Confused Jackie Chan and Facepalming Picard Counter
All Instances of Confused Jackie Chan & Facepalming Picard



Total Confused Jackie Chan Tally: XXII

1D100 = 6+25+5+10-15 = 31 (The heck? :jackiechan: )
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... :jackiechan:)
1D3+3 = 3+3 => 6! ( :jackiechan: )
:jackiechan: Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = Nat! 97+20+10-10-15 => Nat!Crit! 87 ( :jackiechan: What is going on?!)
1D100 = Nat! 1+15+15-20 => Nat!Fail! 11 ( :jackiechan: THREE NAT ONES?!?!?!)
1D100 = 6+20 => 26 ( :jackiechan: How?! Why?!)
1D100 = 21-15-10-5+10+5 => 6 ( :jackiechan: If you had gotten a Crit Fail here, I swear again–)
1D100 = Nat! 95+10+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 105 ( :jackiechan: This was not part of the plan!! How the heck–)
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( :jackiechan: Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... :facepalm: )
87+15+15+30-20-10 =Art!Crit! 117 ( :jackiechan: Da heck?!)
1D100 = 85+15+30-10 => Art!Crit! 120 ( :jackiechan: What is this rollercoaster nonsense?!)
1D100 = 19+10+10+5 => 44 (Whu–?! :jackiechan: )
3D2000 = 1996+1984+855 => 4835 ( :jackiechan: Really?!)
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( :jackiechan: Not again... Not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = 87+10 => Art!Crit! 97 ( :jackiechan: No no no no no no... Wait wait wait wait... WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT)
1D100 = Nat! 1+10-10 => Nat!Fail! 1 ( :jackiechan: The hell?!)
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( :jackiechan: Not again, not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat! 98+10+5 => Nat!Crit! 113 (Oh, for– :jackiechan: )
1D100 = 91-5+5 => Art!Crit! 96 ( :jackiechan: Why are my dice like this?)
1D100 = 11-5+5+5 => 16 ( :jackiechan: Da hecc?)

|==================================|

Total Facepalming Picard Tally: XIX

1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat Crit! 7 ( :facepalm: ...of course.)
1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( :facepalm: Oh, screw off.)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20-15-10 => Neg!Fail! -4 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = 11+15+15-20 => 21 ( :facepalm: Can anything be normal in my quest?)
1D100 = 85+15+10-15 => Art!Crit! 95 ( :facepalm: I'm done... I've had enough of this.)
1D100 = Nat! 99+10+5 => Nat! Crit! 114 ( :facepalm: Of course, why wouldn't this happen?)
1D100 = 94+15+10+5 => Art!Crit! 129 ( :facepalm: If you had gotten a Nat Crit, I swear...)
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( :jackiechan: Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... :facepalm: )
1D100 = 27-5-15-15-30+20+25 => 7 ( :facepalm: Well, at least it's not a crit fail...)
...Why do I do this to myself? :facepalm:
1D100 = 93+10+5 => Art!Crit! 108 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = 89+10 => Art!Crit! 99 (Of course... :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( :jackiechan: Not again... Not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat!100+20 => (Autopass!) Nat!Crit! 120 ( :facepalm: If you'll all excuse me for one sec...)
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( :jackiechan: Not again, not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = 19-10-10+10 = 9 ( :facepalm: Of course, what else would I expect?)
1D100 = Nat! 95-10-5+10 => Nat!Crit! 90 ( :facepalm: Bipolar dice much?)



@Randomnerd, thank you for the idea.
 
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Omake Bounty List IV
Well, hello, everyone! It's that time where I provide an Omake Bounty list where you all write omakes in exchange for big rewards. These bounties are redeemable until December 10, 2024, so try to finish them before then. :) You'll still get rewards even if you post them late, you just won't get the big ones. Also, try not to spam these omakes; I want quality omakes everyone can enjoy, not words rushed without effort in order to get bigger numbers.

1. Oneida representatives asking for assistance from Congress. Claimed by @Lweis
2. British Negaverse Quest (Non-Canon) Claimed by @Magoose
3. People's reactions to Universal Truth (with some additional points if you include Liberty Kids in it). Claimed by @Tjf
4. A Hessian soldier's PoV in Canada.
5. Elizabeth O'Conner in New York as the Redcoats approach. Claimed by @Alexander Sturnn

Also, also, you've all got less than an hour until voting ends, so get going if you want your voice heard!
 
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Vote closed
Scheduled vote count started by Duke William of on Nov 25, 2024 at 10:45 AM, finished with 124 posts and 19 votes.

  • [X] Plan Mystic Pentagram
    -[X] Army Arrangement
    -[X] Army Budget
    [X] Plan: "The Army of a Thousand Loans"
    -[X] Plan: "The Army of a Thousand Loans"
    [X] Army Arrangement
    -[X] Major Ezekiel Hubbard (Quartermaster General)
    -[X] Colonel David Wooster (Provost Marshal)
    -[X] Lieutenant Colonel Benjamin Tupper (First Infantry Regiment, First Brigade)
    -[X] Lieutenant Colonel William Maxwell (Second Infantry Regiment, First Brigade)
    -[X] Major John Brown (First Infantry Regiment, Second Brigade)
    -[X] Captain James Easton (Second Infantry Regiment, Second Brigade)
    -[X] Captain Samuel McClellan (Cavalry Regiment)
    -[X] Lieutenant Colonel Robert Rogers (Skirmisher Regiment)
    [X] Army Budget
    -[X] 3 Units of Food Supplies, 675 dollars.
    -[X] 6 Units of Gunpowder, 300 dollars.
    -[X] 10 Units of Musker Ammunition, 100 dollars.
    -[X] 3 Units of Rifle Ammunitions, 60 dollars.
    -[X] 3 Unit of Cannon Ammunition, 120 dollars.
    -[X] 10 Units of Clothing Supplies, 800 dollars.
    -[X] 1 Unit of Mortars, 400 dollars.
    -[X] 1 Unit of Six-Pounder Artillery, 100 dollars.
    -[X] 50 Units of Swords, 800 dollars.
    -[X] Equipment for 40 elite skirmishers (Kentucky Long Rifles, Officier pistols and axes), 492 dollars.
    - [x] 15 Units of Tomahawks and Axes, 45 dollars.
    - [x] 10 Units of 1757 Long Land Pattern Musket, 100 dollars.
    [X] Plan Mystic Pentagram
    -[X] Army Arrangement
    --[X] Major Ezekiel Hubbard (Quartermaster General)
    --[X] Colonel David Wooster (Provost Marshal)
    --[X] Lieutenant Colonel Benjamin Tupper (First Brigade)
    --[X] Major John Brown (Second Brigade)
    --[X] Lieutenant Colonel Benjamin Tupper (First Infantry Regiment, First Brigade)
    --[X] Lieutenant Colonel William Maxwell (Second Infantry Regiment, First Brigade)
    --[X] Major John Brown (First Infantry Regiment, Second Brigade)
    --[X] Captain James Easton (Second Infantry Regiment, Second Brigade)
    --[X] Captain Samuel McClellan (Cavalry Regiment)
    --[X] Lieutenant Colonel Robert Rogers (Skirmisher Regiment)
    -[X] Army Budget
    --[X] take two $1000 loans.
    --[X] 3 Units of Food Supplies, 675 dollars.
    --[X] 6 Units of Gunpowder, 300 dollars.
    --[X] 15 Units of Musker Ammunition, 100 dollars.
    --[X] 3 Units of Rifle Ammunitions, 60 dollars.
    --[X] 3 Unit of Cannon Ammunition, 120 dollars.
    --[X] 10 Units of Clothing Supplies, 800 dollars.
    --[X] 1 Unit of Mortars, 400 dollars.
    --[X] 1 Unit of Six-Pounder Artillery, 100 dollars.
    --[X] 50 Units of Swords, 800 dollars.
    --[X] Equipment for 40 elite skirmishers (Kentucky Long Rifles, Officer's Pistols, Tomahawks and Axes), 492 dollars.
    --[X] 155 Units of Tomahawks and Axes, 465 dollars. 60 Units of 1757 Long Land Pattern Musket, 600 dollars. This equipment is distributed with priority to the skirmishers, and what is left over is distributed equally among the unarmed infantry regiments.
    [X] Army Budget
    -[X] 400 Units of 1763 Land Model Muskets (2,000 muskets), $4,800.
    -[X] 100 Units of Kentucky Long Rifles (500 rifles), $4,500.
    -[X] 50 Cavalry Saber Units (500 sabers), $800.
    -[X] 50 Units of War Axes (500 axes), $150.
    -[X] 1 Unit of Mortars (5 mortars), 400 dollars.
    -[X] 1 Six-Pounder Artillery Unit (4 guns), $100.
    -[X] 10 Units of Food Supplies, $2,250 (enough to feed all the soldiers for 10 months).
    -[X] 750 Units of Musket Ammunition, $7,500 (for 150,000 rounds).
    -[X] 50 Units of Kentucky Long Rifle Ammunition, $1,000 (for 10,000 rounds).
    -[X] Gunpowder (60 cannons), $3,000
    -[X] 20 Units of Cannon Ammo, $800.
    -[X] 59 Units of Clothing Supplies, $4,720.
    -[X] Cumulative total: $30,020.
    -[X] Since the maximum you can borrow in a single loan is $1,000, you'll need to take out 28 loans of $1,000
    -[X] Total payable after interest (10 months): $32,523.34.
 
I'll do a "Hessian" pov. Even though the British recruited widely across the Hanover and it's dependencies, these German auxiliaries were all referred to a Hessians.
 
So, I'm saying this because I want to be convinced, not as criticism: is there precedent and believable reason for a woman like Elizabeth to come into being as a leader of fighters, in this time period?
 
[Canon] Lweis: Battle of Fort Stanwix
Battle of Fort Stanwix

(Cornelius Doxtator, son of Honyere Doxtator, Point of View)

Cornelius rubbed tiredly at his eyes as he studied the letter sitting on his desk. It had arrived only a half-hour ago, just as he had been getting ready for bed, carried by a young Tuscarora man who had ridden all the way down the Susquehanna river, who was now passed out on his apartment's couch.

In the thin, flickering light of couple lit candles, Cornelius had trouble making out the lettering on the thing, not helped by the shaky hand that had lettered them. Still, he had had rather a lot of practice reading similar letters in the past month, and so he was eventually able to make out the words, with the help of his newly purchased glasses.

For the eyes of Cornelius Doxtator, under the authority of War-Chief Skenandoa.

Cornelius blinked, leaning back slightly. He had gotten rather a lot of letters in the past month, but this was the first from the Chief, who, despite being a quite accomplished man, was not well versed in his lettering. He had learned the Latin script rather late into his life, as opposed to Cornelius, who had learned it when still a child.

Suddenly, he felt rather a lot less tired, and rather a lot more worried. He had kept up a correspondence with his father back home, and last he knew they had been gathering for an attack on the Mohawk raiders that had been terrorising the Oneida people since the fall of Boston.

What if they had lost the battle, or worse, what if his father or mother had died in the fighting? That would explain why it was Skenandoa writing to him, rather than anyone else.

Cornelius bit his lip for a moment, before shaking his head and reaching for his letter opener. It was no time to become stuck in his head, He could worry once he actually knew what was going on, which wouldn't be until he read the letter in front of him.

Sucking in a sharp breath, he sliced open the letters seal and began to read.

Cornelius Doxtator, I am writing to let you know that we have won an important battle against the Mohawk forces.

The main bulk of the Mohawk forces were camped at the abandoned Fort Stanwix, regrouping after a few inconclusive skirmishes farther into Oneida territory. Yesterday, as of the time I am writing this, we fought and defeated that force with the aid of Tuscarora warriors who arrived to aid us in the fight against the Mohawk.

We captured a few of their leaders, including the overall leader of the raids into our territory, John Johnston, the nephew of the British Superintendent of Indian Affairs, Guy Johnston, who we believe to currently be outside of Haudenosaunee land.

Your father, who commanded a part of the attack, was wounded, but will likely make a full recovery, having taken a glancing shot to the wrist that prevents him writing to you.

Perhaps the more important news is that the Tuscarora and Cayuga have joined with us against the Mohawk, though the Cayuga are only against the Mohawk, in retaliation for the raids on our land, and not against the British, though at this point I see little distinction. Sadly, however, the Onondaga are against us at this point, and have been skirmishing against the Cayuga, though events as I hear them are still inconclusive.

The Seneca, as ever, remain devoted to their neutrality, though individuals among them have expressed support for us, in the face of Mohawk raids.

It is my hope that the information contained within will help you to convince Congress to send some aid, as the Mohawk and Onondoga still have forces able to face us.

War-Chief Skenandoa.


Cornelius rubbed again at his eyes as he finished reading the letter. Objectively, it was good news, and yet Cornelius could feel a tinge of worry pervading his thoughts.

They had won a battle, sure, seemingly an important one. Yet, it seemed the Confederacy was hurtling headfirst into a war between itself. The Mohawk alone, maybe, could have been fine. A single revolting Nation, while damaging to the Confederacy, would no doubt be survivable.

But any chances of unity in this conflict had just died, though in truth they had died after Boston, where the Sachems had met at Onondaga City and failed to come to a consensus on their position in the war, implicitly leaving the decision up to the individual Nations.

That meeting had been a shitshow, Cornelius remembered, having attended, though he lacked the ability to vote. There had been raised voices and the terrifying possibility of a public fight. The Mohawk had almost carried the thing for the British, before word of their raids into Oneida territory had rather suddenly thrown the rest of the Nations against them, though obviously not enough against them for the Onondaga. Cornelius had been sent to Philadelphia soon after.

Honestly though, Cornelius hadn't made much progress in his request of assistance from Congress. He had only been able to meet with them once, where he had asked for aid, and they hadn't said much of anything that was definite. There was some word about an expedition, but Cornelius had only barely heard anything about that, and as yet it hadn't seemed to have actually materialised, only mentioned in connection with a few, hesitant names, like Halbert.

He hadn't even been given proper housing for his time in Philadelphia, instead rooming in the upper floor apartment of a friend of Reverend Kirkland.

It was hard not to feel bitter, sometimes, stuck in his apartment desperately hoping for word from Congress, talking with the few representatives who would listen to him. Still, he understood it was an important job, and that his people needed him to do it.

Cornelius looked back at the letter, considering. It wasn't much, yes, but it was something. And a victory, if minor, was more to offer than he had had before. Maybe, if he took news of it to the right people, the men he had been talking with before, who were sympathetic to his cause, then…

Then maybe he could make something happen.

Ignoring the late hour and the tiredness of his limbs, Cornelius Doxtator got to writing his own letters.






(AN: So yeah, this is my attempt at the Oneida Omake Bounty, though I'm not sure if it counts, or is good enough to be accepted. Still, I tried.
The people mentioned are historical, though Cornelius is basically just a name, mentioned once that I could find, in passing. I have him as around thirty, if that helps solidify your view of him.

Now, the fighting among the Iroquois. The Mohawk and the Oneida were already established as fighting, but the rest of it hasn't yet been, so-

The Tuscarora were the easiest, as they joined the Americans in real life, so in an outcome more heavily weighted towards America than that, they would probably join the Oneida. The rest wasn't so easy. It was actually mostly decided by dice roll, as I couldn't find enough information on the factors that would affect the conflict. The DC's were pretty high, too, as Onondaga, the lowest, as they were the closest to the Americans and farthest front he british, had a DC 50, rolling a 17, putting them firmly in the British Camp. The Cayuga and Seneca had DC's of 70 both, and both rolled over, though the Seneca got a 73, so they are only leaning American and haven't joined the fighting. Cayuga rolled a 86, and so is fighting the Mohawk and Onondaga, though not the British, as they are merely retaliating for the raids on the Oneida, at least in their eyes.

Also, Fort Stanwix hadn't yet been reoccupied by the American's, at least as far as I could find, hence the battle there not involving Americans.

That's my reasoning. Sorry if it's bad.)
 
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Battle of Fort Stanwix
Omake time!

The main bulk of the Mohawk forces were caped
I believe this is supposed to say encamped or camped instead.

I have him as around thirty, if that helps solidify your view of him.
Han Yerry married Cornelius's mom in 1754, meaning Cornelius is actually probably around his early twenties instead.

Other than all that, I really appreciate the effort put into research and making this omake historically accurate enough. :) I also like how this omake contributes to the utter mess that the Iroquois front is rn.

Reward: +20 to Charles Lee and his expedition into the Iroquois Confederacy. New Action available before you leave for Canada.

So, I'm saying this because I want to be convinced, not as criticism: is there precedent and believable reason for a woman like Elizabeth to come into being as a leader of fighters, in this time period?
Not quite precedent, but I figured that it was believable enough due to the simple fact that Elizabeth is leading a militia. They're meant to be irregular, and it's not as if she's an actual officer in the Continental Army. If she were, then it would definitely be unbelievable.
 
Scheduled vote count started by Duke William of on Nov 25, 2024 at 10:45 AM, finished with 124 posts and 19 votes.

  • [X] Plan Mystic Pentagram
    -[X] Army Arrangement
    -[X] Army Budget
    [X] Plan: "The Army of a Thousand Loans"
    -[X] Plan: "The Army of a Thousand Loans"
    [X] Army Arrangement
    -[X] Major Ezekiel Hubbard (Quartermaster General)
    -[X] Colonel David Wooster (Provost Marshal)
    -[X] Lieutenant Colonel Benjamin Tupper (First Infantry Regiment, First Brigade)
    -[X] Lieutenant Colonel William Maxwell (Second Infantry Regiment, First Brigade)
    -[X] Major John Brown (First Infantry Regiment, Second Brigade)
    -[X] Captain James Easton (Second Infantry Regiment, Second Brigade)
    -[X] Captain Samuel McClellan (Cavalry Regiment)
    -[X] Lieutenant Colonel Robert Rogers (Skirmisher Regiment)
    [X] Army Budget
    -[X] 3 Units of Food Supplies, 675 dollars.
    -[X] 6 Units of Gunpowder, 300 dollars.
    -[X] 10 Units of Musker Ammunition, 100 dollars.
    -[X] 3 Units of Rifle Ammunitions, 60 dollars.
    -[X] 3 Unit of Cannon Ammunition, 120 dollars.
    -[X] 10 Units of Clothing Supplies, 800 dollars.
    -[X] 1 Unit of Mortars, 400 dollars.
    -[X] 1 Unit of Six-Pounder Artillery, 100 dollars.
    -[X] 50 Units of Swords, 800 dollars.
    -[X] Equipment for 40 elite skirmishers (Kentucky Long Rifles, Officier pistols and axes), 492 dollars.
    - [x] 15 Units of Tomahawks and Axes, 45 dollars.
    - [x] 10 Units of 1757 Long Land Pattern Musket, 100 dollars.
    [X] Plan Mystic Pentagram
    -[X] Army Arrangement
    --[X] Major Ezekiel Hubbard (Quartermaster General)
    --[X] Colonel David Wooster (Provost Marshal)
    --[X] Lieutenant Colonel Benjamin Tupper (First Brigade)
    --[X] Major John Brown (Second Brigade)
    --[X] Lieutenant Colonel Benjamin Tupper (First Infantry Regiment, First Brigade)
    --[X] Lieutenant Colonel William Maxwell (Second Infantry Regiment, First Brigade)
    --[X] Major John Brown (First Infantry Regiment, Second Brigade)
    --[X] Captain James Easton (Second Infantry Regiment, Second Brigade)
    --[X] Captain Samuel McClellan (Cavalry Regiment)
    --[X] Lieutenant Colonel Robert Rogers (Skirmisher Regiment)
    -[X] Army Budget
    --[X] take two $1000 loans.
    --[X] 3 Units of Food Supplies, 675 dollars.
    --[X] 6 Units of Gunpowder, 300 dollars.
    --[X] 15 Units of Musker Ammunition, 100 dollars.
    --[X] 3 Units of Rifle Ammunitions, 60 dollars.
    --[X] 3 Unit of Cannon Ammunition, 120 dollars.
    --[X] 10 Units of Clothing Supplies, 800 dollars.
    --[X] 1 Unit of Mortars, 400 dollars.
    --[X] 1 Unit of Six-Pounder Artillery, 100 dollars.
    --[X] 50 Units of Swords, 800 dollars.
    --[X] Equipment for 40 elite skirmishers (Kentucky Long Rifles, Officer's Pistols, Tomahawks and Axes), 492 dollars.
    --[X] 155 Units of Tomahawks and Axes, 465 dollars. 60 Units of 1757 Long Land Pattern Musket, 600 dollars. This equipment is distributed with priority to the skirmishers, and what is left over is distributed equally among the unarmed infantry regiments.
    [X] Army Budget
    -[X] 400 Units of 1763 Land Model Muskets (2,000 muskets), $4,800.
    -[X] 100 Units of Kentucky Long Rifles (500 rifles), $4,500.
    -[X] 50 Cavalry Saber Units (500 sabers), $800.
    -[X] 50 Units of War Axes (500 axes), $150.
    -[X] 1 Unit of Mortars (5 mortars), 400 dollars.
    -[X] 1 Six-Pounder Artillery Unit (4 guns), $100.
    -[X] 10 Units of Food Supplies, $2,250 (enough to feed all the soldiers for 10 months).
    -[X] 750 Units of Musket Ammunition, $7,500 (for 150,000 rounds).
    -[X] 50 Units of Kentucky Long Rifle Ammunition, $1,000 (for 10,000 rounds).
    -[X] Gunpowder (60 cannons), $3,000
    -[X] 20 Units of Cannon Ammo, $800.
    -[X] 59 Units of Clothing Supplies, $4,720.
    -[X] Cumulative total: $30,020.
    -[X] Since the maximum you can borrow in a single loan is $1,000, you'll need to take out 28 loans of $1,000
    -[X] Total payable after interest (10 months): $32,523.34.
 
[Canon] Tjf: Liberty's Flame Spreads
Liberty's Flame Spreads (Omake)

Collège royal Louis-le-Grand, Paris - June 1776


Max sits and sulks, the dunce cap resting uneasily against his scalp, his knuckles aching from the rapping they endured not an hour ago. But, even as he's made the face the corner of the room while his classmates are playing outside, a fire burns within his breast. Tyranny is an unnatural lie, undue authority is a brittle foundation, and oppression is a mask of fear...


The lanky seventeen year old is startled from his thoughts as he hears a sharp bang against the schoolhouse window. Turning his head, he sees a second stone smack into the glass and bounce off. A boy Max's age stands at the window, his face stretched into a wide grin of smug satisfaction. Max rolls his eyes, looking around to make sure le professeur isn't around, before reaching across to open the window. "Camille, God as my witness, if you're here to gloat..." Max sighs.


"Gloat? Why would I ever do that? It's not like my chief rival for the rhetoric prize just committed academic suicide in front of the entire school. Seriously, Max, you're lucky le maitre is such a softie for Voltaire and the enlightenment bunch, or you could have gotten into some serious trouble! What you said in front of the class was nearly treason - to the right ears, it was treason." Camille warns, his face becoming more grave, the concern breaking through the smug facade.


"But was it wrong?" Max affects the grave look of a true enlightenment philosopher, though the hint of a smirk breaks through. "Was it wrong when Socrates spoke before the Athenians? When Cicero and Cato told Caesar 'no'? When Jesus refused to forsake his word and recant to the pharisees?"


"Seriously, Max?"


"Okay, maybe that last comparison was a bit much, but you see the point, right?" Max searches his friend's expression.


"What I see, Max, is that all those men died - some of them agonisingly - for their inability to shut up." Camille sighs. "Seriously, where most of us are smuggling in naughty lithographs, you're smuggling in...what even is this?" Camille holds holds up the offending piece of paper.


Vérité Universelle,

Par Général Jonathan Halbert


"You seriously think this matter is worth all the fuss? It's just some idiot half-illiterate English farmers playing rebel. Liberty, freedom... Do these words even mean anything to them? Speaking honestly, Max, half of these colonial types own slaves! This...Halbert...probably wrote this on the porch of his plantation, watching the daily lashings." Camille spits with more venom than he probably intended. "Rhetoric. That's all it is with these English types. Nothing but rhetoric. They speak of freedom, but they never specify who the freedom is for. Look at this - 'we are not rebels for seeking what has always been ours'. Does that mean an enslaved man can take arms against his masters?"


"Now who's the ideologue?" Max smirks. "Halbert is different - he's an abolitionist. Apparently he's gotten in trouble for it before, if the newspapers from England can be believed." Max says softly, recognising his friend's disdain for slavery. "This is different. This war in the Colonies. It isn't just a rebellion. It's something more. It's...It's a change. It's..."


"GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW, CUL!"


Camille scurries away as fast as his legs can carry him, as maitre Vauban, the merciless schoolmaster, steps into the room.





Max rubs his, now red raw, knuckles, as Vauban faces him down. "You're aware that some of this could be interpreted to be seditious, are you not? Against the law?"


"Against the laws of man, maitre Vauban. Against the laws of the king." Max faces his teacher down. "Not against the laws of nature, or the laws of God. And those are the only laws that matter to me. The only laws that are based on true justice. If you'll simply read what monsieur Halbert has to say-"


"Monsieur Halbert is a murderer!" Vauban sighs in pure exasperation. "A rebellious knave and troublemaker, shooting good soldiers who are just trying to keep the peace! I swear, why can't you just read Voltaire, or Rousseau? They've never shot anyone! Hell, even that lecherous old fool Franklin isn't a killer. Why not read his works instead? Why Halbert?" The teacher asks, perplexed. Max has always been a phenomenal student. Why, oh, why, then, must he be so incorrigible?


"I read Halbert because he's willing to spill blood for the cause. He doesn't just write about these things. He fights for them." Max says, determined not to let this point go, even if it results in another beating. "Sometimes people have to die for things to change. Both on our side, and the side of tyranny." There's a...ferocity to Max's voice now. An intensity that's almost scary. "The collective will of the people sweeps away despotism." He quotes. "It can't do that without breaking a few eggs."


"But where does it stop?" Vauban asks, his voice lower, a little apprehensive of the lanky teenager who seems to speak with such fire. "How many people have to die for your vision of a better world?"


Max looks Vauban in the eye, but seems to be watching something off in the distance, something that no one else can see. "As many as it takes. Until the tyrants have fled. Or until men of virtue have killed them all." As Vauban walks away from the schoolhouse, he wonders at his young student. Maximillien Robespierre is a brilliant young man. But good God, if he isn't a scary fellow...





(My attempt at the bounty for the Universal Truth reaction - aka 'How Jonathan Halbert caused the Terror'. I'm not sure if it's realistic that the document would have been translated and made its way to France in just a few months. My headcanon is that Robespierre got his hands on an English language one, and has poorly translated it himself, hence his understanding of it isn't exactly as it was written. His understanding of Halbert is derived mainly from that, and English propaganda newspapers from across the channel which portray Halbert as more or less a psychopath, and play up his quarrel with Washington to comical proportions.)

(Not sure if this even qualifies for the bounty, or if it's complete trash, but I had fun with it)
 
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How many people have to die for your vision of a better world?"
Is it wrong that I want to write something that is refuting it, and basing my own words in universe by maybe a member of the Contiental Congress?

IRL, The US got very lucky that it had the ideas it did, and with the men leading it.
 
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