44. The Real Graduation
Vesvius
The Wicked God
The four of you sit in silence for long, long moments. Only the sounds of your breathing, the crackle of the fire, and Akamaru's panting keep the training ground from falling into complete and utter stillness. A cloud passes over the rising moon, casting a dark shadow that's barely beaten back by the roaring bonfire. As it clears you get a good look at Kurenai-sensei's face. There's no expression on it. It's placid, calm, and a complete lie. You know that look; that's the look of someone who has complete control over their facial muscles and is using it to it's fullest extent.
The rest of you have no such discipline. Mariko's eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open slightly as she continues to gasp for air. Kiba's nostrils are flaring, taking in the scents around him almost desperately. As for you, you can't see yourself, but you're under no illusion that you're in a better state.
Kurenai-sensei's gentle request- no, command- still hangs in the air. Your mind races like an overworked engine as you try to process it. Tell everyone your greatest fear? Right here? Right now? Is there… is there some way you can get out of it?
A look at the still eyes of Sensei says no, no there is not.
Maybe one of the others will go first. It'll be easier to share after someone else already has after all. But no, their faces match your thoughts. If someone is going to get the ball rolling here, it's going to be you.
"I-" you say, voice coming out in a foul croak. You stop, clearing your throat, and continue as everyone's eyes lock onto you. "Alright. Fine. I… I was back in an alleyway," you say haltingly. "With… with someone. Someone that I used to trust, and whose opinion I used to respect. We fought again."
Your teammates look confused, but Kurenai-sensei only nods along. Of course she already knows your history. You press on, ignoring thoughts on who knows what. It's not important. "We fought but this time he was better. Faster. And he talked. And the things he said they-" You stop again, the words freezing in your throat. With an effort of will you force yourself to keep going.
"The things that he said made a lot of sense. He told me that I wasn't just a waste of space, that I wasn't just worthless." The word comes out bitter, poisonous, but you don't particularly care about your self control right now. "He told me that I made things worse. That just by existing, just by being born, I had ruined so many lives. That me being alive had ruined everything."
Now it's your words that hang over the clearing. Kurenai-sensei takes them in with a calm nod. "Thank you, Daisuke," she answers you. "That wasn't easy to share." She walks over and clasps you on the shoulder. Her warm hand feels almost alien in the suddenly cold night air.
The silence stretches on for another heartbeat before Kiba speaks up. "Damn it," he curses. "I can't let someone else talk and not do it myself. Make me less of a man. Alright, my genjutsu wasn't about fighting or anything like that. It was... really it was kinda pathetic."
Kurenai-sensei moves to say something but Kiba just plows on ahead. "It really was. See, we-" he gestures to himself and Akamaru- "were in a field hunting something. Don't even know what it was but it was something Akamaru really wanted to hunt. And when we cornered it I let it get away."
Kiba's staring off into space as he talks, eyes blank as he looks back into his memories. "It was so stupid. I made a mistake. It happens. But it was the end of the world, and Akamaru let me know it. He let me know I wasn't good enough to be his partner. That he would rather be somebody's housepet than work with me and-"
Akamaru's heard enough. The tiny dog rears back onto his hind legs and pros himself up, forelegs on Kiba's chest. From his new position he wastes no time in unleashing a barrage of licks and concerned noises to his partner's chin. Kiba grins and his hands move automatically to scratch at the ninken's ears. "Yeah buddy, I knew it was stupid. You'd never do that to me. Really!' His words sound hollow and forced. He knows in his brain that Akamaru would never do that to him. But in his heart and his subconscious apparently, he still needs to be convinced.
Again, Kurenai-sensei stands up and again she reaches out with a comforting hand. One goes to Kiba's shoulder, the other to Akamaru's back. She doesn't say anything though. She seems to know that the only thing that can really comfort either of them is each other. No words can help them here.
You look away from them quickly; it's almost like you're intruding on a private moment between a boy and his dog. You glance around for something to fix your attention to and your eyes settle on Mariko. Your other teammate has curled up into a little ball, arms locked around her knees as she stares at the fire. "M-" you start.
"I was being eaten by rats," Mariko suddenly says.
Everyone turns and stares at her. "I was… was just being eaten alive. There was me, there were rats, there was biting. They did it slowly. I couldn't feel everything; I don't know why. Maybe because I've never been bitten by a rat before? Is that it?"
She looks up at Kurenai-sensei, who nods cautiously. "The jutsu can't make your brain replicate sensations it hasn't felt before. So if you've never been in a specific circumstance it will simply attempt to get as close to the effect it's generating as possible. But that's not important right now. Are you-"
"That's it," Mariko says boldly, unrolling from her ball and stretching her legs. "Rats. I was there. They ate me alive. They kept going and going until there was no more me. I was gone. Barely anyone noticed. You would have thought they would notice that many rats but nope. Everyone was around me, walking away and doing their own thing, and I was just there. Being eaten by rats."
...you're no psychologist, but you're almost a hundred percent sure that Mariko's real greatest fear that she just mentioned wasn't the rats. But it's not your place to comment. Kurenai-sensei moves over to Mariko and offers her the same comforting hand, though the platinum blonde only accepts it for a fraction of a moment before shaking it off. "I'm fine!" she protests. "Fine. It wasn't real. None of it was real."
With all of you having spoken the tension that had been swirling in the clearing like an overpowering fog lifts, at least a little. No matter what the test is, whether it was to tell the truth, whether it was to lie, it's over now. All you can do is wait for the results. There's something liberating in that.
After checking on Mariko again Kurenai-sensei resumes her place at the front of the group. "Thank you," she says softly. "Thank you all for having the courage to not only endure your greatest fears without giving up, but also having the courage to tell us all about them."
She sits back down in front of you. "And in the interest of full disclosure," she adds. "Mine was drowning."
Your head perks up. "Excuse me?" you ask.
"My fear," she clarifies. "Back when I was sitting right where you-" she points at Kiba "-are now. When my Sensei put my team under that Genjutsu, my greatest fear was that of drowning."
"You were tested the same way, Sensei?" Mariko asks cautiously.
"I was, as was my sensei before me and his sensei before him. And I will be honest with you all; I did not handle it nearly as well as the three of you are. I was a wreck for days. It was nearly a week before my team could undergo proper missions. I am impressed, truly."
"You're impressed?!" Kiba almost yelps, distracted from his memories by sensei's words. "Does that mean…"
For the first time since you've met her, Kurenai-sensei laughs. It's a bold, bright laugh that echoes through the clearing and leaves an almost girlish smile on her face. "Yes, Kiba. Team Eleven passes! Congratulations on officially becoming genin!"
Fanfare.
"Quest Completed: Party Till I Die! Genin Rank Confirmed! Relationship Established with Yuhi Kurenai! Relationship Improvements with Yokota Mariko, Inuzuka Kiba, and Akamaru!"
YOU HAVE ATTAINED THE ACHIEVEMENT "Down On Day One!"! CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENT!
Awesome. You idly close the window with a quick blink and glance at your new achievement. Huh. You've gotten more done over the last few day then you'd realized. There are more achievement than just that one unlocked.
But that's not important right now. What is is that your headband isn't going anywhere! You're a genin; for real this time! You were able to… to…
You stop your internal cheering and look over at sensei. "Excuse me," you say, drawing her attention. "I have to know; what exactly were you testing? I think I have some of the stuff but I'm honestly not sure on some of the rest."
Kurenai-sensei nods approvingly. "An important question. This was a test of three stages. The first part, the party itself, was to test two things. The first: how well you planned for a mission with vague objectives. As for the second, it's very simple: you all have some difficulties getting along with your teammates, correct?"
Mariko pauses then holds up a finger. "I love Akamaru!" she offers.
"Bar-woof!"
Kurenai-sensei holds a hand over her mouth for a fraction of a moment, just long enough to hide her laugh, and continues. "My mistake. You all have difficulties getting along with your human teammates. The party tested if you had the ability to put that aside, to forget it for one night. And you did. You all passed that stage of the test with flying colors."
"The second part was the Horror Made Flesh, and it was far simpler. It was keyed to your minds and had one and only one escape besides running it's entire course: surrendering to it. If you had given up, if you had let the illusion win, it would have broken, and you would have failed. But by struggling forward and showing your wills, you passed the second part of the test. And that brought you to the third and final part: our conversation here."
Kiba cocks his head to the side, a mirror of Akamaru. "What did that test?"
Sensei looks at you all encouragingly. "Why don't you tell me first?"
"Uhh… it tested if we'd keep any secrets from you?" Mariko guesses.
"If we would follow your orders even if we really, really didn't want to?" Kiba speculates.
"If we were willing to trust each other?" you suggest.
Kurenai-sensei nods slowly at each answer. "Those are all good guesses, and all of them are a part of it. There will be times where you will have to follow a superior's orders without question in the heat of the moment, true. And trust in your team is vital on any mission. But they're not the reason I asked."
You wait for a moment, and when Sensei stops talking, you ask, "And what was the reason you asked?"
"To see if you would admit your fears. Because in order to face them, in order to overcome them, first you have to acknowledge that they exist."
You trade a look with Kiba and then one with Mariko. None of you seem to understand, which Kurenai-sensei picks up on immediately. "The worst thing you can possibly do with a fear is to lock it away and pretend that it doesn't bother you. If you do that, you'll never work at overcoming it. Like any wound or injury, a fear can fester. I have seen good shinobi, strong shinobi refuse to overcome their fears and let themselves be overcome in turn."
She looks at you all, meeting your eyes with a ruby stare. "I will not train a shinobi who will not fight their fear."
"But that's not something any of you need to concern yourselves with!" she adds after letting her words sink in for a long moment. "You've all proven yourselves. You can coexist if you have to. You can face your fears. And you have the courage to work past them. You should be proud. Daisuke, Kiba, Mariko… you will all become truly splendid shinobi."
And despite everything you've just been through, you are proud.
The party breaks up shortly after. Kurenai-sensei extinguishes the fire with a quick water jutsu that you'd be much more interested in if you weren't bone tired from the day and bids you all goodnight. "I will see you all at noon tomorrow!" she adds as she fills the fire pit back in. "Here! Then we will begin your official careers!"
Mariko's the next to go. She doesn't ask for anyone's help; she just ties all the blankets together, fills her makeshift bundle with all of her board games, and strolls off into the night. Her face is carefully blank and her steps are measured; it's going to be a long time before she forgets what's happened tonight.
Out of all of you, Kiba seems the least affected. Maybe he's just the best at bluffing though. He hops up when both Mariko and Sensei are gone and claims the last of the boar. "We'll stew it at home, grind up the bones, and give it to the pups!" he proudly proclaims. "Gives them a special treat that helps give them strong teeth and claws. Later!" Thankfully, the carcass is so depleted that he doesn't need your help carrying it anymore. He just gets up and trots off, arms full of boar, with Akamaru hurrying to keep up with him.
And that just leaves you to gather your bottles, your shamisen, and head home, where you collapse into your bed and sleep like the dead.
Of course, you don't sleep long. You never sleep long. You're back up and it five hours later- and you still have six hours before you've got to meet up with Sensei and the rest. Which means… hey, free time!
What do you use your unexpected free time doing?
[] Training! You can get in some individual training in your backyard before you meet up for team training! You have dummies that have gone un-punched for too long.
[] Your friends were tested either yesterday or this morning too. You should check up on them and see how they all did.
[] Just because you would be early for training doesn't mean that you can't head over there now. Head back to the training ground and see if you can get some work done.
[] Write-In (Tag @Vesvius for approval)
-----------
The rest of you have no such discipline. Mariko's eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open slightly as she continues to gasp for air. Kiba's nostrils are flaring, taking in the scents around him almost desperately. As for you, you can't see yourself, but you're under no illusion that you're in a better state.
Kurenai-sensei's gentle request- no, command- still hangs in the air. Your mind races like an overworked engine as you try to process it. Tell everyone your greatest fear? Right here? Right now? Is there… is there some way you can get out of it?
A look at the still eyes of Sensei says no, no there is not.
Maybe one of the others will go first. It'll be easier to share after someone else already has after all. But no, their faces match your thoughts. If someone is going to get the ball rolling here, it's going to be you.
"I-" you say, voice coming out in a foul croak. You stop, clearing your throat, and continue as everyone's eyes lock onto you. "Alright. Fine. I… I was back in an alleyway," you say haltingly. "With… with someone. Someone that I used to trust, and whose opinion I used to respect. We fought again."
Your teammates look confused, but Kurenai-sensei only nods along. Of course she already knows your history. You press on, ignoring thoughts on who knows what. It's not important. "We fought but this time he was better. Faster. And he talked. And the things he said they-" You stop again, the words freezing in your throat. With an effort of will you force yourself to keep going.
"The things that he said made a lot of sense. He told me that I wasn't just a waste of space, that I wasn't just worthless." The word comes out bitter, poisonous, but you don't particularly care about your self control right now. "He told me that I made things worse. That just by existing, just by being born, I had ruined so many lives. That me being alive had ruined everything."
Now it's your words that hang over the clearing. Kurenai-sensei takes them in with a calm nod. "Thank you, Daisuke," she answers you. "That wasn't easy to share." She walks over and clasps you on the shoulder. Her warm hand feels almost alien in the suddenly cold night air.
The silence stretches on for another heartbeat before Kiba speaks up. "Damn it," he curses. "I can't let someone else talk and not do it myself. Make me less of a man. Alright, my genjutsu wasn't about fighting or anything like that. It was... really it was kinda pathetic."
Kurenai-sensei moves to say something but Kiba just plows on ahead. "It really was. See, we-" he gestures to himself and Akamaru- "were in a field hunting something. Don't even know what it was but it was something Akamaru really wanted to hunt. And when we cornered it I let it get away."
Kiba's staring off into space as he talks, eyes blank as he looks back into his memories. "It was so stupid. I made a mistake. It happens. But it was the end of the world, and Akamaru let me know it. He let me know I wasn't good enough to be his partner. That he would rather be somebody's housepet than work with me and-"
Akamaru's heard enough. The tiny dog rears back onto his hind legs and pros himself up, forelegs on Kiba's chest. From his new position he wastes no time in unleashing a barrage of licks and concerned noises to his partner's chin. Kiba grins and his hands move automatically to scratch at the ninken's ears. "Yeah buddy, I knew it was stupid. You'd never do that to me. Really!' His words sound hollow and forced. He knows in his brain that Akamaru would never do that to him. But in his heart and his subconscious apparently, he still needs to be convinced.
Again, Kurenai-sensei stands up and again she reaches out with a comforting hand. One goes to Kiba's shoulder, the other to Akamaru's back. She doesn't say anything though. She seems to know that the only thing that can really comfort either of them is each other. No words can help them here.
You look away from them quickly; it's almost like you're intruding on a private moment between a boy and his dog. You glance around for something to fix your attention to and your eyes settle on Mariko. Your other teammate has curled up into a little ball, arms locked around her knees as she stares at the fire. "M-" you start.
"I was being eaten by rats," Mariko suddenly says.
Everyone turns and stares at her. "I was… was just being eaten alive. There was me, there were rats, there was biting. They did it slowly. I couldn't feel everything; I don't know why. Maybe because I've never been bitten by a rat before? Is that it?"
She looks up at Kurenai-sensei, who nods cautiously. "The jutsu can't make your brain replicate sensations it hasn't felt before. So if you've never been in a specific circumstance it will simply attempt to get as close to the effect it's generating as possible. But that's not important right now. Are you-"
"That's it," Mariko says boldly, unrolling from her ball and stretching her legs. "Rats. I was there. They ate me alive. They kept going and going until there was no more me. I was gone. Barely anyone noticed. You would have thought they would notice that many rats but nope. Everyone was around me, walking away and doing their own thing, and I was just there. Being eaten by rats."
...you're no psychologist, but you're almost a hundred percent sure that Mariko's real greatest fear that she just mentioned wasn't the rats. But it's not your place to comment. Kurenai-sensei moves over to Mariko and offers her the same comforting hand, though the platinum blonde only accepts it for a fraction of a moment before shaking it off. "I'm fine!" she protests. "Fine. It wasn't real. None of it was real."
With all of you having spoken the tension that had been swirling in the clearing like an overpowering fog lifts, at least a little. No matter what the test is, whether it was to tell the truth, whether it was to lie, it's over now. All you can do is wait for the results. There's something liberating in that.
After checking on Mariko again Kurenai-sensei resumes her place at the front of the group. "Thank you," she says softly. "Thank you all for having the courage to not only endure your greatest fears without giving up, but also having the courage to tell us all about them."
She sits back down in front of you. "And in the interest of full disclosure," she adds. "Mine was drowning."
Your head perks up. "Excuse me?" you ask.
"My fear," she clarifies. "Back when I was sitting right where you-" she points at Kiba "-are now. When my Sensei put my team under that Genjutsu, my greatest fear was that of drowning."
"You were tested the same way, Sensei?" Mariko asks cautiously.
"I was, as was my sensei before me and his sensei before him. And I will be honest with you all; I did not handle it nearly as well as the three of you are. I was a wreck for days. It was nearly a week before my team could undergo proper missions. I am impressed, truly."
"You're impressed?!" Kiba almost yelps, distracted from his memories by sensei's words. "Does that mean…"
For the first time since you've met her, Kurenai-sensei laughs. It's a bold, bright laugh that echoes through the clearing and leaves an almost girlish smile on her face. "Yes, Kiba. Team Eleven passes! Congratulations on officially becoming genin!"
Fanfare.
"Quest Completed: Party Till I Die! Genin Rank Confirmed! Relationship Established with Yuhi Kurenai! Relationship Improvements with Yokota Mariko, Inuzuka Kiba, and Akamaru!"
YOU HAVE ATTAINED THE ACHIEVEMENT "Down On Day One!"! CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENT!
Awesome. You idly close the window with a quick blink and glance at your new achievement. Huh. You've gotten more done over the last few day then you'd realized. There are more achievement than just that one unlocked.
But that's not important right now. What is is that your headband isn't going anywhere! You're a genin; for real this time! You were able to… to…
You stop your internal cheering and look over at sensei. "Excuse me," you say, drawing her attention. "I have to know; what exactly were you testing? I think I have some of the stuff but I'm honestly not sure on some of the rest."
Kurenai-sensei nods approvingly. "An important question. This was a test of three stages. The first part, the party itself, was to test two things. The first: how well you planned for a mission with vague objectives. As for the second, it's very simple: you all have some difficulties getting along with your teammates, correct?"
Mariko pauses then holds up a finger. "I love Akamaru!" she offers.
"Bar-woof!"
Kurenai-sensei holds a hand over her mouth for a fraction of a moment, just long enough to hide her laugh, and continues. "My mistake. You all have difficulties getting along with your human teammates. The party tested if you had the ability to put that aside, to forget it for one night. And you did. You all passed that stage of the test with flying colors."
"The second part was the Horror Made Flesh, and it was far simpler. It was keyed to your minds and had one and only one escape besides running it's entire course: surrendering to it. If you had given up, if you had let the illusion win, it would have broken, and you would have failed. But by struggling forward and showing your wills, you passed the second part of the test. And that brought you to the third and final part: our conversation here."
Kiba cocks his head to the side, a mirror of Akamaru. "What did that test?"
Sensei looks at you all encouragingly. "Why don't you tell me first?"
"Uhh… it tested if we'd keep any secrets from you?" Mariko guesses.
"If we would follow your orders even if we really, really didn't want to?" Kiba speculates.
"If we were willing to trust each other?" you suggest.
Kurenai-sensei nods slowly at each answer. "Those are all good guesses, and all of them are a part of it. There will be times where you will have to follow a superior's orders without question in the heat of the moment, true. And trust in your team is vital on any mission. But they're not the reason I asked."
You wait for a moment, and when Sensei stops talking, you ask, "And what was the reason you asked?"
"To see if you would admit your fears. Because in order to face them, in order to overcome them, first you have to acknowledge that they exist."
You trade a look with Kiba and then one with Mariko. None of you seem to understand, which Kurenai-sensei picks up on immediately. "The worst thing you can possibly do with a fear is to lock it away and pretend that it doesn't bother you. If you do that, you'll never work at overcoming it. Like any wound or injury, a fear can fester. I have seen good shinobi, strong shinobi refuse to overcome their fears and let themselves be overcome in turn."
She looks at you all, meeting your eyes with a ruby stare. "I will not train a shinobi who will not fight their fear."
"But that's not something any of you need to concern yourselves with!" she adds after letting her words sink in for a long moment. "You've all proven yourselves. You can coexist if you have to. You can face your fears. And you have the courage to work past them. You should be proud. Daisuke, Kiba, Mariko… you will all become truly splendid shinobi."
And despite everything you've just been through, you are proud.
The party breaks up shortly after. Kurenai-sensei extinguishes the fire with a quick water jutsu that you'd be much more interested in if you weren't bone tired from the day and bids you all goodnight. "I will see you all at noon tomorrow!" she adds as she fills the fire pit back in. "Here! Then we will begin your official careers!"
Mariko's the next to go. She doesn't ask for anyone's help; she just ties all the blankets together, fills her makeshift bundle with all of her board games, and strolls off into the night. Her face is carefully blank and her steps are measured; it's going to be a long time before she forgets what's happened tonight.
Out of all of you, Kiba seems the least affected. Maybe he's just the best at bluffing though. He hops up when both Mariko and Sensei are gone and claims the last of the boar. "We'll stew it at home, grind up the bones, and give it to the pups!" he proudly proclaims. "Gives them a special treat that helps give them strong teeth and claws. Later!" Thankfully, the carcass is so depleted that he doesn't need your help carrying it anymore. He just gets up and trots off, arms full of boar, with Akamaru hurrying to keep up with him.
And that just leaves you to gather your bottles, your shamisen, and head home, where you collapse into your bed and sleep like the dead.
Of course, you don't sleep long. You never sleep long. You're back up and it five hours later- and you still have six hours before you've got to meet up with Sensei and the rest. Which means… hey, free time!
What do you use your unexpected free time doing?
[] Training! You can get in some individual training in your backyard before you meet up for team training! You have dummies that have gone un-punched for too long.
[] Your friends were tested either yesterday or this morning too. You should check up on them and see how they all did.
[] Just because you would be early for training doesn't mean that you can't head over there now. Head back to the training ground and see if you can get some work done.
[] Write-In (Tag @Vesvius for approval)
-----------
- Daisuke being embarrassed in front of Hana is a common sight in the Inuzuka Compound. Kuromaru observes.
- The Boar Hunt... from Akamaru's perspective.
- Team Nine did not pass their Jonin-Sensei test. And yes, it was Kairi's fault.
- Daisuke has had to use his Shamisen on quests before. But nothing will ever compare to the time had to go Pied Piper on the rats.
- Hatake Kakashi has failed many teams for his test and fully expected to fail another. But he never reckoned with the support minded Hyuuga Hinata being on his squad.
- Every Jonin Sensei has been through their own test before, but on the Genin's side. What did Kurenai experience under the Horror Made Flesh Technique?
- Team Ten thought that Asuma-sensei was going to test them. But when he does, they never saw it happening like this.
.
