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Anderson Quest: Killing Vampires and Werewolves and Leprechauns (Hellsing/Bloodborne)

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Strunkriidiisk said:
Every single incarnation of him is. DS1 Patches punts you off a cliff into a pit full of murderous skeletons and Hollowed NPCs.
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Actually the original didn't seem that bad. He was more of a coward, though he definitely had shades of being a asshole to.

Course that was before they got William Vanderpuye to voice him. So he wasn't exactly the Patches we know today.
 
The Patches in Demon's Souls boots you into a well and leaves you to starve to death.

Really, the biggest reason anybody would put up with him there is because he sells an unlimited quantity of New Moon Grass (the consumable that fully heals you) directly from the Nexus for 5000 souls apiece afterwards.

Worth it.
 
Alright, figured out my password, and read the last hundred pages of the quest. I am now re-hyped for DS3(and Drunk Souls 3!). Thank you, Tricia.

AnonymousRabbit said:
Against Patches, SV unites.

Everyone who got kicked by the guy at least once say 'aye'
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Aye, fuck that guy.

Operation Vanderson is a go!
[x] Grab him.
-[x] Stuff him firmly in your sleeves.
-[x] Do not remove him.

Now to catch up on Slime Quest. Poi.
 
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Catharsis
  • Threadmarks
    • You crease your brow and cup your chin with your fingers, attempting to project the image of Alexander Anderson, Master Businessman. You also make sure to think Michael Douglas thoughts, just in case.

    "I'm gonna want specifics on what ye've got ta offer." Johnathan looks askance at you and you attempt to tell him to roll with it through the medium of circular hand motions.

    "Oh, this and that. Blood vials, poison antidotes, upgrade materials for your weapons; you name it and Trusty Patches can get it for you."

    "That does sound useful," you reply. "But what's the catch?"

    "No catch at all! You get supplies and I get a steady customer. Not many folks in Yharnam with the life expectancy to be long-term patrons."

    "We'll want a 20% discount from yer standard prices."

    Patches' eyes light up. You can almost hear the stereotypical cash register noise as he undoubtedly inflates the shit out of said prices, visibly struggling to maintain a neutral expression.

    "The best I can do is 15," he says. Gotta stay in-character, after all.

    "17 or I walk."

    "Deal."

    You extend a hand and watch his newfound smile tremble. A few of his legs twitch in random directions.

    "There a problem?" you say.

    "Err, no, of course not. It's just that..."

    "Look, Patches, a proper partnership's gotta be built on trust. The fact that I'm even offerin' a handshake should mean a lot after what happened earlier."

    You can see the epic battle between greed and self-preservation play out in Patches' facial features. Hesitantly, he scuttles down the building, flinching at your every twitch. Johnathan watches from several steps away with his hand hovering over his gun. Smile clinging to his face for dear life, he extends one of his front legs and you give it a hearty shake.

    "Actually," you say, "I just thought of a couple more conditions."

    "Oh?" he replies while surreptitiously trying to pull free of your grip.

    "First of all, die."

    You pull him towards you, grab onto another of his legs, and rip the both of them off in a spray of ichor. You cut his scream short by grabbing his head and delivering a concussive butt, then drive a knee into his chin with a satisfying crunch. As his jaw lolls, clearly broken, you grab hold of another leg.

    "This little piggy went ta the market."

    Tear, scream, next leg.

    "This little piggy stayed home."

    Tear, scream, next leg.

    "And this little piggy fucked with the wrong fuckin' Catholic."

    You thwack him a few times with that one before tossing it away, then dangle the nearly-comatose asshole in front of a horrified-looking Johnathan. "Still got a few legs left if ye wanna have a go. It's real satisfyin'."

    Johnathan shakes his head, reconsiders, and then plucks off one of the remaining three legs.

    "That's the spirit."

    You grab the remaining two and twirl the now-lighter Patches around before indulging in one of your favorite pastimes: metronomic man mashing. Sadly, despite him being much more streamlined than before, you subsequently fail to even approach your personal best in competitive bitch toss. You've been struggling ever since Maxwell insisted that you practice with dummies instead of underperforming Iscariot recruits.

    You stroll over to the slowly-twitching heap of regret and give him your smuggest grin. "Have ye learned yer lesson about dishonest business practices?"

    "Uh-huh."

    "And do ye now understand the consequences o' throwin' yer lot in with giant heathen spiders from beyond the fourth dimension or whatever?"

    "Uh-huh."

    "Good," you say, raising your club. "Class dismissed."


    You stroll back to Johnathan, whistling and tossing your blood-spattered weapon from hand to hand. He seems suitably impressed by your elite negotiation skills.

    "A strong handshake'll take ye places."

    [] Head back to Eileen and Alexandria

    [] Head back to the chapel

    [] Write in...
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Tricia said:
    You crease your brow and cup your chin with your fingers, attempting to project the image of Alexander Anderson, Master Businessman. You also make sure to think Michael Douglas thoughts, just in case.

    "I'm gonna want specifics on what ye've got ta offer." Johnathan looks askance at you and you attempt to tell him to roll with it through the medium of circular hand motions.

    "Oh, this and that. Blood vials, poison antidotes, upgrade materials for your weapons; you name it and Trusty Patches can get it for you."

    "That does sound useful," you reply. "But what's the catch?"

    "No catch at all! You get supplies and I get a steady customer. Not many folks in Yharnam with the life expectancy to be long-term patrons."

    "We'll want a 20% discount from yer standard prices."

    Patches' eyes light up. You can almost hear the stereotypical cash register noise as he undoubtedly inflates the shit out of said prices, visibly struggling to maintain a neutral expression.

    "The best I can do is 15," he says. Gotta stay in-character, after all.

    "17 or I walk."

    "Deal."

    You extend a hand and watch his newfound smile tremble. A few of his legs twitch in random directions.

    "There a problem?" you say.

    "Err, no, of course not. It's just that..."

    "Look, Patches, a proper partnership's gotta be built on trust. The fact that I'm even offerin' a handshake should mean a lot after what happened earlier."

    You can see the epic battle between greed and self-preservation play out in Patches' facial features. Hesitantly, he scuttles down the building, flinching at your every twitch. Johnathan watches from several steps away with his hand hovering over his gun. Smile clinging to his face for dear life, he extends one of his front legs and you give it a hearty shake.

    "Actually," you say, "I just thought of a couple more conditions."

    "Oh?" he replies while surreptitiously trying to pull free of your grip.

    "First of all, die."

    You pull him towards you, grab onto another of his legs, and rip the both of them off in a spray of ichor. You cut his scream short by grabbing his head and delivering a concussive butt, then drive a knee into his chin with a satisfying crunch. As his jaw lolls, clearly broken, you grab hold of another leg.

    "This little piggy went ta the market."

    Tear, scream, next leg.

    "This little piggy stayed home."

    Tear, scream, next leg.

    "And this little piggy fucked with the wrong fuckin' Catholic."

    You thwack him a few times with that one before tossing it away, then dangle the nearly-comatose asshole in front of a horrified-looking Johnathan. "Still got a few legs left if ye wanna have a go. It's real satisfyin'."

    Johnathan shakes his head, reconsiders, and then plucks off one of the remaining three legs.

    "That's the spirit."

    You grab the remaining two and twirl the now-lighter Patches around before indulging in one of your favorite pastimes: metronomic man mashing. Sadly, despite him being much more streamlined than before, you subsequently fail to even approach your personal best in competitive bitch toss. You've been struggling ever since Maxwell insisted that you practice with dummies instead of underperforming Iscariot recruits.

    You stroll over to the slowly-twitching heap of regret and give him your smuggest grin. "Have ye learned yer lesson about dishonest business practices?"

    "Uh-huh."

    "And do ye now understand the consequences o' throwin' yer lot in with giant heathen spiders from beyond the fourth dimension or whatever?"

    "Uh-huh."

    "Good," you say, raising your club. "Class dismissed."


    You stroll back to Johnathan, whistling and tossing your blood-spattered weapon from hand to hand. He seems suitably impressed by your elite negotiation skills.

    "A strong handshake'll take ye places."

    [] Head back to Eileen and Alexandria

    [] Head back to the chapel

    [] Write in...
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    I'll be honest, I expected an Alucard invisitext In this one.
     
    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
    Tricia said:
    You stroll over to the slowly-twitching heap of regret and give him your smuggest grin. "Have ye learned yer lesson about dishonest business practices?"

    "Uh-huh."

    "And do ye now understand the consequences o' throwin' yer lot in with giant heathen spiders from beyond the fourth dimension or whatever?"

    "Uh-huh."

    "Good," you say, raising your club. "Class dismissed."


    You stroll back to Johnathan, whistling and tossing your blood-spattered weapon from hand to hand. He seems suitably impressed by your elite negotiation skills.

    "A strong handshake'll take ye places."
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...

    I was half expecting the usual splash screen when killing an important(?) boss character, then I remembered this is just Patches. Then I thought, something like...

    ASSHOLE KICKED

    ... would suffice. Oh well, can't have it all.
    10/10 post.


    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
    [X] Begin cutting off some choice cuts from that Greater-Than-Mediocre One
    -[X] Ask Johnathan if there's anything he thinks might look good on him, gotta work on that intimidation factor of his.
     
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