- Location
- Just close enough to food
Ah, the crazy ninja Nazi likes you because of how insane you are when fighting. Not the best compliment to get, but a compliment none the less.
H+ Mayhem (Worm)
- Thread starter Jurric
- Start date
-
- Tags
- worm tinker transhumanism mayhem
- Pronouns
- she/her
Look at it this way:
He gets to beat Nazis.
Beating Nazis gets him new tech options.
Beating Nazis teaches him to fight.
Beating Nazis teaches his emergency combat mode to fight.
The Nazis reward him for this with supplies and resources.
Heh.
I kinda like what his pain editor is doing to both his handling of injury and his rep.
I kinda like what his pain editor is doing to both his handling of injury and his rep.
kairuf
(Verified Kaiger) (Not the Siberian)
- Location
- The land of Potatoes
I don't think that I would like a Cricked girl either...
Well you just replicated the classic Rake's escape by wooing her into unconsciousness and exiting stage left. Unfortunately you seem to have forgotten that the purpose of the Rake's escape is to inflame the passions of the wooed.
Looks like that purchase in the espionage tree might have backfired a bit.
Or rolled a critical success if you turn your head and squint a bit.
Also interestingly enough my autocorrect only needed the esp to to pull up espionage.
I am slightly concerned.
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Older-than-Time
[Eating My Muse]
- Location
- Somewhere in the Sol System
- Pronouns
- He/Him/ThatIdiot
Well, there can be only one end to this.
Little children that can call Bonesaw best auntie.
Little children that can call Bonesaw best auntie.
- Location
- Australia
I don't think that I would like a Cricked girl either...
Thanks, fixed.
Malbutorius
C'est le bien qui fait mal
I knew something would go wrong. You have the crazy girl after you!
- Location
- The Internet?
Got around to reading the latest two snips. As ever, hope this helps.
Try it as 'were' if you're talking about the fear aspects.
swap for 'whose.' Use who's when you mean who is or who has, and whose otherwise
See above. Unless that is an Australian/British spelling you might want 'frickin'
'off'
You might want to capitalize Master. TBH in the story Wildbow seemed pretty inconsistent in keeping them capitalized, so you're probably fine. At this point I think it's just personal choice. Right now you're consistently keeping them lowercase so you should be in the clear. Just putting it out there. You can ask a more experienced Worm writer or put it to the wormverse thread if you care to make an issue of it. Like I said you should be fine.
'gets'
Hookwolf doesn't strike me as writing an epilogue. Use 'afterwards'
You need to change 'to' to 'too' two times.
'whose' 'They'
If one of the combatants was Stormtiger be sure to mention that of course.
If Eagle Head Baldy or Blonde man is Stormtiger one would hope it was mentioned a bit earlier. If the contestants changed, you could mention it with something like 'the fights progressed, different competitors taking turns fighting inside the ring'
Seems awkward. Try: even lower
Or: simpler
Or: less complex
You don't need the hyphen. I mean it's fine either way; they're functionally identical. To me one less thing to type seems simpler, but it's up to you.
No errors, just a suggestion. He was showboating with the taser and now he's encouraging them to cut loose a little bit. You can add a word or phrase describing how he said this to show the reader he's getting cocky. Making his upcoming beat down more significant about how he's here to learn.
jetpack's
Should be: Newton's
Sentence seems like it goes on a bit. Highlighted a good splitting point if you agree giving it a second look: I could have dampened the blow-back, got around Newton's third law by releasing the energy as light to be converted only when it struck someone. Instead I allowed it to spin me, planning to use my momentum to quickly turn to the next attacker.
Should be 'off'
You don't need to capitalize the bones
You can break it up into two sentences if you feel like it.
If Hookwolf is pausing, then using the ellipses works. If this is just Mayhem thinking about the wording then I believe you can stick with commas. Your call.
Use: 'too'
Try it as 'were' if you're talking about the fear aspects.
swap for 'whose.' Use who's when you mean who is or who has, and whose otherwise
See above. Unless that is an Australian/British spelling you might want 'frickin'
'off'
You might want to capitalize Master. TBH in the story Wildbow seemed pretty inconsistent in keeping them capitalized, so you're probably fine. At this point I think it's just personal choice. Right now you're consistently keeping them lowercase so you should be in the clear. Just putting it out there. You can ask a more experienced Worm writer or put it to the wormverse thread if you care to make an issue of it. Like I said you should be fine.
'gets'
Hookwolf doesn't strike me as writing an epilogue. Use 'afterwards'
You need to change 'to' to 'too' two times.
'whose' 'They'
If one of the combatants was Stormtiger be sure to mention that of course.
If Eagle Head Baldy or Blonde man is Stormtiger one would hope it was mentioned a bit earlier. If the contestants changed, you could mention it with something like 'the fights progressed, different competitors taking turns fighting inside the ring'
Seems awkward. Try: even lower
Or: simpler
Or: less complex
You don't need the hyphen. I mean it's fine either way; they're functionally identical. To me one less thing to type seems simpler, but it's up to you.
No errors, just a suggestion. He was showboating with the taser and now he's encouraging them to cut loose a little bit. You can add a word or phrase describing how he said this to show the reader he's getting cocky. Making his upcoming beat down more significant about how he's here to learn.
jetpack's
Should be: Newton's
Sentence seems like it goes on a bit. Highlighted a good splitting point if you agree giving it a second look: I could have dampened the blow-back, got around Newton's third law by releasing the energy as light to be converted only when it struck someone. Instead I allowed it to spin me, planning to use my momentum to quickly turn to the next attacker.
Should be 'off'
You don't need to capitalize the bones
You can break it up into two sentences if you feel like it.
If Hookwolf is pausing, then using the ellipses works. If this is just Mayhem thinking about the wording then I believe you can stick with commas. Your call.
Use: 'too'
Tisaku
Head Chief Thinkomancer
- Location
- Australia
I kinda like the Nazis so far, I'm sad that odds are bad things will happen to them. GJ Jurric
Like bomb deployed and thread watched. Once the repulser was installed into his hand, I got some pretty heavy Ezekiel Stane vibes.
This is not a bad thing.
Congratulations on making the White Supremacist scum likable. I look forward to seeing how you deal with the inevitable attachment and the break from the organization.
This is not a bad thing.
Congratulations on making the White Supremacist scum likable. I look forward to seeing how you deal with the inevitable attachment and the break from the organization.
1.M
- Location
- Australia
"Are you sure that you want to do this?" Chief Director Costa-Brown asked Miss Militia.
"I don't want to, but I feel that I need to." Miss Militia told her, pacing back and forth in front of the camera.
"What if I told you that Piggot is under assessment, and is likely to be reassigned?" Costa-Brown asked.
"I'm sorry, I don't think that would change anything. I've looked into the other directors, and I don't think there's a single one who doesn't see this as a war. They think in terms of tactical advantage, they see us as soldiers, resources, threats. This isn't a war, these are people, people with problems. Our job isn't to fight, it's to help people."
"If this is about Shadow Stalker and Mayhem, you should know that I support Piggot's decisions. Not her incompetence in letting Shadow Stalker act out so violently, not her inability to hold a tinker with no tools or tech to back him up, her decisions. Shadow Stalker was a potent deterrent to the local gangs, and a bio-tinker luring the Slaugherhouse Nine into a population center is something we needed to stop. Mayhem had to be arrested, and while the arrest wasn't handled well, that doesn't change the fact that we could have helped him. We could have moved him somewhere safe, and made sure that we didn't learn the full scope of his abilities the hard way." Costa-Brown said.
"It wasn't that." Miss Militia said. "Mayhem proved he would never have fit in as a hero. It was because I finally had time to think. Time to remember. There are a lot of reasons I'm leaving Director. The way that I've seen the Protectorate operate in recent years, the way that New Wave has been treated for trying to maintain independence, and how kindly they have treated me in return. Our tactics, our morals… I don't want to leave, I want to look at all these petty things and let them slide. I want to just look at how stable we are here, compared to Africa or Japan, and think that this is good enough. But that isn't my job. My job is to make things better, and to do that I need to warn the Protectorate that their path is flawed. My letters have been ignored, my resignation will not be."
"You believe that everyone should be like New Wave, accountable, open superheroes without government backing?" Costa-Brown asked.
"No. I think that their path is also flawed. There is such a thing as being too idealistic. I simply feel that it is less flawed than what we have."
"And you're led to feel this way by a few mistakes, a mishandled Ward, and a general atmosphere of hostility?" Costa-Brown said, her eyes narrowing.
"No. Not just that. Other things as well. I have a perfect memory Director. A voice can be changed, eyes can wear contact lenses, but you never did manage to find a uniform as durable as you were. Glimpses seen during Endbringer battles that other people can barely recall, I can remember in perfect clarity." Miss Militia said, slowly stopping her pacing, and turning to face the screen.
"I watched you figure that out as a Ward under my care. You never asked, I cannot explain it to you without compromising secrets above your pay-grade. Why bring it up now?" Alexandria said softly.
"Because you were my role model. You were the only member of the Protectorate who spoke enough Kurdish to explain things to me. You taught me to fight. You taught me to do what is right. When I asked myself, 'what would Alexandria do,' this is what came to mind."
Director Costa-Brown frowned, and rubbed her eyes.
"Do what you need to Hannah. We'll be sorry to see you go."
The screen went black, and Miss Militia let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding.
It was hard to leave what she had built for herself behind, a career, a pathway to the future. She wasn't even sure if it was the right choice. She'd done a lot of thinking, lying crippled on the hospital bed. Thinking about the future, about the past, about the things she had seen and the things she had done. She'd been looking for a cause to fight for, something she could believe in again, with the same fire and zeal she'd had when she began her career as a hero.
And then a young healer had come along, bearing an almost tangible weight. There was something there, something a hero might be able to fix. Someone she might be able to save.
There were other reasons of course. Gratitude, for starters. Panacea had saved her life twice. Once when she stopped the stumps of her arms bleeding. Once when she used the spare bio-mass the hospital provided to restore her missing limbs. What she'd been telling Alexandria was far from a lie, but it also wasn't the whole truth.
Costa-Brown must have been busy. She had called late, after the going away party, which her other team members bar Armsmaster had attended, and even he had sent a card and a bulletproof costume. There had been recriminations, Assault had tried to convince Battery to leave as well, citing 'better scenery' and had been punched for his trouble. He wasn't off probation yet anyway, New Wave wouldn't have him.
Piggot was waiting for her in what had once been her office, and Miss Militia stiffened. She'd been trying to avoid this. For a second she considered leaving her personal effects, a few pictures of herself in costume, and a small statue of Lady Liberty that the Wards had given her as a present, but avoiding a confrontation was one thing, running away was another.
Miss Militia nodded to Piggot as she entered, picked up the pictures and put them into a cardboard box. Piggot spoke as she reached for the statue.
"The Wards will miss you. Vista especially." Piggot told her.
"I will also miss them." Miss Militia said softly.
"Your resignation letter was quite clear, but I wish you'd given me more warning. The press conference is going to be a nightmare, and you haven't discussed it with our PR team yet."
"I won't be discussing it with them at all. I know what I am going to say."
"You are legally required to talk with them. It was in your contract."
"I am required to pay a fine of two thousand dollars for breach of that clause. You'll find the check on your desk." Miss Militia said, closing the door quickly as she left.
It was a long walk out from the rig, through the undersea tunnel. Miss Militia's car had been a company one. She was still looking for a replacement.
Sarah Pelham was waiting for her at the end of the tunnel, just outside the restricted entrance. Miss Militia took her mask off regretfully.
"Did everything go well Hannah?" Sarah asked her.
"Quite well. My name isn't Hannah though."
"Oh?" Sarah asked,
"My name is Hana. It always has been. It is a small thing to 'Americanize' it, too petty too worry about a different stress on one syllable, a few changed letters. Small things, when people are dying, and children are suffering."
Sarah unlocked her car, and Hana placed her box into it in silence, then opened the door to get into the passenger seat.
"It is a small thing, but… sometimes, if action is not taken, small things can become big." Hana said softly.
"Everything starts small." Sarah agreed. "Stopping something horrible in the bud is safer, easier… not quite sure what you're talking about specifically though."
"Hmm… To be honest, neither am I." Hana said, shaking her head and smiling in bemusement. "Sorry. I got a little introspective there."
"Hey, you're only just out of hospital. Having your arms cut off is a pretty life changing experience, even if they are grown back. You're allowed to take some time to get your head on straight."
"Thank you. How is Vista's emancipation going?"
"Quite well. It's not Carol's area of expertise at all of course, but some bigwig in the construction industry offered to have his legal team help out in exchange for a few patrols in his area. Apparently the Merchants have been harassing some of the Fortress Construction workers."
"I don't want to, but I feel that I need to." Miss Militia told her, pacing back and forth in front of the camera.
"What if I told you that Piggot is under assessment, and is likely to be reassigned?" Costa-Brown asked.
"I'm sorry, I don't think that would change anything. I've looked into the other directors, and I don't think there's a single one who doesn't see this as a war. They think in terms of tactical advantage, they see us as soldiers, resources, threats. This isn't a war, these are people, people with problems. Our job isn't to fight, it's to help people."
"If this is about Shadow Stalker and Mayhem, you should know that I support Piggot's decisions. Not her incompetence in letting Shadow Stalker act out so violently, not her inability to hold a tinker with no tools or tech to back him up, her decisions. Shadow Stalker was a potent deterrent to the local gangs, and a bio-tinker luring the Slaugherhouse Nine into a population center is something we needed to stop. Mayhem had to be arrested, and while the arrest wasn't handled well, that doesn't change the fact that we could have helped him. We could have moved him somewhere safe, and made sure that we didn't learn the full scope of his abilities the hard way." Costa-Brown said.
"It wasn't that." Miss Militia said. "Mayhem proved he would never have fit in as a hero. It was because I finally had time to think. Time to remember. There are a lot of reasons I'm leaving Director. The way that I've seen the Protectorate operate in recent years, the way that New Wave has been treated for trying to maintain independence, and how kindly they have treated me in return. Our tactics, our morals… I don't want to leave, I want to look at all these petty things and let them slide. I want to just look at how stable we are here, compared to Africa or Japan, and think that this is good enough. But that isn't my job. My job is to make things better, and to do that I need to warn the Protectorate that their path is flawed. My letters have been ignored, my resignation will not be."
"You believe that everyone should be like New Wave, accountable, open superheroes without government backing?" Costa-Brown asked.
"No. I think that their path is also flawed. There is such a thing as being too idealistic. I simply feel that it is less flawed than what we have."
"And you're led to feel this way by a few mistakes, a mishandled Ward, and a general atmosphere of hostility?" Costa-Brown said, her eyes narrowing.
"No. Not just that. Other things as well. I have a perfect memory Director. A voice can be changed, eyes can wear contact lenses, but you never did manage to find a uniform as durable as you were. Glimpses seen during Endbringer battles that other people can barely recall, I can remember in perfect clarity." Miss Militia said, slowly stopping her pacing, and turning to face the screen.
"I watched you figure that out as a Ward under my care. You never asked, I cannot explain it to you without compromising secrets above your pay-grade. Why bring it up now?" Alexandria said softly.
"Because you were my role model. You were the only member of the Protectorate who spoke enough Kurdish to explain things to me. You taught me to fight. You taught me to do what is right. When I asked myself, 'what would Alexandria do,' this is what came to mind."
Director Costa-Brown frowned, and rubbed her eyes.
"Do what you need to Hannah. We'll be sorry to see you go."
The screen went black, and Miss Militia let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding.
It was hard to leave what she had built for herself behind, a career, a pathway to the future. She wasn't even sure if it was the right choice. She'd done a lot of thinking, lying crippled on the hospital bed. Thinking about the future, about the past, about the things she had seen and the things she had done. She'd been looking for a cause to fight for, something she could believe in again, with the same fire and zeal she'd had when she began her career as a hero.
And then a young healer had come along, bearing an almost tangible weight. There was something there, something a hero might be able to fix. Someone she might be able to save.
There were other reasons of course. Gratitude, for starters. Panacea had saved her life twice. Once when she stopped the stumps of her arms bleeding. Once when she used the spare bio-mass the hospital provided to restore her missing limbs. What she'd been telling Alexandria was far from a lie, but it also wasn't the whole truth.
Costa-Brown must have been busy. She had called late, after the going away party, which her other team members bar Armsmaster had attended, and even he had sent a card and a bulletproof costume. There had been recriminations, Assault had tried to convince Battery to leave as well, citing 'better scenery' and had been punched for his trouble. He wasn't off probation yet anyway, New Wave wouldn't have him.
Piggot was waiting for her in what had once been her office, and Miss Militia stiffened. She'd been trying to avoid this. For a second she considered leaving her personal effects, a few pictures of herself in costume, and a small statue of Lady Liberty that the Wards had given her as a present, but avoiding a confrontation was one thing, running away was another.
Miss Militia nodded to Piggot as she entered, picked up the pictures and put them into a cardboard box. Piggot spoke as she reached for the statue.
"The Wards will miss you. Vista especially." Piggot told her.
"I will also miss them." Miss Militia said softly.
"Your resignation letter was quite clear, but I wish you'd given me more warning. The press conference is going to be a nightmare, and you haven't discussed it with our PR team yet."
"I won't be discussing it with them at all. I know what I am going to say."
"You are legally required to talk with them. It was in your contract."
"I am required to pay a fine of two thousand dollars for breach of that clause. You'll find the check on your desk." Miss Militia said, closing the door quickly as she left.
It was a long walk out from the rig, through the undersea tunnel. Miss Militia's car had been a company one. She was still looking for a replacement.
Sarah Pelham was waiting for her at the end of the tunnel, just outside the restricted entrance. Miss Militia took her mask off regretfully.
"Did everything go well Hannah?" Sarah asked her.
"Quite well. My name isn't Hannah though."
"Oh?" Sarah asked,
"My name is Hana. It always has been. It is a small thing to 'Americanize' it, too petty too worry about a different stress on one syllable, a few changed letters. Small things, when people are dying, and children are suffering."
Sarah unlocked her car, and Hana placed her box into it in silence, then opened the door to get into the passenger seat.
"It is a small thing, but… sometimes, if action is not taken, small things can become big." Hana said softly.
"Everything starts small." Sarah agreed. "Stopping something horrible in the bud is safer, easier… not quite sure what you're talking about specifically though."
"Hmm… To be honest, neither am I." Hana said, shaking her head and smiling in bemusement. "Sorry. I got a little introspective there."
"Hey, you're only just out of hospital. Having your arms cut off is a pretty life changing experience, even if they are grown back. You're allowed to take some time to get your head on straight."
"Thank you. How is Vista's emancipation going?"
"Quite well. It's not Carol's area of expertise at all of course, but some bigwig in the construction industry offered to have his legal team help out in exchange for a few patrols in his area. Apparently the Merchants have been harassing some of the Fortress Construction workers."
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- Location
- italy
HALPING!!
Am I Stange?
The "r" took one look at me and promptly ran away.
Wait, so Mayhem used one of Armsmaster's halberds to cut off Miss Militia's arms? Well, now we know were the blood he was covered in came from. Seems a bit excessive though, but Mayhem already showed itself to be a bit too happy breaking limbs in the 'training' with the Empire.
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First it's changing your name, next thing you know you're speaking a terrible southern accent, it's a slippery slope Hana.
- Location
- Upstate NY, USA
- Pronouns
- Fjf
Even Clockblocker thinks that pun is awful.
Jackercracks
In a British accent
- Location
- England
That update was soft, gentle, subtle while also saying everything it needed to. Do you have any idea how rare that is in fanfiction? How difficult it is to walk that fine line properly? How few authors are capable of such a feat of spot on characterisation?
The echoes of your silence have blown me away.
The echoes of your silence have blown me away.
I love Hana catching Alexandria out with the PR bit. The PRT has probably caught out Hero's resigning before with that clause because they can't remember it.
The PR damage of Miss Militia resigning in protest over the PRT's many flaws will be immense. Depending what she says it may do long term damage to the PRT's reputation.
The PR damage of Miss Militia resigning in protest over the PRT's many flaws will be immense. Depending what she says it may do long term damage to the PRT's reputation.
JamesB
You needed worthy opponents.
- Location
- Kansas
So, Coil is being helpful for a change? Though this would help get Piggot out and him in as Director, at also significantly weakens the forces he would be leading.
Khepri14
Thus kindly I scatter...
- Location
- Following the wind
COIL!!!
Never assume that Coil is being helpful. The man poisons everything he touches. He'll probably find some way to hold it over Vista's head or something.
The Stormbringer
Worm Fanfic & Crack Connoisseur
- Location
- Spaaaaace~!
And potentially adopting Vista!