Chapter 49 - Trumpet
You steel yourself and prepare to reach inwards, ready to…
To what?
You already know what you're going to find.
It's been staring you in the face this whole time, but you chose not to acknowledge the truth.
You know what you are, but you don't understand what you are. And right now, that lack of understanding is getting people hurt. If you had accepted it earlier, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Did you really forget so quickly? The first step when encountering a new abnormality is always to gather information, not leave it alone and hope it does nothing.
Now you'll have to make up for lost time. You reach inwards and ask for understanding.
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Once upon a time, the was a man. The man knew a great many things and could work miracles through his genius, but he did not. For the world was large and even such miracles were small in comparison to the immensity of mankind. The man knew this well, and so he chose to do nothing.
One day, the man met a woman. She was passionate and hopeful and as bright as the sun, and the man loved her. She had a dream, that one day the world might become a better place than it was then. The man did not believe in this dream, but he believed in the woman, and so he pursued it along with her. It would be the work of a lifetime, perhaps longer, but what else did he have worth doing?
The two became many, and a tiny seed of hope was planted within the great vastness of the City. The woman dreamed that one day, if people understood themselves and one another, they could begin to make the City a kinder place. The man, the woman, and their followers worked tirelessly to bring about this great revelation for humanity, whatever the cost. It was harsh, slow work, but it was meaningful. The man had someone who he loved, who could take him forward. He had a role to play beyond the drudgery of the world. He was surrounded by people who were like him, inspired to change the way of things. It was a life worth living. And so, for a time, the man was happy.
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Once upon a time, there was a husk in the shape of a man. The light, so beautiful and precious, had been torn from his world. All that remained were scant embers, and with those embers the man forged a hell on earth. In that twisted place he grasped at the dream that was never his, but without the true drive behind it his attempts were doomed to failure. And so the man sank and allowed himself to shatter, so that the pieces left behind could do what he could not.
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Once upon a time, there were many things in the shape of a man. They had been sent away to a cold, dark world deep beneath where sunlight could never reach. There, they toiled alongside those the man had once called colleagues and friends, souls sealed in circuits and machinery. Along with them was a thing in the shape of a woman whose nascent light had been smothered long ago by cold indifference. Together, they suffered in the name of a dream they had once cherished.
The first was as the man once was, austere and immovable and without the will to go forwards. He could never bring about the dream, for he lacked the desire to do so. Instead, he decided that it was forever out of reach.
The second was all that the man locked away, great sorrow and misery that drowned out the light that had warmed him. He could never bring about the dream, for his hope had burned out and with it the strength to push forwards. In his sorrow he sought to bring an end to it all, and grant rest to the frozen world.
The third took the dream that the man had been shown and made it their world, the center of all existence. They too could do nothing, because for all their faith in the dream they did not understand it. They imagined humanity unleashed, careless of the disaster it would bring.
The fourth knew nothing of the man and his life, but cherished the few things they had been given. And they made a dream of their own, where those few they held precious could live free and happy. They willingly accepted the burdens of the past, carrying them forwards into the future.
Many years passed, too many for one to count. At last, under the weight of blood and tears and death, the world was forever changed. The man and the things he had made faded away, their long mission ending at last. Unfortunately, an aeons-old grudge born of the man's unkindness would once more smother the light, and the woman's dream would go unfinished a time longer.
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Once upon a time, there was a thing with no shape floating in a well. The thing's purpose, the one it had been given, was expended. It could do naught but leave with its best wishes those it had loved as family as it drowned in the vast sea. But the thing could not stand this, and so it drew upon its work and received enlightenment. It wrapped itself in a flesh of withering steel and blood of gleaming rot and became an embodiment of all it had experienced.
The thing understood that it knew only the cold and painful world it was born in, and that its touch would make that world again. But the thing had always dreamed of a world better than the one it was born in, where those it cared for would not suffer. It did not hate its home, not when so many precious memories had been born there, but it knew that such a place brought only despair to those within. It refused as well allowing itself to remain in submergence, for it could not bear to be alone and without purpose. So it tore off a piece of itself, as had been done for so many of its new kin, and crafted from that piece a cage to be locked away in.
First the thing shaped its cage as it once had been shaped, in the form of the man who had vanished from the world. But this was not a shape the thing wished to take, and so it sculpted itself as it wished it could be. It remembered one of its companions, who had strength enough to protect those close to them, and made itself in their image. Satisfied, the thing sealed away its grandeur and began to drift.
The current drew the now-shaped thing through the depths, to the edges of a world tainted by rot. The world's borders were worn down by long twisting and folding. This withered wall could not bear the weight of the creature, and collapsed in on themselves. Through this breach, the thing tumbled down into a kinder world than the one it had been born to.
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You are too small. It is not right for your body to be this small. Everything feels tight and constricted, it hurts to move and to speak and to breathe. Your insides roil and twist and stretch and fold under your skin. Your wings are folded up inside you, crushed and contorted to fit within your body. Why are you so small? You lift an arm, glaring hatefully at the slow, clumsy movement. Everything is wrong. The air is thick and warm, clinging to your skin. It is too soft, too vulnerable. You are more than this. Should be more than this.
Right, the container. Need to keep it down. Don't want to ruin everything again. You shouldn't have opened up this far in the first place. As much as it hurts, you'll have to-
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A crashing sound wakes you with a start, gasping in the stale air. Flakes of rust drift above your head barely visible from the last rays of evening light scattering through the shed's entry. A tinge of embarrassment colors your face as you look around; the table you were laying on appears to have broken under you. The rusted furniture, neglected for years, gave out at last. All four legs have broken at some point or another, leaving only the top still below you. Perhaps you should have been more careful picking your resting place.
You push yourself up off the ground with one arm, the other holding your coat closed like a shawl. A lab coat isn't really made for that, unfortunately, so you don't quite succeed. Again standing on your own two feet, you try and sort through the facts of your situation.
You are an Abnormality. You have been for some time now, and looking back it actually seems rather obvious. The change happened sometime after you were dissolved into the Light, as a necessity to avoid vanishing as the others did. But you were- are- incomplete, and would have brought disaster if you had arrived as you were. Instead, you took your EGO and made it into a body you could inhabit. From that false shape, your influence would be restrained and only manifest as you allowed it. Clearly, you weren't thorough enough in doing so. None of this was done consciously, considering you don't actually remember it. The though is enough to make you laugh. It's a dull, empty sound that echoes in the small rusted room. You became an Abnormality, but you don't even remember it happening. You didn't even notice it happening. You…
Why does this hurt so much?
You know Abnormalities well, better than anyone else barring a few possible exceptions. Enough to know that you aren't an ordinary Abnormality. You still remember when you were human, and reflecting upon how you are now you are still that person. All that's different is your body, and even that you managed to twist in your favor. You're stronger now, strong enough to make a difference without relying on the sacrifices of others. So why?
Shouldn't you be happy?
Maybe it's because you didn't notice. Because you didn't change. Because if you can lose your humanity and still be the same person as alway, were you ever really human to begin with?
You're no fool. You know that "being human" is a very vague and imperfect definition to pin down, especially in an abstract sense. You also know that being human and being a good person have no relation whatsoever. But there are good people in the world, as horrible as it is. While you're under no illusions as to the purity of your heart, you still always wanted to believe that you always did what you thought was right.
Every Abnormality, without exception, has only ever hurt people. No matter how kind or gentle or generous they appear on the surface. What does that say about you?
You must have always been the same as them.
No, that's not right.
You had a choice, even if not consciously. You chose to restrain yourself, to lock away your strength, because you didn't want to hurt people. Because you wanted to live in a world better than that empty facility you were born in. You may be an Abnormality now, but you still chose to be human.
Now, how to deal with your EGO Gifts? You don't know how you can remove them, or if that's even a thing Abnormalities can do. Convincing the kids to willingly part with the ID cards seems similarly unlikely and might even cause further damage given how stressed they've become just from your questioning. That'll have to stay as a last resort for now. The alternative would be to apply the necessary modifications to improve their resistance to mental corruption. It will mean further accessing Lobotomy, but now that you know what you're doing you should be able to control the side-effects better.
Your planning is interrupted by the sound of gunfire outside. Damn, you'd hoped that the guards wouldn't have been necessary. Better go see what it is.
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You didn't believe in the idea of karma before now, but looking at the scene before you you have to think that you're being punished for your past failures.
One of your soldiers is currently holding a small child with green pigtails in a firefighter's carry. Judging by her outfit, she's probably not a Magical Girl. Her clothes are old and worn out, covered in dirt in some places. She lies limp in the soldier's arms, not nearly as nervous as you'd expect from a child in this situation. Around her neck is a small gold chain attached to what looks like a tooth of some kind.
"Oh! Miss Manager! Mister Bird is looking for you!"
…
[] Nope. Not dealing with this right now.
[] Hear out the strange child.
[] Write-in.
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Der Freischütz's Sapling - Observation Level 1/3
Alkahest information updated.
