A Little Vice (Trans Magical Girl fic)

Voted best in category in the Users' Choice awards.
Also, his arm turned into a lump of rock thanks to one of his annoying teammates.
In mitigation, he has a planned path to recovery and his prognosis is good, if a bit... weird.

Magical girls are pretty dark in general; both Sailor Moon and Tokyo Mew Mew killed off their entire casts in the finale.
I cannot speak for Tokyo Mew Mew, but Sailor Moon does have the somewhat cheaty advantage that the protagonist can regularly raise the dead with a wish at the end of a story arc. She tends to go through at least some of the emotional fallout of watching her friends die (repeatedly) but three months later, they tend to be alive again. Which... well, when you lose a loved one, that's a big part of the pain.

Though that doesn't negate what Sailor Moon goes through at the time, since it's not like she always knows she'll get a chance to bring them back.

C is literally her own worst enemy.
Superbia: "And look, I'm trying really, really hard here, but it's getting to the point where even I, the personification of Arrogance, have to admit that this is true."
 
He doesn't need magic for that. A mixture of mundane charisma and audience desperation is more than enough to convince people that far less impressive figures are similarly awesome.
Given that we already know he can make people think he's trustworthy even when he incredibly obviously is not? I don't buy it. This part in particular seems wildly suspect:
Avaritia wasted no time in dropping to one knee. Awkwardly, I followed. His scent was in the air. His voice was here and somehow all the worse for existing outside my memories. And yet, his raw presence dwarfed even that in a way that made me marvel at how blind I'd been to think I could ever escape him.

It was easier to kneel. It was easier to avoid looking at him, to avoid letting him see my expression. I knew that if I let myself growl or lunge at him or run or faint or anything I would rather do than have this conversation that I, and probably Avaritia, would die.

So I waited in silence as Superbia examined me.
Not only is it an abrupt and dramatic tonal shift, his scent was in the air? Seems like a non-sequitur, unless he's using it the same way as the incense earlier.
 
Doing some thinking about where the plot looks to be going in the future- I actually wonder if Avaritia will be turned to the good side before Invidia is?

Indivia does not seem like she could emotionally handle abandoning Avaritia to be all alone with Superbia, and even the thought of losing what her sin has given her seems to frighten her.

Meanwhile, I could very well see a situation where Avaritia realizes that being constantly exposed to Superbia isn't exactly, uh, great for Invidia, and makes the choice to try to rescue her from the situation she's gotten her into.

More broadly, I think there might be a realization from Avaritia that while Chiro needed a bit of a push, not all of the ways she's been pushing are great. Like when they were trying on clothes, and Chiro told Avaritia she needed a break and Avaritia tried to keep pushing- Avaritia wants to help, and in some ways she is, but she also has trouble figuring out where the line is sometimes.

Not to say that Chiro's mountains of mental baggage make finding the line easy, but it does seem like a bit of a theme with Avaritia.
 
I sat on the rooftop, slowing my breathing and tracing a hand across the pleats in my skirt. Something about that soothed.
So fucking relatable. Had a dream where I had a dress and I just kept feeling it with my hands.
"Ah," the robed figure said. "So the fourth has finally awoken. With your leave, I will allow you to attend to this, we can discuss the fruit later." Their voice had a lyrical tilt to it, and a strange ethereal quality that felt familiar in a strange way. Where Superbia made a constant show of authority, the cloaked person managed to sound like they were above everything while miming deference.
Welp, we have our Xehanort. We have a bunch od seeds, but a single important fruit, huh?
"Long ago, people were weak and powerless, and the forest in which we all lived was dark and scary and full of monsters. The children of the forest hid and ran and tried to survive and eventually they found themselves seeking shelter under a tall ancient tree."
Loredump time! So the virtues supposedly come from branches. I'm thinking the tree's whole thing is self-awareness and self-realization. And the whole sotry really sounds like propaganda.
"But, we found Superbia sealed away in the Forest from all the way back when that first war happened, and we let him out and he gave the seeds that let us turn into Beasts so we could join him against the tyranny of virtue."
Okay, there's something weird here. Why does he act like a modern conservative asshole? The things people were prejudiced about back in the distant past of another world should be different. Or maybe being in the forest connected him to the collective thoughts of society. Far fetched though. Edit: oh yeah, the entire Children of the Forest seem to sorta mirror Earth values. Still, Superbia is from the past.
"Superbia knew we'd lose if we fought, and he found a way to a world outside the forest entirely
Confirmation it's another world.
I couldn't bring myself to think anything but the worst of our former guidance counselor. He was too much like dad in so many little ways to feel otherwise.
Yeah, abused people either get into other abusive relationships or get good at recognizing them.
Michael detects something odd about her
I wonder if Michael realizes who she is but she keeps quiet. Also, using a plush body, she's obviously different from the other Children of the Forest. None of them have shown any capability to separate a person from their flesh body non-fatally.
Interesting lore. The seeds make people feel like crap if they don't indulge in their sin enough. Contrast that with, for instance, Temperance still being able to snack to her heart's content, or Ida being actively encouraged to be less diligent by her saintly companions.
Avaritia, are you sure it's Michael forcing people to act according to a prescribed standard?
Yeah, it gives you what you need but withholds it if you fall out of line. More indication of being a predatory cult. Is this why Saints use branches? Are seeds too autonomous, or can you use them safely.
Massive mood. The intense sunlight here sucks. Actually itches and burns.
Not sure how that would play with the anime's actual plans, but it would make a great OVA once the series wraps up.
Episode of C: A Little Vice
Michael Gaiden: A Little Crime
Avaritia and Gula's Excellent Adventure: A Little ???
So far Invidia's horrible villainy that proves she's definitely an unlovable monster amounts to:
gently shoving Inessa before transforming
and giving her a tiny papercut on the hand by accident that she immediately felt bad about

Poor girl tries so hard to be evil but just can't do it.
Most adorable villain ever.
There's a pretty good ongoing quest, Something Wicked, which follows a male magical girl villain.
Oh, so that's the plot. My brain is too full atm for this, but cool.
Magical girls are pretty dark in general; both Sailor Moon and Tokyo Mew Mew killed off their entire casts in the finale.
Lol, didn't know Tokyo Mew Mew went that hard.
Disintegrating what little identity she is building for herself by trying to reach for more would probably be a progression towards the villainous, self destructive urges of her sin. If the part about envying Avaritia's confidence in this chapter is any indication, denying that urge might be important later.
Oh, nice insight. Giving in too hard to the seed would destroy her. Wonder if the seed would take over.
Feels more like they're exploiting the resources of another world
Literal human resources. They're literally invading Earth for an energy resource under the guise of liberating them.
 
Last edited:
Okay, there's something weird here. Why does he act like a modern conservative asshole? The things people were prejudiced about back in the distant past of another world should be different. Or maybe being in the forest connected him to the collective thoughts of society. Far fetched though. Edit: oh yeah, the entire Children of the Forest seem to sorta mirror Earth values. Still, Superbia is from the past.

The seeds look scary and Superbia explained it badly but that's mostly because he's kinda a pretentious old guy and honestly your earth books have only made him worse since we got here.."

Dude woke up in the modern day and immediately got hooked on fox news
 
"Ah," the robed figure said. "So the fourth has finally awoken. With your leave, I will allow you to attend to this, we can discuss the fruit later." Their voice had a lyrical tilt to it, and a strange ethereal quality that felt familiar in a strange way. Where Superbia made a constant show of authority, the cloaked person managed to sound like they were above everything while miming deference.
Also thing I meant to comment on in my last post but forgot for reasons;

Michael? Is that you?

Real interested whether it is or not in what the answer to the 'felt familiar in a strange way' effect is going to be.
 
Given that we already know he can make people think he's trustworthy even when he incredibly obviously is not? I don't buy it. This part in particular seems wildly suspect:

Not only is it an abrupt and dramatic tonal shift, his scent was in the air? Seems like a non-sequitur, unless he's using it the same way as the incense earlier.
So, the way I'm seeing it, you have three points.

People (Avaritia, mostly) think Superbia is trustworthy even though he's obviously not.
There are just so many examples of obviously untrustworthy people being trusted by people close to them, from politicians and celebrities to intimate partners and family. Sometimes they can't see the untrustworthy parts from their perspective, sometimes they see things which they think excuses or explains the untrustworthy stuff, sometimes the untrustworthy person has a relationship with the trusting person which should let the truster trust them implicitly. I'm pretty sure all of these apply to Avaritia.
And we haven't seen anyone except Avaritia trust Superbia in his dragon guise. Aside from that, it's just students trusting their guidance counselor, which...again, that's the kind of person a high schooler is supposed to trust implicitly.

Invidia bowed down to Superbia abruptly.
Well, duh. One minute she's being dragged through the Abyssal Forest by Avaritia, the next she's facing an annoyed dragon-man with the power of a major magical girl villain. Bowing abruptly is something you do when you run into someone with the arrogance of a king and the power to execute you. And it's not like this is the first time Invidia has run into Superbia in his throne room. C wasn't overcome with that deferential urge then, not even after Mr. Noir turned into Superbia Dragon.
Invidia's abrupt subservient attitude (which broke when Superbia pressed a button Invidia didn't know she had) fits better with mundane fear than supernatural compulsion.

There's the weird smells that don't have any other obvious narrative function.
Please recall what I actually said. "He doesn't need magic for that."
It's entirely possible that Superbia is supplementing his mundane manipulation with magic. But he has all the tools he needs to do what he does without hypnosis.


Okay, there's something weird here. Why does he act like a modern conservative asshole? The things people were prejudiced about back in the distant past of another world should be different. Or maybe being in the forest connected him to the collective thoughts of society. Far fetched though. Edit: oh yeah, the entire Children of the Forest seem to sorta mirror Earth values. Still, Superbia is from the past.
I appreciate this line of thought, but I feel it's worth pointing out that:
  • Characters in fantasy stories often represent things other than literal people. Superbia's role as a reactionary patriarch giving advice to disaffected "boys" which is meant to sculpt them into the kind of men they can control (a la modern conservative assholes) would be muddled if Superbia was mad about the Gauls or whatever.
  • Superbia isn't from Earth. It makes as much sense for him to have a real-world modern ideology as a real-world historical ideology.
  • Superbia hasn't gone deep into any particular ideology—not modern conservatism, not classical Laconophilia, nothing. Superbia has the vibes of a Jordan Peterson, but if the two of them were to actually meet up, they'd probably find a lot of differences in their beliefs; most alt-right types tend to be more open about supporting one specific model of Good Living, while Superbia claims to support embracing your true desires. That's a big difference!


Doing some thinking about where the plot looks to be going in the future- I actually wonder if Avaritia will be turned to the good side before Invidia is?

Indivia does not seem like she could emotionally handle abandoning Avaritia to be all alone with Superbia, and even the thought of losing what her sin has given her seems to frighten her.

Meanwhile, I could very well see a situation where Avaritia realizes that being constantly exposed to Superbia isn't exactly, uh, great for Invidia, and makes the choice to try to rescue her from the situation she's gotten her into.
Superbia: Don't be ridiculous. It's not like she has a history of running away from abusive environments with boys pretending to be girls.
Avaritia, whispering: Don't tell him that Gula's trans. I haven't come up with a pronoun analogy for gluttony yet.
 
People (Avaritia, mostly) think Superbia is trustworthy even though he's obviously not.
There are just so many examples of obviously untrustworthy people being trusted by people close to them, from politicians and celebrities to intimate partners and family. Sometimes they can't see the untrustworthy parts from their perspective, sometimes they see things which they think excuses or explains the untrustworthy stuff, sometimes the untrustworthy person has a relationship with the trusting person which should let the truster trust them implicitly. I'm pretty sure all of these apply to Avaritia.
And we haven't seen anyone except Avaritia trust Superbia in his dragon guise. Aside from that, it's just students trusting their guidance counselor, which...again, that's the kind of person a high schooler is supposed to trust implicitly.
Normally, yes, students are expected to trust their guidance councilor. In this case, however, he was being stupendously unsubtle about being evil, and Chiro spotted it immediately, but she kept thinking "this seems evil, but I know Mr. Noir is trustworthy, so it must be okay". This was explicitly attributed to mind control magic.
 
C: Innessa doesn't get it she's treating me like I'd never attack her even though I'm totally a monster what a fool.

C, five seconds later: U-um I AM LETTING YOU OFF EASY THIS TIME! *runs away*

yeah innessa totally doesn't have your number C.

Last line in quote should be 'to just stay as her even if you have to hide the wings'



'practising being a girl meant going out in public pretending to be a girl a girl' seems to have an extra 'a girl', or possibly a missing sentence fragment between the two.



'but I barely stumbling over the words' is grammatically incorrect I'm pretty sure, needs a 'was' or to be 'barely stumble over the words' or something.



Might not be an error but it might be an error that the first sentence of the second quoted paragraph ends on just 'and.'

The rest end on ellipses and this could be style or it could be missing words or whatever.

Fixed! Thanks a ton for catching these!
 
Lol, didn't know Tokyo Mew Mew went that hard.
They all got revived five seconds later, just like in Sailor Moon.
But, uh, the reason everyone was dead in the first place was that the main villain's host body turned out to be the heroine's beloved boyfriend, who basically had an existential crisis as his mind was being consumed, started attacking and killing people with Ichigo at first defending him (going so far as to blast her friends in the manga) but then realising she'd have to kill him in order to stop him. The whole of Tokyo got destroyed in the fight, by the way.
They were lucky to have some Mew Aqua left.

So dark, but in a different way.
 
I grinned stupidly and offered a curtsy in return, "Invidia Bat and, umm, he/him I guess. It's not like I have a choice about it though."

Avaritia stared at me in stunned silence for several seconds before slowly burying their face in one palm. "What?" ey asked as if I had just punched them in the nose.



View: https://youtu.be/BwSts2s4ba4
Immense psychic damage, across the fourth wall even.
 
Also thing I meant to comment on in my last post but forgot for reasons;

Michael? Is that you?

Real interested whether it is or not in what the answer to the 'felt familiar in a strange way' effect is going to be.
My guess is Satan? I was talking about this quest with a friend, and they were surprised that Superbia was the leader, instead of an analogue to Michael. That is assuming that "the fruit" is the fourth beast, as opposed to the cloaked one; especially since I don't know what they might be; not Pride, Greed, Gluttony, Envy, or Lust, but neither Wrath nor Sloth feel right.
 
Also thing I meant to comment on in my last post but forgot for reasons;

Michael? Is that you?

Real interested whether it is or not in what the answer to the 'felt familiar in a strange way' effect is going to be.
It's gonna be a "fallen angel". Satan or Lucifier or Samael or whatever "we can syndicate this in the US if we're extremely careful" equivalent is pulled. Michael's opposite number, since the Beasts and Saints are two sides of the same coin.
 
I cannot speak for Tokyo Mew Mew, but Sailor Moon does have the somewhat cheaty advantage that the protagonist can regularly raise the dead with a wish at the end of a story arc.
I find it amusing that Cardcaptor Sakura, one of the lightest and brightest MG series, is also one of the few MG series where resurrection either strictly isn't possible, or at least will go horribly wrong if you try. Granted, we know this due to how CLAMP's overall multiverse works, rather than it being outright said in CCS itself
 
I find it amusing that Cardcaptor Sakura, one of the lightest and brightest MG series, is also one of the few MG series where resurrection either strictly isn't possible, or at least will go horribly wrong if you try. Granted, we know this due to how CLAMP's overall multiverse works, rather than it being outright said in CCS itself
Makes sense to me!

If your story is light and bright enough that lovable people don't die (much), then you don't need raising the dead to be possible in the first place! You're free to make attempts to do so end badly, because it's happening to characters who won't be missed.
 
It's gonna be a "fallen angel". Satan or Lucifier or Samael or whatever "we can syndicate this in the US if we're extremely careful" equivalent is pulled. Michael's opposite number, since the Beasts and Saints are two sides of the same coin.
My gut reaction is it's going to turn out to be Chiro's missing Mum, because that's the sort of twist that blow everybody's mind. Whether she's also a named fallen angel or something, who knows?
 
My gut reaction is it's going to turn out to be Chiro's missing Mum, because that's the sort of twist that blow everybody's mind. Whether she's also a named fallen angel or something, who knows?
I assume she would have to be. It would be kinda funny if the Big Bad at the heart of this whole magical girl plot was just a suburban divorcee, but it doesn't seem plausible.
 
Avaritia and C's interactions are almost cute. But I can't help but notice how hard Avaritia dances around the "what if the Resinners kill people on their rampage" questions. At most, they suggest C work to keep the civilians away... and I wonder, are the Resinners even good for anything if they don't put innocents in harms way? Well, there is these interesting lines from our doggo:

Lupin nodded, "Right, people are repressed. They hold themselves back, bundling everything in deeper and deeper and live like zombies. The powerful do whatever they want, while normal people fear doing something 'immoral' and breaking the dumb rules someone in charge set up to try and make people think like him."

Ey took a deep breath and shook eir head.

"The Abyssal Seeds feed on these buried emotions and let people face the things they're hiding, and then we get stronger and we can do it better, to build a world of sin past all hypocrisy, where people can finally claim the tools to help themselves without any of the pretense that gets in the way."

"The more monsters we make, the more power of sin we spread, the stronger we can get and then we can go back and show everyone they were wrong. Superbia has it all figured out."
It sounds like the act of creating a Resinner and letting it rampage alone is enough to somehow add to the Forest's magical power? Assuming Avaritia is not talking out of their ass. Man, powering up through shoving people into a very bad headspace is some Kyuubey shit.
 
It sounds like the act of creating a Resinner and letting it rampage alone is enough to somehow add to the Forest's magical power? Assuming Avaritia is not talking out of their ass. Man, powering up through shoving people into a very bad headspace is some Kyuubey shit.
I mean the saints said exactly the same thing. That the Resinners being corrupted etc does directly tilt the balance more towards sin thus empowering team Sin.
 
Yeah, it gives you what you need but withholds it if you fall out of line. More indication of being a predatory cult. Is this why Saints use branches? Are seeds too autonomous, or can you use them safely.
I mean one thing to note is, if you're placing them within people, seeds can grow, and leech off the 'soil'. While branches can be made into full trees with the right treatments and all, thematically they don't grow and leech off of the 'soil'
 
Back
Top