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Belated Battleships (KanColle) [REHOST]

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Please tell me there is a "Tips for WoWs Players." thread, because some of these are golden!
 
B-baka! said:
Oh cravings... the never ending nightmares of food abominations that women think is good. *shudders*
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Now in battleship portions!

They really can't quite figure out why Gale is the one with battleship-scale cravings while Wash has been eating 'human-normal'ish.

It's still pickle-flavored ice cream with escargot, strawberry jam and peanut butter, but at least it's in portions that fit on a single serving.
 
maes said:
Now in battleship portions!

They really can't quite figure out why Gale is the one with battleship-scale cravings while Wash has been eating 'human-normal'ish.

It's still pickle-flavored ice cream with escargot, strawberry jam and peanut butter, but at least it's in portions that fit on a single serving.
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Actually, as Gale is carrying a battleship, it's perfectly reasonable for her to eat a ton. The mistery is why Wash is eating like a human.
 
Darth Herobrine said:
Actually, as Gale is carrying a battleship, it's perfectly reasonable for her to eat a ton. The mistery is why Wash is eating like a human.
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LOL remember when Borie said Gale was having quads and she freaked out? Maybe it's Wash that's going to have multiples. I have a feeling those two are gonna end up with quite a few kids. Them, Mutsu/Richardson, and Kongo/Goto will probably be in the Top Three for the title of 'Largest Family'.
 
Archduke said:
"I can hit the water in front, behind, around, under him, and in his fresh water feed tanks. FOR NO F*CKING DAMAGE!" -me, in my New York.

"This ship is pretty accurate." - me, in my Texas
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Funny story, my friends and I did a not-so-scientific drunk test where we teamed up in the same ship and tried to figure out which ship we all owned was the most fun to play together. We had some good runs in Missouri/Iowa, Arizona wasn't bad, Tirpitz was pretty fun... but the hands down derpy winner that we all enjoyed and were rolling in laughter with afterwards? Texas. A three Texas division, all in 'murica camo.

It. Was. Glorious. (in slow motion, but still glorious)

Hopefully our third friend can get his Nikoli in a crate soon, since a 2-person Div of Imperator Nikoli's is just cancer and hilariously seal-clubby. I want to try three.
 
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nullptr said:
Funny story, my friends and I did a not-so-scientific drunk test where we teamed up in the same ship and tried to figure out which ship we all owned was the most fun to play together. We had some good runs in Missouri/Iowa, Arizona wasn't bad, Tirpitz was pretty fun... but the hands down derpy winner that we all enjoyed and were rolling in laughter with afterwards? Texas. A three Texas division, all in 'murica camo.

It. Was. Glorious. (in slow motion, but still glorious)

Hopefully our third friend can get his Nikoli in a crate soon, since a 2-person Div of Imperator Nikoli's is just cancer and hilariously seal-clubby. I want to try three.
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Don't mess with Texas.
 
Well, we just went from RvB jokes to WoWs discussions. I'm certain that @theJMPer is proud of us. In some way.

It might even be in a measurable amount!
 
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Omake: A certain post-wedding lady
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    • (⌐■_■)

    * * * * *

    "Enjoying yourself?" queried Hiei as she took a seat next to Arizona. She tilted back a bottle of beer and took a healthy swig of the dark liquid.

    "Mmm." Arizona sipped at her wine before giving her friend a proper reply. "I am. The wedding was beautiful. The atmosphere is pleasant. And everyone looks so happy that I'd be hard pressed to not be having a good time."

    Hiei smiled and swirled her drink.

    "I don't see you mingling though. And I thought you'd have a line out the door of strapping young lads and ladies wanting to chat. Or try to dance the night away with." She grinned when Arizona rolled her eyes. Mutsu was having fun with John, well-wishers, and a mountain of destroyers. So it was on her to tease and torment the standard.

    She'd do it even if Mutsu wasn't busy, but this just gave her another excuse. Besides, it was fun. It was hard to complete with Mutsu though. She was just so good at it. Almost too good, honestly.

    "I had the required dance with my escort before I threw him to the wolf." She set down her nearly empty glass and tapped the rim lightly.

    "Wolf?" Hiei paused. Shouldn't that be wolves? The Americanism was plural, right? There were a lot of single shipgirls out there anyways. The cruisers especially we-oh. Oh. "Ohhh ho ho~ Ari, you devil."

    "...Wh-what?" Replied Arizona defensively.

    "Do you have any idea what you did?" She scooted up next to Arizona and put an arm around her shoulder. This was too good. Far too good. She pointed into the crowd. "The Hungry Wolf of Yokosuka has been trying since the day she was summoned to find love. Trying and failing. She hasn't even been able to get a date."

    They might be at war, but that shouldn't have to stop anyone from finding some joy. They had just been part of a wedding between an admiral and a battleship who was also very much pregnant after all.

    "I fail to see how my actions are so special. He was plainly interested in her and she was looking at him like he was a slab of meat." Arizona huffed. There was a mix of amusement and her usual grumpiness in her voice, which only made Hiei's grin grow.

    "I don't think you realize just how starved for romantic affection she is." Ashigara had friends and family, but her fortune with anything that involved love was firmly in the negatives.

    "Then let them dance, be happy, and hope they can make something of it. There is no need to make a spectacle of it." She waved her hand dismissively, but Hiei could easily make out the smile trying to make itself seen.

    "If Ashigara lets this slip through her fingers, she might lose her mind. Just look at her!"

    Hiei hadn't seen the Wolf this happy in a very long time. She was a naturally outgoing and energetic woman, but the laughter on her face was on a whole new level. If Mutsu was seeing this then she was no doubt grinning from ear to ear. Weddings were all sorts of fun.

    ...Wait a minute.

    Oh dammit.

    Really? Was the universe really going to go to such lengths? Let the poor woman have a break.

    Hiei's head fell again Arizona's shoulder and she groaned.

    "Hiei? What's wrong?"

    "Ashigara is on the patrol roster." Hiei set her bottle back onto the table. Well, at least this was better than usual.

    "Oh... But they should still have some time before deployment, correct? Surely there's enough left in her evening for some more memories." Arizona reached into the breast pocket of her dress uniform and withdrew a golden pocket watch. It popped open with an audible click. She frowned a moment after reading the time. "I suppose not."

    "Think we should intervene?" Hiei was so very tempted to do so. Not only because the battle hungry cruiser really needed a break. But also because she was a Kongou. Love powered her boilers just as a potent head of steam did. She just wasn't as vocal about it. Not in public anyway.

    "What do you propose?" Asked Arizona as she put away her watch. "There is no changing her deployment. We're only being allowed as much freedom as we are because we are part of the wedding."

    "Nothing that drastic. A kick in the pants to make sure they exchange numbers or something. Knowing her, she's on cloud nine just having the chance to dance with someone and not even thinking about how to get ahold of the guy later." She snickered and sat up. "Her head's probably full of her own imaginary wedding right now."

    "I think we could do that for her."

    "I knew I could count on you." She clapped Arizona's shoulder. The prude of prudes the American might be, but her heart was in the right place.

    Arizona simply gave another huff and stood from her seat.

    "We don't have much time, so lets hurry."

    "Shouldn't that be my line, lagwagon?" Teased Hiei as she fell into step alongside Arizona.

    "Wha-where?! Where did you hear that name?" Demanded Arizona.

    "From your other daughter. The speedboat." She shrugged with false disappointment. "Did you really think the entire base wouldn't know about a nickname a destroyer gives someone? Especially one like Shimakaze?"

    "I do wish she wouldn't. Prudebote is bad enough, thank you very much." Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation.

    Hiei simply laughed while they maneuvered through the dancing crowds. She made a note that Ari had not denied Shimakaze being her little girl at all. It was an arrangement she wouldn't have ever imagined, but there was no way she'd complain about it. It was good for both of them.

    And both ensure Jane had more siblings while giving even more avenues to harass the standard. Very important things in the grand scheme of things. Without question.

    She was quite happy to see everyone having a good time as they walked by. Some more than others and some in ways that didn't really involve dancing.

    Hoel was regaling Hatsuzuki with tales of some sort of supreme God-Donut. A pastry to rule all others. It did sound incredibly tasty, but they had a job to do. She had to give Ari a bit of a shove to keep her moving past the destroyers.

    She very nearly choked on a laugh when she caught sight of Chikuma and the impossibly stacked non-shipgirl haul away that Army guy who had been chatting with Jersey earlier. The scene in and of itself wasn't all too eye catching, but the fact he was being dragged out by his feet made it impossible to ignore. And it was really damn funny, too.

    "Someone's in for a wild night. Hope he doesn't break anything."

    "Pardon?"

    "Oh, nothing. Just watched Chikuma drag someone out of the room." She turned her attention back to navigating herself and Arizona towards their intended destination. This place was more packed than she realized. It didn't help that their targets were slowly drifting away.

    "The less I am aware of her inclinations, the better off I will be." Arizona stated flatly as they passed Naka's cameraman awkwardly trying to strike up a conversation with Nagato and failing terribly.

    "Oh, there are plenty worse things she could be do-!"

    Hiei dodged out of the way as a pair of little boys came barreling through the masses, heedless of where they were going.

    "Hey, be careful!" She hollered at their retreating forms. Yeesh. Kids these days. At least her daughter put forth some effort to behave in public. Jane didn't always succeed, but the effort was there.

    "This... could pose a problem." Arizona's voice held a tone of concern that made the hair on the back of Hiei's neck stand on edge.

    "Please tell me this is a 'hahaha' kind of problem and not a 'general quarters' kind of problem." She was really hoping for the former. And as she laid eyes on the scene Arizona was bearing witness to, she mentally swore. "...A Pennsylvania kind of problem."

    "She did so well at the wedding..."

    Hiei sighed.

    "Lets calm them down before someone gets hurt. We're already drawing an audience."

    "I agree." Arizona took a step forward and almost immediately stopped.

    "Please. Just... ten! Ten more minutes. Five even!" Ashigara pleaded just short of shamelessly. Never before had anyone seen her so desperate. Her pride was little more than a memory. "Victory is so close. I can't let it slip through my fingers again! I have lost time and again. Please don't let me miss this chance."

    Pennsylvania crossed her arms and glowered up at the heavy cruiser while Hunter looked on in a plain display of bewilderment.

    "No. We have patrol. You drew the night shift, so suck it up and do your duty sailor. Everyone else is, so there's no good reason for you to be the sole exception." Pennsylvania's crimson eyes narrowed in poorly veiled displeasure. "I will gladly force your compliance."

    "One minute?"

    Hiei palmed her face while Arizona did likewise. The sonarman really should have kept his mouth shut.

    Pennsylvania turned her ire laden gaze towards Ashigara's date. He seemed to flinch, but did not fall to pieces. Hiei would at least give him that.

    "Please, ma'am?"

    The surrounding guests watched with baited breath as Pennsylvania turned back to the despairing wolf, ignoring the young man's request. Her gaze was merciless and her posture steadfast.

    "We're leaving."

    "Pl-eeeahowa?!" Ashigara's final attempt at bargaining was cut off thanks to Pennsylvania taking the matter into her own hands.

    Hiei couldn't help herself and let a snort of laughter break the stunned silence. A laugh that continued to grow. Someone had better be filming this. She would never forgive the world if they weren't.

    Her mirth caused the dam to burst as more and more onlookers broke into laughter and barely constrained chuckles. Arizona looked torn between joining them and giving in to a mild case of shock. She finally cracked when Hiei began using her shoulder for support.

    "P-p-put me down!"

    "I refuse." Pennsylvania stated mirthlessly.

    "James, please. Help! Our happy ending!"

    But the sailor was rooted to the spot along with many others as they witnessed Ashigara being carted away, held over Pennsylvania's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She was only saved further humiliation thanks to her skirt not riding up to show off her aft to everyone with a set of functioning eyeballs in the vicinity.

    "Jaaaames-!"

    Hiei stifled her amusement just enough to allow herself the ability to form coherent sentences and approached the dumbstruck man. He seemed to return to reality after she snapped her fingers in front of his face a few times.

    "That... really just happened?"

    "Yep." She put an arm around the young sailor and gave him a playful punch to the jaw. "You'll have another chance. You did get her number right?"

    His horrified silence was damning.

    Hiei shook her head in disapproval as Arizona walked over and the crowd returned to their previous milling, dancing, and gossiping.

    "I will wager he didn't get her number and Ashigara's curse remains?" She rubbed her temples as Hiei shook her head in the negative. "Mr. Hunter, I do apologize for my sister. But you should have struck while the iron was hot. You knew she was going to be deployed."

    "Do you have to rub salt in the wound?" The sonarman groaned.

    Arizona nodded.

    "Harsh, Ari. Harsh." Hiei chuckled and released Hunter. "Just track her down when she gets back. Pull some strings. Bribe a politician or two. Get Oyoodo some rare coffee. Something's bound to work. You're a submariner. Hunting is what you do."

    "I... don't suppose either of you have a way of getting ahold of her that you're willing to share?"

    "Nope. Not gonna make it easy on either of you after that little display." Hiei laughed with a sliver of fake wickedness in her voice. Oh, this night was just too much fun in all sorts of ways. But now she had to have some fun at someone else's expense. Someone who deserved it like no one else. "Take care Mr. Hunter. Come on Ari. I have to do something very, very important~"

    Arizona only had a brief chance to bid Hunter farewell before being dragged off into the crowd.

    "What madness has taken you now?"

    "I'm John's best friend, Best Man, and a whole lot of things. And it's my job to make sure he's incredibly happy with Mutsu and embarrass him at the same time." And this one would be one for the history books. She could see his reaction coming miles away.

    "Hiei. This is his wedding day. One of the most important days in his and Mutsu's lives. What are you planning?" Arizona sounded genuinely worried. That was good. But not really needed. "Hiei?"

    "You'll see." She grinned mischievously. If ever there was a doubt that she was a Kongou, she would just need to show that grin. Her best Kongou-class grin that only she and her sisters could pull off. An expression that promised mischief, mayhem, love, and reality breaking shenanigans. "And Mutsu approved~"

    "Please leave those of us with sanity out of this." Pleaded Arizona despite not trying to fight off Hiei's grip in the slightest.

    "You're part of the family, so you're stuck with us."

    "Lord save me."

    "I don't think his subordinate is available at the moment." Hiei released Arizona as they approached the table where the happily wedded couple were chatting with Jintsuu and a division of destroyers. Her grin widened when John caught sight of her and froze. He knew what this look meant. Or didn't mean. They might know each other better than anyone else in the world, but not even he could fully discern a Kongou.

    Mutsu gave her a wink and a smile. An action that made John pale. Mission start.

    She straightened her suit jacket and snapped a salute that was more crisp than anything she'd delivered in a very, very long time. All while wearing that smile. Her poise almost cracked when John slowly returned the salute. As if he wasn't quite sure how to use his hand anymore.

    "Admiral John Richardson." She began, ignoring the crowd now gathering. If they thought Ashigara's misfortune was a spectacle, well... "I hereby announce my intention to do two things. The first is to congratulate you on your marriage to Mutsu Richardson. I wish you all the happiness and joy in the world."

    "...And the second?"

    "To embarrass the living daylights out of you." Her green eyes flashed as Mutsu gestured for the destroyers and Jintsuu to stand clear. "Now pucker up, John!"

    And then Hiei pounced.

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