"Well, obviously, we need to work on some tool that might keep us safe," Harry said. "We're not about to put ourselves at the mercy of the Q - the first time they made contact with humanity, they nearly destroyed all of us at the Farpoint Station Incident!"
"A reasonable plan of action, Ensign Kim, save for the following technical flaw: We lack the technology to effect any changes that cannot be undone or ignored by the Q," Tuvok said. "I believe our only option is to engage with their..." He paused. "Framework."
"Their game, you mean," D-91 said.
Janeway, who was watching the discussion from her place at the table, frowned. "I'm not sure if it is a game," Janeway said, her fingers drumming on the table. "This Q didn't seem like the Q that interacted with the USS
Enterprise - which means that we could be facing something more complex. Don't...fall into the trap of assuming a single member of a species is like every other member of the species. If you make that mistake with anyone, then you'll be in trouble."
Everyone considered that.
Wacoche, who was on loan from the
Van Jean for the meeting, leaned in. "...why don't we test that?" he asked.
"You have an idea?" Janeway asked.
"Hey, if it doesn't work, I'll just look silly," Wacoche said, then stood. He turned to the corner and shouted, as loudly as he could. "Q! GET RIGHT OVER HERE THIS INSTANT!"
There was a brilliant flash of light and...Q appeared, dressed in a poofy shower cap bathrobe, with slippers on and half his face doused in shaving cream. He scowled at Wacoche. "I was in the
middle of my morning constitutional!" he huffed. "But oh no, you're always so pushy, Wacoche."
"You've met him before, Brian?" Torres asked, sitting up.
"No further information is available here," Q said, holding up a straight razor and wiping away at the shaving cream, leaving freshly shaved features. "Ugh, I am getting old in this body, how do you deal with these aches and pains. Maybe I should trade it out." He paused. "Tom Hardy, you think? Tom Hanks is just as old. Tom Hiddleston! There's an idea."
"You can look like a Caballusian draqualisk for all I care," Janeway said, flatly. "Explain this practical joke of yours."
She held up the summons.
Q frowned. His body flashed and he stepped forward, looking as if he was dressed and shaved. He took it, then sighed. "This is no joke of mine, oh Capitan," he said, shaking his head. "Honestly, if you were Picard, I'd be offended. Picard and I, we're friends now. We know one another. We've even held hands a few times." He flipped the dossier shut. "Anyway, you're absolutely up the Styx without a paddle with this one, Janeway."
"How can it be this bad?" Harry asked.
"Let me try and put this into words your tiny brains can comprehend," Q said, then made a big show of thinking. "...you are an atom of uranium that is trying to tell the control rod what to do. And I'm Oppenheimer." He smiled, brightly. "No, better, I'm Shiva."
"A bit pasty," Wacoche said.
"HAH!" Q laughed. "See, this is why I love Bri. Now, why did you call me here?"
"Don't you know?" Janeway asked. "Considering you've already met my fellow captain in the future?"
"Future, past, you've got such limited perspectives on things," Q said, shaking his head, then winced as he sat down next to Tuvok, in Wacoche's vacated chair. "Agh. John's back is really a pain."
"You could choose to be a younger form, rather than continuing to waste time with this irrelevancy," Tuvok said, turning to look at him. Q snorted.
"I love rubbing it in, though," he said. "Now!" He clasped his hands together and, in his uniform, he looked comically like an overeager ensign - at least, until Janeway noticed he had given himself Commodore pips. "Fill me in, Kat. Why am I here?"
"Since the summons is legitimate...right?"
"Oh...oh it's a serious as a hole in a spacesuit," Q said, his voice growing...whimsical. Not mocking nor grave. More airy and light. Yet, as he leaned back in his seat, something about the angle of his head and the shadows cast on his features, the light in his eyes...it made Janeway feel a subtle chill run along her spine.
"Then we need council," Janeway said. "And what better lawyer for the human race than the self appointed judge. You. Q."
Q blinked.
Then he smiled, slowly. "Ahhhhh...very clever Captain. All right then. Lets get to work!" His palms rubbed togehter and there was a brilliant flash.
***
The bridge crew of the USS Voyager all started at the same time - for they found themselves scattered about a large, stone room. A pair of sets of wooden benches ran along the walls - the majority of them were seated there, looking down at the center of the courtroom. A tall desk with several seats sat at the far end of the room, with a stern looking man with a curly wig and black robes seated in the highest chair, while set before him were two tables. At one stood Captain Janeway, with Q beside her, dressed in a black robe and his very own wig. At the other stood a tired looking woman smoking a cigarette and dressed in a suit and tie, who looked utterly miserable. To her left "stood" a hovering prism of glowing green light that pulsed and strobed sickeningly, while orange sparks flared around it.
The judge frowned. "Where is Phoebe Janeway?" he asked. "We chose this court, in part, for her."
"My client's sister has begged off arrival until an event currently three weeks upspin from my client's current conceptual zone," Q said, confidently as he nodded to the judge.
"Can we change the courthouse, then?" The woman in the suit asked, lifting her head.
"No, I like the wig," the judge said.
The woman groaned.
The door to the courtroom shuddered for a moment, then cracked open...and...
Janeway's eyes widened as a spindly limb reached in, and then a narrow, tube shaped body capped with an almost polygonal shape atop the tube filled with swirling liquid leaned in. The shape had a pair of glasses on and a loose, brightly patterned tie hung around what could be considered its "neck" - giving it a faintly headish appearance. "Oh!" the creature exclaimed in a squeaking voice. "This is the wrong room."
"You're scheduled for the next case," the Judge said.
"Very good, sorry, sorry."
The creature swung back and the door shut.
"Now," the judge started.
"What was that?" Janeway asked.
"An entity translated to your visual cortex in a mode you could grasp," the other woman said, frowning as she turned her head to glare at Janeway, as if she was at fault for all of this. "As is this entire court. As is every word being spoken. Any confusion is caused by a lack of interfacing between conceptual zones." She turned her head away, then took a drag on her cigarette before muttering: "But, well, what can we expect from grayzoners and singlets."
"Objection!" Q said, standing up. "Pre-trial conceptualization!"
"Sustained," the judge said, then banged his gavel. "You will abstain from attempting pruning on the lower forks, Q."
Q nodded, while Q looked pleased with himself, leaning over and whispering to Janeway. "See? Already paying off."
Janeway had a headache.
"Now, let us hear our closing statements and intentions for the orange zone," the judge said. "Q, you may begin."
Q sighed, took a drag on her cigarette, then stood. "All right, if it pleases the fucking court," she said, then stubbed out the cigarette. "The Great Barrier exists slash unexists so that it will contain Ego Two in the gray zone. Breaching it flagrantly, without express permission from the Producers represents a grave risk to conceptual zones that we actually give a shit about - but what really matters is the secondary effects of the arrival of an unexpected Sovereign class warship in grayzone bacteriological intercontamination event known as the Dominion War. These events will, without fail, lead to the failure of the Prophet's own goals, goals agreed to and set by the Organian/Prophet Treaty. As the Federation falls under Organian purview, we have a conflict of interest here, and one that cannot be resolved save by Voyager's destruction."
She took her seat, then stubbed out her cigarette.
"And your closing statements?" the judge asked Q.
Q stood up, then spread his hands. "Destruction of a single ship for this end is a wild overreach and just as damaging to the Delta Quadrant. While grayzones are grayzones, the Delta Quadrant is a unique place in the grand scheme of things! It's filled with little hole diggers and boundary pushers, who knows, some may even branchiate into the yellow or far red. Cutting them off at the knees, just to please the Prophets, is excessive." He took his seat.
"Your statements have been heard," the judge said. "Now, lets move onto the evidence. As the defendant, you can call on your first witness."
Q stood and rolled his shoulders. "I call to the stand, as a character witness, Timot Danlen."
The witness stand next to the judge flashed and a man sat there, plain and non-descript. He froze, looking around himself. "What the..." He tensed, then barked. "Daniels, Code 9981, under the Temporal Conventions this is all I have to say."
"We're not a faction in your conflict, my dear absurd Daniels, you're a witness for a trial," Q said, his voice dripping condescension. "Now, can you tell the court who you are?"
"...you're not...part of any faction?" Daniels asked, frowning.
"No, we're not," Q said. "I'm Q. This is Q, and Q." He gestured around himself.
"Oh hell," Daniels said, his face paling. Then he saw Janeway and started. "This is the 24th century?"
"No, this is Tuesday. And, also, sometimes never," Q said, then continued on. "Daniels, what date are you from, from the grayzone perspective pre-Kelvin branchiation?"
"The 31st century," Daniels said, slowly.
"And in the 31st century, are you familiar with the USS
Voyager?" Q asked, pursing his lips. Janeway wanted to start asking questions - but she bit her tongue. It wasn't just the fact she was a stranger in this court...it was also her training as a captain. The Department of Temporal Investigations were absolute
bears about this stuff.
"Passingly," he said. "There's...a holoserial about it that's pretty fun. A bit too much random sex scenes for my taste."
"Yes, well," Q said, waving his hand. "Can you tell me how much good they did on their way home-"
"Objection, moralistic," Q said, jerking her head up.
"Sustained," the judge said. "Stick to clearfact and don't attempt conceptualization in the higher forks."
Q chuckled. "I had to at least try."
"Objection!" Q said, slamming her palms down. "Fork-Snuffing!"
"Overruled," Q said, but pointed his gavel at Q. "But don't you think I don't see that metafold you're working on. Stick to the clearfacts or I will find you in contempt of justice."
Q lifted his hands, nodding. "Daniels, can you tell me about the clearfact - just the details - of what happened in Voyager's long road home?"
"Uh...they explored an unprecedented amount of space, secured peace with the Borg, you could argue that they led to the Collective Transcendence in the 29th century..." Daniels said, shrugging a bit. "So, in a weird roundabout way, they almost destroyed the Federation twice!" He chuckled. "But it all worked out."
"See, it all worked out!" Q said.
"Objection!" Q said, her voice holding a distant whine. "Moralistic!"
"Overruled," the judge said, and both Q sat down. Daniels lifted his hand - but he vanished with a flash.
"Do you have any witnesses to call on?" Q asked, but before he could the glowing polyhedral began to flicker and flash next to Q, who leaned in close to listen to her client. As they conferred, Q turned to face Janeway, grinning conspiratorially.
"So, I think the case is going well - but it's looking like we may need to stick with your canon route," he murmured.
"Our what?" Janeway asked.
"The long, quiet way," Q said, nodding to her. "The other methods are going to be shot down, no matter how many nice guys I call up - but right now, it's looking like we can settle with that course in court."
---
What say you?
[ ] Since the alternative seemed to be destruction, go for it. Accept the plea bargain.
[ ] Ask Q to explain what the hell is going on... (pick as many as you want, but know your time is limited)
[ ] Ask about Daniels
[ ] The monster that stuck its head in
[ ] What do the color zones mean?
[ ] Did he say Borg?
[ ] What in hell is Branchiation?
[ ] What is this forking you keep doing?
[ ] Write In