This Bites! (One Piece SI)

[Appletank]

Who was Cross refering to when he ditched Nami?

 

[Krazyfan1]

BRILLIANT as always!
WELL worth the wait!

 

[Neruz]

Man, it's so great to find a good SI story that actually explores the possibilities of significant changes from canon without just 'fixing' everything or actively undermining the over-arching plot.

 

[The Patient One]

Whe was Cross refering to when he ditched Nami?

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Perona.

 

[Rogue Gemini]

Good timing to lift my spirits up after some personal stuff is currently causing problems.

 

[YuffieK]

I like how this chapter demonstrates just how outclassed Cross, Luffy and the rest of the Straw Hats are compared to the pirates from the New World. Which is particularly relevant because

Spoiler: One Piece 923 spoilers

Luffy goes one on one against Kaido, who was EXTREMELY drunk, gets in a couple of solid sucker punches then immediately goes to Gear Fourth, Kong Organ....

And only manages to SOBER KAIDO UP.

Granted, the Wano arc is probably where we're going to see Zoro shine and carry the day, but still.... outclassed.

 

[Anon-Echo98]

Oden's Cottage,

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Nani?!!

"Oh, my manners escape me… though it's a bit disheartening that Ace hasn't told you about me," he replied. None of the annoyance implied by his words showed in his polite expression, and nor when he bowed at around 45 degrees. "I am Izo, manager of Oden's Cottage. It is an honor to meet you, Captain 'Straw Hat' Luffy, and you, Captain 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo."

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Aaaah, dat explains it...

I opened my mouth to rebut the snail, but on a second look... mane of golden hair, sunglasses, and a plump body wearing a hot pink suit? I might have been willing to concede Soundbite's point, except for one small detail: he was a freaking lion, claws digging into his opponent's hand to try to get some sort of advantage.

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Oh, hi Pekoms, how did you get into Skelter Bite?

I recognized Pekoms instantly, of course, and though I'd only gotten a few panels of him, it was hard to mistake who Sheepshead was either, as well as the looming implication of who he represented. Of course, the giant belt buckle bearing the horned skull of the Beast Pirates' Jolly Roger also helped.

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O_O

....What the actual feck?

SKRANG!

And everyone and everything came to a screeching halt. The most affected was Porche, whose eyes were crossed to stare at the distended center of Luffy's hand, parked a few… let's be honest, nanometers in front of her forehead. As fast as the bulge was there, it immediately snapped back into Luffy's hand, and he let a roughly spherical lump of metal that had moments before been a simple coin drop to the ground, the clink of copper on wood almost deafening in the silence.

"Porche. Go back to your boss," Luffy ordered quietly.

The very pale diva nodded and left so fast I could've sworn she'd learned how to Shave.

"What was that for?" Luffy growled as soon as she was gone, his tone and expression only slightly less hateful than after he'd seen what Eneru had done to me.

Meanwhile, Sheepshead, possessing all of Bellamy's arrogance and the strength to get away with it, all while lacking any of his future redeeming qualities, just leaned back in his seat and scoffed. "Parlor trick from the New World: a paid ticket to the afterlife. What do you care? She's a nobody, her life isn't worth—"

Sheepshead—and everyone else for that matter—shut up and sat up when Luffy's glare crystallized into raw hatred and a hazy, yet somehow world-shaking snarl battered itself against our skulls.

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Ya pressed Luffy's Nakama-button.

Ya shouldn'ta did that!

"It's basically the same with us: In impressing Kaidou, you've impressed Mama, too," Pekoms nodded, looking at least somewhat calmer than before. "Your knack for succeeding against all odds was a big part of it, obviously. But the first thing to know about Mama is that she created Totland in hopes of founding a place where everyone could belong, regardless of species. As such, your seamless unity of all kinds of different people and animals on your crew has warmed her heart."

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So long as we didn't warm any other part of her, we're good.

"Needless to say, you've impressed Pops, too. That much you should know already. But none of us believe that you've changed your mind, or that you will, about sailing under our flag. Even so, many crews have sworn their loyalty to us without taking our flag. We would not ask the same of you, of course… without returning the favor." Izo inclined his head politely. "Captain Edward 'Whitebeard' Newgate, The Strongest Man in the World, has instructed me to offer the both of you an alliance between the Straw Hat Pirates, the Barto Club Pirates, and the Whitebeard Pirates. None greater than the other, simply a pledge of… you might call it 'brotherhood'," he finished with a wry smile.

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Sniff, freaking love ya Pops.

It may or may not come as a surprise to you, dear reader, to learn that about a minute or so after most of the Straw Hats had vacated the area, a round man with a green and white striped shirt and a hunk of ham in one hand flopped out of a bar directly across from Oden's Cottage, staring blearily at the sky.

"Woof… for wet-nosed Paradisers, these brats can drink…" the tubba-blubba groaned, punctuating the statement with a board-rattling belch. He then frowned, scratching at his gut. "'Cept that now I damn well forgot what I came here for in the first place. What was it, what was it… ergh, come on!"

He scowled as he sat up and rapped his hunk of meat over his own head. "I should know this, I almost knocked little-bo-bastard's brains out over it on the docks, so what—OH YEAH!" He suddenly smacked his shank of meat in his palm with a massive grin. "Now I remember! I was supposed to—!"

The man's train of thought was suddenly and harshly derailed when his nose twitched. Then it twitched again, and again, until finally the fatso's head snapped a clean 90 degrees to the side. "Is that Megaton Lobster I smell boiling?" He answered his own question by allowing a river of drool to pour past his massive smile. "Thank Bacchus, I'm starving over here! COME TO PAPA!"

And so, with that exclamation (and a fresh mouthful of his shank of hog), he set off in search of gluttonous satisfaction.

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God-damn you Lucky Rooo!!

Summarily ignoring the horrified expressions on the Straw Hats present, the most definitely Mad Monk bowed politely to the girls. "It has been a pleasure to meet you fine women, but I have matters I must attend to! Please, enjoy your stay!"

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Good to see some manners with his lad.

Even in a place as colorful as Skelter Bite, his hair stood out. That was all she needed to spot him, and from there it was effortless to identify him.

She had torn through Paradise to find him, to avenge herself on him for what he had done. The promise he had broken, the way he had betrayed her, all that he had stolen from her. She would make him pay. And in a lawless haven for lawless people, the opportunity was before her.

She stalked after him as he neared the end of the crowd, rod in hand and ready to knock him senseless before he could realize he was being—

He twisted his head ever so slightly and shot her a shark-toothed smirk over his shoulder. "Long time no see, ginger."

WHAM!

Prudently, she waited until after she knocked him senseless and had begun dragging him away before indulging in a breathless stream of curses about the fact that he knew she was there the whole time. Well, that, and his sexual habits, his ancestors ten generations back, and his hair.

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....What just happened?

The old friend ground their teeth murderously. Briefly, before switching to a fond, and above all else, familiar smile. "Well, at least you're just as much of a jackass as ever," she groused, holding out her hand. "Now help me up. And by the way, you owe me a candy bar."

"Meh," Barto scoffed, grinning as he grabbed said hand. "Take it up with Tina. And by the way?"

His old friend screeched at the touch of snot on her hand, and Barto grinned.

"Glad to have you back, Desire."

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Ah, I ship them so hard~!

"Wooow! This place is even cooler than the last time I was here! And I didn't think that was possible!" the rubber-man breathed in awe.

"■■■■■…?"

"Huh?" Luffy looked around for the source of the voice he'd just heard. "What am I doing up here? I just wanted to get a good look at the island. And it's so cool!"

"■■■■■…"

"What?! It's really—?!" Luffy started to exclaim eagerly before shaking his head. "Gah, no, wait! Pictionaries!" The rubber-man spun his head around, literally twisting his neck to get a better look around himself. "Who said that? And where are you?"

"■■■."

"Whuh?" The rubber-man released the tension in his neck, letting his head whiz back into place. "Whaddaya mean look—wooooaaah…"

The reason why Monkey D. 'Straw Hat' Luffy, of all pirates in the world, trailed off into stunned silence was the looming presence of the largest, most titanic entities he'd ever seen in the history of… of ever! Sure they were only shadowy silhouettes in the foggy wall that ringed Skelter Bite, but still, they were immense! Massive! They were—! They were—!

"Wooow…" Luffy breathed. "You're so big I don't think even Grandpa could knock you down…" He then screwed his face up in intense thought. "Or… I don't think he could? He's really strong and stuff, so I don't—"

"■■■■■?" one of the sky-encompassing silhouettes 'asked', insomuch as an entity like it could articulate at all.

"Oh, right! We were talking!" Luffy chuckled and blushed, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry, I can be really dumb some… er, most of the time. What were we talking about?"

"■■■."

"WHAT!?" Luffy's head shot up and then back down, his mouth stretched wide in a massive grin. "This is only how much of the island done?! But it's already so cool! Oh man oh man, that's so awesome!" The world-infamous pirate started dancing from foot-to-foot on top of the flagpole, laughing all the way. "I wanna see it, I wanna see it!"

"■■■…"

And just as fast as he got happy, Luffy slumped over, a sad expression on his face. "Awww, really? That long? Mmph, that sucks…" he sighed, giving his precariously swaying perch a hearty kick. "And I really wanted to see—ah!" Luffy perked up instantly almost instantly, pounding his fist in his palm in realization. "I know! I'll just come back once it's done! Then, you guys can all show me the best places to eat at!"

"! ■■■■■?"

Luffy folded his arms behind his head and nodded with a proud grin. "Of course I'll come back! This place is so amazing already, I can't wait to see it when it's finished! I'll come back and see this island at its best no matter what! That's a promise!"

The Obelisks had no mouths with which to smile, but the way the golden fog swirled around Luffy made it clear that they were as happy as they could be.

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God-damn Luffy even manages to make eldritch mist monsters happy like a lil' kid who just got praised by their parents.

Be still, my beating heart....

I matched his grin tooth for tooth before glancing back at my shoulder. "Knucker? Contact the relevant parties on the island and get them to convene at the Lucky Rabbit ASAP. We just caught us a Tiger by the tail."

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YEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

 

[Gruntjerka]

Just a question, will you be making an omake about the Toriko crossover? The mentions of food tends to pull me to that.

 

[firefrog600]

So is this the last of road to saboady? Cause im not reading until it is the last one.

Still waiting on how the crew is gonna split up for training and if they break up before finding about Ace and them or after they go their separate ways. After would be closer to the original, but before would mean more action.

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honestly if your waiting for that we still have the entire sabaody arc then whatever comes after and obviously there will be more after that, then we have whatevers going to happen with ace, and then whatever else. Over all we probably won't get to the point to them all separating for two years for a couple years real time based off how often they update.

 

[Hye]

"Seeing as he keeps growling for 'more honey' IN FLAWLESS TEDDY-ESE, SIGNS POINT TO…" a disembodied voice casually commented.

"Then… why aren't you translating for him?" Brook queried, more curious than anything else.

"Tried. He told me not to bother, says he's gotten by fine so far."

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Sir Bearington? Is that you?

 

[Cybershadowninja]

Sir Bearington? Is that you?

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One that's Captain Bearington to you mister.
Two lets be honest here, this shouldn't be the weirdest thing you see in One Piece.

 

[SpokenSoftly]

One that's Captain Bearington to you mister.
Two lets be honest here, this shouldn't be the weirdest thing you see in One Piece.

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He might've been knighted, you don't know.

 

[Xomniac]

Ladies and gentlemen, this has been in the works for quite a while. But as our dearly beloved Id is fond of saying, patience is a virtue. ...Easy for him to say. Anyway, by the talent of STARteam2017, we present to you a snapshot of the climactic final battle of Strong World:



We have every intention of commissioning them again, and while the next picture may take another few months, it's one that will be well worth the wait, and one we're sure you've been curious about for a long while. Meantime, here's the STARteam's gallery, though be warned that there are a few NSFW pictures, albeit tasteful ones. STARteam2017's DeviantArt Gallery Bear with me as I finish up finals week; as soon as my tests are done, I'm jumping right back into writing!

 

[Chojomeka]

Take you time Xomniac, finals come first, getting drunk comes second, and then writing.

 

[ElusivePenguin]

Good Luck on your finals!

 

[Shadowofdeath]

I feel your pain finals are the devil.

 

[EntropicObserver]

Img is broken and yes finals are a nightmare

 

[Xomniac]

Chapter 62​

Cross-Brain AN: We must say this before we begin: thank you, all of you, who have donated since our last chapter. And thank you to those who have been donating since before our last chapter. It means so much to us, and we hope that this new chapter is everything you hoped for. Thank you for your patience.

SLAM!

"Aaagh, son-of-a…" Apoo groaned, rubbing the new bruise on his double-wide jaw. Though considering he was just punched clean through a table, a single bruise was both a pretty good outcome and the least of his worries.

"HA! You're worth 250,000,000!?" slurred his half-drunk adversary. Really, the opposing pirate captain wasn't that bad of a guy, but a few drinks had brought out a nastier side of him.

"'Soon as I finish wiping the ground with you… I'm gonna—"

Nastier than we're able to adequately describe if we want to keep this story T-rated, hence this extremely well-timed change of subject.

"Yo, Monkey. GOT A SEC?"

Apoo paused in his 'efforts' to right himself, tilting his head at the familiar montage of voices reached his ears.

"Depends," he muttered back under his breath, hiding his mouth in the crook of one of his elbows. "This important?"

"HOW IMPORTANT DO YOU THINK IT IS that we just recruited Tiger? Ophiuchus is calling a general assembly, priority one. QUIT PLAYING WITH THE BUGS AND MOVE YOUR CABOOSE."

Apoo let out a sigh, a grin of resignation on his face. "Damn it, and we were so close to cleaning up on bets too…" he lamented. "Oh, well. OI!" Leaping to his feet, every prior sign of weakness and injury gone like it'd never existed, he gestured at the room. "Change of plans, just rob 'em blind."

And before the bar's patrons could do more than blink stupidly, all the On-Air Pirates in the bar, both obvious and not, fell on them like a pack of starving baby Sea Kings.

"Well, that's what I get for trying to be subtle, I guess," Apoo sighed, as despondent as a guy could be when he was grinning like a loon and offhandedly swatting a guy with a chair from halfway across the room. "Anyway, where are we meeting, Knucker?"

"Head for The—eh? Ah, got it. CORRECTION: head THROUGH The Lucky Rabbit to REACH THE ISLAND'S—HEH!—HEADQUARTERS. Just show up to the front door and The Skull Mists WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY IN."

Apoo grinned, glancing at the reformed building a stone's throw away from his current location. "I'll be right there."

-o-

The Lucky Rabbit was more than the nicest inn on the island; it was also the home and homebase of the Skull Mist Pirates. Though they had recycled the location and much of the stone from Moria's manor, it bore no resemblance to what it was before, save only for a few scant pieces of the original architecture.

The rest was a pell mell mess of wood and stone, a jagged and somewhat rounded base the foundation for a veritable garden of towers. Each was uniquely majestic, and the greatest of them sat to the rear, hidden in plain sight.

When the Galley-La shipwrights and giants had first set foot on Skelter Bite, one of their first projects had been to painstakingly hollow out a section of Skelter Bite's main mast and then reinforce it with Adam wood and Wootz steel. The result of this was that hidden in the file storage of The Lucky Rabbit (and by extension, all of Skelter Bite's minarchist government) was a door to a hidden staircase, ascending which would lead one to a large room with the interior of the mast on one side, and Oars's skull on the other, the eye sockets granting aerial access and the ability to watch the entire island sight unseen.

This was the true Headquarters of Skelter Bite, and needless to say, its existence wasn't common knowledge.

Adorning the interior was all that the executives of an island such as this could ever need: a handful of lookout perches with mounted binoculars, a couple of file desks for more confidential paperwork, and a round central table the likes of which you would find in a war room. The most recent addition was a small farm of Transponder Snails, at least three each of black and white and a dozen or so normal ones.

Normally, at any given time there would be around four Skull Mist Pirates taking shifts on lookout duty, paperwork duty, or wiretapping duty as it was so required. Presently, however, many more individuals were coming into the room as the gathered outlaws answered Ophiuchus's call.

Some arrived faster than others—

"Apapa! Big Nose, long time no see!" Apoo saluted.

"Fehfehfeh! Back at you, Little Big Mouth!" Foxy waved back.

—due to already being inside or in close proximity to the inn below. The next ones to arrive, however, took a more… direct route of ascension, their arrivals heralded by a flutter of feathers and a howl of wind, itself accompanied by a panicked yelp.

"Whoa. Nice entrance, Callie," complimented Apoo, who was leaning his chair onto its rear legs, as a spark-shrouded Billy and his cloud-toting mistress came fluttered to a soft landing through one of the eyeholes.

"Copperhead, not so much," Foxy snickered. Vivi, still pulling herself out of the heap her failed attempt to transition back from her aerial form to her physical one had left her in, gave him a rude gesture.

"You try keeping your powers straight when you're nursing a migraine at the same time, Goat," Vivi grumbled, massaging her skull. "Only took the medicine a second before Cross called us all up here." She then cracked an eye open to give him a half-serious glare. "And by the way, in case you forgot? I outrank you, so I can order you to take a long walk off a short pier without using my Will and you'll still have to do it, so maybe treat me a bit nicer, m'kay?"

Foxy snickered and rubbed his finger under his nose in a manner most cocky. "As if you outranking anyone on the main crew matters that much?"

The room flashed with light, and everyone present instinctively flinched and looked to the source. "Were you just insulting my dear friend, unranked officer Foxy?" Nami deadpanned.

"N-Not a word, Second Mate Nami!" the Silver Fox yelped, nearly tumbling to the floor in his scramble to get into proper saluting form.

"That's what I thought. And Vivi, I've got some of Chopper's medicine on hand if you—need it," Nami hadn't even finished speaking before the container flew out of her hand and over to Vivi. Shaking her head, Nami dismounted Billy and approached the still-seated Apoo.

"Miss Weather Witch," the Long-Arm nodded respectfully, gracing the navigator with his usual ear-to-ear, piano-toothed grin. "Nice handling of your subordinate, it takes some real intimidation to put the fear of you in someone with minimal prompting!"

"Thanks for all the praise, 'Roar of the Seas.' Good to finally meet you in person," Nami nodded back respectfully, extending a hand.

"Oh, the pleasure is mine." His grin gleamed just so as he accepted the handshake.

For five seconds, both of them remained where they were, staring each other in the eyes with smiles on their faces and locked in a handshake. Then they held out their free hands, each one holding a wallet that was not theirs and had not been in their possession five seconds ago.

"I think you and I are going to get along just fine," Nami simpered.

"Oh, yes," Apoo grinned.

"Wait a minute…" Vivi muttered, patting her pockets. Her eyes widened to comical proportions. "Hey! That's my wallet!"

"And mine!" Foxy yelped. "Why the—! I thought you were going to pickpocket each other!?"

"Oh, we did," Nami purred, blatantly fishing another wallet out of Vivi's back pocket. "We just swapped our wallets with yours beforehand. Oldest thief-trick in the book, you see."

Apoo snickered, and Foxy's head met the table while Vivi massaged her brow feverishly. "How the hell even—?" the trickster captain started to groan.

"Only ask if you really want to know."

The subordinate captain's jaw snapped shut with a sharp click, and a haunted expression crept onto his face. "Never. Again."

"My, you can actually learn. That already puts you head and shoulders above Luffy."

"Uh… Nami, do you still want me here?" Billy asked tentatively. "I heard from Carue and Lassoo—"

"If you could go find Zoro and bring him here, then you can go," Nami replied. "Otherwise, we'll never get started."

Billy smiled and nodded before flapping off.

The room fell into a comfortable silence…

BANG!

For all of ten seconds.

"Stingy fuckmothering reptile wouldn't let me get in the cool way, swear I'm gonna—" Bartolomeo's grousing cut off as he took in the scene, and his usual toothy grin took hold. "Oh, hey, losers! Ladies!"

"Rooster, a pleasure to meet you at last," Foxy grinned, waving one hand in greeting. "And since you're here in person, I've been wanting to ask something for a while: those barriers of yours, are they capable of reflecting a—SLOW-SLOW BEAM!"

Bartolomeo reacted immediately, throwing up a barrier to block the slowmo photons. Which it did, deflecting them right back at Foxy. Who held up a mirror to deflect them back into the barrier.

"That would be a yes, excellent," Foxy drawled. "Don't suppose you could try trapping that light?"

Barty's annoyance faded into surprise. Then he folded his barrier around the photons and shrunk it down to the size of a baseball. A glowing baseball, just waiting to peg someone with the supernatural rays now held within. One eyebrow rose, and he regarded Foxy with a curious look.

"It pays to know what combination attacks are available between allies, you and Straw Hat showed that well against Shiki," Foxy answered the unspoken question, grinning. After a moment, Bartolomeo matched it.

"You're not wrong," the sharktooth noted, clapping the other pirate on his shoulder (and nearly pitching him into the table in the process) before eyeing the other male Supernova in the room. "Sorry to say that they can't block sound, though."

"Eh, you can't have a perfect combo with every two fruits," Apoo dismissively replied. "As it is, we'll just have to see about coordinating our mischief and mayhem. Anyway, go ahead and pull up a seat, we'll probably be waiting here for a while."

Bartolomeo duly did so, offhandedly tossing the barrier-ball out one of the eyeholes.

"…And what if that beam hits someone?" Nami asked, eyes narrowed.

"Then I will heartily regret not being able to point and laugh," was the shameless answer as Bartolomeo high-fived his neighbor.

There wasn't much great ceremony for most the other arrivals; Billy arrived with Zoro a few minutes later, and for a few seconds it actually looked like he was going to consider staying—

"I was three drinks away from cleaning out the entire bar. You run away now."

—before he took Zoro's snarled advice, minus a few tail feathers.

Lola arrived next, ceding the head seat of the table for the first time since it was built and regarding everyone with a polite nod, and Merry wandered in a few minutes later. 'Wandered' being the operative word, seeing as she was nose-deep in a notebook and muttering furiously to herself even as she planted herself in a chair, completely oblivious to the world. Completely, that is, until the next arrival made themselves known. Said arrival being somewhat… unexpected.

"Whoooa, this place is cool!"

"LUFFY!?" demanded most of the room. Said rubber man, hanging suspended in front of one of the eye holes, waved.

"Oh, hi, guys! What are you…" The Straw Hat Captain's waving slowly trailed off, his eyes widening in realization. "Ooooh, wait, is this one of those secret meeting things that Cross is in charge of and stuff?"

"I'm afraid so, Luffy. Though we're holding this one because Cross has apparently made another ally. You're welcome to stick around to meet them, if you want," Vivi offered.

Luffy frowned in thought, surprising the Straw Hats, and their surprise grew into concern when his face screwed up and head tilted in a clear sign of him really thinking about it. And then a familiar rumbling sound derailed the train of thought.

"Huuungryyy…" the Rubber-Man groaned, hanging his head. "Uuugh, nah, I can find out later. I'm gonna check to see if Hachi's got the takoyaki ready—"

"Actually, Luffy, the dining hall downstairs should satisfy you," Lola cut in smoothly, doing her best to not twitch as a rumble of thunder rolled from Nami's direction. "We've been stocking up on meat ever since we found out about the blockade."

She shrugged at the incredulous look the rest of the pirates shot her. "There was an even fifty-fifty chance of the Straw Hats blasting through the blockade, so we thought it best to prepare for the worst."

Luffy's eyes literally lit up, drool seeping from his mouth. "THANKS, LOLA! SEE YOU GUYS LA—"

"WAIT!"

Foxy's shout stopped everyone, and in that brief moment he shot to his feet and scrambled over to the eye Luffy was still hanging from - at which pointed he bowed deep enough to touch his forehead to the floor.

"You saved Porche's life earlier," Foxy choked out. "Thank you for keeping her safe… Captain."

Luffy blinked at the long-nosed sub-Captain in blank confusion. "Eh? You don't need to thank me for that, it was nothing. I was just protecting my crew. I'm sure you'd do the same for all of your guys too."

"Ah…" Foxy's apologetic demeanor broke out in cold sweat, his eyes darting about. "Ahem… all of them, riiight…"

Thankfully, Luffy wasn't around long enough to catch Foxy's slip, as he'd already let go of his grip and dropped towards the ground like a rubber meteor.

The island's new proprietress frowned as a thought hit her. "Okay, I realize he's hungry and a bit of an idiot, but he had better not—!"

Regretfully for Lola, the universe chose that moment to prove that some things were simply inevitable by completing her sentence with a telltale crashing sound.

"Ugghhh," she groaned again, massaging her temples before cracking an eye open at Nami.

"Put it on our tab," the redhead sighed out.

"Good, because I just know he slammed through the piece of ceiling we just finished repairing after Kid was through with it."

"Feh, just ask their shipwright to do it; if what I've heard is right, he could have it fixed in the time it takes to blink," Foxy scoffed, taking his seat again.

"Not an exaggeration, I've seen him work miracles in the time I've been sailing with them," Bartolomeo sighed wistfully, stars twinkling in his eyes at the memory.

"Anyway," Zoro cut in. "Who are we waiting for besides Cross?"

"Well, I would say Robin, but she's already here in whatever capacity she's always here," deadpanned Merry, still not looking up from her notes. Not even the arm that materialized on top of her head to give everyone a jaunty wave before disintegrating drew a reaction.

"Besides her, the only other Mason on the island I can think of is Pisces, unless Anaconda decides to come too," Vivi noted. "Though, we should start calling the others to see if they're free."

"If they aren't, they had better have damn good excuses, because the loudmouth dragged us out of a good party for this," came a new voice. All present turned to the entrance to see Boa Sandersonia in her hybrid form slither her way in through one of the skull's eye holes, with Tashigi, Koala, and Popora on her back. She shifted back into human form immediately before staring down at the two of them.

"And for the record, that is the first and last time I act like a Yuda Palanquin Bearer without charging for it," she deadpanned in the same tone of voice that had just interrupted.

"Thank you for the ride regardless," Tashigi bit out before drawing Shigure. "But seeing as I feel better and I don't think too many people have seen me, I've had just about enough of this nonsense."

One solid swipe broke the wooden cast around her leg clean in two, and another cut the eyepatch clean from her face. She sighed in relief before limping over to the table and sitting down, an action which Sandersonia mirrored.

"…I'm sorry, but going by who that is, does that mean that the person being considered for the Snake seat is Boa freaking Hancock of the Seven Warlords?!" Foxy demanded.

"And if all goes well, she'll be taking that seat sooner rather than later," Sandersonia confirmed, crossing her arms. "I'll explain to everyone later, but for now, let's just say that there is no love lost between us and the World Government, and my sister's 'leash' is more of a choke chain. Any issues with that?" The round of no's that circled the table could not have come faster. "Didn't think so."

"So, this is the motley crew that Cross has put together so far?" Koala mused, looking over the assembled pirates from her position leaning on the back of Sandersonia's chair. "I am both impressed at what he's managed, and in despair of the idea that you mugs are one of the best hopes the world has for getting out from under the World Government. Well done."

"Yep, we're rude, crude, and completely ragtag." Barto leaned back in his seat, his arms folded behind his head, and his grin widened a few molars. "In other words, we're a shoo-in to win!"

"And as for whoever the heck you are… I'm guessing that you're Tiger?" Apoo asked.

"Ha!" the cap-wearing young woman barked, slapping the table. "No, nono, no. No, my name—not my codename—is Koala." She flashed a sharp grin as she jabbed her thumb at herself. "I'm the Revolutionary Army's contact with the New World Masons, IE you, and Cross was insistent that I join in on this meeting, so this is probably big."

Everyone stiffened at that news, and the tension ratcheted up another notch.

Said tension dissipated a bit when Lola pointedly coughed into her fist. "Aaaalright, and I take it that that's Popora?"

Said hybrid nodded before taking his seat against in a corner of the room, looking around the gathered individuals with a guarded expression and his back to the wall. None were particularly eager to provoke the easily provokable memory manipulator.

"Then that's everyone on the island apart from Cross," she nodded sagely, standing up and heading over to pick up one of the room's Transponder Snails. "So let's see who's available off it."

A few rings later, and Lola quickly informed the remaining Masons of the importance of the meeting—significant, but not world-shatteringly so. The responses were, in general, somewhat mixed.

Dorry was available from Ox, while Broggy focused on coordinating the remaining Giant Warriors on Water 7.

"Sure thing, I'm in! GEGYAGYAGYA!"

Perona expressed her sincerest of apologies, undoubtedly fueled by the paint-stripping glare Lola was giving her the entire time, but swiftly vacated the line.

"That sounds really interesting, Bun—ah! R-Rabbit, I said Rabbit! But, I, uh… Oh, what's that Mister Fluffy? You and Mister Snippy are having a fight? I'll be right there! So sorry, but this is too important, gotta run, send me the minutes!"

Calling Smoker came with an unexpected benefit: "Yeah, I'm here, and so is Capricorn. We've been saddled with holding these jagoffs in formation. We'll try and stay out of your way, but seeing as we actually need to keep our jobs, don't expect any miracle gateways. And as for you, Pisces? I expect a thorough report upon your return."

"With all due respect, sir, you have no idea what the hell I've been through, so bite me," Tashigi snapped.

"…Cross really got you this time, didn't he?"

"Hrumph," Popora grunted in agreement.

"Thought so. Just leave him alive, Tashigi."

"He'll live," she assured him with a frigid smile. "He just won't live well."

And finally…

"I am available to attend," T-Bone wheezed. "However, I regret to inform you that neither Sagittarius nor Aquarius will be joining us; I am currently stationed in Marineford, and it seems that Sengoku has been running inventory on Marine assets, coordinating with the two of them quite intensely. Through that, they are providing cover for my attendance in this meeting, and rest assured, I will relay any important information that is shared."

And with that, the Masons all fell into patient and polite conversation (as much as possible for those involved, anyways), until finally, several additional minutes later, the door finally opened again and with minimal fanfare—only the lesser half of a brass band blasting the air—in walked Jeremiah Cross, Soundbite on his shoulder. He surveyed the gathered individuals—giving a particularly wide grin to Apoo, which the Long Arm mirrored with a grin and a salute of his own—and nodded in satisfaction.

"Alright. Everyone else here already?"

"Everyone else has been here for the last fifteen minutes, Cross," Smoker grunted impatiently. "And since this is too much fanfare even for you, I'm guessing that this is more than just recruiting a new Mason."

"Much more. But first things first." Turning to the last person anyone expected, Cross swept his cap off his head and held it over his heart. "Tashigi, you have my sincerest apologies."

The pirate-suited Marine leaned away from the Voice of Anarchy, eyes narrowed. "…why do the words I've been wanting to hear from you the entire time I've known you fill me with nothing but dread?"

"Because I was wrong."

Tashigi's grimace deepened. "Aaand more dread in place of joy. Wrong about what!?"

Cross resecured his cap and dragged the brim down to shadow his eyes. "Remember what I told you about Flevance? For once the old adage was way off; Funkfreed just told me that the actions can't be attributed to stupidity because they were, in fact, straight-up malice."

That slowly sunk in, and the tension grew to a breaking point. Vivi in particular looked ready to stab a bitch, but naturally, it was Tashigi who exploded first.

"They burned the island on purpose?!" she snarled, shooting out of her seat with a hand actively strangling Shigure's hilt. "WHY!?"

"Same reason as last time."

Tashigi's eye twitched furiously. "Oh, for the love of—who did they want to kill this time?!"

Right on cue, the door opened again behind Cross, and the last member to join the meeting stepped inside.

"Me," Trafalgar Law intoned. "Any objections to me grabbing a chair?"

And lo and behold, there were none to be had, and so Law and Cross took their seats, Law settling for a normal one and Cross, at Lola's prompting, circling around to sit at the head of the table.

Once seated, the Surgeon of Death took a cursory glance around the table. "So. These are the people who've assembled to fight the World Government, huh?" With his customary smirk, Law leaned back and rested his feet on the table. "Now I see why you wanted me to join."

While several at the table sputtered, Bartolomeo just cocked a brow and took the mid-par insult in stride. "So, how much of that is for the reaction and how much of your own shit do you really believe?"

"Eh..." Law wobbled his hand. "About even, to be honest."

Barto grinned savagely. "Oh, we are gonna be real good friends."

"For those of us who aren't there to put a face to the voice, who is that and why should we care?" Smoker grunted.

"Like I said, I'll keep your secrets as long as you want me to," Cross breathed without moving his lips.

Law glanced at him in acknowledgment before answering. "'Surgeon of Death' Trafalgar Law, Captain of the Heart Pirates."

"Ahh. We have much to discuss, it seems," T-Bone spoke up.

"Less than you'd think," Law waved his hand dismissively. "Cross told me about his story on the way over here, and he mentioned that he wanted me onboard for months. So I assume you already know about me."

"After a fashion." The grim-faced Captain adopted a vicious scowl. "I was only informed of you because apparently, you have a stronger grudge than I against one Vice Admiral Vergo."

Law slowly moved his feet off of the table, sitting up straight and staring at the snail with narrowed eyes. "…what did he do to you?" Law asked quietly.

T-Bone's scowl deepened into an expression promising outright murder. "He orchestrated the slaughter of my brothers in arms, my entire fleet, for protesting a crusade of senseless violence. Not out of any sense of malice, but exclusively so he could further his own position in the Marines. I survived by sheer luck, and the incident left me scarred in more ways than one; only over the past few months have I begun to heal the disfiguration inflicted upon my mind."

Law's eyes narrowed, almost closing as he took in T-Bone's words.

"…If you get the chance to take his head before I do, it's yours," the pirate conceded. Then, from one second to the next, the shadows over Law's hat deepened, and his eyes became lanterns of death. "But make no mistake: his boss is mine…" Law clicked an inch of his blade from his sheath. "And if anyone touches him before I do—"

"Ahem," Cross, Nami, Merry, and Zoro all coughed heavily into their fists, giving the Heart Pirate Captain a flat stare.

Law considered them for a moment before sighing in defeat. "—aside from Straw Hat-ya…" And just like that his deadly demeanor was back. "Then I will leave you in a state where you will consider death to be the ultimate mercy."

"Quite understood," T-Bone replied.

"I feel the need to re-emphasize, Tiger: the process won't be fast," Cross spoke up, balancing his head on his fist and tapping his fingers on the table.

"Then I'll ask you to elaborate, 'Ophiuchus'," Law coolly responded, turning his pitiless eyes on the Masons' Warden. "You know as well as I do that the only reason I've kept living for the last eleven years is to make Donquixote Doflamingo pay for what he did."

There was a stirring around the table at that little tidbit. Cross cut through it by waving his hands placatingly and heaving a patient sigh.

"Alright, might as well head off the demands for full disclosure before they start. Not like we're not seriously flush for time anyway." The Voice of Anarchy frowned and folded his hands before his face. "Settle in and steel your stomachs, for the biography of the Heavenly Yaksha is not for the faint of heart. This all starts… uhhh…"

Cross had to take a second to grimace and count on his fingers uncertainly; supernatural memory revival aside, he'd never paid particular attention to the time frames, meaning those memories were slightly slower to jump to the fore than the rest.

"Thirty… thr—nono, thirty-one years ago." He frowned grimly once again. "Thirty-one years ago, when the World Noble Donquixote Homing made a most momentous decision, out of the legitimate goodness of his heart… a decision that would inadvertently lead to the misery and suffering of entire nations."

-o-

Law's expression was mutinous as I ran through the perils of the life and times of the Donquixote Famiglia, including but not limited to the origin of the demon in pink feathers, his rise to his position of 'Prince of Darkness', his liberal and sadistic application of the Hobby-Hobby Fruit, the fruits of the rest of his executives, and the true nature of the Tragedy of Dressrosa.

Several times over the history lecture, especially when I recapped Corazon's death, I was worried he'd lash out, and after I was done that worry lasted for a straight minute as he sat in too-tense silence. But after that minute, he sagged and sighed. "Alright, Cross… fine. You were right, I was going into this… less than fully cocked. How many more years do you expect that it'll take before we're ready?"

"Two," I immediately answered. "Assuming, of course, that everyone here intends to grow stronger over the entire course of that time."

"Of course," Law replied without hesitation, relaxing a bit more. "Two years… I can wait that much longer. Two years is nothing."

"And that should be ample time for us to plan the assault," Hina nodded in agreement. "However, if that is all we have to discuss in regards to our newest member…" She paused long enough to ensure that it was everything, which I indicated with a nod, before continuing. "What else did you call us together for, Cross?"

"That's something that's better saved for last; it's going to take a lot of discussion to hammer out the details, and the end result?"

If the way everyone watching me shivered at my grin was anything to go by, then I was certainly doing something right.

"Almost certainly more earthshaking than the entire Enies Lobby debacle. So, if anyone else has any business, let's get that out of the way first."

Looks of apprehension and eagerness were exchanged by everyone in the room—including Law, I was privately pleased to admit—and after a few more seconds, T-Bone coughed and spoke.

"Jormungandr reported yesterday that their present assignment is nearly complete; of the eight public Cipher Pols, only CP1 remains. Though really, they needn't have bothered reporting that because Sengoku has made his displeasure with the situation increasingly clear. And on a personal note, my apprentice is improving rather rapidly; she was promoted to Seagirl Apprentice, and Boss Kabuto has alleviated our concerns regarding his dietary needs by starting to fish for Sea Kings on his own, with an increasing degree of success."

"Things are going well on our end as well!" Dorry laughed eagerly. "The progress of converting Water 7 has accelerated over the last three months, since we have a proof of concept and an extensive guide in what not to do in Skelter Bite. According to Iceburg, what Moria pulled was rough as hell, sure, and the islands are way different, especially since we'll already have a city on ours. But he says it's a big help either way, and he's been telling us where to dig and stuff, so progress is apparently good. I'd say a year, maybe two, and the city should be shipshape! Heh, might even manage to back you up with Dressrosa!"

"Mmm… no offense, but I'm honestly skeptical about that," I lamented. "There are only two ways to cross the Red Line, and I can't see an island-sized ship pulling off either of them."

"I wouldn't be so sure, Cross," Lola said, grinning. "I know a thing or two about coating ships, and one of our active projects is working on a way to submerge all of Skelter Bite. We do want to be able to see Luffy become King in person, after all."

I stared at Lola, blinking dumbly, before hanging my head with a fond sigh. "My apologies, my lingering sanity balked at the idea of an island-ship passing through the Red Line. I've since recalled how much weight the word 'impossible' has now, though."

"Heheh, rookie…" Apoo chuckled, though he quickly sobered up when I shot a look at him, backed up by Soundbite growling from my shoulder. "And, ah, well, b-besides that… we've been having some good luck with setting up the Free Feather Report. Got a printing press and roosts set up on my own ship, and I've gotten in touch with friends of mine up and down the Blues to set up bases for the Report, island and ship-bound alike."

The Roar of the Seas nodded and sat back in his chair, arms double-folded. "The Coos are ready to ditch the WEJ at a moment's' notice, but we can't start production quite yet because we need to set up distribution routes and safehouses and stuff. Can't use their old ones without risking the World Government tracking them down and shooting them, after all. But!" He clapped his hands together and started rubbing them—and his extra forearms—together eagerly. "We are making excellent progress. I think we'll be spreading the truth via the written word within the month, two max."

I shot Apoo a thumbs-up. "Should be all kinds of fun," I said. Then I turned to the most senior of the Damned. "Now, judging by your second ship, I take it that you've increased your total crew substantially."

"FEHFEHFEHFEHFEH! Second ship? We're collecting so many crews I'm planning to head over to Water Seven after this to add the Lead Foxy to accompany the Brass! Though…" Foxy hedged, wobbling his hand. "I'll admit, that total's been inflated by the crews that all but threw themselves at our feet to avoid getting recruited by Shiki. They all just knew you guys were going to fight him and wanted no part of that. I'm letting them cool their heels for now, but once a few start making noises about wanting to cut ties or they obviously don't work out, I'll let those ones go. As it is, though, our numbers are quite good, we're approaching an even thousand at a healthy pace."

"Excellent. Your next priority will be increasing quality instead. You've been recruiting the best, so work on making them even better," I said.

Foxy didn't hesitate to nod and smirk.

"Alright. And Cancer, what's the latest statistic for corrupt Marines and fake pirates?"

"Well, to start with the 'fake pirates'—" And man, you could really hear the air quotes there. "Their activity has been decreasing ever since Shiki's defeat. At this point, in the first half of the Grand Line… I can't believe I'm saying this, but they've practically disappeared. Still a few idiots here and there, obviously, but the decrease is ridiculous…"

"'Fake pirates.' Tch." I rolled my eyes as Law made no mystery of his disbelief. "I actually told Bepo there was no way you meant everything that comes out of your mouth, but are you telling me that you really buy that particular brand of shit you spout?"

I snapped a finger up to keep anyone from barking in anger, and instead gave our newest member a flat look. "Tiger, a quick question: who exactly taught you the definition of 'pirate' that you're using?"

Law barely opened his mouth before his jaw snapped shut and his face slowly turned red. What emotion caused it, I couldn't tell you save that it was steadily ticking Doffy's account ever higher.

"Meanwhile," I continued, leaning back in my seat with a chuckle. "Our definition of who a pirate should be comes from Luffy's mentor. You know, the Emperor?"

"KINDA OUTRANKS YER SOURCE~!" Soundbite sang before cocking an eyestalk. "Though, now that I think about it… Seriously, who'd you EXPECT TO FIND ON AN ISLAND LIKE THIS?"

"Weaklings and idealistic morons, with a few people actually worth a damn scattered throughout," he answered without hesitation.

"Harsh!" Lola piped up with an unflinching grin. "And also not entirely untrue, so whatever." She then glanced at the snail. "But still, speaking of how clean we like to keep our streets…?"

"Capricorn informs you that the highers-up do not like that they're having this newfound success thanks in no small part to turncoat Marines and other pirates… but Skelter Bite's tip line has led to so many more arrests that they don't have a choice but bite their tongues. So for now, Capricorn advises you to keep up the good work."

"Though of course," Tashigi added with a frown. "That doesn't mean that anyone else has to know why we're having so much more success, does it?"

"Trust me," Smoker scoffed. "No chance of that ever happening without Long-Arm getting creative with his writing, or us finding the right patsy. Sengoku made it clear to both the troops and that overgrown birdbrain Morgan that if one word of this ever slips out to the world, he'll have him and his source shot where they stand… honestly, it's actually allowed us to patch several leaks." A grimace. "Some of which we really should have caught sooner."

"And for the record, we Marines have fully acknowledged that our shit is not in order, so Capricorn would appreciate it if nobody asked us to elaborate," Hina added, her 'appreciate' coming across loud and clear as 'will make you regret'. "But that aside, Capricorn believes that is everything?"

For a moment, I honestly thought that it was. But then…

"Not quite," Boa Sandersonia suddenly cut, running a hand back over her head. "Not. Not quite. I…" She hissed out a heavy breath, tongue flicking out to taste at the air. "There's something I need to say. Really should say, I guess."

The verdette shook her head slightly and straightened in her seat, her expression flinty and determined. "The reason that we've been unwilling to commit fully to you all before now is that we thought it was too much of a risk. There were so many lives on the line if it all went wrong, ours and others'. But… the entire time I've been on this island, I've been… pretty much partying. Drinking, unwinding. And that might sound like pure irresponsibility to you, but to me? It is literally the most relaxed I've been in years. The first time in… as long as I can remember that I've ever been able to actually let myself breathe free while I'm on my own.

"And thinking about it, I realize that a big part of why I was able to do that was thanks to you. It's taken this long to sink in, but I get it now: we're allies, we don't have to stand alone. And… I think that, now, even if we are eventually wiped out… it'll have been to stand for something important instead of just being put down like another pirate dog."

Sandersonia ran her hand through her hair again before nodding firmly, baring her fangs. "My sisters are probably going to kick my tail for this later, but you all deserve to know, so here's the truth: My name is Boa Sandersonia, and my sister, Cobra, is Boa Marigold. And our third sister, whose seat of 'Snake' we've been tentatively filling until now… is Boa Hancock, the Pirate Empress, Captain of the Kuja Pirates, and Queen of Amazon Lily."

Silence. And then…

"Called it," Foxy smugly stated.

"You and your damn information network…" Apoo growled, reaching into his pocket and tossing out a sizeable roll. "Here. Take it, you damn bloodsucker."

Grinning, Foxy took the money. He immediately tossed it out the window, a disgusted look on his face. "With actual bills, dammit, not counterfeit!"

"Fucking smartass bloodsucker…"

"Hina misses the days when the world made sense…"

"And people wonder why I blow through a crate of smokes a month."

"You really do need a better hobby, Commodore."

"I don't want to hear it, Captain 'Logistics is seriously considering discontinuing capes entirely'."

"Grk…"

"Best part is that I actually brought 'em in myself," Barto leered, crossing his arms behind his head as he kicked up his feet on the table. "So if we get a Warlord on our side, it's all on me!"

Merry glanced up from her notebook with an oh so innocently cocked eyebrow. "Weren't you destined to be gravel if Cross hadn't changed her mind?"

"… shut up!"

"The height of wit and sophistication as ever, Rooster," Nami chuckled to herself.

Sandersonia blinked numbly. "And… we are just accepting that and moving right along, apparently."

"In case you've forgotten, this operation recruits islands on a regular basis, and technically, they already have a Warlord in their midst," Koala hummed, happily swaying side to side behind the snake-Zoan. "So, either present an Emperor or move along."

"…"

"Thought so."

"Right, then," I said, letting my mirth show on my face once more. "If that's all that we have, let's get started. And I assure you, what I'm about to say? You are not going to be able to shrug off."

I leaned forwards, and my skull-splitting grin prompted everyone else to lean back.

"Let me tell you all about it… my plan to flip the world." A pause. "Again."

Everyone's full attention was on me, waiting with bated breath for me to speak.

"Puru puru puru puru!"

And then a snail rang, drawing scowls and breaking the tension… riiiight up until they realized that it was Soundbite ringing. Tashigi's ire was the first to fade in favor of guarded curiosity.

"You don't give out Soundbite's number lightly, who is that?" she asked.

"Hopefully, a key contact in my plan," I answered smoothly. "Sorry that I'll have to save explaining for a little while longer, but if this is who I hope it is, I'll need to have a nice, long talk about extraterritorial jurisdiction. Excuse me for a minute, I'd hate to ruin the surprise."

As Soundbite shielded us with noise, I picked up the receiver, but even as I began conversing with the person on the other end, Soundbite made sure I heard Tashigi's muttered remark of fear and incredulity.

"…how is it that he can even make political jargon sound terrifying?"

-o-

Several stories below, outside of The Lucky Rabbit, much less earthshaking events were occurring.

"Nyuuu…"

"Yeah, I get ya," Pappug sighed, the snail he was using eyeing the unspeakable carnage in front of him. "I mean, we're selling a lot, which is great… but it's all going down one gullet. Short-term gain, long-term loss."

"And on top of that, we're probably going to run out before anyone else drops by…"

"Don't worry about that, Kuroobi and Chew are prepping another batch as we speak."

"Mmm…" Hachi hummed, not particularly reassured.

"And I sent Keimi off to buy ingredients in town."

"Nyu—" Hachi began to groan.

"With one of the Skull Mist Pirates as an escort."

"Oh. That's all right, then," Hachi said, relaxing a bit more. For all of two seconds. "Ah! Luffy, wait, that's a plate, not food!"

Seamlessly, Luffy slid the plate out of his mouth… cleaned of every scrap of food, of course. Several more bills, grumbles, and punches traded between the watching crowd that had assembled outside of The Lucky Rabbit; the vast majority of said bills were headed into the register bound to the chest of a comb-touting duck-hybrid.

At the moment, the Straw Hats had all assembled from their various escapades across the newfounded pirate utopia to await the return of Cross and their officers, along with any news of the meeting and when it would occur. They'd even been joined by some (or at least, one) of the Barto Club officers while they waited. All of the Straw Hats were in good cheer… though not necessarily all in good health.

"Mmph-mph-mmmph-mph?" Raphey asked… or attempted to ask, anyways. The swath of bandages being tied around her everything had rendered her a little muffled.

"'You're actually fine with Nami making you do that?' That's what she asked," Apis translated offhandedly, far more enraptured with the spectacle/horror show/event that was Luffy continuing his demolition of Hachi's stock.

"Huh?" Billy looked up from his bet-taking in confusion before grinning shyly. "Oh, no no, Nami's not making me do this, I'm just doing it for her is all. I might not have known her long, but I know that this would make her happy!…it… it will make her happy, right?"

"Mmph-MMPH-mmmph-mmph," Donny mumbled out through his own bandages.

"'Only if you've gotten the odds right and turn a profit,' he said."

"He has, he's making money wing over talon," Chopper nodded sagely as he continued binding up his crewmate. The reindeer then cocked his eyebrow at his patients. "Now, what have we all learned today?"

"Mmph-mmph-mmmmph-mmph…" was the general droning of the mummified TDWS.

"Yes, exactly: 'do not attack people you know to be leagues above your weight class like morons'," Chopper nodded sagely in agreement.

"Actually, what they said was—" Apis began, before hastily coughing into her fist when Chopper shot her a look. "Ah, no, on second thought, you got that exactly right."

"For their sakes, it had better be…" Sanji huffed without looking up from the stand's griddle. At least, until he gave Luffy a curious look. "By the way, Luffy, when you passed by the Headquarters, did Lola tell you when the meeting was going to happen?"

"Mmph-mmph—!" the Rubber-man tried, his mouth clogged by another plate of fried octo-flesh.

"For the record, because he's only monkey-like and not actually a monkey, I can't tell you what he's saying," Apis deadpanned.

Sanji huffed and rolled his eyes and snapped his leg up and rammed his foot into Luffy's distended mouth, collapsing the mass within with a resounding crack.

For a moment, everything froze as everyone stared at Luffy, awaiting his response… and then he swallowed everything that was in his mouth and spat his (uninjured) tongue out. "Grooooss! Sanjiii! You know I hate china! It doesn't taste as good as porcelain!"

WHAM!

Even on a place such as Skelter Bite, there was a limit to how much nonsense the denizens could tolerate without face-faulting. Aside from the other Straw Hats, of course.

"Luffy."

"Mm?" Luffy blinked at his cook before chuckling and rubbing the back of his head. "Oh, right! Yeah, I totally forgot to ask, so I have no idea. Sorry!"

"Typical…" the cook groaned in dismay.

Meanwhile, the other, multi-limbed chef was staring at his customer with a vicious twitch in his eye.

"He… He just ate a plate. And he's not even hurt. How in the—!?"

"Well, waste not, as they say," Pappug dryly remarked, sounding visibly distracted.

"Mmph, my one pet peeve might be making sure nobody wastes food but even I find this ridiculous…" Sanji groused, before glancing at the snail the starfish's voice was coming from. "And by the way, Pappug, where are you? We could use an extra set of hands here!"

"Sorry, I'm at my workbench back on Takoyaki 8, working on the finishing touches for this express order. And not the food kind. I'll be there as soon as I'm done."

"Nyu…" Hachi sighed, hanging his head. "Well, if you're doing actual work, then it can't be helped. Just hurry up, and make sure our workers don't slack, alright?"

"You got it. Be there in fifteen, boss."

"Well, at least it won't just be us, then," Sanji pointed out.

"Nyuuu… maybe, but that still doesn't change the fact that it's only Luffy who's eating!" Hachi moaned. "I'd give two arms for just one more customer!"

"Tell you what: Put 'em in your next batch and you have a deal!"

Sanji's eyes widened fractionally, and his cigarette fell out of slack lips to impact in the dirt below, on account of a female voice hitting his eardrums. Meanwhile, Luffy drew a lot of attention by doing the one thing he never did: he stopped eating, glancing up from his plate of takoyaki at the cart's newcomer.

Then, as they were wont to do, the hearts in Sanji's eyes sprang to life and, brandishing his knife, he spun into a boneless pirouette, which prompted Luffy to shrug and go back to his devouring.

"Right away, beautiful la—!"

"Get your head in the game!" Hachi snapped, smacking the love cook upside the head with his ladle.

Rubbing the back of his head, Sanji muttered, "Right, sorry," and went back to work, though he kept stealing glances at the new customer. "So, what can I get you my dear, wonderful, beautiful—?" Sanji's expression faltered ever so slightly as he realized that said new customer was hunched over the cart's counter and sporting a sizeable amount of wrinkles. But nevertheless, he managed to finish ever so smoothly with a respectful "Madam?"

"Well—!"

"Oh, I would say that anything halfway edible would be a safe bet, Sanji," came Robin's cool drawl as she leaned on the bar near the chef and rested her chin on her palm. "I would suggest that you prepare for her as though you were preparing for Luffy: exceptional appetite, unexceptional taste. Isn't that right… 'Glutton' Jewelry Bonney?"

The crone blinked once, twice, and then threw her head back and laughed, her age melting away to reveal the form of the second female Supernova, as well as the only female captain in their number, the bubblegum-haired, well-pierced 'Glutton' Jewelry Bonney.

"ZAZAZAZAZA! Oh, man, the SBS wasn't exaggerating you guys at all! I mean, c'mon, do you know how many asshats can recognize me when I ain't wearing my face?! Nice one! Real nice!" Abruptly, the laughter ended and Bonney favored Sanji and Hachi with a look as serious as a nuclear winter. "But yeah, for reals, I've survived the last week on water, hardtack, and salt pork. I want all the takoyaki you can make as fast as you can make it. Need a little snack to tide me over before really digging into whatever slop is served on this island. So no offense to ya?"

There was a blur of motion, and Hachi flinched back as Bonney slammed her boot-clad heel on the cart's countertop.

"But if I don't like what I get, I'll save you both the trouble of havin' to worry about the blockade by kicking you over the Red Line."

Sanji took that for the challenge that it was, rolling up his sleeves and giving Hachi a wry look. "I'll tell you this, octopus: if you can walk away from this island and say that your stand managed to satisfy or at least tide over the two biggest stomachs of this generation, that'll be all the long-term gain that you need."

Hachi's eyes lit up and his lips split into a grin, even as Luffy and Bonney exchanged their own glances. The crowd shivered in anticipation as fire and lightning flew between the two big eaters' eyes. Sanji chuckled.

"Pappug? Whatever order those two are doing? Tell them to double it."

"Oh, seabiscuits," Pappug groaned; he didn't need to be there, didn't need to see as Hachi and Sanji began stockpiling more takoyaki than they put out, didn't need to observe the audience's eagerness to know how much trouble was coming.

The ship's guards were present to observe the start of the Supernovas' clash, and though Boss stuck around to observe, his four disciples took the opportunity to abscond elsewhere; no small reason for that being that Mikey had 'subtly' voiced (read: fearfully mumbled) his worry that if the cooks ran out of octopoid flesh, they'd be next. And while all of them wanted to shrug the jokester's words off, Sanji's joking remarks about dipping into their 'emergency food supplies' had pushed their survival instincts a little too far, prompting them to quietly head for a less populated setting.

As it turned out, the other side of The Lucky Rabbit's plaza was mercifully deserted, save for a pair of familiar faces.

Or rather…

"THERE YOU ARE! WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVEEEER!"/"Indeed, even my most luxurious feathers were starting to ruffle from laying dormant for so long."

Beaks, as it were.

The Dugongs tried to question their presence, but abandoned the effort after a moment due to their bandages.

"Hello, boys," Isaiah greeted smoothly, sweeping his wing out in a polite wave. "I hope we're not catching you at a bad time, but we have a special delivery."

None of the dugongs said anything, too busy staring at his companion, and the Swagger-tribe South Bird's collected demeanor cracked into a disgruntled scowl.

"Don't ask him. It's not worth it. Please, for the love of sanity and my immaculately chiseled complexion, do not ask him why—"

"I'M GLAD YOU ASKED!" Terry roared in his usual fashion. As opposed to the unusual fashion he was wearing, consisting of two belts of shotgun shells around his chest and a bandanna around his head. "BECAUSE WE'RE HERE INCOGNITO, I'M DOING MY BEST TO BE POWERFULLY SUBTLE! WHILE WE SPEAK, CALL ME HALE CAESAR!"

Attention turned ever so slowly to the other South Bird, whose beak was buried in his wing.

Overcome with curiosity, Mikey yanked down the bandages covering his mouth, because he just had to ask. "And you are?"

"Embarrassed to be seen with him. Obviously."

"Obviously, obviously," the Teenage Dugong Warrior Squad parroted, nodding sagely as though such a statement were the most obvious thing in the world. Which, frankly, was not inaccurate.

"OH, SHUT UP, YOU WEAK-BEAKED BLOWHARDS!" 'Caesar' squawked indignantly.

"We don't have beaks," the collectively de-muffled Dugongs deadpanned.

"And I am not weak," Isaiah stated just as flatly, leaning in close to glare at his partner-in-wing. "Would you like me to remind you of that fact?"

"…SO LIKE HE SAID, WE HAVE A DELIVERY FOR YOU! AND BY YOU—" Here Terry jabbed his wing at the Dugongs. Or rather, one of the Dugongs. "I MEAN YOU!"

Leo blinked in surprise, looking around for a second before pointing at his own muzzle. "You… You mean me?"

"Precisely," Isaiah nodded sagely, cocking his brow ever so handsomely. "To confirm, you are the only blade-wielder on your crew without a high-quality blade that matches your skill level, yes?"

"Uhh…" Leo hedged. "I mean, I don't know about Brook's, but—"

"It's lasted for fifty years, I think he's good. Anyway?" Donny cut in, rolling his flipper.

The birds exchanged looks, then began flapping their wings. Their perch, an overturned rowboat converted into a bench, tilted back ever so slightly to reveal a black bundle beneath. Taking the obvious hint, Leo grabbed it and looked it over as the birds re-settled, then unwrapped the package's cover. Then he nearly fumbled what he was holding, a strangled gurgle matching the rest of his siblings' gasps.

"Holy mother of pearl!" Donny hissed.

"No freaking way!" Raphey yelped.

"Th-Those are—! Uh…?" Mikey's shock faded into confusion, head tilted. "Wait, remind me, what were these things called again?"

"Oto… and Kogarashi…" Leo inadvertently answered with a reverential whisper, gently ghosting his flipper over the mirrored triangular blades of the literally legendary swords he was holding. Then, with great reluctance, the sword-dugong tore his gaze away from the weapons he was worshipping to stare at the South Birds in total confusion. "But-But, how!? Luffy and Bartolomeo knocked them out of Shiki's hands! These should still be at the bottom of the sea!"

"Simply a matter of a particularly skilled fisherman looking in the right place," Isaiah said, before grimacing and shuddering. "You'll have to forgive the tardiness of the delivery, but the hilts were nothing short of revolting, new sheaths had to be fashioned—"

"HERE YOU GO!" Terry offered, tossing another bundle at Leo's… well, tail.

"And of course, we had to treat them properly so that they could handle extended bouts of underwater combat without adverse effects," Isaiah concluded with a proud flip of his plumage. "You're welcome."

"A-A-And… what, Jonathan's just giving these to us? To me?!" Leo squawked incredulously, his jaw hanging slack. "I-I mean, if Tashigi finds out that I have these things, she'll—!"

"She was informed of the decision several weeks ago," Isaiah assured him. "She was livid, of course, but a hefty dose of rank-pulling served to cool her temper." The bird then cocked his feather-brow. "Of course, you could always just give them to her—"

"I've had these swords in my flippers for less than five minutes but if you even try and touch them I will kill everyone on this island and then myself," Leo droned emotionlessly, prompting his fellow dugongs to give him a wide berth.

"WELL, I WAS GOING TO ASK IF YOU LIKED THEM, BUT NOW I'M JUST GOING TO FLEE!" Terry squawked, flapping into the air. "I MIGHT BE POWERFUL, BUT I'M SURE NOT STUPID!"

Isaiah nodded his head side to side before joining his fellow avian in the air. "I'm not sure I agree with the last part of that. But for now, farewell and good slicing, Straw Hats! My final gift to you is that you get to watch my glorious tailfeathers ripple in the wind as I depart."

"NEVER FORGET TO EXHIBIT YOUR OVERWHELMING POWEEEEER!"

And with their beaks pointing firmly to the south, the two birds vanished north into the golden mists.

The dugongs silently stared after them, until Mikey blew out a snort. "Well, they're still out of their minds."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Raphey shot back. "Did you expect anything else?"

Mikey scoffed and folded his flippers. "The Spanish Inquisition, of course."

"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

"GAAAH!" Mikey screamed, leaping half the height of the inn. Terry, now somehow clad in scarlet robes and perched right above the dugong, nodded in satisfaction before flying off again.

Leo briefly gave his panicking brother in blubber a decidedly unimpressed stare, then turned his reverential gaze back down to the swords, the legends he was holding. He hefted the weapons in his flippers, testing their weight and examining their shapes.

"Well, I certainly won't deny that those beasts are an upgrade over these geezers," Raphey whistled, pulling Leo's now-defunct blades off of his back and replacing them with Oto and Kogarashi's new sheaths. "At least now you'll be able to give us an actual challenge during sparring time."

"After an adjustment period, anyways…" Donny mused, curiously scanning the swords' shape. "You're used to katanas, and those sabers had the same general shape, but… These things are a lot heavier and a lot less flexible. You've got the muscle for it, but do you have the know-how?"

"Mm… at the moment, no… but I think I can figure it out," Leo nodded to himself, tilting the blades side to side and spinning them around in his flippers, getting a feel for the balance. "After all, Boss is all about us learning as much as we can, every second of every day, and it's not like we won't be here for awhile. Really, it shouldn't be too tough. All it takes is a little elbow grease and—!" Leo swiped the right sword, Kogarashi, through the air—

SMASH!

And then he and his siblings all froze at the blast of razor sharp wind that flew out from the blade's path, carving a smooth trench in the wall of a nearby ship-building. The dugongs blinked once, twice, and then a newly returned Mikey slowly leaned back in to give the swords a wary once-over.

"Did… you mean to do that?" he asked nervously.

"Noooo… no, I did not," Leo confirmed in just as weak a voice, staring at his new blades with newfound awe. Said awe doubled when he gave the swords a few testing slashes with only a fraction of his strength, and every time a visible ripple of air accompanied the blur of metal. "What in Charybdis…?"

For about a minute more, they stood staring at the blades.

"Maybe it has to do with Shiki?" Donny hypothesized. "I mean, they were part of his body for twenty years, maybe they're still used to flying and stuff?"

"Well, whatever it is, it's awesome!" Mikey crowed.

"Heck yeah!" Raphey concurred, pumping her fists with no small amount of enthusiasm. "You've got a ranged attack now! You're as good as the rest of us!"

"…yeah…" Leo confirmed, nodding slowly as he turned to face them. "So… remind me again. What was it exactly that you said when I first told you I managed to use a razor wind attack?"

The other dugongs' expressions all slowly fell slack, abject terror blooming on their faces.

"I, uh, c-can't rightly recall…" Donny chuckled sheepishly, leading his siblings in ever so subtly inching away from their twitching brother.

"I do believe… your exact words were…" The ground at Leo's tail was shredded by a terse twitch of his blades. "A… fluke was it? That I would be lucky to ever even tread air, much less slice it?"

"I, ah, t-that sounds… maybe a bit familiar…" Raphey hedged, her eyes glancing every which way in search of the best route of escape.

"B-But, uh, h-hey, you know us, right? T-That was just trash talk, yeah?" Mikey pleaded, smiling in that way that shows he clearly wasn't buying what he was selling. "J-Just pokin' fun, no big whoop! Nothing personal, just-just business, right!… right?!"

"Oh, yeah, don't worry. This? This isn't business at all…" Leo's face slowly split in a nice and nasty grin, Oto and Kogarashi positively humming malice. "This is pure, 100% pleasure."

The dugong pupils' pupils all dilated dramatically. "Oh shi—!"

"GULF STREAM!"

KRA-KOW!

"AAAAGH!"

Back at the takoyaki stand, Bonney's head jerked up, her eyes drawn in a frown at the screams of animal-on-animal carnage she'd just heard. That didn't mean she stopped eating, of course, she just looked up in interest, but the fact that anything had diverted her attention at all was a noteworthy feat.

Luffy, however, shared no such interest. "Eh, it's fine," the rubber-man said around his own takoyaki. "Our crew does this all the time."

"So does everyone else here," Hachi added with a raised finger while the rest remained focused on his grill. "If it gets bad enough, the Skull Mists will handle it."

"Mmm, fair enough…" Bonney nodded her head, absently flexing a skewer between her fingers. Glancing at it as though only just realizing what she was doing, she ran it across her lips to get the last traces of sauce off and then threw it behind her. An action that had… unforeseen consequences.

"YEARGH! MY AAAASS! DEAR NEPTUNE, WHO JUST STABBED ME IN THE ASS!?"

The world-infamous glutton blinked in dumb surprise as an orange-bandana'd blur shot past her, howling bloody murder the whole time. "Uh… sorry?"

"Psh, not a problem," Boss waved his flipper dismissively. "If he can't handle keeping up his Iron Shell long enough to block a few inches of wood, then he's got it coming."

"…Oh, fine, whatever, I admit it: you guys are the nuttiest crew this side of the Grand Line. Probably one of the strongest too." Bonney's chewing slowed slightly, her expression becoming thoughtful. "And I haven't even met that loudmouth Cross yet, so that's saying something. He really as crazy as he sounds?"

Luffy gave her an odd look before grinning brightly. "Oh, no way! Cross is way crazier, he just acts nice for everyone else! And he knows a lot of weird stuff too! Ask him anything you want, I bet he can tell you what you want to know! Unless he doesn't know it or something, that's happened too, but eh." And with a lackadaisical shrug, he went back to his chowdown.

Bonney blinked at the rubber-man before nodding slowly and staring up upward, idly chewing on a fresh skewer. "Anything, huh…"

The stick snapped between her viciously grinning teeth.

"Ya know what, Straw Hat? I think I might just take you up on that offer."

-o-

"Well? What do you think?"

I spread my arms invitingly, politely ignoring the looks that everyone was giving me, which were a healthy blend of stunned, gobsmacked, and flat-out unconscious. Granted, that last one was on account of Nami zapping Foxy when he started getting too loud, but still. As it was, it was pretty cheering to see that even my own crewmates were utterly gobsmacked, with even Zoro's jaw hanging loose. Heck, Vivi was already halfway to comatose as it was, her eyes glossy as they stared at nothing, and her fingers twitching and gesturing in a futile attempt to work out some flaw in my plan based on her own experiences with Crocodile's scheming. Needless to say, the overall silence gratified me to no end.

"I… think that if you're actually serious about this plan… then you should know that charging Enies Lobby to rescue Robin was downright normal by comparison," our three-sword-wielding swordsman finally managed to drag out.

"At the risk of spending the next several weeks being glared at by my lieutenant… I agree with Sidewinder," Smoker said.

"And for once, so do I!" Tashigi snapped, slamming her palms on the table. "Jeremiah Cross, you are insane! This entire scheme is madness! I-It's demented! Deranged! Barmy!"

"Oooh, fancy word."

"SHUT UP, SNAIL!" the Marine snapped at an unrepentant Soundbite without turning her glare from me. "Cross, out of all the plans you've ever devised, this has to easily be the most ludicrous, outrageous, completely unhinged one yet!"

I left that sentence hanging for a bit before leaning back in my seat and folding my arms behind my head. "…and?"

Tashigi's eye twitched viciously, before she collapsed back in her seat with a look of utter defeat. "…and Themis save me but it could actually work."

"She's right. Actually, incredibly right," Nami breathed in awe, her eyes scrunched in intense thought. "I mean, it's risky as all hell and relies on a lot of moving parts, but the basic concept behind this whole thing is…"

"Capricorn questions exactly how much you realize that this will shake the world," Hina demanded, no small amount of panicked awe transmitted through her Transponder Snail's eyes. "As in, literally the entire world. The… The mere implications—!"

"The 'mere implications'," Sandersonia breathed heavily, and I leaned way back. Not only was she panting like an overheated retriever, but her cheeks were flushed and her pupils were blown way wide and oh dear lord I'm fucked. "Have me three seconds away… from leaping clean across this table… and jumping Blondie's—!"

"Okay, naptime."

THUNK!

I heaved a sigh of extreme relief at the sight of Sandersonia collapsed face-first onto the table, snoozing peacefully thanks to the hand Koala had clamped on the Anaconda Zoan's shoulder. "Thanks, Koala. That almost got explicit."

"Yeeeeah," she said, coughing into her fist and oh shit she was blushing. "Let's just wrap this up quick and avoid giving me any more reasons to be attracted to you, alright? Because you've just laid out the step-by-step instructions for achieving one of my wildest fantasies and I honestly don't know how much longer I'll be able to hold myself back either."

"Eep."

"My, my, what would Sanji say about two beautiful women swooning over you, dear brother?"

"Unless you have something to contribute, out before I get Soundbite to play you a full marathon of documentaries on how aliens helped shape my home world's history." I waited until a flurry of petals indicated Robin's departure to slump in my chair in defeat. "Gweh… alright, anyone else got anything to add?"

"Apa… actually, I do." Apoo raised a finger. "Why do you need us for this, Cross? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for it, but couldn't you Straw Hats easily do it yourself?"

"Heh, you're actually right about that, Ap-ya," Law waved his hand dismissively. "The Straw Hats could just run this fast and dirty on their own, true… but in case you missed it, this is more than that. Cross is aiming for something that will last beyond the Straw Hat's departure. We're talking about changing society here, meaning it needs to be bigger than 'it's just the Straw Hats again'. For that, we need maximum impact…"

"And for that, we need the Supernovas. All of them," I picked up, slowly giving everyone at the table a hard look. "This is going to be just as earthshaking as Enies Lobby, yes, but only if things are right. Too little preparation, and the gig's a dud. We need every Supernova on this island, on Sabaody, at the same time. Hell, we need every pirate possible on Sabaody. Our best shot at pulling this off is to positively glut the archipelago with more pirates than it's seen in living history. We do that… then we can show the world something truly spectacular. Something that will be branded in the heart and soul of humanity for centuries." I then scowled and sank in my seat. "Which, of course, is all impeded by one. Fucking. Obstacle."

"The blockade…" T-Bone nodded solemnly. "Through which Sabaody is more devoid of pirates than it has ever been in living memory."

"Which is what we'll handle at the meeting," Lola picked up, turning to one of the Skull Mists in the room. "All of the Supernovas have arrived at this point, right?"

The man glanced up in thought, counted on his fingers, and then glanced back. "Basically, yeah. According to the News Coos, Hawkins is the only one not physically on Skelter Bite, and his ship crested the horizon about half an hour ago."

"Perfect," she said, rising from her seat. "Ophiuchus, if there are no more matters to discuss for the time being, I need to make sure that our meeting grounds will be ready."

"Well, I don't have anything else," I said. A quick glance around, and—

"I do want to bring up one more thing," Smoker sighed. "Koala. Your presence here and our organizations' affiliation. Explain."

The temperature in the room dropped a good ten degrees, all centered on Koala. "First off, I don't care how much you're working for the betterment of mankind, if you're not in my chain of command, don't tell me what to do," she flatly responded. "And second, Cross and Dragon are the ones calling the shots here. I met up with the Straw Hats by coincidence before they came here and only followed them into this because I got caught up in their momentum; everyone in the Revolutionary Army is under orders not to interfere with the New World Masons unless the Straw Hats or someone in one of the Zodiacs explicitly asks."

"And we will be addressing that later!" Sandersonia hissed intently, snapping back to consciousness out of nowhere so she could look at Koala. "I, uh, actually need to call my sisters back ASAP, so if you don't mind—!" And before anyone could say otherwise, she was out the Headquarters' eyehole in a flash of green.

"…aaand I think we're done," I drawled. "Alright, folks, meeting adjourned. Let's turn in and get some sleep, because tomorrow…" I donned a mix of a grin and a grimace. "We're gonna have a real fight on our hands."

~13 Hours Later~

A couple of times in my life, I may have wondered what it was like to try and get some sleep in a place with the moniker 'the city that never sleeps'.

Now, I probably didn't need to wonder anymore, given how my attempt to sleep had been scuttled into spotty tossing and turning by the all-pervasive hum of noise that infiltrated our rooms. Admittedly, it was a bit nostalgic to have the noises of city life back, but still, the night before a big meeting with a bunch of, most likely, less than even-tempered pirates? After spending a solid year adapting to the sounds of a ship at sea? Not quite so pleasant. Thank God my headphones were rated for Soundbite and worse.

But anyway, the night had come and gone and the day had begun, and everyone on the island was anxious to get to the whole reason that we had assembled here to begin with. Specifically, our own crew, who ran the gamut from primped and primed to utterly disheveled—and in one case that wasn't Brook, a zombie straight from the old Thriller Bark. So… perfectly normal morning, then.

"Alright!" Vivi—one of the primped ones, obviously—barked imperiously from the head of our crowd. "Is everyone on their best behavior?"

A chorus of affirmative responses sounded out, I myself donning perfectly respectable and innocent grin, without any hints of mischief whatso—

"Knock it off. All of you, right now."

A round of chuckles burst out from us at that particularly futile warning, and even Vivi had to let out a few giggles.

"Yeah, I know, exercise in futility, still had to try. But nevertheless!" She plastered on a slightly desperate smile. "At the very least please try and avoid making a scene? At least at first?"

"We will not punch anyone not a part of this crew for the first five minutes," Boss solemnly swore with a respectful nod, which his disciples mimicked.

"What he said," Luffy nodded as well.

"…that's the best I'm going to get, isn't it?"

"Eee-YUP," Soundbite confirmed with an utterly shameless grin.

Vivi heaved a sigh that was as put upon as it was fond. After a moment to compose herself, she gestured for us to follow. "Fiiiine, fine. Let's just get this fiasco over with; the sooner we're done, the sooner I can replace the clothes I just know you're all about to ruin."

That was the signal for us to spill on out of the inn section of The Lucky Rabbit and back to the main lobby; we were among the last ones to head out, and none of us were inclined to waste any more time getting there. I took a few moments to appreciate the vaulted cathedral ceiling—and for that matter, the foresight to retrieve Gif to get pictures of all of this—before heading in the direction of a wide staircase. A gaping passageway led on from there, clearly designed to allow entire crews to pass through with a minimum of shoulder-bumping. And due to the probably intentional placement of the main lobby, it was only a minute or so of walking before the end of the tunnel came into view, letting us out into the ruins of Freezer 900 which the Skull Mist Pirates had repurposed into Skelter Bite's first and finest bar.

The frozen den of thieves, murderers and all-around scum of the earth: Helheim.

(I'd actually pointed out to Lola that in mythology, Helheim was more for anyone who died through means that weren't combat, like kids or the elderly. Lola's ever-so-mature response had been to blow a raspberry at me, which Soundbite naturally found hi-larious.)

Truly, the place had to be one of the most unique pieces of architecture I'd seen thus far. Certainly, it was the most compact.

Starting from the outside working in, the first part of the bar's structure to be seen was the outer walkway that ringed the titanic pit that had once held Oars. Originally barren concrete, it had been refurbished with strings of lanterns illuminating the dark, and dozens of tables and countertops had been erected to form a circular dining area, which was currently populated by a vastly colorful (and quite boisterous) cast of characters. And said dining area wasn't constrained to the second dimension either, and extended upward courtesy of two concentric wooden walkways attached to the walls above. All three levels were haphazardly connected via seemingly randomly placed stairs, ladders, rope ladders, ziplines… really, I think you get the gist of transportation on this island by now.

The section of the wall that had been blown out by the freezer's old inhabitant creating his own door had been mostly repaired, but the blatant patch job was mostly irrelevant, covered as it was by industrial-sized beer barrels, all managed and guarded with professional intensity. And I mean seriously professional, as in I've seen Marines who were less well-armed and armored than those guys… which, honestly, considering how Zoro was staring at the barrels with a particularly savage grin, might honestly have been under-kill.

And at the bottom of the shaft, we could see the giant patrons enjoying their time and knocking back entire casks at a time… and looking up at the other clientele for the first time in their lives, I'd wager, which I expect they didn't mind, if only for the sheer novelty of it. And craning my neck and rubbing my eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating, I could see an actual Sea King down there, and it seemed to be enjoying itself just as much as the rest of the clientele. Weird, I honestly think I remembered seeing that frog from somewhere…

Ah, but honestly, all of that was nothing but the sideshow to Helheim's main spectacle.

If you thought the Skull Mist Pirates had left the yawning void of the Freezer empty, then you would be sorely mistaken. Because while their stores of booze were on the outside of the freezer… the bar proper was on the inside. Specifically, it was hanging over the abyss of the inside.

Suspended over the freezer's pit by chains and ropes alike was not just a wooden platform, but a veritable spider's web of platforms, structures of wood with tables set upon them suspended at seemingly random intervals throughout the void, and interconnected by everything from gangplanks to tightropes. Some were larger and lower than others, others were smaller and higher, and any combination in between. But easily the largest of all was the platform which held the bar proper: a massive platform hung dead center of the chamber, and taking up almost half the area.

The bar looked… well, like your typical bar, honestly, countertop and wall of alcohol and everything. Saloon-like, even, given how there was a massive mirror, too. Hell, the bar even had a 'second floor' to it, such as it were, thanks to a halo of a wooden walkway suspended over the place and connected to the bottom level by a pair of staircases that wound their way around the bar-platform. I also noticed that on an adjacent platform, Sandersonia and Koala were sitting together.

Now, normally such a massive platform would probably have dozens of tables of varying shapes and sizes on it at a time… but right now? There were only about two dozen smaller tables arranged around the edge of the platform… and one big round table located smack dead center of the entirety of Helheim.

A big table around which were seated ten people—nine captains and one first mate—whose heads I'm dead certain the Marines would burn a dozen islands wholesale for a chance at capturing.

The level of danger that they conveyed varied: Bartolomeo was leaning back in his seat, laughing along with a few of his crewmates seated behind him, Law looked to be half asleep, though the way he was tapping on Kikoku's sheath indicated how alert he was, and 'Mad Monk' Urouge had his head bowed and hands clasped in a bafflingly serene state of prayer.

'The Magician' Basil Hawkins and 'Red Flag' X Drake were more intense, still and silent as the prior arranged and rearranged his cards on strands of what looked to be hay, while the latter sat stiff and tall in his chair, glaring at no one in particular while his fingers tapped impatiently on his mace's hilt. Both were very pointedly neither provoking nor inviting provocation. Capone 'Gang' Bege was very much similar, save for how he was both surrounded by and being waited on by his underlings and was smoking like a chimney. Literally, I think; I swear it was coming from more places than his mouth.

Bonney was eating her way through a 'small' platter of appetizers, displaying the exact table manners (or lack thereof) that her current teenage form implied. Eustass 'Captain' Kid wore an impatient scowl, one hand propping up his chin on a fist and the other occupied by an impromptu game of power-run stabscotch. A spectacle that Apoo was pointedly eyeing as he beat out a rhythm on his too-taut gut to the time Kid was keeping. Interestingly, 'Massacre Soldier' Killer seemed to be tapping out a similar rhythm on his own thigh… with the thresher blades he had strapped to his arms.

…If there was one good thing about this situation, it was that nobody was stupid enough to try and prove their stones by taking the few remaining seats at the Supernovas' table. However, that spectacularly rare show of tact and intelligence from our fellow swashbucklers was also a bit of a double-edged sword, because nearly as soon as we set foot in the titanic chamber, everyone hushed up damn fast as we, the Straw Hat Pirates, probably the most infamous pirates on the entire island, stepped onto the stage.

That's a heady thing, with a lot of expectations behind it, and some of our… less confident crewmates were visibly buckling under it. Hell, I was feeling it; I might be the idol of millions, but that was through a radio connection, not face-to-face, with a few hundred eyes staring at me in anticipation.

But still, as intimidating as a face-to-face audience was? We weren't half as on edge as said audience. Which makes sense: our crew had made a habit of causing incidents on every island we'd been on, ranging in scale from minor riots to outright devastation, and we'd been quiet thus far. They were just waiting for the powderkeg to detonate…

Which, in turn, left us all waiting, tension mounting and choking us out more and more as the atmosphere of the room actually started to turn towards awkward...

"Well. Well. Well. So, you're finally showing your face, eh? You damnable big mouth?"

And then clean out of nowhere, the tension ratcheted up at least five full factors in two sentences. The real surprise, though, was that I wasn't the one who did it!

Rather, that outburst—which became the new center of attention for the chamber—came from one of the only people in the room who actually had the clout to make such a ripple: the only Supernova in the room with a bigger mouth than me, who was gracing me with a sneer utterly impervious to the incredulous looks the rest of the infamous rookies were all shooting him.

"Gotta say, this has been a long time coming," Apoo chuckled, his arms double-crossed across his chest. "Because I have just been waiting for a chance to put you in your place in person!"

There was a brief hush as the sheer audacity of that statement swept over us… and theeeen, of course, that was what prompted the crew to break the silence themselves. A feat that, this time, Raphey decided to perform with a quick clearing of her throat.

"Ssssooo," she asked in a low tone so that her voice didn't carry too far. "IIII haven't exactly been keeping track of time. Has it been five minutes yet?"

Vivi, of course, slapped a hand to her face with a despairing groan. "Crooooss…" she pleaded, an air of defeat coloring her voice.

It took me a bit more to get my wits back about myself, but once I did, I shot Vivi a completely innocent and casual smile. "Worry not, my dearest princess. I shall promise to handle this with all the grace and subtlety—"

"Oh, just hurry up and cause a scene already!" she finally burst out, a ripple of wind blowing a few stray hairs in front of her snarling face.

Well, if she was asking for it—!

"As you command!" I declared, popping a salute before turning my full attention on the Longarm. I plastered my most indignant scowl on my face, puffed my chest out, and crossed my own arms to mirror his confrontational stance, raising my voice for everyone to hear. "Pshaw, you utter hack! I see how it is; it's not enough that you hijack my show, now you have to steal my lines, too!? I've been waiting months for this! You utter no-talent tosspot of a pisspot!"

"AND WHADDAYA MEAN PUT US IN OUR PLACE!? YOU'VE BEEN STEALING MY MUSIC CORNER! I'LL SHATTER EVERY TOOTH in that bear trap you call a maw!"

And naturally, Soundbite wasn't a beat behind.

"Peh!" Apoo scoffed, shoving himself out of his chair, his arms kinked up in shrugs. "I'd like to see you pompous blowhards even try. Honestly, Jeremiah Cross, the bigger issue I have with you—besides the fact that you are a way overhyped asshat—is the idea that this little slimeball that thinks he knows what music is!"

"Hey, now!" I barked, shaking a finger at Apoo as I marched down the wooden bridge that led to the main platform. "Only I get to call the slimeball a slimeball! You will address him with all the respect that he is due from someone of your standing in the hierarchy of life! Why don't we start at "your majesty" and work our way up?"

"APAPAPA! YOUR MAJESTY!?" The Long-Arm cackled. Swiping his arms out, he came to a stop in front of me, his head held… well, a full head higher than my own, a smirk on his looming face. "Even if making noise is the only thing he can do, I'd die of shame if I lost in anything to a bottom-feeder like him! Or to a weak-chinned, limp-wristed blond snotrag like yourself!"

"PFHAHAHA!" I chortled back, planting my fists on my hips and raising my chin. The better to radiate defiance. "Oh, buddy, you lose to him in everything! Even… nay, especially in terms of looks! After all…" I made a show of giving Apoo a decidedly unimpressed onceover. "What self-respecting entity would even think about touching someone who I can only assume is a gangly, trap-jawed, hairless orangutan!"

"WHAT!?" Apoo belted out, pounding out a harsh drumbeat on his chest. "Alright, now you're asking for it, you puny-brained pipsqueak!"

I jerked my chin to the side with an unimpressed tsk. "As if you're much better, you cantankerous ass-faced claptrap!"

"Scurvy-ridden sack of vomit!"

"Barnacle-ENCRUSTED whalefart!"

"Anchor-headed ignoramus!"

"Half-baked… no-good… NINCOMPOOP!"/"Stupid… dimwit… RAGAMUFFIN!"

Tense silence enveloped the bar after that simultaneous outburst. Silence that, on our parts, was maintained the sheer effort both of us had to expend to not burst out laughing at that last exchange. Well, Apoo looked to be as ready to burst as I was, and I would outlast him, by gum I most definitely—

"OR would you prefer 'ninnyhammer?'"

"…pffHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"/"APAPAPAPAPAPA!"

Yeeeaaah, that was a push too far. We descended so far into full-belly laughter that we almost missed the shock radiating from our audience at the sudden 180. Or maybe it was the fact that we clasped hands after the laughter died down. Hard to tell.

"'Nincompoop!' Really, now!" I chortled, wiping a tear from my eye. "What, did you dig that one out of your ma's attic or something?!"

"And what about you, huh!?" Apoo laughed, slinging… well, part of his arm around my shoulders. "I mean, 'ragamuffin'?! I'm at least a foot taller than you!"

"Shall we just agree you're both horrible at this?" Soundbite smugly offered.

"AGREED!" Apoo and I enthusiastically shouted, before I chuckled and held out my fist to the captain. "Ah, but seriously, Apoo, it is great to finally meet you in person!"

"Apapa!" Apoo smiled broadly as he bumped his fist to mine. "Same here, Cross! Same here!"

And apparently that was as much as our audience could take.

"Would someone like to explain to us what the fuck's going on here?!" Kid bellowed, punctuating the demand with a slam of his fist on the table. "I thought you halfwits hated each other's guts!"

"If you would be so kind, I'll take my payment in beris or validated ingots. I'll keep any change, of course."

My eyes shifted away from Kid to half of the other Supernovas, who were grumpily going through their pockets while Drake had a smugly content look on his face. Still not smiling, but considering the death-mask he was wearing before, 'smug' was a definite improvement. He noticed my gaze and gestured to my bag.

"As if Vegapunk's technology could be hacked that easily or repeatedly," the ex-Rear Admiral deadpanned.

"Apapa, yep! I got in contact with Cross and we set the whoooole thing up! We've been playing the world for chumps and laughing the entire time!"

"And honestly," I spoke up, scanning over the rest of the gaping onlookers. "If you all could keep it as quiet as possible, we'd really appreciate it. Keep the joke alive and all that. And if you're hurting for motive, think of it this way: So long as people's gobs stay shut, we pirates shall have a cultural secret privy to us, and us alone! How does that sound, eh!?"

And thankfully, that was the final blow in the battle against the mood. The chamber erupted in raucous cheers and laughter, and just like that the were rolling and flowing again… along with the booze, but eh, not like half of these guys were any more polite sober.

As the mood broke, so too did the cohesion of our crew, and our members casually disseminated across the platform. Everyone pretty much went wherever they pleased, and soon enough our crew was getting acquainted with the rest of the, to appropriate the World Government's designation of us, future 'Worst Generation'.

Luffy, naturally, gravitated towards a free seat on the table so that he could get at all the food available. Though in a surprising show of external awareness, I think he actually sat himself next to Bonney on purpose, if the sparking glares they were trading in-between stuffing their maws was anything to go by.

Chopper ambled over to Law and was chatting quite animatedly with him, and though the spark in his eye was—by this point—no longer alarming, the one that was ever so slightly glimmering in Law's was. That Zoro and Tashigi were fingering their blades as they hovered around him was also no small cause for alarm.

Interestingly enough, Usopp seemed to be talking with Hawkins about something, quite animatedly at that. Luckily, the Magician seemed more interested in his cards (or at least bored in general) than irritated at our Sniper King, so there was no chance of Usopp's soul getting locked in a voodoo doll. Actually, it looked like they were… trading knickknacks!? Well, I'll be. Either Usopp actually knew his hoodoo or he was a better swindler than I gave him credit for…

And I had to do a double-take to confirm, but it looked like a new redhead had joined the Barto Club when I wasn't looking. She was looking rather beaten up and glaring daggers at Gin… who was just as beat up and glaring right back back. Geez, was she trying to steal the first mate position?

And believe it or not, those were the saner interactions. Others were a bit more… out there.

-o-

"Excuse me. Are you… Capone 'Gang' Bege?"

"'Weather Witch' Nami. What do you want?" the ex-mafia boss politely asked, turning towards the Straw Hat. He took one look at the gleam in her eyes and stumbled back in naked shock; he'd seen a great many expressions thrown his way over the years, but a lovestruck expression was not one of them.

" #!$)*%#~&—grrk!"

Before Bege could decide whether or not it was worth it to try shooting her, she froze, her cloudy aura smacking her on the skull thrice, producing a more... restrained demeanor. Visibly fighting to break free of the restraint, of course, but restrained.

"I apologize for that… ridiculousness, Mr. Bege. I've just been a huge fan of yours since I learned that you pulled off what most thieves only fantasize of doing," Nami explained sweetly. "I mean, robbing Fort Lumose itself—! Tell me, the main vault's door, was it really a Triple Charlieburg Custom, like Fantoma said it was in his biography, or was it the Wincheston Special that Lupin said it was?"

Bege gestured for the half-dozen men surrounding him to stand down, giving his full attention to the thief-witch in front of him. "Neither, actually. It was an Altoclef New Age with a deadlock modification. Had no choice but to blast the damn thing clean off its hinges. Which, seeing as I had three Captains on my back at the time, was no easy thing, let me tell you."

"Ahhh, the smash-and-grab universal lockpick methodology, I see, I see…" Nami nodded sagely, her clouds miming a fist pounding into a palm. "Not my school of theft, but always a solid plan B, and one I can respect. Although…" She tilted her head. "Now that I think about it, Altoclef is infamous for using Wootz steel in frankly gratuitous quantities. If I'm not asking too much, how did you get enough firepower in there to do that? I mean, you're obviously stronger than you look at first glance, everyone at this table is, but…?"

Bege actually blinked in surprise at the question, raising a brow at the Weather Witch. "Well, color me surprised. That loud-mouthed friend of yours didn't already tell you about me?"

"Meh," Nami waved her hand dismissively. "Cross may know a lot, but not only does Luffy hate being spoiled on the adventure, that loud-mouth is only loud and knowledgeable, not all-knowing. All he said was… what was it…that you're the best example of a one-man army?"

That drew an amused chuckle from Bege, and he nodded in confirmation. "Knowledgeable but not all-knowing indeed; he's not wrong, but that's quite the vague description. Alright, I'll lay it out for you." The mafioso held up his fist and flexed his knuckles, popping open his gunports and letting his cannons' muzzles peek out. "Short version, I'm literally a living fortress. The Castle-Castle Fruit allowed me to get up close unperturbed and alone, blast away with more firepower than anyone could possibly carry on their own, and then send out all of my men to gather the funds and store them inside of me so that I could leave as quick as I came in." Bege puffed out his chest and pounded his heart. "All the gold I took is right here, safe from even the most skilled of thieves or determined of Marines, and here it'll stay!"

"Ahhh, I see…" Nami nodded sagely. "Very impressive power. It'd explain why I didn't find a wallet on you."

And just like that, everyone in earshot froze in place, Bege's men giving Nami a wide berth as the ex-don pinned her with a frigid, dead-eyed stare. "…excuse me?"

Nami's face and clouds both slowly stilled in dawning realization. "…aaaand that was out loud. Crap."

Bege slowly pushed his seat back from the table and stood to his full height. And though said full height was not terribly intimidating, his grim demeanor and the shadows cast by his fedora over his eyes cut a thoroughly intimidating figure. "You. Tried to pickpocket. Me. Girl." He emphasized the word with a firm, plank-shaking step in Nami's direction. "Do you have any idea just how many people, more intimidating than you, more powerful than you, I have killed for lesser slights? That I have killed for fun?"

Nami audibly swallowed and took a step back. In the same movement, her clouds loomed forwards and darkened slightly, the stench of ozone filling the air. "In my defense, it was nothing personal, just sheer force of habit?"

The corner of Bege's mouth twitched, ever so slightly.

"And also," the Straw Hat navigator babbled as the charge built up in her clouds. "I'd have only taken twenty-five percent from it out of respect for your skills. If you knew me, you'd know just how generous that—"

"…geh."

Train of thought thoroughly derailed, Nami's eyes narrowed in bewildered confusion. "—Uh?"

"Geh… gehgeh…" Confusion the gangsters surrounding Bege shared, their boss shaking in his boots, his head bowed… and then everyone recoiled when he suddenly threw his head back and roared… with laughter. "GEHGEHGEHGEH! Well, shoot me in the street, you've got brass, kid!" He jabbed a finger at Nami. "And I'm not talking about your crew, I'm talking about you, personally! Ain't seen that kind of metal in a brat like you in years! Real shame you're already taken too, otherwise I'd have hired you on the spot! After breaking your knees, obviously, but that'd just be because of formalities, nothing personal!"

"Thank… you?" Nami tried, her clouds swirling into a question mark.

"Ahh…" Bege sank back in his seat with a contented sigh, nodding amicably at Nami. "Still. Just because I can't hire you doesn't mean I can't reward you." The mafioso smirked and held out his hand to the other pirate. "Whaddaya say you 'step inside' for a spell, lemme give you a quick tour of the joint? I'll show you that gold you've dreamed about so much, along with a few other trophies of mine. They've all got some pretty decent war stories to go with 'em, and some of 'em I was even sneaky about getting."

A moment of hesitation, and then Nami donned a cocksure smile, planting her fist on her hip. "Oh? Not worried about inviting a thief into your… everything?"

Taking out a cigar, Bege lit it, inhaled, and blew out a smoke ring before placing it back in his mouth. "Girl, the walls literally have eyes and ears and I know every inch of everything in there like the back of my hand. The mere idea of anyone stealing so much as a spare beri from me is as impossible as it gets on these seas."

Nami's smirk grew by several teeth. "That, sir, sounds like a challenge."

Bege met her smirk tooth for tooth. "That's because it was."

-o-

I sighed as Nami took Bege's hand and vanished (the Castle-Castle Fruit, should have guessed it. Well played, Oda!) and idly clapped my gauntlet on Sanji's shoulder, drawing his attention.

Honestly, I liked Sanji, I really did, but in this instance I needed to stop him before he could make a move… or open his mouth for that matter, because one wrong word and I'd never hear the end of Soundbite's joking. "It's fine, Sanji. She chose to go through with this, and she can hold her own. And worse comes to worse, I'm fairly certain we can beat him."

"Mmph," the cook grunted around his halfway-blazing cigarette with a half-doubtful, half-rueful glance towards the… suddenly stilled mafioso who was staring off into space? Huh, guess he couldn't split his attention two ways at once. Useful, that. "Still—"

"NYORORO! Oh, is that so, huh?"

Sanji and I both twitched as he was interrupted by a smug, nasally voice that made me flash to the user of the Swamp-Swamp Fruit. As it turned out, I wasn't that far off. A metallic clicking noise drew our attention, and we turned to behold… either a greaser or just a plain greasy guy approaching us. Seriously, the guy had slicked back black hair, a lizardy tongue hanging out of his grinning maw, shades, and was spinning a revolver as big as my forearm around the finger of one of his oversized hands. Overall, it was harder to tell what was greasier: him or his tacky zoot suit!

"And you are?" Sanji asked acerbically, expressing just as much distaste as I felt.

The lizard-tongued mobster drew himself a little straighter as he snapped his gun into a firing position. "The name's Vito. 'Monster Gun' Vito. Capo of Don Bege. You should really educate yourself better, neh, 'Black Leg' Sanji?"

Sanji pinned the mobster with a sidelong glare, accompanied by a cloud of smoke. "You'll have to excuse me if I don't bother learning the name of every two-bit thug with a gun in the Grand Line."

"HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU FIT a trend I've been noticing with epithets!" Soundbite couldn't help but comment, snickering. "PEOPLE DEFINED BY THEIR TOOLS USUALLY ARE TOOLS! HEEHEEHEEhoohoohoohahaha!"

Vito's grin twitched slightly, and switched back to spinning his gun again. "Yeah, and the smallest pests always yap the loudest. Funny, that."

"OI!" Soundbite… well, yapped.

Still, I couldn't help but snort at the quip. "Alright, you managed to shut him up without getting pissed. For that, you earn some measure of respect. Still, you were saying about what I was saying?"

With a haughty sniff, the mafioso-pirate pretentiously adjusted the lapel of his suit. "Just calling you out on your overconfidence. Our crew is in the same league as yours, so unless you're just counting on luck, how do you figure that you're more likely to win?"

Now that drew a smirk onto my face, which morphed into a pre-emptive wince when I felt the tell-tale breeze of Vivi re-coalescing behind me. "Cross," she warned me, so tersely I could just see her foot tapping away on the planks. "Polite."

Well, if she was asking for it… "Fine, fine…" I huffed. I then took a moment to straighten my jacket, fix my posture so that I was standing straight with my arms folded behind my back and, looking Vito dead in the eye… "You, sir, are an imbecile."

I promptly ate simultaneously slap and kick upside the head from Vivi and Sanji, though they failed to dislodge the shiteating grin I'd adopted, "Not what I meant!" coming from the princess and "Don't disrespect the princess!" from the chef.

Vito, meanwhile, still maintained an impassive—if now slightly strained—façade. "Care to explain your reasoning, 'Voice of Anarchy'?"

Still sporting a grin, I glanced down at my metal-clad fingernails, making a show of examining them. "Tell me, Vito… how familiar are you with the story of the last fortress that the Straw Hats visited and had to break out of?"

Vito twitched, snapping his gun around his finger. "That… was different."

"It really isn't," I retorted, shaking my head. "If it was just a straightforward, conventional slugging match, then yeah, I'd give your boss and your crew good odds. Overwhelming manpower and firepower is a good strategy for 90% of the threats you'll face on the seas." My shit-eating grin widened a few more notches. "We're not in that 90%. We're built to dismantle quantity-over-quality, and we spit in the face of conventional tactics. And captain to captain, as long as you're thinking conventionally, unless your boss has a swordsman of Zoro's caliber or a Seastone arsenal hidden in that castle of his, he's not harming Luffy in a million years. I'm sure he has a few cheap tricks that'll let him put up a fight, but… well, a straight fight between Luffy and a building, or Luffy and an army… who would you put your money on?"

Vito hissed fiercely, his gun windmilling into a blur of, well, gunmetal. Finally, he huffed in an annoyance and brought the gun to a stop. "You make a very irritating…" Vito paused before letting out another breath, this one a sigh, as he holstered his gun. "Very accurate point. I…suppose it's a good thing the don considers us to be in your crew's debt then, isn't it?"

My eyes flicked in Bege's direction, but quickly returned to Vito. "You don't screw us, we won't screw you. Fair enough?"

"Fairer than a lot of other people would give us, yeah. Now, if'n you'll scuse me…" The mobster turned on his heel and started walking away, grumbling under his breath, "Gotta see a few people about some ideas for 'unconventional' warfare…"

Vivi stepped up beside me, watching the gunslinger go. "Hmm. Opening aside, that was really well-handled, Cross."

I dismissively waved and looked around, immediately spotting someone else staring at me. A much more recognizable and dangerous someone. Who just started walking this way. Because of course. Vivi's wince when she, too, noticed was audible: "Although I'll admit, that is going to be a challenge."

That statement was almost immediately confirmed by the newcomer's opening statement.

"Hey, smartass," Eustass 'Captain' Kid snapped as he marched up to us, shadowed closely by Killer's stoic presence.

Sanji gave the Supernovas a warning glare as he surreptitiously positioned himself in front of Vivi, who herself had the start of a cyclone swirling around herself. "Can we help you?" he asked, though his tone clearly said 'fuck off'.

Kid barely spared the Monster a glance before focusing his full attention on me, giving me a dry onceover. "I never thought I'd say this, but… Cross, do me."

…

…

…

…error 404. J-Cross.EXE has encountered a fatal error.

Initiating self-destruct sequence.

I am not ashamed to admit that my next conscious thought found me firmly pressing one of Killer's gauntlets to my throat, a feeling of overwhelming DESPAIR filling my being.

"Please. Just make it quick," I moaned in a tone devoid of life.

"I MEANT TELL ME HOW YOU'D BEAT ME, YOU JACKASS!"

Oh. Right. Slowly, I lowered Killer's gauntlet. Then I leapt a good meter away from the Kid Pirates, coughing and straightening my clothes. I pointedly ignored the blush I felt burning on my face. And Soundbite's sitcom-grade cackling. And Sanji, Vivi, and most others in earshot laughing so hard they were crying. Assholes.

"R-Right, right, 'beat you,' of course… ah…" I hesitated as I got my wits back about me, shooting the steaming metal-head a doubtful glance. "You're… sure you want me to do that? Because I won't pull any punches, and you probably won't like what I have to say."

"Do I look like I give two fucks about screwing around the point?" Kid spat… no, he literally spat to the side. "Either whatever you say is dead wrong and I know you can't scratch me worth shit, or you give me something to think about and when I actually come for your dumbass captain's head, I'll have an easier time of it. Either way? I win."

"…tch." No getting out of this, clearly. "Brains to go along with the brawn and shitty attitude. Guess you had to make number two some-how…" Before Kid could go off, I snapped up a finger. "I'll tell you this clean off the bat: Like Bege, when it comes to a straight fight between you and Luffy? My bets are on you losing. Not as badly as Bege… but still a loss."

For a clean minute, Kid's face twisted, rage coursing throughout his entire being. Then, in an impressive display of will he shoved it all to the side. "Explain," he demanded.

And so, with a helpless shrug, I did. "In the simplest terms possible, you suffer from the same failing as Bege: You'd be going up against Luffy, someone who defies all conventional means of assault, with mostly conventional means."

"There is nothing conventional about how I fight!" Kid snapped, emphasizing the point with a menacing stomp.

In lieu of challenging him, I glanced towards Killer and raised an eyebrow. "How often is his go-to an overwhelming surge of might?"

Killer just stared at me for a bit before glancing aside. "…often enough."

I nodded sagely. "And therein lies the problem. Bege relies on conventional military might, and you rely on conventional physical might. But see, where your might is more flexible, it's still limited by the tools you can bring to bear. You can only really hit as hard as what you're hitting them with. And on most people, that's fine, except Luffy isn't 'most people'."

"Mrgh…" Kid growled, audibly gnashing his teeth. "He'll still bleed if I cut him, you know!"

"Only if you can touch him, and he's ridiculously agile, and only so long as he doesn't break the blades. And even if it were just fragments, you'd still need to be able to power through his tolerance for pain. You can ask Gin how well that contest turned out for Don Krieg when he tried using stakes," I retorted, angling my head towards the Barto Club's first mate.

"You realize I was unconscious for most of that fight, right?"

"Pipe down, character witness."

"Aye aye… loudmouth…"

That pause in the conversation was what was needed for Kid to get his second wind, which he demonstrated with an unimpressed huff and crossed arms. "So, what, you're saying that your captain's invincible or some shit like that?"

Really? That rhetorical gotcha? I demonstrated what I thought of that tactic by mirroring his stance and demeanor. "Hardly. In case you missed it? Luffy's lost before, plenty of times. He lost to Crocodile, he lost to Eneru, and he lost to Shiki. Hell, his opening salvo against Moria was a loss. What sets him apart is that every time he gets beaten down, he—pardon the pun—bounces right back. And while I'm sure you could do the same!" I hastily amended as Kid and Killer both visibly bristled. "The question remains if you could do it more than Luffy, and do it as well or better."

Kid's lemon-sucking expression said it all, and for a minute I thought he'd tear me a new one, but a single swift intervention cut that off at the knees. Surprisingly, it didn't come from us but from Killer! The infamous Massacre Soldier cut off whatever his captain had to say with a swift application of his elbow to Kid's ribs—ah, no, correction, to the nasty scar that looked to encircle Kid's torso. Eesh, I'd heard he'd almost gotten ripped in half, but I didn't think it was that literal!

Kid pinned his first mate with a downright caustic glare, but neither Killer's mask nor demeanor so much as budged, and so the bloodthirsty captain was forced to stand down with a snarl and a glower, but not much else.

I took that opening as my cue to continue.

"I'm not saying that you don't have a will just as strong as Luffy's; Vito made that point himself, none of you would be at this table if you didn't. But when it comes to a straight matchup against Luffy's brawn, it's a high bar to cross—"

"We're IN a high bar, CROSS."

I slapped Soundbite upside his shell, not stopping my speech. "—and unfortunately one that you, with your abilities, have to cross. If it's any consolation? You're not alone in this. Bege I already explained, Urouge is a straight-up bruiser, and Drake, while a high-quality Zoan, is certainly no Rob Lucci. And… Barto I give even odds, depending on just how much punishment his barriers can take, if only because they're a hard counter to brute force."

At this point everyone with the title of Supernova was watching me, even if most of them were only doing it out the corners of their eyes.

Kid's glower stayed defiant, and then I wanted the defiance back, because he suddenly turned contemplative. This was followed by my stomach dropping into my shoes at the eagerly vicious grin he adopted a few seconds later.

"So what you're saying…" he leered, malice positively dripping from his every word. "Is that everyone else here could kick your rubber-brained moron's ass?"

The room froze, attention firmly swinging back to me, and not in a way I at all liked. I grimaced, and my eyes slowly turned toward my captain… who was glaring at Kid, an expression that Kid easily matched. Luffy's eyes turned to meet mine, and as he nodded his consent, I couldn't help but suppress a wince at how much utter hell Kid was going to catch for this later. But still, if Luffy said it was alright…

"First off, I'm not guaranteeing anything against anyone," I warned him tersely. "But… I will admit that yes, just considering powers and abilities, it's people capable of producing more esoteric effects like Law, Apoo, Bonney, or Hawkins who have a better chance against Luffy. Not a guarantee, but certainly nothing he can easily brute-force through. Admittedly, that's not counting skill or will or anything other than abilities, but that's what I've got to work with." I paused, then grinned viciously as a thought struck me. "Honestly, you want a good chance at kicking Luffy's ass? Follow Foxy's example."

I loved how that wiped the smug clean off Kid's bastard face. "That weak-ass little shit—!" he started to snarl.

"—managed to beat nine shades of shit out of Luffy because his powers were something Luffy couldn't punch his way out of," I sneered right back with my most shit-eating grin possible. "Which is a hell of a lot more than I can say about you."

Kid had no answer to that. Instead, he tsked and turned away, plopping into the chair he'd claimed earlier.

And hell, so long as I've got the advantage… "And speaking of who else can kick whose asses," I mused aloud, folding my arms behind my head. "Just considering our crew, you're honestly at a pretty hefty disadvantage. Sanji and Boss are just straight-up physical monsters, Nami's capable of zapping you into a briquette, Vivi you can't even touch, even without her gun Merry could twist you into a pretzel—!"

SLAM!

I nervously eyed the crushed section of table underneath Kid's fist, the pirate's whole body shaking. He lifted his head, and I felt my stomach drop again at the bloody smile on his face.

"And how is the little tyke, by the way?" he genially asked, raw evil coloring his every word. "Everything alright with her? Her… legs? Her… " Kid's fingers tore up a good chunk of wood as he clawed it down the table. "Neck?"

I blinked in confusion. Her neck? What about her oh fuck I forgot about her choker OH THAT FUCKING BASTARD!

Amidst the cacophony of scraping chairs and smashing glasses and Nami hopping out of Bege doing a creditable imitation of Zeus himself, I barely noticed Killer snapping his hands up in surrender and backing well away from his captain. Guess the Massacre Soldier really was as sensible as he appeared.

"YOU WANNA DIE, YOU PASTY FUCKWIT!?" Barto roarred, shooting to his feet and pounding his fists on the table as he glared bloody murder at the unrepentant Supernova.

"OK, Kid, word of advice, you should really rethink what you're saying," Apoo hastily jumped in. He met the other Supernova's glare with a serious expression. "Buddy, the Straw Hats are all around you, all pissed, and they have a lot of friends and good will here. You, meanwhile?"

"There are approximately 1,013,913 words in the English language, and I know several other dialects besides, but I could never string any number of words together to explain just how much I want to hit you with a chair," Nico Robin droned in a voice that was dead as a doornail.

"…yeah, that."

Kid, for his part, was entirely unconcerned with what should have been enough concentrated malice to kill him dead on the spot. He even went so fast as to scoff, lean back in his seat and kick his feet up on the table before leering past me. "Oh piss off, every one of you jackasses! Seriously, did piracy become a daycare service when I wasn't looking? In case you didn't notice, it's a daaaangerous world out there. Little girls shouldn't be playing around with the big boys like us."

All around the bar, Apis, Goldenweek, and Merry's eyes all narrowed. Actually, so did Vivi's.

"I would just like to note," Vivi hissed, her voice little more than a death rattle. "That five minutes. Have come. And gone."

Apis said nothing; she just pointedly raised her hand and snapped her fingers. Barely a second later, the platform shuddered from Lindy ramming into one of the chains supporting it, coiling around the titanic links of metal as he snarled down at us—at Kid—with tongues of flame licking out of the corner of his maw.

"Oh, no, please, allow me," Goldenweek stated in a voice that was somehow extra dead, a veritable rainbow mixing on her palette. "Hold him steady for a minute. I want to see if I can make him cluck like a chicken. Maybe even make him lay the egg stuck up his ass."

"Ohohoh, don't worry…" Merry chuckled dryly, actually causing a minor ripple in the air as she slammed her fists together. "I think I can put him in traction for a bit longer than a minute."

And all of this… aaaaactually got Kid to give them an appraising look. There was no sneer, no condescension. Hell, he looked almost… respectful? But… from him? That's just not possible, I must've been reading him wrong, ri—?

"And besides, Captain, you're one to talk."

The appraising look evaporated, Kid suddenly turning an interesting shade of red. Everyone's eyes fell on a pair of figures in a booth a short distance away: a child, boyish in appearance (ruffled and soot-stained), dress (a pair of heavy overalls and a white engineering cap), and voice (rough, but cocky), but still undeniably a girl, and next to her a tall man with a yellow jacket, a wide-brimmed black hat, and an expression similar to Law's typical smirk, a pile of empty plates next to him.

"And you are?" Law drawled, his bored tone belied by his typical smirk and the way his eyes just seemed to shine with glee.

"Adelle Bascùd," the girl answered, matching smirk on her face as she tipped her hat to the other pirate. "Engineer of the Kid Pirates." She gestured to the man sitting at her side, who mirrored the expression and motion. "And this here's my brother and our crew's primary leg-breaker—!"

"Shuraiya! I thought I recognized that last name! Is that really you, you raggedy ass?!"

I jumped slightly at Koala's exclamation, giving the newly named Shuraiya a surprised look.

If the Kill Bill lookalike noticed, he ignored it in favor of barking a laugh and waving in greeting to the Revolutionary. "Koala, you bruiser! You turn pirate too, or are you still hanging with the rest of your troublemakers!"

"Still a Revolutionary, Shuraiya, just here on business, but… 'too'?! Last time I saw you, you were turning in a particularly nasty bounty to us beaten within an inch of his life! How'd a pirate-hating bounty hunter like you end up going pirate?! With 'Captain' Kid no less?"

The erstwhile bounty hunter's smile dimmed noticeably, going from brilliantly cheeky to just fond remembrance. "True, Kid's a jackass," he nodded lazily.

"Bite me," the punk in question spat.

"But he's also the jackass who sent the man who destroyed our home to Davy Jones' locker, and who brought my sister back to me after eight years of thinking she was dead. So, yeah."

Nobody listening was fooled; that may have been the truth, but it wasn't the whole truth. Buuut none of us Straw Hats, at least, were in any position to protest that. Ah, well.

"Aaanyway," Shuraiya continued, crossing his arms behind his head. "We've got something of a, eh, what's the word…?"

"Mutually beneficial arrangement," Adelle chirped.

"Right, one of those, going with him. We're sticking around with him because we don't have anywhere else to go and so that I can make sure that he doesn't start going after civvies again. And meanwhile, he's keeping us around because I can kick nine kinds of ass without breaking a sweat and without a Devil Fruit—"

"—while Gramps and I are the only ones with the technical knowhow to keep one of the toughest old bitches this side of the Red Line, the Iron Tramp, chugging and sailing," Adelle cut in. "Makes us pretty invaluable, ya know!"

Oh, the way Kid was twitching in his seat with his head bowed was just a dream come true. But truly, it would take a cruel man to kick him when he was at his lowest… so of course, I didn't hesitate to open my mouth. "Wow, Kid," I chided with the closest to honest disappointment I could manage. "I knew you were a lot of awful things—and proud of it—but I thought even you would shy away from hypocrisy."

Every scrap of metal in the room vibrated something fierce, but the punk pirate managed to hold his temper together… what little was left, at any rate. "I do," he snarled through clenched teeth. "The badger is supposed to stay in the engine room where she's actually good at something, and even then I only keep her around because Shuraiya's good enough at what he does that I can tolerate his brat sister staying along!"

"Mm-hm," said 'brat' hummed dispassionately, making a show of examining her fingernails. "You 'tolerate' me, is that right? Well, I'll just have to make sure to remember that the next time we're booking it from a particularly large fleet of Marines and you're yelling at me to, what was it again… 'push her until she's giving us all she's got'?"

"WHY. ARE YOU. HERE!?"

The pint-sized engineer shrugged indifferently. "Well, initially I came looking for you because I needed some more money to buy this new strain of coal I found in town for the Tramp, but I decided to stick around when I heard the direction things were going so that I could watch you crash and burn. So far?" She 'graced' her captain with a radiant smile. "Not disappointed in the least."

Kid's ever-so-mature response was to snarl and fling a bundle of beris at her. "Get. OUT."

The engineer smiled innocently, showing off a gap in her front teeth, and caught the bundle. "Thanks, Captain!" the engineer chirped, hopping out of her booth and saluting both him and her brother on her way out. "Try and get me some incisors when the shit hits the fan, bro! My sculpture's almost done!"

"You got it, sis!" Shuraiya waved after her, and a few seconds later she was gone.

For a few, glorious moments, silence reigned.

And then, of course, we stuck our noses in.

"Can I have some money too, Captain Kid?" Merry sing-sang in her cutest, most obnoxious voice.

"ALRIGHT!" Killer shouted, hastily clamping a hand on his superior's shoulders and locking him in place before he could erupt out of his chair. "Before somebody ends up disemboweled, can we get back to why we're here? The sooner we're all on our way to Sabaody, the better."

"Agreed!"

"Yes! Very yes!"

That statement was met with unanimous agreement. In moments, all the Supernovas were seated at the central table, exchanging looks along the table, and the rest of the crews were at surrounding tables and booths behind their captains. I myself was leaning against the railing of the bar-platform, alone, watching the proceedings with vague interest.

"Shouldn't you be in there with them?"

Or, well, almost alone. I glanced to the left where Killer stood, and the angle of his helmet suggested he was side-eyeing me while still keeping an eye on his captain.

"After all," the helmeted first mate continued. "You are the 'genius tactician' aren't you? Isn't this where you'd do the most good?"

"Only if there was anything to 'do' to begin with…" I sighed despondently, shaking my head slightly.

"Just watch. THIS IS GONNA GET SO UGLY! And yet so good!" Soundbite snickered.

And before Killer could ask what we meant, the spectacle began in earnest.

"So, I'll just come right out and say it!" Apoo broke the silence with his usually unusual volume, emphasizing it with a clap of his hands. "Who's got any bright ideas about how to tear those privateers a new one?"

"My crew had them running and crying when we fought them," Kid snorted, waving his hand dismissively. "More force is all we'll—"

"Not all of us are as eager to keep ramming our heads into a wall until it breaks," Hawkins dryly cut in as he patiently cut his deck.

"The head or the wall?" Urouge asked, his smile screaming he knew the answer in advance.

"Yes."

A vein pulsed on Kid's head. "Oh, screw—!"

"Well, we could try it anyway. If ya like having an admiral crawling up your ass," Bonney drawled through the mouthful of pork she was chewing, spraying meat everywhere in the process. "That island's how far from Marine Headquarters again?"

"It is an archipelago, not an island, and not even half a day," Bege grunted, though the look he was shooting Bonney as he replied indicated he'd rather be answering with his gun instead.

"Yeah, he should know!" Barto snorted, obnoxiously and nasally at that. "The bastard got sent running 'cause Aokiji almost left his frost-covered boot up his ass! Like how Zephyr almost left him with an actual tail, HA!"

"First off, I made that old geezer bleed for what he did to me, so fuck off!" Kid barked, jabbing a finger at Barto, though the effect was ruined by how his other hand was clutching his scar. "And second, it wasn't Aokiji, it was Kizaru! And I never saw him anyways!"

"So you're not weak, you're just a coward. So noted," Law chuckled dryly, thumbing the bridge of his hat.

"You fucking—!"

"As Captain Eustass has already demonstrated, rushing in recklessly promises nothing but failure," Drake interrupted, his tone and demeanor both flat and unimpressed. "What we require, in this instance, is a sound and developed stratagem—"

"Developed by who? You?" Bonney sneered, showing far too many teeth for polite company. "Yeah, didn't work so well for you and witch-boy the last time you swung by this place!"

"At least neither of us is destined to choke on a chicken bone in the next three seconds," Hawkins drawled, eyeing a card he'd just drawn from his deck.

"Eh?" Luffy glanced up from his gorging, which he hadn't even paused in. "Did shomeone shay chi—MRGH! BONE! HELP!"

"Ah, my mistake. I apologize, Captain Monkey."

"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE YOU DEAD-EYED ASS!" Barto slammed his barrier-encased fist on the table with a roar.

One straw-blond eyebrow rose. "That destiny would have come to pass with or without my intention. Much like how your own unfortunate countenance was a result of your own natural misfortune."

"OKAY, I MIGHT BE A BIT OF A DUMBASS, BUT EVEN I KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID ABOUT MY FACE!"

KA-KLICK! "Sit your ass down and shut the hell up, Black Bart," Bege intoned, a pistol planted dead between Barto's eyes. "Your bullshit is getting us nowhere."

"HEHA!" Barto scoffed, spreading his arms wide—with fingers crossed, I idly noted. "Or what, halfpint?"

CRACK! The answer to that came from Urouge, smile yet ever-present, if a bit bigger, slamming the pillar he'd been toting the entire time down next to the table. "Or, I cave both your heads in and we continue without you. Why don't we just calm down, hm?"

"And who put you in charge here?" Bege sneered scornfully. "I'm the one with the most experience looking at big pictures like this, I should have point."

"Fat chance. I'm the only one who's seen what they have to fight with, and my bounty is the highest here next to his," Kid snorted, gesturing at Luffy, who was still flailing and starting to turn interesting colors. "And nobody sane would put him in charge!"

"You're not wrong about that," Drake said, his eyes narrowing as his hand drifted down towards his mace. "But you're certainly dumber than he is if you think I'll let someone as reckless as you boss me around."

"The fuck did you just say to me?!"

"He said that you're nothing but a dumbass, dumbass!"

"Will you two stop your squabbling already?! I can barely eat you're pissing me off so much!"

"Good. Maybe you could stand to eat a little less."

"YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU SON OF A—!?"

"PTOOEY! Woo, that was close, shishishi!"

"Okay, why don't we all calm down and—?"

"Oh, I can calm them down real fast."

"You even touch that sword and I'll drop you where you stand, dead-eyes, I swear to Triton!"

"Just try it, punk-ass! You wanna go? LET'S GO!"

I shook my head as the arguments escalated in that general manner; at this rate, it'd be nightfall before we even had a chance to make any progress. Exactly what I was afraid would happen.

"Damn it all, we're getting nowhere at lightspeed," I groused under my breath. "Everyone's too tense, too wound up, too nervous, and their 'Alpha Dog' personalities mean that nobody's letting themselves show weakness, which is just ratcheting up the tension even higher, and on top of that, that's riling up everyone else in the room and means the Supernovas are even less likely to back down to save face. Damn negative feedback loops... they wouldn't have listened to me even if I'd tried to say anything. Something needs to give sooner rather than later, or else this is going to turn real ugly real fast and—"

"You do know you're talking to yourself, right?" Killer flatly pointed out.

"Easiest way to guarantee intelligent conversation on short notice," I offhandedly retorted, more focused on my own thoughts. "Now if you don't mind, I need to stop our captains from trying to kill each other…" A thought occurred to me. Wait, would that actually… then I grinned as that thought struck gold. "And I think I know how to do it. Just gotta check first, though—!" I snapped my fingers and indicated Lola, who'd been spending the entire fight thus far leaning on her bar taking in the dumpster fire. Soundbite's characteristic whine of static got her attention in a hurry, though. "Lola, two things real quick. First, to be sure, there's a net under here, right?"

The ex-Charlotte snorted derisively. "What are you, chicken?"

My eye twitched furiously as I got a good grip on the railing. "It's an Oars-tall drop to the bottom and most everyone in this room is drunk off their ass."

That got another snort, but this one was just amused. "Just messing with you. Yeah, there's a net. A dozen nets, actually, all the way to the bottom and all hugging the rim, and they're reinforced with metal. We just painted them black. Gotta keep the excitement up, see?"

I heaved a sigh of relief, "Smart. Alright, secondly… if things start getting messy in here, how pissed would you be?"

At this, Lola's face fell flat. "Cross, this is, perhaps, among the largest pirate bars in the world. There is nothing in here that can't be replaced. Just let me lay down a few ground rules when things start going down and then have fun."

"Aye-aye ma'am," I concluded, saluting. I then pushed off the railing towards the maelstrom that was the strongest captains in our generation… before pausing as a thought struck me, and I glanced back at Killer. "I'm going to try and stop the bloodbath that's brewing. You can either follow me or stay out of my way."

Killer's mask stared impassively at me before the man himself heaved a sigh and pushed off the railing to join me. "…this had better work."

Out loud, I scoffed. "Around me? Trust me, one way or another it will." Under my breath, meanwhile, I hissed, "Soundbite? On my cue, some appropriate music, please."

"…HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED to know what to play?"

"Ooooh trust me. You'll know."

Before he could say much else, however, I cleared my throat as we reached the edge of the table, as well last the argument. Truly, it was a testament to my influence that all noise stopped when I intervened, but the tension remained and was still mounting, so my mere 'presence' wasn't enough; not alone, anyway. As such, I'd have to make this fast.

With that thought in mind, I gave the Supernovas an expansive grin. "Gentlemen. Bonney. Kid."

"HEY!"/"HA!"

"I know things are tense, and I know you're all on edge. The blockade has us worried. Marine retaliation has us worried. The idea of our journeys being stalled is mortifying, and the idea of defeat even more so than that. It paralyzes us, reduces us to petty squabbling." Slowly, I surreptitiously laid my hands upon the the back of a free chair and scooted it out from under the table. "But! Fret not, my friends! And Kid."

"BITE ME!"

"He wishes…"

"For you see, I have the solution to all our woes and worries within arm's reach. A means through which all our stress will be alleviated, and peace and harmony restored to our ranks. All without any cause for concern whatsoever." I tilted my head to the side, a truly beatific smile on my face. "I have only two words for you all."

And with that, I grabbed the chair and swung it up, around, and smashed it clean across Killer's face in one smooth motion, knocking him ass over teakettle.

"BAR FIIIIIGHT!" I roared, brandishing the splintered remains of the chair for all to see.

For a split second the entire chamber froze—

"HOLD IT!" And then it was right and properly paralyzed by a secondary roar, this one coming from Lola.

Before anyone could think to move, the Captain of the Skelter-Bite pounded her fist on her bar's countertop, and almost immediately in response, sturdy wood paneling fell over the mirror and booze arrayed behind her.

Lola heaved a sigh of relief. "Least I saved the mirror this time…" She then pinned the room with a pointed stare. "Alright, LISTEN UP! Ground rules: no intentional kill shots, no crippling, if someone says uncle then you let them go, and unless you've got something personal against them, no aiming for the staff! Aside from that, feel free to bash each other's heads in."

A final moment, fragile as glass…

Lola swung her arms out impatiently. "GET TO IT!"

And then the world shattered.

Whether by dint of pure reflex, superior readiness, or just the fact that they expected me to pull something like this, Luffy and Barto were the first to react, the latter leaping clean across the table to tackle Kid right in the ribs and onto the floor, and the former kicking the table six feet straight into the air. And, incidentally, hitting about half the Supernovas square on the chin in the process.

"AUGH! LUFFY, YOU IDIOT!"

And lo, as Nami's Eisen Cloud grabbed Luffy and started smashing him into the floor, Trafalgar Law's Room sprang to life, swapping me with him with only just enough time for me to duck under a sturdy-looking whiskey bottle, and all the while the chords of an electric guitar screamed out.

"I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation!

You're living in the past it's a new generation!

A pirate can do what they want to do and that's

What we're gonna do!

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation!"

"Good choice," I grunted before grabbing the arm holding the bottle and smashing my armored forehead into the guy's—gal's!—chin with a satisfying crunch. Unfortunately, that didn't bring her down. A fact that I wasted a good second blinking stupidly at, and would've paid for with a shin to the family jewels had her head not suddenly vibrated like a malfunctioning blender.

"INCOMING!"

I spun, just in time to get rugby-tackled right in my chest and driven back. Several elbows to the head and shoulders didn't dissuade the pirate, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs entirely when I got sandwiched between the bar and the pirate. Wheezing, vision swimming, I barely rolled my head away from a punch that splintered the hardwood bar. The next punch I somehow caught in left hand, my right scrabbling for some sort of weapon. My fingers closed around smooth glass, and I brought a… whiskey bottle? A whiskey bottle around right in time to catch the pirate's arm with it.

SNAP! "YAAAARGH!"

"Sorry, not sorry!" I barked, shoving him back with a foot to the chest and then backhanding him with the bottle. Amazingly, it remained intact, and I gave it an appreciative look. "Huh. Nice glass."

With my back covered, and no enemies charging at me, I could take a moment to catch my breath and get a good look at the fight. On the plus side, it had started a lot easier than the big brawl during the Accino/Hiruno wedding fiasco. On the downside, it had started a lot easier than that brawl, and more importantly, I could barely keep track of anything.

The entirety of Helheim had devolved into a thing of pure chaos, fights spontaneously erupting… pretty much literally everywhere. The central platform I was on alone was a mess of fighting bodies and thrown bottles and chairs and fists. Even the stronger fighters were mostly obscured by the seething mass around them.

Though most is not all. From the localized lightning tornado off to the left, Nami and Vivi had teamed up and were taking out some old frustrations on a hapless Five and Valentine. In the center, an angel, a dinosaur, and an elephant were grappling, the rest of the brawl giving them a wide berth. And then, further down the bar were—

"OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU GUYS!" I bellowed at Zoro and Sanji, sword meeting boot again and again. "FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIVES, CAN YOU NOT FIGHT EACH OTHER THE FIRST CHANCE YOU GET?!"

"NO WAY IN HELL, CROSS!" the two roared back.

Groaning, I eyed my makeshift weapon. Maybe, just this once—?

"I wouldn't recommend that, Jeremi-ya."

Wait, was that—Yup. There was Trafalgar Law sitting next to me at the bar, sipping at a drink and cool as a cucumber.

"And why not?" I demanded halfheartedly.

"Well, one, that whiskey is garbage I'd only feed to Doflamingo." Law's smirk widened slightly. "And two, it won't break as fast full."

"Huh," I said, eyeing the bottle a little more appreciatively. "Okay, new question: why aren't you out there?"

Right as I said that, one pirate peeled off from the group, brandishing a pool cue and charging straight at Law as he… ululated? Jeeze, I really was the Voice of Anarchy…

"Well, for one, I don't need to be," he chuckled, making his usual gesture to swap a bottle of liquor flying above us with a random pirate. Said pirate followed the bottle's flight path and smacked into the covered liquor shelves, impacting them much like a fly would a windshield, and with just as much effect. "And for another, I prefer… other methods of stress relief."

I tensed sligh—okay, pretty hard at that remark, and it obviously showed, because Law gave me a knowing smirk.

"Okay, you got me," I said, throwing up my hands in faux-defeat. "But c'mon, it's not like I lied, ya know? You saw how tense things were at the table. This…" I indicated the brawl… right as Beppo went careening head-first into the shelf—

SMASH!

…correction, headfirst through the shelf, and stuck up to his waist. The bear's legs kicked and struggled for a bit before he fell slack with an audible groan of defeat. "Oh, bother…"

Following his trajectory (as I fought to refrain from joining Soundbite in his cackling) showed that Gin and the new ginger chick had joined in on the Zoro/Sanji brawl to make it an all-out battle royale, though it wasn't clear who had landed the blow.

I snickered and shook my head before forging on. "As I was saying… this will hopefully allow everyone to blow off all the steam they've been building so we can discuss things like civilized human beings. Or, well, whatever the fuck we are. Because better that they be breaking bones instead of slashing throats, see?"

Law nodded sagely, even as he offhandedly jerked Kikoku's sheath to the side and brained a mook who'd tried to charge us. "Sound plan, Jeremi-ya. Very noble. Truly, I can only find one major flaw."

A sudden pit settled into my stomach. "Er… and what flaw would that be?"

"JEREMIAH CROSS!"

"Ohhh, that flaw," I said with a lot more cheer than I felt. I glanced at the bottle in my hand; suddenly, it felt decidedly inadequate. Especially since Killer's arm blades had just shorn a table in two in midair.

"I…" Killer growled. "Am going to gut you, tear out your intestines, and use them to string up this year's Christmas lights!"

"You're welcome to try," I replied, smirking as I held up my left hand with my fingers in a V. "But I'm afraid you GASTRO-FLASH!"

The Flash Dial went off just fine. The Gastro-half did not. And any hopes that the Flash half would be enough died when Killer just tilted his head.

"Was that supposed to do something?"

"Mother of pearl!" I spat under my breath. The mask. The damn mask had blocked the light from the Flash Dial! And with no sound… "SOUNDBITE!"

"I'M BACK, I'm back! SORRY, HAD TO help Usopp AND GOLDENWEEK DUCK OUT OF THE MELEE because they promised to get me some crunchy green. BUT NOW I'M BACK AND—!" Silence descended—like, literally in our general vicinity—and slowly, Soundbite turned his half-lidded eyestalks towards me. "DARE I ASK WHY?" he deadpanned.

Killer gave me no chance to answer; I only barely caught one of his whatever-the-hells-they-were on the bottle I was holding, and somehow the edge only bit deeply into the glass, instead of clean through it.

"Just help me already!" I yelped, nervously eyeing the other blade as he raised it to gut me!

As if on cue, Killer suddenly staggered in the tell-tale sign of a Gastro-Phony. Astoundingly—and yet not really to my surprise, given who he was—he didn't go down, and only a hasty dodge (and loss of my trusty bottle) kept me from losing an arm and half my ribcage.

"How the hell is he—?!"

"HE'S KID'S ZORO, how do you think!? JUST BOOK IT!" Soundbite snapped.

"Booking!"

Though not on his knees retching, Killer's coordination had still been badly hampered by the Gastro-Phony. It was simplicity itself to simply run around him, but where to go? I took one look at the mosh pit surrounding the still-brawling Funkfreed, Drake, and Urouge and decided that there was no way I was going that way.

"Franky Boxing! ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"

"Zazazazaza! That's useless! Uselessuselessuselessuselessuseless~!"

Neither, for instance, did I want to be one of the mooks that got too close to Bonney and Franky's punch v. kick duel and got pulped in the process…

"COME ON, CUTIESSSS! GIMME A HUG! IT WON'T HUUURT! FOR LONG!"

And that was the bridges off this place right out, so long as Sandersonia remained on an atmosphere-addled prowl.

"STAIRS!"

Oh, yeah, there was a second floor. And a quick glance confirmed that, while there were a good number of punch-ups going on up on the balconies, it wasn't the free-for-all on the ground floor. There were even people just leaning on the railings watching.

"JASON WANNABE at FIVE O'CLOCK," Soundbite announced.

I risked a glance over my shoulder and nearly let out a very manly scream. Killer was driving hard for me, tossing aside anyone in his way. A glance back at the stairs confirmed that it was going to be a very close call.

"Here goes nothing…" I muttered, throwing myself into a dive.

As I'd hoped, Killer's scythes sailed right above my head, and I grabbed at the steps and scrambled back to my feet, bounding up two at time. Killer, sadly, was not constrained to such mundane things as "stairs", and a single jump had him balancing on the banister next to me, and his legs tensed to get him in front of me.

"Yo, asshat: GASTRO-BLAST: STEREO EDITION!"

And just as his feet left their footholds, a solid wall of sound slammed into Killer, knocking him off-balance at exactly the wrong moment. He plummeted down, and some part of me hoped that he would miss the central platform and fall down onto the nets hard enough to break them.

But when have I ever gotten that lucky?

Sure enough, when I reached that upper balcony, Killer's scythes cut into the wood of the floor and heaved him up so that he could perch on the balustrade like a faceless gargoyle. I glanced behind him, and bit back a curse. Out of position. Still, there was a simple enough way to fix that.

"Disorient him, but don't let him notice."

"That'll barely THROW HIM OFF."

"That's my problem," I retorted, grabbing two more bottles off a nearby table and brandishing them like short swords.

And none too soon, either. Killer launched himself off the balustrade, shattering it under his feet. I frantically backpedalled, catching his blades on the bottles. And then again. And again.

It was a whirlwind of steel that I only survived through panicked flailing, Soundbite subtly disorienting Killer so that he was only two steps ahead instead of the ten he'd typically have over me, and Soundbite also tossing in a few light Gastro-Blasts whenever the other pirate got too close to turning me into sashimi.

"Ow! Mother humper!"

Unfortunately, I was getting turned into sashimi anyway, just the slow way. Slashes kept slipping through my improvised guard, nicking my face and arms and chest and shoulders. And the fact that the blades were steadily chipping away at the thick, sturdy bottles added flying glass shards to the bladestorm I was dealing with.

But I was alive and fighting, and Killer was so pissed off and distracted he didn't notice that my backpedalling had looped us around, so that I was now being pressed back in parallel to the balustrade.

Just. As. Planned.

Clumsily hopping back from another swipe, I risked a glance to my left. Yes! Finally, my ticket out of here!

Of course, my inattention meant I collected another small cut, this one on my neck and entirely too close to the important bits. I only barely turned back in time to catch Killer's other scythe on one of my bottles that, naturally, picked that moment to give up the ghost, spraying me with alcohol and glass shards.

"Fucking—! Soundbite!"

I'd barely gotten past the first syllable of Soundbite's name when Killer stumbled to the ground clutching his head. Good snail. Taking the opportunity, I ditched the remains of my impromptu weapons and sprinted for the balustrade, before launching myself off of it into the open air.

For a long second, I hung there, slowly drifting up and forward. Down below, I could see the brawl paradoxically cleared of most of its fighters, most of the ordinary pirates lying in groaning heaps on the floor being tended to by a mix of doctors from the various pirate crews and what looked like a team hired by the bar, and yet still intensifying. But if you thought about it, it wasn't that strange: with the fodder gone, it was a brawl between the absolute cream of the crop, and they all had endurance to spare.

I only had time for snapshots: Kid and Hawkins smacking straw and metal arms into each other. Koala grabbing Sandersonia by her tail as she passed by and throwing her into the floor in a classic, if massive suplex. Bege trying to batter down Fortress Bartolomeo with raw cannon power.

Oh, and Drake, Funkfreed, and Urouge were still butting heads in the center of the fight. Literally; I winced when Funkfreed reeled back, an Urouge-forehead-shaped dent right above his eyes.

CLANG!

No time to wonder what that noise was. I'd passed the apex of my jump, and I needed all my concentration for this…

Throwing my arms out, I grabbed the big chandelier hanging over the center platform and held on for dear life. The chandelier swung out, and I took the moment to catch my breath and—

Did a knife just bounce off a wall?

"AH, THAT HAWKINS GUY threw that your way. Knocked it off course AND—"

"YAAAAAARGH!"

Oh, that was Mikey, leaping above the scrum clutching his—!

"MY AAAAASS! WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP STABBING MY AAAAASS!?"

"HEEHEEHOOHOOHAHAHA!"

I hastily tried to tune out Soundbite's howling. Not because it wasn't funny, because it was hilarious and I was never going to let the chuck-wielder live it down so long as I lived, but because I needed to time this… just… right…

Now!

Right as the chandelier, sent a-swingin' from my desperate leap, reached its apex. I let go, soaring, arms wide.

Good news, my plan worked! I'd escaped and was alive!

Bad news? It worked too well.

Because you see, I escaped and landed, clean astride, the familiar back of an unfamiliar Tyrannosaurus Rex.

I blinked in numb surprise as my brain attempted to process Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot had just happened… and ultimately, my gut reacted before my brain could catch up, prompting me to shoot my fists in the air with a whoop. "Booyah!" I crowed. "Third time riding a T-Rex overall, second time I ride one into battle! I love how those numbers don't match up!" I cackled as I rammed my heels into my mount's side. "Charge, trusty steed!"

That prompted said trusty steed to display some impressive dexterity by twisting his head around to straight-on glare at me with a baleful eye, backed up by rows of snarling, knife-sized teeth.

"Or not!" I cheerfully squeaked, rolling backwards off his back and narrowly missing becoming Drake's snack by the skin of his fangs. As it was, I was lucky to land unharmed… until I almost got unlucky by way of a punk-rock reject I recognized from Kid's team almost bringing a table down on my head. Then my luck reversed once more thanks to several disembodied arms yanking me aside and dropping me off the edge of the platform. I fell for only a couple of seconds before finding myself on a lower island-table that—most surprisingly—was actually devoid of conflict. Then again, given who was actually sitting here, maybe it wasn't so surprising as that.

"Robin. Goldenweek. Foxy," I nodded patiently at the other onlookers, calmly reaching for a cup of—I barely stopped myself from grabbing the cup with a grimace. "Painted the floor green, I see."

"Mm, in my defence, it's muddied," Goldenweek shrugged indifferently as she sipped her own hot leaf-juice. "That way, you can ignore the effects if need be, but most anyone else who sets foot here is going to be finding themselves having an unpleasant time."

"Case in point," Foxy snickered, jabbing his thumb to the side to indicate Hamburg flinging a half-tranquilized would-be interloper off the platform… after stealing his wallet, because of course.

I gave the trickster pirate a flat look… for a bit before shrugging and picking up a crumpet. Had to keep up my energy, after all! "So, how's the brawl going?" I asked.

"Let's see…" Robin closed her eyes with a thoughtful hum. "The TDWS is totem pole-ing to fight against a couple of the Heart Pirates—Sachi and Penguin I believe their names were—Carue is educating Billy on how wings can be used to execute a surprisingly effective chokehold, Chopper is alternating between first aid in Brain Point and first blood in Heavy Point—"

"Conis just BLASTED an entire bridge! IT'S RAININ' CHARRED MEN, WOMEN, AND ASSHOLES, HALLELUJAH!"

"—Lassoo is getting help from Merry to improve his pitch while she's keeping a very active pace with him using her Jingo as a bat, Brook and Lindy are getting pictures of everything, particularly anything below the waistline, aaaand—"

"GEAR THIRD!" THWACK! "RIBBIT!"

"—I do believe that Luffy just dropped down to the giants' section and has started a fist fight with the Sea King, and Boss is not far behind," she concluded with a nod and a deep slurp of her tea.

"Oooh, Triton's going to be cranky about that," Goldenweek actually showed some emotion as she winced sympathetically.

I blinked in surprise and gave the artist a glance. "You know that oversized plate of uncooked legs? What, Mohmoo not enough for you or something?"

"Oh, no, not at all," Goldenweek waved me off with a shake of her head. "Rather he's… a friend, of sorts. It's complicated. Apis will help him explain once things die down."

"GO FOR THE EYES, WHITE ONE! THE EYES! MUHUHAHAHAAAA!"

"GLADLY! C'MERE, MOOKS!"

"Aaand once she stops RAISING HELL WITH Cottontail's help!"

"That too."

"Sounds like we're going to be here for awhile then," I nodded sagely, grabbing and scarfing down a rice cracker off the table before striding to the edge of the platform. "Well, then, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do my due diligence and knock a few heads." And with that, I swan-dived towards a table below us—

—and immediately donned a malevolent grin as my fog cleared and shifted my position in midair. "PEOPLE'S ELBOW!" I roared with eager glee.

"FUCK YOUR PEOPLE'S ELBOW!" Someone roared back—

THWACK! "GAH!"

—which was all the warning I got before I was swatted out of the air and sent crashing through a table to crack a different island in half beneath me.

I clawed my way out of the wreckage with a groan, shaking all the kinks out of my bones. I was sore, covered in bruises, and dripping enough wasted food and booze to give Sanji an aneurysm. All in all, all surefire indicators that this was going to be a long brawl.

I immediately launched myself back into the air, aiming for the same table as before. "PEOPLE'S ELBOW 2: THE REVENGENING!"

…And I was going to love every second of it.

Cross-Brain AN: And we hope that this cliffhanger is just what you hoped for, too.

…

…

…

OK, but seriously, we've kept you waiting long enough for this, would you have rather waited another full month at least before seeing anything? As it stands, we're all up late writing this out so we can post before the new year. We'll finish the Road to Sabaody arc with the next chapter… and then? Oh, then things get crazy…

 

[Ferian]

It's almost 6 AM, I was just about to turn off the PC and turn in for the... early morning but I suddenly see the wisdom of the phrase "sleep is for the weak".

 

[Neruz]

It's almost 6 AM, I was just about to turn off the PC and turn in for the... early morning but I suddenly see the wisdom of the phrase "sleep is for the weak".

Click to shrink...

Don't do it, past me keeps doing this and future me always regrets it.

 

[AspiringShoulder]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

NEW DEVELOPMENTS! VAGUE PLANS! AND A PROMISE OF YET MORE INSANITY!

CARRY ON, YOU MAD GENII!

 

[Ash19256]

Cross-Brain, you magnificent bastards. This is one hell of a late Christmas present.

Also, on a tangentially related note, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everybody.

Don't do it, past me keeps doing this and future me always regrets it.

Click to shrink...

Meh, if you can't sleep anyways, why not?

 

[Cid-McConroy]

Cross-Brain AN: And we hope that this cliffhanger is just what you hoped for, too.

Click to shrink...

Bravo, Bravo, Xomniac! Encore, Encore!

P.S. PEOPLE'S ELBOW 3: THE IMPACTING!

 

[Mockingly-Tricky]

You know, I don't usually diverge from my bed time of 12. Not even for updates or anything. But this—this does put a smile on my face.

(Breaks down)

I CAN'T HOLD IT ANYMORE! ERMAGERD!!!!!!
I'M STILL CACKLING MANIACALLY! FIIIIIIIIGGHHHTTTTTTT!

Also, @Cid-McConroy, the next move is, THE PEOPLE'S GUILLOTINE DROP!

 

[King of Frost]

Alright, the bar fight was great, but Sandersonia having to be fishman karate'd unconscious to stop her from jumping Cross's bones was hilarious.