A Matter of Utmost Secrecy
"Ah, there you are, m'boy. Come, have a chat with us."
As Harry emerged from the bathroom - seconds after flushing to make it seem like he'd actually used the toilet - he looked and saw that Neville and the Headmaster were, apparently, having a discussion about some manner of gilded beast tooth that Dumbledore had taken from its previous shelf as a conversation piece.
It's the tenth upper canine of a long-dead species of dragon. Dumbledore likes dragons.
As Headmaster Dumbledore waved his hand, the dragon tooth floated back to its shelf and dropped sedately in between a jar of eyeballs and a book with a leering face staring down at them with malicious red eyes. Harry promptly took a seat next to Neville and listened as Dumbledore spoke, "Now that you are both present and ready, I suppose that I should explain why I called you both in here. It's a bit unorthodox to have a conversation with Hogwarts students before the year even properly begins. You see, a problem has cropped up recently - one that I hoped you might be able to aid me with."
At that, Neville blinked and cocked his head to the side, squinting a little. "A problem?"
"Nothing major, of course," the Headmaster replied, raising a hand and smiling. "I was hoping you might be able to, well... spy for me."
Inside of Harry's mind, Geist reacted with a long-suffering sigh. Not this shit again.
"Spy for you?" Harry asked skeptically.
"Indeed. As you see, in the last school year, our staff noticed a number of potion supplies missing - Professor Snape reported the missing ingredients promptly, but thus far, we've been unable to apprehend our insubstantial - or rather, very substantial - thief." Dumbledore calmly stroked his beard, seated back in his chair, and gently nodded his head along to his own words. "I have some reason to believe, however, the robber in question is among the students - likely in the second year, now, if not higher. I have no idea, nor does Professor Snape, how they might be sneaking into the supply closet. Most likely, through a secret entrance."
"Alright, so," Neville paused, realizing he didn't fully know what he wanted to say. After a second, he narrowed his eyes, furrowed his eyebrows, and confusedly ask, "uh, how does one... I mean, how should we spy on people and find that out? I, uh, I'm sorry to say, sir, but I don't have any experience spying, and I don't think Harry does either."
"Nonsense!" Dumbledore waved a hand, chuckling merrily. He took off his half-moon glasses; a satisfied twinkle of amusement glinting in his eyes. "For you see, the best spy is one that shall not be suspected for such - a pair of students in their first year, with no experience in spying whatsoever? Why, that is the best kind of spy!"
I don't see a reason to question his logic, Geist stated with deep sarcasm. Why, I cannot fathom how this reasoning might even be subject to any kind of skepticism.
"And, of course," Dumbledore leaned in, "I shall see that you are both properly rewarded for any useful tidbits you send along my way. I don't need you boys to actively investigate, after all - I would not like you to put yourselves in danger. However, I would be more than happy if you... kept an ear out, hm?" His eyebrow went up, as if hinting at some kind of hidden double-meaning and expecting them to also understand. Harry and Neville side-glanced at one another, then nodded to the Headmaster.
"Of course," Neville decided.
"We'll bring you anything we find out," Harry added.
"Yeah."
"Splendid," Dumbledore answered with a deep, wide smile. "Off you go then, I shouldn't keep you too much - if Minerva finds out I've been recruiting students to spy for me again, why, she'll thwack me with a broom!" Dumbledore laughed from his gut; Neville and Harry joined in with their own stilted chuckles out of politeness. After several moments laughing, Dumbledore waved them off, and they both stood up, took a few lemon drops from the man's proffered bowl, and then left the office, rejoining back with Professor Hagrid who'd been patiently waiting for them outside.
"Ah, ther' ye are. Come along, the Sortin's about to start, I reckon."
And so they walked back down the massive set of stairs, lagging behind Hagrid now that they were both more confident in their ability to navigate and not fall off to their impending dooms, so as to discuss what Dumbledore had told them.
"Uh, so, do we do anything?" Harry asked.
"Eh." Neville frowned. "I mean, he outright instructed us not to, so we probably shouldn't. Whoever's stealing the supplies is probably better than us at, like, magic, so they'll whoop our butts if we try to report them. Just keep an eye out. Or, uh, ear. Who knows, maybe we'll get free points out of it."
Harry nodded, in complete agreement.
He always does this.
Harry didn't blink as he followed after Hagrid. Who does what?
Dumbledore. He always does this, 'will you spy for me,' to various First Years that show promise. I can't tell you the solution because the subject of the spying is always randomized, but if you ask among the upper years and press anyone who looks at you, you'll probably find a couple of his other 'spies.' Useful data, that.
Huh. And why even do this? I mean, what purpose does it serve?
Training, Geist replied, He trains children he likes to procure information so they'll have it 'easier in life.' It's some kind of PTSD holdover from his days of fighting Grindelwald. He's so hard-entrenched in the habit of training spies and soldiers that he's basically addicted to it; can't stop. He loves to make a game of it, too. Insane, battered old fool.
That last sentence contained a little bit of venom; detectable spite.
Anyway, don't worry about the stupid spy game. If you don't figure out the spy's identity by the last month of the school year, he'll do something drastic to point you in their direction so hard you won't be able to miss it. Although it might push back your 'spy training' in the next year. Honestly, the best thing you can do - for him, for yourself, for Neville, and for the school - is report this ridiculous behavior to McGonagall at the earliest available convenience. It'll sour his mood a little, but Dumbledore's forgiving.
Harry accepted those news with thinned lips, as he and Neville rejoined the crowd of students idling outside of, apparently, the great hall of the castle. Professor Hagrid bid them adieu and then left, to enter it from some manner of a side entrance.
"Oh, you're back," Hermione said, shifting as she noticed their approach.
"Hey." Harry smiled. "Any idea where Professor McGonagall went off to?"
"Uh, she's inside. About to return, I think," Ron said. He looked at the gates leading to the great hall. "Why?"
---
[ ] Report Dumbledore - Let McGonagall know that Dumbledore is insane (or pretending to be.) She probably already knows, though.
[ ] Be A Spy Kid - "No particular reason."
In the next chapter, you will undergo the Sorting and be placed into an appropriate House. However, given that you've now made several friends, you can attempt to convince them for everyone to aim for the same House - the Hat does, according to record, accept student opinion into its decision, and such opinion is often important.
[ ] Attempt Same House - But which one?
[ ] Let Nature Do Its Thing - Nah.
