Overlady of Escalation
Fencer
Writer
- Location
- 2nd shift
- Pronouns
- He/Him
AN: I was working on Archer…. How did I end up finishing this thing instead?
Anyone ever heard of the game overlord? I hadn't until I stumbled across a few crossovers, good lord the crack it produces. At least when the writers don't go for murder spree, torture, and rape. Why people? Just why? Crack is good!
Anyway, the concept goes like this: random person (read protagonist) is uhhh recruited? Kidnapped? Given a sales pitch they can't turn down for fear of unsupervised super goblins running around undirected? Become the evil overlord, manage the horde of minions, do stereotypical fantasy evil stuff, get a harem, profit. Etc etc etc.
Only that doesn't work so well in a modern setting because .50 cals. Rocket propelled grenades, drones, tanks etc etc etc. magic is kick ass, but ballistic missiles are a thing. Capes make it even less of a stand out.
So why bother with a cross that just makes someone a target? Because my muse said so. Up for adoption, please I don't think I can actually write a crack fic but I want to break a rib laughing.
{}{}{}{} Amy POV
Coming too inside a dark stone room that wouldn't be out of place in a haunted castle was… very much not something I expected, or liked. But it meant the Nine probably weren't the ones who had captured me. Their bases were pretty much always abandoned buildings or buildings where they had killed the previous occupants. Hearing people shouting in English was at least reassuring in that I wouldn't be playing charades with whoever kidnapped me.
"What the hell were you idiots thinking, kidnapping someone! I gave you very specific rules which included not kidnapping anyone!" The voice was young female and furious.
Oh well… that could be either really good or really bad. Either I'd have a sack shoved over my face and get let loose near a town somewhere or I was going to get shot and buried in a shallow grave. Wonderful.
"Mistress! We are no kidnappings no one!" Said someone who sounded like they gargled gravel for fun
"… I'm sorry, I was under the impression that you idiots just told me there was someone in one of the cells. The cells we don't ever use because I ordered you not to kidnap anyone. So, if you didn't kidnap someone what is a person doing in one of the cells?!"
"We is ex-fill-traitering assent of grave value to mistress! So stripy naked woman no eat the assent!"
"Stripy naked woman? … The Siberian? You, you rescued someone from the Slaughterhouse 9?"
"No!"
"Of course nots!" A second gravelly voice chimed in.
"Rescues are being heroic! We no is doing that! This was ex-fill-traitering!" The first gravelly voice said.
"Right. Silly me. Minions would never do anything heroic. Forgive me for slandering your bad reputations." The girl said with a very respectable amount of sarcasm as the door finally swung open.
Backlit by torches were three figures. A lanky teenage girl with black hair, glasses, and a gauntlet that belonged on a heavy metal cover. Flanking her on either side were creatures.
They were gangly things with long limbs and tails. Brown skin covered frankly ugly faces containing fanged grins and pointy ears. They must have stood about four and a half feet high and were dressed in an odd mix of filthy clothes and each carried a club.
"Oh fuck. Tell me I'm not in Ellisburg!"
The girl rolled her eyes.
"You are not in Ellisburg. They are not Nilbog's creatures, and because it'll probably be the next few things you think to ask; no, I'm not going to kill, or torture, or hurt you."
"… Ok, that's good. I can work with that, probably. I'm not being chased by the cannibal stripper anymore so that's definitely something. Thank you?"
The sound of little bells coming down the hallway caused the girl to groan. Holding up a finger she turned and walked towards the sound.
"Defiler of maid- oooph!" There was a loud sound of something hitting flesh.
"How does the blasted Jester keep escaping?! I swear he's dumber than any of you, which is saying something! And yet he always escapes? The heck does he do, eat the chains?!"
"Er yes, Mistress." One of the goblin things answered. "You is not knowing that?"
"… No, Sock. I did not know that. How the hell is he eating through chain?"
"Is very rusty chain. We no loot new chains. Not enough for imp-prisson-ings. Just nuff for swinging at peoples." Sock answered.
"And at other minions!" The other creature said.
The girl walked back into view dragging a third goblin wearing a ratty jester cap by one ear.
"You sure the blues would bring him back if I killed him?"
Sock nodded.
"No one be liking Jester, but we all be liking kicking Jester."
"Right. Of course."
The girl snarled and waved me out of the room. She then chucked the Jester into the same cell before slamming and barring the door. With precise motions she turned and glared at the goblin things.
"From now on if you idiots want to beat up the Jester you do it in his cell, where he can't run away."
"Yes, Overlady!" The two things shouted.
"Sorry about all this." The girl muttered as she led me through the dark hallways. "What's your name?"
"Amy." I decided not to mention my hero name.
"Nice to meet you, Amy. Now let's talk about getting you home and away from this God forsaken tower."
"Just like that? No ransom, no demands of silence?"
"You are currently at least two miles underground in the lowest portion of my tower which is itself inside a massive cave structure. The dimensions and aesthetic of the cave change every three to five days. Lava flows, stalagmites, and glowing crystals are all semi regular features. I believe a previous Overlord or Overlady did something that causes the tower to teleport between cave systems at random intervals. I'm not even sure what continent we are on right now, never mind where we will be tomorrow." The girl's deadpan delivery of such a ridiculous claim had me pause mid step then left me rushing to catch up.
"So, no. No demands of silence. Ransom? I don't even know who you are or why the idiots grabbed you they seem to think you are a potentially valuable asset and I'm glad they stopped the Siberian from killing you… though I'd love to know how they managed that…" She shook her head. "But that's not what I'm about and there's no reason to inconvenience you."
"… Ok, I'm sorry, but I'm just completely confused now. Who are you? What's with the goblins and the supposedly teleporting tower and the evil sounding title? Just… what the hell is going on?!"
Shouting at the potential villain in the heart of her fortress? Probably a terrible plan, but after everything that happened before I woke up here… I was just out of fucks to give. Maybe she'd kill me and I'd never have to face Vicky after what I'd done to her.
The girl actually paused, then sighed and offered me a tired smile.
"I'm Taylor, and all this," she waved a hand indicating the goblin things and the 'supposedly a tower' "I inherited all this when I got lost in a small cave system at summer camp."
That… didn't make sense.
"At first I thought all this was somehow my power, and I was just a really odd cape, but there's crap in this tower dating back to the bronze age. All of it is in terrible condition, but it's there and honestly the condition makes me more willing to believe. Never mind the memoirs written in dozens of languages from previous masters of the tower."
We started up a flight of steps and I shied away from a spider web. One of the little monsters decided to charge through the web and snap its jaws shut around its maker. I gagged a bit at the sight.
"Anyway, some point back in history someone raised the first tower, created the minions, and then went on a murder and rape spree to take over an area around the tower. People got fed up and fought back. The overlord would be overthrown, the tower destroyed, and a generation or two later the tower, or the minions, or forces beyond anyone's understanding would find a new Overlord and the process repeated."
"Wait, wait, a regular tower sure, teleporting tower and goblins? How did someone make those without powers?"
"Magic."
"There's no such-"
She raised the gauntlet and it lit up with a deep red flame that had streaks of black. Somehow. She flexed her fingers and lightning danced between her fingers. Another flex and a spike of Ice shot down the stairs we had just finished climbing.
"Powers showed up with Scion, but all this predates that. I've had to study to learn every ability, none of it was instinctual like powers are meant to be. It's what the minions call it, and I don't have a better word for it. Roll with it, or trying to wrap your head around this place will just end up breaking your mind."
I was still ready to argue the point but she barreled along.
"Anyway. The cycle would repeat. Some Overlords were more successful than others but the general theme held… up until military tactics started to advance. The rise of Empire's instead of city states was the first warning sign. Several of my predecessors got flattened by the Romans because they assumed magic would make up the massive disparity in troop quality, and failed to grasp that they were ridiculously outnumbered."
"That was when one of them decided to get clever and remake the tower underground. And then they continued to innovate by making a system of teleport gates and scattering them all over the world. Each Overlord after him continued the practice until the network covered a good chunk of the world. Somewhere along the line there was a particularly paranoid Overlady who decided the tower should relocate regularly as an extra precaution against reprisals. Which is how the Overlords went from terrors that ruled regions, to bandits."
"That was about the time in history when Europe had knights. Then… humans developed canons, and guns. The Overlords of the time managed to stay dangerous in the days of the flintlock, but only as bandits. Minions don't have the discipline for real military tactics. They're just a horde."
The little monsters wilted at that declaration, but Taylor paid it no mind.
"The last Overlord died from a cannonball while attempting to take over a castle in Germany. And then… nothing. The whole system just seemed to go into hibernation. Like it knew its glory days were over…. Right up until Scion showed up. Then things started to kick into gear again. The skeleton crew of minions watching this place started to grow a little, and they got to work fixing the tower. The little bastards started to go on recon missions. Everything started to pick up speed, but they needed a leader."
She shot me a humorless grin.
"Then I fell down a hole into a cave system and got lost."
"… So, what, you fell into their laps and they decided, good enough?" I asked.
She shrugged.
"Basically? The chief minion likes to go on about how I'm a descendant of a previous Overlord, and insists I've got real talent for spellcasting and strategy, but with no frame of reference that could all be bullshit. I tried to just get out of here and leave it all behind but…"
She sighed and turned down another dimly lit corridor.
"The minions might not be a military force, but they can pop up damn near anywhere in the world and cause chaos. If military and capes can't get there in time, they could do a lot of damage. Right now, I'm the only thing keeping this shit show restrained. And while they'll never conquer the world, they could cause a lot of death."
"Overlady being to humbles still!" One of the minions declared. "Overlady is very smarts and powerful, with her we is sure to be conq-coir-ing at least small country! Like in old days!"
Taylor shot me a look and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, thank you, Sock." Taylor said as sarcastically as possible.
The minion preened.
"So, I stay, direct the idiots at what I deem to be acceptable targets, and practice magic. Only now the little bastards are kidnapping people." She shot me a look. "Which does beg the question of why they thought you would be an asset."
I didn't want to say anything. Unfortunately, Sock did.
"She is being healer, Overlady! Like blues, and she is smelling of evil potential like Overlady! Pain and anger and trauma and potential!" Sock shouted as we walked into a ridiculously cliché throne room.
Everything was smooth black stone. There was an oversized black throne, and banners of deep blood red hung from the walls. It was actually a little intimidating.
The other minion picked up the firsts train of thought.
Overlady is always saying we no take over country because we get forever killed by capies! But we is thinking, if we have our own capies we be fighting back better, and no is being forever dead!"
Sock nodded fast enough that his ears started to whip about as he spoke again.
"So we go looking for Evil capies to join Overladies army! We is following most evil groups we can! But they is all "est-table-ished and thinking they is the worstest of the worst and is not wanting to follow Overlady. So we is talking to Gnarl and he is praising us for our idea and telling us how to do it worser! He is saying we need to find new Evil that no are thinking they be the worstest and letting Overlady build up army of new talent!"
Taylor stopped dead in her tracks and closed her eyes. I was fairly certain She was actually counting to ten.
"I see."
The glow of a lamp preceded a new minion, this one bowed with age and sporting a patchwork beard stepping out from the shadows behind the throne.
"Do not be offended your diabolicalness. Your grand plan is a masterwork of Evil thinking, but Sock was quite correct. Having more or these parahumans to fight under your banner can only be to your benefit. And while their black and shriveled hearts were in the right place bringing you the leaders of gangs and prominent warlords or mass murderers would not have ended well. Established evil is not prone to acknowledging an upstart, no matter how superior to them you may be. Treachery would have been inevitable and I am loathe to train another Overlord or Lady from scratch before your reign of terror even begins."
"Gnarl…" Taylor grit out before sighing and plopping down onto her throne. "Why are you encouraging this? You already approved of my plan and this was never part of it!"
"Indeed your maleficence, your grand plan is truly a twisted and vicious joy. But you've failed to consider one key aspect."
"And that would be what exactly? I'll have enough power to cow the world into submission. I'll have subjects that are happy I've taken over. You idiot minions get to see an Overlady conquer part of the world again just like old times. Everyone wins. So, tell me what exactly do you think I've overlooked?"
"While your plan will prevent anyone from attacking in force. And indeed, it will see to it that no one sane would ever dare kill you for fear of what they would unleash, there are always those arrogant or stupid enough to call a bluff. Even if the bluff is no bluff at all."
Taylor said nothing but her eyes narrowed as she observed the ancient looking goblin.
"Overlady, even in the old days an Overlord had to be wary of assassins and manipulators. In this new age those are the least of worries, these strangers and masters as you call them could be your undoing, and while minions are the finest army for the forces of evil there is no reason not to diversify your forces in preparation for dealing with the inevitable usurpers."
Taylor leaned back in her throne and the metal fingers of her gauntlet drummed a sharp precise beat along one of the arm rests.
"You have a point. However, parahumans are volatile at the best of times and press ganging them into service will just mean that I spend the rest of my life watching them for a knife in my back."
Well… she wasn't wrong. And I was really hoping that meant I wasn't about to get forced into anything.
"True, my Lady." Gnarl admitted. "But the young woman is here. And Sock is correct, she has great potential for Evil." the minion grimaced. "Though I suspect she thinks much the same way you do, Overlady and will insist on trying to twist the forces of Evil towards a good cause." The gremlin gagged on the words as if they pained him.
"We've talked about this, Gnarl. Cartoon villainy and the days of long lived Warlords are dead and gone. Nations pay attention to what goes on beyond their borders. Besides, your attempts to start an insurance company have been… less than successful."
The minion sighed.
"Truly a shame, it's such a devilishly complicated yet elegant type of Evil. One day I'll fully understand it's secrets!"
That… well, I suppose if he was obsessed with being Evil that was a pretty reasonable career choice. Would have to be that or divorce lawyer really. Maybe a politician, but no one was going to vote for, that.
"Still, Overlady, the young woman is here now, and you might as well try to recruit her."
Taylor looked back and forth between the minion and I before finally sighing.
"Right, I told you the history of this place. I've explained that I'm trying to keep these murderous little shits on a short leash. I eventually want to be able to go outside and talk to real people again instead of minions. I want to make the world a better place. And no matter how much I deny it… I've seen what politicians do when you give them power. It's a whole lot of nothing. So, if I'm going to do this, I'm doing it all the way. So, the plan. Take over a chunk of the world no one cares about that's already run by warlords. Kill the opposition which is making everyone's lives hell. Improve quality of life for my subjects, so they'll actually like me and my rule. Then put the minions to work wiping out bandits and rival warlords to make my people safe and to expand my territory so I can make life better for even more people."
"You'd get wiped out." I spoke into the expectant silence. "They'd call you a biotinker because of the minions. They'd put together and army and wipe you out. Or just launch missiles until the area was nothing but craters."
Taylor grinned and pointed at me with a metal encased finger and a triumphant grin.
"Yes! Exactly! Took me months to get that through the thick skulls of the smartest minions and most of those still don't understand why that's a bad thing. To them it doesn't matter so long as they get to have their fun. But there's three ways around that. Be remote enough that no one can be bothered to deal with me, be too small a threat to deal with, or be too great a threat to even poke."
I nodded to show I was listening.
"Like you said they'll call me a biotinker so the second isn't an option. And for the same reasons being remote likely won't hold as a defense for long. Not if I expand at all. So, the only option is to be so powerful no one would ever risk annoying me and to have a contingency in place to fuck everyone should I be killed."
My eyes narrowed.
"And you've got something like that? Some way to be make the whole world back down?" I asked.
"Well, not yet. I've been storing up power every day for a year and amassing the resources and reagents I'll need to make this work. But I'll be ready to go in a few months." Her grin was a beautiful image of smug satisfaction, and despite myself I was curious.
"How? Sure, you have minions and your power you're calling magic but how are you going to make the whole world get out of your way?"
"Why, Amy, it's not like it hasn't been done before already. I'm just going to… appropriate those that can do so."
"What?"
"I'm going to steal the Endbringers."
Years later I would look back on that moment and never be sure if I regretted my choice or not. Truly one couldn't hang around the minions without their morals picking up a few dents. And I'd done things a proper hero never should. But by the same token it was impossible to deny that working for Taylor did improve both the world and my own mental health. In the end I had to content myself with that. Well, that and the small harem of woman who were all attracted to either power, cute girls, or both. That… yeah that was definitely one of the jobs better perks.
Anyone ever heard of the game overlord? I hadn't until I stumbled across a few crossovers, good lord the crack it produces. At least when the writers don't go for murder spree, torture, and rape. Why people? Just why? Crack is good!
Anyway, the concept goes like this: random person (read protagonist) is uhhh recruited? Kidnapped? Given a sales pitch they can't turn down for fear of unsupervised super goblins running around undirected? Become the evil overlord, manage the horde of minions, do stereotypical fantasy evil stuff, get a harem, profit. Etc etc etc.
Only that doesn't work so well in a modern setting because .50 cals. Rocket propelled grenades, drones, tanks etc etc etc. magic is kick ass, but ballistic missiles are a thing. Capes make it even less of a stand out.
So why bother with a cross that just makes someone a target? Because my muse said so. Up for adoption, please I don't think I can actually write a crack fic but I want to break a rib laughing.
{}{}{}{} Amy POV
Coming too inside a dark stone room that wouldn't be out of place in a haunted castle was… very much not something I expected, or liked. But it meant the Nine probably weren't the ones who had captured me. Their bases were pretty much always abandoned buildings or buildings where they had killed the previous occupants. Hearing people shouting in English was at least reassuring in that I wouldn't be playing charades with whoever kidnapped me.
"What the hell were you idiots thinking, kidnapping someone! I gave you very specific rules which included not kidnapping anyone!" The voice was young female and furious.
Oh well… that could be either really good or really bad. Either I'd have a sack shoved over my face and get let loose near a town somewhere or I was going to get shot and buried in a shallow grave. Wonderful.
"Mistress! We are no kidnappings no one!" Said someone who sounded like they gargled gravel for fun
"… I'm sorry, I was under the impression that you idiots just told me there was someone in one of the cells. The cells we don't ever use because I ordered you not to kidnap anyone. So, if you didn't kidnap someone what is a person doing in one of the cells?!"
"We is ex-fill-traitering assent of grave value to mistress! So stripy naked woman no eat the assent!"
"Stripy naked woman? … The Siberian? You, you rescued someone from the Slaughterhouse 9?"
"No!"
"Of course nots!" A second gravelly voice chimed in.
"Rescues are being heroic! We no is doing that! This was ex-fill-traitering!" The first gravelly voice said.
"Right. Silly me. Minions would never do anything heroic. Forgive me for slandering your bad reputations." The girl said with a very respectable amount of sarcasm as the door finally swung open.
Backlit by torches were three figures. A lanky teenage girl with black hair, glasses, and a gauntlet that belonged on a heavy metal cover. Flanking her on either side were creatures.
They were gangly things with long limbs and tails. Brown skin covered frankly ugly faces containing fanged grins and pointy ears. They must have stood about four and a half feet high and were dressed in an odd mix of filthy clothes and each carried a club.
"Oh fuck. Tell me I'm not in Ellisburg!"
The girl rolled her eyes.
"You are not in Ellisburg. They are not Nilbog's creatures, and because it'll probably be the next few things you think to ask; no, I'm not going to kill, or torture, or hurt you."
"… Ok, that's good. I can work with that, probably. I'm not being chased by the cannibal stripper anymore so that's definitely something. Thank you?"
The sound of little bells coming down the hallway caused the girl to groan. Holding up a finger she turned and walked towards the sound.
"Defiler of maid- oooph!" There was a loud sound of something hitting flesh.
"How does the blasted Jester keep escaping?! I swear he's dumber than any of you, which is saying something! And yet he always escapes? The heck does he do, eat the chains?!"
"Er yes, Mistress." One of the goblin things answered. "You is not knowing that?"
"… No, Sock. I did not know that. How the hell is he eating through chain?"
"Is very rusty chain. We no loot new chains. Not enough for imp-prisson-ings. Just nuff for swinging at peoples." Sock answered.
"And at other minions!" The other creature said.
The girl walked back into view dragging a third goblin wearing a ratty jester cap by one ear.
"You sure the blues would bring him back if I killed him?"
Sock nodded.
"No one be liking Jester, but we all be liking kicking Jester."
"Right. Of course."
The girl snarled and waved me out of the room. She then chucked the Jester into the same cell before slamming and barring the door. With precise motions she turned and glared at the goblin things.
"From now on if you idiots want to beat up the Jester you do it in his cell, where he can't run away."
"Yes, Overlady!" The two things shouted.
"Sorry about all this." The girl muttered as she led me through the dark hallways. "What's your name?"
"Amy." I decided not to mention my hero name.
"Nice to meet you, Amy. Now let's talk about getting you home and away from this God forsaken tower."
"Just like that? No ransom, no demands of silence?"
"You are currently at least two miles underground in the lowest portion of my tower which is itself inside a massive cave structure. The dimensions and aesthetic of the cave change every three to five days. Lava flows, stalagmites, and glowing crystals are all semi regular features. I believe a previous Overlord or Overlady did something that causes the tower to teleport between cave systems at random intervals. I'm not even sure what continent we are on right now, never mind where we will be tomorrow." The girl's deadpan delivery of such a ridiculous claim had me pause mid step then left me rushing to catch up.
"So, no. No demands of silence. Ransom? I don't even know who you are or why the idiots grabbed you they seem to think you are a potentially valuable asset and I'm glad they stopped the Siberian from killing you… though I'd love to know how they managed that…" She shook her head. "But that's not what I'm about and there's no reason to inconvenience you."
"… Ok, I'm sorry, but I'm just completely confused now. Who are you? What's with the goblins and the supposedly teleporting tower and the evil sounding title? Just… what the hell is going on?!"
Shouting at the potential villain in the heart of her fortress? Probably a terrible plan, but after everything that happened before I woke up here… I was just out of fucks to give. Maybe she'd kill me and I'd never have to face Vicky after what I'd done to her.
The girl actually paused, then sighed and offered me a tired smile.
"I'm Taylor, and all this," she waved a hand indicating the goblin things and the 'supposedly a tower' "I inherited all this when I got lost in a small cave system at summer camp."
That… didn't make sense.
"At first I thought all this was somehow my power, and I was just a really odd cape, but there's crap in this tower dating back to the bronze age. All of it is in terrible condition, but it's there and honestly the condition makes me more willing to believe. Never mind the memoirs written in dozens of languages from previous masters of the tower."
We started up a flight of steps and I shied away from a spider web. One of the little monsters decided to charge through the web and snap its jaws shut around its maker. I gagged a bit at the sight.
"Anyway, some point back in history someone raised the first tower, created the minions, and then went on a murder and rape spree to take over an area around the tower. People got fed up and fought back. The overlord would be overthrown, the tower destroyed, and a generation or two later the tower, or the minions, or forces beyond anyone's understanding would find a new Overlord and the process repeated."
"Wait, wait, a regular tower sure, teleporting tower and goblins? How did someone make those without powers?"
"Magic."
"There's no such-"
She raised the gauntlet and it lit up with a deep red flame that had streaks of black. Somehow. She flexed her fingers and lightning danced between her fingers. Another flex and a spike of Ice shot down the stairs we had just finished climbing.
"Powers showed up with Scion, but all this predates that. I've had to study to learn every ability, none of it was instinctual like powers are meant to be. It's what the minions call it, and I don't have a better word for it. Roll with it, or trying to wrap your head around this place will just end up breaking your mind."
I was still ready to argue the point but she barreled along.
"Anyway. The cycle would repeat. Some Overlords were more successful than others but the general theme held… up until military tactics started to advance. The rise of Empire's instead of city states was the first warning sign. Several of my predecessors got flattened by the Romans because they assumed magic would make up the massive disparity in troop quality, and failed to grasp that they were ridiculously outnumbered."
"That was when one of them decided to get clever and remake the tower underground. And then they continued to innovate by making a system of teleport gates and scattering them all over the world. Each Overlord after him continued the practice until the network covered a good chunk of the world. Somewhere along the line there was a particularly paranoid Overlady who decided the tower should relocate regularly as an extra precaution against reprisals. Which is how the Overlords went from terrors that ruled regions, to bandits."
"That was about the time in history when Europe had knights. Then… humans developed canons, and guns. The Overlords of the time managed to stay dangerous in the days of the flintlock, but only as bandits. Minions don't have the discipline for real military tactics. They're just a horde."
The little monsters wilted at that declaration, but Taylor paid it no mind.
"The last Overlord died from a cannonball while attempting to take over a castle in Germany. And then… nothing. The whole system just seemed to go into hibernation. Like it knew its glory days were over…. Right up until Scion showed up. Then things started to kick into gear again. The skeleton crew of minions watching this place started to grow a little, and they got to work fixing the tower. The little bastards started to go on recon missions. Everything started to pick up speed, but they needed a leader."
She shot me a humorless grin.
"Then I fell down a hole into a cave system and got lost."
"… So, what, you fell into their laps and they decided, good enough?" I asked.
She shrugged.
"Basically? The chief minion likes to go on about how I'm a descendant of a previous Overlord, and insists I've got real talent for spellcasting and strategy, but with no frame of reference that could all be bullshit. I tried to just get out of here and leave it all behind but…"
She sighed and turned down another dimly lit corridor.
"The minions might not be a military force, but they can pop up damn near anywhere in the world and cause chaos. If military and capes can't get there in time, they could do a lot of damage. Right now, I'm the only thing keeping this shit show restrained. And while they'll never conquer the world, they could cause a lot of death."
"Overlady being to humbles still!" One of the minions declared. "Overlady is very smarts and powerful, with her we is sure to be conq-coir-ing at least small country! Like in old days!"
Taylor shot me a look and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, thank you, Sock." Taylor said as sarcastically as possible.
The minion preened.
"So, I stay, direct the idiots at what I deem to be acceptable targets, and practice magic. Only now the little bastards are kidnapping people." She shot me a look. "Which does beg the question of why they thought you would be an asset."
I didn't want to say anything. Unfortunately, Sock did.
"She is being healer, Overlady! Like blues, and she is smelling of evil potential like Overlady! Pain and anger and trauma and potential!" Sock shouted as we walked into a ridiculously cliché throne room.
Everything was smooth black stone. There was an oversized black throne, and banners of deep blood red hung from the walls. It was actually a little intimidating.
The other minion picked up the firsts train of thought.
Overlady is always saying we no take over country because we get forever killed by capies! But we is thinking, if we have our own capies we be fighting back better, and no is being forever dead!"
Sock nodded fast enough that his ears started to whip about as he spoke again.
"So we go looking for Evil capies to join Overladies army! We is following most evil groups we can! But they is all "est-table-ished and thinking they is the worstest of the worst and is not wanting to follow Overlady. So we is talking to Gnarl and he is praising us for our idea and telling us how to do it worser! He is saying we need to find new Evil that no are thinking they be the worstest and letting Overlady build up army of new talent!"
Taylor stopped dead in her tracks and closed her eyes. I was fairly certain She was actually counting to ten.
"I see."
The glow of a lamp preceded a new minion, this one bowed with age and sporting a patchwork beard stepping out from the shadows behind the throne.
"Do not be offended your diabolicalness. Your grand plan is a masterwork of Evil thinking, but Sock was quite correct. Having more or these parahumans to fight under your banner can only be to your benefit. And while their black and shriveled hearts were in the right place bringing you the leaders of gangs and prominent warlords or mass murderers would not have ended well. Established evil is not prone to acknowledging an upstart, no matter how superior to them you may be. Treachery would have been inevitable and I am loathe to train another Overlord or Lady from scratch before your reign of terror even begins."
"Gnarl…" Taylor grit out before sighing and plopping down onto her throne. "Why are you encouraging this? You already approved of my plan and this was never part of it!"
"Indeed your maleficence, your grand plan is truly a twisted and vicious joy. But you've failed to consider one key aspect."
"And that would be what exactly? I'll have enough power to cow the world into submission. I'll have subjects that are happy I've taken over. You idiot minions get to see an Overlady conquer part of the world again just like old times. Everyone wins. So, tell me what exactly do you think I've overlooked?"
"While your plan will prevent anyone from attacking in force. And indeed, it will see to it that no one sane would ever dare kill you for fear of what they would unleash, there are always those arrogant or stupid enough to call a bluff. Even if the bluff is no bluff at all."
Taylor said nothing but her eyes narrowed as she observed the ancient looking goblin.
"Overlady, even in the old days an Overlord had to be wary of assassins and manipulators. In this new age those are the least of worries, these strangers and masters as you call them could be your undoing, and while minions are the finest army for the forces of evil there is no reason not to diversify your forces in preparation for dealing with the inevitable usurpers."
Taylor leaned back in her throne and the metal fingers of her gauntlet drummed a sharp precise beat along one of the arm rests.
"You have a point. However, parahumans are volatile at the best of times and press ganging them into service will just mean that I spend the rest of my life watching them for a knife in my back."
Well… she wasn't wrong. And I was really hoping that meant I wasn't about to get forced into anything.
"True, my Lady." Gnarl admitted. "But the young woman is here. And Sock is correct, she has great potential for Evil." the minion grimaced. "Though I suspect she thinks much the same way you do, Overlady and will insist on trying to twist the forces of Evil towards a good cause." The gremlin gagged on the words as if they pained him.
"We've talked about this, Gnarl. Cartoon villainy and the days of long lived Warlords are dead and gone. Nations pay attention to what goes on beyond their borders. Besides, your attempts to start an insurance company have been… less than successful."
The minion sighed.
"Truly a shame, it's such a devilishly complicated yet elegant type of Evil. One day I'll fully understand it's secrets!"
That… well, I suppose if he was obsessed with being Evil that was a pretty reasonable career choice. Would have to be that or divorce lawyer really. Maybe a politician, but no one was going to vote for, that.
"Still, Overlady, the young woman is here now, and you might as well try to recruit her."
Taylor looked back and forth between the minion and I before finally sighing.
"Right, I told you the history of this place. I've explained that I'm trying to keep these murderous little shits on a short leash. I eventually want to be able to go outside and talk to real people again instead of minions. I want to make the world a better place. And no matter how much I deny it… I've seen what politicians do when you give them power. It's a whole lot of nothing. So, if I'm going to do this, I'm doing it all the way. So, the plan. Take over a chunk of the world no one cares about that's already run by warlords. Kill the opposition which is making everyone's lives hell. Improve quality of life for my subjects, so they'll actually like me and my rule. Then put the minions to work wiping out bandits and rival warlords to make my people safe and to expand my territory so I can make life better for even more people."
"You'd get wiped out." I spoke into the expectant silence. "They'd call you a biotinker because of the minions. They'd put together and army and wipe you out. Or just launch missiles until the area was nothing but craters."
Taylor grinned and pointed at me with a metal encased finger and a triumphant grin.
"Yes! Exactly! Took me months to get that through the thick skulls of the smartest minions and most of those still don't understand why that's a bad thing. To them it doesn't matter so long as they get to have their fun. But there's three ways around that. Be remote enough that no one can be bothered to deal with me, be too small a threat to deal with, or be too great a threat to even poke."
I nodded to show I was listening.
"Like you said they'll call me a biotinker so the second isn't an option. And for the same reasons being remote likely won't hold as a defense for long. Not if I expand at all. So, the only option is to be so powerful no one would ever risk annoying me and to have a contingency in place to fuck everyone should I be killed."
My eyes narrowed.
"And you've got something like that? Some way to be make the whole world back down?" I asked.
"Well, not yet. I've been storing up power every day for a year and amassing the resources and reagents I'll need to make this work. But I'll be ready to go in a few months." Her grin was a beautiful image of smug satisfaction, and despite myself I was curious.
"How? Sure, you have minions and your power you're calling magic but how are you going to make the whole world get out of your way?"
"Why, Amy, it's not like it hasn't been done before already. I'm just going to… appropriate those that can do so."
"What?"
"I'm going to steal the Endbringers."
Years later I would look back on that moment and never be sure if I regretted my choice or not. Truly one couldn't hang around the minions without their morals picking up a few dents. And I'd done things a proper hero never should. But by the same token it was impossible to deny that working for Taylor did improve both the world and my own mental health. In the end I had to content myself with that. Well, that and the small harem of woman who were all attracted to either power, cute girls, or both. That… yeah that was definitely one of the jobs better perks.
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Sorry
That boy needs a girl in his life that'll tell him to rip out their throats… which ya know are kind of awesome characters to write. also stopping me is the fact that hunting for soul jars is possibly the single most overdone story arc in fan fiction. Fuck that shit. Could do post war harry but then introducing a girl that's not afraid to maim becomes a little bit pointless and I can't force character development down his martyr complex.
