Harry Potter and the Skittering Spouse

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Oh vey. This is... Unwise from top to bottom


One, why would anyone purposefully irradiate the british countryside? Why risk a critical mass explosion and nuclear war?

Two, wizards can banish materials into nothingness and have wards. They can disappear the weird hot obvious extraneous metals that are obviously an attack. The cops would never even be able to see the place or look it up in a map (unplotable)

Three. Y'kow, unless it's from a sniper ambush a dark wiz will always slaughter any number of normal soldiers. They are shielded teleporting bazookas.
 
Oh vey. This is... Unwise from top to bottom


One, why would anyone purposefully irradiate the british countryside? Why risk a critical mass explosion and nuclear war?

Two, wizards can banish materials into nothingness and have wards. They can disappear the weird hot obvious extraneous metals that are obviously an attack. The cops would never even be able to see the place or look it up in a map (unplotable)

Three. Y'kow, unless it's from a sniper ambush a dark wiz will always slaughter any number of normal soldiers. They are shielded teleporting bazookas.
We know Malfoy has a secret hidden cellar where he keeps dark artifacts, one hidden under his office. Just transfigure a (subcritical) lump of uranium into some appropriately dark-looking statuette and have a house elf hide it in his secret stash. (The mental image of Dobby wearing NBC gear is amusing)

What weird hot extraneous metals? It might be a little warm to the touch, but for the most part it's just another evil knick-knack among all the rest. Meanwhile it's irradiating his private office and killing him over the course of a few weeks. He'll end up in the hospital of course, but do wizards even know how to treat radiation poisoning? By the time he realizes something's wrong, he's probably already dead.

When Malfoy Sr.'s out of the way, you then either take the statue back and stick it in a lead box, or you leave it there to kill the next death eater that takes the place over.


No need to scatter anything, no need to irradiate the countryside, no need to risk a critical mass or do something that's obviously an attack. Just a carefully targeted and subtle attack on a known terrorist.
 
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Oh vey. This is... Unwise from top to bottom
It's a setup for a comedy/farce. Of CCURSE it's unwise.

One, why would anyone purposefully irradiate the british countryside? Why risk a critical mass explosion and nuclear war?
A: It's Malfoy Manor. Would Harry/Anyone-other-than-the-Malfoys care? B: Actually, a meltdown would be the actual result. Nuclear explosions take a bit of contrivance. (Thank Ghod.) Mind you, a meltdown is *plenty* bad enough - it's just not a big boom.

Two, wizards can banish materials into nothingness and have wards. They can disappear the weird hot obvious extraneous metals that are obviously an attack. The cops would never even be able to see the place or look it up in a map (unplotable)
Leaving aside fanon (which honestly has a better worked out magic system than canon when it comes to HP), given the observed and demonstrated competence of British Wizards (and Witches) in canon, I'm not sure those are reliable points.

Three. Y'kow, unless it's from a sniper ambush a dark wiz will always slaughter any number of normal soldiers. They are shielded teleporting bazookas.
Eh. Wands have about the same range as pistols, but spells are slower. The wizards have a HUGE advantage in tactical mobility, but a *much* smaller force. Etc., Etc. The best portrayal of a Muggle/Magic war I've seen is is Weapons Free, by angelicxdiscord.
 
Three. Y'kow, unless it's from a sniper ambush a dark wiz will always slaughter any number of normal soldiers. They are shielded teleporting bazookas.
This assumes a) the wizard is aware of the dangers. 99% of them who didn't grow up in the muggle world or have special training will see a muggle as defenseless and harmless, even if they have a knife, a semi-automatic machine gun, and a nuclear weapon and are trained to use them all. b) the wizard is properly trained in combat. Once shit starts going down, most wizards will panic. This likely still applies to most of the death eaters, if the muggle has already started injuring/killing the DEs before they notice the danger. Panic + aparition = splinching. So no teleport spamming when things go wrong. and c) the wizard is properly trained in DADA. Most wizards canonically can't reliably cast a shield, even aurors were buying the weasley hat-shields.
 
Had the internet gotten that far along yet? Or was it still the sort of novel thing for porn and chatrooms?)
Netscape Navigator came out in 1994, so decorated cursors, midi music, and bbses with hasty updates to be websites were the order of the day. Dialup was king so unless you had ADSL, you better have had a second phone line. Internet speeds were something like three orders of magnitude slower, hard drives were more like five? Ish? Orders of magnitude smaller, and downloading an mp3 or a wav file might take all afternoon.

The anarchists cookbook was absolutely making the rounds at that time for what it's worth.
 
Taylor doesn't have access to magic, she's just been given ownership of a being capable of performing magic... and you expect her to just let it go with having him work in Hogwarts? Fuck that. He's her wand now.
No. Kreacher is an unwilling slave. Which could make him useful but in no way makes him trustworthy or reliable. Even if she goes that route she'll do it when Dumbledore isn't around to find out. And that's ignoring other potential uses that may take precedence if she decides she needs something done quietly.
 
No. Kreacher is an unwilling slave. Which could make him useful but in no way makes him trustworthy or reliable. Even if she goes that route she'll do it when Dumbledore isn't around to find out. And that's ignoring other potential uses that may take precedence if she decides she needs something done quietly.
Fine, but he still shows the possible advantages to a house elf and Taylor happens to be married to Harry Potter, and don't we know a freed house-elf who worships him and would likely be very happy to take care of his new family and perform whatever magic his wife might need?
 
(Had the internet gotten that far along yet? Or was it still the sort of novel thing for porn and chatrooms?)

Aha!! I..I can answer this question. The internet did exist, though google did not. There were a variety of search engines, yahoo may very well be the sole survivor but not necessarily the best at the time. I'm not sure the anarchist's cookbook would have been online, but there was a resource that doesn't really exist much anymore... Newsgroups!! Also, chat on something called the undernet, which also had a ton of different topics of discussion, or baring that, you could form your own group. I'm sure someone on there would be happy to enlighten someone wanting to know how to make napalm from kitchen materials or how to synthesize super deadly poisons from garden plants.
 
even aurors were buying the weasley hat-shields.
Being fair, even if I could reliably cast a shield spell, I'd still buy one. They're excellent for dealing with surprise attacks, and for letting you tank an attack on a shield while casting something offensive back. That latter really is the primary weakness of (the rare competent examples of) potterverse wizards, holding a shield up with their wand ties up their wand. An enchanted item to do it for them lets them attack and defend at the same time.
 
Three. Y'kow, unless it's from a sniper ambush a dark wiz will always slaughter any number of normal soldiers. They are shielded teleporting bazookas.

May be able to shield; not guaranteed. Apparition requires the three Ds, if you remember the class; combat apparitions were never shown in the books; it was used to arrive, to flee, but not to move around a battle field.

As for fire power, yea, they have it, one on one. Soldiers don't do one on one; generally speaking, the rule of thumb is three of yours for every one of theirs.

Three machine guns vs. one wand; rate of fire favors the guns.

There is a reason the Statute of Secrecy and the proliferation of firearms happened at the same time.

Being fair, even if I could reliably cast a shield spell, I'd still buy one. They're excellent for dealing with surprise attacks, and for letting you tank an attack on a shield while casting something offensive back. That latter really is the primary weakness of (the rare competent examples of) potterverse wizards, holding a shield up with their wand ties up their wand. An enchanted item to do it for them lets them attack and defend at the same time.


The reason they sold so well, and that the Ministry actually ordered a bunch is because most adults can't cast a simple Protego shield spell.

Remember, this is after thirty years of crap DADA instructors; it's not surprising that the only ones that can cast anything but day to day spells are the very motivated.

You know, kinda like athletes in America today. :)
 
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That's jumping to conclusions in my mind. A remote detonator maybe, but see above. Beyond that though you're thinking about it from the wrong direction. A laptop is useful for information storage and organization but all that can be done with pen and paper just as easily. The true value would be internet so she could google anything and everything from the anarchists cookbook and follow mundane news for hints of enemy movement. (Had the internet gotten that far along yet? Or was it still the sort of novel thing for porn and chatrooms?)

World wide web started being a thing in 1993 or 94. The September that Never Ended was in '93. Web browsers where... uh, Netscape, Internet Explorer, and if you were running on what counted as a potato for that time period, Lynx, which was text only.

Search engines were... Yahoo and Alta Vista, I think. Google didn't come around until... '99 or so. Since the search engines at the time tended to be pretty bad, webrings were in use up until the early 2000s.

A lot of marginalized communities got into the Internet early, and were often pretty dilligent about policing themselves (since no one else would do it), so there was a lot of advice on things like BDSM relationships, support for transexuals, and other things that I think sorta got washed away by an endless time of lowest common denomiator porn by the mid oughties.

Nvidia released their first 3D card (the Riva 128) in... '96? The second generation of pentiums were coming out. Windows 95 and a lot of newish autoconfiguration stuff meant that you never had to open your PC again an flip dip switches to resolve interrupt conflicts. So things like expansion cards and printers just started being things that you just plugged in and they worked. It was glorious.
 
World wide web started being a thing in 1993 or 94. The September that Never Ended was in '93. Web browsers where... uh, Netscape, Internet Explorer, and if you were running on what counted as a potato for that time period, Lynx, which was text only.

Don't forget AOL for the Americans. As a kid it was the shit, but looking back I can only see how badly made a piece of shit most of those early browsers were. Tabs weren't a thing until Firefox in '03 I think, and they were amazing after years of having to have separate windows of your browser open clogging up your RAM. I think Ask Jeeves was another early search engine in the 90s. If you weren't around, or able to remember, it the internet back then was utter chaos once it started up. Getting info was really not that easy unless you knew the tricks to using a search engine, and they weren't obvious ones. You had to pretty much type out the info you were looking for and then code in the filters in the same search bar entry.

So Taylor wouldn't be easily able to get info from a local library computer, if the library even had one. Not saying she can't, but it could end up being significantly faster for her to work with someone like the Twins in order to create useful tools or traps via Magic than to go searching for Muggle bombs or the like. After all as long as it sends something like ball bearings towards the intended target who cares if it's a claymore, or something that looks like a Pez dispenser that fires rocks at anything that moves in front of it, both are functional and effective anti-infantry mines.
 
Taylor's going to the Weasley's...

Either the Garden Gnomes are susceptible to Taylor's control, or they're about to have a really bad time.
 
According to my brother, you could find two versions of the Anarchist Cookbook online in a couple of BBS, (whatever the hell that is, I'll google it later.) One was the crap version; more likely to blow you up than your target.

The other version required a careful hunt through some questionable bbs; the kind of thing that would get you on an FBI list today, but it had a much better set of recipes for things that went boom.
 
According to my brother, you could find two versions of the Anarchist Cookbook online in a couple of BBS, (whatever the hell that is, I'll google it later.) One was the crap version; more likely to blow you up than your target.

A Bulletin Board System. Early forums essentially, if you ever watched, or read, Durarara what the Dollars used to communicate was a pretty good example. Sort of a mix of chat room and forum. And getting to those BBS was not easy. Taylor for all that she knows how to navigate the criminal side of humanity would not have a clue on how to find such a BBS. Or that it even existed.
 
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Another thing about BBS's was that this was the age before Amazon web services and the endless fields of Google zombies, with their brains hijacked to run massively parallel computing. If you wanted to BBS, you likely ran it out of your closed with a computer hooked up to your phone line... Which meant that there could often only be one person actually on the BBS at once, since they were dialing in and taking up the phone line. So they'd post their stuff, or take their (game) turn, or whatever, and then get off for the next person.

Those that were particularly flush, or hijacking resources from someone else (why your BBS might only be running after business hours), would have multiple lines and a PBX box, and either multiple acoustic couplers, or just several banks of modems so the host machine could have some number of distinct connections at once.

That's part of why LAN parties were a thing, where you would all pack up your computers, and meet up somewhere to plug everything in together to make a local network out of them.

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As for explosives, you can make a pretty good bomb out of fertilizer (all those nitrogen atoms want to be free) plus a wetting agent (usually diesel fuel), though there tends to be some monitoring of (bulk) fertilizer purchases; at least, in the US after the Oklahoma City Bombing (1995). I'd assume, with the PIRA running around the UK, they were doing it even earlier.

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The troubles (in Ireland) are finally trying to wind down, but the PIRA should still have some stockpiles of small arms and stuff around somewhere.
 
Looks at chapters compared to thread page number

Huh, Harry Potter and Worm are both subject to constant off topic rambling, I guess when you put them together, the result is multiplicative?
 
You can make thermite out of rust and aluminium foil, too; Taylor's not going to have a hard time if she wants to get into dangerous chemistry.
 
Looks at chapters compared to thread page number

Huh, Harry Potter and Worm are both subject to constant off topic rambling, I guess when you put them together, the result is multiplicative?

I'd like to think we're pretty on topic. Sure it veers a bit, but it's not like we just went from discussing potential technological devices that Taylor may look into as being useful for the war and how she'd learn or access such information to talking about something as complete a non-sequitor as why cat videos are an appropriate form and mode of attack via public relations. That would be off-topic.
 
Get enough Pepsi and Russia will trade you warships for it.
Food Theory channel disproved that rumor; but boy is it an amusing tale.

Meanwhile slightly closer to on topic..
Someone mentioned mechanical watches work at Hogwarts. Um, does that mean the ones that a person has remember to wind the tiny dial everyday to keep it from running down? I've always wondered if battery powered watches worked at Hogwarts. Has there ever been a muggleborn with a pacemaker? Would they thus be unable to attend Hogwarts because their medically necessary device would fail?
 
Netscape Navigator came out in 1994, so decorated cursors, midi music, and bbses with hasty updates to be websites were the order of the day. Dialup was king so unless you had ADSL, you better have had a second phone line. Internet speeds were something like three orders of magnitude slower, hard drives were more like five? Ish? Orders of magnitude smaller, and downloading an mp3 or a wav file might take all afternoon.

The anarchists cookbook was absolutely making the rounds at that time for what it's worth.

Actually I started going on Internet in 1992, as it was available at my university. At that time, it was mostly ftp and usenet newsgroup, as I remember. And IIIRC, the first webbrowser, Mosaic (at least the first I used) was available in early 1993
 
Yeah, I used to run a BBS when I was in HS. Met my wife on one she ran, as well. And that was my immediate thought when I saw the discussions about the anarchist's cookbook; there was a copy on at least 3 of my local BBSes. That said, they were still relatively obscure, so Taylor's probably thinking something closer to AOL/Compuserve. Pretty sure those had their own built in browsers.

Generally, at least in my area, you would learn the number of a BBS somewhere (flyer at a tech group/computer store, friends, ad in computer magazine) and they would have a downloadable list of other local ones.
 
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