you omni-everything fuck. Wasn't like it would matter anyways, because knowing Cross, he'd meet whatever challenges were coming head-on and grind them into the
dirt. I paused at that thought. Huh. A lot more admiration there than I usually showed for anyone… except maybe Sensei. Hello, not-my-usual-writer.
Still, just in case… I freed one hand for a second to flip the sky off. "Merde! Fine, fine, have it your way. Just quit messing with the scars, my own writer does that enough already. And I may not be able to see you right now, but if I ever do find you…
Mon tabarnak j'vais te décalisser la yeule, calice!"
Slamming my foot on the note-mush for good measure, I grit my teeth and forced back the pain. It slowly subsided as I clenched and unclenched my muscles. Deep breaths; force a smile so no one would suspect I'd seen anything unusual.
Even if she wasn't all that heavy, carrying Bellemere was starting to get tiring. I'd
really appreciate getting to the ship so I could put her down and stretch out my shoulders; the muscles in my upper back were starting to seize up. Time to get people back on track. But how?
…
Yes.
I crept up behind Cross while he was going after CV, my steps quiet on the worn wood. Not that I expected anyone except maybe Soundbite to hear me over the banter that was still in progress. Slipping one hand free, I reached for a famous and much-hated button, crazy grin growing across my face.
BWAAAAAAAAAH!
The noise hurt my ears something awful, but it was worth it. Everyone jumped, including me; I made sure my leap carried me
away from Cross and any possible vengeance. Five pairs of eyes fixed on me; Ruatha let out a reproachful croon of pain.
"Sesehihihihihi! Oh, that was
fun. I can't believe I actually got the chance to do it!"
-o-
I recovered first from the incredible noise of the foghorn; the one benefit of being around so many explosions in my twenty-four years in Jojo. "Dang, that's loud," I groused, rubbing my ears. "You okay, Robin?"
"My eaaaars…" she groaned from where she was curled up on the deck. "Gimme a few minutes for the world to stop ringing…"
I nodded, and turned back towards Fedora, who was looking quite pleased with herself. "Soooo. I don't think we were ever introduced and I suppose blowing our eardrums is as good an introduction as any." I held my hand out towards her. "Lee Fung, better known as CV12Hornet in online circles."
She stared at my hand for a moment before awkwardly freeing one of her own to shake it. "Jones. Also an SI, although I don't know what name my writer uses. So… What was that Red Skull thing that grew up behind you earlier? Or was I
actually hallucinating again?"
Again? "Don't worry, you're not hallucinating," I explained once we broke the handshake. "This is my Stand, The Catalyst." Said Stand popped into view behind me as I mulled over how to explain this. "Think of it as… a manifested fighting spirit that gives you superpowers. I'm honestly surprised you can see it."
"So, sort of a cross between Haki and a Patronus? Cool." Jones shrugged at my latter words. "Afraid I can't help with the seeing thing, if people normally can't. Between the glasses and the crazy, it's hard for me to tell. Now, since you reacted so well to it, I hope you don't mind me using you as a human shield if anyone else was pissed off by the foghorn. Like I said, I don't like fighting with precious cargo." So saying, she ducked around to put me between her and the rest of the group.
On the plus side, while Robin was rubbing her ears and glaring at Jones, it seemed to be mostly annoyance. Xomniac and Soundbite, on the other hand, looked actually angry.
"And for the record, now that I
have a human shield?" she spoke up from behind me. "I see why you guys like doing that!"
"WE KNOW!" Xomniac and Soundbite hollered irritably.
"Sesehihihihihi!"
"Ugh… alright, moving on," Xom groaned. "You know the story as well as I do… uh, would you prefer CV or Lee?"
I let a grin spread across my face. "Yes."
"…Right." He slapped his hand to his face with a sigh before splitting his fingers and… glancing at Robin? "So. Child Robin. Considering the setting you walked out of, I take it that my guess about Bohemian Rhapsody was right?"
I opened my mouth to respond—
"That's right!"
And then Robin cut in, grabbing my arm and grinning sunnily.
"He tried to save me from the ice guy but kept getting frozen and then this weird arrowhead cut me and it really hurt but it gave me a Stand—" And here Pompeii - a humanoid, vaguely female figure in grey plaster and jagged black volcanic rock, Roman numerals making a clock over its chest - sprang to life and gave a wave. "So I could keep him alive and then he went and kicked the bad guy's a—butt, and then because I had a Stand I was able to stay and not go back into that comic book for weird reasons I don't get and Lee adopted me and it was awesome!"
"What she said," I interjected in the silence that followed before glancing back at Jones. "Also, maybe I should carry Bellemere from now on."
My suggestion earned a scowl, of all things. Despite looking like she could use a break, Jones was glaring like I'd just threatened to kill her dragon. "No. No, I'm good."
Well, alright then. Let her suffer in silence. Arguing with that kind of stubbornness generally got you a boot to the head. At best. "Suit yourself."
Meanwhile…
"Riiiight…" Cross stared at Robin for a second longer before affixing me with a flat glare. "For the record? If my Robin pulls a Joestar and gets a Stand by extension or association or what the hell ever and starts shifting art-styles, I blame
you."
"Duly noted," I blandly stated. "Anyway, now that the exposition's out of the way, I hope one of your ships is around so we can sit down and hash out how the hell we're going to get out of here."
"Sunny's over… thattaway," Cross jerked his thumb in the direction his snail indicated. "We're planning on regrouping there so that Chopper… actually, now that I think about it, do I need to clarify him as 'my' Chopper?" he glanced at Jones in askance.
"Nah, I think you're good." She shook her head. "I doubt we'll need to deal with
those kinds of hijinks…" Her expression fell flat. "And it's not like your Chopper could be confused with mine by any sane person anyways."
"Uh…?" Robin slowly raised her hand curiously. "If they're the same person, why not?"
"
It MIGHT have something to do with the fact that one is NUTTIER THAN A SQUIRREL AND strapped with EXPLOSIVES," Soundbite responded flatly.
"…Withdrawn," Robin muttered, Pompeii shimmering briefly into existence and rubbing its neck nervously behind her.
"Shall we?" I interjected, indicating the direction Cross had pointed.
"Allons-y!" the relatively native pirate proclaimed as he forged on energetically.
~o~
"Ah, mi casa at last!" I laughed in relief, swinging my arms out wide as the beautiful, tri-masted form of my home and steed came into sight through the mists. "It's not su casa, but he'll take you in all the same. Nice, eh?"
Lee didn't say anything for a long moment in favor of staring with furrowed brows at the ship. "…Wasn't the Thousand Sunny supposed to be a brig sloop?" he asked at last.
"That was with a ฿200 million budget. Thanks to me, we had ฿500 million,
and a ship-whisperer involved in the construction process." I couldn't help but shoot a cocky grin over my shoulder at Jones. "Top
that, rookie."
"That implies a situation where we need Sunny in the first place, asshat," Jones deadpanned.
"…also implies you make it to Water 7 period?" I offered sheepishly.
"As if we won't," Jones rolled her eyes before shifting Bellemere about with a grunt. "Look, quit rubbing your superior experience in my face and help me figure this out; I don't have enough hands to climb while holding a person." Her words were accompanied by what I was pretty sure was the dragon equivalent of a raspberry from Ruatha.
"Right, I thought the Wikipedia page for barques looked familiar…" Lee muttered, ignoring the exchange as he kept looking over Sunny. "Oh, and speaking of hands? Robin just climbed up the side while you two were arguing."
"Wait,
what!?" I snapped my attention to him in shock. "Why didn't you—!?"
"
Brace," Soundbite droned flatly.
I hastily snapped my headphones over my ears…
"EEEEEEE!"
Just in time to dodge the supersonic shriek that came within milliseconds of rending my eardrums. Prepubescent girls: an aspect of modern life I
so did not miss.
Others, however…
"
Dick…" Jones ground out as she got a hand free and dug a finger through her ear.
"Yeah, she's got a
fantastic set of pipes, doesn't she?" Lee said, a smug grin on his face telling just how much experience he had with this. "Oh, and to answer your question, Xom, I didn't say anything because I try to be fairly hands-off as a parent. Oh, and because I thought it'd be funny."
"
HE'S AS BAD AS YOU, PARTNER!" Soundbite cackled.
"And as confusing to boot."
"GRK!" I went ramrod stiff as a
specific voice spoke up behind me, and I slowly turned a twitching grin up to the Sunny's railing. "H-Heya, Robin. IIII'm guessing you have a few questions."
"I'll save the ones for your…
friend for a later time," she cast a pointed glance at Lee for a moment before refocusing on me. "Currently, however?" She hefted…
an arm up, exposing the fact that her mini-me had latched onto her like a lamprey and was staring at her with particularly twinkly eyes. "I'd very much like an explanation for
this."
"Lee, you were right!" Younger Robin giggled ecstatically as she rubbed her cheek against… well, her
own arm. "I'm gonna be
sooo hooot when I grow up!"
"Told you that brat Mikaela was just jealous!" Lee shot her a thumbs-up.
"Ergh…" I dragged a hand down my face with a groan before jerking my thumb at Jones and her…
baggage. "Look, I'll explain things soon enough. For now, mind if I start by trying to explain
that to the crew?"
Robin hummed noncommittally for a moment before shrugging and conjuring a makeshift ladder of limbs on Sunny's side. "Pass her here. Best you come on first though, so that you can help me lift her up."
"On it," I saluted, hastily clambering up her limbs and waving down at Jones once I was on deck. "Alright, pass 'er up!"
"
Finally." There was a relieved sigh as Jones heaved Bellemere up high enough that Robin could grab her and start passing her up. "Merde… I'm gonna be so stiff tonight. Make sure you watch her head, eh? And get her to Chopper ASAP."
"Yeah, yeah, I got her," I nodded absentmindedly, keeping my head on a swivel even as I hooked my arms under Bellemere's arms. "Now let's hurry up and do this before Nami sees—!"
"Before Nami sees
what exactly?"
A loud smack echoed from down on the shore where Lee still was.
"GRK!" I barely kept from fumbling the Marine as I shot a panicked glance over my shoulder at Nami and Vivi, who'd
somehow managed to walk up behind me without anyone warning me. I spared snarls at a
far too satisfied Soundbite and Robin (the older one I mean, damn this was going to be confusing…) before smiling tersely at the two. "N-Nami! Good timing,
great timing really! I-I-I was just going to go and get you! I, ah, j-j-just discovered something in the Mists you'll want to know about!"
"Yeah, funny story about that…" Vivi cocked her eyebrow at me. "See, we found something pretty incredible too."
And with that she stepped aside to reveal… an older woman who looked just like
oh bloody hell!
"QUEEN TITI, MA'AM!" I yelped, hastily spinning around to snap her a saluuuu
oooh shit.
THUNK!
I flinched as the meaty thump of flesh and bone striking flesh and bone rang out. "I can explain that."
"GAH!
TABARNAK, YOU DROPPED HER RIGHT ON MY
HEAD, YOU ASS!"
"I can explain that too."
I tried not to flinch as our navigator leaned to the side to look past me, where Bellemere was sprawled out on the deck in front of a sour-looking Jones, who wasn't rubbing the top of her head only because Ruatha was licking the spot.
"Cross," Nami asked dryly, her eyes slowly narrowing. "Would you care to explain to me why my
once-dead-mother is lying down there and why she looks like she got kicked in the face?"
"Er…" I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably as I tried to look anywhere but at her. "Beeecause someone kicked her in the face?"
"I thought you described your friend as 'eloquent'?" the un-deceased queen of Alabasta asked her daughter with honest curiosity.
"Eh," Vivi waved her hand. "It comes and goes with the tides."
"
Bite me," I hissed out of the corner of my mouth, slapping my resident pest's shell before he could get any bright ideas.
"Would it be too crass to make a concussion joke?" Lee chose that exact time to
very helpfully cut in as he climbed up the side. "Because this is, what, the third time she's gotten knocked on the head today?"
"Only the second, you bastard!" I called down acridly, before flinching as Nami's fingers dug furrows into the railing. "Aaaaand that is
so not helping my case, is it?"
"No. No, it's not." Hands appeared on the rail as Jones heaved herself up. Ruatha came up separately, and a little ways away- dragon must have good instincts for avoiding trouble. Jones sighed. "Anyways, look… Nami, my name is Jones. I know you might not know me, but I just want you to hear me out: Cross might be an idiot—!"
"Oi!"
"—But to be fair, this time this mess isn't
entirely his fault."
"OI!"
Jones shot a glare at me before looking at Nami regretfully. "As I was saying… yes, some of it was me, and I'm really sorry about hurting your mother. Feel free to exact your pounds of flesh as needed, just don't hurt us too bad; can't have Soundbite and Ruatha becoming orphans now, can we?"
For the longest time, Nami just stood in place, spinning her Clima-Tact, at her side. Finally, she thunked it in place at her side and heaved a sigh. "I'm… actually
not going to hurt you two."
It was like some great divinity had chosen to
smile upon us, my heart felt so light. "Really?" I breathed euphorically, tears of hope glistening in my eyes.
"You're serious!?" Jones asked in shock.
"Entirely," Nami nodded solemnly, gesturing at her ear. "See, after a recent incident? I have a bit of a hard time working up as much temper as I could before. I'm not exactly
happy about this situation, by no stretch of the imagination, but I'm certainly not going to fly off the handle and
maul the both of you. So yeah, you don't need to worry about me."
I was sitting on Cloud 9, but apparently Jones was a bit more distrustful, if the sheen of sweat on her brow was anything to go by. "And… why doesn't that reassure me?
At all?"
"Oh, that's an easy one," Nami's suddenly
demonic smile killed my joy cold, and the way she snapped the Eisen-section off her staff and started tossing it up and down in her palm didn't help either. "See, without my temper, I can't really get riled up enough to do shit to you."
Without warning, Nami tossed the tube of metal to the side, and I traced its flight through the air - before locking up in terror as a positively
irate Nami snatched it out of the air.
"That's why
she's here," my Nami smirked as she walked over to her alternate, carrying Bellemere on her back as she walked around the stormfront that was rapidly expanding behind her double. "I'd wish you good luck… buuut honestly I really hope that this
hurts."
"You." The alt-Nami hissed murderously, a downright deadly look in her eyes as the clouds around her roiled and snapped grimly. "Concussed. My
mother."
-o-
White nibbled at the edges of my vision; I felt like I was about to faint. "Parlay?" I offered weakly- not that I really expected anything to come of it. And surprise, surprise, nothing did, unless you count my Nami - my normal, un-altered,
still rage-filled Nami - turning her terrifying gaze on
me.
"You. Concussed. My.
Mother," she hissed.
And then… the air
exploded.
"YOU
IDIOTS!"
A wave of solid cloud slammed into me and Cross before we could say shit, taking us clean off our feet and pinning us to the galley wall with bruising force.
My first reaction? Ow. My second reaction?
Owwwww. Tabarnak, clouds were
not supposed to be this hard. Funny how
that was the first thing to go through my head, instead of something like 'oh crap, the Namis have met,' or 'don't cross the streams.' Although it was probably a little late for the latter. I gasped, trying to get my wind back, but apparently Cross got there first.
"N-Nami!" he wheezed frantically, struggling against his binds. "I-I know you're pissed at us, but if you'll just let me explain-!"
"Gag him," the
This Bites! Nami instructed mine coolly as she examined her fingernails.
"—
MMPH!?" Cross let out a muffled howl as a tendril of iron cloud clamped down over his mouth.
This Bites! Vivi—ah, screw it, I'm not doing that forever—TB!Vivi whistled in awe. "Wow, that was actually impressive."
Titi tilted her head towards her daughter, her attention never leaving our pinned forms. "Yes, this
is quite the impressive display of how unique the Grand Line can be, isn't it?"
"Hm?" TB!Vivi blinked at her mother in confusion before 'ah'ing in understanding. "Oh, no, not that, our Nami has those clouds out 24/7, they're practically her own personal aura.
I was talking about her gagging Cross. Smartest thing anyone's ever done in a fight against him by far."
"MMPH MU!" Cross let out a smothered roar at her.
"Language!" Lee laughed up at him.
"MMH MPH!" The anarchy-raiser snapped his glare to his old friend, who only reacted with a smile and wave.
My Nami shot a glance at TB!Nami. "Should I do something about the snail too? Or is it just there for decoration?"
TB!Nami—man, this was confusing—thought for a moment, then waved her off. "Nah, it's fine. Not like it would stick anyways, and without the puppetmaster he's mostly harmless."
"
OI!" Soundbite roared indignantly.
"Oh, so you're saying that
you know how to break someone's spirit with just a few words?" TB!Nami questioned flatly.
"
I—!" Soundbite started to bark before glancing to the side uncertainly. "
Alright fine, emotional torture is and always will be CROSS'S FORTE." He then perked up eagerly. "
On the other hand, PHYSICAL TORTURE OF THE AUDIAL VARIETY IS MY FORTISSISSIMO!"
"Nice pun," Lee remarked.
"MRPH!" Cross flailed furiously.
"
ENOUGH."
All conversation stopped as my Nami's voice lashed out over the deck.
Then, eyes a few millimeters of blood pressure away from glowing red, she advanced on us until she was just out of kicking range. The clouds tightened around us, a promise inherent in their binds. "Jones… I'll give you one chance to tell me
who kicked my mother's face in. And I'm warning you now." She snapped her finger over her shoulder to point at where both Robins were watching over the KO'd Marine. "You might be my friend, but that is my
mother. So! If I wind up being unhappy with the answer…" Her grip on the metal tube tightened to the point where her knuckles popped.
Nope, not saying anything. I'm not a snitch. Biting my lip, I did my best to avoid Nami's gaze. Hopefully she'd get whatever punishment she had in mind over with quickly and we could move past—!
"
It was Jones!"
WHAT.
"
MRPH?!" Cross squawked just as incredulously.
"
YOU HEARD ME!" Soundbite cackled madly, his eyestalks jabbing in my direction. "SCARFACE HERE
decided to punt the Marine dead center! Quite viciously too, I might add!"
Oh, that little… "YOU FOUL, SCHEMING LITTLE
TURD OF POND SCUM!" I spat at the slimy shit, straining at him as much as physically possible. "I SHOULD BAKE YOU IN GARLIC BUTTER AND SERVE YOU WITH FRENCH BREAD! AND I HOPE THAT WHEN YOU GET REINCARNATED, IT'S INTO A FUCKING
SALT-SHAKER!"
"
Bring it the hell on, you two-faced, TWO-MINDED, HALF-BAKED Impact Dial!" the slimy git leered. "
I ain't goin' down for the shit YOU'VE DONE!"
Half-baked?
Half-baked? Oh, we'd see who was half-baked. "When I get out of here, I'm going to shove my '
half-baked' Newton's Second down your
goddamn—GAH!"
"
GYRK!"
"Oh, will you both just SHUT UP?!" The clouds tightened even further, also extending to wrap around Soundbite. If my Nami wasn't livid before, she was now. Oops. "I don't care who, but
someone better give me a straight answer, or—!"
"Well, I'm no doctor," Lee cut in from where he had moved to examine Bellemere. "But besides the boot to the face, from the bruising and her pupils she took a nasty fall onto her side, and also a bright light in her face. Which of those two does that sound like?"
The Namis looked at each other. "Bright light sounds like Cross' Gastro-Flash," TB!Nami offered. My Nami's expression darkened.
"And Jones tends to blow up and throw people across the battlefield. So it was
both of them. Thank you."
"You're welcome!" Lee cheerfully replied. "So, what're you gonna do—?"
Suddenly, crackling noises filled the air and the atmosphere
reeked of ozone.
TB!Nami's eyes shot wide as she shot her hand to her suddenly lighter hip. "
Shit! Nonono, wait—!"
Lee, too, looked rather panicked. "Shit!" The Catalyst sprang to life. "Stop!"
Tabarnak. This wasn't gonna be pretty. Sparks began to dance around the iron clouds, blue and white and gold. Tiny zaps of static- like you get from a wool carpet- preceded the incoming storm. I grit my teeth and closed my eyes, bracing myself for pain.
"
OKAY, HAPPY-HAPPY-FUNTIME STOPS HERE! SUCK IT!"
No- no pain? "Eh?" I cracked an eye open. Nami- my Nami- was kneeling on the ground, her hands over her ears, looking like she was about to vomit. TB!Nami stood over her, clutching two thirds of a Clima-Tact. The iron clouds receded, dropping me and Cross to the deck with a thud. Not far away, I heard a groan in a vaguely familiar voice. Oh, good, Bellemere was waking up.
Both Namis froze at that sound. They turned in slow unison to look at the red-headed Marine. Cross and I were forgotten in a clatter of heels as the navigators raced across the deck to check on their mother. I let out a sigh of relief at the lack of lightning treatment.
"
Bellemere!" The Marine was engulfed in hugs as soon as she made to sit up. Both Namis looked like they might start crying at any moment; Bellemere, for her part, was totally confused.
"N-Nami?" Glancing at the two women hugging her didn't help the Marine's confusion. She reached up to wipe blood from her face, wincing as she touched her nose. "This- This is a dream, right? Because last time I checked, you were three years old, and I'm pretty sure I didn't have twins."
"If it
is a dream, I'm not sure I want to wake up." My Nami glanced back at me out of the corner of my eye. "It's almost good enough for me to forgive those idiots for what they did."
"Really?" I couldn't quite keep the eagerness out of my voice. Beside me, Cross sagged in relief. Half a second later, a thrown bottle bounced off my head. Nami smiled.
"Okay,
now I can forgive them."
"Ow…" I grumbled, rubbing the spot where the bottle had hit me. Thankfully, both Namis were now focused entirely on their tearful reunion with their mother, leaving only TB!Vivi, who was looking thoughtfully at me, and her mother Titi, who seemed content to just watch with an amused smile on her face.
Actually, Vivi was outright staring at me. And then she was staring at Lee. And then back at me. Creepy…
"So, which one of you is Cross's?" she asked.
Lee shot a confused glance my way, to which I could only shrug. Cross's what? Who knows? Denied an answer from me, he turned back to Vivi, raising a finger. "Uh, Cross's what?"
"Oh, his loved one," she clarified, looking a little sheepish. "Sorry, it's just… everyone else ran off to who knows where because after my…" There was a slight hitch to her voice that was
rife with both disbelief and joy. "My
mother and Serra - Conis' mother," she clarified at our confused looks. "After they came out of the mist, we all figured out that our loved ones were somehow coming out of the Mists. I was just wondering which of you was Cross's."
"That would probably be me," Lee answered, raising his hand. "I was one of his best friends back, uh… home."
When TB!Vivi looked askance at me, I rolled my eyes with a heavy sigh. "I'm with the
other Straw Hats. You know, the crew a dimension to the left and a few months behind?"
The princess opened her mouth, closed it, and frowned. "…I cannot, for the life of me,
believe that I'm not questioning that sentence. Now, if you'll excuse me…" A dreamy look came over Vivi's face as she turned towards where her mother was happily helping keep a
visibly shellshocked Bellemere stable. "I have to get back to a
long overdue reunion."
And with that, she left.
I wanted to question that sentence as I looked out over our two ships, which were slowly starting to fill with recently returned members of separate Straw Hat crews and their
often deceased loved ones. But… weird as it was, this still had nothing on
-All You Zombies-, so if I could accept that… I sighed and shook my head.
"So… Lee, was it?" I looked over at the by-far-oldest of the three of us. "When did you leave Mother Earth to descend into a realm of madness?"
"Tail end of 2016," he answered, leaning back onto a nearby railing. "Right before I was set to leave on a family New Years' vacation to Los Angeles, if I remember correctly. You?"
"November of the same year."
Lee grinned. "Hey, Xom!" he called out. "D'you want us to- *snrk*"
I frowned in confusion as Lee hastily clamped his hand over his mouth to dampen the amused snort I'd heard. Whatever it was that had provoked that, it had to do with Cross, so I turned around and—
Okay, I have to admit: Cross' comically angry face, accompanied by fingers jabbing at his cloud gag and a lot of angry "Mrph!"s, was definitely something to laugh at.
Still grinning like a loon, Lee said, "Ladies, I don't know how you made those clouds last, and while I think it's
hilarious… would you remind removing Cross' gag for him? I want him speaking for this."
"
AGREED!" Soundbite chimed in. "
He can't appreciate my genius LIKE THIS!"
"Mmph mm—
GAH!" Cross yelped as a tendril of Iron Cloud literally slapped the gag off of him. "Oh, thank God! Finally!" The anarchy-lover shot a scathing glare at his crew's navigator. "I want two digits off my debt for that, you… damn…" he trailed off into a smirk as he eyed Bellemere nearby.
TB!Nami, for her part, waved her hand dismissively. "Yeeeah, that's not happening in a million—eh?" She interrupted herself when a hand landed on her shoulder - and then paled when she trailed it back to the
very twitchy face of her visibly displeased mother.
"What was that…" Bellemere intoned darkly. "About a 'debt'?"
"
Meep," TB!Nami squeaked unintelligibly, sounding for all the world like a kid whose hand had been caught in the cookie jar.
"Hehehehe, sucker," Cross chuckled sadistically as he watched a suddenly-lively Bellemere browbeat our navigators before refocusing on our conversation. "Aaaaaanyways, CV, you were saying?"
"How would you like to hear how 2016 went?" he said, grin stretching ear-to-ear.
I blinked in confusion as Cross perked up intently. Why would he be looking forward to that? I mean, sure, it was a crazy year, but- wait a minute.
This Bites! was published in
2015. Cross doesn't know anything about that year, and Soundbite most likely wouldn't have cared enough to share with him.
Oh, this was going to be fun.
"And I'll make sure this guy stays
accurate and doesn't
embellish," I added, a grin of my own spreading over my face.
Cross glanced back and forth between us before heaving a sigh. "I know I'm going to regret this, but… fire away. It can't have been that crazy."
"Oh, very poor choice of words," Lee chided. "Hey, does anyone have any booze handy?"
From the Merry, docked next to the Sunny we were currently on, a bottle came sailing up. From the way Lee hastily crossed his arms over his face, he hadn't been expecting tha- Tabarnak! That…
Stand keeps surprising me. In fact, it seems almost automatic. In any case, Lee took the bottle, popped it open, and took a deep gulp from it.
"Terrible," he grumbled, his face a mask of disgust. "Alright. 2016. It all started with this
fucking gorilla…"
-o-
Steel clashed against steel, forming a strange, ringing battle music. Anyone not bearing a sword had the good sense to stay well away- even if they were a person usually lacking in good sense. This wasn't a spar; this was a curbstomp, this was a
massacre, this was—
This was, Yosaku reflected as he was thrown into the air by a miniature tornado, going very poorly.
He didn't blame Big Bro, really. As a swordsman, he understood what an amazing opportunity it was: a chance to spar with your older self, to learn things from him. But really, was the appropriate reaction to having your opening salvo blocked so effortlessly that you
couldn't even tell if your opponent had woken up really to grab two friends who were just
minding their own business in the galley and declare it an exercise in teamwork? And then that little girl had charged in, momentarily shocking both Zoros before the battle heated up more than ever.
…Okay, maybe he
did blame Big Bro. Just a little.
Further philosophizing was cut short by the imminent impact with the nearest bulkhead. The green hunter wheezed as he landed hard; Johnny came down on his back a second later.
"Is it just me, or are we getting our asses kicked?" he groaned.
"Rhino Cycle!"
Yosaku looked up just in time to see the older Zoro flick two blades up in a quick spinning maneuver that tore lines across the younger Zoro's chest and sent him staggering backwards into a rail. "Nope, it's not just you, Bro. It's you, me, Big Bro, and that weird Li'l Sis with the shinai. We're
all getting our asses kicked."
"Well, technically, she's not getting her ass kicked," Johnny pointed out as said shinai-wielding young girl tried to land a thrust on the older Zoro's leg. "He's just letting her flail at him without getting hit." Sure enough, the swordsman sidestepped the blow with almost criminal ease, his focus rooted entirely on his younger counterpart. "Honestly? I know he's trying to be kind, and I get why, but that's pretty insulting as a swordsman."
True enough, the young girl was
livid. Her face was red as a tomato as she continued to swing futilely at the man who was ignoring her. The girl's attacks became sloppier and sloppier as her anger took control, until she finally snapped and started
screaming as she fought.
"TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, DAMN IT!" Tears welled up at the corners of her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. "YOU MEN- YOU THINK YOU'RE SO TOUGH! THINK GIRLS ARE DELICATE, CAN'T TAKE ANY PAIN! NEWS FLASH! WE HAVE TO GIVE
BIRTH TO YOU NUMBSKULLS! THAT HURTS A HELL OF A LOT!"
She paused, panting, before launching back into both her attack and her rant with renewed vigour. And this time, a disproportionately large number of her strikes seemed to be targeting Zoro's groin. "I CAN DO
ANYTHING A BOY CAN DO, AND I'LL PROVE IT! YOU THINK YOU'RE
SO GREAT BECAUSE YOU'RE TALLER THAN US AND YOU HAVE TESTICLES—LET'S SEE HOW
YOU FUNCTION WITHOUT THOSE
DELICATE BITS OF ANATOMY! AND WHILE YOU'RE ON THE GROUND WHIMPERING IN PAIN,
I'LL GO ON AND BECOME THE WORLD'S GREATEST SWORD-FIGHTER! TAKE
THAT, YOU MISOGYNISTIC MOSS—!"
"Kuina, will you SHUT UP ALREADY?!" the elder Zoro roared, his swords flashing out—!
"Yosaku!" Johnny yelped, shooting to his feet, sword in hand.
"Right behind you!" Yosaku replied, doing the same.
Their urgency came from the fact that, after pushing away his younger counterpart (read: knocking him into a wall hard enough to rock the ship), Zoro had turned his blades—his very sharp blades—on the young girl. As they watched, both swords… hooked their blunt edges under her armpits? And lifted her? And—
"Oh, shit!" both swordsmen yelped as the hilt of Wado Ichimonji flashed up and slammed into Kuina's temple, launching her at them at a pretty respectable clip. And with their own forward momentum, they had no chance to dodge.
As such, Kuina slammed sideways into Johnny, the sudden reverse in momentum carrying both of them into Yosaku behind, and from there into the wall and then a groaning heap on the deck.
"It's not because you're a girl that I'm going easy on you," the insensate swordsmen heard the elder Zoro grind out. "It's because—" Silence, stretching for several seconds. "Because it's really hard to step on ants without killing them."
Johnny and Yosaku gaped, and Kuina looked murderous. It was his younger self, however, who responded, his voice livid.
"You can't even be a year older than I am. How did you get strong enough to earn the right to start talking like Mihawk?!" he snapped.
"I'm still nowhere close to beating
him," the older Zoro scoffed, refocusing his attention. "But I doubt that you're too far off from where I am. What's the last island you left?"
"Drum," Yosaku and Johnny groaned in unison.
The older Zoro nodded. "Just a few more months, then. The Grand Line has a tendency to push you past your limits. Over, and over, and over again," he added with the barest hint of exasperation. He considered for a moment, and shrugged. "Then again, I had some help. It's amazing what beating up on another swordsman all the time reveals about your own fighting style."
Johnny and Yosaku had already fainted before their Zoro turned back towards them.
Kuina forced herself to her feet, a teary smile on her face. "I guess… Congratulations, Zoro. You finally got good enough to beat me. But I won't give up! If you've gotten this good, then I just have to get even better! I
will prove that girls can be master swordsmen!"
There was more steel in her words than any child that age should be capable of. It made both Zoros flinch. They glanced at each other, questioning. Then, through the sort of mental rapport only possible for identical twins and clones, they came to a decision. The elder Zoro sighed.
"I'm gonna tell her."
"Don't you dare!" the younger Zoro hissed.
"Tell me what?" Kuina asked innocently.
The two Zoros exchanged a stricken look, and came to some sort of mutual agreement. "Nothing," they said in unison and more than a little haste.
Kuina frowned and folded her arms. "You may have improved with your swords, but you're still a terrible liar. Both of you."
-o-
"—but the year went by, and none of the king's wives had a child!" The younger Usopp paused dramatically before rushing on with his story. His elder counterpart and their mother shot him amused looks.
"Yet when the king came in the next day, the eldest of his wives informed him that he now had a beautiful daughter. He was delighted. But when he asked to see the child, his wives wouldn't let him. It was not a human child that had been born in the nursery that morning, but a small, white kitten. When pressed, his wives told the king that he couldn't see his daughter because it had been foretold that if any man should look upon her before her wedding day, the princess would die a terrible death."
"Many years passed. The feline princess grew up into a beautiful cat under the care of the king's wives. Soon the time came for the wives to seek a husband for their precious daughter. But where would they find a prince willing to wed a cat? It took a year and a day of scouring the land, but finally they found a lad who would do as they asked."
"The prince married the cat, and continued to find excuses to look after her in secret as the wives had done. By this point the king was anxious and restless, having had a daughter for fifteen years without laying eyes on her. He demanded to see the girl, but the prince continued to deny him."
"One day, a watching goddess saw the white cat crying in her room. Full of pity and confusion, the goddess descended to ask what was wrong. The cat princess lamented that she was forever trapped in that room, and could do nothing to help the increasingly harried prince. She loved him, as much as a cat could love a human, and wished she could in some way lessen his burdens."
"Touched by the cat's story, the goddess brought her a magical fruit. One bite, she told the princess, would be enough to turn her into a human girl- albeit one with animal traits, that her prince might still recognize her. The cat princess didn't need to think; she thanked the goddess and immediately took that fateful bite. Seconds later footsteps came stomping down the hall. The goddess vanished as the door opened."
"Imagine the prince's surprise when he opened the door to find not the cat he'd married, but a lovely girl wrapped in white cloth. At first he was enraged, demanding to know what had happened to his precious feline. But the princess wept and told him of what had occurred, pointing out patches of white fur on her shoulders and back that showed what she had been."
"Once over his shock, the prince was delighted. He and the princess spent many days together, getting to know one another in truth and falling in love as humans do. Eventually, the prince brought his beloved to meet her supposed father- and thus, even the king got his happily ever after."
"That was great." The elder Usopp applauded briefly before puffing out his chest. "But wait til you hear mine!"
-o-
[So… this is the Chopper we were supposed to get before Cross showed up,] Leo remarked.
[I'm… honestly kinda disappointed. Is anyone else disappointed?] Raphey said.
"Sorry…" the tiny reindeer hugged the strange stick he was carrying, his ears drooping.
[No, no, don't apologize!] Mikey said, waving his flippers in apology. [We'd have been perfectly fine with you if you'd been on our crew!] That said, he shot a glare at his fellow ship's guards. [
Right, guys?]
[Changing the subject away from Mikey's rather sad attempt at intimidation—]
[Hey!]
[What is that outfit you're wearing?] Donny finished.
"This?" Chopper plucked at the sleeve of his very odd shirt. "This is my jersey. I play hockey—well, usually I'm the mascot, but I got to be a defenseman one time. It was a lot of fun!" He turned to proudly display the number on his back. "Look! I was number 17!"
Two completely blank stares met the reindeer's nervous gaze. The other two dugongs' faces lit up, each coming to their own conclusion about what the tiny doctor meant. Their voices competed as they simultaneously blurted out their conclusions.
[Cool!] Mikey beamed. [Too bad you weren't a goalie though; those masks are freaky awesome!]
[You already know Haki?] Raphey asked, impressed. [How does that work? I thought your crew just left Drum Kingdom.]
"No,no, no! Not
Haki,
hockey!" The tiny reindeer waved his stick around and pulled a small, heavy black object from beneath his jersey to show them. "It's the national sport of Drum Kingdom, almost everyone plays or watches every chance they get. You need two teams of between eleven and sixteen players, some good ice, and a puck—like this one! And they all have sticks. Now, the point is…" Chopper's voice became gradually higher and higher as he began to explain the rules of this game, his stick swinging ever more erratically as he used it to emphasize his words. More than one of these swings forced passersby to jump or duck, lest they be brained by sturdy wood.
Mikey's eyes followed the stick as if hypnotized. [I am both extremely disappointed and extremely happy with this development.]
"—And because Larry couldn't skate with a scalpel lodged in his sciatic nerve, I got to play defense for a Leafs-Seas game!" Chopper's expression turned into a dark, angry pout. "But we lost… Stupid Seas and their stupid Rocket brothers. They always steal all the glory! The Leafs haven't won the Bighorn Cup in almost fifty years!" This final exclamation was accompanied by a particularly violent swing, which the dugongs were forced to duck.
[…I am no longer disappointed,] Donny whimpered dumbly.
Chopper didn't appear to hear him. In fact,the little reindeer appeared to be searching for something, his eyes lit up with a manic light. "I'm sure we'll win next time though! We have to! Maybe it'll help if I—!"
THWACK!
"Ow!" Chopper yelped, clutching a rising goose egg on his skull. He turned his gaze on the culprit, Donny, who was lowering his bo staff and staring at it in bewilderment. "Why did you do that?!"
Shaking his head, Donny said, [Sorry, force of habit. We have to do this to our Chopper all the time, and you were starting to sound like him.]
Chopper stared in something akin to horror at Donny, then slowly creaked his gaze around to a disappointed Mikey putting his nunchucks away. He thought of the lather he was working himself into, how angry he got whenever the thought of the Seas and their
thrice-damned Rocket Brothers either beat his Leafs or won another championship. Really, that left him only one possible response.
"…what kind of person did I
become!?" he demanded.
"
Salutations, colleagues!"
The poor reindeer nearly shifted into Jump Point from sheer surprise at the voice coming from behind him.
[That kind,] the four Dugongs sighed.
It was easy to tell the difference between the two reindeer; the Dugongs' crewmate's hat and pants were identical, but the senior Zoan was topless and hefting a notably larger backpack. The face, though, was the main difference: after all, the younger reindeer certainly didn't go around with a smile that belonged in a Lewis Carroll novel and a look in his eyes that screamed '
I'm going to do violent, bloody SCIENCE to you!'
The hockey-obsessed reindeer clutched his stick to his chest in an attempt to slow his rapidly beating heart. "He-Hello!" Glancing around, the sight of two Zoros scowling at a little girl reminded Chopper of what he'd been doing before he ran into the dugongs. The little doctor smiled nervously at his older self. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to help me look and see if Doctor Hiriluk is around here somewhere?"
"Eh? Oh, I already found him, he's somewhere over that way, but more importantly—!"
THWACK! THUD!
Everyone stared in varying levels of shock and bemusement as Hockey Chopper slammed his hockey stick on his doppelgänger so hard that he knocked him down, a look of fury in his eyes.
"'More importantly'? 'MORE IMPORTANTLY'?
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR FATHER?!"
"Geh…" Doc Chop's eyes spun blearily for a moment before they blinked back into focus… and then he slapped a hoof to his face with a miserable groan. "When I'm normal, nothing short of my skills being necessary to save someone's life. But when I'm 'sparking out,' as Cross calls it?" The mad-reindeer withdrew a notebook from his backpack and flipped through it for a second before grimacing regretfully. "Apparently the longevity-inducing properties of the Mists. Ergh…" He pinched the bridge of his nose between his hooves. "I should have waited to start getting excited about this place's application to the Panacea Project until
after I was back in my lab…"
"WHAT ABOUT UNTIL AFTER WE FOU—wait, you have your own lab?" Hockey Chopper's face lit up, his fear and anger evaporating like non-eldritch mist. "Lucky! I wish I had my own lab; I have to share the galley with Sanji. He keeps getting lettuce in my petri dishes!"
"Oh, I hate when that happens!" Doc Chopper winced sympathetically. "Oh, or what about whenever Luffy eats our nascent protozoa cultures? I have no idea
how he can keep mistaking them for bacon!"
"I've found that dying the cultures blue helps prevent that- although all my streptococcus pneumoniae samples still manage to get contaminated with his saliva somehow, but Jones helps me clean things, so with two of us it's easy enough to remove that from the—" Hockey Chopper stopped and shook his head. "Gah, getting sidetracked, not important, sorry for jumping on your back earlier. Now, quick, before we get sidetracked again!
Where did you say you saw Doctor Hiriluk?"
"Ah! Come on! Go in the vial, you stupid—!"
Both Choppers turned to see the very familiar backside of Dr. Hiriluk as he dashed along the side of the ship, desperately trying and failing to waft some of the rainbow mist into a test tube.
"Right here, apparently," Doc Chopper deadpanned.
Hooves clattered across the deck. Tears in his eyes, Hockey Chopper launched himself at the lovable quack, wrapping his little arms around Hiriluk's leg. "Doctor! I'm so happy I get to see you again- I missed you so much!" He glanced up at his father's face with a watery smile. "I haven't been this happy in
forever, not even when the Leafs got to the playoffs!"
"Er, ah, th-thank you?" Hiriluk stammered. Hockey Chopper visibly wilted.
"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry…" He released his hold on the quack's leg, dropping to the deck and backing off. The little reindeer clutched his stick for comfort.
"No, no, little fellow, it's alright. I was just surprised; I never expected to see a little reindeer person out here." Hiriluk bent down to pat Hockey Chopper on the head. "Let alone two. You know, you and your brother remind me of a little reindeer person I know back home. You two should come visit sometime; I'm sure Tony Tony Chopper would love to meet you."
The two Choppers looked at each other. "But…
I'm Tony Tony Chopper."
"So am I."
Doctor Hiriluk stared at them numbly for a moment. "That… That's not possible. There can't be two of the same person- two of the same
Devil Fruit. And neither of you are anything like Cho-pper…" The quack's voice trailed off as he caught sight of the identical hats the reindeer were wearing- hats identical to the one he had given Tony Tony Chopper just recently.
"These mists have some interesting temporal qualities that led to our crews meeting across the barriers of space and time," Doctor Chopper offered. "I was attempting to study their effects on longevity earlier."
"But, but, but…" Hiriluk groped around desperately. "But Chopper isn't a mad scientist.
Or a rabid hockey fan."
That earned him a pair of stares partway between flat and curious. "Doctor," Doctor Chopper said slowly, raising an eyebrow. "We're much older than the Chopper you know. We've grown up a lot, and we've adapted with the times." The mad reindeer snorted. "And besides, your Chopper never met Cross."
"Or Jones," Hockey Chopper added, puffing his chest out with pride. "I'll have you know that studying Otherworlders can be quite enlightening."
Hiluluk's eyes took them both in, two reflections of routes that his son had gone before. A scientist and an athlete, both growing into great pirates in their own way. Tears welled up at the corners of his eyes- pride, hope, happiness. Then, slowly, a smile came over his face. "I see… you've grown up so strong."
Both reindeer twitched almost imperceptibly, their eyes taking on an extra shine. There was a brief clatter of hooves as the two Choppers launched themselves at their father figure, clinging to his waist and burying their faces in his jacket. Damp stains spread slowly across the dark fabric. Hiriluk stumbled backwards under the force of the tackle, unable to keep his balance. Eventually, after a few staggered, futile steps, the lovable quack fell into a seated position.
"
We missed you so much!" the Choppers bawled. Hockey Chopper sniffled and rubbed his nose on Hiriluk's shirt; Doctor Chopper hiccoughed.
The lovable quack didn't question them. Of course; even if he didn't know the exact moment of his death, he already knew of his own illness. Doctor Hiriluk patted and hugged both reindeer, rubbing soothing circles on the backs of their heads. "There, there… It's alright. A man only dies when he's forgotten; as long as you remember me, I'll always be with you. I'm so proud of you both."
Twin watery smiles beamed up at him. Off to one side, four amphibious mammals slowly edged away. This was a private affair, not for their eyes. Besides, they wanted to see what their teacher was getting up to, and who—if anyone—had come for him. And maybe them.
-o-
"He raced down the mountain, fleeing from the Thunderbird's lair as though his life depended on it- which it did. But the Thunderbird didn't want Man taking the secret of fire, for fire was the source of his power. Great wings beat the air as the Thunderbird chased Man down the mountain, gaining with every second."
"Just before he was captured, Man raced into the forest. He begged the trees as he ran, pleading with them to hide him from the Thunderbird's wrath. But even were the bird himself not so deadly and frightening, Man was cloaked in
fire. His clothes were slowly burning off, his skin turning red and blistering… Ash, oak, maple, elm- one by one, all the trees denied him."
"All except the slender white birch. When Man came to the birch tree, it accepted him under its branches and hid him from the enraged Thunderbird. Man hid there for some time, until all the danger had passed. Eventually, the Thunderbird gave up his hunt and Man was free to make his way back towards his home. He thanked the birch tree as he left."
"The birch was pleased to be of service, though it had suffered mightily in the effort. Its branches were charred and crispy, its bark streaked with soot and blisters. Many moons passed before the birch could once again stand straight and proud as part of the forest, rather than bent with the pain that wracked its trunk. And even once the birch had recovered- and indeed, to this day- the bubbled, darkened lines remained on its bark, a reminder of the service the birch tree rendered towards man."
Whistling, the younger Usopp rubbed nervously at his nose. "That was awesome! A little short, but still… Wow. But I can do you one better! Wait until you hear the story of…"
-o-
A well-aged dugong sat with his back to a wall of the ship. Around the corner, another dugong of similar age sat similarly. At the corner itself was a bottle and two cups.
Such was the position they had been in for several minutes, occasionally filling and draining the cups, neither saying anything or moving to so much as glance at the other. Finally, as one dugong poured the last drops into one of the dishes, the other one broke the silence.
[You have come a long way, Disciple.]
[Mmph,] Boss née Disciple Dugong angled his head to the side ever so slightly. [I suppose I have. I'd say that I'm not the dugong you left on the shores of the Sandora, but we both know that if that weren't true even the day after you left, I'd be a disgrace.]
[No, no, not a disgrace,] the other dugong hummed, tapping a staff of bamboo on his shoulder. [Merely… a disappointment.]
[Po-tay-toe, poh-tah-toe,] Disciple shrugged dismissively.
[Heh heh, if you say so…] Sifu balanced his sake cup on the tip of his flipper's finger before glancing to the side, his grip tightening
ever so slightly on his staff. [So… up for a bout?]
Disciple, meanwhile, didn't even twitch. [Not a chance. I may have almost fifty years on you, but all but three months of that has been in Alabasta, and in those three months, which have been in Paradise, I have already grown stronger than those fifty combined. You, meanwhile, have lived your entire life off of our shores. If I tried to fight you…] Disciple tapped his unlit cigar on the deck next to himself. [I'd be crushed.]
Then… a slight smirk appeared on the camo-wearing Dugong's muzzle. [So, thank you, but I'll wait to kick your wizened ass in the New World.]
Sifu was silent for a bit before allowing a wide smile to spread across his face. [I officially need to include Wadjet in my prayers,] he breathed reverentially. [For her children have granted me the absolute best student I could have ever conceived, even though I never even asked.]
A small girl, pale as moonlight with crimson eyes, scrambled across the deck, followed by a harried man wearing a dragon jacket. He scooped her up before she could climb onto the rails, earning a loud giggle. "Ghin, stop! Put me down!"
"Not until you stop running off like that! You're gonna fall in the sea and drown if you're not careful, and I won't be jumping in after you again. I do it enough for Don Luffy." Ghin lifted the little girl up onto one of his shoulders; she pouted at him and poked his head.
"Liar. You'd never leave me like that; you're too much of a mother hen." A jab into his shoulder, a tug at his ear, and suddenly the little girl was flipping backwards and away while her caretaker winced and rubbed at the assaulted areas. Something—it looked kind of like guilt—flashed across the man's face.
"Tippy, will you stop that? There are
reasons I don't want you running off like you did when we were kids, especially in a place like this!" Ghin ran a hand through his hair, looking for all the world like a worried parent. He grumbled the next bit under his breath. "I'm only twenty-seven, but between you and Jones, I already have grey hairs…"
"Bleh!" The little girl stuck out her tongue. "You've grown up into a grumpy old man, Ghin. I always told you that would happen if you kept worrying so much."
"Argh… You little—! What am I gonna do with you?" Ghin recaptured Tippy, holding her more securely this time. Once he had a secure grip on the squirming girl, he looked around at a loss, as if he actually needed an answer to that question.
"I'll lend you a flipper."
Ghin blinked at the raspy voice, and turned to see a strange creature, an upright manatee with a turtle shell. Another, similar one was behind him, looking his way.
[Oh, Soundbite's nearby, that makes things easi… wait a second, I'm not talking.]
Ghin couldn't comprehend the other one's barking, but he could easily comprehend his shock by the dropped jaw and subsequent dropped cigar.
[Sifu, you can talk?]
[Not easily; I learned to speak human, but it's murder on my throat, so I only do it when I have to,] the first Dugong said, before switching back to words Ghin could understand as he gestured to Tippy. "I just came in here to ease my worries about my apprentice. I can see her home if you'd like." He emptied a flask of liquid into his throat as soon as he finished, gargling it with a wince. [Damn the human language and damn it
hard.]
Ghin and Tippy both blinked in surprise, exchanging doubtful looks for a second before Ghin hesitantly spoke up. "I… thought there
wasn't a way out of here? Unless the Mists actually want to let you go, I mean."
"There is always a path," Sifu waved his flipper dismissively, cracking his back slightly as he rose from his seated position. "I just happen to know the right one for this place."
Staring, Ghin turned his head from one amphibious mammal to the other, finally settling his gaze on the one that was a member of the alternate Straw Hat crew. "Can we trust this guy?" he asked with some hesitation.
[Of course you can—!…ergh, can't believe I'm actually reduced to
wishing for that damn pest's
help…] Boss muttered acridly before settling for giving Ghin his most confident thumbs-up. [I'll let you guys figure this out. Nice seeing you again, Master, and I look forwards to the day we can do this for
real.] And with that, he began waddling away.
Ghin and Tippy exchanged dubious glances again before looking at the wall Sifu was behind. "Right, so, how does this work?" the older man queried.
Boss, meanwhile, hadn't gone far before he ran straight into his four apprentices, who were looking as excited as when they had joined the Straw Hats.
[Boss, there you are!] Leo said happily. [So, have you found Sifu yet?]
The senior dugong blinked at his students in surprise. [How'd you know Sifu was the one who came for me?]
[Come on, Boss, who
else would you get, that blowhard Lan- I mean, First Mate Dugong?] Mikey scoffed.
[Now c'mon, where is he, where is he!?] Raphey vibrated eagerly. [I wanna jump him, I wanna jump him straight outta the blue, I want the honor of getting pounded by the greatest Kung Fu Dugong to ever kick ass!]
Donny roughly shoved Raphey aside, a pad of paper and a pencil in his hands and a massive grin on his face. [Not before I get my autograph from the greatest staff-user in all Dugong history you're not! Now c'mon, where is he, where is he?!]
Boss cocked an eyebrow at the display before jabbing his 'thumb' over his shoulder. [Right now, he should be—!]
SPLASH!
[Gone,] Boss completed smoothly, not even missing a beat. [Eesh, tough luck, you just missed him.]
[Meenbrl…]
Frowning at the odd sound, Boss refocused on his students and found them, to a dugong, slumped over on their flippers, clouds of despondency hanging over them and tears dripping to the wooden deck from their blank eyes.
[…mmmaybe I should have asked him to stay for a bit…] Boss muttered.
[YOU THINK?!] all four of the TDWS suddenly roared. Boss took a nervous step back; their still-blank but gleaming eyes and eager, toothy grins that totally belied their vocalized anger were just a tad unnerving in tandem.
'
Correction,' Boss silently amended as his students began to advance on him. '
It's very
unnerving.'
[We get a chance to meet Sifu Dugong, the most famous fighter of our species, the driving force behind everything that's happened to us since we started training, outside of the transcending madness of the New World. And because you didn't consider that we would want to meet him, we've lost that chance,] Donny intoned, his staff in one flipper and a brace of kunai spread in the other.
[I was going to fight him,] Raphey droned, one flipper holding a sai in reverse and the other idly spinning her giga-shuriken.
[I was gonna lose, badly, but by the Sandora itself, I was going to be able to say that I had actually fought with the Sifu Dugong.]
[And now we can't,] Mikey stated in an almost
casual tone of voice as he slowly and methodically loaded his pistol, clicking it shut before drawing out a nunchuk and letting it swing idly.
[Because of you. You bastard.]
[You're about to regret training us so well,] Leo said simply, his tongue brushing along one of his katana.
At that moment, for the life of him, Boss would not be able to say that it was an entirely irrational fear that he held from his students.
[…don't suppose it'd help if I said I was sorry?] he offered uncertainly.
[SUFFER!]
[GAH!] Boss howled at the top of his lungs, Rip Tide-ing away from the murderous posse that was suddenly pursuing him at all speeds. [HOW'S THAT FOR FUCKING
GRATITUDE, YOU PUTRID GUTTERSNIPES!]
-o-
Banchina cut her sons off with a smile and a gentle cough. They'd been going at this ever since the crews met, their stories growing steadily more outlandish. "I thought you two were going to tell me about the Grand Line, not compete to see who knew the most fairy tales."
"But
mom, they're not fairy tales!" both Usopps whined indignantly. "And we weren't competing! Were we?"
The pair looked at each other. Shrugging, the younger rubbed his nose; the elder fiddled with his wristband. "I was just trying to explain how Devil Fruits work; mom's never seen one."
"And I just wanted to tell her about all the cool plants and animals there are on the Grand Line."
Both snipers grinned sheepishly at their mother. "Sorry… Guess we got a little carried away. There's just so many cool things to tell you about!"
Laughing, Banchina pulled both of her sons into a tight hug. "Oh, boys… What am I going to do with you?"
That gave the storytelling snipers pause. Not for long though, as they immediately began talking again. "You could help us decide which legend of Elbaf is coolest?"
"Yeah! And then I could tell you all about the time I defeated a demonic shark fishman who even managed to almost kill Luffy!
And Zoro!"
"What?! But Luffy beat Arlong- you're lying! Besides,
I can read Luffy's mind and see the future."
"A likely story!"
Banchina rolled her eyes and smiled as the two snipers proceeded to squabble. They segued into stories of their own adventures, so similar and yet so different… She couldn't tell if they were competing with each other to see who had the stranger experiences, or honestly trying to tell her what had happened to them. Either way, she would treasure this moment forever.
-o-
"So… Merry?"
"Yes?" both the ship-girl and the behorned butler said in unison, looking away from their embrace towards their mistress.
"Uh… the young—guh, the
shorter one," Kaya doubly corrected herself shyly. "I was just wondering… about this crew that we gave you to. Do you… well, would you have been happier if you'd stayed with me?"
"Uh, Kaya… don't take this the wrong way, but…" Closing her eyes, the caravel sucked in a deep breath and let it out.
"Oh, nothing good ever follows that statement," Merry the butler muttered.
"Look, I'm a ship," Merry stated, opening her eyes. "I exist to carry people and cargo safely across the seas. You would have used me for puttering about that island. Maybe making short trips to neighboring islands if you actually did become a doctor. You'd have loved me and maintained me and I would have been content." At this time, a fire blazed in Merry's eyes. "But being the ship of the Straw Hats? It's been
so much better, and I'm not just talking about the journey, which is awesome on its own. My bond with the Straw Hats was and is far stronger than it ever could have been with you; I would have been content to be scrapped rather than…" She shuddered, idly reaching behind her to rub her back before continuing. "Sorry. Ask Franky or my Usopp for that story. My point is, I'm sorry, but fuck no I wouldn't have been happier with you."
The rich girl visibly wilted. "I… I'm sorry," she murmured.
"For what? For asking that? I know you cared for me, and I know what I look like. I don't blame you for asking. For dredging up bad memories? That's not something you could have expected. And if it's for giving me to the Straw Hats…" Merry flashed Kaya what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Well, if that was a mistake, then that was the best mistake you've ever made."
The last statement made her smile lightly. "What I meant was… for not being able to do any of that for you myself. You were my ship, and I can't do anything for you like they can."
"Miss Kaya," the older Merry sighed, kneeling before his mistress to look her in the eye. "If your ambition is to become a doctor, then that's a grand ambition, and one that you can fulfill in the East Blue. But the crew that we entrusted Going Merry to is full of individuals with ambitions that only traveling through the most dangerous sea in the world can fulfill. The best thing that you could have done is what you did, and we see the proof before us." He looked back at her. "And I don't believe she holds anything against you."
The ship-girl shook her head, smiling lightly. Somewhere above her, a loosely tied knot came undone with a rasping hiss. A thick line fell to drape itself over the ship-girl's shoulders as still-a-ship
Merry vibrated and warmed with approval.
Meanwhile, on the rear deck, a blue-haired cyborg sat rubbing his jaw, an action attributable to the soreness that came from it being dropped for too long a period. The reason for that lay beside him, a green-haired mermaid that he knew well. There was just one tiny difference between her and the one that he had grown up with.
The one beside him wasn't yet used to having legs.
"Razza-frazzin split tail and razza-frazzin center of balance…" a
notably younger Kokoro grumbled as she rubbed the tip of her bifurcated appendage. She then glanced up at the cyborg with a hopeful look. "You said ya knew an older me, right? Did she ever gripe about any old tricks to getting this whole 'walkin' business down? I could really use them about now!"
"Er…" Franky scratched his steel-plated cranium uncertainly, trying and failing to parse what he was hearing. "I… don't remember anything like that, sorry… ah, wait!" He hastily rallied his thoughts. "A-Are you
really not going to question the fact that you're, ya know, in a 'time hellmouth', or that you're meeting someone who says they know you in the
future?! I mean, I know, Grand Line and all that, but even
I think this is crazy!"
The mermaid gave him a wry smirk. "Kid, lemme tell you something my older self obviously forgot to let slip: Fishman Island is literally the gateway to the New World. In other words, it stands at the very
tip of an
actual hellmouth. You don't go long living there without becoming at least a little familiar with the craziest that the world has to offer. I mean, sure," She waved her hand dismissively. "I wasn't expecting anything like this when I went out on my morning swim, but all things considered? Not as bad as it could be. Ya get me?"
Franky blinked in surprise, and then slowly nodded. "Yeah… I guess that's a good point," he mumbled. Then, thinking about the version he knew, he glanced down at the bare fins meant to support the mermaid. "You know, Granny Kokoro never said anything about it, but I never saw her without shoes that were pointed at the ends. Maybe that could help?"
Before the mermaid could respond, a door opened from the kitchen, and the subsequent assault of noise drowned out any chance of hearing anything else.
"But I wanna show you the—!"
"Gah! No spoilers!" Two rubber captains bounced out of the galley. The one in the fore had his hands clapped over his ears, which seemed to be doing little to drown out the voice of his loud, eager counterpart.
"We have a submarine, though!" TB!Luffy chased 12!Luffy into the rigging as the latter struggled to escape. The younger captain was still trying to keep his ears covered, so the sight was even
more comical than it already would naturally have been.
"Don't tell me! I don't wanna know what happens next- it's not a good adventure that way! Besides, future things are Jones's job!"
As the pair continued on their swinging path through the rigging, a young woman came out on deck and followed them with her gaze. She was smiling, nearly silent, although the air around her was filled with the sound of quiet giggling at the Luffys' antics.
TB!Luffy thought for a minute before his face lit up with demonic malice. "Oh! Okay then- how about something that's already happened instead? Sabo's alive!"
His counterpart paused to shoot him a flat look. "Well, duh. I knew
that. Sabo met everybody in Loguetown, and he calls Jones all the time to talk about sneaky ninja spy stuff." 12!Luffy's face took on a similar demonic light to TB!Luffy. "Wait… did your crew
not meet him? Shishishishishi! Wanna know what he's like?"
"Eh?" TB!Luffy shrugged and picked his nose. "Why? That's your Sabo, not mine. They're prob'ly different anyway. But wait till I tell you about the special comm system Franky built for Cross!"
"I SAID NO SPOILERS!"
"IT'S NOT A SPOILER IF CROSS ISN'T ON YOUR CREW!"
And so the Luffys resumed their awkward chase, through the rigging and over every possible surface of the ship, much to the amusement of the young woman watching them. Although for some reason, she also had tears in her eyes. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless.
"Do you think we should tell him that our Sunny is completely unique and almost guaranteed to be different than what he'll be getting?" Franky asked.
"No way," came another voice, and they looked over to see Sanji emerging from the kitchen as well, laden with bags of ingredients and with a young girl beside him. "That rubber moron puts us through hell all hours of the day. I say we let him suffer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get a look at the dream kitchen that I'll have someday. Reiju, you coming?"
"Of course," the girl responded coolly.
-o-
"…seriously?
Seriously!?" I gagged in disbelief. "Ye gods, did the whole nation collectively dump their IQ for 24 hours or something?!"
"I WEEP
for the past, present, future, OR WHATEVER TIME THAT IS TO US," Soundbite groaned. "
Ya think you-know-who can make us THE VOICES OF ANARCHY WHEN YOU FINALLY GET BACK HOME,
TOO?"
"Doubt it," I scoffed, but I hastily reworded matters as I actually thought about it. "…alright, I think it's
capable of it, but I doubt it
will. If we tried pulling what we do here back home, the ones running the show might break out the nukes. We could
literally cause the end of the world."
"…
you're trying to threaten me WITH A GOOD TIME, WHY, exactly?"
I shot him a flat look. "So you're saying you
want to be at ground zero of the technological equivalent of a Raigo?"
And
that turned him white. "GOOD TIME GO
bye-bye, shutting up now."
"I'm not sure if it's reassuring or disturbing that your standards for chaos stop at 'fuck the world'," Lee dryly stated. "But yes, I was screaming the whole time as the election proceeded. And then Carrie Fisher died as one final 'fuck you' from 2016."
"WHAT?! PRINCESS LEIA'S DEAD?!" Jones fell over backwards in shock. "When—? How—? Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge!"
Lee sighed and bowed his head, suddenly looking far older than forty-six. "Yeah… it was in December. And while I remember something about her being strangled with her own bra, I don't think that's what actually happened."
"
Her own quote ON HOW SHE WANTED to go," Soundbite sighed regretfully. "
TRUTH IS… yeah, all signs point to heart attack."
"Ah, geeze…" I grimaced, rubbing the back of my neck with regret. "Well, that's all kinds of sucky right there isn't it? Moment of silence, then?"
"
EVEN I'LL SHUT UP FOR THAT," my partner in anarchy nodded solemnly.
And so we all bowed our heads, adopting a respectful silence for the great actress…
"Ohhhh yeah,
veeeeeery nice. But I see your 'flying island' - which I
still call bullshit on, by the way - and raise you… The homeland of the dragons! And this one's not even on the Grand Line! Whaddaya say to
THAT!?"
"Aaaand of course, One Piece won't accept no broodin' bullshit from no one," I sighed as we were interrupted a mere seven seconds later. I twisted around in place to eye the source of the noise. "Okay, what's
this little sideshow about?"
The source, as it turned out, were the two Namis butting heads - literally, they were pressing their foreheads together - as they pointed at a set of maps and tried to incinerate the other with looks alone. Sitting cross-legged on the deck next to them was Bellemere, who was looking mighty amused by the whole display.
"I say that that's impressive for something that nature made," TB!Nami hummed, a 'content' grin on her face as she unraveled yet another chart with an air of triumph. "But let's see you pull out anything showing a manmade island that rivals Water 7."
"Water—is that a giant fountain?" 12!Nami asked, her smug calm slipping just enough to betray a flash of awe before she hastily recomposed herself. "Wow… that
is impressive… but… I'm not sure it beats
Clockwork Island," she finished, producing her
own chart.
TB!Nami's jaw all but slammed into the deck as she ogled the chart. "How… bwa… I might not know architecture, but I
know that that has got to be structurally impossible," she managed to get out.
"I won't deny that, I
still don't understand how it works," 12!Nami grinned wide enough to put the Cheshire to shame. "But I
assure you that it is completely real!"
"Riiiight…" TB!Nami stated as she examined the map. Then she frowned, jabbing a finger on a specific spot. "What is that?"
"… That's a whale," 12!Nami deadpanned, giving her counterpart her best 'You're a fucking idiot' glare.
"Okay… And why is there a whale in your ocean?" TB!Nami leaned in a little closer. "Scratch that, why are there a
bunch of whales in your ocean?"
"Because whales live in the ocean?" 12!Nami stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and to be fair, it was pretty close to it. "Why, what do you put in your open waters?"
TB!Nami promptly clammed up, but she couldn't stop her younger self from glancing at the map of Water 7.
"Doodles," she said, a grin widening on her face. "And not just any doodles, those fantastic animal doodles we made when we were
eight."
"I have seen
every single one of these animals!" TB!Nami protested just a little too loudly, her cheeks flushing indignantly.
"Really?" Bellemere perked up with a grin that was equal parts eager and teasing. "Can I see?"
I could practically
see Nami's eyes defaulting to blue. "Uh…"
"Is it just me," Lee remarked as TB!Nami frantically tried to politely say no
to her own mother. Needless to say, all she succeeded in doing was flail about. "Or are they not only arguing over stylistic differences, they're arguing over stylistic differences that don't even
remotely affect the quality of their maps?"
Apparently so, and seeing my Nami this completely flustered was quite the treat.
There was a tremendous… bouncing thud a second later as a pair of Luffy's fell from the rigging, one having tackled the other. 12!Luffy clapped both hands over my Luffy's mouth, glaring at his counterpart with comical anger. "Shut up already! I said no spoilers!"
"Mrph mmm mph—!"
CHOMP!
"YOW!"
My Luffy had bitten 12!Luffy's hand in order to break free, which did nothing to make their squabbling any quieter or less funny. He then turned the tables on his younger counterpart, tackling him across the deck. The pair were about to roll into the duelling Zoros when a quiet voice cleared her throat.
"
Ahem."
I blinked as a familiar figure stepped onto the deck, but my surprise didn't last long; her showing up made just as much sense as Ace or Sabo.
"Luffy and Luffy, weren't you two about to tell me about the giant whale that ate your ship?" Makino asked.
"OH, YEAH!" Spoilers and violence forgotten, two rubber captains bounced over to the barkeeper with eager grins on their faces. Makino wandered over to the rail and sat down; the Luffys followed her like ducklings and flopped on either side of her to tell stories about Laboon.
"Heh. Nice to have someone who knows just what to say to calm Luffy down," I remarked.
"While I'm inclined to agree, Cross…"
"Hm?" I glanced up and noticed both Robins wandering by our group, both keeping an eye on the meeting of the Monkeys.
"I was rather expecting Ace, or that second brother you mentioned," older Robin hummed inquisitively as she analyzed Makino. "Who is she?"
"Huh? Oh, her! Her name's Makino," I explained with a careless wave. "She's a bartender from Luffy's hometown, closest thing to a mother all three of them had growing up. One of the kindest people I ever saw in the story, to boot."
Robin nodded, a wistful… but for some reason melancholic smile on her lips? What the—?
"Hey, older me?" young Robin piped up, drawing all attention. "If everyone's family is showing up…" She dipped her head uncertainly. "Does that mean that our mother could be here, too?"
I realized the significance of Adult Robin's smile as it dropped and her eyes widened at the possibility, looking suddenly nervous.
"Yeah, Olvia is probably around here," I piped up with a casual wave of my hand. "And knowing our luck and her skill? I'd be willing to bet that she is currently—!"
CLICK!
I grimaced miserably as I sloooowly raised my arms over my head, only just fighting my instinct to glare over my shoulder at the white-haired…
woman I
knew was right there. "…standing right behind me with a gun to my head. Seriously, what is
with you Nicos and threatening interdimensional immigrants?!"
"Must be your winning personality!" Lee called out, looking thoroughly unperturbed at my mortal peril. The jackass. Seriously, I was gonna find a way to make him—!
THWACK! "GAH!"
"Enough talk," Nico Olvia snarled in a notably unhinged tone as she shoved the barrel of the gun she'd pistol-whipped me with into my neck. "Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to take that ship—" And here she jerked her head towards the Merry
aw hell no. "And whatever supplies are on it. But before that…" I felt the iron barrel press into my neck. "Who the hell are you, and how did you detect me?"
"Robin?" I called out, my tone indicating barely restrained outrage. "Either Robin? Would one of you mind getting your
deranged mother off of me? You know, before I abandon what few self-preservation instincts I have and do something that will get you
really mad at me?"
"Eh, Lee's got this," the younger Robin said nonchalantly as she walked up to us. For a long moment, she stared up at Olvia.
"Uh, hello? Gun to my head?!" I demanded. "Lee, get off your ass and get your damn kid to
help me!"
"Like she said, I've got this," Lee replied, still grinning like the smug bastard he was. "See, Olvia, you pull that trigger, and two things are going to happen." I blinked as The Catalyst sprang into being. "First, your gun is going to explode in your hand, filling it with metal and wood fragments. And then, I'm going to light your lungs on fire from the inside." His grin widened a few molars. "Believe me, it's not a pleasant way to go, choking on smoke like that."
Everyone stared at Lee; even Olvia and adult Robin were staring at him in naked—! Oh, wait a second.
THWACK! "GAH!" Olvia grunted in shock as I rammed my elbow into her gut, followed by my reaching over my shoulder, grabbing her arm and flipping her over my shoulder onto the lawn, the impact jarring the gun loose from her hand in the process.
"God bless Zoro for kicking my ass on a daily basis," I sighed in relief, before glaring bloody murder at Lee's
smugly grinning ass. "And god damn
you for taking the convoluted route, asshat!"
"Dontcha mean
Uncle Asshat?" he smirked back with a tilt of his head. "And besides, I meant every word; you were in no danger, and I know you get off on that sort of thing."
"Phrasing!" both Robins called out, before glancing at each other and giggling.
I scowled at both the reaction
and his little self-entitling before grunting as I was forced to fight against a furiously scrabbling Olvia's attempts to free herself. "Hilarious! Now if one of you two would help
bring your paranoid bitch of a mother back to reality!?"
"Er…" Robin the Tyke frowned nervously, most likely realizing the severity of the situation as she knelt before her mother and waved her hand in her face to no great effect. "I'd like to, but… what's… wrong with her? Does… Does she not remember me, remember
us or—?"
"No, I highly doubt that…" the Older Robin reassured her younger counterpart, albeit with an uncomfortable frown. "If I had to guess, going by the situation we're in and the situation she's
been in for who knows how long now, I'd say… she's probably gone into an extreme survival mode. Essentially, she's imposed a form of tunnel-vision on herself that blocks out all else but her mission and her survival instincts."
I frowned sympathetically, even as I redoubled my grip on Olvia's arm. "Personal experience?"
My Robin gave a terse nod before allowing herself a calming breath. "And due to that experience, I know that it's going to take something very jarring to—"
BWAAAAAAAAAH!
I blinked blearily as my head slowly stopped ringing, and I became aware of Lee saying…
something that was indiscernible to me due to the fact that even if my skull no longer felt like a bell, my
ears were still putting up a decent act. "WHAT?"
He rolled his eyes and ticked off his fingers for a second before repeating himself, just as my hearing cleared up, at least to the point where I could parse his words. "I
said, 'One of these days, Xom, you're going to need to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut'."
"WHAT DID I DO?!" I snap—er, make that
roared, my volume control was still a bit shot.
"Sesehihihihi!" a suddenly-present Jones snickered at my side. "For once, it's actually not his fault. And just so you're aware? I've
always wanted to do that."
Lee and I
made to respond, but then trailed off with a tired sigh and defeated groan, respectively.
"You don't have a good response to that statement either?" Lee said, shaking his head.
"Not a one," I shrugged dejectedly.
"And if we're all quite done," Young Robin groaned as she rubbed her ears. "Can we get back to
helping my mom?"
"If you mean 'help me put them in an early grave', I'd appreciate it," Olvia groaned into the lawn.
I blinked as I considered that little statement before getting off of the proto-Revolutionary's back. "I
think she's sane again. Though I won't apologize for the consequences if I get
another gun in my face."
"You
think?" Young Robin said, skeptically eyeing her mother as she stood. "
I think I want a second opinion. Lee?"
"Hmm…" the man hummed, stroking his beard. "Even odds either way, I'd say. That's the sanity rate of everyone else I've ever met who's like this."
I noticed Young Robin's eyes tear up and her lip quiver, and I stepped aside just as Olvia got the presence of mind to blink in confusion as she parsed what had been said. "Wait… 'mom?' Who are you—?"
"MOMMY!"
The woman then had to brace as the younger Robin slammed into her midsection, gripping tight and sobbing into her shirt. Olvia blinked a couple of times, before the older Robin knelt beside her, face in shadows.
"To be as brief as possible, time does whatever it wants here. Space is the same. Her name is Nico Robin. She is your daughter," she said quietly, before raising her head, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. "As am I."
Olvia took in the figure before her, as well as the one crying in her arms, and the identical features and voice to hers. It was only a few seconds before she pulled the other woman into an embrace, holding both versions of her daughter close to her and sobbing in bittersweet joy with them.
Honestly, it was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes, but Lee was walking over to me, looking concerned.
"Yeah, she needed this," he said, his concern not slipping a bit. "And… I'm kinda worried about that. How many people will want to bring their loved ones with them, or stay behind to help?" He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I know I'd have trouble resisting."
"Under 'normal' circumstances, as much as that word applies in a situation like this, I might be, but there are two big reasons why we don't have to worry about that. First, there's a certain bastard looking out for me, and I doubt it would let its fun end because of something like a paradox."
Lee looked like he'd bitten into a lemon, and I smiled lightly as I continued. "And second, as much as it must be nice for them to be with the ones they're meeting here…" I jabbed my thumb over my shoulder. "They'll still want to go back to the ones they have waiting outside of the mist. Really, when it comes down to it, do you think even one person here would be willing to subject their younger selves to missing out on the happiest years of their lives?"
"… Point," he conceded, a smile creeping onto his face. "I know Shizuka would never let Robin stay here and make her lose her pranking buddy. She'd probably spontaneously appear just to drag her back."
As I made to respond, something landed on the rail beside me with a heavy thud, making me jump back in surprise as I turned to face them. Brown fur, black and white feathers, a familiar spotted jacket—
I had Lassoo aimed at the otter and vulture that had just appeared beside me in under a second, and they made it abundantly clear that the feeling was mutual: Miss Friday's machine gun was armed and ready, and Mister Thirteen's shell-blades were drawn and tense. And then, for a few long minutes… none of us moved. Which was…
definitely different. And it wasn't the only thing off, either.
There was something not right here, and with the barrier between dimensions currently being made of Swiss cheese… I raised Lassoo up into a resting position as I took a better look at the animals that had landed beside me.
"You're… not our Unluckies, are you?" I divined.
"Eh? What was your first clue?" The otter held up a sign as he spoke in a
very Canadian accent, his words echoed by immaculate handwriting. It seemed to be his usual method of communication, judging by the way hearing his new voice caused him to start, tail fluffing out. His vulture companion hissed and puffed up her feathers.
"Besides the fact that our versions of you two ditched those digs and upped their arsenals two islands ago?" I shrugged as I let Lassoo drop to the ground. "You're not exuding an aura of pure murderous intent."
"
Going by how you sound…" Soundbite mused. "
Different birthplaces?"
"That depends. Aboot where're yours from?" This time Mister Thirteen was halfway through writing his sign when he remembered he didn't need it. Capping his pen with a snap, the otter folded his arms with a scowl.
I grimaced as I yanked my collar to the side and indicated the 'souvenirs' our Friday had left me in Alabasta. "Kuraigana. Trust me, it shows."
That got some actual emotion out of the furry fricks. Namely, they jerked
hard, their glasses going askew enough to reveal how they were staring at us in naked shock."…How the ever-loving
fuck do ya hosers still have your skin?" the otter asked numbly.
Soundbite, of course, responded with a taunting snap of his maw. "
Why dontcha try your luck and find out, EH?"
That got them bristling and hastily snapping their eyepieces back into place. "Don't mock my accent, ya hoser! Or I'll slit ya like a helpless bedlamer!" The otter's eyes flashed dangerously. "And I
always get my man- even if he's just a snail."
"Not the last four times I checked," I smirked tauntingly. Because really, why miss the chance to sling some shit at my worst nightmares?
"AND THOSE WERE THE
KILL.0 MODELS! Do you really wanna test THE LUCK OF THE VANILLA?" my companion concurred.
"Why, you little—!" Thirteen snarled, starting to go for his blades.
I spread my arms invitingly, one of them straying down towards Lassoo. "Bring it on, you wannabe-Moun—!"
"
OYOI!"
WHAM! CRASH!
"…did anybody get the flavor of that Sea King?" I moaned blearily.
"
Rubber BABY buggy bumpers I think I'm gonna be siiiick," Soundbite slurred.
"It's sad enough that you railroaded your versions of those two into anything resembling nemeses, Xom," Lee's somewhat muffled voice came from behind me. "Maybe
avoid repeating the mistake?"
"In my defense, mine were evil son-bitches from the word go…" I got out as my vision cleared enough to see the Catalyst pulling back a fist, the other cradling its face. Sonnuva bitch must have punched me in the head.
Jones, meanwhile, came over to stand by the Unluckies, fingers buried in feathers and fur. She was
petting them?! What gives? And then she started crooning at them as if they were a pair of cats or something- those were tiny assassins, not pets! "Shh, calm down. It's okay. Cross is just an idiot; he didn't mean to offend you. And the snail's just a baby and doesn't know any better."
"…Fine." Mister Thirteen put his blades away with a huff and leaned into Jones' hand. Miss Friday wasn't nearly as affectionate, standing stiff as she fixed me with a beady glare. But at least she had put her gun away.
"Before you guys get into a glaring contest," chuffed Lassoo, changing to his full Zoan form from where I had dropped him nearby. "How about some alternative entertainment? Pretty sure Sanji has some fresh crayfish he could cook up for you, if you want."
Mister Thirteen and Miss Friday looked at each other, then back to Lassoo. The vulture fluffed her feathers. "Would he have steak and eggs too?" she asked after a long moment, her voice creaking like pines in a high wind.
"Of course."
"Then we accept." The pair hopped down off the rail and followed after Lassoo as the dog-gun lumbered off towards the galley.
-o-
After the Unluckies left with Lassoo, I silently excused myself from Cross and Lee's presence. I needed a walk, needed to clear my head. Why? I wasn't sure, exactly. Just that, despite my antics with the foghorn, I was suddenly
not in the best of moods. I think maybe I was a little jealous…As everyone was reuniting with their loved ones all over the Thousand Sunny, a heavy was feeling growing in my chest. It distracted me. I didn't notice someone was approaching me until I'd practically walked into them, twisting out of the way at the last moment when I caught a glimpse of pale blue hair.
"Sorry, your highness."
"Actually, Jones, you're just who I was looking for." The princess smiled at me. Oh. Not
my Vivi, then. "Look, I know you're probably not too pleased with me- and after spending ten minutes with the version of me you've had to deal with, I understand completely- but I was wondering if you'd consent to a friendly spar. No powers, no Ruatha or Carue- just our weapons."
That- actually sounded like a lot of fun. Still, while my Vivi had been getting better as of late, I was slow to trust anyone who shared her face, at least in terms of motivations relating to myself. "Sounds great, but why?"
TB!Vivi's eye twitched; her fingers tightened around chains I could've sworn she wasn't holding a moment before. "Because, to reiterate, I just
met with your version of myself in all her suicidally naïve glory, and as a result I have an
incredible amount of frustration with that girl, and I'm guessing you do too. This way, we can work off some of the shared tension and
my newfound self-loathing before one or both of us does something we regret that will most likely land
me in intensive psychotherapy with my Chopper for a
month."
Well, that was a pretty good reason. I nodded and shifted back into a fighting stance. "Sure, then. Let's go."
"Excellent." And just like that Vivi was racing towards me, her Lion Cutters starting to spin. I automatically blocked her first strike as I rotated into a round kick, only to have the chain wrap around my forearm. The blade itself continued around and drew a shallow line across my clavicle, carried by its momentum. And while I got in a decent kick at Vivi's side, making her wheeze and stagger, this left me in a very bad position.
Namely, I was trapped.
Bringing my foot back down and planting it, I heaved back on the chain with all my might. This brought Vivi flying towards me. Normally, having my opponent's center of balance would've been a good thing. But before I could
do anything with it, I saw a second chain swinging around towards me- and my tug had given the princess' attack extra momentum. I scrambled to draw one of my sais and get it up to block; it was ripped out of my hand a second later, flung across the deck by whipping chains.
"You're strong," Vivi said as she regained her balance. "But slow." The princess spun her second Lion Cutter at me again, forcing me to duck at the last second. I barely made it; the strike clipped the brim of my hat and knocked it off my head.
"And you're quick, but if I get a hit in… TAI!" My abrupt switch from speaking to a kiai startled Vivi into taking a step back. This wasn't great for me, since her weapons gave her a longer reach, but it didn't matter much- her Lion Cutter may have trapped my arm, but that meant she couldn't go very far from
me either, not unless she wanted to give up that potential advantage.
Of course, I didn't
just kiai; that would've been stupid. As Vivi was stepping back, I drove in with a three-level punch- face, throat, sternum. The princess dodged the first two, but the third caught her. Even as she wheezed, though, she took the opportunity to entangle my free arm with her second Lion Cutter. I growled. This close in, I couldn't get off a decent kick, and now mobility in my arms was severely limited. Damn flail weapons… How was I supposed to counter their ability to wrap around everything? I'd never learned techniques for
that.
Well, there was nothing to lose by screwing up here- that's what sparring was for. So I dropped my weight and rolled backwards, shoving my feet up into Vivi's stomach as I fell. The princess coughed and flipped over me with the force of my throw, as had so many sparring partners in the past- and then kept going with a dancer's grace, coming to her feet with a slight stagger, her face an inch from the mast. Then she reversed, rolling back towards me to plant a foot on my stomach before I could get up. It didn't hurt, but it left me in a very awkward position.
"Yield?" she asked, stepping to the side to let me breathe and answer. My crazy grin appeared with a hissed inhalation.
"Sesehihihihihi! Not even close!" It hurt my shoulders- they weren't supposed to bend
quite that way, especially under pressure- but I heaved on the chains again, forcing Vivi to roll down and across. I used the momentum to twist to my feet. The princess came up with me.
A flick of Vivi's wrist freed one of my arms, plus her corresponding Lion Cutter. The princess sliced down on an angle as I drove in with a reverse punch; the chain wrapped around my shoulder, bruising, while the blade stung my lower back. Once more, my punch made Vivi wheeze and stagger. I pivoted on one leg, heaving on my still-trapped arm, desperate to get the princess into position for a good kick. Only, I'd forgotten that doing so only gave her more momentum to use in her own attacks. Cold metal wrapped twice around my throat, the blade coming to rest at my spine with another slight sting.
"How about now?" Vivi's voice was practically right in my ear. I reached up stiffly to tug at the chain around my neck. No slack whatsoever, although it wasn't exactly tight either.
"Fine. I yield."
Steel links unwound from my windpipe. Vivi stepped back, looking slightly worn and ruffled, but quite pleased. "Thank you for that. I feel somewhat better now…" she trailed off before sighing despondently. "For all that wanting to merely throttle my duplicate is an improvement over wanting to scalp her, but still, thank you."
"No problem." I examined the shallow cuts I'd gained, but none of them were in need of immediate attention. Satisfied, I turned and raised an eyebrow at the princess. "Now, if you don't mind me asking- why didn't you use that Sovereign Will thing on me the first time? You could've made me surrender immediately."
"Two reasons." Vivi brushed a few loose hairs back into place. "One, I
did say no powers- that goes for me as much as for you, even if mine aren't from a Devil Fruit. And two… No, I couldn't have. Sovereign Will requires that you
respect me in order for it to work, and seeing the version of me you've had to put up with, I highly doubt that's the case."
"Well, in that case, you'd be wrong." I retrieved my lost sai, slipping it back into place beside its mate. Vivi shot me an incredulous look.
"You respe-
how? I was only with her for ten minutes and she was acting like- just
how?"
I shrugged. "After some of the people I've known, it takes a lot to lose my respect. And even if I don't agree with her, I understand at least part of where she's coming from. It hurts a little, but I'm used to it. Plus I know you're one of the strongest versions of yourself- emotionally, as well as combat-wise- to exist in the multiverse, so I might do what you said even without Sovereign Will.
Might- I don't like taking orders. Buuut anyways…" Here I let my grin take over again. "Up for a round two? I'd like to play around a bit, see if I can figure out some counters to your Lion Cutters. I've never had a chance to fight someone who uses flail-type weapons before. Plus I've been in the mood for a good fight or six ever since a certain armoured idiot and I got chased across the wild blue yonder by the giant Nemo slayer."
Vivi hesitated before shaking her head with a smile. "As much as I would like to oblige, I should probably be getting back to my mother. I left her with my counterpart in the hopes that it would help the latter adjust, but…"
"Understood. I hope you enjoy the rest of your visit with your mom." I bowed- and then automatically snapped a salute when I straightened. Since the first motion was Japanese in style, and the second British, I assume I looked rather silly. Vivi certainly thought so, stifling a giggle at my actions.
"Thank you, Jones. And I hope you enjoy getting to see your…" She trailed off, uncertain. I waved her off.
"Don't worry about me. Just having everyone together like this is enough. Interesting, fun, makes my friends happy- what more could I ask for?"
"If you're sure." Vivi stared at me briefly before making her way back towards wherever she'd left Nefertari Titi and my own princess.
Happy and loose after my bout with Vivi, I wandered over and flopped down back near Cross and Lee, where they were looking over the various scenes with contented smiles. Watching them together made me frown as I came to a slow realization. "Hey… If you're
both here… When's the third member of the Cross-Brain showing up? Shouldn't he be around somewhere?"
Both turned to look at me- Cross with shock, Lee with amusement.
"Well—"
"Third?! Cross-Brain?! What?!"
Grin now even wider, Lee waved his hand. "No, go ahead, Xom, get it out of your system."
"Where do I even start!?" he sputtered, eyes wide in shock. "The fact that I actually
have a second friend as good as you, or the fact that we've actually managed to stick together long enough that we've actually got a group name going!? Are… we sure we're not talking about some freaky
adjacent Earth me or some—
GAH!" Cross suddenly started clawing at his skull with a growl of agony.
"I don't think that's ever going to get—
YOW!" Lee blinked, rubbing his temples.
Then, just as swiftly as their fits came over them, my seniors swiftly relaxed, albeit with far-off looks in their eyes.
"…two things," Cross deadpanned, his eyelid twitching menacingly. "First, one day I
will find a way to shove that omni-everything bastard's mobius loop of a skull inside his fourth-dimensional ass. And second… I, one of the biggest Leeroy Jenkins in the history of fiction, have a cowriter named
The Patient One. I've been on these seas almost a year, and
I think that's insane."
"
Seconded, and I've heard MORE INSANITY SINCE I MET YOU
than most people ever do," Soundbite said in the same tone.
"Yes, you do have a cowriter named The Patient One. And he milks that name for all the puns he can produce," Lee stated, just as flat. "As for BROB, if I ever find that asshole I'm going to give him a FOOF enema. Still…" The older Stand-user rubbed his chin contemplatively. "Assuming his plans went through, he was inserted into Yu-Gi-Oh!, and I wish him good luck."
"Oh." I felt a twinge of disappointment. It would've been
awesome to meet
three of the greatest fanfic writers from when I'd been reading. About to apologize for bringing it up, I froze as the disappointment was followed up by another, stranger sensation. It felt like someone was standing behind me, close; I could feel warmth at my back. And arms… Like someone was hugging me from behind. Except it didn't make me feel anxious, for once. Instead I felt protected. Wanted. The feeling faded slowly, leaving me confused… and wishing a little for its return.
"One more thing," Lee continued, holding up a finger. "We have
how many favorites and reviews?!"
"IS IT
over 9000?!" Soundbite chortled.
Cross wound up to dopeslap his partner's shell…
"Eh, with enough time…" I grinned as I waved my hand back and forth.
And
there was the pole-axed look I'd been looking for. "That popular?!" he choked out, and I noticed Lee being equally attentive.
"Put it this way," I spread my arms demonstratively. "You're the
Sword of Shannara of the One Piece fandom!" I waited and… jack squat. I matched their blank looks with one of my own. "Seriously? I thought you guys were readers."
"We are!" Cross protested before coughing sheepishly. "Just… not in this case, you know?"
"Ditto, though in my defense the world I was punted into was divergent enough that I doubt it had that book either," Lee shrugged indifferently. "So what's the significance of that reference exactly?"
"Well—!" I started to explain.
"
Massively popular novel that proved that THE FANTASY GENRE HAD WORTH beyond Tolkien's Lord of the Rings," Soundbite fell silent for a bit… before scowling irritably at our dumbstruck looks. "
HEY, I CAN LISTEN AND GET USEFUL INTEL OFF THE INTERWEBS!
I don't do it often, sure, BUT IT HAPPENS!"
"Yeah, once in a blue moon when pigs spontaneously grow wings and
fly over Satan skating to work," Lee snarked.
"
AS I SAID, not often," the little pest shrugged, inasmuch as he could. "OH, AND BY THE WAY?
The scouts are all COMING BACK."
"GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!" Boss's voice roared out of nowhere. I looked around, and saw him coming to a stop on a far side of the ship. The TDWS appeared a moment later—and I dreaded to ask what in the world Boss had done, because he and they were effectively re-enacting Jurassic World's raptor scene, only those four were glaring him down with the kind of sadistic anticipation that I'd only seen in the story before the crew starting beating down Oars while he was stuck.
"I'd suggest begging for mercy, Boss!" Cross called over with an ill-hidden snicker.
"A REAL MAN NEVER BEGS FOR HIS OWN LIFE!" the wizened dugong roared indignantly.
SHINK!
He then froze as he found Leo's blade stuck clean in the middle of his face. "He does, however," he amended calmly. "Know when to perform a tactical retreat." And with that, the Dugongs fell into the water, kicking up a frothing mess around the Sunny and Merry the Younger.
"Fare thee well, Boss," Cross saluted the poor bastard sarcastically.
"
I AIN'T DEAD YET, YOU SONNUVA—GAH!"
"No, but you will be soon enough…" Cross snickered, watching the bash go on for a bit…
BOOM!
Before glancing up with interest as a few of the wrecks in the distance started to shift, some from explosions and others from sliding apart. "Ah, looks like Chopper and Zoro are on their way back."
"Guess they must have found Hiruluk and Kuina," I deduced. "Wonder if Johnny and Yosaku are with them."
"Oh, so you dropped in early enough to pick up the cleaver twins?" Cross asked with interest. "Huh, bit cliché, but I don't doubt you're making it work. Good for you."
"Actually…" I leaned back against a rail and tilted my hat back out of my eyes, the standard 'cowboy about to tell a tall tale' pose. "I dropped in just before the Baratie. Have you not seen Ghin wandering around? Between his overprotectiveness, and Johnny and Yosaku's… being themselves, it was like getting an older brother and two younger ones in the space of a few days…"
-o-
High above, the rigging bounced as two silvery foxes chased each other along the lines, snapping playfully. Chattering calls sounded as the mother-daughter pair bounded along the ropes. Meanwhile on the deck, a slightly more grounded reunion was going on- only
slightly more grounded, seeing as the young women getting to know each other were a pair of literal angels.
"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Conis wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "I can't believe Father managed to do
that to your wedding cake!"
Serra smiled beatifically as she tapped the tip of her parasol on the lawn. "Really, dear, is it
so much harder to believe than what you told me about him blowing up the bathroom when he refused to call a handyman?"
"…No, I guess not." The younger angel shook her head with a bright smile. "It's Father; I shouldn't be surprised. He'll knock his own beard off one of these days."
The older angel chuckled. "Even so, if he ever decides to bake you a cake, ensure that he remembers the difference between cinnamon and cumin."
An indignant squawk interrupted the pair's story exchanging; not far away, two more women were glaring at each other so intensely it almost seemed they had lightning crackling in between them.
The redhead took a challenging step forward as she snarled at her white-haired opponent. "
What did you just call me?"
"You heard me, Government
Dog. There's no such thing as an ex-marine," the taller woman sneered. "We're lucky these mists are impenetrable to normal acts of time and space, otherwise you'd turn us
all in."
"My daughters are on these ships, you Void-hunting bitch! How dare you suggest I would do
anything to harm them! GRAH!" Bellemere bellowed furiously as she swung a wild punch at Olvia; the archaeologist slid around the blow, a dark glint in her eyes
promising pain.
The sight dragged a pair of exasperated sighs from Conis and Serra. On the opposite side of the irate pair, another woman had the same reaction. Nefertari Titi shook her head as if she were regarding a pair of naughty toddlers before sending a significant glance Serra's way. The elder angel rose, shooting her daughter an apologetic look. "Just a minute, Love. Let me see if I can get those two to pipe down."
Serra approached Bellemere and Olvia with her hands raised, a sign of peace. They paused in their squabbling to frown at her as she came closer. "Ladies, this is supposed to be a happy day. Please stop fighting- you'll worry your daughters."
The response was…
less than peaceful.
"Shove it, ya filthy pirate!" Bellemere shot an obscene gesture Serra's way. "I don't wanna hear about worrying family from some floozy who took off when
her daughter was barely out of her diapers."
"That's the one thing we
can agree on," Olvia sniffed. "At least
my only crimes were being literate and having my own opinion."
Well, that was just—! Serra struggled to hold onto her temper. Opposite her, Titi sighed again and rolled her eyes. The queen approached Bellemere from behind as the ex-marine turned to snarl something at Olvia, motioning discreetly to Serra as she did so. The angel nodded and moved so she was slightly behind the archaeologist.
"There's a
reason you're not supposed to hunt those stones, you—!"
THUNK!
Skull met skull as Titi and Serra slammed the combatants' heads together, the argument dying a brutal death as Bellemere and Olvia both keeled over with pained gurgles, their blank eyes indicating a distinct
lack of consciousness.
Titi turned to Serra with a smile and granted her a graceful bow. "Thank you for your assistance, ma'am."
"No problem, Love." The angel grinned and dusted off her hands. "Honestly? It was just like being back on the Jackson. It feels like we have to solve a problem that way every hour on the hour."
Titi hid a snicker behind her hand as she righted herself, an impish glint in her eye. "Funny, I was about to say the same, only in regards to the last Reverie I attended."
Serra's grin widened as she held her elbow out to the queen. "Oooh, please
do tell."
Titi eagerly hooked her arm with the pirate's and the pair started to walk off…
"Mrgh…" Bellemere groaned as she started to sit up, rubbing the latest goosebump she'd accrued. "This is why I
hated the damn Royal postings…"
THWACK!
Though not before the handle of Serra's parasol
accidentally swung into the Marine's cranium, dropping her like a sack of potatoes.
-o-
"Other me, can you pass the garlic?" 12!Sanji called over as he rifled through the Sunny's cabinets, making a face as he processed what he'd just said. "Never thought something like
that'd be coming out of my mouth…"
"Sure thing. And me neither." The twin cooks were just finishing up dinner, their older/younger sister sitting on a stool watching them. TB!Sanji had just tossed 12!Sanji a garlic bulb when the door creaked open behind them. Heavy boots thudded against wood.
"Hey… Older, less shitty Shit Cook, can I talk to you for a bit?" Ghin leaned against the counter beside TB!Sanji. Both cooks huffed- their domain was
sacred, couldn't the war dog at least
wash his hands before he touched everything? But the elder nodded as he carefully tossed an immense Caesar salad.
"Sure, I guess. What about?"
"Jones said you were the one who saved me, in versions where she wasn't there. Mostly just wanted to say thanks, on behalf of the me from your world. Although… I'm kinda surprised not to see him here."
"Ah, don't worry about it," TB!Sanji waved him off indifferently as he flipped the contents of a frying pan. "He's doing well enough for himself- found his own shittier captain to serve. Though last I heard, he was pissed at the guy for stealing his credit over punching out a Celestial Dragon."
A dark grin crossed Ghin's face; he managed to tilt his head at just the right angle to make his
headband shadow his eyes. "That so?
Good. Those bastards have it coming, and more. If I could take out every last one of 'em… Although I guess that means yours is one step ahead of me. Figures." The older pirate let out a huff of laughter. "Ah, well, I'm sure I'll catch up soon enough."
Pushing off the counter, Ghin wandered back out of the galley. He waved over his shoulder before slamming the door; 12!Sanji shook his head, but said nothing.
Reiju smiled at the sight. "You've made some good friends, Sanji. Both of you. You're happy here, aren't you? More than you could've been at home?"
The Sanjis looked at each other. "This
is home," they said in unison. "This, and the Baratie. Nowhere else."
"Oh. That's good. I'm proud." Hopping off her stool, Reiju was at the counter before either of her brothers could blink. "You were always too good of a person for Father; these pirates deserve you more. And you're even a decent cook now." The little princess reached out and absconded with a small spoonful of pudding before skipping out of the room. Both Sanjis stared at her, aghast.
"Reiju, wait! That's for dessert!"
"You're supposed to eat your vegetables first, you little—!" The cooks both gave up the fight with defeated sighs as they shook their heads. It was no use; Reiju wasn't going to listen. She never had. But she loved them, in her own strange way, and even after all these years, they still loved her too.
"Alright, we should probably start moving these out; they'll be kicking a party off any second now." TB!Sanji suggested.
"Tsh, damn right," 12!Sanji nodded sagely. "I can already hear Luffy shouting at the top of his lungs: 'Sanji, food!'"
"Did someone say 'food'?" both Luffys said in unison, one at the door and the other at a porthole. The Sanjis rolled their eyes as they picked up various dishes and brought them out on deck.
"Yeah, yeah, we're coming. Keep your hats on."
"We always do! What's that got to do with food?"
Someone—likely the Choppers and Usopps—had dragged a bunch of tables together on the deck to use as a buffet. The Sanji's set their precious burdens down, then turned in unison and punted their captains across the Sunny when the Luffys tried to jump on the food.
"Wait until the ladies have a chance!" TB!Sanji shouted.
"And preferably everyone else too!" was 12!Sanji's addition.
To their credit, both Luffys backed off and waited until the food was placed on the tables before quite literally diving in… though thankfully, by that point the Sanjis were prepared and the duo slammed face-first into their boots, prompting the quartet to fall into a brawl.
Reiju stood to the side, watching the exchange with a raised eyebrow. "Well,
this is certainly a new sight."
"Not for me it isn't," Makino giggled to herself. "Luffy and his brothers fought all the time."
Reiju's expression fell flat. "So did Sanji and his," she muttered melancholically, before she donned a fond smile. "I'm talking about the fact that he's actually holding his own."
Makino blinked at the young girl in surprise, but she swiftly gave her a kind smile. "Well, as nice as that is, I'm afraid it won't last long if he's standing between Luffy and food, so let's get some while we can. Shall we?"
"No need, I saw this coming a mile off," Reiju waved the bartender to the side. "I hid a stockpile of food while Sanji and Sanji were cooking. Care to have some?"
Makino took one look at the throng of people surrounding the small banquet before following the young girl with a beaming smile. "I'd love some, thank you."
The two headed for the kitchen, but paused as they saw the crew's ship-girl emerge with a large bowl filled with what looked very much like a trifle.
"Hey, how come
she gets dessert first?" Reiju questioned, drawing everyone's attention. Most of the TB!crew just gave a glance before going back to what they were doing, but most of the rest seemed indignant.
"She has a point," 12!Sanji said. "I can understand serving the ladies first, but—"
"It's not a dessert, it just looks like one," Franky grunted as he piled a plate high, holding it out of reach of his crew by dint of his outweighing most of the crew by half. "And it's not even
edible unless you were born a ship, so unless you want your stomach pumped, keep away from—"
"Fos?" A white dragon hatchling jumped up on Merry's shoulder and shoved his muzzle into her dish. The ship-girl let out a squawk of surprise. Ruatha was gone before she could do anything to him, tumbling down and across the deck while his scales turned a sickly shade of green. An instant later, the dragonet was retching over the side. "GYACH! Krastov! Hyech, hyech!"
"…Merry's food," Franky groaned as the dragon began coughing, prompting Jones and both Choppers to rush over, one in alarm, one in exasperation, and one in exasperated alarm.
"What is it,
poison?" Reiju asked.
"Assorted cloth, oil, and pitch," TB!Sanji deadpanned. "Like Franky said, gourmet for a ship-girl, inedible for anyone else."
Reiju and everyone who wasn't of the TB!crew blanched, and Sanji turned to his counterpart. "…OK, even I have to draw the line here. How do you make something that looks and smells so delicious out of cloth and oil?"
"With a lot of practice and help from some of the world's best shipwrights," TB!Sanji responded with a miserable grimace.
"And he has had a
lot of practice!" Merry hummed happily as she started to suck down her distinctly
unappetizing confection.
Mikey promptly shoved his plate back into place with a distinctly green hue to his face. "Aaaand just like that I've lost my appetite."
"Speak for yourse~elf!" Robin the Younger grinned as food was piled higher and higher on her plate, Pompeii's patchwork arms reaching out to grab Mikey's discarded plate.
"Wait, wha—WHAT THE HELL!?" Franky blurted out as he noticed that not only was the tyke skimping off the top of his plate, but so too was a certain meteorological tentacle, belonging to a certain navigator. "Aww, c'mon, you too, Big Sis?! Don't you girls have first come first served privileges!?"
"What can I say?" TB!Nami grinned as her Eisen Tempo piled her food into her hands. "Somehow, it just tastes better when it carries the spice of theft! Aaaall the sweeter!"
"I'll eat to that," Robin the Elder hummed pleasantly.
"That's the ide-
HEY!" TB!Nami barked as she noticed an autonomous limb swiping food from her
own plate.
"All's fair when you're a pi~ra~te," Elder Robin sang cheekily.
"Why, you—!"
A short ways away, Nico Olvia was watching with no small amount of bemusement as an indignant cyborg tried to fend off the thieving efforts of both her younger daughter and a meteorological-controlling navigator, who herself was duelling with the thieving hands of her
older daughter.
The rebellious archaeologist watched the exhibition for a few seconds longer before slowly tilting her head to the side in confusion. "How the
hell am I seeing this while I'm still sober?"
"My thoughts exactly!"
Olvia's blaring instincts prompted her to spin on her heel, bringing her face to face with…the label of a bottle? Her unasked question was answered when she noticed that said bottle was being held up next to the grinning and flushed face of a certain mohawk-bearing Marine.
"Bellemere," she greeted coolly, confirming with a glance that the angel and queen nearby had their attention on her before glancing back at the Marine. "I see you managed to find where they keep the liquor?"
"Not like it was hidden anyways!" Bellemere snickered before shaking the bottle in a tempting manner. "More importantly, seeing as you were just griping about being too sober, wanna fix it?"
Olvia gave the Marine a look of sheer disbelief. "I thought your opinion of me was that I was a, and I quote, 'Void-hunting bitch'."
"Oh you most definitely are, no question!" Bellemere agreed wholeheartedly, her smile wavering an inch
. "Which makes it all the more important that I get you drinking!"
The Oharan's eye twitched as she tried to process just what she was hearing. "I beg your pardon?"
The Marine's grin took on a taunting overtone as she shoved it in her rival's face. "No way in
hell can I let myself fail in a contest of livers against a reckless idiot like you. We Marines have
pride!"
Olvia cocked her eyebrow in a decidedly unimpressed manner. "And?"
Bellemere's smile changed to a grimace as she glanced in the direction of the 'peacemakers' that had broken them up, and who were still eyeing them even now. "Aaaaand I've already had
three concussions today. This seems like a good way to avoid a fourth while still trying to show your scrawny ass up."
Olvia's eye twitched yet again, only a lot more violently. Her eyes flicked from Bellemere to Titi and Serra, and then to the display at the buffet table; her daughters were still using their powers to snatch up food, and thoroughly enjoying it. She took a moment to appreciate the smiles that they had before turning back to the Marine, and accepting the bottle.
"Fine, then. But all bets are off if either Robin asks me for something," she said.
Bellemere's smirk widened tauntingly. "That's the one thing I can respect about you. Now put up or shut up, or are you too chicken-shit of a bookworm to—?"
Olvia cut her off by snatching the bottle out of Bellemere's hand, knocking it back and draining it of its contents in a matter of seconds a few decisive gulps. Once she was finished, she pinned the Marine with a firm glare as she shook the bottle out. "You're looking at the results of spending the better part of half a decade on the run, bitch."
Bellemere blinked at her in surprise for a moment, but she swiftly rallied in favor of donning an ecstatic grin as she raised her own bottle in a toast. "
Now we're talkin'! Let's have us some
fun!"
As it became clear that there was no danger of them acting up, Titi and Serra were able to relax and focus on more enjoyable things- namely, their daughters and the defense of their dinner. Titi and Serra both turned their attention to the buffet table, their daughters coming up alongside them. Smiling, the elder angel picked up a set of chopsticks along with her dinner. "Oh! I know a delightful party game we can play with these!"
"Really?" Titi picked up her own set, staring at them questioningly. "I've never heard of such a thing. How do you play?"
"Like this!" Serra promptly stuck the chopsticks up her nose, settling the other ends on her lower lip to create a bizarrely stretched smile. Conis blinked at her in shock for a moment before dissolving into a giggling mess as she grabbed up another pair of wood and started to imitate her mother.
TB!Vivi glanced at her counterpart with a sly smile. "Come on, Mother; we do it all the time." So saying, the elder princess retrieved her own utensils and stuck them up her nose. Titi stared a little longer, then shrugged.
"Well, I suppose it can't do any harm." Much to the horror of her younger daughter, the queen joined in as well. And was soon having a lot of fun, dancing around with chopsticks in her nose, arm in arm with the others. 12!Vivi stared as if the other women had all grown extra heads.
"You… wha…
Mother!" she yelped indignantly, "I realize that my
alternate might have grown…
uncouth in her exile—!"
"I'd like to politely tell you to
shove it, other me!" TB!Vivi grit out through her rictus grin, a vein prominently throbbing on her brow.
"But
we're still civilized, so could you…
please not do that? It's undignified, and it looks painful." 12!Vivi shot a scowl in TB!Vivi's direction. Titi laughed.
"Of
course we can talk about something more ladylike if that's what you'd like, dear. So… Are there any cute pirate boys either of you have your eye on? Hmm?"
"Ah! I think I stabbed myself in the sinus!" 12!Vivi yelped as she hastily jabbed a chopstick at her nose. Her eyes were wide and her face was flushed red. "How do you fit these in without doing serious injury?"
"Or are you still waiting for that nice boy back home? What was his name again?"
Frantically looking around for an out, her eyes alighted on Cross and Lee, who so far had been standing back, away from the carnage and looking thoroughly amused by the whole scene. "Uh, would either of you like me to get something for you?" she desperately asked.
Cross' only response was to raise his Vision Dial and snap a picture, while Lee- was suddenly holding a full plate of food?! What?! But ho- oh, right. "Stands are precisely as bullshit as advertised, aren't they?" Cross asked offhandedly.
"B-rank speed is very nice," commented Lee as he took a bite. His face immediately lit up. "Oh my God, this is so good…"
Upon seeing a number of women with chopsticks up their noses, the Usopps and Choppers let out little yelps of glee. Soon there was a pair of snipers dancing around arm in arm, wooden utensils on proud display. The Choppers were slightly slower to join in, although that was only because they paused to show Hiriluk how to shove
his chopsticks up his nose without hurting himself. Banchina didn't rise to join the dance, but even she had chopsticks up her nose almost as soon as her sons did. She'd probably learned it from her husband.
"Alright Big Bro!" Johnny and Yosaku raced in a second later, taking their places on either side of the linked Usopps to form a chopstick kick line.
Fuming, the Sanjis glared around at the spreading epidemic, unable to decide who to kick first. "What's wrong with you shitheads? Can't you just sit down and eat like civilized people for
once in your shitty lives?!"
"Big Sis Serra started it!" Johnny yelped, a small leap dragging his end of the kick line further from the irate cooks. Both Sanjis froze, unable to comprehend the idea of an angelic woman being the leader of the so-called 'shitheads.'
Smiling, Reiju snuck up behind her brothers, making them jump when she announced her presence with a cough. "Relax, Sanji. It's all in good fun- enjoy it." So saying, the tiny blonde girl snatched her own pair of chopsticks off the buffet table and stuffed them up her nose. Both Sanjis were too flabbergasted to do anything.
Off to one side, the Zoros leaned back against a rail, Kuina sitting in between them. No one, not even the Luffys, dared try and steal from the little girl's plate while she was under the fond eyes of the twin swordsmen. Munching thoughtfully on a carrot, Kuina looked from one Zoro to the other.
"You've come a long way since we were little. I'm proud, even if you still have a long way to go." The little girl sighed heavily. "I'm glad you talked Father into letting you have Wado after… She wouldn't have been happy hanging on a wall."
"Of course. I couldn't just let—!"
"It wouldn't have felt right to—!"
Both Zoros stopped suddenly when they realized they were talking at the same time, their ears turned slightly red. When neither of them resumed speaking immediately, Kuina smiled. "I know. That's why I'm especially glad it was
you."
"It's still not right…" 12!Zoro grumbled. "You should've been here the whole time, giving the shit cook hell with me."
TB!Zoro nodded. "Even if we fulfill your dream too, it still doesn't… We'll never know how strong you
could've been, whether you
could've made World's Strongest Swordsman."
"Hey! If either of you can, I can too!" Kuina's eyes flashed. "You know what I think? I think that when you die, you'll find your versions of me waiting for you. I'll keep training in the afterlife so when we meet again, we can have our duel. Even if I can't be the greatest swordsman in this world, I'll be the greatest in the next one."
The Zoros each placed a hand on one of Kuina's shoulders, chuckling. "We'll see. After all, to earn that title—"
"You'll still have to beat us."
With both Zoros thus distracted and Ghin off somewhere with Tippy, there was no one to tell either Sanji off for wolf-whistling when an unfamiliar—and rather attractive—woman appeared in the midst of the chaos. Not that she paid them much attention at first. Smiling broadly, the newcomer waved at Kaya and Merry, who were off on one of the rails. "Thanks for letting me borrow the shoes, Hun. They fit great, and it sure helps my balance."
"Don't mention it." Kaya smiled. "And they look lovely on you."
"Who's that?" 12!Sanji breathed to his counterpart. "She's gorgeous!"
"No idea." The smoke from TB!Sanji's cigarette morphed into little hearts. "So, she's not on your crew, then?"
"I thought she was on yours. Must be someone's older sister or something."
The newcomer finally seemed to notice that the cooks were talking about her- and she didn't mind one bit. Sauntering over, she slung her arms over both their shoulders and hung between the Sanjis with a slight giggle. "Aww… Are you boys staring at my butt?"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Well, at least one of you's honest. Go right ahead; I'm kinda proud of it, and just looking don't hurt anyone." The woman winked, causing both Sanjis to flush bright red. "And don't worry; I'm nobody's sister, so you won't have to worry about any angry brothers getting on your ass."
"But if you're not someone's sister," 12!Sanji wondered. "And you look too young to be anyone's mother… Who are you?"
"Name's Kokoro. Apparently I'm here for Franky; my future self raised him or something. Interesting boy."
TB!Sanji paled noticeably. He froze as Kokoro continued to hug and giggle. "I am…
so conflicted right now…"
"Really?" his counterpart mumbled dazedly. "Why's that?"
"Trust me when I say, you don't want to know." And with that, he slunk off back to the food table, muttering something about a man's dream and dugongs.
"IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME, SANJI, I'M A LITTLE BUSY AT THE MOMENT!" roared a ballistic seal-turtle hybrid as he shot across the deck, snagging a few strips of meat from the buffet table before blurring out of sight again. A moment later, the TDWS came into view; despite their ever-murderous appearance, they were panting a little.
"Dang it… we're slowing down," Leo growled.
"The hell we are. Hit the caffeine!" Mikey declared, shooting forward and snagging a mound of chocolate from the table, scarfing it down, and vanishing.
"Damn it, for once the nunchuk numbskull's right!" Raphey snapped, grabbing a sugary treat of her own off the table. "Sugar for energy, GO!" And with that, the dugong shoved the pastry down her throat and
also blurred out of sight.
Donny and Leo hesitated with their own choices of 'food', glancing at each other uneasily. "…this is gonna
suck later, isn't it?" Donny deduced miserably.
"Yeah…" Leo nodded grimly. "But at the least, we're gonna make
him suffer first, so bottoms up!"
With that, they each downed a can of the unholy brainchild of Franky's cola and Chopper's adrenaline serums that they had simply named 'Monster.' A second later, the pair seemed to start vibrating in place. From the perspective of everyone else that is; Donny and Leo had a very different view. Namely, from what I could get out of their insensate mumblings after the fact? To them, the world suddenly
froze. Even sound- while they could understand each other perfectly, everything else seemed like a low, senseless roar. And when they moved, they didn't blur away from the viewing parties; they simply vanished.
-o-
"Thank goodness we only had two cans of that stuff," Franky muttered, eyeing the starry-eyed Luffys who were staring at where the two Dugongs had been a moment before, then picking up the cans and surreptitiously heading for Chopper's lab.
"I'll second that," I nodded, flashing back to the last time Luffy had gotten ahold of an adrenaline-inducing solution and promptly shuddering in bowel-voiding horror.
So… much…
goulash…
A thud beside me drew me out of my thoughts; Jones had returned, vaulting over her Luffy's arm to land beside me. Ruatha was perched on her shoulder once more, looking no worse for wear despite what he'd tried eating. Little dragon must have a stomach of iron. The dragon mother sat down and portioned out food for her hatchling before getting started on her own dinner. A soft smile, much different from her earlier grins, grew on her face.
"It's nice to see everyone so happy. I'm glad… This will at least give everyone a little closure." Her voice was quiet, and a little… sad?
It took a second for things to ping for me, but once they did I adjusted my place in my seat so that I could lean forwards and get a clean look at her. "Hey… Jones?" I started tentatively. "I… geeze, can't believe we forgot, but… do you… want to slip out real quick? Just, I dunno, do a quick circuit of the place? With Soundbite's range, I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard to find-?"
"No point." Jones shook her head promptly, her expression unchanged. "There wouldn't be anyone out there."
"Hey, come on-!" I started to assure her.
"Really, they're not," she pressed on, a slightly melancholic smile coming across her lips. "If anyone I used to know was coming, we'd know by now. My friends weren't exactly masters of stealth, and Great-Grandpa… Imagine Garp, but German. I haven't heard or seen any signs of
anyone. They're not out there."
I did my best to hide a grimace as I considered who she had and, more specifically,
hadn't included in her list of possibles. "Ah, geeze, Jones…"
"I-It's fine, Cross, really," she assured me, a renewed kind of energy coming into her smile. "For a while I was…
resigned to the idea that maybe no one was coming for me at all. But I've been thinking about it, and I think… I know better now."
"Seriously?" I perked up eagerly, casting surreptitious glances left and right. "Well that's great! Who is it? Is it someone he-?"
Out of the blue I was cut off… by Jones poking me in the dead center of my forehead?
"You, moron," she snickered, her tone indicating that she meant that both with and without the comma. "I think it was supposed to be you. Weird, I know, we- we'd never met before- but it's the only explanation I can think of for…" She trailed off, waving a hand at the two crews surrounding us with joyful chaos.
I blinked at her numbly before running my hand through my hair with an exasperated laugh. "Ah,
geeze, Jones… way to put pressure on a guy…" But, just as swiftly, I gave her a wide grin. "But hell, way to make him feel special too. And seeing as that's the case!" I clapped my hands and rubbed them together. "Seeing as that's the case, I might as well act the part by asking the essential question!" I leaned in to give her an inquisitive smile. "How's life on the Blue Seas been treating you?"
"Like a goddamn chew toy," she answered swiftly, not even a
hint of hesitation in her voice. "Everything seems to be out to eat me, all my plans get flipped on their side, even fights that should be easy aren't what I thought they'd be… But maudit, I'm having so much
fun." She broke off for a moment, staring into space. "I could've died a number of times already- could die tomorrow, for all I know. But you know what?" Here, her mad grin returned with a vengeance. "If I do, I'm taking the
whole fucking Grand Line down with me."
-o-
I slammed my fist into my palm to emphasize my words, releasing a small, harmless shockwave from the impact. Ruatha chirped in agreement.
Beside us, Cross was… oddly silent for a long moment. His expression blank as he stared at me, and I could tell that…
something was churning in his head.
Finally, he folded his hands on the table, and pinned me with a
hard look. "Jones," he stated firmly. "I want you to do me a favor, alright?"
"Eh?" I cocked my head to the side in confusion, Ruatha following my example. "Sure. What is it?"
"Keep going. No matter what, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts… you keep going, alright? Because… you can make it, understand? I can see in you the exact same kind of guts that are in me. The
exact same will to succeed. And I want you to know… when you reach the top? When you hit the top of the world… we'll be there. We'll be there, waiting to welcome you with open arms… because you have
earned it. And because we know that you can
make it."
Whaaaa…? My brain momentarily ceased all function. No one had ever… The next thing I knew, Ruatha was tumbling off of my shoulder as I launched myself forwards. I collided with Cross in a hug that probably would've been
painful without my fruit, clinging to him for all I was worth. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes; I hid my face against his shoulder so no one would see them. "Thank you… Just, thank you…"
I felt another body press against my back, arms wrapping around the both of us. A thick beard tickled the top of my head. Lee. He didn't say anything; he just hugged.
And then there was a third presence as well, though not physical, as the warmth from earlier returned. An invisible force that made me feel safe… What I would give to be able to find the source. It felt like… love?
I don't know how long the… four? of us were in that position, but when Cross and Lee pulled back, I saw pretty much everyone looking at us. Some in shock, some in confusion, and some in approval. And of the ones in the third category, the two Luffys were the most notable with their D-shaped grins. A second later, they moved in unison, raising a pair of mugs. Within seconds, everyone onboard had joined them. The captains were clearly on the same wavelength at this point, as they spoke in unison as well:
"To the craziness of the Grand Line that brought us here, to the best meat we've ever had—"
I
wanted to feel exasperated at that, but with two Sanjis in the kitchen? Yeah, it was worth mentioning. Especially the bacon.
"—And to our friends from another world, and all their shenanigans!"
Suddenly, Lee had a mug in his hand, and was holding out another pair towards us via Stand. Which was still freaky, by the way, but it didn't stop us from taking the mugs.
"
KANPAI!" both Luffys declared in unison.
"
KANPAI!" was the unanimous response from everyone surrounding us.
Cross and I exchanged bemused looks, before we both grinned from ear to ear and slammed our mugs together.
"
KANPAI!"
Cross-Brain AN: Now, for clarity's sake: Jones, Ruatha, and the alternate Straw Hats are from another One Piece SI called Twelve Red Lines. Its author, Vikingr, graciously collaborated with us on this chapter, and we would like to extend our thanks.
Vikingr AN: As I would like to extend a great many thanks to the Senpais for allowing me to work with them. I'd never collaborated with anyone on a fic before; this was a good learning experience and a lot of fun.
Xomniac AN: For the record, Cross's words at the end? They're exactly why we chose to write this omake, because upon reading the first few chapters of Twelve Red Lines... well hell, we just knew it to be true. We might be the up-and-coming kings, but that doesn't mean we can't go ahead and name our heir.
Hornet AN: As for Lee, as you might have guessed he's from a JoJo SI of my own that's currently still in the planning stages.
Patient AN: The same goes for the Yu-Gi-Oh! SI mentioned above. Now you have something else to look forward to when we go on our hiatus. Oh, yes, and one more thing: regarding the canonicity of this omake? Think of it like Omatsuri: a couple of lasting effects, but unlikely to be mentioned again in the story.
