Confused Jackie Chan and Facepalming Picard Counter
All Instances of Confused Jackie Chan & Facepalming Picard



Total Confused Jackie Chan Tally: XXI

1D100 = 6+25+5+10-15 = 31 (The heck? :jackiechan: )
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... :jackiechan:)
1D3+3 = 3+3 => 6! ( :jackiechan: )
:jackiechan: Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = Nat! 97+20+10-10-15 => Nat!Crit! 87 ( :jackiechan: What is going on?!)
1D100 = Nat! 1+15+15-20 => Nat!Fail! 11 ( :jackiechan: THREE NAT ONES?!?!?!)
1D100 = 6+20 => 26 ( :jackiechan: How?! Why?!)
1D100 = 21-15-10-5+10+5 => 6 ( :jackiechan: If you had gotten a Crit Fail here, I swear again–)
1D100 = Nat! 95+10+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 105 ( :jackiechan: This was not part of the plan!! How the heck–)
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( :jackiechan: Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... :facepalm: )
87+15+15+30-20-10 =Art!Crit! 117 ( :jackiechan: Da heck?!)
1D100 = 85+15+30-10 => Art!Crit! 120 ( :jackiechan: What is this rollercoaster nonsense?!)
1D100 = 19+10+10+5 => 44 (Whu–?! :jackiechan: )
3D2000 = 1996+1984+855 => 4835 ( :jackiechan: Really?!)
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( :jackiechan: Not again... Not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = 87+10 => Art!Crit! 97 ( :jackiechan: No no no no no no... Wait wait wait wait... WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT)
1D100 = Nat! 1+10-10 => Nat!Fail! 1 ( :jackiechan: The hell?!)
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( :jackiechan: Not again, not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat! 98+10+5 => Nat!Crit! 113 (Oh, for– :jackiechan: )
1D100 = 91-5+5 => Art!Crit! 96 ( :jackiechan: Why are my dice like this?)

|==================================|

Total Facepalming Picard Tally: XIX

1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat Crit! 7 ( :facepalm: ...of course.)
1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( :facepalm: Oh, screw off.)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20-15-10 => Neg!Fail! -4 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = 11+15+15-20 => 21 ( :facepalm: Can anything be normal in my quest?)
1D100 = 85+15+10-15 => Art!Crit! 95 ( :facepalm: I'm done... I've had enough of this.)
1D100 = Nat! 99+10+5 => Nat! Crit! 114 ( :facepalm: Of course, why wouldn't this happen?)
1D100 = 94+15+10+5 => Art!Crit! 129 ( :facepalm: If you had gotten a Nat Crit, I swear...)
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( :jackiechan: Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... :facepalm: )
1D100 = 27-5-15-15-30+20+25 => 7 ( :facepalm: Well, at least it's not a crit fail...)
...Why do I do this to myself? :facepalm:
1D100 = 93+10+5 => Art!Crit! 108 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = 89+10 => Art!Crit! 99 (Of course... :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( :jackiechan: Not again... Not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat!100+20 => (Autopass!) Nat!Crit! 120 ( :facepalm: If you'll all excuse me for one sec...)
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( :jackiechan: Not again, not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = 19-10-10+10 = 9 ( :facepalm: Of course, what else would I expect?)
1D100 = Nat! 95-10-5+10 => Nat!Crit! 90 ( :facepalm: Bipolar dice much?)



@Randomnerd, thank you for the idea.
 
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Fabian must of been so smug after Canne.
What are you talking about, he was fucking horrified. Hell, he was the one who commanded the defense of rome for awhile, before... you know, taking command again. but by that Time Scipio decided to become the main character and he exited stage left.
And yeah Halbert isn't having Journalists with him on his campaign. Also imagine said journalists went with Washington because it's the main show while Halberts campaign is a side show at best or a doomed campaign at worst.
I think that its a good thing we didn't bring reporters to our campaign.

have you read some of the shit we are getting up too? the absolute buchery that we have done, and allies have done. We are trying to win hearts and minds, and if people really knew what we were doing out here, they would be horrified at the shit we are doing.
This is early Washington. Isn't the master strategist yet. Add in losing New York and looking like he's losing every battle? Doesn't look good even though the Fabian strategy is the way to go.
Washington was always a brilliant strategist I'd argue but that was before his military career, when he was a politician in Virginia. He was incredibly forward thinking and again, I argue the perfect man to lead the continental army.

He was just a very poor tactical commander and he suffered for it during the first year of the war.

But he surrounded himself with other brilliant men who were able to make up for his shortcomings.
This isn't me criticizing Washington. More how Washingtons and Halberts campaigns look like from the public and politicians. The lack of journalists might be making it look like Halbert is in better shape than he actually is.
Halberts campaigns in my mind, are a side show in the same way that Napoleon's campaign in Italy was.

important enough to have resources with... but not the main focus of the entire war effort.

But like Italy, we can force the enemy to think that Canada is the ideal place to... settle things.

Hopefully we would have Washingtons army help out in that case... if possible.
And really, Halbert is the bombastic man, like with the explosion of the ships in Boston it can't be any other way, like Halbert public perception is ''the guy that the Continental Army sent to deal with a mission that have impossible odds'' or something like that, because we really did some insane things that paid off, even more with our ''radical'' mentality of slaves being bad, it makes our public persona being this type of bombastic guy of making the impossible possible, even thought we aren't because we wrote a damm book.
Halbert also has friends blowing up his reputation thanks to them traveling with him for a time.
 
Like by the history books it will be very interesting to see how they will show Halbert, because without OTL being the comparison, it can exist ideias that without him the war could be lost, because really in the War of Independence it will exist a before-halbert and a after-halbert part be it on attitude or on trust that ''we will win'', because we really can't deny that Halbert crazy wins did give a giant morale boost to all soldiers on the war even if the generals have some ''opinions'' on his slave thinking or his strategies it still don't take away the victories that he did bring on the table.

So yeah Halbert really is a great character that is really well written, and there is a reason that people in-Universe like him so much and even the ones that don't, can't help but want this damm bastard to win ''because even if he is a bastard he is our bastard'' kinda of thinking.
 
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What are you talking about, he was fucking horrified. Hell, he was the one who commanded the defense of rome for awhile, before... you know, taking command again. but by that Time Scipio decided to become the main character and he exited stage left.

Was more thinking it was like a "I told you so" moment. Leading to "Sit down, Shut up and do what I say" moment.

I think that its a good thing we didn't bring reporters to our campaign.

have you read some of the shit we are getting up too? the absolute buchery that we have done, and allies have done. We are trying to win hearts and minds, and if people really knew what we were doing out here, they would be horrified at the shit we are doing.

Oh yeah it's definitely better that Halbert didn't bring journalists with him.

Halbert: I have....collected more supplies and weapons from the locals. Helped get the natives on side. While in the process of taking a fort for our cause.

Sounds way better in that light than in reality.


Washington was always a brilliant strategist I'd argue but that was before his military career, when he was a politician in Virginia. He was incredibly forward thinking and again, I argue the perfect man to lead the continental army.

He was just a very poor tactical commander and he suffered for it during the first year of the war.

But he surrounded himself with other brilliant men who were able to make up for his shortcomings.

Honestly I agree Washington was the perfect person for the job.

Just made some mistakes in the beginning. He wasn't perfect but made up for by his leadership, Great strategic mind and putting the right people in important positions.

Though had problems on tactics.


Halberts campaigns in my mind, are a side show in the same way that Napoleon's campaign in Italy was.

important enough to have resources with... but not the main focus of the entire war effort.

But like Italy, we can force the enemy to think that Canada is the ideal place to... settle things.

Hopefully we would have Washingtons army help out in that case... if possible.

Sounds about right. A side show even though it's probably very important for the British. While the Americans see Canada as nice to have but got more important things.

Heck no one was volunteering for the position until Halbert decided Canada is important to the war effort. Halbert with free reign but has to get most of everything himself.
Halbert also has friends blowing up his reputation thanks to them traveling with him for a time.

Halbert really does have this reputation as a go getter. Wouldn't surprise me if James Hiller got a little bias for Halbert. With on the surface Halbert is doing things James Hiller approves of. Funny enough can see James Hiller use Bunker Hill as a example of the go getter attitude while Halbert would use Bunker Hill as him showing restraint and being careful.
 
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Was more thinking it was like a "I told you so" moment. Leading to "Sit down, Shut up and do what I say" moment.
Fabius was at the time a simple Senator with no formal authority, yet when the news of the disaster at Cannae reached Rome, the whole populus went into panic mode, expecting Hannibal to march on the city (which he never did) and the former Consul had to personally do the rounds to keep the peace and assure the Romans, that victory will be achieved, so they must finish with mourning quickly and get to work with rebuilding the army. Hell, at that time he held absolute authority by default, since everyone now thought him the wisest man in Rome and every suggestion he made was followed, as if Jupiter himself ordered it. His once hated Fabian strategy was now considered the best thing to have ever happened to them and the Romans were more, than happy to reintroduce it.

To the point, that Fabius was against Scipio going on the offensive in North Africa, not believing in his chances.
 
To the point, that Fabius was against Scipio going on the offensive in North Africa, not believing in his chances
To be fair to Fabius. Rome just got fucked by Hannibal that took generations to Fix population wise.

And scipio plan was fucking bonkers.

But he won so it didn't matter.
 
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Really stupid, unless it was on his terms.

So he did that, keeping his army intact, and forcing Hannibal to just march around him, and avoid combat, when he couldn't win.

The Romans hated it, and after his term of dictator, his startagy was abandoned for a time.

That led to Canne.

Then Fabius is recalled to service and did the same thing, until Scipio and company captured spain, and came back home for some well deserved revenge.

What are you talking about, he was fucking horrified. Hell, he was the one who commanded the defense of rome for awhile, before... you know, taking command again. but by that Time Scipio decided to become the main character and he exited stage left.
It might be inaccurate. But I thought I remembered from somewhere that they were so fed up they appointed a co-counsel to 'do the job properly'. Only for everyone to watch in horror as a whole legion gets nearly wiped out, with the only survivors being saved by Fabius. Including said co-counsel.
Heck no one was volunteering for the position until Halbert decided Canada is important to the war effort. Halbert with free reign but has to get most of everything himself.
Everyone else: Eh, who cares, it's a suicide mission with little point.
Halbert: I'm going.
Everyone else: Floods in to join the mad lad going on a suicide mission.
 
The Orders from General Washington:

(Benedict Arnold POV)

It was the letter from General Washington that had him up before dawn, pacing the cramped quarters of his makeshift office in Quebec. The city itself had proven surprisingly hospitable under the circumstances. With his men quartered in the old barracks left behind by both the French and the British, he had managed to keep his soldiers separated from the civilians of the province, preventing the usual frictions that came from occupation. This, in turn, allowed him the space and focus to construct his gunboats—vital tools for the coming campaign.


He was nearly ready for the next phase of operations, his mind filled with plans and strategies. Yet the arrival of Washington's letter filled him with such a mix of emotions that he found himself unable to sit still. Joy, pride, and a faint sting of disappointment wrestled for dominance as he read and reread the missive by the faint light of an oil lamp.




To Colonel Arnold, Canadian Expedition,

I have read nearly every report of the expedition under your command and am deeply impressed with your initiative, skill at arms, and organizational acumen. Your efforts to support our allies in rebellion in Canada have not gone unnoticed, and Congress recognizes the significant contributions you have made to our shared cause.

However, there is concern among the members of Congress regarding the absence of any representatives from Canada to join their ranks. This has caused some unease, though it does not diminish the gratitude we hold for your remarkable service in the field.

That said, I must address a pressing matter regarding command in the northern theatre. Numerous reports from General Montgomery's army have reached us, many of which speak to the challenges under his leadership. There are those who advocate for his replacement by an officer of greater energy and decisiveness, someone capable of transforming the current difficulties into victory and stability among the officers and allies under your combined command.

While Congress will not yet grant you the rank of general—a decision influenced by concerns over the number of Connecticut officers already holding such positions—I am pleased to offer you some assurance that the burdens of your current position will be alleviated. If your reports are accurate, the following news should ease many of your logistical difficulties. And that of your tired and weary troops

General Jonathan Halbert has been appointed to relieve General Montgomery and assume command of the Canadian Expedition. He brings with him the authority to address many pressing concerns, including the provision of funds, equipment, and other essential resources. Moreover, I have written to Congress to ensure that the debts accrued by your expedition will be assumed by the Continental Army, provided all receipts are signed, dated, and cataloged for review. Any expenditures deemed unrelated to the war effort will remain your responsibility, but I am confident that the majority will be properly accounted for.

Your sacrifices for this cause have been extraordinary, and I hold the deepest respect for your unwavering dedication. I trust that your continued service will bring about a most virtuous and glorious victory for our noble endeavor.

Hold the line, Colonel. General Halbert will have need of you when he arrives.


Yours in service,
General George Washington
Commander in Chief, Continental Army





Arnold lowered the letter, his mind churning. The words of praise from Washington brought a warm sense of validation. The acknowledgment of his efforts and sacrifices felt like a balm after months of hardship and struggle. Yet, there was a sting in the decision not to promote him. He had expected it—Connecticut officers were already viewed as overrepresented—but it did little to soothe the disappointment.

Still, the arrival of Halbert brought a glimmer of hope. Resources, funds, and a stronger command structure could mean the difference between survival and disaster. He only hoped Halbert would arrive before the situation deteriorated further.

Arnold sighed, folding the letter carefully before tucking it into his coat. He stepped to the window, gazing out over the frozen city. Quebec, with its snow-laden rooftops and winding streets, had become a precarious foothold in a hostile land. The men were restless, supplies were strained, and the enemy would not remain idle for long. He knew that Halifax was eager to regain their great city, so that they could continue a campaign that would be vital to ending their fair attempt at the Republic.

He had no choice but to hold, as Washington had commanded. Halbert would bring reinforcements and relief, and together, they would take the fight to the British once more.

But until then, the burden was his alone to bear.

AN: Enjoy
 
The Orders from General Washington:

(Benedict Arnold POV)

It was the letter from General Washington that had him up before dawn, pacing the cramped quarters of his makeshift office in Quebec. The city itself had proven surprisingly hospitable under the circumstances. With his men quartered in the old barracks left behind by both the French and the British, he had managed to keep his soldiers separated from the civilians of the province, preventing the usual frictions that came from occupation. This, in turn, allowed him the space and focus to construct his gunboats—vital tools for the coming campaign.


He was nearly ready for the next phase of operations, his mind filled with plans and strategies. Yet the arrival of Washington's letter filled him with such a mix of emotions that he found himself unable to sit still. Joy, pride, and a faint sting of disappointment wrestled for dominance as he read and reread the missive by the faint light of an oil lamp.




To Colonel Arnold, Canadian Expedition,

I have read nearly every report of the expedition under your command and am deeply impressed with your initiative, skill at arms, and organizational acumen. Your efforts to support our allies in rebellion in Canada have not gone unnoticed, and Congress recognizes the significant contributions you have made to our shared cause.

However, there is concern among the members of Congress regarding the absence of any representatives from Canada to join their ranks. This has caused some unease, though it does not diminish the gratitude we hold for your remarkable service in the field.

That said, I must address a pressing matter regarding command in the northern theatre. Numerous reports from General Montgomery's army have reached us, many of which speak to the challenges under his leadership. There are those who advocate for his replacement by an officer of greater energy and decisiveness, someone capable of transforming the current difficulties into victory and stability among the officers and allies under your combined command.

While Congress will not yet grant you the rank of general—a decision influenced by concerns over the number of Connecticut officers already holding such positions—I am pleased to offer you some assurance that the burdens of your current position will be alleviated. If your reports are accurate, the following news should ease many of your logistical difficulties. And that of your tired and weary troops

General Jonathan Halbert has been appointed to relieve General Montgomery and assume command of the Canadian Expedition. He brings with him the authority to address many pressing concerns, including the provision of funds, equipment, and other essential resources. Moreover, I have written to Congress to ensure that the debts accrued by your expedition will be assumed by the Continental Army, provided all receipts are signed, dated, and cataloged for review. Any expenditures deemed unrelated to the war effort will remain your responsibility, but I am confident that the majority will be properly accounted for.

Your sacrifices for this cause have been extraordinary, and I hold the deepest respect for your unwavering dedication. I trust that your continued service will bring about a most virtuous and glorious victory for our noble endeavor.

Hold the line, Colonel. General Halbert will have need of you when he arrives.


Yours in service,
General George Washington
Commander in Chief, Continental Army





Arnold lowered the letter, his mind churning. The words of praise from Washington brought a warm sense of validation. The acknowledgment of his efforts and sacrifices felt like a balm after months of hardship and struggle. Yet, there was a sting in the decision not to promote him. He had expected it—Connecticut officers were already viewed as overrepresented—but it did little to soothe the disappointment.

Still, the arrival of Halbert brought a glimmer of hope. Resources, funds, and a stronger command structure could mean the difference between survival and disaster. He only hoped Halbert would arrive before the situation deteriorated further.

Arnold sighed, folding the letter carefully before tucking it into his coat. He stepped to the window, gazing out over the frozen city. Quebec, with its snow-laden rooftops and winding streets, had become a precarious foothold in a hostile land. The men were restless, supplies were strained, and the enemy would not remain idle for long. He knew that Halifax was eager to regain their great city, so that they could continue a campaign that would be vital to ending their fair attempt at the Republic.

He had no choice but to hold, as Washington had commanded. Halbert would bring reinforcements and relief, and together, they would take the fight to the British once more.

But until then, the burden was his alone to bear.

AN: Enjoy

View: https://youtu.be/xVEYcTyj1Do?si=Wih13jXE98shL1Yt
Let those Redcoats come
 
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