I don't think I did? I might just have skipped over something though.

Double checked and yeah, that last one totally got added in when I was't looking.
 
Herk is terrible at relationships, they never end well for the other party. Since he's currently Berserkering, he's probably taken a break from the dating scene.
Actually, Hercules had dozens of lovers. Literally. One king offered the great hero a chance to sleep with all fifty of his daughters in one night.

Nine months later, all fifty princesses gave birth to sons.

MANLIEST OF MEN.

Also, because he was the manliest of Ancient Greek heroes, Heracles had a number of male lovers. The best-known of these is his charioteer, Iolaus, who helped him defeat the Lernean Hydra (by burning the stumps of its necks, after Heracles had cut and/or smashed their heads off, so that new heads wouldn't grow). One version of the legend has Heracles giving his first wife Megaera to Iolaus, as (following the rage-driven murder of their three children), Heracles could no longer stand to be around her.

TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE.

Heracles also spent a year as the slave of Queen Omphale, who became his second wife. The relationship was a comedic inversion of the usual gender-roles, as Heracles was made to do "women's work" and dress like a woman, while Omphale is depicted wearing his Nemean lion-skin and carrying his club. Which is potentially another explanation for why Ilya was able to command him so easily.

Evidently, this period of slavery overlapped with the time Heracles traveled with the Argonauts, so he may, in fact, have been wearing a dress for some or all of the period where Medea knew him.

DOES THIS SKIRT MAKE MY ASS LOOK FAT?

All in all, Heracles seems to have had a pretty good track record when it came to casual relationships. It's when he got married that the problems started.
 
Heck, even Other Mom Arturia counts. Or do you really think that the Round Table wasn't a harem just waiting for her approval?

Ritsuka and Kana grew up in a vortex of concentrated obliviousness.
 
And there's that Harem Protagonist EX rank kicking in.

At least they're aware of it now. Even if it's futile to fight, they'll be prepared for the worst of it.
 
Every time I think about the potential of shirou as a harem protagonist, I wonder what kind of disasters a muramasa brings once he is summoned to chaldeas.
poor kids, the emiya blood is cursed (blessed), kirirtsugu almost has its own haren and I bet Emiya and Emiya alter have stories as ero-game protagonist before being part of the harem of Alaya.
by the way if ritsuka and mash are OTP (at lest in the original FGO), who should be the couple of kana?
Only imagin somebody like Gil ask for the hand of kana to Archer make me laugh
 
And there's that Harem Protagonist EX rank kicking in.

At least they're aware of it now. Even if it's futile to fight, they'll be prepared for the worst of it.
They? I beg your pardon? Even as a Rule63!Shirou, Kana gains minor bonuses to situational awareness by being a social butterfly...

...and is thus somewhat more likely to see male attention directed at her, compared to women (and Astolfo/d'Eon) towards Ritsuka.
That is already known.

*Link redacted, just-in-case*
Obligatory: Ew. Just... nope. This ain't QQ, even if the content isn't technically NSFW.
 
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They? I beg your pardon? Even as a Rule63!Shirou, Kana gains minor bonuses to situational awareness by being a social butterfly...

...and is thus somewhat more likely to see male attention directed at her, compared to women (and Astolfo/d'Eon) towards Ritsuka.

Obligatory: Ew. Just... no. This ain't QQ.
Fair enough. Didn't think it's too bad but I will delete.
 
"Tsundere" is the word you're looking for, d'Eon.

For the rest, this chapter was just too good and I wish we had a FGO anime just so this could become the script of the Abridged version. That's the best I can come up with without commenting on every single line of everyone and because I got mind blowed just as hard as Ritsuka.
 
True Cancer #1 - Ruler
...Actually, since I'm bored as fuck:

Class: Ruler
True Name: Ritsuka Tohsaka
Attribute: Star
Keywords: Why, Bully, Tsundere
Noble Phantasm: Craft Essence - Unfortunate Arms of Myth, ???

Attributes:
Strength: D
Constitution: D
Agility: C
Mana: B+
Luck: E++
Noble Phantasm: EX

Class Skills:

God's Resolution: C+
Ruler possesses three Command Seals engraved on the back of his right hand. Under normal circumstances, three is all he will get. However, when summoned in conjunction with his twin, they command a total of six Command Seals together - provided that they are within fifty meters of each other, they may utilise these command seals as if they draw from the same 'pool'.

True Name Discernment: C
Ruler is able to determine the true nature of a Servant's true name and full status information upon physical contact with them; in the case of Servants with Presence Concealment or similar concealment skills, he will have to pass a Luck check first. Considering his abysmal Luck, however, it is unlikely Ruler will ever succeed except under one specific circumstance that is unlikely to ever pass again.

Personal Skills:

Charisma: C-
Ruler possesses a strong personal disposition, allowing him to convince even mighty Heroes of the righteousness of his path. However, this skill only truly reveals itself in conflicts that concern the fate of humanity.

Magecraft: A
Ruler possesses exceptional knowledge of orthodox Magecraft, and already qualified for the rank of Brand prior to the circumstances of his immortalisation. Ruler is able to use Magecraft both offensively and off the battlefield; in particular, Ruler's Mana rank is directly influenced by the number of gemstones he has prepared.

Chinese Martial Arts: A
Ruler has been taught the chinese martial art of Bajiquan, inherited from his mother and refined through continued battle experience incurred during the Grand Order. By the standards of those who possess this skill, however, Ruler is only a novice, who has only just 'gotten it'.

Twin Souls: B
Ruler shares a bond with his twin, one that they have formed since birth and have continued to build well after death. He and his twin sister were the two Masters who embarked upon the Grand Order together, and they were the ones who saw it to its conclusion. When both of them are within fifty meters of one another, all parameters except Luck and Constitution are raised by one Rank, and they may utilise the others' Command Seals as if they were their own. However, due to the nature of Servant summons, and the fact that Ruler qualifies for no other class, it is unlikely that he and his twin will ever be reunited in a Grail War - probably for the best.

Noble Phantasm:

Craft Essence - Unfortunate Arms of Myth - D-Rank Anti-Unit (Self)

During the Grand Order, Ruler was notorious for his misfortune in the acquisition of allies for the Chaldea Defense Organisation. In particular, not one of the Servants that Chaldea called on to save mankind was summoned by his hand, something he resents greatly. Instead, the things he summoned were crystalised potential meant to augment and support those Servants, items the genius inventor Leonardo Da Vinci named Craft Essences. So infamous was his misfortune that even after death, without access to the FATE System, Ruler may still access the same misfortune to call upon weaponry.

When Ruler calls upon this Noble Phantasm for armaments, he is forced to leave it up to chance to decide what he gets. While typically he acquires more Black Keys, the iconic sacrament of the Church's Executors, from time to time Ruler has been able to acquire more esoteric equipment like Azoth Daggers and other types of Mystic Codes. These weapons are simply the arms of a Servant capable of harming spiritual beings, and lack the power of a Noble Phantasm; if by some fluke Ruler is able to call upon a weapon of another Heroic Spirit through this skill, it would still only qualify as a D-Rank Noble Phantasm.

Ruler hates this Noble Phantasm, and typically fights barehanded. But it is occasionally useful for ranged combat.

Other Noble Phantasms remain unknown

In fact, I encourage people to write up Servant sheets. It'll be funny.

I'll probably regret it in the morning but go forth!
 
Karadera no kansokusha. Empty brilliance.

Yeah. The Gudas will do that. Even to heroes.

...Actually, since I'm bored as fuck:

Class: Ruler
True Name: Ritsuka Tohsaka
Attribute: Star
Keywords: Why, Bully, Tsundere
Noble Phantasm: Craft Essence - Unfortunate Arms of Myth, ???

Attributes:
Strength: D
Constitution: D
Agility: C
Mana: B+
Luck: E++
Noble Phantasm: EX

Class Skills:

God's Resolution: C+
Ruler possesses three Command Seals engraved on the back of his right hand. Under normal circumstances, three is all he will get. However, when summoned in conjunction with his twin, they command a total of six Command Seals together - provided that they are within fifty meters of each other, they may utilise these command seals as if they draw from the same 'pool'.

True Name Discernment: C
Ruler is able to determine the true nature of a Servant's true name and full status information upon physical contact with them; in the case of Servants with Presence Concealment or similar concealment skills, he will have to pass a Luck check first. Considering his abysmal Luck, however, it is unlikely Ruler will ever succeed except under one specific circumstance that is unlikely to ever pass again.

Personal Skills:

Charisma: C-
Ruler possesses a strong personal disposition, allowing him to convince even mighty Heroes of the righteousness of his path. However, this skill only truly reveals itself in conflicts that concern the fate of humanity.

Magecraft: A
Ruler possesses exceptional knowledge of orthodox Magecraft, and already qualified for the rank of Brand prior to the circumstances of his immortalisation. Ruler is able to use Magecraft both offensively and off the battlefield; in particular, Ruler's Mana rank is directly influenced by the number of gemstones he has prepared.

Chinese Martial Arts: A
Ruler has been taught the chinese martial art of Bajiquan, inherited from his mother and refined through continued battle experience incurred during the Grand Order. By the standards of those who possess this skill, however, Ruler is only a novice, who has only just 'gotten it'.

Twin Souls: B
Ruler shares a bond with his twin, one that they have formed since birth and have continued to build well after death. He and his twin sister were the two Masters who embarked upon the Grand Order together, and they were the ones who saw it to its conclusion. When both of them are within fifty meters of one another, all parameters except Luck and Constitution are raised by one Rank, and they may utilise the others' Command Seals as if they were their own. However, due to the nature of Servant summons, and the fact that Ruler qualifies for no other class, it is unlikely that he and his twin will ever be reunited in a Grail War - probably for the best.

Noble Phantasm:

Craft Essence - Unfortunate Arms of Myth - D-Rank Anti-Unit (Self)

During the Grand Order, Ruler was notorious for his misfortune in the acquisition of allies for the Chaldea Defense Organisation. In particular, not one of the Servants that Chaldea called on to save mankind was summoned by his hand, something he resents greatly. Instead, the things he summoned were crystalised potential meant to augment and support those Servants, items the genius inventor Leonardo Da Vinci named Craft Essences. So infamous was his misfortune that even after death, without access to the FATE System, Ruler may still access the same misfortune to call upon weaponry.

When Ruler calls upon this Noble Phantasm for armaments, he is forced to leave it up to chance to decide what he gets. While typically he acquires more Black Keys, the iconic sacrament of the Church's Executors, from time to time Ruler has been able to acquire more esoteric equipment like Azoth Daggers and other types of Mystic Codes. These weapons are simply the arms of a Servant capable of harming spiritual beings, and lack the power of a Noble Phantasm; if by some fluke Ruler is able to call upon a weapon of another Heroic Spirit through this skill, it would still only qualify as a D-Rank Noble Phantasm.

Ruler hates this Noble Phantasm, and typically fights barehanded. But it is occasionally useful for ranged combat.

Other Noble Phantasms remain unknown

In fact, I encourage people to write up Servant sheets. It'll be funny.

I'll probably regret it in the morning but go forth!

Loooool Black Keys.

Hey, man, you never know, you might roll that Divine Construct CE! Maybe. Someday.

(And that exception to the Luck is totally Shirou's "hiding naked Servant" eroge progatonist override, isn't it.)
 
"'Lanta only dates men who best her!" Medea calls out from the kitchen. The Lioness' ears twitch and perk up as Atalanta's expression sours. "Beware of temples, she'll--"
Medea, you're a riot when pulled out of your workshop hikikomori-cave. :rofl:
"Focus, Caster!" Archer chides, his words punctuated by the loud sizzle of oil. "You'll never defeat me at this rate!"

"Defeat? Hah! I will crush you like a bug, false hero! On my oath as Princess of Colchis!"

"Your oath has no value, Witch of Betrayal."

"Sh-Shut up and fry, fool!"

The green-blonde archer sighs and pulls up her hood over her ears, but they indent against the cloth and maintain their shape anyways. "I should wear a hat," she grumbles, vainly attempting to push her ears down so they stay flat against her scalp.
Too bad Atalanta doesn't know that due to the FATE-system, she has a hidden skill which makes convenient holes for her ears appear in any kind of headwear she'd wear.
Ritsuka is... more difficult to place. He's not his sister. He's reserved, he's grouchy, he always seems like he's one Nobunaga away from melting down and stabbing the nearest person in the neck with his bare hands – or himself, if no one's in range.
Oh, if only you knew...
Or is it how he's a walking contradiction? Le Chevalier d'Eon is familiar with Magi, having dealt with them on more than one mission in the old days. They are cynical, inhuman monsters, devoid of compassion and entirely focused on their own works. Nothing is done with warmth or emotion. Nothing is done with sentiment. It's all for the sake of their research, decency or even humanity be damned. Nothing is sacred, not even life.
95+% of cases that is true.
d'Eon wants to know. Dating is the best, or at least most direct, way to do that. Emotional attachment was one of the easiest ways to worm secrets and understanding out of a mark, said the spymaster in d'Eon's head, and romance is one of the most potent tools in their arsenal. And if it becomes something more... well, why not?
Or it might blow to your face and lead to Ritsuka snapping. But this is a crackfic, so of course that would never happen. :V
"I know where babies come from," Ritsuka says flatly. "I assure you, I am fully equipped to be elegant and graceful as the Tohsaka should be."

Archer gives him a look. "...Right. Elegant and graceful. Like your mother."

"Mom is elegant and graceful what are you talking about."

"Let's hope we never have to know," Counter Guardian EMIYA says, an uneasy look in his eyes. "But no, I meant the thing about girls."

Or just give her a blue-ray player, or put her in same room with Luvia.
"...There are a lot of things about girls. Whenever I think he's done, he's not." There is a distant, vacant look in his eyes. "He's never done. And I don't think he'll ever be done. And it's not his fault."
Now that's just sad.
"Finns, too, are good at getting what they want.
Thank you.
"...I wish to vehemently reject any and all implications of a sister route," Ritsuka says after a long pause. "That is disgusting, and I'm pretty sure she's not into me."
Everyone who approves, say "aye".
"AYE!!!"
"The tricks is what to do after you get seduced. While I am sure your father is more experienced in these matters, I have some tips to offer. The most important step is reinforcement."

"Of the legs?" Ritsuka asks hopefully.

"Ah, no. Most women who corner you will likely be Servants, so your best bet is to last as long as possible. With reinforcement..."
Good advice.
Like, pardon my finnish, Aunt Luviagelita motherfucking Edelfelt."
Forgiven.
"Bruh. Bruh." She points at him with a finger trembling with rage. "You were an honor student and a fucking urban legend. Everyone knew your name! You graduated valedictorian! And even if you weren't an absolute legend for that bullshit you pulled in both the track team and the kyuudo club, people have eyes. And you, on the surface, are the kind of senpai that slays with a smile."

A moment passes in absolute silence between the two of them. Ritsuka opens and closes his mouth like a fish, seconds between each action. This has blown his mind, more than any sort of magecraft or angry punching.

"...Did you--"

"I will flick you again. I am not hot for my brother! That's disgusting! Fuck you for even thinking it!"

"Hey, hey!" Ritsuka holds his hands up defensively. "I agree! I completely, fully agree! But what are you getting at?!"

Kana, in a fit of rage, slaps her macaroni off the table and points her thumb at herself. "Guda, I beat off your legion of fangirls. And apparently I did such a good job that you didn't even realise you had a legion of fangirls."
"So..." Ritsuka's eyes focus and he looks at his sister. She seems sad about her macaroni. Her fault for slapping it. "...Remember all those boys that tried hitting on you?"

"Hm?" Kana looks back at him and tilts her head. "If it's about that one time, didn't the confessions stop after I flung that one guy out a window?"

"Yeah, about that... the confessions actually intensified."

"Huh." She frowns. "Huh?" Her face relaxes. "Huh. Wait, really? Did you..."

"I may have had a street fight or five," Ritsuka admits. "Eventually the guys just decided that they had to defeat me to date you. And no one ever did, so." He sighs into a laugh, hands on his hips. "Funny how that works, huh? We were so busy covering for each other in high school that we didn't realise we were also being covered."

"Yeah, weird," Kana agrees. His sister tugs on her sidetail idly and leans forward against the table. "I wonder why they went for me, though... You were the senpai, but I was just kind of eh at kyuudo. Didn't even end up Captain."

Ritsuka works his jaw. "There were a few reasons. One or two obvious ones."

Kana frowns and looks down at herself. "Of fucking course," she groans.

"I more meant your cool style and confident attitude," Ritsuka says quickly. "I mean, teenage boys; they'll always be interested. But it wasn't just that, y'know?"
 
Hey. That Shokugeki no Soma song... that's just Emiya again, isn't it? Or at least inspired by Emiya?
 
swordo

swordo no

swordo why

why swordo why

That said:
"BOMBS ARE GOOD BOMBS ARE GREAT LET GO OF MY SKULL OR IT WILL BREAK"
I laughed for, like, ten minutes straight at that.

if d'Eon had to describe it, it'd be something close to clothing. Important, but if necessary easily discarded if one had to go naked.
So... we can conclude that d'Eon has spent a lot of time thinking about Ritsuka discarding his clothing, got it.

Ritsuka is an enigma who should have never joined Chaldea, let alone been someone this suited to be a Master.
...and d'Eon thinks Ritsuka is suited to be a great Master. *eyebrow waggle*

"Accept it, Tohsaka Ritsuka. You are the hero of an eroge."
I started reading this at THE PERFECT TIME.

"...I wish to vehemently reject any and all implications of a sister route," Ritsuka says after a long pause. "That is disgusting, and I'm pretty sure she's not into me."
Note how the key part of that last sentence is "pretty sure." Not "sure" or "certain" or "100% positive." Just... "pretty sure."

...also, you don't need to add THAT part if you're really refusing to even consider it as an option. Just sayin', is all.

I am not hot for my brother! That's disgusting! Fuck you for even thinking it!
*cough*theladydothprotesttoomuch*cough*

Guda, I beat off your legion of fangirls.
*puerile giggle* Like... one at a time or in a group or...?

Like... I have no idea what's going on or why everyone's obsessed with getting Ritsuka into drag or why Nero Claudius is a tiny, big titty blonde girl in a *googles* see... through... skirt? *facepalm* wtf nasu dubya tee everylovin' eff ...but I'm into it! Wheeee!
 
I'm not sure what you mean.

That song you posted, "The Cooking One Ought to Challenge" reminds me a lot of Shirou Emiya's theme, named "Emiya". The thing is, it's been remade and redone lots of times, for nameless in Extra to Chole in PRillya. I'd heard SnS contained lots of Fate references, so I was wondering if the song was inspired by Emiya (The theme).

For reference:
Classic:

PRillya:

Extra:

And tons more fan adaptions and memes.
 
why Nero Claudius is a tiny, big titty blonde girl in a *googles* see... through... skirt?
Oh, you sweet, innocent summer child. And it is not see-through, she's letting people see.
That song you posted, "The Cooking One Ought to Challenge" reminds me a lot of Shirou Emiya's theme, named "Emiya". The thing is, it's been remade and redone lots of times, for nameless in Extra to Chole in PRillya. I'd heard SnS contained lots of Fate references, so I was wondering if the song was inspired by Emiya (The theme).
Ah, the theme. To my knowledge, it is not inspired by Emiya. Most of Fate/FW references refer to both having red heads who are great cooks as main protagonists.
 
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