Confused Jackie Chan and Facepalming Picard Counter
All Instances of Confused Jackie Chan & Facepalming Picard



Total Confused Jackie Chan Tally: XXI

1D100 = 6+25+5+10-15 = 31 (The heck? :jackiechan: )
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... :jackiechan:)
1D3+3 = 3+3 => 6! ( :jackiechan: )
:jackiechan: Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = Nat! 97+20+10-10-15 => Nat!Crit! 87 ( :jackiechan: What is going on?!)
1D100 = Nat! 1+15+15-20 => Nat!Fail! 11 ( :jackiechan: THREE NAT ONES?!?!?!)
1D100 = 6+20 => 26 ( :jackiechan: How?! Why?!)
1D100 = 21-15-10-5+10+5 => 6 ( :jackiechan: If you had gotten a Crit Fail here, I swear again–)
1D100 = Nat! 95+10+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 105 ( :jackiechan: This was not part of the plan!! How the heck–)
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( :jackiechan: Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... :facepalm: )
87+15+15+30-20-10 =Art!Crit! 117 ( :jackiechan: Da heck?!)
1D100 = 85+15+30-10 => Art!Crit! 120 ( :jackiechan: What is this rollercoaster nonsense?!)
1D100 = 19+10+10+5 => 44 (Whu–?! :jackiechan: )
3D2000 = 1996+1984+855 => 4835 ( :jackiechan: Really?!)
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( :jackiechan: Not again... Not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = 87+10 => Art!Crit! 97 ( :jackiechan: No no no no no no... Wait wait wait wait... WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT)
1D100 = Nat! 1+10-10 => Nat!Fail! 1 ( :jackiechan: The hell?!)
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( :jackiechan: Not again, not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat! 98+10+5 => Nat!Crit! 113 (Oh, for– :jackiechan: )
1D100 = 91-5+5 => Art!Crit! 96 ( :jackiechan: Why are my dice like this?)

|==================================|

Total Facepalming Picard Tally: XIX

1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat Crit! 7 ( :facepalm: ...of course.)
1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( :facepalm: Oh, screw off.)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20-15-10 => Neg!Fail! -4 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = 11+15+15-20 => 21 ( :facepalm: Can anything be normal in my quest?)
1D100 = 85+15+10-15 => Art!Crit! 95 ( :facepalm: I'm done... I've had enough of this.)
1D100 = Nat! 99+10+5 => Nat! Crit! 114 ( :facepalm: Of course, why wouldn't this happen?)
1D100 = 94+15+10+5 => Art!Crit! 129 ( :facepalm: If you had gotten a Nat Crit, I swear...)
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( :jackiechan: Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... :facepalm: )
1D100 = 27-5-15-15-30+20+25 => 7 ( :facepalm: Well, at least it's not a crit fail...)
...Why do I do this to myself? :facepalm:
1D100 = 93+10+5 => Art!Crit! 108 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = 89+10 => Art!Crit! 99 (Of course... :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( :jackiechan: Not again... Not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat!100+20 => (Autopass!) Nat!Crit! 120 ( :facepalm: If you'll all excuse me for one sec...)
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( :jackiechan: Not again, not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = 19-10-10+10 = 9 ( :facepalm: Of course, what else would I expect?)
1D100 = Nat! 95-10-5+10 => Nat!Crit! 90 ( :facepalm: Bipolar dice much?)



@Randomnerd, thank you for the idea.
 
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You know, i really hope that when the war ends, we can enter the slave discussion again,
Honestly, you can during the war. While slavery absolutely cannot be abolished nationwide at this time, you can definitely start sowing the seeds for its abolition in due time. Ones of the reasons why the Founding Fathers didn't really go too hard on slavery was because they viewed it as a dying practice that'd fade sooner rather than later, and Halbert could definitely help tip the scales that way in due time.
 
You know, i really hope that when the war ends, we can enter the slave discussion again, because it will be funny seeing all the slaveholders say '' Slave is good because of XYZ'' and we just say '' Slaves don't pay taxes'', i hope that shortcircuit their little brains a bit, after that we just show them a Vic3 slideshow on why slave trade is bad and you should focus on Quality of Life to make your GDP go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Reject Slavery, Embrace Sharecropping.

What? Why are you looking at me like that?
 
Reject Slavery, Embrace Sharecropping.

What? Why are you looking at me like that?
They will not only be looking weirdly, but with envy when he they see how much he will gain from it. Sharecropping requires no overseers to increase efficiency and avoiding the workforce escaping. Certain overhead costs and micromanagement is removed. The amount of volunteers arriving for this good deal will be a lot (it will not only be coloured people, but also certain other marginalised poor people such as the urban poor ,other ethnicities and other marginalised minorities).

Halbert walking around with his multiracial tenants ('crew'), newfound wealth and getting all the slaveowners he passes riled up when his sharecropping empire is booming and they are left in the dust (he'll buy all their slaves for cheap and free them all) (drip will be 18th century version, no actual shooting (unless self defence of course :wink2:), but there will be some verbal zingers going around and the vibe is there):

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLsvH7_EF34
 
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Virgin Revolutionary slavery objector - "Buying slaves feeds slavery!"

Chad Union slavery objector - "Buying slaves, turning them into freedmen, then drowning slave owning states in land/business-owning freedmen eliminates slavery."
 
Sorry for the delay, everyone, but I've been busy writing the next chapter for my Kung Fu Panda SI which I just finished and posted. Don't worry, though, this quest is still very much alive. Just give me some time to finish the update; in the meantime, kindly go check out my fic down n the link below. :D

forums.sufficientvelocity.com

The Legend of AWESOMENESS: Otherwise Known as the Legend of Tabari Silver-Arm (SI-Cyoa in Kung Fu Panda) Fantasy - Action

Gather close all who will lend me their ears, and allow me to tell you a story. It's a story you may or may not have heard of before, but it is one I know will astound you either way. Yes, even you, Chun Hua. You too, Li. Ahem... Not so long ago, in the distant land known as China, great...

Your obedient servant and faithful QM, Duke William of.
 
Sorry for the delay, everyone, but I've been busy writing the next chapter for my Kung Fu Panda SI which I just finished and posted. Don't worry, though, this quest is still very much alive. Just give me some time to finish the update; in the meantime, kindly go check out my fic down n the link below. :D

forums.sufficientvelocity.com

The Legend of AWESOMENESS: Otherwise Known as the Legend of Tabari Silver-Arm (SI-Cyoa in Kung Fu Panda) Fantasy - Action

Gather close all who will lend me their ears, and allow me to tell you a story. It's a story you may or may not have heard of before, but it is one I know will astound you either way. Yes, even you, Chun Hua. You too, Li. Ahem... Not so long ago, in the distant land known as China, great...

Your obedient servant and faithful QM, Duke William of.
KHORNE DEMANDS MORE BRITISH BLOOD
 
So after we have captured fort Erie we are going to be able to meet up with General Arnold in the Canadian territories, it is a recap for me for what we are doing in this battle and what our main objectives are, since we will be waiting for sometime for the update to arrive.

Edit: if there is anything missing that I should've known then I very much appreciate it if you point it out guys.
 
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[Canon] Magoose: On the Trail of Washington's Army New
On the Trail of Washington's army:

(James Hiller POV)

James Hiller was not accustomed to the rigors of army life. He wasn't a soldier, after all, though he'd shared enough hardships with them to feel the strain. His journey with General Halbert and Colonel Knox during the legendary haul of cannons from Ticonderoga had been arduous, but this, this relentless march with Washington's army, was something else entirely. Every day was a race against exhaustion, a desperate struggle to keep up with soldiers who seemed to thrive on sheer willpower alone.

Trailing a half mile behind the army was his unfortunate reality. Sarah and Henri, his steadfast companions, were in the same boat, though their spirits rarely flagged as he did. Sarah, ever pragmatic, reminded him often that they had a duty to write, not just for their Gazette but to sell their stories for whatever meager sum could keep them fed and equipped. Henri, meanwhile, seemed to take to army life with an ease James envied, mingling with the soldiers, sharing their jokes, their mishaps, and occasionally their rations.

The pace of the march was relentless. James often arrived at camp hours after the soldiers had settled in, his legs heavy, his mind weary. And yet, he wrote anyting, from rumors, to interviews, to jsut dispatches for the people of the american continent. By candlelight, on scraps of paper scavenged from who knew where, he scratched out every observation he could muster. His words, he knew, carried weight, not just for the Gazette but for history.

The truths James uncovered were often bitter ones, the kind that twisted in his gut and filled his thoughts with dread long into the night. New York City had fallen. Not in a glorious clash of arms but with an almost surgical precision, the British army—well-trained, well-equipped, and led with ruthless efficiency—had seized the city from Washington's grasp before a single meaningful shot could be fired. It was a blow not just to the fledgling cause of independence but to the fragile morale of its supporters.

The Loyalists, those steadfast Tories loyal to the Crown, had wasted no time in making their allegiance clear. They flocked from Washington's dwindling influence, not merely fleeing his army but rushing eagerly into the waiting arms of the British forces under Field Marshal Conway. Yes, Field Marshal Conway, a point Sarah never failed to emphasize when James mistakenly referred to him as a mere general. "If you're going to write history," she had chided with a wry smile, "at least get the man's title right."

And then there was Washington himself. To James, the General seemed locked in a strategy of constant retreat, perpetually marching his weary army to find positions that could be defended, then abandoning them as the British advanced. It was a game of cat and mouse, but with stakes so high that every movement carried the weight of an entire revolution. James couldn't help but feel the frustration of it all. It seemed to him that Washington was doing nothing but running, refusing to stand and fight, and instead focusing on one singular, maddening goal: survival.

It wasn't that Washington lacked a plan. The man was clearly determined, meticulously choosing each defensive position to maximize its potential for holding back the enemy. But the strategy grated on James, who longed to see the kind of bold actions that might inspire the people—and sell papers. And yet, as he watched the army march and dig, drill and prepare, James began to understand what Washington was doing. This wasn't cowardice; it was pragmatism. Washington wasn't just protecting the lives of his soldiers. He was preserving the revolution itself. For if the Continental Army was destroyed, the dream of independence would die with it.


Still, James wanted more. He needed more. It wasn't enough to simply record the movements of an army or the dry facts of a campaign. He felt a duty, not just to his readers but to himself, to dig deeper, to uncover the stories that would truly bring this struggle to life. Who were these soldiers that marched alongside him, these men who endured endless miles, bitter cold, and gnawing hunger? What kept them going when all seemed lost? What did Washington see in the future that gave him such unshakable resolve?
------------------------------------------------------------
Joseph Plumb Martin was only a private, but at James's age, he felt like a kindred spirit. The two had become inseparable, though not by design; it seemed Joseph was the only one in his regiment willing to engage James in conversation. Despite his youth and rank, Joseph carried himself with an air of quiet wisdom that intrigued the writer.


The young private had run away from his grandparents' home in Connecticut, seeking adventure and purpose in the life of a soldier. Though new to the hardships of war, he had adapted to the soldiering life as well as any recruit in Washington's army. What set him apart, however, was his insight, more thoughtful and nuanced than that of many seasoned officers James had spoken to. It wasn't arrogance, but rather a curious ability to piece things together, as though he could see patterns where others saw only chaos.

"That's General Washington's entire plan, according to the Colonel," Joseph said one evening as James jotted down notes by the flickering light of a campfire. The boy's voice was calm but carried the weight of conviction. "Washington has two great advantages: the countryside and time. The British may have their regulars, their uniforms, and their cannons, but they don't understand this land like we do. The General keeps us moving, using the countryside to outmaneuver them, striking when they're off balance, and disappearing before they can pin us down. That's how we held them off after Bunker Hill."

Joseph's words were measured, his tone almost analytical, but James could sense an undercurrent of pride. "But the British are learning," he added, leaning forward. "They're not fools. They're trying to outflank us, to trap us. But we've got something they don't: the farmers. We pay for what we take, fair and square. The British take everything they want by force, and they're making enemies with every step. That's their weakness."

James paused his scribbling to ask a question that had been nagging at him. "Why are you fighting, Joseph, when General Washington seems to be doing nothing but retreating?"

Joseph's response was immediate and tinged with a smile, as though the answer was obvious. "Because why fight needlessly when you can fight with purpose and win? That's the General's way. He's not afraid to step back, to wait for the right moment. He doesn't throw us into battle just to prove a point. He wants us ready, trained, not just boys with muskets, but real soldiers."


James raised an eyebrow. "And what if he's wrong? What if all this waiting, all this training, doesn't lead to anything?"

Joseph's smile didn't falter. "He hasn't given us any reason to doubt him yet. When he's wrong, he owns up to it, learns from it, and makes sure it doesn't happen again. That's why I trust him. He's not perfect, but he's got a way of making you believe we can do this."

James finished jotting down the young man's words, nodding in quiet appreciation. "Thanks, Joseph. I think your perspective will help people understand what it's really like out here."

"No, thank you," Joseph replied earnestly. "People don't listen to me much. They think because I'm young, I've got nothing to say that matters. But I stay quiet, I watch, and I think about what I'm being told and what we're doing. It helps me see things clearer. And what I see…" He glanced at the fire, his face reflecting its soft glow. "What I see makes me believe we'll be alright."


James watched him for a moment, his pen resting on the page. And smiled.

He did too.
 
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Honestly don't really blame people in universe on being doubtful on the retreating strategy. It is needed to win but it does make it look like you are losing not only to the enemy but also to your own side. Guess the difference between Washington and Halbert far the public is concerned? It looks like Halbert is fighting and winning even though both Washington and Halbert would say they are doing the same strategy.
 
Honestly don't really blame people in universe on being doubtful on the retreating strategy.
Fabian strategy.

Its called Fabian strategy. See when Hannibal was marauding his way through rome, a smart Roman by the name of Quintus Fabius Maximus (one of the coolest names in all of Roman history btw) decided that fighting the tactical master that was Hannibal was stupid.

Really stupid, unless it was on his terms.

So he did that, keeping his army intact, and forcing Hannibal to just march around him, and avoid combat, when he couldn't win.

The Romans hated it, and after his term of dictator, his startagy was abandoned for a time.

That led to Canne.

Then Fabius is recalled to service and did the same thing, until Scipio and company captured spain, and came back home for some well deserved revenge.

Guess the difference between Washington and Halbert far the public is concerned? It looks like Halbert is fighting and winning even though both Washington and Halbert would say they are doing the same strategy.
But Halbert is not promoting more... you know, journalists to follow his campaign, so Washingtons army is where they are all going.

And I think that, while Washington is very much a master of his own... fabian strategy... he also has a tough school to learn how to be a general.

The Washington of 1776 was far more aggressive and prone to bad judgment calls then the Washington even in 1778.

Because he learned from his mistakes.

Here he hasn't had a chance to make those many blunders to help him become a better general.

But the problem is, he is forced to adopt his fabian strategy anyway, because he dosen't have the man power to fight his enemy head on.
 
I mean kinda hard to get jornalists to follow all our jorney, and we really needed the actions to better our army so kinda difficult to include that too
 
Fabian strategy.

Its called Fabian strategy. See when Hannibal was marauding his way through rome, a smart Roman by the name of Quintus Fabius Maximus (one of the coolest names in all of Roman history btw) decided that fighting the tactical master that was Hannibal was stupid.

Really stupid, unless it was on his terms.

So he did that, keeping his army intact, and forcing Hannibal to just march around him, and avoid combat, when he couldn't win.

The Romans hated it, and after his term of dictator, his startagy was abandoned for a time.

That led to Canne.

Then Fabius is recalled to service and did the same thing, until Scipio and company captured spain, and came back home for some well deserved revenge.


But Halbert is not promoting more... you know, journalists to follow his campaign, so Washingtons army is where they are all going.

And I think that, while Washington is very much a master of his own... fabian strategy... he also has a tough school to learn how to be a general.

The Washington of 1776 was far more aggressive and prone to bad judgment calls then the Washington even in 1778.

Because he learned from his mistakes.

Here he hasn't had a chance to make those many blunders to help him become a better general.

But the problem is, he is forced to adopt his fabian strategy anyway, because he dosen't have the man power to fight his enemy head on.

Fabian must of been so smug after Canne.

And yeah Halbert isn't having Journalists with him on his campaign. Also imagine said journalists went with Washington because it's the main show while Halberts campaign is a side show at best or a doomed campaign at worst.

This is early Washington. Isn't the master strategist yet. Add in losing New York and looking like he's losing every battle? Doesn't look good even though the Fabian strategy is the way to go.

This isn't me criticizing Washington. More how Washingtons and Halberts campaigns look like from the public and politicians. The lack of journalists might be making it look like Halbert is in better shape than he actually is.
 
Fabian must of been so smug after Canne.

And yeah Halbert isn't having Journalists with him on his campaign. Also imagine said journalists went with Washington because it's the main show while Halberts campaign is a side show at best or a doomed campaign at worst.

This is early Washington. Isn't the master strategist yet. Add in losing New York and looking like he's losing every battle? Doesn't look good even though the Fabian strategy is the way to go.

This isn't me criticizing Washington. More how Washingtons and Halberts campaigns look like from the public and politicians. The lack of journalists might be making it look like Halbert is in better shape than he actually is.
And really, Halbert is the bombastic man, like with the explosion of the ships in Boston it can't be any other way, like Halbert public perception is ''the guy that the Continental Army sent to deal with a mission that have impossible odds'' or something like that, because we really did some insane things that paid off, even more with our ''radical'' mentality of slaves being bad, it makes our public persona being this type of bombastic guy of making the impossible possible, even thought we aren't because we wrote a damm book.
 
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