Why The US Did Not Receive The Itemized Receipts
After the initial round of disbelief at the total amount, the clerk continued. "If you'd like, we have the itemized version, with all the identifying information removed."
"Yes, I'd like to see that," the military attache requested. Four hundred dollars for a flat-head screw was one thing, and that could be explained by getting deep into materials sciences, engineering, and all the other technobullshit that put the suits on Capitol Hill to sleep.
"Right, here it is, the redacted itemized receipt," the clerk answered with complete readiness.
The attache looked over the receipt looking for objectionable charges. "Three thousand?"
"Which account?" the clerk asked, entertainingly.
The attache squinted at the numbers. "918927623. The hell you use numbers that big for? We don't have that many sailors here."
The clerk smiled blandly. "Privacy and confidentiality are very important to us. Now, let's see...the modifier for auxiliary body support, kitchenware, and nonfunctional weaponry."
"What in the--" the attache jolted.
"If the client wants it and they're prepared to pay for it, we're prepared to accomodate them. It's very...how do you say...capitalist of us," the clerk said, pronouncing the term like that was the most twisted thing she was talking about.
The attache blinked, not sure what to think about this. "And 920423587?"
The clerk reached for a folder. "They had a very special request for their partner, consumption of a bean burrito stuffed with sugar free gummy bears and powdered laxative pills. They wanted a literal fucking mess."
The attache sighed. Some people were into that, he supposed. "I get that, but why is that listed at a total of 95,000?"
The clerk animatedly noted the modifiers. "Reservation of time at standard rates per unit time, the procedure itself, and then the recovery afterward again at overtime rates. The cleanup alone was three grand. Poor thing ended up barely able to sit for the next two days."
"Just...just give me the full bill. This is one of those things where ignorance is bliss," the attache decided, having reached the point where he wasn't paid enough to get into this any further.
The clerk allowed a soft smile to cross her face. "Bliss is one of the things we're prepared to provide, but lucky for you, the expression on your face is a fair price all by itself."
A/N: I started writing this up as a joke and then realized I had half an omake, the intelligent and clever bit, the part connecting medical billing and procedure coding with a theoretical concept for sex work billing and coding. The rest was framework and setting a scene.
