O, Child of Liberty! – An American Revolution Quest

Duke William of · Sep 19, 2024

All Instances of Confused Jackie Chan & Facepalming Picard

Total Confused Jackie Chan Tally: XXI

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 6+25+5+10-15 = 31 (The heck? )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... )

Duke William of said:
1D3+3 = 3+3 => 6! ( )

Duke William of said:
Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( I... Buh... Whu... )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 97+20+10-10-15 => Nat!Crit! 87 ( What is going on?!)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 1+15+15-20 => Nat!Fail! 11 ( THREE NAT ONES?!?!?!)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 6+20 => 26 ( How?! Why?!)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 21-15-10-5+10+5 => 6 ( If you had gotten a Crit Fail here, I swear again–)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 95+10+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 105 ( This was not part of the plan!! How the heck–)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... )

Duke William of said:
87+15+15+30-20-10 =Art!Crit! 117 ( Da heck?!)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 85+15+30-10 => Art!Crit! 120 ( What is this rollercoaster nonsense?!)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 19+10+10+5 => 44 (Whu–?! )

Duke William of said:
3D2000 = 1996+1984+855 => 4835 ( Really?!)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( Not again... Not again!! )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 87+10 => Art!Crit! 97 ( No no no no no no... Wait wait wait wait... WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 1+10-10 => Nat!Fail! 1 ( The hell?!)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( Not again, not again!! )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 98+10+5 => Nat!Crit! 113 (Oh, for– )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 91-5+5 => Art!Crit! 96 ( Why are my dice like this?)

|==================================|

Total Facepalming Picard Tally: XIX

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat Crit! 7 ( ...of course.)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( Oh, screw off.)

Duke William of said:
...

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 1+20-15-10 => Neg!Fail! -4 ( Of course...)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( I... Buh... Whu... )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 11+15+15-20 => 21 ( Can anything be normal in my quest?)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 85+15+10-15 => Art!Crit! 95 ( I'm done... I've had enough of this.)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 99+10+5 => Nat! Crit! 114 ( Of course, why wouldn't this happen?)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 94+15+10+5 => Art!Crit! 129 ( If you had gotten a Nat Crit, I swear...)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 27-5-15-15-30+20+25 => 7 ( Well, at least it's not a crit fail...)

Duke William of said:
...Why do I do this to myself?

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 93+10+5 => Art!Crit! 108 ( Of course...)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 89+10 => Art!Crit! 99 (Of course... )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( Not again... Not again!! )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat!100+20 => (Autopass!) Nat!Crit! 120 ( If you'll all excuse me for one sec...)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( Not again, not again!! )

Duke William of said:
1D100 = 19-10-10+10 = 9 ( Of course, what else would I expect?)

Duke William of said:
1D100 = Nat! 95-10-5+10 => Nat!Crit! 90 ( Bipolar dice much?)

@Randomnerd, thank you for the idea.

Bangben · Dec 26, 2024

Do we really need to weaken the attack on the fort to reinforce Brown? He can slowly retreat while Halbert focus his attack on the fort.

Mystic Pentagram · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting

Sertorius · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting

Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Rogers.

The stunt he pulled off will go down in legend and dwarf his previous achievements. If only he had stayed sober and Patriot...

As for the captains of those two ships, it would be in their best interest never to set foot in England again, since after such a disgraceful performance with the loss of the ships, they will most certainly be shot after their court martial.

Fun fact: whenever a British warship was lost, no matter the circumstances, the commanding officer would face an automatic court martial back home to see of that loss could have been prevented and if there was any dereliction of duty. Usually the captain would be acquitted, but sometimes the board would find him responsible for the loss of the ship, thus imposing various penalties upon him, with death by firing squad included.

SzechuanSauce · Dec 26, 2024

Magoose said:
Doubtful seeing as the English civil war was very recently

The English Civil War was more than a hundred years ago.

Silvis · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting

ConLer77 · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting

Captain $ilver · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting

Amerigo Vespucci · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan The Fort Must Fall

Alexander Sturnn · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting

Blazblade · Dec 26, 2024

Oh wow, the Jackie Chan counter is over 20 now.

JoeNebula2000 · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting

Duke William of · Dec 26, 2024

Videogamer921 said:
Wouldn't it be 91 instead of 96? 91-5 is 86+5 is 91

Oops, forgot to add an extra +5 there. Thanks.

Sertorius · Dec 26, 2024

Duke William of said:
His thoughts drifted to General Halbert and Colonel Lee

General Lee I think.

rooseveltmoons · Dec 26, 2024

rooseveltmoons said:
It would be funny is we have a roll of making Captain Leroy's family switching to the side of the Patriots.

I'm now actually dead serious on making that roll

noname12354 · Dec 26, 2024

[X] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting
Get it done.
Also average reaction of a British captain being told he's going to have to command a boat on the rivers of the American colonies with Halbert's Madmen still running around (his career has reached a dead end and he will be court martialled):

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn6Aua0HK5M

Duke William of said:
When Rush finally reached the others, his chest heaving and his vision blurred with sweat, they turned to him in astonishment. None of them could believe what they were seeing—a man who had just sprinted over five hundred yards through gunfire, barefoot and battered, yet still standing tall, his rifle ready for action.

Get this man a promotion (or multiple), a hearty meal, but first of all give his the best boots we can find. (Dibs on officer boots.)

CanYouMeme · Dec 26, 2024

Bangben said:
He who defends everything defends nothing."
—Frederick The Great

Focus on taking the fort first. Brown needs only to delay them while steadily withdrawing. Just one last push, and we can capture the fort.

Bangben said:
Do we really need to weaken the attack on the fort to reinforce Brown? He can slowly retreat while Halbert focus his attack on the fort.

These are not objectively wrong perspectives, but you go to war with the army you have, not the army you want.

And unfortunately, the army we have is a barely-adequately trained rabble where the raw recruits outnumber the veterans by roughly 4 to 1.

We left Brown with 2250 troops to the Mohawks' estimated 1000 - they've already suffered approximately 3 casualties to the Mohawks' 1, are getting picked off, and if Brown is to be believed (and there's no partiucular reason not to) then they are on the verge of breaking.

To a properly trained and disciplined force, this would be nothing. They wouldn't even be breaking in the first place, not at this juncture anyway, and they'd be able to pull off a fighting retreat without further aid despite how rough that maneuver is. But with the army we have, we run a serious risk of losing our entire southern force right now if we don't do something serious to bolster their morale.

Because if they break in these conditions, the Mohawks will beat them like a rug before they get even halfway back to Erie.

Bangben · Dec 26, 2024

CanYouMeme said:
To a properly trained and disciplined force, this would be nothing. They wouldn't even be breaking in the first place, not at this juncture anyway, and they'd be able to pull off a fighting retreat without further aid despite how rough that maneuver is. But with the army we have, we run a serious risk of losing our entire southern force right now if we don't do something serious to bolster their morale.

Right, I forgot that our army is only an armed citizens and not a Fusiliers. Demanding an armed citizen to manouver like a Fusilier would be asking too much.

CanYouMeme · Dec 26, 2024

Bangben said:
Right, I forgot that our army is only an armed citizens and not a Fusiliers. Demanding an armed citizen to manouver like a Fusilier would be asking too much.

You're not alone - I forgot until I read through a second time and saw that scene where the idiots were looting the kitchen.

Duke William of · Dec 26, 2024

Sertorius said:
General Lee I think.

Thanks, will fix.

noname12354 said:
Get this man a promotion (or multiple), a hearty meal, but first of all give his the best boots we can find. (Dibs on officer boots.)

This I can spoil! Tommy will indeed put Rush's name forward for promotion to Sergeant or Lieutenant after this battle.

rooseveltmoons said:
I'm now actually dead serious on making that roll

You know what... Use SV's dice roller for Leroy's family (High means they become Patriot, low means they stay loyal) and @ me once you do so.

CryBryNry · Dec 26, 2024

@Duke William of will we get to keep the two captured British ships for the duration of the Canada Campaign? Can we random off the British for other How's or loot or something?

Duke William of · Dec 26, 2024

CryBryNry said:
@Duke William of will we get to keep the two captured British ships for the duration of the Canada Campaign? Can we random off the British for other How's or loot or something?

That's gonna be a little secret for now, as well as when Lee's column will arrive.

vizitor-9 · Dec 26, 2024

[x] Plan Wrap This Up, The Hookers and Eggnog Are Waiting
- [x] Send out a limited force to reinforce Brown's men while the rest deal with Fort Erie.
-- [x] Half Each of 1st Massacheusets (under Hawkins, give him command of relief force) & 1st Canadian
- [x] Do a fighting withdrawal toward the fort, giving time for help from Halbert or Lee to arrive.
- [x] No, Halbert cannot afford to be distracted from the main priority at the moment. Besides, Brown might not appreciate what he might think to be micromanagement.

rooseveltmoons · Dec 26, 2024

Duke William of said:
Thanks, will fix.

This I can spoil! Tommy will indeed put Rush's name forward for promotion to Sergeant or Lieutenant after this battle.

You know what... Use SV's dice roller for Leroy's family (High means they become Patriot, low means they stay loyal) and @ me once you do so.

How do I use a SV dice roller on my phone?

Mystic Pentagram · Dec 26, 2024

Sertorius said:
As for the captains of those two ships, it would be in their best interest never to set foot in England again, since after such a disgraceful performance with the loss of the ships, they will most certainly be shot after their court martial.

I think at least one of the two captains must have died in the firefight.

Duke William of · Dec 26, 2024

rooseveltmoons said:
How do I use a SV dice roller on my phone?

If you edit your post, you'll be able to see a function where you can roll dice. Roll a 1D100, btw.

O, Child of Liberty! – An American Revolution Quest

I really need to finish my quests. :V

Rebellious Legate

I really need to finish my quests. :V

Rebellious Legate

I really need to finish my quests. :V

I really need to finish my quests. :V

I really need to finish my quests. :V