Its from a gag manga staring a psychotic version of the female protagonist (the character Kana is based on). A psychotic character who created the equally strange version of Paul Bunyan.
Fate/Sunny Order (FGO)
- Thread starter Swordomatic
- Start date
GilliamYaeger
M'crazy.
...I suppose it is, in a way? (To be fair, there were rumors of Hoover being a cross dresser...)
Last edited:
- Location
- Void of Observation
...fucking hell, I'm having flashbacks to Kancolle gag manga. I really wish I didn't drug myself on them like crack back then.
...I suppose it is, in a way? (To be fair, there were rumors of Hoover being a cross dresser...)
GilliamYaeger
M'crazy.
- Location
- Void of Observation
As a bitter former Gacha-addict, I'm just gonna say, no thanks~
*jumps in Umineko/Touhou gag manga in a wave of irony*
[Gonna be honest, I'm actually only here for Swordo]
Last edited:
Academic Guardian
Just an old man with a hobby
- Location
- Somewhere in the twisting Kaleidoscope
I would love Jeanne to come to my Chaldea, toss her my way Gudako. I will take care of her in your stead.
...I suppose it is, in a way? (To be fair, there were rumors of Hoover being a cross dresser...)
Got Umu bride which I could care less for I want Jeanne gdi!
Chapter Eleven - Pt. 1
- Location
- Singapore
It started with an idle thought.
"How did the Fifth War go, for everyone?"
As they say, idle hands are the devil's workshop.
Seated around a large table in Archer and Arturia's favourite lounge room, the seven Servants involved in the Fifth War discuss thait individual roles during the conflict. For some, it is out of a burning need to know. For others, it is a way to pass the time. For Archer EMIYA, it is the least painful way he has relived the same Grail War thus far.
No one knows why Gilgamesh is interested, but he brought the drinks so no one cares.
"Alright, I think I have it," Archer says, tapping the notebook he projected twice. As the one who has gone through the War most – even if not everyone accepts that he has been the Archer in more than one iteration, everyone knows that he is the future crystalisation of a Shirou Emiya, and has gone through it at least twice. "So, we start with Ilya summoning Berserker several months before the war, in Germany."
The hulking giant, whose frame dominates the couch on one side, grunts gruffly. He glares significantly at a certain blonde King, who at least has the courtesy to look away.
"So Ilya summons Berserker and supports him independently for those several months, as part of 'Einzbern training'," Archer says while adding airquotes. No one present actually belives it was for training, and Arturia is in the unique position of agreeing that the Einzbern are assholes. "Then, during the war itself, Lancer and Caster were summoned a few days prior to prepare. Yes?"
"Indeed," Medea nods. "My Master was a Clocktower Magus who fueled his magecraft with human sacrifice. I showed him a better way, he tried to murder me. So I set his workshop on fire and let the children go before finding my Souichirou-sama minutes before expiring."
"That's convenient," Medusa says testily.
"That's love," Caster says pointedly.
Cu grunts in grudging agreement. "Meanwhile, I was summoned by my type of woman, but minutes after I appeared the fucking priest tore her arm off, stole her command seals, and left her for dead. And immediately spent one on me to go investigate the other Servants and not fight them." He scoffs irritably. "What an asshole."
"Kotomine is an asshole, yes," Gilgamesh says idly, swirling a glass of wine, "But what an entertaining asshole he was!"
Cu rolls his eyes. "I had to be in the same space as that asshole, too. But I guess he's alright now. But god damn what an asshole."
Oh? Are you anxious?" Gilgamesh chuckles and pulls a jar of oil from the Gate of Babylon. "My arena is not yet complete, but we could spar."
"Hell yeah, asshole!"
"We get it, you're obsessed with assholes." Archer rolls his eyes and scoffs. "Freaking celts."
"You want a go too?! Bring it!"
"Anyways," Arturia coughs loudly, "Then came the first days of the Fifth War. Rider was summoned by the Matou, Archer not long after by Rin, and I appeared as the last Servant. Caster bound Assassin to the gate around this time too."
"Ah, Sasaki," Medea sighs, "He had such a clever tongue... Now if only he were a girl and more respectful. But, needs must. And he was a reasonable enough gatekeeper." She glances at Archer. "With some exceptions."
The red man shrugs, "I told you to move, Caster."
"You stabbed me full of swords."
"Again. Told you to move." Archer smirks. "Didn't you learn, Caster? Everything I did was for the sake of my goal."
"If you wanted to kill yourself so badly, Archer, you could have just stabbed the boy full of swords."
"Focus!" Saber hisses, and order returns to the lounge. She sighs. "Honestly, if we keep getting distracted by the slightest murder-death-kill... Regardless, there was also that fight between Lancer and Archer on the school grounds."
"I nearly killed him despite only having a tenth of my power," Cu laughs. "What a weakling!"
"I had something in mind for Gae Bolg," Archer says casually. "Your victory wasn't as certain as you think."
The Lancer scowls. "And what is it you had?"
"That would be telling."
"Then you were going to die! But then the kid... who turned out to be you... Saved your life." Cu frowns, glaring at the Counter Guardian. "Did you plan that?"
Archer smiles smugly. "It would be telling."
Everyone at that table knows Archer is selling a load of shit. But no one is sure enough that they would call him out on that. Despite the incredible complexity and convoluted nature of his plot, everyone agreed that he did basically play everyone. But only because only an idiot would try to kill himself in such a roundabout fashion despite being an Archer with access to A-Ranked Broken Phantasms.
"Bullshit, faker. You didn't remember those memories until you saved the boy at the Temple."
Well, there was Gilgamesh, who could cheat with his Clairvoyance . What a man.
EMIYA shrugs. "Can you say for certain?"
"Moving on," Arturia sighs, "Around this time, Rider had already fed on people for mana, leading to the incidents happening all over Fuyuki. Which we will get to eventually. Lancer killed Shirou, Rin saved his life, he stumbled home, got attacked by Lancer again, and then I was summoned to protect him."
Lancer nods. "Sounds about right. That kid is tough. He doesn't die when he is killed, not when that troublesome girl is around! Though, I guess she's a troublesome lady now."
"Extremely troublesome," Archer agrees. "I'd ask our Masters how Rin is like as a mother... but I'm worried about what I will learn."
"We then went to the Church, Shirou making me wear that godawful raincoat instead of something sensible like a suit, and they met the priest, who is an asshole."
"What an asshole," Archer nods.
"Total fucking asshole," Cu agrees.
"My kind of asshole," Gilgamesh grins.
Saber nods. "And then we fought Berserker. It was a good fight. I killed him once, which was good. Then Archer killed him a second time and nearly murdered Shirou in the blast wave."
Archer shrugs. "Acceptable losses."
Medusa adjusts her glasses, newly acquired from the Caster sitting next to her. "Perhaps you are simply bad at committing suicide, Archer."
The Counter Guardian turns his hawk-like eyes on the Gorgon-to-be. "Much like you were, Rider?"
"...Ganguro player," Medusa hisses, like a snake.
"Now where did that come from?" Archer asks with a frown.
"You know. Ganguro player," she hisses again.
Archer sighs. "How do you know what that is? Have you been talking to Kana?"
Arturia shakes her head. "Focus, the two of you. How did I become the narrator, Archer?"
"You do such a good job of it, Saber. I felt you deserved the opportunity."
"Mmh." Pleased at being praised, Arturia continues. "The next day, I go with Shirou to deliver food to the Archery Club, and I had an encounter with Souichirou Kuzuki. He was firm but fair, and he possessed exceptional control over himself." Saber lets out a breath. "Shame that he was Caster's Master, and our enemy. Though, we didn't know at the time."
Caster lets out a happy nostalgic sigh, while everyone else rolls their eyes. Some enviously, some just because it's annoying.
"Rin and I also investigated some gas leaks that night and concluded that Caster was at Ryuudo Temple," Archer says. "It might seem like a leap in logic, but it wasn't. Also Rin promised to kill the idiot if he got in her way, the liar."
"And then the very next day," Saber sighs heavily, "Against my peerless advice, Shirou decides to go to school without me. And is attacked by Rin, who also didn't bring her Servant. Predictably, they are attacked by Rider, but they manage to chase her away." Saber looks smugly at Rider. "Your thoughts?"
"Shinji is useless," Medusa says simply, to unanimous agreement.
"What a spineless wimp," Cu remarks.
"Completely unremarkable," Medea says.
"Fun to bully, more fun to silence," Gilgamesh shrugs.
"He used to be better," Archer says meekly.
"I will abstain," Arturia nods. "Shirou and Rin struck up an alliance that night against Caster and Rider. Then one night Caster kidnapped my Master."
"I would contest that," the Princess of Colchis says. "He walked to the Temple."
"You possessed his body."
"But it wasn't a kidnapping, technically~"
"...I am not doing this." Saber turns back to the others. "So Shirou was kidnapped, and I rushed to save him but then Assassin stopped me at the gate. Fortunately Archer was around and then saved him and then slashed him."
"He should have moved," Archer says with a smirk, "Learned from Caster's example."
Saber glares at him. "I thought you were going to do your best now."
"I am. But tell me, Saber, how did you get beaten back by a phantom?"
Saber flushes and tries to answer, but then Lancer steps in. "Hey, easy on the lady. I got beaten back too."
"As was I," Rider nods. "Assassin was a surprisingly difficult obstacle. Though, with more mana, I could have blown through."
Archer frowns. "Wait, did everyone try to attack Caster?"
Nearly everyone nods, Berserker included. Only Gilgamesh doesn't, because he's too busy pouring another drink.
"...Huh. Well, I suppose Ryuudo Temple would be quite a base."
"I am twice-blessed Medea of Colchis," Caster says with a smile.
"...So the day after that, against my advice, Shirou goes to school without me again," Saber seethes. "That boy was… is… was a dense block of stone! And wouldn't you know it, Bloodfort Andromeda activates and the school is knocked out. And is then subsequently attacked by skeleton warriors."
"You sound slightly bitter, Saber--" Lancer starts.
"I AM! WHAT A WASTE OF A COMMAND SEAL!"
"It was quite foolish, yes," Archer nods. "That said, matters were quickly dealt with."
Rider nods. "A certain teacher punched my head off."
"It wasn't off!" Caster gasps. "It was just… tentatively attached!"
"Rider nods and sips at her tea. "I suppose. Nonetheless, Shinji was absolutely worthless throughout that entire debacle."
Saber frowns at her. "Rider, you seem incredibly critical about Shinji. Should I be worried for our Masters?"
Rider shakes her head. "I have no such concerns with our current Masters. Ritsuka and Kana seem like good, capable young adults. Who are not Shinji."
"...Right."
"...You know, Rider," Lancer frowns, "Thinking about it, you really didn't do much at all in the Fifth War." He raises a hand before Rider can speak again. "Yes yes, I know, useless Shinji. But that means I don't actually know how strong you are!"
Rider tilts her head owlishly at Lancer. "Would you like to know?"
Cu's grin turns feral. "When would I like to know?"
"Not now," Saber growls, seconds from releasing Strike Air and bonking everyone on the head. And for Lancer, who will dodge the table due to an unfairly strong skill, she will stab him a little. Just a little. "So after all that, Shirou and Rin investigated Homurahara for Caster's Master, we confronted Souichirou Kuzuki and Caster on the road to Ryuudo Temple, and Kuzuki beat me up."
Lancer suppresses a snigger. Gilgamesh doesn't even try. Rider gives a sympathetic-yet-vindictively-happy look, and Caster swoons at the mention of her beloved again. Saber, her face death, draws Excalibur--
"And the idiot projected for the first time there," Archer continues smoothly, "Apparently using Kanshou and Bakuya. And he was able to hold Soichirou off long enough for Saber to scare them off. Because Souichirou Kuzuki is an assassin. Who specialises in surprise attacks. And was also augmented by Caster to the level of a Servant."
Saber looks at Archer. She nods appreciatively at him for the save, and decides not to draw on the Wind Hammer just yet.
"But were Saber's Master not a total incompetent who forged a new circuit every time he used magecraft, she might have fended Kuzuki off immediately and ended the threat then and there," Archer concludes. "So in conclusion, Emiya Shirou is also useless."
"Less, to be fair," Caster says, "He did produce our Masters."
"That is entirely Rin."
Saber seethes. "I thought you were doing your best, Archer?"
"I am. Doing my best to reaffirm just how much of an idiot Emiya Shirou is."
"So you just called yourself an idiot?" Gilgamesh asks.
Archer looks at him, dead-serious. "Yes," he replies, dead as the night.
Gilgamesh looks at him. Everyone looks at him. And the King of Heroes laughs. "Fair point! Carry on, faker."
Archer sighs. "Of course, Rin is also an idiot. Because she took the idiot out on a date in the middle of the war right after."
"That's… interesting," Rider suggests.
"That's… true," Saber admits, sufficiently chided.
"Oh, how romantic!" Caster gushes. "Ah, if only I could have gone on a date with Souichirou-sama… Ah, we were so close…"
Herakles just grunts. Whether it is in support or in opposition will never be known, because Ritsuka isn't here to translate.
"That's amazing," Lancer laughs. "I wish I went out on a date in the middle of the war!" He ponders. "...That fucking priest robbed me of that chance. Fucking asshole."
"What is your idea of a date?" Caster asks, one eyebrow raised.
Lancer shrugs. "We hit the town, have lunch, fool around, and then fight. Sounds like a great time!"
Everyone looks at Cu now, with varying degrees of concern.
"...What? It's not weird."
"It is a bit," Saber says dryly. "But yes, Rin took us out on a date to Shinto. It was, I have to admit, a good time." Saber smiles serenely at the memory, the three of them in the park, just eating sandwiches. "Of course, I've gone out with them on family outings since, together with Ritsuka and Kana, and they were fun as well. But that first time will always be something I cherish."
Her expression sours, and Arturia glares at Caster. "Until someone attacked and kidnapped me."
"You were literally asking for it," Caster says smugly. "Going on a date in the middle of a war? You'd have to be a fool or be invincible!"
"YOU JUST SAID IT WAS ROMANTIC!"
"And romance has no place on the battlefield! That's why I intended on winning first!"
"You broke the rules of engagement by attacking in the day!"
"Foolish Saber! Rules are made to be broken!"
"So are faces! SO LEAN FORWARD!"
Archer sighs. "After that I told Rin to abandon Shirou, and she listened for once. Not after healing him, though, the sentimental idiot."
"Ah, so she'd already fallen for him by then," Lancer says, nodding knowingly. "Ah, that's no good kid… You were doomed from the start."
Something explodes. A gust of wind like a shockwave blows past all of them. Only the constitution of a Servant keeps their skin from being blasted off their flesh. They turn to the source with idle curiosity and find Saber and Caster wrestling over Rule Breaker and Excalibur.
"That knife is useless when we have the SAME MASTER!"
"And that sword is useless when swinging it KILLS EVERYONE!"
"APOLOGISE, CASTER!"
Medea smiles cruelly. "You will have to defeat my Enforcers first!"
Saber's face turns to shock and then back to anger. "You witch… what have you done to them!"
"I have shown them the light!" Medea raises a bare hand, not for any real reason but just as a flourish. "COME, ALTERA! ATALANTA! HEED MY SUMMONS!"
As the door slides open quietly and the wall is blasted open, Archer and Lancer both sigh as they turn to Gilgamesh. "Drink me," EMIYA sighs.
"I'll have twice what he has," Cu nods astutely.
Herakles grunts, and holds up three fingers.
Gilgamesh chuckles and shakes his head, while golden portals deposit gold-plated canned beers into their hands. "Drink, you mongrels, for today we are as brothers."
They clink their beers together, right as Altera and Arturia punch each other's fists, and the world is blown away by force.
"How did the Fifth War go, for everyone?"
As they say, idle hands are the devil's workshop.
Seated around a large table in Archer and Arturia's favourite lounge room, the seven Servants involved in the Fifth War discuss thait individual roles during the conflict. For some, it is out of a burning need to know. For others, it is a way to pass the time. For Archer EMIYA, it is the least painful way he has relived the same Grail War thus far.
No one knows why Gilgamesh is interested, but he brought the drinks so no one cares.
"Alright, I think I have it," Archer says, tapping the notebook he projected twice. As the one who has gone through the War most – even if not everyone accepts that he has been the Archer in more than one iteration, everyone knows that he is the future crystalisation of a Shirou Emiya, and has gone through it at least twice. "So, we start with Ilya summoning Berserker several months before the war, in Germany."
The hulking giant, whose frame dominates the couch on one side, grunts gruffly. He glares significantly at a certain blonde King, who at least has the courtesy to look away.
"So Ilya summons Berserker and supports him independently for those several months, as part of 'Einzbern training'," Archer says while adding airquotes. No one present actually belives it was for training, and Arturia is in the unique position of agreeing that the Einzbern are assholes. "Then, during the war itself, Lancer and Caster were summoned a few days prior to prepare. Yes?"
"Indeed," Medea nods. "My Master was a Clocktower Magus who fueled his magecraft with human sacrifice. I showed him a better way, he tried to murder me. So I set his workshop on fire and let the children go before finding my Souichirou-sama minutes before expiring."
"That's convenient," Medusa says testily.
"That's love," Caster says pointedly.
Cu grunts in grudging agreement. "Meanwhile, I was summoned by my type of woman, but minutes after I appeared the fucking priest tore her arm off, stole her command seals, and left her for dead. And immediately spent one on me to go investigate the other Servants and not fight them." He scoffs irritably. "What an asshole."
"Kotomine is an asshole, yes," Gilgamesh says idly, swirling a glass of wine, "But what an entertaining asshole he was!"
Cu rolls his eyes. "I had to be in the same space as that asshole, too. But I guess he's alright now. But god damn what an asshole."
Oh? Are you anxious?" Gilgamesh chuckles and pulls a jar of oil from the Gate of Babylon. "My arena is not yet complete, but we could spar."
"Hell yeah, asshole!"
"We get it, you're obsessed with assholes." Archer rolls his eyes and scoffs. "Freaking celts."
"You want a go too?! Bring it!"
"Anyways," Arturia coughs loudly, "Then came the first days of the Fifth War. Rider was summoned by the Matou, Archer not long after by Rin, and I appeared as the last Servant. Caster bound Assassin to the gate around this time too."
"Ah, Sasaki," Medea sighs, "He had such a clever tongue... Now if only he were a girl and more respectful. But, needs must. And he was a reasonable enough gatekeeper." She glances at Archer. "With some exceptions."
The red man shrugs, "I told you to move, Caster."
"You stabbed me full of swords."
"Again. Told you to move." Archer smirks. "Didn't you learn, Caster? Everything I did was for the sake of my goal."
"If you wanted to kill yourself so badly, Archer, you could have just stabbed the boy full of swords."
"Focus!" Saber hisses, and order returns to the lounge. She sighs. "Honestly, if we keep getting distracted by the slightest murder-death-kill... Regardless, there was also that fight between Lancer and Archer on the school grounds."
"I nearly killed him despite only having a tenth of my power," Cu laughs. "What a weakling!"
"I had something in mind for Gae Bolg," Archer says casually. "Your victory wasn't as certain as you think."
The Lancer scowls. "And what is it you had?"
"That would be telling."
"Then you were going to die! But then the kid... who turned out to be you... Saved your life." Cu frowns, glaring at the Counter Guardian. "Did you plan that?"
Archer smiles smugly. "It would be telling."
Everyone at that table knows Archer is selling a load of shit. But no one is sure enough that they would call him out on that. Despite the incredible complexity and convoluted nature of his plot, everyone agreed that he did basically play everyone. But only because only an idiot would try to kill himself in such a roundabout fashion despite being an Archer with access to A-Ranked Broken Phantasms.
"Bullshit, faker. You didn't remember those memories until you saved the boy at the Temple."
Well, there was Gilgamesh, who could cheat with his Clairvoyance . What a man.
EMIYA shrugs. "Can you say for certain?"
"Moving on," Arturia sighs, "Around this time, Rider had already fed on people for mana, leading to the incidents happening all over Fuyuki. Which we will get to eventually. Lancer killed Shirou, Rin saved his life, he stumbled home, got attacked by Lancer again, and then I was summoned to protect him."
Lancer nods. "Sounds about right. That kid is tough. He doesn't die when he is killed, not when that troublesome girl is around! Though, I guess she's a troublesome lady now."
"Extremely troublesome," Archer agrees. "I'd ask our Masters how Rin is like as a mother... but I'm worried about what I will learn."
"We then went to the Church, Shirou making me wear that godawful raincoat instead of something sensible like a suit, and they met the priest, who is an asshole."
"What an asshole," Archer nods.
"Total fucking asshole," Cu agrees.
"My kind of asshole," Gilgamesh grins.
Saber nods. "And then we fought Berserker. It was a good fight. I killed him once, which was good. Then Archer killed him a second time and nearly murdered Shirou in the blast wave."
Archer shrugs. "Acceptable losses."
Medusa adjusts her glasses, newly acquired from the Caster sitting next to her. "Perhaps you are simply bad at committing suicide, Archer."
The Counter Guardian turns his hawk-like eyes on the Gorgon-to-be. "Much like you were, Rider?"
"...Ganguro player," Medusa hisses, like a snake.
"Now where did that come from?" Archer asks with a frown.
"You know. Ganguro player," she hisses again.
Archer sighs. "How do you know what that is? Have you been talking to Kana?"
Arturia shakes her head. "Focus, the two of you. How did I become the narrator, Archer?"
"You do such a good job of it, Saber. I felt you deserved the opportunity."
"Mmh." Pleased at being praised, Arturia continues. "The next day, I go with Shirou to deliver food to the Archery Club, and I had an encounter with Souichirou Kuzuki. He was firm but fair, and he possessed exceptional control over himself." Saber lets out a breath. "Shame that he was Caster's Master, and our enemy. Though, we didn't know at the time."
Caster lets out a happy nostalgic sigh, while everyone else rolls their eyes. Some enviously, some just because it's annoying.
"Rin and I also investigated some gas leaks that night and concluded that Caster was at Ryuudo Temple," Archer says. "It might seem like a leap in logic, but it wasn't. Also Rin promised to kill the idiot if he got in her way, the liar."
"And then the very next day," Saber sighs heavily, "Against my peerless advice, Shirou decides to go to school without me. And is attacked by Rin, who also didn't bring her Servant. Predictably, they are attacked by Rider, but they manage to chase her away." Saber looks smugly at Rider. "Your thoughts?"
"Shinji is useless," Medusa says simply, to unanimous agreement.
"What a spineless wimp," Cu remarks.
"Completely unremarkable," Medea says.
"Fun to bully, more fun to silence," Gilgamesh shrugs.
"He used to be better," Archer says meekly.
"I will abstain," Arturia nods. "Shirou and Rin struck up an alliance that night against Caster and Rider. Then one night Caster kidnapped my Master."
"I would contest that," the Princess of Colchis says. "He walked to the Temple."
"You possessed his body."
"But it wasn't a kidnapping, technically~"
"...I am not doing this." Saber turns back to the others. "So Shirou was kidnapped, and I rushed to save him but then Assassin stopped me at the gate. Fortunately Archer was around and then saved him and then slashed him."
"He should have moved," Archer says with a smirk, "Learned from Caster's example."
Saber glares at him. "I thought you were going to do your best now."
"I am. But tell me, Saber, how did you get beaten back by a phantom?"
Saber flushes and tries to answer, but then Lancer steps in. "Hey, easy on the lady. I got beaten back too."
"As was I," Rider nods. "Assassin was a surprisingly difficult obstacle. Though, with more mana, I could have blown through."
Archer frowns. "Wait, did everyone try to attack Caster?"
Nearly everyone nods, Berserker included. Only Gilgamesh doesn't, because he's too busy pouring another drink.
"...Huh. Well, I suppose Ryuudo Temple would be quite a base."
"I am twice-blessed Medea of Colchis," Caster says with a smile.
"...So the day after that, against my advice, Shirou goes to school without me again," Saber seethes. "That boy was… is… was a dense block of stone! And wouldn't you know it, Bloodfort Andromeda activates and the school is knocked out. And is then subsequently attacked by skeleton warriors."
"You sound slightly bitter, Saber--" Lancer starts.
"I AM! WHAT A WASTE OF A COMMAND SEAL!"
"It was quite foolish, yes," Archer nods. "That said, matters were quickly dealt with."
Rider nods. "A certain teacher punched my head off."
"It wasn't off!" Caster gasps. "It was just… tentatively attached!"
"Rider nods and sips at her tea. "I suppose. Nonetheless, Shinji was absolutely worthless throughout that entire debacle."
Saber frowns at her. "Rider, you seem incredibly critical about Shinji. Should I be worried for our Masters?"
Rider shakes her head. "I have no such concerns with our current Masters. Ritsuka and Kana seem like good, capable young adults. Who are not Shinji."
"...Right."
"...You know, Rider," Lancer frowns, "Thinking about it, you really didn't do much at all in the Fifth War." He raises a hand before Rider can speak again. "Yes yes, I know, useless Shinji. But that means I don't actually know how strong you are!"
Rider tilts her head owlishly at Lancer. "Would you like to know?"
Cu's grin turns feral. "When would I like to know?"
"Not now," Saber growls, seconds from releasing Strike Air and bonking everyone on the head. And for Lancer, who will dodge the table due to an unfairly strong skill, she will stab him a little. Just a little. "So after all that, Shirou and Rin investigated Homurahara for Caster's Master, we confronted Souichirou Kuzuki and Caster on the road to Ryuudo Temple, and Kuzuki beat me up."
Lancer suppresses a snigger. Gilgamesh doesn't even try. Rider gives a sympathetic-yet-vindictively-happy look, and Caster swoons at the mention of her beloved again. Saber, her face death, draws Excalibur--
"And the idiot projected for the first time there," Archer continues smoothly, "Apparently using Kanshou and Bakuya. And he was able to hold Soichirou off long enough for Saber to scare them off. Because Souichirou Kuzuki is an assassin. Who specialises in surprise attacks. And was also augmented by Caster to the level of a Servant."
Saber looks at Archer. She nods appreciatively at him for the save, and decides not to draw on the Wind Hammer just yet.
"But were Saber's Master not a total incompetent who forged a new circuit every time he used magecraft, she might have fended Kuzuki off immediately and ended the threat then and there," Archer concludes. "So in conclusion, Emiya Shirou is also useless."
"Less, to be fair," Caster says, "He did produce our Masters."
"That is entirely Rin."
Saber seethes. "I thought you were doing your best, Archer?"
"I am. Doing my best to reaffirm just how much of an idiot Emiya Shirou is."
"So you just called yourself an idiot?" Gilgamesh asks.
Archer looks at him, dead-serious. "Yes," he replies, dead as the night.
Gilgamesh looks at him. Everyone looks at him. And the King of Heroes laughs. "Fair point! Carry on, faker."
Archer sighs. "Of course, Rin is also an idiot. Because she took the idiot out on a date in the middle of the war right after."
"That's… interesting," Rider suggests.
"That's… true," Saber admits, sufficiently chided.
"Oh, how romantic!" Caster gushes. "Ah, if only I could have gone on a date with Souichirou-sama… Ah, we were so close…"
Herakles just grunts. Whether it is in support or in opposition will never be known, because Ritsuka isn't here to translate.
"That's amazing," Lancer laughs. "I wish I went out on a date in the middle of the war!" He ponders. "...That fucking priest robbed me of that chance. Fucking asshole."
"What is your idea of a date?" Caster asks, one eyebrow raised.
Lancer shrugs. "We hit the town, have lunch, fool around, and then fight. Sounds like a great time!"
Everyone looks at Cu now, with varying degrees of concern.
"...What? It's not weird."
"It is a bit," Saber says dryly. "But yes, Rin took us out on a date to Shinto. It was, I have to admit, a good time." Saber smiles serenely at the memory, the three of them in the park, just eating sandwiches. "Of course, I've gone out with them on family outings since, together with Ritsuka and Kana, and they were fun as well. But that first time will always be something I cherish."
Her expression sours, and Arturia glares at Caster. "Until someone attacked and kidnapped me."
"You were literally asking for it," Caster says smugly. "Going on a date in the middle of a war? You'd have to be a fool or be invincible!"
"YOU JUST SAID IT WAS ROMANTIC!"
"And romance has no place on the battlefield! That's why I intended on winning first!"
"You broke the rules of engagement by attacking in the day!"
"Foolish Saber! Rules are made to be broken!"
"So are faces! SO LEAN FORWARD!"
Archer sighs. "After that I told Rin to abandon Shirou, and she listened for once. Not after healing him, though, the sentimental idiot."
"Ah, so she'd already fallen for him by then," Lancer says, nodding knowingly. "Ah, that's no good kid… You were doomed from the start."
Something explodes. A gust of wind like a shockwave blows past all of them. Only the constitution of a Servant keeps their skin from being blasted off their flesh. They turn to the source with idle curiosity and find Saber and Caster wrestling over Rule Breaker and Excalibur.
"That knife is useless when we have the SAME MASTER!"
"And that sword is useless when swinging it KILLS EVERYONE!"
"APOLOGISE, CASTER!"
Medea smiles cruelly. "You will have to defeat my Enforcers first!"
Saber's face turns to shock and then back to anger. "You witch… what have you done to them!"
"I have shown them the light!" Medea raises a bare hand, not for any real reason but just as a flourish. "COME, ALTERA! ATALANTA! HEED MY SUMMONS!"
As the door slides open quietly and the wall is blasted open, Archer and Lancer both sigh as they turn to Gilgamesh. "Drink me," EMIYA sighs.
"I'll have twice what he has," Cu nods astutely.
Herakles grunts, and holds up three fingers.
Gilgamesh chuckles and shakes his head, while golden portals deposit gold-plated canned beers into their hands. "Drink, you mongrels, for today we are as brothers."
They clink their beers together, right as Altera and Arturia punch each other's fists, and the world is blown away by force.
Last edited:
- Location
- Void of Observation
hehe
Also
I love this gil
can we keep this gil
Last edited:
- Location
- Toronto, Canada
This gil might actually be best gil.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
That's freaking hilarious. And sweet in a way.
RexHeller
Title Incoming. Please Hold.
- Location
- Somewhere else.
You know, if Mordred were to be summoned, how quickly do you think Medea would learn her lesson? Because where every other Saber has varying levels of chill, Mordred has none.
Also, if Nero were summoned, I'd place money on her flipping the game around and forcing Medea to wear cute outfits.
Also, if Nero were summoned, I'd place money on her flipping the game around and forcing Medea to wear cute outfits.
Uxion
The Slightly Less Depressed
- Location
- Personal Hell
When the cockroach of the game says you are tough, that is a seal of approval if I have seen one.
Well, Medea will definitely be glad once Musashi shows up. She's not all that respectful, but Medea has dealt with more rambunctious types than her so it's no issue~
I wonder how long Gil will be saying that in the future...
Lol, that UBWA reference.
Lol, that meme.
Again, not sure Gil's gonna be saying that a few years down the line...
Indeed, even as a Ganguro Emiya's EX-harem protagonist rank doesn't just disappear. It merely...slumbers...
I'm legitimately surprised that Archer even bothered to defend Shinji. He's a lot closer to Shirou than he likes to admit, I suppose.
THE DISCIPLES OF CUTENESS! MEDEA YOU ARE JUST MY FAVORITE CASTER RIGHT NOW.
Altera will always be my absolute favorite, but still.
Epic fist bump is epic. Though Ritsuka probably won't think that way...
Really, if this doesn't end up with Medea as the victim of another Iron Claw courtesy of Ritsuka, I'll be surprised.
Icipall
Don't worry, we can fanfix that!
- Location
- Cold snow fields of Finland
Everyone thinks Kotomine is an asshole. And knowing that would just make Kotomine happier. What an asshole.
What an asshole.
Is there an echo in here?
OUR HEROES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... Humanity is doomed.
Quick, Gilgamesh, throw your vial of oil into that cat fight and then lets enjoy the show! Oh, and something non-alcoholic for me, I'm the DD tonight.
Imperial Privilege EX is really hard to deal with, especially out of combat when you can't simply overpower her.
Seihai-kun
[Unverified Wish Granting Device]
- Location
- Brasil
To Sasaki, Servants are just bigger swallows. He also had the High Ground Paid DLC™.
Icipall
Don't worry, we can fanfix that!
- Location
- Cold snow fields of Finland
Sasaki. My boy.
- Location
- Singapore
Apparently it was a combination of Assassin just being a boss and Caster laserbeaming Ilya until she fucked off.
Herakles is the the King of Being Offsceened.
Getting killed 5 times by EMIYA, getting driven off by Kojirou, he is very good at losing when he really, really shouldn't as long as the camera isn't there.
- Location
- Rainbase
Man this is really ironic iirc cu kill one of his enemy by stabing him in the literal asshole with Gae bolg
Mirvein
A Tea-Fueled Monstrosity.
- Location
- In the middle of nowhere.
Actually, the same thought had occured to me when I was at that bit.
From small acorns do might oaks grow. Also growing: Ritsuka's headache.
"No, see, I had to try and set things up so that Rin would end up with Saber, so that she could win the war. They could pick up Avalon from the boy's corpse, which would let them deal with Gilgamesh. 'Sides, Rin used a Command Seal to make sure I wouldn't, so I had to have you use Rule Breaker on me, and then get you killed so you wouldn't interfere."
"And you had to try and break Shirou down mentally and emotionally?"
"That was for self-satisfaction."
"Self-loathing. And you left Rin with Shinji."
"Look, I remembered that Shinji was an asshole. I didn't expect him to be that kind of an asshole. Do you remember the former friend you had when you were 18?"
I think it should be "if he got in her way"? Since he's using the past tense?
Should be quotation marks at the start.
Altera makes sense. I assume Medea is bribing Atalanta with apple pie, or something?
So, Altera freezes up due to ancestral/subconscious memories of being killed by Excalibur, allowing Arturia to clothesline her?
The world being blown away is either a metaphor, or a literal thing, meaning that they've created a singularity. Either way, Ritsuka's headache will get worse.
Last edited: