Chapter 52
Cross-Brain AN: Before we move to the conclusion of Thriller Bark, we have a few things that we would like to say to our fans.
To those who edit our TV Tropes pages, thank you; it means a lot to us that you give us so much. To recognize a few: PutotyraNoZarus, Eddy1215, euan112358, Gaby007, ThePoarter, lilyofthevalley, Hujwernoo, darkhabit, NXTangl, JD2K, and The Sinful. Thank you all.
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Patient AN: For the record, I don't approve of the language… but the frustration is no less with me.
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Cross-Brain AN: And now, brace for flying hammers. Specifically, mason hammers.
For once in my time on the Blue Seas, my senses returned to me faster than I expected. Unfortunately, it didn't do much good with my subconscious DOSed trying to figure out what was going on. A few key facts slowly became apparent: I was lying on a rough, uneven surface. There was a rancid stink in the air, like rotting pork, and there was noise coming from nearby. Voices… they sounded like my crew. What was going—?
Thriller-Bark-Moria-Awakened-Nightmares-Crew-Decimated-Draugr-Oars-Eating-Shadows-Nidhogg-Luffy-Victory—
Kuma.
My eyes snapped open, and I leaped to my feet and looked around the area, taking in everything I could. It was still dark… still foggy, even. We were still in the Florian Triangle. The next thing I noticed was some of my crew nearby. All of them looked like Impel Down's finest had personally worked them over, with almost uniform expressions of pain, though thankfully not agony.
To name but a few: Conis was cradling her cranium, a bloody bandage indicating she'd most likely gotten another scar. Boss was steadily burning through a cigar as he leaned against some rubble, his flipper pressed to the shirt-like mass of white wrapped around his torso. And Merry… well, I knew it wasn't right to laugh at another's pain, but damn it, you watch a tyke like her gnawing at a cast-covered arm and say it's not funny as hell! Case in point, Lassoo and Funkfreed were snickering nearby, despite their many bruises.
Moving on, the TDWS and Carue were bandaged up from head to toe, and Robin and Vivi weren't shy for them either; I noticed that the latter was glaring at her necklace, and I winced as I wisely elected to leave that particular hornet's nest the hell alone. And Chopper was lying on his back; from what I could tell, he was regaining his breath from treating so many so fast, his hooves twitching spastically from overuse.
Then… there was Luffy, on his feet and grinning like a loon. My panic calmed briefly as I confirmed that my captain was safe, and then it shot right back up as I realized that Luffy was bouncing around after all of that, as though he hadn't taken any damage.
And as I ran towards them, my panic shot through the roof as I realized something else:
so was I.
Luffy perked up as he caught sight of me. "Hey, Cross! You're up too? That's great!"
"It's also, to repeat,
impossible…" Chopper groaned.
"Seriously, I expect this kind of physics-ignoring weirdness from Luffy, but you too, Cross?" Usopp moaned as he poked at his nose.
"Bah, who cares?" Luffy laughed. "Woohoo, this is awesome!"
"
NOT EVEN CLOSE, LUFFY!" I roared, injecting as much terror and desperation into my voice as I could manage.
The good mood flew out of him as he and everyone else conscious looked at me with alarm and concern, and I made to look at my partner—
"
CROSS."
—and instead shot a glare at a newly awakened and very irate Sanji. "I screwed up and I know it, crap cook, but me facing the music can wait until
after we save that noble idiot's life! And in pursuit of that,
Soundbite!"
I waited for a reply. After a few seconds of silence, I began glancing around, patting down my clothes with mounting panic. "Soundbite?
Soundbite!?"
"
I'm here… further OUT…"
My relief at my partner speaking up was weak; I hadn't heard him this exhausted since Navarone.
"…Is he there? Is he alive?" I asked softly.
"
For now… but hurry, they need BLOOD, PRONTO," his voices warped and warbled. "HEAD STRAIGHT
left from where you are."
"Sonnuva—!" I'd barely taken two steps when Soundbite's words sunk in, and I felt a chill like Brook's post-time skip swordplay.
"What," I said slowly. "in the name of Roger do you mean by '
THEY'?"
Rather than wait for an answer, I swung my head around, took a hasty headcount, and felt my brain
crash when I realized who was missing.
"ROCKET US,
NOW!" I roared, grabbing Chopper's scruff with one hand and reaching out to Luffy with the other. He didn't hesitate to grab the nearest anchor, and a few seconds later we landed in the right location.
…I thought I had seen the worst when Moria awakened, but no. Even with the nightmares of the Shadow-Shadow Fruit annihilated, Thriller Bark still had one last scene ripped straight out of hell to torture us with. And here it was.
A barren crater of ground, stripped of all life, the soil straight out of a drought-ravaged wasteland, and smothered in blood. The crusted substance cracked beneath my feet, long since dried, and spread throughout the entire crater, more than one human body seemed able to hold. And in the very center stood a single figure, immediately recognizable.
"Z… ZORO!" Luffy screamed.
Chopper blearily took in the scene. Then his eyes snapped open, showing off bloodshot sclera, and he flipped down and dug a flask out of his bag marked with a skull and the label "LAST RESORT". He chugged the entire thing before tossing it aside and snapping into his Walk Point, sprinting over to Zoro with an expression that was equal parts furious and horrified.
"
What happened here?"
"Nothing… absolutely—"
"DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULL!" I roared, grabbing what was left of his shirt with both hands and ignoring the shout of protest Chopper let out. "You've just endured every last bit of punishment that Luffy has over the past
who knows how long but we can deal with your suicidal honor code later because you can take it,
NOW WHERE THE HELL'S THE OTHER IDIOT?!"
"H… Here…"
I gagged as a raw and barely audible voice floated over to me, and I hastily shoved our fine-shredded swordsman off to our doctor before running in the direction of the voice. I rounded a stray block of rubble, and stopped dead in shock, barely capable of understanding what I was seeing. Finally, I managed to choke out a single word.
"Nami…"
Our navigator lifted her head what little she could manage, her expression flushing with relief, and somehow found the
gall to give me a bloody glare. "Took… your damn time…" she wheezed. "You
always have… to sleep in, don't you?"
I… I couldn't say anything. How could I in the face of the horrific tableau before me?! I'd seen a lot of bad shit during my time as a pirate, I'd
experienced bad shit aplenty! But the sight of Nami, one of my closest friends, the one who'd always managed to come out of almost every last one of our escapades squeaky clean, looking like she'd been put through a titanic paper shredder? It was… just
overwhelming.
Nami was propped up against the rubble, leaning into it without a hint of energy and for good reason. Her legs and her face looked like sandpaper had been rubbed over them, and her arms… her right arm was relatively unmarred, but her left looked like it had been mauled by some kind of a rabid feline, it was such a mess, a segment of her Clima-Tact held so tightly in her fist that I think some of the knuckles were dislocated. And going by the blood-caked state of her right hand's fingers, well…
And it was crazy that she could even move her head; the rest of her body was limp and almost gray, removing any doubt—if there
was any considering the maroon and red trail towards her—that there was more blood outside her body than in it. She was on the brink of death, and somehow still had the strength, strength I'd never even
suspected her to have, to keep on
living.
"Did you… see that idiot?" She gave her head a minuscule jerk in the direction of Zoro, her lips twisting into a broken but still catty sneer. "Seriously… I told him posing was… a stupid gimmick but he… just wouldn't budge… But then again, I—
ack!" She coughed and wheezed, a mouthful of blood and I don't even
want to know bubbling out of her throat. "I-I guess I'm no better, huh… every one of us, a big ol' idiot… Do you… think it's in the water, or…?"
My legs gave out under me, bringing me to my knees just in time for my throat to finally respond to my will and choke out a single word.
"Why?"
"
Couldn't stop her… could only watch…"
I followed the direction of the voice to a branch hanging overhead. Soundbite was there, sagging in his shell from grief and fatigue, his eyestalks drooping and barely open.
"S-Soundbite, what—!?"
"Don't… get mad at him…" Nami coughed, staring up at my partner with a weak smile on her face. "He tried… to stop us… but we… wouldn't listen. It's not like… he tried to do something… as stupid as us…" Don't ask me how, but the damn madwoman somehow managed to make a smile on the edge of death look
sunny. "He was… pretty damn brave. Stayed with us… through the whole thing… even though he was scared… out of his mind. He… actually might have even… saved my life… a few times…"
"I… you…" I sputtered, but I fell silent when I noticed that her eyes were starting to lose focus.
"I-In fact…" she slurred, her head starting to sway back and forth. "After what… he did…" She chuckled, a wet noise that was equal parts bittersweet and delirious. "You don't… owe me… anything now. Heheh… I-In fact…"
Nami slipped to the side, and I only
just managed to grab her in time to hear her breathe out one last thing before she slipped into oblivion.
"
I owe you one, friend…"
-o-
"Alright, you metal-limbed bastard, start spilling your guts or I'll spill them mys—ACK!" Sanji cut himself off after a brief cyan glare from our doctor, who was in the middle of stabilizing the crew. He settled for glowering at me with as much heat as he could muster, and given what he could do, I was sweating like a pig for a variety of reasons.
After discovering that little…
scene, we'd relocated everyone into the most stable section of the ruined manor we could find. We then spent several minutes waiting with bated breath and raging questions as we waited for Chopper to finish properly stabilizing our semi-eviscerated friends. It had been touch and go for a while, but thanks to some help from the Rolling Pirates, it looked like things would be fine.
Chopper had mended Zoro and Nami's abundance of injuries as fast as he could, desperate enough that he even recruited Merry's skillset and Robin's arms to help. The two of them sped matters along considerably, and he had Zoro and Nami's much-needed transfusions up and running in a matter of minutes. It was a very tense few minutes, but as Chopper measured the progress, he informed us that there was no immediate danger to anyone anymore. Which meant that while his attention turned back to handling everyone else, everyone else's attention immediately turned back to me.
Attention I met with a miserable groan as I continued to pace, as I'd been doing since we arrived. "OK, first of all,
yes, I forgot that he was supposed to show up. I thought I'd managed to head his presence off a while back, but
clearly I was mistaken. I overlooked that the World Government could send him because of the SBS or for some other reason, in which case I fully accept the blame. On a related note, I need to double-check something as soon as we're done here, because if he was here why I
think he was…" I lapsed into silence for a second, gnawing on my thumb, before shaking my head and moving on.
"Second of all, in this case? Even if I
had remembered, it wouldn't have made any difference; you all saw what he did, some of you more than the rest." I shot a pointed glance at Sanji, which got him strangling his lighter so hard I think its casing cracked. "So you've probably figured out that against Bartholomew Kuma, the only thing we
could have done was put our heads between our legs and kiss our asses goodbye. Crocodile and Moria are the only Warlords alive who are even
close to our level. The rest are just
that powerful, and Kuma's in the upper tier even for them." I sighed tiredly and rubbed my face. "Make no mistake, it's the fact that individuals like Kuma are part of the Warlords that make them viable counterweight to the Marines and Emperors."
"I guess we were sort of getting spoiled with arrogant bastards," Vivi said with a ferocious grimace as she kneaded the bridge of her nose. "That's the kind of power that Warlords are expected to have; if Crocodile's pride hadn't driven him to sorely underestimate Luffy, we never would have beaten him."
Sanji continued to fume, clearly not satisfied with my explanation. "Even if I accepted that, I would have expected you to tell us that it would put Zoro and Nami-swan in this much danger!"
"It was
only Zoro in the story!" I shot back.
A tense silence fell as we looked around the area. It was only after confirming that there were no Rolling Pirates in earshot that I continued. "The metal bastard came for Luffy's head, but when Zoro stepped in to take his place, Kuma fed him Luffy's pain, expecting him to die from it. Naturally, he
didn't because he's that freaking tough!
BUT, going by how I feel light as a feather,
apparently Kuma was after my head too! That doesn't really surprise me, given how my head could kickstart a small nation's economy, but
Nami going through this!?" I jabbed my finger at our comatose navigator, packing all my incredulity into the motion. "Trust me, I'm as confused as you are! And for once, things are flipped because while I don't have the answers we need or want,
he does!"
I turned my eyes onto the gastropod who was currently guzzling his second bottle of liquid lozenge, and Sanji as well as everyone else in earshot joined me. He eyed us for a second, spat the emptied bottle out, and met our questioning gazes. "
Yo." And just that one word provoked a pained wince from him
Ignoring that wince, Sanji painfully shoved himself to his feet and loomed over my partner, cigarette tearing between his teeth. "Everything you saw, snail, or I might actually carry out one of my threats."
I warily side-eyed Sanji. "Not endorsing the death threat…" I hedged. "But I'll second the urgency."
Soundbite took a second to glance around and take in everyone's anxious expressions before slumping forward, his eyestalks hanging heavy with sorrow. "ALRIGHT,
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED. After Kuma showed up out of nowhere and pulled a 'think of the rabbits' on Luffy and Cross, Lola recognized him and asked what he was doing here. He said that they—the Government—had lost contact with Moria and he came to see what was wrong—"
I allowed myself to relax at that, though I was still going to check every inch of the card, which, in retrospect, I should have been watching religiously over the past who-knows-how-long.
"—
and then he said that while he had the chance, he was here for Luffy and Cross's heads. I MUST NOT HAVE BEEN A PRIORITY THOUGH, HE JUST FLICKED ME OFF YOUR SHOULDER LIKE LINT. SWEAR HE CRACKED MY—!
Ugh… Anyways…" Soundbite cast a pitying glance at my other two partners, who were both nursing some hearty bruises to both flesh and ego. "
Lassoo and Funkfreed charged him and got blown away first."
"Felt like
I got shot out of a freaking cannon for once…" Lassoo moaned from under his paws, clamped to his head.
"What the
hell was that bastard packing?" Funkfreed demanded, an icepack pressed to his forehead with his trunk.
"The Paw-Paw Fruit, one of the most
ludicrously jailbroken Devil Fruits I've had the displeasure of witnessing," I explained grimly. "It gives the user paw pads on the palms of their hands that have the power to repel or deflect—or more specifically, 'push'—anything that they touch. And that means
anything, from projectiles to air to more abstract concepts like, well…" I gestured between Luffy and myself. "Pain and fatigue. And the force of his pushes is often disproportionately powerful, too."
"Tsk, so
that's why you and Luffy had my tranquilizers in you. That explains how he woke Moria…" Chopper grumbled as he held a pair of blood-filled vials up to his… eyes…
I briefly contemplated whether or not I was suicidal enough to ask
when he'd drawn our blood, but I just as swiftly snapped my attention back to Soundbite. "So, those two got slammed and then… I'm guessing he laid down the ultimatum?"
"What's that mean?" asked… Luffy, worryingly enough, considering the amount of seriousness in his voice.
"That individual, Bartholomew Kuma, was it?" Brook spoke up, his head bowed solemnly. "He gave us all a choice to make: we could let him take the two of you unmolested, or we could refuse and suffer for standing in his way. Naturally, we all opposed him with every fiber of our beings… even though I myself no longer have any fibers to speak of! YOHO—! Ah, wait a moment…" The musician tilted his head quizzically. "
Do skeletons have fibers? I forget… tentative skull joke."
"Robin?"
THWACK! "YEOW!"
"Thank you."
"After that is when things get…
fuzzy." Keratin rubbed fur, a pained grimace on Chopper's face. "I think I might have gotten desperate enough to take a third Rumble Ball."
"No, that's the concussion talking," Usopp clarified. "You're fuzzy on the details because there
aren't any."
Chopper's chin-scratching stopped in favor of shooting our sniper a blank look. "Aren't any what?"
After a moment of staring, Usopp sighed and turned back to the rest of us. "Anyways, Kuma must have thought that the surroundings weren't wrecked enough, because he used some big air-blast attack to flatten everything and everyone that was left standing near him. That's the last thing I remember."
"
LUCKY YOU, long-nose," Soundbite groaned, shuddering.
"And how exactly did
you stay conscious?" Franky cut in. "You may have a thick shell, but it's not thicker than my
super metal body, and I got knocked out right away, too."
Soundbite frowned in thought. "
Short version, I tried a new technique, IT WORKED. BUT FYI, THAT TONIC WAS ONLY TEMPORARY. My throat still feels like I've been gargling gravel. I CAN TALK SHOP,
OR I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE HELL I JUST WENT THROUGH. WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER SUFFER?"
I briefly entertained the easier notion, but… "Proceed."
"
Well…" Soundbite slowly turned his gaze as he stared off into oblivion.
~o~
"Now suffer the Ursa Shock."
FWOOM.
The Ursa Shock was a technique steeped in contradictions; while an incredibly destructive attack, it was both simple and relatively silent in its execution. A singular blast of air and wind, but the tsunami-sized quantity of air pressure resulted in widespread destruction, and thus a cacophony of demolished and collapsing debris.
Trees and stone, architecture and nature alike, none were capable of withstanding the full, unmitigated fury that was the Ursa Shock.
When the howling winds died down, they left utter silence in their wake. Nothing stood much above chest height. Anything that had was now sprawled out on the ground, and anything that was once intact was now irrevocably annihilated.
Most people, in the aftermath of such destruction, would have been left gaping as they experienced one of many emotions, from terror to awe to satisfaction at a job well done. Assuming they were still conscious, of course.
As he witnessed the devastation he had wrought with his bare bear hands, Bartholomew Kuma felt none of these things.
Instead, the Tyrant merely shifted his massive bulk with his head, systematically scanning his environs with cold efficiency for any signs of life. A glance downwards confirmed that the first of his primary targets that he'd acquired, the 'Voice of Anarchy' Jeremiah Cross, was still where he'd left him after successfully removing his involvement from the situation's equation: pinned in place beneath his boot, incapable of being shifted even an inch by any on the island, much less the meager blast the Warlord had unleashed.
Satisfied that any potential interfering elements had been dealt with, Kuma reached down, hefted his target by the back of his jacket, and strode into the debris. His secondary target, tracked through the maelstrom by the systems crammed into his head, was still right where he'd left him.
Reaching the calculated location, Kuma dislodged a slab of debris and beheld the slumbering form of his other target, Monkey D. 'Straw Hat' Luffy. The titanic entity reached down towards the rubber man—
WARNING!
And froze as his sensors and Haki both blared out a warning of imminent danger. Kuma erected a minimal, non-hardened barrier of Armament Haki over his body, a precaution that was very much overkill in the waters of Paradise.
"
IMPERIAL LION'S ANTHEM!"
SLASH!
"Gh…" Kuma's mind and processors alike reeled when a disproportionately strong attack was registered slamming into his chest, actually forcing the naval bioweapon to take a step back for balance. No critical damage arose from the assault, obviously, but it was with no small amount of silent respect that Kuma observed the opening rent in his shirt, and the infinitesimally small scratch in the
[CLASSIFIED]-alloy plating that lay beneath.
Not a trace of this respect showed on Kuma's face as he turned to observe his assailant—just cold apathy. "Roronoa Zoro," he calmly stated. "Your power exceeds that which has been previously observed. I shall inform my superiors that your threat level is to be re-evaluated."
The swordsman didn't respond, too busy glaring daggers at the expanse of metal he'd exposed. "You've got to be kidding me...a Marine
cyborg. As soon as I save Cross's ass, I am going to
kill him."
Formulating a strategy based around the new information he had analyzed, as well as the information on the swordsman's intent and ability he'd gleaned through his reacting Observation, Kuma spoke the words he knew he would incite the desired reaction. "That is false. Monkey D. Luffy and Jeremiah Cross shall both meet their ends at the hands of the Marine's executioners."
An
inferno of outrage flared into existence in the swordsman's eyes, and he roared, pouncing on the Warlord. "LIKE HELL, YOU BASTARD! ONI—!"
Kuma snapped his arm up, interposing his insensate captive between himself and his assailant.
Zoro choked, aborting his attack and rolling past Kuma to avoid bisecting Cross. That was as far as he got before Kuma stepped forwards and
shoved his chest. A shove that sent Zoro
skipping across the debris and desperately gasping for breath, ribs creaking ominously.
Finally, the green-haired swordsman collided painfully with a raised rock, his lungs still gasping for air and the lack of oxygen leaving his vision hazy. Even in his condition, the swordsman did have enough of his wits about him to flip himself onto his hands and knees and react appropriately when he caught sight of the light building in Kuma's gaping maw. That is to say, pale dramatically. "Oh, you son of a—!"
Rather than finish that thought, Zoro bodily heaved himself away, not particularly caring
where he landed so long as it was somewhere that qualified as 'not remotely close to the starting point original position'. Good thing, too.
Ping! KABOOM!
"Gah!"
The next second, he was sent sprawling by the thermoluminescent reaction that erupted from whatever the hell was stuffed in the Warlord's throat.
Every one of his wounds from Ryuuma and Moria were throbbing painfully. He was beaten, bruised, and now partially flash-fried all over. All Zoro could do was wheeze in pain as he lay prone on the uneven ground, eyeing the melted remains of the rock he'd been lying against moments earlier. "What…" he bit out. "The hell
are you?"
"A Pacifista," Kuma answered bluntly, his voice still devoid of inflection. "A human weapon made to the serve the World Government, built by—"
"On second thought, save it," Zoro interrupted, growling with effort as he painstakingly forced himself into a kneeling position. "Cross'll just tell me everything important about your tin can of an ass later."
Kuma took a moment to delete that comment from his memory before replying. "Again, that is incorrect." To emphasize the point, the cyborg hefted his captive again. "Jeremiah Cross and Monkey D. Luffy will be coming with me, and you will never see them again."
Zoro bit out a sharp
tsk at that, and then was silent for a long moment, hands balling into fists. "The reason you're taking them… it's because the World Government wants blood, is that right? It wants heads to roll?"
Kuma slowly bowed his head, deepening the shadows cast by his hat. "…that is correct."
"…then in that case, how about a trade." The swordsman met Kuma's glowing gaze dead-on, without a trace of hesitation or weakness. "My head for theirs. I'm not worth as much as them, and their faces might be more infamous… but…" He rammed his fist into his chest, his teeth grit with pride and determination. "I
am the man who will be the strongest swordsman in the world. Given time, I'll kill a Warlord with nothing but my blade, and my name will be known the world over, more than both of those idiots combined! That has to be worth something to you! That has to be worth their lives!"
Kuma remained impassive throughout the speech, and for a little longer after it was finished. "Your claims bear merit, and I am amenable to what you propose… save for an error you have made."
Zoro tensed furiously. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Kuma's held up a single finger on his free hand. "One life in exchange for one life. It does not matter how much acclaim any one person might hold, the fact remains: one does not equal two. You may take the place of Jeremiah Cross, or you may take that of Monkey D. Luffy." Kuma bowed his head, glasses shining from the shadow of his hat. "But you are not worth both. Choose."
For one of the few instances in Zoro's life, his very core was stricken with doubt and hesitancy, and true fear etched itself across his face.
"Tsk. What the hell are you so worried about, mosshead? Sounds easy enough to me."
Both Zoro and Kuma turned their attention to a clearly exhausted Sanji, who was working his way over to them with a scowl on his face.
"You take the shitty captain," he coughed out painfully. "And I'll take the shitty bigmouth. It's not
that hard. It's gonna suck like hell, of course, but hey…" The cook shot a bloody grin at his rival. "The things we do for this crew, right?"
"You—!" Zoro started to protest.
"Hey, leadbelly!" Sanji shouted, ignoring the first mate in favor of striding up to the Warlord. "You want a second head? You got one. I'll admit, I'm not as infamous as the rest of these clowns, and my dream… well, compared to them, some might even call it lacklustre…" He jabbed his thumb at his chest. "But damn it all, I've got
some worth in me, and if ever there was a time to use it, it's now." He cast a wistful glance back at Luffy's body. "Sorry, Captain… guess you're gonna need a new—"
"
MORON!"
~o~
WHAM!
"GAH!" Sanji winced as Luffy brought his fist crashing down on top of his skull. "Sonnuva—! What the hell do you think you're—
grk!?" Any protests the cook were about to make were cut off by our captain grabbing his collar and dragging him face to
apoplectic face.
"If you
ever do anything that boneheaded again, then I'll kick your ass inside out! GOT IT?!" Luffy snarled
"YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM!" Sanji roared right back.
Luffy… actually blinked in confusion at that. "So, wait, you'll still do it again?"
"Me and every other person on this damn crew! Right, everyone?!"
There was a general rumble of agreement from everyone present, which I myself was a part of. "He's gotcha there, Luffy," I noted.
Luffy eyed us all before slumping in defeat. "Awww… that always worked when Sabo and Ace did it…"
"Probably because they were, ah… more… mature?" Vivi offered tentatively.
Luffy slumped even further. "That's the one thing everyone's always said I can't be…"
Vivi's palm promptly met her forehead before any of us could strike ours to the back.
"
Anyway," Su cut in, focusing on our chef. "Sanji, if you were laying your neck on the line, why didn't you go through…
that instead of Nami?"
"Zoro stopped you, right?" I posited. "I mean, even with that ultimatum, God knows he's bone-headed enough to
try."
Sanji grimaced and slowly looked away. "Ah…"
"RIGHT POSITION…" Soundbite cut in with a downcast look of his own. "
But… WRONG RANKING."
~o~
"Sorry, captain… guess you're gonna need a new—"
KRRRR-ZAP!
"
GRK!" Sanji shuddered in agony, his every muscle locking up from the live current invading his body. "What… the…!?"
That was all he managed to get out before his tenderized frame gave up the ghost, and he collapsed into a boneless heap.
Zoro could only blink at the spectacle in shock. "The hell—?!"
"Sorry, Sanji…"
Both Zoro and Kuma—one incredulous and one impassive—stared as 'Weather Witch' Nami hobbled up to them, Eisen cloud wrapped around her bleeding right leg and her body leaning heavily on her Clima Tact as she limped her way across the shattered stone.
"But just this once…" she huffed painfully. "The knight in shining armor… is going to have to step aside… for the big bad
witch."
"You—! How the hell are you still standing!?" Zoro demanded.
The navigator rapped her knuckles on her Eisen cloud, which momentarily broke the strong front she was putting up with a full-body shudder of pain. "My Eisen Tempo. I froze up too long to shield anyone else, and I still got hit pretty bad… but it was enough to keep me going. Meaning that now…" She glared at the Warlord with fierce determination. "I'm available to do my job."
"And what the hell—
gugh," Zoro coughed as his body was wracked with tremors. "Do… you think
that is!?"
"Easy," Nami growled, her tone brooking no compromise. "I'm the second mate of the Straw Hat Pirates, ranking right below you. If it's
anybody's business to be offering up their lives for this crew, then it's just as much mine as it is yours! SO COME ON!" This last bit was roared at Kuma, the arm not holding her Clima-Tact gesticulating wildly. "Take me too! I'm the second mate of the Straw Hat Pirates, I'm one of the groundbreaking rookies of this generation and
damn it!" A fire blazed in Nami's eyes. "I'm the
best damned Navigator in all of Paradise, and I was going to map every inch of this godforsaken world with my own two hands. I'm one of the best… so if you swap me for him?" She jabbed a finger at Cross. "Then congratulations on the bargain, because you won't lose a single damn
thing."
For a long moment, Zoro stared at her in disbelief before frowning solemnly. "You're not backing down about this," he said more than asked.
Nami responded with a defiant nod. "I've been in this position before. I've been here…" Her hand ghosted over the tattoo on her shoulder, drawing a grimace from her. "And I am
not losing someone again."
Zoro regarded for a moment longer before slowly shifting his glare back to Kuma. "Me for the rubber-brain," he repeated.
"And me for the loudmouth," Nami concurred. "What do you say, Kuma? Deal or no deal? Though either way…" An offshoot of her clouds started to crackle and darken. "They are
not leaving this island with you."
"Now show us you have some honor," Zoro growled, throwing his swords at his feet.
The Warlord stared at them, his shielded eyes and perpetually frowning mouth giving away no hint of his feelings. Finally, once more, he sighed.
"If I were to lay a hand on either of them now, I would be put to shame."
The first and second mates relaxed marginally.
"However."
And just like that, the tension rammed right back to maximum.
"As you have both pointed out, for all that you have dreams, you are worth significantly less than your crewmates. As such, you will make up the difference yourselves…" The shadows around Kuma seemed to deepen into pitch-black darkness. "
By venturing into the depths of Hell."
Before either of the crew's officers could ask what he meant, Kuma raised his captive in one hand and pressed his other to Cross's back. A large pink sphere with dots floating above it, resembling a pawprint, ballooned out of him and came to a rest in the air before them; it was almost as tall as Kuma himself.
"What the hell did you just do?!" Nami demanded.
"Do not worry. I simply repelled the pain and fatigue that Jeremiah Cross has accumulated over the last twenty-four hours," the Warlord calmly answered. "If you are prepared to take their places, then you will take them in their entirety. With the pain that the two of you have taken already, you will die excruciating deaths from taking in your crewmates' as well. Observe for yourselves." And before the other pirates could react, he ghosted his hand through the orb, withdrew a pair of softball-sized bubbles of the energy, and lobbed them at the mates.
Nami and Zoro grit their teeth, mustering up every ounce of resolve they had in preparation to weather whatever was about to strike them.
The moment that the bubbles entered their bodies, their resolves
shattered.
"
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
A full five minutes later, Kuma loomed over the pair's twitching forms, his expression still resembling a stone wall.
"Do you still want it?" Kuma asked softly.
Nami ignored him in favor of hacking up a mouthful of blood. "How… the hell is
that… what Cross was feeling?" she wheezed hoarsely.
"
Huff… huff… the freaking
hell we've all just gone through… he got a hole in his side… he's probably gotten used to his limbs while we aren't… all those other
health issues he has…" Zoro bit out. "Take your pick."
"Argh…" Nami winced as she slowly inched herself into a sitting position
. "I don't suppose… you'd be up for a trade?"
"Ah, yes, I suppose I should show you your captain's as well," Kuma mused. So saying, he walked over to where Luffy was, replaced Cross with him, and then started to push out another bubble of distilled suffering. And then he kept pushing, and pushing, and
pushing.
Zoro's eye twitched as he beheld an orb that was
bigger than Kuma. "Better not."
The only response Nami could muster was a squeak of agonized terror.
The swordsman let out a tired
tsk and shook his head
. "Whatever… hey, bear bastard," he said, a glare directed at the Warlord. "We'll do it. Just… let us change the place we do it, alright?" He grunted when Nami looked at him in confusion. "Don't wanna hit anyone by accident while we're…"
The navigator shuddered as she conceded the point, and slowly, painstakingly made her way to her feet, a shaky tendril of clouds moving to offer a hand to the swordsman. "Let's just get this over with before my nerves give out."
And so the two started to walk off into the woods…
~o~
The snail was tearing up by this point, fighting to stay focused. "
I, AH, I SPOKE UP THEN. DIDN'T TRY TO STOP THEM, NO POINT IN IT, but… in the end, I, ah… got them to take me with them… COULDN'T JUST…
LEAVE THEM ALONE, AFTER ALL. SO THEY… PUT ME
on that branch… and I watched. THEY PUSHED INTO THEIR BALLS, and… and…" He started shivering in place, staring at nothing.
"What happened
after that?" I asked, as gently but firmly as I could.
Soundbite jerked out of whatever hell he'd been revisiting, allowing himself a massive—if redundant—snort before powering on. "
It, uh… n-not much, really. KUMA… H-HE SAW THAT they were still alive, and then, uh… h-he left, easy. YOU GUYS… YOU ALL WOKE UP A BIT AFTER THAT, A-AND HERE WE ARE."
Soundbite was silent after that, probably resting his voice, and nobody spoke, letting the magnitude of what had happened sink in. But it didn't last more than a couple of seconds before Chopper set another bottle of liquid lozenge beside him and moved back towards Nami and Zoro.
"Soundbite, can you give me some specifics on what they went through?" he asked grimly. "I'm sorry, but the more information I have, the better and faster I can make their treatment go."
Soundbite shuddered, but before I could stop him he snatched up the bottle and took a swift chug before spitting it out. I only just managed to catch it before it hit the ground. "
The external wounds, they… they did it to themselves. THEY WERE FLAILING ON THE GROUND, SLAMMING INTO ANYTHING NEARBY.
Internals though… I-I don't know, I think some was sheer overexertion, but… OTHERS SOUNDED LIKE THEY JUST OPENED SPONTANEOUSLY."
Chopper frowned, tapping intently at his temple. "
I recall reading about a few cases of injuries appearing after dreams due to the dreamer suffering intense pain in the middle of the fantasy… perhaps this is the same phenomena, the mind making the fantasy real due to the transference of pain being so accurate?" Closing his eyes, he exhaled, and the madness eased from his still-tense frame. "Alright, that'll help, but… what about the more…" He glanced at Nami, or more specifically her mummified arm.
Soundbite shook his head. "ZORO…
he was hurt bad, BUT EVEN THROUGH THE PAIN, THE AGONY, HE COULD PUSH THROUGH IT! AFTER ALL, HE'S ZORO!" For a second, he wore a confident grin, and then the look shattered. "…
B-BUT NAMI… she wasn't that strong. She was crying and crying, literally ripping herself to shreds… T-THEN SHE STARTED… T-TO GO FOR HER OWN THROAT. I-I couldn't do anything… so I did THE ONLY THING I could. I SHOUTED MYSELF hoarse for hours, I KEPT TELLING HER
SHE WASN'T ALONE, that she could make it through this. I JUST… I COULDN'T LET HER GO THROUGH IT ALONE…"
Soundbite could barely keep swallowing as he finished, tears streaming down his eyestalks. I reached out and patted his shell, as did Sanji and several others.
"You did good, Soundbite," I murmured, and everyone else echoed my words. We watched as he slowly calmed down, the tension that had been present the whole time draining out of him. Then he smiled thankfully and retreated into his shell, asleep in a second. Sanji turned to me, clearly gathering his thoughts, and then, finally, he huffed out a sigh.
"…I won't keep blaming you now that I know what happened, Cross," he said quietly. "But this kind of oversight… the two of them almost
died. Even if you knew that we couldn't do anything to change this part of the future… we could have at least changed what came next."
"I get it, and you know that I'm already beating myself up to hell and back for this—"
"Cross."
Luffy's voice ended my babbling almost before it started, the rubber man frowning seriously at me. "You did the best that you could. The only one to blame for this is the World Government. And you already know that Nami doesn't blame you. Zoro won't either. We still beat Thriller Bark, we still beat Moria, and we're all still alive. Don't beat yourself up." He turned to Sanji sternly. "And don't tell him he needs to."
"I'm not." Sanji huffed out a cloud of smoke as he looked me in the eye. "I just want to make sure that we don't end up blindsided like that again. Just… from now on, make sure your plans have a fail-safe for the worst-case scenario, no matter how unlikely it is. That's all I'm asking."
"I…" I searched for a response before finally nodding sadly. "I'll do my best. Though, just to reiterate, there
was no viable fail-safe in this case. Going up against Kuma… can't win, can't run. Fighting him's as hopeless as fighting
Mihawk again, and Mihawk we can
try and run from if he doesn't care enough."
"Just gimme a few years…"
Chopper snapped into his Heavy Point and rammed a needle in Zoro's chest in almost a single move. "I am not," he growled out with as the swordsman slipped back under. "Dealing with him conscious.
For three more hours. Any complaints?"
"Nope!" Funkfreed hastily saluted.
"Not a one!" Conis shook her head vigorously.
"TAKE THE WOMAN, SPARE OUR WORTHLESS LIVES!" Mikey wept as he shoved Raphey in front of him—
"ASSHOLE!"
WHAM!
—only for her to spin around and clock him something fierce.
"When I'm done with you—!" the pink-bandanna'd dugong swore furiously, ramming flipper into flat—
THWOCK! "GAH!"
Before yelping in shock when a
needle rammed into her neck.
"I believe I heard something earlier," Chopper grinned a very
twitchy grin at her. "About
sucking side wounds?"
From how fast she paled, it was hard to tell whether Raphey passed out from the drug or the fear. Personally? I give it fifty-fifty.
"
Now…" He
sloooowly rotated his head around so that he could eye the rest of us, faint traces of cyan madness just
waiting to be unleashed. "
Does anyone else have something they want looked at?"
"Ah, C-Carue! Get me a ride back to Big Bro Sunny, I've got to make sure he's OK!" Merry yelped, swinging onto the duck's back, who shot off like a bullet.
"HEY, THAT'S
MY DUCK! GET BACK HERE!" Vivi shouted, sprinting after the pair as fast as her own bandages allowed. Which, considering how he was a supersonic duck, was pretty admirably fast.
"Uh, wh-why don't we start looting the manor? Get a
niiice and sizeable horde going so we can appease Nami once she's up?" Donny suggested in a panicked voice. He waited for a response…
"All in favor? Guys?"
Before finally realizing his fellow pupils had already ditched him, a dust cloud indicating their route, and he zipped off after them.
"Welp!" Boss stretched energetically, wholly
ignoring the swathe of bandages wrapped around his chest. "I'm not going to let something as trivial as a hole in my chest—or several—slow me down. Time to get right back to training." He then snapped a flipper up, nonchalantly catching a syringe-dart out of the air moments before it struck his neck. "Sorry,
Doctor, but my schedule trumps your ord—GRRK!"
Unfortunately, his gloating left him open to the
second syringe that found itself lodged in his flipper.
"Whale… barnacles…"
THUD!
Aaaaand that was him down.
"…Well, then. With your permission, Doctor, I believe I'll go investigate the mouth-gate to see if Absalom is still there," Robin said with a cool smile that fooled absolutely no one, walking off into the forest at a slightly too-brisk clip. Sanji glanced between her retreating form and the unconscious Nami presided over by Chopper, sighed, and followed after Robin into the woods.
"Franky, you know the way to the kitchen, yes? Could you lead me there?" Brook asked, actually sounding entirely casual. Either he really wasn't scared (probably foolish enough to think that Chopper
didn't have a way to down him at a moment's notice) or he was just… really good… at hiding his… no, he was just an idiot. "It's just that I'm parched you see. Why, you could even say that I'm—!"
"Yeah yeah, bone dry, hilarious,
let's go!" And then they were gone.
"Hey, Luffy! I think I just saw a ghost! You wanna go ghost hunting? Let's go ghost hunting!" Usopp exclaimed, dragging Luffy along with him… or at least, his arm, which was presently stretching out while Luffy stared curiously after Usopp. Now,
he was obviously oblivious.
"Eh? What are you talking about, Usopp?" Luffy asked with honest curiosity. "All the ghosts on the island were fakes, remember? There aren't any real ones… here, anyways. How come you're lying? And why's everyone so scared of Cho—?"
"
JUST GET OVER HERE ALREADY!"
"WAH!" Luffy yelped when he was suddenly jerked out of his seated position by a particularly hard yank.
I watched after them with a bit of amusement before glancing to my side. The transceiver was still there, thank goodness; no matter what our crew had done, I wouldn't have put it past Kuma to take it. I made to lift the flap—
TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-THUNK!
And then my hand froze as half a dozen scalpels embedded themselves in said bag, tracing around my fingers in such a way that twitching a millimeter would draw blood.
Veeeery slowly, I turned my head and beheld a pair of pure cyan eyes glaring back at me.
"
Jeremiah Cross," Chopper intoned darkly. "
I have been pushed to my limits even more than Enies over the last several hours, and this is pushing me even more. As soon as I finish restocking my supplies, I am going to sedate myself and spend the next few days sleeping off my exhaustion. So, while I have the chance, I am giving you a doctor's order: do not do anything that would invite the chance of the Marines sending someone to track us down and finish us off before I wake up, or I will tear your limbs out of their sockets and have Sanji prepare them FOR MY DINNER. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal," I squeaked.
Once he turned away from me, I frowned as I considered what to do; doctor's orders aside, with Soundbite out cold, I wouldn't be making any broadcasts or calls anytime soon. I looked over the few crewmates that were still left, and nodded to myself as I got an idea.
"Hey, Conis, could you teach me how to shoot… basically anything that's a
sane caliber for people to carry? I'm not planning on using a pistol anytime soon, but I'd be more comfortable if I could hold one without having to worry about a case of leadfoot."
"Oh? Sure thing, Cross," Conis smiled, unstrapping one of her spare pistols and handing it to me.
"What about us, Cross?" Lassoo asked, some indignation in his voice.
"You two are going to be working on something else entirely. And the same goes for you, Su," I ordered, my serious tone causing all three of them to straighten. "I want you to go through what's left of the manor, every nook and cranny, and then comb over the island itself. If by some miracle we missed any zombies, salt them and free them. But more importantly, keep your eyes, ears, noses, and anything else you have available open for the Mysterious Four. If you find any of them, report back to the Sunny; none of them
should be combat-ready if they're still here, but I think we can all agree we don't need to deal with
another sneak attack. Got it?"
"You can count on us, Cross!" Funkfreed saluted proudly.
Su, meanwhile, grinned widely before jumping onto Lassoo's back and jabbing a paw forward. "Mush, faithful steed!" she sang.
"This 'faithful steed' is gonna chew your tail off…" Lassoo grumbled, but he still started trotting off in the indicated direction, Funkfreed following close behind.
That done, Conis and I both headed off in the general direction of the Sunny. Going by how neither of us wound up taking an anesthetic-aided dirt nap after a few steps, I'm fairly certain that Chopper begrudgingly approved.
-Three Hours Later-
Sunny, once again decked out in paper lanterns to shine like his namesake, fairly glowed in the dreary fog of the Florian Triangle. Part of my mind dwelled on that part as I secured my headphones and took aim at the bullseye again. In canon, Thriller Bark had wound up sailing out of the Florian Triangle by sheer dumb luck courtesy of Oars-Luffy messing with the sailing, which of course hadn't happened here. I grimaced at that; sure, we still had the Log Pose, but I didn't fancy staying in this dead sea any longer than we needed to. And after the literal nightmares of this island, I was
seriously aching ready to see the sun again. Hell, I'd even take the moon and the stars if they were available, just so long as it meant I wasn't being
strangled anymore. And I knew I wasn't the only one.
I fired twice, frowning slightly as I took in the placements of my bullets: an improvement from an hour ago, but a long shot from perfect. Like my plans, it seemed. Sure, I had spared the time to sneak another glance at Luffy's (read: Ace's) Vivre Card before coming back to the Sunny, and it was as whole as ever… but Kuma still came.
Even if forewarning wouldn't have made a difference, and even if it hadn't been due to the SBS, I should have figured he
was going to come, and I should have acted on it. Maybe then Zoro and Nami…
I shook my head, refocusing my body on shooting while I let my mind focus on matters to come. The past was the past, and it
sucked, but that was it. Instead of wallowing, I had to focus on what was pertinent: that we'd be seeing Kuma again sooner rather than later, and that I needed to start thinking about what I'd do when that time—
THWACK!
"Yeow!" I yelped, clapping a hand to the new lump I had growing on the back of my head. Damn it, note to self, start wearing my hat more religiously,
but for now—! "What the hell was that for!?" I snapped at an
irritatingly pleasant Conis, who even had the gall to keep her hand in a post-chop position.
"'That', as you call it, was what we White Berets tend to do when our trainees fail to properly focus when they're in the middle of training," Conis sunnily answered, her smile never wavering. "I hope you honestly don't think I'm going to cut you any slack just because you're only doing this as a 'just-in-case' skill. I won't have you disgracing me as a White Beret~!"
I frowned in protest. "But I—!"
THWACK!
"Mother—!" I clapped my free hand over my throbbing brow.
"Now, Cross," Conis admonished, shaking her finger at me as though she were disciplining a child. "Unless whatever you're thinking about is liable to kill us all in the next few minutes if you
don't think about it, then I'm sure you can take a break, even if just for a bit!" Her pleasant demeanor then crumbled into worried fretting. "…uuuunless whatever it is you're thinking about actually
could kill us all if you don't think about it, in which case, please carry on thinking about it. Could it?"
I spent a few seconds gaping at her emotional 180… "Pft!" Before hiding a chuckle behind my fist, my tension slipping out along with it. "No… no, you're right, a few minutes
won't be the death of us…" I raised my pistol back into a ready position and focused intently on the target. "So, I'll just have to use it making sure that it'll be the death of someone else!"
Conis smiled anew, stepping back and giving me a thumbs up. "Clear!"
BL-BL-BLAM!
I set the gun down and waited with bated breath as Conis stepped up to inspect the target, cupping her chin as she looked over it. A second later, she nodded. "Three hits… two on the outermost circle and… one just grazing the bullseye? Not bad at all, Cross!"
"Tsk, speak for yourself…" I let out a frustrated sigh, scratching the back of my neck. "Come on, I habitually hit ten for ten with a two-ton
cannon, shouldn't my aim with a markedly lower caliber weapon be better?"
"Hweehwee, you hit
jack, loudmouth."
I cast a disgruntled glance over my shoulder as our search party returned, Lassoo leading them with an annoying smirk on his muzzle. "Something you wanna add to the conversation, howlitzer?"
"Just that you're glossing over
my part in your prior bouts of applied firepower," Lassoo sniffed haughtily. "
You point me in the right directions and hold me steady, while
I do the itty-bitty work! Alone? You can't hit a target worth spit! Hweehwee—!"
"Wanna see how well I can plant my boot between your legs?" I asked flatly, tapping the toe of my greave on the lawn.
"—YIP!" I then beheld the unique sight of a dog trying to cross its hindlegs in desperate panic. "I'll be good, I'll be good!"
"Anyway," Funkfreed cut in, drawing my attention away from the mutt. "We couldn't find Moria or any of his lackeys. The rest of the crew even helped us out, but… it looks like they're truly gone."
"And all of the zombies have been purified, too," Lola added as she came up onto the deck, waving in greeting. "The only shadows left on this island are all in their proper places. Though…" She scowled irritably. "I'm of two minds about the fact that our tormentors aren't here anymore. Any ideas where they've gotten off to?"
"Hrmph…" I cupped my chin in thought. "If I had to guess? Kuma must have taken them with him when he left. Hogback's got a lot to answer for, and heinous though he might be, Moria
is still a Warlord, and the other two's Devil Fruits are useful besides, so—"
"
No… that's not… RIGHT…"
"Soundbite?" I asked in surprise, snapping my attention over to the barrel where my snail
had been snoozing. Now, however, he was clearly newly awakened and blinking blearily at us.
Either Chopper's medicine is that good or it affected his whole body that fast, I mused.
"What do you mean?" I asked aloud.
"
Forgot until now, but…" Soundbite loosed a jaw-cracking yawn before continuing. "
KUMA DIDN'T TAKE MORIA. He took Hogback, yeah… but that's it. I HEARD HIM SEARCHING AFTER… THAT,
BUT HE COULDN'T FIND HIM. ABSALOM TOO… and Perona for that matter. Hogback was arrested nice and clean, but the rest of THE MYSTERIOUS FOUR… THEY'RE JUST GONE…"
"Cross?" Su eyed me warily.
"I…" I frowned in thought. "I don't know.
Normally, I'd guess they did the same thing they did in the story: take the backup ship that they had stashed here and sail away to regroup, but…" I shook my head slowly. "With Moria in the state he was in, and without Hogback around… I… honestly don't have a clue…"
"So they're just… gone?" Lola confirmed slowly. She shook her head in awe as she took it all in. "I… just don't know how to feel about that. To think that everything, well,
evil about this place could just disappear like that. It almost doesn't seem
real, you know?"
"
Well…" Soundbite offered slowly. "
I think I can give you ONE EXPLANATION…"
"Oh, yeah?" Su sneered. "What's—
gah!"
Our powderfox's exclamation didn't need an explanation, as we were all made aware of a slight bit of misinformation. Despite our expectations, we actually
weren't in the Florian Triangle anymore. Or rather, going by how
some fog still hung over the island's sky, we were on the very edge of it. While half of the island was still shrouded in fog, a look at the east made it impossible to think we weren't outside the Triangle.
After all, the first light of day shining over us couldn't happen in that dead fog.
"It's the sunrise," Conis breathed.
"
And there's your explanation…"
"Soundbite?" I blinked at him in surprise.
My partner responded with a wry grin before starting to speak.
"
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended—
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream."
We were all silent for a bit as we mulled it over. After chasing a few thoughts down their rabbit holes, I decided to give him a flat look as I scooped him onto my shoulder. "… OK, that's nice, but seriously."
"
Hell IF I know!" Soundbite shrugged unashamedly.
"Also, wasn't there another line after that last one?" Funkfreed queried.
"
Oh, shut up and let it RHYME."
I chuckled at the exchange, and then perked up as a thought occurred to me. "Ooh, now that I think about it, if ever there were a time—!" I turned in the direction of the manor… and slumped in disappointment when the horizon remained frustratingly silent. "Aww…"
"What did you think was going to happen?" Conis tilted her head expectantly.
"Zoro and Nami would wake up and then Zoro and Luffy would start raising a ruckus. Come on, the timing would have been perfect!"
"Yeah,
too perfect!" Lola snorted in amusement as she finally tore her gaze away from the rising sun. "Come on, that'd be clichéd as anything! What, do you think this is some comic or something?"
We Straw Hats all considered that statement for a moment, before leaving Lola as the confused odd-woman-out as we all collapsed into fits of mad laughter.
-o-
"So… how bad is it?" Nami asked, her voice almost cracking.
I flinched, glancing away from her as I tried to think of the right thing to say.
An hour or two after the sunrise dispelled the last of Thriller Bark's shadows, our crew had all regrouped in the manor's ruins where Chopper had been tending to our crewmates. We'd
been partway through discussing whatever the hell our next step was supposed to be, but more pressing matters had come up: thanks to Chopper's improved IQ and medical skills and their
very slightly lessened injuries (relatively speaking), Nami and Zoro had woken up far sooner than I'd expected.
Currently, everyone was occupied with their own affairs. Chopper, for his part, had apparently conked himself out the moment the sun had risen, and was snoozing away in Nami's lap.
Conis was running long-overdue maintenance on her arsenal, triaging what could and couldn't be salvaged while Su lent a paw where needed. Usopp and Franky had excused themselves to go start working on…
some project or other.
Sanji had run off to where the Rolling Pirates had started stockpiling supplies to start preparing the battery of dishes most everyone would need once they realized how hungry they were. Leo, Mikey, and Donny were all in the midst of committing what I was silently defining as an
involved form of suicide by practicing their…
artistic stylings on the still-sedated forms of Raphey and Boss.
And everyone else, well… they were all occupied with watching the little 'show' that was going on in the background.
Hence, that left me in the nominally uncomfortable situation of having to speak with Nami, who was currently fingering the bloodied bandage that covered her left shoulder.
The shoulder she had ripped apart in the throes of
my agony, and also the one where her tangerine-and-pinwheel tattoo was.
"It's not…
completely ruined, if that's what you're worried about," I attempted to reassure her. "For the most part, it's fine."
Nami's fragile expression wavered as she ran her fingers through Chopper's fur. "But the part that isn't?"
"…you ripped off one of the pinwheel's larger arms. Not the one with the tangerine on it, don't worry!" I hastily reassured her when she suddenly flinched. "…but still. Ah, but! Fret not, I took the time to ask around the Rolling Pirates, and there's a tattoo artist ready and waiting. Just give them the design, and it'll be good as new—!"
"'For the most part.'" I flinched as Nami brought up the one thing I hoped she wouldn't. "That's what you're not saying, right?"
I scratched the back of my neck with a pained grimace, because… well, she really wasn't wrong. Besides tearing the hide off her shoulder, Nami had clawed up the skin below her shoulder too. Nothing crippling, thank goodness, but… well, no matter what world you're from, bloody claw marks just do
not scar well.
I was wrenched out of my thoughts by Nami heaving a massive sigh and clapping her hands together. "Well!" she announced with a sunny expression. "Guess that's that. Damn, and I had a rough enough time getting it on the first time, now this is just going to
suck."
I blinked dumbly at our navigator. "Uh… seriously?
That's your reaction?!"
Nami shot a catty grin at me. "What, did you expect me to break down or something because my tattoo got a little ripped up?
Especially after you just told me that you've already found a way for me to fix it? Psh, come on, Cross, there's no way your opinion of me is
that low!" Sticking her tongue out at me, she continued, "I think I actually
am hurt, hurt beyond all belief! Big meanie~!"
"Ah, well… what about the—?"
"Scars? Come on, Cross…" She heaved an exaggerated sigh as she raised her shoulders in a shrug of defeat. "Your memory must be some kind of sieve or something. Remember
this?" She held her palm up to me and pointed out a… pale line on her…
"Oooh, right, forgot about that," I said, grabbing my own hand in sympathetic throbbing.
"Yup~" Nami sang casually. "As you can see, I'm thoroughly familiar with how the pirate life can leave you marked. It's totally fine, no need to worry about me! After all!" She grabbed her non-injured bicep and flexed it proudly. "I'm the infamous Weather Witch, a world-class scrooge and Second Mate of the Straw Hat Pirates! Nothing can bring me down!"
"Uh, well… if you're—?"
"
You realize you just spouted that shit in front of someone WHO CAN READ YOUR HEART RATE LIKE A BOOK, RIGHT?" Soundbite flatly stated.
And just like that, I re-tensed as Nami suddenly flinched. "Soundbite, you little—!"
"I-It's alright, Cross," Nami reassured me, looking away as a few key parts of her visage crumbled—a twitching eye here, a trembling cheek there, all very hesitant—and betrayed her true feelings. "Fine, so I
was affected by what I went through, who the hell wouldn't be? That was… Kuma wasn't kidding when he said he'd put us through hell. But!" Nami took a
very slow and deliberate breath before looking me dead in the eye, true steel gleaming in her gaze. "As bad as that was, it
still doesn't compare to eight straight years sitting in that
damn room wishing for death. I'm used to it, I'll deal with it in my own time and for the moment I. Am.
Fine. Alright?"
I glanced back at Soundbite, who was frowning but didn't say anything. Ultimately, I decided that if I could trust her with my life, I might as well put a
little faith in her now. "Well… alright, if you say so. But if you need to talk or anything—!"
"Then I should clamp your maw shut and make
you listen to
me for a change? Can do!" Nami snickered into her fist.
I glanced away with a scowl. "Well, you don't need to say it quite like
that…"
"Still, while we're talking about how each of us is feeling…" I looked back to Nami and caught her scrutinizing me intently. "How about you? Are
you feeling alright?"
"Um… pretty much, yeah?" I asked more than anything. "Better than I have in a while, which
you of all people should know better than anyone."
"Well, I only ask because…" Nami slowly turned her head to cast a flat glare at the madness going on in the background. "Well, if you're feeling alright, how come you're not putting on the same show that our beloved captain is?"
I glanced in the same direction, taking in the sight of Luffy leaning over Zoro's bed and Zoro leaning up towards him, both of them butting heads and shouting their lungs out at each other. It seemed like even Luffy didn't need to be told not to aggravate Zoro's wounds by way of percussive maintenance (though that may have only been because of how Chopper's snoring kept spiking whenever he started to move), but at the same time, he wasn't taking what his first mate had done lying down.
Buuut it was sort of hard to take them seriously considering that they seemed to be yelling more for the sake of yelling than anything. Most comical way to blow off stress I had seen yet.
"Yeeeeaaaah, I guess I can understand your confusion…" I muttered, scratching my head. "I mean, if you want me to shout at you for being an idiot I can, but… honestly, I'm satisfied with just
calling you guys idiots. Which, by the way, you are."
"Hey, we saved your—!" Nami started to snap—
CLONK!
"
Ow!" she yelped, cradling the spot where I'd chopped her noggin.
"You willingly walked into massive-ass bubbles of pure
pain while already on the verge of death!" I snapped, shaking my finger at her. "That is the
textbook definition of the word stupid!"
Nami growled bloody murder at me, before glancing away, mouth drawn into a surprisingly cute pout. "If it's stupid and it works—"
CLONK!
"That only applies when
we do it, moron!" I shouted as I shook my hand out. Damn, and I thought
Luffy had a tough skull.
"DO YOU REALIZE HOW INSANELY HYPOCRITICAL YOU SOUND RIGHT NOW!?" Nami roared in my face, teeth in full-on shark mode.
"PIRATE, BITCH, WHATCHA GONNA DO!?" I roared right back.
Nami sucked in a deep breath to continue yelling. Then her mouth closed as she
finally noticed the shit-eating grin I was sporting. "…you're just screwing with me, aren't you?"
"Pfheheheh, kinda!" I chortled, casually leaning back and stretching my arms above my head. "I mean, I
am pissed at you for doing something so, to repeat,
bone-dead stupid, but I'd do it myself in a heartbeat, so as you said, guess that makes me a bit of a hypocrite, too. That's life, neh?"
Nami glared furiously at me. But at the continued ruckus from the rest of the crew, she heaved a sigh of defeat and looked back towards the rest of our crew with a goofy grin playing across her face. "Hypocrites, idiots, mannerless savages, and uncouth barbarians. We are one
diverse bunch of bastards, aren't we?"
"Don't forget the monsters, demons, and assorted spectrum of psychotics!" I added.
Aaaand
that broke the camel's back.
"Snkrt…"
The sudden snort from Nami was enough to get me to look at her in surprise.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAAAAA!"
And then she
flung herself onto her back, flailing around as she howled like an absolute
lunatic.
All commotion around us came to a screeching halt as Nami's howling caught the attention of the rest of the crew, all of them staring in awe at the once-in-a-blue-moon sight of Nami almost literally busting every stitch she had to bust.
Luffy finally broke the awed silence by suddenly giggling like the crazy bastard he was. "Shishishishishi! FINALLY!" He threw his hands up victoriously. "Everyone's alright and everyone's happy!"
"Hey, I'm not done—!"
Luffy didn't lose a beat as he 'poked' (read: shoved) Zoro back onto his back, still grinning like a loon. "We're! All! Happy! So, now there's only one thing left to do!"
Everyone slowly exchanged eager looks as we all figured out where he was going with this, and as one we all shouted what we were all thinking.
"
LET'S PARTY!"
"PARTY!" Boss and Raphey roared in agreement, snapping clean out of their drug-induced slumbers, all amped and ready to rock before blinking as they noticed one another's faces.
"Uhhh… B-Boss? Y-You've got a little somethin' on your…" Raphey gestured weakly at her teacher's face.
"Y-Yeah, you too, it's, ah…" Boss's eye twitched as he pointed back at his student.
There was silence as the two dugongs stared at one another, and then the air started
crackling around them as they snapped their heads around, murder literally
glowing in their eyes as they glared at their fellow dugongs—who, it should be noted, froze into pale-eyed statues the instant their compatriots awoke.
"Tell me, Boss," Raphey hissed in a low voice, slowly grinding her sais against one another, the action drawing
sparks. "Is it a Man's Romance to kick the ever-loving
shit out of one's comrades for screwing around with a person while they're asleep?"
"Why, yes, Raphey," Boss stated in a
far too serene tone as he
somehow managed to crack nonexistent knuckles in his flippers, one after another, each as loud as a gunshot. "Yes, it
very much is."
The increasingly terrified Dugongs slowly inched back as much as their tails would allow. "Please tell me one of you guys has a plan…" Mikey whimpered. "Because I've got
jack…"
"Can't think," Donny barely managed to get out. "Too scared. Regretting
so much."
Leo, meanwhile, seemed only mildly nervous in the face of his fellow disciple and master's fury. "Don't worry guys," he calmly said. "I have a plan."
Mikey and Donny glanced back at him with newfound hope gleaming in their eyes. "
Really!?"
"Yes," Leo nodded firmly, his demeanor astonishingly still calm. "You really think that I would go along with something this barnacle-brained if I didn't have a reason to think we would get away with it?"
"
Get away with it?" Boss snarled. "
How in Sebek's name do you think you're going to get away with
this?"
"Well, Boss," Leo said, turning to look in a very particular direction. "Are you really mad enough that you're willing to take what will happen to
you if you aggravate our injuries?"
The other Dugongs followed his eyes, and Mikey and Donny smirked while Raphey and Boss stiffened as they saw their snoozing doctor.
"Actually, he left a message for me in case of something like this."
The Dugongs' attention turned towards Merry, who had a flat look on her face. "He said, and I quote, '
If any of these morons provoke each other just because they think I'll magically intervene, the only help they'll get is me patching them up once I've woken up.'"
Raphey and Boss's anger returned in full force while the other three gulped. "Please tell me you have a backup plan, Leo," Mikey squeaked.
"Of course I do," Leo said, notably more nervous but still possessing enough wits to slowly drag his new cutlasses out of their sheaths and position himself behind his fellow students. "Now, listen carefully. I need you both to look dead ahead."
The two snapped their gazes forward, meeting their compatriots' enraged glares without flinching.
"Steel your backs, draw your weapons."
They drew their weapons and held them with pride, ready to fight to the death.
"And no matter what, don't you worry for even a moment!" Leo lowered his stance and tensed in preparation. "Because no matter what… I will definitely enjoy two more seconds of sweet sweet life!"
"
RIG—!" Donny and Mikey started to nod, aaaand then the words fully registered in their minds. "
Wait, wha—!?"
SLAM!
Leo rammed the hilts of his blades into his fellow students' backs, launching them at their comrades even as he ran the other way as fast as he could. "EVERY DUGONG FOR HIMSEEEEELF!" he wailed in a tearful panic. "I'LL REMEMBER YOUR SACRIFICE!"
WHAM! CRACK!
Leo was
way off, Raphey and Boss didn't even need half a second to bat Mikey and Donny through the nearest walls before charging after him. "TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN, YOU BASTAAAAARD!" was the enraged howl that trailed after them.
We all stared after the dust trail that the trio left in their wake. And that just wouldn't do, would it?
"PARTY!" I shouted energetically.
"PARTY!" everyone cheered anew, though this time with a bit less enthusiasm overall.
"Eh?" Usopp blinked as he and Franky walked back up to us, layered with soot but otherwise looking pretty darned content with themselves. "What's going on?"
"PARTY!" Luffy whooped eagerly.
"We heard you the first time, Cross!" the Risky Brothers cut in as they poked their heads into the room, drawing our attention to the hustle and bustle of the Rolling Pirates setting up what promised to be one
helluva party.
"Alright, I'll lead the way to the kitchen!" one of them said before charging off in that direction.
"Alright, I'll start setting up tables!" the other said as he went off in his own direction with just as much energy.
"ALRIGHT! Ah, wait!" Luffy paused mid-charge, swinging his head left and right. "Who was going to the kitchen again!?"
"That one!" Vivi hastily answered, pointing at the one that had gone after the tables. She sighed in relief as he charged after him. "Carue, you go after him and keep him occupied. I'll go and warn Sanji to batten down the hatches."
"Aye-aye!" Carue saluted before heading after him, with Vivi departing at a far more sedate pace.
"I need to retrieve my violin!" Brook yelped in realization, scrambling frantically out the room.
"I think I saw an intact piano somewhere around here if you'd prefer," Robin added as she too began to wander off.
"Oh, that is better! Lead the way!"
"Hey! Franky! Usopp!" Merry shouted to the newcomers. "I've got an idea! Let's shoot up some fireworks! That'll be
really fun!"
"Uh…" Usopp and Franky exchanged perplexed looks before the sniper slowly raised a finger. "You
do realize that it's the middle of the morning, right?"
"Then we'll just have to make them all the brighter!" Merry decided.
Franky considered that for a moment before shrugging. "Eh, always
did appreciate a good challenge. Come on, let's get to it!"
I grinned as everyone began heading their own way, and was about to join them myself, only to eat a sudden jab to my side. I doubled over with a woof of pain and glared at the still-giggling Nami. "The hell—
GRK!?" I was cut off by the navigator grabbing my collar and dragging me face to face.
"First off, that was for being inconsiderate enough to make me laugh because my
everything hurts right now," she grit out, her smile clearly pained. "And second, this is the best chance you're going to get to grab Merry and Vivi, duck out, and contact the Masons, so make the most of it!"
After only a few seconds of spinning its wheels, my brain decided that that was a great idea. So decided, I nodded and marched off, and Soundbite nodded at my glance to confirm that he'd already called our co-conspirators. I had just made it out the door when a thought occurred to me. "By the way, now that you've recovered, what was that new technique you mentioned earlier?"
"OH!" Soundbite perked up. "GASTRO-BARRIER,
a literal wall of noise. I JUST WRAP MYSELF UP IN A SPHERE OF
POLARIZED SOUND, and it DIVERTS
most of whatever damage comes my way. It's a WORK IN PROGRESS." He frowned. "
Case in point: I COULDN'T SPEAK UP UNTIL
THE END OF THINGS BECAUSE WHEN I USE IT, it eats up so much energy I black out."
"
Real useful there, slimeball," Su drawled as she trotted past us.
"
AHH, SHADDAP!" Soundbite shot back.
"Huh. Nice lampshade," I commented idly.
"ARE YOU
SERIOUS!?" my partner snapped.
"What?" I blinked at him in surprise, pointing at the piece of furniture I was referring to. "It goes well with the wallpaper, that's all I'm saying."
The gastropod swung his eyes to where I was gesturing, then swung a flat stare back. "
I can't tell if you're A SMART ALECK OR JUST really freaking stupid."
"Yes," I answered as I exited the ruined manor. "Now, back to business—"
"Cross?"
I paused mid-step, taking a moment to shove down my frustrations at being interrupted, and turned back towards the voice. "What is it, Lola?"
She flinched; I must not have suppressed my annoyance enough. "Ah, if this is a bad time—!"
I let out a hiss of exasperation and pinched the bridge of my nose, forcing myself to relax before addressing her again. "Sorry, sorry, I was just looking forwards to…
something. But, we have got a surplus of time on our hands right now, so I can talk. What's up?"
Lola perked up visibly at the reassurance and gave me her best grin. "Well, first off—"
"No, I won't marry you," I deadpanned, with… actually quite a bit of desperation in my voice, I'm not ashamed to admit.
"REJECTION NUMBER 4460!" chorused every Rolling Pirate in earshot, a call that echoed throughout the castle as it bounced from person to person.
"Well, it was worth a try," Lola shrugged before grinning anew. "Anyway… I actually wanted to ask for your advice on something. Assuming that the kings of insane plans don't mind hearing mine out?"
"Ma'am, you misconstrue us horribly!
Luffy is the grand supreme overlord of insanity." So saying, I swept my hat off and fell into a mock-bow. "
We are his humble generals. But still," I smirked as I straightened up and put my hat back on my skull. "You have our undivided attention."
"Heheh, fair enough," Lola chuckled in amusement before glancing away at the crowd of her crewmates. "Alright, I'll cut to the quick of it: Before today, I never really had a really solid plan in mind for what I'd do when I got my shadow back, because it all seemed so far off. Best I had was to get us all a ship and hopefully burn this place to the ground before running for the hills. But… your talk on the SBS, the one that punted this whole thing off? It… inspired me." A grin slowly spread on her face. "In particular, that last line you said to the maid
really spoke to me: 'By daybreak, Thriller Bark won't even exist anymore.' And it got me thinking…"
Those words
really got my blood going. I leaned in, intent on whatever she had to say.
"Now that Moria and his lackeys have disappeared and the zombies are all gone, and like your little buddy said, with the rising sun the curse of this island is gone too… Well." She gestured eagerly at the ruins of the manor around us. "Just look at this place! I may have spent the better part of my stay here in the forest, and I may have hated every second of it, but now that we're in the sun again? Somehow, I actually think that this emptied-out 'hell of shadows' doesn't seem like that bad of a place. And besides that, even after Kuma's assault earlier… it's still completely seaworthy."
Suddenly, she threw her head back and barked out a harsh laugh. "I never would have even considered this before, but you Straw Hats… after meeting you, fighting with you? I feel like doing something
crazy. As soon as my men have recovered and I get their OK, which I don't doubt I'll get? We're going to change up this whole island, from the ground up, and when we're through…"
Lola's grin was at the same time absolutely massive and incredibly vindictive. "We are going to spit on the grave of Moria's dream in the most poetic way we can think of. We're going to take this prison of nightmares and darkness… and we're going to change it. We'll take this hell, and turn it into a heaven!" She spun around to face me and spread her arms wide with a mad cackle. "Feast your eyes, Jeremiah Cross, because you're looking at the future site of the biggest, boldest, and above all else
brightest pirate haven this world has
ever seen! And that's a promise on my pride as Captain 'Marriage Proposal' Lola!"
If my blood was racing before, it was positively
singing as she finished, my mind flashing over the sheer
awesome of what I had inspired. Destroying the enemy's base was all well and good, but
stealing it? Defiling it by
redeeming it!? I couldn't quite bring myself to do more than gape and grin at what was going on. I mean, the possibilities of having an entire island like this in the hands of an ally were
endless. Of course, it'd be hard as hell for a single crew to pull off, no doubt, but—!
…but then… I had access to more means beyond my own crew, didn't I?
My lips slowly twisting into a maddened grin, I raised my hand and clapped it down on her shoulder. "Lola, your idea is a work of pure genius. But I think I can help you make it even
better." I stepped away and gestured for her to follow. "Come with me. I'd like to continue this in private if we could."
Lola blinked at me in surprise before shrugging and following.
We walked for a minute or two, exiting out into the marginally clear—if rubble-strewn—courtyard of the ruins. Directed by Soundbite, we easily located the spot where Merry and Vivi had sequestered themselves. And going by how Merry was vibrating on the stone she'd pulled up and Vivi had her hands folded before her mouth in thought…
"I take it you heard all that?" I confirmed.
Vivi hummed in affirmation. "It's… certainly feasible. Places like Mock Town fall into hives of scum and villainy because of a lack of any central authority, but with the Rolling Pirates and whatever other survivors of Moria who join them running things…" She shrugged. "Plus, I can already tell you want to get Goat involved in this, so yes, I can see this place remaining respectable. What worries me are the resources, though…"
"Oh oh oh, that's
easy!" Merry hopped in place eagerly as she waved her hand in the air like a toddler on caffeine. "She can use the wrecks! There are
loads of sunken brothers and sisters in Thriller Bark's bottom! Some of them are rotten through, sure, but others were way, way hardier, and their timbers and bodies are still good to go! Plus, I bet Ox can get
him to spare some muscle and skill to help with it, and Sagittarius probably has
loads of surplus he can funnel on the sly; we've got all we need!"
"Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves, we still need one last piece," I said, waving the hyperactive ship-girl down. Once Merry was down from 'ADHD chipmunk' to 'sugar high', I turned a serious face to Lola. "Captain Lola, from what I've seen thus far, I know for a fact that I can trust you. Implicitly, even. And with that in mind, I'd like to make you a proposition.
And not that kind."
"Damn," Lola swore, snapping her fingers. "Alright. You have my undivided attention."
"I would like to invite you into an…" I splayed my fingers against one another as I sought the right word. "Alliance, of sorts, with our crew. An alliance that incorporates several other notable individuals, all on the down-low, of course. Should you accept, not only would we be able to grant you the substantial resources you would require to accelerate the construction of your haven by a matter of…" I glanced questioningly at my co-conspirators.
"Years," Vivi offered.
"Decade to decades, easy," Merry corrected.
"But in the process!" I continued, starting to pace side to side. "We would also provide you with the extra manpower and liquid assets you would need to crew, govern, and maintain this behemoth of a paradise you envision. But of far more importance…" I tossed a mysterious grin her way. "You would be part of something
greater than either yourself or this new haven of yours. An undertaking, titanic in scale and scope, and extremely discreet in nature. And one whose goals, I believe, you would be
quite amenable to. And all that would be required for you to join this alliance…"
I offered my hand out to her.
"Would be for you to say
yes."
"…part of me is wondering why I'm surprised, but I still never considered this," Lola breathed as she stared at my hand. She then snapped a cautious stare at me. "Last time I accepted a free lunch, I walked right into hell itself. What's the catch?"
"Broad strokes would be that you help us in every capacity that a place like what you're envisioning has to offer, details will be specified once you join," Vivi returned smoothly, her gaze focused on her nails.
"And feel free to talk to your closest confidants about this. That's why we're here for Cross, after all," Merry sang, kicking her legs against her seat.
"Exploding offer, by the way," I warned her. "Technically goes bye-bye only when we leave the island, but the sooner you can—?"
"I am very interested, Cross," Lola interrupted. "And I'm certain that any investment involving you guys is going to pay off big time. So…" She grabbed my hand and shook it firmly. "Yes, I'll join. Now, about those details?"
I smiled, and wandered over to a nearby couple of chunks of rubble, where I sat down and placed Soundbite before me. "Knucker, if you don't mind?"
"
Dialing now…" the snail confirmed, and a few seconds later…
"
Pisces," came a low voice.
"Ophiuchus," I responded. "I and mine are still alive—" I winced as the new scar in my side reminded me of its presence by throbbing painfully. "—Albeit pretty badly tenderized all around. Details later, but for now, I've got big news, on the scale of Sagittarius. Contact everyone who's available and call me back, and if Goat is occupied, tell him it's priority one. But stick to codenames until I say otherwise."
The line was silent for a moment.
"
I'll be back in a minute. KA-LICK!"
There was a second of silence after Soundbite hung up, a second that Lola spent glancing around at my crewmates. "And you guys would be…?"
"Copperhead," Vivi offered.
"Cottonmouth~" Merry sang. "And Nami's Callie and Zoro's Sidewinder. You'll be learning a lot more soon, hope you've got a good memory!"
Lola nodded slowly in understanding. "And Luffy is…?"
"Uninvolved, but aware of our existence, as is the whole of the crew," I answered. "If they ask or really need to know we tell them, but…"
"They're focused on the adventure," Lola continued slowly. "While you deal with the wider world."
"
That's about the LONG AND SKINNY
OF—PURU PURU PURU PURU!—
IT!" Soundbite agreed, interspersed with the ringing. "
Wow, that was quick! LET'S GET THIS—PURU PURU PURU PURU!—
party started! KA-LICK! And you are live!"
"Ladies, gentlemen, and assorted dregs of society!" I grandiosely proclaimed. "Ophiuchus checking in here, with Knucker, Copperhead, and Cottonmouth at my side. Glad you all could make it, and I am just as glad to confirm for you all that
yes, we managed to kick Moria's hide. The SBS is currently delayed on doctor's orders in order to minimize the chances of the Marines coming calling for us, but apart from that, we came out clean. So! Now that that's out of the way, who's present at the moment?"
"
I'm standing in for Cancer while he's off handling certain affairs," Tashigi explained. "
Capricorn is occupied with her present assignment—apparently urgent—Sagittarius is on vacation for his anniversary, and both halves of Ox are occupied with their project."
"
Leaving Pisces, Aquarius, and myself on the side of the Divine," T-Bone wheezed. "
And Rooster and Monkey on the side of the Damned, with Goat present as well as per your request."
"
And authority matters aside, this had better be important; you made me walk away from a—! From some very important matters, and I'm iffy about letting P—! My second call the shots on it!" Foxy growled.
"Worth it for all involved, not to worry," I assured him. "For the sake of not watching our words for too long, I'll get straight to the point: I've found a new candidate for the Damned, and she's standing next to me right now."
"
Well, of course, Heaven forbid we actually recruit anyone notable without your help," Apoo groaned good-naturedly.
"
Chalk another one up for the Straw Hats! Haha!" Bartolomeo cackled.
"
I resent those implications!" Tashigi petulantly protested. "
Heck, I'll even have you know that Cancer and I have recruited a new possible addition to the Cleaners."
"Only possible?" Merry asked 'innocently'.
Soundbite ground 'his' teeth for a second before slumping. "…
we're still convincing the stubborn little bastard, shut up."
"As much as I'd love to use this to torment you, are you sure we can trust whoever this is? Where did you recruit him from?" I asked.
Tashigi snapped 'her' eyes up, but not soon enough to hide the gleam of murder in them. "
It's a very long story, weirder than some of the shit your
crew has done, and I've already had to tell it twice, and one of those times was tastefully redacted to hell and back. I'll give you the quick version after we deal with why you called in the first place. So! Who are we considering for membership here?"
Taking that cue as it was presented, I nodded to Lola, and she stepped up and announced herself. "'Marriage Proposal' Lola, Captain of the Rolling Pirates. My crew and I have been Moria's prisoners for the last three years, and are now free again thanks to the Straw Hat Pirates. I've chosen to claim Thriller Bark for my own now that Moria's curse is gone, and I intend to transform it from a hell for all sailors into a haven for all pirates, where they can dock, resupply, and overall enjoy themselves to their hearts' content. It's… it'll be a hard endeavor, I know, but—!"
"
Full approval!" Apoo, Bartolomeo, and Foxy all shouted at once.
"
No more going to Mock Town~!" Foxy sang joyously.
"
No more dealing with those assholes~!" Apoo sang in the same tone.
"
This is gonna be sweet!" Bartolomeo cackled in finale.
"'
Sagittarius-grade', he said…" Tashigi grumbled, before sighing. "
Alright, how much has Cross told you about us?"
"Only that you have the resources to sponsor my efforts, that the scope of your undertaking is literally global, and I think that if I couldn't figure out that this is a one-way street, I would be
way too stupid to be a part of this," Lola answered, ticking the points off on her fingers.
"
Then allow me to be more specific," Tsuru cut in. "
We are known as the New World Masons, assembled largely as a result of the efforts of Jeremiah Cross. Law enforcers and outlaws alike comprise our forces, allied for the same purpose: destroying the World Government and creating a world of freedom for all in its place, whether the 'all' refers to civilians or those pirates who aren't utterly amoral monstrosities… whose existence we few keepers of the peace have come to acknowledge."
Lola's eyes went wide as she took that news in. For several seconds, she was silent. Then her eyes hardened, and she nodded.
"I owe my life to the Straw Hat Pirates, and I've lived with a boot on my neck for the past three years," the Rolling Pirate Captain stated firmly. "Safe to say that the idea of a world of freedom is a
damn appealing goal to me. If I accept, what do you expect of me?"
"
Off the top of my head, the duties that would be expected of you would be simple enough," the elderly Vice Admiral explained. "
Setting up a pirate haven as you are, you will be expected to screen any pirates that come through, identifying potential recruits for the future as well as any pirates that would be best off arrested, and passing the knowledge on to us associated with justice. Discreetly, of course, so as to avoid losing the faith of your clientele. We will also expect the law enforcers among our number to be able to take refuge on your island if necessary, incognito of course. And naturally, you are expected to inform all subordinates you have that you can trust and swear them to secrecy. There may be other requirements, but those are the immediate ones."
Lola didn't hesitate before nodding this time. "That sounds reasonable. Alright, I accept."
"
Excellent. Your codename will be 'RABBIT,'" Soundbite piped in, his grin ear-to-ear.
Lola slowly nodded in acceptance, while I sent him a curious look. "I don't mind that, but why?"
"
BECAUSE HER NAME IS LOLA!" Soundbite snickered.
I hung my head with a tortured groan while a chorus of palm-flesh meeting face echoed across the connection, accompanied by a general rumble of "
Don't ask…"
Moving past the maddening in-joke, we proceeded to inform Lola of the current leadership roster, as well as the secret of my success. As we did so, she started gnawing on her thumb with a look of intense thought, her face screwed up in concentration. And then, when we were done…
Lola raised her head to look at me, her face… no, her entire
body blank, devoid of any tells. "What, exactly," she asked in a voice as blank as the rest of her. "Do you know about me?"
As off-putting as the sudden shift was, I was still able to just shrug as I responded.
"Not a lot; Nami befriended your shadow's zombie in the story, and you by extension, and you gave her a Vivre Card that belonged to your mother, saying she was a powerful pirate in the New World. The only candidate we knew of at the time was Big Mom, so there was a lot of speculation that you were talking about her, but… eh." I waved my hand dismissively. "There are bound to be countless others, so wishful thinking, right?"
Lola's blank expression quivered, her fists clenching and unclenching as sweat shone on her brow. Finally, she heaved a weary sigh and seemed to slouch in place. "You all have trusted me… so I'm going to trust you when I tell you that you're wrong. That's not wishful thinking in the least."
The air practically
shattered it froze so fast.
"
You're not serious…" Tashigi breathed, eyes wide in shock.
"No, I'm as serious as a heart attack," Lola said, shaking her head. "I apologize for not doing so sooner, but now that you all have introduced yourselves to me, I shall do the same in full: My name is
Charlotte Lola. I am the 23rd daughter of the Charlotte Family. The 23rd daughter of the only woman amongst the Four Emperors of the New World, and the ruler of the archipelago of Totland. I am the daughter… of Charlotte 'Big Mom' Linlin."
Dead. Silence.
Apoo was the first to react.
"
Apa… You are not
a guy who does things in halves, huh, Cross?" he swallowed heavily.
"No
shit…" I breathed right back, barely able to keep my jaw functioning.
On the side of the Divine, meanwhile, Tsuru was the first to recover, eyeing Lola with intense gravity. "
Under any other circumstances I would question your loyalty, and rightly so… but giving up a piece of Charlotte Linlin's soul, which the Marines have literally killed for
over the past three decades, to an outsider without asking for anything in return is enough to arrest my suspicions. Nevertheless, I must insist you share your story with us. A necessity, you understand; the last thing we need is for any nasty surprises to rear their heads down the line."
Lola sighed irritably, though thankfully it didn't appear to be directed at the Vice Admiral. "I left home for love… and a bit of self-preservation. A prince from another kingdom fell in love with me, and Mama was ready to give me away for the sake of the alliance that the marriage would seal; it's a common practice in our family, but I've never liked it. I left in the dead of the night…"
Lola scowled darkly, though there was
definitely an undertone of terror in her expression, too. "And I've worked to keep my head down since then to make sure that those
psychotic bastards I called siblings don't come looking for me. And trust me, that's
not an exaggeration. My brothers and sisters are some of the strongest pirates in all the New World, and while I might love my mother, she
fosters ruthlessness and violence in our upbringing." The New Worlder sighed wistfully as she gazed into the half-mist laden sky. "She wouldn't seriously harm her own blood, but if
they ever found out where I, a traitor to the family was…"
She shuddered before violently shaking her head. "From the time I left until the time I was captured by Moria, I've been laying low in Paradise looking for a husband. None but those who've been with me since the New World know my full name, and none have used it since we crossed into Paradise. Until our operations move into the New World—"
"Not
for a while, I can tell you that much," T-Bone coughed.
"—then I don't see my identity coming into play much." Lola scowled and slapped a hand to her forehead. "Though I'll have to
not advertise on the SBS lest they recognize my voice and come looking, damn it…"
There was a few seconds of silence as everyone digested the tale we'd just heard. And theeeen…
"
BWAAAAAAH!"
"GAH!" Lola, Vivi, and I all flinched in shock when both Merry and Soundbite suddenly started bawling their eyes out.
"The
hell—?!" I questioned incredulously.
"Th-That's so saaaad!" Merry wailed, Franky's influence shining through as she wiped away at her tears and
copious snot. "Having to abandon your own f-f-family to find lo-o-ove… don't give up, Big Sis Lola!"
"Riiiight…" I saw a sweatdrop bloom on Vivi's head as she glanced at Soundbite. "And as for you—?"
"BLAME THE HIJACKERS!" the gastropod snarled through his tears.
"
To think such t-t-tragedies could actually occur," Tashigi wept, lip quivering. "
Oh, you poor woman! Pirate or not, nobody deserves such a fate!"
"
IT'S JUST LIKE ONE OF MY NANNA'S ROMANCE NO-O-OVELS!" bawled…
Bartolomeo!?
"
Ye gods of the sea, Bartolomeo, pull yourself together," Foxy muttered uncomfortably.
"
Have you no pride as a man!?" Apoo demanded.
"Oooh, I dunno." An eager grin slowly slid across Lola's face, and she slowly sauntered her way up to Soundbite. "I quite like men who are sensitive! It's a good quality to have! You know… in a
husb—?"
"
BRO-TO-BRO ALERT: HELLS NO!" Soundbite squawked in panic.
Lola's widened, and she tried to wave Soundbite off. "Hey, wait a—!"
"
Hells no."
"
Not happening!"
"
THE SEA IS MY ONLY MISTRESS!"
"…sonnuva!" Lola spat.
"HEY, RISKIES!" I called towards the party that was happening a little ways away. "REJECTIONS 4461 THROUGH 4463, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!" The party roared with laughter and a sudden burst of energy in response.
"Damn it, you little bastard, that was the closest I've gotten in years!" Lola snarled at my snail.
"
Sorry, bro-code. Didn't have a choice!" my partner sneered in response.
"Slimy piece of—!"
"
And I thought we were getting good headway on serious business…" T-Bone sighed wistfully.
"
Quite," Tsuru tersely bit out, her tone dry but… matronly? Nevertheless, it served to quiet the sobbers, and she then turned her attention on Lola, her gaze somewhat softening? What the…?
"
Lola… you truly believe that your mother wouldn't wish you ill?"
"Eh? I don't believe it, I know it," Lola blinked, clearly confused by the question. "We're her children. Charlotte Linlin is a very dangerous pirate, I know that better than anyone, but she'd never harm us, her children. It's a fact."
Tsuru gnawed on her lip for a second before lowering her gaze. "…
two years ago, the Marines received an SOS message from within the boundaries of the Totland Archipelago. The sender identified herself as one Charlotte Macarron, the—"
"27th daughter, one of my younger sisters when I left, though I don't doubt Mother's had more!" Lola completed in a rush. "She was also one of the kinder and saner of my siblings! She sent out an SOS!? Why?"
"
Essentially, the same as you: Macarron desired to leave the Charlotte Family and your mother's crew, and she was even willing to defect to the Marines to see it through."
"Macarron…" Lola pinched the bridge of her nose, the following words tight. "She was always sweet, but never too bright. If she used an SOS, that means my family picked up on it too. She never made it, did she?"
"
I regret to inform you that that is the case," Tsuru nodded solemnly. "
I was part of the detachment that sought her out at the edge of your mother's territory. We found her charred remains exactly where she said she'd wait for us."
"Charred…" Lola repeated before scowling furiously. "Opera or Oven, one of those bastards."
"
Unfortunately… that is not the case."
The New Worlder blinked in surprise. "…eh? What do you—?"
"
We did not just find her charred remains, Captain Lola." Tsuru gazed dead into the Charlotte daughter's eyes through my snail's. "
We found her remains in the middle of a tract of land that had been incinerated
. Not just her, but everything around her for fifteen meters was reduced to ash."
"What?" Lola blinked again. "Wait, but that's not right, none of my siblings are capable of
that level of destruction. The only thing in the Charlotte Family that could do that would be—!" And just like that Lola
paled, her face going white as a sheet. "P-P-Prometheus…" she breathed weakly. "B-But he could only—! Th-That would mean—!"
"
Prometheus would only utilize its powers in such a manner on Charlotte Linlin's explicit orders," Tsuru finished gravely. "
I am sorry, Lola, but the facts cannot be changed: Your mother murdered her own daughter, your sister, in cold blood. And I have no doubt in my mind that if given the chance, she would do the same to you in an instant."
Silence fell, in which I could see that my partner and my co-conspirators were coming to the same conclusion that I was. To be specific? Even if we somehow unintentionally butterflied away Luffy declaring war against Big Mom as he did in canon, I was going to be waving
this little tidbit and whatever else I could in front of him to
guarantee that her little culinary wonderland
burned.
A sudden scream interrupted my murderous thoughts. Lola ignored the swords on her back in favor of slamming her fist into—
CRASH!
—strike that,
through the nearest stone wall. It crumbled to pieces, but she remained in place, her face shadowed and her shoulders heaving with every furious, shuddering breath she took.
"…
Upon further thought, we certainly don't need to focus so much on serious business," T-Bone said quietly.
"No!" Lola bit out as she snapped her head around, glaring daggers at the Captain through my snail. "No, I'll have time to mourn and rage and swear vengeance later. Right now…" She took a deeper, more calming breath, dragging a hand down her face as she fought quite admirably to suppress her rage. "Vice Admiral Tsuru, I thank you for informing me and relieving me of my misconceptions. Now, back to business."
"
Indeed," Foxy cut in. "
I see now why I, specifically, was called here; I have no shortage of manpower under my command, and conveniently enough, I find myself in sudden and dire need of a large-scale punishment duty."
Everyone digested that for a minute before Tashigi spoke up. "
Um, is there anything we should know about—?"
"
Oh, nothing, just a mutiny," Foxy informed us with a casual—if twitchy—grin.
"That doesn't sound like nothing!" Merry yelped in panic.
"
Ah, no, let me clarify. It was a mutiny, that was an utter INSULT
to proper mutinies on all six oceans! Who posts a notice
that they're going to mutiny THREE DAYS IN ADVANCE?!"
Lola blinked in surprise, shocked clean out of her earlier dark thoughts. "Er… are you sure that these guys aren't, too, ah… well, are you sure that they'd be of use here? Or… anywhere?"
"
Actually, they're perfect for it," Foxy huffed with a shake of his head. "
They didn't put up the notice because they're idiots; they put it up because their sense of protocol and decorum is through the roof. It's not intellect that they lack but common sense. So putting them to work in construction along with the many other shipwrights and craftsmen I can spare? You ought to make quite a lot of headway in very little time."
"
And tack on the resources that Navarone and Water 7 oughta be able to funnel your way too, with enough time? Fuhget about it!" Apoo cackled eagerly. "
Your place'll be up and spitting in the face of the Marines in no time, apapapa—!"
"If it even lasts a day, that is…"
"Eh?" I blinked in surprise, I and everyone else present all turning our attention on Vivi, the princess's head bowed in deep thought. "What do you mean?"
"Well…" This was serious, she was worrying at her thumbnail. "I'm sorry that this only occurred to me now, but… even
with the resources to build the haven Lola's proposing, what about the way to
protect it? I mean, think about it: the only reason that the Marines haven't leveled Mock Town by now is that, as we've pointed out, it is a
hellhole that's rotting into the ground and not worth the gunpowder it'd take to level it. Also, the pirates would just throw it back up anyway. The joys of the cheap wooden buildings.
"An
organized, well-fortified haven, on the other hand?" She shook her head in denial. "Even if it didn't come from hijacking one of the Warlords' home islands, the World Government wouldn't take the founding of such a place lying down, and secrecy isn't an option as that would defeat the purpose of a haven. Am I wrong?"
There was a moment of silence as we all pondered that, followed by all of us groaning in concert.
"Damn it…" Lola sagged in frustration.
"Come on…" Merry growled as she yanked her hood down over her face.
"
Seriously!?" Bartolomeo groaned miserably. "
I wanted a new watering hole that was actually worth
a damn! Is that so much to ask for!?"
"
In this world? Apparently so," T-Bone groused.
"
So, what, this whole thing is dead in the water until we can get a fleet or something to protect this place, or…?" Apoo trailed off uncertainly.
"
OH, IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM!"
I blinked in confusion, glancing down at my snail. "You have an idea?"
"
IDEA NOTHING, I GOT A SOLUTION!" he grinned eagerly. "
The defense of this place will STAY THE SAME AS IT'S ALWAYS BEEN, but better! WE'VE JUST GOTTA
strike a deal with THE FLORIAN TRIANGLE,
TO KEEP THE ISLAND safe."
"…
What," was the general response.
"I second that emotion, this is the first
I've heard of this," I said, staring down at the invertebrate with a complete lack of understanding. "Care to share?"
"
YEEEAAAH, SEE, HERE'S THE THING," Soundbite swung his eyestalks side to side in a would-be gesture of innocence. "
Remember how I woke up once dawn broke? I didn't wake up at dawn, I WOKE UP AN HOUR EARLIER. BUT I DIDN'T TELL YA
because I recently met and was chatting up A NEW FRIEND OF MINE!"
"And… that friend would be…?" Merry slowly queried, hesitation clear on her face.
Soundbite glanced over his shell, towards the fog of the Florian that was still hanging over half the island, and started whistling a few notes, that almost sounded like—?
"Is that… Binks' Brew?" I questioned incredulously. "What are you—?"
"
YEAAAAAARGH!"
"Wha—
GAH!" I was almost bowled clean over by our tyke-sized helmsgirl suddenly pulling a facehugger and latching onto my face with a screech of terror. "SONNUVA—GET! OFF! OF!
GAH!" I wrenched her off my head and held her flailing form at arm's length. "What the hell, brat!?"
"B-B-B-BIG!
BIIIIG!" she shrieked in response, flailing her arm frantically in the fog's general direction. I saw Vivi staring in the same direction, a petrified look on her face that looked… familiar? Oh, yeah, I'd seen her look like that back when we saw the Skypieans when they… were…
Dreading that I knew exactly what I would see, I slowly turned around, faced the mist…
And there they were.
"…Cross, please tell me this is another trick of the light,
please," Vivi whimpered fearfully, looking to be two seconds away from falling to her knees.
"I only wish…" I whispered breathlessly, not daring to move even a muscle. "And for those of you who aren't here to see? We're currently staring up at a trio of, ah,
silhouettes who are staring down at us with glowing red eyes. And when I say up…" I forced myself to swallow, a futile action with a bone-dry mouth. "Thriller Bark is about the size of a gnat compared to them. Making us gnats on a gnat's ass."
"
Holy shit…" Tashigi breathed, terror infecting her voice even over a hundred miles away.
"
Ladies and gentlemen," Soundbite had the nerve to purr in
Rod freaking Serling's cool and collected monotone, his teeth never shifting from their mysterious yet impish grin. "
Allow me to introduce you all to the three thirds that compose the Florian Triangle's tripartite consciousness. An entity that is several in its aetherial bodies, yet singular in its overmind. The undisputed lords of all that is within their boundaries. What you gaze upon… are the Obelisks of the Florian." The snail's smile took on a
lot more of his usual shit-eating gleam. "
FOR THE RECORD, I SUGGEST YOU ALL SAY HI. AFTER ALL…"
The fog-enshrouded horizon suddenly seemed to ripple and writhe, and the humans present all shuddered as the wind picked up into a light gale that sounded almost like a moan.
"
They just did! HEEHEEHEEhoohoohooHAHAHA!"
After a few stunned seconds, Vivi, ever the diplomat, hesitantly raised an arm and waved to the Obelisks.
A moment later, she proceeded to faint as one of the Obelisks suddenly sprouted a limb-analog and mirrored the action.
"…Soundbite. Speak," I managed to choke out as I fought to keep my terror energizing rather than debilitating. "
Fast."
"
Funny you should mention speaking," the little demon chuckled. "REMEMBER THE LAST TIME
I heard something speak WHEN I HAD NO EARTHLY RIGHT TO?"
I choked out
some kind of noise as I made the connection. "You're hearing them through the Voice of All Things…"
"
Hmmph… I suppose that I should have seen that
ability coming back to the fore where this crew is involved…" Tsuru muttered.
"
EEEXACTLY!" Soundbite nodded proudly. "
See, while I was sleeping off my exhaustion, the Triangle slipped its way into MY DREAMS—!"
"BAAAAAH!"
I jumped when Merry suddenly bleated in my grip… and saw her staring dead ahead stiff as a board? Wait a second… I tapped her cheek and adopted a deadpan expression when her whole body swung in my grip. "Aaaand Merry's just pulled a fainting goat on us. Apparently, she draws the line at eldritch abominations—"
The winds howled again.
"—Sorry, eldritch… gentle-abominations?"
Aaaand now it was a whistle.
"Eldritch gentle-abominations being capable of infiltrating our dreams."
Foxy 'surreptitiously' coughed out a laugh.
"Oh, like you wouldn't do the same thing?" I snapped irritably as I laid Merry out to sleep her terror off.
From the wet spluttering sound that came over the connection, that shut him up.
"
AAAANYWAYS," Soundbite rolled his eyes with a snicker of amusement. "
THEY GOT IN MY HEAD, woke me up, and I was chatting them up FOR AN HOUR BEFORE THE SUN ROSE. I WAS PLANNING ON SAYING SOMETHING LATER, BUT THIS JUST MAKES THINGS EASIER!
Neat, huh?"
"Can… Can we get back to the deal you were mentioning earlier?" Lola asked weakly. "These… things, these Obelisks, the Triangle as a whole, it'll…
protect the island?"
"
UH-HUH!" Soundbite nodded firmly. "
AND MORE! SEE, BEFORE, THE FLORIAN NEVER MOVED from where it is because it didn't feel like it, and as such MORIA KEPT THRILLER BARK FLOATING within the triangle's confines. BUT TAKE THE DEAL, AND THE FLORIAN WILL FOLLOW THE ISLAND WHEREVER IT SHALL FLOAT,
obscuring it from any who might seek to DO IT HARM! NEAT, HUH?"
Lola took a second to mull that over before glancing warily up at the Obelisks. "And… what would they want in return?"
"THAT'S THE EASIEST PART OF ALL:
JACK SHIT YOU WON'T ALREADY BE DOING!"
"
Uh, come again?" Barty questioned incredulously.
"
It's all about how the Florian itself works, see?" Soundbite raised his eyestalks in a proud manner. "
See, there's a bit of a misconception about the Triangle we all hold: it's NOT evil or dead. RATHER… THE FLORIAN TRIANGLE IS A MIRROR, REFLECTING THAT WHICH IT HOLDS."
"
Come again, again?" Barty requested. "
Clearer this time?"
"ALRIGHT, LOOK, IT'S LIKE THIS!" Soundbite rolled his eyes with a huff. "THE TRIANGLE INGESTS AND REFLECTS EMOTIONS!
Way back when it was first found, people were afraid of it because it looked creepy, AND SO IT REFLECTED AN AURA OF TERROR AND, EVENTUALLY, DEATH. AND WHEN MORIA SET UP SHOP AND CREATED THE HORROR HOUSE OF THRILLER BARK, the Florian reflected the darkness and terror being exuded, and was locked in the state that it's held for the past ten years. AND IF YOU JUST LEFT, ITS REPUTATION WOULD KEEP IT LOCKED THAT WAY
FOR ALL TIME… BUUUUUT…" Soundbite leaned his head towards me with a conspiratorial grin. "
WE ALREADY KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT. WANT ME TO SHOW YA?"
I tried to respond but the words died the second they left my mouth. Actually… that wasn't the only sound that died:
all sound in the courtyard slammed to a dead halt, right before a
barrage of sound replaced it.
"
Gather up all of the crew!
It's time to ship out Binks' brew!
Sea wind blows. To where?
Who knows?
The waves will be our guide!"
The noise from the party going on a short distance away suddenly became the only thing that we could hear. And as it filled the air, I was treated to the most surreal sight that I had seen in all my life: The Obelisks of the Florian, the
second most powerful eldritch beings I'd ever met in my life (so help me God, I actually have to
make that distinction) had all shifted in color.
Or rather, the
entire Florian Triangle had shifted along the color spectrum. The horizon encompassing fog rippled, and gradually but swiftly (somehow), it shifted from a bruised, eery purple, to a bright and radiant yellow. A yellow I recognized, even: it was the same shade the fog had turned to when our crew had started singing Binks' Brew while we were sailing through it!
Before our dumbstruck eyes, tendrils of the mist snaked down into the courtyard and metamorphosed, taking the forms of… of
people, dozens of them, dancing and celebrating and having an all-around good time. It was, it was
surreal.
"Ugh… what's with the noi—WAAAAAaaahuh?"
I glanced to the side and grinned cheekily at the sight of a newly reawakened Merry and Vivi gaping up at the sky. "Enjoying the show?"
"Are
you?!" Merry retorted, jabbing her finger at the Triangle.
Following where she was indicating, I found that she was right: I most definitely hadn't been. For you see, not only had the Obelisk's palette changed in such a way that their 'bodies' were yellow and their eyes were a light blue and shaped like happy, upside-down U's, but they were also moving, swaying side to side almost as if—
"They're dancing…" Vivi breathed in awe.
"
I'll say it again," Soundbite whispered reverentially. "
THE FLORIAN IS A MIRROR. IF IT IS SHOWN FEAR, IT WILL REFLECT NOTHING BUT
FEAR. BUT OFFER IT A HEART FULL OF SONG AND GOODWILL,
offer it cheer and joy and LIFE… AND IT WILL REFLECT IT TENFOLD."
"And that's what we'll be doing…" Lola breathed, staring up at the dancing entities with newfound respect. "So long as we keep our haven bright and full of life, then it'll stay with us and protect us so that it can stay the same way…"
She then frowned in concern. "But… even if the Florian
does stay this way, bright and cheerful, that doesn't mean it'll be pleasant. My crew and I, we've just spent
three years locked in its sunless shadows. Even without the fog's gloom, I…" She grimaced and clutched at her sleeve. "I don't know if I can
willingly go back to that."
The winds sang and whistled eagerly in response.
"
Easily fixed," Soundbite said, waving his eyestalk dismissively. "
LOOK UP!"
And indeed, those of us present did just that and were treated to the sight of the fog centered directly overhead of the island receding to give way to an unobstructed view of the sky.
"
Like I said, the Florian has perfect control of itself. YOUR SUNRISES AND SETS WILL ALWAYS BE A BIT BLURRY, AND THE HORIZON'S A NO-GO IF YOU WANNA STAY SAFE, BUT APART FROM THAT?
You'll never miss the sky again… UNLESS THERE'S A STORM OR SOMETHING, AT WHICH POINT YOU'RE SHIT OUT OF LUCK."
And just like that, Lola's face lit up, a grin stretching from ear to ear. "If that's the case, then I couldn't be happier to accept! Even Mama is unnerved by the Triangle, I won't have to worry about keeping my head down anymore! This is going to be great!"
Going by the way the Obelisks waved and whistled, I'd say they agreed with gusto.
"
Well, I, for one, am glad that this matter has been settled," T-Bone sighed in relief. "
Now, seeing as the matter of our latest base of operations no longer has any obvious issues to address, shall we move on to other matters? We have managed to assemble quite the agenda since our last meeting."
"
Actually, before we move onto that other crap!" Bartolomeo butted in. "
I wanna stay in the here and now for a bit! You can't possibly tell me that I'm the only one here who wants to know the story of the Straw Hats beating Moria!"
That drew a wince out of all of us present.
"Don't sound so eager, Barty," Merry warned him somberly. "This run around? The ass-whipping ratio was
way skewed out of our favor."
That little proclamation cast a gloomy pallor over our fellow Masons.
"
Do you… actually
want to talk about this?" Tashigi asked in a gentle voice.
I clicked my tongue as I clamped a hand down on my suddenly throbbing side. "Want to? I'd rather forget this day ever happened. But… we'll tell you anyways. Let's start at the beginning, with our plan…"
-o-
"And… that was pretty much it," I concluded with a defeated sigh. "We woke up a few hours ago and we've only just managed to piece ourselves together enough to start throwing a victory party. So… yeah,
not the most fun 24 hours of my life, I can tell you that much. Word to the wise, if anyone sees Moria? Shoot first, ask questions never. The world will be better once we're certain he's
out of it."
"
Apapa… I can't even imagine it…" Apoo said, incredulity and awe in his voice. "
To pull off everything you did and then take down a monster like that… Kid's an asshole, but damn if he wasn't right: your crew is the gold standard for this generation of pirates."
"Fancy words," Merry winced as she cradled her cast. "Doesn't stop the fact that we all feel like we were used as kickballs."
"You say gold standard, I have a few other choice words…" Vivi agreed, gripping her abdomen's scar.
"
Well, at least you all managed to survive. It is better to survive, even in pain, so that one might live to fight again."
"
You're the last person I wanna hear that from, WAX-FACE!" Soundbite snorted.
"
If we may proceed," Tsuru cut in, quieting any further commentary. "
Jeremiah Cross, I've heard many rumors over the years pertaining to the Warlord Bartholomew Kuma, but I am afraid that they are just that: rumors. Whatever truth there is pertaining to him or whatever contract he holds with the World Government, it is held at the highest levels of confidence. All I know for certain pertaining to the man is his previous affiliation with the Revolutionary Army—"
"Not relevant right now," I cut in, what with Vivi and Merry gaping at me.
"
And his Devil Fruit. Can you shed any light upon his true nature?"
I grumbled uncertainly, scratching at the back of my head. "Can't help you with much, I'm afraid, he was still a major mystery when I left, along with Vegapunk himself."
"
Who is jealously guarded by the World Government, above any Marine's head, blast…" Tsuru tsked. "
I would have liked to know how far his modifications go…"
"Now that I
can tell you!" I informed her. "But it's
not good news. To call Kuma a cyborg like Franky would be grossly inaccurate, because not only is Kuma leagues more advanced than Franky… he's more machine, too."
I bowed my head solemnly. "Back in my world, we had a word for what's happening: Kuma's being
cannibalized by his upgrades. Piece by piece, the man known as 'The Tyrant' Bartholomew Kuma is being devoured by technology. Flesh and blood, replaced by metal and oil. And his brain…
literally hardwired into complete and total loyalty to the World Government. In another month or two, Bartholomew Kuma will be dead; all that will be left in his place is a Devil Fruit-empowered android that will follow the World Government's every command. The ultimate soldier of justice: PX-0, the original Pacifista."
There was a horrified silence as everyone processed
that little tidbit.
And then, Tashigi swallowed heavily and spoke with a voice full of dread. "
The… original
Pacifista?"
I nodded grimly. "He's the
prototype. The first of an entire program of unstoppable, unkillable soldiers meant to uphold justice without hesitation or remorse, all molded in Kuma's image. They're not easy to make, mind you; to my knowledge, the budget for building one is the same as a Marine battleship, so the damage and fallout from Enies Lobby may have cut down on their numbers… but…" My fingers curled into fists as memories of fire and hell wafted through my mind. "They still found the money to build two
dozen, and you know as well as I do that they'll acquire however much they need to make more. Mark my words: the future is plated in metal, and it is marching forward every day."
Another span of silence. "
So… what you're telling us," Foxy bit out uncomfortably. "
Is that the World Government is modifying other humans the same way that they're modifying Kuma, turning them into—?"
"Thankfully,
no," I said with a sigh of relief. "From what I remember of what Sentomaru said when he took a few out for a test drive? Kuma was the only upgraded human. The rest were all built around corpses. Makes sense, really," I sneered derisively. "After all, you know what they say: Dead men tell no tales… nor do they ask any questions."
Soundbite's face twisted up, reflecting Tashigi's expression. "
I'd… I'd really
like nothing more than to move on from this right this instant,
but… but before we do…" She took a calming breath before giving me a hard look. "
Why didn't you mention this sooner, Cross? We might not have anyone in Vegapunk's labs, but scuttlebutt still exists, and we could have tried keeping an ear out for missing corpses, to estimate how many Pacifistas have been generated. This isn't exactly a bad thing, but… I just have to know, Cross: why wait until now to tell us about them?"
I found myself left completely flat-footed by the question. I thought as hard as I could about it, plumbing my mind for an answer, and unfortunately, there was only one response I could give. On that was weak, even to me, and yet
terrifying. "I… hadn't really thought about it until now."
Tashigi heaved a weary sigh. "
Cross—!"
"Or, rather…" I grimaced as I brought a hand up to tap furtively at my temple. "I
forgot about them."
And if
that didn't damn well freeze the air solid.
"C-Cross," Vivi breathed in horror. "Are you trying to tell me that—?"
"No no, not
that bad!" I quickly assured her. "I remember the plot of the story just fine,
that's easy, but… well…" I glanced away sheepishly. "Vivi, it's been almost a
year since I last read the source material. I can remember the plot with ease, but details… are you telling me that
any of you can recall the exact wording of a page from a book you read a
week ago?"
"Quite easily, yes," a voice offered from my shoulder.
"Beat it, ya photographic-memoried freak o' nature."
"
Everyone has a photographic memory, Jeremiah Cross. The difference is how quickly the photos degrade," Tsuru said, and I could
hear the smirk in her voice. As could everyone else, judging by the snickers.
"I have a foghorn and I'm not afraid to use it," I growled, bringing
that little episode to a close.
"
In all seriousness, Cross, I think our newest Cleaner may be able to help… if Cancer can convince him to come with us," Tashigi grumbled, before shaking her head. "
His abilities are a bit… esoteric, and you're not gonna have a fun time experiencing them, but if anyone can help literally
refresh your memories? Next to someone with a mind-based Devil Fruit, it'd be him."
"Uh, excuse me?" Lola said, raising her hand. "What do you mean by Cleaners?"
"
We cannot risk the knowledge of our organization spreading to hostile ears, so the few among our number capable of hypnosis or otherwise brainwashing have been tasked with ensuring that no such leaks occur by wiping the minds of any who should learn of us without being truly loyal to the cause, but who would also be best kept alive," Tsuru explained. "
And on a related note, I am grateful that you suggested forming such a group, Mister Cross. Were it not for your suggestion that I be a bit more innovative with my ability, I would have had to do something quite regretful a week ago."
"Oh?" I leaned forward. "Care to share, Vice Admiral?"
"
I would." Tsuru rolled her neck slightly before continuing. "
A week ago, I was approached by another Marine who had discovered our existence much like I had, and asked to join our ranks. This Marine was Vice Admiral Komei, one of my success stories; he didn't show much promise when he was recruited, but I allowed his commission to go through for his dedication, if nothing else, and he has more than repaid that faith over time. He's an honorable man, decent even, and a strong proponent for the strength of the common man; through ingenious tactics and his own rigorous training, he's downed even the most powerful ability users who have the misfortune of making an enemy of him."
"
A genius tactician, eh? Sounds like a Marine after my own heart," Foxy whistled admirably.
"
A genius, a powerhouse, and an all-around incredible leader! 'White Feather' Komei is one of the most respected Marines alive!" Tashigi gushed ecstatically, sounding on the verge of outright
squeeing. "
You mean to tell me he's a Mason now!?"
"
Hmph, not in this lifetime. I wiped his memory and sent him on his way almost as soon as he made the proposition," Tsuru snorted dryly.
"…
eh?" Tashigi blinked dumbly, her smile frozen in place.
"
Why would you—?! Ooooh…" Foxy grimaced in realization. "
Right, a tactician I would like, meaning… intellect combined with an enormous survival instinct?"
"
Exactly, mister Fox."
"
Someone wanna speak English for us normal yahoos!?" Bartolomeo demanded.
"
It means," Foxy said. "
That he's essentially a very big, very smart rat. If we'd let him into our ranks, he would have been loyal for a time, and then if he ever got a hint that the New World Masons would be going under, he'd jump ship and sell everyone else out to save his own skin. Not out of malice, but simply because it'd be the smartest move to make."
"
Precisely," Tsuru nodded regretfully. "
I told Komei as much, and he did not deny that it was a likely scenario. Still, he was very gracious in my rejection, and willingly subjected himself to the memory wipe. He walked away unscathed, and life continues on as normal, though now I have my eye on him, and I also suspect that this will not be the last time I see him. Hopefully the Tone Dial he recorded for himself in the future will prevent any… untoward
incidents."
I sighed, as did a few others. It was unfortunate, but, well, we couldn't count on everything going our way.
"
That really is disappointing, though," Tashigi wept miserably. "
His membership would have helped us grow our numbers much faster. So many recruits look up to him, especially since he got to where he is without relying on a Devil Fruit."
"I
seriously resent those implications…" Merry grumbled petulantly.
"We know, Merry," Vivi said sympathetically, before looking back at Soundbite. "Any other recruitments that we should know about?"
"
Well, one of our more ambitious plans has been to plant a mole within the walls of Impel Down," T-Bone sighed. "
Unfortunately, it seems to be as difficult for anyone aside from incoming prisoners to get into the gaol as it is to get out of it; the institution is not, strictly speaking, in the World Government's chain of command, but rather self-polices and handpicks its recruits with rigorous discipline. We cannot truly 'infiltrate' them as they are a closed system with nowhere we can feasibly enter. For the time being, I am afraid the walls of Impel Down are sacrosanct."
"Regretful, but…" I sighed in defeat. "That's life, I suppose. We'll just have to approach from another angle once we really have to."
"
A 'Get out of Jail Free' card would
have been nice, though…" Apoo sighed longingly.
"
Mm, quite," Tsuru hummed in a disapproving tone. "
Still, while we're speaking of Impel Down, there's something you should know. Something that Jonathan has recently discovered, and is investigating with the aid of the Blackarm Instructors."
"The Black—?" I sat up straighter as I made the connection. "You mean the Marines who
explicitly stone-walled Jonathan's offer to join us because they rightfully hate pirates more than the average
good Marine?!"
"
It's that
serious."
"Ulp." I tugged nervously at my collar. "And this discovery would be…?"
Tsuru's gaze became steely. "
There are prisoners missing."
"… er…" I glanced away sheepishly. "If you mean from Impel Down, I can—"
"
I'm interested in that and will
be addressing that later, but no," Tsuru shook her head in denial. "
I mean there are prisoners missing from Justice itself."
I turned that phrase over in my head every which way I could, but no, there wasn't a
single way that sounded good. "Explain. Now."
Instead of addressing me, the Vice-Admiral turned her attention to my crewmate. "
Princess Nefertari. I trust you'll recall the incident involving Prince Calidin of Thoulosa a year ago, in the Kingdom of Kazlok, the South Blue?"
"Ergh, I wish I didn't. I always knew there was something wrong with that little monster's head…" Vivi shook her head in disgust before eyeing the rest of us. "For those of you not in the know, Calidin was a
disturbed product of royal inbreeding who was high on the line of succession for Thoulosa's throne. And when I say disturbed, I mean 'missing pets and terrified servants' disturbed. But as a royal, it was all tolerated and swept under the rug… until one day he snapped and went on a broad-daylight
spree in the neighboring kingdom, Kozlak. Now, obviously the bastard was arrested by the World Government, but the Kingdom of Thoulosa raised a stink about wanting him back. It was a front-page sensation for days—!" Vivi suddenly choked off, her eyes wide in terrified realization. "Until… Until suddenly it just stopped. Any mention of Calidin disappeared…"
"
As did Calidin himself, in person and paperwork alike," Tsuru completed with the utmost solemnity. "
The mad prince of Thoulosa fell off the face of the seas."
"And… you're sure he wasn't discretely shipped off to Impel Down or…?" Merry offered uneasily.
"
Corpses and prisoners alike leave traces, but here there are none," Tsuru replied. "
Without any warning, the prince vanished and with him the entire scandal. And he is far from the only one."
Lola swallowed heavily, cold sweat gleaming on her brow. "H-How many?"
The elderly Vice-Admiral's lips twisted in a grimace. "
The better question is 'how long', and the answer… is centuries.
Over the course of the World Government's existence, there have arisen many individuals like Calidin: sensitive prisoners and criminals, who could not be executed or imprisoned through normal means without blowback or due to some form of extenuating circumstances. Some of these individuals were of political importance, others were 'mentally disturbed,' and would have been threats in both general population and solitary confinement alike… and of course, more than a few earned the personal ire of the World Nobles. What they all share in common is that once their incidents reached peak complexity, they vanished into the aether, never to be heard from again."
"…I'll repeat," Vivi whispered in horror. "How many?"
"
Since the start of this Age… several hundred, without a trace."
"
And… no leads, whatsoever? Nothing!?" Bartolomeo choked out.
Tsuru slowly closed her eyes. "
There is one thing. A single word, in a scant few locations, but… I doubt it to be random."
"
And that would be…?"
"…
Darkness."
"…the
one fruit that could explain it, and we know for a
fact that it's impossible. Perfect." I clawed my hand down my face with an angry sigh. Then I looked up again as a thought occurred to me. "Wait a second, what about CP9? This seems like something they'd do."
"
A reasonable assumption, but sadly one I have already exhausted," Scorpio interjected with a shake of his head. "
I have already asked Lucci, the oldest of the current generation, about those who vanished during his tenure as an agent, but he knows not a thing about any of them. It is possible he simply wasn't involved, but…"
"No, I get it, Soldier of Justice, if anyone would have been involved…" I hummed in thought. "If things were different I'd finger Aegis 0, but they're exclusively at the World Noble's beck and call, so they'd only fit if
all the prisoners pissed them off, but that's not the case…" I clapped my hands with a firm nod. "Right, this is definitely a deep rabbit hole, and I'd rather know where it leads rather than wait for something to leap out and gnaw at us. You'll keep us informed if you learn anything?"
"
Of course," Tsuru nodded.
"
AND MOVING RIGHT ALONG!" Soundbite piped up eagerly. "
BONEMEAL! YA MENTIONED TALKING TO LUCCI! I take it that means our favorite band of unscrupulous assassins NOW WORK FOR US?"
T-Bone's mouth twisted into a self-satisfied grin. "
After a fashion, yes. They contacted us two weeks after Enies Lobby, and most of them accepted the offer at the outset. Rob Lucci was a bit more difficult, but after some… persuasion
on my part, he willingly swore his loyalty to us. However, the moniker of CP9 is obsolete; they now call themselves 'Jormungandr.'"
Soundbite's eye and grin both twitched slightly. "
As in the Asgardian serpent of Ragnarok fabled to, what was it again… OH RIGHT! POISON THE HEAVENS?"
"They are
not subtle about their opinion of us, are they?" Merry smirked.
"
Actually, that name was my
suggestion as their new commanding officer."
I blinked in surprise before adopting a flat expression I prayed got through to T-Bone intact. "Come again?"
"
I have personally assigned the agents of Jormungandr to act as a, ah, precaution
, if you will," T-Bone explained succinctly. "
Should any of us or, heavens forbid, all of us wholesale, abandon our mission and turn our backs on our morals, they will see to it that we do not live to see many days past our betrayal."
"
WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!?" Bartolomeo yelped in panic.
"
APAPA! I'M WITH THE HOOLIGAN, WHAT THE HELL, T-BONE!?" Apoo wailed.
"
It's nothing personal, you dunces," the dilapidated Captain huffed with a weary roll of his eyes. "
And in case you didn't quite grasp my meaning, they're hanging over my head too."
Tashigi's eyes widened in realization. "
You… set up a Damocles Sword contingency?"
"
Precisely," T-Bone nodded. "
We are all influential and powerful individuals, and it would be too easy for us to abuse our power. Should that occur, I would prefer that we have someone ready to lay us low rather than allow our good memories to be sullied by our own actions. I trust you all can agree?"
Tsuru snorted rebelliously. "
I would have preferred
to be informed of such a decision before the blade was swinging over my neck, but, now that it is present, I see no reason to protest it."
"
You're kidding, right?!" Foxy whimpered, his face sweating like a stuck pig.
"I, ah, actually get where they're coming from…" Lola rubbed the back of her neck with a wince. "I mean, look at Moria. Before Kaido killed his crew, he was a pirate like us… but then, one bad day turned him into a monster. I don't know about you, but… if I could become like him?" She shuddered heavily. "No. No, I'd rather die first."
The other Damned were silent for a bit before grumbling out their assent.
"
Not like it's the first time I've had a gun to my head anyways," Barto grumbled reluctantly. "
Still don't like it though."
"
Look at it this way: You planning on doing anything really
stupid any time soon? And you know the kind of stupid I mean," Apoo asked.
"
No?"
"
Then ya got nothing to worry about."
"
Mrph, I suppose."
T-Bone nodded firmly. "
Glad to hear it. That all being said, I assure you all that that is merely their last-resort order. In terms of current operations, well…" The grin T-Bone bore would have sent most anyone else running for the hills.
"The Divine have given them an assignment we found… fitting."
"
Allow me to elaborate," Tashigi offered primly.
-o-
"I'm sorry, I
must have misheard you." Sengoku whipped his glasses off in order to better stare in disbelief at the World Government—
not Marine—officer standing before him. "You're trying to tell me that we have lost all contact, and there is no trace of where they are or where they may be? No snail calls, no notes, no sign of forced entry or exit in their bases? Because
that is what you imply when you say that they have
disappeared."
It was a true testament to the quality of the World Government's training that the officer showed not even a hint of emotion as he nodded. "I am afraid so, Fleet Admiral, sir."
Sengoku tried to remain calm. He really did.
"
HOW IS IT THAT NOT ONE, BUT TWO CIPHER POL UNITS HAVE DISAPPEARED?!"
But ultimately, it was a losing battle, and one that shook more than a few walls in Marine HQ.
Once his indulgence was fulfilled, however, Sengoku pinned the officer with a scathing glare. "I assume that CP1 through CP6 have already been assigned to investigate the disappearances of 7 and 8?"
"Cipher Pol 5, yes," the officer nodded in confirmation. "Cipher Pols 1 through 4, however, are maintaining their current operations, while 6 has been given other orders."
It didn't take a genius to make the leap of logic. "They're being put into hiding?"
"It was deemed prudent, yes," the officer confirmed. "Considering how they were the next to be targeted, we assume that so long as they remain untouched, CP5 will be able to investigate in peace."
Sengoku nodded in understanding at the valid precautions. Then he froze as a thought occurred to him, and slowly turned an acidic gaze back on the officer.
"Did anyone," he ground out. "Think to
inspect the security of CP6's safehouse before they went to it?"
The officer's response was to stiffen and then bolt out of the room. A silent but very clear
no.
"
Puru puru puru puru!"
Sengoku turned towards the snail on his desk, who was already sweating and cowering in his shell in the face of his rage. Breathing hard, Sengoku picked up the receiver.
"
If you are calling to report that the Cipher Pol 6 unit has disappeared, for the sake of your well-being, I suggest that you hang up now."
"…KA-LICK!"
It was a
testament to how much practice Sengoku had acquired over the past few months that he
actually managed to keep himself from blowing Marineford's roof off again. "Why the
hell did I want this job again…?" he lamented miserably.
-o-
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that's just poetic justice if I've ever seen it!" Merry cackled.
"
If I didn't think we were all completely insane before," Tashigi breathed reverentially, a goofy smile shared on Soundbite's face.
"When this comes to light…" Vivi slowly shook her head with a dumbstruck expression. "Th-There's just no better way to put it: They are going to lose their
shit."
"
That was our intention with the endeavor, yes," Captain T-Bone chuckled malevolently.
"…
Have I said recently that I'm very happy that I'm on your side? Because I am very
happy that I'm on your side," Foxy chuckled weakly.
"Who ya talkin' to, Foxy?" Merry leered. "Him, or us?"
"
BOTH!" both the fox and the would-be cannibal roared, while the DJ settled for cackling.
"Alright, moving on from this deliciously evil plan," I said with some reluctance. "Does anyone else have any topics they'd like to bring up?"
"
Actually, Cross, I have a plan in the works, too," Apoo offered. "
A plan to take our rivalry to a whole new dimension!"
"A little late for that, I'm already here," I snarked, and in response to the groans, I added, "Oh, come on, how many people have even been able to make that joke? But fine, what exactly are you talking about?"
"It's simple, really."
All present turned their heads upward at the sound of flapping wings and a new voice. The reactions varied: Vivi and Lola were taken aback, Soundbite's eyes narrowed somewhat, and Merry waved warmly. "Hi, Coo!"
"Coo!?" I myself stuck with exclaiming in shock. "What the hell are you—!?"
"We're talking about a head-to-head between the realms of audio and visual," the seagull smirked proudly, a smirk that was directed at my snail. "Long time no see…
slimy-crawly."
Soundbite recoiled in shock, letting loose a bark of laughter. "AIN'T EVER GONNA BE
LONG ENOUGH, FEATHER-RAT! STILL, THOUGH." He eyed the bird with an appreciative air. "
Glad to see you've finally grown a spine under all the fluff."
"Heheh, what can I say?" Coo chuckled as he landed on some rubble, dipping his newsboy cap down. "I'm done being on my best behavior. After all, what's the point when I'm about to undergo a change of profession?"
I jerked my head in shock. "Repeat that!?"
"
I've reached my limit on suspense for the day, can we get on with it?" Bartolomeo groused.
Coo's response to that was to look off to the side, his expression darkening. "How much do any of you all know about the Editor in Chief of the World Economic Journal, 'Big News' Morgan?"
I could only shrug helplessly. "Jack all, but going by your tone I'm gonna take a wild guess and say there's nothing good
to know?"
"Well, let me summarize," Coo snapped, beak doing the same. "The bastard is a pompous, overly fluffed
hack of an editor who has morning tea with Charlotte 'Big Mom' Linlin, brunch with any number of World Nobles, lunch with the Marine's Propaganda and Public Relations offices, and who prefers that his dinners be any honest and
good journalists, spiced with their own integrity, and sautéed and served on a
spit."
"Or, to summarize," Vivi offered, looking like she smelled something foul. "He's a headline-seeking glory hound whose pockets are as wide open as the pit of Enies Lobby. Trust me, it's standard practice amongst the nobility to cross-reference every paper ten times over."
"
Alright, he's an ass, we get it," Soundbite muttered.
"Undeniably," Coo nodded right back. "And as such an ass, we News Coos
really have no love for him. But, our whole life, he's been our only option for employment, it's how things have always worked for as long as we live, yadda yadda yadda…" He spun his wing for a bit before grinning and pointing a feather at me. "And then
you guys come along, and show us all something quite eye-opening: that the times… oh, they
are a-changin'."
"
So, a number of News Coos decided to look into batting for the other side of the law on the sly," Apoo picked up, his grin back in place. "
And they all had the smart idea that seeing as you're already busy with your own schtick, they oughta try their luck with someone like-minded and like-skilled, but different. I.E., ME! APAPAPA!"
"You're doing pirate radio. Well, we're gonna be printing and publishing pirate
papers!" Coo nodded proudly. "A journal that reports the truth, the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth, no matter what anyone says or how they try and stop us! Ladies and gentlemen…" Coo spread his wings and puffed his chest out. "You're looking at the ace reporter of the brand-spankin' new publication that's going to take the world by storm: the Free Feather Report!"
There was a round of vaguely pleased muttering that prompted Coo to slump over in depression. As a result, Tashigi speaking up caught everyone's attention.
"
Um… Apoo? Not that I don't love
this idea, because really, having an honest newspaper—and an alternative to Cross—"
"OI!"/ "
TRAITOR!"
"—
would be fantastic,
I'm assuming you've actually planned this out?" Tashigi asked.
"
Of course I have!" Apoo said, a touch of offense in his tone. "
I'm good at planning things for the long term!" His cocky grin remained in place for a few seconds before it faltered somewhat. "
Apa… w-when I have to be, anyways… A-And besides, the News Coos themselves had most of the groundwork laid out before they came to me! They just wanted me because my ship's a great mobile base for their paper, and I'm
almost as good a rabble-rouser as Cross!"
"Who, by the way, is responsible for us being so prepared in the first place," Coo picked up with a smirk. "See, ever since the SBS got started, a lot of the world's population has been wising up to the fact that 'dumb animals' isn't a very accurate label… in both senses of the word whenever the living snot-bubble is present."
"
I WILL give you a Muppet's voice, YOU LIVING DUSTER, don't think I won't."
"
Any-ways," the gull continued with a roll of his wing. "Ever since you started raising global opinion of us, we Coos have been getting a
lot of generous tips whenever we make our delivery, and we've been saving them up in a communal fund since a little before you burned down Enies Lobby. And considering how we're a literally
global organization with a population-wide clientele, well…" The bird's grin spoke volumes.
"
Holy shit… and our paychecks are worth how much
again!?" Tashigi incredulously demanded.
"
In light of this? Nowhere near
enough," T-Bone grit out in a long-suffering tone.
"Heheheheh, yeeeaaah," Coo nodded proudly. "Couple that with the fact that most of us are completely literate after doing our jobs for so long, along with help putting together the resources thanks to the On Air Pirates and Samson's Transponder Snail Palace, and you have the beginning of an independent pirate newspaper that's gonna match the SBS in both scale
and impact!"
"
Over a hundred Coos are already on our side," Apoo boasted. "
And at the rate things are going, not only will the first issue will be ready to print and publish in a month, two at most, but when we put it out, we'll be leaving the WEJ stripped bare
in the process. Like I said: get ready, 'cause this rivalry's going to the next level!"
"…Wow," was all I could get out, and weakly at that. I mean, really, what else
could I say? "This is… holy
wow… Nicely played, Apoo. Nicely played
indeed."
"
Apapapa! Gotta keep pace with you somehow!
Your captain might be my opponent as a pirate, but when it comes to raising hell, it's you I butt heads with! If you think I'm gonna slack off even an inch, you've got another thing coming!"
"Heheheh!" Coo flicked his cap's brim up, feathers ruffling in pride. "I'm betting that once this picks up, even your loud-mouthed pest won't be able to keep disrespecting us!"
"
FAAAAT CHAAAANCE," Soundbite drawled in a sing-song tone. "
YOU'VE GRADUATED TO THE TIER ABOVE
the rest of the world's feather-rats, I'll give you that. BUT THE ONLY BIRDS I'VE MET AND ACTUALLY LIKED are CARUE'S SQUAD
and Terry and Isaiah."
That drew a horrified shudder from the bird. "Oh, don't even
mention those two lunatics to me, I oughta peck your eyes out for giving them my name!" Coo groaned. "Ever since I stopped by Navarone, all I can hear is 'Swagger, Bear Glove, Swagger, Bear Glove.' It gives me a headache, it does~"
"
And there goes any chance of you CHANGING MY—"
"After all, every News Coo knows that none are greater than the Wing and Hammer flock!"
A pause followed those words. Then, slowly, Soundbite's face split into a grin.
"
Congratulations, NOW I like you," he drawled. Then he glanced at me. "SHOULDN'T YOU BE
headdesking right now?"
"We have established that I'm having problems remembering details," I said through gritted teeth. "Meaning I have no brain cells to spare. It is taking everything that I have to
not do it. Don't push me or I will use your shell as a convenient blunt instrument, both now
and in the future."
Soundbite recoiled fearfully before adopting a scowl. "
Why do you have to have an excuse that I can't argue with?" he grumbled before looking back at Coo, a curious look in his eyes. "BY THE WAY,
you mentioned that YOU'RE WORKING WITH SAMSON?"
"Yeah, but he's a silent partner," Coo responded with a dismissive wave of his wing. "He's privy to the details and he's open to providing whatever resources he can, but he doesn't want his name anywhere near it. We don't begrudge him for it."
"
That's good enough," Soundbite grinned. "
SEE… MY GEAR'S BEEN GIVING ME A FEW IDEAS HERE AND THERE. Specifically, in regards to my cousins…"
-o-
The most impactful meeting of the New World Masons to date went on for a while longer after that as we hammered out the finer details of the Free Feather Report, the abbreviated version of Tashigi (potentially) recruiting the new Cleaner, and the supply transference and security measures for the pirate haven, including rechristening it. From there, after gathering a status report on the new additions to our number—and between Navarone and Foxy, Lola wouldn't be short on helping hands—the meeting finally came to an end.
Our return to the party was eager, Lola to share the news with her crew, Vivi and Merry to enjoy the party, and me? Well, part of it was the party, but with our newly established bargain with the Triangle, I could start up the SBS after all. But there was one tiny detail I had to hammer out first.
"Excuse me, Cross."
I glanced at my side to see Funkfreed walking past me, snatching Soundbite from my shoulder in the process and with Lassoo on his back. Wait, what?
"We need to work something out, we'll be right back," Lassoo called as they headed into the distance. I stared dumbfoundedly for a few minutes before ultimately shrugging it off; if they didn't want to tell me, I guess it was their business.
It worked out anyway, I reflected as I walked towards the piano, where ivory bones were tickling the ivory keys. This… was something I'd rather do solo.
"Taking requests?" I asked casually as I leaned back on the piano with my elbows, my eyes never leaving the party. Or rather, never leaving the guests of honor who were located on the edge of the party courtesy of one of the said guests forcibly keeping the other in place whenever he tried to leave.
"If you can hum it, I can try and fake it," Brook mused, wholly engrossed with his craft. "Who knows, perhaps I'll even recognize that which you wish for."
"Then in that case, how about…" I glanced over my shoulder at him. "'What I Saw on Kuma Way'?"
"Yohoho~" Brook chuckled with honest amusement, his digits never missing so much as a note. "Ahh, but of course, you'd know. I'd have joined them, you know, but with how I was pinned by the rubble—"
"No need for excuses, I don't doubt you would have jumped in if you could," I interrupted. "Just… your personal point of view?"
"Ah, well, in that case…" Brook's empty gaze grew somewhat far off as he played on automatic. "I can only imagine what it must have looked like once, but to see it again up close, and worse… and
yet…" Brook followed my gaze, eyeing my fellow Mates. "They knew. They knew exactly what they were getting into, even before they took that first taste… and they did it regardless. Such bravery is only witnessed once in a generation, and yet I've seen it more times in the past day than I ever did while I still had my flesh. Truly, what a time to be alive…" His grin widened as he returned his gaze to the ivories, the music gaining a newfound uplifting tone. "And what peerless peers you have. They are both quite incredible, aren't they?"
And as I watched Nami keep Zoro in place next to her, laughing as he grabbed her cheek and stretched her grin out, all while she jabbed her finger in his side, I realized something.
"You're right," I breathed softly, pushing myself off of the piano. "They are incredible. And I'm gonna make sure that I never take that for granted again."
And so I set off. First to speak with Robin and Luffy, and then to go and get what I needed, so that I could do what I needed—
needed—to do.
Because after everything those two had done for me, both now and in the past, how could I not return the favor?
-o-
A fair distance into the deep forest of Thriller Bark, far from any prying ears, Cross's three amigos exchanged looks with each other. It was hard to tell what they were thinking, but it was plain to see that they were not, by any stretch of the word, training. And were anyone familiar with them in hearing range, they would immediately know that they were intent on nobody overhearing them. After all, for the first time in months, they were not speaking the human tongue.
[So, what's the deal with this secret meeting?] Lassoo asked cautiously.
[
And with you actually lowering yourself to our level to ask me to swipe you without anyone noticing?] Funkfreed concurred, before wincing and scratching the back of his head sheepishly. [Ah, no offense, of course, it's just that I've never actually
heard you speak normal before, so—!]
[Desperate—gugh, hold on.] Soundbite shook his head diminutive head, wincing. [Sorry, hard to turn it off. Anyway, desperate times, desperate measures. I…] The snail's expression crumbled sorrowfully. [I… can't risk someone overhearing this, but if I have to keep it to myself I'll freaking pop my shell…]
The two half-animals shared knowing glances.
[You didn't tell them everything,] Funkfreed deduced.
[And it's not light, either,] Lassoo chuffed, settling in for a long talk.
Soundbite nodded solemnly. [Don't get me wrong, Cross is… well, you both know what I mean, of course—]
The Zoans exchanged looks again, but this time they were shocked.
[—but… sometimes…] the Noise-snail trailed off, his gaze stretching off for miles. [Sometimes, there's just some shit you can't say to anyone…] He snapped a warning glare up at them.
[EVER.]
The animal-weapons raised what limbs they could in surrender, no small amount of fear in the movement due to the air around them suddenly buzzing.
Soundbite let the threat hang in the air before slumping in defeat. [Because if he ever heard this… I'm almost positive that it would
destroy him.]
~o~
And so the two started to walk off into the woods…
"
HOLD IT!"
Before a full-blown medley of their crew roared out in perfect synch. A kind of synch that could only be achieved by—!
"
Soundbite!?" they blurted out, spinning around to catch sight of the omni-vocal snail perched on a stray chunk of rubble.
"
YEAH, me!" he spat, panting heavily from the exertion of crawling from wherever he'd landed. "IN CASE YOU DIDN'T GET THE MEMO,
YOU CAN'T KEEP A slimy bastard down!"
"Will you be putting your life on the line as well, 'Voice of Anarchy' Soundbite?" Kuma asked.
"
NO!" Zoro barked at Kuma and Soundbite both.
"Soundbite, you can't! If you even
brushed that stuff—!" Nami started to plead.
"
How stupid do you think I am?!" Soundbite snarled indignantly. "
ACTUALLY, DON'T ANSWER THAT. The point is, I know that that shit would kill me. IT'S ALREADY GOING TO DO A NUMBER ON YOU two… AND I WANT TO BE THERE WHEN IT DOES.
I want to make a difference, however I can… for once in my life…"
Nami blinked in shock, her expression slowly shifting to pity. "Soundbite…"
"I COULDN'T DO
SHIT TO ENERU,
ONLY JUST MANAGED TO STOP THE WHITE FEATHER-RAT, and there's jack-all I can do for him now," Soundbite listed off in a dead tone. Then, he slowly lifted his eyestalks and gazed at her in tears. "
Don't… don't take this from me… please…"
While Zoro and Kuma stared back at the snail with vaguely pitying dead-eyed expressions, Nami shuffled over to him and pick him up. Wordlessly, she carried him back towards Kuma and Zoro, who were already moving alongside the spheres of pain.
They moved in silence, most of their strength focused on getting their legs to move, and eventually came to an area that had already been mostly flattened from the war against Moria. Zoro stopped, and Kuma positioned the ball of Luffy's pain before him and the one of Cross's alongside it.
Nami hung back, using her Eisen clouds to place Soundbite on a branch within the view of the action, but far off the ground. Then she discarded the majority of her staff, the clouds retreating inside, as she moved back to face her fate with a benign tube of metal clutched in a death grip. Kuma regarded them both for a moment.
"…You would truly sacrifice your dreams for their lives?" he asked at last.
"…We're Straw Hats. Any of us would sacrifice our dreams for the rest of us without a second thought if that was what it took…" Nami picked up, hesitating for a bare moment. Then her resolve crystallized.
"But it's not just that. All of us have dreams of changing the world; Chopper's going to invent a true Panacea, Robin's going to uncover the Void Century, Vivi's going to become queen of an entire
kingdom! And sure, we're making an impact…" She shook her head. "But Cross is doing
so much more. He's doing the impossible, taking a crowbar to a monolith that's been crushing us all for
centuries. He's started something incredible… and I can't, in good conscience, let it end here. Too many people depend on him, there's too much weight in his words. He just… he
can't die now. So…"
Nami's mouth slowly lifted into a serene smile. "If the price to pay for him to follow his dream is my atlas, a dream that someone else can and will pick up, and can and will accomplish? Well…" she chuckled self-deprecatingly as she scratched the back of her head with a projected air of nonchalance. "You know how much of a miser
I am, right? No way in hell I'd pass up that kinda bargain!"
"As for me," Zoro said, a smirk on his face that was somehow bestial as well as peaceful. "Kuina may be pissed at me… but I made my decision long ago. The World's Greatest Swordsman has already sworn his life to the King of the Pirates."
"Ehhh?" Nami glanced at him with a catty expression. "Is that so? That's not how
I remember it. Didn't you once tell me that you swore, and I'm paraphrasing here, that you'd
always follow your own ambitions first, and that if Luffy
ever got in your way he'd have to, oh what was it again… oh right,
end his life on your sword?"
Zoro smirked right back at her. "Have you forgotten, witch? I'm the big bad drunken oni. Who knows
what crazy shit I say, right?"
Nami chuckled lightheartedly as she looked back at the ball of agony, newfound life injected into her smile. "A witch and an oni, sacrificing themselves for the King of the Pirates and the Voice of Anarchy…" Her smile twitched ever so slightly. "It's almost like a bad joke…"
"You can take out the 'almost,'" Zoro growled as he double-tied his bandanna around his skull. "After all… we both know that the punchline is going to
suck."
And so, the Pirate Hunter strode into his captain's suffering, and the Weather Witch followed him into her own ordeal barely a second after.
What followed next will
not be described, for the sake of all reading, due to the universally horrific nature of the event.
And yet, for all that what transpired was horrific, for all that it was gruesome and terrifying in every possible regard, it did not leave so much as a trace of an impression upon 'The Tyrant' Bartholomew Kuma.
"Did they know that such banter would comfort them…" the hyper-advanced cyborg mused. "Or was it sheer happenstance? And were they attracted to him because he was a D.… or was such confidence inspired because he's
your son…?" He remained silent for a moment before sighing and shaking his head slightly. "In the end, it is not so much the 'how' that matters as what comes of it. The only true question that remains is how far he will be able to continue at his current level."
And with that, he fell silent and continued his vigil.
~o~
Lassoo and Funkfreed stared at the sniveling snail as he came to the end of his story.
[No wonder you couldn't tell Cross that…] Funkfreed breathed. [Or even
Luffy, for that matter…]
[If those two ever found out that Zoro and Nami put their dreams of the throne and a new world ahead of their own…] Lassoo muttered, more to himself than anyone.
[If they managed to come out of that without the knowledge completely tearing them apart inside,] Soundbite sniffed woefully. [Then the resulting butting of heads would almost
definitely rip the crew in half. I… I can't tell
anyone about this, you hear me? If this ever got out…]
[The end of the Straw Hats… and you're trusting
us with it?] Funkfreed said incredulously. Soundbite looked up, puzzlement on his face beneath the tears.
[Ummm…] The snail swung his eyes between the two in honest confusion. [No duh? Why wouldn't I? You're Cross's partners, too.]
[In case you haven't noticed, you've been a bit of a little shit to us the whole time we've been on the crew.] Lassoo only managed half of a deadpan, unable to fully hide his disbelief.
[I'm a little shit to everyone on the crew,
why would that mean I consider you lesser than anyone else?] the snail questioned in genuine bewilderment.
The two Zoan-weapons locked eyes, a silent exchange passing between them. After a mutual nod, they gave the snail reassuring smiles.
[Well, look, it's going to be alright, alright?] Funkfreed softly offered. [Nobody's ever going to hear about this, because you've gotten it off your chest, and we'll never say squat.]
[I mean, come on,] Lassoo chuffed, the vocalization shaking his bulky frame. [You
know what we did way back when. If there's anyone who knows a thing or two about keeping mum, it's us. You've done everything right, so now all that's left is to—]
[Let it go?] Soundbite finished with a shaky smile. He bowed his head and chuckled, shaking his eyestalks. [Heh… never thought I'd draw comfort from
that earworm, especially after Aokiji…] He held his position for a bit before perking up. [Ah… say, seeing as we've still got some time… wanna go fortify that excuse into an actual fact? I wouldn't mind some feedback on the best frequency to vibrate you at for maximum damage.]
Funkfreed nodded proudly, picking the snail up with his trunk. [You got it…
partner.]
And with that, the trio started to make their way out of the depths of the forest they'd ensconced themselves in, but after taking a few steps, Lassoo slowed his pace and lagged behind, sniffing inquisitively at the air.
He kept his nose raised for a few seconds, but ultimately chuffed dismissively and loped back up to his fellow weapon before either of the animals could notice his absence.
Of course he'd noticed their tail, how couldn't he? Even if Soundbite was too absorbed in his grief and self-loathing to pay attention, Lassoo had sniffed them out as soon as they'd started hanging around at eavesdropping distance. But really, it was no problem. After all, if there was one person on the crew the dog-cannon trusted to be circumspect under the right circumstances, then it was definitely this one.
-o-
[Guuuuh, damn it damn it
damn it,] a certain peeved gull cursed to himself as he flapped his way back down onto the island-ship once known as Thriller Bark. [Doing something so
rookie as forgetting to deliver the damn paper?! I know that we're breaking ties with that over-fluffed moron and I know that his rag's barely worth lining my roost with, but
still! Bah, with any luck he'll at least gimme a good tip or
somethi—WAGH!]
Without any forewarning, the coo was suddenly knocked clean out of the air by something small and furry and
fast shooting out of the window of a structure that was still standing,
tackling him in midair. The impact knocked the wind out of Coo's sails, and more importantly, the rhythm out of his wings, sending both himself and his attacker plummeting to the earth.
The bird slammed into the ground with a "
Woof!" of pain, and the second he got his bearing back he started scrambling desperately to get his wings back in motion.
[Don't.]
[Urgh!] Coo winced when a heavy weight landed on his chest and, more importantly, a paw slapped down onto his neck and held him in place.
[Don't move,] his attacker intoned. [Don't cry out for help, and don't give me any shit, or I swear that I will
ground you permanently. Do I make myself clear?]
[Ggh… w-what the hell—? Who are—?] Coo cracked his eye open and tried to twist his head around to get a glance at his attacker. He promptly blinked in shock when he actually
recognized both what
and who had him pinned. [What the—
Cottontail?!]
[In the flesh,] the fox responded coolly, her normally squinting eyes opened enough to pin the newsbird with enough ice to give Fire Fist Ace a nasty case of frostbite.
[Wh-What's the big idea?] the bird squawked indignantly, trying and failing to get some leverage to move. [I've been nothing but helpful to your crew—!]
[And you're going to give us a little
more help,] the cloud fox calmly interrupted. [Specifically, you're going to help
me, and you're
not going to let anyone else on the crew know about it,
especially Soundbite. If anyone ever finds out, I will track you down and feed you your own beak. Are we clear?]
Something in Su's tone gave Coo pause, and after a moment he nodded frantically. [Alright, alright, my beak is sealed! Now let me up, damn it!]
The fox quickly acquiesced, stepping off the gull, and immediately began barking out a blue streak when he flapped into the air. [SON OF A—!]
[Oh, calm down, I'm not going anywhere,] Coo groused as he landed on a nearby piece of rubble, well out of Su's reach. [I just want to actually talk to you
without giving you the chance to bite my head off if I say anything you don't like. And before you say anything, this isn't just for my sake, I'm
actually worried about you.]
Su twitched in place, honestly taken aback at that. [Wh-What? What are you—?]
[You're a
Straw Hat Pirate,] Coo snapped impatiently. [For all that you guys
love to screw around and be smartasses, you're also almost all genuinely good people. You wouldn't do something like this unless the reason for it was serious, and I'm not doing anything until I know what that reason is. So talk.] The bird's gaze softened, ever so slightly. [What's this about?]
For a second, Su fought a very visible war with herself, her diminutive frame shaking and twitching as her pride clashed with her pragmatism. Neither won; she slumped, defeated as the weight of the past twenty-four hours crushed both sides wholesale. [My best friend, Conis, is enamored with Cross,] she whispered in a broken tone.
Coo blinked, trying to make sense of the sudden non-sequitur. [That's… ah…? I'm… happy for her? Happy for me too, seeing as it means I win that thousand-to-one betting pool—!]
[Not
romantically, you moron!] Su snarled at the bird, hackles drawing back in a momentary burst of energy. [She
admires him in a mostly platonic way and that's
it!] And then, as fast as it came, the energy left Su and she shrank in on herself. [Cross… Cross was the entire reason Conis became a pirate. She admires Cross as an inspiration; his tenacity, his intelligence, his will to go forth and venture, she holds them all up as the standards that she aspires to every day.] Su's head drooped as she sighed. [And… she's not alone…]
Coo's eye-feathers shot up as he connected that with the oddly specific threat she'd pinned him with earlier. [
You admire
Soundbite?]
[How could I
not!?] Su demanded incredulously, sounding as though she were on the verge of tears. [He's just a snail, for crying out loud; his physical abilities are jack, he's rock bottom on the food chain, he's barely bigger than my paws, he's not even two years old, and in
anyone else's limbs, his powers would be practically
useless… and he's
still earned every
beri of his bounty! He's defiant in the face of the world's dangers, he fights like a wolf even when against a Sea King, and…] She sagged in defeat. [And he never,
ever fails to support his partner… no matter what…]
Another piece fell into place for the gull. [This is… about Eneru, isn't it?]
[Cross gave Conis the chance to see the world,] Su whispered tearfully. [Soundbite let me
fight. He gave me a voice and a chance to ask for help, when in the past all I could do was suffer in silence, incapable of lifting a
paw as my best friend in the whole world
died, a little bit more each day. He gave me the courage I needed to leave the only home I've known my whole life, and support Conis as we sail through every kind of hell imaginable. That snail… h-he's more than one of my best friends… he's my
hero…]
Coo remained silent, unsure how to respond to such an explanation and not wanting to risk the cloud fox getting angry again. That seemed to be a fool's goal, however, as the fox slowly uncurled and looked at him, cold fury back in her eyes.
[He's my hero… and today, he was made to feel
worthless,] she bit out. [Not ten minutes ago, he was brought to tears at the mere memory of what we endured. What he went through? It's
never going to leave him. I'm never going to be able to look at him again without remembering how low this day brought him… and I
refuse to ever see him that way again if I can help it. But…]
She glanced away, scowl still marring her features. [The fact is that I literally
can't help it. I can talk as big a game as I want, but at the end of the day I'm just a small fox with a big mouth, and unlike Soundbite, I
can't make that work.]
She kept her position for a bit before slowly looking up at Coo, the scowl now steely with determination. [And that's where
you flap in.]
Coo flinched back, more than a bit unnerved by the sheer conviction in the fox's gaze. [And… what do you think
I can do to help with that?]
The gaze cooled off as Su sat down on her haunches, her tail lashing back and forth. [You not only work for an organization made to gather information, you're founding one yourself. Your flock is spread all over the world, and you're going to put each and every last one of them to work, finding me
exactly what I need to stand a fighting chance in this mad world of ours, and actually make a damn
difference.]
Coo thought it over for a moment before slowly nodding his acceptance. [And… what they'll be looking for would be…?]
[An old legend. One that my mother told me when I was a kit. One that all foxes, no matter where they're from and despite all the endless variations and mutations, know by heart.]
Su's eyes cracked open, shining from within.
[You're going to find me
everything you possibly can on the Children of Inari.]
-o-
I've gotta admit, even after living in this world for somewhere over half a year now and living through the craziest and most unique experiences imaginable? I might not have a dearth of experience in the field of such things, but I'm
certain that there isn't anything in the world quite like a Straw Hat party, victory or otherwise.
And I'm certain that these parties are unique because nowhere else in the world will you find sights or experiences even remotely similar to what a Straw Hat party has to offer.
Nowhere else will you find a Five-Star East Blue cook from the North Blue fending off a rubber captain from the buffet with kicks capable of shattering concrete, all while lovingly serving whatever female might come by him
and tossing measured portions of food down the aforementioned captain's mouth whenever the opportunity presented itself.
Nowhere else will you find a tengu-nosed sniper leading whoever he possibly can in seventy unique songs all praising his crew, with a living skeleton providing background music.
Nowhere else could you find a band of martial-arts-practicing dugongs trying to wrestle a sleep-walking scientist that is also a mad doctor into submission, while an artillery-toting angel scrambles with said mad doctor's bag to find something to put him back down.
And
certainly nowhere else in the world will you find a demon-witch tangling with a monster-oni on a couch on the outskirts of said party. Or, rather, a monster-oni snapping at the demon-witch who was baiting him while wearing a grin befitting a certain gaseous feline.
"Still don't get why
you get off scot-free, while Luffy's still riding my ass and calling me an idiot! Him! Calling
me an idiot!" Zoro groused, scowling furiously into the bottle he was holding with the hand Chopper hadn't triple-bandaged to his chest.
"Well, while I'll admit that Luffy calling you that
is a bit hypocritical…" Nami grinned cattily as she stretched her threaded fingers above her head, only slightly hampered by the bandages that had been freshly applied to her arm. "I think I can give you an honest and completely logical reason as to why I'm being left alone."
"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to want to cut you?" Zoro grumbled, his scowl twitching into a half-smirk.
Nami's grin grew in both size and innocence as she got on her knees and pushed her head into the First Mate's personal space, the image only emphasized by the halo of pure white shining around her. "Because I am a cute and adorable lamb of innocence, who can do no wrong~" she practically
sang to him.
"I resent that!" Merry called from nearby, not pausing in her consumption of an entire barrel of hot pitch.
Zoro, meanwhile, turned his head to the navigator entirely and butted his forehead with hers, a rictus grin on his face, a vein bulging on his temple and murder gleaming in his eyes. "The shit cook is currently occupied with our idiot captain. What the hell is keeping me from doing what I should have done a long time ago and kicking your ass right here, right now?"
Nami's eyes cracked open and her grin grew malevolent as her halo darkened ominously. "Because if you do, I will fry your smarmy ass into a briquet and use your ashes to fertilize my
beloved tangerines."
Zoro's own grin widened significantly as his free hand started to drift towards Wado. "Bring it—!"
"WELL, NOW!"
"
GAH!"/"HOLY—!"
My erstwhile superiors promptly almost sent themselves tumbling ass-over-teakettle when I suddenly leaped over the back of the couch they were sitting on and landed between them.
I gave the pair my best winning grin as I watched them scramble to get their composure back. "You two are acting quite lively! Feeling better, I take it?"
My cheeky smile remained in place even as Zoro's hand slapped me upside my head. "Good enough to kick your ass twice over," he growled good-naturedly at me.
And it still didn't change when Nami gave me her own brand of 'attention' in the form of a chop to the skull. "And make it
thrice for me!" she laughed, sounding like she was more than a little drunk on the atmosphere.
Amused chuckles sprang from my throat as I received proof that my friends were hale and hearty. Once they subsided, I glanced at the fresh bandages on Nami's arm. "So, I take it you got your tattoo touched up?"
Nami hesitated briefly before adopting a light smile as she ghosted her fingers over the bandages. "Ah… yeah, yeah I did. It'll take a week or so for the scars and ink to finish settling, but… yeah." She nodded, before continuing with considerable more conviction. "Yeah, good as new!"
"Great!" I clapped my hands and rubbed them together eagerly. "Well, if that's the case, then what say the three of us celebrate, eh?" And with that, I dug through my bag and withdrew the items I'd temporarily left the party to gather.
It wasn't anything special, really. Just a small bottle of sake and three saucers, perfectly average.
Still, however average the items were, Nami and Zoro took one look at them and froze up, looking like they'd seen a flying purple people eater sprout from the table.
Don't ask me how I know what that looks like. Seriously, South Blue tequila:
never again.
"Uh, Cross?" Zoro said, cold sweat shining on his brow. "I, ah, this could be a cultural thing or something, but this is—!"
"Eh?" I hummed idly, my innocent smile not shifting an inch as I filled all three saucers, with plenty of overlap between them. "You say something?"
Zoro fell silent as for
once he read between the lines, and Nami picked up the torch in his stead, snapping her head around in frantic desperation. "Cross, I-I don't think Robin would—!"
And then our navigator's words died in her throat when she caught our archaeologist's eye, and her only reaction was to smile knowingly and raise her glass in toast, a motion that Luffy eagerly mirrored with his own frothing mug of… what I
really hoped was Cola. Drunk Luffy is not something the world will ever be prepared for.
Nami held her open-mouthed stare for almost a minute, and when she finally returned her gaze to me, I met it with a saucer raised in salute. "Cheers?" I offered.
It took a few minutes before their shock finally grew numb enough that they could respond with any semblance of composure.
"You
are serious about this, aren't you?" Nami softly stated.
I could only keep my cheeky grin up for a moment longer, at which point I slowly sobered up. Gazing into my saucer, I traced the bottom of the cup through the clear liquid. "Ever since I came here," I said softly. "You two have stuck by my side. Through thick and thin, hell and high water… through every troubled time, all the heartache and pain. You've only ever doubted me with damn good reason and have
never let me down. And then today you put your lives on the line for me… and… and…" I swallowed heavily before saying what I had to. "If you… honestly agreed to do this… this downright
crazy thing with me… I would be honored and
privileged… and I
swear that I will stand by you through every inch of whatever comes next… just as I know you'll stand by me."
Nami stared at me with wide eyes, every gear in her brain visibly turning at full speed in an effort to make sense out of everything I'd just…
poured out to her. And finally, her expression still dumbstruck, she slowly raised a finger to point at me. "You," she breathed in a low tone, her voice raw with emotion. "Are an insufferable
bastard. And
you—" She snapped her attention to Zoro. "Are a suicidal
moron…"
And then she scooped her saucer up, head shaking. "And God help me, I'm worse than the both of you combined because for the life of me I can't think of anywhere else in the world I'd rather be!" she spat out in a single breath.
Zoro mulled that over for a bit before heaving a sigh of defeat. "Well, you're right about one thing…" The swordsman leaned over and raised his saucer, smirking all the while. "Only someone with a real death wish would agree to try and keep you clowns safe."
I slowly looked between the two, scarcely able to believe it, to believe that they'd
actually agreed to this, and when I did, I steeled my gaze and nodded firmly. "OK… OK then. Let's do this. On the count of… ah, screw it!" And with that I knocked my saucer back, my fellow officers doing the same moments after.
We all drained our cups, holding our positions for a few moments…
"GAH!"/"HOLY HELL!"/"URGH!"
Before we all hunched forward as we suddenly experienced the
wonderful sensation of having our faces kicked in by a heaping helping of—!
"THAT WAS
VODKA, YOU JERK!" Nami and Zoro raged at me together, slamming the back of my skull at the same time, not that I could
notice at the moment!
"Not my fault! Who puts
vodka in a
sake pitcher!?" I wheezed, massaging my burning throat. "And aren't you two supposed to be our resident
anti-drunks?!"
"Not against
South Blue COMЯADE-grade Spirits!" Nami hacked, furiously wiping tears from her eyes.
"Those ice-toting bastards use it to tan
Sea King hides!" Zoro choked out.
"Alright, alright, my bad," I conceded, waving him off. "Should I, what, go and get an actual bottle and we try again or—?"
"NO NEED!"
"GAH!"
We all jumped when Luffy suddenly bellowed from the rafters, where he was swinging like the animal that gave him his surname.
"YOU GUYS DID IT!" our captain whooped. "CONGRATS, ALL OF YOU! C'MON!
PARTY HARDER!"
We all stared at him and the intensifying celebrations before collapsing bonelessly onto our couch.
"That sucked soooo hard…" I breathed through my still-burning throat, my eyes clenched shut.
"Yeah…" Nami and Zoro nodded in agreement, in much the same state.
I paused for a second as I considered things before tilting my head slightly. "…either of you regret it?"
Even without looking, I could
tell that the pair had both adopted shameless smiles. "
Nope."
"Yeah…" I could tell, because I'm pretty sure I had one myself. "Me neither."
And that, as they say, was that.
-o-
"
Don don don don!"
"Oh, thank goodness," Kaya sighed in relief, laying aside the pen that had been writing her thesis on Devil Fruit-inflicted illnesses as Merry moved to pick up the snail. "I was starting to get worried with the delay."
"Given that they seemed to have all but won when last we heard them, I will admit to sharing the sentiment, Miss Kaya," Merry responded as he dutifully made his way to his master's side with snail in hand—or on-platter, as it were. "But it
is Luffy and his comrades. I suspect that they've earned
some modicum of faith, no?"
"Just to confirm, when you say Luffy…" Kaya spread her fingers against each other as she raised her gaze heavenward. "You mean the
brilliant young man who got lost on his way to the north shore because he thought he was supposed to head in the direction that felt
coldest, yes?"
Merry chuckled… well, sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "Point taken, m'lady: Faith with a grain of salt."
"A lot of salt!"
"A big pile of it!"
"The whole shaker!"
Both mistress and servant looked to the window to see the Veggie Trio perched on Usopp's old branch outside.
"One day I'm going to pour syrup on that branch, just to see how you three react…" Merry mused thoughtfully.
"One day!" Pepper laughed.
"But not today!" Carrot snickered.
"Now c'mon, c'mon! Pick up already!" Onion whined.
"Patience, boys," Merry chuckled, removing the receiver from the snail. The sounds that came out removed what tension remained among them; it was easy to pick out the sounds of a party going on in the background.
"—
take one down, pass it around, no more bottles of rum on the wall! So, how many of you believe that I actually made it all the way down from a thousand bottles?"
The occupants of the room all glanced at each other.
"No way he did that," Onion finally said. "It'd take him, like, five hours to do that! Even Cross wouldn't talk for five hours straight."
"Well, I don't know about that…" Merry hedged. "Jeremiah Cross does love to talk. But I do agree that singing down from a thousand bottles is unlikely."
"Also, how did you get to five hours, Onion?" Kaya asked.
The boy immediately flushed, not-so-surreptitiously glancing towards his buddies. "W-Well, I saw how long it takes to count to a thousand in a book somewhere—"
"Neeeeeerd!"
"—a-and then I timed one of the verses and did a little math—"
"
Neeeeeerd!"
"
Well, the answer should
be obvious, but for now?" Cross grinned cockily, saving Onion from further embarrassment. "
We have more important matters to attend to—WHAAAH!" Suddenly, the feed was overwhelmed by a choked squawk. "
WHAT ARMMPH!" This was followed by the snail the pirate was talking to gagging on its own tongue.
"
RISKIES! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU—mmph?!"
"
Got them both gagged!" a foreign voice cackled impishly. "
Rolling Pirates, altogether now!"
"
START THE SBS!"
"GAAAH!" Cross bellowed, veins bulging on the snail by proxy. "I'M GETTING FREAKING SICK OF PEOPLE DOING THAT TO ME!"
"
GET BACK HERE, YOU TWO! TAKE YOUR BEATINGS LIKE MEN!"
"They're gonna get it!" the ex-Usopp pirates sang, Kaya and Merry snickering in agreement.
"
Alright, fine. You want to play hard to get? FUNKFREED, PACHY-RIOT!"
The laughter cut off into somewhat confused awe when the snail started transmitting the noise of a
lot of rushing, cannoning water all at once.
"…Oh, dear," the five said together.
-o-
"Huh, so Moria actually kicked it?" Charlotte Pudding mused to herself as she stirred a bowlful of chocolate. For the most part, listening to the SBS was just background noise while she laid foundation for a new building she was planning to add to Cacao Island. "Sheesh, and after Crocodile went down, too? Either the Straw Hats are really just that strong… oooor the Paradise Warlords are just a bunch of weak bitches, and Hancock doesn't count because she's in the Calm Belt." She glanced over at her personal homies. "What do you guys think?"
Nitro and Rabiyan glanced at one another, and the returned to grinning blankly at their mistress.
"Little bit of both?" Pudding nodded. "Yeah, you're right, probably a bit of both."
Meanwhile, Cross huffed and puffed with exertion as he came down from his rage-high. "
Ugh, I liked those two better when they were stuck in frickin' squirrels…
Anyway, where was I?"
"
Any chance I could cut in here?"
Pudding blinked, outright staring at the snail. "Was that…? No, it couldn't be, she wouldn't dare. I mean, sure, she was always a bit of an idealistic moron, but even
she wouldn't be so—!"
"…
Well, that depends. Did you take part in—?"
"
Of course I did, do you really think anyone in the world wouldn't?"
"
I'll concede that much, IT IS
fun," Soundbite said.
"
Mmrg… eh, fine, go ahead. Can't be too upset in the face of news like this!" Cross said cheerfully, before blinking. "
Oh, but let me lead in first. Ahem… people of the world, in case the fact that we're celebrating here isn't evidence enough, Thriller Bark has fallen and Moria and his cronies have disappeared… which actually isn't as good as it sounds, seeing as we have no idea where the hell they've all assed off to. If anyone sees hide, hair, or… well, shadow
of them? Call it in to the nearest Marines. Corrupt or not, I feel safe in saying that the whole world wants those monsters locked away."
"Huh, so they couldn't seal the deal?" Pudding pouted cutely, glancing in a mirror to confirm that her mask was as good as ever. "Aw, that's too bad. I guess they really are just a bunch of loud, worthless scum after all. Would have been nice if they could have squirmed a
little bit before Mama ground their skulls into paste…
ergh, that's revolting!" Pudding shuddered as she took a taste from her bowl. "Ugh, too bitter, needs more sugar…"
"
Now, onto more present affairs: See, despite the fact that the denizens of Thriller Bark are all gone, and despite the fact that we… really all but literally raised hell trying to put that shadowy bastard down, the island itself—which, to elaborate, is a massive landmass from the West Blue that Moria converted into a gigantic ship—is still intact, as are all of the seaworthy parts. And as a result of that, one of Moria's more notable prisoners, whose name all of you are very quickly going to come to know, has come up with a crazy brilliant idea. Which we, as a brilliantly crazy crew, have decided to endorse with one hundred percent of whatever rep we might have! And thus, I cede my speaker to her. Rock the world, my friend!"
"
With pleasure! Ladies and gentlemen, assorted buccaneers and corsairs across the six seas! My name is Lola, Captain of the Rolling Pirates, former prisoner of Moria, and newly made ally of the Straw Hat Pirates!"
SMASH!
Pudding gaped at the snail with all three of her eyes wide in shock, ignoring the fact that her bowl had slipped through her fingers and sprayed chocolate all over her cute shoes. "That
idiot," she breathed in honest, if disgusted, awe. "She actually got away while being that
stupid? Holy
shit."
"
I'm taking this opportunity to deliver an announcement with the world: my crew and I have decided that in order to truly desecrate the memory of Moriah's reign upon the island-ship once known as Thriller Bark… here, upon this tainted soil, we will found the single greatest
pirate haven this world has ever and hopefully will ever
see! A truly free city, beholden to none but those within! A city wholly dedicated to laughter and pleasure and joy for all who have the courage to go out to sea and hoist the black flag in the name of freedom and adventure!"
"Heh… HAHAHAHAHA!" Pudding threw her head back and cackled madly, her years of culinary expertise allowing her to shriek her sadistic joy while also getting a fresh batch started. "She really
is that stupid! And now Mama's gonna grind her and anyone
stupid enough to be near her to
dust! Ooooh!" Her laughter ceased, an eager glint in her eyes. "And then, when she and the rest of the neanderthals that I call siblings are celebrating afterward, maybe I can loot their pockets for spare change and—!"
"
Oh, and if anyone's thinking of swinging by for whatever
reason that doesn't involve a good time?" Lola added almost as an afterthought. "
Fair warning to you: We're still located in the Florian Triangle."
Pudding froze mid-celebration, even her stirrer stilling in shock. "…eh?"
"
It sounds a bit farfetched, I'm aware, but rest assured that we of the Rolling Pirates have found a way to… let's say coexist
with the Triangle. As such, those who come here with good intentions will be free to enter, but everyone else?" The way the snail's eyes narrowed menacingly, there was
no doubt in Pudding's mind as to who
specifically her sister was addressing. "Tough luck."
Pudding didn't need a fully functioning Third Eye to see where
this was going, and she showed as much when she cursed furiously and leaped at Nitro. "Congeal,
congeal!"
Thankfully, the slimy Jelly Homie immediately did just that, its gooey mass thickening right as Pudding stuffed it in her ears…
"—
AAAAAAGGGHHH!"
And
right as a wave of pure rage slapped clean across Cacao Island, shaking the walls of Pudding's recently cooked house and cracking every sugar-glass window in its pane.
Once the assault was over, Pudding slowly dragged Nitro's slime out of her ears, wincing at the sensation, and stared at the relative destruction around her, this far from Whole Cake Island, in awe, her mind trying and failing to imagine what ground zero looked like.
"Kudos, Lola…" she breathed to herself. "You just managed to paralyze the whole of Totland for
weeks."
-o-
"
From now on, when a pirate ventures into the mists of the Florian Triangle?" Lola proclaimed proudly. "
No longer will they be devoured by the foreboding jaws of Thriller Bark! But rather, they will be met with open arms and good cheer by the pirate nation of SKELTER BITE! YEEEAAAH!"
"
YEEEEAAAAAAH!" the rest of the Rolling Pirates cheered alongside their captain.
"…Well. That's the last time I miss a group meeting," Hina said tightly, a breath away from setting the tip of her cigarette aflame. "If this isn't what Ophiuchus called about, I'll eat my gloves."
"You think she's going to clue the rest of the world into how they expect to create an effective haven in that dead, sunless patch of sea?" Fullbody wondered.
"
Now, of course, this haven is
still a work in progress; it could hardly be anything else when it was Moria's hell not even a day ago, but we can still promise you all a place to rest without worry of persecution," Lola continued. "
Once we're up and running, we'll take standard payment, but in the meantime, labor to help make this place what it's meant to be will suffice. For anyone who's alright with that, it won't be hard to find the place; the Rolling Pirates will have scouts on the lookout for any ships that take the leap of faith and venture into the fog, and we'll hail anyone without malicious intent and lead them to the island."
"Guess not," Jango shrugged carelessly. "Makes sense that they would want to keep the secret of how they're keeping the island safe and hidden… well, a secret!"
"I suppose the finer details are for Masons' ears only," Hina muttered. She then side-eyed her seconds-in-command. "And
no, we are not swinging by there if they ever have a Dance and/or Karaoke Night!"
"
Damn it!" the pair cursed, snapping their fingers in synch.
-o-
"…I still can't get past it!" Namur snapped in exasperation. "How does a group of rookies come out of nowhere and not only topple two Warlords but recruit entire
islands in the process?"
"Maybe he's getting a head start on coming after Red-Hair and me," Whitebeard mused with a rumbling chuckle. "But it's still impressive that they managed to get anything good out of that ocean."
"
Alright, that's the basics, and hopefully I'll be able to offer more details in a month or two. Now, back to your regularly scheduled Voices of Anarchy."
"Hmm…"
The septuagenarian Emperor glanced down at his First Division Commander, who'd just hummed thoughtfully. "Got something on your mind?"
"Yeah…" Marco nodded slowly, a smirk starting to play across his face. "A dilemma, of sorts: Should the name of the bar our representative sets up on Skelter Bite be named as a reference to the crew, or should they choose it themselves?"
All eyes snapped straight to the First Division Commander, everyone present trying to make sense of what he'd just said.
"A… bar?" Haruta repeated blankly.
"Or rather…" Vista picked up as he sported an eager grin. "An
embassy, yes?"
The phoenix-man nodded proudly as he pointed at the other Commander. "Hole in one, swordsman."
"Hrm…" Whitebeard leaned back in his seat (
not a throne, as he'd emphasized many a time; at this point, he swore his children were doing it on purpose) and scratched at his cannula. "Now that you mention it… it
does sound like the Warlords
have been getting uppity back in Paradise… and it
would have been nice to give Ace more backup during his hunt than just two of our allies…"
"Still whole!" Speed Jiru dutifully informed them all, the Whitebeards' Vivre card catalog open at his feet. "Along with Whitey and Squard, and still pointing to Paradise! Probably, I dunno, lost their snails or somethin'?"
"And those issues
could have been rectified if we'd kept an active presence across the Red Line, which a base of operations would facilitate," Marco smoothly concluded. "Plus, another line of income never hurts."
"Mmph," Whitebeard nodded in agreement. "Very well then. Get me a list of volunteers and I'll choose who goes. Can't have all of you running off for a vacation posting at once, now can I?"
While the rest of the crew chuckled good-naturedly at the jab, the SBS forged on.
"
Thank you very much, Lola," Cross said with exaggerated—though not mocking—politeness. "
Now, as much as I'd love to jump right into the victory party, I have a promise to fulfill. All of you former shadowless all over the world… if you'd like to call in and share your stories? Now is the time. The lines are open."
"You know, I have a feeling that if anyone in Marineford is second-guessing that
ludicrous bounty," Jozu said. "They won't be for much longer."
"
Puru puru puru puru! AAAAND here comes Caller Number One—
Puru puru puru puru!" Soundbite sang.
"
No time like the present! And you are live!"
"
Marine Code 32296, Chief Warrant Officer Ernest Gheilt. May I speak, Jeremiah Cross?"
Any further discussion of embassies was promptly stabbed in the face, all attention going to the snail, which held a carefully neutral expression.
"
I won't hang up on someone just because they're a Marine," was all Cross said in response. Gheilt took the silence that followed for the cue that it was.
"
I enlisted in the Navy at the earliest opportunity I got, and my iaijutsu helped me advance through the ranks. Two years ago, I was promised a promotion to Ensign and a post in Marineford, but sailing for the Tub Current to reach it, my ship was caught in a storm and was blown off course into the Florian Triangle. It goes without saying what happened there… when I came to and realized what had happened, I called my superiors and informed them… and ever since that day, I've been denied my promotion and kept out of sight. Deskwork and chore duty… I kept my rank, my men, and my ship, but I was reduced to nothing more than a glorified grunt that they would rather forget about! I found myself falling into despair… but I've realized since then that there's one good thing that came of it. Being trapped inside all day as I was, what else could I do… but listen to the SBS?"
The snail's face split into a malicious grin.
"
Jeremiah Cross, I am here to affirm, completely,
your words about the Marines' corruption, and now that you have restored my life and the lives of my men, it is with great pleasure that I announce our collective resignations. If we ever meet, we are at the service of the Straw Hat Pirates. KA-LICK!"
Gheilt hung up abruptly, and it took a moment for Cross to regain his bearings. And then… he
smiled.
"Hoo boy," Haruta winced sympathetically.
"That is the sign," Jozu huffed heavily. "Of the start of a
very bad day for the World Government."
"
That," Cross smirked victoriously. "
Is what I would call a sign of today… being a very
good day. For aaaaaall sapient-kind."
And so, over the next few hours, the SBS turned out several more shadowless, some anonymous, others undisguised. Tales such as a teenager talking about his parents being able to step into the sun for the first time in as long as he could remember, a pirate crew that swore out of newfound respect to the Straw Hats to live by their standards from then on, a few more Marines announcing their resignations to the world, and Margarita the maid calling in once more, with a party going on in the background that was just as rambunctious as the Straw Hats'… or, alternatively, the one that was being thrown by the Whitebeards themselves, and likely dozens of others the world over at that point.
In the end, it could be said that both statements, oceans apart, were ultimately played out to their logical extremes.
-o-
A few hours later found me sighing as I stared over Sunny's edge at the open sea; with the party done, our crew decently recovered, the World Government presumably licking its new wounds, and Skelter Bite ready to start forming as it needed to, there was no more reason to put off setting sail for the next adventure. And so I stood on the edge of the King of the Waves, gazing out unto the horizon… even as two of my closest comrades walked up to stand beside me.
"So, Cross," Nami started, leaning on her elbows as she observed the blue skies with a lazy grin. "What's coming up next on the agenda?"
"Heh," Zoro scoffed dismissively as he waved a hand in the air. "Should be obvious already, witch: Everywhere we go, there's a fight ready and waiting for us. Isn't that right, chatterbox?"
I snorted at that. "'Chatterbox',
that's a new one!"
"
More appropriate for me too~!" Soundbite sing-sang as Lassoo, who along with Funkfreed had apparently become his
second favorite mount on the crew sometime during the party, wandered behind us.
"But, ah, anyways…" I scratched my chin contemplatively. "To answer your questions… I'll admit, things are going to be a bit…
interesting going forwards."
Images started to flit through my mind, one after the other.
An octopus hanging in a cage, followed swiftly by the same cephalopod tearfully begging for forgiveness.
"Some matters will be a bit personal," I grimaced.
Chains and shackles and blood and misery and
THEM.
My fingers dug into the railing as I bore a scowl. "Others will require a
hell of a lot of control."
An iron mask, daunting and furious, shattering to reveal
PFHAHAHAHA!
I hunched forwards with a barely contained snicker. "There'll be some good times, that's for damn sure!"
And then… and then I sobered up as I thought of him. Thought of Kuma, and everything that had once followed him. "And then… and then there are some parts I'm really gonna need some help figuring out. Important things, that I just can't handle alone."
We stewed in silence after that, until I stood up straight and dusted my hands off with a victorious grin. "Ah, but
big fights, Zoro? Sorry, but we're plumb out!"
That got them staring at me incredulously.
"Wha—?
Seriously!?" Nami's mouth fell open in shock.
"You're kidding me," Zoro evaluated flatly.
"Eeeee
nope!" I popped the P proudly, swinging on my heels as I tugged on a pair of imaginary suspenders. "Thanks to
my careful planning and masterful investments, I've successfully wiped out what
should have been
the ultimate clusterfuck of the century, topping even our little ditty down at Enies Lobby! But now? Poof! As far as my own knowledge and
expert opinion is concerned, it's clear skies and smooth sailing from now on apart from one or two
iiiity bitty hiccups!" I splayed my hands proudly. "Aaall thanks to me! No money required, I accept payment in the form of everlasting adulation!"
I waited patiently for them to start said adulation… and was awarded with the two
bastards exchanging flat looks!
"We're sailing straight into calamity, aren't we?" Nami asked flatly.
"Big time," Zoro nodded with undeserved sagesse. "You go and get Merry to ready Sunny, I'll make sure everyone's at their battle stations."
"OI!" I waved my arms indignantly. "I'm standing
right here!"
"Yes, you are," Nami gave me a half-lidded look. "You, who gave a seminar just yesterday about taunting fate, and who just waved the
mother of all red capes in fate's face."
"You. Complete.
Idiot," Zoro summarized with a defeated sigh.
I opened my mouth to reply… and promptly spun on my heel and started marching down the deck. "GUNNERY MASTER CONIS! Start inspecting all weapons, double-time! I want every rifle, pistol, cannon, and other such peashooters ready to rumble at a moment's notice!"
"Aye-aye, sir!" Conis saluted instinctively, dashing over to the pavilion and disgorging the ship's arsenal, which she proceeded to inspect with a fine-toothed comb.
"SHIPWRIGHT FRANKY! SNIPER USOPP!" Zoro barked. "Whatever the hell you two were working on before the party started, double-time it and get it finished
ON THE DOUBLE!"
"AYE-AYE!" the two of them said hastily, diving below deck.
"CAPTAIN LUFFY!" Nami roared. "Spit that out, you don't know where it's been!"
"Awww…" Luffy groaned momentarily before spitting out Mikey's head, who waddled off with a shudder and mutters of 'BBQ sauce' and 'last time I ever.'
"Oh, Chef Sanji~!" Perona sing-sang as she stretched out in her lawnchair, which did
wonders for the moderately skimpy bikini she was sporting. "A platter of six Wake the Dead tequila shots, on the double please~!"
'RIGHT AWAY, MILADY!" The love cook swooned as he spun up and away into the kitchen.
"PERONA!" I snapped my finger up firmly…
CLANG!
Before all but
Shaving across the deck and cuffing the pasty bitch's wrist to her chair with the pair of Sea Prism Stone cuffs I kept in my bag.
"
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" I roared at the top of my lungs, drawing the attention of anyone who
hadn't been watching us before now.
"Uh… Sunbathing?
Obviously," she responded calmly, though there was an audible bit of venom, probably due to the cuffs. "What, do you think I decided to show this much skin for
your benefit or something?"
"
Not what I asked, Ghost
Princess," I spat, enough venom in my voice to put down a cobra.
"Looks like we missed one after all," Lassoo growled, his hackles raised in preparation to maul.
"Apparently so," Su said, her calm tone seemingly betrayed by the way her tail was swishing over our arsenal. "Well, there's only one thing to do now."
"Absolutely," Vivi agreed, before
turning towards me!? "Cross, start talking."
"THIS IS NOT—
grgh, Scramble!" I paused momentarily to snap a glare at Soundbite, and then I nodded gratefully when the buzzing started and Perona blinked in confusion. "Thanks, now where was—? Oh, right,
NOT REMOTELY MY FAULT!" I continued to roar irately, this time pointing at the snail. "
HE said she was gone, so I thought that either she left with Moria or Kuma blew her away!"
"What?!" Sanji suddenly appeared at my side, a scowl on his face and a platter of shot glasses in his hand. "You were going to leave this sweet young lady to die to another Warlord?"
"NO! Not that kind of… ugh." I ran a hand down my face in exasperation. "Alright, ignoring the 'sweet young lady' bit, I glossed over one other aspect of the Paw-Paw Fruit's power because it wasn't relevant at the time: one of the most creative usages Kuma has for it is pushing
himself from place to place, giving the appearance of teleportation."
Sanji simmered down as he understood. "And… he can do it to other people too?"
I nodded, keeping my expression carefully neutral. "That and then some; as far as I can tell, he touches you, and the next thing you know you're waking up three days later on an island you've probably never been to before. His range is
insane, spans the Blues themselves… but his wind-up is to ask the victim where they'd like to go for 'vacation' before sending them off to someplace that fits the bill."
"…So… he's not a bad guy?" Luffy asked with a frown.
"Eh," I waved my hand in a so-so manner. "I'd more compare him to Mihawk: not a lot of conscience, but not a lot of inclination to hurt innocent people, and fair to those who have earned his respect. Force of nature made humanoid and all that."
"Sounds about right," Zoro muttered before refocusing on me. "But we're getting off track. Whatever was supposed to happen didn't, and she's here now. And that really does automatically make it Cross' fault."
I stammered indignantly as all attention turned back to me, and I scrambled for something to say… and an answer came to me.
"Hey, even if
I didn't know she'd be here, there are still some people here who have no excuse!" I swung an accusatory finger at my partner. "Soundbite, how did you not hear her!?"
"Because I took precautions," Perona answered.
We jumped in surprise, and then we turned our eyes towards Soundbite, who was looking similarly surprised.
"I HAD THE
scramble UP!"
"Not on my hollows," Perona said dryly, gesturing to a trio of ghosts hovering above us, the sea prism stone cuffs on the ground beside her. "And don't bother trying; I ruled out your powers as being able to affect them a long time ago. And before you ask about the cuffs…" She gestured to her pigtails. "You only got
one of my hands, dumbass. Any woman pirate who doesn't know keep a hairpin on their person at all times and know how to use it is not only not a pirate, but criminally ignorant to boot."
"She has a point," most of the females of our crew admitted, while the remaining three turned towards Nami with pleading eyes.
"Later," our navigator sighed tiredly. Then she did a double-take. "Wait a—! You don't even
have hair, Raphey!"
"But I have
pride!" Raphey vowed tearfully.
"
Anyways!" Perona drew attention back to her with an impatient snap. "As I was
saying… I took precautions; I snuck into your ship's hold while you were all unconscious and then trailed behind you in my astral form. My body halts all functions when my soul leaves it, so there was nothing for the snail to hear: no heartbeat, no breathing, just a corpse until I returned. Then, when we were far enough out to sea that you couldn't turn back, I came back, came out here, and
tried to properly enjoy the first truly beautiful day I've had in over a decade…" she shot me a scathing glare. "Before
you decided to so
rudely interrupt it."
"Lady," Boss snorted as he slowly cracked his neck side to side. "If that's the
worst thing that happens to you today, after all you've
done? Then you can count yourself
lucky."
Credit to the goth where it was due, if her one-birdie response was anything to go by, she was either stupidly brave or bravely stupid in the face of Boss's implied wrath.
"…OK, so Soundbite has a good excuse… but what about
you?" I demanded, pointing at our resident shipgirl. "Why didn't you hear from Sunny right away that we had someone else aboard?"
Merry opened her mouth—
Mrrrrrr…
Only for Sunny to cut in with a soft growl. Merry's eyes widened as her mouth closed.
"…What exactly was that?" Perona asked nervously.
"Aye'd ask if you've nevah been on a ghost ship befoah, but that's an obvious question…" Carue muttered.
"What did he say, sis?" Franky asked.
"He, uh… said…" Merry hemmed and hawed uncertainly before drawing her hood down over her eyes with a self-conscious moan. "That he was following my example…"
"Huh?" was the collective response… until Robin pointedly cleared her throat.
"I believe you're referring to me?" she asked lightly.
Merry nodded miserably. "The last time a surviving member of a criminal group stowed away… she became a beloved crewmate."
…Well, even
I couldn't say anything against that. But apparently, Perona could.
"Oh, please, I have no interest in joining your band of lucky rookies," she waved her hand with a snooty sniff. "I'm only here because I don't have anywhere else to go, and because you wrecked the only home I've known for years now,
you all get to take responsibility!"
Dead silence,
fiiiilled with dread.
Perona glanced around in confusion. "What? What is it?"
"That's
exactly what Robin said," deadpanned most of those who had been present for her recruiting, with the archaeologist herself chuckling and blushing quite a bit.
Perona's eye twitched, and she mumbled something beneath her breath. I didn't need Soundbite's help to catch the words, 'knew I'd regret this,' before she huffed and folded her arms proudly. "Alright, let me make it clear what I want!" the ghost princess announced in a haughty tone. "Since you uncute but badass bastards seem to be able to get through anything, I want to hitch a ride on your ship until I can find another island where I'd be happy living, and where the Marines
can't get to me! That's! It! After that, no more piracy! I only ever did it because Moria asked me to, and
that blew up in my face spectacularly! As of this moment, I am a guest on your ship and
nothing more! Happy?"
Our reactions were wide and varied, but most prominent of all were Sanji's "MOST DEFINITELY!", Vivi's "Not a chance in—!", Usopp's "THE POWER OF SOGEKING COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF SOGEKING COMPELS YOU!"…
And of course, the
crowner of them all… Luffy's "Meh, sure."
That drew a chorus of defeated groans from all of us and a bout of preening from Perona.
"Glad even a dumbass like you can see reason!" she nodded contentedly, even going so far as to give us all a bastardized curtsy as she remained in her supine position. "I am in your care. Please, take
good care of me." I swear,
butter wouldn't have melted in her
anywhere at that moment.
"Well, this isn't a cruise ship, honey," Nami cut in, her fierce growl in stark contrast to her completely pleasant demeanor. "If you want passage, you're going to have to work like the rest of the crew."
Perona's response was to glance at our second mate out of the corner of her eye before withdrawing a file from somewhere and beginning to buff her nails. "Did I mention I offloaded Moria's treasure room into this ship's hold while I was leaving? Because I did that. I think it was worth around, oh… 300 million beris?" She drew the file away and started examining her nails. "I don't really need it, so call it a payment for the passage."
"I
knew it didn't make any sense for Moria to not have
any treasure, stupid,
stupid," Donny muttered as he rapped his forehead against his staff, his fellow disciples nodding in defeated agreement.
"Like I said, Sanji, get our passenger those shots she requested," Nami swiftly replied, her expression shifting not an iota.
"Of course, Nami-swan~!"
"That happened with Robin, too," I observed blandly, taking my well-deserved staticky dopeslap on the chin. "And now that I think about it, aren't you supposed to be some kind of a perky goth chick? And don't the goth avoid the sun like
acid?"
"Uh, yeah, no duh?" Perona snorted as she squeezed a glob of tanning gunk into her hand. "That's the whole point. Thanks to you getting Moria running and Hogback landing in the Marines' hands, they're going to be after me and Absalom's asses as soon as they can squeeze our descriptions from that fat sack of sweat and slime. And when they start looking, they'll be looking for a pale, pasty goth…" The Ghost Princess's grin widened as she liberally applied the oil to herself. "And
not a tanned beach bunny."
"…OK, credit where it's due: that's actually smart," I reluctantly admitted.
"Trickster crew, bigmouth," Perona giggled as she dabbed a stripe of sunscreen down her nose, "I might be a brat, but I'm definitely a brat with a brain."
I took that in, along with everything else… and what I had seen of her before. She was an outright
ally last time I saw her, and though I had apparently butterflied that chain of events away, it wasn't unsalvageable. Far from it. For the time being…
"Alright," I said, turning to face everyone else, the look on my face doing enough to reassure them. "I think we can trust her for now; Moria, Hogback, and Absalom may have been incorrigible, but she isn't. Even if she doesn't join us, I'll be happier knowing where she is rather than playing a guessing game. Agreed?"
I took the unsatisfied but relatively affirmative rounds of grumbling I got with a nod. "Close enough. Alright, freak show's over everyone." I swung my arms out. "Dismissed."
And with that, everyone trickled off to return to whatever it was they'd been doing before, though this time around with a
lot more sidelong glares in a certain sunbather's direction.
And that was
almost that… except that before Nami could leave, Perona sat up. "Oh, say, hang on a sec," she requested hastily. "Thanks to you guys' demolition derby through the manor, a lot of my wardrobe got wrecked and I couldn't grab much in way of changes of clothes. You look like you're my size, mind if we share?"
"Vivi and Robin all over again…" Nami grumbled as she glanced skywards before nodding reluctantly. "Fine, you can borrow some clothes until the next town we reach, but that's it!" She then jabbed her hand at the Ghost Princess. "And no borrowing my jewelry!"
Perona pouted petulantly. "Awww, seriously?" She pointed at Nami's wrist. "Not even that chic bangle you've got there? It looks really—!"
ZAP!
"GAH!" Perona flinched when a bolt of lightning seared the corner of her chair.
"
ESPECIALLY not this," Nami intoned darkly, her Eisen Tempo crackling ominously. "Touch it, and you'll spend this trip tied to the
prow."
Perona snapped her hands up in surrender. "OK, OK, no touch, got it!" The second Nami turned her back in a huff, she allowed herself to relax with a scowl. "Greedy
bitch…"
I blinked in surprise as I followed Nami, honestly taken aback at how steamed she was. "Well, that was new. You've certainly never threatened
us like that before… I take it that
that," I pointed at the hoop of gold. "Isn't a typical part of the hoard."
Nami stopped short in her tracks, blinking at me in surprise. "Everything you know, and you don't know what this means to me?"
"I told you before, I'll tell you again: I'm well-informed
, not omniscient," I reiterated with a roll of my eyes. "Seriously, what's so important about it?"
"Eh…" Nami hesitated slightly before shrugging dismissively. "In all honesty, not much…" A grin grew on Nami's face as she caressed the bangle lightly. "And at the same time, everything."
Nami looked up and smiled brightly at me.
"Nojiko gave it to me, before I left. She said she wanted me to have a way to always remember the East Blue. Sweet, huh?"
Xomniac AN: Break out the climbing gear, fellas, we done gone and done it again.
Cross-Brain AN: Our apologies in advance, loyal fans, but the next chapter may be a while; now that the Thriller Bark arc is finished, we have no excuse left not to plan out the final saga of the first half. We already have the basics, of course… but when it gets started, it's going to be a continuous chain of whams, and we need to do it right.
Patient AN: There's also the fact that I'm in the midst of job-searching and Superego is in the midst of a week-long family reunion.
NEW WORLD MASONS ROSTER
WARDEN: Jeremiah Cross: "Ophiuchus"
...
ADJUTANTS
Going Merry: "Cottonmouth"
Nefertari Vivi: "Copperhead"
Roronoa Zoro: "Sidewinder"
Nami: "Callie (California Mountain Snake)"
...
ZODIAC OF THE DIVINE
"Aquarius": Vice Admiral Tsuru (de facto leader)
"Pisces": Lieutenant Junior Grade Tashigi
"Aries": N/A
"Taurus": N/A
"Gemini": N/A
"Cancer": Commodore Smoker
"Leo": N/A
"Virgo": N/A
"Libra": N/A
"Scorpio": Captain T-Bone
"Sagittarius": Vice Admiral Jonathan
"Capricorn": Captain Hina
...
ZODIAC OF THE DAMNED
"Rat": N/A
"Ox": Dorry and Broggy
"Tiger": N/A
"Rabbit": Charlotte Lola
"Dragon": N/A
"Snake": N/A
"Horse": N/A
"Goat": Foxy
"Monkey": Scratchmen Apoo
"Rooster": Bartolomeo
"Dog": N/A
"Boar": N/A
...
OTHERS
"Cobra": Boa Marigold
