"I understand that you're trying to live your love life vicariously through me and Madoka, but wouldn't it be better to try and get your own girlfriend to kiss instead?"
"Yeah, maybe if there were a girl I liked, but there isn't, so leave me alone!" Too late did Sayaka realize what she had said. Too late did Sayaka realize that she hadn't denied liking girls in response to Homura's tease. She had only said that there wasn't a girl that she liked.
"Stupid Homura," Sayaka groused to herself, idly kicking at the sand on the beach as she lay out on the sand. "I can't believe she tricked me into saying that! I don't even like girls!" No, that isn't true, she thought to herself, watching as a certain redhead splashed about in the shallows of Lake Ashi. I just don't like the only girl I do like. The thought that she was bisexual, that she found Kyouko attractive, that she liked Kyouko, frustrated Sayaka to no end, and she shook her head. "If there's a prize for rotten judgement," she whispered to herself as the opening notes of a familiar tune danced in her head. "I guess I've already won that. That girl's not worth the aggravation; that's ancient history; been there; done that." By that she was, of course, referring to her feelings for Kamijou Kyousuke; feelings which she had nursed for the past ten years, which she still nursed today, but which Sayaka knew she shouldn't act on, now that he and Hitomi were dating.
Sayaka couldn't hear what they were talking about, but Mami and Kyouko were definitely talking about something; and the occasional gestures made in her direction by Kyouko gave her no confidence that it was anything good. She's probably still mad at me for what happened earlier, she thought; turning her head, it was easy to make out the ruins of the Osaka Castle Kyouko's group had worked so hard on. But, it's not like she's apologized to me for what she said the other day, either.
Oh crap, Sayaka thought, as she saw the redhead turning and heading towards the shore. She's coming this way. What do I say? Do I say sorry for wrecking her sandcastle? Do I tell her I'm still mad at her for before? Does she even know why I'm mad at her from before?
"Hey," Kyouko said, giving Sayaka a slight wave as she approached. The two stared at each other, neither red nor blue able to muster up the words to speak to the other. "Listen-" "Kyouko I-" In an instant, Sayaka and Kyouko tripped over each other trying to speak first. "Uh, you first," Kyouko said.
"Kyouko I..." Deep breaths girl, Sayaka thought to herself, ignoring the way her tongue felt like lead in the presence of the redhead standing before her. "I'm sorry, okay. I- I know you and the others worked really hard making that sandcastle, and I'm sorry I pushed you into it."
"Right," Kyouko said, her eyes unable to meet Sayaka's. "Uh, thanks. Apology accepted."
Those words lifted a weight from Sayaka's chest, but she still found it hard to breathe. This was the first time since that night that she and Kyouko had spoken directly to one another, and the anger and confusion she felt at the thought of her conflicting feelings for the girl were only intensified in her presence. "So, uh, what did you want to say?"
"Well, I was talking ta Mami-" Kyouko thumbed over to the blonde, standing in the shallow waters waiting for her redheaded roomate to finish her business. "-and she said I should apologize to ya fer earlier."
It's a start, Sayaka thought. "And, do you know what you're apologizing for?"
Kyouko shook her head, an act which caused Sayaka to frown. "That's the thing- I don't know what I could'a said to ya ta make you so mad at me. Hell, I've been thinking about it ever since that night, and I still can't figure out what might'a set you off back then. But I figure we've both been sitting on this one too long fer it ta be healthy. So, uh..." The redhead offered her hand to Sayaka. "Peace?"
Sayaka stared at the hand being offered to her. On one hand, Kyouko did offer her apology, even if she didn't know what she was apologizing for. On the other hand... Sayaka chose not to accept the offered hand, instead asking "You really don't have the slightest idea what you did, do you?"
"I swear to ya, if I knew what I'd done wrong, I'd have apologized to ya back then."
This is it, girl, Sayaka thought, as her mind raced back and forth between telling Kyouko how she felt, or continuing to let the girl stew. Well, even if she doesn't know what she did, she at least offered her apology... Taking in a deep breath, Sayaka said "I..." Oh gods no, don't say it! Abort, abort! "Remember how you said I was attractive? I... I think I feel the same way about you."
Kyouko stared at Sayaka as though the girl had sprouted another head, and after several moments of awkward silence all she could muster up to say was "Ya do?"
Sayaka nodded. "Yeah. At first, I thought... I thought if you were a guy, I'd be interested. But you're a girl, and I'm a girl, and-"
"Ain't like that's stopped yer friends Pinkie and Spooky."
"I know." Sayaka couldn't face Kyouko, and the words "I think I like you" still lingered on her tongue, waiting to be spoken. They'll have to wait a lot longer. "That night, I... I got so mad at you for talking about how cute your nurse was. I-" Don't say it. "I got jealous; like, make up your mind or something, girl! Do you think I'm attractive, or do you think that nurse was attractive?"
Those words hit Kyouko like a sack of bricks. "That's it?" She asked, crouching down to take a seat beside Sayaka. "That's what's got ya all worked up this whole time? That ya got jealous 'cause I said some nurse was attractive?" Sayaka nodded. "Yer an idiot, ain't ya?" Sayaka's eyes went wide, but she was preempted from giving the redhead a piece of her mind when Kyouko said "I thought she was attractive 'cause'a how much she reminded me of you. She had the same eyes as you do, and when she smiled, it was just like I was looking at yer smile." Sayaka froze, giving Kyouko the perfect opportunity to ask "You... You like me, don't ya? Like, more than just finding me attractive."
"No!" Sayaka's response was immediate, but the fervor that had come with her voice died down as Kyouko pulled away from her moments after her response had been yelled out. "I mean, I don't know. I think you're attractive - for a girl, I mean; you're attractive for a girl - but I don't know how I feel about you. There are times when you can be really cool, yeah; but then there are times when it's like you go out of your way to get on my nerves, and I just don't know how to feel about that."
"But yer still thinking about me," Kyouko said; and it was true, Sayaka realized. Whether she was angry at Kyouko or thinking she was cool, Kyouko was still someone who managed to occupy her thoughts at almost all hours of the day. "Ya must have some kinda feeling about me on some level, or else ya wouldn't be thinking so much about how I make ya feel, would ya?"
"No... I guess not."
Sayaka pulled her knees up to her face, and Kyouko asked "So, what do we do now? 'Cause, I ain't exactly got much experience with this whole kinda thing. Yer only the second girl I've thought was attractive, and the other was straight. Yer at least not rejecting me outright, so..."
"I don't know. I've only ever felt this way about one other person before too; and now he's dating one of my best friends."
"Well, we might as well go fer it," Kyouko said. Sayaka's knees left her face, and she turned to look at the redhead who continued by saying "I mean, we both find the other attractive, and we wouldn't be having this conversation if we weren't at least a little okay with the idea. So I figure we give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen; we go back ta getting mad at each other like always, like nothing ever happened?"
"We both know that wouldn't happen," Sayaka responded. "If we gave... This, a try, and we didn't like it, I'm worried that we'd just end up fighting even more by the end of it."
"So?" Kyouko stared at Sayaka, her hand finding its way to Sayaka's own the way Sayaka had seen Madoka and Homura's hands doing so many times before. It felt good, holding Kyouko's hand like this. "Before this whole War business with servants and shit started, I was living on my own, fighting on my own. Every day could'a been my last. Life ain't worth living if we're being too cautious of tomorrow ta live fer today. If we like the idea now, then we should go fer it, 'cause we may not be here tomorrow to say 'Sorry I kept ya waiting'; and if it turns out we can't stand being together, then at least we can say we gave it a try."
"I guess..." Sayaka said, but before she could say any more than that, Kyouko did something she did not expect. With reflexes too fast for Sayaka to fight, Kyouko pulled her face in close, and their lips met.
Sayaka didn't know for how long she and Kyouko stayed like that, lips pressed together while they sat together on the beach. It could have been a few seconds, or it could have been a few hours; she didn't know, and the animal part of her brain didn't care. Sayaka sputtered as Kyouko broke the kiss, her face scarlet; but before she was able to open her mouth, to yell and scream and let Kyouko know just how she felt about that egregious breach of her personal space, the redhead said "You were just begging fer Pinkie and Spooky ta lock lips earlier. Figured ya didn't wanna wait like they were."
"Yeah, but..." Sayaka stared at Kyouko, torn between tearing the girl a new one or leaning in for another one. "... That was my first kiss."
"Then I'll be sure ta cherish it." Before Sayaka could say anything more, Kyouko changed the subject, saying "Let's do dinner. Pick me up tomorrow at, say, six-thirty," Kyouko winked for Sayaka, flipping her hair as she turned to head back to the cabin, saying as she left "You know where I live."
Sayaka stared, watching as Kyouko deliberately put a little bit more sway into her hips as she walked away. The warmth and electric shock of Kyouko's lips lingered on her own, not leaving even after the redhead was gone from her sight. "At least out loud," Sayaka whispered, careful not to let anyone but herself hear the words she was speaking. "I won't say I'm in love."
