So last night, my party played with a homebrew Deck of Many Things I put together; it's perfectly balanced for good, bad, equivalent exchange (just changes or trades, no increase or decrease in fortune) and 50/50 risky/gamble cards that can make or break you. It's been used before in previous games and it's been deadly and effective in equal measure without any retarded gotchas; nothing like getting shitfuck amount of wishes or "INSTA DEAD FOREVER."
They spent the session drawing from it, because one of their henchmen has been retardedly lucky. He's named Alen, a simple gravedigger boy who, on his first day of adventuring with the party, has become a level 2 Flower Knight (fey/druidish paladin) and has gotten to score with a CHA 30 dryad boy. He also suffered a teleportation mishap that, instead of rearranging his meat, has given him a spell-like ability.
So the PC that hired him decided to push his luck and let him draw some cards. Alen decides to draw three cards. "Lady Luck's 4th Challenge." He makes a perilous gamble; he must choose a number on a d10, and if he's wrong, he'll lose all ability to lose clothes, armor, anything as by a curse. Success grants him a Phoenix Down, good for one True Resurrection, worth 30,000 GP.
"Well, hm. I drew three cards, and I have two left, so....6." I roll. It's a 6. This level 2 hireling has a fucking True Rez. The fuck. As dictated by Lady Luck, he overwrites the challenge, penalty, and reward of the card for the next drawer. He decides on Rock Paper Scissors; the winner gains something based on what they threw (such as a magic weapon for scissors), and they lose something equivalent on a loss.
Next card, Alen draws the "Six of Rods", giving a holster with 1d3 wands. He gains a Wand of Wonder and a Wand of Fireball. Third card, he gains the "Gula", cursing him to be a vampire. He's ignorant to this condition though because he's precious and adorable. "Huh. I kinda got a craving for something. Sugar, maybe?" "Hey, look at all these cute bats following me!" "I think I'm allergic to garlic or something. Oh well; my family could never afford it anyway." His soul is still pure as well, so he hasn't fallen from holy grace into being an ordinary Fighter yet. The party plans to covertly feed him their own blood in a mix so he has no idea and retains his innocence until they can get him a cure.
So, two PCs, Liam and Yagura, decide to draw one card each. Liam draws "The Fates". He gains one mark of fate, and may use it to escape or avoid any single situation he finds himself in...by making a sacrifice to the Fates. They either accept or don't, no negotiation. If they don't accept, the Mark of Fate is not wasted.
Yagura draws the "Eight of Shields", and gains a random magical armor. I roll up a +2 Mithral Chainmail that gives the wearer Feather Fall 3/day. I decide to fluff it as being a green tunic set so he can cosplay as Link. Both of them are totally satisfied.
Heloise, another PC, is like "Alright this shit's gone on long enough" and decides to try to scare everyone straight. She draws 7 cards, throwing caution to the winds so everyone learns not to fuck with this thing.
The first card: The "Sun." I roll up an Ioun Stone. A really good Ioun Stone. Specifically, a Blue Faceted Pyramid.
This IOUN stone can have up to three charges and each allows its user to bring into existence a "shard lance". This weapon is 4' long, made of extremely hard crystal, is the equivalent to a +4 weapon to hit and damage. The lance does 2D4 + 4 hit points of damage to any sized creature, and can be used in melee for 2d3 rounds as a spear. The shard lance can be hurled as a javelin up to 60'. Because of their connection to the Mineral Plane, the lance will ignore armor, treating all targets as having AC 10, modified only by the targets Dexterity, magical Bracers which modify armor class, and Rings of Protection. If thrown, it vanishes after striking or missing its target. The stone regains one charge per week to the maximum of three charges.
She already had an Orange Rectangle, and I rule that Ioun Stones are mildly sentient so they bobble together like adorable rock buddies. Everyone is highly satisfied. She draws again..."Lady Luck's 4th Challenge." She makes her Ro-Sham-Bo with me. I play Scissors. She plays Rock. Guess who got another Ioun Stone? This time it's a Pale Lavender Egg.
The IOUN stone of ultimate duplication allows the user to create a temporary duplicate of any item of less than 100 lbs. The item to be copied must be handled by the user for a minimum of one complete turn before the process will function. Thus a magical weapon could be duplicated or a magical item. The copy will last for 2D3 rounds before vanishing, and any item can only ever be copied one time…ever. The power of this stone is usable once per week. This stone has a 50% chance to crumble when it is first used with a +10% modifier for each additional use.
She plans to never use it and to just collect adorable rock moons around her head, but in a pinch? Yea, totes. She writes in the next challenge. Cho-Han (a game where you roll 2d6 and call even or odd). The player must bet money or items amounting to 5 Platinum Pieces. On a success, double your winnings, otherwise lose your betting pool." Simple. She's not a risk-taker by heart.
Next, she draws the "Barrister", which summons a random Outsider who offers their services for a price of equal value. I roll up a Chaotic Good nine-tailed fox. Everyone has a good chat with it and makes a good impression. Heloise asks it a solution to a puzzle described in a note they just received, and they get it. The kitsune, "Violet" as an alias due to it's purple fur, can't think of anything worth such a paltry favor as piercing a simple child's illusion, so it simply says that Heloise owes it a favor to cash in later, and since such a favor might be worth more than what Heloise received, it also says that if they're ever in the Far East, to seek them out and they will give the party hospitality and warm welcome. They flattered them pretty well since there's a couple furries in the group.
Next, the "Red Joker". Heloise gains +2 CON, and another card. The "Artisan", giving her a +4 to any painting checks in the future. Her twin brother is a painter. She mutters his name "Samuel..." pensively, thinking of the day she can return to him, and draws her next card. The "Chariot." She must face a CR+1 monster alone. Success means a boon, failure, True Death that can never be reversed. It's a Fledging Black Dragon that knows Shield, Magic Missile, and Insect Plague. She immediately uses the Pale Blue Pyramid, spending two charges in the fight. She slays it with only 2 HP remaining. For her trouble, the dragon's soul is bound into an Orb of Black Dragonkind, a potent artifact.
Because the soul within is a fledging instead of an ancient dragon, the AC and Saving Throw bonuses it gives are negligible to the point of being useless for the values she already possesses, but it's still at-will Fly and the ability to detect and dominate black dragons, so fuck it. Despite being objectively awesome, Heloise's player suffered because she loves dragons to death and finds murdering them to be super uncomfortable, much less enslaving their souls. But it attacked her first, it was black, and she can control dragons. She comes out ahead emotionally.
One card left. "The Wheel." Draw two more cards. She Lols. The "Crooked Man" gives her the blessing of Stone. 1d4 is rolled. She turns to stone, petrified with no save. Her last card turns on it's own. "Barrister" again. This time I roll a Modron. This is quite fortunate, as Heloise has interacted with the forces of Mechanus before favorably, being Lawful Neutral. The Modron appears, sees her and unpetrifies her, considers that a boon, and gives her the job: There are a bunch of damaged, chaotic Modrons in the dungeon (as I already established but they hadn't yet discovered). She is to find them, return them to Law, and get them safely out of the dungeon. Failure to comply will repetrify her. "Uh okay." Party silently squeals because Modrons are adorable.
After seeing all this bullshit, the Deck's owner, Vasile, turns to his NPC girlfriend. "Hikari, you must never draw from the deck under any circumstances, understood." "Yes, you don't need to tell me twice, I'm pregnant afterall." "Yea, righ-WAIT WHAT?"
And that was the session.