AN: Ok so the short version is that through a few hundred hours of meditation you can create a fully sentient, independent, imaginary friend, or more than one if you like. They are called Tulpas. The whole concept is a little crazy, but there are more things in heaven and earth etc etc. So, I'm willing to believe that there is something to be said for it. Call it overactive imaginations, call it self inflicted, positive, DID, call it training your brain to think through multiple filters to get different results. There are theories, and no real proof for any of them. So short of actually trying it or funding a major study I've got to just take what I've read at more or less face value if I want to run with the idea in my writing.
How could hear about this and not think about the obvious implications in my home fandom? Dragon, an AI, was capable of triggering. Why couldn't multiple persons residing in the same body all trigger together? And just like that my muse was off like a rocket. Brain buddies in fiction are hardly a new concept, but the act of intentionally making them for mental or emotional support puts a new spin on it.
If I ever revisit this one I'd leave it mostly the same. I love all three Tulpa. my issue is with the trigger event at the end. I'm not one hundred percent sold on that scene in general and I'm even less sure about which powers they should all get. There are a lot of possibilities to play with here and buyers remorse set in pretty quickly after I finished this one. Still the possibilities are just fascinating.
{}{}{}{} Brockton Bay Library start of summer vacation 2010.
I stared at the search results that had popped up when I googled how to make friends. Most of the early results were really useless. There were a few links that lead to my little pony fan sites, and something I was pretty sure was just a trap to help pedophiles abduct children… but after skimming through a few… dozen? Pages of results, well…
Tulpas. It sounded too good to be true. It sounded utterly crazy honestly. Sharing my body with an imaginary friend, or friends, made from my thoughts? That sounded more like a really strange parahuman power, not something anyone could just do. I licked my lips and read more. The article was pretty bare bones. There had to be more about this didn't there? The idea of sharing my body with someone sounded… scary honestly. Like the worst kinds of stories about Master victims. But these people insisted it was a good thing. I just… I was so lonely. It wouldn't be so bad right? To never be lonely? To always have a friend on my side?
I needed to know more. I needed to do more research. I just couldn't make this decision right now. Not yet.
{}{}{}{} One month later.
I laid back on the hard floor of my bedroom with only a pillow under my head. It wasn't as comfortable as my bed, but that was the point. Meditating on my bed always put me to sleep and that was counterproductive. Closing my eyes, I pushed away as much of the physical world as I could and focused on my wonderland. My mental realm which would someday be my tulpa's home.
There was a trick to this which I was slowly developing with practice. The idea of imagining opening my eyes without really doing so. I treated it as something like waking up in my wonderland. I could picture it so clearly now. My room was always where I entered from. The walls were a warm earthy brown and ceiling a deep blue while the thick carpeting was a fluffy dark grey under my feet as I stood from the queen sized bed jammed into one corner. There was a simple oak desk and chair, a massive bookshelf full of mine and Mom's favorites taking up most of another wall, and the massive picture window showed a redwood forest at night. Moonlight seeped through the canopy and green phosphorescent fungi growing on the trunks gave the forest an otherworldly feel even as glowing blue moths fluttered from tree to tree.
Some details tended to change or become fuzzy from time to time. I wasn't… despite how much planning and practice I had been putting into this it wasn't perfect. Trees tended to not be in the same places from visit to visit, and book titles tended to disappear and reappear. There were just so many little details and getting them all perfect was hard. But I was getting better and hopefully having someone in permanent residence would make things more… static. I took a few moments to focus on the imagined feel of the carpet under my bare feet, and the smell of fresh forest air, and wood smoke. The eternally burning fireplace in the living room was one of my favorite little touches.
The full building was a three story Victorian mansion. I'd painted the exterior in shades of brown. Light browns for the walls, but rich dark browns for the roofing and molding around the doors and windows. Honestly for now the interior colors matched my own room with the exception of the kitchen and bathrooms which were the only areas not covered in the thick carpeting. I'd chosen clean white tiles for the flooring in both areas. I might change the color scheme for some of the rooms in the future or let my Tulpa decorate to their liking, but for now the consistency made things easier. There were a lot of empty bedrooms in the house. I wasn't sure I'd ever fill them all. Filling them all sounded… excessive. And crowded once I reminded myself that all this was really my mind, and I'd be sharing it.
For now, it was mostly just myself here. Well, myself and the friend I'd been working on for the past three weeks.
Walking down the hallway I knocked on the door I'd set aside for my Tulpa. I didn't really need to knock. It was my mind and they weren't fully developed yet. They didn't have a shape, or the ability to really communicate either. But it felt polite, and appropriate, to respect their personal space right from the beginning.
Stepping into the room I admired my work. This room, and every other bedroom were mostly the same as my own. Though there were differences. The bookcase was empty as I didn't really know what books or genres they might like, and the table had been moved to the center of the room instead of being placed against one wall. On one end of the table was my chair. In the middle of the table was a silver tea set. At the far end of the table was a stand holding an egg the size of my head. The egg was a dark blue and had swirls of crimson and indigo decorating it's shell. This was my mental representation of my still forming Tulpa. I didn't want to impose any kind of look or personality on them, so instead I'd decided to picture them like this. As an egg waiting to hatch. Originally the egg had been only blue, but over the past week… I wasn't sure. Adding the swirls of color to my mental representation just felt right. I was hoping that was a good sign that they were starting to develop some kind of personal preferences which had bled over, but I could just as easily be projecting.
"Hi, I'm back again!" I pushed as much cheer into my voice as I could. Oddly enough that was significantly more cheer than I could have managed before I'd started on this process. Having someone to talk to, even someone who couldn't talk back yet, was amazing. I'd missed it.
"I thought we'd have English breakfast tea today. I know I've been introducing you to a few different kinds of green tea lately, but I'm feeling like something with a bit more caffeine today."
Steam started to waft out of the spout of the teapot and the aroma of strong black tea filled the room. I took the extra time to really envision the taste of lightly sweetened English breakfast tea as I poured out two cups. I placed one in front of the egg and then took a sip from mine.
"Dad's off at work again, and the internet is being really slow, as always. I think I'll read to you some more later, but I figured it'd be better to come pay you a visit first. I'm not sure if you really liked Fahrenheit 451. I mean it's a great story, but it's kind of heavy? I was thinking maybe you'd like to hear something more adventures next? I found Mom's copy of The Hobbit in a box in the basement…"
My smile slipped a little.
"I found a lot of her things down there. I didn't realize how much Dad had packed away. I'm not mad! Not really. I know he's had a hard time with her gone, and seeing her things every day is hard, so I understand, but…" I bit my lip and felt myself starting to tear up a little. "It's just not fair." I finished my first cup of tea and refilled it from the pot.
"I just, it hurts to think about her. Even though it's been a year. But I don't want to forget her." I dashed a few tears away with my sleeve and favored the egg with a shaky smile. "I moved some of her old things into my room. A lot of books, a little jewelry box… I actually found her flute. I, I think I'm going to start practicing playing it. Would you like it if I played for you? I'm not going to be very good at first. I've never played before, but I want to learn. I want to… I just need to do this. I hope you'll like it once I've gotten better at it."
There was a brief feeling of pressure above my left temple. My head whipped up from the table to stare at the egg.
"Was that you?! Some of the guides talked about pressure being a way you might communicate before you learned to talk, or I learned to listen, or whatever, not the point. Was that you?"
The sensation didn't happen again. I slumped back in my chair with a pout.
"I'm calling that a maybe." I downed my second cup of tea and stood up. "That's fine though. You take however long you need." I reached over and rubbed the top of the egg with my hand, working hard to imagine the cool and smooth texture. "I'll be here waiting for you. You just figure out who you are, and what you want to look like. I'm sure no matter what you decide you'll be amazing. I know I could try and influence what you'll be like, but as long as you'll be my friend, I'll be happy." Standing, I brushed my hands over my pants. "But anyway, if I'm going to read to you, I need to go back to my body, I haven't memorized the book after all. Just hang tight for a minute while I get comfy and we'll see how many chapters I can read to you before Dad gets home."
I headed for my room to repeat the process of "waking up" I didn't really need to, but the small ritual made things seem more real, so I stuck to it. With a little smile I opened my eyes again on my bedroom floor. I had a friend to educate on classic literature, and with Dad gone I could read out loud, and not worry if I was properly sending my thoughts. Hopefully this really would help them develop faster.
{}{}{}{} Three Weeks later
"Are you looking forward to going back to school?" Dad's question caught me off guard. More than that his tone was just… it sounded so perfunctory. Like he didn't really care. Like it was just something he was supposed to ask as we got close to the end of summer break.
"Not really." I muttered around a mouthful of salad.
Dad looked like he was thinking of asking but instead he simply shrugged. "I know school's not really fun, but it's important. Just hang in there."
I grunted something noncommittal and went back to my dinner.
"Typical, don't worry, Taylor. I'll have your back."
I dropped my fork.
"That was you!" I directed the thought inward. "I heard you this time!"
"You heard me?! Yes! Finally!"
I told Dad I was done and going to read something. I barely paid attention to what I was saying, but Dad didn't seem to care so I didn't bother worrying about it as I raced up the stairs to my room.
Quickly as I could I lay down on the floor and closed my eyes. Scarcely a heartbeat later I opened my eyes in my wonderland. Bolting down the hallway I knocked on my tulpa's door with frantic energy. For the first time since I started on this path the door was opened for me. I didn't even wait to see what they looked like before wrapping my tulpa in as tight a hug as I could manage. A smooth tenor chuckle tickled my ears as strong arms returned my hug. The feeling of something warm and leathery wrapping around my back and sides caused me to squeak in surprise.
As the figure stepped back, I got my first look at them. It was a boy with a heavy tan standing maybe five foot ten. And looking a year or two older than me. He was dressed in tennis shoes, tan slacks and a dark brown button up which fit tightly enough to show off his swimmers build. Messy brown hair and a charming smile were the most striking parts of his face on the first pass, but a moment later I found myself all but staring into his warm amber eyes which danced with joy.
Finally, a rustling noise pulled my attention to his most interesting feature by far; light brown wings, like a dragon, which were half draped around his shoulders and arms.
"Oh my gosh." I breathed out in quite awe.
The boy preened under the attention, his wings ruffling and spreading slightly even as his chest was thrust subtly forward. It was kind of adorable.
"Nice to finally meet you fully too, Taylor. You can call me Canth." His smile was really quite charming even, or maybe especially, with his slightly pronounced canines.
"Canth." I tested the name on my lips. Committing it to memory as strongly and quickly as possible. Then I blinked and looked him up and down again before I started to giggle. "I take it you really liked Dragonflight then?" I teased him lightly. His sheepish grin and shrug surprised a small laugh out of me.
"What can I say, I hatched from an egg and I'm a constant companion that only you can clearly hear. It seemed appropriate, and really dragons are just the coolest!" With another relieved laugh I pulled Canth in for a second hug.
"If you like it then it's perfect." I smiled into his shoulder. I could feel him puffing out his chest again and I giggled helplessly. It was all real. It had worked. I wasn't going to be alone ever again. From now on no matter what might happen someone would always, always, have my back.
"Ok, ok." I pulled back and smiled up at him. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? We can head down to the kitchen and make some food. Do you have any favorite foods yet? I'm not sure if you can borrow my senses yet, or if you've been going through my memories?"
"A little of both." Canth admitted with a shrug. "But not with any kind of control? Sometimes if you're really enjoying a song or taste it carries over, or if you're thinking about a memory."
I hummed back thoughtfully.
"Well, would you like to try Mom's lasagna?"
His eyes lit up. "Can I have coffee?"
"Oh no, where did I go wrong. My poor Canth? Not the devils brew." I exclaimed in mock dismay.
Canth stuck out his tongue at me in response.
"What can I say, it needs a good splash of cream, but I like it more than the leaf juice."
"As if beans are somehow better." I teased. Teased! Me! I hadn't been able to tease anyone for more than a year! Grabbing his hand, I lead him down two flights of stairs and into the kitchen. This was my mind, preparation didn't matter, so I reached into the oven and pulled out a warm dish straight from one of my memories. The tea service on the table filled with earl grey, and the pot which I only now added to my wonderland filled with freshly brewed coffee.
"I know you're pretty new to the world." I said as I placed down the warm dish and gathered plates and cups. "But I want to know everything about you. What do you like so far, what do you hate, is there anything I can do to make the house better for you? Can you adjust the house to make it better on your own?"
Canth's easy laugh cut me off before I could find more questions to ask.
"Easy, Taylor. We have our whole lives to get to know one another."
"That doesn't mean I want to take that long." I plated a slice of lasagna and handed it to Canth. He took a bite and closed his eyes in apparent bliss before answering me.
"Well, I really like that Pern book, so I'd love it if you could read me the rest of them." He grinned brightly and I found myself smiling back. "And I have to admit, novice or not, I like hearing you play the flute."
I could feel a bit of heat rising in my cheeks and shook my head burying the moments embarrassment behind the taste of Mom's lasagna.
"I'm terrible though."
"Doesn't matter, you're playing for me." His cheeky response sent the blood rushing right back to my face.
I'd created a flirt. How had I created a flirt?! I was the farthest thing imaginable from a flirt! I know the guides all said to expect surprises but I'd never expected this!
"I, ah, well, if you're sure?"
"Absolutely!"
A part of me couldn't help but think this was wrong or maybe ridiculous, but… but it was so nice. And I'd promised him he could be whoever he wanted so long as he would be my friend. I wouldn't go back on that promise. Not for anything. And certainly not for something so harmless.
With a smile I picked up my flute, which had not been there a moment earlier, and started to practice. Practicing made me happy, and if Canth liked it too, then all the better.
{}{}{}{} three weeks later
I fled the lunchroom. Mocking laughter nipped at my heels and a juice stain running down my shirt.
"This is horrible!" Canth snarled. I could easily pick up the anger radiating off of his mental presence. "You've done nothing to deserve any of this harassment! If I had a body, I'd, I'd, well I don't know what I'd do, but I'd do something!"
"Which would put you one up on the rest of the school." I sent back tiredly. It had been like this every day since school started back up. Every day some new bit of pettiness, some new insult or slight. I'd hoped they'd get bored and move on after a summer off, but if anything, it was like they were trying to make up for lost time. The secretary wasn't even filing my complaints any more. I'd seen her shred the last one on my way out of the office.
"You should leave. They aren't worth your time, and school isn't worth this kind of stress."
"I-"
"Taylor, please. You're miserable, your upset, and they're making you think you aren't an amazing and pretty girl. I can't stand it!"
"I'm not pretty." I blushed and protested halfheartedly.
"Oh for, so you have a little bit of a tummy. Eat more salads and pick up yoga or something. It'll be gone before you know it, and it hardly matters in the first place."
A small smile worked its way onto my face completely against my will.
"Well… I doubt anyone would care if I left early." I admitted a bit hesitantly. "And it would be good to just hang out… and maybe give our new friend some extra attention."
"You know I'm still not sure how I feel about having another Tulpa I have to share you with." Canth sighed. "But after the past few weeks… You're right, you need more than just me in your corner."
I couldn't help the pang of guilt at just how down he sounded about that. "Hey, I know you've had me all to yourself so far, but just because I'll have more friends doesn't mean you'll be any less important to me. And it's not just for me. You deserve more friends than just me, and between how slow the internet is, how bad things are for me here, and how dangerous it is to talk to strangers in this city… really even when we manage switching, your options for meeting new people are going to be really limited."
"I know. I just, I guess I'm just being selfish."
"It's fine. I don't blame you. And I know I'm moving pretty quickly with this. Would it help if I promised no more than three, total? And if I promised to wait a month before deciding if I should make a third?"
"... Yeah, yeah that helps some. Thank you."
"Of course. I'd be a lousy friend if I didn't take your feelings into consideration."
"You're a good friend, Taylor. Never think you're not."
"You too, Canth."
{}{}{}{} a week later
Canth was sulking. I was not giggling at him for it. Yes, it was adorable, and a little funny, but he had every right to feel a little upset about me making another tulpa so quickly. I wasn't going to try and dictate how he should feel.
More than that while ignoring him was not the proper way to address his feelings, I needed to properly greet our new friend. I'd be sure to include him no matter what, always, but in this precise moment I had a responsibility to give the new arrival my attention. Creating someone only to ignore them as they finalized some of their sense of self would be just about the rudest thing I could imagine.
My first impression on someone with whom I would be sharing my mind and body would not be the emotional equivalent of smacking someone across the face with a dead fish.
I raised my hand to knock but the door swung open before I could.
The woman in the doorway looked to be maybe twenty. She wore a simple white sundress that clung tightly at the waist and hung just below her knees. She was maybe five foot eight. She had a positively lithe build that was almost elven. She had a blinding bright, if small, smile, and her eyes were a bright shade of pink. Rather than hair she had feathers, again pink but a much more subdued shade this time. The feathers kept her "hair" short, only down to her shoulders.
"Taylor!" The woman swept me up into a hug. "Oh, it's so good to finally be meeting you properly like this!" Disengaging before I could really respond she flowed around me with all the grace of a ballet dancer. "And, Canth, you as well!"
The boy made a noise somewhere between a squawk and a squeak as he was hugged. Once again disengaging she somehow managed to scoop up a hand from Canth and I before dragging us in her wake towards the kitchen.
"The mansion is lovely, Taylor. Truly it is, though I think it's a little bare at the moment. It needs a bit of personal attention, I think. Furniture, paintings, mirrors… Hmm, and maybe it would be good to play with the colors a bit. The sameness might have made things easier, but variety will make things livelier. And so many of the rooms are empty right now, it's a waste, truly. We will have to brainstorm about what we could do to fill them at some point. But before all that I am very much looking forward to my first cup of tea, and I do believe a few cookies are in order as well."
Canth and I shared stunned looks as the woman who had forgotten to introduce herself pulled us along in her wake.
The kitchen was already awash with wonderful smells as we entered. With a gentle push I found myself slipping into a seat as the feathered woman bustled across the room. A heartbeat later a tray of cookies were swept onto the table. Three more and a properly doctored cup of coffee found itself in front of a befuddled Canth. Another five and the tea service was placed in front of me as the woman claimed the seat across from mine. We sat in silence as she poured a cup for herself and for me. That silence lasted until she let out a quiet sigh of content following her first sip.
"Lady grey, with just a touch of sugar. Truly it's every bit as good as your memories suggest, Taylor." Pink eyes sparkled with mirth. "Which is only fitting considering that it is your memory. But where are my manors! My name is Audry, and it's such a pleasure to be here with both of you."
Part of me wanted to take the name at face value, but after Canth… I took a closer look at Audry and something I hadn't picked up on before clicked into place.
"Audry Hepburn. You have Audry Hepburn's face." She smiled lightly.
"I was rather taken with her performance when you caught that marathon on tv." Audry admitted with a careless shrug and demure smile. "Though I'm happy you noticed."
Canth reached forward to claim a chocolate chip cookie. He bit into it with a touch more aggression than was strictly necessary, only to blink and then close his eyes as he savored the taste. I had to giggle at his quick shift of focus.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Audry. So, movies then? Which of hers was your favorite?"
"The Nun's Story. So much emotion packed into such a short story. Though I do want to watch the rest of her movies at some point. I hope that won't be an imposition?"
"No, no. I'd love to watch more of her movies with you. Though watching all of them is going to take a while. And I'm not sure if we even have any on VHS or DVD."
Audry pouted for a moment but bounced back admirably.
"Ah well, someday then. Besides it will be good to spread it out. Can we watch other movies too then? I wasn't very fond of those action movies you put on." Her nose and eyes scrunched up slightly in distaste. "And while the hallmark channel is nice enough, I'm afraid it was a bit too cheesy for my tastes."
"Oh, thank goodness." Canth muttered. Though he was quick to look away and sip his coffee when he noticed my stink eye.
"They're a guilty pleasure." I grumbled. "I know they're lousy, but it's not like we get a station that regularly plays good romantic comedies."
"I know, dear, but that's what books are for." I blushed a little at that.
"I um, well most of the romance books in the house are the cheap ones Mom bought because they were her guilty pleasure, and a lot of them are, uhh…"
"She's a little too embarrassed to read bodice rippers now that she knows I'm a boy." Canth, the traitor, cut in.
"Canth!"
"What? It's true? You read me two of them." He turned to Audry. "She's a really fast reader, and I'm pretty sure she was slowing down to make sure I was hearing her properly."
"She is a rather quick reader, isn't she?" Audry smiled at Canth before smirking at me. "Bodice rippers, Taylor? And you haven't shared with me?" She pouted in exaggerated offence. "How could you be so cruel as to keep such treasures from me? It's so rude not to share."
Blushing I buried my head in my hands. But hidden behind the wall of my fingers I didn't even try to fight my smile. I'd been so worried that they wouldn't get along, or that Audry wouldn't be as nice as Canth. But this was fine, better than fine, wonderful really. It was a bit like having Ann Barnes back in my life, only without the whole 'I'm too old to be hanging out with you kids' mentality. I think, I think this was going to be just fine.
{}{}{}{} Three weeks later in Taylor's Wonderland.
My head rested in Audry's lap and I moaned into the throw pillow I'd pulled over my face.
The sensation of fingers running through my hair ate away at some of the stress of the day slowly bringing me out of the funk school had left me in. Canth was pacing a room away. His frequent cursing barely drifting to my ears through the closed door.
"Taylor, you can't go on like this." Audry spoke without any of her usual good cheer. She was fully serious right now. I pulled the pillow down a bit so I could look up at her. It was important to let her know I was paying attention. "You created us because you were lonely and miserable. We're here to be your friends, but also to offer you advice and guidance. To make sure you are happy and healthy. That place masquerading as a school is making that nearly impossible."
I didn't say anything, only turned my head away looking towards the fireplace. A gentle finger on my chin rotated my face back. Audry smiled sadly at me.
"And seeing you so miserable is practically torture for Canth and I. Every day you leave there upset is a terrible failure on our parts, and there is nothing we can do to make it better."
I felt a fresh pang of guilt at how I was upsetting my friends and preemptively bit back my usual arguments for when they brought this up.
"You have had this debate often enough. First with Canth before I was formed, and now with me as well. Not once have you been able to find a real argument for staying. Not one that held up to either of our scrutiny. I know you don't want to talk about this with Danny, but you need to drop out of that school and find an alternate method of completing your education. Canth and I will help you study, we will learn all the material right alongside you, even double check your work on quizzes and tests if that's what it takes, but you need to talk to your father. You need to get out of that pit."
She was right. I knew she was right. I'd known it when Canth and I had fought about it the first time. I didn't want to let the bitches win. I didn't want to cave to them… But Canth had put it best, I wasn't winning right now. I was just losing slowly. We had tossed around a half dozen ideas for how to trap the trio and the faculty in some kind of contrived scheme to expose the lot of them… But what would be the point? I doubted the local news, or paper would care and nothing we could think of would ever hold up in court so really what would it even achieve? And if there wasn't any way for me to win? Then I really was only losing slowly.
"You'll both be here for me? No matter what comes next?"
"Always, Taylor." Audry smiled down as she smoothed out my hair. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and sank into the sensation of her fingers lightly scratching my scalp.
"Ok. Let Canth know what's happening? I'll go talk to Dad."
"Good luck Taylor, I know you can handle this."
{}{}{}{} later that night
I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. Dad had agreed to pull me out of Winslow and sign me up for homeschooling. He told me specifically not to go back for anything, that he would handle it. It was like a weight was lifted. But I kept fighting the urge to pinch myself for fear that I might just wake up.
"Thank you. Both of you." I whispered quietly into the air of my empty bedroom.
"Of course, Taylor." Audry answered. "Now get some sleep, tomorrow is the start of a brand new life."
"Yeah, sweet dreams, Taylor. We'll figure everything else out in the morning alright?" Canth chipped in.
"Yeah, night, love you both." I mumbled as my thoughts started to fade as the day fully caught up with me.
"Love you too, Taylor." Two voices echoing through my mind was the last thing I heard before consciousness fully fled.
{}{}{}{} two months later
"Taylor," Canth's voice sounded strained, "could you come in here for a moment? I know this is supposed to be study time, but-"
"Taylor!" A bright, high pitched voice near shouted in my mind. "Oh my gosh this place is huge! It's so amazing and the trees are enormous! Oh, oh, oh, are those fairies?! I have to see! Bye, Taylor!"
"What?" It took me a moment to parse through the deluge of words. "What?"
"Kid's awake." Canth deadpanned.
"Oh, be nice." Audry spoke with poorly concealed mirth. "The little darling is adorable."
"She licked my nose!"
"You wouldn't put her down when she asked. And it did make you let go."
Canth only grumbled in response.
"I…" I clamped my mouth shut on reflex, but shook that off, Dad wouldn't be home for another hour so I could talk out loud. "I'll be there in a minute, just give me a sec to put this stuff away and get to my room. If Dad comes home I'd rather he find me "taking a nap" in my room and not on top of my history book."
I rushed through the clean up and bolted up the stairs. This new one had formed so quickly! I hadn't expected them to finish forming for another week, at least!
Opening my eyes in my wonderland I rushed out of my room and down the hallway. The room set aside for my newest friend was empty and the door was ajar. Rushing down the stairs I headed for the entrance room where I could just make out voices.
Canth stood to one side of the large double doors messaging the bridge of his nose. Audry stood next to him and hid a smile behind her hand. Both were looking out towards the forest. Slowing down I came to stand between the two of them and scanned the tree line. A delighted laugh dragged my attention off to the left and my jaw dropped.
A ferret, if ferrets were the size of basset hounds, was chasing one of the glowing moths in and out of the tree line.
"Creative little darling, aren't they?" Audry asked. "Canth and I might not have baseline human forms, but I never would have considered being quadrupedal, not seriously at any rate."
"I mean, I've read about what forms bronies intentionally give their tulpas, and seen a few drawings that were basically animals, but, well I didn't expect this to be what they chose."
"It fits their personality though. They tore in and out of every room in the mansion in about ten minutes before bolting outside after the moths." Canth gave up rubbing his nose to cross his arms over his chest instead. "We're going to need to add a playroom. And maybe some kind of playscape out here."
"...What kind of bed do you think ferrets prefer?" It was maybe not the best opening question, but it was as good a place as any to start. After all, it was important to make them feel welcome.
Canth blinked at me like he was having trouble understanding the question and Audry giggled into her hand.
"I'd suggest simply asking them once they have calmed down, Taylor." The woman smiled brightly as another stream of laughter trickled out of the woods.
"Would they know? I don't think they've tried sleeping yet."
"Hmm, excellent point. Perhaps trial and error then?"
"I suppose, I mean I almost want to set them up a jumbo dog bed, but that just sounds insulting. And they could always just add a ton of blankets and use the regular bed as a nest, pile, thing if they want."
"I'm sure we'll figure it out." Canth lightly bumped my shoulder with his own. "Do you want to call them back or let them play?"
I hesitated for a moment, then grinned and ran for the woods. My newest friend was so preoccupied with the glowing moths they never even saw me coming.
"Tag! You're it!" I called as I tapped them on the back. They gasped in surprise before laughing in delight.
"Taylor! No fair! I'll get you back!"
"You'll have to catch me first!" I called back as I slipped around the massive trunk of a redwood. A laugh bubbled up from my chest as I dashed through the wide open gaps between the massive trees.
Tag was such a simple kid's game. If anyone at Winslow had caught me playing it, they'd have only used it as more ammunition. But this was my mind, and these were my friends. I could do what I liked, no one here would judge me. And if my newest friend was so excited to play in the forest? I wasn't going to let them play alone. Introductions could wait.
I laughed and ran. We must have tagged each other back and forth a half dozen times before Canth and Audry joined the game. We played like that for half an hour before my newest friend tackled me to the ground and we dissolved into a giggling mess together. I didn't know what ferret fur was supposed to feel like but I did know what cat fur felt like so I used that sensation for their fur rubbing against my face. When the both of us managed to calm down I sat up, petting them behind the ears as they settled across my lap.
"It's good to meet you." I smiled down at the happily humming dog sized ferret. "Though I do need to know what to call you, and if you're a boy or a girl. I'm afraid I can't tell just by looking at you."
"I'm a girl!" She pouted up at me after rolling onto her back. "My name's Roxy!" I scratched her tummy and she made a happy little mewling noise.
"It's a good name, it suits you." She preened under the attention and I couldn't help but feel like I was already starting to love her as much as I loved Canth and Audry. "How would you like a snack back in the house? You can tell all of us a little about yourself. That sound good to you?"
"Hmmmmm, yep sounds good."
Ferret grins were truly, unfairly, adorable.
"Finally calmed down a little bit?" Canth's tone was noticeably warmer than it had been earlier. Apparently, the game of tag had sapped some of his exasperation.
"Well, that was fun." Audry smiled warmly as she stepped around a tree a little way off. "And you, sweetie, are just adorable!" She kneeled down to scratch behind Roxy's ears.
As much as she seemed to appreciate the attention, she quickly shook off Audry's hand. With a little wiggle Roxy launched out of my lap and off towards the mansion.
"Snack time!"
"Well, I guess things are going to be pretty lively from now on." Canth grinned ruefully.
"Oh, it's going to be so much fun!" Audry cheered. "I can't wait to start designing a playroom for her."
"Something outside too." I added. "I think Canth had the right idea when he suggested a playscape."
"Maybe a tree house? If she can climb half as well as I think she can she might have fun running through the canopy." Canth offered.
I side eyed the dragon boy and my lips twitched upwards.
"And if it happened to have a landing platform for someone with wings and a nice couch to relax on?"
"Naturally it would be for supervising Roxy. Any side benefits it might have as a hang out are completely unintentional."
"Well, I suppose we could install an elevator for Audry and I. A treehouse at the top of a redwood would be amazing."
"Why stop with just one? We could make rope bridges and connect a few trees." Audry's smile was especially bright at the prospect.
"Mostly because I want to be sure the changes will stick before we go completely nuts. I think the trees are still moving on me sometimes."
Stepping into the kitchen I was surprised to hear a radio, which I was pretty sure hadn't been there before, was playing a Smash Mouth song. Roxy was happily singing along as she poured herself a glass of apple juice as she sat on the table. A jumbo bowl of popcorn took up the center of the table.
Watching an oversized ferret chug a glass of apple juice held between two paws was solidly one of the most adorable things I've ever seen.
"Ahhhh! So good!" Roxy shouted before pouring another glass. Grinning lightly, I sat down and imagined a glass of orange juice for myself and swiped a handful of popcorn.
"I take it you like music then?"
"Mmm, especially stuff like this, it's happy, and catchy, and it makes me want to dance!" She stood up on her back paws and wiggled.
"I guess I'll have to start leaving the radio on while I do my schoolwork." It wasn't something I did often, but it never really got in the way of my studying either so it was fine. As long as I switched up what we were listening to every now and then I doubted Canth or Audry would mind too much either. And if they did, we could figure something out then.
"If we could avoid any metal music, I'd appreciate it." Audry spoke up claiming her own handful of popcorn.
"Or Country music." Canth added. "Some of it's alright but most of it is cringy."
I nodded committing those exceptions to memory. I wasn't particularly opposed to those genres, but I wouldn't miss them either. Honestly most of the music I'd been focused on lately was all easy stuff for flutes. Some variety would be nice.
The conversation stalled and died after that. I couldn't get physically tired here. I hadn't really been running around after all. That being said, it was a rush to just let go and run through the woods, and now I was crashing just a little. I got the feeling the others were in a similar state as well.
"I think I'll take a nap before Dad gets home." I stood and stretched. "Anyone want to join me? I know we have enough couches by the fire."
Roxy's ears perked up and she jumped from the table scampering off towards the living room. Canth hummed agreeably and stood to join me. Audry tilted her head in thought then shook it.
"You three go ahead. I think I'll try my hand at renovating one of the empty rooms for Roxy to play in."
"Ok." I yawned and slipped out the doorway.
A minute later I found myself spread across the couch with my head pillowed in Canth's lap and Roxy sprawled on top of me. Between my two friends and the fire I was deliciously warm and the crackle of the fire was a soothing sort of lullaby. Consciousness slowly slipped away as I ran my fingers through Roxy's fur.
Life, my life, was really becoming something great.
{}{}{}{} Library
"Thirty seven!" Roxy' voice cheered as I struggled through another math problem.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I gave my every effort to not sigh. Flipping to the back of the book I checked the answer. Lo and behold it was indeed thirty seven.
"Son of a, how the heck are you so good at this?" Canth was finding Roxy's skill with math more than slightly frustrating. To be honest if she wasn't so nice and helpful about it, I'd likely be just as annoyed. But she wasn't. The little darling was just a bottomless well of positivity and support. She only raced through the math problems because she raced through everything. No matter how depressing it was to be beaten to every answer by a hyperactive, childish, ferret.
"I dunno, math is just fun!"
"I don't think I'll ever understand you." Canth grumbled.
"None of that, there's no reason to be rude after all." Audry's words carried only a hint of scolding. She was too busy finding the entire situation amusing to really scold Canth. And, well, it might not be a good thing, but some of Canth's frustration tended to go right over Roxy's head. That or it bounced off of her like it didn't matter. With how childish she could act it was a bit hard to tell honestly.
They got along well enough most of the time. It was just that Canth tended to need breaks from her every so often. Not that I could blame him. Keeping up with her could be exhausting. Luckily Audry loved to mother her so when we needed a break she tended to sweep in and drag the excitable tulpa into some game or activity.
It took me another minute to work through the math problem Roxy had just solved but at least I didn't need to ask her for help with this one. Stretching I checked my progress in my workbook against my personal goals timetable. I was actually a bit ahead in math finally thanks to all of Roxy's help over the past two weeks. It wasn't that I was bad at math. It just wasn't my best subject. Roxy's help was slowly changing that. Really these three were just too good for me. With a yawn I started putting my work books into my bag.
"Any requests for dinner? I've been sticking to my diet for weeks now so I think I can afford to splurge on some takeout tonight, maybe try something new? Dad mentioned a really cheap Greek place just opened a few blocks from here."
"Hmm, well I'd love a nice lemonade." Audry was the first to answer. "Ahh fresh lemonade, I should say. The bottled brands are far too sweet for my taste."
"Something new!" Roxy cheered happily.
"Hmm, Greek huh? I wouldn't say no to trying lamb if they have it. Beef if they don't?" Canth might not hate salads but he certainly preferred his meat. I suppose that was his dragon influence showing through.
"A beef or lamb dish I can't pronounce with lemonade to drink." I mulled the request over and nodded firmly. "Sounds good. I'd kind of like to try baklava, so maybe we can get dessert too."
That suggestion was met with enthusiastic approval. I smiled brightly as I headed for the exit.
My smile died a quick death as the doors of the library burst open to admit two obvious capes, Newter and Gregor, and a teenage girl who I thought might be Labyrinth. They looked half panicked.
"Hey," Newter shouted, "we're not here to cause trouble, we're just trying not to get dragged into a fight, but you all need to get out the back! Lung's on a tear headed this way, and the Protectorate is giving him a fight!"
"Oh no." Audry's words were a horrified exhale in my mind.
I was already turning to run, but so was everyone else and I was most of the way to the front of the Library already. I could just make out the three capes talking to one another as they nipped at my heels, something about their car and a fire? That would explain them being here, and on foot. Especially with how obvious the two case 53 were. I highly doubted they made a habit of wandering the city given they all had warrants for their arrest.
I didn't make it to the door. Something, I couldn't tell what, flew through the wall of the library. Bricks, glass, books, entire shelves flew. I jumped, I tried to get clear. I wasn't fast enough.
A heavy shelf came down on my legs just below the knees, and over sickening cracks I screamed. Tears filled my eyes and my glasses fell off when I hit the ground. I could just make out a few people shaped blurs running away from me. I tried to crawl after them but the bookcase pinned me to the ground and trying to move sent fresh lances of pain through my legs. I was trapped. Completely trapped.
"No, no, nonononono!"
"Taylor, calm down it's going to be ok. Just, fuck, just take a deep breath. We'll think of something."
A roar rattled the library's remaining windows and on its coattails was the sound of flames. Turning my head, I could just make out the flames starting to spread into the library.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I brought you three into the world and now you're going to die with me. You didn't even get to celebrate your first birthdays." Tears were rolling down my face as I stared into the growing flames. "I'm sorry. I love you all so much. You turned my whole life around and it's over anyway." A bitter laugh escaped my throat. "I love you, I'm so sorry."
"Don't you talk like that!" Canth roared back.
"Don't you dare apologize for anything Taylor!" Audry snapped back with a touch of panic in her voice.
"We're not dead yet." Roxy's voice shook with obvious fear.
I tried to move but there was just too much weight on my legs. Never mind the pain, I couldn't budge the damn bookshelf. Of all the things in this city to not be cheap shit, why public library bookshelves?! I could feel the temperature rising off to my left. There was shouting and roaring and just all around noise from outside. Whatever fight was happening it wasn't moving on, or at least not fast enough to be good.
Smoke was starting to fill the air though luckily it was rising well above the floor. But I couldn't see!
"Help me!"
The flames were getting brighter. The smoke was getting thicker. I could barely hear my own shout over the sounds of fighting just outside. No one was going to find me. Not in time to matter. This… I was really going to die here.
[DESTINATION]
[CONFUSION]
[EXCITEMENT]
[REQUEST]
{INTEREST}
(EXCITEMENT)
\COMPLIANCE/
[TRAJECTORY]
[AGREEMENT]
The world was significantly quieter when I opened my eyes again. And significantly different as well. I could feel information flooding into my mind, an awareness spreading out for blocks around me. The weight of the bookshelf wasn't crushing my legs any more. The carpet I rested on was changing in a wave outward from me, and I was surrounded by my friends.
"How?" I'd been practicing picturing them and meditating, but I was nowhere even close to being able to see them without going into my wonderland.
"I think that's my doing." Audry answered shakily. "It's not just us either. This, this is the carpeting from our wonderland."
She was right and it was spreading quickly. And wherever it spread the fire went out.
Roxy chose that moment to take a step and move nearly a dozen feet. She blinked and looked down.
"Whoa, I'm so fast."
"Yeah, yeah. Shit's gotten weird." Canth ground his teeth. Was he bigger than normal? Were those scales on his arms and face? "Taylor's still hurt and There's a fight right outside. We need to get her out of here!"
I pulled on the sensation in the back of my mind.
I blinked in surprise at the glowing moth. The information slotted into place. I was controlling bugs. That was… creepy, and not helpful right now.
"Can you fly her out?" Audry asked. Canth's head snapped around to look at her, and he was definitely growing. He must be six foot six at this point. Canth considered that for a moment before giving his wings a testing downstroke. Air blue away from him in a great arc kicking up dust and dispersing smoke. His shock quickly melted away in favor of a very toothy grin.
Without even pausing he scooped me up as gently as he could manage. I still had to bite back a scream.
"Hang on, Taylor." Canth whispered kindly. "We're going straight to the hospital. We'll figure everything else out later."
As he launched us into the air, each downbeat of his wings propelling us higher and faster, I bit back a string of whimpers as each wingbeat also jolted my legs. I did my best to burrow into his chest and ignore the pain.
Even still, I couldn't quite smile through the pain… But they were here. I was alive and my friends were here with me, in body and mind now. Whatever came next… I could face it. With them I could face anything.
