La Chanson de la Victoire (The Song of Victory): La Petite Arpenteuse (Non, SV, you are a General of France in the Napoleonic War!)

Parlez-vous français?

  • Oui, je parle très bien français!

    Votes: 162 14.2%
  • Un peu.

    Votes: 189 16.6%
  • What? Francis? Nope.

    Votes: 331 29.1%
  • What? Oh, don't be silly, my dear!

    Votes: 161 14.2%
  • ¿El español es lo suficientemente bueno?

    Votes: 86 7.6%
  • Ich verstehe dich irgendwie.

    Votes: 64 5.6%
  • Я очень хорошо говорю по-русски.

    Votes: 64 5.6%
  • 我听不懂。

    Votes: 35 3.1%
  • 何を言っているのですか?

    Votes: 28 2.5%
  • nuqneH pa'!

    Votes: 10 0.9%
  • فرانسه بلدنستم

    Votes: 7 0.6%

  • Total voters
    1,137
Christmas at Home (AvidFicReader)
Christmas at Home

Denis sat at the table with his family to celebrate Christmas. His lovely daughter squirming in his lap, occasionally reaching to grab at his nose as he laughed in the festive atmosphere. His sister-in-law, Christine, Louis' wife, was riding herd on her brood, but he could tell she missed his idiot elder brother, away protecting Charlotte Auclair. Charlie held his cousins' rapt attention with his war stories and tales of idiocy and daring alike.

"-and Louis, having enough of this lout bothering a lost young lady looking for her relative, socked him in the jaw! Laid him right out! Now, this was after we went and rescued papa and Marshal Murat, and people were already calling him the Falcon. So Julian, who can be something of a gadfly and enjoys nettling people- and this was while Louis was speaking to the young lady trying to be all courteous and chivalrous, mind you- Julian mimes punching behind her, where Louis can see, then he shouts, "Falcon punch!" before running off, Louis hot on his heels with a brilliant blush on his face. The lady must have found it funny too, because she was hiding her giggles behind a fan. So every time we thought Louis was getting too serious, we would shout that out around him. He hates that, but he has the best embarrassed expression when we do it!"

Laughter and hollers ensue as Charlies wraps up that story, his cousins badgering him for more tales. Off to the side in a newly-purchased chair, sat Denis' father, watching the goings-on with a smile on his face, a mug of warmed cider in hand. Denis stood to join him, but was pressed back into his seat by his mother, Ulrike.
"Sit, sit! You've been away for so long, have you been eating well? I know army food can be rather bland and tasteless, from your father and I's experience during the war, so eat up!"

"It's fine maman, we managed, and Claude and Berthy-boy managed to keep us stocked with onions, and supplemented our rations with forage, so we always had something fragrant and flavorful."

"Onions you say, well no wonder dear Evelyn chose to make that- no, best not spoil the surprise. Here, have some more potee, more meat and potatoes for the young marshal!"

"Ah, my favorite! Thank you maman. Do we have any beer?"

"Unfortunately, no. Your return was a surprise, so we weren't able to stock up on any when we went to market. Try this mirabelle wine, though. It's quite good, the plums have been nice the last couple of years. I actually made some into jam to eat with the Christstollen, and Christine baked some into a pie as well."

Taking a sip of the plum wine, Severin lets out a contented sigh.
"Ah, wine may not be my preferred drink, but this is rather good. Maybe I should take a bottle or two to share with my friends when I return to Paris."

"Oh, you've been making friends? Tell me about them, would you?"

"Certainly. There's Claude, used to be Therese's chief of staff before he retired during the demobilization. Wasn't especially fond of army life- music is his passion, but for the love of God, don't let him sing! Antoine is another old friend, served together on the Rhine up to Messina. A good friend, but he has some... odd ideas about war. Kleber was a drinking buddy, may he rest with God. Fought a ferocious last stand against the Hapsburgs in the Netherlands. Dumas, didn't spend all that much time with him, but the man's a fierce fighter, known as the Black Devil to his foes."

"Oh, is there some reason for that name?"

"He's a fierce opponent, aggressive, leads from the front. Some folk don't like him on account of his skin, but I don't care so long as he's good at what he does."

"His... skin?"

"He's got African blood. Bastard son of a nobleman, trained in manners and educated as an officer and nobleman. He and his family are the new thing at court, I hear. Most well-dressed pack of vultures I ever saw."

"I see. You really are your father's son, aren't you Denis?"

"Aw, maman, you'll make me blush! If I were half the soldier father was, I'd consider it a fine achievement!"

"Ah, all three of my sons are fine soldiers indeed. When France called, you all rose to the occasion. All of you reaching captain, and you, a Marshal of France. Hopefully you're better than some of the ones that commanded in the last war. Then again, were it not for that debacle, I wouldn't have met your father, and I might still be back in Saxony!"

"Maman, you-"

"There you are, Evelyn dear! Come, come, bring it over to the table!"

"Coming through, ma! Let me set this down- here, darling, something I made specially for you! I hunted and rendered the venison myself, and since I heard you like onions, I made a new sauce that I heard about. Let me know how you like it!"

"Thank you, Mon Soleil, for all your hard work. Even should it prove to be inedible, I shall savor every bite!"

"Darling, I love how honest you can be, but there is such a thing as being too honest. Besides, I haven't burned anything since I was seventeen!"

"I seem to recall several instances in our youth where we had to form a bucket chain to extinguish the kitchen, and one occasion where we had to toss the flaming pot out into the snow-"

"Enough of that, darling, the follies of youth, and such. It's good, I tasted while I cooked to make sure!"

"I was just teasing, Mon Soliel, I'm sure it will be delicious."

"Here, darling, say ahhhh~"

Humoring his unusually doting wife, Denis opens his mouth to allow her to feed him her home cooking. The first thing he noticed was the flavor of onion, then the richness of the butter and cream in the sauce. The tender roast of venison lay beneath it, the substance to the flavor.

"Mmm... apologies, maman, it seems I have a new favorite dish. My love, I take back all the barbs I made at your skill at cooking. The venison was excellent. What did you say the sauce was?"

"It's called Soubise, Bechamel with onion. Named after a Marshal of France, as I recall. The last Prince de Soubise?"

"That incompetent from father's stories of the war?!"

Evelyn's laughter at her husband's horrified look was heard throughout the village that Christmas night.

So, breakdown of the Severin family: Matteo Anselme and Ulrike Isabel (a woman from Saxony who followed the dashing French sergeant from her war-torn home) have three sons, Louis Marceau (married to Christine, with three children: 14, 10, and 6), Denis Martin (married to Evelyn Amber, son Charles Leon, 13, daughter Jeanne Therese, 1), and Jules Leo (single, for now).

Severin is bonding with his daughter, who is only meeting him after a year on campaign. Charlie is telling stories about his friends and the war (Falcon Pawnch!) and him and Julian being little shits to Louis in front of the Archduchess.

Purposely glossed over Matteo, because he always hijacks every scene he appears in. I blame his big meddlesome grandpa energy, myself. Introducing Severin's mom, channeling that "have you eaten yet?" granny energy. And of course Severin has a nickname for Berthier.

A lot of the food I mentioned is listed as specialties of Lorraine, like potee lorraine, mirabelle plums, and Christmas stollen. The last one is a twofer, since Ulrike is from Saxony, where stollen as a Christmas dessert originated.

Another example of the Severin family giving no fucks over race or skin color, just respecting how much of a commander and a murderblender someone is. Dumas has the highest combat score of every statted character so far at 19 (Severin's is 18).

Then we come to the joke I set up a couple of weeks ago in the Hastenbeck/Rossbach and Lutterberg/Yorktown campaign omakes. Which is stronger, Severin's love of onions, or his disgust at incompetent officers and marshals that gained their baton through connections and politicking?
 
Fuchs's Admiration (Foxwood)
I have returned. You could say I'm... Bach.

Good to see this is still going. Sorry about not contributing votes, I was indisposed. Here's an omake for an apology.

Fuchs's Admiration​

In the dim light of the early morning, he could see his breath misting under his vision as he ran. He could hear the four men behind him struggling onward, trying to outrun the sound of pounding hooves further still. Rudolf heard a shout in Polish, before steel balls began to snap past them.

A walled villa loomed in front of them. The tired men ran for it. A groan escaped one of them as he fell. Another turned to fire his musket, attempting to give his comrades some sort of cover for their escape, before he was cut down in turn.

They made it to the villa's walls. The last Grenzer managed to toss his musket over the wall and grasp the lip of the structure, before he lost his grip as a burst of rounds took his life. Fritz and Rudolf were moments away from slipping over the top, before the Austrian let out a cry of pain, the man more falling than landing as blood splattered out from his thigh.

Rudolf glanced towards his friend to ensure he hadn't been killed, before unholstering his pistol and scanning the interior of the villa perimeter. The gate was opposite of their pursuers, on the other end of the courtyard, mercifully closed and likely locked. More importantly, no Frenchmen or Poles stood ready to put them to the sword, so the Prussian grabbed Fritz's arm and wrapped it around his neck, before helping the white-clad man onto his feet and hobbling over to the entrance of the villa itself.

Rudolf pounded on the door… No answer. Reasonable. He pointed his pistol at where he knew the locking mechanism to be and fired, before planting his boot just under the door handle. A servant stumbled back from the door as it swung open, a stupefied expression covering the elderly Italian's features as the soldiers stumbled inside. "Please extend our apologies to your master, should he rise to meet us." Rudolf commanded in the local man's language as he placed the groaning Austrian on a nearby piece of furniture, before whirling around and rushing back into the courtyard.

The line officer managed to pick up the Grenzer's musket before turning to see a small group of Polish dragoons ride around to the gate. One of them let out a shout and pointed at him, before he brought up his weapon and fired. The dragoons ducked behind cover, diving behind the villa walls from their saddles though none fell from the shot, while Rudolf sprinted towards the villa entrance. As he rushed into the foyer of the villa, debris fell from the masonry and erupted from the stairs leading up to the entrance as yet more rounds were fired, ultimately missing the Prussian as he found refuge.

"What is the meaning of this!?" A woman's voice echoed across the villa. Rudolf glanced towards the stately stairs leading up to the second floor, noting the form of a matronly woman, grey streaking across her black hair and brown eyes threatening to turn him to ash with the intensity of their stare, before he slammed the door closed behind him and moved to another piece of furniture across from Fritz, who was busy tying a tourniquet the servant of the house had fashioned for him.

Rudolf pushed the couch's armrest against where the double-door met in the center, its legs squealing horribly against the bare floor, before turning to face the Donna of the house. "You come into my house, dragging this interminable war with you?" She questioned with cold malice as she came to a stop in front of him.

The Prussian stared down at her, perhaps searching for a retort, before settling on something more useful. "Would you happen to have any hunting supplies, madam?" The Donna stared up at him for a few moments, before contemptuously waving him off. "Come, before more layabouts burst uninvited into my home at ungodly hours."

The dragoons had already managed to boost one of their number over the wall and open the gate, allowing them to spill over the courtyard and try the door. As the barricade shifted, a ball ripped a hole through the door, which was quickly followed by another that caught one of them in the shoulder, sending the Pole onto his backside as he took cover to the side of the entrance. The rest discharged their weapons into the wood in an attempt to catch their attacker with hot lead in return.

Just when the last of them fired their carbine into the door, glass shattered overhead. As they turned their gaze upward, a puff of smoke heralded death for the one among them wearing the stripes of a Sergeant. With a curse, one of the remaining dragoons grabbed their wounded man, while the wing of cavalrymen beat a retreat.

Rudolf continued reloading the musket as he observed the Poles' retreat, their wounded man helped up onto his mount before they rode off for the treeline along the road. They would be back. They weren't broken yet…

Or perhaps not, as a burst of rounds took most of the riders off of their mounts. The survivors let out a cry of dismay before wheeling aside, rushing down the road. The Prussian leaned out from the window, searching for the plumes of smoke that would reveal his allies. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw a fairly sizeable contingent of maroon jackets and blue trousers: what was left of the Grenzers after they had been scattered by their pursuers. He waved to catch their attention, then slipped back into the villa.

"Peiper?" Rudolf called as he made his way back to the foyer. "Fine! Did I get one?" The one-eyed man didn't bother answering as he descended down the stairs. "More of our men showed up and finished them. How are you feeling?" He asked as he inspected the tourniquet job. "My leg… Is in five kinds of pain right now. Eheh- Mmf!" Fritz's attempt at brevity was cut off by Rudolf tightening the tourniquet even more. "It's supposed to be uncomfortable, Hauptmann." The Major chided, before turning to face the Donna and her servant. He removed his shako and bowed his head.

"I apologize for the circumstances of our meeting, but there were men that needed killing and I intended on ensuring those men were not us." The mistress of the house sniffed in disbelief. "I'm sure you're very sorry for leaving us this mess to clean. Now, if you would be so kind, please leave my property and never come back." Rudolf nodded, before helping Fritz up and out to meet their men.
____________

They had been pursued by the French army in general and the Poles in particular. At first, they managed to keep up a good pace, Rudolf bringing up the rear to help supervise efforts to hide their trail. However, the Poles were dogged in their pursuit, and the speed of their mounts caught up with the exhaustion of the Grenzers. Men began to fall out from the forced march, pushed to the point of exhaustion.

Rudolf had divided the column into smaller groups of men, allowing the fleet-footed Grenzers to divide the attention of the Poles and move faster. They would rendezvous, plan out their next movement, then divide again, with the occasional ambush to put caution in the dragoons' step. So it went for days, their time divided by mad dashes across the rough terrain of north Italy and short but intense firefights as their pursuers charged pell-mell into their chokepoints. Whoever was in command of these Poles possessed a zeal that seemed to leak down to his subordinates, they seemed barely slowed by their own exhaustion and the repeatedly successful ambushes Fuchs left for Napoleon's Slavs...

However, they had finally made it back to the relative safety of Torino, linking up with other elements of the Austrian half of the Coalition army that had been destroyed at La Brigue. There was no mood for celebration; the French had knocked Sardinia out of the war, meaning the Imperial troops were technically behind enemy lines, bruised and scattered. De Vins's whereabouts were unknown, leaving a collection of staff officers to reorganize the remnants and withdraw east, meeting another army marching to catch the Frankreich's forces at Verona, so the rumors went…

Rudolf didn't realize he had been staring at the woman on the other side of the cafe until they had made eye contact. He quickly averted his gaze, a tight feeling in his chest as he tried not to feel so embarrassed. His icy orb turned to check on Fritz, the Austrian having already consumed copious amounts of alcohol. "Peiper." The other line officer barely managed to get the swig down before detaching the bottle of wine from his mouth. "Mmm-what?" Rudolf's brow arched, before once again deciding to leave it.

"Your leg. Is it feeling any worse?" Fritz shook his head, bleary gaze wandering out to the view of the rest of the town. "Could be. Isn't." The Prussian nodded. "Could certainly be. Your's would not be the first to be lost from infection." The Austrian lifted his beverage in response. "I'll drink to that." "What's the occasion?"

Rudolf turned his gaze on Lady Setara, before it was immediately arrested by her handmaid, Sabina. He blinked owlishly at her while Fritz responded. "Survival, madam! And to all the poor bastards that pay for the mistakes of those above." The declaration was accompanied by a swig from the bottle. Lady Setara tilted her head, a quizzical expression coloring her features. "Is he quite alright?"

Rudolf turned his gaze back to Lady Setara as she and Sabina seated themselves with the men. "He… Has not taken well to what hap-." He became silent as Fritz slammed his bottle on the table, leaning forward to stare at Rudolf with wide eyes. "You do it a disservice, sir. We were soundly trounced, then we had to force march our way back here just to be told we are losing." He spat, a testy mood coming over him.

Lady Setara seemed confused as her brow furrowed. "It can't be so bad. We've heard-." "I do not care what you have heard!" Fritz snapped, drawing the attention of a few other patrons. Rudolf's jaw clenched as he noticed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Lady Setara recoiled as if she had been struck. "Not so bad, is it? What would you know about it? You don't know what it's like, to shoot a man down and hear him try to breathe with lungs full of blood, or hear a boy with barely a hair on his face trying not to cry while he bleeds to death."

Fritz turned his wrathful gaze back on Rudolf. "Maybe it's all fun and games for a tourist who cannot stop talking about some dead bastard or another, but some of us need something else to drive away the-." The Prussian had listened impassively up until that moment, the drunken Austrian's words striking close to home for him. However… There was a line that shouldn't be crossed here, especially in public. He leaned forward, meeting Fritz eye to eye, a dangerous gleam in his glare. "That is enough, hauptmann." He growled in a low tone.

They stared each other down for a full minute, the tension continuing to draw stares while Lady Setara shifted uncomfortably. Sabina merely watched with her hands folded in her lap, seemingly unperturbed by the outburst and ensuing rant. Eventually, Fritz tightened his fingers into fists, before releasing his grip along with a breath, leaning back into his seat. Rudolf closed his eye, taking a breath as he returned to a relaxed posture. "He's just tired." The excuse rang hollow, but Fritz was too busy sullenly contemplating the bottle to apologize.

"Perhaps we should take our leave, then." Lady Setara suggested. Rudolf nodded, before his gaze was once again drawn to Sabina. The Sicilian woman looked between her rising mistress and the Prussian, before speaking up. "With your leave, mistress, I will stay in Torino and collect your correspondence from the postmaster's." The Venetian stared at her Sicilian servant, contemplation coloring her features, before she glanced towards Rudolf and shrugged. "Very well. Try not to have too much fun without me."



Sabina and Rudolf focused most of their energy on escorting Fritz from the cafe to a nearby pub to disguising his features as they passed by the tavern filled with the same ne'er do wells that had tried to send alleyway thugs after him the last time he was in Torino. Paradoxically, despite the appearance of an evening shower over the area, the Austrian's mood improved, his jocular nature and silver tongue managing to goad his companions to take a swig from this drink or that beverage or these absolutely diabolical kegs of grog. Their faces flashed with heat and a ruddy red appeared on their cheeks.

Rudolf promptly decided that the pub crawl was over when he, as the escort, starting feeling a buzz and had been wordlessly guiding Fritz along the street back to the encampment, Sabina close at hand. Despite himself, he felt his heart thumping in his chest and a hitch in his throat. Considering he had been a German since he was born at a very young age, he was deeply familiar with the effects of alcohol on one's person, especially himself, and knew that the Sicilian in combination with the alcohol was causing a most unusual physiological reaction.

For her part, Sabina occasionally stared for a few moments longer than was proper, the only emotion beyond her mask of civility being surprise as he or Fritz had to snap their fingers or wave their hands in front of her face before she responded to queries. Rudolf discounted it as anything more than her weariness. It had been a mistake to allow her to assist him in keeping Fritz in check. Especially since the rain was coming in harder.

"You know, I can- brrrp- walk just fine on my own, thank you! Hon… Honesss… Honestly, I'm an even better walker drunk!" Fritz protested as Rudolf kept a tight hold on his shoulder. "I'm sure you are, Herr Peiper." They were all going to catch their deaths in this weather. Couldn't the encampment be a little clos-?

"Mueller!" Fritz suddenly ejaculated as he slipped out of his companion's grasp. Rudolf's gaze was drawn to a tall man wearing a white coat, the black epaulettes on his shoulders marking him as an Austrian lineman. A smile crossed the stranger's face as his officer embraced him. Moving with the momentum, the taller man laughed as he swirled with Fritz in his arms. Sabina blinked slowly at the display, before a knowing smirk creeped over her features. Rudolf ignorantly arched his brow. Ultimately, he shrugged in indifference, he was hardly the man to criticize another for being overly fraternal with his subordinates.

"Having a night on the town, sir?" Mueller asked as he let go of Fritz. The latter leaned against him, apparently no longer capable of maintaining his footing after being spun about in the taller man's arms. "I waaas. And then old one-eye went and spoiled the fun!" Mueller glanced up at Rudolf, nodded his head in thanks, then wrapped one of Fritz's arms around his neck and began to guide him along. "Well, I think he made the right call, sir. Let's get you out of this rain. There's a hotel nearby, laundering service and everything! You won't mind, will you, sir?"

As the two began to wander off, Rudolf turned his blue gaze onto Sabina. "Shall I escort you to Lady Setara?" He asked. Behind him, he could hear Mueller admonishing Fritz. "Oh, behave yourself, man, you're an officer in public!" Fritz replied with a deep, hollow tone. "You wish to speak to me of manners? Why don't you teach me how to beha…" Sabina pursed her lips in consideration, her grey eyes meeting his one blue, before she favored him with a smile. "Actually… I am fatigued. Would you terribly mind coming with me to this hotel? I can pay for it myself, I simply require your presence at this hour on the street."

Rudolf wasn't fooled for a moment. A surge ran through him, his blood pumping through the vessels in his throat, an involuntary tensing of the muscles in his legs. It was something like the nervous energy one acquired before battle, the differences almost imperceptible. Though, the rush in the back of his tipsy head was certainly not how he felt wading through lead and smoke. "Of course, mein Frau."

The attendant in the parlor eyed them warily; an obviously inebriated officer with an equally inebriated woman, the latter clearly unmarried, was generally a sign of immoral activity. But it was a high-end establishment, and the nobility liked to have their needs seen to away from judging eyes and societal norms. Understandable, but the attendant absently wished to watch the Almighty consign all of these blue-blooded bastards to Hell for their hypocrisy.

For their part, neither Rudolf nor Sabina saw Fritz or his aide Mueller about. Perhaps Fritz had crashed under the cocktail of hard drinks he had imbibed. Regardless, they ascended the stairs to the second floor of the establishment, their room furthest down the hall and overlooking the street. It was satisfactory, a queen-sized bed with a vanity desk on one side of the room and a dresser next to a closet on the other. A small table with two plush chairs on opposite ends sat by the window. The wallpaper was some ghastly green with white and yellow vertical lines, but at least it met the essential requirements.

Sabina allowed a pleased hum to escape her as she noted a bottle of wine with two glasses on the table. "I was hoping for just such a thing to help lull me." "To sleep. She means to sleep." Rudolf told himself. He made a show of checking the room for any obvious short-comings, before grabbing the door handle. "Very good. I should be goin-" "Rudolf."

He stopped, something in Sabina's voice stopping him dead in his tracks. The Prussian looked back over his shoulder. Noting he had been halted, Sabina gestured to the wine. "Won't you have a glass, at least? I would… Hate to see you go so soon after we rid ourselves of Hauptmann Peiper." Rudolf hesitated. It was a simple request, but he had a feeling he couldn't shake; he shouldn't be talking to her like this. It was unseemly and it was irresponsible to tempt himself with-

Rudolf closed the door behind him as he returned. The night darkened as the rain continued to pour down on Torino. The two enjoyed one another's silent company, comfortable in the absence of chatter. Mostly, they simply looked out the window as they sipped on their beverages, watching the occasional citizen or likely cutthroat passing by in ones and twos, allowing the sound of pounding precipitation to lull them along with their wine. However, their gazes were inexorably drawn to one another.

Some silent agreement was reached between them as they no longer considered it taboo to look upon one another with unabashed interest. Rudolf was lost in her eyes, the grey brightened rather than dulled in the dim lighting. Sabina's attention rested first on his eye patch, then the hairless circle on the side of his skull, scar tissue the only remains of whatever injury had been inflicted on him. Their gazes descended then rose, committing each other's form to memory.

Sabina broke the silence first. "You are so young." Rudolf's brow idly arched. The Sicilian blinked as she realized how strange and out of the blue that sounded. "I mean… You are so much younger than you seem, especially for one such as your rank." The Prussian didn't respond for a few moments, blankly looking back at his companion, before his eye closed as he leaned into his seat. "I suppose. I gained my promotion at the price of my eye."

A part of Sabina sighed in relief. Whether he had simply sensed her interest or by coincidence, she was glad that her curiosity did not have to come unsubtly. She was courteous, as a servant, but she didn't have a way with words as nobility were wont to be. "If you do not mind… May I ask…?" Rudolf nodded, before he refilled his glass.

"Valmy. It was my first battle. My regiment was the only one to make solid contact with our enemy; we had managed to get ahead of the rest of our forces and secure the high ground. Duke Brunswick, the commander of our army, had… He refused to commit himself to battle against Kellerman and Dumouriez's forces, especially when they got the better of us and managed to retake the heights. At that point, we couldn't…" Rudolf stopped as he noticed his hand was shaking, waves of blood- wine crashing against the sides of his glass. Both he and Sabina stared, the former scarcely breathing as his eye gained a glassy, far-away look. His voice came back quietly, as if trying to hide from the ripple of gunfire and the rush of displaced air while bullets flew past him.

"... We couldn't overcome them. Our men had been placed in a position where we could not even quit the field without suffering extreme casualties. It was sunken-fallacy at its finest, diffused among an entire body of men, enlisted and commissioned. The regimental commander and executive officer were speaking to me, relaying orders from the Duke when enemy artillery began to shred us to pieces." Rudolf could hear the curious sound of the incoming artillery fire, the sound of air seemingly being sucked out of existence by the passage of the solid ball. "A round tore through the line and bounced into my superiors. The only reason why I'm still here is because one of my Leutnants took the blow in my stead… Oberst Marko Von Frankenburg, Major Tristan Wilpert, Leutnant Samuel Becken."

Rudolf breathed in to continue, before a sudden sharpness in his chest caused it to hitch. It wasn't a painful sensation, but it caused his voice to shudder. He didn't notice the wetness on his cheeks. "I was all that was left of the officers, for the most part. The rest were either subordinate in rank, too far away to do anything, or wounded. That blow had been the Frankreichers' best shot, so I knew that they were reloading. I could have ran with who was left, collecting the wounded as we went but… But I…"

The rage had taken him. Almost every man who had gone down around him, silently and with a mere hole to denote their departure from the world of the living or screaming for their God and mothers and children while covered in their own blood and clutching their sundered limbs, he remembered their names. Someone- "-Had to pay. I led my company into the jaws of the enemy. There was sling shot, chain shot, grape shot, too… Bayonets and swords thrusting through… At some point, I realized there was nothing behind us. Brunswick left us to die. Everything we had done up to that point had been for nothing."

Rudolf could still remember the feeling of his sword in his hand, the sound of flesh splitting under his blade, the sensation of warm blood splattering onto his arm and torso and across his face… The satisfaction of knowing that he could kill, that his training, his life, had at least been partially validated… His grasp on his glass tightened as he remembered that degenerate heat-of-the-moment thought, that he could consider himself in any way superior to anyone around him for such a deplorable skill. "Rudolf…" Sabina brought him back to the present, the dangerous creaking of stressed glass subsiding as she rescued him from his thoughts.

As if brought from one trance to another, he continued, as if he had to tell his story to someone. "I sent the man carrying the colors back so that our regiment would not be shamed with its capture. At that point, despite our good progress, I knew we had stalled out. They lured us in, then hit us from the sides. I thought… I thought we were all going to die there… Then I heard her."

Even Sabina, as far removed from Thérèse's area of operations as she was, knew who Rudolf was talking about. "Auclair?" The corner of his eyelid twitched, reminiscent of a slave who had learned to master their features and preclude any flinching for fear of inciting another strike from their owner. "Yes. I thought that if I were to die, I could at least avenge my brothers by striking her down… Her brother struck me down instead." Focus returned to his gaze as he looked back at Sabina, then pointed at the side of his head. "Between the sabre briquet he had in one hand and the pistol in the other, the choice of which weapon used on me is plain to see."

Sabina's eyes had been wide for most of Rudolf's story, but the knowledge that he had been shot in the face caused her to audibly grind her teeth at the thought. "How are you still alive?!" She hissed. Rudolf shrugged as his voice took on a dispassionate, almost clinical tone. "I saw him in the corner of my eye. He fired from an angle that caused the ball to go through the side of my eye and head, missing the brain. That, or it somehow bounced off of my orbital bone and diverted off its original trajectory. Just mathematics, really. I was more likely to die in the melee." He remembered that he had refilled his glass, and promptly chugged it.

Sabina had left her glass on the table once she had finished it. She no longer had the appetite for the devil's drink. "I… Apologize, for causing you to relive that day." Rudolf shook his head, almost imperceptible in the slightness of the motion. "I have been reliving that day in my head every waking moment and beyond. Truthfully, I… I needed to speak of it. It is… Only fair, considering you… Told me about your husband."

Silence befell them, broken only by a distant peal of thunder. After a few moments of now inhospitable quiet, Sabina stood from her seat and circled the table. She didn't hesitate to place both of her hands on either side of Rudolf's face, her thumbs gently wiping away the tears that had rested on his high, prominent cheekbones. The Prussian stiffened, his eye wide as saucers, not expecting this display of… Physical affection… The tears returned, though now they twisted his lips and brought an unbidden whimper. His breathing audibly hitched as he attempted to suppress the sobs, his eyes blinking rapidly to hold back the tears. Finally, he squeezed them tightly shut, melting under her touch. Sabina brought him against her in an embrace, the side of his head against her midriff as she held on to him, his hands covering his face.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm-!" Rudolf apologized profusely in a whisper. "It's okay. Just be here with me." Sabina commanded, her voice level. She didn't know how long they stayed like that… But she was happy to be there for him. He clearly needed this. After an eternity, Rudolf began to control himself, clearly attempting to regulate his breathing and master his emotions. She allowed him to escape her grasp. He lifted his head to look up at her, eyes shining with liquid. He began to slowly get up, providing Sabina time to step back and give him space.

As Rudolf rose out of his seat, he felt it again, the surge of energy, the pounding in his veins, the tightness in the back of his head, the stiffness of his legs. Sabina seemed to bristle under his blank gaze, glaring back at him with an almost challenging steel in her grey orbs, feeling the same nervous anticipation. "Rudolf, I-."

She said no more as he rushed into her embrace, where they became one.



Rudolf woke with the dawn, the sun's pale light streaming through the gap in the curtains in such a way that the vertical stripe it marked the room with landed over his eye. He tried to convince himself it didn't wake him, before his eye slowly opened. He looked down at the bundle in his arms. Sabina's head rested against his chest, her form curled up against his. Despite the fact that they had only known each other over a few meetings and admittedly frequent correspondence, he was still surprised by how… Whole he felt, in this moment.

Perhaps he had shifted, for Sabina's eyes flew open and she lifted her head to look him in the eye. They stared at one another for a moment, before Rudolf stole a kiss from her. Sabina allowed a chuckle to escape her as he retreated with his prize. "Well, good morning." She greeted. The Prussian allowed a pleased purr to escape him, before he untangled himself from her and shifted out from under the cover of their blanket.

Rudolf's mood fouled as they dressed themselves with their… Dispersed clothing. They had to take a few minutes to find his belt. His scowl was not due to this inconvenience. "Sabina." He called as she finished remaking the bed out of both habit and courtesy to the hotel staff. She turned to face him, a curious look in her eyes. "We… Need to talk about what happened last night." The Sicilian blinked owlishly. "We comforted one another. To be honest… I did not put much thought into the aftermath."

Rudolf nodded in understanding. "As did I… I, er…" His gaze fell off to the side, a neutral frown settling over his features. "I am sorry, but this cannot happen again." Sabina remained silent, studying him, before closing her eyes and breathing out of her nose. "I know. I agree. We… Both have duties, that will take us away from here." There was an awkward silence, one that left a shameful burning in Rudolf's face. This sort of arrangement was common enough on the campaign trail, but he had sworn to himself he would forego such creature comforts and ungentlemanly behavior… No plan survives contact with the first sign of adversity, hm?

"Um!" Rudolf blurted, more so to dispel the awkwardness than to gain Sabina's attention. However, an honorable solution made it to the forefront of his mind as the Sicilian's gaze rose to meet his. "I would-! … I would still ask that you write and that we remain… Cordial associates." She stared at him, the processes in her mind hidden by her stormy eyes, before she smiled. "I would like that… Rudi." The Prussian coughed. "Well… Fine." He conceded, before turning and leaving the room.

In the hallway, Rudolf heard Fritz yelping, the Austrian's voice trailing off seemingly in pain. The Major had been right by his door when he shouted, so he believed he was the only one who heard. He was tempted to leave the Captain alone, as a punishment for being so irresponsible with his drink and tongue, but ultimately chose to check on the man and grab an extra set of keys to the room.

The attendant required convincing. With coin. Hotel policy was that if a guest wished to see another, they could do so with that guest's express permission or meet them in the parlor. But money talked, and blue-bloods had plenty of it. Damnable nobles. They always managed to find a way to make rules, then circumvent them for their own gain. At least his coin purse was a bit heavier.

Rudolf didn't bother announcing himself. He and Fritz had worked closely with one another, and he knew the latter had a habit to sleep in the buff. Nothing of consequence, this profession didn't leave much room for privacy. So he thought nothing of merely unlocking the door and waltzing in. As he suspected, there was Fritz, facedown in the bed with his hands curled under his chin, a supremely satisfied expression on his face. Mueller freezing like a deer in the gun sights in the middle of the room and staring at the Prussian intruder, stark naked and recently recovered from a tryst with no one else around, was most certainly not what the fuck he was expecting.

"What." Rudolf intoned. Fritz finally reacted, his eyes snapping open and his gaze sweeping over to Rudolf. "Ah! … Major! … I was just coming to wake you up!" "... The fuck." The Major continued. They all stared at one another for a minute straight, the tension palpable. Needless to say, high society in both of their nations considered this extremely un-Christian behavior which could have… Consequences.

Fritz shrugged, yawned, then slipped out of bed and stood up, stretching in all his natural-born glory. "Well, good morning, Major. Mueller told me Sabina accompanied you? I thought you'd take well to each oth-" "... Is this?" Rudolf finally finished. "Oh, dear, he's still not finished." Fritz noted. Mueller, for his part, was awkwardly trying to put his pants on.

"Major Fuchs, do you mind shutting the door before all of Torino knows about myself and my aide?" Rudolf numbly closed the door, glad to have received some kind of instruction on how to handle this manner. As he turned, he rubbed his eyes, then pinched himself to ensure that he was, in fact, in the realm of the living. "So! I suppose introductions are in order. Major Fuchs, this is my aide, Gefreiter Mueller. Mueller, this is the Prussian I was assigned to accompany in General De Vins's army. Mueller, Fuchs. Fuchs, Mueller. He is also my lover."

"Well, I can see that!" Rudolf noted sardonically, a slight edge to his voice. "Mueller and I have been an item for the better part of a year. I'm quite fond of him. So I may have felt the compulsion to love him as well as I could considering the possibility of his death weighing on my mind until last night." Fritz explained. The Major's features softened slightly as he asked himself: did he really care about who Fritz fooled around with? He certainly didn't when it was Lady Setara he had been seemingly courting. Actually…

"So you were leading Lady Setara along?" Rudolf inquired. Fritz scoffed. "Of course. Admittedly, less her and more our families. You understand, I'm sure." He did, though that was less of a factor for him, despite his stated willingness to go forward with such arrangements. "Look…" Fritz's eyes became half-lidded as he apparently grew tired of the conversation. "I understand this might be a shock-," "To say the goddamn least." "However, knowing what you know now, do I really seem that strange-," "Yes." "-In comparison to any other officer you've known?" "Yes!"

The Austrian rolled his eyes at Rudolf's quips. "But…" His brow rose as the Prussian considered his next words. "... I honestly can't bring myself to care. Actually…" Rudolf approached Fritz, looking him in the eyes. "Honestly, I do care. About you. We've been through a lot together. I… I consider you a brother. I could never forsake you over something as benign as this." He held out a hand, which Fritz promptly clasped and began to shake. He released a shaky breath. "Whoooah, that was stressful. You are an easier sell than my parents were, though." "That's very nice to hear. Now please cover yourself, you weird, weird thing."



It was a slaughter. As an observer, Rudolf was compelled to remain with General Von Melas's staff. Normally, he would be obligated to record the battle, looking this way and that with his spyglass and take note of the performance of the Austrian force and, to a lesser extent, the French. The battle had been in its infancy when the bridges leading to their artillery had been destroyed. Then the enemy cavalry slammed into their flanks. It was over.

Beside him, Fritz set his jaw tightly as his countrymen conceded, throwing down their arms and striking their colors. "Well… Italy was becoming tiresome, anyways." Rudolf nodded without much thought to his companion's quip. "'The victorious win first, then go to war. The defeated go to war first, then seek to win.'" The Austrian shot him a sideward look, an eyebrow rising. "That sounds like one of those dead bastards you enjoy talking about."

Rudolf didn't confirm or deny Fritz's assertion, merely raising his spyglass in an attempt to complete his recording of the battle. His horse swerved to the side as he looked back at the artillery. As an observer, he was essentially a third-party voyeur, which meant he was not particularly attached to one outcome or another. He had no special connection to any body of troops, so casualties did not distress him. He could afford to look at the battle with all the dispassionate analysis of a historian.

The artillery batteries fired in something like a ripple. The first battery to fire was most likely the one taken by the French first. How could they have gotten back there? All the crossings were at least contested when the battle started, if not under Austrian dominion. Rudolf's focus shifted as he scanned the countryside… Flattened wheat, likely used to conceal the approach. Did they slip through the forest by the river? His gaze shifted down to the water… There. Even from this distance, knowing what he was looking for, he could see the telltale signs of a large body of men moving over the terrain, flattened grass and disturbed foliage on either side of the crossing. "By God, that looks more like certain death than a path to victory."

Then it hit him. Only a man with a deep understanding of the topography of this region could think that such a crossing existed. Someone like a cartographer… Or a surveyor. Rudolf felt a mad grin begin to spread across his features as he once again traced over the path that the irregular formation had taken to the Austrian artillery. They were responsible for the destruction of the bridges! The battleplan began to take shape in his head, beginning to see the audacious genius of it, the echoes of Cannae. The only thing it was missing was the legendary hatred and ruthlessness of Hannibal Barca, evident in the comparable mercy the French were showing as they accepted the surrender of the Austrian troops.

Rudolf traced the irregulars' path in the opposite direction, back towards the French side of the river. They would have concealed their movement, staying out of sight as best they could while minimizing the amount of dust they were kicking up. They would likely have deployed from their camp, which means their commander would be observing the battle from… There. They were coming down now to survey the battlefield. Napoleon, the fastest rising and brightest star the French army had in their officer corps and the architect of the battle of Saorgia and… "Auclair."

There was no mistaking the man who had taken his eye. One might have been tempted to assume that Napoleon had merely done what he seemed born to do and smashed the Austrians himself, but history's heroes and villains were rarely alone in their triumphs. Besides, there was no mistaking the hand of a map-maker in the defeat of Von Melas.

Rudolf started to chuckle. Fritz shot him a strange look. The chuckle rose into a chortle, drawing glances from the other members of the general staff. They began to look at him like his mind had snapped as he began to let out a full belt of laughter, the Prussian almost cackling as he realized the momentous occasion. What should have been at least a hard-fought victory in attrition had been turned into an almost bloodless coup by the brother of his sworn enemy. Such a thing would surely be a case-study for future generations, and he was likely in possession of the most accurate recording of the engagement.

It was more than that. Rudolf had seen the genius in Brian at work, and he couldn't help but to admire such masterful architecture. Even if this was the height of his abilities, he was there to see it… There to learn from it. What thought processes applied to one twin could be applied to another. Such knowledge was most sought after by one's hunter, one more step in the obliteration of one, and the satisfaction of honor in the other…

"Oberst Marko Von Frankenburg, Major Tristan Wilpert, Leutnant Samuel Becken, Hauptmann Joachim Stromberg, Unteroffizier Janik Freudenthal, Gefrieter Stefan Springer..."

I've been working on this for a wee bit. As you can see, this is actually old news. I'll be jumping from here to Karol's role in Brian and Napoleon's coup and the civil war, then I'll be hopping back to Fuchs during one of the truce periods when he's presumably been ransomed back to Prussia.

I wonder if he should moonlight as an espionage asset for the Coalition? Since he'll be trying to develop a theory on the usage of light infantry and will have a corresponding increase to intrigue. I like the idea of a bad guy with a face annoying the protagonist faction beyond the battle lines, especially since France and its characters are getting a truck load of buffs in direct engagements.
 
Getting Back to Work (AvidFicReader)
Getting Back to Work

"So, dandy man, I hear you're trying to get into the young miss Bonaparte's skirts. Is the First Knight trying to take her first night?"

"Damnit, you clod! Literally the first thing you open your mouth for back in Paris and it's an awful pun? In front of the lady, no less? I should challenge you to pistols at twenty paces, but you'd enjoy it, wouldn't you?"

"Oh, there's nothing like mortal peril to get the blood flowing. That's why sex with my wife is so exhilarating!"

"Uncultured boor! Don't speak of such things before a lady! The Emperor's sister, at that!"

"Excuse you, I am supremely cultured! I'll have you know my taste in women is the greatest in the world! My wife can kill a man at 200 yards in a single shot, or she could strangle them with her bare hands! And if it pleases her, as it often does, we can go on 'til the cock crows in the morning, if you know what I mean."
Severin's exaggerated eyebrow waggle was enough to set Caroline to flight, hands pressed to her blushing cheeks the whole way. Murat shot his friend rival a sour look, before chasing after the object of his courtship, raucous laughter dogging his steps.

Distracted as he was, folded over with laughter, Severin failed to notice the figure step out from the hedges and stalk towards him with quiet but purposeful steps.

A sharp swat to his left should had him whirling around with a reflexive backhand at his attacker, which bounced off a marble pillar with a meaty smack. Off balance, a foot hooks his unplanted ankle at the same time as a shoulder strikes his sternum, sending him toppling into the pillar as the wind is driven from him.

Denis can only look on breathlessly as a hand slams into the pillar next to his head. His eyes follow the lines of the arm to face of his lovely wife, looking radiant as ever as a smug smirk curls upon her lips. Leaning in close, she whispers to him huskily.
"My win again, darling. You may be one of the.most important generals in France, but don't forget to stay on your toes. I thought I'd remind you who is on top~. Wouldn't want you getting lax after all."

"Mon Soleil, the things you do to me-"

A sharp intake of breath shatters the moment. Husband and wife turn their heated looks to baleful glares at the interloper.

"A-apologies, marshal, instructor. I- I'll just be leaving-"

"Hey! Lieutenant Falcon! Why'd you stop- Oh! Marshal Baguette! I'll leave you be. I saw nothing, nothing!"

"Julian! Get back here, you traitor! Charlie, grab him!"

"Aye, Lieutenant Falcon!"

A muffled thud and the sound of bickering and squabbling is heard around the corner. Charlie emerges, bodily dragging the older boy with arms wrapped around Julian's ankles.

"Objective secured, Lieutenant Falcon! Hi mama! Hi papa! Sorry for interrupting your alone time!"

"Charlie! Don't make it worse!"

"So darling, this is the pasta boy you took in while in Sicily?"

"Aye, Mon Soleil, this is the one. He showed spirit and grit, so I thought I'd train him up. For marksmanship though, you could consider him- heh- Lieutenant Falcon's first student."

Evelyn replies with a blank expression and a tone drier than a desert.
"Is that so? I'll have to see for myself then. Louis, lead me to the nearest shooting range. Ensign Pasta, collect you rifle and meet me there. We'll see how good of a teacher my student is."

"D-does that matter,. ma'am?"

"It will determine how involved I am with setting up and teaching at the rifle school he has planned."

"Charlie, your mom is scary!"

"I know, isn't it great?"
 
Last edited:
A Plague of Paperwork (AvidFicReader)
A Plague of Paperwork

Marshal Denis Severin sits in his office, his desk piled high with reams of paperwork awaiting his approval. A small stack of finished forms sat on the corner, while the marshal gripped his steel dip pen in rapidly-cramping fingers.

"Gah! Back for less than a week, and my desk is buried under a veritable mountain of paperwork!" Shaking out his hand, Severin breaks out into impromptu prayer. "O Lord in Heaven, why must you grant your servants skill in things they detest? O Savior on high, grant your humble servant a capable assistant so that this pestilential paperwork may be completed ahead of schedule, Amen!"

"Eh, Marshal Baguette, you have a visitor! One Colonel Cazerne to see you!"

"Thank you Julian! O Lord on high, this most humble servant thanks thee for the reprieve from filling out forms. Ahem, enter!"

Colonel Cazerne proved to be a tall, thin man with short brown hair and a pressed uniform. The former sergeant's eye notes that his salute is stiff and relatively unpracticed, and the man is vaguely uncomfortable with his uniform. It seems this Cazerne had been called up during the wars and chose not to demobilize. The colonel takes a brief moment to take in Severin's spartan office before entering and introducing himself.
"Marshal Severin, I am Lieutenant Colonel Alexandre Cazerne, I request a moment of your time."

"Granted colonel. Have a seat. Apologies for the mess, I've been back from visiting my home for less than a week, and I haven't much of a staff to speak of, aside from Ensign Minci, who is technically my ward. And you can dispense with the formalities, Cazerne."

"Of course Mar- of course, Severin. My request has something to do with that, actually. An uncle of mine- more a friend of my father's from when they served together- recently wrote to me. He mentioned he was serving under your brother in Haiti, and recommended I look into joining your staff. My apologies, I seem to have done this out of order. To establish my bona fides: I graduated from a military academy in 1787 with a lieutenant's commission, but I have never led men in the field. I retired not long after, as there was little opportunity for promotion under the Ancien Regime, and I resigned shortly after. I founded my own business- a quite successful one, while it lasted- but the outbreak of war saw me recalled to service. I had formal training but no experience, so I went into staff work. I effectively ran the logistics section for the Army of Italy between 1792 and 1794, then worked as part of Marshal Auclair's logistical staff in the Army of France in 1795 and '96. With the end of the wars and subsequent reorganization and demobilization, I've been at loose ends. As such, I was hoping to join your command staff."

"I'll be entirely honest with you, Cazerne, between your experience and my lack of staff, you're likely to end up my chief of staff, unless by some act of God, Berthy-boy decides he doesn't want to be Emperor Nappy's chief of staff anymore. The man might be a stuck-up prick, but he's damned good at what he does. So, feeling up for it Cazerne?"

"I do, Severin. So what are our orders? What is your new command and officers like?"

"I don't rightly know. From what I've heard, there's a major reorganization in the works, converting over to the corps system and shuffling troops and officers into new units."

"The corps system? I can't say I've heard of it."

"Right, it was something developed by Therese, Claude and Berthy-boy for the Army of the Orient. It splits the army into multiple smaller units: a handful of infantry divisions, a cavalry brigade, and a large artillery battery. This divides the logistical load of the army, allowing it to move more rapidly and forage more efficiently. And when your scouts locate the enemy, the disparate corps can converge and collapse upon them, possibly catching them in an envelopment. Nick and I, along with Marshal Handsome Horsey, used it to great effect in Italy, and that jackass Lannes made great effect of it with Dumas, Antoine and Kleber."

"Remarkable. And the whole of the army is to reorganized along these lines?"

"Whatever is manageable. Last I heard, Nick was muttering about optimization and force distribution, and arguing with Nappy about not making them too big and unwieldy. I'm sure Therese talked some sense into him."

"I hope he didn't take it too badly, the Emperor is the expert on warfare, after all."

"What? Nah, Nick knows the system better, he ran a corps-based army for nearly a year on campaign. Twenty-five thousand men was a bit too much to manage, and Nappy wanted something close to forty? Nope, I'm sure Therese slapped some sense into her hubby."

"I- I see. I suppose you would know these influential figures better than I. In any case, do you have any knowledge on your subordinate officers?"

"Not as such, but I have a short list that I would request, if they haven't already requested a posting under me. It all depends on how the corps organization shakes out. Let me get through these papers to see if there's any memo's regarding assignments before I ask and make a fool of myself."

"Well, I can't say I'm not looking forward to finding out. In any case, as your provisional chief of staff, let me help you work through those forms so we can get through them faster. Divide and conquer, right?"

"O thank you, Lord most high! By Divine Providence my prayers have been answered!"

Outside the office, Julian could only imagine the confused expression on the colonel's face.
'Well, if he's going to be Marshal Baguette's chief of staff, he'll have to get used to his strangeness soon enough.'

Apparently, metal nib dip pens have been around for a long time (copper alloy ones have been found in Roman ruins, steel nib pens from the 17th/18th century), though mass production did not start until the early 19th century with industrialization. Well, we have a booming steel industry, and the roads have been getting better, so why not? Especially if such a pen is to be a gift to a Marshal of France, it would of course be expedited.

This is set shortly after Getting Back to Work. Severin is Protestant and notedly religious. Of course he will burst into spontaneous prayer when he feels like it.

Cazerne is a Legend of the Galactic Heroes expy, serving as a chief of staff for Severin. According to Magoose, Severin is capable when it comes to staff work, but he hates doing it. Also, hiring someone due to personal connections Severin? That sure sounds like the actions of a politically appointed Ancien Regime marshal. o_O

Also, how far you've come, Severin, casually name dropping the Emperor, Empress and Marshals (with silly nicknames, even) to your new subordinate. But Julian knows you haven't changed all that much, by his exasperated look.
 
Julian's European Tour (AvidFicReader)
Julian's European Tour

Julian Minci, Ensign of the French Army and assistant to Marshal Severin, slept fitfully in his Parisian bed. The Princess Charlotte Auclair was a constant feature of his dreams, whether they be fond remembrance of their lessons in Italy, recollection of her kindness and comfort, or fantasies of romantic reunion and courtship, but this was the first time she featured in a nightmare. On this night, Julian dreamed of his beloved princess's beautiful visage twisted in fear and terror, of her and her bodyguards on foot, hunted and hounded by the Tsar's Cossacks across the Russian steppe. There was little Julian could do in the dream but reach out helplessly, safe and asleep in Paris. Smothered with feelings of helplessness, an ember of conviction ignited and smoldered in the young ensign's heart.

Early the next morning, Julian began making his preparations. Sneaking into Marshal Baguette's office, he forged orders to requisition some rations, a horse, a pistol, and a cartridge case of ammunition as well as a blank dispatch bearing Severin's seal. He felt a smidgen of guilt at the betrayal of trust, but drowned it in the roaring flames of his conviction. He left a brief note of apology on a scrap of loose paper and hid it beneath a few forms. Doubtlessly, the marshal or his new chief of staff Cazerne would find it. Next, he made his way to visit Louis at Tuileries Palace. His falcon friend had several rifles he kept in his room, and borrowing a few would greatly assist on his mission. Luckily, Louis was distracted by the prospect of explaining his tangle of romantic interests to his mother, and agreed to lend Julian three of his rifles.

Drawing the requisitioned items from a skeptical looking quartermaster was a nerve-wracking ordeal, but Julian had done enough paperwork for Marshal Baguette over the past half-year that he was confident in his forgery. Mounting his borrowed horse, he quickly absconded from Paris, stopping every so often at army outposts, flashing his 'sealed dispatch' to the guards to get a remount for a priority message delivery. This tactic worked until Julian reached the Rhine, the boundary of France's military control. The only things he could count on beyond the Rhine was what little he could beg, borrow or steal.

Driven to haste by his burning conviction and determination to save his lady love, Julian ran his horse to exhaustion, and when it collapsed and refused to go any further, he gathered what he could in his rucksack, Louis' rifles, and marched on foot to the nearest town. Under the cover of darkness, he liberated some food and a horse and rode through the night. Now firmly in the Holy Roman Empire, he reversed his coat and hid his French army insignias to prevent being stopped by military patrols. Each time he ran his borrowed horse to the point of collapse or death, he would gather his things and march on foot until he could steal another. Repeating this cycle for the better part of a month took him across the breadth of the Holy Roman Empire, into East Prussia, and to Kovno, on the Neiman River. Finding a shallow part of the slow-moving river outside of the city to avoid too many questions in a language he did not speak, Julian forded the Nieman. Passing through a wood, he picked up the sound of a skirmish, the crack of muskets and carbines, and the sound of steel on steel, with unintelligible shouts ringing in his untrained ears. Spurring his horse to the edge of the wood, Julian dismounted, taking his collection of weapons with him.

Kneeling behind a fallen tree, Julian was witness to sight he would never forget. His beloved Charlotte, surrounded by over two dozen Cossacks, her gravely wounded bodyguards struggling to regain their feet to ward the marauders away from their charge. With a calm that belied his cold rage and determination, Julian sighted on the Cossack with the fanciest hat. Waiting until the target's slow orbit brought him to the correct point, Julian squeezed the trigger, sending a ball downrange, striking the leader's throat at a hundred and fifty yards. Dropping the spent rifle, he snatched up the next, bringing down another rider. Repeating with the third and final rifle, Julian began the lengthy process of reloading, hands moving unconsciously, the motions having been drilled into him by Marshal Severin. By the time he had finished reloading the third rifle, the Cossacks had managed to regain a semblance of order and figured out where their assailant was hiding.

Beginning their charge with steel in hand, Julian calmly shot down three more before the horsemen were upon him. He was able to startle the nearest horse with the point of his bayonet, throwing its rider. Julian backpedaled into the wood, forcing the Cossacks to slow lest they run into a tree. Ducking around a particularly thick tree, Julian stabbed into the unguarded flank of a rearing horseman, slinking back into the shadows as his dying scream drew his comrades' attention. Dashing to a different tree, he set down his rifle to draw his only pistol. Peeking around the trunk, Julian spots another Cossack trampling blindly through the undergrowth. Leaning from his cover, Julian shoots the startled Cossack in the forehead before slipping away once again.

Julian continues his deadly game of hide and seek in the woods against horsemen used to the open sky and steppe. But now, they are the hunted lured into his chosen ground. Scampering up a tree with only a knife and his pistol, Julian drops onto an unsuspecting Cossack below, stabbing into the man's neck and clubbing him with the pistol for good measure. By the time the horsemen realize fighting Julian in the woods is a losing proposition, they have lost more than half their number. Shouting to each other to get back into the open and focus on their objective, they ride back into the clearing. As they emerge from the tree line, they are greeted by a trio of shots, and three men tumble from their saddles.

While they pursued Julian on a fruitless chase, their quarry had policed the carbines of their fallen pursuers and moved closer to lend their fire when the opportunity presented itself. Not content to let his princess' assailants go, Julian uses their scavenged weapons to fell more of them. The last Cossack, determined to escape the slaughter of his comrades, pushes his horse at a full gallop in an attempt to get out of range. Lining up the shot with the captured carbine, Julian fires, striking the man in the back. He slumps, but does not tumble from the saddle. Reluctantly, Julian lets him go. He has nothing else to fire with, and by the time he finds and reloads a rifle, the Cossack would be far out of range.

Searching some of the bodies, Julian comes up with some canteens of strong liquor and some fairly clean clothing to use for bandages. Applying what aid he could, Julian douses the cloth and wounds with the liquor, before wrapping the wounds to staunch bleeding and splinting obviously broken limbs. Taking a minute to gather his borrowed rifles, some supplies, and a few of the now-riderless horses, he hoists Charlotte's guards onto the saddles, then helps her onto a horse before taking a seat behind her. Gently taking her hand a pressing his lips to it, he whispers,
"Don't worry, Charlotte. I am here. I won't let anything happen to you."

Exhausted from her ordeal, she wraps her arms around her unlikely savior and sobs in relief. After a moment to comfort her, Julian takes the reins and leads their small train of horses south, into Austrian Poland and away from the scene of carnage. It would be a long road home.

So this joke didn't fit in the omake itself, but I had to do it:
Seeing as he dream didn't exactly give him directions, or even a place name, Julian has just been wandering across Europe looking for his princess. Thus, the meme. Technically, Tsar is incorrect, because it changed from the Tsardom of Russia to the Empire of Russia in 1721 after winning the Great Northern War against Sweden. Still used Tsar because it flowed better narratively, and I don't have to specify which emperor I'm referencing. Julian forging orders by Severin works because he's been Severin's aide since Davout put Sevy under house arrest after Marengo. Julian has been helping Severin do paperwork for six months, including taking dictation when Sevy couldn't write. I considered having Julian tell Louis about his dream when asking to borrow the rifles, but then you have the problem of what he would do in character. If he doesn't believe him, why would he let Julian borrow three rifles and go off on a wild goose chase? If he does believe him, you can be damned sure Louis would be right there with him. Then I remembered that Louis had that awkward talk with Therese at the beginning of the turn, and Julian was traveling for a month to get to Charlotte, so I could adjust the timelines to fit and have him be distracted by his international romcom life woes.

I got inspired to write, so here is about two hours of work, a bit of that doing research on distance and travel times. For Julian's rescue mission, I'm assuming he went as directly as possible from Paris to Kaunas (where Nappy and the Grande Armee crossed the Neiman/Neman/Memel/Nemunas in 1812). It's about 1000 miles as the crow flies, closer to 1200 by road (multiply by 1.6 for km, you get 1920 km. Using the travel speed for horses from orbis.stanford.edu of 56km/day (sustainable and safe for the horse) it's about 34 days by road. But with Julian running the horses into the ground, he might shave a week off that time, accounting for walking to the nearest settlement to steal a horse, foraging/stealing food, and sleep. Considering Julian can only speak Sicilian, Italian and French, he doesn't know German, Polish, Russian or Lithuanian, so he can't exactly ask for help, food or lodging, so stealing it is. It helps that's he's learned to be sneaky with the rifle bois.

I tried to flesh out the fight as best I could while showing Julian to be a badass worth a triple crit roll of 385. The update mentioned a fallen tree, so I set it at the edge of a wood, had Julian quickly snipe three (fanciest hat=leader, for max confusion). Bayonets turn muskets/rifles into short spears, and sharp pointy things make horses panic and break off their charge. even with only one bayonet against a presumably trained horse, the horse wouldn't want to charge blindly at full speed into a bunch of trees, with their own pointy branches, so it reared and threw its rider. Whether he was able to get up and rejoin the chase or he broke his neck is up to the reader. Rather than stand his ground and get shot or trampled, Julian withdraws into the trees to minimize the advantages of his enemy and maximize his own. Cavalry doesn't like fighting in trees, because it limits their speed, maneuverability and vision, letting a well-trained light infantryman get the drop on them in hit-and-fade attacks. Julian has done this dozens of times to Austrian infantry at Genoa, he just has to be a little more careful here. Gave him a Rambo moment, dropping from a tree to ambush an unsuspecting Cossack. He basically becomes a horror movie villain at this point, and by the time the Cossacks decide to make the sensible choice, he's bled them significantly, and Charlotte and her guards have had time to catch their breath, scavenge some weapons, and lay in ambush for the Cossacks. They had to move closer, because Julian was sniping from the tree line at 150 yards, and the carbines are effective for aimed fire only to about 80 at most. Carbines are shorter and easier to reload, and Severin and Mashengo are crack infantrymen, even wounded as they are. So their party might get 5 or 6 shots, and Julian can drop the rest aside from that one runner with his own scavenged carbines.

Made specific mention of Julian grabbing the rifles, because they're still on loan, then he had to grab supplies and horses, before the single line of dialogue in the entire omake. I figured that Charlotte is wearing a dress, damaged and tattered as it may be after who knows how long on the run, so she's sitting side-saddle (it's pretty much a princess carry, Julian!). This way, Julian can kiss her hand, and she can still hug (and be hugged in turn) Julian.
 
The Last Battle of the Americans' Savior (AvidFicReader)
The Last Battle of the Americans' Savior

Diego had come a long way to be here. From his home in Acapulco, where he crushed a mutiny and held out against a revolutionary siege, to Peru, where he led his brigade up and down the Andes stamping out insurrectionists and bandits alike. Then, half a year ago, he had been recalled with a short company of grenadiers to take part as an honor guard for a conference between the Empire and those Republicans of the north, to be mediated by some Marshal of France in Autumn. Much as Diego would rather be fighting alongside his men, good soldiers followed orders, and Diego was most assuredly a good soldier of the Empire. Thus, Diego had been present when Marshal Auclair (apparently one of a pair of sibling marshals) signed the Convention of New Orleans alongside the American President Jefferson and the Imperial Prince Ferdinand.

From there, Diego and his grenadiers became the honor guard of the ambassador to the Americans, some important windbag that he never bothered to learn the name of. They had sailed from New Orleans to the Chesapeake, to the newly established capital named in honor of their first generalissimo and president. From what little Diego had learned, this Washington had both the skill and popularity to have proclaimed himself king, but he was some modern Cincinnatus and relinquished power once the immediate crisis had passed. An honorable trait in a soldier, a man worth owing loyalty to. Just three short months ago, things had seemed so bright and hopeful. While the Empire was still struggling to bring its disparate and far-flung viceroyalties to heel and reestablish Imperial Order, the Americans had made mockery of the vaunted British navy, leading raids in their home isles to free their imprisoned sailors and officers. Even the British provinces of Canada and Quebec (some Francophone region of Canada, apparently) had risen in rebellion. It had seemed all of North America would be free of British encroachment.

Then, the British had struck back with a vengeance, landing an army of ten thousand men to utterly crush their rebellious colonies and scatter their peoples to the winds. Then, said army had turned south and marched into American territory without a declaration of war. A shameful display of ill-discipline and dishonor. Two of the Americans' major cities had been spared destruction due to the rapid and vigorous actions of their local militias. But it seemed that looting rich cities was not the goal of the British commanders, but vengeance for humiliation. They marched for the namesake city of the American generalissimo that had humbled their empire nearly two decades prior. They sought to raze it to the ground, erase it from maps and from history. Instead, we stood in its defense. Ineffectually, it seemed. The American capital burned behind us, but the Americans would avenge the insult. For their vaunted generalissimo, aged and ill though he was, had ridden from his deathbed to serve his country once more in its hour of need. The burning capital cast a pall of smoke over the battlefield, but it was plain to see the Americans, and Diego's grenadiers along side them, were gravely outnumbered. Over eight thousand British regulars stood before them, the guns of their fleet at their backs, while the allied force numbered a mere five thousand and twenty-five cannon.

In spite of the odds, the Generalissimo Washington ordered the attack. His army was almost too eager, but they heeded the orders of their hero, following the battle plan he had laid out. Diego and his men were posted on the extreme left flank, the short company of veteran shock troops stiffening the militia there for their role in the assault. The American cannon battered at the British center, drawing all of its reserves there in anticipation of a frontal assault. Militia they may have been, but many of these men were veterans who had served under Washington all those years ago. Physically unable to join the battle, the general nonetheless sat upon his horse right behind the lines, urging his men to stand fast and exchange volleys with their enemy. Thus, the British center was fixed, their reserve massed in the center to repulse the expected assault and awaiting the order to counterattack. Just as planned.

Washington's right advanced behind the smoldering rubble of a township on the outskirts of the capital, the fighting in the center, combined with the smoke, wind and rain concealing their approach. They would get a single volley, and then it would be down to steel. Likewise on the left, Diego's grenadiers headed the advance through a small wood, guided by local militiamen familiar with the terrain. Upon emerging, they would be able to get off a single volley, before charging, same as on the right. Then, the American battery fell silent. Most would assume the rain or enemy action had silenced them, and certainly, they British assumed so, launching their counterattack preemptively in an attempt to break the American center while the guns were out of action. Just as planned.

As the recoats advanced to the tune of The British Grenadiers, the American center gave ground before them. Then, it the trap was complete. The Americans pulled back, then reformed behind their cannon. A fully armed and operational battery, twenty-five guns packing a double-load of grapeshot. Washington raised his arm, and when it fell, the cannons spoke their fury as one, tearing the committed British center to ragged scraps. At the sound of the cannon, the wings answered with a volley, then charged with zeal and vigor into the startled flanks of their foe. The British wavered at the sudden reversal, but the charge of the American center set them to flight. Abandoning their weapons and packs, they rushed for the safety of their ships, anchored in the river. It was not to be.

The whipping wind and pouring rain soaked the men to the bone, but increased in its intensity. The ominous creaking of timbers turned terrifying, as the sound of splintering wood was heard across the fleet. Sails and masts tumbled from their moorings, and ships smashed together from the violence of the wind and storm surge, anchors coming undone from the riverbed. Sailors and soldiers alike were consumed in an act of God, seemingly at the command of Washington himself. Truly, in this moment, he was his nation's savior. The survivors of the ill-fated British expedition submitted themselves to the American Generalissimo's mercy, for his men had little forbearance for the destruction the redcoats had left in their wake.

As for Diego, he stood as witness to this iconic moment when ambassador windbag had fled to safety. In his report to the Crown, he would note that while the tactics the late generalissimo employed were simple, they were employed masterfully, militiamen made to act as the equal of veteran regulars. It may have been the personal reputation and command presence of their legendary hero, but inevitably, in a land as vast and populous as the United States, there would doubtlessly be a soldier and commander his equal waiting in the wings to be discovered. As for whether God favored these Americans, their generalissimo, despite being near death, was willing to lead an attack on a numerically and qualitatively superior enemy in a storm, when all factors should be against him, and triumphed handily. Diego would not wager the future of the Empire in a war against the country this man who could have been a king in another time and place, chose to serve willingly.

In his personal prayers, Diego included Washington, a man who he had barely met, but held the utmost respect for.
"Vaya con Dios, Generalissimo Washington. You delivered your country through crisis after crisis, and asked for nothing but a peaceful retirement in turn. May you rest easy in Heaven, Amen."

Got some input from Magoose for this one. The conference that took place here, meditated by Brian, is set in New Orleans, a city that is significant to France, (New) Spain and the US. Diego de la Barranca is based of his many-times ancestor, the Japanese samurai who converted and settled down in Acapulco, married a Castilian woman and served in the Castilian garrison. This is a pretty big deal, because at the time, the Spanish Americas ran on a racial caste system divided into 19 grades, and Castilian was the second highest (the highest were the Peninsulares, Castilian Spanish from the Iberian Peninsula). This Diego first showed up in this omake, and reappeared here. Diego is not much for politics, he is a good soldier, and good soldiers follow orders. Ironically, he was offered this because of his own and his unit's loyal and exemplary performance, as a prestigious posting by the crown. This omake is something of a follow-up on what he's been doing since then, and to give an eyes-on-the-ground view of the Battle of Washington. I got a bit too into it, and had to redo a couple hundred words where I slipped into first-person POV, but I caught it early enough. I wanted to show Washington performing his greatest battlefield feat yet, a Cannae reenactment (the envelopment and capture/destruction of a larger force by a numerically inferior force). I based the events of the battle a bit off of what is considered another "modern Cannae:" the 1706 Battle of Fraustadt (I might do an omake of Severin reading an ancestor's journal). Also, I used generalissimo in reference to Washington because Diego is the viewpoint character and he starts out knowing of Washington only by what he thinks is an inflated reputation.

If you look solely at Washington's battle record, he has more defeats than victories, but he emerged from every defeat with an intact army, better than many other commanders can claim. Especially with an army of mostly militiamen. Between his extensive battlefield experience and his command presence as one of the founding fathers and a legendary war hero, he was able to inspire his scraped together army into an improbable victory. As described by Diego, the tactics were simple but masterfully executed. Lure the enemy into false sense of complacency, let them think they have your plan figured out. set your wings on a flanking maneuver, using the sound of a volley of cannon as the signal to attack rather than rely on messengers who can get lost or intercepted, or pocket watches that might not be synchronized or suffer mechanical failure. Play into the enemy's expectations by feigning retreat (something really hard to do in a controlled manner) and lure them into the teeth of your artillery and shove a double load of grapeshot down their throat when they overcommit. Then a near-simultaneous counterattack from three sides.

Additionally, the choice of music was intentional. The British Grenadiers has a sort of assured swagger, especially knowing the lyrics that go with it. It can be seen in the first part of this clip from Kubrick's Barry Lyndon. In contrast, I used a version of Yankee Doodle that was very heavy on the drums for effect. Yankee Doodle was originally a song by British Regulars mocking the militiamen "playing soldier" during the Seven Years' War. When the Revolutionary War came around, it was coopted as a Patriotic tune by the Continental Army and various state militias and sung proudly by the US Army today.
 
Last edited:
Two (Former) Sergeants Walk into a Bar (AvidFicReader)
Two (Former) Sergeants Walk into a Bar

Denis Martin Severin, one of the new Marshals of France, sits at his desk filling out paperwork.
"O Lord our savior, please send me some sign to interrupt this dreary monotony."

No sooner has the prayer fallen from his lips does his chief of staff, Cazerne, enter.

"Severin, it's here! Orders for postings and corps assignments!"

"Thanks be to you, O Father on High! Enough with the suspense, man! Open it!"

"As you command, oh exalted marshal."

"Wipe that smug smirk off your face, Cazerne, you know all those empty words mean nothing to me. Let's see, a whole bunch of pretentious bullshit to start, office of the Emperor and commander-in-chief; that's Nappy B-"
Cazerne makes a choking sound at the sheer disrespect in Severin's nickname for the emperor.
"A bunch of flowery flattery, a reminder that what was granted can be revoked- ah! Here it is, just took a whole paragraph of fluff. Command of II Corps, how nostalgic! Therese must've had a hand in that. What in the name of the Lord's breezy dangly bits is this?! Command of the Army of the North in the event of war, barring the dispatch of a higher commander? I know Nappy's met me, he handed me the damned baton himself. Why would he put me in charge of an army?"

"Er, Severin? Read the next section. Perhaps that will explain why you were granted the army command."

"Hmm... Dumas? In all honesty, he would likely be the better candidate, especially since he served as the second of that bastard, Lannes. In the same sector, as well. I suppose I'll be relying heavily on his guidance, especially with how each of our corps are laid out. Look here, three infantry divisions, but only a regiment of dragoons for scouting and screening."

"I see, that may be a problem, though it seems General Dumas is fielding three whole cavalry brigades."

"Makes sense. He was always most comfortable with his horsemen. Helluva fighter though. Every time we've sparred since I met him while the Army of the Orient was mustering in Toulon, he came out on top. Gave him a run for his money every time, though. Learned a few neat tricks off him, too. One of the most dangerous men I've ever crossed blades with. A shame he gets shafted so much for something as paltry as the color of his skin."

"Ah, yes, it seems he was passed over for the army command for such a reason."

"Yep, damned shame, that. But given he's in command of I Corps, I think that's Therese's way of honoring him without flaunting it. After all, whenever someone goes over the rolls of the army, Dumas will be first on the list due to the ordinal numbers. Cazerne, what does it say about our division commanders?"

"Hmm... looks like two specifically requested to serve under you again? Colonels Achille Geroux and Hector Bouchard? The irony of two men named Hector and Achille fighting side by side."

"Yep, they get along well enough, but they are competitive. They were with me from Mayence, served as my division commanders in Sicily and Italy. It'll be good to have them back. Who's our third?"

"One General de Brigade Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte. Formerly of the Army of the Rhine. His file is attached, comes with a fairly glowing review from Marshal Jourdan. An excellent head for tactics, and skilled at motivating his troops. There's a report of how he rallied his routing regiment at the Battle of Beaumont in early '94 and led them in a counterattack. Didn't work out, as the whole army was routing by that point, but noteworthy nonetheless. According to eyewitness accounts, he tore off his colonel's epaulettes, threw them to the ground, and shamed his men into rallying with a single sentence."

"Interesting, he certainly has a commanding presence, and his men liked him enough to rally for a doomed counterattack. Anything more recent?"

"The Battle of Mannheim. Marshal Jourdan was able to bait General Blucher into crossing the Rhine, strung him out with what looked like an easy win, then collapsed upon his army, driving them into the river. Both armies suffered ruinous casualties, but the Prussians were halted and quit the field. Bernadotte was tasked with holding the center against relentless assault. Bernadotte credited several of his subordinates for holding under immense pressure."

"Serves them fucking right! So he's a tenacious commander, and humble, too. Could I get a look at his file?"

"Aye, here you go."

"Hmm... enlisted 1780, Regiment Royal La Marine, now 60e Ligne- I always get La Marine and Royal La Marine confused, from my father's old war stories. In some ways, the simple numbered regiment system makes things easier, but you also lose a bit of the regiment's character in discarding the names. At least we're not using that idiotic demi-brigade nonsense anymore. Too royalist, my a-"

"Ahem, in any case, Bernadotte attained the highest grade of non-commissioned officer, but was prevented from rising higher due to the Ancien Regime's prejudicial promotional practices."

"Ah, like you were prevented from rising beyond lieutenant, Cazerne?"

"Aye. In the case of Bernadotte, he was promoted to General de Brigade by mid-1794, and was part of Marshal Jourdan's push back into the Netherlands, though Austrian and Dutch resistance had all but collapsed by that point."

"He probably could have risen higher, if the fighting had continued, and Nappy took charge of the Rhine not long after Jourdan's Pyrrhic victory at Mannheim, so he didn't get any further chances to prove his mettle. Had that been the case, I feel like he might be the one with a marshal's baton."

"One other note from the marshal: While Bernadotte's tactical and command skill is unquestionable, he has proven difficult for his peers to work with. He was frequently embroiled in feuds with other officers over one slight or another. He might prove to be difficult for our other division commanders to work with."

"I'll not judge him without getting a measure of his character myself. Let me have a look at our assigned units. If my request went through, I might have the beginnings of a plan."

"Also, dispatch a courier to relay a summons for Bernadotte. At his earliest convenience. I'd normally leave it to my aide, but he went haring off across Europe after he had a bad dream about his princess."

---------

A series of sharp knocks sound on Severin's office door.

"Enter!"

In walks an immaculately dressed man in a fine general's uniform, bearing a stern expression on his sharp features.
"Apologies for my tardiness Marshal Severin, I chanced upon your messenger while returning from visiting my family."

"No apologies needed. The fault was mine. I hadn't realized you were on leave, and a lot of these junior officers and soldats put far too much stock in my being a marshal. Some overeager messenger went and hared off after you, when I meant for you to meet me whenever it was most convenient. Lord knows, my father served under far too many self-important incompetent marshals in the Seven Years' War who got their batons for knowing the right people rather than knowing how to wage war. It's what we got for promoting for status and blood over merit. As for me, you can cut that marshal bullshit. From your file, you've got seniority on me, both as a sergeant and as a general."

"It is refreshing to have a commander who is willing to admit fault and prefers merit over status. Far too many of the other sort under the Ancien Regime."

"Aye, way I see it, I just did my job as best I could, and if Nappy and Therese saw fit to reward me, then that's how it is. For you? Jourdan wrote a fairly glowing review of your performance under him on the Rhine, but you haven't had as many chances to cut your teeth in major campaigns. Even so, you're my most senior division commander. Bouchard and Geroux are only colonels, for all that they've been running brigade- to division-strength units over the past year. That means you're my second in command, and if I end up in charge of the Army of the North, you'll effectively be running II Corps yourself. Chain of command is me, you, Bouchard, Geroux, then Cazerne, my chief of staff. Questions?"

"None, Marshal Severin. You were quite clear and concise."

"Enough of that Bernadotte, you can ease off the formality with me. It's a waste of time, and all it's good for is puffing up windbags who think too much of themselves. I'll warn you ahead of time, I can be pretty irreverent and I like to give people nicknames to make them lighten up and not take themselves so seriously. I even got Nick to pull the stick out of his ass. Now he just beats people to death with it, heh." The most minute of smirks is visible on Bernadotte's lips, before he affixes his stern expression once more. "Now, walk with me, I've been cooped up in this office doing paperwork for too long. I need some fresh air and to stretch my legs."

"As you wish, sir."

"I'll get you to loosen up yet. In fact, I'll be nice and let you pick which of my nicknames I'll call you. So far, I've got Johnny, an American version of your name, or from your last name, there's Bernie and Dottie."

"Ahem, well, if you absolutely must, then Johnny would be the least objectionable."

The two generals walk and talk, exchanging their various war stories, horror stories of incompetent commanders, and tales of bored idiot soldats. Their short walk leads them to a nearby bar, not yet crowded with men ending their workday.

"Come on, lets share a drink- nothing too strong, we can continue our chat and talk some business."

"That's fine with me. As long as it isn't too crowded."

"All right, Johnny, a drink, to the future, and to France!"

"To the future, to France!"

The toast is taken up the neighboring patrons, toasting as much to the two men in uniform as France's future.

"So, the way I see it, if I concentrate all of our best men in one division, the others will get shafted, and there might be a large section of our line that is vulnerable. A good commander can tell just by watching and comparing how formations move- hesitation when executing orders, or sloppiness of maneuver really stands out next to veteran troops, and elites moreso. The best way to mitigate that is to disperse them among the divisions, to stiffen the greener lads and spread out the frontage that is comparably weaker."

"Aye, there's nothing like knowing you've got a battle-hardened unit holding down your flank to boost your men's confidence. Combined with our relatively generous allotment of artillery for our size, allows us to break down enemy formations, or disperse our guns to support individual regiments."

"Most of the artillery officers I've worked with personally have favored concentration and central direction for their batteries. That's how we made use of it in Italy, and that's how Therese used it at Mayence, accounting for splitting the army to cover two bridges, of course. Also, most of the other corps are even smaller than ours, so proportionally, they have even more artillery support."

"Right, so spread our best troops out to stiffen the line, batter down one section of the enemy line, then exploit. The only concern is our relative lack of cavalry support."

"The other corps we'll be working with in the Netherlands is Dumas' I Corps, and he's got three full brigades, six thousand cavalry, split between heavy and light."

"That's reassuring. Between our two corps and whatever the Batavians can bring, we're well covered in terms of army composition."

"Right, I know Nick was pulling his hair out trying to hit that perfect balance of speed, ease of supply and combat strength. Seems like he went for somewhat specialized units that can also cover other areas. Hah, I wonder if that Pampered Pony Princess has realized he's got more than his beloved horsey boys to work with now!"

"Pampered Pony- you mean Marshal Murat?"

"Yep! Let me tell you, he boasts about that dashing scar on his cheek, but when he got it, he whined so much about his good looks being ruined before he fainted! He'll go on about how much blood he lost, but it's his own damned fault, dressing up so much for a patrol that his fancy pants got us ambushed by the last competent Austrians in all of Italy."

"I see, so there are clear downsides to being well dressed."

"It's not so bad on a battlefield, with dozens of officers among thousands of men, but when you're the fanciest man in the land with a small escort of horsemen, you might be a tempting enough target for the enemy to reveal themselves. It's why I keep my uniform rather plain, and my marshal's baton is also a weapon, rather than a ceremonial stick."

"Hmm... so those are the considerations one must make at the highest of ranks, eh? Perhaps the good old days in the line regiment was not so bad after all."

"Speaking of, your division has three regiments. I handpicked one from my old command in Italy, some of the best troops you'll ever find. The other two are a mix of veterans and unblooded troops, freshly reorganized. I remember from your file you had your start in Regiment Royal La Marine? Well, one of your regiments is the 60e Ligne, your old unit. The other is my former unit, 33e Ligne, once upon a time Regiment Touraine. Four generations of my family have served in that regiment, I entrust it to you. Use them proudly."

"Severin... you honor me. I will ensure your trust in me is not misplaced."

When a man is constantly in prayer, he will eventually have them answered. Severin is infamously disrespectful, and Cazerne has known him for only a couple of weeks by this point. He'll get used to it eventually. Severin briefly (two turn/quarters) commanded II Corps of the Army of the Orient while mustering in Toulon before it was handed over to Davout. I am assuming command will default to the marshal, since only I and II Corps are assigned to the Netherlands/North sector, alongside whatever the Batavian Republic (soon to be Kingdom of the Netherlands) can field. And since Dumas and Nappy are politically opposed, on top of racism in general, I figure Dumas would be passed over for command in spite of his friendship with Lannes. As well as a reminder that Dumas is more of a murderblender than Severin (19 vs 18 combat). Meanwhile, Severin couldn't give a shit about racism, just about how good of a commander or how killy someone is. And a bit of in-character commentary on the differing corps compositions, and how they correspond to their command preferences and skill sets. And yes, that is exactly the reason why I gave Dumas command I Corps.

Regarding division commanders, II Corps is an infantry/assault corps, with 3 infantry division, two commanded by Severin's old subordinates from the Republican/Bridge Guard days. Bernadotte makes three. He was the son of a prosecutor, and was apprenticed under another lawyer from age 14, but his father died when he was 17, and he had to end his apprenticeship. He went on to join the army later that year (1780). And yes, there was a Regiment La Marine and a separate Regiment Royaux La Marine, I kid you not. The former was at Krefeld with Matteo and Regiment Touraine where they held against a surprise flanking action for three hours, while the latter saw action in the Mediterranean at Minorca. Bernadotte's first assignment was occupation duty in Corsica. The anecdote about rallying his men actually happened, and as best as I can tell, happened in April 1794, which lines up approximately with 2 related battles, but I chose Beaumont, the bigger disaster that involved significantly more troops. Bernadotte tore of his colonel's epaulettes, threw them to the ground, and reportedly said: "If you dishonor yourselves with flight, then I refuse to be your colonel!" His men pressed them back into his hands, reformed, and counterattacked.

Bernadotte actually got shafted hard in this timeline. The rumor mill rolls had the Austrians collapse in the Netherlands right before the Battle of Flaurus, that made Bernadotte famous OTL; he was able to seize a bit of high ground and force the Austrians to cede their defensive positions or risk having their flank turned. This also earned him a promotion to general at the end of June 1794. Then ITTL, peace breaks out, and the one battle Jourdan fights ends in a Pyrrhic victory (the only reason it isn't a stalemate is because the Prussians withdrew and were unable to cross the Rhine in force). I placed Bernadotte in charge of the holding action at Mannheim, where @Alexander Sturnn's omake took place featuring the Sharpe characters. OTL, Bernadotte campaigned multiple times along the Rhine under other commanders, leading vanguards and fighting rearguard actions in a dozen battles. Here, he hasn't had the experience and polish that saw him as a renowned officer, and used by the Directory as a counterweight to Napoleon himself. Before Napoleon departed on his risky 1800 Italian campaign, he left Bernadotte, his brother-in-law and one of his foremost rivals, with a 40k-strong army right outside Paris, and entrusted the future of the republic and family to him. Bernadotte, despite not being one of Napoleon's avid supporters, was among the first 18 OTL marshals. Historically, Bernadotte had a great many feuds with his fellow marshals, such as Berthier (Milan, 1797), Davout (Jena/Auerstadt, 1806), Soult and Murat (Lubeck, 1806) for various reasons, as well as many slights from Napoleon. Thankfully, none of the events that triggered these feuds have happened in-quest, so there is still a chance for these officers to get along yet.

For Julian, even if we the audience know it was legit, and turned out well due to a super-mega crit cascade, from the outside and in-character, it looks like madness and desertion at worst, and a fool's errand at best. I like to think Julian realized it was a legit vision because Charlotte wasn't surrounded by shoujo sparkles this time.

Bernadotte, even as a sergeant, had a reputation for being well-dressed. He was known as Sergeant Belle Jambe. The stick thing is a Mass Effect 2 reference. Ha-hah, a joke! Davout is already balding! The dialogue meandered a bit, as conversation tends to. Then BAM! Severin hits Bernadotte in the feels. Double whammy nostalgia bomb and entrusting family legacy. Hopefully that combination of recognizing his talent, ensuring a clear chain of command and acknowledging Bernadotte's seniority, building rapport, then the double feels punch should go a long ways towards helping ameliorate Bernadotte's compatibility issues. Or at least get him to view Severin as someone friendly, rather than a rival. Severin may not be conventionally smart, but he know how to get the best out of people, and he has a track record of befriending prickly people like Davout, people he shouldn't get along with like Chamans and Murat, so there's a chance! It's not zero!
 
Last edited:
Weekend at Bernie's (AvidFicReader)
Weekend at Bernie's

The officers of II Corps sit clustered around a table poring over the various notes and rulebooks.

"All right men, this is the latest set of rules and expansions for the war game Therese issued to the marshals earlier today. This notebook has the comments made by the other marshals- their complaints and confusion- that I was able to overhear and jot down. The original was practically chicken scratch, so Cazerne here was kind enough to help me copy them out more legibly. For example, Kellerman's an old hand, so expect his decisions and orders to be crisp and efficient, but he's had little to no experience with units of riflemen. The only officers with any notable experience at all were those of us in the Army of Naples. Murat might not have noticed, what with his obsession with his horsies, but you can bet Nick has explained their capabilities to Desaix and Soult."

"Not that I'm not glad to get the rules as soon as they are available, but why must we meet in my apartment, Severin?"

"It's because "Sheelie" here, to use Charlie's nickname, is too cheap to rent an apartment of his own, so we're using yours."

"Hey! Screw you, "Heckie," you're staying with me, same with Abel and Perrot!"

"And Poplin, where the hell have you been staying? It's been near impossible to get messages to you! I hope you won't be like this with your dragoons while we're on campaign!"

"Sorry 'bout that Cazerne! I just can't say no when an attractive woman invites me to spend the night with her!"

"And you couldn't bother to forward that address to headquarters?"

"Well, it's not like it's the same woman every night! I can't help it if so many ladies take such a liking to me, can I?"

"Ugh, you pig. Stay away from my niece, she's only fourteen. She doesn't have anyone else to look after her, so I've no choice but to bring her with me."

"Ahaha, not to worry, Cazerne, I prefer my women more... full-figured, if you know what I mean."

"Ugh, gross! Stop waggling your eyebrows like that, you'll give me nightmares!"

"Oh, got something to say, Fontenot? You've been mighty quiet up 'til now."

"I've just been watching you cram your foot in your mouth. Did you choke on your spurs?"

"Enough! We're here to practice our war game skills and plan out our operations for when we deploy to the Netherlands! Now, Circle of Brotherhood! Johnny, Poppy, Fonty, arms over your neighbor's shoulders. This is our Circle of Brotherhood. The men in this circle are your brothers. I don't demand you get along, but all of us are in this together. Men will live or die on our orders, and if we cannot trust in one another to have each other's backs in battle, then we might as well resign and let men willing to work together have our positions. Brothers can quarrel or rib each other all the time, but when everything is on the line, we all stand together, or we all fall separately. So true in me to give you good orders, and I will trust in you to carry them out to the best of your ability. Trust in your brothers to support each other, and we will triumph over those who are willing to sabotage their peers to win prestige and glory. After all, we are all fighting for France and her people!"

"Great sentiment and all, Marshal Severin, but why am I Poppy? Can't I be called something manlier?"

"If you don't want to be called Poppy, then I could always go with Olive or 'Lin?"

"Uh, Poppy is fine! But why not Pops?"

"That's what my wife calls my father. If you'd-"

"No, no! Question retracted! Poppy it is! I'm not an old man, I'm not!"

"And you, Fontenot? I could call you Ferd, or Notty?"

"No sir! I'm fine as is!"

"Good, now-"

"Severin, I've heard why Bouchard, Geroux and Poplin cannot host us, but not why you, Cazerne or Fontenot are unable to."

"I'll answer, sir. General Bernadotte, as a Major, I am currently quartered in communal housing with multiple other artillery officers, so my place of residence is unsuitable."

"As for me, do you really want to discuss military matters in front of my niece? She's good with numbers and has a sharp memory, but she's not inclined to violence and now I know to keep Poplin away from her."

"Understood. Severin-"

"My beloved wife is pregnant-"

"Congratulations!"

"Congrats, boss!"

"'Grats, chief!"

"Best wishes."

"My condolences!"

"Stop that, Poppy! Just because you're terrified of committed relationships doesn't mean Severin is as well!"

"Ahem, while that may be, I don't understand how that is relevant-"

"Johnny, as you will learn one day, pregnant women can have sharp mood swings, Mon Soleil especially. Unless you're used to her without them, I'll not risk your lives at her mercurial whims. The best way to describe her... she's like a giant, beautiful human-shaped cat. She might be indifferent one moment, affectionate the next, then turn vicious without warning."

"I think we can handle some hurtful words, Severin."

Severin's face takes on a haunted look, his eyes staring unseeing into the distance.

"No, you don't get it. My wife fought in the Americans' Independence War, she had killed dozens of men in the last year of their war, far more men than I before I fought at Mayence. She will also ruthlessly take advantage of inattention. When she was pregnant with Charlie, as her form of "awareness training," she threw kitchen knives at my head. So many close shaves, so many holes in the walls that needed to be patched. Ahem! So trust me, I'm doing this for your safety."

Severin's officers just stare at him in disbelief for a long moment, before Poplin breaks the silence.

"And you had sex with that? Don't you know you're not supposed to stick your di-"

Cazerne slaps his hand over Poplin's mouth before he insults the marshal's wife.

"Hahaha! She might be too much of a woman for you, then Poppy! She can pop a man's head at 200 yards, or strangle him up close, and she can go all night long. Why wouldn't I love her? Don't be like that bastard Lannes, who prefers women interested only in looks, status and money!"

Severin's officers share a long look, before Bernadotte, their unanimously elected spokesman, diplomatically shared what they were all thinking.

"Thank you for your... foresight and consideration, Severin. Shall we get back to it? What exactly are the new rules for riflemen?"

The title is an obvious reference, though there are no dead bodies, thanks to Severin's foresight. Severin may be an honorable sort on the battlefield, but when he's prepping to gain an advantage, he's a cheating cheater who cheats. Severin is an RTS tactical AI, after all. Cheaty buffs and deathball doomstacks.

Sheelie and Heckie are Charlie's nicknames from this omake. Cazerne's niece is an expy of Frederica Greenhill from Legend of the Galactic Heroes. Poplin is an expy of a Legend of the Galactic Heroes character of the same name. He is a young Lt Colonel in charge of II Corp's dragoon regiment. While he is an unrepentant playboy, he does what he can for those under his command. Whether sharing his questionable wisdom or challenging someone who insults his subordinates, he often speaks before he thinks.

Ferdinand Fontenot is an OC, the Major in charge of II Corp's artillery. He is laid-back, reserved and respectful, but with a laconic wit. In battle or when his blood is up, he's loud and energetic, barking orders and shouting encouragement and curses in equal measure. When pressed on his shifting behavior, he says that he's saving his energy for when it counts.

And more evidence that Severin's wife is terrifying and deadly. But in the immortal words of Spike Spiegel:
View: https://youtu.be/wJGE0dFakCU
 
Last edited:
The Champion and the Devil (AvidFicReader)
The Champion and the Devil

The sound of steel on steel rings through the yard as two combatants exchange blows. One a fount of frenetic energy and a storm of mighty blows, a mad grin splitting his scarred face. The other, a portrait of focus and calm; a paragon of control and precision, evading the strikes sent his way and deflecting those he could not. Straining against the force of the latest blow, the image of calm is replaced by a smile that is all teeth. Rolling his wrist to flick his opponent's weapon aside, he then artfully transforms his parry into a counter, disarming his foe with a wrist strike.

"Ha! And that's three! The match is mine once more, Severin!"

Shaking out his hand to relieve the stinging, the defeated marshal replies.
"Ow! Damn, that stings! You really weren't holding back, eh Dumas?"

"We were dead even on points in that last bout, I couldn't let you ruin my spotless record by letting you win. Besides, you've gotten stronger since Toulon. You blew straight through my guard to win the first point, I wasn't about to let you pull the same trick on me twice. And when the hell did you learn to get crafty? Leaving a fake opening to lure me in and punishing me for it! Who are you and what have you done with that mad Swede?"

"Hah! Learned that from what Nick pulled at Messina. Weakened his right flank and dared the Neapolitans to assault Chamans' boys. They fell for it and I rammed my lads straight down their throat. Prince Pony's boys pulled their weight as well, I suppose."

"I still find it hard to believe you manage to get along so well with those two. Davout has always been so cold and aloof, and Murat is such a courtly high-society type I would assume you would get along like oil and water, not to mention the inter-service rivalry."

"He may be a prissy ponce, but I can respect his ability to command horsemen. That and he's willing to dirty those fancy pants of his in personal combat, rather than sit back and let the "filthy commoners" do the work. No offense."

"Yes, in spite of his need to be the best dressed man in every room, he cannot be faulted for his bravery. I did once overhear him telling of how he earned that "most dashing" scar on his cheek in a "cowardly, futile ambush as a sad last gasp of the Austrians in Italy." Or so he claimed to young miss Bonaparte."

"Pfft!" Severin coughs and sputters after his spit-take at Dumas' words. "Damn, you waited for me to start drinking on purpose, didn't you? How devilish of you, living up to your nickname! But that was outside of Milan, and we were trying to hunt down the garrison that fled before our arrival. A squadron of dragoons had passed along that stretch of road not ten minutes prior, but upon seeing Murat's damned fancy pants, they figured they had hooked a big fish and opened the ambush with canister at point blank. Tore our escort apart, and their first volley unhorsed us. Austrians focused on him due to his flamboyant uniform, while I only took a couple of glancing hits. One hit his cheek, and he was wailing about how his face was ruined. He passed out not long after. Then Louis, my boy Charlie, their pal Julian, and a score of riflemen came in like big damned heroes and ran those Austrians off. Nick was about a quarter mile behind them with a brigade of infantry, and that first squadron came back at the sound of the cannon. Broke both my arms, had a bayonet in my ribs, and took a ball to the meat of my thigh. Good times."

"Only you, Severin. Your guardian angel must be working double shifts keeping you alive."

"Ha! From your lips to the Father's ears! But enough about me, tell me about your time in the north! Heard you lot kicked all sorts of ass up and down the Netherlands under that ass Lannes."

"I had heard rumors of your feud, in spite of you both being the godfathers of the Imperial twins. I had hoped they were overblown gossip spread by overbearing courtiers."

"Ah, sorry, Dumas. Forgot he was your friend, especially when it was overshadowed by the news about Kleber. We only got picked due to our unquestionable loyalty- him to Nappy, and me to Therese. We just don't agree... on a lot of things. Why don't you tell me about your campaign, help familiarize me with the terrain and strategic locations of the Netherlands, and maybe I will see some of the qualities that made him friends with you."

Letting out a gusty sigh, Dumas shakes his head in disappointment.
"I had hoped you would at least reserve judgement, or respect his position."

"Hey, this is me you're talking about! I give people silly nicknames to deflate their heads, not heap praise and platitudes on overly inflated egos. Nappy made Lansy a marshal because he was competent and loyal. I can understand that. I know you guys kicked ass in the Netherlands, but I don't know how much of that was him, and how much of that was the corps system being that much better than the old methods everyone else uses. Besides, Lansy insulted my wife, so I insulted his taste in women. Fair's fair, right?"

"I understand being protective of your wife- I would be too were my own insulted- but could you at least not insult him every time you see each other? Balancing my friendship with you and with Jean could quickly become an ugly situation with divided loyalties."

"Eh, Mon Soleil doesn't need me to protect her. I'm handling it this way so she doesn't get involved. That would lead to kidnapping and dismemberment. Best not to think about it too much. She did that kind of thing a lot while fighting the Brits in the Americans' Independence War."

"I find myself questioning your taste in women, but at the same time, everything suddenly makes so much more sense. Of course you and your wife would be a matching set. God must have made you for each other."

"I'm glad you think so! But anyway, tell me more about the Netherlands."

"Well, much of the region is low-lying, and nothing can be considered mountainous. Between the Duchy of Luxembourg, the Austrian Netherlands, and the Batavian Republic, a range of hills can be found in the southeast, bordering Lorraine. There are several major rivers that meet the sea in the west, such as the Scheldt, the Meuse, and the Rhine. The southernmost region, Wallonia-"

Opened the omake with a sparring match between Dumas and Severin. They determine a winner by best of five, because they're competitive, and have the highest combat scores among the stat'ed characters (Samson, Jules' ninja, is higher, but he was a literal murderhobo for a decade). Also, according to prior speculation about who would end up as what class of Fate servant, I wanted to show Severin as a Berserker, and Dumas as a Saber. All my prior omake mentions have Dumas winning every match, though Severin pushes him all the while, to fit their 19 and 18 combat scores, respectively. Severin's false opening ploy is from F/SN Archer (GARcher), and in-universe inspired by Davout's deception at Messina.

Dumas lampshading Severin's uncanny ability to make friends with the most unlikely sorts. Of course, he doesn't pass up the chance to talk shit about Murat and the ambush at Milan. Louis' rescue is a Firefly reference. The Severin family must have a dedicated support network of guardian angels, for all the mortal peril they get into (and out of).

I also wanted to show that Dumas is uncomfortable having to balance his friendship with Lannes with his friendship/working relationship with Severin and their personal feud. And of course, a silly nickname for Lannes as well. Also, have I made Evelyn Severin terrifying enough yet? It doesn't feel like it.

A brief description of the Low Countries/Benelux because I didn't want to do an actual infodump, just imply that it happened.
 
Last edited:
An Offer He Can't Refuse (AvidFicReader)
An Offer He Can't Refuse

Marshal Denis Martin Severin strolled through the interior of Tuileries Palace, humming slightly as he went. The had been no altercation with the Imperial Guard Gendarmes this time, and he had remembered to only bring a minimum of weapons. That first dressing down had been enough of a reminder for him. Still, military aides, palace servants and the occasional courtier have him strange looks as he passed. Perhaps they were unused to seeing a plainly-uniformed officer walking the halls of power unescorted? Or perhaps the sight of a peace-tied weapon in the palace, regardless of it being a marshal's baton? Regardless, Severin adjusts his grasp on the cloth sling bearing his precious cargo before marching on towards his destination.

------------

"Hey there, little fella! Look who's here!"

Severin sweeps into the room, a tempest of vigor and enthusiasm, mirrored by the children he was visiting.

"Unca Sevy! Mama just byebye! Yaaaa!"

"Yaaa! Mama byebye Sevy!"

A maid temporarily watching over the Imperial twins hastily explained the situation.
"Lord Marshal, the Empress left just a few minutes ago to attend to business in the city, an investment meeting of some sort. Before she departed, she left a list of instructions for their care, and I was instructed to hand them to you. And confirm their receipt."

"All right. Orders received." Glancing over the list, Severin spots the provision for Roland to be given to his father, or failing that, to his godfather to be looked after. Alexandre was to remain in Severin's care, having cleared his afternoon specifically to watch his godson. "Very well, I have my orders, you may return to your duties, I'll not keep you. And there's no need for stuffy formality with me, mademoiselle, I'm just Severin to you."

"As you, wish Lor- ahem, Monsieur Severin. If you will excuse me, I'll just go."
The maid promptly flees the room
"I- eh, good enough." Calling after her, Severin shouts, "Have a good day, young mademoiselle, try not to work too hard! Huh, I guess she's enthusiastic about her work?"

As the bundle under his arm begins to wriggle, Severin refocuses his attention.

"Okay little one! Up you go! Here, put my hat on, no one will see you coming."

"Yaa! Hat-hat!"

"Sandy get hat? Want hat!"

"Papa, I be hush-hush still?"

"It's fine Jeanne, you can poke your head out. We just have to take Rolly to Nappy or Lansy before we can play."

"Ya, play!"

"Nappy? Lansy? Wanna Lansy!"

"Well, looks like you're going to Lansy, Rolly. Nappy seems like he's in a big meeting right now."

"Lansy!"

"Rolly wanna Lansy!"

"Papa, papa! Rolly 'n Sandy wanna see Lansy!"

"All right, children, we're off to see Lansy."

The staff and visitors to Tuileries Palace were treated to an unusual sight that afternoon. A plainly-uniformed officer bearing a marshal's baton wearing a bulging cloth sling, his hat moving independently of his head, while carrying one of the imperial princes, poking his head into each room as he marched down the halls.

"Finally! There you are Lansy! Here, fulfil your godfatherly duties and look after Rolly, would you? Nappy's busy with some big meeting or other, so keep him entertained before you end up watching birds across the Rhine, would ya?"

Immediately foisting Roland onto his godfather, Severin begins his orderly withdrawal to the room's door.
"Severin, what the he-"

"Watch your language around children, Lansy! Wouldn't want those impressionable minds learning such profanity, would ya? What would Therese and Nappy think?"

"Lansy!"

"Nappy!"

"Teri!"

"Mama!"

"See, they already recognize names! Lord above knows what else such young minds could pick up from a careless word."

Lannes face is aghast with horror.
"Me? What have you been teaching them?! Such disrespectful form of address for me and their parents! What have you done?"

"Not seeing a problem here, Lansy? Well, here's Rolly. Therese should be back in an hour or two. Don't forget to change him if he sh- soils himself. I'm off. Toodles!"

"Severin, get back here you infuriating buffoon! If I had my pistol I'd shoot you!"

"Lansy shoo' Unca Sevy?"

"Severin!"

Making his escape, Severin double-times it to a certain room he knows is a favorite of a certain marshal and his subordinates.

"Hey Nick! Hey Karl! Soulty! Nick's Leclerc! Hey Gene! Long time no see!"

"Denis, what is going on? And why is your hat moving?"

"Oh, I'm looking after Alexandre today! Say hi to Nick, Sandy!"

"Hi Nick! I Sandy!"

"Don't tell me you kidnapped the crown prince, Denis."

"Relax, I'm his godfather. Besides, Therese knew I'd be taking him today. Left orders and everything with a maid when she had to leave early. Oh, meet my daughter, Jeanne. Brought her for a playdate."

"Hi Nick! Hi Karl! Hi Salty! Hi Clark! Hi Gene! Papa brought me to play with Sandy!"

"Dear Lord, there's another one. Hello Jeanne. Denis. Why did you bring your infant daughter to the Imperial Palace and Army Headquarters?"

"Well, my lovely wife was rather stressed from pregnancy, so I suggested she go target shooting with Louis and Charlie. She might even get to go on a hunt. She hasn't killed anything since December, so she's been rather pent up."

"The two of you are made for each other, I see."

"Kind of you to say so, Nick! Who knows, maybe the love of your life is closer than you think!"

"I doubt it. We should get back to our session."

"Right, don't mind us, I'll just be playing with the children."

"Marshal Severin, do you have to do that here? The noise of playing children will be distracting."

"Well, Soulty, if you can't handle the sounds of two energetic children, then how will you handle the noise and distraction of a battlefield? You were a sergeant, I'm sure you can manage. In fact, think of it like training! I'll be sure to be extra loud and distracting, so you can practice making decisions and issuing orders under pressure!"

"Sir! Marshal Davout! I must protest!"

"Proceed, Denis. Charles, let's continue."

"Aye, sir!"

"Raagh! I'm gonna eat you up!"

Hiding under the hat, Alexandre proclaims invisibility.
"Unca Sevy no see! Hat is hat!"

"I gonna fight the papa monster! Yaaah!" Jeanne throws a beanbag that hits Severin in the face, who proceeds to fall and roll on the floor emitting various silly death noises.

"Oh, I am slain! Gurk gack blugh bleh!"

"Ah, Severin's normal, all fucked up."

"Le gasp! Nick! Language!"

Severin being Severin, the omake. I was going to make the ax head for his baton removable, but that would weaken it as a weapon and make things more complicated in universe, then I remembered peace-tying was a thing. It's when you tie string or cordage around a sheathed weapon in such a way that it is slow, difficult and obvious to draw, and a way for officers to keep their weapons while at meeting under truce, ceasefire or negotiating peace. Much simpler this way.

Is the maid embarrassed? Is she terrified of interacting with a social superior (even if he doesn't treat it that way)? Is she a workaholic? Does she have a crush? I'll leave it to you readers to judge why the maid was so quick to leave. Severin doesn't know.

Didn't you know, it's bring your daughter to army headquarters day? Yes, Severin "smuggled" his daughter into Tuileries Palace for a playdate. The Imperial Guard Gendarmes were amused. She told them it's a secret. Jeanne Therese takes after her father when it comes to subterfuge, I suppose. To be fair, she's like 18 months, or something. Deffo under two.

Corrupting the youth with silly nicknames? For shame, Severin! Wait, he has no shame. Whoops! Imagine the sight of a Marshal of France on babysitting duty, with the 18th century equivalent of a baby carrier.

A vulgar German pun I learned from this video.

Severin being an ass to Lannes without swearing and trying to trip him up. Severin is good with kids, yo. There's nothing like your rival/enemy screaming your name in impotent rage, amirite?

Nick is Louis-Nicholas Davout, Karl is Louis Charles Antoine Desaix, Soulty (pronounced salty, because he's an inferior version of Severin) is Jean-de-Dieu Soult. Nick's Leclerc is Lucien Leclerc, distant cousin of Charles Victorie Emmanuel Leclerc (coincidentally, Davout was happily married to the latter Leclerc's sister Louise Aimée Julie Leclerc from 1801 OTL. Gene is Reynaud Eugene Estienne, goes by Eugene. As funny as it would be for Severin to call him REE, Gene makes more sense. Desaix and Soult are Davout's infantry division commanders, Leclerc is his cavalry brigade commander, and Estienne is his artillery detachment commander.

And yes, the title is a Godfather reference that applies to Severin dumping Roland on Lannes, and Severin imposing on Davout and his officers.

Severin is this timeline's origin of the term SNAFU (situation normal, all f*cked up). And once again, the irony of Severin calling others out on their language amuses me.
 
Back
Top