Life Ore Death
** Episode 19 _ Tidying up
* October 11 [Renka PoV]
Despite the doldrums Earth usually suffered on a Monday, today had been a good day so far. Most of it had been spent storing to begin to refill my metal-mind reserves. I had waited until everyone had returned to the mountain in the evening to give my talk, but it was good to get it off my chest.
To be thorough, I'd gone again through the other three quadrants first, and I had walked away with half a dozen ideas from Wally to try.
Investigate: double-check effect of caffeine while storing bronze; storing heat in a sauna or furnace room; inhaling pure oxygen while storing cadmium; storing other gases than oxygen into a cadmium-mind; storage of vitamins, drugs, and toxins into bendalloy-minds; smoothies stored in food or drink bendalloy-mind, or separately; ability to store gold faster when hooked into medical life support systems; more specific effects of electrum-minds on using/resisting telepathy.
Some of those had been on my to-do list already, a few were new, but altogether they'd pushed me to announce, "Wally, the next time someone says you are not a genius, tell me and I will punch them for you." He'd complained about school and people not long ago.
It had gotten a few laughs from our team before we got back on topic.
"So the last one is the spiritual quadrant, right?" Robin checked. I nodded.
"Aluminum, duralumin, chromium, and nicrosil," Wally summarized.
"Yes," I agreed, writing that on the board. "First is aluminum."
"That's what you use to resist telepathy, right? Or was that electrum?" M'gann wondered. "You've used both…."
"Both have effects," I answered. "I store my spiritual identity into my aluminum-minds."
"That… sounds slightly dangerous," Kaldur noted, slightly startled.
"It can be. Mentally, I become made less unique. More blank… more bland," I explained. "My opinions are weaker, softer felt, and my emotional reactions are less, when I store. I like mustard and fruit less, insults anger me less, I feel less responsible, less content or not, and less driven. The traits that make me
Renka become weaker."
"Definitely sounds dangerous," Artemis said. "So it works the other way when you tap? More feelings, stronger?"
"Yes. And I am less easily changed by outside influences. Telepathy to make me calm or angry will have less effect, and I will be more confident and emotionally strong. Even small opinions become forceful."
"So," Wally wondered, "when you tap, does it change you like you are
now, or like you
were when you stored? I mean-,"
"Good question," I cut in. "Again. It makes me the way I was when I stored." Mostly. "One time, I was worried the Green Lantern would change me if he healed me, so I stored before he helped me, then tapped after to see if anything had changed in me."
"So if you've never had blueberries when you store, tapping won't change your opinion about them after you've had them and formed an opinion?"
"Close," I told Artemis. "If I form a strong opinion, it will not be changed, but it will seem weaker compared to the other opinions that grow stronger while it was not. Or if I have the opinion of not caring, then later start to like them, tapping from when I did not care will make me not care again. Clear?"
"As much as magic ever is," Zatanna agreed. "Do you control what parts of your identity you store? Like just storing food preferences, and not any of the other things?"
"No." I shook my head and searched for a good metaphor. "Imagine all of my different opinions like…" I drew three sloppy bar graphs labeled '
mustard,' '
blueberries,' and '
insults,' in yellow, blue, and red with values of 4, 5, and 7.
"Times a few thousand for all of the other opinions," Robin quipped.
"Yes," I agreed. "Times a few hundred thousand."
"So you'd store two from each bar at the same time?" Zatanna asked.
"Yes."
"What happens if you try to store five from each bar, even though mustard is only four?" M'gann asked.
I hesitated. "Wait, Zatanna, no. Sorry." I quickly erased and redrew the bars as rectangles – then as grids of squares – equally four measures high but four, five, and seven measures wide. "Zatanna, I would not store two from each bar at the same time, I would store half of each bar," I corrected, and erased the top two rows from each rectangle. "See? Half stored, but different total amounts."
"That makes more sense," Wally agreed. "And when you store you're more vulnerable to getting messed with in the head? And you said it just made you less self-confident too, right?"
"Correct," I agreed. "If I do not want to go to a restaurant, storing makes it easier to bully me into going, while tapping makes it more difficult, as well as the telepathy problems."
"Got it. Then, duralumin is what you use for your language?"
"Close. This is the awkward one. I use duralumin-minds to store spiritual connection." I let my breath out, waiting to see whom if anyone would get it.
"Is this like sympathetic bond type of connection?" Zatanna asked. "Like, if I tried to do voodoo with your hair while you were storing, there wouldn't be a connection for the spell to use?
Ooh, but then tapping would make it stronger." She winced.
"Yes, but it is also social and emotional connection." I waited. "When I store, it makes people forget that I matter, but when I tap, I form emotional connections to you more quickly and strengthen the ones I have?" I prodded.
"Oh, so it like speeds up you making friends with us," Wally figured. Then, "Yeah, I can see why that would be awkward to bring up right when we met, but you know we're here to stay now, don't you?"
The knot in my stomach relaxed. "Yes," I sighed with a smile. "I do."
"Sooo… does getting to know people faster also cross with getting to know languages faster?" Artemis wondered.
Conner grunted a denial. "Nah. Or she'd talk to everyone whenever, but she can't a lot of the time. You speak the main language there, not the language of whoever you talk to, right?"
"Right. But connection is not just between people, but between places and things and ideas."
"Like to a country? But if you don't have the connections to a place, how would they get stronger?" Wally wondered.
"Another excellent question, Wally. Physical location is also a connection, you see. That is the reason I build connections with people I am close to when I tap, but not random people three blocks away. Furthermore, the spiritual metals have interesting interactions. Regular duralumin-mind connection does not usually improve my language skills."
"So you mix it with one of the others?"
"Connection and identity, right?" Robin asked.
"Yes. By storing connection while I store my identity, I store connection without it being connected to anything," I confirmed. "Then when I tap the unidentified connection, it latches on to the land around me, and connects me to that country. It is… I am 'hacking' my history into believing that I have come from here instead of Scadrial. So my language skills do not change, but it exchanges English and Scadrese as my first languages, since my spirit thinks I grew up speaking English."
"You still speak with an accent, and make some mistakes," Conner put in. "Or do you do that in Scadrese, too?"
"I am still growing in how well I can store identity and connection at the same time. If I have only stored half my identity when I store, or three-fourths, the effects will be different when I tap that connection. And even if I am connected to the country here on earth, my spirit-web still remembers that my parents came from Scadrial, so I have that accent and culture as well."
"Are you at risk of damaging yourself from this?" Kaldur asked.
'It makes sense; he is the one most familiar with magic beside Zatanna, and it is part of his culture, not a quirk of family.'
"No. I might be damaged by other things while using metal-minds, but in the worst I can stop tapping and I will return to normal. It is not ever supposed to be permanent."
"Even though the bonds you form while tapping connection remain?" he prodded.
"Yes. Those bonds grow faster with a duralumin-mind, but everything is connected to more or less amounts. It cannot create bonds where there could be none," I summarized.
"Is there other stuff storing identity can do with other metal-minds?" Wally asked.
"Yes. For instance, if I try to store into a gold-mind while I am wounded-,"
"Yeah, it won't heal the wound, you said. But without identity it will?"
"It will. Also, I have said my metal-minds are mine, and no other Feruchemist can use them?"
"Yeah… Oh! So will… uh… Will storing identity let you use someone else's metal-minds, or let them use yours? I don't think it would be both."
"Any Feruchemist can tap an unidentified metal-mind," I answered. "It is like a lock and a key. My identity is the lock and the key to my metal-minds. When I store, I make other metal-minds without a lock. But I also put aside my key, and cannot tap a metal-mind that requires someone else's key."
"So does that mean you can't tap your own metal-minds while you store identity?" Wally finished.
"No, but close. Because I cannot store to zero, so I always have some identity. Or rather… Imagine a line of ten thousand numbers."
"A ten-thousand digit number?" Robin checked.
"Yes. It is unique for each person. When I store my identity, the more I store makes more digits blank. If the digit in last is four, and I store a little for that digit to be blank, any person with the same other digits can use the metal-mind, even if the last digit is different. Two, or three, or nine…" I scribbled some numbers and blank spaces on the whiteboard to illustrate.
"Then even if you store down to one digit, if that first digit is different then they still can't use it?" M'gann asked.
"This seems like the opposite of what you just told us about storing opinions when you stored identity," Zatanna said.
"It is complicated, difficult to explain to humans who cannot measure it. But also, M'gann, the digits do not need to be stored in order. Instead of a line, think of a ring of numbers that can change and spin around. So if identity is stored so much that only one digit, a number nine, is not blank, anyone with that digit nine anywhere in the number of their identity will match." I nodded.
"That makes a little more sense. But it's still different from what you said about storing opinions."
"It is difficult to human minds," I apologized to Zatanna. "We are limited."
"Yeah, fine," she sighed.
"Pity there aren't any other Feruchemists," Robin commented. "If one of you just stored all the time and the other used those metal-minds, that would be pretty sweet."
"Aluminum was more expensive than gold in the Final Empire, so it was rare to have an aluminum-mind," I reminded him. "The Synod had a few, but… well, they were rare and valuable," I repeated.
"So, chromium?" Artemis asked.
"Yes. Currently, I do not use a chromium-mind, but I should start to, now I am more safe. Chromium… stores fortune."
That got a reaction from them.
"Luck? So you can make yourself super lucky? Oh, but you need to be unlucky first, right?" Artemis winced.
"But could you, like, tap it and make a guy you're fighting get struck by lightning?" Robin wondered.
"No," I cut in immediately, even if he had barely been half serious. "Remember, Feruchemy can only change me." I slapped a hand to my clavicle for emphasis. "It is not the world being nice to me, it is my tendency to do acts with good outcomes."
"Ah, I think I get it. So if you have a lottery ticket," Wally summarized, "tapping fortune won't change your odds of winning, but if you tap while you buy a lottery ticket there's a better chance the numbers you choose might be the winners."
"Wouldn't that be like seeing the future?" Robin wondered.
"Burning atium does allow her to see the future," Kaldur reminded him, "so it is not surprising that this is possible. I remember the Spiritual Realm for which these metals are named is a place where time and space are of less import."
"Yes," I agreed. "But there are limits on chromium-mind fortune. First, if I overthink it, I can potentially trip my own feet." I remembered that from what I learned in the Shardpool, even though I'd never really used a chromium-mind. "Second, becoming two or three times as likely to pick good choices at random can still be bad odds when the odds are one-hundred to one. Third, the good outcome is not always what I think it is."
"You mean, you might unluckily trip down the stairs and break your leg because it will keep you from being more unluckily blown up in a fight with a villain an hour later?" Wally guessed.
"Yes. Also, the fortune only affects whether I, Renka, get a good outcome, and it cannot change the world, only how I move through the world. If I am being chased and tapping fortune, and I run into an alley, I may be lucky enough to escape because there is already someone innocent in the alley, and the criminal chasing me will stop to hurt them while I flee. But if there is no police officer in the area, then I will not be lucky enough to run into one on patrol. Is this understood?"
"Yeah. Hey, does the decision to tap fortune count as something you can be lucky enough to do?" Wally asked. "Like, you tap a little, and then you get the urge to tap more, and luckily tapping more prods you to make a lucky choice you wouldn't have made tapping the first amount?"
"It can. It is complicated, very complicated. There can be many good and less good outcomes, and there is a limit to how far into the future the fortune can affect at various depths of tapping a chromium-mind."
"Right, I'll just write it off as complicated for now, and we can maybe experiment later."
"Later," I agreed. I looked around the room to get my teammates' attention again. "The last metal is nicrosil."
"You don't use that one either, do you," Artemis commented.
"Not yet. I think I will once I have more experience storing my identity."
"Another metal-mind that works well as a combination," Kaldur noted.
"Yes. I use nicrosil to store investiture." Immediately, Wally's hand shot up once more.
"Waitwaitwait, isn't that what you said Lerasium stored, except you weren't sure?"
"Different meaning of investiture. It conjugates differently in Scadrese, but in English, an investiture can be magic power used for an effect, the act of using magic power for an effect, and the inherent ability to use magic power for an effect."
"Ah, and Lerasium stored raw magic or something, right? Wait, then…"
"Yes. In a nicrosil-mind I can store and tap my ability to use Feruchemy. When I store, I lose the ability to use Feruchemy and become more normal as Robin and Artemis. Tapping investiture is less useful, because Feruchemy is end-neutral. If I could store Allomantic ability, the results would be far more powerful."
"Wait, then could other Feruchemists tap an unidentified nicrosil-mind to… become Feruchemists? Except they already are, right? So… what's the effect?"
"Between Feruchemists, not much. But once I can make an unidentified nicrosil-mind, there is a way to make people who are not Feruchemists able to tap it." They all began to gasp and fidget as they got it. "After a few more months, I hope I can temporarily give you Feruchemy for a few hours at a time. Useful, yes? But I cannot now store enough identity at once."
From there we broke off into further discussion, muttering, and some other rallying of ideas. I explained what Lerasium was and went into more detail on how atium stored age. Wally backtracked and handed me another idea about fortune as well.
It served as a good excuse to play a few games of poker among our team that night, at least.
Twenty minutes of talking later, when we were packing up to disperse to our own activities, Wally asked me a question.
"Hey, Renka?" he wondered as we packed up and I erased the board.
"Another idea?" I asked, grabbing a notebook.
"Yeah, kind of. So you can't store enough identity to make a one-hundred percent unidentified metal-mind, or however little it needs since you can't store to zero, right?"
"Correct," I confirmed.
"Is it a matter of practice or a matter of being a powerful Feruchemist?"
"Both. It is like being a powerful weight lifter; I have the muscles, must practice to become skilled and strong, but no matter how much I practice there is some strength I will never grow to have. Right now, from the beginning, I can store enough identity to make an unidentified metal-mind, but I am not practiced enough to store that much identity
and to store into another metal-mind for making the unlocked metal-mind. Not without letting something slip."
"But if you need to lift weights, you can store strength to do it, right? So can you store your aluminum Feruchemy and then tap that to get better at storing identity and multi-tasking? …Uh, Renka?"
I just stared at him. Stared flatly, blankly, judgmentally, for no less than sixteen seconds by the clock.
Then I began beating my head against the
Rusting wall and calling myself twelve types of
Rusting idiot for not thinking of that myself.