it turns out the thing i needed to break this creative stalemate was just caffeine crash and 10cc's of petty bitch. i swear to god trying to write these feels like i'm one of x-billion marvel villains trying to create y-new version of the hulk. every night i'm trying out a new configuration on the formula and every night minus, like, one or two i just get an awkward ten issue run that's immediately rebooted.
DROWN THE MOON (ABRIDGED) - EPISODE TWO: INHALE
Interlude: Episode 2.1: The Beating of Hideous Hearts
Curio, lightly splattered in rain dragon gore:
Curio: "Hey Orochi, did someone important die?"
Orochi, literally still scrubbing off Tenepeshu's blood: "Very probably yes."
Curio: "Oh."
Curio:
Curio: "Were they supposed to?"
Orochi, pouring bottles of shampoo into his long luscious locks: "No."
Curio: "Huh."
Curio:
Curio: "Did you know Jangma is hot? I wonder if he's single."
Orochi, slipping into a whole new outfit and redoing his nails: "My boyfriend is attractive yes."
Curio: "Who?"
Orochi: "Nobody."
Curio: "Ah."
Curio:
Curio: "Hey Orochi, why do you stay in Champoor and tied to all these people and places instead of completely severing yourself from all long term relationships, shucking your skin completely, and wandering from place to place with only the barest relation to normal human social interaction and sense of self-definition?"
Orochi: "Because despite all coding I'm not actually the sociopath in this relationship."
Curio: "
this isn't a relationship"
Orochi: "I'm literally your best and only friend."
Ten Thousand Paranoid Centipedes In A Department Store Mannequin, fleeing into the night: "
fAkE neWS FRoM ThE FAilInG ChAMpooRi tIMes"
Episode 2 starts in earnest right around where Episode 1 left off. A brief rundown on the situation (triad-head-turned-de-facto-head-of-state-rain-dragon-Tenepeshu is hella dead and was also the person we were supposed to be wooing on the silver pact side, several dogs have been fucked and in a shocking turn for Lunars none of them by the party the wonders of 3e will
never fucking cease, and we've got a brief window to investigate it before the death becomes unconcealable and Champoor disintegrates into infighting), a brief rundown on why we want to kill Governor Adlahkta (murder is cool and also he's a huge asshole who keeps trying to get the city crusaded and also he's one of the last few rotted strands of direct Prasadi control on Champoor and also if we kill the Governor we can keep Sinla as a hostage, rad), and Orochi gets a direct peek into Sinla's whole deal courtesy of his Mads Mikkelsen vision (and finds out he's a genuinely sweet kid who loves the city and is overall super likable, genuinely believes in helping his lessers, and is also hella traumatized. "Hell yes," says Orochi, leafing through Arms of the Chosen to find the Eva write up and ordering shiny square glasses).
So the gang gets to planning and immediately hits a wall. Namely: Bian thinks that killing people is wrong and is spinning the dialogue wheel like a BioWare protag and squinting at a game guide, Orochi is 100% going to kill the guy because it's easier than getting a better personality in terms of "how do I endear myself to this Small Political Hostage" and honestly he was somewhere on the To Murder List anyway once the purges got started, Coyote provisionally agrees that murder might not solve
everything but hedges his bets on murder maybe solving
this thing, while Wren's main contribution is a backup strain of antibiotic resistant syphilis just in case. Still a pretty solid start considering that between Tenepeshu dying and the brain storming session they somehow took enough dick that their brain just looks like a sponge floating in a glass of milk. Curio still isn't conceptually sold on the existence of Champoor or why people would care about it, but then she remembers that she can get DB Kevin Spacey to sign her copy of Baby Driver and cheers up a little.
The infiltration of the Prasadi diplomatic compound goes off pretty well. Curio and Wren helpfully distract most of the people in the dusty place with an intricate interpretive dance as a bird and a wasp and the nth dimension sexual gravity of the display temporarily warps the geography of the compound. Coyote-Among-Chads stays on overwatch while Orochi and Bian slip in (and lord doesn't shapeshifting make this hella easy). Orochi finds Cakori Buno's unsettling as fuck accountants-office-turned-sex-dungeon. Fortunately Buno's a general scumbag instead of a precise scumbag 'cause whew, transparently preying on young boys would never have been enough to set him up for failure, but massive and badly hidden fraud? Hell yeah. Meanwhile Bian lurks around the Governor's meeting with Jeyen Te, the de facto head of the Five Fingers and the DB sorcerer who first made the pact with Tenepeshu that let her take over the city. The Governor's bitching at Jeyen Te because Champoori pays taxes like the long lost third Koch brother and Jeyen Te's bitching back because he's angry and itchin' for a killin'. Bian uses her Gaslight Reality Charms to sow conflict between Buno and Adlahkta and steals the Governor's logbook. Orochi uses
his Gaslight Reality Charms to pin the blame for the Governor's murder on Buno and then spikes the man's tea with lethal amounts of blood thinner.
Everyone pats themselves on the back for a job well done. Reality would pat herself too but deep down she knows this is all her fault.
Cut to a night later outside a seedy fucking brothel on the bad side of a triad-run town, we know Buno frequents it and right now we're just waiting as various thematically appropriate animals for the fireworks to start and the furious governor to beat the shit out of Buno and ideally die trying. Wren helpfully gathers a ground by twerking madly in the face of public decency and lord, honestly, if this was an anime or some shit Wren would 100% have Mako-from-KLK-esque sequences just...wildly raunchier. The governor shows up and is trying to remember the five warning signs for a stroke but it's pretty hard with all this blood pooling in his body. Buno comes stumbling out drunk off his ass and basically pantsless, the fatally poisoned and the terminally scumbag do their big anima flare ups and Buno does his best One Punch Man impression.
And then kills him. Whoop, down goes the Governor.
Dead.
(And this is one of the things I really like about DTM's tone, death is...almost comical in its absurdity, it's suddenness and general lack of grace. Messy and bloody and sometimes fast and never clean.)
At which point Curio, having paid attention to maybe one in three words in the briefing cranks up her effective Appearance to 10+ and walks out into the street to ask Buno what it was like working with Ansel Elgort. By which I mean to say she compresses several hours of bleak retroactive horror at a well of the spiritual contamination down into a single fucked up head tilt, some undercranking and a nearly-cheery "Hello". At which point the crowd Wren gathered loses their shit, Buno fleets into the night sans-pants, the deed is done and subsequently pinned on an entirely deserving target that Curio is now philosophically horny for.
The day is saved.
You're
welcome.
We return to the Lady's Smile for some general wrap up. Orochi is in a good mood so he's putting more effort into spackling over that sucking hole where his morals should be, Bian is relieved that none of us had to kill anyone and it was just an unfortunate but ultimately associated coincidence, Wren genuinely thought that Lunar circles would involve more orgies and less Gotham Noire by Singapore but whatever they can pick up the former somewhere else, Coyote looms at a small child for the blood on his hands, Curio realizes she forgot to actually get the autograph.
And so our side of the bargain upheld Sinla tells us what he saw: he was originally on the roof of the Five Fingers compound because he wanted to sneak into an audience with Tenepeshu and offer her the same deal he ending up offering us. But while he was up there he saw Firefly (the head of the Old House of Nagara) arguing intensely with the rain dragon, before seeing what he was
pretty sure was a powerful necrotic spirit slip into the room and begin chewing at the foundations of the statue. And Firefly's daughter, Isi Nagara who we met in the waiting room that night?
She's a necromancer.
But then Sinla kinda poses the cynical twist to us: this isn't really more than a useful lead from a dubious source. He's just a kid, without a family now or place to call home, and he's not exactly a stellar source. The Circle has a lot of leeway in how they handle this and can basically fabricate the blame against anyone they want, free of repercussion as long as they make it convincing. We all kind of mull that over IC before we decide to deal with it in the morning. For now we've made progress on the investigation, we've got some control of the situation, and right now we're just trying to figure out who between Bian and Orochi is going to host Sinla. It's not great but things are better. Almost even nice.
And then a maid bursts in screaming, to tell us that Tenepeshu is dead.
Cut to the
goddamn credits.
Trufax we're acting like it's a big fight over right and wrong and who's actually going to be in charge of Creation.
But really it's just a fight over who has custody of Sinla.
it's important to me that everyone understands exactly how accurate this is