Sadly no. I have stated "I am an idle billionaire" many times and it has yet to be true.
I'll keep ya posted though.
Fate/Sunny Order (FGO)
- Thread starter Swordomatic
- Start date
I'll keep ya posted though.
Sakuya's Butler
A refined Butler to a knife wielding Mistress.
- Location
- ↓, ↘, → + Punch
Sadly, Datcord is something of a 4th dimensional object. So even the stopped clock metaphor doesn't work with him, as the hands will never meet.
BlackThief12
I'm a fucking ninja
- Location
- Puerto Rico, Vega Baja
Finally. I had reached this point.
Also, hi.
Also, hi.
Icipall
Don't worry, we can fanfix that!
- Location
- Cold snow fields of Finland
Hello and welcome. The like carpet bombing was quite an indicator.
Omake (Crusader Jerome) - How the Counterfeit Heroic Spirit Incident Actually Ended
Crusader Jerome
Subsisting on Supplication
- Location
- My home away from Rome
This idea has been on my mind ever since the Counterfeit Heroic Spirits event, and since France is finally over, I got a chance to write something.
Heels clicking ominously, Jeanne Alter steps over the conveniently unconscious body of the counterfeit Brynhildr. "So you've come, Masters of Chaldea. Or is it only one this time?"
"Just me this time," Ristuka says. "Actually, can we skip the part where you threaten horrible consequences in the form of inundating us with counterfeit Servants? I can guess everything you would say, so the only part left would be the part where I persuade you to come back to Chaldea with us because you literally have nothing better to do." He glares pointedly at Jeanne of Dark, who avoids his gaze.
"How did you appear here at all?" asks Mash, trying to move past the ambient awkwardness. "You're not a normal Heroic Spirit--you were only summoned in France because Gilles made a wish on that Holy Grail!"
"And it was a stupid one!" Jeanne Alter grouses. "Seriously, do you understand just how hard it is to live knowing you never existed as a real person? I am the embodiment of the angst of the chillest teenage girl in the history of Western Civilization!" She huffs angrily and stabs her banner into the floor, chipping the stone.
"We've dealt with worse," says Ritsuka, half-closing his eyes.
"Aren't you going to explain why you're not a Ruler this time around?" interjects Mash, despite knowing her efforts to defuse the impending catastrophe are doomed to failure.
"Right. Well, I didn't want to depend on my alter ego for my existence, so I summoned myself as a Servant of the Avenger class, thus embodying my rage at the world's hypocrisy!"
"You summoned yourself."
Jalter scowls. "I have a Holy Grail and everything!"
Ritsuka frowns. "I don't think that's how the Holy Grail works."
"And you understand how the Holy Grail works?"
"Point."
"So that's why you're an Avenger now." Mash nods in understanding. "Also, we're getting off-topic, senpai. You were asking her to come back to Chaldea with us."
"Right, right. Okay, Dark Jeanne, or Jeanne Alter, or whatever teen edgelord name you want me to call you, let me give it to you straight. I talked with everybody, and they agreed to put up with you. They weren't happy about it, especially Atalanta, but if you come back, nobody's gonna kill you on sight. Plus, Vanilla Jeanne said she'd like to have a proper talk with you, if only because you would be the closest thing to a sister she has left."
"Of course she'd answer your summons," growls Edgelady of Arc.
Ritsuka sighs and palms his forehead. "Look, are you gonna give me an answer or not? I'm really doing this for Other You. I could care less about what happens to you; I could care more. Bottom line, it's your choice."
"Hmm...fighting to save Humanity might be nice for a change...is what you thought I'd say, didn't you?"
"I thought nothing of the sort."
"I'm an aberration. An existence that shouldn't be. Summoned here, as I am now, I have no choice but to fight you. This micro-singularity will only end with my death. Perhaps, sometime in the future, you'll manage to summon me through that Fate system of yours...but now, we fight."
"Um. You might want to look around and see who I brought with me."
Avenger glances to the right and to the left. Shielder, as already noted. An unfamiliar red-coated Archer. And...
"What the hell is this?"
Ritsuka scratches the back of his neck. "See, the thing is...we already summoned you. Like, two days ago. Before we even noticed the counterfeit Mona Lisas. And, just now, you went on that whole rant in front of yourself without even noticing. So, yeah, we have somebody who can relate to your problems."
"How the devil did you summon me as an Avenger before recording my updated Saint Graph?"
"Oh? Are you claiming that you understand how the Fate system works?"
"Hmph. Touche." Avenger scowls again. Then something crosses her mind. "Wait. You said you already got permission from Chaldea to bring me back. Yet you didn't know I was behind this incident until just now."
Ritsuka raises a finger. "Technically," he says, "since you and the you we already summoned are the same Heroic Spirit, permission for her counts as permission for you."
Chaldea's Jeanne Alter fumes under the duct tape covering her mouth.
"Also, why am I gagged!" shouts the counterfeiter.
"Because if she said anything, it would spoil the surprise," the Archer in red replies, smoothly and with no emotion.
Said Avenger angrily rips the tape off. "You put this on me five seconds ago for deciding to interrupt because I had this exact conversation with Master when I was summoned!"
"Not exactly the same," mutters Ritsuka.
"I heard that!"
"Enough!" Edgy Counterfeiter Jeanne Alter Avenger* (*Not with Chaldea) swipes at the Chaldea group with her banner. "All this just goes to prove my point: there's no way taking me back with you would work out. Now that that's done, we can get to everyone's favorite part. And since I don't particularly care about winning this fight--"
She unsheathes her sword.
"LA GRONDEMENT DU--"
"OH SHIT MASH BY MY COMMAND SEAL--"
-----------------------------
That day, Chaldea did not, in fact, bring home a second Avenger, and its denizens sighed a sigh of relief. Except for Vanilla Jeanne, who sighed in regret, and the extant Jeanne Alter, who was most certainly not having an existential crisis about her own mortality how dare you make that assumption.
How the Counterfeit Heroic Spirit Incident Actually Ended
Heels clicking ominously, Jeanne Alter steps over the conveniently unconscious body of the counterfeit Brynhildr. "So you've come, Masters of Chaldea. Or is it only one this time?"
"Just me this time," Ristuka says. "Actually, can we skip the part where you threaten horrible consequences in the form of inundating us with counterfeit Servants? I can guess everything you would say, so the only part left would be the part where I persuade you to come back to Chaldea with us because you literally have nothing better to do." He glares pointedly at Jeanne of Dark, who avoids his gaze.
"How did you appear here at all?" asks Mash, trying to move past the ambient awkwardness. "You're not a normal Heroic Spirit--you were only summoned in France because Gilles made a wish on that Holy Grail!"
"And it was a stupid one!" Jeanne Alter grouses. "Seriously, do you understand just how hard it is to live knowing you never existed as a real person? I am the embodiment of the angst of the chillest teenage girl in the history of Western Civilization!" She huffs angrily and stabs her banner into the floor, chipping the stone.
"We've dealt with worse," says Ritsuka, half-closing his eyes.
"Aren't you going to explain why you're not a Ruler this time around?" interjects Mash, despite knowing her efforts to defuse the impending catastrophe are doomed to failure.
"Right. Well, I didn't want to depend on my alter ego for my existence, so I summoned myself as a Servant of the Avenger class, thus embodying my rage at the world's hypocrisy!"
"You summoned yourself."
Jalter scowls. "I have a Holy Grail and everything!"
Ritsuka frowns. "I don't think that's how the Holy Grail works."
"And you understand how the Holy Grail works?"
"Point."
"So that's why you're an Avenger now." Mash nods in understanding. "Also, we're getting off-topic, senpai. You were asking her to come back to Chaldea with us."
"Right, right. Okay, Dark Jeanne, or Jeanne Alter, or whatever teen edgelord name you want me to call you, let me give it to you straight. I talked with everybody, and they agreed to put up with you. They weren't happy about it, especially Atalanta, but if you come back, nobody's gonna kill you on sight. Plus, Vanilla Jeanne said she'd like to have a proper talk with you, if only because you would be the closest thing to a sister she has left."
"Of course she'd answer your summons," growls Edgelady of Arc.
Ritsuka sighs and palms his forehead. "Look, are you gonna give me an answer or not? I'm really doing this for Other You. I could care less about what happens to you; I could care more. Bottom line, it's your choice."
"Hmm...fighting to save Humanity might be nice for a change...is what you thought I'd say, didn't you?"
"I thought nothing of the sort."
"I'm an aberration. An existence that shouldn't be. Summoned here, as I am now, I have no choice but to fight you. This micro-singularity will only end with my death. Perhaps, sometime in the future, you'll manage to summon me through that Fate system of yours...but now, we fight."
"Um. You might want to look around and see who I brought with me."
Avenger glances to the right and to the left. Shielder, as already noted. An unfamiliar red-coated Archer. And...
"What the hell is this?"
Ritsuka scratches the back of his neck. "See, the thing is...we already summoned you. Like, two days ago. Before we even noticed the counterfeit Mona Lisas. And, just now, you went on that whole rant in front of yourself without even noticing. So, yeah, we have somebody who can relate to your problems."
"How the devil did you summon me as an Avenger before recording my updated Saint Graph?"
"Oh? Are you claiming that you understand how the Fate system works?"
"Hmph. Touche." Avenger scowls again. Then something crosses her mind. "Wait. You said you already got permission from Chaldea to bring me back. Yet you didn't know I was behind this incident until just now."
Ritsuka raises a finger. "Technically," he says, "since you and the you we already summoned are the same Heroic Spirit, permission for her counts as permission for you."
Chaldea's Jeanne Alter fumes under the duct tape covering her mouth.
"Also, why am I gagged!" shouts the counterfeiter.
"Because if she said anything, it would spoil the surprise," the Archer in red replies, smoothly and with no emotion.
Said Avenger angrily rips the tape off. "You put this on me five seconds ago for deciding to interrupt because I had this exact conversation with Master when I was summoned!"
"Not exactly the same," mutters Ritsuka.
"I heard that!"
"Enough!" Edgy Counterfeiter Jeanne Alter Avenger* (*Not with Chaldea) swipes at the Chaldea group with her banner. "All this just goes to prove my point: there's no way taking me back with you would work out. Now that that's done, we can get to everyone's favorite part. And since I don't particularly care about winning this fight--"
She unsheathes her sword.
"LA GRONDEMENT DU--"
"OH SHIT MASH BY MY COMMAND SEAL--"
-----------------------------
That day, Chaldea did not, in fact, bring home a second Avenger, and its denizens sighed a sigh of relief. Except for Vanilla Jeanne, who sighed in regret, and the extant Jeanne Alter, who was most certainly not having an existential crisis about her own mortality how dare you make that assumption.
In case you're wondering, this is based on a true story. I pulled Jalter before I started playing the event, cleared the entire thing with her, and then got taken entirely by surprise at the identity of the mastermind 
This is barely edited, so feel free to critique.
This is barely edited, so feel free to critique.
Last edited:
Icipall
Don't worry, we can fanfix that!
- Location
- Cold snow fields of Finland
Normal day at the Nasu-fandom. *sips tea*
Awkwaaaaaaaard.
- Location
- Singapore
The hilarity is that Ritsuka has a better claim to understanding the Holy Grail than most, because he is the legitimate successor to the Heaven's Feel ritual. 
QuietlyObserving
The Railgun That Walks Like a Bear
- Location
- Here.
Isn't that kinda like saying I've got a better claim to understanding quantum physics than most because my Uncle shook hands with Richard Feynman once?:lolThe hilarity is that Ritsuka has a better claim to understanding the Holy Grail than most, because he is the legitimate successor to the Heaven's Feel ritual.
It is based on a True Magic, after all.
Crusader Jerome
Subsisting on Supplication
- Location
- My home away from Rome
"It is my task to convince you not to turn away because you don't understand it... That is because I don't understand it. Nobody does."
--Richard Feynman
- Location
- Singapore
Yes but it also means he can technobabble about it better which makes him seem smarter, and therefore his ideas sound more valid, thereby making it worthwhile.
The true glory of the Heaven's Feel is being able to sound indescribably smug about a topic you have no understanding about.
Omake (Mattman324) - Okita Souji Sees The Light At The End Of The Tunnel
Mattman324
you expected some anime, non-IRL giant robot, eh?
- Location
- Working in the basement on my giant robot.
I was pointed at this story earlier today, and having read through all of it, I was compelled to make my own account on this forum after dithering about that for a few years or so.
Behold the... "fruits" of my labor.
------------------------------------------------
Omake
Okita Souji Sees The Light At The End
--------------------------------------------------
"...You must be absolutely desperate, if you're coming to me for help."
Romani Archaman swallowed, but nodded. In front of him were the persistent Japanese duo of Okita Souji, and the actual person he had come to see, Nobunaga Oda. "None of the others provided any actual relevant help with my problems, and you were a... 'father', so I don't have any other options."
Nobunaga hummed to herself, clearly thinking. Then she smiled, a smile that promised madness and death to all around her. "Alright. I'll help you. But you have to promise to not run off halfway through, if I'm going to give you advise I want you to hear it!"
Okita rolled her eyes as Romani gave his assent. "Oh, this I have to see."
Nobunaga's smile broadened, and suddenly the door was barred by a large number of GUNS. "Alright, your deal with the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven has been sealed! I'm going to give you the GREATEST fatherly advise you ever had!" She thought for a second. "Or, well, as good as I can get. I'll admit, some of my kids turned out kinda shitty..." A brief shrug. "Well, eh, that happens. There were twenty seven of them, though I think only twenty... threeish of them got noted by history? Anyway, bound to be a few bad eggs in the batch, it can't be helped!"
Romani stared at her for a second, comprehending her words and finally giving them some consideration. "Wait." He looked her up and down. "Wait, hold on a minute. I just realized. How in the world did you have twenty seven children? You weren't nearly that old when you died." He sent a query to God, but alas, for he was in a godless realm, and there was no one to help him anymore. "Did you have an Arturia situation?"
Nobunaga rolled her eyes. "OBVIOUSLY not. No shitty, stupid, breaks-the-game-in-half dickwizards to help me out. Nohime was damn skilled at magic but she couldn't have done that, and I didn't get this awesome shapeshifting power until after my death." She looked thoughtful again. "Though, actually..." She turned. "Hey, yo, Okita, I totally just realized I can shapeshift some really cool shit! Howsabout you meet me tonight and I'll give you a good time?"
Okita opened her mouth to say something vehement, and while the large torrent of blood probably wasn't her intention, it did get the point across.
Nobunaga and Romani looked down at Okita, and then looked at the very gun-barred doors. Nobunaga shrugged. "Eh, she'll probably be fine. Later though, we'll bang, ok?"
"Fu-hack! you!"
"Yeah, sure. So anyway, my kids. Nohime was absolutely goddamn magic in the sheets - like, literally, she was pretty accomplished with magic - but unfortunately we kinda ran into the problem that we didn't actually know any way to get her pregnant, so people kept saying she was barren and trying to kill her, and it was a shitty time altogether, and we needed to come up with a plan. Then one day I saw this guy, and hot fucking damn. He was a decent swordsman, but he was prettier than Master while crossdressing, and he had this whole 'Harem Protagonist EX' thing going on about him that made literally every girl he ever met... and a lot of the guys, too, nanshoku's a hell of a drug - wet in the pants and want to do the dirty with him. So I said his swordsmanship was good and that I wanted to take him under my wing, and that's how I got the eternal loyalty of Mori Ranmaru."
"Bullshit."
While he didn't say anything, Romani agreed with Okita.
"No, seriously, that was basically it. Guy was pretty, but he was also, like, filled to the brim with kouhai energies. I think the only person more kouhai in this universe is Sakura Matou, and she's not in this story yet, so she's irrelevant. All I had to do was play up my Senpai traits and notice him and he was mine in an instant."
"You do not have senpai energy you ass-hurk!"
"Not that I'd show YOU, Okita. So anyway, now that I had the prettiest guy in the Sengoku Jidai on my side, it was pretty easy. Me and Nohime spent a few days getting him ready and then I basically cajoled a bunch of people under the logic of 'come with me and you can have a day with Mori Ranmaru.'" She nodded, satisfied with herself. "Biggest morale coup of the era. I could have taken over all Japan with that if that absolute bungler Mitsuhide didn't get jealous at me."
"I will have Hijikata shoot you in the face if you do not get me help."
Continuing to ignore her, Nobunaga sighed contentedly. "So yeah, the story of how I got so many kids."
Romani nodded. "That's... very nice, Nobunaga, but that wasn't my question."
Nobunaga frowned for a second. "It wasn't? But I could have sworn that..." She lit up. "Ah, no, that's right! You wanted ADVISE! Well, sit right there, because I'm about to give you the best fatherly advise you can have. So the first thing you need to know as a father is-"
It was about at this point that Heracles burst through the wall with Ritsuka in tow. Any further explanations were halted in the resulting confusion.
-----------------------------------------------
Later that night, Okita Souji smiled. Next to her, Nobunaga Oda lit a cigarette. "So, was that good for you too?"
Okita batted the cigarette away. "None of that."
Nobunaga just frowned. "Why."
"Because your room doesn't have proper ventilation after the Masters took out your air ducts, so it's going to smell awful for weeks if you do."
Nobunaga thought about that for a second. "Yeah, ok, that's fair. Was only doing it anyway because I can light them myself without needing one of those useless lighters, heh."
Okita rolled her eyes. "Anyway, you never did get to tell Romani whatever stupid, awful advise you had was."
Nobu frowned at that. "Yeah... it was good stuff, too, the sort of thing he needed to hear."
"What could you possibly tell him that would be considered good advise to anyone?"
Nobunaga told her.
The Sakura Saber thought about it for a bit. Rolled over onto her side once, considering. The gears in her head (figurative, fortunately, she wasn't some manner of crazed Counter Guardian version of herself or something absurd like that - Alter wasn't set to debut for, what, three more years or so!) turned. Then she turned back. "You might actually be the best parent in Chaldea right now."
Nobunaga smiled. "I know, right! But eh, I'm sure he can do fine. And if he can't... well, it can't be helped."
Behold the... "fruits" of my labor.
------------------------------------------------
Omake
Okita Souji Sees The Light At The End
--------------------------------------------------
"...You must be absolutely desperate, if you're coming to me for help."
Romani Archaman swallowed, but nodded. In front of him were the persistent Japanese duo of Okita Souji, and the actual person he had come to see, Nobunaga Oda. "None of the others provided any actual relevant help with my problems, and you were a... 'father', so I don't have any other options."
Nobunaga hummed to herself, clearly thinking. Then she smiled, a smile that promised madness and death to all around her. "Alright. I'll help you. But you have to promise to not run off halfway through, if I'm going to give you advise I want you to hear it!"
Okita rolled her eyes as Romani gave his assent. "Oh, this I have to see."
Nobunaga's smile broadened, and suddenly the door was barred by a large number of GUNS. "Alright, your deal with the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven has been sealed! I'm going to give you the GREATEST fatherly advise you ever had!" She thought for a second. "Or, well, as good as I can get. I'll admit, some of my kids turned out kinda shitty..." A brief shrug. "Well, eh, that happens. There were twenty seven of them, though I think only twenty... threeish of them got noted by history? Anyway, bound to be a few bad eggs in the batch, it can't be helped!"
Romani stared at her for a second, comprehending her words and finally giving them some consideration. "Wait." He looked her up and down. "Wait, hold on a minute. I just realized. How in the world did you have twenty seven children? You weren't nearly that old when you died." He sent a query to God, but alas, for he was in a godless realm, and there was no one to help him anymore. "Did you have an Arturia situation?"
Nobunaga rolled her eyes. "OBVIOUSLY not. No shitty, stupid, breaks-the-game-in-half dickwizards to help me out. Nohime was damn skilled at magic but she couldn't have done that, and I didn't get this awesome shapeshifting power until after my death." She looked thoughtful again. "Though, actually..." She turned. "Hey, yo, Okita, I totally just realized I can shapeshift some really cool shit! Howsabout you meet me tonight and I'll give you a good time?"
Okita opened her mouth to say something vehement, and while the large torrent of blood probably wasn't her intention, it did get the point across.
Nobunaga and Romani looked down at Okita, and then looked at the very gun-barred doors. Nobunaga shrugged. "Eh, she'll probably be fine. Later though, we'll bang, ok?"
"Fu-hack! you!"
"Yeah, sure. So anyway, my kids. Nohime was absolutely goddamn magic in the sheets - like, literally, she was pretty accomplished with magic - but unfortunately we kinda ran into the problem that we didn't actually know any way to get her pregnant, so people kept saying she was barren and trying to kill her, and it was a shitty time altogether, and we needed to come up with a plan. Then one day I saw this guy, and hot fucking damn. He was a decent swordsman, but he was prettier than Master while crossdressing, and he had this whole 'Harem Protagonist EX' thing going on about him that made literally every girl he ever met... and a lot of the guys, too, nanshoku's a hell of a drug - wet in the pants and want to do the dirty with him. So I said his swordsmanship was good and that I wanted to take him under my wing, and that's how I got the eternal loyalty of Mori Ranmaru."
"Bullshit."
While he didn't say anything, Romani agreed with Okita.
"No, seriously, that was basically it. Guy was pretty, but he was also, like, filled to the brim with kouhai energies. I think the only person more kouhai in this universe is Sakura Matou, and she's not in this story yet, so she's irrelevant. All I had to do was play up my Senpai traits and notice him and he was mine in an instant."
"You do not have senpai energy you ass-hurk!"
"Not that I'd show YOU, Okita. So anyway, now that I had the prettiest guy in the Sengoku Jidai on my side, it was pretty easy. Me and Nohime spent a few days getting him ready and then I basically cajoled a bunch of people under the logic of 'come with me and you can have a day with Mori Ranmaru.'" She nodded, satisfied with herself. "Biggest morale coup of the era. I could have taken over all Japan with that if that absolute bungler Mitsuhide didn't get jealous at me."
"I will have Hijikata shoot you in the face if you do not get me help."
Continuing to ignore her, Nobunaga sighed contentedly. "So yeah, the story of how I got so many kids."
Romani nodded. "That's... very nice, Nobunaga, but that wasn't my question."
Nobunaga frowned for a second. "It wasn't? But I could have sworn that..." She lit up. "Ah, no, that's right! You wanted ADVISE! Well, sit right there, because I'm about to give you the best fatherly advise you can have. So the first thing you need to know as a father is-"
It was about at this point that Heracles burst through the wall with Ritsuka in tow. Any further explanations were halted in the resulting confusion.
-----------------------------------------------
Later that night, Okita Souji smiled. Next to her, Nobunaga Oda lit a cigarette. "So, was that good for you too?"
Okita batted the cigarette away. "None of that."
Nobunaga just frowned. "Why."
"Because your room doesn't have proper ventilation after the Masters took out your air ducts, so it's going to smell awful for weeks if you do."
Nobunaga thought about that for a second. "Yeah, ok, that's fair. Was only doing it anyway because I can light them myself without needing one of those useless lighters, heh."
Okita rolled her eyes. "Anyway, you never did get to tell Romani whatever stupid, awful advise you had was."
Nobu frowned at that. "Yeah... it was good stuff, too, the sort of thing he needed to hear."
"What could you possibly tell him that would be considered good advise to anyone?"
Nobunaga told her.
The Sakura Saber thought about it for a bit. Rolled over onto her side once, considering. The gears in her head (figurative, fortunately, she wasn't some manner of crazed Counter Guardian version of herself or something absurd like that - Alter wasn't set to debut for, what, three more years or so!) turned. Then she turned back. "You might actually be the best parent in Chaldea right now."
Nobunaga smiled. "I know, right! But eh, I'm sure he can do fine. And if he can't... well, it can't be helped."
By that logic, I'm the TRUE inheritor of Heaven's Feel... because I have no understanding about ANYTHING and am indescribably smug about EVERYTHING.
- Location
- Queensland, Australia
Unfortunately, you are the master of lewd understanding... And also of understanding how to misunderstand things in a lewd manner.
I'll give you the smugness though.
BlackThief12
I'm a fucking ninja
- Location
- Puerto Rico, Vega Baja
What is his smug level?
MWKillKenny84
Lurking from the Trauma Switch.
- Location
- Vado Ligure
With great sarcasm and hamminess: IT IS OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!
- Location
- Singapore
I am sad that I missed this before and glad that I found it now. Threadmarked!
BlackThief12
I'm a fucking ninja
- Location
- Puerto Rico, Vega Baja
WHAT!? NINE THOUSAND!?
... You're not the only one who missed it. I'm honestly confused as to how I missed it.
Mattman324
you expected some anime, non-IRL giant robot, eh?
- Location
- Working in the basement on my giant robot.
Because it got blocked by mods for reasons of "I just joined the forum and immediately posted something" and then in the meanwhile Datcord posted.
I think.
Sakuya's Butler
A refined Butler to a knife wielding Mistress.
- Location
- ↓, ↘, → + Punch
You have to just love Nobu's 4th wall breaking. Nobody in FGO does it better than her.
Nobody.
Nobody.
Mattman324
you expected some anime, non-IRL giant robot, eh?
- Location
- Working in the basement on my giant robot.
Writing those two really isn't hard if I'm in a good place. Okita's the silly person trying to be serious, but their silliness pokes through like MHX's ahoge. Nobu's the silly person who's trying to be silly, but who every so often is actually serious, and whose actions sometimes lead to serious consequences.
An extended conversation between the two should probably poke the fourth wall at least one time if there's a good spot for it, and should never really be treated as though the things they are doing are serious, unless it would be funnier if you do that. (EG: "Nobu tries to give serious advice for once but is thwarted at every turn by unforeseen consequences") or it's in a situation where them suddenly actually breaking the silly barrier and being legitimately serious helps set the mood (eg the first half of Gudaguda 3, or the later Hijikata stuff in Gudaguda 2, where they take some time out of WELFARE VS PEOPLE WITH MONEY jokes to go "ok yeah but this was a legit serious thing and it sucked shit and Hijikata's Berserker tendancies are really sad."). You just have to then snap it back to silly as soon as you can.
Genolution
Hello there
- Location
- [DATA EXPUNGED]
I feel kind of silly, but I still don't get the connect between getting Ranmaru's loyalty and Nobu/Nohime having kids. Were they, like, both spitting out kids? From whom?
Ranmaru is a (very pretty kouhai) boy.
Nohime is a girl.
Nobunaga is a female (senpai).
Let The Dark Side Answer Your Question.
TL DR: Yes.
Mattman324
you expected some anime, non-IRL giant robot, eh?
- Location
- Working in the basement on my giant robot.
Nobunaga, historically, was SUPER prolific. He had at least 23 children with a number of different women - though none with his actual wife, as far as we can tell No was legit barren. Thing is, that would be kind of impossible if Nobunaga was a girl. But it just so happens that there was also his historically thought to be rather pretty male underling who he was most likely also fucking - as joked in the post, nanshoku was definitely a thing - so the joke is this Nobunaga basically got a bunch of people to bed Mori Ranmaru and pretended the kids were hers, and no one complained because Ranmaru was an eroge protagonist.
Chapter Thirteen - Pt. 2
- Location
- Singapore
A/N: Getting back into the swing of things. Have another chunk!
---
"...And that is why I need your help, Leonidas."
The warrior king of Sparta nods, his face stony as he thinks. As he watches the corridor as an unflinching sentinel, a full head taller than Roman, the doctor cannot help but feel relief that the first Servant he found was a man with all the wisdom of Greece in his veins, a great man of Sparta who held off the Persians at Thermopylae and unified the city-states with his sacrifice.
Even if the Spartans were horrible people who let children die of exposure, surely Leonidas has some idea about how to manage children? Maybe?? Hopefully???
"Hmm… Unfortunately, Dr. Roman, I died young while my son was still a boy." Leonidas spares a piteous look to the downcast doctor, but only for a moment; Blackbeard is still at large after all. "And, more saliently, I had a son. I have little experience with girls besides 'did you sacrifice a goat on their birthday and bequeath them to a house of proper standing?'."
Roman sighs. He worried as much. "But still, Leonidas, as a father surely you have some insights?" He stops, swallowing his spit - and the pit weighing him down from the bottom of his stomach. "She looks up to you as her shield-senpai."
"...Tell me, Doctor, did you leave her to the elders of your city, who regularly throw children with minor birth defects easily remedied with modern medicine, and who then leave the children who pass on the hill where they might die of exposure?"
For a king of the Spartans, Roman thinks, Leonidas is really critical of them. "Uhm… no, that's crazy."
Leonidas nods sharply. "Then you are already a better father than I."
Well. If he's just going to be like that… Roman sighs and mentally crosses him off his list. A list that includes the likes of Cu 'I honour-duelled my son to death' Chulainn and Arthuria 'I'm not a man and also I murder-suicided my son after he shattered my realm' Pendragon. Good God this is still the best idea he's had so far. "Thank you for the support, Leonidas. I'll leave you to… this." The good doctor frowns. "Shouldn't you be hunting him down, not watching this pass?"
"We're right next to the women's laundromat," the Spartan King responds nonchalantly, and immediately Roman recoils to the far wall. It's right here?! He shouldn't be here, he could be slaughtered! "Woe betide us if the scoundrel got access…" Leonidas grits his teeth, his voice a low growl. "We would all burn with the fool, and more's the pity! Such selfishness should never be abided!"
Somehow, Roman can't help but wonder if Leonidas wants to be surrounded by women's underwear. Though, women didn't wear underwear in his time. He must be thinking things.
"FOOL! WE COULD ALL SHARE SUCH BOUNTY IF HE WOULD JUST BE SUBTLE ABOUT IT!"
Definitely thinking things. Roman shakes his head and turns to leave, but feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks back to see Leonidas looking him in the eye, empathetic and supportive. "But know this, Doctor; Shielder is a fine young woman, with a bright future ahead of her. I am certain that she will understand. Time heals all wounds; give her a day or two and things will return to normal."
"Are you sure, Leonidas?"
"A king does not lie." With a respectful nod, Leonidas returns to his vigil. And then he slams his spear into the ground and shouts loudly enough to shake the floors. "I wish you well, Dr. Roman! May you find your answers! I will sacrifice a goat to the gods and pray for your success!"
Roman does not think the Greek gods would be happy with fake tofu goat but okay. He turns to leave and finds a bubbly, bouncy, busty blonde looking right up at him, leaning slightly forward with her hands behind her back.
He blinks. Jeanne D'Arc blinks back. She smiles. "Morning, Doctor! Are you well today?"
Okay Roman calm down this is Joan of Arc we're talking about here. Remember what God does to people who think lewd things about Joan of Arc. He smiles back and only leans back a little. "G-Good morning, Ruler. I'm fine. Are you adjusting well?"
"Yes! Everyone is so nice here, and Ritsuka and Kana are managing things well! I am more than happy to be here in service of restoring mankind!" Jeanne maintains eye contact with him as she frowns and leans forward more good God she's close and wearing a sleeveless blouse and a frilly skirt and the buttons are - THE GIRL IS LIKE EIGHTEEN ARE YOU TESTING ME SATAN. "Are you sure you're okay, Dr. Roman? You seem tense."
"The good Doctor is having family troubles, Ruler," Leonidas says empathetically, still manning his post, pointedly with his eyes looking in the other direction.
"Oh, I see." Jeanne leans back, letting Roman sigh in relief - but not too much he's not out of the splash radius yet - while the Saint ponders this briefly. "Hm… I will pray for you, Doctor. Mashu is a good girl and I hope everything works out between the two of you." She frowns at him. "Though.. Why Mashu? Wouldn't a more proper name like Marche be more, well… proper?"
Shit Romani she's onto you distract her. "Thank you, Ruler, but this place isn't safe. Blackbeard is still at large."
"Oh, it is a small matter, I just had laundry! It took me some time to find this place; Saber said to follow the signs but the Lord left none!"
Oh, right, Jeanne can't read. Bless her, she tries, but she's illiterate. Roman lets his eyes wander around the Saint - not over around - and spots the laundry bag at her feet. "Couldn't you have let one of the robots carry it over, Jeanne?"
The Saint shakes her head. "It is my burden to bear," she says with a little hop and bounce - and once more Roman feels his faith being tested.
"You have enough burdens to bear, Ruler, don't let laundry become another," Leonidas sniffs. That sly dog. "Something so petty is beneath a general of your caliber."
Jeanne shakes her head. "I am but a girl, Lancer, but I appreciate your concern! Don't mind me!"
"Oh… Jeanne D'Arc… Forgive me, for I have sinned…"
The voice seems to come from nowhere and everywhere. King Leonidas I, fearless king of Sparta, who faced an impossible army fearlessly and died screaming in defiance, jumps in his skin as his legs start shaking. Jeanne looks around, her expression stony and cautious.
"Hm?" Roman asks, looking around.
"Not the ghosts," Leonidas whispers, his baritone trembling.
"Show yourself," Jeanne says, her voice powerful. She calls upon her flag and slams it against the floor. "Or burn in God's light!"
Down the corridor, a figure approaches. Wrapped in cloth, walking with unsteady footing, with dishevelled hair and a scraggly beard, he approaches. "Oh, my Saint, my Maid… Please, I have sinned…"
Jeanne blinks. Her expression softens. She smiles and sets her flag aside, spreading her arms wide. "Then come, lost lamb, and confess into my breast."
"Huhu… Let he who is full of sin... MOTOR THE FIRST BOAT!"
The figure charges forward suddenly with unreal speed, tossing aside his rags to reveal the flames burning on his beard. Leonidas cries out a warning and steps between the Saint and Blackbeard, shield raised and spear level. "Doctor! Ruler! Get out of here!"
"CLEEEEAAAAVAAAAAAAGEEEEEE!!!"
Jeanne tilts her head. "I don't get it. What's cleavage?"
Leonidas bites back a reply as he turns his full attention on the mad pirate captain. Jeanne shrugs and continues about her business, picking up her laundry bag - which only throws Blackbeard further into a frenzy. Roman wisely flees before he can get embroiled in a battle for life and death.
Right. Onto the next Servant!
---
"...And that is why I need your help, Leonidas."
The warrior king of Sparta nods, his face stony as he thinks. As he watches the corridor as an unflinching sentinel, a full head taller than Roman, the doctor cannot help but feel relief that the first Servant he found was a man with all the wisdom of Greece in his veins, a great man of Sparta who held off the Persians at Thermopylae and unified the city-states with his sacrifice.
Even if the Spartans were horrible people who let children die of exposure, surely Leonidas has some idea about how to manage children? Maybe?? Hopefully???
"Hmm… Unfortunately, Dr. Roman, I died young while my son was still a boy." Leonidas spares a piteous look to the downcast doctor, but only for a moment; Blackbeard is still at large after all. "And, more saliently, I had a son. I have little experience with girls besides 'did you sacrifice a goat on their birthday and bequeath them to a house of proper standing?'."
Roman sighs. He worried as much. "But still, Leonidas, as a father surely you have some insights?" He stops, swallowing his spit - and the pit weighing him down from the bottom of his stomach. "She looks up to you as her shield-senpai."
"...Tell me, Doctor, did you leave her to the elders of your city, who regularly throw children with minor birth defects easily remedied with modern medicine, and who then leave the children who pass on the hill where they might die of exposure?"
For a king of the Spartans, Roman thinks, Leonidas is really critical of them. "Uhm… no, that's crazy."
Leonidas nods sharply. "Then you are already a better father than I."
Well. If he's just going to be like that… Roman sighs and mentally crosses him off his list. A list that includes the likes of Cu 'I honour-duelled my son to death' Chulainn and Arthuria 'I'm not a man and also I murder-suicided my son after he shattered my realm' Pendragon. Good God this is still the best idea he's had so far. "Thank you for the support, Leonidas. I'll leave you to… this." The good doctor frowns. "Shouldn't you be hunting him down, not watching this pass?"
"We're right next to the women's laundromat," the Spartan King responds nonchalantly, and immediately Roman recoils to the far wall. It's right here?! He shouldn't be here, he could be slaughtered! "Woe betide us if the scoundrel got access…" Leonidas grits his teeth, his voice a low growl. "We would all burn with the fool, and more's the pity! Such selfishness should never be abided!"
Somehow, Roman can't help but wonder if Leonidas wants to be surrounded by women's underwear. Though, women didn't wear underwear in his time. He must be thinking things.
"FOOL! WE COULD ALL SHARE SUCH BOUNTY IF HE WOULD JUST BE SUBTLE ABOUT IT!"
Definitely thinking things. Roman shakes his head and turns to leave, but feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks back to see Leonidas looking him in the eye, empathetic and supportive. "But know this, Doctor; Shielder is a fine young woman, with a bright future ahead of her. I am certain that she will understand. Time heals all wounds; give her a day or two and things will return to normal."
"Are you sure, Leonidas?"
"A king does not lie." With a respectful nod, Leonidas returns to his vigil. And then he slams his spear into the ground and shouts loudly enough to shake the floors. "I wish you well, Dr. Roman! May you find your answers! I will sacrifice a goat to the gods and pray for your success!"
Roman does not think the Greek gods would be happy with fake tofu goat but okay. He turns to leave and finds a bubbly, bouncy, busty blonde looking right up at him, leaning slightly forward with her hands behind her back.
He blinks. Jeanne D'Arc blinks back. She smiles. "Morning, Doctor! Are you well today?"
Okay Roman calm down this is Joan of Arc we're talking about here. Remember what God does to people who think lewd things about Joan of Arc. He smiles back and only leans back a little. "G-Good morning, Ruler. I'm fine. Are you adjusting well?"
"Yes! Everyone is so nice here, and Ritsuka and Kana are managing things well! I am more than happy to be here in service of restoring mankind!" Jeanne maintains eye contact with him as she frowns and leans forward more good God she's close and wearing a sleeveless blouse and a frilly skirt and the buttons are - THE GIRL IS LIKE EIGHTEEN ARE YOU TESTING ME SATAN. "Are you sure you're okay, Dr. Roman? You seem tense."
"The good Doctor is having family troubles, Ruler," Leonidas says empathetically, still manning his post, pointedly with his eyes looking in the other direction.
"Oh, I see." Jeanne leans back, letting Roman sigh in relief - but not too much he's not out of the splash radius yet - while the Saint ponders this briefly. "Hm… I will pray for you, Doctor. Mashu is a good girl and I hope everything works out between the two of you." She frowns at him. "Though.. Why Mashu? Wouldn't a more proper name like Marche be more, well… proper?"
Shit Romani she's onto you distract her. "Thank you, Ruler, but this place isn't safe. Blackbeard is still at large."
"Oh, it is a small matter, I just had laundry! It took me some time to find this place; Saber said to follow the signs but the Lord left none!"
Oh, right, Jeanne can't read. Bless her, she tries, but she's illiterate. Roman lets his eyes wander around the Saint - not over around - and spots the laundry bag at her feet. "Couldn't you have let one of the robots carry it over, Jeanne?"
The Saint shakes her head. "It is my burden to bear," she says with a little hop and bounce - and once more Roman feels his faith being tested.
"You have enough burdens to bear, Ruler, don't let laundry become another," Leonidas sniffs. That sly dog. "Something so petty is beneath a general of your caliber."
Jeanne shakes her head. "I am but a girl, Lancer, but I appreciate your concern! Don't mind me!"
"Oh… Jeanne D'Arc… Forgive me, for I have sinned…"
The voice seems to come from nowhere and everywhere. King Leonidas I, fearless king of Sparta, who faced an impossible army fearlessly and died screaming in defiance, jumps in his skin as his legs start shaking. Jeanne looks around, her expression stony and cautious.
"Hm?" Roman asks, looking around.
"Not the ghosts," Leonidas whispers, his baritone trembling.
"Show yourself," Jeanne says, her voice powerful. She calls upon her flag and slams it against the floor. "Or burn in God's light!"
Down the corridor, a figure approaches. Wrapped in cloth, walking with unsteady footing, with dishevelled hair and a scraggly beard, he approaches. "Oh, my Saint, my Maid… Please, I have sinned…"
Jeanne blinks. Her expression softens. She smiles and sets her flag aside, spreading her arms wide. "Then come, lost lamb, and confess into my breast."
"Huhu… Let he who is full of sin... MOTOR THE FIRST BOAT!"
The figure charges forward suddenly with unreal speed, tossing aside his rags to reveal the flames burning on his beard. Leonidas cries out a warning and steps between the Saint and Blackbeard, shield raised and spear level. "Doctor! Ruler! Get out of here!"
"CLEEEEAAAAVAAAAAAAGEEEEEE!!!"
Jeanne tilts her head. "I don't get it. What's cleavage?"
Leonidas bites back a reply as he turns his full attention on the mad pirate captain. Jeanne shrugs and continues about her business, picking up her laundry bag - which only throws Blackbeard further into a frenzy. Roman wisely flees before he can get embroiled in a battle for life and death.
Right. Onto the next Servant!
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