Harry Potter and the Skittering Spouse

Whooo! A wild update appeared!

I'll say, I really like that Ron is actually being used for something. In the first book, he was sort of Harry and Hermione's guide to the wizarding world- he explained things to Hermione more than once- and then JKR totally forgot about that, and so did most readers. These days the best he usually gets is "He's good at chess, so that makes him good at strategy right?" It's really nice to see him get to contribute.
 
Why Harry not surprised, that Taylor from future? Why TAYLOR don't say anything about her travel in past?
Or its just Contessa thing?
 
Why Harry not surprised, that Taylor from future? Why TAYLOR don't say anything about her travel in past?
Or its just Contessa thing?
She's traveled dimensions, at that point why even be surprised at a time displacement of less than twenty years? You could explain that as just certain events taking a few extra years to happen never mind the time space shenanigans normally attributed to travels between dimensions.
 
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The Harry potter universe is effectively a high fantasy series disguised as a urban fantasy one, where you don't see most of the broken shit because you follow school children.

Nah, it's a children's fantasy series trying and failing to present itself as for young adults, like two house elves stacked in a trenchcoat and about to topple over. Most of this stuff is a result of the story losing its childish illogic as the audience grew up and started getting more critical and Rowling sort of half-assing an attempt to make it all serious...despite half of the names remaining ridiculous puns, most worldbuilding being of the "throw pop cultural understanding of a given nationality's mythology at a wall" sort, and the entire wizarding world operating as a pop-up book come to life.

Any shift in fantasy genre is basically a complete accident, it's always been a portal fantasy trying and failing to hide its own inherent whimsy. It's like trying to make the Mario setting serious.
 
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It's like trying to make the Mario setting serious.
Dude… fanfiction. Don't throw down a gauntlet like that, I'd bet someone's already done it. If a hundred people have tried, one might even be good. And at that point your whole argument gets undone by one guy with a crazy idea and enough skill to make it work
 
Too useful to not thread mark
I decided to put together a list of potentially useful Potions to stock/use just to see how broken prep with potions can get. Please note that those with [SP] after them are a useful spell that could be useful to formulate as a Spell Potion. Those with [EE] after the name are most practical to employ as an Everlasting Elixir. I have left all healing potions out of the [EE] category as I am unsure whether having them active when not having one of those injuries would cause side effects or if it will just not do anything until said injury is sustained. If it is the later then I suggest all Healng Potions be [EE].

  • Anti-Paralysis Potion - Heals Paralysis. No mention of whether this is only magic induced or physical injury induced is included.
  • Anapneo Potion [SP]
  • Blood-Replenishing Potion
  • Fred and George's Bruise Removal Paste
  • Burn-Healing Paste
  • Burning Bitterroot Balm
  • Cure for Boils
  • Deflating Draught [EE] - This potion unlike most healing potions specifically mentions it deflates anything swollen "by magical means".
  • Dr Ubbly's Oblivious Unction - As it "heals wounds given by thoughts" it may assist in recovery from a Legilmency attack.
  • Draught of Living Death - Sometimes a magically induced coma is the best option.
  • Episkey Potion [SP]
  • Fergus Fungal Budge
  • Hiccoughing Solution
  • Laxative Potion
  • Lung Clearing Potion
  • Mouth Itching Antidote
  • Murtlap Essence
  • Oculus Potion
  • Pepperup Potion
  • Pomfrey's Pick-Me-Up
  • Replenishing Potion
  • Restoration Potion
  • Revive Potion
  • Skele-Gro
  • Sleeping Draught
  • Star Grass Salve
  • "Thick golden potion" - Was used by Professor Severus Snape in the summer of 1996 to treat the effects that the curse on the Ring Horcrux had on Albus Dumbledore. Seems to allow curse quarantining.
  • Vulnera Sanentur Potion [SP]
  • Wiggenweld Potion
  • Wound-Cleaning Potion
  • Antidote to Common Poisons [EE]
  • Antidote to Veritaserum [EE]
  • Baruffio's Brain Elixir [EE]
  • Black Fire Potion [EE] - Allows the use of Black Fire by the Order as a delaying tactic they themselves can ignore. Black Fire has in the Extended Universe been implied to be the flames of Protego Diabolica.
  • Bravery Charm Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Calming Draught [EE]
  • Confidence Boosting Brew [EE]
  • Dai Ryusaki's Mind-Enhancing Potion [EE}
  • Dexterity Draught [EE]
  • Draught of Peace [EE] - Relieves Anxiety
  • Draught of Perception [EE]
  • Edurus Potion
  • Exstimulo Potion [EE]
  • Fire Protection Potion [EE]
  • Focus Potion [EE]
  • Girding Potion [EE]
  • Homenum Revelio Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Homonculous Charm Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Invigoration Draught [EE]
  • Legilimency Potion [EE] - While the attempted creation of this Potion wasn't successful, the mere attempt indicates that the successful creation of such a potion is at least theoretically possible. Would pair well with Dai Ryusaki's Mind-Enhancing Potion.
  • Love Potion Antidotes [EE]
  • Magicus Extremos [SP] [EE] - Partnership-based potion that increases the casters' spell power. Probably works better he more people you can get under its effect.
  • Maxima Potion [EE]
  • Memory Potion [EE]
  • Mopsus Potion [EE]
  • Potion of All Potential [EE]
  • Stamina Potion [EE]
  • Stealth Sensoring Spell [SP] [EE]
  • Strengthening Solution [EE]
  • Supersensory Charm Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Surgito Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Tonic for Trace Detection [EE] - Allows the drinker to sense traces of magic better than they normally could
  • Vitamix Potion [EE]
  • Wideye Potion [EE] - Artifical Noctis Cape ahoy!
  • Wisdom Potion [EE]
  • Wit-Sharpening Potion [EE]
  • Ageing Potion - Useful for dealing with adults as equals for shit like Black Market Purchases).
  • Beautification Potion [EE] - A bit of a vanity inclusion but Taylor has always had self image issues and she knows first hand through her suffering at te hands of Emma how beauty can be weapnised alongside Social-Fu, so she might be able to justify this one to herself via that avenue of thought.
  • Blemish Blitzer [EE] - As Beautification Potion.
  • Bundimun Pomade [EE] - Hair Pomade. As Beautification Potion. Taylor also treasures her hair as her last link to her mother, so she could be even more inclined.
  • Deletrius Potion [SP] [EE} - Soak your wand in it to render it immune to Prior Incantato.
  • Engorgio Potion [SP] [EE] - Feed it to Taylor's swarm for giant insect shennanigans.
  • Entomorphis Potion [SP] - Transforms Target into an insect that Taylor can probably then control.
  • Dreamless Sleep Potion
  • Drowsiness Draught
  • Erumpent Potion - Magical Explosives never hurts. Is likely the same thing as the Exploding Potion.
  • Felix Felicis
  • Fumos Potion [SP} - Instant Smokescreen.
  • Garrotting Gas - Area denial.
  • Germinating Potion - Combine with something like Venomous Tentacular seeds and you got weaponised herbology.
  • Gregory's Unctuous Unction
  • Gripping Charm Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak handles of weapons etc. in it to make it harder to be disarmed.
  • Fianto Duri Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Imperturbable Charm Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Impervius Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Invisibility Potion - Cloaks can come off, this doesn't.
  • Muffling Draught - Pairs well with the Invisibility Potion.
  • Nebulus Potion [SP] - Instant Fog in a bottle.
  • Noxious Poison - See Garotting Gas.
  • Polyjuice Potion [Unkeyed] - Ready deployment of infiltration capability.
  • Protego Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Protego Duo Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Protego Horribilis Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Protego Maxima Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Protego Totalum Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Repello Inimicum Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Salvio Hexia Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Scourgify Potion - Sometime in war you don't have time for luxuries like showers but hygeine is still important.
  • Sleekeazy's Hair Potion and Scalp Treatment [EE] - See Bundimun Pomade.
  • Ten-Second Pimple Vanisher [EE] - See Blemish Blitzer.
  • Thunderbrew - Surrounds the drinker's body with a miniature thunderstorm that zaps enemies.
  • Volubilis Potion - Useful for concealing your true voice when necessary.
  • Unbreakable Charm Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
Yeah that turned out to be a lot more broken than I expected and I wasn't exactly expecting a balanced list to begin with. HP is pretty cracked if you start min-maxing shit.
 
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No one even mentions the 'breath of an honest politician'.
I mean, for that one you might need to borrow Lucius's Time and Space Turner to visit Senator Amidala, because I don't think anyone else fits the bill.
If it was that easy, humanity would have been extinct for at least a thousand years by the time canon begins (same with all other life on Earth, which would be gone). That's just utter stupidity
I mean, that specific spell was rather recently developed, and it was the first time they realized it could do that, so its not entirely hopeless for earth. But yeah, it's pretty stupid, I don't disagree.
Nah, it's a children's fantasy series trying and failing to present itself as for young adults, like two house elves stacked in a trenchcoat and about to topple over. Most of this stuff is a result of the story losing its childish illogic as the audience grew up and started getting more critical and Rowling sort of half-assing an attempt to make it all serious...despite half of the names remaining ridiculous puns, most worldbuilding being of the "throw pop cultural understanding of a given nationality's mythology at a wall" sort, and the entire wizarding world operating as a pop-up book come to life.

Any shift in fantasy genre is basically a complete accident, it's always been a portal fantasy trying and failing to hide its own inherent whimsy. It's like trying to make the Mario setting serious.
Again, I don't disagree. It was definitely showing cracks trying to adapt to a changing audience in 2010~ with the early Hasbro games, Wizarding Word Podcast and Pottermore, let alone over a decade past that with god only knows how many more games, short stories, adaptations, etc. Plus JK sucks ass at foreign/non-uk stuff, to the point of unintentional megaracism, like making Native American skinwalkers, a key part of many tribal religious rituals and mythology, actually hit-piece stories made up by jealous non-wizard shamans to demonize 'real wizards'.
But the thing is, as stupid as the story is when trying to be more serious, and as convoluted and weird as it gets, I kind of like it in a ironic way. It's funny to watch it try and be so serious, like Ash putting on a goth outfit and using only dark and ghost types, when it clearly isn't meant to be that.
 
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Dude… fanfiction. Don't throw down a gauntlet like that, I'd bet someone's already done it. If a hundred people have tried, one might even be good. And at that point your whole argument gets undone by one guy with a crazy idea and enough skill to make it work
You don't even need to look that far. Any of the RPGs actually are pretty good at doing that, from the original Super Mario RPG (the one that was recently remade) to the Mario & Luigi series to Paper Mario.

Yes, there's a lot of humor in them, but it's a lighthearted property to begin with, so having plenty of humorous moments just makes sense, but there are plenty of serious moments, too.

And even discounting those, the original Mario Bros 1 & 3 on the NES were both stage plays (with Super Mario All-Stars making this much more poignant), and SMB2 was literally "all just a dream."
 
HP is pretty cracked if you start min-maxing shit.

The one that always makes me curious is Snape's speech where he says he can "bottle fame."
It might just be a metaphor, but what if it isn't?

If Harry bottled his fame, would people forget he's the Boy Who Lived?
If he made Draco drink it, would they think Draco was the Boy Who Lived, or would be be famous for being a little snot?

What would happen if the Twins figured out how to do it?
 
I don't remember her being very open and honest about her relationship with anakin..
Actually, in both canon and legends she never said she wasn't married. She just never said she was either. Anyone who wanted to check could check Naboo's public records to see that she married one Anakin Skywalker in the manner of the old Naboo religion, which she was about the only person left who still practised short of the single monk temple she used. That later part is legends only though.

In legends, and possibly canon though I am not sure as I haven't read many of those books, she would have outright said she was married if she was asked, because in legends Jedi could get exemptions to marry, and The Hero Without Fear could get that exemption easily if he wanted to.
 
I mean, that specific spell was rather recently developed, and it was the first time they realized it could do that, so its not entirely hopeless for earth. But yeah, it's pretty stupid, I don't disagree.

It's also canon that accidental magic is a thing. If a stupid spell can do that do a damn volcano. Then people could easily die if a magical toddler has a bloody tantrum too. Humanity would not survive the toddler tantrums alone, let alone all other crap
 
I decided to put together a list of potentially useful Potions to stock/use just to see how broken prep with potions can get. Please note that those with [SP] after them are a useful spell that could be useful to formulate as a Spell Potion. Those with [EE] after the name are most practical to employ as an Everlasting Elixir. I have left all healing potions out of the [EE] category as I am unsure whether having them active when not having one of those injuries would cause side effects or if it will just not do anything until said injury is sustained. If it is the later then I suggest all Healng Potions be [EE].

  • Anti-Paralysis Potion - Heals Paralysis. No mention of whether this is only magic induced or physical injury induced is included.
  • Anapneo Potion [SP]
  • Blood-Replenishing Potion
  • Fred and George's Bruise Removal Paste
  • Burn-Healing Paste
  • Burning Bitterroot Balm
  • Cure for Boils
  • Deflating Draught [EE] - This potion unlike most healing potions specifically mentions it deflates anything swollen "by magical means".
  • Dr Ubbly's Oblivious Unction - As it "heals wounds given by thoughts" it may assist in recovery from a Legilmency attack.
  • Draught of Living Death - Sometimes a magically induced coma is the best option.
  • Episkey Potion [SP]
  • Fergus Fungal Budge
  • Hiccoughing Solution
  • Laxative Potion
  • Lung Clearing Potion
  • Mouth Itching Antidote
  • Murtlap Essence
  • Oculus Potion
  • Pepperup Potion
  • Pomfrey's Pick-Me-Up
  • Replenishing Potion
  • Restoration Potion
  • Revive Potion
  • Skele-Gro
  • Sleeping Draught
  • Star Grass Salve
  • "Thick golden potion" - Was used by Professor Severus Snape in the summer of 1996 to treat the effects that the curse on the Ring Horcrux had on Albus Dumbledore. Seems to allow curse quarantining.
  • Vulnera Sanentur Potion [SP]
  • Wiggenweld Potion
  • Wound-Cleaning Potion
  • Antidote to Common Poisons [EE]
  • Antidote to Veritaserum [EE]
  • Baruffio's Brain Elixir [EE]
  • Black Fire Potion [EE] - Allows the use of Black Fire by the Order as a delaying tactic they themselves can ignore. Black Fire has in the Extended Universe been implied to be the flames of Protego Diabolica.
  • Bravery Charm Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Calming Draught [EE]
  • Confidence Boosting Brew [EE]
  • Dai Ryusaki's Mind-Enhancing Potion [EE}
  • Dexterity Draught [EE]
  • Draught of Peace [EE] - Relieves Anxiety
  • Draught of Perception [EE]
  • Edurus Potion
  • Exstimulo Potion [EE]
  • Fire Protection Potion [EE]
  • Focus Potion [EE]
  • Girding Potion [EE]
  • Homenum Revelio Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Homonculous Charm Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Invigoration Draught [EE]
  • Legilimency Potion [EE] - While the attempted creation of this Potion wasn't successful, the mere attempt indicates that the successful creation of such a potion is at least theoretically possible. Would pair well with Dai Ryusaki's Mind-Enhancing Potion.
  • Love Potion Antidotes [EE]
  • Magicus Extremos [SP] [EE] - Partnership-based potion that increases the casters' spell power. Probably works better he more people you can get under its effect.
  • Maxima Potion [EE]
  • Memory Potion [EE]
  • Mopsus Potion [EE]
  • Potion of All Potential [EE]
  • Stamina Potion [EE]
  • Stealth Sensoring Spell [SP] [EE]
  • Strengthening Solution [EE]
  • Supersensory Charm Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Surgito Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Tonic for Trace Detection [EE] - Allows the drinker to sense traces of magic better than they normally could
  • Vitamix Potion [EE]
  • Wideye Potion [EE] - Artifical Noctis Cape ahoy!
  • Wisdom Potion [EE]
  • Wit-Sharpening Potion [EE]
  • Ageing Potion - Useful for dealing with adults as equals for shit like Black Market Purchases).
  • Beautification Potion [EE] - A bit of a vanity inclusion but Taylor has always had self image issues and she knows first hand through her suffering at te hands of Emma how beauty can be weapnised alongside Social-Fu, so she might be able to justify this one to herself via that avenue of thought.
  • Blemish Blitzer [EE] - As Beautification Potion.
  • Bundimun Pomade [EE] - Hair Pomade. As Beautification Potion. Taylor also treasures her hair as her last link to her mother, so she could be even more inclined.
  • Deletrius Potion [SP] [EE} - Soak your wand in it to render it immune to Prior Incantato.
  • Engorgio Potion [SP] [EE] - Feed it to Taylor's swarm for giant insect shennanigans.
  • Entomorphis Potion [SP] - Transforms Target into an insect that Taylor can probably then control.
  • Dreamless Sleep Potion
  • Drowsiness Draught
  • Erumpent Potion - Magical Explosives never hurts. Is likely the same thing as the Exploding Potion.
  • Felix Felicis
  • Fumos Potion [SP} - Instant Smokescreen.
  • Garrotting Gas - Area denial.
  • Germinating Potion - Combine with something like Venomous Tentacular seeds and you got weaponised herbology.
  • Gregory's Unctuous Unction
  • Gripping Charm Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak handles of weapons etc. in it to make it harder to be disarmed.
  • Fianto Duri Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Imperturbable Charm Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Impervius Potion [SP] [EE]
  • Invisibility Potion - Cloaks can come off, this doesn't.
  • Muffling Draught - Pairs well with the Invisibility Potion.
  • Nebulus Potion [SP] - Instant Fog in a bottle.
  • Noxious Poison - See Garotting Gas.
  • Polyjuice Potion [Unkeyed] - Ready deployment of infiltration capability.
  • Protego Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Protego Duo Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Protego Horribilis Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Protego Maxima Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Protego Totalum Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Repello Inimicum Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Salvio Hexia Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
  • Scourgify Potion - Sometime in war you don't have time for luxuries like showers but hygeine is still important.
  • Sleekeazy's Hair Potion and Scalp Treatment [EE] - See Bundimun Pomade.
  • Ten-Second Pimple Vanisher [EE] - See Blemish Blitzer.
  • Thunderbrew - Surrounds the drinker's body with a miniature thunderstorm that zaps enemies.
  • Volubilis Potion - Useful for concealing your true voice when necessary.
  • Unbreakable Charm Potion [SP] [EE] - Soak costume/robes in it for added defense.
Yeah that turned out to be a lot more broken than I expected and I wasn't exactly expecting a balanced list to begin with. HP is pretty cracked if you start min-maxing shit.
And not a single mention of the humble bezoar?
 
And not a single mention of the humble bezoar?
No need, it's the active ingredient in the Antidote to Common Poisons alongside Unicorn Horn (for its purification properties) and Mistletoe Berry (presumably for its use as a purgative and emetic). From what I can infer this potion is actually superior to using just a Bezoar as it works in a mutually reinforcing three stage process:
  1. The Bezoar counters any poison already absorbed into the body as well mitigates the unbeneficial/toxic qualities of the Mistletoe Berry present in the potion.
  2. The Unicorn Horn purifies the consumers internal magic of any mailgnant qualities from magical ingredients/toxins.
  3. The Mistletoe Berry serves as a dual purgative/emetic causing you to expel any unabsorbed quantities of the substance still present in your system before it can repoison you.
 
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"Knowing wizards, someone probably invented something like that just for an edge in quidditch, and then it was instantly banned. The boys might actually have a better idea about this than I do." She admitted.
I love this. It makes so much sense. Quidditch is the biggest thing in the Wizarding world, and innovation always goes where the money is.
 
It's also canon that accidental magic is a thing. If a stupid spell can do that do a damn volcano. Then people could easily die if a magical toddler has a bloody tantrum too. Humanity would not survive the toddler tantrums alone, let alone all other crap
Gaia: Yet another thing to go on the "Wizards Are Not Allowed To Do This" list...

Luna: You'd think you'd have figured-out, by now: Humans is Mad.

Gaia: Just you wait, Little Daughter, you'll have humans living on you, by-and-by. Your very own Lunatics.

Luna: Nooooooo!

((Please note: The above are personifications of planetary bodies, not any Potter-verse characters.))
 
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