Game of the Year: A Naruto Quest

You are Hatake Kakashi, and you are not a man that's used to being approached. Quite the opposite, in fact. Why, the only person that dared to approach you was Gai. Or Anko, on the rare occasions she was without another person to drink with. It was usually a futile attempt to tease out what was under your mask, but she was 100 years too early to manage to see underneath the underneath.

...No. You were distracting yourself. Surely, if you continued to read your book, the tiny academy student that hadn't learned one of the most important social lessons Konoha had to offer (You did not bother Kakashi) would either get bored or take the hint and move along.

So you read.

And waited.

And read some more.

She did not move, she just continued to stare at you with those eyes. Those eyes that you could swear were digging into your soul.

So you read.

She pulled out a notepad and started jotting some things down.

You read some more.

She started doodling.

...her art was quite good.

You read some more, and she continued to draw, while not moving her gaze away from your face.

Had she blinked yet?

You don't think she had.

Does she blink?

Finally, you can take those eyes no more, and you close your book. "Yes?"

She finally, slowly, blinks, not breaking eye contact other than the agonizingly painful closing and opening of her eyes.

"You are Hatake Kakashi."

"...Yes."

She nods. "I have been told by many people that you are likely my secret father."

You have to take a minute to process that. Judging by her age and...

"I am not." You say firmly.

"Of course you are not." She winks at you. It's as painful as her blinking. "You couldn't possibly be my secret father."

"..." Was this really happening right now? Did someone put her up to this? It wasn't a Gai plot. Gai didn't do plots. This was a Genma plot if he'd ever seen one.

"Why do you believe I am your secret father?" You finally manage.

"Several reasons. Your hair."

You look at her black hair, which contrasts sharply against her ghostly appearance, and wait for the world to make sense.

"Black is a dominant trait. Which means the silver is recessive. Which makes perfect sense for my secret father."

This can't possibly be happening right now.

"Also, I inherited your hobbies."

You didn't really have many hobbies. You actually didn't have any hobbies, really. You worked, you trained, you read your books, and you occasionally found time to fail Genin teams. You supposed looking at it from the outside, that could be considered a hobby. You're not sure how she's been doing that though.

"I don't think you've been failing any genin teams."

"I have not." She pauses. "Yet. I shall add that to my list of things to do."

"Which hobbies..." You ask, a slight sigh of defeat.

"I am a connoisseur of all things erotica."

Oh, that made much more sense. You wouldn't really call it a hobby, more of a lifestyle really. But you could see how one might make that mistake and...

Oh. No. No no no.

"I also produce such works."

No no no.

"I notice you have the latest Ichi Ichi. It's not to my tastes, as I prefer the pure love that is two boys, but the writer is excellent and I have studied them extensively to increase my own skills."

You take a slight step back. Hatake Kakashi you might be, unashamed to live your lifestyle in public, but you even you drew the line at discussing tastes in erotica with pre-teens.

"I was planning on doing a special issue for the student newspaper. Do you think I could convince Gai to..."

Absolute not. Done. So done.

A few moments later the shadow clone you'd left behind when you'd drawn on your skills to escape the situation popped. Unfortunately letting you catch the tail end of that conversation which wasn't something any amount of brain bleach was going to clear. Posing with Gai in those youth suits of his and holding hands?

You shudder, and make a note to avoid all contact with her in the future.

…...................

Epilogue: "Fail."

The Hokage sighed. "Kakashi, you haven't even met the team yet."

"Fail."

The old man glared at him. "Naruto, Sasuke, and Kairi are nearly a perfect match in skill sets for this team and you could certainly help all of them..."

"They fail."

The hokage put down his pipe, his expression very serious. "Jounin, you will go there and you will give them a fair test."

Kakashi paused, and then sighed. "The...girl makes me uncomfortable."

The Hokage frowned slightly. That was unusual for Kakashi. "How so?"

"...she approves of my choice in reading, and wishes to engage in conversation on the subject."

The Hokage nods slowly and picks up a pipe before taking a long drag. The world is nothing but silence for a few moments before he exhales. "Hinata, then?"

"Fair test."

"Good. I can make that switch work. I expect you to give them an honest one this time though, not just one you can justify."

"...fine."