Curb Your Enthusiasm
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true."
- James Branch Cabell, The Silver Stallion.
"Why the fuck would anything nice ever happen?!"
- Comedian Louis C.K.
"The best-laid schemes o' Mice an' Men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain!"
- Robert Burns, To a Mouse.
There was a celebration across Terra, across Sol, across the entire Imperium of Man. The Emperor announced that humanity's forces succeeded in a series of massive campaigns. Vulkan's Drake Crusade saw the liberation of almost 5,000 worlds, the Ritual War, the destruction of the entire Maelstrom, with Kesar and his brothers exceeding beyond their wildest expectations, and finally ending the liberation of Isha from the Garden of Nurgle (although this was kept secret from many.)
A host of resources, STCs, and new planets were added into the Imperium. Chaos's forces suffered crippling blows, while the Dark Eldar and a hundred other threats were crushed under the titan that was humanity. Even the Eldar seemed convinced that the galaxy had shifted towards a better future now.
The Emperor could recall an old saying about this: everything was coming up Aces. He couldn't help but smile at how everything was going. Even his sons had stopped bickering with him and each other. His Imperium was entering into the start of a golden age, even if there were plenty of wrinkles. Even Maclador seemed to have a sunnier disposition, especially after he could finish most of his paperwork for the year.
It allowed the two to enjoy a small and private celebration over a bottle of actual Italian wine, preserved for almost 25,000 via stasis tech. All things considered, even their rather shaky friendship seemed to be returning to normal. How could either of them not find themselves enjoying this great set of victories?
Malcador, however, thought that something was a little off.
"Doesn't it seem a bit strange?" He asked the Emperor as he took a sip from his wine, "I mean, this string of victories. It's almost...unbelievable."
The Emperor raised one of his immaculately beautiful eyebrows at his friend, "YOU THINK IT PART OF SOME PLOT BY THE FOUR?"
"Well, no. And that's what gets me." The Sigillite set his wine glass down, "Think about it...when was the last time either of us got such a massive victory against not just one of our foes, but
most of them? Chaos was dealt a crippling blow. Kesar permanently killed
all the Exalted sent his way along with trillions of daemons." Malcador almost looked bemused as he kept speaking, "And Perturabo...he took an additional 20 worlds!"
"AND I AM VERY PROUD OF THEM!" The Emperor remarked with some excitement, "I'M EVEN HAPPY TO SEE VULKAN AND KONRAD DO SO WELL, AND SEE ALL MY SONS WORKING TOGETHER. EVEN ANGRON HELPED BY ATTACKING AND DESTROYING THOSE DARK ELDAR KABALS."
"Yeah...which he somehow just stumbled upon." Malcador muttered to himself before pouring a bit more wine, "I'm happy and proud of them all, especially hearing that Magnus and Alpharius did so much to get the Eldar on our side. The fact that this Isha is back, who seems to be a powerful force for good, should help us quite a bit...but again, this feels strange."
There was a brief pause before the Emperor slowly nodded, "I'LL ADMIT, THIS CHAIN OF EVENTS IS PERPLEXING...BUT SHOULDN'T WE FOCUS ON CAPITALIZING ON IT THEN?" He took a sip from his Emperor sized wine-glass, "SURELY WE CAN'T EXPECT EVERY MAJOR VICTORY TO BE SOME PLOT AGAINST US. EVEN THAT STRANGE NECRON WAS CONFUSED, AS WAS CEGORACH AND ELDRAD, BUT NONE OF THEM SEEMED DISAPPOINTED THAT IT HAPPENED ALL THE SAME."
The Lord of Terra shrugged, "SOMETIMES GOOD THINGS HAPPEN?"
His compatriot and fellow perpetual couldn't really argue with that point, "I...guess that is true." Taking another sip of his wine, he started to consider it a lot more in his head, "I suppose we were due for some victories."
"AGREED."
"But we still need to follow up on that situation with the Orks." The Sigillite took another sip of the rather tasty and strong wine, "And the Dark Eldar as well. And whatever the hell is going on with these Chaos Eldar."
The Emperor nodded, "OF COURSE. I WILL EVE HAVE HAVE HORUS, AND THE OTHERS LOOK INTO THINGS. WE ARE GOING TO TAKE THESE THINGS SERIOUSLY, AND TAKE STEPS ACCORDINGLY BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T THIS WAR JUST YET."
"Right."
"EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE WE DID." Pouring some more wine into his wine-goblet, the Master of Mankind held it up to a toast, "FEAR NOT OLD FRIEND, WE'LL WILL NOT LET THE SPECTER OF PESSISM STOP US FROM ENJOYING THESE VICTORIES. A GREAT TIME AWAITS."
Malcador nodded and help up his wine glass, "You know what, you're right! We've come this far now, and we aren't going to stop. Whatever comes next, it's going to be great."
"IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT!"
The Emperor and Sigillite toasted, positive of the great things to come to their Imperium and the galaxy as a whole.
---
A thousand years later...
Things weren't great in the galaxy.
What followed the end of the Ritual War was a century of progressive, albeit one that still saw the Imperium at war with many threats. The forces of Chaos, crippled and battered, returned into the hellish realm that was the Eye of Terror, their attention now split between fighting each other and the Orks that were invading their realm.
It was a time of progress and revitalization as the Emperor laid the foundations for the Imperial Webway and the Eldar-Human Alliance, ensuring that the forces of Order and Sanity were now unified in stopping all threats to the survival of their species. Humanity aided the Eldar in fighting the Chaos Eldar and Dark Eldar, but it was during this time that the soon to be nightmarish Blood and Thunder War began to bleed into the realms of reality.
The start of the Third Century of the 30th Millenium ushered in the beginning of what Imperial Scholars would call the Thousand-Year Crisis.
Eldrad feared that the Blood and Thunder War would result in perhaps one or two Ork Warbosses becoming Overlords, but he never expected a
dozen to reenter into the galaxy. Each one is an amalgamation of war and carnage and distinctly different and
daemonic. They took to calling their new "empires" War-Realms, shedding all previous titles and names and calling themselves under a new language and ideology.
There was no Ullanor, no Unbound Empire, no Black Orks, or anything that could be spoken by Human or Eldar tongues. There was now only the War-Realms. The Green Tide descended upon the galaxy, bringing about war and death that stunned most of the galactic powers.
It came as no surprise when the Emperor ordered his sons and the Imperium's armies and fleets to push back this nightmare.
No, what surprised many was when the Imperium was pushed back. All 18 of his sons, tens of thousands of ships, millions of Astartes, and hundreds of trillions of mortal humans...and they were only able to hold the line. Worse yet, some of the Primarchs had died. Angron the Red Angel, Dorn the Praetorian of Terra, and the Gorgon Ferrus Manus died within the first decade, their Legions almost perishing with them.
Realizing how dire the situation had become, the Emperor reached out to the Eldar, who had finally begun to recover under the guidance of their returned/revived gods. However, they also became besieged by other enemies next to the War-Realms. The Dark Eldar, having been driven to the point of madness, turned the Dark City into a charnel house of strife and chaos. But now, they rallied behind a new leader, calling themselves the Lord of All Shadows. It was too late to realize that it was the Chaos Eldar that finally brought down their dark kin and turned Commoragh into a great and dreadful ritual place to summon forth a corrupted Avatar of Khaine.
And just like with the rebirth of Lilith and the creation of Ynnead, the Ulwarth lead Chaos Eldar now had their own God to call upon in the coming wars. More than that, the Chaos Eldar began to attack the Human-Eldar Alliance where it hurt the most; the webway. They unleashed upon it a weapon, the Breakdown. A warp-virus that directly attacked the foundations of the webway. It was becoming increasingly difficult within a century to counter it, and even more so to traverse the once expedite halls.
Where the Emperor sought to end humanity's reliance on warp travel, he was now forced to return to it to ensure his Imperium's survival.
Meanwhile, Chaos's forces were seemingly now victims of both The Ulwarth and War-Realms. Their realms had been shattered, even
looted by the Greenskins. Hundreds of daemons became Exalted over the course of this century-long war and promptly died in the slaughter that followed. The enhanced Greenskins even devoured the daemons or used them to fuel their daemonic waaggghhh-engines.
So disastrous was this to the Warp that it caused warp-storms, but more importantly, a new phenomenon entering into the Materium. The Realm of Souls became unbalanced, resulting in children's births across the galaxy to become "void" of emotions, driven only by material perceptions of reality and cold hard logic. They showed no love, no desire, no hope, no pity, no capability towards empathy towards another. And while they did not seek out the destruction or death of others (most of the time), they became devoid of aspirations or desires, or ambitions save for one thing.
They were people born with no humanity. But what made this tragedy all the more evident was that humanity had gotten lucky, as dozens of other resources experiencing the "Void Out" had increasingly deranged or psychopathic offspring. Entire generations died within only a few years, and some civilizations followed their deceased progeny soon after.
For the Eldar, they were lucky thanks to Life and Death's connections via Isha and Ynnead, but even they felt that new Eldar souls would soon be in danger. Three centuries after this discovery, it was determined that mixing human and Eldar genes could have a greater chance of reducing a Void Born. What should've been a moment of unity between the two caused only a further divide due to the rampant xenophobia in both nations.
By the start of the Fourth Century, the Imperium was still only holding the line. They had stalled out completely. Imperial expeditions were heading into the unknown reaches of space, those unclaimed by the Ulwarth Eldar or the War-Realms. However, after the Green Star Campaigns' failure by the Alliance, it became increasingly clear that humanity had been stopped in its tracks.
The Great Crusade, which had not made progress in almost a hundred and fifty years, was declared
over.
---
It remains to be said, but the past successes and subsequent four centuries of failures had not helped the Imperium's internal struggles. Vulkan reforms had not stopped, even after humanity had been locked in a two-century and half-century-long struggle against their new foes. He and Konrad were tired of waiting.
In their defense, promises had been made by the Emperor after the success of the Drake Crusade. Vulkan and Konrad worked hard to bring nearly 5,000 worlds into compliance in the shortest time possible. It was beyond successful; it was monumentally in his favor. But even during the century of peace, things hadn't gotten better for the average citizen, and slavery still existed. The death of Angron only spurred the anti-slavery sentiments and caused the World Eaters to take up the mantles of emancipators and liberators.
Vulkan had waited long enough. He demanded that his reforms be allowed, even going so far as to gather the support of a few other Primarchs. If need be, Vulkan would personally take control of a crusade force to buy the Imperium time to get this ball rolling so the Imperium could survive against the Green Hordes.
Before the Emperor could even attempt to interject, the Mechanicum responded by cutting off the flow of equipment towards the Drake Lord and his allies. The now ancient Kelbor-Hal had finally had enough of this. He knew that Vulkan wouldn't be able to stop him. Even the Emperor had lost too much power within the Machine Cult now.
As Fabricator-General of Mars, Kelbor-Hal had amassed so much power during the short level Age of Progress, turning each Forge-World into monuments of industry and worship to the Machine God. It was only through the Mechanicums might that the galaxy hadn't fallen to the War Realms. And now Vulkan want to bring up the same tired argument as the end of all life bore down upon them?
No. He was done. If the Emperor refused to punish his son for this foolishness, then he would do it for him.
However, Kelbor-Hal miscalculated the response from this action. Unaware of the looming internal stresses within his cult and that of the Imperium as a whole, the system began to break and set off a chain of events that rocked the Imperium. Once word had reached most segmentums that the Machine Cult had denied the reforms to take place, a large scale protest in favor of the Salamander Lord begun.
Progressive and moderate elements within the Mechancium also voiced their displeasure towards Mar's decision, citing that the reforms had been in the process for decades before the crisis. To turn back now would make individual Fabricator-Generals look untrustworthy and cause major civil unrest.
Tech-Bastion Shor, now one of the most vocal figures in the Machine Cult, voiced that the Fabricator-General was not only failing to keep up with the war demand, but they were also intentionally sabotaging all things related to Vulkan before the cut-off. He demanded a full investigation, not by the Lords Dragon, but by the Sigillites into the matter.
The final nail in this particular coffin came during an investigation into several recovered STCs, or what the Machine Cult believed to be STCs. However, it became increasingly clear that they were close to discovering the Second Generation-STC's planted by Majestic, who only increased this activity in the face of the growing threat.
Kleber-Hal had his silver bullet now, the one that would unite the Mechanicum behind him entirely. If he uncovered a vast conspiracy to undermine their monopoly and power, it would swing the moderates towards his side. He was prepared to offer a chance to prevent this from going any further.
He attempted to reach out to the Emperor and Malcador...attempted, but failed.
Majestic responded in the only way possible; by killing the Fabricator-General and those who knew and destroying the findings' evidence. The effects were catastrophic, as such a turbulent period finally brought the house of cards tumbling down. A power vacuum unfolded, especially as it was discovered that an additional 84 members of the Martian hierarchy were found killed.
The Mechancium went on a witch-hunt to find those within their own ranks to see who committed such a previous sin. The resulting 'purges' prompted radical elements to react. Tech-Bastion Shor declared an emergency before being arrested by the Lord's Dragon on suspected tech-heresy and murder charges, along with thousands of others. Moderate and progressive elements quickly declared the action illegal.
It's easy to see what happened next, and the Emperor and Malcador were already moving troops into position by the time the first shots of the Mechanicum Civil War broke out. Once again proving that sometimes humanity was their own greatest enemy even during the coming apocalypse.
When Malcador confronted Godfather for this action, the AI only responded by saying that it was necessary and ultimately to humanity's benefit. The Mechancium's grip over the Imperium would be shattered, allowing for better leadership to take its place and ultimately allow Majestic to gain considerable power. There was no point in hiding their research and development for too much longer.
The Sigillite became keenly aware that the AI and its organization had made their move. While it would benefit the Imperium in the long run, it would put considerable power within their grasp. Somehow Malcador was too tired to care anymore.
---
For the Space Marines, the Crisis had been a bloodbath. In the first two centuries of battling the War-Realms and the Ulwarth, casualties had been steadily increasing. Legions like the Death Guard, Space Wolves, Luna Wolves, White Scars, Iron Warriors, Eternal Wardens, and Dark Angels suffered the heaviest.
Around the start of the Fifth Century, Mortarian would be listed as "MIA" following the Third Iron Bastion's success. Leman Russ would be grievously wounded some six decades later while leading a force against one of the Ork leaders, who can only be identified as calling himself The War-King. Leman would have to entombed in a dreadnought after that.
Six and a half centuries of blood, suffering, and pain. The Imperial Fists' survivors became utterly convinced that their Legion was destined to die in battle, hoping to join their Dead Father in what they were called The Last Fortress. The World Eaters, driven now only by the last words of their Primarch, begun to attack Imperial worlds suspected of holding slaves. The Iron Hands and Death Guard joined their Legions together, hoping to create a new breed of Astarte to fight in the worst possible conditions the universe could throw at them.
But it was the Space Wolves and Iron Warriors that started becoming bitter towards their other legions. Where were the Blood Angels, the Ultramarines, the Thousand Sons, Raven Guard, or the Emperor's Children in all of this? Since the start of the Crisis, those Legions were stuck dealing with a host of internal issues or helping Alliance forces across multiple fronts. They had become noticeably absent in the last few centuries, even with the increased attacks by the War-Realms.
Lion El'Johnson ultimately proposed that absent Legions should not be allowed critical resources necessary for the Imperium's continued survival against either the Ulwarth or War-Realms. Following the sixteen-year-long Mechanicum Civil War, this decision became an increasingly unpopular one among certain Legions.
Horus tried to be reasonable, but even he had to agree that you don't need as much assistance if you weren't here on the frontlines. He convinced the Emperor to allow for a massive decrease in resources towards absent Legions. The Primarchs of those Legions weren't happy, especially Vulkan, and Konrad noticed that even after everything...they were still being denied serious aid.
That, in turn, cause Roboute Guilliman to declare that the resources from the Realm of Ultramar would be directed towards the War Front
if he decided it was necessary. His fellow "absentee" brothers quickly announced similar measures. However, they did agree to send a joint task force of one million marines to aid in this endeavor, but once again, the Primarchs were dealing with new issues as they cropped up.
Perturabo spoke ill of this development towards Horus, Kesar, and the Khan. "We've become divided. Not that I can blame either side. However, I will not allow us to lose this war after all these years of struggle because Vulkan refuses to see reason. I will not be waiting for someone on Terra to decide whether or not my sons will or will not have enough bolts in their guns before fighting the Greenskins."
The Iron Warriors declared that any freighter carrying goods or troopship believed to necessary for the war effort is to be placed under the Iron Warriors Legion's direct control and subsumed under the Emergency War Act granted by the Lord of Terra, the Emperor.
And that did not go over well.
It especially became apparent when the Iron Warriors "conscripted" a small detachment of Thousand Sons and sixteen regiments of Prospero Guard without consulting Magnus. This was followed up by the Luna Wolves collecting a war tithe from several resource convoys en route from Ultramar towards Deliverance.
What unfolded was the beginning of a low-key civil war between the Astartes Legions, although not by the Primarch themselves.
---
Trazyn the Infinite had an idea. It was a good idea, an amazing one even.
"What if I made my own brand of Orks to fight the War-Realms?" The logic was sound, it was what the Old Ones would've done anyway, and he always wanted to show up those smug toads. The Mad Collector had the means and capabilities to produce life, as strange as that was for a Necron.
More importantly, he had the necessary materials to do so.
Perhaps it was for the best. These recent events were starting to awaken the other Dynasties, and soon he'd have no chance to do anything really, especially once a certain quiet monarch arrived back from dark space.
So, he tried his best to make something to help the forces of Order hopefully. He took a speck of blood from Khorne, a little from Gork and Mork, a bit of geneseed from a certain Red Angel, and added a dash of human DNA. He put inside an extraordinary machine, probably from the War in Heaven. Still, he couldn't really remember and then waited a few decades before planting the spores on a particular planet inside a particular system.
The primitive alien species called it "T'au" or something like that. It didn't matter; they were likely going to end up either dead or slaves for their new masters, but what was the difference at this point? Maybe if his little science experiment learned empathy in time, they would actually survive.
His new creations ready, Trazyn gave them a name in the old tongue, "Uhr-Kai," and left them a nice big monolith with instructions on what to do.
And with the belief that Trazyn had done his good deed for the next hundred eons, he went back to cataloging his findings.
---
The Emperor had considered all things possible in this insane world. Still, upon the start of the fifth century since the start of the Crisis, he hadn't expected the arrival of emissaries from the Chaos Gods to grace his "doorstep." They were part of something called Chaos Unified, an emergency response by the Gods of Chaos.
What they told the Emperor painted a bleak picture of the situation in the Warp, which in another time would have made the Emperor laugh; now it only made it want to laugh
and cry at the sheer absurdity of the situation.
Malal blew up the Warp.
Okay, that wasn't a gross simplification of a truly chaotic event in metaphysical history. What happened was that Malal blew up the domains and concepts governed by the Four Gods. He evidently accomplished this event by seeding his very being with both demonic and work souls before intentionally killing himself with Surturn'einn the Divider and giving it his power...to sever the ties of the domains and powers to the other Gods and the Exalted.
Not only had the War-Realms trashed the realms and the Realm of the Souls, Malal intentionally created another god to cause further problems. The Gods of Chaos were now only their last vestigates of power and keeping on the defense. The Emperor knew things were horrible when even Khorne wanted to declare a cease-fire.
Legend has it that the Emperor agreed to personally meet with the Four inside the Warp, along with the Eldar Gods' demands and grievances, and when upon meeting Khorne, the Emperor proceeded to punch him eight times in the face.
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO US ALL!"
Khorne would only laugh and laugh, even while the other three Gods could stare in agreement. The first true meeting between archnemesis was with bloody laughter. Perhaps there was something poetic about the entire situation?
---
The Sixth Century...was equally bad.
Upon hearing of the new Alliance with the forces of Remenants of Chaos, Kesar personally swore that he would never work alongside such abominations, and he'd sooner trust an Ork than anyone with an Eight Pointed Star. He took command of the Eternal Wardens, gathered up enough resources and marines, bid his brother farewell, and would swiftly disappear into the War-Realms, directly engaging the Daemonic Greenskins in their twisted, nightmare empires.
Eldrad was a lot more understanding, but that said more about the situation than his current thoughts. The sad truth was that this alliance's opening allowed for more and more Eldar souls to return, which in turn prevented more Void Born and Void Outs across the Imperium.
There were now hundreds of millions of Human-Eldar hybrids. Causing further strain upon the future of allowing these hybrids to become Astartes or hold positions of power within either the Imperium or the Eldar Empire. The galaxy laughed at the humans and Eldar, especially when reports of humans openly worshiping the Chaos Gods were reported across dozens of worlds.
What made this worse was that they were still completely loyal to the Imperium of Man, and most were even starting to worship the so-called God-Emperor along with the Four, now taking to call the Five Gods the
Fist of Humanity. The Imperial Truth and the Golden Path now had new competition.
Many of the Primarchs publicly declared this development an abomination, a blight upon humanity. How could the Emperor allow for this?!
Perturabo, Khan, and while not in public solidarity with the two, Magnus the Red, declared that they would follow Kesar's example and refuse to work with this filth. However, Horus announced that he would be pursuing means to safely incorporate these new "allies" once their Emperor approved the new doctrine change.
Astartes relations got worse when Horus refused even to consider using Guiliman's Codex Astartes, citing that it was utterly pointless and trivialized in light of these enemies that seemed to shift and change constantly. What was the point of a soon to be an obsolete book?
As the Sixth Century came to a close, the Imperium was mostly unaware of the growing threat now entering this galaxy, and whose scouts and infiltrators had already begun their work for their alien masters.
---
After the "victory" on the world of Tyran in the Eastern Fringes, the Imperium called them Tyranids. The Imperium's rapid colonization efforts into the Eastern Fringes left much of the defenses bare and underdeveloped. No one was ready for the onslaught of Genestealer Cults that infiltrated thousands of worlds, nor could anyone fathom the gargantuan size of the extra-galactic invasion force that made its entrance upon the galaxy during the start of the Seventh Century.
The Ultramarines and Raven Guard Legions ultimately attempted to push back the Hive Fleets. The Emperor declared this another emergency after reports of quadrillions of these bastards were roaming across his Imperium. He called the Salamanders and Blood Angels to assist in keeping these insects contained.
But even after this time, the resource and equipment shortages resulted in the Imperial Response being woefully underequipped for such a force. Even so, the Astartes and Imperial Army fought back for almost thirty years before finally stopping the Xenos from moving any further, but at great cost.
Corvus Corax would ultimately die, leading his Deathwing veterans into the "heart" of Hive Fleet Lucifer, severing the fleets' connection to the Hive Mind. Sanguinius would lose his right arm during a battle against what he believed to be some apex creature while holding the line against Hive Fleet Perun. It defied even the Angels precognition, but only to a point. It still died in the end.
Even so, the First Tyrannic Wars was truly nightmarish. Astartes from Legions fighting against the War-Realms had the decency to respect their cousins' losses and victories against such horrors. Still, perhaps they'll finally get involved in this fight and not cower in the rear lines.
There was now a clear divine among the Legions following the start of the Second and Third Tyrannic Wars...you were either dying to stop the Space Bugs or the Daemon Orks. Somehow no one could agree that both were a threat to their very existence.
---
The galaxy hoped that the seventh century would be a better one. Even the Gods were now privately hoping for a reprieve from this slaughter, save for Khorne, who quietly enjoyed this situation. Sadly, it wasn't meant to be, as this was the start of an old but returned threat to the galaxy.
It had been know for some time that the Necrons were awakening. The only good news was that most of the awakened dynasties were on the
other side of the Frontlines against the Orks and Tyranids. The few that did awaken inside Imperial holdings or the very rare new Eldar Empire worlds were swiftly handled.
Eldrad, and now also Tzeetch, were not so convinced that this would be the case for too long. Attempts to reach Trazyn the Infinite failed, the Mad Collector now having gone to ground or the Necron equivalent. But they were aware that something was happening.
They were right to be concerned, for Szarekh, The Last Silent King, had finally returned from the Void of Dark Space. The Hive Fleets' intrusion and arrival suddenly felt that even his forces were quite unaware of such beings. He lost almost his entire void fleet as the seemingly frenzied waves of chitin rushed to the Milky Way galaxy, now aware of the delicious bio-mass and warp energies to devour.
Szarekh, unaware of what had happened in his absence, returned to a galaxy devoid of sanity and reason. It was said that the first words uttered by the supposed Silent King after uncountable eons was only words, drenched in bewildered despair.
"No..."
After that, he swiftly rallied his dynasty before realizing that he was the only one who had gone on a war-footing. He began to confront the Phaerons and Phaerakhs that had awakened but remained idle. Why had they not send out their vast armies or fleets against the Orks or the Tyranids? Against their ancient enemies, the Eldar or their pet humans. For that matter, why were they working with the forces of the Warp?!
But all he heard were excuses and bemoaning, that their strength was gone or that a rival dynasty was preparing to attack them.
Szarekh was beyond furious. Had his people become cravens and fools in his absence? Did the corruption of the C'tan destroy their spirits entirely? He had enough, and Szarekh started culling the weakest among the weaker dynasties before subsuming complete control over them.
He even used C'tan shards against his own people. This wasn't right, but it was necessary. One had only to see all the chaos inflicted by all the living and their disgusting connections to the Warp. The first thirty years of the seventh century saw the Necrons rally, albeit reluctantly in some cases, under the Szarekh Dynasty.
And then they pushed back against the galaxy.
The Necrons fought against everyone; Orks, Eldar, Humans, Tyranids, Ulwarths, and Chaos enclaves. There was no distinction, no attempts of diplomacy, and Szarekh didn't care whenever emissaries from the Galactic Alliance attempted to communicate with them. He ignored their calls and told them that they should make peace with their so-called gods.
Because all Szarekh now saw in the galaxy was its slow death. He could save it, perhaps.
Instead, he only wanted to see it cleansed entirely.
No, there would be no more peace or talks of it even when Trazyn attempted to reason with the Silent King, advising that perhaps it would be best not to make so many enemies when his own Dynasties rankled under his iron-clad rule. Szarekh accused Trazyn of having "sentiments" towards the people that caused all these problems, and if he continues to hold such "sentiments," then not even his power would save him from being executed.
Trazyn, ultimately, spoke no more about this.
And so the Necrons began their onslaught. They destroyed two entire War-Realms, three Hive Fleets, and even a dozen Ulwarth kingdoms...but along with hundreds of thousands of worlds belonging to humanity and the Eldar. Tragically, the Night Lords and Alpha Legion attempted to stem the tide against the Necrons.
Konrad Cruze was one of the casualties, but his death came most peculiarly. He was captured while attempting to assassinate the Silent King. The capture of a Primarch was an interesting development and one that Szarekh decided to make an example out of by holding a trial against the Primarch.
When Trazyn quietly reported the events back to the Galactic Alliance, it was said that the Necrons tortured Konrad for almost twenty years before they got a "confession" out of him, declaring that he was a murder and killer that the Night Haunter and he were the same.
During the trial, Konrad regained some semblance of control before declaring to the Silent King, "You...you have no right to judge me. I've paid for my crimes. I will die a free man and with a clean conscience."
He then promptly tried to kill the Silent King with only his fists but was ultimately killed before reaching the Silent King. Thus did Konrad Curze die as Konrad Curze and not as the Night Haunter.
One would think it a victory for the Necrons or the Silent King.
Yet Szarekh failed to hear the whispers behind his back, to see the Last Silent King needing to torture a primitive to prove a point to his enemies. How the mighty had fallen so low to despair and fear.
---
The eighth-century came, and with it, another threat.
Upon ships that seemed almost too brutal and vicious to properly function, blaring war-chants and battle-songs over the vox. With muddy red skin and ruby-red eyes, screaming and shooting and chopping with solid projectile weapons and exo-armor...did the Uhr-Kai Divine Confederation arrive upon the galactic scene.
Whatever the galactic alliance or the Necrons or the War-Realms thought about such creatures, they did not expect something that looked and acted Ork, yet also decidedly human in nature. They had genders, a written and spoken language, a culture that showcased arts and music, and the concept of theocratic government.
The Uhr-Kai worshipped their own God-Emperor, including a small pantheon of "war-saints" and "warlock scions"; they believed in blood, war, strength, and order. Their confederation was small, barely 25 sectors, but they had exploded upon the scene after conquering and taking control of nearly 32 alien civilizations. They were slavers, a race dedicated towards expansionism, fighting because it was what they believed in and that they were the chosen race to take up the Orks' mantle.
Both the Eldar Seers and Chaos sorcerers were shocked when they discovered that the Uhr-Kai warlocks had the ability to tap into the War-Realms energies and even assume complete control over them. They were like a virus, and they only got stronger whenever they defeated Orks of the War-Realms. Even reports of the Uhr-Kai using a strange process to "evolve" captured Orks
into Uhr-Kai's!
They were a counter to the War-Realms, a different breed of creature.
Unfortunately, they seemed convinced that the rest of the galaxy was their's to command. They captured humans and Eldar, treating them as slaves like the other aliens and using them to support their war-economy. There were also uncomfortable reports that they had no qualms to breed with other species. Reports also showed that the Uhr-Kai enjoyed
eating daemons, though they couldn't truly kill them that way.
Meanwhile, their God-Emperor remains a mystery even after 200 years since their arrival. All that is known is that he claims to be a New Krork, establishing a strange distinction between the Krorks of the War in Heaven and now these new Uhr-Kai's.
As of now, the White Scars and Emperor's Children have been fighting them for some time. They have had only mild success in keeping them contained, especially in light of much bigger threats.
---
And the Ninth Century soon followed in the wake of such chaos.
There were no new enemies introduced, thankfully. There was, however, an endless parade of carnage and war across the galaxy. In the midst of it all, humanity found itself in a quagmire of a predicament. Surrounded by all sides by powerful and malevolent forces. Each year bringing only uncertainty and destruction across a thousand worlds. The hopes of the Great Crusade, the Imperial Webway, and the promise of a New Golden Age faded into myth and legend for most.
When humanity looked around, it found itself in the company of former enemies and new allies. The Eldar Empire and Chaos United to its left and right. Even more so where the arrival of new AI's, the so-called Men of Steel, who had only just arrived within the last century from Terra itself upon the Emperor of Mankind's decree. Even minor alien civilizations now assist the Imperium, for it was better to stand and fight with humanity than die to the War-Realms or whatever threat was closest.
In some aspects, it was good for humanity not to be alone. But even those that made the decisions to allow for such an alliance found themselves wondering if this was the best course of action. One had only need to realize that there were now sanctioned chaos cults on Imperial Worlds, that human-Eldar hybrids were in positions of power, and that AI's had returned to fight the Orks like in ages past.
The Primarchs were divided now, the Mechancium an arm of the Imperial government, and millions of Astartes had now gone off from the Legions in search of new answers alongside other humans and even Eldar, for there were no certainties in this galaxy, no answers to these peculiar questions.
Now it was just endless war. But there was no cruel laughter from thirsting gods, no lack of scientific progress from institutional ignorance, and hope for the future still yet remained.
---
The silence had been the hardest thing to get used to. For so many years, he could recall having to ward off attacks from the Four. Their constant attempts to breach his mind were almost a good practice for the Emperor of Mankind. He imagined, far too many times, how he would destroy each of them, how he'd finally end their reign of terror in the Warp.
Now? Now, he meant with them once a year. He had to sit across from them and plan for the future of their collective survival, for the survival of his own race. Oh, he knew that if things ever returned to normal, they'd be at each other's throats again, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to see it happening. He became empathic towards them.
He almost
thanked Tzeentch during their last meeting for his aid in developing a counter-spell to the War-Realm's most recent attempts to corrupt several Forge Worlds. The Eldar Deities refused to sit down with them, which he understands and didn't press. Eldrad reported that they were getting more souls back from Chaos, which was good. There had been a steady increase in Void Born now. Godfather predicted that a third of humanity would be like them in another ten thousand years—cold, logical, and devoid of sympathy to others. Even though a Void Born wasn't incapable of being a productive citizen, they, along with the hybrids, unnerved much of humanity and even the Eldar.
A part of him shuddered as he realized how close they were to what he was at one point. It became increasingly clear what he had turned into after his sons' death and marrying Isha. Sometimes it felt like waking up from a bad dream. Then again, reality felt like another nightmare entirely.
The Emperor realized that only a few familiar faces effectively surrounded him. There was still Malcador and Magnus, but now also Isha, Vandal/Godfather, Tech-Lore Isilon (the apprentice to Tech-Lord Shor), and much lesser extent and barely tolerable extent...Lord Sorcerer Akirak.
'That I have to put up with these creatures.' The Emperor had drawn the line at allowing a daemon anywhere in Sol. The new Eternal Wardens chapters kept watch on all reported and sanctioned cults. Another thing that the Emperor despised having to allow, but their uses were too good to pass up. He was paying for his pragmatism every day. There were already churches in his name, along with the return of the Old Faiths.
And with great irony, he realized that the Imperial Truth had to play nice with all the other faiths. The Gods were real now, they were both evil and good, and they were aiding humanity all the same. What had he done to force the galaxy to play this joke on him? Even the Laughing God couldn't fathom where they had ended up in now.
But he had to wonder...was it all really that bad now?
---
"I just realized..." Malcador spoke up suddenly to his friend, "It's been a thousand years since that day."
The Emperor looked up from his desk from the report he had been reading. He and Sigilite had just finished their meeting with the Eldar representative, who announced a new set of fleets, including a repurposed Craftworld, would be heading towards the Gamma Front. Horus would be most pleased to hear the arriving reinforcements, especially after he complains about roaming daemon companies causing the Imperial Guard (the Army had long since transitioned) morale to wavier along the front.
"What day?" The Emperor spoke, but without the power behind it. Such pretenses had to be dropped now, especially to downplay that damn God narrative. He used his powers to sign a few documents with his quill while he listened. He needed to finish up soon; Isha wanted to go to the palace gardens.
"The celebration following the conclusion of the Ritual War. We were drinking Italian wine together, talking about how proud we were of Kesar, Khan, Vulkan, and the others."
Now he remembered that day, almost a thousand years ago exactly. The Emperor paused and leaned back into his chair, "Was it really that long ago?"
Malcador nodded with a small smile, "We were so confident back then." He chuckled and looked away, "I want to say we were both different men, but I feel like we just got older but not wiser."
They were older now, even during the Unification Wars, even during the worse parts of the Great Crusade...they didn't feel that old back then. Now they realized that half the galaxy was under the control of monsters, and the other half was stuck fighting to keep their own homes from being submerged by the flood of death and destruction that was ever-present.
"You think Kesar is still alive?" Malcador suddenly asked, "He was so disappointed in us both. I can't blame him, especially with how things look now. That we have to play hosts to people that willingly gave up their souls to our...allies." The Emperor didn't need to speak aloud his agreement over such a sentimentality. "I've heard that Alpharius and Perturabo are still looking for him. They claim to hear Warden signals even after all these centuries."
"If there is anyone that can survive in that hell, it would be Kesar and his sons." He missed him, along with those that died. Most of his sons, save for Horus and Magnus, stopped talking to him almost two centuries ago. Some of them never forgave him for what happened to some of their brothers. Roboute missed Corvus, Fulgrim grieved for Ferrus, and Lion still visited Leman whenever possible. At least for Lion and Roboute, they had their wives and children. It seemed likely that some Primarchs were just never found the will to start a family for the others.
Perhaps there was some irony that their father married another Goddess? He tried not to think about it.
"We mocked the universe." The Emperor remarked to Malcador, "Perhaps not intentionally, but we were so sure...so positive that we could tame this galaxy, once and for all. Now, look at us. Scrambling to try and find solutions to threats that are growing daily."
He turned from his desk to look outside towards the Palace as Father Sol rose above, signally a new day upon the Palace. Dorn lived long enough to see its fortifications completed. His body was buried inside a special tomb, constructed personally by Perturabo. It was the last construction project that he would ever do on Terra before fully dedicating himself to the war effort.
'It's good enough,' as Perturabo remarked to the Emperor.
As he started outside, he felt Malcador approach him before he spoke, "Do you know what I saw today while coming into work? It was the strangest thing." The Sigillite was smirking up at his friend, "It was a little moment between a family. An Eldar male with a human female and their hybrid daughter. The mother was Imperial Guard, and I suspect the Eldar was part of the ambassadorial detachment. They were so happy to see each other. I saw them kiss while the daughter made a childish grimace at the display of affection. A few minutes later, I saw a Man of Steel speaking with a member of the Mechanicum; there was no ire or hate in the tech-priests voice as they spoke. In one instance, I saw humanity interacting with two enemies that once sought our destruction, and they were without hate, without contempt, and instead, I saw love and respect."
The Emperor smirked, "Wish I can say the same thing about having those same feelings whenever I see a cultist with that Eight Pointed Star walking the streets of Terra or seeing people calling me a god. Lorgar is likely rolling in his grave, and he has every right too."
Malcador nodded, "Believe me, I don't want this to be happening either, but we've all made sacrifices and compromises. However, when you look at the cities now, the hives and forges...people might not be happy, but they
are committed to our victory over these forces of evil. Not just surviving, my friend, they believe in this alliance and that there is a future still, one in which all the struggles of the last 1200 years were not in vain."
"Vulkan was right; the reforms did help in the long run. It gave the people the belief that some good came out of this." It came at such a high cost now. Quadrillions of lives were lost, millions of worlds destroyed, and his sons suffered or died because of it. Humanity and Eldar and even those blights in the warp survived, ready to fight for the next century or next millennia or the next
ten thousand years.
People were afraid, uncertain, and even paranoid...but they still hadn't given up.
"It's only going to get worse." The Emperor remarked to Malcador, "You should curb that enthusiasm."
Malcador shrugged, "Just pointing out a silver lining. You and I are still here. Terra is still here, as is the Imperium, as is the Eldar, and so many others. Could we have done things differently? Perhaps. But at the same time, the outcome we have right now is one that isn't exactly the worse possible one."
Things hadn't gotten worse; that was true. The galactic alliance was preparing for another major counter-offensive, and this time...things were going to be quite different. There were many new weapons and technologies, everything from new high-power las-guns to massive dreadnoughts of the Imperial Navy. They had sacrificed much, but they learned and grew as a species and civilization in the process.
Their allies were, for the most part, prepared for their part. He would soon stand besides Warp Gods as allies upon the threshold of a war not seen since the War in Heaven. The Emperor of Mankind was, for the first time, a stranger in a war that wasn't his own. Yet there were now hundreds of trillions that had grown up in its carnage and had found hope in the strangest places and with even stranger people.
'I'm a relic now.' He smirked to himself, 'Or maybe just a product of a different galaxy.'
So while the Crisis continued, the galaxy would soon belong to a very different array of nations and people. He and his sons would find a new place for it, and much as he hated to admit it, godhood seemed like the most likely end to this particular chapter in the galaxy.
For once, the irony of the situation didn't seem so bad this time.
---
@Daemon Hunter Okay, so this started as a joke omake, yet I decided to make it something a bit more serious. For context on what is happening here, imagine if the Imperium rolled Nat 100's for most of the Ritual War and a few decades after it...and then shit went so fucking wrong across the entire galaxy, ending up in this event of truly apocalyptic nature.