You can't hear it, but I am screaming in happiness right now.
Let's rake the leaves into a pile before we get rid of them.
Chances those leaves will be leapt into and rescattered: 150%.
Maybe Oni Lee would have some ideas on what else the shrine might need.
Oni Lee: Murderous assassin, serial suicide bomber, interior decorator.
No real need to specify which baachan, the capital was easy enough to hear.
Oh, no. She's started being able to tell them apart. The Transformation has begun!
Sunny seemed to have made herself scarce for the moment,
*narrows eyes suspiciously*
Standing just under the gate were three Protectorate heroes, Assault, Battery, and--eeee!--Armsmaster himself.
Assault spent DECADES of collected favors, blackmail, and bribes to get assigned to this.
The famous Tinker smiled, and god help her but his beard was immaculate.
Armsmaster, on the other hand, spent the same on getting his beard trimmer perfected.
"Ah, yes! Yes I am." Armsmaster knew her name!
Hero worship? Or blatantly obvious crush? I think we ALL know what I choose to believe!
(...hero worship, duh. Dragon/Armsmaster is a ship I won't be scuttling, thankyewverymuch.)
Baachan's teachings helpfully took over for her brain. Tea time is courtesy time, after all, and as long as you are courteous, everything will be fine. Or you are Lung.
And you are struck by lightning. Listen to Baachan. Don't get struck by lightning.
She nearly missed another step when she heard the sharp intake of breath behind her, because-- oh yeah-- she'd been in the middle of hosting Oni Lee.
*wheeze* You're going to kill me. You're going to KILL ME.
Her hands balled up and migrated to her hips as she asked, "Can I go get some refreshments, and come back to find everyone still in one piece?"
Can I just point out that Taylor just pulled the "stern shrine maiden" pose on four insanely dangerous Capes... and it's WORKING? Because that's amazing to me.
The wolf had more than enough, and she may as well add serving alcohol without a license to her rap sheet.
"Director, are we going to...?"
"SHE HAS A LICENSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED."
"Really, I'd prefer if there just wasn't any violence here at all, bloody or otherwise."
Casual conversation, or a Master/Shaker of unknown power and range laying down an edict? YOU decide!
Taylor mentally added 'defacing public property' to her list.
After this, Taylor is going to have a nice, relaxing time breathing heavily into a paper bag.
"Ah-- speaking of attention, kinda. The Protectorate's capture of the E88 capes was in the newspaper headlines all week. You must have been working very hard. Congratulations!"
She could feel the full force of Armsmaster's stare on her. Assault started making a wheezing noise.
Like I said: DECADES of favors, bribery, and blackmail cashed in.
Taylor couldn't think of any reason for her and the Empire to be spoken of in the same breath. Unless maybe Purity dropping by was way more attention-grabbing than she'd thought?
A (in)famous, brightly glowing woman dropping down out of the sky? Nawww, totally subtle.
Taylor really couldn't imagine Lung sending a postcard or something to the Rig to clue them in.
I could. Really arrogantly, too.
"Dear Protectorate,
Since you can't protect the city, I have decided to start doing it for you. These sidewalks and this shrine are neutral ground. Please, observe how it is done and maybe you too will one day grow to reflect the glory that is myself.
Beneficently,
Lung"
Taylor set down her tea. "I think there's been a mistake. I didn't have anything to do with the E88 captures, and I'm not a cape."
Oh, Dog. It's happening and it's going to be as glorious as I'd hoped!
Assault made a noise in his throat, somewhere between a laugh and a cough.
DECADES.
"Have you perhaps noticed strange things happening around you? Odd weather, things suddenly being repaired, plants growing in an unusual fashion?" The living gazebo around them didn't offer comment, but it continued to exist.
"...maybe a few things."
*hopeless laughter* I can't help but read that last line in the most begrudging, five year old being forced to admit they didn't wash their hands tone possible.
Yeah, Sunshine. Sunny for short. She's my best friend." Taylor smiled. "Maybe you've seen her around? She's a white, uh… canine."
Oh, Assault's DEFINITELY seen her. Certain portions very well.
Maaaaybe you haven't been online much, but your friend has been pretty active lately, making the E88 regret everything."
"...oh dear."
What? When did Kasumi Tendo get in here?
And, um… since dogs can't really open bank accounts,
Sunny: "Bark!" (Wanna bet?)
Taylor winced. "Sorry… you ever, um, get introduced to someone, and then you see them again sometime, and you know them but you can't remember their name, and it's way too awkward to ask at that point?"
The stern set of Armsmaster's mouth faltered a bit, thrown by the sudden shift in conversation. "...yes?"
"It turns out that running from law enforcement is a lot like that, only way worse."
...yeah, okay. I can see that. I mean, once the tears from laughing clear up, at least.
Taylor studied her teacup and ignored the slight wheezing from Assault.
DECADES.
"...Brushstroke and Good Dog are religious figures to you?" Taylor couldn't tell if Assault was grinning or scandalized. Quite possibly it was both.
DECADES. (And he is regretting it less and less by the second!)
A car door shut outside the shrine, the sound surprisingly loud. The footsteps that followed were heavy and purposeful. Taylor frowned, and stood up slowly.
"...Excuse me for a moment, please. I think I need to go greet another guest."
*glances up at Oni Lee's earlier comment about 'being wise'*
...no. No, you didn't. You WOULDN'T.
Sure enough, the person she least wanted to see was waiting there for her. Lung had stopped just inside the gate,
You DID.
Excuse me, I need to go somewhere with more oxygen. I seem to be unable to breathe.
Curse your teachings, Baachan!
Meanwhile, somewhere in Brockton Bay, Baachan pauses in lecturing one of her grandchildren. Her Baachan senses are tingling! Someone is using her teachings correctly!
"...please follow me." Taylor said, her voice absolutely wooden. She led the gang leader back to the tatami mats. Tea time is courtesy time, tea time is courtesy time…
Fake it 'til you make it, Taylor! Fake it 'til you make it! Just HIDE your horrified terror long enough and you'll forget it was ever there! ...probably!
Taylor simply took her seat again, saying, "Guests, please be comfortable. And I will ask again, please no violence here." After a moment, Lung moved around her and the mats, and took his place next to Oni Lee.
For the record: The Protectorate are TOTALLY going to look at this as Lung acceding to Brushstroke's conditions of no violence and, by extension, her absolute authority over the shrine.
Taylor stared at Lung over her glasses and said, her voice sweet, "It's so good of you to enforce a nonaggression treaty within the ABB, Lung. I'm very glad that you respect the shrine so much as to help maintain its open-door policy to any who wish to visit."
Lung stopped smiling,
See what happens when you goad a shrine maiden, Lung? Do you SEE? You get roped into enforcing its neutrality! Keep it up and you'll be selling charms next!
Oni Lee was giving the larger man a look that, even with the mask, Taylor recognized from her tutelage under the Baachan Collective.
"Bitch, you done FUCKED UP NOW!"
"Sure it does. You're all here as guests. And I am courteous to my guests, as they are to each other."
Implied, but not spoken: "And if you no longer wish to behave as guests, your ass is lightning bait."
(Because make no mistake, EVERYONE at that table reads that statement as a clear and distinct threat of consequences.)
"The shrine does not have a phone, so I was sent ahead to offer you thirty minutes' notice that Lung would be arriving."
Taylor stared. Her eyes flicked over to Lung, who had picked some suspicious timing to drink from his tea. She closed her eyes and took a measured breath. "...thank you, Oni Lee. That… that's most thoughtful of you."
"You are welcome, Miko."
Taylor's internal dialogue: "Don't kick Oni Lee in the shins, don't kick Oni Lee in the shins, don't kick Oni Lee in the shins...."
Well done, US. This was amazing and glorious and I want MORE MORE MORE already!
I'm waiting for Taylor to look online and find the "Irresponsible Dog!" tape.
And the next day, Sunny is enrolled in a responsible driving course AND Alcoholic's Anonymous....
