Blooper Reel!
By Mr/Ms/Mx/(Roll A d4 And Decide That Way)…
By Kermie
Author's Note:
This takes place in a universe where Project Prometheus is a fictional TV show, everyone's civilian identity is just their real name as an actor, and everyone is nice and happy.
I'm not coping, you are.
Lore Drop Failed
"…Anyway, the only way to do it is to artificially manufacture a superhuman-esque power. Which I've done by altering my own RNA. If you've initiated The Project, give the attached schematics to Ibis. It's the formula to create what's needed for the EXCEED-FOWARD armor. It's administered the same way we would a you would Ambrosia and— wait. Shit. Valiant Silver wouldn't know to say that."
(Nora leans into the camera.)
"Ok, it's a good thing the producers told me to just record this on my webcam… I can just delete this, nobody needs to know— wait. Wrong button. Fuck—"
Losing Your Cool
"Did you really think bringing
him here would get what you want?" you hiss, "My friend's killer?"
"
Hmm?" Scarlet Maturity frowns and appears to be paying attention for the first time since arriving.
"Should I take that as your answer then, Lady Leizi?" Faust asks from the table. There's the barest hint of a smile on his face.
"
Go to hell, Faust,
you fucking…" Lady Leizhi snorts, and ends up giggling. "Ok, I'm sorry, I think I need a redo on this scene. I don't think I can get into character when Christian's just standing there like
that."
(
The camera pans over to Faust and Scarlet Maturity, who is not very menacing. He's actually just… a guy in a green screen suit, who has a microphone and is standing on a really tall ladder.)
"I mean, I could put on my nephew's Halloween mask. It's really scary, it's got the… uh… Death Note vibes? Nope, wrong anime."
(The crew off camera break down into laughter.)
Sexual… um…
"Y-you," she says, stumbling over your words, "You truly want to make me out to be a villain because I would not have indulged your . . . your . . .
textual theming?"
(The camera pans over to Opale, her mouth agape. Her twin, Harrier, gives a thumbs up from off screen.)
"The trans representation is really important! We get more sad gay nerds writing fanfic about us that way!" Harrier yells.
Opale blinks before hitting a dramatic pose. "You'll have to indulge me, Gwen. I would really like to read an character essay written by—
snrk—by a sad nerd on Tumblr about me."
Overdoing It
You carefully touch her body, and when nothing happens, you try to lift her.
And accidentally fling the prop of Mona's torso over your head.
(THUD!!!)
"Lei, we need some force, but not that much!" Ibis yells.
"Well what am I supposed to do?" you answer back. "
Pretend to lightning shock the black hole???"
Mechanic Malfunction
There's a susurration of anticipation that falls to silence as Black Swan simply hangs in the air, slightly higher than the stage but above the audience.
Then, she speaks.
"It doesn't belong to you."
Her words seem to reverberate in the air.
Unfortunately, she doesn't, as something backstage pulls taut.
The cable holding her snaps, as Mona falls onto the stage floor, sprawling flat onto the wood. You see Silvio and the rest of Crusade hold back either screams or groans of empathy, and you can't help but wince as well. "Ow, I think that's my everything that got broken."
Silvio, in the suit the cast has decided to tentatively call the EXTRAPATRIOTICEXCEEDPREVAIL2000 (E2P2 for short) looks down in sympathy. "…if it makes you feel better, that'll probably happen to me too?"
Wrong Universe
"We've tested it extensively. The Frozen Throne can't reach inside her Domain Expansion." He taps the map where the Frozen Throne touches the NID. "The area on the perimeter of the Throne is by far the most stable. We place Catherine's Bankai— wait."
"I mean, at least you didn't say Reality Marble…"
Unfair Edict
As they approached, a voice rang out in Silvio's mind.
"
EDICT: ALL CITIZENS ARE TO RETURN TO THEIR HOMES BY TWENTY-ONE HUNDRED HOURS. PUNISHMENT: VIOLATORS' HEADS WILL EXPLODE."
Silvio stopped in his tracks. "Ms. Williams? Justiciar's a bit crazy, but not that much."
"
I'M METHOD ACTING. I AM CURRENTLY RUNNING ON TWO DOSES OF FIVE-HOUR ENERGY AND I FEEL LIKE THAT'S WHAT SHE'D SAY."
Lamar facepalmed. "Kaitlyn, I think you need to see a doctor…"
Keep Your Phone On Silent!
You make a show of yawning and stretching while ignoring. "Hey Hiver, you ever see this skit Black Swan made in high school? Her acting sucks but the names are funny."
You open your
phonescreen and pull up that video Mona made you watch. Or try to.
"Hey there, Novelites! It's Shio—"
Fuck.
"FAKE ASS EMO!" Primtemps jokingly yells, "WE KNOW YOU WATCH VTUBERS NOW!"
"WELL FUCK YOU TOO OLD ASS MAN."
They're Frickin!?!
"Ah," he says, not looking away from her, "I suppose it
was crooked."
Mona's eyes go wide.
"Levithan's Blood, they're frickin'."
"They're actually
fucking!?"
(
Both girls go silent as the camera slowly seems to zoom in on them… before Mona begins to laugh. So does Maddie.)
"
Snrk—"
"Hahaha— oh my god Mona, we're gonna need to do a redo of this scene so many times."
(These next three are from some canon Omakes! This mini-fandom has been amazing, so I wanted to give back!)
Stunt Gone Wrong!
Maddie takes a few steps back as Mona starts to run away. Rhys starts running after her, gaining speed thanks to height and the bit of strength he has, and then he jumps on top of her, flattening out his body into a blanket-like shape and smothering Mona.
Or at least, that's what I supposed to be. Without the CGI, it just looks like a green man squished Mona.
"With this form, I can… uh, Mona you alright?"
"
Yoush squershd mee too haard. (You squished me too hard! I'm facedown!)"
Uh… Reporter?
"Indeed, the father of many of history's most famous Riders does in fact have it's own Rider team. In fact, if you believe some rumors on the internet, people have said Toei has a secret society of Kamen Riders somewhere in Japan, where they train new generations of Kamen Rider… nothing's been confirmed though, but can you imagine?"
"It'd be like some sort of crazy show… you could get it in a crossover with Magical Girls… even title it— uh, wait. Shit. What was I talking about again? Power Rangers?"
Fell Asleep On The Job
You want to curl up here forever, curl up like a cocoon and burst out like a heavenly butterfly. You could stay here forever. Sleep forever among the insects. Get some sleep, since you woke up at 5:30 in the morning. Just sleep…
"
Uh, crew? I think Franz is out cold again."
"
THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK."
How Broke Are We?
". . . and that concludes an assessment of available assets," Chaucer says, "We have enough remaining funds to maintain our base on the Ladder for a few more months as well as train and equip exactly one new metahuman. Most of our support staff are more than happy just to have a safe place to stay, but once things hopefully stabilize on Horizon proper they'll be wanting to be compensated as well."
Leizi nods. "So we're as broke as can be— wait, hold on, that wasn't my line. Agh, it's been
years since I played this role, give me a sec…"
From his side of the table, Ibis just shrugs. "I mean, you aren't wrong, technically! We'll have just enough money to pay for all the sets we're gonna have Mona and the VFX team blow up."
