"KANA YOU STUPID THOT
WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
The sheer rage, volume, and hot air that carried the statement brought it through the cavernous halls of Chaldea, and nearly everyone heard it. From the command center to the duelling rooms to the spatial disjunctional space used for more
impressive exercises, everyone heard Ritsuka Tohsaka's agonised wail.
They also heard the extremely loud crunch that followed it, as his sister, the infamous Kana Tohsaka, punched him in the face and into the wall behind him. Were it not for his top-notch circuits, his excellent reflexes, his extensive training and the fact he saw this coming, he might be dead and she might be left with his workload. Not ideal for either of them.
Still, as Ritsuka leaps off the ground and Kana wrings her bruised and cut fist, she glares harshly at him. "God dammit Rits you
know I hate that word! What is the big stick up your butthole
this time?!"
"Blackbeard just walked into the library with a fucking weeb shirt on holding glowsticks and shouting that he wants to see Marie's panties
that's the big stick you BEWITCHING MEGATHOT!" She throws another punch on reflex but Ritsuka throws her to the ground instead. "YOU GOT YOUR ONE HIT IN WOMAN
NOW OWN YOUR SINS!"
The red haze lifts as his words are finally processed, and Kana pales
significantly. "Oh. Oh no." She clutches at her head with her other hand.
"I just showed him one series how did it go so wrong."
"YOU SHOWED HIM FUCKING
EROMANGA SENSEI!"
"IT WAS A
JOKE!"
At opposite ends of the corridor, Servants, staff, and automata alike slip back behind the walls and carry on with their business while drawing as little attention to themselves as possible. Elsewhere, Blackbeard's rampage continues as all efforts at containment are stymied by a bored King of Heroes. Truly, idle hands are the devil's workshop.
All in all, this day is only
slightly weirder than usual for Chaldea.
----
Humanity died in 2026 to the Incineration
In all likelihood they deserved it, the fucking deviants
Now Chaldea seeks to undo the purification by any means
Resolving the snarls in history with immense violence and zero care for collateral damage
Frankly speaking we don't know why no one's stopping them
Sometimes genocide is the answer
In any case Kana is a monster
Send help to…
FATE/SUNNY ORDER
----
Mashu Kyrielight, Demiservant Shielder and the most precious secretary one could have, burst into the largest office in Chaldea visibly winded. Considering the stamina someone gifted with the powers of a Servant should have - that is to say
infinite stamina - it either means Ritsuka and Kana are dead, or she is really exerting herself... Though, by right it will lead into the first. And that is a frightening thought. "Doctor! You have to stop them, they're fighting!"
Romani Archaman, currently forced to be Director of Chaldea and also the seat to a very tired fluffy monster, looks away from his episode of Love Live and stops the video for a second. "It's alright, Mashu," he says encouragingly, "Blackbeard is currently under control. And we have Leonidas guarding the passages into the Women's Bunks."
She shakes her head vigorously and her hair goes
everywhere. "No, not him! I'm not scared of Blackbeard! I mean Ritsuka and Kana! They're fighting right now!" She dives across his desk - Roman yelps and nearly hurls Fou off - and grabs the remote. She flicks through the channels, a different 3D projection flickering over his desk - most of them showing scenes of Blackbeard's rampage or the aftermath - until they reach the corridor where her Masters have met. Currently comparable in devastation to the nightmare that is Blackbeard.
Roman widens his eyes at the sight. Fou, the lazy monster, finally takes an interest in the world, just as Ritsuka punches through his sister's shitty projections and nails her straight in the throat. "See?!" Mashu wails. "You need to stop them! They'll just hurt each other!"
Doctor Roman, medically trained professional, simply sighs, works his shoulders, and turns the screen off - conveniently also turning his monitor off because the truth will only hurt her. "Mashu, sometimes these fights need to happen. Ritsuka's been very pent up, and Kana needs to learn a lesson."
Seriously, what kind of thot shows the great scourge of the seas
Eromanga Sensei? It's trash by his standards. And
he's anime trash!
She shakes her head again. "No, that's not true! They're just going to force themselves apart!"
"You're taking things too seriously," the doctor says gently.
"Fou…" The ball of fluff on his head coos.
"Even Fou agrees."
"...Fou." It raises one of its paws and waggles it in an undecided fashion. "Four fou…"
"...He doesn't like that he agrees, but the point is he does." Roman smiles and places both hands behind his head. "Why don't you wait here for them, Mashu? They're bound to show up here eventually, once their spat is over!"
"NO!" Mashu throws her hands up. "You just don't
get it, doctor! They're--ugh! Why did I think you'd do anything, you never do anything…" She turns around and stomps off. "Good day, doctor! Enjoy your anime!"
She slams the door behind her, but to Roman it felt like his heart just shattered. Like she stepped on his heart and it shattered. With her armoured heels.
This is a disgusting line of thought but the point is he feels empty inside. Roman sighs, looking down at himself. "Was it something I said?"
"Fou…" Fou pats him gently on the forehead before going back to his nap.
"I know, it was the right call… but does Mashu hate me?" He sighs and slumps his shoulders forward. "She hates me, doesn't she?"
"Fou…"
"Maybe if I wasn't such a terrible father, I could help her… Oh, right!" Roman suddenly looks up, newly energised. Fou wakes up, rudely awakened. "There are fathers in Chaldea! I could just ask for their advice!"
"Fou!" Despite his irritation, Fou agrees. "Fou, fou!"
"Great plan! I'll go ask them!" Promptly, Roman turns his monitor back on and resumes watching.
Fou slaps him hard in the eye.
"Ow! What?! I haven't finished the episode!"
Fou slaps him hard in both eyes.
"STOP IT! MY HEAD IS ONLY FOR NON-VIOLENT ANIMALS!"
"FOUUUU!"
This carried on for quite some time. But even so, Roman knew what he had to do.
Ask for parenting advice. From some heroes.
Excellent idea.
