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Belated Battleships (KanColle) [REHOST]

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Or, fuck these 0.0106189 nautical miles in particular. Black Dragon OP, no nerf.

EDIT: That is the approximate acreage converted to nm. 1 acre=0.00117987 square nautical miles. Math.
 
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I dunno. There's enough magical bullshit that she just might find a way to punch someone through the great Interwebs. :p
 
Hey, if Musashi can use those goofy beehive rounds (and she can), I think Jersey's entirely within her rights to pull "you call that a knife" on her. :D
 
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A Washington breeze
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    • Battleship Washington cradled a steaming cup of coffee against her breast and buried her nose in the soft white silk of her scarf. She wouldn't call herself sad, she had a million reasons to be proud of the duty she was carrying out for her nation and namesake state. But she wouldn't exactly call herself happy either. In fact, she'd call herself quite melancholy at the moment.

    "What if she doesn't like me?" the battleship picked her face out of her scarf with a sniffle and glanced to her dining companion.

    "Of course she likes you!" Kirishima slammed her fist on the table, sending her half-finished teacup a foot into the air before it fell back onto its saucer without spilling so much as a drop. Wash had long since gotten used to such tea-related activities when in proximity to Kirishima. It's simply to be expected from a British-designed warship.

    "I'm not so sure," Wash cradled her beverage tighter against the swell of her chest and—despite her generally lethargic mood—smiled at the warmth she felt against her TDS.

    "Wash," Kirishima planted her fists on her hips and twirled her tiny skirt petulantly. "You're as stunning on land as you are on sea, and—" the littlest Kongou's voice halted for for a second. Wash assumed she'd just misplaced a signal flag or something in her haste—"anyone one would be thrilled to have you!"

    "I'm nothing special," said Wash. There wasn't a shred of self-pity in her voice. Wash was a proud battleship of the American Navy. But she was hardly the fastest ship in the fleet, or the strongest. Both those accolades would go to her younger Iowa-class cousins, and even her duel against Kirishima wasn't nearly so spectacular after Jersey's brawls in the arctic.

    "You are to her," insisted Kirishima.

    "Then why," Wash sniffled again and let her slender, slightly-misshapen nose sink back into her scarf's fluffy embrace. "Why has she started avoiding me? Ever since that scheme of yours at the gym."

    Kirishima blinked those beautiful gray eyes of hers and cocked her head to the side. Slowly, her extended finger rose to touch her porcelain chin while her lips formed a tiny 'o' shape. "what?"

    "Ever since…" Wash scowled, "that, she's been avoiding me." The American's scowl flowed back into a serene sniffle. "I used to join her for dinner every few days. Now she leaves whenever I set foot in the mess hall."

    "I…" Kirishima sighed, and even her radar hairband drooped in sympathy. "Wash, I'm sorry."

    "I thought…" Wash took a little sip of her drink and let the hot, salty brew sit on her tongue for a moment. "I thought I had her interest. I thought she knew I was in love… but…"

    Kirishima bit her lip, then slowly scooted over to drape an arm around the American. They might be built by countries on opposite sides of the Pacific at opposite ends of the century, but the two ships were almost exactly the same length and displacement. Wash was a bit wider, and had a much deeper draft though, giving her far more… waterplane area.

    Wait, where was she going with this metaphor? Oh, right. The two battleships were almost the same size, and their luck in love was just as matched. "I wish onee-sama was here," sighed Kirishima.

    "Hmm?" Wash cocked her head to the side and let her face paint a silent question.

    "Kongou," explained Kirishima. "She's the real expert in love. Me…" Kirishima sighed wistfully, "The love of my life's been steadfastly beyond me. It's… like my screws are stuck in concrete."

    Wash sniffed, and quietly put a hand on the littlest Kongou's slender wrist. "I'm sure you'll catch him eventually."

    Kirishima blushed, and her glasses steamed over with fog. "T-thanks," she mumbled. "But… I don't really know much about night battle. Just… the shocking reveal."

    "Oh?" Wash crossed her legs and hunkered down until her breasts squished against the table. She wanted to hear what her friend had to say. Even if it might not apply to her pursuit of the love of Yeoman Gale, she wanted Kirishima to feel like her input and friendship was valued.

    "Mmm," Kirishima nodded in that quietly knowing way only Japanese girls seemed able to pull off. "The moment when your target closes within range, and suddenly foom!" She spread her hands wide, "You catch her in your searchlights and—" Kirishima stopped.

    Wash blinked inquisitively.

    Slowly, Kirishima's gaze drifted down Wash's figure to her searchlight galleries. And then a catlike smile graced her delicate porcelain features. "Kirishima has an idea!"

    Wash felt a chill shoot down her keel, although she wasn't completely sure why.

    —|—|—​

    Admiral Goto glanced up from the semi-ordered orgy of paperwork and forms slowly unfolding on the desk he so optimistically claimed to hold some sense of power over and fixed his gaze on the two girls before him.

    Albie stood with a semi-professional slouch with her hands stuffed into the folded-over hem of her stolen pants. But her beady eyes were locked on his, and there was a spark of careful attentiveness in her sinewy body. The girl reminded him of a loaded gun, technically innocuous, but ready to explode into action at a moment's notice.

    Shinano, on the other hand, looked like she couldn't decide if she wanted to stand at attention or cower behind Albie, and ended up just fidgeting in place. It was honestly adorable, especially considering how unimaginably huge of a girl she was.

    Goto didn't spend a lot of time around the docks, partly because seeing his own girls naked—let alone battered and bleeding—was more than he liked to bear. And partly because Kongou inevitably found a way to work some part of his anatomy into her soaking wet cleavage. The Admiral had learned never to go near the battleship docks if he wanted to keep his uniform dry.

    But that also meant he had barely seen Shinano since her return. He was still coming to grasp with the sheer enormity of the youngest Yamato triplet. And the vastness of her appetite.

    "Girls," Goto offered Shinano a warm smile, and her fidgeting damped to just a nervous rocking of her hips from side to side. "What's the situation?"

    "Well," Albie puffed her little chest with pride, "I found Shinny here some spare sarashi and a clothes and things."

    "She even made me another kimono!" Shinano's voice jumped to a girlish squeak halfway though, and she twirled the hem of her ruddy skirt as best she could. It didn't really look like it twirled at all, the heavy triple-thick canvas was far too heavy to properly spin. But Shinano seemed to be enjoying herself, and that alone made Goto smile.

    "But," Albie said the one word he'd learned to fear above all when it came from the mouth of a shipgirl. "She also got a swimsuit."

    Shinano hugged her heavily armored chest, "And I love it!"

    "But not from me," said Albie. The little submarine handed Goto a tiny folded-up note. "I'm pretty sure that's Archerfish's handwriting."

    Goto skimmed the note, then stared flatly over it at Albacore's resigned smirk. "What?"

    "Archerfish," said Albie. "Balao-class, SS-three-eleven."

    "There's another one of you subtheives running around?" Goto scowled and rubbed at his temples. While a rogue American subgirl wasn't at the top of his list of waking nightmares, it was up there. Those boats had played hell with Japan's economy during the war, and this time they didn't even have to do all the damage themselves.

    "At least one, yes," said Albie. "I think I know where to find her, though."

    Goto cocked an eyebrow.

    "Can I borrow a map?" asked Albie. "Oh, and a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich."

    "What's the sandwich for?" asked Shinano with a quiet whisper.

    Albie poked herself in the belly. "I want it."

    "And the map?" Goto was long past questioning shipgirl antics. If they got the job done—and Albie had a proven track record of completing her assignments with minimal fuss, at least by shipgirl standards—Goto didn't really care about their antics.

    "Oh," Albie smiled, "I need to find the nearest aquarium."

    —|—|—​

    A weary smile passed over the janitor's weathered down features as he watched her stare into the plate glass window. Normally, he'd ask her to leave. The aquarium closed almost an hour ago, and he had a job to finish before he could go home. But today, he couldn't quite bring himself to.

    This wasn't the first time he'd seen her. For days, he kept snatching glimpses of her out of the corner of his eye. She'd be mingling with the thinning crowds that still flocked to the aquarium for some relief from the endless grind of war. But he'd only see her for a moment, then she'd melt into the sea of weary faces like a wisp of smoke.

    But now she wasn't trying to hide. She pressed herself against the viewing window. Cool blue light bathed her scrawny body as indifferent clownfish lazily swam though their tank.

    She wasn't Japanese. She had the big blue eyes and hard-cut features of an American. But he didn't care. She might be American, but her body wore the signs of something he was all to familiar with: Neglect.

    He'd seen hungry people, but this poor girl looked like she hadn't had a decent meal in her life. Her cheeks were sunken and pale, and her outfit—the parts of it that weren't castoff rags and ratty hand-me-downs—clung to her scrawny figure and showed off her ribcage and bony spine.

    The girl had ever right to be miserable. Even her hair was a ratty mess of a ponytail held together by congealed salt. But she wasn't. Her hungry features wore an honest smile as her nose flattened against the glass. "Fishies," she said with a giggle.

    "Pretty, aren't they?" the janitor smiled himself, and slowly strolled over.

    The girl nodded, but her face stayed firmly pressed against the glass. "I like fish."

    "Me too," he sighed and settled his tired body on one of the viewing benches. "It's calming. Just watching them swim."

    "Mmm," the girl nodded. And then she giggled when a particularly inquisitive fish swam up and tried to nibble at her nose. "I like looking at fish." She peeled her face off the glass and glanced at him. The neglect in her features was more obvious than ever now, but so was the kind of honest kindness that couldn't help but warm his heart.

    "With the war," the janitor shrugged. "I think… people like to come here and just.. watch the fish."

    "It's a nice break," said the girl, "After the war."

    "Girl," the janitor pulled himself to his feet. "You, uh…"

    "Archie," she said.

    "Archie," he nodded, testing the foreign sounds in his mouth. "When's the last time you had a good meal?"

    Archie bit her lip, and her hands unconsciously shifted to protect her tiny belly. "Th—no, four days ago."

    The janitor scowled. There wasn't a lot of food to go around, not with the rationing orhis salary. But… he could share what he had. Especially if it meant putting a decent meal in this poor girl's belly. Just looking at her made his heart ache. "Why don't we—"

    "ARCHIE!" another girl burst though the doors with a giant smile on her face. This one looked a little less neglected—if just as thin and underfed—as the other. Actually, other than their haircuts and outfits, the girls looked like they could be twins.

    "ALBIE!" Archie sprung into the other girls' arms and squeezed her in a tight hug. "I thought you were gone!"

    "I thought you were too!" The other girl—Albie, apparently—squeezed her back in a tighter hug.

    "How'd you know to find me here?" asked Archie.

    "I looked up your record," said Albie. "You did Sea Scan after the war."

    "You're a kanmusu?" said the janitor with a chuckle.

    "I… think?" said Archie.

    "Yes," said Albie. "We both are. USS Albacore, SS two-eighteen."

    "Oh, that's what we are," Archie nodded. "USS Archerfish, SS three-eleven."

    "Guess I won't be needing to offer you dinner then," the janitor chuckled at the to girls.

    "Well…" Albie smiled a devilish smile. "No, but we could offer you one."

    Archie nodded, "It's true. We're better cooks than you'd think."

    "Too bad Barb's not here," said Albie, "She makes those awesome cakes."

    Archie's knees almost gave out until her twin swooped in to steady her. "Cake…"

    The janitor looked at the two scrappy little girls and laughed. "I might have to take you girls up on that."

    —|—|—​

    A stiff, chilly breeze washed off the Puget Sound and crashed against Yeoman Gale's face. It was a cold December evening, but the air was crisp and dry and perfect for a run. At least that's what the sailor kept telling herself. Hopefully… eventually… she'd actually start believing her own propaganda.

    Because right now she was pretty miserable.

    Her nose was a brilliant red from the cold, her lungs burned with each breath, and her legs were quivering sticks of jelly. But still, she pushed herself to keep running. She'd plotted this course along the waterfront, and she was going to run it every day if it killed her.

    Which… it might. But ever since Wash showed up at the gym without a shirt, Gale'd been feeling more frustrated with her own belly jiggles than ever. She was a damn sailor of the United States Navy, she was supposed to be fit, not flabby.

    Gale hissed out a grumbling cry and pushed herself a bit faster. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into her room, curl under her blanket, and gobble down eggnog and beer while binging the latest season of Game of Thrones. But that wouldn't give her the body she wanted, the body a woman like Wash would find attractive.

    So the sailor pushed her immediate desires to the back of her mind, and set her mind on one thing.

    Well, actually two things.

    Both of them lived under Wash's shirt.

    "Evening, Gale."

    Gale almost face-planted on the concrete, but she caught herself at the last minute. Somehow, she hadn't noticed Wash jogging alongside her until the battleship opened that perfectly sculpted mouth of hers. "Gah! Stop doing that!"

    Wash just tilted her head and dropped to a slow trot. "Doing what?"

    Gale scowled. And then she noticed something. Two something, actually. Two somethings standing in sharp relief against the battleship's simple PT shirt. "Wash…"

    "Hmm?"

    "You're not wearing a bra, are you?"

    The battleship stared at the sailor for a solid minute with that unreadable look of confusion she loved so much. "No."

    Before Gale could say anything else, Wash fished a flashlight from her pocket and shone it squarely in the sailor's eyes. By the time Gale stopped seeing stars, Wash was nowhere to be found and Gale was discovering new and fascinating levels of confusion.

    "The hell is with this base?"
     
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    • There really isn't much to analyze and joke about here, so I'll just say this got me in trouble with the RAs I was laughing so hard. Nice work.
     
    Will you ever get tired of making Gale suffer? The answer is no of course. And we will never get tired of watching it.
     
    I really hope that Wash actually has a plan, because saying a sentence to people, shining a large flashlight in their face and leaving is a good way to get punched, as scouts has taught
    E.

    Wouldn't hurt Wash much though.
     
    Glitchrr36 said:
    I really hope that Wash actually has a plan, because saying a sentence to people, shining a large flashlight in their face and leaving is a good way to get punched, as scouts has taught
    E.

    Wouldn't hurt Wash much though.
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    better then standing there shining it in their face... Just ask Jintsuu or Akatsuki.
     
    Archerfish sounds cute and a little dumb. Just the right kind of dumb to be mesmerised by fish and say "Wooowww, that one swam in a circle" whilst wearing a big doofus grin.

    I also see that Wash is just as stealthy as she was back in '42. Next thing we know, Gale will be getting in an empty bed, turn over and come face-to-face with Wash.
    "Wash?"
    "Yes?"
    "Why are you in my bed?"
    "Oh, I-"
    "Hell, how did you even get in my bed, it was empty a second ago!"
    "Becau-"
    "Wait, don't tell me: Magical Shipgirl Bullshit."
    "Essentially, yes."
     
    theJMPer said:
    Check her history. There's a good reason she likes fishies.
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    She did six years of oceanographic research after the war.
    But the more pertinent question is: When are you going to have Archerfish reunite with Shinano?
    EDIT: Oh hai @Strypgia! Are you going to be the third mod to regularly read this story?
     
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