Harry Potter and the Skittering Spouse

if Harry could just get some hammerspace pocket or whatever to keep it in, Gryffindor's could be something that'd just be nice to have.

Harry does if I recall correctly get just such a thing from Hagrid, the Mokeskin pouch. Hermione can also make something very similar as we see with her beaded bag, which she does actually store the Sword of Gryffindor in at one point.

Fawkes outlives Dumbledore. I am now imagining a thoroughly bedraggled-looking phoenix run ragged covertly keeping an eye on Harry at all times after Harry gets the sword, and being frantic with worry that the worry itself will lead to a premature burning at just the wrong time to wind up with Harry ever so slightly nicking himself and keeling over dead. Hidden behind any tree could have been a baby phoenix in a pile of ash who hasn't gotten a wink of sleep in weeks. Truly, Fawkes is the unsung hero of the story.

That mental image made me laugh.

A thought occurs to me that we haven't discussed what one particular character will think of Taylor marrying Harry yet. Hagrid is whom I'm talking about of course. Personally I think he'll enjoy her, after all she'll want to know all about various magical creatures so that's an easy positive in his eyes, but more than that I think Hagrid will see that Taylor is good for Harry. Canon Harry is very prone to being broody, and Taylor is unlikely to let that behavior continue for very long. Or am I characterizing him incorrectly.
 
Taylor: It's because the Wizards suck at math and refuse to improve?
Goblins: ...Yes.
Actually this is not on wizards fault. This is because they are British.

Pre 1971 one British coin money was divided into:
twenty (20) shillings per pound.

The shilling was subdivided into twelve (12) pennies.

The penny was further sub-divided into two halfpennies or four farthings (quarter of a penny) To make it more easier it looked like this:

2 farthings = 1 halfpenny
2 halfpence = 1 penny
3 pence = 1 thruppence
6 pence = 1 sixpence (a 'tanner')
12 pence = 1 shilling (a bob)
2 shillings = 1 florin ( a 'two bob bit')
2 shillings and 6 pence = 1 half crown
5 shillings = 1 Crown
20 shillings = 1 pound ( if a coin) or quids (if a bank note)
21 shillings = 1 Quinea (a coin)
 
A thought occurs to me that we haven't discussed what one particular character will think of Taylor marrying Harry yet. Hagrid is whom I'm talking about of course. Personally I think he'll enjoy her, after all she'll want to know all about various magical creatures so that's an easy positive in his eyes, but more than that I think Hagrid will see that Taylor is good for Harry. Canon Harry is very prone to being broody, and Taylor is unlikely to let that behavior continue for very long. Or am I characterizing him incorrectly.

They're going to bond over being social outcasts who enjoy horrifically deadly animals, probably.
 
Gryffindor's Sword would best be used by Taylor, as a person who cannot use spells (and thus no opportunity cost for not learning/using it instead), already has martial experience that is somewhat cross-applicable (baton and sword are fairly similar, as well as knife use), and tends to wear edge-proof body stockings (basically eliminating accidents).
 
Actually this is not on wizards fault. This is because they are British.

Pre 1971 one British coin money was divided into:
twenty (20) shillings per pound.

The shilling was subdivided into twelve (12) pennies.

The penny was further sub-divided into two halfpennies or four farthings (quarter of a penny) To make it more easier it looked like this:

2 farthings = 1 halfpenny
2 halfpence = 1 penny
3 pence = 1 thruppence
6 pence = 1 sixpence (a 'tanner')
12 pence = 1 shilling (a bob)
2 shillings = 1 florin ( a 'two bob bit')
2 shillings and 6 pence = 1 half crown
5 shillings = 1 Crown
20 shillings = 1 pound ( if a coin) or quids (if a bank note)
21 shillings = 1 Quinea (a coin)
None of that is the prime number stupidity that is Wizarding currency. That all actually makes sense from the perspective of reasonable divisions of coinage and each grouping/coin denomination once served an actual purpose.
 
21 shillings = 1 Quinea (a coin)
Guinea, not quinea.

None of that is the prime number stupidity that is Wizarding currency. That all actually makes sense from the perspective of reasonable divisions of coinage and each grouping/coin denomination once served an actual purpose.
Also this.

JKR might have been making a joke about pre-decimal British coinage, but that's Doylist, not Watsonian, and the weird prime number business can't be blamed in-story on the wizards 'being British.'
 
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Harry does if I recall correctly get just such a thing from Hagrid, the Mokeskin pouch. Hermione can also make something very similar as we see with her beaded bag, which she does actually store the Sword of Gryffindor in at one point.
It's always nice to have a Bag of Holding. The particular timing with the one that Hagrid gives Harry in canon comes later, but it also suggests that, one way or another, it was indeed possible to do such that it could perhaps be done at a different time. Whether Hagrid happened to give Harry a pouch that he himself already had laying around somewhere or bought the thing, he did it. It's not impossible that Hagrid picked up the pouch somehow at some point between the current time and later, but regardless, they are indeed a thing that exists. Getting one somehow would stand to be doable and probably simple. Hermione's own similarly later and similar item is suggestive.

Hermione is a very good student, and there's no telling just how easy or difficult her bag was for her to make, but all the same, a very good student was able to whip up a bag of holding, and within the setting context, it doesn't come across as at all unrealistic that that's a thing that could happen when the Wizarding World seems to be rather fond of things that are bigger on the inside for it just being quite handy.

That then also presents some intriguing possibilities. Taylor has already voiced a desire to remake her costume. Just what could she end up coming up with here, with the possibilities available to her? She's avidly grabbing for information and has plenty of connections that could be quite relevant in giving her further information. If she gets ahold of magical spiders and turns out to spin up an acromantula silk costume or whatever, maybe makes a point of getting it magically treated and enchantments of whatever sort worked in, and just carries around with her some cavernous absolute nightmare of a doom hive in her pockets... well that just ain't fair.

Taylor can do a lot with pockets that are big on the inside. She could get them, too.

A thought occurs to me that we haven't discussed what one particular character will think of Taylor marrying Harry yet. Hagrid is whom I'm talking about of course. Personally I think he'll enjoy her, after all she'll want to know all about various magical creatures so that's an easy positive in his eyes, but more than that I think Hagrid will see that Taylor is good for Harry. Canon Harry is very prone to being broody, and Taylor is unlikely to let that behavior continue for very long. Or am I characterizing him incorrectly.
A further point towards that, too, Taylor is conscious of how her relationship with Harry affects her relationship with others. The interaction with the Dursleys just last chapter serve up a straightforward example of the dynamic; Harry didn't like them, so comporting herself similarly was an easy way to ingratiate herself with him over something that she didn't mind doing and was very convenient, because she could just be Skitter at them and Harry would indeed outright see that as a good thing. Similarly, Nymphadora isn't currently in a hospital or nowhere to be found because that would just be very impractical and make what she needs to do awkward and difficult. Hagrid stands to fit into things similarly.

Harry likes Hagrid and Hagrid likes Harry. It'd be convenient, then, if Taylor at least didn't not get along with Hagrid. As it stands, though, Hagrid is also likely to like Taylor just on principle and perhaps surprise her just generally being a very decent sort, and even a vague mention of Hagrid by Harry or anyone else is liable to leave Taylor under the impression that Hagrid is just every so useful towards getting all kinds of goodies. In Taylor's position, everything points towards a very good relationship, easy and desirable for a multitude of compounding reasons.

Actually this is not on wizards fault. This is because they are British.

Pre 1971 one British coin money was divided into:
twenty (20) shillings per pound.

The shilling was subdivided into twelve (12) pennies.

The penny was further sub-divided into two halfpennies or four farthings (quarter of a penny) To make it more easier it looked like this:

2 farthings = 1 halfpenny
2 halfpence = 1 penny
3 pence = 1 thruppence
6 pence = 1 sixpence (a 'tanner')
12 pence = 1 shilling (a bob)
2 shillings = 1 florin ( a 'two bob bit')
2 shillings and 6 pence = 1 half crown
5 shillings = 1 Crown
20 shillings = 1 pound ( if a coin) or quids (if a bank note)
21 shillings = 1 Quinea (a coin)
That... is a deeply misrepresentative take on historical British and English coinage. Yes, there's a whole bunch of different coins that divide up all sorts of ways; that's the point. From a mathematical standpoint, it is extremely convenient, for much the same reason why the ancient Babylonians were enormously influential in the advancement of it to the extent that a great deal of modern mathematics still use what they pioneered several thousand years ago. Highly composite numbers are just really, really convenient for counting.

Any sort of talk about all the different names being overly complicated senselessness is rubbish from people who take one look at something unfamiliar and decry it as hard because they aren't familiar with something unfamiliar, and infect pervasive misconceptions repeated by people who had the misfortune to presume that others would be vaguely reasonable and sensible and knew what they were talking about, much the same as with people complaining about chopsticks or just about every child newly faced with a bicycle sans training wheels.

Incidentally, Lindybeige over on YouTube made a video diving into the particular topic:

Rowling made oodles of money writing an immensely popular children's book. In that respect, she is a very successful author, and reflective of her studies and ambitions towards that. She is not a mathematician, and what she wrote reflects that. Wizarding currency is just a complete absurdity.

Unfortunately for Taylor, however, she's probably about to have to deal with that. A lot. She's being forced to jump headlong into a small-scale war on short notice, and she has a whole crapload of money to use for it, which is great, but, well, she has to use it. The combined Potter and Black coffers stand to be ever so convenient for financing her/her side's war effort, so all of that is pointing towards being her problem.

It does raise some questions as to just what all she might spend money on, though, and how. Some items or services could potentially attract undesirable attention to acquire certain ways, regardless of how useful such purchases might be. Others, though, could perhaps look thoroughly unremarkable and practically invisible in the backdrop. Hogwarts could offer a very convenient cover, potentially, with things like a great many common potion supplies looking like something that could be expected of a student, but not actually used for purely academic purposes, and any allied staff buying on Taylor's/Dumbledore's behalf with her money could unobtrusively get away with a laundering whole hell of a lot.

Combined with services apparently being such that it's entirely possible to get a top of the line racing broom delivered by owl and Harry and Taylor having house elf assistance on tap if desired, even completely discounting any further participation from others, I should think that the two of them will be able to get there hands on a great deal that Voldemort and his lot would really rather them not.
 
They're going to bond over being social outcasts who enjoy horrifically deadly animals, probably.

Yeah there's definitely that connection.

A further point towards that, too, Taylor is conscious of how her relationship with Harry affects her relationship with others. The interaction with the Dursleys just last chapter serve up a straightforward example of the dynamic; Harry didn't like them, so comporting herself similarly was an easy way to ingratiate herself with him over something that she didn't mind doing and was very convenient, because she could just be Skitter at them and Harry would indeed outright see that as a good thing. Similarly, Nymphadora isn't currently in a hospital or nowhere to be found because that would just be very impractical and make what she needs to do awkward and difficult. Hagrid stands to fit into things similarly.

Harry likes Hagrid and Hagrid likes Harry. It'd be convenient, then, if Taylor at least didn't not get along with Hagrid. As it stands, though, Hagrid is also likely to like Taylor just on principle and perhaps surprise her just generally being a very decent sort, and even a vague mention of Hagrid by Harry or anyone else is liable to leave Taylor under the impression that Hagrid is just every so useful towards getting all kinds of goodies. In Taylor's position, everything points towards a very good relationship, easy and desirable for a multitude of compounding reasons.

I agree. That said there might be a tiny bit of tension in the relationship since Hagrid is really a bit too kind hearted for him to be completely comfortable around Taylor given her ruthlessness. Or at least I can see that as a possibility, it might just endear her to Hagrid even more to know Harry's got someone on his side as completely and utterly as Taylor. Sure they might not agree on everything, but Taylor is on Harry's side now.

Getting one somehow would stand to be doable and probably simple.

Definitely, and to borrow an idea from a different Fic I could see Hagrid getting a couple as Wedding Gifts for Taylor and Harry.

As for her kit and gear, yeah she's going to probably end up roping the Twins and Hermione into helping her enchant her gear. Don't the Twins come up with some sort of hat that blocks or deflects some spells away from the wearer? If so she's going to want to include the hell out of some that in her armor. She's already thought about preparing a bug out bag, and once she learns about expanded trunks and Wizarding Tents she's definitely going to include those as well.

Couple questions @Fencer, first has Taylor taken care of her prescription glasses problem yet? It wasn't ever really brought up past the first chapter. Second did Contessa take Charlotte, Aidan and the other orphans with the other Undersiders?
 
Yeah there's definitely that connection.



I agree. That said there might be a tiny bit of tension in the relationship since Hagrid is really a bit too kind hearted for him to be completely comfortable around Taylor given her ruthlessness. Or at least I can see that as a possibility, it might just endear her to Hagrid even more to know Harry's got someone on his side as completely and utterly as Taylor. Sure they might not agree on everything, but Taylor is on Harry's side now.



Definitely, and to borrow an idea from a different Fic I could see Hagrid getting a couple as Wedding Gifts for Taylor and Harry.

As for her kit and gear, yeah she's going to probably end up roping the Twins and Hermione into helping her enchant her gear. Don't the Twins come up with some sort of hat that blocks or deflects some spells away from the wearer? If so she's going to want to include the hell out of some that in her armor. She's already thought about preparing a bug out bag, and once she learns about expanded trunks and Wizarding Tents she's definitely going to include those as well.

Couple questions @Fencer, first has Taylor taken care of her prescription glasses problem yet? It wasn't ever really brought up past the first chapter. Second did Contessa take Charlotte, Aidan and the other orphans with the other Undersiders?
Taylor still needs a new pair of glasses. I had not given any thought to the orphans. Honestly the kids should be ok even without big sis skitter. Cities stable and there are no villains. If the cops come through at this point they should have the breathing room to see the kids settled as well as the system will allow.
 
I want to see Taylor asking the wizards questions that make them nervous as hell.

"If I fill this expanded trunk with gunpowder, leave a timed firework in it and let it go off, will the results disappear into expanded space, or will it come out into the real world?"

"What's the lethal radius of an adult Mandrake?"

"This, uh, bubotuber pus is interesting. If it is undiluted, can it be sprayed from a good squirt gun? What happens if I, er someone sprays it in your mouth and it's swallowed?"

"Neville, nice to meet you, let's talk potions. I understand you have a knack for making them explode, and so does that Finigan guy; ever consider what you two could do together?"

By the end of the month, she's going to be the light side Bellatrix.
 
I agree. That said there might be a tiny bit of tension in the relationship since Hagrid is really a bit too kind hearted for him to be completely comfortable around Taylor given her ruthlessness. Or at least I can see that as a possibility, it might just endear her to Hagrid even more to know Harry's got someone on his side as completely and utterly as Taylor. Sure they might not agree on everything, but Taylor is on Harry's side now.

I'm calling it now, she's going to meet Hagrid, they'll talk for a while and get along fine. Afterwords another character will talk to Hagrid about her and Hagrid will sound like he's talking about one of his creatures. "Taylor? Nice girl, just gotta be polite and she's harmless. Never hurt a fly that one."
 
Taylor still needs a new pair of glasses. I had not given any thought to the orphans. Honestly the kids should be ok even without big sis skitter. Cities stable and there are no villains. If the cops come through at this point they should have the breathing room to see the kids settled as well as the system will allow.

Good to know. And that's fair regarding the orphans. Aiden actually hasn't triggered yet (I thought he had, but I guess not), so he isn't necessarily counted as a member. Then again this is Contessa, her Shard might have seen the aftermath of him triggering and automatically considered him a member. Dumping him onto Lisa's lap to babysit him might be something she'd do without really thinking about it. Or to be just an even bigger bitch to Lisa and/or Taylor.

God now I'm thinking of the possibility of him pestering Lisa for tales about his missing big sis while the Undersiders are in New England of Earth Hogwarts searching for Taylor.

Aiden: Miss Lisa can you tell me about Big Sis' first fight?

Lisa: Well it started out like this…..

I'm calling it now, she's going to meet Hagrid, they'll talk for a while and get along fine. Afterwords another character will talk to Hagrid about her and Hagrid will sound like he's talking about one of his creatures. "Taylor? Nice girl, just gotta be polite and she's harmless. Never hurt a fly that one."

Ok yeah I can see that happening exactly like you described.

"Kreacher doesn't know whether to laugh himself sick or take offence at that." —Kreacher, probably

"Mistress Taylor be an excellent member of the Blacks, despite fact she's be marrying into family through Potter boy."

—Kreacher

"Mistress Taylor have makings of fine Dark Lady, much more ruthless than nasty Dark Lord her husband sworn to fight."

—Kreacher

Excerpts taken from the book Second Fall of the Dark Lord
 
"Kreacher, tell me about this things."

*Kreacher spends three hours describing the gruesomely cursed Black family heirlooms.*

"Hm. Interesting. Kreacher, can anyone still make things like this? I have some Ideas."

*The collective Wizard World has a chill run down their spine.*
 
"Skitter and the Kreacher" certainly sounds like a supervillain team up.


"Why does Mistress wish Kreacher to wear this?"

"It's your costume. Proper capes always wear a costume on the job."

"Oooo. Kreacher looks like Kreacher eats children!"

"...What is it with my style sense?"
 
The entirely forced nature of half the drama in it. Voldemort being around in a body before the start of year 1 was meh and extremely odd, but the Sorting Hat forcibly and against her wishes putting Taylor, a known Muggleborn, into Slytherin? That set up a majority of the drama for purely drama's sake, and broke pretty much one of the few hard rules of the setting (that being you can ask the Hat to go to any House and it'll comply as long as it won't be bad for you).
Never got past that scene. It's one of the things that will make me hit backspace or close the tab. Another is having Harry's "real" name being Hadrian, Harrison, Harold, etc. though I wouldn't mind reading one where he's Henry, you know the name which Harry is actually a nickname of.
 
Halloween
"Skitter and the Kreacher" certainly sounds like a supervillain team up.


"Why does Mistress wish Kreacher to wear this?"

"It's your costume. Proper capes always wear a costume on the job."

"Oooo. Kreacher looks like Kreacher eats children!"

"...What is it with my style sense?"

This actually gave me a quick idea for an Omake @Fencer, and I'm just as surprised as anyone that I could even write this given my abysmal skill at writing dialogue and other bits necessary for a story, so enjoy. Feel free to put it as a side story, I'd be honored.

During Halloween sometime in the semi-distant future

"Taylor why are the neighborhood kids screaming while running away down the street this year for Halloween?" asked Harry while watching a group of youngsters run away screaming for their parents from the window.

"Well Harry, I know it's the anniversary of your parents' death and how you really don't like to be reminded of it, so I asked Kreacher to dress up in his Caping armor to scare them away right before they could knock on the front door." Answered Taylor from where she was reading by the fireplace with a mug of Hot Chocolate.

"….. Taylor is that the armor that includes an invisibility enchantment so it looks like Kreacher's a disembodied skull floating a couple feet off the ground?" groaned Harry past his hand with which he was covering his face, he was not sure whether to start laughing or crying.

"Yes dear." Answered Taylor, her hands idly turning a page in her book.

"Well it has been nice to not deal with the neighborhood kids asking for candy… so thanks. You too Kreacher…" admitted Harry.

"Yous welcome Master." answered Kreacher as he popped in to refill Taylor's mug.

Harry sighed. "…. But next year maybe you could just turn on the Muggle Repelling Ward with the switch you and Hermione designed for use in the Wards around Grimmauld instead?" he asked, in a voice he would never admit to being plaintive.

"But Harry, if I did that Kreacher wouldn't be having nearly as much fun." countered Taylor, with perfect poise and a suspiciously straight face.

"Mistress be's perfect Lady Black." Kreacher proudly stated, while polishing off the lenses in the mask his Mistress made for him during the War years ago.
 
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"Keep that crazy bitch away from me! She'll kill me!"
"Now, Bella, is that anyway to talk to the Lady Black?"

Taylor meets Walpurga. Walpurga spews hatred. Taylor talks about the wonders of muggle explosives and what they can do to a wall. Walpurga shuts up.
I suspect the wall is a supporting wall, can't just remove it, you can break her though and enchant the bricks to muffle noise.
 
Termites
Taylor examined the screaming portrait with a frown. She placed one hand on each side of the frame and pulled.

"Magically stuck there, huh?"

"Haven't found a away to get her off of there yet," Harry sighed.

Taylor nodded and pulled the curtain over the painting. "Well, let me think about it for a day or two."

A couple of days later, the breakfast conversation was interrupted by a small crash and strangely muffled screaming from the old bat.

Harry and the guests ran out to the entrance, while Taylor took a moment to finish her tea.

Harry was staring at the mess on the floor, bits of wood and the portrait of Walaburg, laying face down on the floor. The wooden remains of the frame were torn to shreds somehow, but no one could find any magic.

Taylor picked up the screaming painting and rolled it up tight, muffling the sound again.

She looked at the wall where the paining had hung and pointed at some black specks.

"Huh. It appears you have a minor infestation of termites."
 
For the sake of everyone else, I'm more concerned about the prospect of Taylor and Walburga's portrait getting along. Oh, sure, Taylor is one of those horrible no good disgusting creatures... supposedly, unless someone just happens to get the idea to simply straight up lie to the painting that can't corroborate anything; Taylor is supposedly afflicted by some very specific curse, but that's a made up story just like her magical parents who disowned her over it and were the sort of parents to in fact disown their nonexistent daughter over the curse that she doesn't have and did so by way of something special from the old family grimoire that they totally definitely have in pretend and contains therein such a means given as payment a long time ago by the fae with whom the family hasn't had contact in many generations that absolutely were counted and tracked because that sort of thing is very important of course.

Who is Walburga to say how good Taylor Potter's blood is or isn't? Walburga herself may not care about something sensitive to the [Redacted] family, and they do rather lend some impressions. Walburga has some very particular values for which she feels quite strongly; if those are met, then great, and if something does happen to be outside of those, then that is precisely the case. The values of some American family that can't be definitively identified may have some things in common and some differences.

Taylor herself, meanwhile, is the sort to be able to work with pretty much anyone no matter who they are if she can just be given a good reason to see them as useful—for reasons such as, say, having a wealth of information on an enemy and all sorts of knowledge about how to murderify and terrorise such enemies—and can be incredibly persuasive and convincing. She also is rather good at coming across as rather the scary and driven sort, which are not exactly unappealing traits to certain individuals who just may happen to be finding such qualities within their family legacies disagreeably wanting, terribly unrespectable.

I think there is a very real chance that Taylor will frame an argument to the witch in the frame about Voldemort being just the sort of person who offends Walburga's sensibilities the very worst way. Truly, Tom Riddle is a bastard half-blood of a muggle and a squib, if he can even be called that with such a pedigree, and a pretender who regales himself with vainglory and lies to swindle and trick near enough every single one of the most historied lines in Britain to prostrating themselves before him, offering to the insult of a wizard their slavish obedience, their family fortunes. And what does he do with it? He wages a war not against the muggles, but instigates a civil war amongst Wizarding Britain, fomenting hostilities where none existed to leave house after house amongst Wizarding Britain's most historied bloodlines desolate, shattered, depopulated, extinguished.

Walburga's own son, her precious Regulus, was seduced by Tom's poisonous lies like so many others, but found out the truth of him, and for that he was murdered. No, a duty and responsibility is clear. There may be some disagreements and differences of opinions between Walburga and Taylor just as there have been before between the Potters and the Blacks who have not always seen eye to eye but none the less comported themselves respectably and kept any disagreements civil with respect for one another as so exampled by Walburga's own aunt and uncle. Whatever trifling quibbles may set them apart, surely Walburga must see that she is obliged to do all she can to honour her name and blood. A reckoning is owed.
 
For the sake of everyone else, I'm more concerned about the prospect of Taylor and Walburga's portrait getting along.

Oh Walburga is going to love Taylor, particularly if Taylor wins Kreacher's loyalty as seems very likely. In her eyes Taylor will be an amazing newcomer to the house of Black, her attitude towards her enemies is flawless, and she's ruthless to boot. So what if she's been cursed by some spell-crafter to have her magic twisted into a tiny talent? Taylor hasn't let that stop her from terrorizing and eliminating her enemies. She's taken out a dragon, twice! In an incredibly ruthless fashion to boot too. First by rotting said dragon's crotch off using spider bites, and second by cutting out his eyes. Yeah I could see them getting on fantastically.
 
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