To tell you guys the truth, I didn't actually expect people to vote for the Panopticon option because it was so obviously a trap. When people did, I basically scrambled to figure out a way to salvage the situation, and I have actually figured out something that can actually work.

Which is why I am, again, trolling my own Quest thread. :(
Never underestimate the ability to quest players to be fucking goddamned morons.

Which is why vote-weight and Rihaku-style argument-weight are nice, because it can fight that sort of thing. And why trap options are bad, because sometimes enough fucking goddamned morons vote for them for them to win, because 'it sounds funny' or other such reasonings that don't actually care about advancing the viewpoint character's agenda.

Anyway, I'm going to go with 'Screw the vote politics', and vote for what I hope wins.

[X] (0.6x) Investigate EXORDIUM.
 
Its canon that Panopticon can trigger off the loyalty programming implanted into technocratic union members. This could be them naking a move.
 
[X] (0.6x) Investigate EXORDIUM. Remember the last thing related to 'messages from important Technocrats' you looked into, that being Rose's history? How suspicious that the exact same thing happened. How... very... suspicious. Of course, this also sounds incredibly dangerous.

Lets poke it with a stick!
 
[X] (0.6x) Investigate EXORDIUM. Remember the last thing related to 'messages from important Technocrats' you looked into, that being Rose's history? How suspicious that the exact same thing happened. How... very... suspicious. Of course, this also sounds incredibly dangerous.

What's the worst thing that could happen?
 
[X] (0.6x) Investigate EXORDIUM. Remember the last thing related to 'messages from important Technocrats' you looked into, that being Rose's history? How suspicious that the exact same thing happened. How... very... suspicious. Of course, this also sounds incredibly dangerous.

Fuck it, I want to poke the memetic hazard.
 
Tally:

(6 points)Panopticon - Dekutulla, Nyxistence, Lupinevolt

(2 points to Panopticon?)Panopticon with counter memetic intrusion programming engaged - Acatalepsy

(1.2 points)Investigate Moscow(Museum followed by infernalist hunting) - Strypgia

(14.4 points)Investigate Moscow(Infernalist Hunting)-Conjured Blade, Sarpedon, Havocfett, Candesce, Anasurimbor, Raumgespenst, Grin_Reaper, LordSquishy, Garlak, Zefferen, Cornuthaum, Emy,

(1.2 Points) Investigate Moscow(Museum) - Wakka

(2.4 Points)Investigate Exordium - dash931, Xon, prometheus110, Amorous Intent
 
Come on, guys. A couple people mentioned they're voting for investigating moscow because they're worried Panopticon will win: I think we're good for that.
 
To tell you guys the truth, I didn't actually expect people to vote for the Panopticon option because it was so obviously a trap.
Hm. Why would you think something like that?

Have you not participated or watched many quests? Or have you not seen people make the most boneheaded of mistakes? Were you expecting more from us?

I'll just say that fuck-ups happen. Mistakes happen.

And players don't always have the insight that GMs do. Especially when it's something like "trying to judge the tone or intent behind an option the GM had given."

And people approach situations differently, they consider things with varying levels of seriousness, varying levels of attention, varying levels of intent. Somebody might be playing a game entirely serious, treating it as a puzzle or mystery to solve, devoting a lot of time and attention to it. Another might spend a bit of time reading and posting or arguing, but just ultimately vote without really getting into much analysis. Another person might be very goal-oriented, such as simply wanting All The Magic Items. Another might be feeling bored one day and get excited over a "Big Red Button"-type of vote and go for that in order to brighten up his day.

I've seen people get into a sulk and argue for having a character be passive-aggressively useless. "Hey, we didn't get picked to be the leader, therefore our tactical advice must be worthless so we shouldn't help them out with planning at all." Or in another situation, to let the equivalent of a 20th level character die in battle so that they could play as their ~8 year old child because they thought it'd be safer, and because they thought a kid would be able to keep up with the challenges the seasoned, powerful adult was faced with. Or people voting to do something suicidaly dangerous (not in the sense of "attack an overwhelming opponent!" but more like "hey we can totally make that jump...") because the character had done something risky before (in a battle, because they're a battle-junky), argue for it totally seriously, and then sulking when the GM had an NPC scold their character for it. And still defend their choice and be stubborn/bitter after the GM went "Can't fucking believe people actually voted for that and that it almost won, Jesus Christ, I thought it was just a joke".

I've seen people refuse to change a critical vote because "Meh, the GM had written some of it up already anyway, right?"; and because "Well, actually, I want to keep this mistake in the game, so that it acts as an out-of-game reminder to us to be smarter!"; and another guy who passionately defended his views until doing a 180 in the middle of an argument and to completely contradict his own initial reasoning without even noticing his fuck-up until it was pointed out. (He said "Oops... sorry" and conceded the argument. Not that it mattered, since it was after the vote was done and over with.)

I'm still bitter and disgusted over that one years later. One of the arguments that had been used that I really liked was basically "Well, clearly it was in-character for us to make such a mistake -- I don't agree with why you'd think we would have done better." (I later found out that, actually... no. We had not exactly been dumb enough to make the mistake. Instead, it was a vote-merge that had us act like a derp. And if the game's rule of "Votes with good arguments behind them count for more than lone votes" had been followed, then the smart option would have won. Instead, the smart option and the reckless option were merged together.) But the quest haid lain in hiatus for several months before being updated, so nobody exactly remembered how they had voted or why -- they just assumed that since that was how the update went, that it was totes legit that our character was dumb enough to run in without doing any planning first. Yeah. Quite bitter indeed...
Never underestimate the ability to quest players to be fucking goddamned morons.

Which is why vote-weight and Rihaku-style argument-weight are nice, because it can fight that sort of thing. And why trap options are bad, because sometimes enough fucking goddamned morons vote for them for them to win, because 'it sounds funny' or other such reasonings that don't actually care about advancing the viewpoint character's agenda.
Let's not forget the argument people can always fall back on -- "If it wasn't a viable option, then we wouldn't have been given it as an option!"
 
She takes the seat. "I would like to make a proposition." Serafina says. "I would like to offer you a trade of information. We wish to know more about your demon-worshipers. In exchange, we can tell
This appears to have gotten cut off.

The last option is fun bait. Sometimes it's good to not vote for whatever you calculate will have the best chances of solving your immediate problems, but rather for the option where you most want to see what happens next. We'll get to the other stuff later; I want to see what happens when we've been stung by a memetic weapon, and play with some of the other characters.
I, um, yeah please no. Most of us have been having plenty of fun playing Jamelia and establishing her character, thank you very much.

---

Since this is important, kindly allow me to vote count. (I hand-typed and counted, so if I missed you or fubared your name, I apologize in advance.) I'm unsure exactly how MJ12 merges votes together but took a reasonable guess based on groupings.

[ ] (2.0x) Hey this Panopticon group actually seems pretty good and we should totally join them. What? Memetic hazards giving you bad judgment you say? However could that happen?
Dekutulla, Nyxistence, LupineVolt

[ ] (2.0x) Hey this Panopticon group actually seems pretty good and we should totally join them. What? Memetic hazards giving you bad judgment you say? However could that happen?
[ ] Write In: NWO counter-intrusion programming SNAKE EYES hijacks subconscious, and puts her into 'debug' mode while her conscious mind continues on as normal. During this time she will continue to act a 'zombie' agent, putting on a copacetic face while a ruthless technocratic 'zombie' agent directs her to act according to her true interests
+Invisible Write-in
Acatelepsy

Raw Votes = 4
Total Weighted Votes = 8.0

---


[ ] (1.2x) You want to understand what happened in Moscow first. And now you can time your 'investigation' to ensure that the hemophages are busy dealing with the fact that Spetsnaz are firing thermobaric rockets into an opera house. Choose one or both of the options below (note that choosing both requires you to split your team)
-[ ] Let's go find some of those Baali the Tsar gave you hints about, and then beat them until stuffing vital information falls out.
Conjured Blade, Sarpedon, havocfett, Candesce, Anasurimbor, Raumgespenst, Grin_Reaper, LordSquishy, Garlak, Zefferen, Cornuthaum, Emy

[ ] (1.2x) You want to understand what happened in Moscow first. And now you can time your 'investigation' to ensure that the hemophages are busy dealing with the fact that Spetsnaz are firing thermobaric rockets into an opera house. Choose one or both of the options below (note that choosing both requires you to split your team)
-[ ] How about we actually just stop pussyfooting around and look into the museum? The power armor even almost works!
Lord Wakka

[ ] (1.2x) You want to understand what happened in Moscow first. And now you can time your 'investigation' to ensure that the hemophages are busy dealing with the fact that Spetsnaz are firing thermobaric rockets into an opera house. Choose one or both of the options below (note that choosing both requires you to split your team)
[ ] How about we actually just stop pussyfooting around and look into the museum? The power armor even almost works!
Then, after that, [ ] Let's go find some of those Baali the Tsar gave you hints about, and then beat them until stuffing vital information falls out.
Strypgia

Raw Votes = 14
Total Weighted Votes = 16.8

---


[ ] (0.6x) Investigate EXORDIUM. Remember the last thing related to 'messages from important Technocrats' you looked into, that being Rose's history? How suspicious that the exact same thing happened. How... very... suspicious. Of course, this also sounds incredibly dangerous.
dash931, Xon, prometheus110, Amorous Intent

Raw Votes = 4
Total Weighted Votes = 2.4

---

Now if you will allow me to make my own interpretations, the Panopticon votes seem to mostly be new folks joining who are unfamiliar with our relations with the organization and/or people attempting to find something 'wacky'/'fun'/<insert your own adjective here>

The next voting bloc seems to be most of the longer-time participants here scrambling for the first 'sane' option and voting together in order to beat the massive vote-weight on the Panopticon option. This has succeeded, potentially at the cost of choosing a better option. Also note: We've only seen *votes* so far. No one has yet put in a write-in.

The last bloc seems to be people now coming in after a non-Panopticon option is in the lead and are able to more freely vote for what they want. This appears to be geared around the idea that if memetic fuckery is making us not want to investigate EXORDIUM, this is actually the option that we should try and go with if we can fight through it. There's no chance of this winning unless all of the Baali votes swapped and then it'd still be veeeeery close to last minute shenanigans on the Panopticon option.

---

Given that the vote is safe-ish, I will go my own way and make a case for it.

[X] (1.3x) Or maybe we could incite him to stab some of those Baali in the back with the assumption that he can do that, skip town while the RDs are busy murdering all the hemophages, and then come back with all the people he backstabbed, and all their allies, dead due to fatal religion poisoning.
[X] (Write-In) While he's doing that, and while the Chorus is blowing everything up, let's look into the museum.

My reasoning for the above is two-part:
1) That thing we've been working towards the past few updates of getting the Camarilla to start tearing itself apart with internecine strife? *That's finally here*. Get this guy to grab his buddies and stab the Baali in the back and this will not only kick off reprisals, it'll weaken the vampires further to perhaps let the Choristers blow more shit up. Regardless of whoever eventually wins that brawl, the Union definitely profits, since we don't like any of these factions.
2) This is going to be a *giant* distraction and let us get into the museum to work on accomplishing our current mission, which still has value. The museum may let us get at least a partial (and perhaps full?) list of what was taken, which is going to be important for tracking all that stuff down and also know the potential capabilities of what we're dealing with here.


edit: Grrrr minor ninja'd. Well, that's fine.
 
Now if you will allow me to make my own interpretations, the Panopticon votes seem to mostly be new folks joining who are unfamiliar with or relations with the organization and/or people attempting to find something 'wacky'/'fun'/<insert your own adjective here>
I don't particularly care to make a Thing out of this, but assumptions or interpretations that talk about people like they aren't there aren't something I super-appreciate.

So, uh, cool it, Sherlock.
 
I will make people's votes negative if they start serious drama. If you think someone else is smoking something you can say their choice is bad and based on bad ideas.

Getting past that is an issue.

So let's not.
 
I don't particularly care to make a Thing out of this, but assumptions or interpretations that talk about people like they aren't there aren't something I super-appreciate.

So, uh, cool it, Sherlock.
Dear Sir/Madam, this is the entirety of your posting concerning the current update:
[ ] (2.0x) Hey this Panopticon group actually seems pretty good and we should totally join them. What? Memetic hazards giving you bad judgment you say? However could that happen?

This sounds like a perfectly good time. If this is schmuck-bait, then I'll gladly count myself a schmuck.

I don't think it is particularly out of line to say that you appear to be voting for something that appears 'fun'. Further, I did say 'mostly', so if you choose to group yourself in a given category and on top of that associate it with a negative value judgment, that's your problem.

edit: Nevermind, that's too snarky. Let me take that back, sorry.
 
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and because "Well, actually, I want to keep this mistake in the game, so that it acts as an out-of-game reminder to us to be smarter!"
Heh, yeah... That is still my 'favorite argument on Spacebattles'. /CommanderShepard

I was just thinking the entire time I was looking at that long-ago thread: "Really. This will totally make you better at making decisions, make you less likely to make further errors, yes. In fact I'm sure if you went into another quest, you'd have improved because you would cheerfully keep in mind that one time you literally decided to fuck yourself over for the sake of fucking yourself over. I--I just can't even muster up the sarcasm required right now. Just... Congratulations, guys. Well done. You have utterly defeated my logic. You operate on a whole 'nother level."


EDIT:
I will make people's votes negative if they start serious drama. If you think someone else is smoking something you can say their choice is bad and based on bad ideas.
Getting past that is an issue.
So let's not.
Just saw this. Right, okay.

Sorry about that. Just, whenever I remember a certain event, I always feel a mixture of despair, disbelief, and anger.
 
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I don't think it is particularly out of line to say that you appear to be voting for something that appears 'fun'. Further, I did say 'mostly', so if you choose to group yourself in a given category and on top of that associate it with a negative value judgment, that's your problem.
Given that you were the one projecting those groups and value judgments onto others, I'm not really sure how it's simply 'my problem' for 'choosing' to have a bit of an issue with it. I mean, you'd have a point if you didn't literally name people, but... yeah. Regardless, I simply said I didn't appreciate it when people make 'interpretations', implications, or assumptions about people like they aren't there, especially when they clearly are.

But again, I don't really want or care to make this a Thing not least of all because I'd rather not derail anything in the quest, so yeah.
 
At any rate, lemme kick 'dat write-in train off and let's get some creative juices and some more constructive discussion flowing here.

Also checking back, we appear not to have anything fall out yet/at all from Henriette's SIGINT/ELINT, possibly due to vote/option difussion. We've got a ping back from Jamelia's solo-action (the exact nature of which is as yet to be determined) and accomplished the main goal of Serafina and Kessler's infiltration/dialogue.

---

Jamelia reclined in the limo's office, deep in thought, as she tracked several feeds of information simultaneously, coordinating both with Henriette and Serafina and performing her own searches. The faintest trace of something has been worming through her mind ever since her own meeting, but she's managed to ignore it. Unfortunately, she seemed to have a hard time thinking about the later results of the meeting as well...as a side effect? Worrying. She writes herself four separate notes to have herself checked at the end of the visit to Moscow, perhaps sooner if things mandate it. If necessary, she'll have to withdraw herself immediately and pull in Rose or Donald for on-site support, regardless of her checkup and his...unsuitability for the current climate, but hopefully it won't come to that.

Still, she's managed to do productive work. Enhancing the previous statistical modeling with some old-fashioned snooping, she can confirm there will be a Chorister raid on the opera in the guise of Spetznaz. She can see the backchannel communications running already with preparations to spin this as intervening in a terrorist action to explain the Spetznaz raid, leading to cries of nationalistic fervor and perhaps pushing for further funding for the military and/or hoping to distract the Sleeper populace from other issues existing in Russia. Jamelia discreetly forwarded this information onto Ivan, trusting him to draw the same conclusions she did. While useful for dealing with their current issues, the blowback from this could cause complications. It's as of yet uncertain who will benefit most from this but it will be important for the local Constructs to take advantage of changing situation. There's only a couple hours before the attack, but any little bit of extra notice can be useful for positioning to deal with the aftermath.

She loaded back up the profiles of the known factions again, now with the data Serafina has gathered.

Prince - Toreador, artistic poseurs. Fascinated with a new 'favorite', Sister of Cacophony. High likelihood of attending the opera.

Baali - Infernalists. Being backed by non-Hemophage actors. Either directly have a hand in the museum break-in and distribution of artifacts or will lead to those who were. Currently currying favor with the Prince. Implication of being a new faction on the scene arriving from out of town, recent converts from preexisting members, or members who have been Baali the entire time and only now are stepping forward after connecting with other more powerful groups.

Non-Baali Hemophages - Unhappy with new shifts in power but potentially ignorant as to where and how the Baali's resources were coming from. Still knowledgeable about the rivals identities and positions but not their backers.

Choristers - Militant-flavored Reality Deviants, tougher than the usual flavor. Attacking the opera tonight. Why? Targeting someone there specifically? Will the Baali also be there? Did someone tip them off or is this solely on their own initiative? Who benefits if the Prince *is* in attendance and dies in this raid? Or are they being drawn straight into a trap?

--- [breaking here if my vote doesn't win]

Jamelia disliked unknowns, especially unknowns on a limited time-table. She'd love to have more time to investigate the various power structures more, but with things lighting off tonight, it doesn't seem as if she'll have time. The only thing to do will be to keep moving, faster than everyone else can keep up with. And if she doesn't like the way the Game looks...time to disturb the board.

"Serafina."

The slight distortion of someone sub-vocalizing is present. "I'm listening."

"Indicate to the Tsar that there is an opportunity to hit the Baali in a couple hours. Do your best to get him to have his action timed for during the opera--and during the attack on there as well. Oh, and good work so far."

"I'll get right on it. Thanks."

"Henriette, make sure we're ready to listen in on this guy's communications and have his vehicles tagged. Once that's automated and our tracking is primed to spread to whoever he calls, start getting ready. We'll be hitting the Museum in person as soon as the opera gets attacked. If anything more needs doing to the Mark I, I want it done by then. At the same time, when the Tsar rabbits, I want us to be able to find him afterwards, if necessary." Left unsaid is the possibility of leaking his location back to other factions to allow their reprisals to take place.

Henriette allowed herself to smile. "Don't worry, I can go start on the Mark I right away. All the rest is already done!"

"Kessler...nevermind. You're already ready to go, aren't you?"

If he wasn't in-character, she's convinced she would have been able to see a Shit-Eating Grin on his face. "Always."

---

[As I voted, intending to induce the Tsar to have his faction go after the Baali, wherever they're located. At the same time, we'll go for the Museum. Additionally, we want to know where the Tsar runs afterwards...just in case. And threw in some other stuff based off logical inferences.]
 
Well, things have gone decidedly pear-shaped recently. :(


OK, given what we know at the moment, I'm voting for:
[ ] (1.2x) You want to understand what happened in Moscow first. And now you can time your 'investigation' to ensure that the hemophages are busy dealing with the fact that Spetsnaz are firing thermobaric rockets into an opera house. Choose one or both of the options below (note that choosing both requires you to split your team)
[ ] How about we actually just stop pussyfooting around and look into the museum? The power armor even almost works!
Then, after that, [ ] Let's go find some of those Baali the Tsar gave you hints about, and then beat them until stuffing vital information falls out.

...just Baali first, museum second. My reasoning is, the museum isn't going anywhere. Neither is EXEMPLAR. Those are contacts that we can follow up on a little later, whereas the Baalite contacts are going to go to ground once the opera house gets hit. That's going to shake up the vampire underworld and make it hard for us to keep track of things, so let's go play a visit to the Baalites before things get crazy, and check out the museum in the chaos while all the hemophages are too busy killing each other to pay attention to us.



Write-in for part 1 (beat up Baalites until answers come out):



"One minute."

The loudspeakers blared something in Russian, but John Kessler wasn't listening. Throwing himself up the side of the building, he leaped to the far side of the alleyway before jumping back. Bricks groaned and mortar cracked, but the buildings held - barely - as the heavy cyborg propelled himself upwards with their help.

The noise outside was deafening, but he could hear an even greater roar every time his boots impacted the side of the target building. His breath rasped in his throat, his heart for once speeding up past its normal clockword-regular 60 beats per minute, as he exerted synthetic muscle and bone.

One last leap, a hand on the base of some leering gargoyle, and Kessler was on the roof. The gargoyle's severed torso began to slide off its base with the growl of crushed rock and sliding granite, and only John's panicked last-minute grab kept it from plummeting to the ground below. His heart thumping in his chest, Kessler watched warily as pebbles from the shattered masonry trickled down, but none of the hulking (human) bodyguards by the front door came by to investigate.

"Thirty seconds."

Not much of a surprise, really. The...what was its name, again? The "Something Something Russian, Vodka 4 Everyone, nichevo?" Whatever. Point was, the combination bar/whorehouse/nightclub/place of various nightlife-ish things was a decent tourist trap but definitely on the edges of Moscow's vampire scene. Henriette's break-in on their surveillance footage had only found a few obvious hemophages, and even then they'd taken steps to try and blend in with the normal Sleepers inside.

All in all, a fairly unappetizing target, except for the VIPs. Dr. Rosario had been idly checking out the guest list, and noticed that one of the DJs for the top floor dance room was a notable member of the vampire underworld. Her stage name, "Raz," had popped up across the "Wicked City" as a popular performer, who'd shown up at virtually ever major vampire-affiliated nightclub in the past few months. A little more backtracking had found the club's secret: its basement levels housed a large Baalite cabal, and "Raz" was apparently here tonight to meet with them. That meant VIPs, and a potential goldmine of intelligence and assets to seize. It also meant two shitloads of vampires, but then again, that was what he was here for.

"Fifteen seconds."

Padding over to the roof access door, Kessler checked through to the far side, his eyes glowing red. Nodding and slipping a heavy leather glove on his left hand, he braced himself and counted down the seconds. Five. Four. Three. Two. One-

"Go."

The wail of fire alarms below distracted the patrons from the sound of John making his entrance. Wiggling his fingers and flipping the latch, Kessler slipped inside the building and made his way downstairs. Although the seven-foot, trenchcoat-wearing cyborg still stuck out like a sore thumb (on fire) amidst the sea of Sleepers, he moved downstairs easily with the crowd. Jamelia was already inside, the Arabic woman able to infiltrate in past cameras and bouncers to pull the fire alarm, and Kessler knew she was out on the main dance floor somewhere. He scanned the crowd reflexively, but given that he was looking for a veteran NWO agent who was trying not to be seen, he figured he'd have better luck finding Waldo in a blank coloring book.

As the hordes of Sleepers jammed their way out the front door, the fire alarms above still blaring, (due to Henriette exploiting the network access Jamelia had gotten for her) John ducked into an alcove and activated the holosuit. With the dance floor rapidly emptying, the Baalites began to appear. No longer hidden in the crush of people, the too-pale vampires hissed and snarled at each other in Russian that Kessler couldn't place and didn't really care to listen to, probably insulting each other's Childes or whatever.

"Ready?"

Jamelia's voice was emotionless over the radio. Worried about the vampires hearing him, John simply clicked his mike once. One of the Baalites looked up, even at a noise that minute, and John resisted the urge to curse. He hadn't drawn a weapon to avoid spooking the Sleepers, and even though he was wearing his trenchcoat, it would take him a subjective eternity to open it up. The vampire who'd heard him began to stalk in his direction, only to be distracted by a bright light.

In the distance, John could hear the roar of an engine.

The front garage door of the converted warehouse was wide enough to fit even their monster car. This was immensely helpful as the massive vehicle, disguised under its own Henriette-activated hologram disguise, barrelled through the front door with all the grace of a drunk rhino. As the vampires jumped away, screaming in surprise, the Bobs leaned out of the windows and opened fire. They were wearing heavy greatcoats and steel helmets with red stars on them, and to the astonished vampires outside, the Syndicatemobile looked exactly like a Russian BTR-60.

With the bloodsuckers distracted, John reached for his weapons. The old DhSKs leapt into his hands, and he tucked the two heavy machine guns under his arms as he advanced out from cover. The vampires, distracted by the harrassing fire from the Bobs, were caught unprepared for Kessler's lethal aim. Two hemophages exploded in showers of gore as the 7.62mm bullets plowed through them, John's eyes shifting to compensate for the muzzle flashes of the twin MGs. He tracked the guns to the left, two hemophages darting away as bullets splintered where they'd just been, and light taps to his head let Kessler know that the enemy was shooting back.

Of course, Kessler wasn't the only Technocrat in play. Behind him, the Victors and Bobs had finally disembarked from the car, and were in a defensible position laying down suppressing fire. And above them towered the mighty Iron Lion, the ancient machine roaring to the sound of the diesel engine on its back and the Gatling gun in its left hand. Hemophages were ripped apart as they tried to close with the group, showers of blood decorating the floor as primium bullets shredded their insides and stole their Vitae.

It was too much. The hemophages splintered as the invading Technocrats took the center stage; some broke through the nearby windows and sprinted away through the dark, while others ducked into alcoves to get away from the attackers. The clones spread out with machine-like efficiency, rooting out the few stragglers, as the disguised car revved its engine and backed out of the warehouse. Signaling for the clones to form up on him, John prepared to lead them into the bowels of this place.

---------------

"Shut the fuck up!" Alexei yelled at Grigori, smacking his impudent Childe until the younger vampire was cowering on the floor. "Pull your shit together!"

Grigori whimpered. "Y-yes m-m-my Lo-"

"Stop sniveling!" Alexei bellowed, kicking Grigori for good measure. "Now, who the fuck is coming for us?"

Communications from topside were sparse. All they'd known was that the fire alarms had been pulled, despite that being practically impossible, (there was one switch for the damn thing! In the manager's office, even!) and after that...nothing. They'd heard gunshots, screams, a few revving engines, and now silence. Except for the worthless slug now bleeding on his floor, of course.

Leaning down, Alexei hauled up the blubbering wreck. "Who. Are. They?"

"S-s-s-"

"Who?"

"S-st-st-Stali-"

"UNCLE JOSEF IS COMING FOR YOU!"

The voice echoed through the wide meeting hall, reverberating across the metal rafters. In the sudden, shocked silence, Alexei's hearing picked out several important things. For one, the grumbling of a small engine. For two, the hiss of an open gas main. For three, the sound of footsteps. A lot of footsteps.

"M'lord!" another voice crackled in his radio. "M'lord, the escape tunnels are sealed! Some idiot detonated the tunnel explosives too early!"

"That's sabotage, not a mistake," Alexei growled into his radio. "Gather everyone who's left. We'll ambush these bastards in the main hall."

Throwing Grigori out into the open, Alexei hissed for his subordinates to ready themselves for an ambush. They did so even despite their fear; even the visitors from the Sabbat cooperating for once. As the thump of boots on concrete and the growl of the engine got closer, Alexei ducked behind cover and readied his knives.

The seconds ticked by, broken only by the noise of the attackers. They weren't subtle, whoever they were, Alexei mused. RSFSR Spetsnaz, maybe? Traditionalist lackeys? Whatever they were, he'd greet them with the buried explosives that...no, wait, from the sounds of it they must be already past the traps. Damn sabotage.

No matter. There were still at least a dozen mature vampires down here, with their backs against the wall and ready to fight until a second death. They'd hold these bastards here, no matter the cost. They'd-

Alexei blinked. Was that singing?

...

"UUURRRRAAAAAAA!"

The Baalite vampires underground were ready to fight the Russian military, the Traditionalists, or other hemophages.

They were not expecting an army of flamethrower-wielding World War II re-enactors led by a seven-foot-tall Stalin dual-wielding machine guns. With glowing red eyes. And a giant golden metal Thing with a Gatling gun, which seemed to be roaring at them.

"GULAG FOR YOU!" The machine guns chattered. "GULAG FOR YOU TOO!" The Victors' flamethrower caught a hemophage sheltering behind an I-beam, making him light up in a pillar of flame. Kessler spun and fired at hemophages trying to sneak up on them from the rafters. "GULAG FOR EVERYONE!"

"You're enjoying this far too much," Jamelia's dry voice echoed in John's ear.

"Man's gotta take some pride in his work," Kessler replied amiably, dropping one DhSK as its magazine finally ran dry. "ZOMBIE STALIN RETURNS TO CRUSH WEAK BOURGEOISIE!" he bellowed in Russian at the top of his lungs.

"You do realize that the clones don't give a shit, yes?"

John sighed dramatically. "My acting talent is wasted on a pack of Philistines! Wasted, I say!"

"Just shut up and find that VIP," Jamelia orders crisply, now all business. The spy had led Kessler and their impromptu team of clones safely through the traps, and John drops the other DShK as he sees a battered figure disappear through a door to his right. Anyone tough enough to survive this much is probably high up on the food chain, he thought to himself as he chased the vampire down.

"Was this little bastard a runner before he got turned?" Kessler wheezed, sprinting after the fleeing hemophage. Even wounded, the damn thing was fast.

"Just keep chasing him."

John nodded, though the gesture was invisible to Jamelia. "Aye aye, ma'-OHFUCKSHITTITTIES!" The vampire's bulk landed on him as hands grasped at his shoulders; evidently the vampire had tried to wait and ambush him.

Emphasis on "tried." Now, the hemophage presumed-VIP is slumped over to one side, insensate, with a wooden bullet buried in its shriveled heart. Ten feet away, Jamelia held the smoking pistol up in front of her face and delicately blew on the smoke rising from the barrel.

John scowled. "I totally had that under control."
 
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Hah! Uncle Joe... Gulags for everyone... Hah!

Don't suppose somebody had a Russian Cosmonaut costume there too?

I wonder if the Bobs and Victors -- or the Mark 1 powered armor -- had smartphones or miniaturized cameras recording all this? Kessler wouldn't be recording this, but I hope Jamelia or Henriette are.

I wonder if the 'Crats have an unofficial Video Night, where they share non-sensitive video recordings of the best/most amusing recordings? Hitmark vs Hitmark! Nose-cam recordings from XANA fighters! Labyrinth Assault: We'll Get Those Bastards This time! Experiment Escapades Vol CVII: Goddammit How Do These Things Keep Fucking Getting Out (Seriously, This One Didn't Even Have Arms, Legs, Or Psychic Powers).
 
True, but they're also a modern weapon (1998), whereas the DShk was something Stalin could have actually held. Not sure how much 'keeping to the theme' matter for Kessler just dual-wielding the things for crazy-value, though.
It would be like trying to dual wield a browning .50 cal.
 
You have my vote on this one. You had it the moment the words "GULAG FOR EVERYONE" came into play.

Keep in mind that the guy doing the dual-wielding wouldn't look out of place in Starship Troopers.
Look at a picture of one. There are no hand holds for you to even hold the damned thing to fire it from the hip. No, seriously.
 
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