I'm actually doing this. I'm still not sure whether it was a good idea, but that didn't stop me from writing the other story this crossover is based on, nor will it in the future. So, yeah. My writing style is much less introspective/discussy than Flair's, but I hope I've managed to believably convey Ashtaroth's character voice, within reason.
Subchumption
(Subsumption / White Boy and the Seven Mary Sues)
* * * (Chump)
It was a day in Mitakihara, Japan. Not a normal day, because I was here, but a day. So there I was, walking, and wondering as I walked just how hungry I would have to be to turn myself in for entering the country without a passport via sketchy dimensional travel. The guy who had sent me here neglected to arrange for a work visa.
Hello. My
fake name is Chump, and welcome to the wonderful world of a migrant Mary Sue hunter.
In case you haven't read my disjointed and incomplete memoirs, one way to summarize my situation is that a plainclothes JoJo OC tricked me into willingly traveling to the world of a depressing magical girl anime to get rid of a reality-warping Mary Sue. (By which I mean he channeled his probably very real desperation to get me to agree before he explained any of the details.) He was also apparently my dimensional counterpart, but whatever.
Anyway, I had been in the world of Japanime for about a day now, and I was hungry. Not dehydrated, because Japan has public water fountains, thank God, but hungry.
Annnnnnnd I had an idea. A horrible, terrible, awful idea, which I had come to quite logically.
Premise one: Insects are an excellent source of protein.
Premise two: Larger animals contain higher quantities of edible substance.
Conclusion from premises: Giant insects are an excellent source of large quantities of protein.
Did I know where to find giant insects? Yes, I had not a day ago stumbled into the lair of an eldritch despair monster made of a child's broken dreams, populated extensively by pony-sized beetles. My response had been to run away, because I had only just received my Stand and had no idea what its ability was.
I'd since figured that out. However, unfortunately, the ability to cling to solid surfaces in defiance of gravity was not useful against beetles, because I lacked the offensive options of lizards and spiders. Gravity Hurts took the form of a tree stump, and so could not punch things, but I
could use it as a footrest while stroking my beard to look extra philosophical.
Yeah, not great in a fight.
But was I going to hunt giant beetles anyway? Yes. My only other option was begging, so yes.
I vaguely remembered where the entrance to the pocket dimension Labyrinth was—it had been where I first landed, after all. But I would need to pace myself while walking so I would have enough stamina left to slaughter and eat, as the Lord commanded Peter.
I hoped that eldritch despair bugs didn't have parasites.
* * * (Ash)
You are an autoprosopagnosiac origami despair cloud with a human soul (you're not even sure how you know that word), and you wonder what kind of trauma led this Witch's barrier to take the form of a bug catcher's nightmare. Saar's Tearful Storm has been invaluable against the hordes of insects pouring out into your side from hers, but the fact that her territory is built like an anthill prevents you from actually going in yourself: the tunnels are just barely tall enough to accommodate Sayaka and Tira as they go on the offensive, let alone your towering stalk and Tome's enormous cover.
So far the bugs have been easy enough to kill, but forcing a way through the passages is going to be difficult, since the dead familiars are blocking the tunnels instead of disintegrating.
You sigh mentally. You had picked up this Witch's barrier almost by accident while moving away from where you had nearly encountered this timeline's Mami Tomoe, and while a new subsumption sounds very appealing after what happened with Homura, you're still too close to Mitakihara to give this fight your full attention.
No, at least half your attention is focused on the outside of the barrier, keeping watch for any magical girls and starting to tug upwards to retreat back toward the relative safety of the open sky. Of course, more than half is still less than full, which is why you aren't very high yet and—why is there a tree stump on the side of that building? And someone is
standing on it?
And now the stump is gone, and he's in your barrier, somehow.
What?
You quickly think a message to Sayaka and Tira.
<Uh, girls, we have a…to tell the truth, I'm not sure.>
Sayaka's mental voice sounds annoyed.
<What, Ash? Just spit it out!>
<We apparently have an American tourist in the barrier now? I swear, I don't know how he got in, I didn't do it.>
You're watching, not-watching through her eyes, so you notice her pause for a split second between sword strikes.
<Ash, I swear, if you've accidentally kidnapped someone again…> She viciously decapitates a dung beetle, then stabs an exploding blade into its dirt ball and leaps back as the blast clears the tunnel blockage.
<You did say 'he', correct?> Tira interjects, faring slightly better due to her ink's acidic properties.
<You're sure it's not a disguised magical girl?>
<One, I saw the beard, two…> You trail off.
Are you sure? The sensation of your barrier tearing open was exactly the same just now as when a magical girl opens it with her Soul Gem. But what kind of magical girl would cosplay as an adult male to hunt a Witch?
<…never mind,> you finish.
<Never mind what?> demands Sayaka.
<I'm taking us up!> you respond. <We'll deal with it when we get to it!>
Neither girl responds, too busy slicing up familiars. You hope this won't end badly. It's a miracle you didn't pick up any
actual magical girls, if your concentration slipped that much.
* * * (Chump)
I was in. The Witch's Labyrinth was moving around, so I had to climb a wall to get high enough, but my Stand is an effective climbing assist, if little else.
I'd only caught a glimpse of the sigil before forcing my way in. It definitely wasn't the same as last time, but the Labyrinth interior was just what I remembered: dirt tunnels. Although, unlike last time, I half expected to be swarmed on arrival. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. I just had to hope I was lucky enough to get a one-on-one.
Did giant crystallized-despair insects locomote with internal fluids, or some analogue to muscle tissue? I would soon find out.
I paused, my hand trailing along the dirt wall. It was almost completely dark, but I could still see slight outlines, despite a visible light source. That wasn't new, since I'd been here before. However…that sigil being different. It didn't add up. And because I hadn't been jumped by bugs yet, the thought refused to go away.
I sighed. I really would have to check again before going in, wouldn't I?
I tromped a few steps back to where the tunnel cut off and focused on my Stand. For whatever reason, Stands could apparently open Witch Labyrinths like a magical girl's Soul Gem, although they did lack the dowsing function. Gravity Hurts rose through the dirt, perfectly visible even in the low light, and I stomped on the stump's flat-cut face.
The sigil bloomed before me, and with time to look at it, I realized that, no, it absolutely was not the neon-blood-red beetle I should have seen, if this were the same Labyrinth. Except…the beetle was still there, kind of. It seemed to have been integrated into a surprisingly seamless hodgepodge of several sigils of various colors and shapes, although what the others represented was rather indistinguishable.
Ominous. Also reminded me of the stereotypical Mary Sue prevalence for rainbow hodgepodges—and wasn't that a scary thought. I was already racking my brain for strategies to neutralize Tomoko. Another Sue, and one I couldn't communicate with at that—
…well, hold on. I'd have to verify before I panicked. I reached down my shirt and pulled out my dipstick to check the Sueometer reading.
Green. False alarm. Thank God.
I put the dipstick away. So not a Sue, just an overdeveloped Witch, or something. Could Witches eat each other and absorb their powers? Nothing in the show suggested that, but this being technically an AU, I wouldn't rule it out. Walpurgisnacht was supposed to be a composite as well, right?
I shuddered. None of these thoughts boded well for me and my infiltration attempt.
But dang it, I was hungry, and the only thing I'd eaten in the last 24 hours was a scorched chocolate-covered raisin from the remains of a construction paper lizard. It had been a highly disappointing experience.
Man, I wish I had my practice katana, I thought.
Then I could at least bludgeon something with better results than my bare hands.
* * * (Ash)
Okay, you've reached what should be a safe height, so you turn your attention back to your barrier's new anthill section. Tira and Sayaka are somewhere deep inside, and so far they haven't asked for help. The urge to actively eavesdrop is there, but they've complained about it often enough that you decide not to. Now, about that intruder…
…you have no clue, to be honest. You felt a slight tugging, like the portal was about to reopen, but it didn't, so the person must still be in there. And he, assuming it's not a
really creepy girl in disguise, came in on the anthill side. Which means that you'll have to talk to your barrier-mates anyway, since you still can't reach inside. You did try floating over, but there's no way into the ugly dirt pile except those tiny tunnels even Shemesh couldn't have fit in.
There are still some of the giant beetles spilling out of the hill and indiscriminately attacking things (that's why Sayaka and Tira went in to begin with), but some of the Du Polignac have actually taken over beating them off, so…there's not really anything for you to
do.
It's vexing.
<Uh, you guys? The…person who came in is somewhere inside there where I can't reach. Could you investigate that?>
Sayaka rolls her eyes, but says,
<Sure.> Tira follows suit with less sass.
The two magical girls soon reach a central space that all the tunnels seem to lead to, which must be the core of the barrier. Overall, this Witch's barrier is relatively small compared to most others you've encountered, especially Charlotte's, but you're almost relieved that there isn't a gigantic bug spawning pit akin to that one chasm/room full of Pyotr. Instead, through two sets of eyes, you are treated to the sight of a few flying beetles buzzing about—thankfully, no cockroaches—accompanied by a large contingent of what appear to be free-floating bug nets with absurdly long handles, whirling every which way and flopping down on anything that moves, including both the bugs and each other. No wonder all the bugs were trying to get out.
The Witch—or what you assume is the Witch—is hanging from the ceiling in what looks like a butterfly cocoon. What was the word, larva? Pupa? In any case, currently inert.
Compared to the bugs outside, though, the ones flying or crawling around in here seem much less frenetic, only really moving when a net swishes past them. The nets do occasionally catch something, and when they do, they float upwards near the Witch, maybe as if to show her, but the beetles always escape before the nets can reach her. It's kind of sad. But then, so is every Witch barrier. It might as well be by design, for all that Kyubey says he can't predict what individual magical girls or Witches will look like.
Just as you finish taking everything in, the mysterious stranger peers out from one of the tunnels opposite. Shorts, brown hair, beard like a bush, this is definitely the person you saw. Somehow, even the tree stump is next to him, also poking out of the tunnel. He has a bit of a wild look in his eyes.
You belatedly realize you just took over Sayaka's and Tira's eyes to look around at everything and let go, not missing their respective shudder and flinch.
In the same moment, a stag beetle crawls past the crazy guy, who splatters it with a mud ball and yells something defiantly. When the beetle turns on him and charges, he grabs it by the horns, struggling at first, stumbling back at its apparently superior strength and weight, then draws it into the tunnel after him.
Tira is the first to react. "Sayaka! You're faster and can fight with less chance of collateral damage. I'll cover you!"
Sayaka shakes herself out of shock and leaps forward, bouncing off angled music note platforms to maintain speed and precision. Within seconds, she reaches the tunnel and stabs a single sword into the beetle's shell. It screeches and tries to beat its wings, but one is pinned by the blade, so it only smacks the narrow tunnel wall. The crazy guy jumps up, lands both feet on one of the horns, and pushes against the other with his whole body, snapping it off with a jarring crack. He then stabs it in the eye with a knifehand, to considerably less success. Sayaka vaults onto the back of its shell with two swords in reverse grip and stabs one into its head and the other where the shell splits. It dies, and Sayaka hops off.
The guy picks up the broken horn and shoves it into the beetle's mouth, roots around, and draws it back out, covered with what might have been ganglia.
Sayaka's face twists in disgust, and you really wish you could stop looking.
As if it were the natural course of action, the guy sniffs the mushy mess, shrugs, and takes a bite. He chews, swallows. He shrugs. "Tastes all right. A little gristly, though. Probably better cooked."
In response, Sayaka bends over and dry heaves. Tira, having peeked in, quickly turns away in what is probably horror.
Thanks to this man, despite being a crystallization of Grief with no esophagus, you now have the inescapable phantom sensation of trying to puke your guts out.
This is not ideal.
"
