Okay, @kosm, I hope you take this with the care that I'm trying to take in this. As I am typing this, you're likely still finishing the update.
I would like to state that I'm not asking for a re-write. I'm saying this because I do indeed enjoy your writing, I enjoy the quest, and I hope that this helps you improve.
I'll say it flat out. In my humble opinion, you have made mistakes. Not from a technical aspect, but from a plot related one.
You forced this choice. This is a fact. You can say that you gave the voters choice, but this is tempered by you apparently giving word of god statements that we can't beat Ozai. Do you think that wouldn't affect how people voted? Did you think that statements from the author themselves wasn't gonna fuck up any push in that direction? That's cheat code shit, especially with how many people try to slap down anyone who is offering criticism. When you hand out word of god statements, you have to be careful because it directly affects the quest and the way that the voters think when they approach problems. When the author flat out tells you you can't win a fight, you're not gonna take it. That kills the illusion of choice, and again creates a contrived situation like the one that we find ourselves in currently.
In regard to Akane's charaterization, I've already responded to you on Live when you stated that you were trying to put us in the mind state of young scared girl. I will reiterate myself, you failed, and you never should have tried that in the first place.
Akane isn't that. That has never been how she's come off to me, or any others that I've had conversations with about this quest. Akane is put together. Meticulous. Mature, for a child her age, and for people her senior. That's what the voters and you have created. The votes and the way that you've written about her don't even add up to a fear of Ozai. There is respect there, but, it's always been tempered by thoughts that he isn't exactly doing things the best way he could be. It's tempered by the fear, not of him, but that he could try and harm her or her loved ones. It's tempered by the knowledge that he doesn't care for Akane, that he doesn't trust Akane, that he doesn't respect Akane, nor Azula. At no time did I see outright fear of Ozai. We even had a moment where, on fear that he might try and take our life right after the Azulon Extravaganza, we stood, looked him in the eye, and waited to see what he would do.
As you said.
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kosm Jan 10, 2019 11:22 PM because you constantly *chose* to disobey your father
We never chose to fear him. We never chose to be a scared child. That isn't our character, and if it is, it wasn't our choice and it's once again something that was forced.
Kosm, please, for the love of god, take more care for how you handle plot and characterization in the future. Please.
Okay, @kosm, I hope you take this with the care that I'm trying to take in this. As I am typing this, you're likely still finishing the update.
I would like to state that I'm not asking for a re-write. I'm saying this because I do indeed enjoy your writing, I enjoy the quest, and I hope that this helps you improve.
I'll say it flat out. In my humble opinion, you have made mistakes. Not from a technical aspect, but from a plot related one.
You forced this choice. This is a fact. You can say that you gave the voters choice, but this is tempered by you apparently giving word of god statements that we can't beat Ozai. Do you think that wouldn't affect how people voted? Did you think that statements from the author themselves wasn't gonna fuck up any push in that direction? That's cheat code shit, especially with how many people try to slap down anyone who is offering criticism. When you hand out word of god statements, you have to be careful because it directly affects the quest and the way that the voters think when they approach problems. When the author flat out tells you you can't win a fight, you're not gonna take it. That kills the illusion of choice, and again creates a contrived situation like the one that we find ourselves in currently.
In regard to Akane's charaterization, I've already responded to you on Live when you stated that you were trying to put us in the mind state of young scared girl. I will reiterate myself, you failed, and you never should have tried that in the first place.
Akane isn't that. That has never been how she's come off to me, or any others that I've had conversations with about this quest. Akane is put together. Meticulous. Mature, for a child her age, and for people her senior. That's what the voters and you have created. The votes and the way that you've written about her don't even add up to a fear of Ozai. There is respect there, but, it's always been tempered by thoughts that he isn't exactly doing things the best way he could be. It's tempered by the fear, not of him, but that he could try and harm her or her loved ones. It's tempered by the knowledge that he doesn't care for Akane, that he doesn't trust Akane, that he doesn't respect Akane, nor Azula. At no time did I see outright fear of Ozai. We even had a moment where, on fear that he might try and take our life right after the Azulon Extravaganza, we stood, looked him in the eye, and waited to see what he would do.
As you said.
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kosm Jan 10, 2019 11:22 PM because you constantly *chose* to disobey your father
We never chose to fear him. We never chose to be a scared child. That isn't our character, and it is, it wasn't our choice and it's once again something that was forced.
Kosm, please, for the love of god, take more care for how you handle plot and characterization in the future. Please.
I completely disagree with virtually everything you've stated, and feel that everything which occurred was both an organic growth of how the quest has proceeded from this point and an entirely reasonable interpretation. And I feel that the way Kosm handled things was both excellent, immersive, and genuinely more likely to get interesting and fun decisions on the part of the voters to bring the quest in interesting directions.
I completely disagree with virtually everything you've stated, and feel that everything which occurred was both an organic growth of how the quest has proceeded from this point and an entirely reasonable interpretation. And I feel that the way Kosm handled things was both excellent, immersive, and genuinely more likely to get interesting and fun decisions on the part of the voters to bring the quest in interesting directions.
I completely disagree with virtually everything you've stated, and feel that everything which occurred was both an organic growth of how the quest has proceeded from this point and an entirely reasonable interpretation. And I feel that the way Kosm handled things was both excellent, immersive, and genuinely more likely to get interesting and fun decisions on the part of the voters to bring the quest in interesting directions.
And, again, like I stated before in my post, people try and slap down anyone who offers critique. Please. For the love of god, kosm, read this and tell me it could be in any way objective. No one is a perfect writer. At all. All writers have weaknesses, but this statement reads like you are a literal god of writing, blessing us with your words that we are in no way worthy of..
kosm Jan 10, 2019 11:22 PM because you constantly *chose* to disobey your father
We never chose to fear him. We never chose to be a scared child. That isn't our character, and if it is, it wasn't our choice and it's once again something that was forced.
Kosm, please, for the love of god, take more care for how you handle plot and characterization in the future. Please.
I'm pretty sure Akane being afraid of her father (for good reason) was planned out from something like the very beginning of the quest. Kind of like her being gay.
I can see it, but the really rapid nature of fiction.live votes makes it all feel less measured. It's just really the kneejerk reaction of everyone involved, so it just gets reduced to white knights versus edgelords, y'know? Situations like going to Iroh for bending training really could have used someone reminding people of Ozai's clear instructions to avoid Iroh, but what people saw was an opportunity to expand our bending horizons, and that became the dominant narrative.
A side-scrolling chat also leads to gigantic hostility. It's like Twitch Plays Quests over there. On the other hand, it does create really, really intense votes, and captures that kind of classic quest panic experience, but that has a lot of drawbacks and I think they're coming to the fore right now.
I don't know if I mind the destination to this point, I just feel like the journey was a mess, and I'm not really sure where things can go from here. I don't think voters will interpret it the way you suggest; I think they'll just jump head-long into being assholes.
I don't disagree with you on the hostility of chat, or the types of discussions that it encourages at all. It's exhausting to look at and participate in. It's why most anonkun quests end up on fire.
And I agree with you that that most of the player base was certainly not thinking that deeply, making such a measured choice. But that is also true of all the choices made thus far since the beginning - and we still ended up with a nuanced, engaging story. It's why I have been so impressed with this quest. The writing is good and all, but the ability to translate the mess of voting into a coherent story with consistent characterization has been the most impressive thing.
In other words, taking that raw voting and discussion output and ensuring it fits a wider, satisfying narrative is something I'm relying on the QM for, not the players. Because otherwise... no. God no.
And, again, like I stated before in my post, people try and slap down anyone who offers critique. Please. For the love of god, kosm, read this and tell me it could be in any way objective. No one is a perfect writer. At all. All writers have weaknesses, but this statement reads like you are a literal god of writing, blessing us with your words that we are in no way worthy of..
Now you're just trying to earn victim points. I did not slap you down, I disagreed with you and explained why I felt the way I did. You don't get to pretend that people not thinking the same things you do makes you right, that's not how feedback works.
And just to be perfectly clear, I voted not to follow Ozai's will. Far more interesting to me would have been to conspire in treasonous insurrection to declare his rule tyrannical and false, and wage civil war to usurp his throne for one more suited to it.
And that vote nearly won. So saying that the other option was forced to win rings both disingenuous and in poor taste.
Even though my preferred path didn't win, the other option will be a powerful development of the story, whether good or bad for Akane personally, and will certainly lay a foundation upon which a new canon can be built going forward from here.
You forced this choice. This is a fact. You can say that you gave the voters choice, but this is tempered by you apparently giving word of god statements that we can't beat Ozai. Do you think that wouldn't affect how people voted? Did you think that statements from the author themselves wasn't gonna fuck up any push in that direction? That's cheat code shit, especially with how many people try to slap down anyone who is offering criticism. When you hand out word of god statements, you have to be careful because it directly affects the quest and the way that the voters think when they approach problems. When the author flat out tells you you can't win a fight, you're not gonna take it. That kills the illusion of choice, and again creates a contrived situation like the one that we find ourselves in currently.
I'm not sure on what's going on at the moment, having missed the live and with the site being down. But mentioning that we can't beat Ozai in a fight at this point feels more like stating the obvious.
Now you're just trying to earn victim points. I did not slap you down, I disagreed with you and explained why I felt the way I did. You don't get to pretend that people not thinking the same things you do makes you right, that's not how feedback works.
And just to be perfectly clear, I voted not to follow Ozai's will. Far more interesting to me would have been to conspire in treasonous insurrection to declare his rule tyrannical and false, and wage civil war to usurp his throne for one more suited to it.
And that vote nearly won. So saying that the other option was forced to win rings both disingenuous and in poor taste.
Even though my preferred path didn't win, the other option will be a powerful development of the story, whether good or bad for Akane personally, and will certainly lay a foundation upon which a new canon can be built going forward from here.
You knee jerk disagreed with me. And didn't explain a single thing. If you take all of the words away from your post and parse it down to it's basic statement, all you told me is that you disagreed with me and that I was wrong.
So, could you kindly explain to me how this was the outcome of organic growth, when most of our growth was spent actively disobeying and subverting Ozai's actions? How does that equal up to this?
How is that reasonable, when most of our reasoning amounts to us thinking Ozai might just be actually bad at running the kingdom and worse at being a father.
And, how can you say that Kosm is carrying it so well when she's admitted in here that she's hesitating and reconsidering things, which is fine, but also preforming ret-cons and redoing votes?
I'm trying to offer criticism, from a different perspective because I really like this quest and I would like for it to be the best it could be. None of the people that are arguing against my statements are actually actively helping in any way shape or form. It's just a group of people trying to protect Kosm from what they perceive as an attack, that don't realize that they come off as a sea of noise drowning out any other opinions.
No I didn't. I already disagreed with you. I read what you wrote in the chat in fiction.live.
I'm trying to offer criticism, from a different perspective because I really like this quest and I would like for it to be the best it could be. None of the people that are arguing against my statements are actually actively helping in any way shape or form. It's just a group of people trying to protect Kosm from what they perceive as an attack, that don't realize that they come off as a sea of noise drowning out any other opinions.
You sure seem to present yourself as someone who just can't stand that their perspective is both unpopular among the other participants and who wants things changed because the direction of the quest is also not conforming to your preferences. Being unpopular doesn't actually make your perspective worth more.
I'll respond to your actual questions in a moment, but this part needed to be said first.
*reads* Eh, Akane's worldview should maintain consistency if she redefines family to include only people who reciprocate the same level of devotion. She'll still have guilt up the whazoo over the pointless cruelty and betrayal from burning Zuko but this is ultimately the same pattern of defending Azula and hanging Zuko out to dry.
Iroh and Zuko are probably going to file Akane under crazy bitch past help after this though.
IMO Azula attacking to prevent Akane from triggering an unwinnable Ozai fight did feel a bit railroady, but the vote to scar Zuko was completely fair and self inflicted. I would have enjoyed the vote to scar Azula more if kosm just offered an unambiguous obey/betray choice like she did with scar Zuko instead of obey/anemic refusal, which dragged out into increasingly elaborate variations of Akane saying no u.
I honestly can't deal with fiction.live. This is like the fifth time this sort of salt storm has come up and it's really getting on my nerves. Every time itlooks like things will finally reach a breaking point and Akane can get out from under Ozai's thumb (in one way or another), chat will almost always vote to cuddle right back up to him. The one notable exception got immediately smacked down which will almost certainly cement chat's behavior. I'm not really enjoying the quest or the direction it's going anymore, so I'm going to say my goodbye's here.
Not when literally everything about the quest is telling them not to. Ursa was an example of how Ozai had our best interests at heart with the whole letter thing. Zuko pushed away and now we're forced into having him as an enemy via Ozai. Azula attacked us to 'protect' us from Ozai when we made a stand. Kosm outright tells the voters Ozai would beat us, which tilts the voter base away from confrontations in the first place.
So, yeah. We don't actually have a choice here. People like @Dark Abstraction can say I'm in the minority, but even when the vote actually won, we didn't get a choice in the matter.
Yes, not going for the treason route honestly disappointed me tremendously. At this stage Akane had little to lose and much to gain. And the alternative has already had a massive cost to be paid up front.
Anyways I'm not sure this really gets us to that point anyway. It's a total breakdown of Akane's will and utter subservience to her father. Basically Azula with a lot more trauma. I think the decision to go to Iroh last time was a misstep, but this has also broken a lot of her actual character. Whatever's left is going to be an abused husk. Not much of a warlord.
I would have much rather we just rebelled outright and absconded with everyone we could get on our side, even if we couldn't win.
This way, we're still getting effectively exiled, Akane just had her will smashed into pieces first and has a minder breathing down her neck, and ruined our relationship with our brother and uncle.
You knee jerk disagreed with me. And didn't explain a single thing. If you take all of the words away from your post and parse it down to it's basic statement, all you told me is that you disagreed with me and that I was wrong.
So, could you kindly explain to me how this was the outcome of organic growth, when most of our growth was spent actively disobeying and subverting Ozai's actions? How does that equal up to this?
How is that reasonable, when most of our reasoning amounts to us thinking Ozai might just be actually bad at running the kingdom and worse at being a father.
And, how can you say that Kosm is carrying it so well when she's admitted in here that she's hesitating and reconsidering things, which is fine, but also preforming ret-cons and redoing votes?
I'm trying to offer criticism, from a different perspective because I really like this quest and I would like for it to be the best it could be. None of the people that are arguing against my statements are actually actively helping in any way shape or form. It's just a group of people trying to protect Kosm from what they perceive as an attack, that don't realize that they come off as a sea of noise drowning out any other opinions.
As a person who is also unhappy about how the vote is:
point #1 the only retcon that happened was monday's single update and vote which she didn't like and in the end, that one section that had Ozai talk to us by our beside was retcon'd into… Ozai talking to us by our bedside
Which ended up in us bringing up a subject that chat was already planning on talking to Ozai about (the Azulon comparison).
In the end not much really changed besides the fact that Ozai waited three days to do it so that it didn't look as much like he was literally waiting at our bedside.
Like Kosm could have taking that retconed update down the same path this update went on if she wanted to. The only redone vote was a clarification because people took one option to mean something it did not, and there was already a lot of votes already by the time she realized it and chat wasn't slowing down to let her clarify in chat despite her asking them to multiple times and so she took down the vote and redid it with proper clarifications.
And frankly without that we've have gone down a darker path since the clarification was to show that we would be garnering support even if we did went the path of avoiding getting implicated in Ozai's policies' senseless killings. The other vote was winning before that clarification.
And yes, we've spent most of our time disobeying Ozai and disagreeing with him. But that doesn't mean that he isn't an abusive shit. And that has never stopped being the case.
Resistance isn't futile but it does wear one down.
Akane literally just put her life on the line to save Azula only to have Azula burn her. She suspects and hopes it was only to save her life, but she doesn't know for a fact.
Right now her bending was having problems, she's been having headaches, she is off her game, can't really practice, and has her illusion of perfection totally ruined right now.
and frankly this line is poignant:
You refused to burn Azula. You were ready to fight for Azula.
And that's why you're here.
Not just because it echoed Akane's resolve with Azula but also because it is a reminder that the current situation she is in, burned, having trouble controlling her firebending, headaches, etc. Is because she disobeyed.
Ozai is Ozai, crashes on the scene and she tries to appease him but he wants another show of action once more.
She hesitates, unwilling to cave in…
Then Ozai does as he always does and tells her not to lie because he can see through it and tries to bully her to follow his will, as always, but this time she is weak enough, off her game enough, in a bad enough state of mind that she caves.
This isn't a rational adult. This is a teenager whose been abused all their life cracking under the pressure that almost anyone else would have fallen to far before.
What I feel you are failing to read, is that despite Akane's near perfect facade, she isn't of unending willpower or unending resistance, and the chat decided that now was the time to finally bend.
This is like literally the first time chat has obeyed Ozai.
In fact it is because we kept disobeying him that he kept escalating in this manner.
I hate that it has come to this, I didn't vote for this, but this is only the end if you allow it to be.
She has reached a low point, but this can either be the start of a fall, or the character trying to rise and redeem themselves from their lowest point. We get to decided that.
We were literally tied on the first round going the complete different direction, and that was with people being dubious of Iroh being able to do save us, and meaning that Akane would have to give up her home, sister (Azula probably wouldn't leave with us), and her birthright.
Tied on a decision of "give everything up for Zuko, who resents you and has been avoiding you, and who isn't even your favourite sibling".
That is huge, and as much as I wish that going to Iroh won, I don't think Akane is irredeemable so much as a young girl that finally cracked under great pressure.
Not when literally everything about the quest is telling them not to. Ursa was an example of how Ozai had our best interests at heart with the whole letter thing. Zuko pushed away and now we're forced into having him as an enemy via Ozai. Azula attacked us to 'protect' us from Ozai when we made a stand. Kosm outright tells the voters Ozai would beat us, which tilts the voter base away from confrontations in the first place.
So, yeah. We don't actually have a choice here. People like @Dark Abstraction can say I'm in the minority, but even when the vote actually won, we didn't get a choice in the matter.
Frankly I think the whole "Ozai punishes us if we disobey, and we aren't strong enough to fight him" paints a different picture and conclusion than you do.
I think it is more meant to reflect that often times the best thing you can do in an abusive relationship is to just… leave it and stop interacting with the abuser.
That is the conclusion that it meant to me, and probably to many others as well. The constant butting of heads and clash of wills and abuse with Ozai told me to get away as quickly as possible.
But people don't think of it through the lens of an abusive relationship and so don't see it properly. Think that the quest is saying to obey, obey, obey, rather than, escape, escape, escape.
In reality it is probably meant to say both of those things, simultaneously, just like how it would be in an abusive relationship "it is easier to obey", against the other option of "I should just leave", and often leaving is seen as the harder option.
That the vote was so close actually shows just how well Kosm conveyed that tension startlingly well.
That you don't feel it is simply from the fact that no one reacts the same to everything. Authorial intent cannot reach every reader even if the author is a master.
This isn't to say that Kosm is a flawless writer, but… I am trying to show why, as dissatisfied with the direction of the vote as I am, as much as I hate the step in the cycle of abuse we've stepped into by deciding to scar Zuko, as much as I hate this situation in general, I feel like this was all well done despite all that.
My faith in Kosm hasn't wavered at all from this as much as this is gut wrenching and painful.
This is a mess lol. To be honest, I'm thinking of taking a week off from Deep Red. The feedback is very intense and emphatic and pulls me in every direction, and lately working on this has just been extremely, extremely stressful. I understand that everyone has concerns and I'll do my best to take them into account but at the moment I don't think I can work on this very well and I haven't especially enjoyed it lately either. For all I know, I may end up deleting all this and redoing it again. I don't know. Thank you for reading, and I hope you can still enjoy the story.
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97 AC (15 years old)
Crown Princess's Chambers
The royal physician assures you that the burn will leave no noticeable scar. That is his exact phrasing. It will take a couple weeks before you know for sure, one way or the other. The wound is on your face, just beneath your eye. Makeup will only be able to do so much if it doesn't heal perfectly well.
You can't help but wonder what the physician's definition of 'noticeable' is.
Mitsuko stays by your side constantly while you heal. It's unnecessary - you're not in much pain, you're fine. But you appreciate the company nonetheless. You have no one else but servants. Azula is, apparently, kept occupied by Father training her new blue fire day in and day out, and Uncle is undoubtedly forbidden to visit you. You doubt Zuko would even try to. And you can't leave your chambers, not with these disgusting bandages all over your face. You've had injuries before, but you've never been burned like this in training. Bruised, yes. Burned, never. Preventing burns is the most basic part of firebending.
Only the careless get burned. You keep yourself locked in your rooms.
Keeping up with training is difficult, obviously, but it might be for the best. Your control feels like it's slipping, like you're wrestling with your flame. The problem is bigger than just being distracted by the pain from the burn and from your constant headaches of late; if pain was the only thing throwing you off, you wouldn't be struggling so much. It's like your fire wants to explode. You struggled with this when you were a child; going all-out on Azula in sparring must have made your normally-tight control slip. You don't know why it's so difficult to reign yourself back in now. Something feels off. You spend your time in meditation, trying to make sense of the problem, trying not to think about whatever punishment Father must be planning.
After three days of silence, the Fire Lord finally comes to speak to you.
* * * * *
"I suppose you believe I am simply needlessly cruel."
He told you to burn your own sister for no logical reason.
"I am your father," he tells you. "I am the Fire Lord. I am the greatest firebender alive. One would think that you would consider my instruction a blessing rather than a threat. One would think that it would be reasonable for you to respond with gratitude rather than near-treasonous disrespect. And yet you seem to be completely unable to appreciate the tutelage I have attempted to give you."
You don't respond. If he's using that word, making him any angrier now would be... extremely misguided.
"It seems you have developed quite the mixture of arrogance, paranoia, and weakness." He glares down at you in disdain. "You believe yourself above instruction and delight in presenting yourself as perfect during practice, and yet utterly fail to apply any of your supposed skill to reality. Blue fire or no, you never would have been burned if you had so much as considered the possibility that Azula was a threat to you. You have earned your own injury by disregarding my instruction."
She was only a threat to you because he set up that entire absurd, pointless situation! You've been working together with her 'in reality' for ages and there was never any reason not to trust her until he decided one of you needed to be burned. She was completely willing to help you get rid of his leverage over you, and he probably still hasn't even realized it.
You keep your expression neutral.
"In fact, you should count yourself lucky that your sister wounded you enough to prevent you from going any further along an extremely foolish path." He glares, and you meet his eyes levelly. "You appeared quite eager to dig your own grave until she had the sense to intervene."
And if you're lucky, maybe that was all Azula was trying to do. Maybe she was just betting on preventing a fight you couldn't have won.
Your sister wouldn't have just betrayed you for no reason. Not after everything.
"There will be punishment for your foolishness," Father promises. "But first, you will tell me - what did Iroh say to you, to convince you so thoroughly that I was your enemy?"
Tell him it wasn't Iroh; your fears came from Azulon, and the way he fell apart at the end. (44)
+Don't call them 'fears', call them concerns. (36)
+Iroh can burn. He let hardship break him, that's no excuse for abandoning his duties. (27)
Tell him both your fears came from Azulon and you only spent time with Iroh to learn about firebending. (10)
Tell him you ignored anything Iroh said about politics. You only spent time with him to learn about his firebending. (6)
Tell Father he convinced you himself. (3)
"Uncle can burn," you retort. "He let Lu Ten's death break him and abandoned everything that was supposed to matter to him. I know I can't trust anything he says, about you or anything else."
You're almost taken aback by how little effort it takes to put venom into your voice.
"And yet you were wasting time with him, laughing and playing games like a child," Father snaps. "Your excuses do not outweigh the reality of your actions, Akane!"
"He approached me that morning, and I thought it was suspicious timing on his part considering our discussion the day before," you tell him. "I acted welcoming in the hopes of smoothing over any suspicions he might have had and finding out if he knew anything. I had hoped to have the chance to explain myself to you afterwards." His eyes narrow; you hurry on before he can question you. "My concerns about your instructions that day had nothing to do with Uncle," you say. "They came from Azulon."
Rage flashes across Father's face, this is a mistake -
"I don't mean to compare Azulon to you, Father," you say quickly. "But to myself."
"Explain."
Father's tone very nearly makes you shrink backwards. You hold steady.
"I spoke to him before the end, Father," you say quietly. "He was paranoid. Extremely so. He saw threats where there weren't any, especially in our family. He was talking about killing us all. I was concerned that, if I never allowed myself some measure of trust in my family, I would someday meet the same end. I was desperate to prevent myself from committing any unnecessary violence against family."
You may not recall any of those thoughts specifically going through your head at the time, but it sounds like a reasonable enough explanation that it might even be true. Father looks less angry, at least.
"I was wrong to disrespect you, Father," you say, bowing deeply. "I know that."
"You have a talent for explanations and excuses, Akane," Father answers. "But your actions reveal more than your words. Whatever fears you have of Azulon, you will set them aside. You will not allow some absurd fear to prevent you from heeding my instruction. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Father." Simple, concise...you have some thinking to do, and this isn't the place to do it. Not yet. (42)
+ Father does have good points, but he is far from infallible. Learn and accept what you must, but do not forget that you must be adaptable. (47)
You feel that you don't understand Father's instruction. Respectfully/humbly ask him for further clarification in the future. (29)
Father's 'instruction' is violent and misguided. Tell him only that you are grateful for it. (25)
Father's instruction is for your own good, even if he doesn't always go about it the best way. Tell him you are grateful for it. (4)
Whatever fears you do or do not have, he's right that you shouldn't let yourself be ruled by them.
"Yes, Father," you answer.
You straighten and meet his eyes. He glares down at you as if daring you to make some mistake.
"Do not think empty words will satisfy me, Akane," Father warns. "I have no interest in useless sycophants. You will learn these lessons, however difficult it may be for you. You will learn strength."
He doesn't want sycophants, he just wants you to 'learn' to think the same way he does. About everything. It doesn't matter. You'll learn what you can from him - it's not as though he never teaches you anything useful - and find some way to survive the rest of his excesses. Adaptability is key. For now, you can listen and placate him to his face and do your actual reflection later. It looks like you may actually come out of this without the punishment being too severe; you can't jeopardize that now. Any questions you may have can wait until you're on safer footing with him.
"Yes, Father," you answer. "I understand."
You suppose he's already taught you the importance of keeping your guard up with family.
"Do you?" he asks. "I find it difficult to trust your assessment of yourself. From now on, you will prove yourself through action."
"Yes, Father."
"That will be the first part of your punishment," Father says. "You have spent long enough training in the Palace. After Zuko leaves with Iroh, you will depart as well. You will travel to the Earth Kingdom and prove yourself in combat. Without your sister."
You hesitate for a fraction of a second, taken aback. "Yes, Father. For how long?" you ask.
"Until I instruct you to return," Father snaps. "You will prove yourself."
Just like that? He's just sending you away?
"You will be accompanied by a retainer I have selected for you," Father tells you. "She will report to me on your progress. I will allow you to bring your retainer to the Earth Kingdom as well - her talent is wasted away from the war. But if I receive reports that your sentimental attachment to the girl is an issue, she will be sent to another part of the front."
'Sentimental attachment' - he doesn't know. He doesn't even suspect, if he's giving you this much. "Yes, Father," you say, keeping your relief off your face.
You think -
This is a chance to court the support of those dissatisfied with Father's self-destructive policies. You'll have to do what you can to avoid participating in Father's senseless killings. (43)
+ You'll discuss things with Azula before you go, but while you're away you should keep your distance from her. You don't want to bring Father's anger down on you both. (37)
+Remain open to courting those Father's loyalists that are practical rather than sadistic. (33)
+ You have to stay in touch with Azula as much as you can after you leave. You can't abandon her to Father; she's strong, but she's only twelve. (11)
This is a chance to court the support of Father's loyalists in the military. You'll have to set aside your objections to Father's policies and get your hands dirty. (5)
You can work with this. You won't stain your hands carrying out Father's pointlessly cruel policies - you can make your way to a specialist position or something like that, something that lets you aid the war effort without being expected to order the death of innocents like Father's generals and commanders are. Maybe you can even begin courting dissidents within the military who share your views on the killings. You'll have to beware of spies - if Father's telling you about one, you know there will be more he doesn't tell you about. But you can turn this punishment into an opportunity.
The only issue is that you know Father won't let you stay in touch with Azula while you're away. You have to explain things to her before you go, make sure she understands you're not abandoning her because she burned you. But you can handle that. This can work.
"I understand, Father," you say, bowing. "I will bring honor to the Fire Nation."
You keep your expression neutral as you straighten, but you think Father might detect your hope.
"We will see. But as I said," he continues, "That is the first task I have for you."
"What else must I do?"
"You claim you understand your mistake," he says. "You claim to be loyal. You will prove it. You will end your association with Iroh."
You nod. You expected as much. "What should I say to him?"
"'Say'?" Father echoes, voice mocking. "Have you heard nothing? We are beyond words. Your actions will speak for you."
You hesitate for a heartbeat.
"What do you mean, Father?"
"Your promises to break ties with him have meant little before," Father says. "Now, before he departs, you will ensure that he is driven away from you. Permanently."
His expression is neutral. Calm.
Something is wrong.
"How, Father?"
"As you pointed out yourself," Father says, "Zuko is his greatest weakness. His surrogate son."
What is he saying?
"If you have learned your lesson from refusing to burn Azula, prove it," Father says levelly. "If you have no attachment to Iroh, prove it. You will make a spectacle that ensures Iroh never attempts to ally with you again."
He fixes you with his gaze, piercing and calm. There's no anger in it. That almost makes it worse. This isn't a decision made in the heat of the moment.
"You will find a reason to challenge Zuko to an Agni Kai," Father tells you. "And then, in a fit of cruelty, you will scar him."
Somehow, you almost want to laugh. You keep your fists from clenching.
"Why?" you ask, voice polite.
"Because it will ensure Iroh abandons you," Father answers. "Because it will teach you a lesson. Because Zuko learns best when driven by the need to compete with you. Because I ordered you to, and you will not disobey me again."
You just nearly attacked him to avoid burning your sister.
"It will ruin my relationship with my brother," you say. "In the long term, it will undermine my rule."
"If you must coddle your brother to have a stable rule, you are not fit for the throne," Father answers.
Or he has no intention of putting you on the throne, and wants his spare heirs at each other's throats. Fire almost springs into your hands of its own accord.
"Uncle may realize I acted on your orders," you point out, fighting to keep your expression neutral.
"Do you think he'll care why you scarred his favorite child?" Father asks, voice almost soft.
No.
What are you supposed to do? Disobey again? He won't allow it. The punishment will be worse. Lie to him to buy some time? What options do you have? If you go to Uncle for help, what will he do? Do you have the support or the power to resist Father?
Do you burn Zuko after you refused to burn Azula?
"I believe there are better ways to drive Uncle away," you say quietly.
"Are there?" Father asks. "Tell me, then. Tell me your brilliant plan to drive Iroh away. And know that I will add to your punishment each time you suggest a lighter sentence for yourself."
You refused to burn Azula. You were ready to fight for Azula.
And that's why you're here.
Accept Father's orders. You're just making things worse for the whole family every time you disobey. (42)
Lie and tell Father you'll obey. Try to get to Uncle and get his support to take drastic action against Father, whatever the consequences. (42)
Flee the capital with Mitsuko tonight. (34)
"I will challenge uncle to an Agni Kai on the basis that he failed in Ba Sing Se. I will berate him, in front of all who you wish to see, and point out how Lu Ten's death was his own fault. I will emasculate him, I will burn the gifts he has given me, and the ones that Lu Ten has given me, and proclaim that I no longer wish to have anything to do with him, or his failures. I will burn him, or he will be forced to burn me. Either way, I will sever the relationship." (21)
You don't know what to do. You don't know what to do. If you can just buy time -
"If that is what you ask of me -" you begin -
"Do not think you can lie to me, Akane," Father warns you. "Have no illusions that Iroh will save you from your punishment. Do you think I didn't notice your preparations to attack me? Do you believe I, the Fire Lord, am as oblivious to threats as you are? You will obey, or I will cease treating your treasonous impulses with such undeserved lenience."
You have no choice. You have to act. You have to choose.
Obey. Scar Zuko. (39)
Lie. Go to Iroh and commit whatever treason you must. (36)
* * * * *
He's not your favorite child.
* * * * *
97 AC (15 years old)
Royal Palace Dueling Grounds
Words are said. It's not difficult. For the first time, you face Zuko in a duel.
He fights viciously, but there's a reason you've never even bothered to train against him before. Even as numb as you feel, you deflect his attacks without any difficulty.
You could still take a fall. Father would know. He'd move against you within the hour. You doubt you'd even have a chance to go to Uncle, not at this stage. It's too late to back out and have any chance of defeating Father.
You could still take a fall.
Go through with what you came here for. (43)
Take a fall. (19)
He stays on the offensive the whole time. You weather it, deflecting everything he sends your way.
Slowly, you step closer.
"Come on!" Zuko shouts. "Fight back! Hit me!"
Stop asking for it.
With a series of spinning kicks, he sends a tornado of flame at you so vicious that it finally forces you to root yourself and put effort into your defense. It's the kind of thing Azula could have done.
"Did you think I'd just give up?" he yells. "Come on and fight, you coward!"
Enough.
His eyes go wide when you charge him, like he wasn't expecting you to actually do it. When you go on the attack, he can't keep up. Your firebending rattles your own bones with its force, and your brother ends up sprawled out on the stone.
"Yield, Zuko," you command, and he bitterly obeys. It was never in question. This was never a real fight.
You look at the stands. Azula looks pleased. Her fist is clenched in excitement. She nods at you, like she thinks you're doing all this to send her a message. Uncle just looks disappointed. You haven't gotten to the main event yet.
Father is expressionless.
Fine. Fine. It's too late. Fine.
You kneel next to Zuko, and with your hand on his chest you keep him from sitting up.
"What are you doing?" he demands.
What do you even say? What can you say that will justify this?
Scar his chest. He can cover it up. (33)
+"Goodbye Zuko." (33)
+ Tell him you're sorry. (22)
+"I'm sorry I failed you" (20)
Scar his cheek. At least that way there's no risk of it interfering with his bending. (27)
Defy your father and give him a wound that may not scar. (7)
You search for the words, but nothing comes.
"I'm sorry, Zuko," you whisper. "I've failed you in more ways than one."
There's confusion and fear on his face. "What are you doing?"
Your hand presses down on his chest.
He screams as you do it. You hear it as if from miles away. The noise lingers. You have to hold your hand in place for a long time to give him the proper wound.
The only flames that seem to come to you are a low, deep red.
* * * * *
You don't leave the gymnasium after the fight ends. You wash your hands viciously and then go through your forms again, and it only confirms it.
Your fire is red. Low red. Cool red. You can't get it any hotter. It still feels like it wants to explode but now it lacks the heat.
"Your will is your sun, indeed."
You whirl to face him. He's standing in the doorway, expression still blank.
You clasp your hands behind your back. And keep your legs from shaking.
"Have I satisfied you, Father?" you ask. Your voice isn't strained. You stay polite. "It will scar."
"Do you understand now, Akane?" he asks, ignoring you.
"Understand?" you ask. "I understand that I did as you asked. My actions proved my resolve."
"That is not what your actions proved."
What? "I don't understand, Father," you say, clenching your hands behind your back.
"You told me your will was your sun," Father says. "I told you not to let your fear rule you."
Your heart pounds in your chest. "You told me you would punish me for treason if I refused to scar my brother," you remind him.
"And if I had told you again to burn Azula, you would have refused."
What is he talking about? What is he talking about? Is he still not satisfied? How many people does he expect you to burn for him?
"I don't understand what you mean, Father," you say, tone measured. "Do you still want me to burn her? Is that what you're asking?"
"I ask nothing except that you cease lying to yourself," Father tells you. "I ask that you finally understand my lesson."
He is so dramatic every time he winds up to have you maim or wound or kill another member of the family honestly if anyone is an actor here it's him.
"What lesson is that?" you ask politely.
"Your protection of Azula was never an expression of your will," Father tells you. "It was never anything more than you coddling your favored child, just as your Mother did before you."
Your mouth opens, but the words are strangled in your throat. The mask of his expression finally cracks, but nothing emerges but cruel satisfaction.
"That you favor a different child than she did does not change the fact that you have inherited her weakness."
"You ordered me to do this," you say hoarsely.
"And where was your will, Akane?" he asks. "Where was your defiance? Does only one child merit your protection?"
"You threatened me!" Your voice cracks. "You told me you would punish me for treason! You've threatened me and my family every time I've disobeyed you -"
"And where was your will?" Father repeats softly. "Where was your sun?"
He can't do this. He was ready to kill you. You had to bide your time. He can't blame you for this.
He can't do this. This isn't your fault.
"You can't act like you wanted me to defy you," you whisper. "You can't call defiance treason and then act like that's what you wanted all along."
"What I want, Akane, is for you to open your eyes," Father answers. "You presume to quote my lessons back at me while spitting on them with every action you take. You cannot claim your will is your sun as you coddle one child and breathe a sigh of relief when the other is threatened. You cannot reject all of your father's lessons without becoming your mother."
He MADE YOU DO THIS.
"You must choose, Akane," Father tells you. "You can follow either in Ursa's footsteps or in mine. You can reject my instruction or accept it."
"I accepted -"
"You bowed to punishment out of fear." Father sneers. "Just as your mother would have. You accepted my instructions when it only required you to hurt the child you cared nothing for. You have never accepted my teachings when they required you to do what was difficult. You have never been willing to sacrifice."
He told you to do this. He made you do this. This is his fault. All of this is his fault.
"And now you witness the consequences," Father says. "You have no one to blame for this but yourself."
"You can't blame this on me," you whisper. "You made me do this."
"You brought this upon yourself."
"You made me do this!"
"You have suffered only the consequences of your own actions," Father says.
Your heart is pounding. You can't breathe. He can't do this. He can't do this.
"If you had been willing to listen to me from the beginning, to trust my judgment as your father and as the Fire Lord, none of this would have been necessary," Father tells you. "If you had carried out even the simplest of tests I set for you, no burns would have been needed for me to be confident in your will."
As if anything would have satisfied him! As if anything would have been enough! This isn't your fault! He did this! He chose all of this!
"And now, after failing each and every test I have set, you must live with your punishment," Father tells you. "If you had been even strong enough to maintain distance from Iroh, from your political rival, all of this would have been avoided. But you were unwilling to sacrifice even a moment of childish fun. You were unwilling to do what your position required of you, and now you must live with the price of failure. As you will again, and again, until you are strong enough to finally accept my guidance. Until you are strong enough to do what is required of you to grow, you will always return here."
"What is required?" you demand. "Did you want me to defy you?"
"I wanted you to learn your lesson before punishment became necessary," Father says coolly. "As long as you blame me for every mistake you make, you will never grow."
HE MADE YOU DO THIS.
"I suggest you end your childish tantrum quickly," Father finishes, folding his arms. "You would be wise to swallow your pride and begin taking my instruction seriously. You will have little time to train before your departure, and you still have much to learn."
